MY EMOTIONAL AFFAIR…AN ABRUPT ENDING…

LOVE 💕 IS SWEET

How do you calm your heart when the source of your love decided to replace you.. and walk away…

How do you stop all this emotions from overflowing and drain you of all your joy…

What measures can you take to prevent you from getting a panic attack with the thought that there will never be another him and you…

How do you come to terms with it.. how do you stop the tears… how do you just get over seven long years… of memories….

How do you close your mind.. close your heart…

How do you block all that you have shared…

I need to run away.. but there is no where to run… I need to lock myself away..from the whole world… but I can’t find nowhere to hide….

I tried to be patient.. I tried to be understanding..

I tried to be positive…

But so many signs..

His lack of sharing

  • His lack of communication
  • His lack of interest…
  • His lack of acknowledgement…
  • He has become evasive…
  • Always too busy for you….

He only talks about hisself… he ignores anything you say to him.. his response is slow… and contain one word….

You can feel you no longer hold any joy for him… he makes you feel like a nuisance…

I guess after seven years of distance.. you become boring… and he yearn for someone more exciting.. more fun.. more appealing.. more interesting…

And you have to admit that this make believe world of fantasy could not last forever…

And you have to gracefully bow out and Continued to live your life in dreams of yesterday’… when love was so good… when the world was a happy place…

And you just hang on to those happy times.. and through the tears.. we smile as we reminisce.. and remember.. we had it all. For just a moment…

SHATTERED HEART !!!

Seven years of blissful memories.. when we share our world…so much that they become intertwined… and to untangle it now is going to be hard…

Letting go will be hard.. and getting used to not having him as part of my daily life..going to be a big challenge … but all good things must come to an end …

THE END….

ONLINE DATING: THE RISE &FALL OF FOREST ANGELS/ HELL ANGELS…part 7

THIS IS REBLOG…

FOREST ANGELS…..

WE PLAYED EVERYDAY FOR THE FIRST TWO WEEKS… ERICA AND I GOT MOST OF THE PLAYTIME.. WE HAD JENNY JOINED OUR GROUP ABOUT A WEEK AFTER BUT SOMEHOW SHE ONLY SERVED TO ADD SPICE TO OUR SESSIONS.. SHE WAS A VERY SENSUAL ADDITION… SHE NEVER PLAYED  ACTIVELY WITH US…BUT HER PRESENCE WAS ALWAYS THERE…

NELLY ALSO WAS NOT ABLE TO PARTICIPATE TOO OFTEN AND ONLY JOINED US OCCASIONALLY… SHE WAS A BLAST TO HAVE HER INVOLVED… SHE WAS INTO THINGS WE WERE NOT… FIFTY SHADES OF GREY… AND SO SHE BRINGS  AND INTRODUCED THESE ROLE PLAY IN AND WE ALL GO FOR IT…

We were all in sync, enjoying each other as lovers and as friends… The angels were humorous and so was FOREST… he was having a ball with the four of us… He kept us horny and if he couldn’t play he would send us very provocative and stimulating videos..

we all grew attached to him in our own way… we found out beneath and behind his sexual facade… that he really was a nice compassionate and sweet man..there was more to him .. surprisingly …We try not to get too personal though…

The angels were talking among themselves; (forming of “HELL ANGELS”) and sharing personal information….with each other and becoming fast friends… It was here we learned and talked about our personal struggles and our everyday happenings… encourage… inspired.. motivates….. and form a lasting bond..

So back to “FOREST ANGELS”….

Forest hit us up with a good morning angels…

-erica:..    goodmorning my irish cream…

-Jenny:    morning my sexy peeps…

-Nelly: good morning forest…

-You:    Good Morning Sweet Lover and angels..

-forest:   what you all doing ladies???? Horny as fuck…

 

– You:   Oooooh forest.. I’m here daydreaming of your hard.. Stiff….Juicy..,rock hard.. Cock Just pumping my Hott soaking wet pussy.. As it clenches and gripping that nine inches  fuck meat.. Enjoying you thrusting and raming that cock deeeep… And haaard… Moving and pushing into you..as you hold my hips.. Pulling me in .. Aaaah.. Oooooh .. Fuck me lover….

– You: Fuck me gooooooddOooooh…

– Forest:     ooh yeah wendy.. I’d be Fucking ramming that juicy cunt…
– Erica..,: I’m so wet… come and play with us master…
– You:       Yeeeaah. Yessss Yessss….Don’t stop!!!….Erica.. Come here baby…
– Erica..,:      Yes ma’am
– Forest:    Yeah… angels..that’s it…
– You:       Slide under my mouth
– Forest:     Let daddy watch y’all fuck each other
– You:     Let me taste you….. Mmmmmm
– Forest:   Stroking my fucking cock… so hard… suck that pussy wendy…
– Erica..,: Mmmmmm yes… feels so good.. daddy you love how wett I am for you..
– You:    Wett…..Juicy… lover come kiss some of this tasty juice off my lips…
– You:     Hand me that silver bullet… Let me fuck you as I lick and suck your big engrossed clit…

– Erica..,:     Oh yes angel..pleeeassseee????
– Forest:     Good girls…. daddy love when you love each other…
– You:      Daddy o.. stick that hard  cock in Her mouth… Fuck her face…
– Erica..,: Yes daddy… I need your cock….
– You:    I’m slowly putting this silver bullet in.. inch by inch…loving how it vibrating…
– Erica..,:    Mmmm…. it’s driving me crazy baby…
– You:         Rubbing your thighs… as they shake with anxiety and excitement…
– Forest:      I mount your fucking face
– You:       Mmmmmm…lover.. you look good in her mouth…Tastsy…
– Forest:      Show me a pic of your open mouth
– You:           Mmmmmm.. Suck his big cock Erica as IM Fuckiin you deep and hard.. All the way in… and all the way out…  slowly…. And again in hard.. Deep…
– Forest:      Take this man meat you naughty lil angel…
– You:          Make her gag…Hold her throat… help it down…
– Erica..,:      Photo

erica send the photo he requested…
– You: put it down deep …she can take it. .. Suck that cock Erica…

– Erica..,:      Mmmmmmmmm… (licking… sucking  and loving how he taste)

– You:     Milk that cock… Look so tasty… Mmmming… kitty is begging for some… she is twitching fervently…
– Erica..,: Choke me with it daddy
– You:      Erica I want to feel this vibrating silver bullet in my kitty..
– Erica..,: Mmmmmm…..I’ll put it there..
– You:    I love the way it looks in you…
– You:     daddy fuck erica while she use that silver bullet on me…
– Erica..,  :yesss Daddy .. fill me up with your hard wett throbbing dick… and make me squirt all over you…
– Forest:     Fuckin balls slapping your chin as I fuck your mouth
– You:        come over here lover.. Fuck my ass as she fuck my pussy

– You:      Oooooh yeah.. Erica reahed up and squeezed his hanging balls.
– Erica..,:   Yumm….slap my face daddy

– Forest: You want some fucking cock in your ass my lil angel..
– Erica..,: Yes daddy

– You: Yessss!!!!Please sweetlover….My ass is winking…Begging to be fucked…Pleeesse … now..
– Erica..,: Photo …

Erica sent a photo of her beautiful sexy ass…
– Erica..,:    Ass in the air take it… I’m ready for you master.

– You:     Mmmm … let’s Switch it up… Mine then yours…. but Fuck me  first please…
– Forest:   Face down ass up my lil sex slaves..  Reach back and pull your fucking holes open…oooh yesss…
– You:    Plunge all that nine inches in.. I’m Pulling wide..
– Erica..,:     Yes daddy ooooooooo
– You:       Aaaaaaah… Yes… love the feel of that glorious man meat…as it slide in and out….
– You:     Kiss me Erica?

– Erica..,:     Muahhhhhh…
– You:         Slap my ass daddy….
– Forest:     Fucking spitting on your assholes
– Erica..,:    Oil us up daddy… make it slick and slippery…
– You:     Make it sting….put a finger in mine as you do erica..
– Forest:   I’m gonna stick my fucking tongue in your asses….Cuz I’m that fucking nasty….
– You:      Ooooh yeah… be very nasty lover… make us gushed…

– You:     Be nasty….Be very nasty….
– Erica..,:    We like you nasty…stick a finger in my snatch as you lick my asshole….
– Forest:      Stretching your assholes open
– You:        Lick this butt hole
– Erica..,:     Spank me red daddy

– Forest:     Then start tongue fucking
– You:       Yessss – Here you are… tongue fuck me…
– Erica..,:   Bite me…
– Forest:    Back and forth…. Fucking slapping asses hard…
– You:    Oooooh godddd….I’m Cummin… don’t stop lover…
– Forest:     Mmmmmmmmm yesssss…. glaze me…
– You:    Oooooh Shiiiiiit!!!!!
– Erica..,:    Mmmmmmmm…..hurts so good
– Forest: God I fucking love your assholes…
– Erica..,:     Love your cock daddy…
– You:       Oooh yeah. Love that tongue tooo…
– Erica..,:    Harder and deeper
– You:         Lick it.. Fuck it
– Erica..,:     Photo …

a another photo from erica….

 
– You:   Use your fingers in mine lover….
– Erica..,:  This ass hole is loving your hard cock as it darts in and out….

– Forest: Yesssssss…. Darting my tongues in an out your fucking naughty assholes…
– You:      Put a finger In my pussy too – Ooooooohhhhhhh…yesssss….
– Forest:     Start finger fucking both your holes
– Erica..,:     Reaching under and rubbing my clit
– You:         Yeeeaah
– Foest:      Finding those gspots
– Erica..,: Mmmmmmmmmmm
– You:       Mmmmmm
– Forest:   Tweaking the fuck outta them
– Erica..,:    Make me squirt daddy
– You:        Oooooh foooorrreesssttt
– Erica..,: Ooooooooooo mmmmmmmmmmm
– You:      Fuck me.. Fuck me. Fuuuuccckkkk meeeee
– Forest:    Faster and faster fingers tickling your gspots
– Erica..,: I’m cummmmmmmming
– Forest:      Fucking cock lovers.
– Erica..,:    Mmmmmmmmmmmmmm
– Forest:    I fucking love yall
– You:      Oooooh Fucckkk Yeeeaah

– You:     Don’t stop
– Forest: Ready to get your asses plugged?
– You: I’m Cummin again…. Plugged it… fill it up with cock…
– Erica..,: Love you too lover…..Yes daddy…

We played for another half-an-hour taking turns with Forest… we had such a good time making virtual love with each other… Nelly join in later on and we played a scenario with forest tied up and we teased him to the limit … make him watch us do each other with a strap on.. while Erica oil him and touching him closely but not fully … putting her lips so close and blowing on his hard bobbing cock.. him hiesting his hips so high urging her to take him in… 

then nelly straddled him and tease him with touching the tip of his cock with her kitty and moving away while she dribble juices all over him… he was oozing precum and bouncing in excitement… 

Erica was on his face with her kitty in his mouth… her eyes closed… enjoying his tongue as it lick and dart in and out of her oozing wett juicy cunt.. she was fucking his face as he groan with slobbering sounds…

proceed to love on his chest biting and nibbling on his nipples moving down to his belly button and kissing his groin area … rubbing my thumb ever so gently under the tip of his cock.. and …O.M.G.!!!!!  he shoots his spunk with such a force hitting the ceiling and all over my face…  Nelly start to stroke his pulsating cock… and Erica came over… squeezing his nuts and gently rubbing them…

forest squealed with pure pleasure and cum again spewing more spunk as he jerk and shaking in divine ecstasy…
Jenny pop in ever so often with a comment here and there… “damn hott”…. “Give it him angels”….ect. ect.ect…

Our playtime lasted continuously for a little more than a month… and one day we came on to find forest being suspended… The angels was devastated and we misses forest so much… We were all mad and so angry that someone reported him and got him suspended.

But we all had each other to talk to … Forest came back a week after but he was not the same and Nelly has left the group.. then Jenny and it dispersed… The Hell Angels was still intact and we continue without Forest…. Who by then has changed his profile and stop communicating with us… The fall of “FOREST ANGELS”….

We all were a little hurt by his actions… but we all accept it knowing it was a game to us and it was over…

The angels stayed together up today…  we all meet in Louisiana… we had a blast of a time getting to know each other personally… We always give thanks to Forest for bringing us together.. It’s a very strange way for a lasting friendship to form… but it is a bond that was creates by four girls with all similar likes… and common attitude…

We now encourage each other.. cheer on each other… love each other… and be there for each other… not a day go by we don’t say Hi and connect…So here’s to the four “Hell Angels” that fly together… WENDY….. ERICA….NELLY….JENNY…

COOKING DUTCH WITH PATRICK…

CREAM SPINACH/TOPPED WITH BOILED EGGS…

Patrick is from the Netherlands… he loves to cook.. he is very creative in the kitchen and can make the simplest of dishes seem utterly delicious…

He takes great pride in preparing these scrumptious recipes… and his presentation is delightfully appealing and mouth watering..

He can always create a desire to crave…. by just featuring his meals..

He is happiest when he is creating a recipe to delight his family… and to help with creating the best atmosphere and the perfect mood … he find his favorite upbeat songs to play… singing along with joy as he busily finishes his dish step by step.

He truly enjoy preparing his dishes with so much pleasure he includes his favorite upbeat songs singing along with joy as he busily finishes his dish step by step….

He is One most amazing Dutch chef Who prepare the most delicious 😋 dishes….

Join me as he share this dish he called….

PROTEIN POWER…

This is a chicken dish… first step..

Chicken with onion

Boneless chicken cut in small pieces..

Add onions

Added optional ingredients… green peppers..( paprika) bacon…

Put some eggs to be boiled .. the amount by choice… will be used as a garish or topping…

Let simmer on medium heat… until fully cooked..season to taste…

Fix a green salad of your choice …. such as …

lettuce…. spinach……

Prepare eggs to top dish.. serve and enjoy… a peanut sauce could be use to bring it all together…

So please enjoy this simple ..protein packed dish.

Watch out for my next dish in

COOKING DUTCH WITH PATRICK”….

There is a ocean between your heart and me….

music.apple.com/us/album/dont-leave-me-now/1531120313

The heart doesn’t know distances..doesn’t care how far away the object of its love is..

The heart wants what it wants…. even in a make believe world of pure fantasy… it becomes real and feel real…

Loving someone knows no boundaries and love can be found right where you are..

How often does life take two people and just melt them together ‘emotionally in a way that puts them in the same place and time…

This has happened to me more than once.. which makes me big believer in the impossible…

Our world became intertwined and interwoven ….merging two heart from around the globe..oceans in between…

it’s like all of our feelings and senses are totally heightened…We feel like we are experiencing this together.

Our parts have crosses as fate has it..and words are so powerful.. it impossible to resist each other…

We fell for the personality of the other… and we grow and developed an affinity… a unbreakable bond…

Trust became a vital virtue… communication is essential.. and sharing is all we have….

But our hearts 💞 remains true… and although we are loving 🥰 from afar… our heart doesn’t detect the distance between us…

There is an ocean between your heart and mine..

MY EMOTIONAL AFFAIR: MAKE BELIEVE WORLD….

EVERYTHING REAL…

It’s so easy to create a world of make believe to suit your situation…. the heart tend to give the impression that love can conquer and break down every barrier…

It pushes those endorphins through every vain of you body deriving from that rush of adrenaline you get from your bond of connection…

Every emotions you feel… every desire you get… seems so real.. enough so you believe it… and the distance between you closes in… so much you can feel their touch… and all of a sudden your make believe world is created….

MAKE BELIEVE WORLD

Getting emotionally invested.. and getting your heart entangled with someone you will never know… is not recommended….

Because even though you think it’s All innocent and no real harm is committed…when you are pushed out or pushed aside… to make room for someone new.. it still hurts in the same capacity as it was real…

It’s not innocent then…because you become so hurt… you know it’s harmful to those emotionally involved….

Losing their attention and their interest.. is devastating… and so unbelievably surreal … as much as you know that this relationship was never going to materialize.. the emotional investment makes it so hard to willingly walk away….

Getting used to to connect every day allow it to become unbearable not having this privilege anymore…. you form this remarkably affinity…and even though it’s a waste of energy to get all emotional about something way out of your control…

It does have this effect on you… you automatically have uncertainties… follows by doubts… and fear of losing your best friend..

The question is … do you still exercise explicit trust…continue to share… maintain communication… CHANGE NOTHING… and hopes NOTHING CHANGES…

Hope the the bond you created is strong enough to withstand.. the pressure of someone new.. ..

But how much can your heart takes.. will you able to pretend that it’s all good…and ignore the lack of interest and the lack of attention… while secretly being patient with the hope that it wears off soon and he will come back around to you….???

Give them space.. free them up to enjoy their newfound interest… if he really likes you.. he won’t stop.. he is just a little distracted right now with the splendor of the newness… but not everything that glitters is gold…

And if it is meant to be.. if all those memorable moments are special… they might miss you if you give them the space to do so…

It takes a Patient man to ride a donkey… without trust and understanding.. their is no relationship…

TRUST AND SHARING…..

BEAUTIFUL SUNSET 🌇

Building a relationship is never easy… when you meet someone… there is a sweet kind of excitement.. and the desire to be with that person is always in its strongest mode…

After the novelty had worn off… and that special sweetness has dissipated.. you have to find reasons and ways to keep the relationship alive..

You are now emotionally invested.. you lost some of the attention.. those with insecurities will tend to feel neglected.. lose their confidence… and start to have all the negative thoughts possible…

But…

What do you do to retain your status.. and not push away the party with all kinds of petty.. childish and immature behaviors…

Two main virtues that is required … in my personal experiences and in my opinions.. is…

Trust and Sharing…

Yes they are lots of other attributes needed…such as… understanding…. patience… self love… confidence…and trusting his love…

It’s pretty hard when it’s a close personal relationship… when life takes over.. it’s hard to adjust when one partner doesn’t have the time for another .. and their time is totally consumed with everything but you….

All the wrong emotions surfaced .. you started to question everything… doubts became a second nature …. you began to fear losing…, fear of rejection… your bubbly personality is replaced with doubts… and distrust..

Some walked away prematurely.. because they fight with their hats…

Some push away and shut out… the other… then build a barrier around themselves….

Those who don’t have the courage.. or can’t find the strength to leave.. stay and bring misery to the relationship.. and no matter how much the other try to persuade them that it’s all good . They refused to believe .. and can not be convinced to change their thoughts…

Eventually…. the relationship can’t withstand the pressure and fall apart…

Then there is the scenario of a long distance relationship… this is where sharing and trust plays a vital and crucial role in the relationship…

It takes a vast amount of trust to make this relationship works … and good communication is the only connection… sharing each other worlds..is all there is…

And everything is perfect as long as there is open communication..

But..

What happened when one partner decided to stop… become evasive… stop having time for the other… they can be seen online.. but they are not connecting with the other…

This is where trust has to be applied with extremity … but how do the affected party deals with this on a personal level…

They are aware that they can’t control what the next do with the distance in between… they have to be practical and somehow logical.. that they are not the only thing in their life….so they have to give room and space to allow them the freedom…

I guess you just have to make up my mind to share them and their attention…. Sometimes… and fully applied your Faith of trust..

they have to learn that there’s so much more to their life than just communicating with them….

You can’t get too selfish.. with them… because all you really have between you.. is sharing and trust…
and you have to trust them explicitly …
And continue to do so .. unconditionally …

You have to give them space to have fun and fully enjoy their other connections..

Yes.. it’s gonna hurt your feelings… and you might feel a surge of jealousy..

But you have to suffer in silence.. pretending you are strong … give them the impression that you truly trust them.. let them think.. what you don’t know won’t hurt you…

Let them have their laugh…

Time will tell… you may have to walk away eventually… but don’t do it too immaturely…

Take time to make sure they have fully lost all interest and it’s just not a case of being too busy. Too tired.. just need some alone time..

Don’t be too hasty and impulsive… you might live to regret your choice… and don’t voice your negative concerns…

Change nothing… Nothing will change…

We do let our minds and thoughts sometimes take control of us … but we need to block out all negative emotions.. especially if they are just circumstantial… and not concrete evidence…

Exercising trust is very vital to any and every relationship…

Sharing is also essential.. because then each will be assured… and build better trust..

The sunset 🌅 from above…

MYLOVE-LOVE: THE JOY & PAIN OF A FORBIDDEN LOVE ; chapter 9

 

…..In the evening after my doctors visit I sent a text jokingly …telling him that I got a script that only he can fill, and I need to get it fill now.

He laughed … thought I was funny. Then he asks, “what u doin?

I replied that I would love to do him.And that I wish he was here with me.

His response took me by surprise. I really didn’t expect him to play along with my humor…

“Yea me too, but I got the kids with me and they are eating.”

That little text made me feel so special and it leaves me hopeful that he was starting to like me. This is the closest we ever come to talk about us being together, ever.

I text back telling him I understand, and ask about the kids. And if he got to pay his insurance.

He said, “They are ok, and yea I paid it thanks. I needed that.”

After we finished our conversation . I sit there smiling… I was feeling connected to him and hopes that our little dialogue means that he is finally appreciating my friendship.

I play over in my mind our little conversation and my heart was singing with joy because it seems like we are getting closer.

I still had my doubts but talking to him leaves me with some hope. I did not hear from him next couple of days. I did not try to contact him either because I knew he got his babies with him and it’s the weekend and he got all that to do. The studio; the club; the shop ect.

The week came and past without any communication with him… I was a little disappointed that my hopefulness was crumbling… I guess with him it’s just passing through… until next time… I just tell myself I will just take it as it comes…

 

I guess He felt my mood, because he text me that day,

“Wassup, Iam good. I am at the park with the kids.”

I was at work so I could not talk to him…

(You see, I was trying real hard, too hard to be practical & realistic about his feelings. I was thinking for him. I was so busy telling me that  I’m just a fling to him and that he couldn’t or wouldn’t feel for me like that;  I may have miss his true feelings for me and instead of me asking him I presumably  have the answers…and  let my casual attitude do the talking.)

He texted me a few days after…informing me that his phone got wet and he just got it replaced. That’s why He did not respond to my texts.

I felt a little bad about my thoughts…. then. I was quite pleased that he connect with me though..

I find it so amazing , how good it makes me feel to just get a simple text from him.

And I asked myself????….Why is he so damn special? What about him that makes my heart jumps for joy and do a somersault….Why do I place so much importance on him? WHY?

when I think of him it creates the sweetest sensation that run through my whole body. It is this tingling feeling that gives me goose pimples and makes me shudder. I love the feeling.

I heard from him a couple days later,letting me know how busy he was…

I asked him how does he get all this energy from, and that he need to tell me his secret.

. Of course he tries to educate and advice me. He said,” don’t rush or worry, just be cool and enjoy what u work so hard for.”

He also said, “ Im sometimes very tired… I just save it by taking my time.”

I was amused by his statement so I smile ….He doesn’t realize, one of the reasons I liked him so much, and find him so attractive is because he is so Full of energy & life.

And I sit there thinking…..I don’t want to lose him, but how am I going to keep him to me. I don’t have what it takes.

I find myself smiling thinking of MYLOVE-LOVE. He can always put a smile on my face. Wish I could have him close to me so I could just hug him real tight and get one of those juicy kiss of his. Sure love to kiss him so.

The next day…. to my utter delight I got my wish . He came to see me, and OH MY GOD!! It was so good to have him here.

When I open the door and saw it was him.. my face lit up.. my heart leaps joyfully… I was really speechless.. but he stepped in the door.. scoop me up… and humorously say…

Girl just don’t stand there… you know what I came for. ??? “…

He reached the bedroom by then.. gently flung me onto the bed.. playfully jump beside me.. using his lips he started to tickle me on my tummy and sides… I was laughing really hard.. and when I laugh that hard I become weak..

I had to beg him to stop… he did but his lips found mine and he parted my lips with his and kiss me ever so sweetly and deeply… he pulled me closely to him and held me tightly as he could as he continue to kiss me emphatically and explosively….his lips feast on mine…

I lay there in his tight hug.. fully enjoying his amorous kiss.. feeling my body melting in his embrace…

He came up for air and he pushed me on my back as he began to undress me placing light affectionate kisses each step of undressing me… he got off my top and started to nibble on my nipples as he used the base of his palm to massage kitty through my pants…

Kitty was reacting fiercely to his touch.. and I could feel her quickly building to a rupture..

I covered his hand with mine holding his in place as he gently rotate in circular motion…

I softly whispered please don’t stop.. as I heist my hips to meet his hand movements..I felt kitty rising to explode and began moving faster as I urge him on with my hand to match my movements.. he kindly obliged… and kitty reached her peak and blasted off so forcefully that my hips was thrown into the air..

Leaving me screaming his name.. and loudly exclaiming.. yes!!! Yes!!! Ooh yesss.. baby.. baby.. oohhh babyyyy…

I lay there trying to recover from that demoniacal climax… as he hurriedly finished undressing me… he placed my legs on his shoulders and quickly and easily enters me.. kitty felt that hard rock of man meat… and she was ready to cumm again…he thrusts twice and she was sent in another powerful orgasm…

She was clenching and gripping him.. as she climax in blissful ecstasy… this cause him to reach his point of no return as he made one last deep final penetrating thrust…with a huge grunt of great pleasure he burst open and flooded kitty with hot spunk.. he kept jerking for a few seconds as he spurts every drop…

We were both soaked in our sweats and juices… he rolled off me onto the bed breathing as if he just run a marathon… I was not doing much better..

He looks over at me.. smile.. and said..

” girl that was definitely worth coming over for..”

He reached over and playfully disheveled my hair… then learn in and kiss my forehead ..

And said… ” you are amazing … and I jokingly responded… ” yep.. intoxicatingly delicious…”

He giggled and nodded…” yeah.. I would say so”…

We lie there with the covers on us… for a while talking… he asked me if he could smoke a cigarette.. and I allowed him the privilege.. ..

Then he got up and went into the shower… I went in to join him.. offer to do his back.. he was a little distant so I refrain from initiating another sexual session…

He got dressed as I sit and watched him.. I guess I was a bit sullen because he stopped for a moment to asked me.. why do I look so sad…

He hugged me and pulled me to him and said.. I have to go… but I’ll be back..

I looked up on his face smile. Nodded… and bury my face into his chest… and he held me for a few minutes. Then apologetically said he has to go..

I reluctantly let him go… and got up and pulled me up with him.. hugging me as we walked towards the door…

He left me with a luscious kiss a a promise that he’ll see me soon…

His loving was so intense and affectionate. I was left

wondering if he is feeling more for me.

I try not to get overly excited because I could be wrong, I wanted to ask him about ‘us’…but couldn’t get the nerves to… afraid of hearing his answers…

I ‘m thinking…. when he loves me like that though… how can I help but love him … I hoped him coming here tonight means that he liked me some and I prayed, “Dear lord make it so”.

******************************************************

TO BE CONTINUED…….

MATTERS OF THE HEART ♥️

A BROKEN HEART 💔

SHATTERED

In all my adult life.. all the connections I have form.. have ended with a broken heart 💔….

Rejection is one emotions… I became familiar with…. I have cried many a tears .. after being crushed by a lover… I have experience excruciating pain… from being rejected..

CRUSHED

Rejection.. brings and conjured up so many negative thoughts … feelings… and emotions… especially when you are totally invested emotionally….

For some reason… I will be the perfect girl.. until I’m face with rejection. I have never learnt how to deal with this one emotion..

My first reaction is is to run.. get away from the person and the source..I get discouraged… I withdraw in a shell… I become timid. Unsure.. I lose my confident composure..

I get scared of losing.. but don’t know how to hold on… I’m always ready to run…. I pull away.. I stop communicating.. afraid of the answers to any questions I may asked….

What do don’t know won’t hurt you..

What the eyes don’t see…. the heart won’t leap…( get hurt 😢)

All my life… I yearned for someone to love me.. just love me unconditionally ..

Okay .. got married three times.. all ended for some reason or another..

Had a few flings in between and after… nothing permanent…after all fails …..

I decided to try online… I mess up here too.. my first time was a big disaster… the second.. third.. ect.. was not better… still come away with a broken heart…

WORLD APART

I found I have a way with words….. i could use my words to persuade any situation… when I started online… I had many admirers who genuinely likes me… because of what I have to say…I guess I didn’t know the power of my words … and what a huge impact they have…I tried to control the connections until my heart decided to step and get involved…

I find it very hard to keep my emotions out of the equation… I easily catch feelings… I’m always so vulnerable… even though it’s not on a personal basis.. it just virtual.. I struggle to maintain a causal connection… at first I thought I was able to do this without becoming emotionally involved… but before long…I prove myself wrong…

I decided I’m no good at this so I gave it up.. before I had completely dissolved my accounts..I had this one guy that I really liked.. and he said he likes me too…

He suggested we switch corresponding platforms and I agreed.. then he asked me to be exclusive to him.. I again agreed…

I was not having much of fun anymore anyways… and I really like this guy… he was not a fake.. he is as real as they come .. and he communicate with me everyday and he always responded to me no matter what…

I love this and the attention it creates..I really believed he likes me… he started to share his world with me.. so much I grew accustomed to talking to him everyday…

Before I know it .. 7 years has passed… nothing has changed.. except.. for some unknown reasons.. my feelings began to escalate… I realized I’m demanding more of him… yet most days He spent talking to as I wake up and reach out to him.. till he goes off to sleep..

