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A SLAP 👋 IN THE FACE.. part 1

YOUR MOOD SHOULD NOT DICATE YOUR MANNERS

The visit

I have a daughter in law for the past ten years.. my oldest son wife…

They have three boys and is expecting a little girl in January…

They live in another city from me..and they just purchased a house …

It’s approximately an hour driving to get to me so I don’t get to see them and my grandchildren too often…

My daughter in law….MEG…. and I don’t really talk too much… she’s a nice pleasant girl and we get along quite well…

I have seen her… in early November during her baby shower…but haven’t really spoken to her… so after a nearly a month I decided to call her to check up on her… and while we were talking she mentioned she was on vacation…

And me being free totally invited myself over to spend a couple days with her.. I thought it would be so nice to just chitchat with her and I would be able to spend some time with my grandsons..

I called my son and told him of my big plan.. and asked him to pick me up that weekend… I was a little excited for the opportunity to get away for a couple days..and was rather thrilled to spend some time with meg and the boys.. also see my son.. I miss seeing him..

He agreed on Sunday.. but come Sunday he said he wasn’t able to make it and would come for me Wednesday instead.. my mind went in over ride… with all the negative reasons he decided not to pick me up..

To say the least.. I was very disappointed 😔 to the point of tears … I was so looking forward to this visit..

My son somehow sensed my feelings and I got a text from him that same evening that meg will pick me up next day… my first feelings was to denied it.. but I thought I was just being petty.. and acting silly… so I just said okay 👌…I will be ready and waiting..

Come Monday morning I got up got myself ready .. she arrived at about 11am.. I was glad to see her.. and I mentioned my concern about her driving so far in her condition… she assured me she was fine but I was still a bit worried 😟 to the point of guilt..having her come all this way for me…

I pushed it aside though.. trying not to let my feelings mess up my visit.. I’m just going to enjoy meg and the boys…

The evening went by well.. we took some time to talk and catch up… the boys was very happy 😃 to see me.. I told meg I would cook dinner to give her the break to just relax…

My son got home a little late.. and a little tired..

We all eat… and then sit down to watch a little tv 📺…

The next day was their anniversary so we talked about that and their plans… then we went on to talk about Christmas and the menu..

And what is expected.. I mentioned that I was going to come over a couple days before just so I could get everything prep and to give meg a break from doing much in her last weeks of pregnancy….

The conversation went to gifts 🎁 for the boys.. and meg mentioned that John (my son) was talking about giving the youngest a car for his sixteen birthday 🎁..

That is eight years away…so I intervene and told John that he has to think of the two older boys first..

( you see the two oldest is his stepsons and he feels it’s their fathers duty to give them a 🚘 car)

So we had a little debate on that with me trying to convince him to be fair enough as a father and know that he has to do for them as much as his own biological son… meg mentioned that the second boy chooses to be there with them… in the sense of proving that he loves his stepdad..

I didn’t comment on what she said apart from agreeing with her… but it causes me to think and wonder if she would allow him to live with his dad if he so desires…

Over the past ten years I tried to give my motherly advice to her as much as she asked for it…or if I observed something I think needed to be addressed I would offer some kind of suggestions or say what I think.. she was always receptive to my little advices and interferences… because I live apart from them I limit what I say or how I feel seeing that I really don’t have much control on anything.. so all in all I do allow them to be the boss of their life…

In saying so.. I found out a few months ago that she removed her oldest son out of his home and put him to live with her mom.. I asked my son about it and he asked me not to mention it to her because it’s a very sensitive subject with her… so against my feelings I decided to not asked her or mentioned it…

I actually didn’t agree with her decision and I wanted to let her know my reasons and tried to encourage her to get him back in with his brothers .. I fear what the seperation might do to him emotionally and how it will affect him..

I made a similar choice with her husband… I moved out and leave him behind and eventually relocated abroad…

He suffered from abandonment issues and went into deep depression as a teenager… So this is what I fear will happen with her son eventually if she doesn’t get him back home soon..

But I honor my son’s request and decided to leave it alone.. as much as we talked and much as I like her.. I was not that close to her to interfere in her personal choice… I just didn’t think it was in my place to question her decision with her son as much as it displeased me…

……………………………………………

TO BE CONTINUED

LAZY DAYS…..

