Christmas came and past .. we were experiencing some really cold snaps this year… days at a time…
The first week of January ….was so cold and I have noticed that he didn’t have a warm enough jacket to be working outside….so I brought him a one so he could be warmer ….He accepts and said thanks.. and later that morning…he walks over to my cash register to express his gratitude.. I have this silly smile on my face.. just so pleased to have him close and being attentive to me..
he left me…and went to talk to one of my co-worker.. she was one of my bestie at the job; we started together.. she was young , in her twenties..
I noticed his demeanor and saw his smile.. and saw her reaction… and I felt my green monster surfacing.. he was flirting with her and she was very receptive….I became so enraged and got very emotional..
How could he be liking someone else… he likes me….
It was as if my whole world came crashing down on me. He was flirting with my little friend veronica. OH BOY! I was so jealous & crushed.
After he went back to his duties….
she walked over to me and told me she didn’t like me coming on to her guy. I smile and asked her if he is flirting with her and if he liked her …and wanted to know if she likes him in return. She said yes.
I was so hurt and I tried really hard not to show my feelings but I was dying with jealousy on the inside..
I was so devastated ..but …
I couldn’t let on that I was more than interested in him… I thought I was much too old to show interest in a guy so young……so…
what I did…..
I encourage her to be with him. Don’t know why I wanted to do that because I was dying inside. I guess I liked her and I liked him and I just thought they are age appropriate….
He spent all day with her.. even went to lunch together… i was acting and feeling rejected as if we had a relationship going…. It was here that I realize just how strong my emotions has gotten.. My heart was breaking and my hopes of experiencing this marvelous species of a man was lost…
I thought he likes me; I want him to like me. I could not function or focus. I was too distracted with them.. I cried, yes cried because I thought that’s the end of our story. Well my day was ruin I couldn’t wait to leave and everywhere veronica went so did he and so did my eyes.
I asked to leave early… I just couldn’t stay and watch him flirting with her anymore..
When I was leaving ,I seek him out… and I found him… He was talking to her… I went over to them ask him if I could see him. He came to me and I spill my guts. I told him just how much I like him and how I wanted him and how I have made love to him a thousand times in my mind.
Well he just casually blew me off tells me it was all for fun and that he does not like me like that. Of course my heart sank to its lowest depths…I was so upset. I came home in tears and I decided to text him exactly how I feel. I pour my heart out saying things that was not even appropriate, but brutally honest..but I thought it didn’t matter because it was over. He now has veronica.
But to my surprise and pleasure…
he text me back telling me that he didn’t know that I felt like that and he’s sorry if he hurt me but he was for real and still is…Still is?? I didn’t really expect that answer..
I thought I would leave things as is.. .. It was the beginning of a very emotional roll-a-coaster for me. I kind of gave up on him but try to remain his friend.
I would still text him and seek him out especially after my shift to talk to him, inquiring about his relationship with veronie. acting all interested … but still jealous…
I would also ask her about them too… I would try to advise her and encourage her to like him. And at the same time feel like a hypocrite because here I am ,still wants him , still feel for him and with my heart breaking I’m playing nice.I do like her and I thought he was the best. So I encouraged their relationship…
..He would still talk about us getting together and I wanted to …so tempted…but every time I see him with vernie I felt unsure.
There was a little episode involving him and this other girl at the store…( every girl want a piece of his sexy ass). She got jealous of him and veronie and started a rumor about him and her.
So I said ‘oh shit, I don’t need this drama.’ Too old to be involved in melodrama…
But he started to seek me out to talk to me… again showing interest in me.. starting again to flirt with me… and of course I love this attention and when he again start to imply us getting together I was more than willing.
I didn’t asked about the drama that just took place nor his involvement…
he called me.. for the second time….we talked about us and what’s been happening between us..and our desire to get involved… he let me know that he has been thinking of me in a sexual way… and that he would love to show me…
So I agreed to enter a relationship with him…. eagerly..
He has his stipulation…and I seriously thought I was old and mature enough to handle these terms…
We both agree it would be casual for long as he was single and if and when he find someone else it would mean the end of us. And I agreed to the terms, thought I could handle a fling without getting emotionally attached. I had build up this fantasy with him and I wanted so much to experience him that nothing else matters as long as I got what I wanted….
(I was already emotionally invested… so I was only fooling myself…. and this casual no strings attached… was not likely with me..)
I didn’t even asked about veronie… I didn’t even care… all that matters is …I’m going get my chance to enjoy him as much as I want to… and i couldn’t wait for that time to come..
We made a date one evening …. I was so excited and a bit nervous.. as I got ready I was getting so flustered and getting a stir with thought of loving on him.. and having him loving me..I was anxious just to be next to him..
but at the last minute he cancelled because his brother got himself in some kind of trouble ad he said he have to go take care of him…, and I thought WOW!! What a guy so dedicated to his family. I was so intrigued by him from the beginning.
I was very disappointed to say the least.. but I understood.. I was so impressed with how caring he was and how loyal and kind he seems to be..
and I waited impatiently for the next time….
TO BE CONTINUED……..