He never ignores me… but I find myself doubting him… for no apparent reason….I’m getting so insecure… and me .. I’m so crazy… expecting him to sit on that phone and talk to non stop…

OThere is .. 4500 miles between us…he has a complete life.. he is not lacking in any department..

He has his family.. and he’s very much involved in their lives.. he got his job.. his friends. His hobbies..

And he has me.. and maybe. Others… an online connection… why he choose to continue to talk to me and share his world… I really don’t know..

But.. I’m not even someone to him..

I’m something.. a connection from another continent.. who thinks he’s most perfect man.. who value all his suggestions.. lessons.. listen intently to his stories and believe every word he said without query… who gets involved in his hobbies… I’m his biggest fan..

I’m not a permanent fix in his life.. I’m not essential to him. I don’t add anything to his life.. he already has it all..

So if I’m not there anymore.. it will never affect him… he can easily cut ties without a second thought…

And this is what hurts so bad… to know he doesn’t need me…

on the flip-side. There stands me..

I’m single… kids grown.. retired ..not much friends.. zero hobbies… so I look to him for entertainment.. I Cling to him for emotional support…. I need him to brighten my day…to give me something to look forward to…. I crave his attention.. I get so involved in his world and his hobbies just so I can stay connected to him….

So now I’m left to step way back and suppressed all this romantic emotions that I choose to develop .. creating the emotional havoc on my heart…. I need to back off and drop it all if I want to continue connecting with him…

Because he’s practical enough to know that this is just friendship. It can not be anything else so why start something that could never materialized….

Yess .. I’m overreacting.. I’m overthinking.. I’m crossing all kinds of unnecessary lines…

He spent hours on the phone with me.. and I’m so selfish that I doubt him or thinks he is ignoring me.. when he is not online… as if he has no life outside me or his phone..

I’m just fortunate that he loves his phone so much… he like addicted.. and so to be honest.. I abuse this… but I have to learn to give him space..

Yes my heart is breaking.. but I’m the one who is solely responsible this time…

LOST LOVE 💕

MY EMOTIONAL AFFAIR: LOVING 🥰 FROM AFAR…

TOUCH ME IN THE MORNING….

LOST LOVE 💕

I know three minutes is long but please watch and give me your honest review…

  • Stupid
  • Immature
  • Obsessive
  • Foolish love
  • Overreacting
  • Mushy
  • Plain crazy

I’m very open to criticism.. you won’t offend me…

MY LOVE 😍 LOVE 💕: THE JOY AND PAIN OF A FORBIDDEN LOVE: part 7c

REQUITAL LOVE 💕

I didn’t heard from him all week. I was thinking all kind of negative thoughts. I thought no call… no text. No surprise here… He got the money and some loving, so I’m all forgotten.

With No communication I sarcastically Guess he’s too busy to think of me. I pay big for the lesson .. you can’t buy friendship…I Still means nothing to him, not even as friends. All that speech I gave him about keeping me close only last as long as it takes to get the funds he was after…

By the end of the week I gave up hearing from him…Still nothing from him.. he went silent again… So much for our deal, I thought..I’m the only one that wants friendship so badly that I have to pay for it.

I asked myself…Why do I feel that it is so important to be his friend that I had to pay down on it? Well! It’s obvious that he is not interested in being friends.. The only time he really stop to think of me is when he needs a cash cow… someone to use for his financial needs….

It does still bothers me that to know that he can come and love me like he does and then just walk away without a second thought…. how can a man be that cold that he can separate his feelings from intimacy…

His kisses and his loving tells me some thing completely different ..he gives me his all without reservations…

But.. it’s all a act… and I’m left confused and trying to console myself.. trying to find any little reason to convince myself that he likes me even a little bit….

It didn’t take me too long to resume back to the attitude of letting go… I developed the attitude of “whatever”… It’s been going on so long repeatedly that I kinda got used to his behaviour… I decided to carry on as is and wait until he decided to come looking for me…

I didn’t try to contact or reach out to him like I used to do.. I now know that this is his game… and he will just ignored my text messages.. and I’m tired of feeling rejected by him….

Occasionally when I get up to get ready for work I would send a goodnight text messages.. sometimes I would receive a short response ..and I would smile… but I never tried to start a conversation.. and he never offers…

After a couple weeks have passed.. I began to feel for the need of him.. I was itching for some of his loving and I secretly hope to hear from him… I was more than tempted a few times to reach out as I did in the past.. but I resisted..

I would just indulge in some self love.. while I visualized him making love to me.. and surprisingly it would ease and my pent up raging desires..

Just the thought of him and the memories of our sexual encounters would always heightened my whole body with a deep burning desire that leaves me so stimulated that I couldn’t resist but give kitty some petting to stop her from twitching and pulsating with the wants of him….

To my pleasure and delight.. a couple weeks later…I received a text messages asking me if I had work that night … I responded .. letting him know I did … it was kinda late … just a couple hrs before I had to get up…so him coming by would not be … so when he asked if he can come by.. I simply told him I have to get some sleep for work…

He did not mention any need for money.. and I was puzzled that he wants to come by… just because….I was a little disappointed that I had work…. so much I thought of calling in sick… but I refuse to allow myself to always be at his disposal…

All night I thought of him.. though…my mind and heart and kitty was at war…. and at times I wished I had called off and have him over.. so we could a repeat another night of passion… I had the chance but I blew it…. I knew there might not be another chance again…

I went home next day still with the feeling of regret that I didn’t grab the opportunity to enjoy him one more time… but…he again surprised me with a phone call that day… letting me know that that he was in studio and he was just thinking of me .. he asked how I was doing.. I apologize for the previous night.. and he assured me it was all good … and he will get me next time…

I smiled.. and chuckles a little… I told him I would love that and ask him not to wait too long…. he giggled in humor and promised me that he won’t…

We ended our conversation .. I was left with a very warm feeling that travels to some really interesting places…. I was smiling and hoping that he lived up to his promise.. I again realized that he didn’t asked for any financial assistance… and this pleases me..

Hmm .. could it be that he just wanted to see for sexual favors… is he really wanting me sexually.. without me suggesting it….I laughed out loudly… thinking.. yess … yess.. yesss. He likes me…

The following day I was off and I sit there with sweet thoughts him playing in my mind .. making my heart do somersaults… which sent electrical jolts to travel downwards and stop right between my thighs.. that sent shivers down my spine.. causing kitty to get all excited …

Now with kitty affected .. I was losing control.. so I decided to send him a text with the hopes to convince to come on over and make kitty happy…. I live to please her….

He answers.. I asked him if he okay.. trying to lead up to the point of requesting his presence… but he saved me the effort by asking me if I had work that night… I quickly told him I’m off.. and to my greatest pleasure he invited himself over… without hesitation I excitedly asked him how soon can he get here…

He quickly said.. “ I’m on my way “…

Of course I was overjoyed. And I quickly went took me a shower.. put on my best and sexist negligée… I splashed some nice smelling perfume on.. put on a little lip gloss…. I was just getting my bed all neat and nice when he rang my doorbell….

I went to let him in.. and as soon as I open the door I let out a most joyful squeal and jumped up on him with legs wrapped around his waist and flung my arms around his neck … it took him by surprise that he slightly stumbled and had to step quickly backwards to regain his balance…

I was kissing his face and just hugging him tightly… he jokingly said… easy tigress, let me get inside first.. he walked in closed the door.. with me still clinging to him… he slowly ease me down to the floor.. took my hand in his and ushered me along.. saying ,

“ come on my little vixen….” I giggled 🤭.. and said.. I’m all kinds of exotic animal tonight, eh????!!!He looks down on me.. smiling.. and pulled me to him and whispered in my ear as as kissed my neck..” uhhuh…

I just melt into his arms.. throw my head backwards. Giving him all access to lay his sweet kisses…he gently ease me onto the bed… and I found his lips with mine and kissed him ever fervently . He matches my zealousness… he rolled me over to straddle him as he lay on his back…

I pulled his shirt over his head.. and as he allowed me to he whispered softly.. in his sexy husky voice…love me hun…

I smile at him kiss him again on those voluptuous lips.. he kissed me very intensely as he held the back of my head, running his hand occasionally through my hair as he let out soft moans…

I moved down to his neck …., loving on him as he urges me to….sliding my body to align with his.. as I kissed his neck I gravitate my hips against his hard throbbing bulge… I slid in an up and down motion on that bulge.. as he reached down to caress my buttocks…

It was straining against his pants… so he started to undo his belt.. I slid off the bed.. as he kicked off his shoes… and I helped him out of his pants… I decided to stay where I am .. I kneel on the floor between his legs .. took him in my hand.. as I licked at it slowly.. running my tongue all the way to the shaft and back upward to find the tip again… I used the flat of my tongue to slid a few more times up and down…

He one hand on my shoulder and the next on top of my head… as he was reciting his favorite words of pleasure… shiit .. shitt.. shitt.. ooh yes . Yess . That s it baby…

Next thing I know I was on the bed . As he position me on my knees… he made one fast and hard move and he was inside my dripping soaking wet kitty…,

he pounded me fiercely bringing me to the heights of ecstasy as he pumped me full of his hott spunk… I was flat on my tummy then… with him on my back.. both of us drenched in each other sweat… as we catch our laboring breath….

I jokingly said to him.. “ my lovelove.. that was most invigorating…“

He just responded with a “ yup “…. sounding very proud indeed..

We lay there for few more minutes until we regain normal breathing.. kitty was still twitching a little .. he moved off me and lie on his back.. I turned around and took his hard , move his fingers to touch kitty.. hoping for him to bring her again to an orgasm….

He moved his hand away ever so swiftly.. and said.. “eww…” I laugh and ask him what’s wrong..

He had this look of disgust on his face as he said..

“ hun… that’s sperm.. go get cleaned up…”.. I started to laugh out really hard… as I said to him . It’s your sperm silly… I swiped a little from my legs and teasingly ask him if he wants a taste.. .

His reaction was so humorous… he got up quickly.. pulling me towards the bathroom as I was dying with laughter.. he turned on the shower and said.. “ wash yourself off..”

I couldn’t stop laughing.. I was so tickled…

I came out wrapped in towel.. and saw him smoking a cigarette… looking very relaxed… I sat down beside him.. gently rubbing his beautiful chest with my hand.. I said to him,,

All cleaned”… as I bent to place a few kisses on that irresistible chest… he looked at me and just flashed me a smile… then he did something that really made me blush… he gently touched my cheek .. and softly caress it with the back of his fingers…. I leaned my head onto those fingers.. close my eyes enjoying his touch… I then feel him cup my face with both hand pulling me towards him as he rises his face to meet mine…

He gently kisses me and softly whisperers…

“ I needed that so much… thank you !!!”

I eagerly return his kisses …smile and hugged him to me and he returned my hug with a squeeze …

I was very happy to be with him sharing this tender moment….While he is here with me nothing else or nobody else matters. I savor and enjoy him as much as I can.

Sometimes I can’t believe how much joy I derived from this one guy….

He stayed for most of the night… we made Love again.. and I fell asleep in the crook of his arms.. I woke up cradled by him in a spooning position…

I turn around and wrapped my arms around him and buried my face in his chest as I inhaled his scent and relished his warmth….I woke him up… with my movements and he returned my hug as he apologetically said he has to go..

I reluctantly let him go.. he got up .. got dressed.. as I watched him .. and begging him to stay the rest of night…

He bent over kiss me.. and said he can’t.. I got up and walked him to the door… there he gives me a huge hug , kisses me ever so sweetly.. let me go and whispered.. see you soon…

I watched him drive away.. and I smile with pleasure.. I was beaming with joy.. MYLOVELOVE Came.. stayed a little..loves me a lot… I was again totally in love … and very gratifyingly fulfilled…

*********************+*++++**********

TO BE CONTINUED…..

MY EMOTIONAL AFFAIR: Loving 🥰 From Afar…

BABY…!!!!

Two people cross paths..from two different continent… form a connection.. became friends.. share each other worlds… is it possible this Bond can developed to affect the heart….

I have an emotional affair with such a person… and we have been corresponding for the better part of six years… we talked everyday.. and I looked forward to our conversations…

There is a time difference of 5-6 hours between us … but no matter how busy he is … he always takes the time to respond to me… acknowledging my text messages…

We communicate mostly via text.. and occasionally a video call … he shared his whole world with me.. and try to involved me in his daily life…

Over the years.. I grew more and more attached to him…. and I find that my heart knows no boundaries… there is 4500 miles between us… and although sometimes I want so much to be able to touch him… I find that I can feel his presence just by having him talk to me…

I do admire him for so many reasons.. he always find something to occupy his time.. he’s very resourceful.. very handy.. especially around his house..

He’s generous.. giving.. caring and loving… he has a family.. a wife with two boys … and they all know of me…

He loves to cook.. and he often shares his menu in steps.. he loves music.. and also love to sing along… which he also shares with me..he coaches his sons soccer teams and is very involved…

He goes fishing with friends.. play video games… he is never idle.. and I love him for his versatility… he’s a jack of all trades.. he works in steel construction… and he never misses a day…

He collects swords.. and cars… he loves to take his family to adventurous venues… he a very passionate man… he loves his family… and he says he loves me…which makes my heart sings.. and put a huge smile on my face…

We have been connecting for almost 7 years..and up to this point I was enjoying the daily connection.. and I was so happy 😁 to have someone to talk to…

He included me in his online games.. connect me with most of his buddies on a chat group… and I thought he was just trying to involve me more into his life…

I was basking in the glory of feeling loved and having someone liking my presence…

And out the blues.. I find my feelings escalating… and then my mind started this whirlwind of negativity…

I started to doubt his attention… yes he still acknowledges my text messages…but keeps it limited…he’s distant… he doesn’t talk to me as much…

I’m becoming insecure… suspicious 😒.. jealous… I started to feel unattractive.. ugly… unworthy…

This guy has not given me any necessary reasons to doubt him.. but my heart is telling me that he has found another interest online…and this thought is screaming in my head…so much.. I’m becoming paranoid and anxious…

If I see him online… I tell myself that he is talking to someone else.

But..

Don’t I have a lot of people talking to .. too.. and it’s all innocent… why can’t it be the same with him.???? Why am I allowing myself to create this imaginary rivalry…

I don’t act on my thoughts though.. because I think I’m just being silly .. he is much too far off to be worried about his actions….

He got his life.. and although he chooses to make me apart of his world.. I have no control over him..

I do love him.. and as I have stated.. my emotions have escalated to a higher level.. which is proving very unhealthy…. I’m demanding more of his time… I’m stalking his chat page…I’m becoming more upset to the point of tears…

I’m feeling rejected.. I don’t think he loves me anymore…I think he’s bored 😐 with me… his conversations has become a one syllable word…

He always seems so preoccupied.. I feel like I’m always disrupting him or disturbing him .. he longer shows no interest in what I have to say…of late he seems very distant.. and very evasive..

I tried to be logical and practical .. try to be self analytical… try to be reasonable…

He’s too far away for me to be having these feelings.. and allowing them to affect me to such degree… I try to suppress these negative emotions and brush them away..

I’m behaving as if I can control him and who he chooses to connect with…

I really fear losing his friendship and this bond that we have form.. but I have a strong feeling that it’s coming to an end… and it’s breaking my heart….

The fear of losing him.. is the worst… I know in all practicality I have no choice in this matter… and I refuse to become one of those obsessive connections…. he does still talk to me and every midnight.. his mornings he would always make me know he’s up.. I look forward to his text every night.. but the last two nights.. nothing…

And my overly active negative imagination.. is telling me it’s because he has someone else talking to…

Why am I creating this negative attitude..??? Why am I after all these years.. allowing myself to reach this point…so I’m continuing to connect with him on the same level without revealing my insecurities and my jealousies….

I do realize that I have to back off with my overwhelmed emotions… let him have his fun with his new playmate… I’m just stale right now.. no more joy in me… I have used up my usefulness and longer hold his interest…

How long did I think it would last… it lasted much longer than expected… I shouldn’t forget how I met him.. he was looking for some fun with someone online and I cannot provide this anymore…

We have shared so much over the past years.. how am I going to get past him if he decided to leave… he so much a part of my existence…. I looked forward to connect with him every day…

But I can understand him drifting away.. I don’t have much to offer anymore.. and he stop suggesting or asking…. I can’t compete with anyone else…. I’m too old… he is my only one that is left…

Funniest thing.. I just come across this perfect quote..

“CHANGE NOTHING…. NOTHING WILL CHANGE “….

How ironic is that??… if I don’t rock this boat with my negativity and my insecurities… we will just keep sailing until we get there… I have been on this path for.. six years… what is so different..

And so what if he found someone else to divulge himself in…

I’m not seeing.. and what the eyes don’t see .. the heart won’t leap… he still acknowledges me.. he still answers me.. he is not ignoring me..

He is giving me the same amount of attention.. I’m only demanding more.. and it makes it seem like he is short changing me…

Aaah 😌…

My sweet love 💕….

TO BE CONTINUED…..

MY LOVE 😍 LOVE 💕: THE JOY & PAIN OF A FORBIDDEN LOVE: part 7b

IF YOU LOVE 💗 SOMETHING LET IT GO… if IT COMES BACK IT IS YOURS…

A few weeks later… I was at work at Walgreens.. apx.. 12:30am … I received a phone call from.. “ MYLOVELOVE”…. I was not expecting to ever hear from him again and I had let go of the thought of him altogether…

But…

Strangely I found I was a little excited to receive this call.. I answered… “ hello??!!”

He started off the conversation by apologizing for not getting in touch with me sooner with the excuse .. that he was super busy .. he went ahead trying to explain everything that he was into… I just listen.. didn’t exactly know what to say… I was kinda speechless..

My manager motion me to get off the phone and get back to work.. so I told him I couldn’t talk because I was busy at work.. and ask him exactly why did he call me…???

I was hoping to hear him say he misses me or he was just thinking of me .. but to my utter disappointment.. he let me know that he needs $200 ..

I quickly told him Don’t have $200 to give.. but if he calls me the next day when I’m off.. we can talk some more if he wants… I hung up feeling really sad.. I was feeling so pleased to hear from him… and I wanted so to believe he misses me some …for him to reach out to me…

His reason for getting in touch after so many weeks of silence… was only for monetary reasons… I thought about him all night.. hurt because of his true reason for reconnecting…. but smiling because I heard from him..

His voice started a reaction of feelings to emerge… and I find myself reminiscing about him and our times spent together in a romantic way… my emotions began to resurfaced.. I still wanted him.. I shuddered with the thought… as I visualized and fantasize about him sexually…

My stimulating thoughts.. sent a ripple of emotions through my whole being.. my adrenaline started to flow releasing endorphins to regions of my loins… leaving me very moist and dripping… with the wants of him …

I was left wishing he call me next day as I asked. Because I wanted him so badly that I think I will use his financial needs once again to get him into my bed… I was yearning for his touch…

I did not expect to hear from him that next day.. but again to my pleasure he surprises me with a follow up call… he again began by telling me how much he is in need of that money and how much he would appreciate my help…

I just shake my head.. sigh 😔!!! To know all he needs from me is my money.. but I’m going play my game of tit for tat… I told him I will give him the money but he will have to wait one week.. and he will have to promise to give me a little of his time…

I thought he would ask me what I meant by that demand.. but he understood exactly what I was demanding from him and he agreed… I did not hear from him all that week.. and I just figured that was it….

I wasn’t in the least surprised and I just brushed it off… hearing from him after six weeks of silence.. triggered off my buried emotions…My feelings have not changed much.. and I found myself getting all excited just talking to him… I still want him and I had anticipated and hoped…he would have stayed in touch…

By the end the week I had fully given up on rekindling any kind of romance with him… I’m only a cash cow to him right now…

I thought I would not be hearing from him again.. but he was more determined and persistent than I have thought… he contacted me again that weekend with his bullshit… about being very busy and exhausted.. and in the same breath asking me if I’m able to assist with the money he requested…

I smile .. and I gave him a little lecture about how he has been treating me.. and told him I would like for him to keep me closer and don’t lose contact with me…. he wasn’t very convincing in his answer.. he said just.. “ yea yea.. I will try.” Very nonchalantly without any conviction..

He again asked me,” so can you help me out.?” I told him yes.. but he again will have to wait another week… I really just wanted to string him along to see exactly how far he was willing to go with this …

I heard from him everyday the following week… and it pleases me to see that he was at trying to keep his end of our bargain…

Come Friday though he didn’t fail to once again remind of my promise and asked if I will be able to fulfill it.. I felt he earned it by his diligence of keeping contact all week… so I told him to come get it that next day….

I had to work .. and he texted me to find out if I was available for him to come by.. I didn’t get that text until I was on break.. he had tried a couple more times .. I guess he thought I was ignoring him.. so he wrote one last time.. saying..

“So now you don’t want to text me back???.”

I was amused with his attitude… he thought I was blowing him off and trying to get out of giving him the money I promised…. I decided not to answer him until I get home.. I wanted him to stew for a bit..

When I got home that evening I sent him a text letting him know I was at work but I’m home now.. so if he so anxiously wants the money he can come over to get it..

He response was quick.. but he informed me that he doesn’t have a ride to come by… but he really needs that $200… I asked him to let me know when he will be able to… and he in turn said.. “ he’s working on it..

I heard from him on Sunday 4:34 pm… “what u doing 2nit?” I was getting ready to get my nap … because I had work that night…

I was happy to hear from him and I was in a playful mood and so I replied, “Thinking of doing you.. “

He sent a LOL… and said that he is on his way.

So I decided to take an early shower just in case I got lucky…. I was a little excited to see him.. and I find myself anxious awaiting his arrival…

When he finally arrived.. I open the door with the brightest smile… I greeted him a shy hello.. and even though I wanted so much to hug him I resist the urge and invited him in..

He followed me as I leaded the way to my bedroom…

I know he really came for the money but just to see him and having him this close after six long weeks I would give him anything.

All my attempts to forget him.. all my promises to let go of him… all the feelings I have pushed aside and suppressed… were no longer in effect..

Just the sight of him… just having him here with me.. it’s like the last six weeks never happened… and all that matters is this burning sweet sensation that fill me with raging desires that causing great havoc to my thoughts and body..

I sat beside him on my bed… he was talking.. but I didn’t hear anything he was saying… my hands were trembling with this strong compulsion to touch him… but I was afraid he no longer find me sexually appealing…

I wanted so much to kiss him and love on him but I hesitated because I was not too sure he wanted that, but he seems to sense my desire because he started to kiss me and oh boy I will never forget the way he kiss me that night. It was with a great urgency, deep and ever so passionate. I felt like he actually misses me. I was back in love all over again. we fell back onto the bed and I slowly ease off his shirt and got my hearts desire… i was loving and devouring that beautiful chest of his.

He lie there and allowed me to… As I got lost in loving him…as my desires rises sending a jolt of this sweet sensational emotions that rushes through my being heightening my every senses….

I was in a different world. He took me to heights and places I have never been before..He loves me that night like never before and he hugs me so tightly. He came back and rocks my world…

He stayed with me until I was ready to go to work .. I didn’t sleep a wink. But I was so energized.. his most passionate lovemaking left me On a high… I was feeling like he likes me.

My heart was back again on a roller coaster .And with all this affection that he gives me; I was still doubtful and unsure of him..I know I can never hold on to him or command his attention more than just a moment…

He may disappear until he needs financial help again…

I got ready…gave him the $200.00. He drops me at work leaves me with a chups.. I was smiling all night so full of joy. My heart was singing…MYLOVE-LOVE came back to see me and gives me some good, good loving…

and although he had ulterior motives and his monetary needs was the main reason…

that loving he gave me was worth every penny (the money )… I may have paid him to … but I definitely got my money’s worth…

********************++++++++*********

TOBE CONTINUED……

MY LOVE 😍 LOVE 💕: THE JOY & PAIN OF A FORBIDDEN LOVE: part 6b

After our latest rendezvous… and he blurting out unintentionally that he loves me… I started to have a little hope about us…

He was a little more attentive and even sent me a few text messages just to say hi…. I was sure he was liking me some… I carry a delightful smile all week … feeling connected to him…

The following Wednesday , he asked me if I could babysit his three kids for him. I accepted because apart from getting a chance to be with him I love his babies.

So he picked me up before he had to leave for work….and took me over to his place… I spent the evening with them telling stories fix them dinner…and trying to entertain them…..they were good.. and well behaved…

It was an early day for him.. he walked in.. . And I was as happy as the kids to see him…He was a bit distant as usual. But I figured he was just tired….

He took his son, helps him with his homework .. I sat there looking at him in admiration and adoration… he was so dedicated to his kids… he then went to lie down and soon fell asleep. I let him sleep knowing that he must be drained and exhausted after a long day at work…

I give the kids their baths and got them into bed…after they were all asleep… I went and gently lie next to him . I was still dressed … as I cuddled up next to him just to feel his warmth…

I wasn’t expecting for him to want anything sexual.. I was trying to be understanding … I didn’t forget the last time I was here with his kids present….and how I had behaved and reacted…

Even though just being with him causes provocative stimulating reactions… I refuse to act on them.. I guess I dozed off snuggled up to him…

Because I was awoken by him Into the night … he was tugging at my jeans… He tries to love on me but he stopped when I asked him if he’s sure he wants to with the kids here…. he simply answered.. yes you are right…!!

He then instructed me to take off my clothes and get comfortable and get back in the bed… I got up do as he asked.. brush my teeth .. and went back to join him… he held up the covers for me to get under and I do so willingly…

He hugged me close… kiss me and said.. “thank you “…. I smile and nodding affirmatively.. and replied causally..

“ you are welcome MyLoveLove….”

I knew he meant staying with his kids for him… we fell asleep like that till morning when I feel him jerking me awake.. I open my eyes and he asked me if I could get the kids up and get them ready.. I happily obliged…

I got up and he playfully slap me on the butt.. I jumped not expecting it.. gave out a little squeal.. ..turn to him and push at his shoulders giggling.. he fell back onto the bed.. pull the covers over himself and said..

“ wake me up when they are ready to go.. “ I just shake my head…

I got the kids up.. help them get dressed…. fixed them breakfast.. and while they were eating he walked into the kitchen asking if we are ready to go…

I went to collect my belongings and a few minutes later we were on our way.. he dropped the kids to school before he took me home…

He thank me again and said he appreciates me… and let me know that the kids like me and always ask for me..

I was very tickled to learn this.. and I smile saying.. “that’s good.. I love that they like me “…

As I watched him drive away… I was feeling very good about spending the night with him.. and even better.. sleeping in his arms without having sex.. just like an old couple I thought….

We did not see each other for the next couple of weeks, except at work. He did not have too much to say and ignored me for most part. He was back to be his old self.. I was a little confused .. but learning fast to accept him as is… I realize he only used me at his convenience… it hurts me to know this but I know I do allow him to..

Although I was feeling broken up and wanted more I know that we weren’t really together and that he doesn’t like me like that. But I took consolation to be able to see him daily it gives me some joy. I tell myself….Just seeing him was enough to make me happy.

But…

It was far from the truth…

**********++++*********++++*********

TO BE CONTINUED…..

MY LOVE 😍 LOVE 💕: THE JOY & PAIN OF A FORBIDDEN LOVE.. part 6…

I tried to avoid him and leave him alone as much as I could.. but seeing him everyday and interacting with him work wise was not helping…

With broken-hearted … my feelings really crushed… and my decision to end our secret affair.. I began to play his game….ignoring him.. I still couldn’t get pass just how cold he is towards me… after all those nights of sweet passionate love making…

How can he be so distant and so mean to me in public.. but.. behind closed doors … he is so damn loving and sweet and warm… he is always so receptive and giving of himself fully and completely…

How can he separate his feelings from sex…??? And how can he look at me and completely forget our nights of passion…

Anyways….. I’m done…

I noticed that he was not around Veronica too much either… and curiosity got the best of me.. so I asked her what was happening between them… she tells me that he was very mean to her without giving details…. and that she’s no longer with him..

