How do you find the courage to walk from someone you deeply love….
How do say goodbye.. without having that excruciating pain of complete loss..
How do you stop your heart from breaking to pieces….
How do you move on.. without looking back and wanting to resume what you have lost..
How do you stop the tears and the fear of losing him forever…..
Love come… and love goes… nothing last forever… but how do you deal with pain and hurt…
Why goodbyes are so hard… why is the attachment you developed and form is so hard to break away from…
Why do we allow our heart to get so entangled that we can’t loosen the hold and tear ourselves away… without leaving so much of us behind..
How do we get past it.. without the anguish… and the deep sorrow … why does the world stop spinning …
Love is the best joy life has to offer…and the worst sorrow .. but best hurt… when we lose it…
You can’t experience such hurt unless you find that love that brings profound joy….
So how can you regret loving…. and through the tears come the smile..
“ Don’t cry because it’s over…Smile because it happens…”
To love : bring us so much joy 🤩….
But…
To have that love taken away…cause so much 😞 hurt.. that you never knew existed…
And we just have to endure 😣 until time heals..
What happened to the world we knew..!!!???
What happened to the love we knew and the love we shared.. where did it go.. !!??? Now it seems those yester dreams were was a cruel and foolish games we used to play…
I have a daughter in law for the past ten years.. my oldest son wife…
They have three boys and is expecting a little girl in January…
They live in another city from me..and they just purchased a house …
It’s approximately an hour driving to get to me so I don’t get to see them and my grandchildren too often…
My daughter in law….MEG…. and I don’t really talk too much… she’s a nice pleasant girl and we get along quite well…
I have seen her… in early November during her baby shower…but haven’t really spoken to her… so after a nearly a month I decided to call her to check up on her… and while we were talking she mentioned she was on vacation…
And me being free totally invited myself over to spend a couple days with her.. I thought it would be so nice to just chitchat with her and I would be able to spend some time with my grandsons..
I called my son and told him of my big plan.. and asked him to pick me up that weekend… I was a little excited for the opportunity to get away for a couple days..and was rather thrilled to spend some time with meg and the boys.. also see my son.. I miss seeing him..
He agreed on Sunday.. but come Sunday he said he wasn’t able to make it and would come for me Wednesday instead.. my mind went in over ride… with all the negative reasons he decided not to pick me up..
To say the least.. I was very disappointed 😔 to the point of tears … I was so looking forward to this visit..
My son somehow sensed my feelings and I got a text from him that same evening that meg will pick me up next day… my first feelings was to denied it.. but I thought I was just being petty.. and acting silly… so I just said okay 👌…I will be ready and waiting..
Come Monday morning I got up got myself ready .. she arrived at about 11am.. I was glad to see her.. and I mentioned my concern about her driving so far in her condition… she assured me she was fine but I was still a bit worried 😟 to the point of guilt..having her come all this way for me…
I pushed it aside though.. trying not to let my feelings mess up my visit.. I’m just going to enjoy meg and the boys…
The evening went by well.. we took some time to talk and catch up… the boys was very happy 😃 to see me.. I told meg I would cook dinner to give her the break to just relax…
My son got home a little late.. and a little tired..
We all eat… and then sit down to watch a little tv 📺…
The next day was their anniversary so we talked about that and their plans… then we went on to talk about Christmas and the menu..
And what is expected.. I mentioned that I was going to come over a couple days before just so I could get everything prep and to give meg a break from doing much in her last weeks of pregnancy….
The conversation went to gifts 🎁 for the boys.. and meg mentioned that John (my son) was talking about giving the youngest a car for his sixteen birthday 🎁..
That is eight years away…so I intervene and told John that he has to think of the two older boys first..
( you see the two oldest is his stepsons and he feels it’s their fathers duty to give them a 🚘 car)
So we had a little debate on that with me trying to convince him to be fair enough as a father and know that he has to do for them as much as his own biological son… meg mentioned that the second boy chooses to be there with them… in the sense of proving that he loves his stepdad..
I didn’t comment on what she said apart from agreeing with her… but it causes me to think and wonder if she would allow him to live with his dad if he so desires…
Over the past ten years I tried to give my motherly advice to her as much as she asked for it…or if I observed something I think needed to be addressed I would offer some kind of suggestions or say what I think.. she was always receptive to my little advices and interferences… because I live apart from them I limit what I say or how I feel seeing that I really don’t have much control on anything.. so all in all I do allow them to be the boss of their life…
In saying so.. I found out a fewmonths ago that she removed her oldestson out of his home and put him to live with her mom.. I asked my son about it and he asked me not to mention it to herbecause it’s a very sensitive subject with her… so against my feelings I decided to not asked heror mentionedit…
I actually didn’t agree with her decision and I wanted to let her know my reasons and tried to encourage her to get him back in with his brothers .. I fear what the seperation might do to him emotionally and how it will affect him..
I made a similar choice with her husband… I moved out and leave him behind and eventually relocated abroad…
He suffered from abandonment issuesand went into deep depression asa teenager… So this is what I fear will happen with her son eventually if she doesn’tget him back home soon..
But I honor my son’s request and decided to leave it alone.. as much as we talked and much as I like her.. I was not that close to her to interfere in her personal choice… I just didn’t think it was in my place to question her decision with her son as much as it displeased me…
And within one year.. mallani collection grew to almost 100..
She would request all gifts to be APHMAUS…
And every time her dad or mom take her out.
She would convince them to buy her one or two…
She would look out for the latest editions..
And would bug her parents until they get them for her
The APHMAUS chapter was created by…..
…Jessica Bravura, also known as Aphmau, is a prominent American YouTuber and gamer.She’s known for her diverse Minecraft content, which often involves acting out storylines in the game’s fantasy world. Bravura has successfully diversified her Minecraft content throughout her career. She was previously known as Challenge Accepted Inc. Bravura is considered a leading female content creator on YouTube and one of the world’s top gamers.
Mallani came across these little cat like plushies.. while watching tube videos…and fell in love with them..
They become her favorite toys. She found tremendous joy playing and creating games..
Like..
APHMAU Dessert Restaurant…
Tea parties…
A visit to the APHMAUS Zoo…
And much more.. with her wide imagination….
Her grandmother bought her dresses with the APHMAUS design.. which she absolutely adores..
She has bags.. and all kinds of accessories.. with the APHMAUS logo…
We all encourages her passion for these little lovable creatures .. and we all go out of our way to find them and purchase them for her..
I remember at her age.. I use to collect bottle tops… and sea shells…
I guess we all have our own favorite things we like to collect..
And we do go overboard sometimes…because we know.. we outgrow these little obsessions soon enough..
And we are stuck with all these little plushies that we no longer find cute..
But until that time roll around… mallani will enjoy her APHMAUS..
Walking to visit my sister .. my father own a tobacco factory… nearby..
I helped him occasionally to wrapped the packages of tobacco for sale…
So on this particular day.. after I had finished with work…
I thought I would go for a visit…
I was dressed in this cute mini skirt.. and I had my hair flowing… and I always wear a smile..
LllI was passing by these rows of grocery shops.. and some street vendors.. when…
I saw these couple of guys whose attention I caught…
I smiled at them as I passed by.. and one nudged the other attention’s towards me.. beckoning him to go for the pursue…
I kinda giggle 🤭 at his suggestion.. and blush a little from their attention.. I was kinda tickled with their admiration….
I was feeling very good with myself that day .. I know I was looking good in my little mini skirt outfit. And I more than welcome the attention of these guys…
I was feeling very desirable.. and so I was receptive to their advancements and obvious desire to know me..
I glanced back and flashed a smile at them.. with pleasure.. Andrew shout out..
“ hey beautiful “….
I timidly and bashfully.. return a hi..
He then ran up to me.. and strike a conversation with me.. asking me my name and wanted to know…Where I’m heading..
I told him I’m going to pay my sister a visit.. he just kept on walking with me telling me about his day and how he was getting some items to cook for friends he had over
He was so oblivious of the time as accompanied me on the walk to my sisters.. he was very enthused with talking with me.. and as I got closer to my destination .. he asked me for my number and told me he would love to see me again..
Of course.. I willingly obliged.. as I was tickled that he liked me.. and I did enjoy listening to his tales…and I did like his looks…
He was Chinese and this peek my interest even more .. because my grandfather is Chinese .. and I always feel very connected to that race .. even though I didn’t have that resemblance…
I was very taken by his charms and persistence… and his obvious interest in knowing me…
We ended our conversation at the gateway of my sister’s home.. he bid me a warm farewell.. and hurriedly headed back ..
He left me smiling ☺️ consumed with thoughts of our conversation….
I enjoyed the little visit with my sister… and I was glad I made the choice to walked to her house…
TUMERIC is a herb that is originated from India and is known.. as “THE SPICE OF LIFE…
So, let’s explore turmeric – one of the healthiest and most celebrated spices on earth..
What is TUMERIC:
Native to Southeast Asia, turmeric (Curcuma longa) is a flowering plant belonging to the ginger family, commonly used either fresh in familiar Indian and Asian cuisine, or boiled and ground into a deep orange-red powdered spice..
It is said to have a unique ability to block an enzyme that causes inflammation and combat free radical damage body wide including vital organs like your heart and brain.
It is found that tumeric is good for ,
a medicinal system that relies on potent plant extracts and nutrients found within nature to restore whole-body health and balance.
It is also proven to support a healthy inflammatory response…
According to scientific research there are eight proven health benefits…
1.. support a healthy inflammatory response
2.. Cellular Healthy Aging Antioxidant
3…Strengthening Cardiovascular Health
4.. Protecting Against Cognitive Decline
5.. Helping to Balance Blood Sugar
6..Support for Occasional Pain due to Overexertion
7.. Eases Digestive Discomfort
8.. Brighter, Healthier Skin
Turmeric has been also used in alternative medicine as a possibly effective aid in treating the symptoms of seasonal allergies (hay fever), depression, mouth sores, reducing blood cholesterol and triglycerides, reducing osteoarthritis pain, or relieving itching caused by chronic kidney disease.
With all Turmeric Curcumin’s remarkable ability to improve memory, joint mobility, heart, and immune health….,
It also comes with some side effects…
Although not all side effects are known, turmeric is thought to be likely safe for most people when used as directed.
Common side effects may include:
nausea, vomiting, upset stomach;
constipation, indigestion;
bloating; or
diarrhea.
.
Some of negative effects.. include..
Stomach Issues:
(Turmeric contains a compound called curcumin, which can stimulate the production of stomach acid. This can lead to digestive issues such as heartburn, indigestion, and stomach ulcers, especially when consumed in large amounts or by individuals with pre-existing gastrointestinal conditions.)
Turmeric may contain dangerous levels of lead
(Written by Amy Pashler on October 14, 2019— Fact checked by Isabel Godfrey)
Is the desire for brightly colored turmeric causing a dangerous phenomenon? A new report discusses how companies in Bangladesh are adding lead chromate to turmeric to make it appear more yellow.
What is lead chromate, and why do people use it to color turmeric?
Lead chromate, a chemical compound comprising lead and chromium, is a yellow pigment that can enhance the brightness of a substance. It is also poisonous, acting as a neurotoxin when humans ingest or inhale it.
So although turmeric has many good advantages.. and contains some great benefits to us..
We still have to be careful about the source of our turmeric..
Buying turmeric with additional ingredients like lead chromate.. can prove harmful to our health..
Kris pondered over the thought of how he could get to Wendy.. and he sees no other way than to go to find her.. and try to talk to her…
He’s hoping that he can convince her to give him another chance…
He set out on his journey mid morning a couple days later… he thought of calling first.. but he didn’t know exactly what he would say….
He was also afraid that she would refuse his call..
He hope she was home when he gets there.. and he prayed that she would be be receptive..
When he reached his final destination… he parked outside.. sat in his car for a few minutes.. trying to conjure up enough courage to knock on her door….
He did know how she was going to react to his presence…he was experiencing a slight panic attack… and was getting cold feet.. and was thinking he should just leave..
But..
His strong desire to see her was more than his fears of her unexpected reaction…
**************++++++++++*************
Wendy
Wendy got up early that morning… she didn’t have anything planned on her agenda for the day… so she thought she would just laze around the house and try to catch up on some chores….
She had her coffee.. made herself an omelette…. And to sit on her back patio to enjoy the beautiful sunrise.. as she sip on her coffee…
She put on her favorite music playlist.. and sat there relishing the mood she set…
The sky was a beautiful hue.. and she closed her eyes between sips.. as she listened to the flowing sound of music…
Her mind drifted to kris and their time in the locker room..
She smiled as she reminisced.. and she felt herself growing stimulated as she vividly recalled the explicit incident….
She was lost in her thoughts… as she played it in her mind over and over…
She was lost in thought when she the doorbell rang …she wondered who could it be.. she was not expecting any visitors today…
She got up. Walked to the door.. and opened it..
“Kris”???!!!
“ you”… she stated… what are you doing here…”???
Kris was kinda speechless.. and slow to respond.. he didn’t quite know how to..
“ Hello .. Wendy..!!
“ you missed your last couple of tennis lessons.. “
“Uhh huhh…. And??!!!”.. ask Wendy.
“Well…!!!” Kris stuttered..” I was a little concerned.. that’s all!! He finally said..
“I’m good “ Wendy retorted ..”thanks for being concerned… but you did not have to come by…”
“ I’m a little busy right now.. and so you know… I gave up on the lessons. You were right… it’s not for me ….”
Kris did not know exactly how to say what he actually wants to say..,Wendy has not at all welcome his appearance at her door…
Kris decided it was a mistake to come.. so he quickly apologizes for the intrusion and turned walked to his car..
As Wendy watches him walking away.. she was tempted to call after him.. but still felt that huge embarrassment wash over again.. and let him go..
She must admit though.. seeing him standing..did cause a huge stir of emotions that she did not want to feel or admit..
As Kris walked to his car.. he could feel her eyes in his back.. he wanted to turn around to look at her.. but he knew she was not wanting him there..
How he wanted to hold her next to him… he felt the urge to make love to her.. he wanted her so badly..
From her reaction though.. the feeling was not mutual… she was cold and distant…
Kris drive away thinking… he’s just gonna give up Wendy..
She obviously is not interested in him..
That incident was just in the moment.. it meant nothing to her at all..
Wendy got back to her coffee.. and as she sits there sipping on it.. she started to replay the scene with kris at her door..
She did not handle his visit too well…
But..
She knows it’s from being rejected by him.. and the huge embarrassment she felt…
It’s for the best.. she thought..
She was much too easy.. and she has to suffer the consequences.. for her indiscretions …she allows her feelings to take precedence…
And she pays the price.. with kris rejecting her…
So best end whatever it was that she thought would happen between them….
She wishes she could take back her actions..
Because just thought of it.. makes her feel so badly… and it robs the joy and excitement she felt in the moment it happens….
As much as Wendy wanted to see kris again…. To feel his touch..be close to him…
She was ashamed to face him.. thinking he doesn’t really reciprocated her feelings as she had thought…
She imagined him having a really good laugh at her expense.. thinking just how easy it was for him to fuck her with his tennis racket… and had her begging for more…
She did not keep her scheduled lesson.. and she did not call to cancel.. she thought it best she just leave it alone..
The lessons had been prepaid for.. so they were not losing anything…
She just did not know how to face kris again..
********************++++++*********
KRIS
Kris was early for his lesson session with Wendy… he couldn’t wait to see her to find out why fled so hastily…
Just thinking of her causes him to get so stimulated.. he hunger for the feel of her against him..
He knew as soon as he sees her. He’s gonna hold her in his arms. In a tight hug. He waited in great anticipation for her arrival… his heart racing in exciting expectation.. he could not focus.. as he kept looking at the entrance.. expecting to see her walking towards him..
The time comes and went… he then realizes.. she’s not going to show up….
He was very disappointed…and he left the court very disheartened…
He walked to to locker rooms.. sat down in exact spot she laid a couple days ago…
His mind was flooded with the memories of their sexual escapade.
He has to find her… but how…??!!!
He then got up and headed to the office.. they should have her contact information on file…
He walked in.. told the receptionist who he was and what he needed to know…
She told him to give her a minute..
After a couple of minutes.. she handed him.. Wendy’s phone number… and her address..
His face lit up with delight.. he thank her and walked off.. whispering… yess!!! Yess!!!
He now has to come up with a valid excuse and reason to contact her…
She missed her lesson.. so that could be the excuse to use…
But.. would a personal… call from him be appropriate…??!!!
He was a bit nervous and hesitant to reach out to her .. even after their very intimate encounter…
The way she left.. after their little sexual romp.. made him very apprehensive about her being receptive to him..
He didn’t waste any time continuing where he left off…
He pinned her to the lockers… and gently and slowly slid the handle of the rocket up her legs and under her skirt… as he gently rubbed against her clit .. kitty was building up to.. an electrifying rapture…
Wendy was weak to his touch.. she lost all control of any resistance she had….she didn’t try to fight this intense sensational feelings she was experiencing..
He held me to his chest.. his face in her hair.. his was breathing as fast and heavy as she was…his scent was intoxicatingly delicious.. she placed her nostril in the crook of his neck to inhale him more.. and intermittently kiss his neck.. between catching her own breath
Kris was pleased at her eager response to his sexual advances…she had her head thrown back ….. her eyes closed and a look of pure pleasure on her face..
He undid her skirt .. let it fall to the floor.. she immediately steps out of it…
he lay her on one of the benches.. carefully pull her white panties down her smooth legs….
Kneel down between her legs.. use his fingers to spread open her kitty.. insert his forefinger in and use his thumb to play with her clit..
One touch and she cum gushing her juices gripping his fingers …clenching sporadically.. in ecstasy..
Her juices flows down the crack of her ass.. as she shakes violently from her demonic climax…
Kris watched her.. with a beaming smile.. fully enjoying her reaction..
She was so sensuous…. It captivates him…
It took her a few seconds to calm down… and get a grip of her senses… she was burning with desire for him..
she wants more… more..
She reached for his shorts in a suggestive manner… but he had other plans for her..
He picked up his racket and gently inserted it in her … moving it in motions ….going in deeper and deeper.. faster and faster.. she was bucking her hips… to match his movements…kitty again was building up again to another orgasm…..
Wendy didn’t expect Kris to use his racket in this manner..
She finds herself intensely enjoying what he was doing immensely…and she wasn’t stopping him..
kris really was an expert in using it as a sex toy….
It didn’t take Wendy too long to reach another peak of ecstasy…. She cum with more force then the last… she was drenched in sweat.. and she was dripping with her juices…
He watched her shuddering and shaking with ecstasy… as kitty convulse and pulsate…
She then reaches for his shorts in an attempt to undress him.. ready to receive his hard dick.. to bring her to the brink of another massive climax… she feels another..building up with the thought of him inside her.. as he pounded her to full her up with his spunk…
But ….
he stop her.. and told her to get dressed.. she looks at him dumbfounded..
He got up.. walked away.. wiping and cleaning his racket.. Wendy watched him for a moment.. not knowing what to say or think…
She was still so hott for him .. he turned around to see her staring at him.. looking puzzled…
He again told her to get dressed..
She got up and did as she was told…
she did not utter another word as she got dressed.. and run out of The locker room…. She stop to gathered her racket and things and hurriedly dashed towards her car…
She was totally embarrassed..
Half way to her car.. she heard him .. calling her name.. she did not stop to find out what he wants… but hurriedly got to her car… and as quickly as could.. she drove away… much too ashamed to even look at him…
How could she allowed herself to be fucked with a racket .. and be dismiss so rudely… she thought he wanted her as much as she wanted hm..
Yes she did enjoy it…
But…
She thought he was going to have her next… not be told to get dressed…
How can she face him again..she let herself be fucked with a tennis racket….by this man she barely knew.. it was excited and as she thought of the experience.. she found herself getting all turned on again..
Why didn’t he want to make love to her though…didn’t she turned him on !!??? Was he just trying to teach her a lesson in being too easy…
She didn’t have the answers and she wasn’t going to ask either….
As she lay in bed that night.. with the feeling of embarrassment still so fresh..
She couldn’t help being stimulated by the experience of having him using that racket to bring her to such heights of ecstasy…
Her whole body ache for some more…
But.. she knew she would not let herself be drawn into another one of that scene…
This would be the end of her tennis lessons for sure..
Wendy was so anxious for the day to arrived.. and she woke with an anxiety attack in great anticipation of seeing kris again..
She was wondering why her feelings were so intense for a man she just met once.. but she couldn’t get him out of her mind…
She spent the last two days constantly thinking of him and fantasizing of him in a very sexual manner… it’s unusual for her to feel this strong about anyone this fast.,,
She took her time getting ready and she wished she had bought an extra or two tennis outfits.. it’s on her to do list for later..
She was looking forward to the next tennis lesson with him..
As she got dressed.. she imagined him.. touching her in the most interesting places..
The hours rolled around slowly..
And she waited as long as she could before setting out on her journey to the court…
She did not want to show up too early.. she did not want to appear too eager.. fearing her anxiousness might be too obvious…
She wears this silly grin.. all she way there.. with just the thought of seeing him..
On her arrival..
She quickly grabbed her racket.. and walked as briskly as she could.. without rushing…
As the court comes in view.. she saw the image of him.. swinging his racket so professionally easy.. as he hit ball after ball.. without missing one..
She stopped for a moment to admire his movements.. and watched his muscles flexing with each swinging movement…
He was really good..!! And he looked as good…. She noticed he has his hair in a ponytail under his cap… and another snug fitting polo shirt.. with matching shorts..
Makes her feel a little self conscious wearing the same outfit…
As if sensing her presence… He then turned and looked at her.. she hurriedly walked in his direction..
She felt like running straight into his arms.. and she had to restrain herself from doing just that…
She reached where he stands. He was Looking as gorgeous as she remembers him to be..
She says..” you are here early.. he did not respond immediately.. so she continues.. with…”I’m ready for my lesson..”
He looks at her with that glint of mischievousness.. wearing a sly smile on his face..
She wishes she could read his mind..
Then he asked her if she wanted to try to hit the ball on her own…
She immediately suggested to try it with him again as she walked up to him and positioned herself in front of him , Suggestively..
He obliged her.. and took hold of her waist with his left hand..
