In the evening after my doctors visit I sent a text telling him that I got a script that only he can fill, and I need to get it fill now.
He thought I was funny. Then he asks, “what u doin?
I replied that I would love to do him.And that I wish he was here with me.
MYLOVE-LOVE response took me by surprise.
“Yea me too, but I got the kids with me and they are eating.”
That little text made me feel so special and I know he really likes me. This is the closest we ever come to talk about us being together, ever.
Anyway I text back telling him I understand, and ask him about the kids. And if he got to pay his insurance. He said, “They are ok, and yea I paid it thanks. I needed that.”
I was feeling connected to him and hopes that he appreciates my friendship. I play over in my mind our little conversation and my heart was singing with joy because it seems like we are getting closer.
I was still in doubt but with some hope. I did not hear from him next couple of days. I did not try to contact him either because I knew he got his babies with him and it’s the weekend and he got all that to do. The studio; the club; the shop ect.
I didn’t hear from him all that week though…. and I didn’t try to call or text either…
I was getting a bit concerned about his lack of communication all week.. I feel like we are back to square one..I just tell myself I will just take it as it comes…
And again I guess He felt my mood, because he text me that day, said,
“Wassup, Iam good. I am at the park with the kids.”
I was at work so I could not talk to him…
You see, I was trying real hard, too hard to be practical & realistic about his feelings. I was thinking for him. I was so busy telling me that I’m just a fling to him and that he couldn’t or wouldn’t feel for me like that; I may have miss his true feelings for me and instead of me asking him I presumably have the answers…and let my casual attitude do the talking.
I got a text from him Tuesday night informing me that his phone got wet and he just got it replaced. That’s why He did not respond to my texts.
And I thought… isn’t it just amazing, how good it makes me feel to just get a simple text from him.
And I asked myself????….Why is he so damn special? What about him that makes my heart jumps for joy? Why do I place so much importance on him? WHY?
Boy…. when I think of him I always get this sweet sensation that run through my body. It is this tingling feeling that gives me goose pimples and makes me shudder. I love the feeling.
I heard from him a couple days later,letting me know how busy he was…
I asked him how does he get all this energy from, and that he need to tell me his secret.
. Of course he tries to educate and advice me. He said,” don’t rush or worry, just be cool and enjoy what u work so hard for.”
He also said, “I b tired, I just save it by taking my time.”
I was amused and smile by his reply. He doesn’t realize, one of the reasons I liked him so much, and is attracted to him is because he is just like me 20 years ago. Full of energy & life. I was always on the go too. Had three jobs round the clock and never tires.
And I sit there thinking…..I don’t want to lose him, but how am I going to keep him to me. I don’t have what it takes.
Wake up this one morning, smiling thinking of MYLOVE-LOVE. He can always put a smile on my face. Wish I could have him close to me so I could just hug him real tight and get one of those juicy kiss of his. Sure love to kiss him so.
I got my wish that SATURDAY. He came to see me, and OH MY GOD!! It was so good to have him here. His loving was so intense and affectionate. I was left me wondering if he is feeling more for me.
I try not to get overly excited because I could be wrong, I wanted to ask him about ‘us’…but couldn’t get the nerves to… afraid of hearing his answers…
I ‘m thinking…. when he loves me like that though… how can I help but love him and I do with everything I got. hoped that he liked me some and I prayed, “Dear lord make it so”.
All week I have not heard from MYLOVE-LOVE except a little goodnit on Tuesday. Did not feel like I should be bothering him too much. Thought he might be busy with his kids and shop.
That GOODNIT put my mind a little at ease. At least I know he’s out there and doing ok. Let me feel good.
I sent a few text to him during the week but haven’t gotton any responses from him.. I was a little disappointed and discouraged that he completely ignores my texts… I was a little emotional thinking how can he come over and love me like that and then just forgets about me…I was missing him and getting this deep desire to be with him.. I was longing and yearning for his touch… So by the weekend I relented and try again to reach out to him..
On SATURDAY. I sent him a text.. saying,”hey, thoughts of you.. missing you..”
He replies,”Was up, Iam good.”
Told him I was cleaning and ask him what is he doing?
He wrote back,”yea Iam at the shop with the kids. U cleaning up? U got them boys helping u?”
I told him no, then ask about his kids. He again responded, “They are watching TV and playing the games.”
That little communication with him made me so happy. I was feeling so good to hear from him. I’m so crazy that any little connection or communication from him pleases me and let me feel closer to him.
That night …
I HAD THIS VERY DISTURBING DREAM ABOUT MYLOVE-LOVE. I DREAMT HE SHOT HIMSELF IN THE HEAD AND DIE. I WOKE UP SOBBING AND FEELING PANICKY.
