I have the worst anxiety attack yesterday.. the pit of my stomach was in turmoil..
I couldn’t relax.. I couldn’t eat..
I went for a walk.. didn’t work..
I tried reading 📖.. didn’t work..
I find a friend to talk to.. pour all my anxieties on her..
I know I have been anxious about so many things lately.. and I feel even more anxious losing grip and control of my emotions..
I always take pride in knowing that I don’t allow anything or anyone to affect me unless I allow it..
But I’m losing my grip on that.. and it bothers me so…
My biggest fear right now is losing my home 🏡..
and I’m not able to go find work due to my condition…
lack of money is my anxiety.. and I really don’t can’t find my way out..
2. I have invited a young couple in my home in hopes of relieving some of my worries with money..
And I instead add fuel to my anxieties..
They are costing more than they are paying me..
They clog my toilet 🚽 …
– they break my door 🚪….
-the electric bill .. tripled…
– I’m losing all my utensils and glasses..
-and they are not paying me on time..
– their attitude stinks.. .
I know.. I should ask them to leave..
And I have contemplate 🤔 the idea..
But I really don’t want to be so mean.. they are young.. and can’t afford to pay that expensive rent out there..
And the truth be told..
Their little is helping me to meet my monthly mortgage.. and keep me from going any further behind…
But is my peace of mind worth it..
So there’ I go .. my anxieties just keep piling up.. and I really can’t decide what’s best for me and how to handle it all..
I tried talking to them.. trying to explain and set some rules.. but of course that didn’t go to well..
3. My son..
he’s trying so hard to help me.. and I’m afraid 😳 I’m putting too much stress on him .. he’s between work right now.. and he’s going through his stuff .. and here I am..
not able to do anything.. and he realizes it.. and I know it worries him…
It’s a very huge pressure for a young son to have.. the responsibility of his mom..
and I feel so guilty and so badly to put him in this position…
There he is fighting with his girlfriend. And she’s moving out.
And I pray god …it has nothing to do with me…
And he’s not talking.. and I’m seeing his hurt.. and I’m torn between leaving him alone and asking..
I’m trying to calm my nerves..
Telling my story.. hoping it relieves some of my tensions..
I’m losing my control.. of my emotions..
I’m so easily agitated..
so easily annoyed…
So easy to lose my cool..
I’m nagging.. I’m nitpicking..I’m cranky… I’m overly miserable…
everything is a problem..
And I’m hating me right now..
I don’t like who I’m becoming..
I’m getting nasty mean..
I’m losing my true self.. the person I learned to be.. the sweet calm smiley woman..
And be replaced by the opposite of who I love to be..
I’m wishing away my anxieties…
But wishing don’t solve anything…
So instead of me being thankful for small mercies..
I’m being lacking gratitude for the gifts that given to me..
I have to turn my thoughts around.. and find the joy in my circumstances..
1. I have my son to help..
2..god send these young people to help.. and they are…
3… I’m getting through month by month..
4…. things are not as bad as my anxieties and my bad attitude makes them out to be…
5…. try to relax and don’t lose my blessings…
Things could be worse..