ONLINE DATING: FIRST EXPERIENCE… part 1

( this is a rerun for all my new audience.. how y’all enjoy this little story.. )

I have a grandson Ayden whom I see  once a week, I usually talk to him on Skype during the week but john had lost his Skype account so he decided to get a different app instead, therefore for me to be able to talk to little Ayden I had to download the app.

So I ask Paige to help set it up; she is my teenage niece and a little more versatile than I am with these apps and things…. and  seeing I don’t have much knowledge with this sort of thing, I  ask her to…  So she did and we decided to use a photo of us together seeing I did not have any better one of me. I never took a selfie before and I haven’t really take much pictures of myself… and photos don’t do me justice… Paige is a pretty little thing and a beautiful smile and she knows it; me, I love her she is the closest little niece I have.

 Now, I never was on any of these social sites before. As a matter of fact I was not even aware that it was… so I keep getting hits and request for friendship all for Paige, I delete and block them all. 

So, one night I came home from work… I work second shift and reached home every night apx. 1pm to 2pm… nothing much on TV,so I checked my phone and I saw a few messages , so I went on looking around, playing with it, I notice the feature “shake “ and I tried it.  24 faces pops up and I looked through them and in the lot I came across this face, he had blue eyes and a nice smile, no name, so I decided to send out a “ hi cutey”  and of course he reply “ hi sexy” I liked his face, my Kinda guy I thought, I have always liked blue eyes.

And so we start t a conversation; this was on December 6th, at 4am in the morning.

I reply. “How do you know this?

He said, I know everything “Am I bothering you?”

 I came back with, “LOL NO”

He laughed, “Ha-ha! Ok maybe I’m a bit silly! But hey it’s 4am in the morning

 I smile thinking he’s right. So I asked,

“why no name?’

He said, “oh sorry…. My name is Allen.  I forget I did that.

“How come you are up?’ I asked, and I responded to  his name, “Allen, ok that’s good.

Well I’m about to go to sleep friend just left… wanted to see what kinds of crazy girls might be up this late hour looking for some cock?!?! Ha-ha was his reply.

I laughed, I thought that was funny, so I said in reply, “me too, going to sleep, not looking for no cock, have my toys they are good enough.”

He said, “Oh I see… well then you just haven’t had me then 🙂

I laughed thinking this guy is hilarious; I like him he is fuuuny.

I say” just came in from work”

He then says ‘I’m just playing ……I’m sure they can stay longer than me[Symbol]

I said, ‘sure can’, all the time smiling, I was liking this guy and his sense of humor

Then he said, ‘although I’m good for hours.’

Me, ‘ooooh really’.

And he continued, ‘and I throb….damn… I’m sure I can’t compete……unless you want to be choked or something!!! Ha-ha.’ 

 So I said, ‘so said all men until’ ….

Well… that’s so true. I’m sure, Said he.

 I was all smiles, I was enjoying this little conversation and I had to tell him, so I said, ‘you are so funny and sounds crazy and horny.’

And he continued, ‘and so I will be honest and say that I’ve had girls that made wonder if I was gay, couldn’t get or stay hard.’

I give out, ‘what!???…. This happen to a man like you?

He’s still going, ‘and then I would meet a girl who could keep me up while I fell asleep after my fifth nut I swear!!

“It happens I know” I said to him, [of course I know, being there done that ]

Then he says, ‘yup I swear…. To me it is all a connection or not.’

‘That’s right’ I said.

He then said, ‘dol will either fuck up brains out or be that guy!!!! Ha-ha so wow… I am an under performer on paper…. I can’t sell me for shit!

 I did not quite get the gist but I figure he sounds like a player, someone who likes to have some fun. So I said to him, ‘you sound like you have been around the block a few times’.

He laughed, ‘ha ha! I have a small neighborhood! So my block is tiny. Ok so I said who I am ….. Who am I talking to?

I responded to the tiny block conversation, I said. ‘so you need to move to a bigger neighborhood,’ oh you can call me Wakanita;’ how old are you Allen’?  I hope you are not a minor’…. I was thinking maybe I am here flirting with a very young guy, and I did not want entertain  or lead on any too of a young guy even though I am enjoying this little conversation.