I had mixed emotions… because I could see just how hurt she was… and it pains she to see her experiencing such heartache… I want so much to be able to comfort her… but I just didn’t know how.. without putting him down.. which I know I couldn’t…

I was still so infatuated to the point of being in love with him.. so much that I was blinded to his faults… I still hold him in high esteem and he was still this perfect awesome amazing guy in my eyes…

With this this new founded knowledge.. of their separation…my feelings began to resurfaced and got renewed. I became more receptive to his smiles and started to seek him out again to talk to him but kept it causal… I still haven’t forgotten what he had said about us not in a relationship…

I was regretting agreeing to the terms of our relationship.. I didn’t know how to change it.. didn’t know how to confess my true feelings because truth be told….my feelings and desires for him is far from being causal…

I thought I was able to have a sexual affair without getting my heart involved… little did I know.. I have no control over my heart… and my mind was confused… the heart wants what it wants… and it wants him…

Within a week after that incident..

I was on my way to Walgreens .. my first job… when I got a unexpected text from him…

“I am at home can u come by 2nit.” ????……

I was kinda surprised.. but pleased at the same time… I responded letting him know I was on my way to work…. he was very understanding and implied there will be a next time…

I would have love to be able to go over and It made me realized just how much I still want to be with him.. as much as I tried to suppress my feelings and try to move beyond him…one little text from him undo all my efforts and put me right back to where I was..

I didn’t correspond with him for the next few days… but that text keeps playing in my mind… it had been on my mind constantly and I thought I blew a chance to be with him… I really doubted that he would ever repeat that request..

Thinking of him this much only allowed my feelings to intensify to the point of making my urges and my desire grew so strong is became unbearable….

I finally gave in to my feeling and decided to send him a text…asking him to include me on his agenda for that day.

I know it was suggestive but I was itching to be with him. And nothing beats a try but a failure…so I thought I’d asked. To my surprise.. he responded…

he said he was going to be busy but he’ll see what’s up later.

It sounds promising but I was not convinced that there will be a later… I was kinda disappointed but pleased that he responded to me…

I had completely given up on hearing from him..but to my surprise and total pleasure he called apx. 8pm …. I eagerly and promptly answered…

he let me know had somewhere to go at midnight but he can see me until then if I still want to come over… I let him know that I would love to come and spend the time him… so I got ready and headed over….

I was very nervous with anxiety…. it’s been a while since our last rendezvous… as usual my heart was beating hard against my chest… I had butterflies in the pit of my stomach…and my knees feel like jelly…

I got to his door and knock timidly…GOD! …… When he opens that door, he was the most beautiful sight I ever behold. That smile, that face, that man, that beautiful and gorgeous man, I smile ever so pleasingly…because I have longed and yearned to be with him these last few weeks and here I am, ….finally. …..and with heart racing and hands shaking just to touch him .. it takes all my control not to jump on him, Instead…

I sat down beside him. He was watching a program on the TV… and We sat there trying to focus on it… I was finding it hard to …and I keep stealing glances at him willing him to instigate and initiate some form of physical contact…

He must have sense my desire, or read my mind…because he said,

, “What you came for, to watch T.V.? “

He did not have to say another word..that was my cue. With his permitted invite….I immediately start to kiss him. I love kissing these lips… his kisses set fire to my whole being….to ignite that burning desire in my loins…

I love on him like I was hungry; I couldn’t get enough of him. He matches my intense urges with his.. he was like a man possessed … he quickly got out of his clothes and helped me out of mine.. and as he continued to bathe me in his kisses … he guided me under him.. as he find his way in my soaking wet and supple kitty…

I wrapped my legs around his hips and heist my buttocks to meet his thrusts..

I could feel him swelling up to burst inside me.. just as I was getting ready to explode with sweet ecstasy…

He screams.. “ ooh shitt.. ooh shitt… ooh shiiiittt..!!!!!! As he made one last deep thrust and stopped as he empties in me… he made a few more small thrust as sweats washes his whole body… that he became so slippery…… I lie under him completely satisfied as I feel his results of his most arduous loving dripping down my legs..

He gently pulled out and it gushes out… I got up and pulled him up with me.. leading him to the showers…. we got in.. I lathered him up as he lean against the wall so exhausted from our session…

He had his back against the wall standing there with his head thrown back resting on the wall … his eyes were closed.. and his body limp and fully relaxed as if he was about to doze off… the shower was beating against my back splashing onto him … causing ripples of droplets cascading down his chest…I continued to soap his chiseled chest.. I couldn’t resist but to place small kisses on it.. I moved Down to his belly button.. and focus a little in that area.. I was stooping at this point..

I was so busy enjoying the taste of him .. getting all stimulated that kitty was twitching and getting all moist… when I felt him poking my chest.. I stopped .. glanced up on his face and he was looking down at me with a devilish smile and pleasure in his eyes.. I squinted with a silly smile.. shaking my head… and then I chuckled mischievously…

He then placed his hands on my head and motion me to his bulge…I obliged his request and take him in my mouth..after only a few moments he picked me up to a standing position and place me to face the wall.. he placed his right hand on my belly pushing my buttocks in a upward position.. that I ended up on my tippy toes.. and leaning forward holding on to the walls for support…

He kept his hand where it was offering some balance.. as he slowly but swiftly enters me… with the shower falling on us .. he gave me one of the most memorable sexual experiences we have had..

We finished with a blast.. shower and headed to the bedroom where he helped me to towel off and I helped him in return… I asked him if he would like a massage but he apologetically refuses saying he has to get going…

We both got dressed and he took me home.. kissed me and said. “ love you “… I looked at him quizzically… smile but didn’t make a comment… I walked away from him .. thinking…

“Was that for real…or was it a slip of the tongue ?…..

I thought the latter… but…

His lovemaking was so good. He made love to me like he means it and I enjoyed every single minute of him. I left him very pleased and happy. I secretly hope that he was actually liking me .. I want him to so much to…

When I’m with him ….I find that I don’t have much to say …I just tried to enjoy him and every moment I have with him… there is never the promise of tomorrow.. so I just live in the moment…..

I’m still left with wanting more of him…and I hope that another chance arises soon… and until that opportunity comes around… I will just be waiting ever so impatiently….

*****+***************************+++**********

TO BE CONTINUED……

MY LOVE LOVE: THE JOY & PAIN OF A FORBIDDEN LOVE 💕…..part 5c

That week went by with me living in hopes of the next time, seeing him daily would caused rushes of emotions that run through my whole body.. it was a sweet sensation that leaves me shivering ….

He would occasionally flash me his mischievous smile as he passes me by… and I would be filled with a warm feeling that makes me blush knowing we shared this secret love affair…

I was feeling so good with his attentions and was so consumed in my feelings for him.. that I didn’t even stop to think of Veronica until I saw her one morning all sad…

I went over to find out what’s was causing her sadness… she was very reluctant to talk to me so I asked her if it’s anything to do with him.. She angrily said she doesn’t want to talk about him…

He happens to pass by then and came over to try to talk to her.. without even acknowledging me…she angrily walked away and he follows her… I watched as she flashes off his touch.. I was getting jealous just watching their interactions… and even though it was obvious a lovers fight.. I wish We as could be as open with our relationship…

I didn’t follow through on figuring out Veronica woes.. I thought it’s best I just leave them alone… I was too emotionally invested in him.. and I didn’t want our secret affair be revealed…

I decided to stay focused on my plans to create another rendezvous… I made up my mind not to allow their relationship to interfere with this secret sexual affair we have between us…

that following Tuesday I was off… and I knew he was too … so I decided to text him asking what’s he doing? He replies that he is at his aunt birthday party.

An hour after I surprisingly receive A call from him asking me if I could come over…, I quickly.. without hesitation said..” I will be there “…

I was so pleased.. and ecstatic that he invites me over….I anxiously get ready and excitingly hurry over to his place..

As soon as I arrived…he pounced on me… he was undressed down to his undies… he started to kiss me ever so hungrily… pulling at my clothes frantically in urgency…….. I join his enthusiasm and quickly got out of them.. as soon they fall to the ground.. he pushed me onto the bed .. help me get on my knees and thrust his hard rock cock in… he began to pump and thrust hard and fast.. and within minutes he blew his spunk filling me up.. that it dribble down my legs…

I lie on my stomach and he stayed on top still inside me… he kissed me on the cheeks and said “thank you , I needed that. “…. he then roll off my back onto the bed… I turned around.. and said…

“ ooh boy.. that was intense…” he looked at me and just smile.. I could feel kitty soaking wet and spilling out… I got up headed in the bathroom and took a quick shower to clean up….

He was lying on his back.. all naked.. I got a wet rag and decided to clean him up a little… he began to get stimulated again from my touch… and I continued to play with him…

I want to get him all excited.. and I decided to try the eatable chocolate that we didn’t get to on valentines….I placed it all over his chest down to his hard cock.. and I started to lick and lap it up.. I started on his chest.. paid a little attention to his nipples.. nibbling and sucking lightly… and work my way down…

oooh maan !!!! Did he love me eating and licking it off his chest …. he was getting impatient for me to reach the prize… and he grab hold of my head and try to guide me to it… I resist at first but he became forceful in an urgent manner so I obliged and began by taking him slowly in my mouth and slowly back out.. enjoying the taste of the chocolate… I licked until it was all gone..

I gobbled up every last drop… he was very excited by then. And he pulled me on top of him and I straddled him.. as he gently enters me… with his hand on my hips.. he raises his …up and down as I ride him.. I was feeling an orgasm building as I clench and grip him with his every thrust….it didn’t take us long to reach our goal…we cum with a blast…

I was quivering and shaking with ecstasy… as he watched me… smiling proudly.. he ease me off onto the bed..and got up and went to take a shower… I. Decided to join him seeing that I was also sticky from the chocolate….

We came out .. get dressed causally… and headed to the kitchen… He mentioned he was hungry so I fixed him something to eat…. we watched a little tv.. and I sat there quietly with his head in my lap.. thinking.. this is what couples do..???

We headed back into the bedroom.. and I wanted more loving.. but he didn’t seem interested so I just follow his suit and just lie there beside him..wrapped up in his warm arms…I again spent the night with him..

I left him that morning.. thinking how he took me to places and heights I have never been… we had a good time together. And sexually we were enjoying each other…

Every time with him seems to be better and better. I was falling deeper and deeper for him. What was I doing? How am going to get out of this? The more I see and the more time spent with him the more I want him. My feelings were getting entangled into a causal affair that has no future… but.. I decided to enjoy him for as long he allows me to…

I was starting to get confident and assurance that he likes me some…he couldn’t love on me like he does without liking me… I keep telling myself..

So…

The following week I asked him if I can come over.. thinking he won’t refuse me… but..to my surprise and disappointment …

. He started to tell that I’m acting like we are in a relationship and to remember that we are only friends with benefits. I fell silent and suddenly became embarrassed.. I felt very awkward…

Without another word I walked away… I just didn’t know how to respond to him.. he was right… and even though it hurts me to hear him say it .. I did agreed to causal no relationship status…

The next few days I just do what he does.. ignore him pretend that I didn’t feel anything for him… I decided to give him up.. and stop playing this game with my heart… he made it clear that it’s never going to be any more than just sex…

We have had enough… I got much more than I ever thought possible.. so here and now I tell myself.. it’s over….

*********************************************

TO BE CONTINUED…..

MY LOVE-LOVE: THE JOY & PAIN OF AN UNFORBIDDEN LOVE; chapter 5

I received a text from him a few days later… I was very pleased to hear from him.. but.. When I read what it says… I was kinda puzzled and a little hurt….

He was asking me to come by his house to meet his father. He implied that he wanted to hook me up  with his him…

My mind was in a turmoil because it became very obvious that he really didn’t like me….and all my efforts to show him the extent of my true feelings for him seems in vain..

Our age difference really poses as an impact on how he sees me… it was just sex to him…causal sex….

I was not very pleased with his suggestion….. but…

I agree to go to his home because it meant seeing him and getting a chance to be with him, an I want to try to explain to him that he is my only interest…

I was very annoyed that he wanted to pass me on to his father..

.  I got to his house,  that afternoon.. after work…A man who I assumed to be his father, answered … I greeted him, introduced myself and asked for him…

He told me he was in his bedroom.. I politely sat down hoping for him to exit and come out to join us.. his father tried to have a conversation with me.. but my mind was so preoccupied with raging thoughts of him wanting to pass me on to his father…that I was not focused on what he was saying…

I became very impatient waiting… realizing that he was intentionally staying in his bedroom to give us a chance to know each other..

I asked his father to excused me and I went .. knocked on his door.. and walked in the bedroom to confront him…

I angrily told him that I didn’t appreciate that he is trying to pass me on like a piece of old clothes  Which he can discard after using…

I tried to explain to him…It’s him I like and it’s not because I’m desperate and need a man that badly… I let him know my desires is just for him…
I became very emotional knowing that he really doesn’t like me… I was a little embarrassed and so hurt to accept this realization…

I began telling him I was going and making the promise to leave him alone seeing that he doesn’t share my feelings… I began to walk towards the door… getting ready to leave..when he pulled me back to him.. encircled me in his arms and kissed me ever so passionately….

Of course I didn’t resist him.. and to my surprise and pleasure he fervently starts to undress me…

.then I think of his father on the outside and I try to resist, telling him …

“no your father is outside “…

but that did not deter him and I was much too turned on by now … I really didn’t want him to stop…I was all for it.

I wanted him, I couldn’t resist him. kitty was twitching… getting soakingly wet and all she wanted was to feel that hard throbbing dick sliding it’s way inside ….easing my burning desires that was getting so intense with his every touch.. I felt I was ready to explode….

I was so hottt…

He led me to the bathroom, where it was more private….

bend me over the sink .. I welcome him eagerly as he enters me with a deep plunge… I gasped with pure pleasure as he began thrusting hard with the same urgency I was feeling… we both cum within minutes with an explosive orgasm…

he had to put a hand over my mouth to keep me quiet… I couldn’t control or contain my emotions… he had my legs trembling and kitty begging for more.. I tried to get seconds..

He led us back into the bedroom.. as I continued loving on his chest… kissing him… Pressing closely into him.. showing him how much I still want him..whispering .. “one more time.. I want you… please..??!!!! ”

but he resisted … and reluctantly.. pushed me away..as he heard his father called his name.. he got up got dressed as I watched him.. and walked out to his father…

I was left inside trying to calm down and regain my composure….

I was still so hottt.. and ready to explode again that I decided to touched kitty to give her an ease from the pulsating rhythm that was causing this burning, electrifying and intense convulsions…and with one touch I was sent in a height of ecstasy.. I stood there for a couple minutes waiting for my body to stop convulsing and twitching.. I wanted him so badly…

It took me a little longer than I expected to find my composure.. but..

I got up.. went to the restroom and get properly dressed and calm myself down… brush my hair and timidly went out to join them… I was self conscious knowing his dad knew exactly what took place in that bedroom…

I was smiling to myself feeling very pleased..as I silently thought….

 and so we had a quickie. It was so excited and sweet. What he does to me and for me. How am I going to get pass him.

. I was still thinking of the fact that he did not want me enough that he tries to hook his father up with me; it only tells me what he really feels for and about me. I was a bit hurt but try to understand how he thinks.

 I was not mad at him only sorry I was so much older that I could not ask or expect anything of him.

I wanted him, ….how I wanted him!!!!’, …but how can I have him?

He took me home and I sadly walked away… knowing there is no hope for me being with him…

The next two weeks I just live to see him. I couldn’t wait for each day to come just to get the chance of seeing him. But for most part.. apart from an occasional “hi”.. he completely again ignored me…

I started to take lunch for him daily.. knowing it gives me a way of connecting with him.. he enjoyed my cooking so I take pleasure in preparing it for him..

We had our lunchtime together whenever possible…. this was my way of getting him close and be close to him…while secretly hoping to ignite his sexual desires to want me again…

He spent most of his time with Veronica..It would break my heart every time I see them together…but I had accepted that fact that they were a couple..

I would still seek him out after work, talk to him, but I know he had no interest in me.

Even though I enjoy seeing him daily and enjoy our little chitchat whenever I get the chance to.. it only serves to peak my sexual desires for him..

I keep reliving our few times together..which only intensified my passion and allowing me to crave for some more of him….

MY desire was again building to the surmount .. so much that I find it difficult to control my thoughts.. I became so overwhelmed with the desire to share his bed again…that I made up my mind to asked.. yet again for another time with him..

He was off this particular day and I missed seeing him that day… he consumes my mind all day.. so I wanted to connect with him…

I sent him a text …asking if we could get together…

He text back saying he’s on his way to Deltona. I was a bit disappointed but I kind of expect that answer. But still pleased that he at least responded instead of ignoring..

I was there sulking for about…two minutes ….. whenI received another text from him saying…

..”yea com by my house I b home I am on my way back”.

I was so happy and elated. I reply,

“if you could only see the smile on my face. I will be there.”

I became very anxious for the time to arrive for me to leave work.. it couldn’t come fast enough…

I hurried home took me a shower get ready as fast As I could..and headed over.. with heart thudding and racing with exciting anxiety…

I was smiling and happy that I took that chance of contacting him and asking him to see me…. the ride to his house was only ten minutes.. but it seems to take forever..

I was like a schoolgirl with her first crush…

When I finally got to his house I knocked and waited what seems like an eternity for him to answer…I couldn’t wait to pounce on him…

…………………………………….,………………..

TO BE CONTINUED…..

 

MY LOVE-LOVE: THE JOY AND PAIN OF AN UNFORBIDDEN LOVE; chapter 4

After that baby sitting incident … and my vast disappointment ,I was convinced that we would never be together again… I came to terms that he really doesn’t share my desires to reconnect sexually….

This feeling..however didn’t last too long.. ..

seeing him everyday… only infuses my mind with a sense of exhilaration… and consumes my thoughts as I continuously relive that passionate night we shared…

playing it in my mind, thinking how he felt; how he looks… only serves to ignite my desires with intensity and my need to experience him again..

I decided to to be bold and ask him for a night, seeing that he is not going to asked me…

It was coming to valentines and our birthdays.  Mine the 16th and his 17th. I took this as an opportunity to place my request..

I bravely ask him if I could see him for Valentines. At first he said no, but I didn’t give up… I became insistent..I mention it every chance I got…

He even gives me a lecture on how we are not a couple and that he really don’t like me like that.. I in turn reminded him of our night together and asked him ..

” was that you not interested… you loved on me like you like me.. was that not real??!!!!”

He stuttered something inaudible… smile.. nodding his head.. then suddenly agreed to see me on valentines….

I smile ever so brightly and quickly responded..

” it’s a date…”

 I was more than happy. I was ecstatic.

I guess my reminder of our night works in my favor and allow him to realize and recall the extreme intimacy we shared that most memorable night… thus…awakening his desire to want me again…

I went ahead and plan a very romantic and sensuous night…I bought this eatable chocolate, with the intention of smearing it all over him… and slowly licking it off ….I got some heated scented massage oil.. knowing I’m going to give him a massage.. with a happy ending…

and I got him a beautiful card… I had our night all planned out… I’m going to make it another night to remember..

  I got my date…!!!!!!

He was still seeing Veronie and I was a bit jealous but my need to be with him was stronger than my jealousy and envy. And all that matters to me at that point was being with him anyhow I can and I was not going to let anything spoil my time with him. I decided I am going to enjoy him to the fullest.  –

I was so excited, and so full of anticipation I could hardly wait!!!!  and then it’s here….

We decided that I would find my way over to him… I got ready with all my little knickknacks… a little overnight bag…

  I’got to his apartment, knock on his door, I was so nervous with anxiety… heart pounding.. butterflies In the pit of my stomach…as I waited for him to answer my knock…

And at last he opened his door…he stands there in a sweatpants… smiling …to me he was the most beautiful sight.. I smile in return …a little shy, but elated..he invited me in… I inhaled a deep breath.. finding the courage to enter.. he hugged me and give me a little peck on he cheek… and led me to the couch and we got under a blankie he had been obviously using before I came…it was a cold night….

  WE started off watching a little movie, but, being so close to him… I couldn’t control my raging desires…couldn’t keep my hands off him. I have been wanting him for so long… I couldn’t help myself… I eagerly kiss him with passionate urgency… tracing my lips down his neck to his most beautiful chiseled chest…

When he couldn’t resist any Longer he got up .. pulling me with him.. wrapping the blanket around us.. we silently proceed to the bedroom.

It was cold night and as we made our way to the bedroom wrapped under the blanket, MYLOVE-LOVE and I…arm in arm…

I stumbled..he catch me, steady me, and said, “I got you, it’s ok.”

 I just smile, feeling so good and safe just being there with him, and I lovingly and playfully pinch his buttock. ..

He looked down at me.. smile and pulls me closer to him…

Once in bedroom .. he lie on his back pulling me on top of him.. I straddled him and started to kiss him again..he began to undress me… and I allow him to..

He then flip me onto the bed.. undressed himself..and we made sweet love…we cum with such force that leaves us both breathless .. my whole body was convulsing repeatedly… I was in ecstasy heaven…

he was still lying on me as he raised his head and looked down at me And said…

“Wow!!! You are amazing…”

I just hugged him close to me.. and kiss his neck and broad shoulders…we lie there in each other arms .. enjoying the feeling and thrill of the ecstasy we just experienced…

A few minutes has passed and our breathing was back to normal.. so I decided to suggested giving him a massage. He was all gamed.

I got up retrieve my little bag of goodies.. he was now lying on his side raised by his elbow as he watched me.. I pull the card out and gave him bashfully…

he looks at me quizzically… open it up.. read it out loudly… smiled… look at me.. raised his eyebrows… says hmm softly… as he reached out and pull my face to him … kiss me softly on the lips and whispered..

” I love it.. thank you.”

I blushed and smile back at him… and simple nod my head …

I then instructed him to role over..he got on his tummy …I very gentle pour the oil on his back….and sensuously caress and massage it in.. I moved slowly down till I reached his buttocks….so round… so firm….  mmmm …I bent down and kiss that sink in his back using the tip of my tongue to trace the path to his buttock..

he let out a deep groan,”mmmm”. I smiled pleasingly.

I love the taste of him as I knead his buttock  lovingly… He decided to roll over…and whoaaa!!!!! He was ready again…

I took him in my hands and I looked up at him and he has his eyes closed with a face showing pure pleasure… I put some of the oil in my hands… and latter him in it… He starts to moan softly and said,”shit… shit..”. (his favorite words)

I then lick at the tip… circling it with my tongue… I repeat a couple times. Flickering the underside… where it’s super sensitive.. he started to bop.. so I wrapped my mouth over him and pull him all the way down my throat…he thrust his hip up and place his hand on my head urges me on… he uses his hand to guide my motion as I devour him…he tastes so good…

This leads to another session of pure delightful pleasure…We make love for the next hour or so.. I had my night of pleasure and nothing matters at that moment but lying there in his arms …

I love that he always let me spend the complete night with him.. so I can lie there wrapped in his arms and him in mine.. while I savor our passionate lovemaking ..

 as we lie there quietly trying to sleep.. so exhausted but very satiated … pleasantly satisfied…

he became very quiet and was a bit distant and aloof, as if he drifted off into another world .. I silently hope he was not regretting having me over.. or regretting making such beautiful love to me…

I quickly shrugged the thought off .. refusing to let anything ruin this moment

I did not care what was causing his mood…because I was exactly where I wanted to be. My most favorite place. Right next to him.

He then started to talked a little about his life and his dreams. He was opening up to me..

He told me what his plans for the future was.. what he wants for his children… what he hoped to accomplish…

how I enjoyed just lying there listening to him, learning about him and feeling so close and connected to him. I felt he was opening up to me accepting me, and getting closer to me. I was very pleased… it was heavenly..

He fell asleep and as I watched him sleeping a huge rush of emotions rush through me…. I hug him close to me and try to savor every minute with him because I was thinking this maybe our last time together like this..

I know he doesn’t want me or like me like that. And I couldn’t dismiss the fact that Veronica is his girl…

I drifted off to sleep with his head on my chest as I cradled him in my arms..and my chin on his head…very contented and super happy in this moment…

( I may hate myself in the morning.. but I’m gonna love him tonight… everyone knows someone they can’t help but want…and even we just can’t make it work out.. well the want to just lingers on…and once again we end up in each other arms pretending that it’s right…)

I woke up to   a phone call frommy sister) wishing me HAPPY VALENTINES.  We spoke for a few minutes..

He was awake by then..

I got up took a shower..ask him if he wants breakfast he said, “yes”  …

I went to the kitchen to see what he had to make breakfast.. I found some eggs.. bacon.. I was busy preparing the bacon .. I wanted to impress him with a good breakfast…

I was standing over the stove when I felt him behind me. He was kissing my neck and his hands found its way between my legs to my kitty.. she instantly reacted to his touch..

She got really excited and all turned on. I couldn’t resist him..It felt so good that I dropped everything and respond to him. He bent me over as I eagerly receive him. I had to tippy toe as he slowly entered me …Gosh!!!  It  felt so so so…good;

  He then led me to the couch still inside me..I kneel on it and bent over the back.. as he continued to pound and thrust his slippery coated cock in and out ever so expertly… I cum so hard I gushed all over him.. while he burst open and flood me with his spunk…

He gave me one of the best loving I ever had. I couldn’t believe that I could feel like that. And when we were finished I wanted more, much, much more. I was on fire… but we ran out of time… he had to get to work…

So my night ended with a bang.

I hurriedly finished cooking what I started…We ate…and he took me home. I was smiling all day. MYLOVE-LOVE sure knows how to put a smile on my face. I was happy and contented for the next two days.

 Our birthdays was coming up…I bought a cheese cake and a bottle of moscato wine for his birthday and I thought I could convince him to spend it with me… he denied my request.. I wanted a repeat of our valentines night… But…..

He he made plans with Veronica… she got him for his birthday…. I was very jealous not wanting to share him with her or anyone else.. but..

I could not command him like that..

I die inside knowing that he wanted her and not me but I have to accept that we could never be.

I smile every time I thought of us. The memories of my nights with him was imbedded in my mind….

I didn’t allow him and Veronica to bother me much ..because I get to see him every day, and as long as I’m able to see him I could cope with my emotions. I’d settle for friendship I told myself..

I was just fooling myself though..

Because….

my desires and need for him was growing with each passing day.. and the more I see him and the more I reflect back on those passionate nights .. the more I want him..

How can he love me like that then ignore me … ???? I find it hard to accept my fate… and pretend that I don’t care… because.. I was way pass casual..

Who was I fooling!!!????

***********************************************************************

TO BE CONTINUED….

MY LOVE-LOVE: AN UNFORBIDDEN LOVE: Chapter 1

 

  CHAPTER 1..

 Christmas came and past .. we were experiencing some really cold snaps this year… days at a time…

The first week of January ….was so cold and I have noticed that he didn’t have a warm enough jacket to be working outside….so I brought him a one so he could be warmer ….He accepts and said thanks.. and later that morning…he walks over to my cash register to express his gratitude.. I have this silly smile on my face.. just so pleased to have him close and being attentive to me..

Then..

he left me…and went to talk to one of my co-worker.. she was one of my bestie at the job; we started together.. she was young , in her twenties..

I noticed his demeanor and saw his smile.. and saw her reaction… and I felt my green monster surfacing.. he was flirting with her and she was very receptive….I became so enraged and got very emotional..

How could he be liking someone else… he likes me….

It was as if  my whole world came crashing down on me. He was flirting with my little friend veronica.  OH BOY! I was so jealous & crushed. 

After he went back to his duties….

she walked over to me and told me she didn’t like me coming on to her guy. I  smile and asked her if he is flirting with her and if he liked her …and wanted to know if she likes him in return. She said yes.

I was so hurt and I tried really hard not to show my feelings but I was dying with jealousy on the inside..

I was so devastated ..but …

I couldn’t let on that I was more than interested in him… I thought I was much too old to show interest in a guy so young……so…

what I did…..

I encourage her to be with him. Don’t know why I wanted to do that because I was dying inside. I guess I liked her and I liked him and I just thought they are age appropriate….

He spent all day with her.. even went  to lunch together… i was acting and feeling rejected as if we had a relationship going…. It was here that I realize just how strong my emotions has gotten.. My heart was breaking and my hopes of experiencing this marvelous species of a man was lost…

I thought he likes me; I want him to like me.  I could not function or focus.  I was too distracted with them..  I cried, yes cried because I thought that’s the end of our story.  Well my day was ruin I couldn’t wait to leave and everywhere veronica went so did he and so did my eyes. 

I asked to leave early… I just couldn’t stay and watch him flirting with her anymore..

When I was leaving ,I seek him out… and I found him… He was talking to her… I went over to them ask him if I could see him. He came to me and I spill my guts. I told  him just how much I like him  and how I wanted him and how I have made love to him a thousand times in my mind.