What do we do with lazy days syndrome…

In my household having a lazy day is not to be considered.. because no one allows me to feel like I can or deserves it..

I don’t have room living amongst my house mates.. to be in a lazy mood…because I have to be constantly walking behind them cleaning up their messes… which I just can’t ignore and leave alone..

I tried sometimes to be nonchalant.. but I get overly anxious or this guilty feeling of leaving it undone.. which causes me not to be able to fully relax..

Living by myself at these times seems so appealing…but I know it would never last more than a day before I miss their presence….

So I just have to deal with it and forget about having a complete lazy day….

A SLAP 👋 IN FACE…. part 4

Born December 27th

….. John woke up and saw me outside.. he came and asked if I was ready to go.. I told him yes..

I sat there thinking and wishing I did not made the choice I had.. and feeling so upset because apart from upsetting her I have ruin my Christmas plans..

I got up retrieved my things and said bye to her.. not getting a response..

And head for the car.. my son and I .. we had a good little conversation on our way… and he was very sympathetic to me.. he shows understanding and actually told me that he thinks she has more issues than she thinks he has..

I had to agree with that statement.. he gives me a few examples of her iritic outburst… which he thought was very unnecessary especially with her eldest… but he said she doesn’t receive advices or suggestions too well…

That was enough explanation for me..

It was their second anniversary so I asked him to go easy on her and try not to do or say anything to upset the day…

He dropped me off and headed back home..

It took me two days to overcome my feelings.. and on the second day I thought I’d send her a text apologizing.. hoping she would now be in a better frame of mind..

Hey 👋 Megan..

I do hope you are feeling much better today…

I’m so sorry 😐 my visit took a turn for the worst…

I didn’t mean to upset 😡 you so badly..

I just wanted to spend some time with you and enjoy 😊 your company..

So sorry 😐 for what I have said to make you so 😠 mad…

It was never my intentions..

I just hope we can move forward and beyond it..

And continue as friends..

I am not mad with you..

I know you are just going through a very emotional time right now. .. being in your last month of pregnancy 🤰 and all..

And have a family to take care of..

You are doing such an awesome 👏 job sweet girl…

You are a strong girl and you are a most wonderful mom and wife…

Keep on doing what you are doing..”

It went unanswered..

I even tried to butter her up.. hoping she would smile..

Ooh well!!?? I guess I just better leave it at that..

The next two weeks to Christmas 🎄 was very emotional for me because for the very first time I’m not going to be celebrating 🥳 Christmas without John…

John came over Christmas Eve with ayden..

We went out to eat.. he spent a few hours then leave..

We had exchange Christmas 🎄 gifts 🎁 . And good wishes ..

So next day ( Christmas 🎄 Day) was just me and my younger son home.. I tried to make the best of it..

The day came and went very uneventful..

I got a text from John that Friday.. baby coming.. and a couple hours later.. he sent photos..

So baby was born at 10am Friday morning…

And just when I was getting over my emotional state .. here comes another reason for me to be sad 😢…

I won’t be able to go see my granddaughter.. and I vowed that I would never go back to her home unless she personally invited me..

It’s been two weeks since the birth of my granddaughter..

And she did send some pictures to me and we had a little texting dialogue.. but I haven’t heard from her since..

And I’m not anxiously thinking that is an invite to resume connection..

So I will wait until she decided to do so..

I have been talking to friends about what happens.. and their suggestions have me looking at the whole scenario differently.. and at different angles…

One such suggestions is that maybe she wanted to cut John’s families out of the picture..

I don’t really care too much other than I’m not going to be able to spend much time with my granddaughter..

But I can do it if I have to.. I just find it so funny.. the extreme of it all..

Here I’m am left with total responsibility of my younger son daughter.. to the point that I have to ask him to give me a break..

And now I’m not going to be able to see this one at all..

I just can’t win for losing…

I will just have to let it all play out and deal with whatever comes..

A SLAP 👋 IN THE FACE… part 3

BE CAREFUL WITH WHAT YOU SAY…

WORDS CAN HURT 😞 MUCH MORE THAN

A SLAP 👋……..

THE AFTER EFFECTS….