 He said, ‘good god’ 

 I give out, ‘what?

He continues to say, ‘I’m 83 this month; that a Kinda old picture; OK I’m just playing.’

 I said, ‘are you serious?’

‘I am 42’, he then said.

I said, ‘oh good;’……….. I was then thinking perfect age, I can flirt all I want, Wonderful.

He then finished by saying, ‘but I look 52; so that’s a plus; so you are Wendy?

 Then he lost me again saying something I did not quite understand, ‘because truth I advertising say….. I was closer than you.

I started to say something too and I started to delete it but send it by mistake, and I answered I said to him, “yes I am Wendy”; you lost me though.

 Then he went to inform me about his sexuality, ‘well I have rather a large cock… and I can fuck for hours…and I have never met a woman who can wear me out…I  like to have fun with someone who is fun and open…. That is my only real deal.’

I thought, oh boy, that’s being open and honest for you, so I said, ‘oh I see…. You are just looking for some sex? Me….. I just want some conversation and some laughs…..and you seems like you got some.’  He stops writing so I thought maybe he fell asleep, after all it was now 4:30am. So I asked, ‘went to sleep.’

And even though sex is my favorite topic and if I let loose right now I probably could have some laughs,  and some fun… but I don’t much  feel like entertaining this…I don’t want him to think I am after some cock… 

He then answered me, ‘well maybe… but I can understand that! It was fun chatting either way.’

I thought he wanted to stop talking, so I told him, ‘well Allen I have to get my beauty sleep.’ ‘Same here’.

He comes back with, ‘damn! You must be super fucking hot! Beauty sleep started half a day ago! Oh well… Story of my life. Ha-ha!! Night.

I liked this guy, he is funny and humorous, I would love to talk to him again, he is good for some laugh; so I asked him, ‘is it ok to link up you another day?’

He told me, ‘it’s up to you… I for real don’t get on here much… I thought it was fake till we just had fun!

I thought, oh my, he also enjoy the conversation, ‘ha ha… funny funny funny.’ ‘I don’t either.’

I was smiling feeling so pleased that he enjoyed our little conversation…

Then he says, ‘ok so I hope you are the black girl in the picture…Js.’ ‘I’m waiting and smiling!!!

I thought, OMG!!!!  Is he thinking I’m Paige…  then it hit me!!!! It’s Paige he likes; if I tell him it’s me, he might not want to talk to me, (next to Paige, I’m old and not as attractive) I won’t hear from him again, and I want some more of this conversation, I like him, he is cute and funny…. I am going to play along because I wanted another chance to connect with him.

So I said, ‘black girl? You think I am black? Are you back (black?)

I was trying to be srcastic… because I don’t consider us as black…. we are exotic..

He said, ‘no silly I’m not black or back! I am Irish! Black hair blue eyes.’

 I interjected, ‘I like them white.’ … was Kinda lame but…. Then I said, Ooh my favorite cousin is Irish.’ …… and there goes my first lie in pretense I was Paige.[ On the road to destruction.}

He then lost me again with, ‘Jesus I thought we passes the politically correct time of 10pm.’

 I did not know wtf he was talking about. 

Then he said really?  Oh wait, that may be the don’t make a voice call…. Damn…’

  I thought he was telling me he has to go so I told him, ‘sorry bye and goodnight.’ 

He then said, ‘ok so I have boundaries…. But clearly they are loose! Oh damn I thought we were having fun? No? Ok… well I’m sorry if I upset you…. Not my intention… night bye.

I said, ‘he is very hot-tempered too; he’s cool though; bye … until….

I ended our conversation because I was not quite understanding his statements; I keep on thinking he want to stop and then he says something else to continue and it was now almost 5am.

He said,’ now; wait was that an option? Hahaha; ok probably not! Dammit. Oh I love that this tells me you read it though!!!! But damn… I feel super rude… So I am going to bed and stop being creepy… night.

I read his messages and I went off to bed smiling, I did like and enjoy our little encounter and thought I will try again to talk to him. Just for conversation, he is rather amusing and I like that. I have never before done this, but it was fun even though he thinks I am Paige, but no harm done, he won’t know the difference. I just want to talk to him again, I like his humor and he is cute with those captivating blue eyes and that winning smile.