She inhaled and gulps excitedly …from feeling his hand on her waist…
She was trying as hard as she could to contain her emotions.. fearing he would notice just how much having him close… affects her…
She was ready this time for his movements.. hitting the ball…And she was synchronized with him…
They hit a few balls.. and it was really fun.. hitting the ball each time… she found herself enjoying having him behind her.. guiding her movement…
She was very conscious of the feelings of his body next to her back.. and as he brushes against her after each swing.. it sent this surge of emotion running through her… it was a sweet sensational feeling… she could feel the flow of adrenaline..rushing through her veins.. causing a tinge of tingling between her legs…
She felt a very strong sexual energy connection from being this close to him..
Then he stopped.. moved away from her..when she turns around to find out why..
She saw him gulping down some water.. he looked at her and offers her some.. with a outstretched hand..
She refuses.. all she could think of is having him back in close contact..
He was starring at her with a smirk on his face… she turn away to avoid his stare. .. because it’s as if he could see straight through her … and read her mind…
Then she felt him behind her,as he circled his left hand around her…but this time he seems to placed his hand accidentally on her breast..
She flinched .. with pleasure from his gesture..felt a ripple of burning heat working it’s way down to her groin..
Her knees felt wobbly from the effects of this gesture..and she felt as if they would buckle under her.. she unconsciously leaned on him for support..
He must have took her action as an invitation.. because she felt him slightly squeezed on her breast…she let out a sighed of pleasure it was creating .. causing kitty to to be pulsating wildly..
Yes she was reacting uncontrollably to his touch… she noticed with every unintentional reaction.. he went a further with his teasing..
He preceded using his fingers to tease her erected nipples… the feeling it gave.. have her melting in his arms…with blissful pleasures…
And without really wanting to.. her body response to his touch.. says otherwise…
He then did the most unexpected thing.. he used the handle of his racket and started to rub on kitty through my skirt..
It felt so so good.. that she could not stop him.. she wanted more.. much more..
As if he could sense her thoughts.. he stopped.. took her hand and swiftly led me to the direction of the locker rooms…
Kris couldn’t wait to see her.. he rushed to the court… with rehearsed techniques of his lesson…
She was not there.. he was early..
So while he wait for her arrival..
He decided to hit some balls to pass the time and to calm his nerves and eagerness to see her again..
And then he saw her walking towards him.. she was dressed identical to her first session..
But she was still so breathtaking.. he gulps in awe.. as he follows her movements toward him.. she was smiling brightly .. and seems eager to get on the court.. she was carrying her racket..with a air of confidence…
Hi kris… you are here early.. she said.. I’m ready for my next lesson…
He looks at at her straining himself from reaching out to touch her..
He said okay.. let’s begin..
Do you think you can hit the ball today.. ???!!he asked..
I don’t know.. can you show me again..?!!
She walked over to him stand in front him.. waiting for him to place his hand on her waist and on her racket.. as he did last lesson..
He did just that..
He set the balls to fly..
And when he moved to hit it … this time..she was ready to move with him..
they hit a few balls.. as she stays in unison with his movements…
She try to stay in sync with his movements.. as she anticipates his next moves..
With each movement.. he slowly guided his hand closer to her breast line..
He was very surprised she was so in sync with him.. after her huge clumsiness last session.. he wished she was less in sync.. so he have an excuse.. to hold her closer to him..
He was enjoying being behind her though as he guided her to hit each ball…
She turn her head around to look at him a few times.. she wears this silly smile as she grin at him with coyness …
He removed his hand from her waist.. pausing shortly… he stepped away to have a drink of water.. .. he offered her a drink.. as she stands there fidgety and looking at him..
She refused as she swings her racket back and forth.. seeming a little impatient..
He smiles.. thinking she anxiously wants to return to her lesson…..
He slowly walks back to her… asking her if she wants to try on her own.. she shakes her head… and suggests a few more times with would be nice…
He obliged her.. and when he placed his hand to her waist he. purposely placed it….as if accidentally …..on her left breast.. he leave it there for a few seconds to see her reaction.. she acts as if she did not noticed..
So he kept it there.. then he slightly squeezed on her breast a couple of times.. still she allowed him to..
He then decided to play with her nipples.. and heard her groans softly with pleasure ..
He realized she was gamed.. and up his fondling…
He looked around the court yard…No one was around except them…
So he pressed her against him.. and she willingly leaned herself on him..
He stopped the ball machine… and focused on her.. her hair smells like the sweetest smelling shampoo…
And her firm breast felt so good in his hand.. he wanted so much to undress her to feel
her nakedness…
He continues to fondle and teasingly touch her…he felt her melting in his arms..
he then used his racket handle and gently caress her kitty teasingly..through her clothing..
She again.. allowed him to without any objection… she seems to be enjoying what he was doing..
He realized she was wanting him to..
So…
He took her hand and led her to his locker room.. she willingly let him lead her…
Wendy was thrill from his touch it excites her.. and she was anxious for him to resume and continue….
She was a complete hopeless case… but he find himself looking forward to his next coaching session with her..although it gonna prove to be challenging…
He could still feel her body pressed against his….she felt really good.. and fits perfectly in his hands..
And her scent was intoxicating.. he wanted to touch her more.. he was so tempted to…
He started to think of lessons that would involve close bodily contact for his second session….he just wanted to touch her again..
He started to jot down… the most convincing contact positions he could think of…
He’s definitely going to try to seduce her…
And hoping she’d be receptive to his advances…
He had her in two days..
But it seems forever…
*******+*++*********++++*+
WENDY…
Wendy stood on the court for another few minutes trying to hit the ball..
But no matter how hard she tries.. She couldn’t land one…
She left in frustration… and as she drives home her mind wanders to kris touch.. she could still feel that burning sensation she felt as he held her firmly against him..
She has to admit that she likes the way it felt having him so close.. she finds her minds drifting with thoughts of having his hands all over her body… she had to shake those thoughts from her head..
She looks forward to her next lesson.. as she tries to come up with some kind of excuse to be in close contact again..
She had to admit he left her with a really huge impression.. . She was kinda puzzled though.. at her reaction to him after just one meeting..
She couldn’t understand this sexual energy that ensued from him..
She start to fantasize loving on his chest.. and having him loving on her .. as she anticipated their next meeting….
Two days till her second lesson.. it is like forever… ….
A little fictional story.. . Trying to write a story from my imagination.. ..
So I decided to take tennis lesson as a hobby.. I researched a few tennis courts and found one I liked..
I booked a session to meet and greet my tennis instructor… and have my first lesson in tennis..
I went shopping for my outfit… and I bought this neat tennis outfit..
I chose a white one with red trimmings ..
It was short up To my buttocks.. and it looks really good on me.. I have beautiful straight smooth legs.. I have a cute little ass and the skirt sits perfectly in place..
I’m a natural tan.. a light caramel color…flawless complexion..a sweet inviting smile..and bubbly persona…
I was a sight to behold…
I walked on to the court… racket in hand.. my hair in a ponytail… with the look of confidence.. wearing a smile…and. Strutting along… looking around for the sign of my instructor.. anticipating his arrival….
I didn’t know what he looked like.. only know his name is kris…
I looked around.. and saw no one…
I noticed my shoe laces were loose.. so I bent over to undo them and tie them more securely..
I was in that position for a minute or two.. when I felt a light tap on my ass with a tennis racket….and husky voice saying…
Rule number one… no bending over on the court.. not recommended…
I jumped up.. my hand reached around to grab my buttocks which was tapped.. and almost losing my footing.. a hand grab my elbow to steady me..
I was not amused.. I turned around as I blared at him .. fuming…asking…
“ what the hell… why did you hit me…”????
He completely ignored my question..
Ask if I was his 3 o’clock appointment..
I returned his question by asking if he was kris…
He nodded….with of a look of total disinterest.. like it was huge inconvenience for him to be here..
It was only then I really looked him over…
He was dressed in white shorts.. and a nice polo shirt… he had on a cap but he had long hair.. he had facial hair… but I could see he was a handsome one..
He was about 5feet 10 inches… stand straight..and look really professional…
I felt drawn to him… and my imagination started to grow a little wild…
He had a glint of mischievousness in his eyes..and he was smiling at me… humorously…
He was physically fit… he has strong legs… and his biceps were flexing as he kept swinging his racket…. his polo shirt fit him snugly …covering a obvious chiseled chest… he was hott…
As I stand there in admiration.. with open mouth as I stared at him…
He startled me out of my daydreaming.. with the question .. do you know how to play or .. are you a beginner…
I responded.. huh??!! What!???
And he repeated the question..:
I answered him…
A beginner!!!!
He said shall we start.??!!
He walked me over to the location where there was a machine that spits out the balls..
He went up to it and adjust the knob to spit at a slower speed…
Came back position me in place… and said..
“ let’s see how you swing and hit..”
A few balls came flying in my direction. But I missed each and every one..
He did not say a word.. he shook his head.. came over to me.. and quietly stated.. are you sure tennis is the right game for you!!!!????
I look up at him.. and he was emotionless…
He then said..
“ little missy.. you have to watch and time the ball… and step in to hit it..
He then hit a couple so effortlessly.. trying to show me how it is done… I was very impressed..
I said…” you make it look so easy..”
“ it is .. “ he countered back..
He then walked to me.. place his self directly behind me..
Put his left hand around my waist.. hold my right hand with the racket..
Let the balls fly.. and move me with him in motion of hitting the ball..
He moved so swiftly and unexpectedly.. I stumbled.. and to prevent myself from falling.. I lurched forward.. landing on my hand.. buttocks in air..
He used his hand on my waist as a leverage holding me in place firmly against his groin..
I was very conscious of the feeling of him behind me…
He then as quickly pulled me in a standing position…
And jokingly said…
“That is not how we play tennis sweetheart…”grinning devilishly ..
I angrily moved out of his grasp…and fired back at him..
“I am not your sweetheart.”!!!!
He completely ignores my statement..
And told me.. he would advise me to practice hitting the ball for our next session….”
He then walked away.. saying.. see you next lesson..
As I watched him walking away.. I thought..
“What a jerk..”??” A most gorgeous jerk…
I was very attracted to him… regardless…
And left the tennis in anticipation of our next session…
How do people find themselves in the position of forming a habit so destructive..
There is so many forms of addiction..
And they all have consequential effects…
I have always known I have this desire for gambling..
When I was younger I would bet on horses.. and the Adrenalin of winning always have me wanting to try again and again..
I realize if I wasn’t careful I would keep placing bets just for the joy and chance of winning…and the chance of me picking the winning horse
I beat that need with lack of funds.. and I stay away from any form of gambling because I realize I’m too easy drawn to this habit.. and I don’t know when to quit..
The more I win
The more I want to win more…
All these years I kept away from any form of gambling…
But… recently…. I wasn’t able to resist the temptation…
It started with boredom… and just a little fun and entertaining myself to o past time…
Not thinking or knowing that I would lose control with my deep desires to win..
In no time I found myself so wrapped up this pastime..
I moved to Virginia to help my friend with her mom…but I didn’t have much to do to keep myself busy enough…
I was stuck inside. With no access off going anywhere..
So my phone was my happy place and my form of entertainment..
Being on the phone so much.. I came across these online games that you play with cash and is able to withdraw your winnings…
I started out slowly with a few games that I found challenging and fun..
But I keep finding new games that offers instant withdrawal…
And these games really knows how to get you hooked..
They allow you to win a few games in the beginning… letting you think it’s easy money and winnings..
And then you go on a losing streak.. and people like Me keep on trying to make that big win.. you had before..
I’m one of those gamblers who believes big bets big win.. and I don’t really know when to walk away…
The more I lose the more I wanna try…until I get so far in debt.. I can’t recover my losses…
Well… my story with these online games takes a turn for the worse…
Starting in August.. 2024. Found these games that seems easy to win and easy access to get your funds instantly..
So I sit and play and play.. racked over $ 1300 … I swear I will never do this again..
But in September.. I didn’t it again..
And also in October…
I completely lost control and become so addicted .. that I couldn’t stop myself from playing these games.. I would wake in the middle of the night and play… losing sleep.. especially if I’m having a winning streak..
I win a few .. but instead of being satisfied.. I just keep on trying to win more..
I lost all willpower .. I tried deleting the games .. but kept on reinstalling.. and also finding new game apps…
I’m really embarrassed to let anyone know of this serious addiction I developed .. so it’s my little secret life… that I really can’t afford….
Im trying to find a way to block all games on my phone
I have deleted them all..trying to resist all temptation..
But I’m so afraid that soon enough I will reinstall…
How did I get so caught up with these games..
How did I lose control of myself and lose sight of the consequences of using all this money for a little fun…
Last year I have been experiencing some emotional distress.. due to having my son and family living with me…
He has been showing a little disrespect from time to time..
His girl doesn’t help with household chores.. and I find myself being the maid( as I call it..) in my own house..
This bothers me so much.. I became very frustrated and thinking I needed to leave all this behind because i shouldn’t be putting up with this behavioral abuse….
I will never.. as a mom… ask my son to leave his home..
So I wished I had somewhere to go for awhile.. to get out of the situation I find myself in..
I was the one who suggested to my son to come to live with me..
Thinking I was helping him save that money he would end paying out there for rent..
I happen to mention to him in talking.. that whether or not he chooses to..
I still have to pay the mortgage..
But too late..
I grew to learn that living with adlut children is not the best of ideas..
So for six years I struggled with his mental abuse.. and put up with his lady’s laziness…
And I developed this intense urge to be anywhere but home…
But I didn’t have the option to leave…
I had no where to go long term without over staying my welcome…
I have a dear friend living in another state
We talked occasionally…. So she called.. and during over conversation.. she invited me to thanksgiving with her and family..
I agreed.. thought the break away would be nice for me…
So I booked my flight and joined her to celebrate thanksgiving…
My stay was two weeks
It was good getaway…
And I had tremendous fun with her and her family.. it was truly refreshing for me…
A few days before my departure home.. we sat there talking .. enjoying the company of each other before it all comes to an end..
And she just absentmindedly said..
I have to think about finding someone to stay with “Mama”.. ( her mom)
Her mom just moved in with her from living with her sister… she has a slight dementia and is not allowed to cook.. fearing that she will forget to turn off the stove… ect…
But she and her husband works so she needed someone to sit with her and make sure she gets her meals and medication.. daily..
I selfishly jumped to volunteer my services.. thinking it will give me the opportunity and a purpose to get away from my situation back home…
And it would be no problem to sit and tend to needs of her mom…
Not foreseeing all what comes with the mere duties I sign up for…
My friend welcome the thought of having me suggesting my services..
And I was very thrilled.., thinking GOD was answering my prayers…
So I went back home for a month.. before I made the transition ..
My son was not at all pleased with my leaving…
He as much as asked me not to..
But I so needed the break away from him and his girlfriend… To regain my peace of mind.. I stuck the choice of going… and welcome the chance with open arms..
The first couple of months in my new environment and tending to my duties as a caretaker of my friend mom.. Went well.
I was very pleased and thankful for this opportunity… this is just what I needed Zz
I did not foresee any issues with my choice until it hit me in the face..
By being here..
I completely give up my independence… I don’t have much privacy…
I didn’t have the freedom to do as I please.. and do things as how I liked..
I had to adhere to what… how… and when.. according to how my friend wants it to be…
( for example: no food or water is allowed in my room: I have to wash my hands when tending to her mom: I have to make sure the sink is clean.: I have to watch her mom 24 a day.. I could leave her by herself …)
And list goes on and on…
I tried to adjust.. trying to respect the fact that it is her home.. and I have to respect her home and her rules and stipulations…
But as the months passed by..
And I realized that my duties extended to seven days a week.. 24 hours a day…without a day off..
And I was not even getting a salary for service rendered… this was of a favor than a job…
And it all become very demanding.. I didn’t have any time for myself anymore..
And I was given full responsibility of her mom’s needs…
She never takes the time to be there for her mom.. the most she does is precook her some of her meals..
But one the other hand..
Because I volunteered to help with her.. now I’m solely responsible for everything to do with her..
Like making sure she’s ready to go when going anywhere…
My friend started to treat me like the hired help…
Everything’s out of place.. I was called and reprimanded…
I started to become very conscious and very edgy to the point of feeling the need to leave…
But because I made a commitment to her… I just did no want to get up and leave as I feel a mind to..
This.. I never thought of when I so willing and eagerly offer my services….
I have been here for nine months….
We have friends for forty years.. but I have never lived with her before.. so these past months. Living with her.. I’m just learning who she really is on a deeper level…
And the saying that goes…
“SEE ME AND LIVING WITH ME IS TWO DIFFERENT THINGS..”
…. Proves to be so true.. in my experience..
My friend is a delegater…
She loves to delegate and ask for things to be done..
But..
She doesn’t actually do them herself if given the choice..
She complains a lot about how everything should be.. her favorite phrase is ..”I am a A one personality..
Or .. I’m OCD.. about certain things..
But she doesn’t really do much to prove it…
She cleans every two months.. but she acts like everything is going stay clean and be in order until she’s ready to clean again…
In the beginning I tried to do things accordingly to her liking.. and try to treat her home like I would mine..
But I come to realize.. that everything I do goes…unnoticed and unnecessary.. because it’s always like nothing is ever done.. or is not done efficiently enough…
So I started to do less with less effort..
And just stick to what I’m really here for..
Her mom needs….
I now yearn for my own space.. my independence.. my privacy… and my time..
This choice I made is not worth the misery I inflicted on myself.. when I chose to volunteer out of selfish reasons…
And to allow myself be treated like a child with a very strict mom.. is not how I want to live my eldery life
She treating me like A mom who only demands certain behaviors from their kids. But don’t apply it to themselves…
I find myself much too conscious of everything..
I can’t even brush my teeth freely.. because of the sound I make when doing so.. really gross her out..
I can’t eat freely.. because I have a runny nose due to a oversensitive tear gland…from anything hot..
And blowing my nose is disgusting… so she claims..
I can’t cook and leave the pot on the stove for any period of time…
I can’t freely use the kitchen at nights..
So many little things I would take for granted.. in my own home.. I’m not allowed to ….. in her home..
I have to be careful here.. or else.. I get chewed out…
We do take the freedom we have being our own boss .. lightly..
Until we are in a situation like me.. where we are stripped of it..
Too late we realized that what we had wasn’t as bad as we thought…
And I do have to respect her home and her set of standards she has in place..
So I will have just have to exercise some tolerance and endurance.. until I decide to leave..
I am very appreciative to her for the given opportunity to get away from a situation I thought was bad for me..
To come to realize… what I was complaining about wasn’t as bad as it seems..
I’m really anxious to get back home now..
This little job I thought would be easy and not much of a problem.. is becoming overbearing and much too demanding of my time..
And the longer I stay with my friend and her mom…
The more I’m feeling like a hired help and the more I really miss being in my own space…
I have made arrangements to leave.. I’m very impatient and anxious to get back home..
I have learned a valuable lesson.. In trying to run away from my personal issues instead of trying to deal and tolerate and find a way to cope…
All I did was create new problems and end up doing the same things for someone else..
My friend has thought me … that there is nothing more satisfying than your freedom of independence..
And nothing like being the queen of your own castle…
Being your own person is is gift you should never take for granted…
After moving back home.. Wendy tried to move on with her life.. it took her two years to fully recover from everything that Middleton put her through…
She had the support of friends and her dad.. to help her…
She still thinks of Paul sometimes… with thoughts of melancholy… and reflects on the past three years.. regretting the choices she made due to his deception…
….and thinks of the downward spiral path her life took …by her impulsive choices
She never understood why she remains friends with Jeanette..,
Knowing that she was the actual reason for everything that went wrong after her revelation about she and Paul..
Wendy wiped out and blocked that year she spent with Middleton…
She wants no reminder of him or of what conspires during that period…
And 40 years in the future..
Jeanette is dead.. divorced from Paul.. die alone in destitution…
Paul he remarried… had two daughters..
Him and Wendy reconnected… he got old and unrecognizable…
Wendy tried to stay friends with him… for old times sake…
Paul tried to stay connected and call occasionally . Always reminding her how he loves to talk with her
He lives in this world of the past.. always reflecting and going to his glorify younger years…
And he still treats her like she’s still that young girl he knew…..
Wendy …don’t like go back there.. it only trudges up memories of his deception.. the rejection.. and him marrying Jeanette..
Leaving her with a broken heart…
But she is glad they reconnected and is able to be friends…
Life is really a circle…
Things and people do come back around..
And it’s always in retrospect.. what might have been…
We have to live by the choices we make.. and keep on the path of our journey that we decided on taking..
No sense in looking back.. or trying to figure out what would have been.. if we had taken a different route…
She tried to be content.. in where she is…. who she is…and try to find the joy in the present…
Yesterday is gone..
Tomorrow is out of sight..
Today is all we got…
With all her poor choices… and her silly mistakes..she thinks she have lived a full life.. and have done well..
We had the same accountant teacher…this English man … to Wendy he was just a teacher.. but soon he started to use Collin to pass her love notes ..
At first Wendy didn’t understand the reasons for his attractions..
She tried to ignore his advances because clearly she was not interested and she was still hurting from Paul’s deception…
When Wendy refuses to acknowledge his notes.. he started to write …”see me in the office”.. on her examination papers
When she went to find out what was wrong with her exam..
He tried to make a pass at her.. and it was there that she learnt the reason for his sudden interest ….Jeanette considered him a confidant.. and tell him everything about her triangle affair with Wendy and Paul…
And pointed her out to him…and it seems.. he thought she was worth pursuing…
The teacher name was.. Middleton…
Wendy tried her best to ignore and dismiss his flirtations … but it was becoming very embarrassing for her.. because… Middleton was more obvious with his advancements..
So Wendy decided to arrange a meeting outside of school with him to let him down nicely…
SMH… huge mistake…
They met at a pizza parlor..
And Wendy tells him exactly what she intended.. that she is not interested in a relationship with him.. and she wants him to stop. Flirting with her..
His response was.. bursting into tears…
Wendy did not know how to deal with such a behavior…
He was weeping and begging her to give him a chance… or else he’s gonna kill hisself…
Instead of standing her ground and sticking to her decision.. Wendy took pity on him..
And thought it would be a good idea to back down from her choice and give in to his demands…
So she told him.. she will give them a trial period..
On their first date.. he took her to this bar.. it confused Wendy but she stayed optimistic…
The second date was a disaster..and so was the third.. but Wendy still stayed ignoring the red flags..
Then his car broke down one night…
Could not make it home.. her father told her never let it happen again… or else..!!!???