Well he just casually blew me off tells me it was all for fun and that he does not like me like that. Of course my heart sank to its lowest depths…I was so upset. I came home in tears and I decided to text him exactly how I feel. I pour my heart out saying things that was not even appropriate, but brutally honest..but I thought it didn’t matter because it was over. He now has veronica.

 But to my surprise and pleasure…

he text me back telling me that he didn’t know that I felt like that and he’s sorry if he hurt me but he was for real and still is…Still is?? I didn’t really expect that answer..

I thought I would leave things as is.. .. It was the beginning of a very emotional roll-a-coaster for me. I kind of gave up on him but try to remain his friend.

I would still text him and seek him out especially after my shift to talk to him,  inquiring about his relationship with  veronie.  acting all interested … but still jealous…

  I would also ask her about them too… I would try to advise her and encourage her to like him. And at the same time feel like a hypocrite because here I am ,still wants him , still feel for him and with my heart breaking I’m playing nice.I do like her and I thought he was the best. So I encouraged their relationship…

..He would still talk  about us getting  together and I wanted to …so tempted…but every time I see him with vernie I felt unsure. 

There was a little episode involving him and this other girl at the store…( every girl want a piece of his sexy ass). She got jealous of him and veronie and started a rumor about him and her.

So I said ‘oh shit, I don’t need this drama.’  Too old to be involved in melodrama…

But he started to seek me out to talk to me… again showing interest in me.. starting again to flirt with me… and of course I love this attention and when he again start to imply us getting together I was more than willing.

I didn’t asked about the drama that just took place nor his involvement…

he called me.. for the second time….we talked about us and what’s been happening between us..and our desire to  get  involved… he let me know that he has been thinking of me in a sexual way… and that he would love to show me…

So I agreed to enter a relationship with him…. eagerly..

He has his stipulation…and I seriously thought I was old and mature enough to handle these terms…

  We both agree it would be casual for long as he was single and if and when he find someone else it would mean the end of us. And I agreed to the terms, thought I could handle a fling without getting emotionally attached.  I had build up this fantasy with him and I wanted so much to experience him that nothing else matters as long as I got what I wanted….

(I was already emotionally invested… so I was only fooling myself…. and this casual no strings attached… was not likely with me..)

I didn’t even asked about veronie… I didn’t even care… all that matters is …I’m going get my chance to enjoy him as much as I want to… and i couldn’t wait for that time to come..

We made a date one evening …. I was so excited and a bit nervous.. as I got ready I was getting so flustered and getting a stir with thought of loving on him.. and having him loving me..I was anxious just to be next to him..

but at the last minute he cancelled because his brother got himself in some kind of trouble ad he said he have to go take care of him…, and I thought WOW!! What a guy so dedicated to his family. I was so intrigued by him from the beginning.

I was very disappointed to say the least.. but I understood.. I was so impressed with how caring he was and how loyal and kind he seems to be..

and I waited impatiently for the next time….

*******************************************************************

 

TO BE CONTINUED……..

 

 

 

 

 

GROWING IN ONE’S LIKE: GAINING ONE’S FAVOR…

…. coming home from my church group one Saturday evening.. I met this guy on the bus..he was really nice and we really connected.. so before my stop he invited me to the movies and I accepted…

So the Saturday we had our date.. of course we took the bus..

Can’t recall if I had told anyone about this date but when he came to pick me up.. of course … all knew… I fully enjoyed his company and he kindly dropped me off home..

I waited with him to get the next bus.. and while we were waiting he asked me if I mind him kissing me…of course I was very bashful..

But I told him yes.. and there goes my first kiss..

Well next morning was church so I got got ready and go ask my stepmom for bus fare.. SMH 🤦‍♀️….

My stepmom turned to me quite angrily and told me that I should go and ask the man I went out with last night… I mumbled something under my breath in defense… walking away from her… pouting..

I break the news of my decision to join the nunnery to my dad… and for the first time my dad sit me down and talk to me..

We sat there for almost two hours.. he lectured me on the cons of being a nun and let me know by all means that he doesn’t approve of me making the choice to become a nun..

One of his reasons were.. it was a waste of life… he promised me if I changed my mind which he strongly recommended.. that he would pay for any school of my choice…

I really loved my dad.. and I always yearn for his approval and I want to please him so much that I agreed and told him that I will follow his suggestions.. he really thought my decision was based on me being home and became bored…

So next day I set out to find me a school.. I didn’t have a clue.. but I chose one and he lived up to his promise and pay for my enrollment…

Well my life took off on another journey…

I met this man became intimately involved.. and over the next few years… I started to spiral out of control.. of course I was alone in my world.. my stepmom still treats me with so much indifference and ignored me more than not..

Whenever she address for whatever reason.. it was always in a negative way.. very unkind and very mean… I have learnt to ignore her as well.. she and my older sister became inseparable.. my little sister.. I didn’t have clue what she was doing…

I was home when I went in labor.. it was 11 at night… my father took me to the hospital.. but didn’t stay… I was alone.. my baby father was not in my life then.. so he was not aware of me having the baby…

I continued to do things without the interference of anyone.. and only my dad would sometimes observe my behavior and would call me and asked me adjust my attitude …

I got pregnant with my oldest son.. at 23…I lived with my husband up to seven months then moved back home…

It took me 24 hours in labor before my son was born.. and the last hour my stepmom decided to come be with me… she was there for his birth..

I got back together with my husband after I had our son… but he was American and after a year and a half he decided to come back home.. leaving us behind…

I was very hurt 😞 and I had to find work to maintain my baby… surprisingly my stepmom offers to babysit fo me while I go to work… I was very appreciative but somehow lacking in showing it..

I ended up working three jobs… leaving early in the morning.. and coming home late at nights.. I took much disadvantage of my stepmom and of my dad’s kindness…I did abuse them…

My stepmom however never complained about my absence.. my dad however mentioned it a few times letting me know that I need to spend some time with my son…

Back then.. I defended my actions.. with reassurance that he is well taken care of..

( sometimes I wish I could turn back time…and be more attentive to my baby… I just couldn’t see the damage it was causing my son)

So I started to appreciate her for doing this for me… she didn’t have to… although our relationship did not improve much.. she would negative comments about my parenting… but never sit me down and advise me how to improve and be a better mom…

( looking back.. I really think she wanted me to fail…she wanted to prove that I was not capable or responsible enough to be a mom)

This went on for the next three years when we lost my dad to an heart attack…

He was the glue that holds our family together and with his sudden death.. we all fell apart…

It has a very huge impact on me.. I lost one whole year.. I went through it in a daze.. and I can’t remember one single event in that year.. it’s a complete blank..

He died November 1991.. and next thing I remember was 1993….

….TO BE CONTINUED…..

The next era of my existence…

Through The Eyes Of An Old Man:

This poem was written by an old who died in a nursing home…

After he died;

Amongst the patients belongings, memories of an entire life, they ( the nurses)found this poem:

SEE ME:

What do you see nurses? What do you see?

What are you thinking, when you look at me?

A cranky old man, not very wise,

Uncertain of habit, with faraway eyes?

Who dribbles his food and makes no reply.

When you say in a loud voice, “I do wish you’d try!”

Who seems not to notice, the things that you do.

And forever is losing… a sock or a shoe?

Who, resisting or not lets you do as you will,

With bathing and feeding, the long day to fill?

Is that what you’re thinking? Is that what you see?

Then open you eyes, nurse. You’re not looking at me.

I’ll tell you who I am, as I sit here so still,

As I do at your bidding, as I eat at your will.

I’m a small child of ten, with a father and mother,

Brothers and sisters, who love one another.

A young boy of sixteen, with wings on his feet

Dreaming that soon now, a lover he’ll meet.

A groom soon at twenty, my heart gives a leap,

Remembering the vows, that I promised to keep.

At twenty-five, now I have young of my own,

Who need me to guide, and a secure happy home.

A man of thirty, my young now grown fast,

Bound to each other, with ties that should last.

At forty, my young sons have grown and are gone,

But my woman is beside me, to see that I don’t mourn.

At fifty once more, babies play ’round my knee,

Again we know children, my loved one and me.

Dark days are upon me, my wife is now dead.

I look at the future, I shudder with dread.

For my young are all rearing young of their own,

And I think of the years, and the love that I’ve known.

I’m now an old man, and nature is cruel,

It’s jest to make old age look like a fool.

The body, it crumbles, grace and vigor depart,

There is now a stone, where once I had a heart.

But inside this old carcass a young man still dwells,

And now and again, my battered heart swells.

I remember the joys, I remember the pain,

And I’m loving and living, life over again.

I think of the years, all too few, gone too fast,

And accept the stark fact that nothing can last.

So open your eyes, people, open and see:

Not a cranky old man,

Look closer, see ME!”

Never assume that the elderly gent next to you doesn’t see things any more. He lives and feels just like you do. In every aging body lives a spirit that wants to remain young, even when that body doesn’t cooperate the way it once did. Remember the words of this old man and whenever you see an elderly person, treat him or her the way they deserve to be treated.

GROWING IN ONE’S LIKE: … GAINING ONE’S FAVOR…..

AGE 12 to 18

ALONE IN MY WORLD….

I was 12 years old when she decided to include me on the family trip to her home town… I have long decided I don’t ever wanted to go anymore.. I have cried and anguish for the past three years… for always getting left behind…

I hold out and I would not leave the house and get into that car…she tried to convince one more time…. but I refuse to budge or change my my mind… I said I will stay with grandma.. but dad was present so as much as she was annoyed she dared not abuse me in front of him…

She just walked outside and tell him to go get me because Im refusing to get in the car… my dad came in and sternly tell me to get in the car now..

I begged him to let me stay with my grandma… because I didn’t want to go… he again… very aggressively say…” get your ass in that car now and stop with your nonsense “…. and with that tone …I reluctantly get up and get into the car..

Of course I was placed in the middle.. and I sat there sobbing.. he turned around annoyingly and tell me to shut up with that crying…of course I tried.. because we all feared my dad…

My sisters started to jeered me .. and I angrily lashed out at them with one of my cuss words.. of course my stepmom reacted to this and turned to me and said.. you better not take that with you … she gives me a very angry look but didn’t say much more because of she didn’t want my dad to know exactly how badly she mistreats me..

(But.. she was not fooling him by a long shot… he knew… he always knew… but I wouldn’t have realized this until a few years later… when he address her attitude towards me… and ask her to just stop with always picking on me for everything..)

I was one sad and unhappy girl all the way there… and when we reached I again refused to get out of the car.. my dad threatened me with a whooping if I didn’t stop with my attitude.. I started to cry again…

Everyone filtered into the house leaving me in the car sobbing my eyes out… and then this man walks up to the door and said..

“ hey pretty girl.. why are out here crying 😭… and who are you…???!!! Come on inside pretty girl .. it’s alright…”

And surprisingly I stop sobbing.. I smiled.. and I got out and went with him… he calls me pretty…. and it felt so good.. someone thinks I’m pretty….just a little kindness.. just a little gentleness… that’s all it took…and all of a sudden …..I found me a friend.. I was in love 🥰…

….(the next few years because of that one gesture that gentleman.. my stepmom brother… became my most favorite person.. I built up an unhealthy crush on him… my dad observed and noticed it… and intervened a few times when he noticed that I was drawn to this man for all the wrong reasons….. this feeling I had for him was encouraged by him… and lingers on till the day he dies… my stepmom never even realize what was happening right under her nose…because she didn’t even see me.. only time I was ever noticed by her is when I was a nuisance the her and she was chewing me out for being so damn retarded…

I was in my teens when her dad and mom decided to relocate back home… from England…

We were sitting in the living room awaiting their arrival from the airport.. they walked in.. and she started to introduce us children… it was the first Time her mom and dad was meeting us…

When she pointed in my direction and say my name.. her mom immediately replied… “I never heard of this one before… so you have three stepchildren not two…” I then realized that she was so ashamed to even acknowledge me as her stepdaughter that she has hidden me from her family…

I can never remember a kind word from her during my teenage years..when I was fifteen..and my little sister.. she was nine… she was my stepmom first child.. only daughter… she was a beautiful girl…and we were close for a long time… but.. one morning we were getting ready to go to school…

And somehow we developed a tiff .. can’t recall what happened.. or what it was we were fighting for..

But…

This argument led to to tell me that her mom.. says.. that she is better than us.. ( four girls)…. she is prettier.. brighter… smarter… ect. Ect..ect..

So I just let her know that if that’s the case.. then I don’t have to talk to her ever again… and that is just what I did … over the next six years till the day she lost her life at age 16…. I never uttered one word to her…. I was 21 and moved out of the house by then..

During those years though I found myself in a state of solitude and secluded myself by writing ✍️ my diary 📔 or getting lost in novels.. and books… or listening to country music…

I was so quiet .. I never had nothing to say…everyone was happy to just ignore me and shut me out… I silently went through my emotions always seeking out the company of my step uncle… I had no friends…I didn’t know how to socialize… I lacked confidence.. I lacked self esteem….

I hated myself.. I hated my life.. I hated the world… I was so sad.. very unhappy.. I sunk into depression…and I continued on this pathetic self pitied attitude until I was eighteen… and reading one day I came across this article that states… only you can make you happy.. .. only you can choose to be… only you can can be responsible for your happiness….

No one can hurt your feelings unless you allow them to…you are in Control of your emotions… and a few more inspirational thoughts… I then started to collect these quotes and live by them…

And these words uplifted me and I started to grow from them….. I was in world of my own.. I totally shut out everyone… I used to go off to secluded areas.. to write and express my feelings… and not one of them ever misses me out of the house… I was like completely invisible… which was fine with me…

I finished school… I didn’t do too well mainly because I couldn’t write so well… I learned later on that my writing was affected by my attitude and my insecurities…

My dad looks at the results of my exams and when he observed all the D’s… remarks..

“ D is for dunce “….

This hurts me so badly that I cried so hard…again feeling sorry for myself.. that I can never please him..

For the next year I stayed home my only outlet was church.. and books.. we used to have this church club which I was a member… I used to attend retreats and everything offers… it became my way out of the house and to be amongst people who seems to like me…

I was so into it that I decided I wanted to become a nun…

TO BE CONTINUED…..

GROWING IN ONE’S LIKE…. GAINING ONE’S FAVOR….

This story is of a sensitive nature… it’s of a very personal perspective and although not intended to offend… the intended participants and the source of this episode of my life… will definitely be affected and it will cause animosity and tensions to our relationship…

This episode of my life is told as seen through my eyes… and may not be received or be accepted as the truth by the intended source of sorrow and total anguish … both mental and physical…

But …

As much as I know it will trudged up feelings of negativity and May severed our connection .. and causes hurt 😔 feelings..

I feel I need to tell my story and get out all this bottled up emotions… relating to how I keep trying as long as I remembered … to win her likes.. to have her starting to accept me… to gain some favor from her..

And so the story begins…

AGE 9 to 12

NEW BEGINNINGS …

….. A SAD 😔 END.

I was only nine years old when my mom died.. I have an older sister of one and a half years… and a younger sister of three years in between…

We were much too young to understand the reasons and we didn’t have much questions… our father wasn’t a presence in our home..

He has moved on years before and lived with another woman.. I know because I would hear my mom crying 😢 night after night..

And I would observe and listen as mom would tell and relate her story to anyone who would be willing to listen… and as young as I was …I was very sensitive to her sorrows and woes… I never knew her but I sure built up this great resentment for the woman who causes my mom to cry…

My mom was admitted in the hospital a couple of weeks before she actually died.. and my grandma 👵 ( my father’s mom) and my youngest aunt came over to babysit us while she was away…

My aunt was a year younger than me so I got a playmate… it was a Sunday morning when mom decided to say goodbye to this world…

My older sister went to see her and my aunt and me decided to go visit this nearby church… we were in the middle of the service when someone came and pulled us out.. thus breaking the news to us…

I can’t remember my exact reaction… I don’t think I even fully understood what was happening.. until a long time after..

My mom’s sister and brother was there.. and even her mom… They asked if they could take me along with them and I was more than willing to go… my grandma took my two sisters with her back to her home which my dad shared….

I spent the next week with my uncle and my other grandma.. until my dad sent my sister to fetch me…

How I cried and pleaded to stay with my grandma 👵… but my father would not allow it… and so I was forced to leave with my sister … I cried all the way home to my fathers house…

I just didn’t want to go live with the woman 👩 who made my mom died..( I got this from my uncle and aunt and my other grandma…). I was convinced it was true and I hated her without even knowing her..

And so this started the strain relationship between us… But….one look at me and the feeling was mutual.. she couldn’t stand the sight of me.. I was a very puny… skinny… awful looking child.. I stuttered.. I was clumsy… I was awkward….and most of all I was very defensive… and uses cuss words as a defensive mechanism to ward off everyone who tries to tease me or make fun at me…

Which was my life existence thus far… and causes me to retract into a shell or a cocoon… trying to hide and resist every attempt made on me… I was just overly sensitive and could never see the humor in any of it .. which makes them more eager to poke fun at me…

Her distaste for me comes out In her being mean to me.. she lacks patient when it comes to me… she uses every opportunity to treat me with indifference.. and to make matters worse… I was bed wetter… Ooh 😮 how this Erks her and give all the more excuse to scold me… with the most awful words…

Everything I do was always wrong in her eyes.. I could never seems to please her… she expects the worst and I always seems to deliver and live up to her expectations… I used fumble a lot mostly because of nervousness.. Maybe I was just scared of being screamed at…or I was just trying so hard to get it right… and of course I was always a klutz.. so the more I tried the worse I was..

I came to her …disliking her.. and resenting her for losing my mom… but as a child you don’t hang on to the same feelings for too long…

So ….. after a while I tend to lose that feeling and replace it with the longing for affection.. I miss my mom something fierce.. and I long to feel loved again… especially when I observed how she dotes and loved on her biological babies ..

And sometimes I would try to hug on to her … but she pushes me away with such force as if she finds me repulsive… (which she actually did) after a few more attempts with the same results , I felt hurt by her unkind rejection… so I stopped… realizing that she doesn’t want me to touch her or be close to her….

….(you know as a child.. you can’t comprehend the actions of adults and analyze their attitude and their reasons for doing what they do…here I was trying to get her to like me… not fully understanding her reasons for not liking me as she does my other siblings….)

The next three years was a challenge for me… I felt so alone.. my sisters completely ignored me… they tease me.. laugh at me… poke fun at me… and leave me out of everything.. I was never included in anything… I just couldn’t fit in no matter how I tried to…

I was always left behind.. or left out.. and as much as I beg to be apart of whatever they were doing.. the answer was always nooo!!!!!

My stepmom was from another parish and all her family was there… holidays like summer.. Christmas.. she would visit… and she would take everyone including my little aunt all except me.. those first three years.. how I begged and begged to go with them..

I would cry my little eyes out not fully comprehending the reason she never includes me… my little mind have so many thoughts.. most of which I felt so unloved… so unwanted… so alone.. and I hate the world and everyone in it even my father who never said a thing.. but just allow this treatment towards me…

I became more bitter.. more angry… more distant.. I completely withdrew.. I stop talking… I stayed by myself..

I got even more vulgar with my cussing.. I would adamantly refuses all contacts verbally… which of course always result in scolding and whopping… I would only cry and do it for the worst…

….(ooh man when we are a child we don’t realize how our retaliation only results in affecting us for the worst or that we are only hurting ourselves….)

Because of her treatment towards me … my attitude and behavior only escalated… which results in giving her valid reasons for treating me the way she does… and maan did she takes such joy in mistreating me … I was never included in anything or go anywhere with her…

Her one and only excuse is that… I have a filthy mouth and she doesn’t want to be embarrassed… but… her real reason for being embarrassed is how I looked and how retarded I was… (this is how she always sees me)…..

…..( my father also always sees me as an invalid and was overly protective thinking I wasn’t able to do anything…and I guess would agree that I was somewhat of a retard… I was sick as a baby and I didn’t walk until I was about three... I was always unsteady on my feet.. causing me to fall lot.. I lacked motor skills coordination. Thus causing my clumsiness and awkwardness…)

If only she had stop to realize that it was just me putting a wall up in defense for being totally rejected by everyone…. especially her..

If and when she has to address me.. especially when dad is not around… she was very aggressive and so so impatient.. if I didn’t come fast enough or answer quickly enough.. she would always be so mean…

Only you.. her favorite line… “ it can only be you…” I couldn’t never do or say anything right in her eyes… I was never a big eater and I was very skinny…

She would get so so mad at me for not eating everything on my plate.. “ look at you???!!”… she’d say.. you let people think I am not feeding you and that you live far from the kitchen…

How I miss my mom… why did she have to die??!!! Why am I so unlovable… why am I so ugly.. and weak…??!!! Why can’t she love me too!!!!

I just never realized that I was self destructive with my attitude… with my bitterness.. with my hatred.. with my anger…

I was in constant battle to win favor and grow into her likes.. but.. it was a losing battle because she made up her mind not to like me… so much that nobody in her immediate family knew that I existed…

TO BE CONTINUED….

MY LIFE IN A NUTSHELL… part 2

A FRESH START

A LOOK DOWN FROM THE SKY

So I arrived in Florida…it was a Saturday night.. November 5 th…my baby and I was met by my aunt… as we drove to her home I was just in awe of my new surroundings… I still couldn’t believe I was here….

My only regret was leaving my older son behind..and I still could see his little face so sad.. and hear his voice saying…

“The only thing you forget is me … is me mommy”…..

Those words haunted me to this day.. and still bring tears to my eyes.. I couldn’t take him with me..and I hated leaving him behind.. but I had get away from this man of mine…

I refused to stay and be physically abused… I had to sacrifice leaving my son.. but I promised I would make it right…(it took me six years to get him with me… eventually…)

My aunts was very receptive and seemed glad to have me… my baby was only a year and ten months… and was a crier… he clings to me a lot.. which was expected..

Christmas 🎄 came and went.. the weather was a bit chilly for me… and in January I thought it’s time for me to find work…

But…

My aunt refuses to babysit for me and I couldn’t afford the nursery… so I decided to take him back home until I get settled in a job and was capable of looking after him…

‘This was in February …. I reluctantly left him with his father.. and now I had to leave both my boys behind.. but… I was determined to come back and do everything I can to get them both with me…

I came back and immediately decided to find work.. I couldn’t get a job in my profession as an accountant… due to lack of computer knowledge or was I computer literate…. I decided to try as a cashier which I gain from being a assistant manager at a supermarket…

Thus.. my career as a cashier began… I picked up a job in a retail store…..I stayed at my aunt house for one year before she asked me to leave.. I then moved to Orlando Florida to stay with another aunt…

I came here and picked up another job.. so I had two jobs now…

Every summer I would go back home to see my babies.. this was the second summer for me.. when I return home and see my baby I was was so upset at his condition…

His father was not taking care of him… I almost didn’t come back.. I cried all the way home… and I told and relate to my aunt about what was happening with my baby and just how concerned I was and how distraught I was…

She saw my motherly anguish.. and promised to help me get accommodations so I could get my babies with me…

She and her husband was in real estate so she told me she would see if she could get me approved for a mortgage.. and she did…

And by the end of that year I got me a house… I went to get my baby .. but my older son didn’t have a visa.. so again I had to leave him behind…

I cause that baby of mine so much sorrow… I tried to make up with gifts… hoping it would make him happy… and when I finally decided to go get him.. he was 16 years old…

I had lost him. He out grew me.. and me him..he seems happy back there.. but… when he came here he became so depressed… that he tried to commit suicide at eighteen..

I was never home.. I worked.. from 11pm to 2 pm for day five days a week… I was always so afraid of leaving him… but.. thank goodness he never again tried it…

My youngest father also decided that he’s gonna join me and I allow him because my son was very attached by now… I was hoping he had changed his abusive ways..

I had also agreed to marry him.. and as soon as we got married he started to physically abuse me again… I keep trying and trying until I just had more than I could take… it took me four years to finalize our relationship…I called the police and file a domestic dispute… they got him out and I changed the locks and get me a security system in place…

Hence.. divorcing his sorry ass… I have been single since…

Over the next 20 years I worked those two jobs.. maintained my mortgage.. and see my kids through to adulthood…

In my view.. I have successfully achieved and accomplish my goal of being there for my children… I call this progress…

Yes I could have gone back to school.. get back into my accounting profession… but I was too overwhelmed with bills and babies to stop and again make more sacrifices and putting my babies second…

It was enough that I was working these long hours.. not spending enough time with them to add studying to that list..

I’m proud of where I am… what I have accomplished…my boys are now adults and are two of the most amazing men there is…

They both have families and are super dads… I guess I must have done something right after all.. am so very proud of them… and I’m so contented that I can retire and notworry about them or me…

My hard work pays off.. in the end… I’m able to survive financially and if I am short or in need.. my awesome sons is there to help me out..

What more can one ask for…

If that’s not being successful…

Then what is…????

I may have been a late bloomer and my life didn’t took off until I was in my thirties.. it may took a change of complete scenery and location..but… I. did it… I made it happen.. I got my own home… I became independent… and most of all I became the provider my kids needed…

It may not seem much to many but to me.. looking at where I am to where I have been… I have accomplished quite a lot… and I call it being successful…

I grew out of my insecurities and my lack of confidence…

MY LIFE IN A NUTSHELL….

I was born on a Friday morning in February of 1960s…. I was the most beautiful baby girl.. but at ten months my life took a turn for the worst.. I became so sick… my mom gives me up as dead…

“ go bury her “ she commands my dad… but he wouldn’t give up on me… he didn’t stop trying to find a cure for my unexplainable condition.. and when he finally did .. he was very elated but so very disappointed that I was never the same healthy baby he had…

I grew up feeble.. and sickly.. I was awkward and clumsy with zero motor skills coordination… so everyone just treated me like a retarded invalid… they sheltered me and limit me.. to things like playtime because they thought I couldn’t handle it.. trying to protect me without realizing the great damage they were afflicting…..

My mom decided to pass away when I was nine. Leaving behind a severely damage girl… my dad took us to live with my stepmom..

And…

Life becomes an unbearable struggle till I was old enough to go on my own.. I grew alone and apart from my siblings.. I was treated with much indifference..

No love… no affection… no acknowledgement… no confidence.. no self esteem…

I had bad stutter… I fall a lot.. I continuously cry… I was bed wetter until I was about thirteen…

I was mocked.. make jokes at .. laugh at.. shun.. and scolded for everything…

But…

I out grow it all and I believe I had a decent early adulthood… I made poor choices in relationships always seeking a love I didn’t know how receive or give…

I didn’t do so well in school .. because no one ever took an interest in our education…. I don’t remember anyone ever asking me about homework.. or find out how we were progressing… after graduation..I wasn’t brazen or bold enough to be able to function in the world… I was insecure and shy.. until I read somewhere… to be shy is to be selfish because you are only thinking of yourself….

My older sister was working and going to business college… while I was home so afraid to go out there to find work…

Church was my outlet so I decided I wanted to be a nun.. a great way out. But dad .. for the first in my short life he decided to sit me down and lecture me on how it would be a waste of life to enter the nun hood…

Me … eager to please and was so fill with joy that he took out the time to sit with me and actually talked to me.. decided to withdraw my intentions to be a nun.. he promised me to pay for a business course and Advice me to go find one that I like to attend…

But what did I know about picking a decent school… I did find one … but My choice wasn’t the best so after a few months I had to …changed to a different one..

Walking home one day … my long hair caught the attention of this man driving past… ( I had the most beautiful jet black hair.. long and shiny.. I regularly wear it flowing and cascading down my back ..) he stopped and offered me a ride home… I accepted…

We started seeing each other which my father didn’t approve because he was older and has been married with three boys.. I however disobeys my dad strict order to stop seeing him.. and that relationship lasted for year and ended badly when he decided to go back to his wife….

School didn’t prove too successful and so I tried working… but that’s also ended up with me losing it..

A few months down the line I met this US marine and for six months I was in glory… I had found love .. but this too ended on a bad note when I found he was also dating another…

I had started a business and management course at a more reputable school…and it was here that I met this other girl who revealed my marine deception… and where I unfortunately gain the likes of my accounts teacher……( I was taking accounts and management course) he decided to Pursue me to my great discomfort… and when I tried to tell him I was not interested he threatened suicide with tears..

And being so damn naive I allow him to persuade me to give him a chance against my will… we ended up living together unfortunately…

We went out one night and his car broke down and I had no way home… so we spent the night in his car and went home that morning…but my dad put the fear of god in me when he warned me not to ever repeat it and to he sure I come home every night..