So I told Paige all about him and how much he likes her, she said but auntie Wendy, it’s not me talking to him, it’s you, so he likes you not me.” I told her it’s her picture he likes, he would not to talk to an old fart like me, and anyways what he doesn’t know won’t hurt him, after all its just conversation….. Little did I know….

EVEN THOUGH HE WAS VERY SEXUAL AND OVER THE TOP WITH IT… I ACTUALLY FIND HIM SO AMUSING AND THOUGHT IT FUN AND VERY ENTERTAINING … I DID DRIFT OFF TO SLEEP SMILING WITH A PICTURE OF HIS FACE IN MY MIND..

THAT WAS AS EASY AS THAT …TO PEEK MY INTEREST AND HAVING ME WANTING MORE CONVERSATION AND HAVE ME SMILING AND ANTICIPATING OUR NEXT CONNECTION. I’M GOING TO LEARN SOON ENOUGH, JUST HOW POWERFUL WORDS CAN BE AND HOW ONE CAN EASILY GET CAUGHTUP AND DRAWN INTO AN EMOTIONAL AFFAIR ONLINE… WITH JUST WORDS…

 

 ***********************

TO BE CONTINUED…..

MOMENTS OF WEAKNESS…

All my life I find I have been doing for everyone that asked for my help… and I do it even at my own Inconvenience… and at the time in question I always gladly oblige willingly without complaints..

I always tell myself I’m paying forward.. but as time goes by.. over the years I come to realize that my good deeds is mostly not appreciated or reciprocated by those I was kind to…

I used to overlook all this telling myself that I will one day reap the benefits of my good will…and I I have done it from the good of my heart…

But…

I come to realize … that I’m only fooling myself waiting In expectation to gain from my investment…

So now I’m becoming annoyed and a little bitter … always doing without any returns…. and I started to feel used and abused ….

Then I stopped to think 🤔….hmm..?????

Don’t I allow it by always agreeing to help..why can’t I say no or complain to the responsibility party… so to feel justified instead of keeping this anguish bottled up inside?????…

Could it be because I’m a coward!!!!…

Does it makes me a hypocrite????……

Isn’t NO an answer from GOD????!!!!..

Here’s a good example of a scenario of my good deeds and not getting back in return…

I had been the least successful one in my teenage years to thirty… both of my sisters end up with good job positions… while I couldn’t hold down a decent one….

I struggled financially for all those years..until life smiles on me when I made the choice of marrying my second husband … my family was very amused at my choice and even make it the biggest joke…

You see my husband was an American and an artist… he was older and wasn’t easy on the eyes…but he sure has a heart of gold…that I guess …couldn’t be seen by anyone but me..

Anyways this marriage works in my favor that I get the opportunity to come to America… and my life went in an accession and elevate.… it took off and I went with it…

In two years I bought my home… and became the first to own a house… and for the next few years Both my sisters came to stay with me while they tried to get settled here… and I allowed them to come in my home and treat me like I was in theirs …

I also helped them out financially when needed…was a gift never a loan…

And twenty years down the line.. they are doing well enough for themselves… and I feel into a ditch.. and needed some financial assistance to get me out…

And I asked my sisters to help… and even though they could neither one came through for me…

I shook my head… it sadden me … and I think… why when it’s my turn to receive .. it’s never possible…

That’s is only one scenario that stands out..

The saying that goes.. ” you don’t do to receive because your blessing will come….”

Is all good.. and I have great testimonies of being blessed with crossing paths with some most wonderful and amazing people who have done so much for me without me reciprocating the favor..

And I’m full of gratitude and always keep these people close..

But…

I can’t help feeling abused when I’m taken for granted and being used… and for all the good it does for me… I allowed myself to be used because it’s my WEAKNESS…

And being a coward and a hypocrite is my way of dealing with it all… NO is not in my vocabulary when asked…

So I suffer the consequences of not being able to be honest with everyone and not being true to myself….