But it did happen the very next time…
And this time she decided not to go back home
Fearing her father’s wrath ..
The next year of her life was the worst year she had ever experienced ..
Wendy sometimes reflected on Paul and Jeanette… and in the mist of her sorrow and misery
She somehow blamed them both for getting her in this position…
If it wasn’t for his deceitful behavior. And Jeanette devious and malicious plan..
She would not have gotten with this English bastard..
Wendy just keeps praying for a way out of this relationship she finds herself in…
It turned out Middleton was an alcoholic..and he bar hopped every night.. until his money ran out…
He was physically abusive.. was not responsible..
Could not hold down a place to live… lost his job..
It was really a bad year for Wendy.. she even had to dropped out of school… because he couldn’t afford to pay her tuition.. she tried to make it work.. wanting to prove to everyone that she made a good choice…
Until she decided that enough is enough.. and with her tail between her legs she asked her father to take her back home..
Her father was reluctant.. but did anyways…
She still remains friends with Jeanette.. and found out later that she married Paul and moved away with him…
Wendy wasn’t very pleased to learn that…
But she knew that Paul never loved her.. so she wished him and Jeanette happiness….
Things seem to be going well.. Wendy remains happy with Paul..
She was doing very good in her classes..
Jeanette was proving to be a good friend..
Colin was still trying to gain her attention..
For Wendy the world was a happy place…
The third week of knowing Jeanette.. she suggested that they go see this James Bond movie.. ( for your eyes only) after schools out..
Wendy willingly and happily agreed..
They met up.. after school that evening.. and headed for the movie theater..
They got inside sat down.. Wendy was anticipating seeing this movie…
Jeanette was more silent than normal..not at all talkative…
Wendy did not think anything of it though..
The movie started.. and the song started to play
“ for your eyes only “….
When Jeanette leans in to Wendy..
And said something..
At first Wendy was very focused on the screen..
But.. when she heard her say..
“We have the same boyfriend… Paul is my boyfriend too…”
Wendy stopped.. and said huh??!!
And Jeanette repeated..
Wendy did not know what to say or how to respond.. she just felt the tears well up in her eyes..
And felt like someone stabbed her in her heart..
She felt suffocated..so she got up and walked out of the theater…
Jeanette followed closely behind..
Wendy stopped.. sobbed for a few seconds.. gain back a little of her composure.. and turned to Jeanette and asked her..
What do you mean.. “ Paul is your boyfriend too!!….”
But.. Wendy couldn’t grasp anything.. her whole world was spinning.. and crumbling..
Jeanette was trying to explain
A million and one question was in her head..
And suddenly reality hits her.. Paul doesn’t love her… he loves someone else..
Jeanette!!…suddenly she felt like running away.. so she started to walk.. just walking .. trying to escape from hearing what Jeanette was saying..
Wendy heart was breaking to pieces..how can she compete..how will she get past this deception…
But Jeanette did not stop talking.. she made sure Wendy was convinced that Paul loved her.. and the more she spoke the more Wendy was sure she knew she had to walk away from Paul…
Wendy wasn’t sure how far she walked that day or for how long.. she was numb with grief and sadness.. she was hurting so badly..
Another heartbreak.. another rejection.. another lost love…
Wendy ended up at Jeanette’s house… Paul picked her up from there…
But..
Wendy knew it was over for them…
Jeanette made sure of that…
Over the following weeks Paul tried to see Wendy… but.. she was adamant in her decision..
And she was very jealous of Jeanette.. because she wanted Paul.. she loves him ferociously…
With all this going on with Wendy
Things at school took another turn for her.. and of course Jeanette…. Again was the source of it all it all…
Wendy was a Jamaican girl …only 18 years old… pretty girl.. with a beautiful smile..and beautiful soul..
She yearn to feel loved though.. she had experience two failed love affairs.. and was left feeling like she will never find her true love .. or someone to love her..
She has so much love to give…
She was going through her emotions one day.. and she was standing by her gate.. gazing in the distance .. deep in thoughts.. thinking of her Dream guy…
taking in the scenery.. a smile on her face as usual..
this car . Full of guys.. white guys.. very unusual in Jamaica…stopped:
And then this one guy came out. Crossed the road to her side of the street..
And greet her with an inviting smile.. introduced himself as Paul.. and asked her if she would go out with him…
She immediately realized he was not a Jamaican… this peaked her interest… it’s as if fate has answered her wishes….
Wendy.. of course was very tickled and receptive to his invitation.. gladly accepted and agreed..
So he made a date to come back ..
Wendy excitedly gets ready and when he showed up.. she was wearing this silly permanent smile for the rest of the evening…
He took her to his place of residence where a little bar of convenience was located…they sat and sip on drinks and talked .. getting to know each other until it was time to end their date…
Their first date was quite delightful.. and Paul seems very intrigued by Wendy…
Paul proves to be an ideal guy for Wendy.. in the next few months they spend a lot of time together..,
Paul took her everywhere.. and introduced her his friends..
He was a US. Marine that was placed in Jamaica 🇯🇲 along with his co- marines.. to work at the US EMBASSY…
He was very attentive to Wendy…and soon enough she was very in love with him.. and she felt his feelings were reciprocated…
They were together for six months..when Wendy decided to enroll in school to do an accounting and management course…
Paul would pick her up every morning and drop her off at the school gate ..
Wendy was in seventh heaven.. and was so proud to have him doing this.. she felt so good knowing that he loved her so much…
She was enjoying her classes and trying her best to keep her grades up..
She made a couple new friends.. a guy by the name of Colin showed some interest in her
But Wendy was too in love with Paul to even take noticed of Collin
Wendy has always been a friendly girl.. she has a sweet nature..
And was always eager and receptive to make friends…
So when .. on this day during lunchtime.. this girl walked up to her.. said hello.. and pointed to this other girl..
Saying she’s asking to be friends…
Wendy gladly accepted to be friends.. what harm could it do..
It was very strange that.. she sent over another girl to asked.. though..
But when Wendy walked over to her and saw her appearance.. she figured .. this girl must have been shy and bashful because of her unattractive looks..
She wasn’t the prettiest girl.. but Wendy didn’t make that be a problem..
She would be her friend .if that’s what she wanted..
Wendy happily sits with her.. and starts a conversation…
Her name was Jeanette… and she was also doing the same course as Wendy…
The next couple of weeks.. Jeanette would always seek out Wendy every chance she gets…
She showed a lot of interest in Wendy’s life.. always asking her about herself and her boyfriend..
Wendy was more than happy to boastfully tell her and share with her .. everything of her most loving boyfriend Paul…
Wendy did not hold back any information when it comes to Paul.. she bask in the glory of being so in love with him …
Wendy was feeling like she really found a friend in Jeanette…
This was an eventful year.. I met a young man. Form a relationship with..
Decided to go to the doctor to get checked out due to some discomfort I was experiencing..
He decided that I needed a hysterectomy..
I scheduled the appointment for the surgery..
Talk to my brother in Jamaica. Told him about the surgery.. he then tell my stepmom that he’s buying her a ticket to come and be with me for the surgery and my recovery..
Surprisingly. My stepmom dropped everything and come to be with me..
Her making this choice..
Let me stop to think.. only a mom would do this..
She stays two months with me . And after she left.. I decided to move forward with our relationship and forget about everything from my past relating to her.. stop all the grievances.. and all the baggage’s of hurt.. that I have been carrying around for years..
After all .. it’s done.. and can’t be fixed or corrected..
So from that time till now..
I stayed in contact with.. form a bond.. and treat her with respect and kindness and even love…
I have come this far. And looking back where I am coming from..
I have done good.. many might disagree.. because I have some really poor choices.. and sacrifice so much..
But I survived.. and my boys are now grown adults.. with families of their own..
I have the best with what resources I had..
The mistakes I have made.. and poor choices is all a lesson of learning process…
Now all is left is for me to enjoy the rest of my days..
I broke off my non- progressive relationship… and my good friend Francis Kleiner asked me to marry him… of course I accepted..
I met Francis through my best friend abbey… and we were the three musketeers.. Francis was our ride to everywhere… I eventually start to work for him typing his book.. he was trying to be an author..
He was actually a very gifted artist.. and he made inks for art works.. he was good at what he does .. and I am a big fan of art… so when he asked me to be his model I eagerly agreed…
We had numerous sessions mostly at nights.. and we became close.. he was an American and he wanted to stay in Jamaica so when he suggested we get married to give him the privilege to be able to work freely in the country.. I agreed without hesitation…
When I break the news to my family.. of course I was met with a lot of opposition and even ridicule…. especially from my stepmom…
She was very much against my decision.. letting me know it will never work.. but I had already made up my mind so I was very determined and willing to honor my decision…
So We got married that July… and Francis got his permanent stay…
A few months later I met Andrew chin.. we got together. Start dating…
And…..
In august I got pregnant with my second son… I was very pleased because I had wanted a second child…
I didn’t intended to leave my home but again my stepmom was very adamant about me not having another child in “HER” house..
She was way out of line of course.. It was OUR house…
“ your dad is not here to accommodate you this time.. I will not tolerate it.. you better find yourself anywhere than here…” she makes it clear.
So against my better judgment..I decided to leave..
I was there thinking.. I will show her.. I don’t need her or this house.. I was impulsive and prideful…
Thinking I can and will make it on my own..
I didn’t even know Andrew long enough to know him..
But I thought I had it all worked out..
And…
I again allow her to dictate and have her way… allowing her to win .. yet another battle .. and give her what she wanted..
I played right into her hands..
I just didn’t have the guts nor the self confidence to stand up for myself.. ( it took me years later to find my voice and the security I needed to stand my ground..)
I didn’t take my older son with me.. because I didn’t want to expose him to a different life from what he knows…
It’s so funny how we all think we know what’s best in the time of question, for our children.. to later on find that we made the wrong choice…
It was one of my worst decisions..
Living with.. and getting to know andrew.. I soon realized that I again made a very bad choice..
He was not husband or boyfriend material..
And I live two years in agony..
Andrew put me through the wringer.. he cheats.. every chance he got..
He didn’t treat me with much respect.. and didn’t provide for me or my baby..
He puts me down and verbally abuses me.. and physically too.. it was torture.. I had to get away from him..
It took this kind of treatment… for me ,to go asking Francis to file for me so I could escape the prison Andrew had me in…
And he did.. and I got the chance of a lifetime…
I got my visa and I came to the USA 🇺🇸… and my life took on a new meaning and I started to excel.. I had to leave my babies for a while…
But…
In two years I bought my house.. and got Abraham with me… but couldn’t have John because he did have a visa or passport to travel..
He was devastated and I was really sad ..
Francis sadly passed away before I bought the house…
I was so hurt and disappointed in myself.. because I didn’t give him much attention after I got here.. I owed him so much… and he given me so very much..
But I keep on going.. and I keep on trying to survive.. I got John with me after six years…
The first ten years I didn’t have any communication with my stepmom .. I just simply ignore her.. but. I stayed close to my brother.. and we became close…
I had always believed that she did not like me as a daughter…
I guess I was selfishly thinking about me.. and not understanding her situation that my father placed her in…
My stepmom never visited my home.. and made negative comments which I heard.. that she would never come…it didn’t bother me much.. because she was not a part of my life then.. and I was in my own world.. being and content with who I am and where I was..
One thing I was really happy about was the fact that I own my home.. therefore I don’t have to go back to Jamaica ever … my boys were both American citizens…
Andrew followed me here..
And since Francis had died …I remarry andrew…. but my choice of this third husband…. was not healthy for me or my baby.. he was still physically abusive.. so the marriage only last 4 years…
We parted company.. tried to be cordial … but it was not easy.. I was still too hurt to have any kind of relationship with him…
He moved away.. got married again.. and it took me years to finally put the past behind and become friends..
After all we shared a son….
Despite all the reasons I couldn’t live with him…
I still liked him for as much reasons..
I worked two full time jobs as a cashier .. it was hard at times.. working back to back thirty six hours continuously sometimes..
I did it.. though..
But in the end..
I have sacrificed my sons. I had no but to neglect them at times.. I tried to be there for as much as I was able..
But with two jobs . House cleaning.. cooking..
And sleeping… I could extend my time to be very attentive to them..
And in my head.. I was thinking they are old to take care of themselves..
It’s been approximately 11 years…. That I have known Patrick…
The last four years have been up and down…I have cried more tears.. than I smile…
He was hot and cold.. leaving me for period of time..
Coming back without any explanation..
But continuing to ignore me more than not…
I thought I could be friends with him and repress this intense emotion of love I have for him…
The last time he left for six full months..
And just pop back up..and start to connect with me as if it was the most normal and natural thing…
I decided to go with it…1leave the past behind. And move forward..
The first couple of weeks he was attentive. Even video call me a few times..
I was pleased and try to take it as is..
But..
I find myself.
Wanting more.. craving him and his attention again…I didn’t know.. still don’t know.. how to approach the subject of us with him… I felt it would be awkward.. thinking he’s not really interesting in me like that anymore..
He then fall back into his attitude of ignoring me..
And of course.. I reacted…
And that causes him to ignore me more…
I sense he just wanted a friend..
But..
I wanted more… I want him to want me again.. but I didn’t have the slightest clue how to make him want me…
I want him to talk me as much as he used to ..
and every time I see him online chatting with someone else and ignoring me…I get the jealousies…
I’m Aware that it could his friends .. family.. or work…
But I wanted for him to talk to me… Me….and he was not..
My insane obsession for him.. doesn’t go over too well with him….
I know he has his addiction to pornography. And online sex…
and I also know he’s always looking for someone new to share his world with….
And I know he does have other connections that he is sharing his time with…
But I guess because I can’t control what he does..
And I’m not close enough to him.. to make a difference. … it leaves me yearning for his attention.. all the time…
So again I ruin our friendship with the my overbearing attitude and constant neediness..
And of course…he doesn’t care at all.. it doesn’t affect him in any way..
Because I really don’t mean anything to him than a texting buddy
But this time..
I’m more than willing to let him go..
He has taught me well …1how to do without him…and I assume that was his intention all along..
All I ever really want from him was to know that he loves me… or some reassurance that he cares…. I want him to tell me I’m essential…
And that is completely impossible.. because..he will never and can ever love me… because I’m not his type of woman…
I can’t give him what he needs.. and I can’t do for him what he so much desires..
His face when he thinks of me!!!!
I can only be me and being me is not in his likes…
I thought by now.. I would be blocked again..
(But I assume he just deleted me and all my texts messages…)
Because I insistently says things to him that should be best left unsaid..
And….Instead of me leaving quietly without reacting..
I have to go ahead and say my mind to a man who doesn’t even stop to read what I’m griping about… to a man who could not care less about me and what I have to say.. much less how I feel..
And all I’m trying to do.. is get a reaction out of him..
But he’s gotten so good at ignoring me.. That my attempts are all just in vain…
He goes on living his best life.. talking to whoever he feels like..
And I’m completely forgotten.. I’m nowhere on his mind…he doesn’t think of me at all… I’m still a nobody to him… someone of no importance or.. of consequence….
Eleven years… I loved him for eleven years, ( a love that can never be returned)…Not knowing him personally.. how I wish it could have been reciprocated…
But… all in all..
I found joy in loving him..
Even though there’s more tears than smile’s these days..from all his act of ignoring me..all the time..
He taught me how to do without him…. He gave me a very good lessons of accepting his rejection…
Yes it still hurts when I stop to think of him and his aloofness towards me…
But… I’m strong enough to let him go now…
Me so happy 😁 to be near him.. Him so disgusted 🤮 to be next to me…
Communicating online has become quite normal for most..
It also has become the only form of communication used to connect these days…
From texting..
To voice and video calls..
Online communication does create some kind of excitement.. in the beginning of a new connection..
But.. in my opinion..
It’s often short lived… and easily lose its appeal…
Too often… you have the scammers that get a thrill from being a fake and playing with your emotions…
And the liars.. who can’t be real about who they are and what they want .. I called ..” The Pretenders…”
Then come the perverts…who are only interested in sexual satisfaction…
Then the few who are real but really are not interested in anything serious …
It’s a rare find…
Of course there is the one percent that actually lives up to your expectations…
I have been participating in online for over ten years…
I had a few memorable ones..
But unfortunately..
None last forever…
My last connection lasted.. apx 11 years..
But the last 4 years were really bad …
His nice mask came off
And the very mean 😢 mask on..
And it wasn’t easy to accept especially when I was heavily emotionally invested and became very attached over those.. first 7 years …
I allowed his disrespect… his rudeness… his arrogance… his nasty attitude… his meanness…
Thinking.. he would once again be that kind understanding.. loving…compassionate… interesting and intellectual man I knew…
But I was just allowing him to think it was ok by me.. for him to continue to be mean and disrespectful..
It’s as if I gave him the permission to treat me as such…
I allowed his behavior…therefore he thought I love him too much to walk away.. and I was going to ignored and always accept his utter disrespect …
our communication was on his terms… and only when he feels like it’s ok … and he only shared videos and photos without any kind of verbal explanation…
And even if I take the liberty to respond.. he never makes the effort to reciprocate…
And.. again.. I allowed this behavior from him… even thanking him for sharing… and thinking of me…making him know how appreciative I am .. of him.. to take the time to include me.. in his thoughts….
I gave him the impression that I was solely dependent upon his attention.. to give me some joy to make me smile….
Here I am thinking ;
If I keep on loving him… exercise some patience… be a little understanding… give him some space…
Maybe he would revert back to liking me again… and realize that I’m special…
But everyone ( except me)…
Knows that.. you can’t hold on to any man unless that man wants to be hold on to….
And you can’t beg.. or make a man love you.. if he don’t…
So communicating online has its advantages and disadvantages…
You can’t control how an individual will treat you and talk to you..
And you have to learn how to deal with their behavior ..
You have to set boundaries and standards..
And don’t allow anyone to think it’s okay to be disrespectful and be accepted..
You have to learn to walk away from that connection that is not serving you…
Or is toxic… if they hurt your feelings… without remorse…
Know that it’s time to cut the connection off…
So online communication may be what’s in these days and is acceptable as normal..
It has its perks to serve those who are just far too busy to stop for entertaining their social life…
But.
It’s also comes with some negative effects… and consequences..
Some are fortunate to find someone real and form. Lasting bond..
While most struggle to find that connection that proves worthy and worthwhile..
I guess you have to go on in with set values.. have boundaries you stick by… and have certain standards you live up to…
It can be fun and satisfying…
But if you let yourself be manipulated and be easily vulnerable ..
Then you might end up being emotionally hurt..
So before starting an online connection..
Know exactly what you’re looking for.. and don’t sway from your set values…
You know. . . time has a way of moving quickly and catching you unaware of the passing years.
It seems just yesterday that I was young, and embarking on my new life. Yet in a way, it seems like eons ago, and I wonder where all the years went. I know that I lived them all. I have glimpses of how it was back then and of all my hopes and dreams. But, here it is… the winter of my life and it catches me by surprise… How did I get here so fast? Where did the years go and where did my youth go?
I remember well seeing older people through the years and thinking that those older people were years away from me and that winter was so far off that I could not fathom it or imagine fully what it would be like. But, here it is…my friends are retired and getting grey… they move slower and I see an older person now. Some are in better and some in worse shape than me…but, I see the great change… Not like the ones that I remember who were young and vibrant..but, like me, their age is beginning to show and we are now those older folks that we used to see and never thought we’d be.
Each day now, I find that just getting a shower is a real target for the day! And taking a nap is not a treat anymore… it’s mandatory!
Cause if I don’t on my own free will… I just fall asleep where I sit!
And so…now I enter into this new season of my life unprepared for all the aches and pains and the loss of strength and ability to go and do things that I wish I had done but never did!
But, at least I know, that though the winter has come, and I’m not sure how long it will last… this I know, that when it’s over on this earth…it’s NOT over. A new adventure will begin!
Yes, I have regrets. There are things I wish I hadn’t done…things I should have done, but indeed, there are many things I’m happy to have
done. It’s all in a lifetime.
So, if you’re not in your winter yet…let me remind you, that it will be here faster than you think. So, whatever you would like to accomplish in your life please do it timely! Don’t put things off too long!
Life goes by quickly. So, do what you can today, as you can never be sure whether this is your winter or not! You have no promise that you will see all the seasons of your life…so, live for today and say all the things that you want your loved ones to remember…and hope that
they appreciate and love you for all the things that you have done for them in all the years past!
“Life” is a gift to you. The way you live your life is your gift to those who come after. Make it a fantastic one.
LIVE IT WELL! ENJOY TODAY! DO SOMETHING FUN! BE HAPPY! HAVE A GREAT DAY!
REMEMBER:….
“It is health that is real wealth and not pieces of gold and silver.
LASTLY, CONSIDER THE FOLLOWING:
TODAY IS THE OLDEST YOU’VE EVER BEEN, YET THE YOUNGEST YOU’LL EVER BE, SO – ENJOY THIS DAY WHILE IT LASTS.
~Your kids are becoming you……
~Going out is good. Coming home is better!
~You forget names… But it’s OK because other people forgot they even knew you!!!
~You realize you’re never going to be really good at anything…. especially golf.
~The things you used to care to do, you no longer care to do, but you really do care that you don’t care to do them anymore.
~You sleep better on a lounge chair with the TV blaring than in bed.
It’s called “pre-sleep”.
~You miss the days when everything worked with just an “ON” and “OFF” switch..
~You tend to use more 4 letter words … “what?”…”when?”… “what?” “where?”
~Now that you can afford expensive jewelry – it’s not safe to wear it anywhere.
~You notice everything they sell in stores is “sleeveless!?”
~What used to be freckles are now liver spots.
~Everybody whispers.
~You have 3 sizes of clothes in your closet…. 2 of which you will never wear.
~But Old is good in some things: Old Songs, Old movies, and best of all,
OLD FRIENDS!!
It’s Not What You Gather, But What You Scatter That Tells What Kind of winter yours is or is going to be. Enjoy life before winter or enjoy the winter. Wherever u may be, my friend … I wish God’s blessings… and a warm and cozy winter…
SO I WOKE UP FEELING ALL DISTURBED AND PERTURBED; I WAS SMILING BECAUSE I KNOW HE LOVES ME… BUT I WAS QUESTIONING IT… IS IT ME…? OR Paige?…. AND AGAIN THE THOUGHT OF LOSING HIM SCARE ME … AND MY ANXIETY ATTACK STARTED TO SURFACE AND THE TEARS THREATEN; MY STOMACH IS HAVING THIS BIG KNOT THAT I COULDN’T GET RID OF; HOW AM I GOING TO BE ABLE TO GIVE HIM UP; I LOVE HIM SO MUCH AND I WANT HIM JUST AS MUCH BUT… ?????