And the very next weekend I was again stuck with no way home and the option of living with him was a much better option than facing the wrath of my dad…. that was the worst year of my life…

I dropped out of school… he was an alcoholic.. so I was bar hopping with him… being physically abused… often go hungry… moving from place to place.. but I want to prove to my dad that I could do this… but after a year.. I finally got the courage to leave him for good and beg my dad to allow me back home.. he reluctantly did and it took me two years to start dating again…

That relationship had left a bitter taste in my mouth and a callous on my heart…

During this period of my life I was struggling to find my way out… I was not progressing…both my sisters was working in Decent jobs… and I was not… I was by far the least successful one…

My dad own a tobacco company and he allows me to work for him.. I stayed there for two years…until met my first husband… I got pregnant for him but it went sour in my seventh month..

He was a womanizer… and he couldn’t help himself… he told me once that he was like a dog thrown in a pen full of all different kinds of meat…. so he just have to take bites out of everyone.. and it’s not that he love me less.. it’s just that he has all these tasteful choices and he just couldn’t resist biting into them… but know that I’m his favorite…and he will always loves me the best…

I couldn’t see it his way so left him with his delightful choices and moved back home… I had my baby.. got back together with him.. and he took care of us until he decided to move back home to America.. he was an American…

Me and my stepmom was really not the best of friends… but she agrees to look after my son while I go work.. I was very appreciative but I honestly neglected my son with the poor excuse that he’s well taken care of..

everyone in my family undermines me and I had no control over him.. so

I allowed everyone to take control away from me because I lacked the guts to stand up to them.. so as usual I run away and hide instead… I got lost in working three jobs..never realizing how much I was hurting my baby boy…

My stepmom took pride in full responsibility and never fails to put me down to my son…

But..

I did allow it gladly… telling myself that he’s ok and he is loved by everyone… this lasted five years until my father passed away from an heart attack…

Then everything changes for me.. I quit my job… I ended my four year relationship with a non progressed guy… that following year went by with me not remembering what took place.. I was in a daze..

But…

The second year.. I got married to my best friend.. .. he was my salvation and my angel….he was the best thing ever to happen to me… too bad it took me until he died to realize the great blessing he was to me….

I got pregnant with my second son.. that same year…my stepmom chased me out of the house letting me know that I won’t be bringing no more babies inside there.. and of course I allow her to decide my fate.. I had to leave my first son behind… this was my second mistake in abandoning him..

But the truth be told.. she wanted us girls out.. so she and her biological sons could have the house… she got her desire… of course..I made up my mind never to return to that house.. let her have it.. I will get mine someday…

I had been to hell and back with my baby father.. and when my baby was a year and ten months… I decided to do something about coming to America… my husband was an American .. so I asked him to file for me…

I got the chance and I took it..from the first day I set foot on American soil.. my whole world has changed for the better…

***************++**********++***********

TO BE CONTINUED….

BOOK 📚 TITLES….. GREAT READINGS…

My number #2 book 📖 I want to recommend is ……

NAUGHTY…

Forty one important lessons..Do and Don’t in any relationship…

This is a book 📖 that illustrates lessons learned from the author perspective… the do’s and don’t gather from the relationship he experiences… And all the mistakes he made before realizing the consequences of his actions…

He lived a full life and fully enjoyed his days of being the sexual beast he was… so he wants to pass on all the valuable lessons he learned along the way

You will definitely enjoy this book full of tales of his most adventurous encounters… and see that no no matter how good it was in time of questioning… the consequences or repercussions … sometimes isn’t worth the pleasure of the moment…

He walked away fulfilled with sexual gratification but.. find that he has learned these 41 valuable lessons which he take great pride in sharing hoping to enlighten those that take the time to read his delightful stories ..

You will find joy in all his episodes as he relived them…

So please go to amazon and find you a copy of .. NAUGHTY- Forty one important lessons..

And great readings to you..

BOOKS 📚 TITLES…/GREAT READING…

I would love to introduce a couple books 📖 to you…

First one ☝️…….

YOU BETTER NOT CRY 😢…. by Rufus Brown…

It’s a very touching short summarize story of a Childhood abuse endured from age 7 to teenager…

It’s told in the words of the victim. It’s non- fiction… she relives it again as she relates it her son…. allowing him to understand just how strong she was to be able to overcome such an abusive life… and be able to be the kind of mom she was…

She never reveals it to her children until she fell sick and knows she doesn’t have much time left on this earth..

She asked him to tell her story to the world.. she wanted people to know..

“WHAT DONT KILL YOU… ONLY MAKES YOU STRONGER…”

You can’t hold on to things of the past.. you can only move on forward…

So I’m inviting y’all to take the chance on this short story and feel her sorrow and pain she had no choice but to endure…

It’s on sale on amazon.

Just type in the.. title….

A MESSY LOVE 💕 STORY… NEW BEGINNINGS….

THE DAY WITH SANDY…

(he got a text from one of his girls.. Sandy… he haven’t talk to her for a while.. so he called and she invited him over the next day asking him if he wants to accompany her to a celebration for her relatives at the Marriott hotel…

He Gladly accepted her invitation… it was surely a welcome distraction right now…

They spoke for a little catching up with each other.. and after he hung up he felt so much better… he was even smiling with the anticipation of a good day tomorrow….that he lost his anger with that girl of his…