Being too kind and trying to be too helpful has its repercussions … I tend to inconvenience myself to please the ones I’m trying to help..

And most times they have no gratitude and think they are entitled and treat me as if it’s my obligation..

*************+++++***************+++++

TO BE CONTINUED…

Part 2..

Second scenario…” the freeloader.”

THE CINDERELLA ROLE….

Pot wash and draining
A clean and empty kitchen sink

Maan… everyone treats me like the stepchild in my home… especially when it comes to the kitchen….

I cook.. and I have to do the dishes and pots and floors… I do allow this treatment to an extent because I realize that complaining or asking for help doesn’t actually have any effect…

But…

I do get so annoyed sometimes to the point of anger…and sometimes lash out verbally in a belligerent attitude…

And they will take heed and wash their own dishes for a day but it never lasted more than a day…

So I keep on acting the part of a live in maid.. consoling myself with the thought that….it’s my choice and it’s my kitchen so I have to keep it clean…

Some days I am so ambivalent… and cannot make up my mind about deciding how to deal with it all…

I go through my emotions quietly because I tend to get very aggressive and say things which causes a negative reaction…

I think of leaving for a while…

But I fear what would take place when I’m gone. I would come back to a messy house…I also know that I would not be completely comfortable anywhere else.. for too long…

So I needed a solution… and nothing is coming through to me..

And I only make matters worse when I took in my niece and nephew… they only add to my distress..

Because they just follow suit and I get stuck with additional work…

I get really flustered sometimes and a little frustrated… and I’m trying not to act petty with being vindictive like.. not cooking… or just leave the sink full of dirty dishes..

Nah… I couldn’t sleep if I know that the kitchen is untidy… and I would feel super guilty to know they are hungry….

I just can’t win for losing….

Guess only option is to continue being the stepchild in this home… and get on with my Cinderella role…😊☺️😌

MEMORIES OF YESTERDAY…

My brother And I… CHEERS 🥂

GRANDMA 👵 COOKING…

One of my fondest and favorite memories of my childhood days … is my grandma’s cooking…

My brother and I were very fortunate to live most of my childhood with grandma…

We were a very big family … my grandma mothered ten children including my dad…

So she was always in the kitchen fixing something delicious to feed her flock… whenever I see her in the kitchen I become very anxious and impatient for whatever she was fixing to eat…

As I get older I used to find the excuse of trying to help although I always seem to get in her way…. I just wanted to see what she was making…

Every meal grandma makes was so scrumptiously delicious… so every meal time was a great pleasure for me and my siblings..

I always admire her for her dedication to feed us … and holidays was a treat … she would prepare her most favorite recipes and she would invite all of her grown kids and family over…

We would all sit in groups talking and mingling and just enjoying each other company..

And when it’s time to eat everyone would eagerly gather at the table and dive in to a most appetizing and enjoyable meal… every one commenting on her different recipes and complimenting her on just how good it all is..

She would just shrug her shoulders and waved them off as if it was nothing special…and to her it probably was not.. it just comes natural to her..

But..

To me and everyone at that dining table…

It was a thrill just to be there to partake and enjoy that most delicious meal prepared so graciously..

And to top it off .. she would have the most tastiest dessert..that of course she baked herself..

Christmas Dinner was always a nine meal course.. including our famous Christmas drink “The Sorrel “…

She always makes two versions..one for the adults.. with rum or wine..

And one for the kids.. without..

How I miss my grandma.. and the great cook she was… I crave her meals right now….she was definitely my fondest memory…she really makes my childhood memorable with her talented cooking…

GETTING LOCKED OUT… of your own house 🏠….☺️😊

I have a habit of going to my neighbor’s to hang out….

I usually have a spare key 🔑 for my door but..

My nephew came to stay with me and I gave him that spare key..

So this afternoon I decided to go see my neighbor and I did say to him ..

” please don’t lock me out “….

I spent a couple of hours with my neighbor..

We had a glass of wine 🍷

Eat a bowl of ice cream 🍨…watch a little tv program..

And then head back over.. my cat 🐈 she scared 😦 me running up to meet me… wanting to get inside too..

Lo and behold .. the door is locked.. I rang the door bell..for about two minutes..