…… I continued to cook dinner .... she locked herself in her bedroom… I was really uncomfortable and wish I could leave and go home… my emotions was running high and wild….

I felt guilty and badly for causing her rage… but I had mixed feelings.. the more I think about the conversation.. I come up with the conclusion that I didn’t actually say anything to have cause her reacting in that manner..

And… come to think about it she was very mean and somewhat rude to the point of disrespect… shouldn’t I have reminded her of who she was talking to and asked her to address me with more respect than that..

I didn’t even raise my voice once. I maintain my composure.. why then am I so forgiving and remorseful.. could it be because I’m in her home….

Or..

Is it because she is pregnant..

I find myself very understanding and even compassionate towards her… my throat was tightening up again..and my eyes were filling up with tears.. accidentally spilling down my face..

I think it’s because I liked her so much and I wanted so much to spend this time with her… we don’t really communicate too often and I so much wanted be close with her..

This is a side of her I never saw or known..

So after I finish cooking I thought I would go see if she has calm down and try to break the ice. .. letting her know that I’m not mad.. hoping she would be receptive to my gesture…

But..

She was very cold and distant..and had an negative attitude…

So I just back away disappointingly.. and utter a “OUCH “……

I went to my grandson room… I was not feeling too good and again I wish I could leave… why did I invite my silly ass over… I question myself…

My son came home but I didn’t go out to greet him…

But later on I decided to go and put away the food for the night… she didn’t come out if her room all evening..

John was sitting on the couch and he came in the kitchen to ask me why did I say that to her about her son..

So I had to explain to him the conversation we had that leads up to me mentioning her son to her..

I broke down in the middle of the story and my son..he doesn’t know how to deal with emotions…so he was getting uncomfortable 😣 and asked me to stop… so I did..

I finished up with my what I was doing and went back to the room.. I lay there for hours going over and over in my mind the incident that occurred…

She chooses to tell john just the comment I made about her son… shaking my head… and to think of it …..she was the one who said everything she wanted John to believe I said…

I dozed off with tears flowing… I was very hurt for more reasons than one..

I didn’t get up with my grandson that morning….but after they left For school I got up.. got ready.. pack my belongings.. and decided to go sit outside in the backyard until my son wakes up…

She was on the couch.. I shouted , ” good morning 😃☀️🌞 Megan “….

I didn’t get a reply.. so as I was passing to go through the door to the backyard.. I asked,

” are you okay today??….”

She replied very sarcastically and very nonchalantly ..

“As good as I’m going to be “….

I replied.. “that’s good “….

I sensed her indifference and her detachment… so I just leave her alone..

*************++++************

TO BE CONTINUED…

A SLAP IN THE FACE…. part 2

ONE BIG SLAP 👋 IN THE FACE

THE CONVERSATION….

The evening went well.. we all retired to our sleeping quarters…

I slept with my grandson and he woke me up pretty early.. they had school…

My son was off to work early .. I had some coffee ☕️ sit for a while with meg..

And about an hour later .. decided to get up to change out my pjs…I asked meg what was on her agenda…and she said she wanted to go to the store to pick up something.. I told her I would glad to ride along with her..

I thought she meant later in the morning but just as I got into my clothes.. she asked if I was ready… so we went off to the store…

While there I picked up a few things.. mostly snacks for me and the boys…

We were having a conversation about blood type. And meg was getting a bit agitated 😣 with my questions and suggestions about her knowing her kids blood type.. so much so that I had to cut off the conversation entirely and letting her know it’s only me that these things are so important to… I didn’t like her tone … and definitely did not want to upset her…

We got home.. it was still too early for anything.. I again told her I would love to take over the cooking so she would not have to stand up so long…

So we sat down.. she turns on the news… and me…( 🤦‍♀️ smh ..sigh) .. I decided to ask her about her comment about her second son living with his father…

It starts out very casually with her saying she would not allow it.. but she went on farther stating that John is envious of her son and his father..

I did not agree with her and so it became a discussion which spiral out of control on her part. She let me that John is still having abandonment issues.. that he has been crying and been threatening suicide..

So I just said.. annoyingly..

” He is almost 40 years old… it’s time he gets over this shit”….