He finally settled down and turned in for the night… He drifted off to sleep thinking of sandy remembering how much fun she was in the past and hoping to rehash some of that Funtime come tomorrow..)

~~~~~~••••••••~~~~~~~•••••••~~~~~~

She woke him up with a call .. wanting to know what time is he getting there.. he asked her what time does she expect him..

She let him know they have access to the rooms and the pool all day long.. and he should get there as soon as he can.. and then remind him not to forget his swimming trunks…

She sounds really enthusiastic and anxious to see him.. and he was kinda feeling the same about seeing her too.. it’s been a while since he had…

He got up took a shower … and decided to go over to that hotel and have some needed fun with Sandy..

When he arrived she met him in the lobby..

she ran up to him .. so excited to see him.. and wrapped him a hug..

she felt so good to hold in his arms and she smells deliciously enticing..

They separated and he took her in .. noticing every small detail of her … she was casually dressed in a jeans and a nice summer top.. which was revealing a little cleavage.. which caused him to lick his lips desirously.. reflecting with images of her naked boobs…

He smiles as she grab his hands and said eagerly..

“Come on …come say hi to my family that’s here..”

He follows her as she leads him on.. he kept a smile as she introduced him to everyone.. trying to keep his mind focus on what’s she’s saying… instead of drifting off thinking of how her boobs bounced with each move she makes.. or how her curvy hips and her round ass sways so sensually as she moves from relatives to relatives..

Her sisters gave him that look of … yesss we know what’s on your mind..”

He felt himself blushing and smiling sheepishly knowing they are reading his mind right now…

As she mingled with everyone.. he took the time to reflect on their past and as he look at her smiling and seeing just how gorgeous she is as she gracefully and effortlessly flitters around the room ….he tries to figure out why he didn’t pursue her and why he had lost connection with her..

She’s a really beautiful and sensually sexual girl.. and she exudes this strong sexual energy ..

He somehow couldn’t quite remember what exactly was the reason for not keeping her closer..

But…

She is here now… and he’s definitely going to make use of this opportunity..

she must like him some to have invited him to this very intimate gathering of families and even taking pride in introducing him to everyone…

She then suggested that she’d like to show him the rooms they booked for the night… and even told him that she saved one just for him..

He was gamed.. as they excuse themselves and took the elevators up.. he started to get all excited and he felt the tightening of his pants as he subconsciously tried to adjust it…

She noticed his fidgeting and turned to witness his actions.. he quickly removed his hands and she giggles a little.. telling him she knows exactly what was happening..

She stepped a little closer to him.. brushing her hips next to his thighs.. and it sent a electrifying emotional shock through his whole body.. and as if she senses his reaction she turned her face to look at him with a very mischievous smile…

They came to their floor… and as they elevator stop….she took his hand in hers and led the way. ..

he noticed her palms was a little sweaty… and he smile ..

She wants him too…

She opened the door to one of the rooms and they entered…it was really a beautiful setting.. the curtains match the bed spread and it was delicate fresh scent present…

He was feeling a little warm so he walked over to adjust the room temperature …

He sat on the bed with his back to the headboard.. she climbed on too .. on her tummy facing him…

They converse trying to catch up on each other life..

It started to cool down … and he politely asked her if she mind if he gets a bit comfortable…

She shook her head that she don’t and told him..

” please do…”

He got up take off his shoes and his shirt…

He got back in smile at her as she lay there gazing up on him… he reached over to remove a stray strand of hair from her face…. telling her that he had missed her and asked softly….

” What happens to cause them to drift apart???….”

She just shrugs her shoulders in response….

He continued to tell her how beautiful she was looking and how good it is to be there with her… he thank her for inviting him and including him in her festivities….as he gently stroke her face …. tracing the outline with his fingers….

She leans into his hand pressing her cheeks against his fingers.. she close her eyes and softly rub her cheek against his fingers like a kitty would…

He could sense her desire for him.. so he placed his forefinger beneath her chin …. heisting her parted lips as he leaned in to kiss her…

She closed her eyes again…and her lips tremble with anticipation… he lightly brushed his lips against hers…and she sucks in her breath in anticipation inhaling his scent.. as she eagerly strain her neck towards him to receive his kiss.. but he stopped. Pulled away… looking at her mouth , and smiling mischievously…as she subconsciously licked her lips where he has touched with his…

She opened her eyes..looking at him.. revealing a hot fiery passion … burning with fierce desire…

With one swift move..She reached for him.. pulling him towards her and fiercely kiss him .. Deeply and sensually.. .that causes a jolt of electricity to run through him straight to his groin…He rolled on her back pressing closely into her with a intensely urgent desire….

She could feel his excitement as he pressed into her.. and he could sense her reciprocal excitement from her racing heart beat and from her shallow breathing…

Her hands was busily exploring his back and his buttocks as she urged him in even closer…

He eased up.. and look at her… and he saw the only answer he needed in her face and eyes..”

He begins to undress her as she intermittently covers his bare chest with kisses.. when he reaches for her pants .. she automatically lifted her hips for easy removal..

he fumbles with her bra but got it and released her voluptuous bouncing boobs’…they were so much more beautiful than he recalled…

his excitement only grows with the sight and he kiss her as he fondled her breasts .. he placed trails of kisses on her neck moving towards those hard nipples…as he enjoyed the scent of her as it fills his nostrils.. She was intoxicatingly delicious..

He felt her heisting her hips and her legs slightly opening.. he knew she was as ready as he was..

she reached for his pants and with some urgency she tries to release his rock hard dick..

He got up with a quick move and discard the obstacle..and she gasp at the sight of him .. she touched him and stroke him slowly and ever so gently as she guided him to her soaking wettt.. pulsating kitty…. easing into position to receive him…

She felt so so good.. as he slowly enter her.. resisting the urge to plunge deep and hard.. he had been aching and craving for the feel of her…

She made a sensual groan of pleasure as she started to move with him..

she was grabbing his ass begging him to ..

” fuck me baby .. fuck me.. ”

As she urged him to go faster.. she was convulsing around his hard dick.. making him knew she was cumin..

it makes him lose control and he felt himself ready to spill his load .. I’m cumin baby.. he told her.. she just bit her lower lips .. nodding.. her face full of pure pleasure..

as he made the last thrust before he release it all.. he felt her hold on to him and arch her back and said….

Oooh yesss baby.. oooh yess.. Yesss..Aaaah.. Aaaah..”

He could feel her kitty going wild gripping and clenching onto his dick as he emptied into her…

It is a divine ecstasy and he was feeling so blissfully satisfied…

He slowly pumped into her a couple more times enjoy the feeling of her convulsions..

she was shaking a little.. breathing as heavily as he was.. as cum spill out seeping down her legs..

They just lie there for a minute or two savoring the moment..

he then kiss her tenderly and whispered a thank you..

She smiles at him and hug him close to her.. nestling her face into his neck.. in response…

He rolled off her and got up and headed to the shower.. she decided to join him.. they finished .. get ready.. and headed downstairs to grab something to eat..

They walked hugging each other to the elevator..nothing was said..on the way down.. but the smiles and the silence speaks volumes..

***********^^^^*********^^^^^*****

TO BE CONTINUED….

A SLAP 👋 IN FACE…. part 4

Born December 27th

….. John woke up and saw me outside.. he came and asked if I was ready to go.. I told him yes..

I sat there thinking and wishing I did not made the choice I had.. and feeling so upset because apart from upsetting her I have ruin my Christmas plans..

I got up retrieved my things and said bye to her.. not getting a response..

And head for the car.. my son and I .. we had a good little conversation on our way… and he was very sympathetic to me.. he shows understanding and actually told me that he thinks she has more issues than she thinks he has..

I had to agree with that statement.. he gives me a few examples of her iritic outburst… which he thought was very unnecessary especially with her eldest… but he said she doesn’t receive advices or suggestions too well…

That was enough explanation for me..

It was their second anniversary so I asked him to go easy on her and try not to do or say anything to upset the day…

He dropped me off and headed back home..

It took me two days to overcome my feelings.. and on the second day I thought I’d send her a text apologizing.. hoping she would now be in a better frame of mind..

Hey 👋 Megan..

I do hope you are feeling much better today…

I’m so sorry 😐 my visit took a turn for the worst…

I didn’t mean to upset 😡 you so badly..

I just wanted to spend some time with you and enjoy 😊 your company..

So sorry 😐 for what I have said to make you so 😠 mad…

It was never my intentions..

I just hope we can move forward and beyond it..

And continue as friends..

I am not mad with you..

I know you are just going through a very emotional time right now. .. being in your last month of pregnancy 🤰 and all..

And have a family to take care of..

You are doing such an awesome 👏 job sweet girl…

You are a strong girl and you are a most wonderful mom and wife…

Keep on doing what you are doing..”

It went unanswered..

I even tried to butter her up.. hoping she would smile..

Ooh well!!?? I guess I just better leave it at that..

The next two weeks to Christmas 🎄 was very emotional for me because for the very first time I’m not going to be celebrating 🥳 Christmas without John…

John came over Christmas Eve with ayden..

We went out to eat.. he spent a few hours then leave..

We had exchange Christmas 🎄 gifts 🎁 . And good wishes ..

So next day ( Christmas 🎄 Day) was just me and my younger son home.. I tried to make the best of it..

The day came and went very uneventful..

I got a text from John that Friday.. baby coming.. and a couple hours later.. he sent photos..

So baby was born at 10am Friday morning…

And just when I was getting over my emotional state .. here comes another reason for me to be sad 😢…

I won’t be able to go see my granddaughter.. and I vowed that I would never go back to her home unless she personally invited me..

It’s been two weeks since the birth of my granddaughter..

And she did send some pictures to me and we had a little texting dialogue.. but I haven’t heard from her since..

And I’m not anxiously thinking that is an invite to resume connection..

So I will wait until she decided to do so..

I have been talking to friends about what happens.. and their suggestions have me looking at the whole scenario differently.. and at different angles…

One such suggestions is that maybe she wanted to cut John’s families out of the picture..

I don’t really care too much other than I’m not going to be able to spend much time with my granddaughter..

But I can do it if I have to.. I just find it so funny.. the extreme of it all..

Here I’m am left with total responsibility of my younger son daughter.. to the point that I have to ask him to give me a break..

And now I’m not going to be able to see this one at all..

I just can’t win for losing…

I will just have to let it all play out and deal with whatever comes..

A SLAP 👋 IN THE FACE… part 3

BE CAREFUL WITH WHAT YOU SAY…

WORDS CAN HURT 😞 MUCH MORE THAN

A SLAP 👋……..

THE AFTER EFFECTS….

…… I continued to cook dinner .... she locked herself in her bedroom… I was really uncomfortable and wish I could leave and go home… my emotions was running high and wild….

I felt guilty and badly for causing her rage… but I had mixed feelings.. the more I think about the conversation.. I come up with the conclusion that I didn’t actually say anything to have cause her reacting in that manner..

And… come to think about it she was very mean and somewhat rude to the point of disrespect… shouldn’t I have reminded her of who she was talking to and asked her to address me with more respect than that..

I didn’t even raise my voice once. I maintain my composure.. why then am I so forgiving and remorseful.. could it be because I’m in her home….

Or..

Is it because she is pregnant..

I find myself very understanding and even compassionate towards her… my throat was tightening up again..and my eyes were filling up with tears.. accidentally spilling down my face..

I think it’s because I liked her so much and I wanted so much to spend this time with her… we don’t really communicate too often and I so much wanted be close with her..

This is a side of her I never saw or known..

So after I finish cooking I thought I would go see if she has calm down and try to break the ice. .. letting her know that I’m not mad.. hoping she would be receptive to my gesture…

But..

She was very cold and distant..and had an negative attitude…

So I just back away disappointingly.. and utter a “OUCH “……

I went to my grandson room… I was not feeling too good and again I wish I could leave… why did I invite my silly ass over… I question myself…

My son came home but I didn’t go out to greet him…

But later on I decided to go and put away the food for the night… she didn’t come out if her room all evening..

John was sitting on the couch and he came in the kitchen to ask me why did I say that to her about her son..

So I had to explain to him the conversation we had that leads up to me mentioning her son to her..

I broke down in the middle of the story and my son..he doesn’t know how to deal with emotions…so he was getting uncomfortable 😣 and asked me to stop… so I did..

I finished up with what I was doing and went back to the room.. I lay there for hours going over and over in my mind the incident that occurred…

She chooses to tell john just the comment I made about her son… shaking my head… and to think of it …..she was the one who said everything she wanted John to believe I said…

I dozed off with tears flowing… I was very hurt for more reasons than one..

I didn’t get up with my grandson that morning….but after they left For school I got up.. got ready.. pack my belongings.. and decided to go sit outside in the backyard until my son wakes up…

She was on the couch.. I shouted , ” good morning 😃☀️🌞 Megan “….

I didn’t get a reply.. so as I was passing to go through the door to the backyard.. I asked,

” are you okay today??….”

She replied very sarcastically and very nonchalantly ..

“As good as I’m going to be “….

I replied.. “that’s good “….

I sensed her indifference and her detachment… so I just leave her alone..

*************++++************

TO BE CONTINUED…

A SLAP IN THE FACE…. part 2

ONE BIG SLAP 👋 IN THE FACE

THE CONVERSATION….

The evening went well.. we all retired to our sleeping quarters…

I slept with my grandson and he woke me up pretty early.. they had school…

My son was off to work early .. I had some coffee ☕️ sit for a while with meg..

And about an hour later .. decided to get up to change out my pjs…I asked meg what was on her agenda…and she said she wanted to go to the store to pick up something.. I told her I would glad to ride along with her..

I thought she meant later in the morning but just as I got into my clothes.. she asked if I was ready… so we went off to the store…

While there I picked up a few things.. mostly snacks for me and the boys…

We were having a conversation about blood type. And meg was getting a bit agitated 😣 with my questions and suggestions about her knowing her kids blood type.. so much so that I had to cut off the conversation entirely and letting her know it’s only me that these things are so important to… I didn’t like her tone … and definitely did not want to upset her…

We got home.. it was still too early for anything.. I again told her I would love to take over the cooking so she would not have to stand up so long…

So we sat down.. she turns on the news… and me…( 🤦‍♀️ smh ..sigh) .. I decided to ask her about her comment about her second son living with his father…

It starts out very casually with her saying she would not allow it.. but she went on farther stating that John is envious of her son and his father..

I did not agree with her and so it became a discussion which spiral out of control on her part. She let me know that John is still having abandonment issues.. that he has been crying and been threatening suicide..

So I just said.. annoyingly..

” He is almost 40 years old… it’s time he gets over this shit”….

Oh my.. she got very belligerent and started to blame me for him going through all that emotional trauma …

I remain calm and asked her not to be so upset.. I tried to change my approach by admitting the fault and then tried to explain my reasons for and behind making that choice which affects him so badly ..

I started off saying…

“When we are young we as parents sometimes make choices with and for our children without the realization of how it may or will affect them…”

I continued with the explanation of why I left him behind…and To clarify and satisfy my story or excuses or explaination..I kinda finish by saying…(trying or hoping she would understand.. ) just like the the choice you made with your oldest son..

Ooh man.. she flew off the handle… and went into a raging fit.. saying that she has not abandoned her son.. because she didn’t leave him and come to another country

I didn’t say anything about her abandoning her son .. but I only make matters worse when I say the distance doesn’t matter..

I had to stop talking because I was afraid of her getting into such a rage.. but she continued to spew out a whole heap of negative remarks about me.. including the fact that I mess up my son and leave her to pick up the pieces.. I just say ” ouch 😣 ”

And..

“Oops 🤭😬”

And just walked away..

I was so hurt .. her words cut really deep.. because I had struggled with great guilt and remorse for years… I couldn’t go back and undo the damage I had cause my son….and I had suffered with him during the height of his first onset of deep depression… and I don’t see him with that emotions anymore.. so I was not believing it was still affecting him to the degree of how she wanted me to believe…. he had come along way.. and he has progressed so much.. I’m swell with pride sometimes just thinking of him and how he has grown.1

the tears was threatening to flow..I had to take a minute to calm down my emotions..and I started to cook as I promised… how could she be so mean…????!!!! If only she could know and realize just how much my decision and choice has hurt me in past… and how very much I regretted leaving him behind….

It was really like a slap 👋 to my face..

I really don’t see how our conversation could have reached to that point…but..

She’s pregnant and highly emotional..so I didn’t hold it against her… she was obviously 🙄 on edge all morning… and I guess it didn’t take much to trigger off her reaction..

………………………………………

TO BE CONTINUED…

BEING A MOM… VS… BEING A GRANDMA…

So sweet she is

My most beautiful granddaughter…

It’s so amazing how we think so very differently as we aged enough to experience the joy of being called grandma…

Maybe it’s the experience of age..

Maybe it’s just living to see your children having children…

Or maybe it’s the journey through life that leaves us with the changes and experiences that make us think differently and treat the grand offsprings with such differences compared to how we treated our own children…

I’m so happy to be able to be alive to experience the grandchildren I have now…

But…

I do realize that I have such a different attitude and approach with them than I ever had with their parents..

I show more patience …

More understanding….

More eagerness…

I reflect back sometimes and it makes me sad sad 😞 to remember how impatient I was…how much I lack understanding…

And just how apathetic I was…

Yet I know I have loved my kids… as much as any mother could… but.. I lack that interest to give my all…

We call it discipline .. we call it structure .. we call it teaching…

Yet just years later we forget why and how we did what we did.. and doesn’t apply it to our grandchildren….

We have a complete set of new rules and expect our kids to take our new found advice and abide by them… when dealing with their kids…

My son had to remind me of how I scolded him for some kind of behavior I was insisting that he doesn’t do when he was trying to discipline his baby…

And I tried so hard to justify my then actions.. so he could understand my now reasoning for not wanting him to apply such.. with his daughter…

Life really teaches us.. and it brings changes… of how we see everything…

I have to really restrain myself from interfering with his methods of discipline… and allow him to be the father to his daughter.. whether or not I approve or not…

I guess we all have different values we try to instill in our kids…every parent have their very own…and we just have to allow and respect each and every one to be the boss of their kids upbringing…

Just as I have learned along way… I think so will everyone else too…

So I will continue to enjoy my sweet and adorable grandbabies… when I do get the chance…

And leave my kids to their parenting skills… afterall … they are the boss of them…

BESTIES 👯….TILL NOT …. Cory… part 3

ALL GOOD THINGS MUST END…

We were doing well until about two months down the line.. you see Cory has his own preferences and likes… and he confided in me these things…

I indulge him when he first told me… we all have something we are into that’s our personal secrets..

So I understood this and let him go on about it.. I even encouraged him and give him room to express his feelings… I joked with him and entertained his habits even it was not something I particularly find joy in…

After a while when I realize that he chooses to share much too often these likes with photos…videos… or little jokes which tickles him …. but actually annoys me or as much as repulse me .. I asked him kindly not to share anymore with me because I don’t enjoy them …

He agrees but he continues to send them to me… so on this particular day he sent me some photos which he finds very interesting… and I guess amusing…

I said to him…

” Cory I Don’t find joy in these photos.. please stop sending me them”…

It was a text message…

Maan…. did he get upset…

He started to call me selfish and controlling….and claimed that he would never tell me to stop sending him photos even if he doesn’t like them..

He proceeded to call me 🤙 directly and we ended up in an heated argument … me being very belligerent and him criticizing my character.. trying to tell me how I am and how I like to control things.. I

I even reminded him of an incident where he did not like a inspirational video I sent because he had very different opinions and views about these kinds of videos….

We did have a discussion about it with me trying to convince him to see it through my eyes… and I had to end up accepting defeat and I promise him I will not share anymore of these kind of videos with him…

And I didn’t anymore…

I totally disagree with the fact that I am controlling and telling I own my right to choose what I like or don’t…

We were talking verbally and I’m very weak in conversation verbally… especially when I’m getting angry…

I ask him why is he attacking my character and why is he questioning my morals and dignity…

He continues to say how very selfish I am and how I am ; giving me all kinds of examples from our pass conversations…

So after I realize I’m here trying to justify my self and trying to explain too much to him .. just because I asked him not to send me those pics…

I hung up with him…

After I calm down a little.. I sent him a text asking him to let’s move past this topic seeing that we have established what I am and who I am…

He responded back .. agreeing to do so…

I did not hear from him the next few days.. he ignored all my text messages .. so I give a couple more days and send him another text…

I asked him if his lack of communication means that our friendship is over… he responded back that we have nothing to talk about unless I call him directly without the texting mode…

To be honest I was kinda annoyed with his attitude… so I told him I will call him another day…

And I told him I hope we can move on with our friendship as is .. and put all this stuff behind us…

He again tells me it’s just me trying to control everything and it’s only about what I want… he said he is not finished with our conversation as yet..

oooh boy!!!(sigh)…..

I just texted ok..

And stop …

After two days I decided to call him like he requested.. and it wasn’t long before we ended up back where we left off..I tried my best to explain and begging 🥺 him to just drop it.. because I don’t see the sense in us arguing about a subject that has no relevance to what started the whole thing.. me asking him to stop sending me those pictures….

But he just wouldn’t let go.. and then he mentioned that he was not the only one that thinks I’m controlling…

Now this started a whole new argument…because I got really upset asking him who is The others… because there is no others in our circle…

So after a few minutes of debating on that and I came up with the conclusion that the other can only be ABBEY…. she is our only mutual connection… I ended our conversation again…

Of course this really did not go well with him…but I cannot have a reasonable discussion when I’m upset….

so I sent him another text message pleading with him to let get past this phase and move forward….

He was at all receptive to this suggestion because he said we have unfinished topics…

So I let another couple days go by before I attempt again to resume our communication… he also refused to connect with me…leaving me thinking that he was waiting on me to make the first move….

I really didn’t want us to end on this note or was I willing to give up on our friendship; and so I try to be the more mature one and make that attempt to resolve our differences…

However before I call I sent him a text stating that I really want to move beyond our dispute … asking him to let’s leave it where it is…

He somehow agrees and so I called…

The conversation started on a very good note…and we talked about other subjects until he decided he wanted to mention something pertaining to the past conversations..

I allowed him.. thinking I’m going to stay as calm as I can and try to see if I can answer his questions and move away from it..

But.. again it spiral out of control and he made comments that really irks me… and I couldn’t get him to change the subject so I abruptly hang up… i was very mad at him and myself for allowing him to get me to this point..

And so I send him this last text….

I have had enough of your questioning of me..

I think it’s time for me to exit on this relationship we call friendship…

I can’t do this anymore..

You obviously can’t accept me as is and so you have the choice not to…

It was good while it lasted

I’m just too old to be trying to explain myself and justify me to ya..

We were just friends…

Not enough for you to convict me and crucify me for being me…

Goodbye 👋 Cory.

I hate how you twist everything around to suit you

And contradicts yourself.

Just so you can pin me in a corner..

You

Just pushed me over the edge…

So you just killed me with everything we were….

You win

You successfully destroyed me.. and our friendship..”

I know I was very impulsive but I just had about enough of those irrelevant subject…

So I thought I would give him a break for us to forget all this nonsense…

I know my text sounded final.. but I’m hoping I can resume connection after some time have passed…

***********************************

TO BE CONTINUED….

BESTIES 👯 TILL NOT…. part 4

MY REACTION AND CHOICES…

She disappoint me with her response.. I wanted her just say to me…

“Wendy I don’t like that you are asking Cory for money for me…please don’t or please stop…”

Anything that will counteract her voice call to Cory… I would have understood her feelings knowing her as the friend she is…

So I really became upset thinking she really was trying to ruin my reputation and discredit me to Cory… without even giving me credit for trying to help her…I shook my head and made the only choice I think was appropriate…

Walk away from this friendship.. so I decided to send her another text.. I didn’t even want to talk to her..I was done …

“Well Abbs..

I guess it takes me almost 40 years to figure out that you are not truly for me…

I’m very disappointed 😔 that this friendship was not as real to you as it was for me..

I really thought I was doing everything I can to help a friend in need..

and I centered my help around you…

And you go and discredit me to a dear friend .. a friend who was more than willing to help me help you…

Cory is somewhat of a special person… but I’m afraid o

From where I’m standing..

I see ingratitude..

I see false pride..

I see you don’t see All the effort I have been making to help you stay afloat ….

But I don’t need any recognition because I was doing it out of loyalty and as a friend…

I am withdrawing my friendship from you..

I really hoped life treats you well…Abbs

I never thought this how we would have ended our friendship..

But as things stand..

You ended it a long time ago…

And it’s so obvious that you really don’t want my interference in your life or do you need my help…

Goodbye abbey..”

She did respond with a lengthy text wanted to know if she has ever been kind to me.. and playing dumb to my accusations of her discrediting me..

And informing Me of her plans to get her finances in check…never acknowledging my efforts to be of help to her…She mentioned that she was not ungrateful but didn’t actually state for what… and she went on about how Independent she is and how she tries to do for herself…

I didn’t bother to respond to her… I just didn’t see the sense.. the forty years of friendship was not in question.. or was her character….it was all about what she said to Cory in that negative way… I didn’t want to go back in history.. and I didn’t feel like giving her my reassurance of how I hold her in his esteem because of her drive and willingness to do everything it takes to be a better person..

This was my ultimate reason for going to the extreme to try to help her get over this bump/ hurdle… I know she was capable of getting certified so she can be more flexible and versatile in the job market….

I want her to have choices and options…

I thought she understood this when I promised her to help get by until she finished with that course…

it takes just two minutes to completely destroy our lifelong friendship…and it really saddens me to know that she never appreciated all that I have tried to do for her..

And I have done so much over the years… don’t get me wrong..she has done for me too.. I could make a long list of all she did for me…because these are the reasons I value our friendship…and remain friends our the years…

And I thought it goes both ways… I always appreciate her and always was full of gratitude for being her friend…

It really hurt me to know that she didn’t quite feel the same way as I did…

So here goes…

My bestie… until proven not:…

All in all though…

what she did and say did not take away nothing from those forty years we had invested in being friends…

I still value and savor those years…it was a great friendship up until that moment..

It just comes the time to end…

I bid her farewell and wish her the best…

I know I did what I could. . She just mess it all up… without realizing what she really lost…

A TRUE FRIEND….

BESTIES 👯 TILL NOT… part 3

THE MESS THAT ENDS IT ALL…

Continues….

My son decided to go to West Virginia to be with his girl while she give birth to his baby… and during those months of him being there I didn’t have his financial help so I became a little short on extra cash..

So I slacked off with my monetary help.. Cory However help when he could..

Her course was coming up to the end.. but she was far from getting her certification… and I was still not able to be of much help..

Cory ask for her number said he would like to check in on her personally…and I gave it to him..

He called her and she asked me about his reasons for calling.. I told her he just wanted to say hi and informed her that he was he benefactor the last few months…

Cory used to inform me about their conversations..

But…

Abbey never mentioned Cory to me again since that first time.. I waited for her to tell me that they are connecting and communicating but as time goes on by.. nothing…

I didn’t feel like I should ask her because Cory was letting me know they were.. and I felt she probably had her reasons for not telling me… although I couldn’t but wondering about the secret.

About a week in communicating she hit him up for money..he couldn’t wait to tell me all disappointed that she proves to be like everyone else… using him as a cash cow..

I tried to explain to him that she was desperate and probably didn’t have any one left to ask… seeing that she probably exhausted all her options …

I encouraged him to give it to her if he can afford to.. and he agreed..said that he would.. I know she needed the help…

A month Or two passed and she lost her credit for phone calls… they were corresponding via “WHATSAPP “…and she had to purchase weekly credits… like a top up….so Cory asked me to call her and asked her how much it would cost to get her phone back on.. and also find out how much she needs to get her through the month…

I did ..but I tried to not let on that I know she was asking Cory for money… so I indirectly asked her without giving away what I know…

(I did call her the day before and asked her how she was getting along and asked her if she was getting help from anyone..)

We came up with an amount That seems reasonable and she was worried about if we were asking too much..

I assured her that I knows Cory’s position and have a good idea what he can afford… and even remind her that we are really good and close friends…

So I hang up with her and call Cory to tell him what we came up with…

He said it was okay and that he would let me have it that weekend for her..

So I texted her and give her the info and let her know I will definitely remind him.. she responded by saying thanks..

I woke up to a voice text from Cory..him apologizing to me telling me how he knows exactly how I’m feeling.. I got very curious and went straight to to voice message.. trying to figure out what he’s going on about…

Surprised..!!!! It was a recording of a phone call he got from her…. ouch!!!!

She was telling him that I was very wrong in doing what I’m doing..and that she never asked me to asked him for any money… stating that I do things like this all the time and even mentioned the GoFundMe episode..how it almost damaged our friendship… and she doesn’t like my behavior but don’t want to hurt my feelings…

I really didn’t know how to take it at first….

So I took some time to think about it.. I spoke to Cory ask him what he thinks… and if he thinks there was any validation in what she said… I decided to send her a text with the reminder to Cory like I had promised… hoping she would say to me what she said to him..

I just couldn’t believe she would make such statements against me without letting me know how she felt….So I want to give her that open opportunity to let me know that she doesn’t like what I’m doing…

So I texted her…..

Hey Abbs..

Just talk to Cory and remind him of that money 💴 he said he would send..

But he’s a a bit busy at work so he said he will get back with me on it later..

Just so you know…

Hope all is well with you…

MY FRIEND…”

Her reply….

“Thanks Wendy, appreciate it.”

Oooh maan..Nope she didn’t appreciate nothing.. she just tried to discredit me to MY Friend

I just couldn’t understand it… this is my best friend.. we share everything together… we talked about everything.. good bad and inbetween…

And Cory is my friend.. I introduced him to her… where is her loyalty…

I know Cory deceived her trust..but she doesn’t even know him well or long enough to call him a friend…

And Cory was very loyal and faithful to me and our friendship… all the wrong she believes I’m doing to her…it’s me trying to help her out financially…

What did I do so wrong..??!!!

In my eyes and in defense…the only crime I committed was trying too damn hard to do right by her…

I went as far as asking my friend to help me help her..

But..

I’m not in her shoes..I can’t see it from her point of view.. and how I wish I asked her why she was so secretive about her communication with Cory… it still puzzled me…

And so my thoughts started to change…..

**********************

TO BE CONTINUED……

Part 4… My Reaction And Choices…

BESTIES 👯 TILL NOT….. part 1

HOW WE STARTED…ABBEY AND I

Abbey was my little sister best friend in high school… they were pretty close and were inseparable…

And so we get to know abbey, she became a frequent visitor in our home..and we all grown to accept her and love her…

Now she has had a really tough life… her mom died in child birth…and her father decided to give her to others to be raised..

She went back to her father when she started high school but he was very abusive and she became his caretaker…

So she decided to move out and live with someone else..

They In turn treated her very shabby and she played the Cinderella role..

when she finished school she decided to ask my father to allow her to stay with us for a while..

Because she wanted to get away from the life she was exposed to… she had enough and decided she wanted out of that life…

My father of course agreed.. she has become like a sister to us…

So she moved in..

My sister and I shared a bed and so she was put in the middle of us..about a month of her living with us..my sister started to treat her very unkindly… and one night They woke me up arguing about the sheet they share..

My sister was so mean to her..saying the most cruel things..telling her it’s not her sheet and to get her own..

I really was hurt by her sharp words… and I felt really sad for abbey… my sister was so inconsiderate and cold knowing abbey has no choice but to stay with us…

So I got up

Went to my drawer and took one of my sheets and give to her… and told my sister she can now stop being so mean to abbey…

And so that ended their friendship and begins ours..

*********************

We remain friends for the next forty years… and during those times abbey proves her friendship and was very loyal.. and I was as faithful…

We both had our ups and down. I had my two boys .. abbey was always there…

Helping when she could.. we spent a lot of times together and was always doing everything together…

Abbey never had kids of her own though…she was always waiting for the right time and right guy…

in the early years I was not doing so well financially or career wise..

Abbey was holding down better jobs than I was and she would willingly help me out occasionally…

These little gestures.. I hold so dear and I was always full of gratitude…. she was always so eager to help me ever so willingly..

She became friends with this American gentleman at work…and he sublet her a room in his apartment… and so .. of course I would go over to her place and we all become friends together…

This gentleman he took a liking to me.. and so I ended up doing some work for him…typing… hence bringing us closer together…

he was on a job permit from the same company… and he wanted to leave that company but stay in Jamaica to work…

So he approached me and asked me to marry him so he can get to stay and pursue a job in Jamaica…

Of course I agreed…and this one decision has helped me to relocate to the USA 🇺🇸 two years later..

And with this opportunity I was able to make a life worth living.. and I became personally obligated to my friend abbey.. and vow that I would help her in every way I can; because if it wasn’t for her introduction to “FRANCIS”… I would not be able to accomplish everything I had..

And I tried to keep my promise as much as I could over the years…

I stayed in touch with her.. and I make sure she’s foremost in my thoughts and in my budget…that even my family makes fun of me… saying things like..she must be my lover that everything I have I give to her..

I just laugh it off… because I know it’s my sense of personal obligation.. I owe her that much…

Life has not been too kind to her…it always is a big struggle for her.. and it’s not because it’s lack of trying…

But…

Opportunities was not available to her and she has had a lot of setback.. a fire destroyed everything she owned at one time… they laid her off her job another time…

Every time she gets over an hurdle something else happens… and…

Being in Jamaica … it’s never easy to get back on track.. this is where I come in and try my darnest to be of help….

And so we have had 40 years of great friendship without one argument or disagreement….

*******************

TO BE CONTINUED…….

FREELOADERS: MISS TING…

Why does these individuals think they are entitled or thinks everyone owes them a living….

I’m dealing with a bad case of freeloading… and I’m kinda backed in a corner of wall and hard place…

let’s call her Miss Ting….

******^^^^*****

Miss Ting came in life and my home when my son decided that he’s in love with her and bring her back home to Florida with him from Montana….

I welcome her and invited her in my home…

I told my son I’m going to charge her and him to stay here… he wasn’t quite pleased.. firstly he said he will pay me everything I asked…

I told him no way…

She’s not going to live here for free…

So they both started to work and at first they give me what I asked…she was here for nine months and got pregnant…

But I have big issues with her housekeeping..

she don’t…

she created more mess than anything and don’t clean up .. the rooms they occupied was becoming a huge pile of trash and filth..

I’m under the impression that she doesn’t know how to clean and that mess is her norm…

I complain .. I grumbled… I asked..

And my son has to be the one to get it in order everytime..

Let me not mention the bathroom… because I ended up having to clean it up every time…

I was getting really Annoyed and agitated with her and this mess she created…

But.. I tried to not say much to her because she shuts me out.. very non responsive.. and I didn’t want to ask her to leave because my son seems very much in love 🥰 with her…

Miss Ting has access to all my appliances..

All my pots and pans..

All my plates, cups…utensils…

Everything in the house is all mine

and I pay a monthly mortgage ..

The soap she washes her clothes with.. in my washing machine and dryer… I buy..

Toilet paper.. toothpaste…towels.. sheets..

I supplied…

And she comes and she uses without reservation..or guilt…

She was giving me what I requested so I did not mind so much..

I was happy and tried to ignore her mess.. until she went back home to West Virginia.. to her mommy and daddy to have her baby,..

My son went with her…

I had mixed feelings about him leaving..

I was glad to see her go but I missed my son and I feared him not coming back home..

They stayed away four months and I prayed that he come back home…

( But Sometimes you have to be very careful with what you pray for… because god answers prayers..

and you might just get what you pray for..)

So they return with baby…in September…

She immediately went back to work…

My son’s car wasn’t working so he decided to wait a while before going back to work…

and help me along with getting used to the baby…and getting his car in working condition…

Okay.. September rolls off and I let it go without mentioning I need some payments for extra expenses..

Come October I decided to mention to her that our previous arrangements is still in effect and I need that money by the end of the month….

After some debate about not knowing or thinking she was still responsible for giving me that money..

….and me reminding her of all the extra utilities and stuff she’s racking up.. we decided on November 1st…which was a definite date…

With Abraham not working and unable to play his part of contributions I was counting on her money to cover an outstanding bill..

I leave it at that.. and I struggled with her mess and her neglect of her baby all month…