Oops 😬!!! I don’t have my nephew’s phone number…

But….

My daughter in law is home…

So I called her number…no answer.. So I texted… still no answer…

Is she just being spiteful. Or is she sleeping 😴??!!!!

As I stand there.. getting a little impatient.. a little irritable 😠… I tried to maintain my composure…

The mosquitoes 🦟 are on the rampage … they are feasting on me.. and I happen to be wearing shorts…

How can I get to quan… my daughter in law is being the bitch she is… completely ignoring me.. how many times I had to get up out my bed …. just to let her in when her fiancée locked her out..???!!!!

Anyways she’s not going to be an option right now…

And then it dawned on me… I can call my brother or my neicy to get his number… and that’s what I did..

So I got in… and look whose up and is in the kitchen.. hmm 🤔… I guess I was right to think she was just ignoring my ass…

Oooh well!!!!

Lesson learned..

I will never take the chance of leaving without my keys ..again..

It’s definitely not a good feeling…when you can’t get into your own house… and I am so glad I did not lose my cool and get mad 😡…

It’s always work out best when one is calm enough to think 🤔 logically…

I was out there for about ten minutes which could have lasted much longer…

So .. I’m very pleased to be on the inside… well at least the mosquitoes 🦟 were very happy 😃 at my mishap… they got their fill..

BEING A MOM… VS… BEING A GRANDMA…

So sweet she is
My most beautiful granddaughter…

It’s so amazing how we think so very differently as we aged enough to experience the joy of being called grandma…

Maybe it’s the experience of age..

Maybe it’s just living to see your children having children…

Or maybe it’s the journey through life that leaves us with the changes and experiences that make us think differently and treat the grand offsprings with such differences compared to how we treated our own children…

I’m so happy to be able to be alive to experience the grandchildren I have now…

But…

I do realize that I have such a different attitude and approach with them than I ever had with their parents..

I show more patience …

More understanding….

More eagerness…

I reflect back sometimes and it makes me sad sad 😞 to remember how impatient I was…how much I lack understanding…

And just how apathetic I was…

Yet I know I have loved my kids… as much as any mother could… but.. I lack that interest to give my all…

We call it discipline .. we call it structure .. we call it teaching…

Yet just years later we forget why and how we did what we did.. and doesn’t apply it to our grandchildren….

We have a complete set of new rules and expect our kids to take our new found advice and abide by them… when dealing with their kids…

My son had to remind me of how I scolded him for some kind of behavior I was insisting that he doesn’t do when he was trying to discipline his baby…

And I tried so hard to justify my then actions.. so he could understand my now reasoning for not wanting him to apply such.. with his daughter…

Life really teaches us.. and it brings changes… of how we see everything…

I have to really restrain myself from interfering with his methods of discipline… and allow him to be the father to his daughter.. whether or not I approve or not…

I guess we all have different values we try to instill in our kids…every parent have their very own…and we just have to allow and respect each and every one to be the boss of their kids upbringing…

Just as I have learned along way… I think so will everyone else too…

So I will continue to enjoy my sweet and adorable grandbabies… when I do get the chance…

And leave my kids to their parenting skills… afterall … they are the boss of them…

BESTIES 👯….TILL NOT …. Cory… part 3

ALL GOOD THINGS MUST END…

We were doing well until about two months down the line.. you see Cory has his own preferences and likes… and he confided in me these things…

I indulge him when he first told me… we all have something we are into that’s our personal secrets..

So I understood this and let him go on about it.. I even encouraged him and give him room to express his feelings… I joked with him and entertained his habits even it was not something I particularly find joy in…

After a while when I realize that he chooses to share much too often these likes with photos…videos… or little jokes which tickles him …. but actually annoys me or as much as repulse me .. I asked him kindly not to share anymore with me because I don’t enjoy them …

He agrees but he continues to send them to me… so on this particular day he sent me some photos which he finds very interesting… and I guess amusing…

I said to him…

” Cory I Don’t find joy in these photos.. please stop sending me them”…

It was a text message…

Maan…. did he get upset…

He started to call me selfish and controlling….and claimed that he would never tell me to stop sending him photos even if he doesn’t like them..

