I was getting so anxious for him to suggest us getting together again… and I starting to believe that it’s never going to happen when…..
He asked me to baby sit for him… Of course… I was more than happy to do so, because it means being with him again. I was hoping and expecting a night like the one we had before. So i make sure the kids were all in bed before he got home… I sat there anticipating a night full of passion… and I was visualising all I would do to him.. I was so impatient waiting for him to come through that door..
Well he came home from work apx. 11:30pm . A little later than I had expected… I suspected he was with veronie some.
You see he was still seeing her and I believed they were a couple but I decided to enjoy him when I’m with him and not to mention anything or anybody to upset our time together. I did find out that she babysits those kids and even stayed over sometimes. I was so jealous and a bit mad but I remembered our deal. Just casual. . [I knew I could not compete with any young girl and I knew I had nothing to fight with. And I knew we said ‘no strings.’ I was helpless and hopeless. Here I am, wanting this guy with everything I got and couldn’t demand, command or ask anything of him.]
So he came home and was very distant and so casual… decided that he was going to sleep on the couch, I asked him where am I going to sleep. He told wherever I liked. I was not too happy about that and then he just ignored me… I then realized that he had no intention of making love to me..
So I was not going to have the same experience. He does not want me like that. I wanted to leave, I would have left but I couldn’t because he was asleep and I didn’t want to call john so late. So I just steam and fight with me all night because I was feeling neglected, rejected and lonesome.
He probably was just tired and didn’t feel like fooling around or, like my mind is telling me he does not want me anymore . I try to convinced myself with all the plausible explanations I could come up with.
I didn’t even stop to think of the kids.. I was so wrapped up in my own emotions and desires..
I’ll never know. I felt so bad I started to cry, so I got up from the couch sat there in the bathroom just beating myself up feeling like a fool, thinking why I allow myself to be treated like this. I even swear that I will never do this again.
He got up to check on the kids and saw me sitting in the bathroom, asked me what I’m doing there..not really concerned and went back to sleep. I then decided to come out and I went and lie between his legs and put my head on his tummy. That’s where I spent the rest of the night. I woke up feeling quite comfortable lying on him, nowhere else I’d rather be, but it ended soon, much too soon. I was hoping he would want to make love: I playfully touched and rub against his cock… hoping to trigger some reaction… but He didn’t make any effort towards me so I know he was not interested.
Maybe because the kids was there .. and he didn’t want to take the chance of them catching us.. I was so selfishly thinking about me… I simply forgot about the babies.
He got the kids up took them to school and me home. Was very disappointed, I guess he did not like me as much as I thought and I was convinced that was the end of us. So we had a one night stand. I wanted more, much more, but it was out of my control…. He obviously didn’t share my feelings..
I got home and analyze the night and realize that I might have over reacted just a tad..
What was I thinking.. wanting a night of passion with three babies 👶 in the house….
With all this, it was still a very joyous and happy time for me. And even though he was giving me the cold shoulder, ignoring me and dismissing me. Just seeing him use to give so much joy. It was like getting a buzz. I used to love the sensation I get just thinking of him. And I waited impatiently hoping for a next time. I would text every morning and every night. Me thinking I’m keeping his mind on me, instead I was becoming quite obsessive.
He was not responding to my text or calls. At work he completely ignores me. He spends most of his time with veronica and all the other young girls. I felt so bad for me but tell myself that ‘it’s ok, I’m too old for him anyway.’ I console myself, convincing me that I’m unable to compete for his affections. Why would he like me? But with all this I still hope for more of him. AND I PRAYED FOR SOME MORE TIME WITH HIM.
I know I should have given up… but I was like a woman who got hooked on drugs and was craving for a buzz.. I so much wanted another dose of him…
I will find a way…
TO BE CONTINUED……