I AGONIZE FOR A BIT. THEN SHAKE IT OFF AND DECIDED TO ENJOY THE FEELING OF BEING LOVED… UNTIL I FIND ME A WAY; OR FIND ME THE COURAGE TO CUT IT OFF; I AM GOING TO ENJOY THIS MOST EXHILARATING FEELING; WOW!!! THIS FEELS SO, SO DAMN GOOD!!
So I decided to write him letting him know exactly how he is affecting me and what he is doing to me; I will just for right now put all the negativity behind me, and focus just how good I’m feeling.
“Hey you…I wake with my heart full of so much joy and happiness…. Feel like any moment I’m gonna burst… YOU LOVE ME!!! I went over our chat a few times trying to absorbs it all… you want me to be in control of our fate but that that’s enormous pressure, I don’t have the slightest clue how to deal with it… you see… I have never felt like this before… ever. All I know is losing you is not an option. And it scares me.”
“I’m going to put faith in your love for me and know you will be there for me. I live and breathe your every word you have ever said to me. You want the best of me and I hope I can find the kind of love you feel for me. I will take some time thinking of you/us. Knowing you will be right here for me. I trust your love my Allen. LOVING YOU!!!”
I was thinking he is going to stop talking to me, because he is getting tired of waiting around for me to make a choice to move forward; and after reading back our conversation, the things he said about letting us go; and giving me an out; I was became fearful of him walking away. My fear of losing him was so intense; I know I am going to eventually but I was trying to hang on to him with dear life; selfishly of course… as long as I could… I did not hear from him and after a couple of hours I was feeling so impatient and keeping checking my phone for his response and just before I started to get ready for work I sent him a another text…
“I never checked my phone as often as I have today… with so much anticipation and anxiety for a text from you… I am very worried that I have lost you for good. And it brings tears to my eyes just thinking about it. Allen… please put back a smile on my face.”
His response came when I was on my way to work, “smile beautiful!!! I’m right here, hanging off your every word pretty girl. I promise I’m going nowhere! I hope you are having a great day so far. And I hope your dreams were as nice as mine.”
I did not respond to him, but I was very happy to say the least; just that little text put in a very happy place, and was happy to know that he is so reassuring… well I was smiling most of the night at work but I was thinking again about finding a way out of this; when in reality I did not want it to end; my mood changes and I became all teary again not wanting it to end , but knowing I can’t do this to “MY SWEET, SWEET ALLEN” my mind was so confused and at war with my decision. I was all way down in the dumps when he sent me a text…
“Ok so I just wanted you to be able to check your phone and see a text from me; so I’m checking in just to let you know that for the life of me, I can’t stop thinking about you… About us… and how I feel about you… I couldn’t be happier to feel so excited for more; hope you are having a great night so far baby. Smile pretty girl, you are on my mind as always.”
He couldn’t have chosen a more opportune time to send me that; it put the smile right back on my face. And my heart leaps with so much love for him; I completely put away everything else I was thinking about and bask in the glory of his love.
It was now December 22nd ; As soon as I went home I sent him a text…
“My Allen… I’m a little early tonight. I know you probably sleeping for work tomorrow. But I just want to say thank you for that text, it was as if you were reading my mind and sensing my emotions. It came at the right time when I was a bit down….how did you know that? You are right when you say we are in tune. You put that smile back on my face and I know it’s definitely; absolutely; positively must be LOVE; you were all I could think of today… and I am thinking I promise… I know the ultimatum…”
I then went on to tell him about my dream; “I did not sleep much today… I couldn’t. You give me lot to think about I dozed off and dream I went to this air field to meet you and when you saw me you turn back went in your plane and fly away left me speechless and standing there crying; maybe it was why I wake up doubtful; but you give me the assurance need… thank you for you.”
He did not know my dream was so real because it was actually me (the real me) he saw and he did not like that it was, because he had expected Paige. And that was why he had turned away.
He answered me and said, “Wendy I will never turn away! If you ever go to meet me we will have a great day I promise. You’ll see. The last thing you will do that day is cry. I’m absolutely certain. I woke up and check my phone … what a nice surprise to see your text baby. I’m glad I made you smile when you were troubled baby. That’s perfect and that’s how it should be. And I totally agree its love for certain. I hope you have had a good day .I sure hope you get some rest tonight baby… I will leave you alone to sleep.
“I hope you have the sweetest dream ever and wake up nice and relaxed.” Then he said the sweetest words to my ears… “Oh and Wendy… I love you baby… night beautiful girl.”
I wanted to talk, but I know he had work in the morning so all I said to him was “and Allen I do love you too… night my love, sweet dreams.
So I was left with thinking of my dilemma, trying to push it aside and just enjoy this rush of emotional joy and sweet sensation that I’m feeling; all I know and feel is how much I love him and how much he love me… yes me… I drifted off to sleep to a most pleasant dream of us.
I grew up without much love…I never know what it was like to feel loved.. and I always yearn to have someone to love me unconditionally..
My mom died when I was pretty young… My father… he wasn’t one to show affection…. my siblings all shun me and make me the joke of everything… because I was slow and stuttered.. and not able to participate in much activities..
I ended spending my time alone from everyone.. I learned how to love my own company.. and always feeling alone.. and hungry for company…
And then I had my children.
And I thought…
Yes.. now I will always have their love…
And I did when they were young And needed mommy…
I never found the love I crave.. though… I guess I was just unlovable…
But I have the love of my boys.. so I thought..
Then they became adults..
And soon enough I come to realize.. they don’t even like me… just like everyone I thought I found love with…
I don’t understand how they see me.. or what I did to have them see me in the light they do…
But.. it grieves me so..
To know I remain this unlovable girl..who has gone through her whole life..
Never knowing what it feels like to be truly loved..
I have had my heart broken 💔 so many times.. I have cried an ocean full of tears for a love I could never have..
I have loved so many times.. only to be rejected..
And now the only sure love I thought I had.. turn out to be not true… and then I have grandkids..
And they too don’t even like me…
I asked myself..????
Why am I so repellent to love…
It really hurts .. to have your children you bore and loved……dislike you …. For whatever reason..
Through it all though!!???
I tried to stay happy.. I keep on smiling .. I learned to be content with who I am.. I find joy in everything.. and everywhere I am..
I relish in my small accomplishments.. and I’m full of gratitude that life has been kind to me…
And even though I miss that kind of love I always yearn for…
I grew to accept the lack of it.. and savor the few moments my heart knew the profound joy of love..
My sons may have forgotten the love we shared..
And they may treat me with much indifference..
But.. they still remain two of my greatest blessings and the greatest joy I have known..
Most of us are now in the last quarter of our life and should read this interesting piece of advice 👍 This is one of the nicest and most gentle articles I’ve read in a while: No politics, No religion and No racial issues - just food for thought. You know, time has a way of moving quickly and catching you unaware of the passing years.
It seems just yesterday that I was young and embarking on my new life. Yet, in a way, it seems like years ago, and I wonder where all the years went ?
I know that I lived them all.
I have glimpses of how it was back then and of all my hopes and dreams.
However, here it is, the last quarter of my life and it catches me by surprise !!! How did I get here so fast ??
Where did the years go and where did my youth go??
I remember well, seeing older people through the years and thinking that those older people were years away from me and that I was only on the first quarter and that the fourth quarter was so far off that I could not visualise it or imagine fully what it would be like.
Yet, here it is !!
My friends are retired and getting grey, they move slower and I see an older person now. Some are in better and some worse shape than me, but I see the great change.
They’re not like the ones that I remember who were young and vibrant. But, like me, their age is beginning to show and we are now those older folks that we used to see and never thought we'd become.
Each day now, I find that just getting a shower is a real target for the day and taking a nap is not a treat anymore
!! It's mandatory because if I don't of my own free will, I fall asleep where I sit.
And so, now I enter into this new season of my life unprepared for all the aches and pains and the loss of strength and ability to go and do things that I wish I had done, but never did.
At least now I know that, though I’m on the last quarter and I'm not sure how long it will last, that when it's over on this earth, it's all over.
A new adventure will begin, I feel !!
Yes, I have regrets. There are things I wish I hadn't done; things I should have done, but truly there are many things I'm happy to have done.
It's all in a lifetime. So, if you're not on the last quarter yet, let me remind you that it will be here faster than you think. So, whatever you would like to accomplish in your life do it quickly.
Don’t put things off too long. Life goes by so quickly. So, do what you can today, as you can never be sure whether you’re on the last quarter or not.
You have no promise that you will see all the seasons of life.
So, live for today and say all the things that you want your loved ones to remember - and hope that they appreciate and love you for all the things that you have done for them in all the past years. ‘Life’ is a gift to you. Be Happy !!
Have a great day !!
Remember, it is health that is real wealth and not pieces of gold, silver or printed Notes or even property.
You may think: Going out is good - but coming back home is much better !!!
You forget names - but it's okay because some people forgot they even knew you !!!
You realize, you are never going to be really good at anything like golf - but you like the outdoors.
So, do it.
The things you used to care to do, you aren't as interested in anymore - but, you really don't care that you aren't as interested.
You sleep better on a lounge chair with the TV on than in bed – you call it ‘pre-sleep’ !!!
If you enjoy it, just do it. You miss the days when everything worked with just an ‘On’ and ‘Off’ switch !!!
You tend to use more 4 letter words – ‘what’ and ‘when’ ?
You have lots of clothes in your wardrobe, more than half of which you will never wear – but just in case !!
Old is good – • Old is comfortable. • Old is safe. • Old songs. • Old movies. • and – best of all, • Friends of old !!!
So, stay well, ‘Old friend.’ Have a fantastic day. Have an awesome Quarter, whichever one you’re in !!!
It’s not what you gather, but what you scatter that tells what kind of life you have lived. 🌺
I have always lived in fear of having a stroke…I was afraid of being left not able to walk.. talk..or being disfigured because of a stroke…
I never take the time to fully understand what are the numerous reasons that can cause a stroke.. I only know that it has something to do with clog arteries..
I was at ease thinking I’m cholesterol free.. and I eat a lot of tomatoes… so my risk of getting a stroke is low
“WRONG “..
I developed high blood pressure apx 12 years ago… and I have struggled to keep it at normal over the years.. I even had to increase my dosage of medication last year… to maintain it from spiking too high…
This too I didn’t actually take the time to research and get more information on all the different reasons your blood pressure can spike or even drop too low…. Knowledge and being informed is a key factor in all medical issues…
I also suffered from a spinal deterioration in the cervical area.. and in my neck… I have STENOSIS: SPONDYLOSIS: BULGING DISK… all in the same place…
I have worked 20 years as a cashier.. two full time jobs. Standing up … apx 18 hrs a day..or more.. and without my knowledge I damage my spine… with the constant standing…the last few years before I stopped working I was having severe back pain… dizziness… blurry vision… and a series of different ailments.. including not being able to walk without aid.. I lost my mobility…
Of course I didn’t stop to see a doctor .. until I stopped working… and I only went to the doctors to get some medical history to file for disability….
This was when I found out I had high blood pressure.. and everything else..
I have been lucky enough up to now.. that apart from using a walker to get around.. I was able to function fully….
One fateful Sunday afternoon…I found myself not being able to pronounce words.. I was slurring..
Call 911 . Went to the hospital.. they ran a series of tests.. MRI: catscan:
And later I found out that I had a small blood clot in the brain.. causing a minor stroke.. my pressure spikes to 200 /130..
I stayed in the hospital for two days.. my speech impediments lasted apx 2 weeks.. I’m still left with a little stutter..and a slower speech to be understood…
I’m thankful that it was only my speech that was affected.. I’m now very fearful of a repeated. Episode. Which can be proven to be worse…
I’m so scared of any future occurrences.. because I really don’t have the support of knowing that if I survive a bad stroke.. I will have the help I need to get pass it…
We lived our lives.. trying to get some security…but it doesn’t always worked out as we planned or anticipated…
I feel completely alone… and even though right now. I love my own company.. I know as I aged.. and lucky enough to live a little longer.. I won’t have anyone who will be willing to be there for me in time of my need…
I pray. And I’m trying to take care of my health.. not to experience another episode like this one…
But..
There is no guarantee.. and not much one can do to stop the body from deteriorating.. as we aged..
Living in the fear 😨 of another experience is nerve racking..
But we just have to take one day at a time.. hoping it doesn’t happen.. but we stay aware and try to do the best we can to avoid it happening….
Everyone has a love that is the love of your life… I have a few of those…yet it’s not of the ordinary kind…
I have had many loves along the way..
There was rudy.. my first for everything..
My first love.. my first sexually.. my first relationship… it lasted a whole year.. I was devastated when he left.. my first heartbreak 💔….. never knew I could survive it.. but I did..
Then comes Paul..my US marine.. it was a whirlwind of six months of bliss… until I found out he has another girl.. so I walked away.. yes I loved him.. but I don’t compete very well…and I’m so afraid of rejection…so I didn’t hang around to find out if or not he would have chosen me…
Haha 😂 … he did marry her.. so I guess I was right about him rejecting me..
Then come bob.. my first husband .. we had a son.. I never stopped loving him.. I didn’t think I could love anyone as much as I loved him…. But.. he left me …come back home to America.. he never looked back…
Thirteen years later I found him again.. and continue to love him.. only to be told by him.. that he doesn’t love me.. I guess he never actually did…
Then came Charles..I thought I loved him.. but he wasn’t progressive and he didn’t know how to take charge…he had me not knowing where I stand..
Until…
I decided to end us four years later..
Then I decided to…..
married Francis.. how he loves me.. but I did not reciprocate his feelings.. I loved him but was not in love with him…
I met Andrew…while married to Francis…got pregnant for him.. had my second son for him..
He became the best relationship I ever had…he was never the type of guy I would normally choose to be with… but I never felt anything close to what we had.. before or after…
But..
He put me through hell and back.. so I left him and came to the states…. He followed me…
Unfortunately and to my sorrow…Francis died…I never got over his death.. I have much regrets and wish I did more by him….
Then I met and got romantically involved with cheeko…
It lasted about two years .. and I choose to give up on him because I thought he wasn’t making the effort to be with me…
I ended up marrying andrew..which lastedonly four years.. after he left….I was thinking of getting reuniting with cheeko but he died of a brain tumor..
I was so crushed…
I started a romantic affair with this joker.. joe..
Did not get anywhere… he wasn’t serious.. turns out he just wanted to experience me sexually and he wasn’t any good anyways…so we parted company
I stayed single for a few years.. did not want to bring a man into my young sons life..
When my son start to date… I decided to start back in the dating world..
I started out by playing the cougar with this gorgeous guy.. I call him “MY FORBIDDEN LOVE “ . … he was twenty years younger..
I had a grand time with him.. it lasted three years on and off … and then he left and never looked back …. He was one of my highlights in my life’s journey…
I turn to online dating after getting past him..
My first experience of an online emotional affair.. blew my mind..
I never knew it was possible to fall in love with someone from just talking and through texting on the phone…
I met Allen.. and I had the most profound and passionate emotional love connection I ever experienced..
We were in sync in every way possible…and I found out I possess a flair with words I never knew I had…
Through my words.. l let Allen fall in love with me.. and because we mirror each other’s thoughts I also feel deeply and intensely in love with him.
But…
It ended abruptly… because I played a horrific game of deception..
I pretended to be my Neice…. I unintentionally misled him to believe I was my Neice..
But.. I never knew our connection would lead to love.. I was so naive to the world of an online relationship.
I was left so heartbroken…I never knew a love with this intensity… or someone who I was so insync with…. It took me a while to get pass “MY SWEET ALLEN”…
But after I did…
I went on to find forest and met three of the craziest girls… Forrest wasn’t a love affair but.. he left an impression on me… with him it was mostly a strong sexual energy… I truly enjoyed our little sexual romps… he brought out some electrifying sexual energy… I enjoyed him and the girls. We had great fun playing together…
I met a few more sexual connections but nothing near to Forrest or Allen..
Then comes along PATRICK…. It was a slow start with him … the first couple of years.. I stayed platonic.. until he asked for us to be exclusive…I agreed and gave up all my other connections and focus fully on Patrick..
He was loyal and fun.. for almost eight years… and over the years I became attached and addicted.. to him. We talked every single day and he became apart of my daily life…
I looked forward to talking to him every day..
All of sudden I find myself so in love with him… and he bacame the highlight of my days . He shared his whole day with me…
He shared his life with me… I gotten so used to talking to him.. I forgot what it was like before he enters my life…
And came the fateful Christmas of 2020..
I tried to reciprocate sharing my world with him.. and my friends… I introduced him a very close friend of mine…..
And one look at my friend and he feel heads over heels in love with her.. and suddenly I was pushed to the back burner..
His attitude and demeanor changes towards me. He became disrespectful.. rude..he picks fights with me.. he stays mad at me..after that.. all of a sudden. I couldn’t say or do anything right by him…
Then comes the name calling .. and blames for being the one to cause our troubles.. follows by the blocking.. the shutting me out.. ignoring me.. stop talking or texting me…
Two years later he’s completely gone…
At first I didn’t know how to accept.. he kept coming back.. after each blocked.. and I kept on trying to move forward.. hoping to get back the friendship we had.. or the love we shared..
But…
It was unrepairable .. he refused to reconcile… All he wanted was my friend… he wouldn’t let her go.. instead he pushed me out of his life… he said if he couldn’t have her .. I couldn’t be in his life….
She became the determining factor of our relationship…
So I give up trying.. and let him go.. it took everything I got to allow him to walk away from me.. and for me to move on without him being apart of my life anymore…
So I’m still single..
It’s not that I haven’t tried.. but I keep getting my heart shattered to bits…
But I have experience some most fantastic love in my journey through life…
And as much as I was left heartbroken..
I really don’t have much regrets.. I have truly enjoyed each and everyone of my experiences.. to the fullest… each one gave me pro-founded joy.. and left me with the sweetest memories.. of a time when love was good….
😡 MAD 😠AT “Me” AS USUAL SHARING WITH HIS FAVORITE CONNECTIONS…
DEAREST PATRICK…
I wonder how you would feel to know that I’m still here crying 😭 every time I stop to think of your rejections..
I’m still so hurt.. knowing that you could not love me…still so hurt.. knowing I could never be enough for you…still so hurt knowing I wasn’t your choice…
I can only be me as is… and I don’t know why I developed such an intense emotions for you..so much that I can’t shake it off…
I hold no regrets of our time spent together … I enjoyed every moment I had with you….and I will always love you as much as I do now..
I hope life brings you as much joy as you gave me..
I know you gave as much as you could .. and you stayed as long as you wanted to…
You are now in my past .. you turned away from me.. you stopped liking me…. And you no longer wanted me…
It took me some time to get past you… but MYSWEETLOVE..
Nothing last forever…. And I lived in a delusional state of mind.. And…in a make believe world of fantasy..
And in true reality
You were never going to materialize to anything more than a connection through the phone of texting…
So goodbye 👋 my LOVE…
Thank you for all the joy you bring me.
By…. Sharing your world with me.. and sharing you..
I will always smile in great pleasure whenever I think of you..
In reminiscent of this profound love I had for you…
I just hope you do know this fact and believe that I really and truly did…
You were a very sweet serendipity that I happened to be so lucky to experience…
My emotions are all over the place.. one minute I’m accepting that I have completely lost my emotional affair..
Next minute.. I’m feeling rejected.. empty.. .. craving his attention.. don’t know how to stop connecting.. I tried sometimes just to ignore him.. but I can never last too long especially if he send a text..
I light up.. like a bulb with smallest acknowledgment from him…
Why can’t my heart stop loving 🥰 him.. why can’t I stop wanting him… why am I so damn attached that I find it so damn hard to let go and walk away from him….
He is 4500 miles away .. with no hope of ever connecting on a personal level… this relationship is doomed from the start.. there is no future in it.. it will never materialize to reality..
I do understand.. and I do know that he needs someone real.. someone he can touch.. someone he can hold and who can be there for him up close and personal..
I have nothing to offer.. I have nothing to give.. I hold no hopes or dreams come through..
He will never know exactly who I am and what I can give.. he will Never see and know the love I have for him.. he will never experience me a lover.. as partner.. as anything….
I’m just a texting connection.. I’m nothing valid actually… nothing he can’t do without…
I know I have to let him go.. he gave as much as he can… and he is trying to give me more only in smaller doses and smaller capacity…. I wish he would let me go.. and save me the choice…
Because…
I just don’t know how to let go of him… I don’t know how to walk away from him…even when I know it’s what I need to do… and I asked myself.
Why does he hold on to me.. ????! why does he also refuses to let go… ????? why does he hang on to me????
I want him to be the one to severed our connection… and I’m guessing he wants me to do the same too..
I know the time has come for us to say goodbye…he has lost it all for me.. his heart is completely empty.. yet he text me that he loves me… no no no !!! He doesn’t anymore.. it all empty words .. just like his heart… it turns to stone .
he ignores my texts messages.. he doesn’t read them… He shut me out and shuts me off…. he is cold and very aloof towards me.. he treats me With disdain … he is very mean to me .. he gets upset with everything I say .. he cusses at me… he talk to me with bitterness and anger…
Yep… there is all the reasons I should be walking away… yet I just can’t find the courage to take the step and turn my back on a relationship that is definitely not working out for me anymore…
I just can’t understand my reasons for hanging on to him… he gives me all the reasons to leave….and what do I do…???!!
I choose to stick around and take the hurt.. feel the rejection… accept his abuse… and let him treats me with contempt…..
He calls me dumb.. he called stupid.. tells me to shut up.. and you know what .. he is so right.. because plainly I am and more….
Only a fool would stay with all this negativity and tells herself that she’s so in love that she can’t and won’t walk from this relationship that has become toxic instead of being joyful and sweet.. it has turned sour…
What will it take to cut him loose … it shouldn’t be so hard to do.. he is only a make believe world of fantasy I created …..and somehow to me..we became real inside my world of fantasy…
I know there is no getting back what he lost 😞… it gone.. it over.. it done… but I keep telling myself that a little of him is better than not having none of him..