He proceeded to call me 🤙 directly and we ended up in an heated argument … me being very belligerent and him criticizing my character.. trying to tell me how I am and how I like to control things.. I

I even reminded him of an incident where he did not like a inspirational video I sent because he had very different opinions and views about these kinds of videos….

We did have a discussion about it with me trying to convince him to see it through my eyes… and I had to end up accepting defeat and I promise him I will not share anymore of these kind of videos with him…

And I didn’t anymore…

I totally disagree with the fact that I am controlling and telling I own my right to choose what I like or don’t…

We were talking verbally and I’m very weak in conversation verbally… especially when I’m getting angry…

I ask him why is he attacking my character and why is he questioning my morals and dignity…

He continues to say how very selfish I am and how I am ; giving me all kinds of examples from our pass conversations…

So after I realize I’m here trying to justify my self and trying to explain too much to him .. just because I asked him not to send me those pics…

I hung up with him…

After I calm down a little.. I sent him a text asking him to let’s move past this topic seeing that we have established what I am and who I am…

He responded back .. agreeing to do so…

I did not hear from him the next few days.. he ignored all my text messages .. so I give a couple more days and send him another text…

I asked him if his lack of communication means that our friendship is over… he responded back that we have nothing to talk about unless I call him directly without the texting mode…

To be honest I was kinda annoyed with his attitude… so I told him I will call him another day…

And I told him I hope we can move on with our friendship as is .. and put all this stuff behind us…

He again tells me it’s just me trying to control everything and it’s only about what I want… he said he is not finished with our conversation as yet..

oooh boy!!!(sigh)…..

I just texted ok..

And stop …

After two days I decided to call him like he requested.. and it wasn’t long before we ended up back where we left off..I tried my best to explain and begging 🥺 him to just drop it.. because I don’t see the sense in us arguing about a subject that has no relevance to what started the whole thing.. me asking him to stop sending me those pictures….

But he just wouldn’t let go.. and then he mentioned that he was not the only one that thinks I’m controlling…

Now this started a whole new argument…because I got really upset asking him who is The others… because there is no others in our circle…

So after a few minutes of debating on that and I came up with the conclusion that the other can only be ABBEY…. she is our only mutual connection… I ended our conversation again…

Of course this really did not go well with him…but I cannot have a reasonable discussion when I’m upset….

so I sent him another text message pleading with him to let get past this phase and move forward….

He was at all receptive to this suggestion because he said we have unfinished topics…

So I let another couple days go by before I attempt again to resume our communication… he also refused to connect with me…leaving me thinking that he was waiting on me to make the first move….

I really didn’t want us to end on this note or was I willing to give up on our friendship; and so I try to be the more mature one and make that attempt to resolve our differences…

However before I call I sent him a text stating that I really want to move beyond our dispute … asking him to let’s leave it where it is…

He somehow agrees and so I called…

The conversation started on a very good note…and we talked about other subjects until he decided he wanted to mention something pertaining to the past conversations..

I allowed him.. thinking I’m going to stay as calm as I can and try to see if I can answer his questions and move away from it..

But.. again it spiral out of control and he made comments that really irks me… and I couldn’t get him to change the subject so I abruptly hang up… i was very mad at him and myself for allowing him to get me to this point..

And so I send him this last text….

I have had enough of your questioning of me..

I think it’s time for me to exit on this relationship we call friendship…

I can’t do this anymore..

You obviously can’t accept me as is and so you have the choice not to…

It was good while it lasted

I’m just too old to be trying to explain myself and justify me to ya..

We were just friends…

Not enough for you to convict me and crucify me for being me…

Goodbye 👋 Cory.

I hate how you twist everything around to suit you

And contradicts yourself.

Just so you can pin me in a corner..

You

Just pushed me over the edge…

So you just killed me with everything we were….

You win

You successfully destroyed me.. and our friendship..”

I know I was very impulsive but I just had about enough of those irrelevant subject…

So I thought I would give him a break for us to forget all this nonsense…

I know my text sounded final.. but I’m hoping I can resume connection after some time have passed…

***********************************

TO BE CONTINUED….