Oh my.. she got very belligerent and started to blame me for him going through all that emotional trauma …

I remain calm and asked her not to be so upset.. I tried to change my approach by admitting the fault and then tried to explain my reasons for and behind making that choice which affects him so badly ..

I started off saying…

“When we are young we as parents sometimes make choices with and for our children without the realization of how it may or will affect them…”

I continued with the explanation of why I left him behind…and To clarify and satisfy my story or excuses or explaination..I kinda finish by saying…(trying or hoping she would understand.. ) just like the the choice you made with your oldest son..

Ooh man.. she flew off the handle… and went into a raging fit.. saying that she has not abandoned her son.. because she didn’t leave him and come to another country

I didn’t say anything about her abandoning her son .. but I only make matters worse when I say the distance doesn’t matter..

I had to stop talking because I was afraid of her getting into such a rage.. but she continued to spew out a whole heap of negative remarks about me.. including the fact that I mess up my son and leave her to pick up the pieces.. I just say ” ouch 😣 ”

And..

“Oops 🤭😬”

And just walked away..

I was so hurt .. her words cut really deep.. because I had struggled with great guilt and remorse for years… I couldn’t go back and undo the damage I had cause my son….and I had suffered with him during the height of his first onset of deep depression… and I don’t see him with that emotions anymore.. so I was not believing it was still affecting him to the degree of how she wanted me to believe…. he had come along way.. and he has progressed so much.. I’m swell with pride sometimes just thinking of him and how he has grown.1

the tears was threatening to flow..I had to take a minute to calm down my emotions..and I started to cook as I promised… how could she be so mean…????!!!! If only she could know and realize just how much my decision and choice has hurt me in past… and how very much I regretted leaving him behind….

It was really like a slap 👋 to my face..

I really don’t see how our conversation could have reached to that point…but..

She’s pregnant and highly emotional..so I didn’t hold it against her… she was obviously 🙄 on edge all morning… and I guess it didn’t take much to trigger off her reaction..

………………………………………

TO BE CONTINUED…

ONLINE DATING: FIRST EXPERIENCE… part 2

WELL ALL WEEKEND I HAD TO WORK AND I KINDA FORGET A LITTLE ABOUT HIM… BUT I WAS OFF MONDAY AND COULDN’T SLEEP AND A LITTLE BORED SO I DECIDED TO TRY TEXTING HIM….

 ‘hey are out there? It’s me…. Wendy…. Wanting some more laugh. Kinda like our conversation the other night.  You got some to throw my way?

 I got nothing so I leave it alone, it was 3am in the morning and I figure he must be sleeping. Next day Gail … my sister… rented a car and she and pick me up and we went shopping for ray’s birthday…her husband… when she took me home she invited me to stay over with her, so I went because we were planning on taking ray to lunch next day.

  I still have this guy on my mind and I wanted to talk to him again, so about 9pm, I said to Paige I’m going to text your boyfriend , see if he will respond, and so I did. ‘Hey lover lover’ 

And he answered, “hey pretty girl” I was so pleased, and I smile

I said, ‘hey you are on tango, on the prowl tonight?  I’m off tonight & nothing much on TV so glad you are on[Symbol]. I got nothing back, so after 10 minutes. I sent another text, ‘no conversation tonight… you are busy…. Well I’m here if you want to……..’

 I was a little bit disappointed but, thought he did not want to be bothered, so I leave it at that. At 10:29 he sent a text, ‘I’m only talking to tall thin hot chicks tonight!!!! Oh wait?!?!Hey that’s you.”

I light up and said to Paige, that’s your boyfriend. So I said to him, ‘I’m the only one you need to talk to.’

I THOUGHT IT WAS SO FUNNY PLAYING THIS GAME OF DECEPTION; PRETENDING TO BE MY NIECE PAIGE…I WAS HAVING FUN THINKING, WHAT DIFFERENCE WILL IT MAKE…

‘Hey I like the toed… Kinda cute,’ 

I told him thanks.

What are you doing? Don’t you have a job to work at till 4am? Ha-ha what do you do dig graves? He asks laughing.

I’m off today’. I told him, ‘right again, I love digging graves.’

‘Ha-ha! I’m usually am.’ He stated. Ok so how old are you?