I ended up washing and sterilizing the baby bottles… every day..

I took responsibility of washing the baby’s clothes…

She doesn’t.. so I do it…

And I find myself ending up with baby even when she’s home.. so I refuse to be responsible for the baby whenever she’s off…

But.. my son ended up with the responsibility… it irritates and annoys me…and I try to keep out of their personal affairs until it starts to affects me.. whereas I’m expected to keep her while they goes out..

I then become belligerent …

And so they realize I was not happy with their attitude…

So now with all that happening during the month of October…. come November the first.. I reminded her by text of our agreement….

She has the nerves to let me know that she won’t be able to pay me with a long list of excuses and reasons..

I plainly tell her that all her reasons is none of my concern and that I need my money today…

We went back and forth for five minutes with me telling and reminding her of all that she’s been using up and what it’s been costing and that nothing is free..

Of course I still came out the loser..and I was mad 😡 and furious…

I want her out of my house but my son and his baby prevented me from asking her to leave..

I know if she goes so does the baby and I didn’t want to put Abraham through that emotional pain…

So miss Ting is getting a free pass because of my son and his baby…

I am not in the least happy with her at all…

I am thinking and thinking of ways to get around this situation that I find myself in..

I’m really confused..

unsure…

Disturbed..

Apprehensive

Perturbed …. ect.. ect..

***********************

TO BE CONTINUED….

A MESSY LOVE 💕 STORY… NEW BEGINNINGS… part 2

On reaching the dining Area… they realize they were too late for brunch.. They will have to wait for the next meal time…

They took a walk to the pool area.. was a little warm. So they went back inside.. wander about some more.. nothing much was taking place.. everyone was just sitting around enjoying each other company. Chitchatting And relaxing ..

So they headed back upstairs to lounge around and enjoy each other company without interference…

They got in the room.. and went straight into the bed.. she hugged him and they rolled around a little .. giggling and teasing tantalizing each other.. until they both give in a another round of exhilarating love making… he felt so invigorate and totally sated… he was a little surprised just how much he was enjoying this luscious and vibrant woman..

They lie in each other arms just too exhausted.. too comfortable… and much to relaxed to move..

they chitchat a little.. enjoying the feel of each other body and the warmth it creates… they both drift off to sleep.. and he woke up to see her facing him just looking at him intently .. she smiles at him and brush her lips against his and then kiss his cheek.. and said ..

“I’m kinda hungry.. let’s go try again.”

He smiles back and nodded in response… and got up and headed to the shower.. he stopped at the The door.. turned and ask her …

“Are you coming???!!!” ….

She smiles and jumps up eagerly .. and join him.. she followed him in and they both got in the shower..

He teasingly splash her with cold water and see screams and laughing out loudly..

she was curled up against the wall trying to dodge the water… and he started laughing with her.. he then pulled her to him .. hugging her.. pressing her voluptuous breast to his chest..

he started to kiss her as the warm shower fell on them..

she was very responsive to his kiss and started to make little pleasure moaning sounds as she tried to press even closer into him pushing him against the wall… she felt him responding to her as his kisses set her flame of desire ablaze… igniting and heightening all her senses…

he lifted her legs to his hips and they again enjoy each other bodies..

she cum with such a intense force that left her shaking and jerking uncontrollably… calling out his name and begging him not to stop..

This send him over the top making him spurt his load filling her …

They finally finish their shower and got ready and once again headed downstairs to fill their appetite ..

they were famished … for food.. they have built up quite an appetite… but was fully satisfied sexually…

He was so glad he accepted her invitation to spend the day with her.. ….

They again mingled with the crowd.. and he got the chance again to be introduced those members that he didn’t before..

Her sisters were again were looking at them knowingly… and she seems to have boastingly confess their sexual encounters to them… because they turn to him and said..

” Be careful what you guys are doing up in that room.. no baby making now..”

One of them wink at him… and give him that sheepishly smile…

He blushed a little.. looked at sandy… lean in kiss her on the cheek.. whispering…

” you didn’t..???!!!” Then asking her if she wanted a drink…

She giggles and smiles at him.. throwing her backwards and up in a delightful manner.. he couldn’t But noticed just how beautiful she really is.. and he felt an emotional rush runs through him… he experienced a slight tremor..

she saw his reaction.. squeeze his hand.. reassuringly and answered him that that she would like that drink…

As he walked away he smiles reflecting on their love making sessions… he truly enjoyed her today…to him it was all just a casual day having some fun..

But…

He couldn’t help but wonder if to her it was something more????!!!!

He got back with the drinks .. stood there silently… watching her interact with everyone… observing how delightfully happy she seems… she was glowing radiantly … beaming with smiles.. as she occasionally flashes a bright smile his way….

After a while he told her he was feeling a bit tired and was going to go back up and sneak in a nap….

He woke up much later than he intended. .. saw her curled up next to him fully dressed.. her back was to him.. so he just pulled up to as gently as he could not wanting to awake her.. he pulled her to him in a spooning position.. throw his arm around her waist.. buried his nose in her hair sniffing and taking in her sweet scent.. and then nuzzled his cheek against her head..

He lay there.. enjoying the warmth of her body.. listening to her even breaths…. and feeling so good to just lie there with her in his arms…

He drifted off to sleep very relaxed and content.. no other place he’d rather be…..

*********^^^^^^********^^^^^********

TO BE CONTINUED….

LETTING GO..

Question?????

When do you know when to let go of people that has been apart of your life for as long as you are alive..???

(Example.. relatives… siblings.. friends..)

All my life I have been treated with such distaste by my sisters and relatives..

I have suffered so much indignity. And live through so much indifference.. so much I became apathetic…

I never had much friends in my life.. and my sisters used to shun me and treated me as if they are so much smarter and better than I was…

And I actually allowed them to.. I give them control over me.. I think I was hoping if I give in they would accept me as a part of their group.. and I remember wanting so much to be …

but..

All that happens was they just make fun of me.. I was like their biggest joke..

And how did I respond to all that..

by withdrawing more.. and hiding myself behind closed doors.. feeling sorry for myself.. trying to figure out why am I so different.. why can’t they like me..

As I get older I learn how to be a loner.. I eventually find a friend or two..which lasted to this day…

And I have learned to let go of all that mistreatment.. and try to have a normal relationship with my sisters..

But..

I guess old habits are hard to let go.. because I still see them treating me with the same attitude.. which I mostly ignored..

I have changed..

why can’t they..

as adults.. our lives are almost on the same level..

I was the first to achieve and accomplished progressively… due to a very smart choice… I got married to my friend… and so I was in the position to help them both until …

they eventually did too.. yet they still look down at me as if they are way above me…

And the funniest thing is .. I still try to get their approval.. still try to win their friendship and love..

But..

I come to realize that it’s a losing battle..

And…

decides it’s time to let go of them.. they will never see me as equal or has someone to be proud of…

They are always gonna look down on me..

I don’t need them in my life…

Do I..??? Nah….

I have talked to my friends about my decision.. of course they all disagreed with me and my reasons..

And as much as I can understand and value their opinions and arguments..

I stand by my choice.. I think it’s for the best for me..

if I don’t have to interact with them… there will be no reason for me to think about them.. therefore all this feelings of rejection.. unloved.. unacceptance … will no longer affects me…

We have to do what we think is right for us….and I do think this is right for me..

I’m letting go of them.. I’m freeing myself.. cutting the ties that bind…

I have overcome it all by myself… without their help.. and if they could have been of assistance to me.. they’d refused…

I have grown.. I have learned … and I have accomplished..

I don’t need any ones permission to walk away.. and stay away… or to let go….

I’m content in who I am and where I have reached.. I have everything I need to be completely happy..

I have been duly blessed..with valuable friends and two amazing children

So I’m choosing to let go of everything that’s negative.. and only take time for all the positive influences in my world..

*****************

A MESSY LOVE STORY… part 13b

He had a lay over in Houston.. and he takes the time to talk to a few friends..

It took another hour or so to touch down on his home town… he just got off the plane and was heading towards home.. he had again bought a little gift for his little friend.. so he texted his girl and asked. Teasingly..

“Who’s up fo sno-cone.. tomorrow..???? Whoop whoop!!!..”

Her respond was that she has to find her way to Affordable… and she hopes her sister is able to take her..

So he inquired what she needs there..???!!!

She then informed him that she found out that they got “BED BUGS…” and she is getting rid of most of her furniture and she needs to replace them..

Ooh my God… wtf… on top of everything else roaches and cats and mess.. now BEDBUGS…

She was sending long texts telling him of what’s she’s doing… what she is getting rid of..

making it seems like she’s throwing out everything. Couch .. beds.. chairs..

And he wondering why is being so overly dramatic And why is she getting rid of good furniture that can be treated and kept…

Her bed wasn’t infected.. or is it… and how is she going to afford to replace all that on her budget…

He regained his composure from this shocking news..

and he all of a sudden was feeling that he can’t be anywhere near her or her house right now..

he was building up a phobia of transferring them to his car and his home.. he was treating it like the plague…

All that mess she created and accumulated in that house..

she has every rodent and insect living with her.. she offers the comfort of a home for them.. the perfect environment for breeding..

When is enough going to be enough for him to walk away.. . I guess this is it..

he found himself itching and his skin feels like they are crawling all over him.. He shudders in disgust.. with the thought of them all over In her home …

She sent a photo of her mom’s chair …

For months???!!!

And how could it be that bad and she never noticed… doesn’t she cleans mom’s chair occasionally…

And he shudders again.. uughh!!! Eww 😷.. he couldn’t even look on it too long… when he thinks he has been to her home.. sit in that couch.. and she’ has these bedbugs.. crawling all around..

He starts to itch again..

A thought occurred to him.. here she was giving him the details of it all.. without shame or reservations..

Not caring how it makes her look to him.. like its the most natural thing in the world..

He finds himself a little annoyed that she allows this to happen and he became a little mean and harsh with his comments and answers..

And she has the nerve to be talking about giving people some baby belongings she has with a crib..

He asked her if she’s out of her damn mind.. because they for sure would be fully infested .. and how would she want to transfer them to someone else’s home …

“Toss them.. out.”..

“Nobody in America wants used baby clothes.. have you ever seen any baby section in all the thrift stores and the goodwill stores you have been to..????!!!

Nah!!! Get rid of them girl..”

She was so offended by his comments and got so offensive…

she texted back telling him she is the only one who can decide what to keep.. and what to discard… because it’s hers..

and she not going to Toss good clothes out.. and that she’s selling the crib..

He just shook his head and laugh out loudly…

And then she has the nerves to imply and suggested that he could be the one to bring them in her house…

Whattttt!!!!????

He address the comment immediately and tell her don’t she dare suggest that he were in any way responsible for such.. Because she is only messy friend he have… and I’m are hoping I didn’t bring any home with me….the last time I were there…

And he let her know if she was cleaning as she should have been..

She wouldn’t be facing this calamity and try to pass on the blame to him of all persons…

He then decided to leave her to own decisions.. but he won’t be going by any time soon…

She was way out of line with that implication… how could she have even think of making that remark to him..

Bedbugs!!!?? He thinks as he made a face of disgust 🤭🤢😑😬

She can stay with them.. one thing for sure. She wouldn’t be seeing him this trip..

He went through the afternoon fuming at her allegation.. and as he sits there shaking his head and thinking.. she got the nerves ..

he got a text from one of his girls.. Sandy… he haven’t talk to her for a while.. so he called and she invited him over the next day asking him if he wants to accompany her to a celebration for her relatives at the Marriott hotel…

He Gladly accepted her invitation… it was surely a welcome distraction right now…

They spoke for a little catching up with each other.. and after he hung up he felt so much better… he was even smiling with the anticipation of a good day tomorrow….that he lost his anger with that girl of his…

He finally settled down and turned in for the night… He drifted off to sleep thinking of sandy remembering how much fun she was in the past and hoping to rehash some of that Funtime come tomorrow…

********^^^^^*******^^^^*******^^^****

TO BE CONTINUED…

(THE DAY WITH SANDY)

A MESSY LOVE 💕 STORY… part 13

He got back to his desert life… and somehow felt more at home here… he breathed a sigh of relief and find himself feeling.. this is where he belong..

Nothing was back home for him anymore… he gets himself settled in ..he had the evening off.. so he took a short nap.. then gets up to eat something.. he wonders around camp a little trying to pass time and reflecting back on his past week back home…

He was not really angry.. but it really disturbed him that his girl treated him so cold and shabby… he then smile with the thought that he is losing his touch… He shakes his head… and wonder if it’s his feelings waning for her…why he fails to be able to get her to want him.. because he really didn’t put out that much effort in convincing her or seducing her…

He was feeling slightly rejected.. but should he be feeling this.. or is it just his ego that is bruised…

And Yas ..

he concluded that she is a little deceptive. And not very honorable… but better she shows her true colors now than wait till he’s emotionally invested..

He’s a little bit disappointed but not affected by her…

…..and Terri..

shaking his head he sighs and giggles to himself…. she got some mickey Ds out of him .. but he comes up short on the return…

oooh well.. it’s all behind him now and he came back as dry as the desert..

Feeling a little despondent and a little weary he slowly headed back to his room… he got in bed turn on a little music to soothe his wandering thoughts and it didn’t take him long to drift off to sleep..

The following week was busy .. but he made a couple new friends.. one a Mexican beauty name Beyoncé..

And a Russian guy name Oleg…

He spent a lot of his free time with Beyoncé.. and getting to know her was a thrill…

she was witty and charming.. and easy to like… it was not a love connection but he looks forward to spend time with her all week..

Come the weekend she invited him to hang out with her and some of her crew members.. and he accepted and had a ball… she made him feel like he has been apart of her group.. she included him in every conversation and sit with him exclusively all evening..

At the end of the night he went to his room smiling.. thankful that he made really great connection.. He was moving forward in his new surroundings and his new life…

The following week though she left for her time off.. and he sure miss her company…

Oleg also left.. he has a family so he was glad to go…

It’s his turn when they return next week.. and although he has nothing much to look forward to… he will be making the trip back home.

He was thinking that he may extend his stay long next time… and maybe he can coincide his time off with his Mexican beauty.. he was feeling really good about having her as a friend.. she’s so outgoing and much fun..

It makes this desert come to life for him..

He tried to bury himself into what he’s doing to ward off his boredom and not to miss Beyoncé too much…

He tells himself If he keeps his mind occupied the week will run off before you know it..

He has been corresponding with his girl here and there.. she has been texting him and keeping him informed of her daily activities.. boasting how she has been cleaning and getting her home organized.. she was very proud of her progress it seems…

BUT…

She always ends with how much all this industrious activity is affecting her..

oooh the pain.. can’t move.. so sore..

and then she complains how she’s the only one doing it.. and how she has to take interval break to ease all the severe discomfort it causes..

He tried to be encouraging with his comments but he wasn’t sure why she takes so much pride in telling him all this.. he was somewhat confused though…

Does she wants his praise on a job well done or his sympathy and empathy for her ailments that she always develops after such jobs…

And quite frankly he really didn’t believe she was doing as much as she claims because she keeps going over the same areas in her story each day…

how can one place always gets so messy that she has to be constantly cleaning the same area over and over again..

He has to question her motives in claiming and relating to him her accomplishments on a daily basis…

what is she trying to accomplish here..

impress him.. ???or she just wants to stay in contact with him and so she makes up all this about what she’s doing and how she’s feeling just for conversation.. knowing that he will always respond to her so she can feel connected to him…????

He shrugged it off because he wasn’t really too interested anyways.. he is really losing interest in her it seems… guess out of sight out of mind…

Another weekend is here and how he miss his friend Beyoncé.. she’ll be back Tuesday some time and he leaves out Wednesday morning early…

it has been a very busy week actually.. and he was ready for a break..

Come Monday he was called to the office.. he didn’t know what to expect.. when he got there.. a supervisor/ manager greets him..

He said.. “Cory.. I have an offer to put to you..”

He listened intently..

“We have a opening for a supervisor position in another location and we think you would be qualified for the position if you are interested..”

He was a little stunned at the suggestion and offer.. he has only been here for two months.. he is just getting used to this place and just starting to make friends..

As he sit there listening to him rattling on about the duties required and the increase in salary.. he felt enthusiastic about moving up..

but.. he was a little doubtful if he’s ready for leadership … but again they thinks it’s something he could handle…

He was snap out of his thoughts with him asking…

“What do you think Cory ?? Would you be interested in moving on to another location..??!!

He nodded and smile eagerly.. yes I would..

He got up shook his hands and tell him he would get the package to him to look over and give them his answer if he is willing to make the change..

He agreed..

He walked away with mixed feelings.. he was a little excited.. especially about the salary.. and he was feeling good that they have faith in him to recommend his for this position..

On the other hand..

can he really do this job.. he never had a managerial position before.. does he have that leadership persona to to be the boss and get the job done..

He’s willing to train for it .. but what if he decided it’s not for him..??

Does he want to take that risk???!! Of losing his job…

He really have to put some serious thought into this.. he’s quite happy where he’s at .. at the moment..

He spent all night thinking and thinking. About the pros and the cons.. but he don’t have to make a decision tonight… so he lay back and before he knows it he was asleep….

Next day is Tuesday .. it was really a tough busy day didn’t have much time to stop and think about Much…

when he got back to camp and went to get some dinner.. he was starving.. and exhausted.. it was a hot day..

As he walked in the cafeteria he saw Beyoncé.., she gleams at him waving her hands.. he walked over to her table sit down and greeted her with a smile…

“Welcome back girl… how was your time off.???….so glad to see you back … ”

She smile back at him and responded… telling him she had a good time. But it went much too fast…

He nodded in Agreement and jokingly stated that it went much too slow here.. “it’s been a long week and you weren’t here to hang with..”

“Awwww”.. she gestured..

He excuse his self and go get him his meal.. He spent a few minutes talking to her after eating and went to his room…

He slept good that night… he’s all packed and ready to board that plane in the morning…

When he got up.. he was approached by the manager and he handed him the package he promised… and he got on the shuttle for the airport.. anxiously wanting to review this job offer..

He still wasn’t too sure what he’s gonna do.. but he has one week to go over it and make up his mind…

******^^^^*******^^^^*****^^^^*****

TO BE CONTINUED….

A MESSY LOVE 💕 STORY… part 12c

He got home and he decided he is going to attempt one more time to get his girlto make a date with him….

So he texted her..

suggesting she finds something or somewhere for them to go..

she insisted on playing the fool including her daughter .. finding excuses to avoid the initial question..

So he sent another text…

“Just me and you kris

I have been missing you 😔

And just wants some quality time with you…

Can we do that..

Maybe bowling 🎳

A little lunch..

Some super conversation..

Me .. you.. and nothing/ nobody inbetween..!!!???”

Her response.. ” she is not much into bowling.. she only goes because of her daughter… but yes they could…”

She didn’t however stop there…

she mentioned that she is willing as long as he included her daughter before or after..

And she has told him she wanted to go to this church sale..

He had agreed to take her.. and was hoping after he’ll get his chance to spend a little time alone with her.. so he could make his play for a little self entertainment…

He drifted off to sleep… looking forward to his day with her …

He woke up …get hisself together and headed over… he picked her up.. and they went to the church sale..

she was so at home. Sitting on the floor going through a few boxes of movies.. this is really her world..

He stroll around browsing and he found himself a decent looking camera for $3.00

He patiently waited for her to finish up.. quietly and anxiously anticipating their afternoon together….

After what seems like an eternity.. she was ready to go.. he asked where to next and she instantly mentioned where are they going to take her daughter… so very reluctantly he decided to get her daughter out of the way first.. because he didn’t want anything to interfere with their alone time…

So they headed home to fetch her… they get into the house.. and he sits and wait.. and he waited.. and waited..

After an hour or so .. she still hadn’t made no effort to do anything.. he gave up on the idea of their intended rendezvous…

He excused himself.. saying he is getting a bit too hot and becoming restless.. and so he left..

He was experiencing an burning itching sensation on his chest.. it wasn’t too irritating at the time but by the end of that evening.. it has become very uncomfortable…

He decided to examine the area.. he observed a rash of some sort.. and realize he has bruised it with his scratching…

It was getting a little unbearable and a annoying.. he tried to calm it by applying an ointment..

By Sunday it was feeling a little better but very red around the area..

He was leaving to go back on Tuesday morning early.. he hoped it healed by then..

As he lay there in his bed trying to figure out what causes that reaction… he reflected back on his week off.. nothing had worked out as he had hoped or planned…

coming back home was not as exciting as he had anticipated…

He spent Monday at home .. not too motivated to go anywhere.. he really couldn’t wait to get on that plane ✈️ back to the desert.. away from it all… and put it all behind him…

He decided he just have to find some new ways to entertain himself…

He now has a new life.. a New job.. and it’s time for New beginnings….

*******^^^^********^^^^^*******^^^******

TO BE CONTINUED….

A MESSY LOVE 💕 STORY: part 12b

It was so good to touchdown on home… he didn’t realize just how much he missed being there…

And he was really excited to see his girl and his newest….. Yas…

He had picked up a little stuff toy for the little girl…

Thinking it would give him an excuse to go over even if she still refuses to see him….

he took a pic of it and send it to her.. pleasingly showing off his thoughtfulness…. hoping to gain some leeway to her heart… after all Lillie is her pride and joy…..

He texted her telling her he’s home.. all excited and wanting to get back some exciting welcoming greetings…,

But…

To his disappointment she was way too causal…”oooh good “… she said.. end of conversation…

So he decided to leave her alone for the evening…

He also texted Yas.. she was more cheerful and tell him welcome home… He confirmed his date with her for the next day…

And he then decided to take a little nap..

He woke up feeling refreshed and decided to go run some errands…

He came back and feeling bored .. he call yas…

He mentioned their date and was asking her about what kind of food she likes .

Because he wanted to choose a restaurant she’d be sure to enjoy going…

For her to announce that she has RAMDAN for the month….or something like that… ( its the Muslim month of fasting)

Huh????!!!

Why is she just now mentioning this…isn’t this something she would have known about in advance ..???!!!!

Was this her way of getting out of seeing him???!!

Yep.. he was very convinced about it.. there was no other explanation..

but..

he tries to play it off .. saying he understand not wanting to accuse her of anything…

He then suggested that maybe they can just hang out at her home… because he just wants to spend some time with her…

She agrees with his idea… and said later that evening she would call to tell what time is good..

Come later. She did call but to make him know she won’t be able to after all…

He really didn’t know how to respond without saying something negative.. so he just said. “Ok fine…

Bid her a good evening.. and hang up….

He was a little disappointed.. and felt really cheated.. because he knows and realize that all what she had said and make him believe that she was really interested in seeing him was all but a lie..

well all was not lost.. he still have Terri and his girl.. he will be seeing his girl and her daughter this weekend ..

Terri was a girl he had hooked up with a couple times for an sexual encounter…

so that’s all she’s about.. so when he contacted her she will know exactly what it’s all about..

Come tomorrow he will call her to make some arrangements to see her.. forget about Yas..

He will also try to see his girl without her little girl around too… he wants some quality time with her. And he knows if he gets her alone it would be easy to seduce her…

He only have the one week.. so he wants to have a little fun before it’s over…

He drifted off to sleep 🛏 a little disturbed about Yas and her deceiving actions….

Shaking his head in wonder why she couldn’t have just let him know that she was not interested in spending time with him…. instead of leading him on then backing out with all those feeble excuses….

” some women..”

He had a restful night.. he was really exhausted from his trip… and was mentally exhausted.. things are not going accordingly to what he had anticipated…

So he has to adjust his mental state and try to make the best of his week off… all his intended plans has failed to materialize….

He went about his day running a couple errands.. and relaxing.. the day went by very uneventful..

He spoke a little to his friend and expressed his disappointment…and gripe a little ..

Come Friday her call up Terri and drove over to see her.. very enthusiastic about having a good time..

He told her he would take her out to eat something and she suggested McDonald’s..

“What???!!!!!” McDonald’s..???

Well it’s her choice so he didn’t argue about it..

He drove up to her place and she got in his car.. he greeted her with a smile and a chups on her cheek…

She immediately give out… ” Hey .. so you know… I am on my period.. so we can’t fool around today..”

He just looked at her.. shake his head think.. What ….the ….fuck…. he just sighs and smile.. and actually giggles at the humor of it all…

She looks at him all puzzled at his reaction.. but didn’t comment..

They got to the nearest McDonald’s and they went in.. he turned to her and told her.. ” have anything you want..”

She acts very surprised at his suggestion.. and said. “Anything!!!!!?????”.. in a unbelievable tone..

He nodded his head in agreement and repeated.. “anything….”

She smiled so pleasingly and turned to placed her order…..

He sat with her as she devoured her meal.. drove her home. And headed back to his …

He just couldn’t believe his luck… strike three… he was speechless and so amused at how not one of his girls came through for him….

Well his vacation was a bust…

*********^^^*********^^^*******^^^*****

TO BE CONTINUED….

A MESSY LOVE 💕 STORY: part 12

On the eve of his departure home.. he decided to send a text to her.. asking her what she thinks if he stays overnight with her when he arrives back home…

He was sure she would be eagerly receptive assuming from their conversation over the past weeks .. that she misses him and was hoping he would make the suggestion..

So here he is … acting on this theory that was implied.. thinking he’s going to oblige her and give in..

He finds himself actually missing her and he really was anxiously anticipating seeing her and spending some time with her..

she’s going to be one of his first stop when gets in…

But….

To his surprise .. she turned down his offer stating that..” that he wasn’t her exclusive boyfriend and that sleeping over is for boyfriend status…”

He was taken aback… became speechless 😶 for a moment.. angry at her declaration…he was just astounded with the unexpected decline of his suggestion..

So he decided to tell her exactly what he expected from her in return.. seeing that she is now having all these standards and implementing rules…of their relationship…

He had stayed over before… and he had read a lot into her actions of cleaning and taking pride into telling him with photos and details..

Was she really serious.. ??? Anyways he continued to tell her that she always have and made demands about this relationship that they have going on..

And he tries to oblige and indulge her in every way possible.. he is understanding of her needs and still do everything she requested of him willingly because he cares about her and her needs…

And he thinks he was playing the role of a boyfriend..

so now that she implied that he is not her boyfriend.. all this will stop…

He really thought he was the one staying away from being physical sexually.. Because he was afraid or repeating all that drama about being pregnant and she becoming depressed and emotional…

It is really like a slap to the face.. So now he decided to turn his full focus on his new girl.. YAS….

And when he gets in tomorrow.. he might just ignore her a little..

*********

The day has come to head homebound for a week…

He had a restless night.. consumed with thoughts and feelings of rejection of his girl..

But..

He was as excited about seeing YAS… and hoping he didn’t read her signals wrong too…

He really was hoping to get some time with his girl first to be able to release some of his sexual tension..

He was horny for her and he was having visions of making some sweet love to her…

And he wonders if and when he sees her if he should make a play for some…

He’s almost certain she wouldn’t be able to resist him.. but he was kinda hurt about her rejection of his suggestion.. and wasn’t sure he wanted to even try…

And he didn’t want to see Yas.. with a protruding boner… knowing he can’t act on it because Yas is still so new to him and he don’t want to rush into anything with her prematurely…

As he sits in the plane ✈️ waiting takeoff… he started to think of his girl .. and he was so surprised at his feeling of being heartbroken.. he kept hearing those words of rejection again and again..

and a song came to mind..

” FAMOUS LAST WORDS OF A FOOL.. by George strait

He looked it up and listened…tears came to his eyes as he gets so emotional.. he does love this girl.. and he was really hurt by her declining his self-invite…

He knows he’ll be seeing her though. He couldn’t go home without visiting her..

So in the the next couple of hours he will know. When he gets there….

(YOU WONT BREAK MY HEART..

I don’t love you…famous last words of a fool…)

***************

TO BE CONTINUED…..

Next.. touchdown on home soils…

A MESSY LOVE 💕 STORY: part 10

…. Things went well with them that first week.. communication was light and sweet..

She was really loving and smiling and and so enthusiastic about him… he was enjoying her sweet airy disposition… and was feeling drawn to her again.. he was getting his intense feelings back …

He had a busy week and hadn’t gotten chance to go see her… but not a day go by without some connection via texting or voice call…

Then a little past the first week.. and she brings him to a halt… with a text.. claiming she had a dream about being pregnant… and she’s been having strong symptoms of being pregnant..

oooh my goodness.. not this again… and then he reflected back to that most passionate night.. and just realize that he didn’t actually used the condom that he was prepared with…

Bad move…

He had all intentions of protecting hisself from this episode and drama…but as he remembers it … in the heat of the moment… condom was nowhere in his thoughts.. now he is going to suffer the consequences …

The possibility of her being pregnant is very high.. and he now fears that .. that passionate exhilarating night is going to be marred with her being pregnant ..

Of course he suggested him getting a pregnancy test and have her take it.. but she refuses .. stating, she wants to wait a couple more weeks to be sure..

He was so annoyed.. and really curious and anxious to know if she really was..but he had no choice but to wait on her..

He went through his emotions and he tried to play it out in every scenario he could think of..,

He thought he would ask her to move in with him. Because he couldn’t actually see his baby grown up that messy house…

He mentioned this to her.. and she blatantly rejected his suggestion.. oops !!! He was sure she would have agreed with his suggestion…

Yet she keeps on hinting about a permanent relationship.. and went as far as mentioned marriage..

Oooh nooo…!!!!!

Marriage is not an option in his book…He would definitely be a part of the child life.. but he has no intention of getting married.. and he didn’t think she was marriage material anyways…

He loves her.. and care a lot about her..

But…

After knowing her and seeing how she lives and with all her complications.. he can only take her in small doses…

Anything permanent would mean she has to make a drastic change.. and he couldn’t see her changing…

And for her constant complaints of illness.. he just knew he couldn’t deal with that long term…

But..

He is now faced with her possibility of being conceived with his baby.. and he may have to make a decision against his liking…

He went out to see her that weekend and surprisingly.. she was beeming and very cheerful..

This attitude of hers .. makes him a little more convinced that she is pregnant…

He took her to Walmart.. on their way .. she was talking going on about her symptoms and acting as if it was a sure thing.. While in Walmart she headed over to the baby section and she was rambling on about the baby this.. the baby that..

As he watched her bouncing about excitedly… he thought in silence..

What have I done???!!!!

Her behavior and attitude was slowly convincing him more and more that she was..

And..

He recalled… that this is a repeat of the last time she thought she was pregnant for him..

He again suggested that they get a test while at Walmart.. but again.. she wanted to wait…

What is her problem..?? Why wait??

This was causing him great anxiety attacks and he just wants to be sure before he makes any definite plans..

It’s been almost a month now and he was tired of waiting…

He was not pleased with her answer.. but nothing he can do about it…

He drove her back home without saying another word..

He dropped her off and headed back to his house…

He was annoyed.. and getting frustrated.. and couldn’t wait to find out for sure..

He was more than half way convinced… but .. just want to be 100% sure…

He was tempted to buy the test and drive over there and demanded that she takes it right there right now…

He was thinking.. it would be so nice to be a father.. and he was becoming very emotional with his thoughts…and he secretly hoped she really is.. he find himself becoming a little excited at the prospect of having a baby of his own…

And although he wasn’t too pleased with his choice of the mother of his child .. he knew he had to make it work… He will find a way to…

They had conversations via text.. and he keeps trying to push her for taking a test or going to the doctor..

She always have an excuse not to…

He was battling with his emotions and had a couple solid scenarios that would fall in place with her positive result..

He woke up one morning…. and let out a squeal of delight after reading a text from her that she had her menstruation…

He felt a slight disappointment afterwards and a little guilty about his initial reaction… He realizes that he was hoping for her to be pregnant.. and was actually looking forward to being a dad..

So he text her in reply.. and found out that she was so depressed and saddened that she didn’t want to talk..

Of course this always plays on his emotions and he decided to go see her.. hoping to lift her spirits..

when he got there.. he let hisself in..

whewww.. what a mess. ?? He will never get used to this way of keeping House….

He made his way to her bedroom.. he could hardly find her with all that clothes and trash lying around her..

She was sad.. and he could tell she had been crying…

He sat down on the bed beside her.. without saying a word.. lean in and kiss her cheek.. stroke her arm.. and give her a sad look of compassion..

She started to cry again.. and he reached for her and lifted her in a sitting position and wrapped his arms around her in a hug… she sobbed in his shoulder..

He patiently waited for her to calm down..

She started rambling on about how she wanted that baby and how she is never going to have another one…

He just said… Sshhhh!!!! Sshhh..!!!!

You are going to be okay.. he told her trying to console her…

But.. she was becoming hysterical.. so he stop talking.. didn’t know exactly what to say to her…

He didn’t like to see her like that .. but he was actually relieved that she was not pregnant.. he keeps looking around him.. and was so thankful that his baby won’t have to be born and live in this condition..

All of a sudden he was itching to get out of that house…he felt stifled.. so He asked her if she wanted to go for a ride to get some icecream..

She nodded yes .. called her daughter. Tell her to get ready to go for ice cream…

He told her he’ll be outside waiting.. and he hurriedly makes his exit..

Its so strange that he’s finding the messy house a little repulsive.. but this is where he’s at with the house situation..

They join him ten minutes later and he took them to eat that ice cream…,

She wasn’t very talkative .. but she seems to enjoy her treat…

They spent a little time eating and then they ride around some.. she seems in a better mood… so he inquired how she’s feeling…

She gave a half smile and said ok.. but continued to tell him how disappointed she was..

He simply agreed.. with… “I know baby I know..”

He took them home.. bid her goodnight and she thank him for coming by and for the ice cream…

On his drive back home he started to think this relationship is not healthy for him… he realizes that he’s finding it really hard to go in that house of recent without being able to ignore all the filth…

And..

Although he likes her and really enjoy her sexually.. he just can’t deal with her obsession of wanting to be pregnant… and every time they have sex she swears she is pregnant and then going into a depressive mode when she’s not..

it happens once too often.. he sees a red flag.. he knows he has to back off and slowly walk away… but how’s he going to do that…

She has too much going on with her that’s becoming a little unbearable and annoying and he just can’t see a long term , steady relationship with her …

As much as he likes her… it in his best interest to find a way out of it….. he keeps arguing with himself….

He dose off that night with mixed feelings but knowing that it’s a choice he needs to make…

Maybe he can remain friends with her.. he will figure it out..

He drifted to sleep with a very disturbed and confused mind….

************^^^*********^^^^+******

TO BE CONTINUED…..

REFLECTIONS…The Diary of my life…

Have you ever stop to reflect on your life..??? Have you ever wished you were someone else..??? I have…!!

*****~~~*****

I was born an healthy and most beautiful baby.. my father ever had.. but at 10 months I got sick..

I stop eating.. stop moving.. I was breathing .. but was unresponsive.. I didn’t even cry anymore…doctors didn’t have a diagnosis for my acute condition.. my mom throw me aside.. so frustrated …she didn’t know what to do and so she gave up… because she couldn’t understand the reasons for her beautiful baby girl dwindling away in front of her eyes.. with no hope of recovering.. I was paralyzed..

I was almost walking off.. before I became sick… I was a happy baby.. always smiling.. now it was hard for her to see me like that…

” Go bury her” .. she told my father..

My father took my lifeless body up .. confused.. emotional.. but refuses to give up on me.. all out of options… he decided to take me to this pastor that is known for healing the sick..

When all fails.. We all turn to God in huge renewed faith..

That pastor took my tiny lifeless body.. says his prayers as my dad watches .. silently praying.. begging God to be merciful to his baby girl…

Then my dad let out a gasp of fear as the pastor suddenly lift and throw his baby in the air and then catch her back.. my dad reached his hand in the air in motions of catching his baby..

The Pastor repeat his actions two more times..as my father watches with a lump in his throat and with the thoughts of taking his unresponsive baby away from the pastor..

but…

Just as he reached over to retrieve his baby as she landed safely in the Pastors hands the third time…she cries out just like when she was born..

It was music to his ears.. the tears came rolling down his face.. she hasn’t made a sound since she took ill..

The pastor handed him his baby … smiling…and said to him..

“I think she’s hungry..”

He rest his hands on my father’s shoulder .. look into his speechless emotional face.. fill with tears.. and told him with great compassion…that she’s going to alright..

” God has breathe back life into her.. take her home and give her love.. she’s a special child of God..”

All my dad could muster..in his overly emotional state.. was a nod.. as he hugged his precious baby close to his chest..