But…
Is there any truth in that logic… nope… I’m only fooling myself and causing me more anguish and excruciating pain…
I need to just close the door on us and just savor the times we have had.. that brings me so much joy… remembering him when I was his main focus…
So starting now I guess I guess I will try to ignore him as much as he is ignoring me… leave his ass alone for as long as I can..
He is never coming back.. so all hopes is dead… he will not miss me.. and he will not try to reconnect…
So it will be a clean break…
My heart will learn to stop aching for him.. and the craving will eventually dissipate…. the tears will stop… and my heart will be healed.. the scar will remained… and maybe grow a callus…
It will take some time to get past him and the times we shared….with time everything will fade away and the smile 😃 on my face will return… yes .. yes .. yes I have lost him….. I know it…
I don’t and will never regret knowing him and loving him… I will always be grateful that he came along and share his world with me.. and I will always remember this mega love that I felt for him…
I will always smile 😃 whenever I think of him .. or whenever I see those emojis kisses 💋💋💋… or whenever I reflect on the time he was mine.. he was once…
So the time has come for me to let him go… and walk away.. with seven years of sweet memories…
I just hope he finds someone who love him unconditionally like I did.. and who will make him happy and keep him smiling.. and give him the joy that he deserves….
I want to thank him again for giving me the joys of him… for sharing his world with me.. for teaching me so many things… for loving me the times he did… but he doesn’t read my text messages.. so it would be a waste of time to express anything to him…
He came into my world and he made a big difference to my daily existence… no lie. He brought a light to my life… “it out now.. but I can remember when he light up my whole world… it was good.. it was awesome… it was absolutely amazing…. and how I have enjoyed every single moment we shared…. and how I beamed and shine so brightly glowing with the radiance of happiness….
I will definitely be missing him for a long long time… but I can’t make him love me again.. I can’t make him want me again.. he has lost it.. and once it gone.. it’s dead… and there is no way of getting it back…
So I am left with no choice but to walk away.. and let him fully enjoy his life.. without me…
There is no more us.. nothing is left to hang on to… like a drowning man clutching on to a straw….!!!! It’s the end of us .. I’m sinking to the bottom.. this relationship can’t be resumed or be saved…,!!!!!!
Met Patrick.. a Dutch from the Netherlands… in 2013….. on a social media site.. We have been talking for the past eight years…
He asked me to go exclusive with about a year after we met.. I agreed and we have been connecting everyday since…
Our connection became a part of my daily existence .. we connect every day … we lasted for seven years… and I before I know it .. I was so in love with him.. I guess my heart knows no boundaries….
Now he is ready to move on.. ready to get someone who can give him all that I can’t from the distance between us..
And even though I do understand this.. I find that I have serious issues dealing with his lack of attention…. I’m devastated.. I can’t accept losing him.. although I know can’t give him nothing.. nor can I offer him anything….
I’m 4500 miles away and the only thing we have is some texting connections.. how impersonal.. he use to call me video calls. Now he don’t anymore…
He lost everything for me.. he emptied his heart of me .. he stopped loving 🥰 me .. he has become cold.. mean.. he even as much as stopped talking to me.. he ignores my text messages…. treats me with contempt…
And I’m having a very hard time losing his love and attention…. I know it’s over.. but I can’t walk away… I can’t let go….
No matter what I say to him .. he gets mad with me. He stays mad with me these days… I think he is forcing me to walk away from him…..
And by god it’s working too… I just about have enough of his rejection and his treatment of disdain…..
I find myself slowly losing interest… and getting very disheartened.. with his ignoring me…. And with his lack of connection and communication…
It scares me to fully let go.. thinking I may regret my actions In retrospect… I’m trying to be patient to see if we can form some kind of reconciliation… but I’m afraid it’s only my hopes and wishes.. he doesn’t seem to want to resume us back to that level..
He blocked me and completely stopped all communication for three months.. then he opened up back the portal for connecting..
I thought and it was a sign of him wanting to reconciled .. but I was wrong…I never asked him why he decided to resume connection with me… I just leave it to see where it goes..
But..
I’m only opening up myself.. for more of his rejections.. and allowing him to emotionally abuse me with his lack of communication and acknowledgment….
I keep subjecting myself to his contemptuous attitude towards me…. I think he gets profound joy from completely ignoring me… especially when I try to connect with him…
Patrick.. is a complete different man from what I knew over the years….and it’s so obvious that he never really shared my feelings of love… I guess He was never emotionally available.. and our relationship was something to entertain himself.. without getting too attached…
I must admit… I really went overboard with my emotions and got too carried away in my make believe world of fantasy ..to develop to this magnitude of intense attachment and to love him with such depth..
I lost control of my heart.. and I let it lead me to destroy what was meant to be just a friendship of sharing … this was all it meant to him.. I took it out of contextually … and now I’m paying the price for not being able to control my emotions for a man that I will never know personally…
So now.. to decide what is best for me in this scenario..
I’m still hanging on to someone that is clearly out of my reach … and I’m refusing to walk away and turn my back on a man who clearly doesn’t need me a as a part of his life anymore…
But. After a whole year of uncertainty.. doubts .. rejections… disrespect and disregard…. a girl can take so much and no more…
I know I’m left with no other choice but to save my sanity.. my dignity… and my poorly pride…..
And just make a complete halt… and leave this man who is on the other side of the world… to live his life the way he wants. Without me waiting for him to throw any little crumbs my way.. and thinking he’s doing me a great favor…
And me lapping it up .. like it’s ice cream 🍨.. licking my lips 😋 begging for more.. while me kicked me away.. telling me to shut up 🤫….
So sad for me.. that I give him and allow him this privilege to treat me with such disdain..
I asked myself a thousand times.. why is it so damn important to me to stay connected to him.. why is it so important to to me to have his love..
Why do I feel this strong need to be close to him.. and the more he shun me the more I yearn for him…
Why can’t I build up enough courage to end it with him.. and disregard him like he does me…why am I wasting my emotions and my energy.. trying to communicate and connect.. only for him to utterly ignore me…
What is this obsession and addiction I have developed.. so much .. that I am so hooked on him.. there must be a way to release myself from these chains that bind my heart to him…..
I need to let go and run as far as I can.. and leave him behind me… and move forward to a more healthy lifestyle… I’m stifling myself.. I’m stunting my happiness..
He doesn’t want me.. so very obvious… he doesn’t mean me any good.. He doesn’t even like me… it’s so clear as glass ..
So what am staying for.??!!
What am I hanging on to??!!!
There is nothing, but, a void.. it’s only in my imagination and my “MAKE BELIEVE WORLD OF FANTASY “….
How do you move on from a lost love…how do you cope with the emptiness… how do you remains friends and stay in a casual relationship.. when all these years you depended on this love to make you smile 😃…
Now that he has purged his heart of you… he has completely removed you from that place you so hold dear….
Now .. he doesn’t want you anymore… and you wonder..
Why don’t he let you go… why does he hang to you…why does it feel so sad to lose his love…why walking away is so hard…
Why do I stay…!!! Why don’t I walk away..???
All these thoughts….I have running through my mind..
And I don’t have the answers.. I try asking.. I tried communicating and I tried to get the answers ..
But to no avail..
He completely ignored every text messages.. he never responded.. he goes silent and just like the fool I am..
I stay away for a day or two but.. always return….hoping for some acknowledgment.. but nothing… it’s so clear and precise..
He really doesn’t have any desires to talk with me.. he doesn’t entertain me.. but yet .. he keeps the portal of communication open .. and I often wonder why..
I know… I could block him and cut him off too .. but my intense néed to be connected to him is too great of a desire for me to cut ties…
I long and yearn for his attention.. but.. I’m only hurting myself and my feelings.. by holding on to him…
And I just can’t find the courage to lose my grip on him and release him.. so I can move on .. and find my joy once more…
And stop these tears.. that consistently flow.. with every thought of him… refuses to dissipate..
What is it going to take for my heart to heal.. and for my knowledge of knowing ..to react to his obvious dismissal of me …why do I subject myself to his scorn… and why do I succumb to his constant disdainful attitude….
Why do my heart continue to love… to yearn.. to want… and to effortlessly hold on to someone that is no longer interested … whatsoever in. Me…
Questions
Questions???
That I really have the answers to..
But..
Refuses to listen or accept…
Because the truth be told…
I REALLY WANT TO STAY….I REALLY DONT WANT TO WALK AWAY…
Even when all hope is gone…. even. When obvious Is as clear as glass…
I just read something most interesting about loving someone…
It goes..
“SOMETIMES… LOVING 🥰 SOMEBODY ALSO MEANS GIVING THAT PERSON UP….
Giving something up is part of love.. Same as LOVE IS PART OF LIFE…”
I guess I ought to adhere to this little excerpt … and follow suite…
We are from two different worlds.. .. He is a Dutch Viking…
I’m a simple plain Jane from the Caribbean…
World apart.. but somehow the universe brought us together.. and our worlds collided… we connected… and we form an relationship of affinity… and this propinquity ties the bond between us….
The ocean separates us . but it doesn’t stop us from sharing each other world… and when we are connecting… the other doesn’t seem too far away..
A video call..a phone call.. a text…
And the other seems so close we can touch…how did we got this chance of meeting… how did the universe bring such connections to materialization..
Is this what they called serendipity … because I really feel happy and good fortune to cross paths with “My Dutch Viking.”
Why did fate brought us together…???
Why did fate kept us together this long????….
Why did fate make me fall so deeply in love with him…
Why does fate make him on hang to me this long.. why doesn’t he let go of me.. why doesn’t he walk away from me… why does fate make him want to stay connected to me….
I’m not the only one that wants this.. he must like me some.. to continue to enjoy having me around… that he shares his world and his complete life with me….
I sometimes forget that it takes two to communicate..
It takes two to have a relationship… so no matter what I think.. about his lack of interest.. his lack of affection… his lack of attention…
He still doesn’t stop connecting with me… he still thinks of me enough to include me in most of his daily life… but… I’m so greedy.. I always demand more….
I’m so impatient.. so insecure 😞.. so so unsure…
When we started out.. he has a sexual energy for me.. but somehow within the last year he completely lost this energy for me…
Of course with my lack of interest …,it only serves to turn him off completely…
And so it happens.. I now have the strongest desire to have a session or two with him… and he is no longer interested.. he doesn’t indulge my little innuendos or insinuations.. or my flirtatious remarks..
He simply just ignore it all .. he doesn’t do anything to appease me…
And now .. because of his attitude i have become so unsure. Timid…I really don’t know how to approach this subject anymore..
So afraid of his reactions.. his truth… I tell myself I’d rather stay in a causal connection with him than no connection whatsoever…
But..
I want so much more.. and I’m afraid he’s drifting slowly away… and I don’t know 🤷♀️ how get his interest back..
They say distance means so little when someone means so much…..
And here I am ….another Christmas sorrow to add to my memories…
Another breakup in the middle of Christmas 🎄… this Christmas couldn’t have been any worse for me….
He is completely disconnect with me… I have lost him for good… but the memories of the years we shared lingers in my mind and heart…
I hold on to dreams of yesterday.. I let him go.. he gave as much as he could…
I continue to live my life.. trying to be the best version of me..
We may never cross paths again.. but I’m so happy he came along… so this is goodbye to a love that is so unusual and unlikely..
It’s a unique way to fall in love with someone I never had the hope of ever knowing personally..
Another serendipitous episode or chapter of my life…
How do you calm your heart when the source of your love decided to replace you.. and walk away…
How do you stop all this emotions from overflowing and drain you of all your joy…
What measures can you take to prevent you from getting a panic attack with the thought that there will never be another him and you…
How do you come to terms with it.. how do you stop the tears… how do you just get over seven long years… of memories….
How do you close your mind.. close your heart…
How do you block all that you have shared…
I need to run away.. but there is no where to run… I need to lock myself away..from the whole world… but I can’t find nowhere to hide….
I tried to be patient.. I tried to be understanding..
I tried to be positive…
But so many signs..
His lack of sharing
His lack of communication
His lack of interest…
His lack of acknowledgement…
He has become evasive…
Always too busy for you….
He only talks about hisself… he ignores anything you say to him.. his response is slow… and contain one word….
You can feel you no longer hold any joy for him… he makes you feel like a nuisance…
I guess after seven years of distance.. you become boring… and he yearn for someone more exciting.. more fun.. more appealing.. more interesting…
And you have to admit that this make believe world of fantasy could not last forever…
And you have to gracefully bow out and Continued to live your life in dreams of yesterday’… when love was so good… when the world was a happy place…
And you just hang on to those happy times.. and through the tears.. we smile as we reminisce.. and remember.. we had it all. For just a moment…
SHATTEREDHEART !!!
Seven years of blissful memories.. when we share our world…so much that they become intertwined… and to untangle it now is going to be hard…
Letting go will be hard.. and getting used to not having him as part of my daily life..going to be a big challenge … but all good things must come to an end …
OMG 😳… baby I just doze off for about an hour.. and I woke up from a dream about you.. my heart is pounding so hard against my chest.. I was so sad..
I dreamt that I saw you talking to someone and I asked you if you were connecting with someone else on line… and you got mad at me for asking you that question…
And answered angrily…. what then .. if I am…
So I insistently asked you… are you baby?!!!
And you admitted that you are.. and you repeated.. what then.. ???!!you were so mean to me…
I didn’t know what to say… so I turned away and said… I will let you know later…
But I turned around and said.. what then???!!! I shook my head.. while you looked at me.. and nodded your head… looking at me defiantly…
I walked away and closed this door behind me.. I sat there and started to cry 😢 knowing that it was the end of us… what then i asked myself…
I then realized that this is you . Who you are.. this is your joy… this is how I met you.. this is what you do for entertainment…
Why would I think it would stop with me… you no longer find me appealing. Or attractive… I’m ugly.. I looked in the mirror and I saw this big fat ugly person looking back at me.. and smashed it…
And it’s like the door flung open.. and everyone was looking at me and laughing…and I looked up and saw you with this most gorgeous girl.. almost like a younger version of me… and you were kissing her.. and as you hugged her close to you..
You look over to me.. smiling… as you hugged her closer… and then I was on a ship 🚢 sailing farther away from the shore and you watched me go .. and smiling as you caress your new found girl…lovingly
And as I fade-away in the ocean the tears 😭 was flowing… and I just sink to the ground and hugged my knees to my chest… sobbing .. knowing I finally lost you…
I could hear you laughing… I could see your scorn… I was so jealous.. so envious… felt so rejected.. felt so damn ugly…
And I woke up sobbing 😭… and my heart pounding 💓….
WE PLAYED EVERYDAY FOR THE FIRST TWO WEEKS… ERICA AND I GOT MOST OF THE PLAYTIME.. WE HAD JENNY JOINED OUR GROUP ABOUT A WEEK AFTER BUT SOMEHOW SHE ONLY SERVED TO ADD SPICE TO OUR SESSIONS.. SHE WAS A VERY SENSUAL ADDITION… SHE NEVER PLAYED ACTIVELY WITH US…BUT HER PRESENCE WAS ALWAYS THERE…
NELLY ALSO WAS NOT ABLE TO PARTICIPATE TOO OFTEN AND ONLY JOINED US OCCASIONALLY… SHE WAS A BLAST TO HAVE HER INVOLVED… SHE WAS INTO THINGS WE WERE NOT… FIFTY SHADES OF GREY… AND SO SHE BRINGS AND INTRODUCED THESE ROLE PLAY IN AND WE ALL GO FOR IT…
We were all in sync, enjoying each other as lovers and as friends… The angels were humorous and so was FOREST… he was having a ball with the four of us… He kept us horny and if he couldn’t play he would send us very provocative and stimulating videos..
we all grew attached to him in our own way… we found out beneath and behind his sexual facade… that he really was a nice compassionate and sweet man..there was more to him .. surprisingly …We try not to get too personal though…
The angels were talking among themselves; (forming of “HELL ANGELS”) and sharing personal information….with each other and becoming fast friends… It was here we learned and talked about our personal struggles and our everyday happenings… encourage… inspired.. motivates….. and form a lasting bond..
So back to “FOREST ANGELS”….
Forest hit us up with a good morning angels…
-erica:.. goodmorning my irish cream…
-Jenny: morning my sexy peeps…
-Nelly: good morning forest…
-You: Good Morning Sweet Lover and angels..
-forest: what you all doing ladies???? Horny as fuck…
– You: Oooooh forest.. I’m here daydreaming of your hard.. Stiff….Juicy..,rock hard.. Cock Just pumping my Hott soaking wet pussy.. As it clenches and gripping that nine inches fuck meat.. Enjoying you thrusting and raming that cock deeeep… And haaard… Moving and pushing into you..as you hold my hips.. Pulling me in .. Aaaah.. Oooooh .. Fuck me lover….
– You: Fuck me gooooooddOooooh…
– Forest: ooh yeah wendy.. I’d be Fucking ramming that juicy cunt…
– Erica..,: I’m so wet… come and play with us master…
– You: Yeeeaah. Yessss Yessss….Don’t stop!!!….Erica.. Come here baby…
– Erica..,: Yes ma’am
– Forest: Yeah… angels..that’s it…
– You: Slide under my mouth
– Forest: Let daddy watch y’all fuck each other
– You: Let me taste you….. Mmmmmm
– Forest: Stroking my fucking cock… so hard… suck that pussy wendy…
– Erica..,: Mmmmmm yes… feels so good.. daddy you love how wett I am for you..
– You: Wett…..Juicy… lover come kiss some of this tasty juice off my lips…
– You: Hand me that silver bullet… Let me fuck you as I lick and suck your big engrossed clit…
– Erica..,: Oh yes angel..pleeeassseee????
– Forest: Good girls…. daddy love when you love each other…
– You: Daddy o.. stick that hard cock in Her mouth… Fuck her face…
– Erica..,: Yes daddy… I need your cock….
– You: I’m slowly putting this silver bullet in.. inch by inch…loving how it vibrating…
– Erica..,: Mmmm…. it’s driving me crazy baby…
– You: Rubbing your thighs… as they shake with anxiety and excitement…
– Forest: I mount your fucking face
– You: Mmmmmm…lover.. you look good in her mouth…Tastsy…
– Forest: Show me a pic of your open mouth
– You: Mmmmmm.. Suck his big cock Erica as IM Fuckiin you deep and hard.. All the way in… and all the way out… slowly…. And again in hard.. Deep…
– Forest: Take this man meat you naughty lil angel…
– You: Make her gag…Hold her throat… help it down…
– Erica..,: Photo
erica send the photo he requested…
– You: put it down deep …she can take it. .. Suck that cock Erica…
– Erica..,: Mmmmmmmmm… (licking… sucking and loving how he taste)
– You: Milk that cock… Look so tasty… Mmmming… kitty is begging for some… she is twitching fervently…
– Erica..,: Choke me with it daddy
– You: Erica I want to feel this vibrating silver bullet in my kitty..
– Erica..,: Mmmmmm…..I’ll put it there..
– You: I love the way it looks in you…
– You: daddy fuck erica while she use that silver bullet on me…
– Erica.., :yesss Daddy .. fill me up with your hard wett throbbing dick… and make me squirt all over you…
– Forest: Fuckin balls slapping your chin as I fuck your mouth
– You: come over here lover.. Fuck my ass as she fuck my pussy
– You: Oooooh yeah.. Erica reahed up and squeezed his hanging balls.
– Erica..,: Yumm….slap my face daddy
– Forest: You want some fucking cock in your ass my lil angel..
– Erica..,: Yes daddy
– You: Yessss!!!!Please sweetlover….My ass is winking…Begging to be fucked…Pleeesse … now..
– Erica..,: Photo …
Erica sent a photo of her beautiful sexy ass…
– Erica..,: Ass in the air take it… I’m ready for you master.
– You: Mmmm … let’s Switch it up… Mine then yours…. but Fuck me first please…
– Forest: Face down ass up my lil sex slaves.. Reach back and pull your fucking holes open…oooh yesss…
– You: Plunge all that nine inches in.. I’m Pulling wide..
– Erica..,: Yes daddy ooooooooo
– You: Aaaaaaah… Yes… love the feel of that glorious man meat…as it slide in and out….
– You: Kiss me Erica?
– Erica..,: Muahhhhhh…
– You: Slap my ass daddy….
– Forest: Fucking spitting on your assholes
– Erica..,: Oil us up daddy… make it slick and slippery…
– You: Make it sting….put a finger in mine as you do erica..
– Forest: I’m gonna stick my fucking tongue in your asses….Cuz I’m that fucking nasty….
– You: Ooooh yeah… be very nasty lover… make us gushed…
– You: Be nasty….Be very nasty….
– Erica..,: We like you nasty…stick a finger in my snatch as you lick my asshole….
– Forest: Stretching your assholes open
– You: Lick this butt hole
– Erica..,: Spank me red daddy
– Forest: Then start tongue fucking
– You: Yessss – Here you are… tongue fuck me…
– Erica..,: Bite me…
– Forest: Back and forth…. Fucking slapping asses hard…
– You: Oooooh godddd….I’m Cummin… don’t stop lover…
– Forest: Mmmmmmmmm yesssss…. glaze me…
– You: Oooooh Shiiiiiit!!!!!
– Erica..,: Mmmmmmmm…..hurts so good
– Forest: God I fucking love your assholes…
– Erica..,: Love your cock daddy…
– You: Oooh yeah. Love that tongue tooo…
– Erica..,: Harder and deeper
– You: Lick it.. Fuck it
– Erica..,: Photo …
a another photo from erica….
– You: Use your fingers in mine lover….
– Erica..,: This ass hole is loving your hard cock as it darts in and out….
– Forest: Yesssssss…. Darting my tongues in an out your fucking naughty assholes…
– You: Put a finger In my pussy too – Ooooooohhhhhhh…yesssss….
– Forest: Start finger fucking both your holes
– Erica..,: Reaching under and rubbing my clit
– You: Yeeeaah
– Foest: Finding those gspots
– Erica..,: Mmmmmmmmmmm
– You: Mmmmmm
– Forest: Tweaking the fuck outta them
– Erica..,: Make me squirt daddy
– You: Oooooh foooorrreesssttt
– Erica..,: Ooooooooooo mmmmmmmmmmm
– You: Fuck me.. Fuck me. Fuuuuccckkkk meeeee
– Forest: Faster and faster fingers tickling your gspots
– Erica..,: I’m cummmmmmmming
– Forest: Fucking cock lovers.
