I got a text on Sunday 4:34 pm. “what u doing 2nit?”

I was happy to hear from him and I replied,  “Thinking of doing you.. ”

He sent a LOL… and said that he is on his way.

He came by .  I know he really came for the money but just to see him after six long weeks I would give him anything.

We sat there talking,  but just wanted so much to kiss him and love on him but I hesitated because I was not too sure he wanted that, but I guess he sense my desire because he started to kiss me and oh boy I will never forget the way he kiss me that night. It was with a great urgency, deep and passionate. I felt like he actually misses me. I was back in love all over again. we fell back onto the bed and I slowly ease off his shirt and got my hearts desire… i was loving and devouring  that beautiful chest of his.

I was in a different world. He loves me that night like never before and he hugs me so tightly. He came back and rocks my world. I feel like he likes me. My heart was back on a roller coaster .And with all this affection that he gives me; I was still  doubtful and unsure of him..I know I can never hold on to him or command his attention more than just a moment… I may never see him again.

I gave him the $200.00. He drops me at work and I smile all night. I was full of joy. MYLOVE-LOVE came back to see me and gives me some good, good loving… and that was worth the money and I couldn’t have loved him more.

I never heard from him all week. I was thinking all kind of negative thoughts. Tuesday I thought no call or text. No surprise. He got the money and some loving, so I’m all forgotten.

WEDNESDAY: No communication. Guess he’s too busy to think of me. I pay big for a lesson, can’t buy friendship. Still means nothing to him, not even friends.

THURSDAY:  Still silence. So much for our deal, I guess I’m the only one that wants friendship that I have to pay for it. Why do I feel that it is so important to be his friend that I had to pay down on it?  Well I’m not going to get it. Not from him anyway.

I decided to reached out to him and he responded…

If he only know how much I enjoyed hearing from him or how much those little text does for me. It was almost a week since I saw him and I started to really miss him again and longing to be with him. I  doubt if I will ever see him again,  And I thought how good it was to see him again. I treasure every moment with him. If I could only keep him here forever. But I know I have no rights to him. I’m far too old to be with him. Can’t expect him to like me like that.

I was my own enemy … I have become so overly presumptuous that I tell myself how he eels and would feel without even asking or addressing the questions I have..

Over the next few days I head from him with a little text here and there… but I  just let go the thought of seeing him..

My days went by with me missing him and wanting him…. I was so sexually obsessed with him..

I have this strong desire/urge to be with him & I would do almost anything  to get the chance to kiss him. Kiss that most beautiful and sexy chest and to taste that sweet & tasty d…k of his. I need him so bad.   So very very much.   I was getting impatient and want to hear from him.

I refuses to be the one to keep trying to stay in touch with him… and as much as I feel for him and wants his touch and have this physical need that burns within for him.. I will not allow myself to  look like the fool I am…

I get so frustrated because I don’t feel I can ask him to see me. I tell myself I don’t have that right and I’m leaving it all up to him to see me if &when he wants to.  I keep hoping that he will miss my loving and come to see me for some more…(wishful thinking)… BUT….

One day after work I saw that He had sent me a text 4:40 in the afternoon. “How r u?”

I was so thrilled. He thought of me! How I wished I could see him.  I smiled..

So I text him asking how he is doing…

He responded. That he’s good just tired

. I ask him if he’s finished working. And he told me he is done but he’s going to the club to sell CD’S.

I’m always so impressed with him. To me he is so resourceful. He keeps on trying to do whatever he can do make it happen. And then he told me he was going to try to get his BARBER’S LICENSE.  So here is this   little guy full of drive and vigor, who got so much on his plate. His kids: the Barber’s shop: studio:  Lawn service.  He tries so hard and how I wish I could be of help to him.

I sent him a text telling how proud I’m of him that he started school. He told me thanks. I feel so good to get those little responses and acknowledgements. It makes me smile. It’s funny how those little texts warm my heart and give such satisfaction. As long as I can hear from him, I will be alright. I know he got his life to live and his dreams to follow.

I kinda gave up all ideas of us being together again..

Another week has passed without seeing him and I got no hopes of ever seeing him again. Sent him my GN. SWEET DREAMS.  He text back. Gn.

This has become a habit now… because it was the only communication I have with him.

But tonight I’m feeling so lost and restricted. Want to reach out to him but don’t know how to or if I should. I was feeling a strong desire for being with him.. but I just push him and it out of my mind.. it’s no use hanging on.. I convinced myself…..