 Oh sh…t …, I thought I can’t tell him the truth, what should I say? My phone battery was dying and so I told him, ‘hey lover….. My phone is dying and I am at my sister’s house with no charger,”

‘Oh no,’ he said

 I know :(, I responded…

He then insisted, ‘age please Wendy, and then I have one more question.’

I lied again, I told him 20s, then I say, ‘shoot ‘to the question.

Are those real!!! They are sure pretty… beautiful…. Teeth… I love a pretty smile.’

I told him, ‘a thanks thanks thanks.’  [ thinking , he would never like me, he could never like me , feeling glad I did not admit it was me, because if I did I would not be having this conversation right now. What I would do for a little conversation with a cute guy, hide behind my beautiful little niece, just like I did in the picture, Silly silly me.]

Hey my pleasure! He said, ‘well very kissable”.

I then said,’ braces; wouldn’t mind too much,” [I meant to be kissed by him; although I know it’s only in my dreams will that ever happen.]

And the sexy lips to go with it! Schwannnng,’ he stated.

‘You are kinda cute too,’ I told him. [And you know I meant that. I like this guy.]

Hey thanks pretty girl.’

Thank you …. I interjected.

He then starts by saying, ‘maybe one day we can have dinner and by that I mean…

I asked, ‘what?

He said something quite inappropriate and unexpected and way out of context…

  He took me by surprise did not quite expect that and I did not really want all this sex talk  I didn’t how to quite respond to all this, I love talking trash, everybody knows that, I’m filthy as they come; but I did not want this guy  to know that or think I’m only talking to him for sex, and I didn’t want to entertain him;  So I say to him, ‘you got me there.’

He sent a [Symbol] ….. Perfect! I like winning!!!! Ha-ha’. He laughed.

I then said to him, ‘oh u naughty naughty man,’

 And so he continued, ‘and who isn’t happy when they Cumming right? Tada!!! I’m your future happy! 

I said, we will see.’

He did not stop there, ‘oh did I forget to mention… and he again make some more silly comments on the subject…

 I told him,” I think I’ll be scared to meet him”. And I meant it, I thought, oops, he’s all about sex; don’t know if I want this.

Then he asked, ‘will you tell me your height and weight? I totally understand! You should be scared!! This place is full of idiots and creeps! Other than me[Symbol] ha-ha!!’  he laughed again

I ignore his question and told him that he sounded very intimidating, and yes… creepy.

‘Oh you think, ‘he said.  I’ve been told that…. But I don’t see it… I’m confident but kind…’

I only hope, I told him.

He says, only time will tell!!! Right.

I know it was time to cut off this conversation because I did not like the direction it was taking. So I told him, ‘anyways goodnight. Yes time will tell.

 He then says, ‘if we ever meet it will be in a public place, so you could get up and walk away at any point if you weren’t comfortable. Now dream of me please[Symbol].’

I started to say something to him but I changed my mind all I got was ‘sorry I’ and I responded to his dream about me; I told him, ‘will do’.

 Good night sexy girl’.

I said to him in return, ‘ … goodnight lover.

I was always weary of anybody online, I told myself I would never hookup with any guy online, and I still don’t think I will… this guy is cute but of a unsavory character and reputation..

I was left thinking aaaaw man, this guy is all about sex, I don’t know, if I really want to get in this with this guy, I just wanted some clean conversation without the dirt and filth.  And it’s not like I am going to ever see him. Well I just have to forget about him, as cute and a funny as he is.

…………………………………………………………………………………….

 

I did not try to text  again for all that week although he was constantly on my mind, but I told myself he was not what I wanted, I really just wanted a texting buddy to pass time and I was the one that pursued him. So let it be. And anyways he really likes Paige and she is not available, and I can’t tell him now that’s it’s me; he wouldn’t want to talk to me.

 I really don’t remember exactly why I decided to text him to let him know that I’m going to stop, I really did not owe him an explanation but I did anyways, on Sunday night… the 15th… after work I came home and decided to send that fateful text.