– Erica..,: Mmmmmmmmmmmmmm
– Forest: I fucking love yall
– You: Oooooh Fucckkk Yeeeaah
– You: Don’t stop
– Forest: Ready to get your asses plugged?
– You: I’m Cummin again…. Plugged it… fill it up with cock…
– Erica..,: Love you too lover…..Yes daddy…
We played for another half-an-hour taking turns with Forest… we had such a good time making virtual love with each other… Nelly join in later on and we played a scenario with forest tied up and we teased him to the limit … make him watch us do each other with a strap on.. while Erica oil him and touching him closely but not fully … putting her lips so close and blowing on his hard bobbing cock.. him hiesting his hips so high urging her to take him in…
then nelly straddled him and tease him with touching the tip of his cock with her kitty and moving away while she dribble juices all over him… he was oozing precum and bouncing in excitement…
Erica was on his face with her kitty in his mouth… her eyes closed… enjoying his tongue as it lick and dart in and out of her oozing wett juicy cunt.. she was fucking his face as he groan with slobbering sounds…
I proceed to love on his chest biting and nibbling on his nipples moving down to his belly button and kissing his groin area … rubbing my thumb ever so gently under the tip of his cock.. and …O.M.G.!!!!! he shoots his spunk with such a force hitting the ceiling and all over my face… Nelly start to stroke his pulsating cock… and Erica came over… squeezing his nuts and gently rubbing them…
forest squealed with pure pleasure and cum again spewing more spunk as he jerk and shaking in divine ecstasy…
Jenny pop in ever so often with a comment here and there… “damn hott”…. “Give it him angels”….ect. ect.ect…
Our playtime lasted continuously for a little more than a month… and one day we came on to find forest being suspended… The angels was devastated and we misses forest so much… We were all mad and so angry that someone reported him and got him suspended.
But we all had each other to talk to … Forest came back a week after but he was not the same and Nelly has left the group.. then Jenny and it dispersed… The Hell Angels was still intact and we continue without Forest…. Who by then has changed his profile and stop communicating with us… The fall of “FOREST ANGELS”….
We all were a little hurt by his actions… but we all accept it knowing it was a game to us and it was over…
The angels stayed together up today… we all meet in Louisiana… we had a blast of a time getting to know each other personally… We always give thanks to Forest for bringing us together.. It’s a very strange way for a lasting friendship to form… but it is a bond that was creates by four girls with all similar likes… and common attitude…
We now encourage each other.. cheer on each other… love each other… and be there for each other… not a day go by we don’t say Hi and connect…So here’s to the four “Hell Angels” that fly together…WENDY….. ERICA….NELLY….JENNY…
Patrick is from the Netherlands… he loves to cook.. he is very creative in the kitchen and can make the simplest of dishes seem utterly delicious…
He takes great pride in preparing these scrumptious recipes… and his presentation is delightfully appealing and mouth watering..
He can always create a desire to crave…. by just featuring his meals..
He is happiest when he is creating a recipe to delight his family… and to help with creating the best atmosphere and the perfect mood … he find his favorite upbeat songs to play… singing along with joy as he busily finishes his dish step by step.
He truly enjoy preparing his dishes with so much pleasure he includes his favorite upbeat songs singing along with joy as he busily finishes his dish step by step….
He is One most amazing Dutch chef Who prepare the most delicious 😋 dishes….
Join me as he share this dish he called….
PROTEIN POWER…
This is a chicken dish… first step..
Chicken with onion
Boneless chicken cut in small pieces..
Add onions
Added optional ingredients… green peppers..( paprika) bacon…
Put some eggs to be boiled .. the amount by choice… will be used as a garish or topping…
Let simmer on medium heat… until fully cooked..season to taste…
Fix a green salad of your choice …. such as …
lettuce…. spinach……
Prepare eggs to top dish.. serve and enjoy… a peanut sauce could be use to bring it all together…
So please enjoy this simple ..protein packed dish.
It’s so easy to create a world of make believe to suit your situation…. the heart tend to give the impression that love can conquer and break down every barrier…
It pushes those endorphins through every vain of you body deriving from that rush of adrenaline you get from your bond of connection…
Every emotions you feel… every desire you get… seems so real.. enough so you believe it… and the distance between you closes in… so much you can feel their touch… and all of a sudden your make believe world is created….
MAKE BELIEVE WORLD
Getting emotionally invested.. and getting your heart entangled with someone you will never know… is not recommended….
Because even though you think it’s All innocent and no real harm is committed…when you are pushed out or pushed aside… to make room for someone new.. it still hurts in the same capacity as it was real…
It’s not innocent then…because you become so hurt… you know it’s harmful to those emotionally involved….
Losing their attention and their interest.. is devastating… and so unbelievably surreal … as much as you know that this relationship was never going to materialize.. the emotional investment makes it so hard to willingly walk away….
Getting used to to connect every day allow it to become unbearable not having this privilege anymore…. you form this remarkably affinity…and even though it’s a waste of energy to get all emotional about something way out of your control…
It does have this effect on you… you automatically have uncertainties… follows by doubts… and fear of losing your best friend..
The question is … do you still exercise explicit trust…continue to share… maintain communication… CHANGE NOTHING… and hopes NOTHING CHANGES…
Hope the the bond you created is strong enough to withstand.. the pressure of someone new.. ..
But how much can your heart takes.. will you able to pretend that it’s all good…and ignore the lack of interest and the lack of attention… while secretly being patient with the hope that it wears off soon and he will come back around to you….???
Give them space.. free them up to enjoy their newfound interest… if he really likes you.. he won’t stop.. he is just a little distracted right now with the splendor of the newness… but not everything that glitters is gold…
And if it is meant to be.. if all those memorable moments are special… they might miss you if you give them the space to do so…
It takes a Patient man to ride a donkey… without trust and understanding.. their is no relationship…
There is a kind of thrill… that comes with intriguement …mixed with a surge of excitement.. when you connect with someone from around the globe…
You get to learn so much.. from their language..to their culture.. their historical facts.. first handed… and then you learn everything there is about that one person you are connecting with…
No matter the platform of communicating.. in the beginning.. it fun to talk and learn… the more you connect the more you know each other as is… you figured out there personality and sometimes you find you have this strong connection…
And if you fall for someone’s personality… then you definitely fall for them.. looks is never important when you like someone for their personality..
But…
What destiny was it that pull you together… and make your world collided…how did you happen to cross paths… that allows such a beautiful connection…
Of course it’s not everyone you meet this way… is going to have this results or affects you in the same way…
But…
On rare occasion someone finds this connection.. and over time . It is proven that words and sharing.. is a powerful magnet… and before you know it.. you are emotionally invested… with someone you don’t even know on a personal level….
And when the heart chooses to get involved… it becomes a huge challenge emotionally…. and here is where the fantasy world begins….
How do you stay logical and practical.. and realistic…
Especially if there is no hope of a real relationship to materialize… yet letting go or walking away is not an option… because just the thought of stopping communication and breaking connection causes excruciating pain.. and you know it would be devastating….
How long is this fantasy gonna last before one of the party losses interest…
We get so caught up living in our fantasy world.. that we begin to believe in it… we tried to hold on to it like a lifeline… so blinded to the true fact of the matter… that none of this is real unless you both decided to make it so..
No relationship can survive in fantasy land… yes two words can collide.. and you experience serendipity…
But ..
Unless you both make it real by Uniting.. be prepared that it’s only a matter of time before this fantasy world collapses. And crumbles…
HEART CRUMBLING…
Leaving you with only memories of yesterday… wondering what happened to the love you knew…. a connection based on fantasy will never survived…
That broken heart 💔 is very real though… it comes with intensity…. and you are crushed just the same… your heart doesn’t know distances… the love you feel is real and genuine…
LOST LOVE 💕
So you just have to remain realistic… be practical… and exercise some logics… don’t go expecting the impossible… when it’s way beyond your control…
Building a relationship is never easy… when you meet someone… there is a sweet kind of excitement.. and the desire to be with that person is always in its strongest mode…
After the novelty had worn off… and that special sweetness has dissipated.. you have to find reasons and ways to keep the relationship alive..
You are now emotionally invested.. you lost some of the attention.. those with insecurities will tend to feel neglected.. lose their confidence… and start to have all the negative thoughts possible…
But…
What do you do to retain your status.. and not push away the party with all kinds of petty.. childish and immature behaviors…
Two main virtues that is required … in my personal experiences and in my opinions.. is…
Trust and Sharing…
Yes they are lots of other attributes needed…such as… understanding…. patience… self love… confidence…and trusting his love…
It’s pretty hard when it’s a close personal relationship… when life takes over.. it’s hard to adjust when one partner doesn’t have the time for another .. and their time is totally consumed with everything but you….
All the wrong emotions surfaced .. you started to question everything… doubts became a second nature …. you began to fear losing…, fear of rejection… your bubbly personality is replaced with doubts… and distrust..
Some walked away prematurely.. because they fight with their hats…
Some push away and shut out… the other… then build a barrier around themselves….
Those who don’t have the courage.. or can’t find the strength to leave.. stay and bring misery to the relationship.. and no matter how much the other try to persuade them that it’s all good . They refused to believe .. and can not be convinced to change their thoughts…
Eventually…. the relationship can’t withstand the pressure and fall apart…
Then there is the scenario of a long distance relationship… this is where sharing and trust plays a vital and crucial role in the relationship…
It takes a vast amount of trust to make this relationship works … and good communication is the only connection… sharing each other worlds..is all there is…
And everything is perfect as long as there is open communication..
But..
What happened when one partner decided to stop… become evasive… stop having time for the other… they can be seen online.. but they are not connecting with the other…
This is where trust has to be applied with extremity … but how do the affected party deals with this on a personal level…
They are aware that they can’t control what the next do with the distance in between… they have to be practical and somehow logical.. that they are not the only thing in their life….so they have to give room and space to allow them the freedom…
I guess you just have to make up my mind to share them and their attention…. Sometimes… and fully applied your Faith of trust..
they have to learn that there’s so much more to their life than just communicating with them….
You can’t get too selfish.. with them… because all you really have between you.. is sharing and trust… and you have to trust them explicitly … And continue to do so .. unconditionally …
You have to give them space to have fun and fully enjoy their other connections..
Yes.. it’s gonna hurt your feelings… and you might feel a surge of jealousy..
But you have to suffer in silence.. pretending you are strong … give them the impression that you truly trust them.. let them think.. what you don’t know won’t hurt you…
Let them have their laugh…
Time will tell… you may have to walk away eventually… but don’t do it too immaturely…
Take time to make sure they have fully lost all interest and it’s just not a case of being too busy. Too tired.. just need some alone time..
Don’t be too hasty and impulsive… you might live to regret your choice… and don’t voice your negative concerns…
“ Change nothing… Nothing will change…
We do let our minds and thoughts sometimes take control of us … but we need to block out all negative emotions.. especially if they are just circumstantial… and not concrete evidence…
Exercising trust is very vital to any and every relationship…
Sharing is also essential.. because then each will be assured… and build better trust..
…..In the evening after my doctors visit I sent a text jokingly …telling him that I got a script that only he can fill, and I need to get it fill now.
He laughed … thought I was funny. Then he asks, “what u doin?
I replied that I would love to do him.And that I wish he was here with me.
His response took me by surprise. I really didn’t expect him to play along with my humor…
“Yea me too, but I got the kids with me and they are eating.”
That little text made me feel so special and it leaves me hopeful that he was starting to like me. This is the closest we ever come to talk about us being together, ever.
I text back telling him I understand, and ask about the kids. And if he got to pay his insurance.
He said, “They are ok, and yea I paid it thanks. I needed that.”
After we finished our conversation . I sit there smiling… I was feeling connected to him and hopes that our little dialogue means that he is finally appreciating my friendship.
I play over in my mind our little conversation and my heart was singing with joy because it seems like we are getting closer.
I still had my doubts but talking to him leaves me with some hope. I did not hear from him next couple of days. I did not try to contact him either because I knew he got his babies with him and it’s the weekend and he got all that to do. The studio; the club; the shop ect.
The week came and past without any communication with him… I was a little disappointed that my hopefulness was crumbling… I guess with him it’s just passing through… until next time… I just tell myself I will just take it as it comes…
I guess He felt my mood, because he text me that day,
“Wassup, Iam good. I am at the park with the kids.”
I was at work so I could not talk to him…
(You see, I was trying real hard, too hard to be practical & realistic about his feelings. I was thinking for him. I was so busy telling me that I’m just a fling to him and that he couldn’t or wouldn’t feel for me like that; I may have miss his true feelings for me and instead of me asking him I presumably have the answers…and let my casual attitude do the talking.)
He texted me a few days after…informing me that his phone got wet and he just got it replaced. That’s why He did not respond to my texts.
I felt a little bad about my thoughts…. then. I was quite pleased that he connect with me though..
I find it so amazing , how good it makes me feel to just get a simple text from him.
And I asked myself????….Why is he so damn special? What about him that makes my heart jumps for joy and do a somersault….Why do I place so much importance on him? WHY?
when I think of him it creates the sweetest sensation that run through my whole body. It is this tingling feeling that gives me goose pimples and makes me shudder. I love the feeling.
I heard from him a couple days later,letting me know how busy he was…
I asked him how does he get all this energy from, and that he need to tell me his secret.
. Of course he tries to educate and advice me. He said,” don’t rush or worry, just be cool and enjoy what u work so hard for.”
He also said, “ Im sometimes very tired… I just save it by taking my time.”
I was amused by his statement so I smile ….He doesn’t realize, one of the reasons I liked him so much, and find him so attractive is because he is so Full of energy & life.
And I sit there thinking…..I don’t want to lose him, but how am I going to keep him to me. I don’t have what it takes.
I find myself smiling thinking of MYLOVE-LOVE. He can always put a smile on my face. Wish I could have him close to me so I could just hug him real tight and get one of those juicy kiss of his. Sure love to kiss him so.
The next day…. to my utter delight I got my wish . He came to see me, and OH MY GOD!! It was so good to have him here.
When I open the door and saw it was him.. my face lit up.. my heart leaps joyfully… I was really speechless.. but he stepped in the door.. scoop me up… and humorously say…
Girl just don’t stand there… you know what I came for. ??? “…
He reached the bedroom by then.. gently flung me onto the bed.. playfully jump beside me.. using his lips he started to tickle me on my tummy and sides… I was laughing really hard.. and when I laugh that hard I become weak..
I had to beg him to stop… he did but his lips found mine and he parted my lips with his and kiss me ever so sweetly and deeply… he pulled me closely to him and held me tightly as he could as he continue to kiss me emphatically and explosively….his lips feast on mine…
I lay there in his tight hug.. fully enjoying his amorous kiss.. feeling my body melting in his embrace…
He came up for air and he pushed me on my back as he began to undress me placing light affectionate kisses each step of undressing me… he got off my top and started to nibble on my nipples as he used the base of his palm to massage kitty through my pants…
Kitty was reacting fiercely to his touch.. and I could feel her quickly building to a rupture..
I covered his hand with mine holding his in place as he gently rotate in circular motion…
I softly whispered please don’t stop.. as I heist my hips to meet his hand movements..I felt kitty rising to explode and began moving faster as I urge him on with my hand to match my movements.. he kindly obliged… and kitty reached her peak and blasted off so forcefully that my hips was thrown into the air..
Leaving me screaming his name.. and loudly exclaiming.. yes!!! Yes!!! Ooh yesss.. baby.. baby.. oohhh babyyyy…
I lay there trying to recover from that demoniacal climax… as he hurriedly finished undressing me… he placed my legs on his shoulders and quickly and easily enters me.. kitty felt that hard rock of man meat… and she was ready to cumm again…he thrusts twice and she was sent in another powerful orgasm…
She was clenching and gripping him.. as she climax in blissful ecstasy… this cause him to reach his point of no return as he made one last deep final penetrating thrust…with a huge grunt of great pleasure he burst open and flooded kitty with hot spunk.. he kept jerking for a few seconds as he spurts every drop…
We were both soaked in our sweats and juices… he rolled off me onto the bed breathing as if he just run a marathon… I was not doing much better..
He looks over at me.. smile.. and said..
” girl that was definitely worth coming over for..”
He reached over and playfully disheveled my hair… then learn in and kiss my forehead ..
And said… ” you are amazing … and I jokingly responded… ” yep.. intoxicatingly delicious…”
He giggled and nodded…” yeah.. I would say so”…
We lie there with the covers on us… for a while talking… he asked me if he could smoke a cigarette.. and I allowed him the privilege.. ..
Then he got up and went into the shower… I went in to join him.. offer to do his back.. he was a little distant so I refrain from initiating another sexual session…
He got dressed as I sit and watched him.. I guess I was a bit sullen because he stopped for a moment to asked me.. why do I look so sad…
He hugged me and pulled me to him and said.. I have to go… but I’ll be back..
I looked up on his face smile. Nodded… and bury my face into his chest… and he held me for a few minutes. Then apologetically said he has to go..
I reluctantly let him go… and got up and pulled me up with him.. hugging me as we walked towards the door…
He left me with a luscious kiss a a promise that he’ll see me soon…
His loving was so intense and affectionate. I was left
wondering if he is feeling more for me.
I try not to get overly excited because I could be wrong, I wanted to ask him about ‘us’…but couldn’t get the nerves to… afraid of hearing his answers…
I ‘m thinking…. when he loves me like that though… how can I help but love him … I hoped him coming here tonight means that he liked me some and I prayed, “Dear lord make it so”.
In all my adult life.. all the connections I have form.. have ended with a broken heart 💔….
Rejection is one emotions… I became familiar with…. I have cried many a tears .. after being crushed by a lover… I have experience excruciating pain… from being rejected..
CRUSHED
Rejection.. brings and conjured up so many negative thoughts … feelings… and emotions… especially when you are totally invested emotionally….
For some reason… I will be the perfect girl.. until I’m face with rejection. I have never learnt how to deal with this one emotion..
My first reaction is is to run.. get away from the person and the source..I get discouraged… I withdraw in a shell… I become timid. Unsure.. I lose my confident composure..
I get scared of losing.. but don’t know how to hold on… I’m always ready to run…. I pull away.. I stop communicating.. afraid of the answers to any questions I may asked….
What do don’t know won’t hurt you..
What the eyes don’t see…. the heart won’t leap…( get hurt 😢)
All my life… I yearned for someone to love me.. just love me unconditionally ..
Okay .. got married three times.. all ended for some reason or another..
Had a few flings in between and after… nothing permanent…after all fails …..
I decided to try online… I mess up here too.. my first time was a big disaster… the second.. third.. ect.. was not better… still come away with a broken heart…
WORLD APART
I found I have a way with words….. i could use my words to persuade any situation… when I started online… I had many admirers who genuinely likes me… because of what I have to say…I guess I didn’t know the power of my words … and what a huge impact they have…I tried to control the connections until my heart decided to step and get involved…
I find it very hard to keep my emotions out of the equation… I easily catch feelings… I’m always so vulnerable… even though it’s not on a personal basis.. it just virtual.. I struggle to maintain a causal connection… at first I thought I was able to do this without becoming emotionally involved… but before long…I prove myself wrong…
I decided I’m no good at this so I gave it up.. before I had completely dissolved my accounts..I had this one guy that I really liked.. and he said he likes me too…
He suggested we switch corresponding platforms and I agreed.. then he asked me to be exclusive to him.. I again agreed…
I was not having much of fun anymore anyways… and I really like this guy… he was not a fake.. he is as real as they come .. and he communicate with me everyday and he always responded to me no matter what…
I love this and the attention it creates..I really believed he likes me… he started to share his world with me.. so much I grew accustomed to talking to him everyday…
Before I know it .. 7 years has passed… nothing has changed.. except.. for some unknown reasons.. my feelings began to escalate… I realized I’m demanding more of him… yet most days He spent talking to as I wake up and reach out to him.. till he goes off to sleep..
He never ignores me… but I find myself doubting him… for no apparent reason….I’m getting so insecure… and me .. I’m so crazy… expecting him to sit on that phone and talk to non stop…
OThere is .. 4500 miles between us…he has a complete life.. he is not lacking in any department..
He has his family.. and he’s very much involved in their lives.. he got his job.. his friends. His hobbies..
And he has me.. and maybe. Others… an online connection… why he choose to continue to talk to me and share his world… I really don’t know..
But.. I’m not even someone to him..
I’m something.. a connection from another continent.. who thinks he’s most perfect man.. who value all his suggestions.. lessons.. listen intently to his stories and believe every word he said without query… who gets involved in his hobbies… I’m his biggest fan..
I’m not a permanent fix in his life.. I’m not essential to him. I don’t add anything to his life.. he already has it all..
So if I’m not there anymore.. it will never affect him… he can easily cut ties without a second thought…
And this is what hurts so bad… to know he doesn’t need me…
on the flip-side. There stands me..
I’m single… kids grown.. retired ..not much friends.. zero hobbies… so I look to him for entertainment.. I Cling to him for emotional support…. I need him to brighten my day…to give me something to look forward to…. I crave his attention.. I get so involved in his world and his hobbies just so I can stay connected to him….
So now I’m left to step way back and suppressed all this romantic emotions that I choose to develop .. creating the emotional havoc on my heart…. I need to back off and drop it all if I want to continue connecting with him…
Because he’s practical enough to know that this is just friendship. It can not be anything else so why start something that could never materialized….
Yess .. I’m overreacting.. I’m overthinking.. I’m crossing all kinds of unnecessary lines…
He spent hours on the phone with me.. and I’m so selfish that I doubt him or thinks he is ignoring me.. when he is not online… as if he has no life outside me or his phone..
I’m just fortunate that he loves his phone so much… he like addicted.. and so to be honest.. I abuse this… but I have to learn to give him space..
Yes my heart is breaking.. but I’m the one who is solely responsible this time…
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I figured you’d come here with a soft dick from drinking at your gf’s all afternoon, Don. I made some coffee, so can sober up while you lick me clean…
I remain in a very good mood for a few days… after our last sexual escapade … I had mixed emotions about us.. .
I know that our relationship is restricted to being causal.. but my heart got so entangled emotionally that I was silently hoping that he likes me more than just.. “ Friends With Benefits….”
My mind was consumed with thoughts of him…. I find myself thinking of nothing else but him. After that incredible loving from him I yearned for the next time…I was becoming insatiable with the wants of him… I realized that everytime I get the pleasure of his company.. I become so more obsessed and infatuated 🥰 with him….