I text him telling him that I had this crazy dream about him and he should be careful. He never asks about the dream, but I could not get it out of my head.
I text him that Monday morning. He answered that he’s good and asked how am I doing? He said he just got back from dropping the kids off. I told him I was at work and could not talk.
At 12:46pm a text came in from him,”wasup can u helps me out wit like $200. If not its ok, I just give my Grandma $500 to help her with her lights and food and rent. Now I got nothing to pay for my lights.”
I saw this text and I thought is he for real. I don’t have it like that, and is he abusing my generosity? Of course He is.
Anyway I text back jokingly saying that with all this money I’m giving I going to own all of him soon, and ask him what am I going to get for giving him this money.
His response,”lol wat u wants?”
And then He text asking me to hook up his friend with one of my freaky buddies.
I really was not amused about this and thought what is he thinking and saying to his friend about me. All I could think was he was having fun on my account. I felt bad for me because I know he was belittling me making me out to be a sleazy.
I was a little upset at his request.. I was at work so I did not respond to him and i wanted some time to think about his feelings towards me. Was a bit confused about my feelings, do love him but know he feel nothing for me.
I was so upset that I kinda forgotten about the money he asked for…but…a few days later…
he text me , “Wassup? Wat u doin? Can u do that 4 me wat I had ask u the other day?
I reply asking him if it urgent and what is he up to?
He says he was cutting some grass until it start to rain so now he’s off to the shop. And it is urgent.
I told him I don’t have it and asked him if he wait a few days…
Of course he said, “Yes I’ll hang on. I don’t feel good I think this work and running around is catching up with me.”
We talked for a while longer I even offer to nurse him better. (me trying to get him to see me)
He told me he sees what’s up later. Thought I would have seen him but he never showed. I was not surprised… I don’t have the money he requested…
I was feeling very strongly about refusing him the money. It was becoming a habit I could not afford.. and I still was thinking about his comment about my freaky friends…
I text him that night asking if he’s feeling any better.
He told me no and that he has been sleeping all day.
Next day…I again inquire about his health..
He told me he was little better and that he stayed home, got some rest. Didn’t feel like eating, had to force himself to eat some soup.
Then he asks how I was and if I still could do that for him.
I completely ignore his question..
I was going on vacation that coming week so I decided to ask him for a date night that weekend. He agrees that he would come over Saturday and be with me. I was so excited about that night It meant that much to me.
He communicates with me all that week up to Friday and I was feeling real good that he stays in touch with me and was not ignoring me like he normally do.
On Friday. I told him to come have breakfast with me that morning, and he did. I was going to see my doctor (gyno) and I never intend to have any sex because I want to save It all for our date night
AUGUST 13TH FRIDAY.
I made him breakfast, we ate and I ask him to let me tell him about that dream I had of him. He did not want to hear about it, says he don’t like to hear anything bad. So I never told him.
we were talking and he lay back on the bed.. seeing him lying there looking so good my mind started to wander and kitty was just as bad…
I try to resist him just lying there but I couldn’t. I could never resist loving on him. I had to get a taste of those lips, that neck. I had to kiss his face and then that chest.OMG! THAT CHEST and I got down to that d…k. and for some reason that morning it tastes so good. I got lost in him, I enjoyed him so much that morning, and I couldn’t get enough. I was late for my doctor’s appt. He hugged me so tightly and squeezes me to him and kisses me so passionately, and before he walked out of my house he turned around came back and give me another little hug and a kiss goodbye. And says he’ll see me tomorrow. I smile and couldn’t be any happier. I could hardly wait for tomorrow to come.
SATURDAY 14th: Spent all day preparing for my date night with MYLOVE-LOVE. I cooked something real special. I bought a cheese cake, a bottle of hennessy, some wine and anxiously await MYLOVE-LOVE. And guess who did not show.
It was a no show no call. I was very disappointed and a bit hurt. I’d even ask him to call or text if he was not going to make it. I was not too upset thinking he must have a good reason. I just hope everything was ok with him. I started to feel like I should end this charade because he doesn’t care about me. . I wished he cared about me though, even a little.
What happen to yesterday???? He came by enjoyed breakfast.. enjoyed me… he love on me so passionately… leave me with a kiss.. and a lovingly hug… and a promise of a date night…
I was crushed and swear I’m done… But the choice was made for me.. Learnt he got arrested with a gun that same Friday night. He spent a few days in and when he got out We talked briefly once but he just faded away…
My only consolation was… we ended with a bang….
Well, August Friday 13th would be the last of us for the next eleven months. And the heartaches begin. Here come the tears, the sleepless nights and the mourning of my loss of something I never had.
I went through a little emotional phase.. but He did resume connection almost a year after….
TO BE CONTINUED…….