 I said, ‘hey lover, my aunt said you are easy on the eyes and hard on the heart. I think I am way over my head with you; you  seem to be all about sex. And I don’t know how to be in a relationship with just sex. I’m too inexperience and naïve for you. You would only chew me up and spit me out.  I like you … those blue eyes and that pretty smile captivated me. But…you are right you are just too much for me to handle.” I then went to sleep.

I was trying to sound young and inexperience, still playing the role of my niece…while I’m interjecting “the aunt’ knowledge and wisdom as me…. this is where I should also confess that it’s not paige but me… but, I was just too busy playing this game of deception.

 

I was awaken by his text Monday morning at 9: 21am; ‘well Wendy I do sure appreciate your honesty. In reality I’m not only about sex but just assumed everyone on here was and so I’m way over the top with it. I’m sorry that I confused you it was never my intention. Either way I sure you will meet someone you are more comfortable with and a have a great life. You seem fun funny and you’re beautiful I’m sure you will meet someone you are more comfortable with. Take care sweet girl and thanks again for being so open and honest.’ 

After reading his text, I was kind of surprise by what he said and I was very impressed to learn that he was not really all about sex. … I should have left it alone, let it go at that, but not me, I liked him, something about him, I felt compel to talk to him; and I wanted to continue with the conversation; aaahh, don’t know how to leave well alone. And so I responded to him,

“If this is the case and you are as sweet as you look and as charming as you sound….could I have the pleasure of conversing with you every now and then. I kind of feel and get a connection with you; blame it in on damnedest blue eyes and that smile of yours. And of course, your sense of humor….ok Allen …. I like you. Is it ok for me to do so?

I can’t figure out why I was so drawn to him, why I did I liked him so much? Why didn’t I just let him be, why did I continue with this deception? Just for a little conversation. I can’t tell him now, if I do he will not talk to me, and I just want a little time with him; what a stupid, foolish thing for me to think. And again I missed out on the opportunity to come clean about my identity… this would have been the perfect time…

Anyways….. He answered me.

“Yes it’s ok. But I honestly understand if I’m too much to handle! I liked our connection too. I promise to not come on so strong and I refuse to mess with your head…so I let you dictate how we move on forward and promise to be somewhat of a gentleman[Symbol]

Oh thank you thank you, I gladly said.

My pleasure, says he.

“Let’s see how it goes and where it takes me (us)” I said to him,” and BTW aren’t you supposed to be at work right now?”

[If only I could have known the path that this conversation would lead to and known that all my deception would jump right at me and bite me in the ass. All the pain and sorrow that it would have cause, the anguish and agony it would left me….. If only I could have known….] Playing a game of deception is never going to end good… I couldn’t see the future and couldn’t have known that the father I take this game the harder it’s going to be for me to tell the truth. And I’m actually old enough to know this… but i was so naive with my behavior…

Haha! Well I am… kinda. I am self employed so I can’t get fired. He told me

“Really…. What exactly do you do and I never asked where are you, in what city? I’m here in Orlando.”

I’m in Daytona and I’m an architect. I have interest I have a few business…that’s why I fly. For work and sometimes for fun. So tell me about you please.

“An architect and pilot…..” I said, ‘very impressive, that’s so cool, I always like architecture wish I was artistic enough to get in to the field… now about me…….. Warning …. I may be boring. I am in school working on my associates trying to figure out what to major in. my mom wants me to be a doctor; but I am not so sure what I want; we’ll see. And I work second shift in a retail store….. When I am not in school studying or at work; I love to cook and bake stuff or curl up with a good novel or watch a movie.  Told you I’m boring.

 There I go… on with playing this deceiving game… and the bad part about it all … is, I play it so damn good… smiling… having fun… enjoying the conversation with this fascinating and intriguing guy… not thinking how wrong I am, playing this horrific trick on him…

the story doesn’t end here though… we talked all that day in the night way pass midnight… by the time we stop i was hooked and dug a hole so deep into deception… I had no way out…

I got up got something to eat. Clean up a little and all the time my mind was wondering to him; I was so drawn to him. I liked him; I really liked him and I was so excited to talk to him again; my heart was pounding  against my chest with just thinking of him; there was a knot in my stomach with the anticipation of him, and I knew I had to do something about cutting off this because I was not Paige and it’s Paige that he really likes; but I want some more of him. He is so gorgeous, charming and amazing.

to be continued …