The weeks went by with no connection from him.. I was a little disappointed as usual but I now know not to expect much… it’s always on his term…I did not try to communicate either.. so after two weeks I tried.. but got back no response….
I woke up one morning with a episode of a panic attack.. of course I immediately associate it with him… I was tempted to call him just to check up on him… but my fear of rejection made me decided not to… this went on for two days…and my overactive mind made it worst..
I started to play all kinds of negative scenarios in my mind .. to the point of believing them to be true…
Then to my greatest pleasure. And relieve….I received a text message from him..
“ what up…??? How have you been..??!!!”
I immediately answer without much hesitation… we spoke about him and this barber course he was supposedly doing .. trying to acquire a license….
I asked him if he’s In school and he let me know that he was off that day… we talked for another minutes or so.. I wanted to ask him to see me.. but somehow I could not conjured up the courage…
I was still very happy that he got in touch with me.. my fear of rejection was so high that I Was afraid to approach the subject of us.. I was so afraid of his negative response that I rather not say anything.. even though it was killing me to ask…
It leaves a smile on my face to hear from him.. and I was there smiling and trying to think up an excuse to call him back… when.. he calls me .. I was beaming…
I love to stay connected to him… I know we can never be anything else than what we have now… and I hope it’s enough to constitute a lasting friendship… I have come to terms with us just being friendly with benefits … whenever the need arises for him..I was feeling really good about him trying to communicate with me… I was hoping it means that he’s realizing that I’m a friend worth keeping… we have spent enough intimate times together … to give him valid reasons to like me after all.
I picked up the phone and sweetly answered.. hey mylovelove….. I was smiling so happily to hear from him for the second time that day…
The smile was quickly knocked off my face… and my mood rapidly changed when he spoke..
“need a favor: I need $250 to put insurance on my car. If u can’t its ok. I got a lot going on and my money going fast.”
Ooooh maan…. wtf???? is he for real? He is asking for money .. and more money this time… I laughed out loud… I ask him, ” and when do you did need this? He replied, “by Friday or I got to turn my tag in.”
I was shaking my head in disbelief..not fully beleiving his story… so nothing has really changed.. he was just working his way around to hit me up for his financial needs… I told him to call me back at a later date. Let me check my budget…
I took the time to figure out if I really want to .. because I now realize the pattern.. he is using me. . And he’s lying to me about his real reasons for needing the money…and I wasn’t sure I wanted to oblige this time..
After debating with myself.. I decided to go ahead and give it to him.. knowing it’s one way to get to see him and get me some good loving… he was using me to finance him so I’m going play my game of tit for tat again… I will use his needs to get mine.. giving him the money will lure him into my bed and my arms… kitty was agreeing with my choice… getting all excited in anticipation.. I was visualizing having him loving me …. giving me great satisfaction and leaving me sexual gratified…
After I fully decided this is how I’m going to play it… I texted him to let him know that I have decided to give it to him…
I also went ahead and tell him it’s because I know he needs his car to get around. But reminded him that I need the return on my investment….
He says, “yea, I do thanks, I got the kids this week I can come by when I drop them off tomorrow.” And don’t worry.. I got you covered….
I told him that’s just fine….
The next morning bright and early he text me, “wassup I be over there once I drop the kids off, u up?
I acknowledged his text message to let him know I was up and it was okay for him to come by….
I really had a doctor appointment that morning.. I simply forget.. so I was getting ready to go…
It didn’t take him very long to get here… I let him in… ask him if he wanted some breakfast.. he said yes.. so I fixed him breakfast…
As I sat there watching him eat.. and being so close to him.. the sexual energy got very strong.. and I find myself not able to resist touching him…
He finished eating and as a good hostess I took the dishes to the kitchen… when I came back in.. he was sitting on the bed looking on his phone…
I went straight to him.. and place myself between his legs as I hugged him .. he willingly returned my hug….his face was directly between my breast.. and he started to nibble a little on them using his lips to tease my nipples…
His hand was caressing my butt cheeks… I bent over and find those tasty lips… and we kissed ever so passionately that I was softly uttering sounds of pleasure from enjoying his kisses…
I gently pushed him back onto the bed and he easily fell back….it seems that I always find my way on top… I slid down his torso.. to get access to his shirt so I could have my feast of his beautiful and chiseled chest….
Of course as usual he just lie there with his eyes closed wearing that face of pure pleasure…. I love on that chest in a frenzied mode…I keep working my way down to the prize… and he hurriedly… pull his pants down over his hips..
I took him in my mouth and suck on him in the same frenzied manner… I was going faster than my usual pace.. and he seems to be thoroughly enjoying it.. I was making slobbering sounds from the excess saliva that was secreted with my rapid pace…
…. kitty was begging to be petted.. and wildly twitching with extreme needs… she was losing control … so to give her what she was needing…
I stopped got out of my undies turned around and sit on him doggie style… kitty was so happy for the attention…. she clenches him in delight…I was slightly on my tippy toes as I started to ride him .. I had both hand on his thighs .. for balance and moving up and down his rock hard man meat…he placed his hand on my hips and each time I come down he would pull me in hard and hold me still for a few seconds as he grind into me..
His actions created a great friction for kitty.. I could feel her climbing closer to climaxing..
It didn’t take her long to explode like dynamite … follow closely by him…don’t know how it did it so fast and so perfect.. but he got me on my knees and finished emptying all his spunk in me…
He continued to hump me until he became too limp to continue..
Kitty was was very pleased with his choice.. because it allow her to reach another sweet climax of ecstasy…which leaves me jerking involuntary… my whole body was affected by the intense orgasm kitty experience…
I was soaked and dripping all over.. it was on the bed running down my legs.. I had no choice but to get up and headed for the shower a second time that morning…
He decided to join me.. and he made attempts .. implying… his needs for a second round.. I was very tempted to give in to his desires..but I had to get going if I was going to make that doctors appointment…. so strange that I was the one that had to get going..
I was very pleased and very happily satisfied that giving him the money was easy… I didn’t think twice about it because I got what I wanted.. and at that moment I would have given him anything he wanted..
He left me with the usual hug and kiss.. thanking me again… and with no reassurance of tomorrow … but I stopped expecting.. stop hoping.. .. I’m just gonna take him..whenever he decided that he wants to see me..
I was too much in a good mood to even feel bad for me…
I wear a smile all the way to the doctor. I had a most grandeur rendezvous with MYLOVELOVE.. kitty started twitching and getting all moist at the thought… and I smile thinking my gynecologist is gonna see kitty in her on mode…
I was glad I made the choice I did… I got exactly what I needed… I decided just to savor the moment and bask in the glory of my short lived happiness..
I didn’t heard from him all week. I was thinking all kind of negative thoughts. I thought no call… no text. No surprise here… He got the money and some loving, so I’m all forgotten.
With No communication I sarcastically Guess he’s too busy to think of me. I pay big for the lesson .. you can’t buy friendship…I Still means nothing to him, not even as friends. All that speech I gave him about keeping me close only last as long as it takes to get the funds he was after…
By the end of the week I gave up hearing from him…Still nothing from him.. he went silent again… So much for our deal, I thought..I’m the only one that wants friendship so badly that I have to pay for it.
I asked myself…Why do I feel that it is so important to be his friend that I had to pay down on it? Well! It’s obvious that he is not interested in being friends.. The only time he really stop to think of me is when he needs a cash cow… someone to use for his financial needs….
It does still bothers me that to know that he can come and love me like he does and then just walk away without a second thought…. how can a man be that cold that he can separate his feelings from intimacy…
His kisses and his loving tells me some thing completely different ..he gives me his all without reservations…
But.. it’s all a act… and I’m left confused and trying to console myself.. trying to find any little reason to convince myself that he likes me even a little bit….
It didn’t take me too long to resume back to the attitude of letting go… I developed the attitude of “whatever”… It’s been going on so long repeatedly that I kinda got used to his behaviour… I decided to carry on as is and wait until he decided to come looking for me…
I didn’t try to contact or reach out to him like I used to do.. I now know that this is his game… and he will just ignored my text messages.. and I’m tired of feeling rejected by him….
Occasionally when I get up to get ready for work I would send a goodnight text messages.. sometimes I would receive a short response ..and I would smile… but I never tried to start a conversation.. and he never offers…
After a couple weeks have passed.. I began to feel for the need of him.. I was itching for some of his loving and I secretly hope to hear from him… I was more than tempted a few times to reach out as I did in the past.. but I resisted..
I would just indulge in some self love.. while I visualized him making love to me.. and surprisingly it would ease and my pent up raging desires..
Just the thought of him and the memories of our sexual encounters would always heightened my whole body with a deep burning desire that leaves me so stimulated that I couldn’t resist but give kitty some petting to stop her from twitching and pulsating with the wants of him….
To my pleasure and delight.. a couple weeks later…I received a text messages asking me if I had work that night … I responded .. letting him know I did … it was kinda late … just a couple hrs before I had to get up…so him coming by would not be … so when he asked if he can come by.. I simply told him I have to get some sleep for work…
He did not mention any need for money.. and I was puzzled that he wants to come by… just because….I was a little disappointed that I had work…. so much I thought of calling in sick… but I refuse to allow myself to always be at his disposal…
All night I thought of him.. though…my mind and heart and kitty was at war…. and at times I wished I had called off and have him over.. so we could a repeat another night of passion… I had the chance but I blew it…. I knew there might not be another chance again…
I went home next day still with the feeling of regret that I didn’t grab the opportunity to enjoy him one more time… but…he again surprised me with a phone call that day… letting me know that that he was in studio and he was just thinking of me .. he asked how I was doing.. I apologize for the previous night.. and he assured me it was all good … and he will get me next time…
I smiled.. and chuckles a little… I told him I would love that and ask him not to wait too long…. he giggled in humor and promised me that he won’t…
We ended our conversation .. I was left with a very warm feeling that travels to some really interesting places…. I was smiling and hoping that he lived up to his promise.. I again realized that he didn’t asked for any financial assistance… and this pleases me..
Hmm .. could it be that he just wanted to see for sexual favors… is he really wanting me sexually.. without me suggesting it….I laughed out loudly… thinking.. yess … yess.. yesss. He likes me…
The following day I was off and I sit there with sweet thoughts him playing in my mind .. making my heart do somersaults… which sent electrical jolts to travel downwards and stop right between my thighs.. that sent shivers down my spine.. causing kitty to get all excited …
Now with kitty affected .. I was losing control.. so I decided to send him a text with the hopes to convince to come on over and make kitty happy…. I live to please her….
He answers.. I asked him if he okay.. trying to lead up to the point of requesting his presence… but he saved me the effort by asking me if I had work that night… I quickly told him I’m off.. and to my greatest pleasure he invited himself over… without hesitation I excitedly asked him how soon can he get here…
He quickly said.. “ I’m on my way “…
Of course I was overjoyed. And I quickly went took me a shower.. put on my best and sexist negligée… I splashed some nice smelling perfume on.. put on a little lip gloss…. I was just getting my bed all neat and nice when he rang my doorbell….
I went to let him in.. and as soon as I open the door I let out a most joyful squeal and jumped up on him with legs wrapped around his waist and flung my arms around his neck … it took him by surprise that he slightly stumbled and had to step quickly backwards to regain his balance…
I was kissing his face and just hugging him tightly… he jokingly said… easy tigress, let me get inside first.. he walked in closed the door.. with me still clinging to him… he slowly ease me down to the floor.. took my hand in his and ushered me along.. saying ,
“ come on my little vixen….” I giggled 🤭.. and said.. I’m all kinds of exotic animal tonight, eh????!!!He looks down on me.. smiling.. and pulled me to him and whispered in my ear as as kissed my neck..” uhhuh…
I just melt into his arms.. throw my head backwards. Giving him all access to lay his sweet kisses…he gently ease me onto the bed… and I found his lips with mine and kissed him ever fervently . He matches my zealousness… he rolled me over to straddle him as he lay on his back…
I pulled his shirt over his head.. and as he allowed me to ..he whispered softly.. in his sexy husky voice…love me hun…
I smile at him kiss him again on those voluptuous lips.. he kissed me very intensely as he held the back of my head, running his hand occasionally through my hair as he let out soft moans…
I moved down to his neck …., loving on him as he urges me to….sliding my body to align with his.. as I kissed his neck I gravitate my hips against his hard throbbing bulge… I slid in an up and down motion on that bulge.. as he reached down to caress my buttocks…
It was straining against his pants… so he started to undo his belt.. I slid off the bed.. as he kicked off his shoes… and I helped him out of his pants… I decided to stay where I am .. I kneel on the floor between his legs .. took him in my hand.. as I licked at it slowly.. running my tongue all the way to the shaft and back upward to find the tip again… I used the flat of my tongue to slid a few more times up and down…
He one hand on my shoulder and the next on top of my head… as he was reciting his favorite words of pleasure… shiit .. shitt.. shitt.. ooh yes . Yess . That s it baby…
Next thing I know I was on the bed . As he position me on my knees… he made one fast and hard move and he was inside my dripping soaking wet kitty…,
he pounded me fiercely bringing me to the heights of ecstasy as he pumped me full of his hott spunk… I was flat on my tummy then… with him on my back.. both of us drenched in each other sweat… as we catch our laboring breath….
I jokingly said to him.. “ my lovelove.. that was most invigorating…“
He just responded with a “ yup “…. sounding very proud indeed..
We lay there for few more minutes until we regain normal breathing.. kitty was still twitching a little .. he moved off me and lie on his back.. I turned around and took his hand, move his fingers to touch kitty.. hoping for him to bring her again to an orgasm….
He moved his hand away ever so swiftly.. and said.. “eww…” I laugh and ask him what’s wrong..
He had this look of disgust on his face as he said..
“ hun… that’s sperm.. go get cleaned up…”.. I started to laugh out really hard… as I said to him . It’s your sperm silly… I swiped a little from my legs and teasingly ask him if he wants a taste.. .
His reaction was so humorous… he got up quickly.. pulling me towards the bathroom as I was dying with laughter.. he turned on the shower and said.. “ wash yourself off..”
I couldn’t stop laughing.. I was so tickled…
I came out wrapped in towel.. and saw him smoking a cigarette… looking very relaxed… I sat down beside him.. gently rubbing his beautiful chest with my hand.. I said to him,,
All cleaned”… as I bent to place a few kisses on that irresistible chest… he looked at me and just flashed me a smile… then he did something that really made me blush… he gently touched my cheek .. and softly caress it with the back of his fingers…. I leaned my head onto those fingers.. close my eyes enjoying his touch… I then feel him cup my face with both hand pulling me towards him as he rises his face to meet mine…
He gently kisses me and softly whisperers…
“ I needed that so much… thank you !!!”
I eagerly return his kisses …smile and hugged him to me and he returned my hug with a squeeze …
I was very happy to be with him sharing this tender moment….While he is here with me nothing else or nobody else matters. I savor and enjoy him as much as I can.
Sometimes I can’t believe how much joy I derived from this one guy….
He stayed for most of the night… we made Love again.. and I fell asleep in the crook of his arms.. I woke up cradled by him in a spooning position…
I turn around and wrapped my arms around him and buried my face in his chest as I inhaled his scent and relished his warmth….I woke him up… with my movements and he returned my hug as he apologetically said he has to go..
I reluctantly let him go.. he got up .. got dressed.. as I watched him .. and begging him to stay the rest of night…
He bent over kiss me.. and said he can’t.. I got up and walked him to the door… there he gives me a huge hug , kisses me ever so sweetly.. let me go and whispered.. see you soon…
I watched him drive away.. and I smile with pleasure.. I was beaming with joy.. MYLOVELOVE Came.. stayed a little..loves me a lot… I was again totally in love … and very gratifyingly fulfilled…
So my fears and my insecurities were valid….I struggled so much with myself about confronting him about my doubts and my suspicions… and now I’m left wishing I did .. me trying to stay logical and calm .. not wanting to create any negativity…
In my head I was thinking it’s not worth losing this connection with him… I’ll continue conversing normally… I even asked him.. “ baby… please don’t stop loving 🥰 me!!!????”
He replied.. “ I will not baby…!!!”
I thank him for his reassurance and briefly let him know the fears I have been having of losing him and his love….
How I’m wishing I had address my fears at least I would have known why…..no matter how broken hearted it would have left me…
Because…
Yesterday I told him good night. And I leave him alone to sleep… come midnight when it is his morning.. I noticed he’s not online as usual… so I figured he called off work since he hurt his thumb yesterday…
Busted his thumb..
So I decided to wait a couple hours or so to write to him thinking he’s still asleep…
I was still up at 2 am… 9 his time.. and although I still didn’t see his presence online.. I thought I would send him a message before I dozed off…
And to my horror… I realize that my message was not being delivered…so I checked into it.. while becoming frantic with fear that I actually lost him for real…
The next couple of hours I was filled with anxiety.. and a dreadful sense of lost.. my heart was racing and felt like it was wrenched out….knowing I have no way of connecting to him…. I started to panic.. so much that I had to talk myself out of it…
I keep asking myself.. how can he be so mean to me.. why couldn’t he just let me know he lost his desire to stay connected… yes I would be crushed.. to the point of devastation.. but at least I would get to say goodbye ….. I tried to sleep.. but couldn’t.. each time I close my eyes I developed a panic attack… I was up all night.. didn’t exactly know what to do..
I called him straight it went to voice mail. I called him on discord.. I called him .. however fruitless it was… on WhatsApp… I was a complete mess…
I tried to stay calm .. and not going into a frenzy .. my whole world was unraveling… my heart was smashed… I love that man.. I grow so in love with him.. and now I’m gonna lose him… I was so sure…we would never say goodbye….
7 years… talking everyday…. how am I going to get past it.?????
At about 9 am I got a text message from him.. letting me know that he left his phone at home.. I did not reply immediately…
I went on a couple of hours later.. and type his name… his response was so harsh???
“ what??!!!
How could I text you when I didn’t have my phone…”
I was tempted to tell him I know that he actually blocked me….. and I wanna comment on his very angry 😤 attitude… but why add fuel to the flames… so I simply told him that I do understand …meaning… that he left his phone at home….
He was off somewhere.. not responding.. I kinda figured that he’s using a different app to communicate with his new flame… so I continue to write…
“
But maaan.. I was really beside myself. I really thought you blocked my number”…..
“Baby.. Would you like to stop connecting with me.???!!!..” I asked…
“Tell me honestly if you lost all joy with me… Would you rather me not communicating so much..
Talk to me baby… I will understand
We have been together for 6 to 7 years now . And maybe you no longer see my friendship as needed anymore…
I would very devastatingly crushed but I will understand..
I know you may also have found someone new and much more exciting to communicate with online…
All I’m asking is for you to tell me..
I never wanted to lose you and your friendship.. you are become such an important part of my world.. But I may not be able to give you all the pleasures you need from this connection….
Please talk with me.. because I have noticed how distant you are of late and I felt you drifting away.. and I feel like I’m being a nuisance sometimes….
So please , please baby.. talk to me..
This is all we have between us…”
He came back on half an hour later… and said.. “ you are not…. stop being crazy…”.
He was so evasive .. he didn’t even comment on anything I said…. he purposely avoided it all.. so I just played his game…. and reply quite coyly …
“Okay 👌 baby enough said.. It’s just so many things and thoughts went through my mind this morning.. moving forward…”
He responded with great lack of interest….”💋💋💋”
Those kisses always means that he’s really too busy with something else to be bothered…
I went on to ask about his sore thumb…. it is as if it hurts him to talk to me…
One word.. hurts…he sent e pic of his site… of course it’s the one he took for her…to show her while he communicate at work… she’s getting all my attention that was mine just last week….
I made a couple comments in reference to it… and his response was so evasive.. “ yup”..
SPICY CHICKEN WITH CREAM SPINACH….
He then sent me pics of what he was cooking… and I just played along pretending that everything is the same .. he sent the duration of his preparation with me.. and kept communicating until he finished his last bite…
HIS LAST BITE…
I made a statement that he must be so full and that he needs to fully relaxed because it’s well deserved….. and that was it… he left WhatsApp and never came back on..
About four o’clock.. I sent a goodnight text just to see if he blocked me again or not… I was not… but I know it was just too early for him to sleep.. so I know exactly where he was…
I was hurting so much. So I called everyone that was available to talk with me just so to distract my disturbing thoughts… I could feel the tears threatening to overflow.. but I refuse to give in to them…
He was never mine to have…although I was so enjoying our connection….he’s so cold to me now..I tell myself… I should walk away… but Im going to patiently give me a week or so to figure out my next move…. hopefully by then.. my heart will learn to accept my loss… and hopefully grows a callus…
Gonna miss the color he brought into my life .. but most of all I’ll miss my friend… we are never promised one more day or night…remember baby.. there will never be another you.. another me… another life for us to see…. to give each other all we did…time goes by so fast.. I want to make each moment last…. I wanted to hold on to you.. and show you all that our love 💕 could be…. I can’t and won’t let go so easily… THERE WILL NEVER BE…ANOTHER YOU…ANOTHER ME…
I’m trying so hard to be understanding… trying so hard to hold onto him… but as usual I never learn how to deal with rejection…all of a sudden I’m shy… so afraid of the answers I might get if asked…
I’m trying to give him space… trying to be patience.. but I’m so fearful of the outcome that’s awaiting me…
Two people cross paths..from two different continent… form a connection.. became friends.. share each other worlds… is it possible this Bond can developed to affect the heart….
I have an emotional affair with such a person… and we have been corresponding for the better part of six years… we talked everyday.. and I looked forward to our conversations…
There is a time difference of 5-6 hours between us … but no matter how busy he is … he always takes the time to respond to me… acknowledging my text messages…
We communicate mostly via text.. and occasionally a video call … he shared his whole world with me.. and try to involved me in his daily life…
Over the years.. I grew more and more attached to him…. and I find that my heart knows no boundaries… there is 4500 miles between us… and although sometimes I want so much to be able to touch him… I find that I can feel his presence just by having him talk to me…
I do admire him for so many reasons.. he always find something to occupy his time.. he’s very resourceful.. very handy.. especially around his house..