I went through my emotions a  went through the next week thinking of him even having dreams of him.. continued to sent him my “goodnight” greeting before work… sometimes he responded… and I would smile…

So I have decided him put out of my mind and heart. Thought I was getting too emotional about him and acting way too frantic and love-sick. I thought A WOMAN  my age should have much more self-control, & more discipline  in action, after all I have been there done that. I should be able to let go of him. He isn’t my first rodeo…

I keep thanking GOD for allowing me the few precious times with him. {AND THEY WERE PRECIOUS} every time was special to me and I could relive every moment by moment.  I got my time with him. Isn’t that enough? So why do I longed for more?  Why do I ask for more? Why can’t I just let go of this feeling and be happy that he gives as much as he does?


So I decided to give him all up… and “hahahaha”

guess who text me that Thursday July 1st? 7pm…. MYLOVE-LOVE…

‘Wassup? U going to be at Walgreens 2nit?’

I replied. Yes. but not until 11pm

He text back, “Ok was going to stop by’.

I told him to come …  I was so excited and pleased to hear from him. All that I have pledged not to do was instantly forgotten, and I know I needed ten thousand angels to help me tell him no. and no was not an option, not tonight.

He walks in my door and I jumped on him. I was all over his ass. He said to me, “You can’t wait, can you?” while he tried to take off his shoes.. I helped him with removing his clothes and  I just shook my head and continue to love on him. I couldn’t believe I have him there with me. He was so intense with his loving, and so affectionate. He even calls me ‘BABY’. I remembered he lies on me for a while and it felt so good just to hold him in my arms. I never wanted to let him go. I wished I could have   kept him there for always.

we made love another two times for the next four hours.. I was so energized even though I didn’t sleep a wink for work… we didn’t do much talking and I never asked one question.. I just enjoyed him as much as i could and thank him for coming by and sharing some of him with me…

When he was leaving he hugged me so close… that I still can feel him to this day.  I was so thrilled, seeing him, being with him and loving on him. He left me wondering if he likes me some. All I could think and feel is WOW!!! MYLOVE-LOVE CAME TO SEE ME!!!

I could not contain the joy I got. I was walking on air, full of anticipation, hoping that he really likes me.  But I never ask. Was so fearful that it was too good to be true. Told myself, “I will take it in stride”

Sent him GN SWEET DREAMS.  Friday & Saturday night. He responded. I like that. But by Sunday 4th. I started to get restless again… thinking about his loving he gave me and wanting more…. I text him. No answer. It was a holiday so I figured he might be busy with family, enjoying his day.

That’s ok I thought.    I tried again Monday but again I got nothing. I try to tell me its ok, he’s probably just busy. We’ll see. I know it’s only two days but I feel better when he respond. I’ll try to be patient.  So I text him GN SWEET DREAMS. And he answered that he is on his way to Tampa to make some dollars…

And I was so amazed by his attitude. He tried so hard, do anything possible to make that money. And there I go putting him on that peddle stone. I thought, “what a guy!” and I fell a little deeper in love…

… GOD HELPS ME. I am digging myself deeper in this hole. He can’t be mine, I can’t have him. But my heart is bursting with this love for him and I can’t even let him know.

It seems like everytime I try to stop and move beyond him; he finds his way back to me and I just don’t have the resistance to say no. My lustful desires and kitty’s need is so overpowering that it consumes my mind and just having him close is all it takes for me to want him… mmmmmmm!!!

And so I waited very impatiently for the next time……………




18 thoughts on “MY LOVE- LOVE: THE JOY& PAIN OF AN UNFORBIDDEN LOVE; chapter 7

  1. I agree Wendy you should never chase a prospective lover or boyfriend, he isn’t being straight with BUT I guess it’s not easy, if you love someone with all your heart and they don’t phone or text then what do you do? Forget about them, leave them out of your life? Or do you make the running by phoning and risk being made a fool of? As for me, that’s an interesting conundrum, I think I’d take a chance and phone…..and phone…..and phone………text……. 😀

    Liked by 2 people

    • Aaaaahh.

      After you realize that he has no interest in communicating.
      It’s not worth the effort actually..
      And it’s actually a waste of time trying..
      you can still love ❤️ them without connection.
      The heart wants what it wants..

      Liked by 1 person

  2. Do you feel like you’re getting used to some extent? It seems like you’re 110% fully invested in him and he just calls you up when he needs money or wants to fuck. Doesn’t seem really fair, and although you enjoy the small time of joy you get when you’re with him, is it really worth the loneliness you feel when he’s gone?

    Liked by 1 person

    • Aaaaahh…
      I felt that I was the user..
      I was using him for my sexual gratification…
      And I was invested..
      but was still aware of our age difference and somehow convinced myself that I could not command his attention or affection…
      Yes I want more.. and I was becoming emotionally attached each time he visited..

      The money 💰.. I know was his way of thinking he was using me..
      but..I used his game to get him over to relieve my craving for some good loving..

      He couldn’t resist me once he is next to me..
      So I thought I was the user..
      Yesss.. that joy I got.. was always worth the loneliness..
      I always enjoyed him.. and I’m smiling now remembering us..

      Liked by 1 person

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