CHICO: ONE MORE DAY; part 4

CHICO FIRST STAY IN THE HOSPICE.. still smiling…

2017 TO PRESENT

Chico call me that morning of the appointment to confirm that I was ready to go with him..

He stated that he was hurting really badly .. I asked him if he wanted to postpone his appointment but he defiantly said no.. he really wants to go..

He picked me up and we went.. I could see his discomfort and recognize the pain he was feeling..

It saddens me that I could offer no help to him .. and I’m thinking why Tats is not with him knowing that he is not feeling so well..

I realized just how disturbed he was from his conversation. He was very upset with Tats and he was venting his displeasure with her to me.. and it makes it worst with the pain he was going through..

He disclosed to me some really personal and intimate things about him and his wife.. . He was really tired of how mean and cold she was towards him.. and he just wanted out..

I didn’t make much of a comment to him on the subject because of prior incidents and conversation that I cross the line and get reprimanded by him…. however…

I listen.. and I sympathize..

He also disclosed how she’s so jealous of me.. and keep throwing my name at him every chance she gets..

(I didn’t totally believe this.. because she has never gives me reasons to think so)

she even puts me down to him.. trying to discredit me in his eyes..

I listen and I shake my head.. coming to realization just how my sister really see me.. I know there was no justification in her accusation.. because the only thing between Chico and me is.. the bond of friendship and respect for each other…

we got there… and I offered to helped him fill out the forms seeing that he was not feeling too well…and I even went in with him to see the doctor… she exams him and suggested that he might have some blood clots in his tummy that triggers off his condition..

she recommended him to be admitted the next day to get the fluid drained and to do a biopsy on his liver..

He was really happy with that recommendation.. because he was in great discomfort.. and just wanted to feel better..

On our way out.. we went by a room where they were doing chemotherapy.. Chico was so excited about it .. he stopped to checked it out.. and came back out super excited.. and said he hoped the doctor recommended chemo..

It gives him some hope that maybe he can get his cancer cured..

I try to encourage his faith and his excitement.. I was glad to see him feeling so positive and hopeful..

( I don’t know how he was feeling facing death.. we never talked about it. I just didn’t know how to approach that subject with him without discouraging him.. but I bet he was very fearful and scared with the thought of dying..)

He was still in a little pain and the morphin wasn’t helping much..

So he dropped me home and headed back to his…

The following day I called him.. and he said that he is going to the hospital to be admitted… I suggested Abraham to take him… but Abraham didn’t have his car and Chico didn’t feel comfortable with Abraham having access to his.

So he drove himself to the hospital.. he called me from there when he got in .. and was very elated about the room he was in.. he was very pleased to say the least…

I tried calling him the next day… I couldn’t get a hold of him.. so I tried every hour on the hour.. I just wanted to make sure he’s okay..

He finally answered me late that evening.. and he didn’t sound so good..

He was in a lot of pain from the sound of his voice.. and he was very weak.. he sounds so discouraged .. we didn’t talk for more than two minutes..

but.. he mentioned that the nurse told him that there is a chance that his liver has failed.. due to the amount of fluid that they extracted..30 liters…

He also said he was doing tests and surgery all day long.. they had also taken samples from his liver for the biopsy.. so they open up both sides of his tummy..

I hung up the phone and I had tears in my eyes.. with a failed liver .. means he doesn’t have much longer to live..

I immediately googled it.. to learn more.. and it wasn’t very encouraging… my fear becomes more intense and I wanted to be there with him..

So…

I call Tats..

I asked her if she spoke to him as yet.. she told me no.. she couldn’t get him..

I informed her that I Just did and he doesn’t sounds so good.. I proceeded to ask her if she’s going to see him and when she’s going I would love to go along with her…

oooh maan.. she got so angry.. saying she has no drive or way of getting there.. and she’s not going to see him..

I was so appalled.. I said to her.. “that’s your husband.. you need to be there with him”…

She said she don’t care and in the same breath said she’s going to find a ride to pick up the car..

I asked her..” so how come you can find a ride to pick up the damn car but you can’t go to see him.???.”

She just said she don’t want to talk about Chico anymore and hang up on me…

I was so livid with her lack of compassion and feelings.. I was so upset with her for not caring enough…

Here I was thinking that he’s dying and he’s going to die alone.. and there she is .. not caring one iota……I didn’t sleep much that night…

The next morning I woke up.. I immediately called him to check up on him..

he sounded much better but he was still experiencing pain .. he told me Tats called and chewed him out about how he answered my call but not hers and how she’s coming to get the car..

I couldn’t believe she was so insensitive to his illness and condition and be so trifling to attack him with jealousy…

I Then realized why she was so angry with me on the phone… she was jealous that I got to talk to him and she didn’t…

This makes me even more upset with her..!!! And I really know it’s true now that she is really jealous of me..

Could I be actually giving her the impression that I care more than just a friend.. am I overstepping my boundaries..

I really need to step way back and back off some.. and I really need to stop talking to her about Chico..

Chico however improved with each passing day.. and he got back the results of his biopsy.. HIS LIVER IS FUNCTIONING… not a 100% but it has not failed as yet…

He said the doctor recommended chemo therapy when he gets out.. he was very happy to hear that news..

I tried to be supportive and participate in his joy… I cheer with him knowing exactly how it makes him feel… he was so hopeful..

but… I was very skeptical about it.. I don’t have much knowledge about chemotherapy … but the little I know.. is that you have to strong and healthy to sustain the effects of chemotherapy… and I didn’t think he was strong enough to endure it..

But he was so happy and full of hope that I didn’t want to spoil his joy.. he needs that to keep him going..

Tats never went to see him..he got out that weekend..

When I make my usual check up call.. he was excited about starting his chemo…,

He had an appointment to go in and do like a orientation… telling him what to expect and what it’s about.., and get his schedule..

He was so thrilled… I share his excitement and come to the conclusion that doctor must think he can handle the treatment to recommend him for it.. and I pray that the results will be good….

*******^*****^******^*******

TO BE CONTINUED…..

7 thoughts on “CHICO: ONE MORE DAY; part 4

  1. The person who needs support is Chico. He is the one who can be selfish here in order protect and save his energy. Worry nil for Tats, she is only thinking of herself. Some hurt happening between them but right now Chico is the one in crisis, hurt feelings need to be set aside.

    Liked by 2 people

  2. I totally agreed…

    I want to do more for him..
    But I feel so restricted.. and afraid of crossing the line.. of how far I can go seeing that she’s my sister..

    I feel I don’t have the right to go beyond certain levels.. on principle..

    But I do keep an open link with him..
    I called every day just to see how he’s doing..
    I so agree with the hurt needed to be set aside…

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Check on him and be a friend. Jealousy can be dealt with later. It’s a matter of life and death. If he lives, he will always know he had a friend. If he dies, he will go happy he had a friend. I wish him well. And you too

    Liked by 1 person

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