He’s generous.. giving.. caring and loving… he has a family.. a wife with two boys … and they all know of me…
He loves to cook.. and he often shares his menu in steps.. he loves music.. and also love to sing along… which he also shares with me..he coaches his sons soccer teams and is very involved…
He goes fishing with friends.. play video games… he is never idle.. and I love him for his versatility… he’s a jack of all trades.. he works in steel construction… and he never misses a day…
He collects swords.. and cars… he loves to take his family to adventurous venues… he a very passionate man… he loves his family… and he says he loves me…which makes my heart sings.. and put a huge smile on my face…
We have been connecting for almost 7 years..and up to this point I was enjoying the daily connection.. and I was so happy 😁 to have someone to talk to…
He included me in his online games.. connect me with most of his buddies on a chat group… and I thought he was just trying to involve me more into his life…
I was basking in the glory of feeling loved and having someone liking my presence…
And out the blues.. I find my feelings escalating… and then my mind started this whirlwind of negativity…
I started to doubt his attention… yes he still acknowledges my text messages…but keeps it limited…he’s distant… he doesn’t talk to me as much…
I’m becoming insecure… suspicious 😒.. jealous… I started to feel unattractive.. ugly… unworthy…
This guy has not given me any necessary reasons to doubt him.. but my heart is telling me that he has found another interest online…and this thought is screaming in my head…so much.. I’m becoming paranoid and anxious…
If I see him online… I tell myself that he is talking to someone else.
But..
Don’t I have a lot of people talking to .. too.. and it’s all innocent… why can’t it be the same with him.???? Why am I allowing myself to create this imaginary rivalry…
I don’t act on my thoughts though.. because I think I’m just being silly .. he is much too far off to be worried about his actions….
He got his life.. and although he chooses to make me apart of his world.. I have no control over him..
I do love him.. and as I have stated.. my emotions have escalated to a higher level.. which is proving very unhealthy…. I’m demanding more of his time… I’m stalking his chat page…I’m becoming more upset to the point of tears…
I’m feeling rejected.. I don’t think he loves me anymore…I think he’s bored 😐 with me… his conversations has become a one syllable word…
He always seems so preoccupied.. I feel like I’m always disrupting him or disturbing him .. he longer shows no interest in what I have to say…of late he seems very distant.. and very evasive..
I tried to be logical and practical .. try to be self analytical… try to be reasonable…
He’s too far away for me to be having these feelings.. and allowing them to affect me to such degree… I try to suppress these negative emotions and brush them away..
I’m behaving as if I can control him and who he chooses to connect with…
I really fear losing his friendship and this bond that we have form.. but I have a strong feeling that it’s coming to an end… and it’s breaking my heart….
The fear of losing him.. is the worst… I know in all practicality I have no choice in this matter… and I refuse to become one of those obsessive connections…. he does still talk to me and every midnight.. his mornings he would always make me know he’s up.. I look forward to his text every night.. but the last two nights.. nothing…
And my overly active negative imagination.. is telling me it’s because he has someone else talking to…
Why am I creating this negative attitude..??? Why am I after all these years.. allowing myself to reach this point…so I’m continuing to connect with him on the same level without revealing my insecurities and my jealousies….
I do realize that I have to back off with my overwhelmed emotions… let him have his fun with his new playmate… I’m just stale right now.. no more joy in me… I have used up my usefulness and longer hold his interest…
How long did I think it would last… it lasted much longer than expected… I shouldn’t forget how I met him.. he was looking for some fun with someone online and I cannot provide this anymore…
We have shared so much over the past years.. how am I going to get past him if he decided to leave… he so much a part of my existence…. I looked forward to connect with him every day…
But I can understand him drifting away.. I don’t have much to offer anymore.. and he stop suggesting or asking…. I can’t compete with anyone else…. I’m too old… he is my only one that is left…
Funniest thing.. I just come across this perfect quote..
“CHANGE NOTHING…. NOTHING WILL CHANGE “….
How ironic is that??… if I don’t rock this boat with my negativity and my insecurities… we will just keep sailing until we get there… I have been on this path for.. six years… what is so different..
And so what if he found someone else to divulge himself in…
I’m not seeing.. and what the eyes don’t see .. the heart won’t leap… he still acknowledges me.. he still answers me.. he is not ignoring me..
He is giving me the same amount of attention.. I’m only demanding more.. and it makes it seem like he is short changing me…
IF YOU LOVE 💗 SOMETHING …LET IT GO… if IT COMES BACK IT IS YOURS…
A few weeks later… I was at work at Walgreens.. apx.. 12:30am … I received a phone call from.. “ MYLOVELOVE”…. I was not expecting to ever hear from him again and I had let go of the thought of him altogether…
But…
Strangely I found I was a little excited to receive this call.. I answered… “ hello??!!”
He started off the conversation by apologizing for not getting in touch with me sooner with the excuse .. that he was super busy .. he went ahead trying to explain everything that he was into… I just listen.. didn’t exactly know what to say… I was kinda speechless..
My manager motion me to get off the phone and get back to work.. so I told him I couldn’t talk because I was busy at work.. and ask him exactly why did he call me…???
I was hoping to hear him say he misses me or he was just thinking of me .. but to my utter disappointment.. he let me know that he needs $200 ..
I quickly told him Don’t have $200 to give.. but if he calls me the next day when I’m off.. we can talk some more if he wants… I hung up feeling really sad.. I was feeling so pleased to hear from him… and I wanted so to believe he misses me some …for him to reach out to me…
His reason for getting in touch after so many weeks of silence… was only for monetary reasons… I thought about him all night.. hurt because of his true reason for reconnecting…. but smiling because I heard from him..
His voice started a reaction of feelings to emerge… and I find myself reminiscing about him and our times spent together in a romantic way… my emotions began to resurfaced.. I still wanted him.. I shuddered with the thought… as I visualized and fantasize about him sexually…
My stimulating thoughts.. sent a ripple of emotions through my whole being.. my adrenaline started to flow releasing endorphins to regions of my loins… leaving me very moist and dripping… with the wants of him …
I was left wishing he call me next day as I asked. Because I wanted him so badly that I think I will use his financial needs once again to get him into my bed… I was yearning for his touch…
I did not expect to hear from him that next day.. but again to my pleasure he surprises me with a follow up call… he again began by telling me how much he is in need of that money and how much he would appreciate my help…
I just shake my head.. sigh 😔!!! To know all he needs from me is my money.. but I’m going play my game of tit for tat… I told him I will give him the money but he will have to wait one week.. and he will have to promise to give me a little of his time…
I thought he would ask me what I meant by that demand.. but he understood exactly what I was demanding from him and he agreed… I did not hear from him all that week.. and I just figured that was it….
I wasn’t in the least surprised and I just brushed it off… hearing from him after six weeks of silence.. triggered off my buried emotions…My feelings have not changed much.. and I found myself getting all excited just talking to him… I still want him and I had anticipated and hoped…he would have stayed in touch…
By the end the week I had fully given up on rekindling any kind of romance with him… I’m only a cash cow to him right now…
I thought I would not be hearing from him again.. but he was more determined and persistent than I have thought… he contacted me again that weekend with his bullshit… about being very busy and exhausted.. and in the same breath asking me if I’m able to assist with the money he requested…
I smile .. and I gave him a little lecture about how he has been treating me.. and told him I would like for him to keep me closer and don’t lose contact with me…. he wasn’t very convincing in his answer.. he said just.. “ yea yea.. I will try.” Very nonchalantly without any conviction..
He again asked me,” so can you help me out.?” I told him yes.. but he again will have to wait another week… I really just wanted to string him along to see exactly how far he was willing to go with this …
I heard from him everyday the following week… and it pleases me to see that he was at trying to keep his end of our bargain…
Come Friday though he didn’t fail to once again remind of my promise and asked if I will be able to fulfill it.. I felt he earned it by his diligence of keeping contact all week… so I told him to come get it that next day….
I had to work .. and he texted me to find out if I was available for him to come by.. I didn’t get that text until I was on break.. he had tried a couple more times .. I guess he thought I was ignoring him.. so he wrote one last time.. saying..
“So now you don’t want to text me back???.”
I was amused with his attitude… he thought I was blowing him off and trying to get out of giving him the money I promised…. I decided not to answer him until I get home.. I wanted him to stew for a bit..
When I got home that evening I sent him a text letting him know I was at work but I’m home now.. so if he so anxiously wants the money he can come over to get it..
He response was quick.. but he informed me that he doesn’t have a ride to come by… but he really needs that $200… I asked him to let me know when he will be able to… and he in turn said.. “ he’s working on it..
I heard from him on Sunday 4:34 pm… “what u doing 2nit?” I was getting ready to get my nap … because I had work that night…
I was happy to hear from him and I was in a playful mood and so I replied, “Thinking of doing you.. “
He sent a LOL… and said that he is on his way.
So I decided to take an early shower just in case I got lucky…. I was a little excited to see him.. and I find myself anxious awaiting his arrival…
When he finally arrived.. I open the door with the brightest smile… I greeted him a shy hello.. and even though I wanted so much to hug him I resist the urge and invited him in..
He followed me as I leaded the way to my bedroom…
I know he really came for the money but just to see him and having him this close after six long weeks I would give him anything.
All my attempts to forget him.. all my promises to let go of him… all the feelings I have pushed aside and suppressed… were no longer in effect..
Just the sight of him… just having him here with me.. it’s like the last six weeks never happened… and all that matters is this burning sweet sensation that fill me with raging desires that causing great havoc to my thoughts and body..
I sat beside him on my bed… he was talking.. but I didn’t hear anything he was saying… my hands were trembling with this strong compulsion to touch him… but I was afraid he no longer find me sexually appealing…
I wanted so much to kiss him and love on him but I hesitated because I was not too sure he wanted that, but he seems to sense my desire because he started to kiss me and oh boy I will never forget the way he kiss me that night. It was with a great urgency, deep and ever so passionate. I felt like he actually misses me. I was back in love all over again. we fell back onto the bed and I slowly ease off his shirt and got my hearts desire… i was loving and devouring that beautiful chest of his.
He lie there and allowed me to… As I got lost in loving him…as my desires rises sending a jolt of this sweet sensational emotions that rushes through my being heightening my every senses….
I was in a different world. He took me to heights and places I have never been before..He loves me that night like never before and he hugs me so tightly. He came back and rocks my world…
He stayed with me until I was ready to go to work .. I didn’t sleep a wink. But I was so energized.. his most passionate lovemaking left me On a high… I was feeling like he likes me.
My heart was back again on a roller coaster .And with all this affection that he gives me; I was still doubtful and unsure of him..I know I can never hold on to him or command his attention more than just a moment…
He may disappear until he needs financial help again…
I got ready…gave him the $200.00. He drops me at work leaves me with a chups.. I was smiling all night so full of joy. My heart was singing…MYLOVE-LOVE came back to see me and gives me some good, good loving…
and although he had ulterior motives and his monetary needs was the main reason…
that loving he gave me was worth every penny (the money )… I may have paid him to … but I definitely got my money’s worth…
A STORY OF PLAYING THE COUGAR WITH A VERY UNEXPECTED TURN… ##########################################
I WILL LOVEYOU 😍 ALWAYS…..
I went through the next few weeks like a zombie. Missing MYLOVE-LOVE. Work hold no appeal and no joy for me anymore… my days were empty..I didn’t realize until then just how much him being there daily hugely impacted my attitude…
There was no sunshine … everything seems dim… I went though my emotions quietly… I would be in a daze sometimes looking off in space visualizing him being there.. reflecting on the last months .. remembering how my eyes could find him anywhere he was.. and how my heart would flutter at the sight of him… putting a bright smile on my face which leaves me gleaming with joy…
These last weeks has been long as I suffer in silence… he was a main subject of conversation.. everyone has something to say about him .. I would mostly just listen… I found out that he has been talking to Veronica.. she even boastingly said that she was the first person he called.. he seems to have spoken to everyone else too….
I was so crushed to know that he didn’t value me enough to even answer my text messages .. he doesn’t even acknowledge me… and I question this…why have he shut me out..??? Why am I Not important enough to him????.. Why was it ok to talk to everyone else and not me? After all the times we spent together and the intimate moments we shared.. I thought we were close enough fo me to deserve some acknowledgement….I thought we were at least friends…
It hurts to be ignored…
I received a small text from the second week… “what’s up stranger???!!”.. ..
I was so delighted to see that text from him.. I sent him a reply asking him if he’s okay.. and inquire what’s been going on with him… but to my great disappointment he never continued the conversation…
I started to come with terms that I’m never going to see him again… I was still missing him something awful… and although I felt I wasn’t ready to let him go.. I decided to accept my fate…. it saddens me to know that I meant zero to him.. and all those nights spent together in the most intimate ways….meant absolutely nothing…
His oldest daughter had an up coming birthday and I had purchased some little Knicknacks for her… I thought … I still would love to get them to her…
I tried to contact him to let him know and asked him via text messages… to come and get them… he did not respond immediately but I got a text from him later on …letting me know that he wants them and he will come to pick them up…
He never did..
A couple days later, I tried to call him to find out when is he coming to get the gifts.. . As much as I wanted to talk to him… I had lost interest because of his cold behavior… he answered.. then hung up suddenly… I couldn’t believe he did that.. I told myself…
“ that’s it.. I’m done.. with him …”
He was so cold and so mean and I was so hurt thinking I didn’t mean much to him for him to ignore me and refuses to talk to me.. He tries to call me later that day, I did not answer… I was still upset with him hanging up on me.. And then he sent me a text that…
Letting me know that his phone died.. and that was the reason the phone call ended.. I did not believe his lame excuse… so I did not respond to him…
I decided to give up trying to contact him… seeing that he obviously not interested to hear from me… I decided to get in touch with one of his buddies to ask to be an intermediary and get the gifts to him..
This friend… David came.. collect the gifts I had and promised to pass it on to him…. I went ahead to send him a text… informing him that I gave the gifts to David and he should collect them…
He answered me to let me know that him and David were no longer friends… oops… David did not disclose this information to me… I apologized.. and I called David to return the items… I just thought his daughter won’t get her birthday presents in this case..
A few days later MYLOVELOVE Calls me … I was a little surprised to hear from him…I answered .. he started off the conversation asking me why I didn’t just gave the gifts to Veronica.. I became very belligerent . I was very upset that he even considered this possibility…
I just tell him that .. not to worry about the damn gifts.. and him and Veronica can go to hell and hang up on him…. I was so mad.. what was he thinking…!??? I was hurt too to know that he’s still seeing her…and he couldn’t even talk to me on the phone….
Shouldn’t he know how I feel for him? Was he so blind to my feelings…. I was so hurt and so upset That day it brought tears to my eyes… .
I was thinking, how could I mean so little to him, Even though we could not be in a true relationship…I thought at the least we were friends.. How wrong I was to even think this was possible..
my emotions for him was still very strong and way more than I would care to admit… I decided not to text or call anymore and to just Leave him, be…. . I’m still missing him but it doesn’t make sense wanting someone who doesn’t return your feeling… so I will try to put him out of my mind and heart…
SOME PEOPLE ARE MEANT TO FALL IN LOVE..BUT… NOT MEANT TO BE TOGETHER…
I began to see him in Veronicas presence again… my heart sank.. I thought we were getting closer at one point.. he would playfully tease her as he passes by her… which sent a jolt of jealously through me… it would leave me so furious.. . That it brought tears to my eyes in anger…
I was a complete mess.. this should have been enough for me to walk away from him…but instead I still try to talk to him..
I was a fool for this cold. Aloof and inconsiderate guy… and with my knowledge of this.. I still longed for his touch.. his kisses and his loving…
It was a Saturday in April I got a phone call from him….asking for $40.00. My first reaction was no way… but I do wanted to see him.. I so want to be with him… so I thought… it’s a way to get to see him…. so I asked him…
“And what do I get in return for giving you this money MYLOVELOVE…..”
He asked me what do I want…???? So I told him.. “ you”…
Surprisingly.. he agreed.. so I excitedly tell him to come and get it….
And he did…
He walked in .. and I led him straight to my bedroom….I immediately started to seduce him and he allows me to… he stayed a couple of hours with me.. he fulfilled his end of the bargain.. and he gave me what I requested..
Although I instigated most of our love making.. he had no objections… and he loved me just like he always does.. I fully enjoyed our little session…I felt really good to be with him again…and while I was lying in his arms and enjoying his delicious kisses .. everything was perfect…
I gave him the $ 40 like I promised as he was leaving…he left me with a bear hug and a kiss.. and promise that he will stay in touch…
After he left I felt a bit foolish because I let myself be used by him…but I console myself by thinking that….seeing him and getting to love on him was all worth it. I was hoping that he didn’t think himself a gigolo and that I paid him to have sex with me….
Because…
That was exactly what it boils down to … I exchanged sex for money… was I so desperate for him that I allowed myself to stoop to such level.. it made all the sense in the world and I thought I was being clever and sneaky…
I took the time to wallow in the joy I got from being with him… but as usual it was short lived..
I made myself a promise that I will never again do that…. hmm 🤔…
I suspect the money was for veronie birthday. and even when its hurts my feelings…. I tried to justify my actions… telling myself again that it feel good to know he needs me for something and stupid old me thinking if I am kind to him I will win his loyalty and he will remains friends with me always…
I’m hoping I was right about this… I really want to be right…
That following Monday We worked the same shift. It was only a hour into the shift when he walked passed the front end and headed outside accompanied by one of the managers….. his demeanor was very stern… and even though he had to pass my register… he didn’t even glance at me..
The manager walked back in a few minutes later without him… I had a sinking feeling.. something wasn’t right…
I know he had an incident in the parking lot a few days before.. involving a customer.. he had accidentally hit her car with the shopping carts… she complained and he was up for reprimanding..
Could it be that they dismiss him because of the accidental incident..???!!! I tried to find out what happened with him and was told…. that he got fired…
I became so emotional.. my mind was in a whirlwind… my thoughts was going berserk… apart from being sad that he loss his job… I was selfishly thinking about us.. and losing contact with him… how am I going get through my days without his presence????!! My only connection with him is here at work…
I tried texting him to find out from him directly what went wrong…. he just completely ignores me… I got no response… this makes the more afraid and scared that I’m losing him… for the rest of the day I lost complete focus on everything.. I had to force myself to concentrate …
If only he answered me… it would ease my mind a little thinking that I won’t lose contact with him.. but he just ignored me totally…
I was in a melancholy mood all day..the end of the shift could come fast enough.. I got home and I tried to make contact again.. still nothing… I became overly anxious accepting the fact that I have lost him for good…
I lie there sobbing into my pillows.. crying for a love that was never mine…
It was created to emulate the simulation in the replica of warships fought in the 1900 to 1950 era… battles are fought in the same manner…. each player is the captain of his own vessel.. and can battle in a group /team of 7- 12 players .. or play individually…
The ships comes in tiers.. there are 10 tiers total…Most are real ships that existed up to tier 8, then it’s mainly paper ships. (That is ships that was designed but never built.. ) It’s about that ship you choose. For instance If you own a T2 ship and T10 ship in your port…If You choose the T2 ship to battle with you will be match with other T2 ships.
After T3 you can only be matched with ships 2 above or 2 below you. So a T8 ship can be mached up with T6 to T10 ships. But a T6 ship matches up with T4 to T8..
When battling with a team. The crew Usually consists of something like 1 CV (aircraft carrier), 2-3 battleships, 3-4 cruisers and 3-4 destroyers per team. They all work together to conquer and be victorious in a battle….
you have a lot of different choices and areas to choose from.. and as you get advanced with XP( experiences points)…. and learn more about how the wars of battle is played.. you will excel to own your line of fleet consisting of your choice of ship tiers.. . But this only comes with battle.. so the more battle fought the faster you move up to the next level…
When playing the game there are things to think about like angling, positioning, what type of ammo to use etc.. all this you will learn as you get into the game…
There are 3 main modes.of battles, co-op, a team of human players Vs AI( the computer), 12 on each side.. And missions that are small teams of players against a scenario..
A scenario is usually a historical battle or one that is made up by one or more players..
The winners an losers of each battle.. earn rewards… known as XP(experience points)… oil or steel… which allows you to upgrade and build structures..You can also buy very specific and stronger ships from that….
you can and is allowed to purchase ships of different tiers to add to your inventory….the complete fleet has four different types of ships…destroyers, cruisers, battleships and aircraft carriers.
All in all…It’s a very entertaining and enthusiastic game.. full of action…. and great firing skills…sharp eyes and quick reflexes…which requires great strategic planning and thinking… each play has to use tactics and knowledge to be able to conquer their opponents..
The knowledge of the navy and ships are a plus.. because it will allow you to understand quickly .. enabling you to advance at a quicker rate…
The mimp ( misfits impossible) Rebels…are recruiting anyone who would love to join up with them.. this team was form and created by some amazing Dutch guys… they are really great team players.. very jovial.. and play just for fun and relaxation..
It’s international and new members are always welcome from all over the world… the diversity is very welcome Because each person brings their own experiences and add their expertise… which only serves to strengthen the “MIMPS REBELS..”
These guys make a great team and would like to expand and build their clans.. they do have a high winning ratio… most of the members rank very high in their conquests…. they have remarkable skill in combat and knows how to maneuver the ships to defeat their enemies….
They are willing to teach every new members to the fullest…all you need is a passion for war games and a great persona for having fun… everyone is a winner in this game…
new members however has to start off slow…you’ll be advised not to…buy a premium ship … first thing off …as you need to learn the game first. The American line is the best line recommended to start on as it is well rounded, good at everything but not excellent at anything. Watch YouTube videos on the game and just have fun.
This is a very prominent member “ BLACKJACK” he post videos of the battles to his Facebook page.. he will be very willing also to answer any and every queries… he also stream the naval battles live on “TWITCH “…..
The DISCORD APP.. is use as the platform to create the community for all members…this is where all battles take place…
The rebels.. also created a group chat for their clan to allow the opportunity to communicate .. they are hoping to form a family like environment.. where everyone can share and connect with each other… it’s another community platform with a more personal effect..for “ The Mimp Rebels”…
This chat group comes with perks… such as.. you get to Share stuff, bounce ideas of people and you can get clan bonuses, like misfits give you 4% commander bonus XP per battle and 10% reduction in servicing your ship (so you get more credits basically). That bonus differs between clans as you need oil to upgrade the clans base, which you get by playing the game…..
It is worth checking out if interested in online navel battles…you can watch some of the battles on the YouTube link.. or watch it live with blackjack on FB…
Have fun… playing or watching…and don’t forget to sign up with these awesome guys at “THE MIMP REBELS “… they will love to have you aboard….
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