He got into his car and as he sit down still holding me.. he breaks down in sobs.. muttering.. “Thank you Jesus.. Thank you Jesus… He sat there and wept so thankful to god and to the pastor until he was interrupted by the sound of my crying ..

And through the tears .. he smiles.. then giggles and say.. to me..

” let’s get you home to your momma.. so she can feed you.. “

I cry all the way home.. my dad was just enjoy hearing me crying, knowing that it meant I’m going to be alright…he got back his beautiful baby girl..

My dad got home… got out his car and with me in his arms.. he screamed out for mom running towards the house as fast he could.. all excited..

Mom ran out.. seeing him clutching me.. she stopped .. her heart pounding.. the first thing that comes to her mind was..she is dead…

She holds her tummy bends over.. crying hysterically…My dad reaches her and says..

” no honey.. she’s is alright. Look.. “

As he handed me to her..

She looks at him.. in disbelief and astonishment…

“What … what… what do you mean..???” She stuttered between sobs..

And then I began crying again..

mom was so thrilled and shocked hearing my voice.. she stand there just looking down at me..

“She’s Just hungry.. lets go get her a bottle..”

My mom looks at him with so much questions in her mind. As he gently ushered her into the house.. She couldn’t stop looking at me as if it was the first time she saw me..

His mom and sisters all come running up.. asking.. in unison.. .

What happened?? Is she …. gone??

My dad went to his mom.. and hugged her… gently sobbing …and said..

” no mommy.. she is alright.. I took her to that healing pastor and he brought her back.. “

They all gathered around.. listening in awe… as he tells his story.. mom sat quietly as she feeds me .. just so happy that I’m actually drinking the milk…

She had tears in her eyes as she recalls telling my dad to bury me.. but she just didn’t know what to do.. she was so angry at God for allowing this to happen to her beautiful baby girl..

And to think it was him that gave her a second chance….she close her eyes and whispered a prayer of gratitude..

She put me down to sleep and she walked over to my dad.. hugged him tightly.. and softly thank him for what he had done..

He just hold tightly… gently caressing her back comforting her.. his sisters walked up to them and they hugged her too..

They sit around a little and had fun talking ….something they hadn’t done in a long time…

My dad decided he wanted to celebrate so he organized a party..

His grandfather suggested that he performed this family ritual that is cultural.. during the party.. he agreed..

It was supposedly to help me get stronger..

I started to improve but slowly..

I had to learn to creep again.. and I showed sign of being slow…

As the months goes by.. I grow but my coordination was slow.. by the time I started to walk .. I was like three.. and my right foot would lag behind..

I was not very balanced either.. I would fall regularly.. especially if I try to run…

My older sister would get whooped frequently for pushing me.. and making me fall.. I was so weak and would fall easily at the slightest push..so she stopped playing with me..

My mom had a baby boy a year later.. but he died soon after birth.. my dad was so broken… his death devastated him…but within the next year my little sister was born..

And then I was old enough to remember that day she went away to have her..

I remember watching my mom going Of with her suitcase and little me crying thinking my mom is never coming back..

I was so frail.. and puny.. but I was alive..I remember my grandma hugging me and trying to soothe me to stop me from crying…

My recollection during that time was not much..

BUT…

My life started out really shaky.. my parents treat me as an invalid. And they were overly protective..My siblings shun me.. treating me indifferent ..

I learned to be a loner as early as five and six years old ..I became very sensitive.. and very self defensive…

So much..That I became feisty and mean and even adapted being indifferent..

To make it worse.. I had a bad stutter.. I couldn’t say one word without stammering and I was teased constantly.. I was becoming afraid to talk.. I was embarrassed to…I didn’t want to be laugh at… I hated when they laugh at me..

So I stopped talking.. and if I had to ..I would try to hurry up to get it out.. that only makes it worse.. I would get so frustrated. That I became a crier.. I cried for everything.. I used to cry at nights..

…. I wanted to be different.. I want to be like my sisters…

I couldn’t understand why Nobody wants to play with me..

I started school at six.. and again .. instead of making friends.. I was picked at and make fun at.. I got my hair pulled .. and teased ….nobody wants to be my friend..

my sister has friends and when I would seek her out..during breaks.. she would tell me to go.. I could tell that she was embarrassed to be my sister..

Of course I would walked away crying.. while she and her friend laugh at me..

This only let me become more bitter… I felt so hurt.. and I hate me…

Then we had to move… but Dad didn’t move with us.. I don’t remember asking why…

But..

My mom would start to cry at nights .. and she started complaining to whoever would listen.. and I was becoming an inquisitive and curious and observant child.. I heard my mom telling her friends…

My dad has another lady.. I started to resent this lady for making my mom cry.. I didn’t know her.. and I didn’t quite understand why..

but…

by now.. I was learning how to hate. And I was learning how it feels to be hurt…

My Dad would come by once a week…

we were all pleased to see him.. especially mom.. but…

After he left mom would cry even harder.. and I would feel so sad and I would cry for her…

I made friends with A little girl from next door and she loan me a doll and that doll became my best friend..

my sisters were still ignoring me.. and often played with each other.. leaving me out.. I was like a nobody… to them.. I used to pretend I don’t care.. but I was dying inside.. I was full of so much rage…I want them to like me.. accept me.. include me.. but they just laugh at me and mock me if I tried to say anything.. and all I could do was cry..

A couple years after my mom got sick.. went in the hospital and within a week she died…

I was only nine years old.. and I was mad.. My grandma was with us.. and she wants to take us to our dad..

I became so defiant.. and rude.. I refuse to go..

My mom brother .. my uncle…came by and witnessed my behavior.. he offered to take me with him.. I wanted to go with him…and was so glad to go with him..

I stayed with my uncle until my moms funeral… my father didn’t attend..

As I watched my mom being lowered into the ground.. I was numb and I didn’t cry or show any emotions..

I went back home with my uncle…

but..

my dad sent for me… I had no choice but to go.. I cried all the way there.. hysterically..

I got there and I cried even more..

My dad asked me… why I was crying.. I stuttered that I want to stay with my uncle..

My dad jokingly said…”I don’t have any puss kitten to give away..you belong here with me and your sisters..”

Every one was laughing except me.. so when he asked if I understood.. I mearly nodded afraid if I answered they would all laugh at me again..

And so begins my new life with the woman I grow to hate..

*************++++++**********

TO BE CONTINUED…

A MESSY LOVE 💕 STORY: part 9c

……She got up.. and to his amazement… and astonishment he couldn’t believe what she does next…..??????

……. he watched her as she walked over to the table.. she was mumbling and complaining to herself but audible enough for him to hear…

“She’s going to hungry later on and she’s going to want it then..”

He continued to watch as she brushes the roaches aside.. picked it up.. and as she did.. some of it fell to the floor.. she bent retrieve it .. put it back on the plate and made her way to the kitchen..

He subconsciously followed her in utter disbelief hoping she is going to discard it..

But when he saw her open the fridge to put it away.. he was astounded..

He said to her in a serious tone…

“Really???!!! Throw it away girl.. that’s not good anymore.. throw it out ” .. he added adamantly ….

She turned to him.. looking at him like he’s crazy to suggest such a thing…and she made a humphh sound in denial..

She put it in.. close the fridge and turn to walk away.. he catch a hold of her upper arm.. spin around and said firmly..

” you can’t give that her to eat again.. didn’t you noticed those roaches all over it..”

She answered aggressively….

“It’s still good.. nothing is wrong with it…and she didn’t eat enough and she’s gonna need it later..”

She twisted and wiggles out of his grasp.. and walked away in a huff..

As he watched her walk away so angry… He just rolled his eyes.. shake his head.. feeling defeated and very shock at her decision.. what is she thinking..??? How can she think of feeding that to her daughter..

He headed towards the door… looked at her with great disappointment.. she met his eyes with a scowl on her face. .. her expression was of displeasure with her brow wrinkled… he knew it was useless to say anything more to her..

He just shook his head and let himself out.. He stopped look at the little girl playing in the yard..and felt so sorry that she has to be exposed to this life and environment that her mom has created for her..

He watched her for a few moments longer and then walked towards his car.. knowing he has zero control on the situation and of her…

within the last months he has seen and observed so much that he starting to question his sanity and his self…

He is becoming overwhelmed and finding her behavior and her habitual messiness to be more than he can sustain …

He didn’t hear from her that week and he didn’t make an attempt to communicate either… He was trying to stay away…. telling himself that he has to get her out of his system… and that he just can’t deal with the situation at hand…

But by the time the second week rolled by he gives in to his desire to reach out to her..

He open up communication with a text message asking her how she was doing and if she needed to get anything done..

It was summertime and he knows she has to get back and forth to wherever she has to get to.. and she usually walks..and he uses the daughter has an excuse to care so much.. that he feels guilty about not being there for them..

He received an answer to his text from her…

She let him know that she’s alright and that she has a few errands to run and would really appreciate the ride…

Of course he eagerly text her back with a smile letting her know that he’s on the way……

He arrived there to find them outside waiting for him.. As he parked his car and look at them standing there.. he felt a surge of joy that put a smile on his face… He was missing them but he didn’t realize just how much until he saw them..

He got out of the car all smiles.. the little girl let out a delightful squeal calling out his name and run straight into his open arms.. he scooped her up ..hug her closely nuzzled her little neck and she giggled delightfully..

He made another attempt to nuzzle her neck but she pushed his head away..

Hehehehe… he giggled…

He then reached over with one hand and gently pulled her mom in for a hug.

He said, ” hey baby “.. and bent to kiss her cheek… she turned her face up to him and smile pleasingly without a response…

He regained his composure open the back door of the car .. put the little girl in and buckle her up.. Mom got in and as he followed suit.. he asked,

” well where are we going?”…..

She told him she needed to pick up some snacks for her daughter.. So Walmart..

They made small talks as they drive … but nothing of consequence..

They spent the next couple of hours stopping a few more times here and there..

He asked her if she would like something to eat and she accepted.. they picked up some burgers and decided to stop at the park and eat them..

They allowed her little one to play a little while they talked..

She mentioned her upcoming birthday.. that next weekend..and so he decided he would treat her for her birthday… He asked her if she would like to go out that night….She was gamed.. So they made plans for a date night…

They spent another hour at the park..and he drove them back home.. he didn’t go in with her wanting to avoid looking at that mess and be reminded of what happened that last time….

he left her reminding her to dress up nicely for their date next weekend…

She beamed at him so brightly.. this amuses him..

He gave her a hug.. pat her on the derrière fondly… Hug that precious baby girl.. and bid them goodbye…

He had a good evening….and he was smiling.. and surprisingly anticipating their rendezvous …..

*******^^^******

They kept in touch with each other that week through their usual daily Texting…they both talked about their upcoming date.. and was both were looking forward to it… it was suggested.. dinner first and then take it from there…

He got up early that morning.. went got his shave and trim.. went to pharmacy.. pick up some necessities…he just wants to be prepared… make sure they car is fully gas up.. and headed home to get ready … It’s been awhile since he got all dressed up.., and it felt really good.. he feels like a million dollars..

He got there…call her to let her know that he’s outside.. she came out… looking so beautiful.. smiling as sweetly as ever..

He got out to meet her walking towards him.. he gives a slight hug.. and a little kiss and whispered.. “Happy Birthday beautiful”..

Walk her over to the car …open the door for her and ushered her in…

He got in .. look at her.. she met his glance.. and they both smile at each other… he reached our took her left hand give it a little squeeze and proceeds to start the car..

He inserted a disc in the radio to get some music going… he looked over at her.. she had her rested back on the seat.. her eyes closed as she hummed along to the song playing…

He smiles feeling good to be with her.. as he finds himself humming happily to the song as well…

They got to the restaurant of her choice..it was a really nice atmosphere.. and as they sat there eating.. facing each other.. he looked at her, taking her in.. admiring her makeup.. her hair.. and just how pretty she was tonight..

He finds himself getting so arouse…she looked up and catch him starring at her… she smiles.. and he said to her…

” My Darling.. You look so beautiful tonight”….

She smiles blushing.. whispers a thank you.. put her head down shyly and continue to eat..

They finished up their meal.. both were full.. and they walked out holding hands.. he moved his hands to her waist and pulled her in to him… and she just followed his lead willingly…

they walked to the car in unison… he open the door for her.. but before he let her in .. he pulled her to him and kiss her like he wanted to all night…

Her back was rested against the car and they kiss passionately.. how he loves to kiss her.. she was kissing him back with the same urgency and he could feel her rapid heart beats and hear her shallow breathing ..

He knows she wants him as much as he wants her.. they pulled apart and he helped her in.. she was slightly trembling… he closed her door.. wipe at his lips unconsciously.. and he could feel her lips on his…

He got in.. and said to her…” where to now??”

She shrugged her shoulders .. without saying anything..

He knew what she was thinking.. but he didn’t want to go back to her home.. he just can’t make love to her there… and as he sat in the parking lot.. looking at her wanting her…

She reached over rest her hands on his thighs and gently moving her hands in a rubbing motion.. making him so hott.. she said…

“Let’s go home..”

He had to think fast.. He picked up his phone.. not wanting to respond to her suggestions..

He turns it on and said..

” Hey baby.. I just remembered… I have to stop by my office to do something for my boss.. I promise him I would have.. Do you mind if we do that before we head on home…???”

His office was not too far away and anywhere is better right now than going back to her house…

He didn’t like lying to her.. but he really wants to make love to her tonight.. and he he knows she was up to it..

So he headed for his office… trying to stay focus on driving and not thinking about her hand on his thigh and so close to his throbbing D….

********************

TO BE CONTINUED….

A MESSY LOVE 💕 STORY: part 9b

It took him no longer than two days to get the urge to see her… he couldn’t understand his emotional attachment to her..

He wants to spend time with her and her daughter but he finds that he dread going in that house..

He finds that from the move that he has become so conscious of her surroundings that he walks in looking around with expectations of some improvement… and realizing that he could no longer ignore the messy and filthy condition…

He started to think of diplomatic ways he could encourage her to clean it up.. because this is her only vice right now..

He tried offering to help her.. but she always finds a reason to decline his offer…

He hasn’t been in her bedroom in this new house.. the visual of what he saw in the move was so repugnant … that he has no desire to go back on that bed .. knowing that what he witnessed would play with his mind…

It didn’t however stop his sexual desire for her whenever he’s in close contact with her…

she keeps saying she gonna work on getting it all cleaned up.. but always comes up with some lame excuse why she didn’t get to it..

Like having pains.. being overly depressed… headaches… couldn’t get out of bed.. ect. Ect. Ect..

The following month .. he decided to see her outside the house.. he would pick her up and take her wherever she wants to go.. and spend some time together having lunch or sitting in the park.. watching her daughter have her fun..

He reasons that if he don’t see the mess it won’t affect him..

She invited him to a fair one weekend and he accepted.. he drove over.. and when he got there she wasn’t ready.. her little girl was outside playing .. he got out and sits with her playing with the cats…

She got up and ran after the cats who ran inside through the open back door…the back doorway was open.. he decided to follow her in..

The laundry room is right there… There was clothes in piles lying on the floor.. empty crates was on the washer..

all kinds of boxes.. tins.. things that didn’t belong shoved in corners and scattered all over.. he shake his head.. questions rolling around in his mind..

why is the floor litter in clothes when the machine is right there..??? Why is this space used as a junk yard..???

He walked past it and went inside.. the strong stench of the litter box fill his nostrils.. and he noticed it was still as is…

He acknowledged her mom from where she’s always sitting.. and almost gag from the foul smell she was emanating …

The living room was bad.. worst than he has ever seen it..

He observed a Carmel apple sitting in a corner.. covered in mold.. how long has that been there???

Dirty dishes covered in roaches… it was littered with everything you can think of… dirty socks.. wrappers from snacks.. pizza boxes..

the garbage bin she has in there was overflowing.. not one surface was empty…

he felt so sick to his stomach.. he was tempted to pick up stuff.. but he was so repulsed that he was afraid of touching anything…

He called for her.. and shouted.. telling her he’ll be back in a few.. and he hurried out of that house . Got in his car and drove away..

wtf.!!!!

It’s only a few months she’s been there.. how can she live like that.. and that sweet little girl… how could she expose her to that kind of living..

And the mom.. does she ever move from that one spot..

He couldn’t return.. so he just headed straight for home.. He called her telling her that something comes up and he has to go take care of it…

He has to think seriously about her habitual messy house keeping…

They talk via text messages that evening and he apologizes for running off like that..

He took the opportunity to subtly ask her about the condition of the living room.. and he also mentioned the cats litterbox..

She became very defensive and he again suggested that he could help her to get it all cleaned up…

She again repeatedly mentioned all her pains and how it affected her whenever she tries to do anything.. how she has a daughter to take care of… and her mom also needs her attention..

It was like fighting a losing battle…

She ask him to come over that weekend to take to Walmart .. He promised her he would..

He feels her obligated to her and her needs.. and knows she has no one else to take and he didn’t want her to walk in the hot sun with that little girl.. all that way…

So he went over that weekend.. they went to Walmart.. and she did her usual shopping.. they went to a few other places .. she stopped got some chicken for dinner and headed back home..

All the cats were outside.. and she shoo them away..not wanting them to go inside … and started complaining how they pee on her Little girl’s bed…

He just shook his head offering no comments..

He went in with them.. she invited him in.. when he got inside he smell some sweet scent.. and he saw she was burning some incense .. and the litter box was no longer there….

She cleaned up a little place on the table to put the chicken she bought.. she began dividing it up on paper plates..

Give her mom a plate then her daughter.. he refused her offer . They all set down to eat… then watch a little tv.. the little girl got up to play leaving her unfinished meal behind…

Mom was busy complaining about the cats peeping on bed.. they finished watching the tv program in between conversation… He got up to use the restroom…

As he pass the table he noticed that there was roaches on the Little girls plate… he didn’t think anything of it.. it was because a natural thing at her house..

He continued to the rest restroom.. He noticed just how blacken it was from non cleaning.. he uses it and flushed.. he was surprised by a few roaches scampering away in all directions running away from the water…

He was kinda puzzled thinking where were they hiding. Doesn’t that mean if he had sat down on that seat.. he would have roaches crawling on his ass.. ???

He just sigh.. thinking you can expect in this house..

he went to wash his hands and again look around for soap.. but none was in sight.. the sink was dirty. The same old dried up toothpaste was still present plus new spots.. the counter was full of dust and water stains and roach dropping…

A dirty towel or two was on the counter and on the ground.. He pulled aside the shower 🚿 curtains .. still looking for soap..

He stands there in astonishment.. it was sparkling clean.. unbelievable.. he looked around him again… and every where was filthy…… except for the bath…

He finds it so strange and he couldn’t think get it out of his mind.. To him…only one explanation makes sense…

But it that possible.. it kinda explain the no soap though…

Nahh.. they must take baths.. yesss.. he thinks trying to convince himself not wanting to believe on top of everything.. she don’t bathe…???? 🤔 hmmmm???

He rinse his hands in the dirty sink trying his best not to touch it.. and he walked out.. he stopped.. looked at the bath.. and said…” nah… nah…” shaking his head in response to his thoughts..

He went back to the living room… and he announced that he is going to head on home.. and as he passes the table he pointed and said to her.. ” there is roaches all over the food ”

She got up.. and to his amazement… and astonishment he couldn’t believe what she does next…..??????

****************************

TO BE CONTINUED….

A MESSY LOVE 💕 STORY: part 9

They communicate by text every morning.. it has become their habitual routine over the last months.

She has become a significant part of his days… and he looks forward to receiving those text messages …

He drove over to see her that Wednesday… he took her out for a drive and a drink.. stop.. got something to eat.. she was in a terrific mood and he enjoyed her happy spirit … it was obvious she was having fun and enjoying being with him…

They spent a few hours together .. and he took her back home.. it was a little late and he has work in the morning so he bid her goodnight and headed home…

That weekend he decided to go spend some time with her and take her on a few errands that she said she wanted to run…

Another week has gone by.. he walked in that house..

The boxes are still untouched.. and the living room is in a little worse condition…

Her mom is where he has left her and is wearing the same dress..

A stench was coming from somewhere.. he looked around trying to identify what was causing that stinking scent..

He then noticed a cat litter box.. that was fully used by the cats and needed to be replaced.. couldn’t she smell it.. ?? How does she ignore it..,?? It stinks…

In the middle of the living room was also a garbage bin without a liner.. filled with trash… he also observed a few roaches in and out of it…

It’s just two weeks..!!!!!

How could she allow her home to be like this.. she doesn’t work.. she told him on occasion that she doesn’t sleep much at nights.. what does she do all day and night..

He couldn’t stay in that house another minute so he called to her.. letting her know that he will be outside when she’s ready to go..

She came out a few minutes later.. her daughter behind her.. they got in the car and he pulled out of the driveway…

She turned to and asked him.. “what’s wrong???”

He just shook his head and said..”nothing baby “….

He just couldn’t bring himself to confront her with all that he has observed and seen..

He didn’t know how she would have taken it.. and he was not in the mood for an argument…

She took her to Walmart.. she bought some caramel apple… then to the thrift store and dollar tree…

And he couldn’t help but think..

why does she choose these places to shop…He has never asked her about her financial status before.., is she that low on money.. so he asked her..

She willingly told him.. she got money from her daughters father…. she got food stamps..and her mom got a disability check…

So she was on a fixed income so she has to be frugal …

He continued to probe a little more and asked her why she didn’t work???

Her answer was not what he was expecting..

She said she has chronic pains which becomes so unbearable … it prevents her from working…

He wanted to know to know why she’s not collecting disability… and if she ever works..

She let him know.. that she tried to file but wasn’t validated and got declined.. she also informed him that she used to work before she had her daughter..they were physical jobs…cleaning hotel rooms.. working as a server in a restaurant.., looking after older people.. ect…

This girl is just in 30.. He couldn’t understand how she could just give up working so young and adapt to a life of staying home….

He comes to the conclusion that she uses her laziness which is obvious from how she kept her home..to find any excuse possible to get out of working…

Here she is with him.. in perfect health.. not complaining or having any pains or difficulty getting around..

Could this be selective energy??? Selective pain??? Selective to suits her excuses for just being plain lazy….

On their way back to her house.. he thought he’d use some diplomatic tactics and asked about those boxes that-is sitting in that living room…

He asked her if she wanted him to come help her with putting those things away..

She quickly refuses his offer saying she’ll get to it soon.. he then told her that he willing to help her clean up a little..

She informed him that she’s tired after being out and about and maybe next time.. he shrugs it off and tells her anytime she is ready.. he’s be more than happy to help…

They got to her place. He got out to help her with her purchases.. and went to use the restroom before heading back home..

When he went in.. what greets him… was ugly…

He went to wash his hands first.. there was dried toothpaste all over the sink.. he saw roaches on the toothbrushes.. an open bottle of mouthwash..

How did she have roaches inside the bathroom in the space of two weeks..

he looked around for some soap to wash his hands.. but he couldn’t find any kind of soap anywhere.. not even body wash.. hmm 🤔…. this was odd…he question it silently… he stepped on a clothing item on the floor.. he bent down to pick it up.. a couple roaches ran in opposite direction that was hiding under it.

He put in on the counter.. use the toilet .. rinse his hands again.. wipe them on his pants and leave..

She was sitting on the couch with her daughter…he bent over places a kiss on her cheek… ruffled the daughter hair.. and said goodbye..

He drove home.. thinking of that bathroom… the roaches… her lack of cleanliness.. her laziness

And…

He wonder if this something that he can live with…

It seems like he is now going over there just looking for everything that’s out of place..everything that’s wrong… this is not the norm for him..and this is becoming a barrier to his feelings for her..

He finds that he can’t think of her without thinking of the mess she creates in oblivion…

And he wonders just how much more can he endure before he finds the courage to walk away and never to see her again…????

********^^^^^**********

TO BE CONTINUED…

MYLOVE-LOVE: THE JOY &PAIN OF AN UNFORBIDDEN LOVE; chapter 8

I was back to my usual attitude and having the same feelings of letting go… so I just start to develop an attitude of “whatever”…  It’s been going so long and I kinda got used to his behaviour… I just carry on as is and wait until he decided to come looking for me…

So I didn’t try to contact or reach out to him for a couple of weeks..

I decided t0  sent him GN SWEET DREAMS.  Friday & Saturday night.

He responded.

I started to get restless again and decided to reach out to him… I text him. No answer. It was a holiday so I figured he might be busy with family, enjoying his day. That’s ok I thought.    I tried again Monday but again I got nothing. I try to tell me its ok, he’s probably just busy. We’ll see.

So I text him GN SWEET DREAMS.

[FUNNY, I WAS HERE WITH ALL THIS DEEP EMOTION AND WE WERE NOT IN A RELATIONSHIP. WHAT WAS I THINKING???

THAT HE WOULD MIRACULOUSLY WANT TO BE WITH ME?   AND SO I KEPT ON DREAMING.]

I wanted to see him or even talk to him even though I know… from his actions… he doesn’t think of me like that. I got the feelings that he might be seeing somebody else. That ok, I thought.  He needs to have somebody special

. [AND AGAIN I WISHED TO BE 30 AGAIN SO AT LEAST I COULD COMPETE FOR HIS LOVE. MAYBE I WOULD HAVE HAD A CHANCE TO BE WITH HIM.]

Got a text, 7:32pm, a few days later, “u wok 2nit?”

Told him yes.

Thought I’d see him but it did not happen. I was kinda excited hoping for a repeat of his visit a few weeks back..

We talked through texting on Monday.  He said that he’s good and he was  in the studio. I text him on Tuesday asking him if he’s ok. He replied that he’s good and asked  if I was at work.

I told him I was off… so he came over.

I was so ecstatic.  He spent some time with me. We made love, like it was the first time… I hungrily love on him and he love like he really misses me and he really enjoyed me to the the fullest..as I did enjoyed him too… he kisses me and held me tightly very tenderly and whispered…

“I needed that so much… thank you !!!”   I just kissed him and smile and hugged him to me and he returned my hug with a squeeze …

I was so happy to see and be with him. While he was here with me nothing else or nobody else matters. I just savor and enjoy him as much as I can.

Can’t believe that this one guy brings me so much joy every time.

After he left, I was beside myself… I say “YEAH!!! My Love-Love was here!  He stayed a little, love me a lot and OMG Thank you, Thank you. I get to see MYLOVE-LOVE. It was so good; love that guy so so much.

Seeing him put me a good mood for a few days… but he always left me wanting more.. I could think of nothing else but him. After that incredible loving from him I could not wait to get some more. I was becoming insatiable  and the more he comes around the more I want him and the more I feel for him…

So by Friday I was getting impatient to see him. I have this strong desire to be with him. I could still feel his hugs and kisses. I was trying not to get too over excited about him, but he gives me so much joy, that I get zealous.

One day at a time DEAR LORD. One day at a time. HELP ME!!!

I keep thinking of our deal and what we agreed upon… no strings.. just causal sex… but here I am catching feelings for a guy who is good only for some good loving to me….

Don’t know what to think or believe. The way he holds me tells me he likes me .But could I be wrong? We’ll see. This uncertainty and insecurity is driving me crazy. Couldn’t ask him. Wants it to be so, but afraid to get my hopes up. Can he see me as a girlfriend? Can I ask him to?   No, I couldn’t do that to him. It couldn’t and wouldn’t be right for him.  Leave it as it is Wendy. Enjoy him as long as he allows you to, and you are getting far more than you expected. Just be thankful and enjoy him while it last.

So I leave it be..

***********************************

Try to text him on Sunday 18th. Nothing. Just hope he’s ok. Just need to hear from him. Wake up Monday with one of my Anxiety attacks. And of course MYLOVE-LOVE came to mind. I was anxious to hear from him. I had this negative feeling, and I’m here trying to analyze it. It frightens me. I’m thinking I’m never going to see him again.

It’s funny how I associated everything to him..

… But he could be just busy, caught up in his life or he hit a down spot and doesn’t feel like communicating. I want to reach out but feel its best I give him some space, and resume back to my decision to let him be the one to control our fate…

It just amazed me every time I make up my mind to stop, he text me.

I got a text Wednesday 21st, “wassup? How u been?”

I was quite pleased to say the least. I text him back ask him about his school, and how he’s doing? He answered, “Iam good. School is doin ok.”

I ask if he’s at school. And he said.”I am at the shop and no school today.”

We stopped texting. I was happy to have that little conversation with him. It was the most we ever talked through texting.

I love to stay connected to him… I know  we can never be anything else than what we have now… and I hope it’s enough to constitute a lasting friendship… I have come to terms with just be friendly with benefits whenever the need arrives/arises…

I was feeling really good about him trying to communicate with me… I was hoping it means that he is coming around,and realizing that I’m a friend worth keeping…and that we have spent enough intimate times together that he does like me after all….

And….

At 4:16pm I got another text from him.  “I need a favor: I need $250 to put insurance on my car. If u can’t its ok. I got a lot going on and my money going fast.”

Ooooh maan…. wtf????  is he for real?  He is asking for more money this time… I laughed out loud…

so I ask him, “when do you did need this?

He replied, “by Friday or I got to turn my tag in.”

I was shaking my head not fully beleiving his story… but wanting to help him and knowing it’s one way to get to see him and get me some good loving… so he was using me to finance him and I was using the money to lure into my bed and my arms… kitty was agreeing with my choice… getting all excited anticipating having him loving me and giving me great satisfaction and sexual gratification.

I text back telling him I will give it to him because I know he needs his car to get around.

He says, “yea, I do thanks, I got the kids this week I can come by when I drop them off tomorrow.”

I told him that’s just fine.

7:29am Thursday morning he text me, “wassup I be over there once I drop the kids off, u up?

And so he came for the money. I fixed him breakfast and had a little fun. well more like lots of fun… he didn’t disappoint.. kitty was more than happy with the petting and the loving..

I enjoyed his company even for that short time and I told him I was going to see my doctor about the pain I was experiencing. He left. And I felt good just to see him. The money I did not think twice about, because I thought I was helping him… and I got exactly what i wanted in return…  some good good loving which leaves me smiling….

 

***************************************

 

TO BE CONTINUED…….

MY LOVE- LOVE: THE JOY& PAIN OF AN UNFORBIDDEN LOVE; chapter 7

I got a text on Sunday 4:34 pm. “what u doing 2nit?”

I was happy to hear from him and I replied,  “Thinking of doing you.. ”

He sent a LOL… and said that he is on his way.

He came by .  I know he really came for the money but just to see him after six long weeks I would give him anything.

We sat there talking,  but just wanted so much to kiss him and love on him but I hesitated because I was not too sure he wanted that, but I guess he sense my desire

MY LOVE-LOVE: THE JOY & PAIN OF AN UNFORBIDDEN LOVE; CHAPTER 6

A STORY OF PLAYING THE COUGAR WITH A VERY UNEXPECTED TURN…

########################################################

 

I went through the next few weeks like a zombie. Missing MYLOVE-LOVE. And feeling real bad because he ignores me. To make matters worse I found out that he has been talking to veronie and everybody else except me. And I wonder, why not me? What did I do to him? Why was it ok to talk to everyone else and not me? After all the times we spent together and the intimate moments we shared.. I thought we were friends and deserve some acknowledgement..

On May 5th I got a text saying, “wassup stranger”.

I sent a reply and but got nothing else. . I was like a school girl with her first broken heart. I was so frustrated and helpless because He would not communicate with me and I did not know how to reach him.

I was missing him and his presence..and I was afraid that I will never see him again and I was not ready to let him go…

I had bought some things for his little girl’s birthday, and I wanted him to get them. So I called him tell him I have them and how can I get them to him.

He text back that he wants them and that he will come and pick it up. He never did. I try to call the following day and would you believe that he hung up on me. I was so mad and upset that he would treat me so cold and mean.

I just couldn’t understand his behavior towards me…. he was so cold and a little mean and I was so hurt thinking I didn’t mean much to him for him to ignore me and refuses to talk to me..

He tries to call me later that day, I did not answer… I was still upset with him hanging up on me.. And then he sent me a text that his phone die while talking to me. I did not believe.

Anyway I wanted to get those present to the little girl so I decided to call his friend, whom number I have, to pick them up and pass them to him. I had the feeling He thought I was trying to see him, so I figure I would go pass him… yes I wanted to see him but I wasn’t going to harass him..if he didn’t want nothing to do with me…I will just leave him alone..

Well the friend came got them and then I text him telling him to collect them from him. He text me informing me that him and this guy no longer buddies. OPPS! The friend did not let me know this. OK. I decided to call the friend to bring them back.

MYLOVE-LOVE called a few days after..  asking me why I didn’t give veronie the presents to give him. I thought why would I want to do that? And he just went on and on about if I wanted to get it him I should have given her.

I was so hurt to know that he was still seeing her.. and not me… and I didn’t want her to know I was with him anyways…

I got so mad I hang up. I’m thinking how could he ask me that? What is he thinking? Doesn’t he know how I feel for him? That day I cried so hard. I cried because He doesn’t care about me in the least. I’m here thinking, I mean nothing to him, nothing. Thought I found me a friend, a true friend.  How wrong can I be?

I guess my emotions for him was way more than I would care to admit…

I decided not to text or call anymore. Leave him, I told myself. I was hurting and I was still crying a little whenever I thought of him  and his coldness. I was missing him but it doesn’t make sense wanting someone who doesn’t return your feeling…

A few weeks later I got a phone call apx. 12:30 am from MYLOVE-LOVE. telling me how busy he was and about all that he’s doing. He then asks me for $200. I told him I haven’t got it.

I was so glad to hear from him…but a little disappointed for the reasons I got that call.

Then I told him to call me that Saturday and I will see what I can do for him. Of course he called me and we talked some. I told him to give me a week and I will come up with it for him.

Here I am promising him money in hopes of getting the chance to see him.. My feelings have not changed much.. and I find myself getting all excited just talking to him… I still want him.

It’s been now six weeks since I last seen him and I was in great anticipation of seeing him again. For the next week I didn’t hear anything from him and I thought that was it. “oooh well”.

June 01st I got a text telling me that he’s trying to get stuff done and he’s been busy. He’s so tired and he has not talk to anybody because he is so busy.

Then he asked, “how u doin?”

I replied, I was pleased to hear from him. Then he asked, “So can you help me out with something?

I told him I will on one condition. That he never lose contact with me again and he have to keep me close. He agrees to the terms and said he will try.

I got a wassup Wednesday, I heard from him Thursday and, Friday. On Friday he said his car need fixing. He’s so damn tired.

. And again he asks, “Can u still do that for me?   I said yes.

Saturday he asks me what I am doing. I was working, did not get his text. And he text back, ‘Wassup. Now you don’t want to text back.”

I was amused and I apologized and told him I am working. I asked if he is not coming for the money or if he changes his mind. He told me he needs it but having trouble getting a ride.

So after six weeks of silence I heard from him every day for one week. I was feeling real good about communicating with him like that. But I was left to wonder is it because he wants to talk to me or is it because I promise him the money.

I knew the answer but I did not care because I would do almost anything just to see him and have him close again. I was going to pay him for a little of his time… How sad… but to me then… just getting a chance to be with him again was well worth it…

I could not wait to love on him again. To kiss those lips, Love on that chest, and have him hug me to him. I could hardly wait to see him.

***********************************************************************

TO BE CONTINUED……..

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

ONLINE DATING: FIRST EXPERIENCE; epilogue

 we talked  for about three hours and in that time he brought up the sexual topic again and i did encourage it to a certain extent.. that I even disclose one of my deepest fantasy … but he got so weird and crazy that in the end I had to truthfully tell him if he is trying to discourage me from him , that it is working.. I was not liking this side  of him and I told him that . and i say..
” is this the real you.. or is this stemming from you anger with me….???”
I was feeling really disappointing with his attitude .
So I told him I would rather leave than take his behavior…

I couldn’t believe that I was so wrong about him… and then he pauses .. and I thought he finally stopped .. but after a few minutes I got this text..

 

This is Brett… Allen been asleep for several

hours! But let me tell you something.. He is a good guy and you are a freak! He
may very well wan to fuck you… Clearly he hasn’t yet… And your fetish stuff
is crazy!!! If you hurt him I’m going to be pissed… Please be nice to him…
He may be a little lost at the moment but he’s a really good person. Good night
I was so shock and embarrassed for playing along with him… enclosing my secret.. I didn’t know what to say…so I just hung up…  I was a little relieved to know that it wasn’t him though..
It was morning by now and I couldn’t sleep again… I was a little disturbed and perturbed…anyways I sent him a text a few hours later..
: Boy did I get a dose of my own medicine from your
friend Bret this morning. I Made a complete ass of myself but I guess I deserve
it all . I even disclosed my most embarrassing fantasy; something I have never
told a living soul. I m still here nervous and shaking just texting this you
because now I’m not too sure if you really forgive or not or i If you think I
set out deliberately to deceive you and betray you…. I fail the test didn’t  I?

 Lesson  taken well… Again, my sweet ALLEN…. my love…

 

I am so so very very sorry for what I did, and wish with all my heart I could
undo it. Because if you even feel half as bad as I’m feeling right now I know
the pain you are going through . I m so sorry my sweet Allen you definitely did
not deserve this.
He answered almost immediately, with…
” I do forgive you and I’m sorry Brett messed with
you after I went to sleep.. He told me.. Not everything. Just that he fucked
with you because you fucked with my heart and that is bullshit…. I was pissed
at him and told him to leave my phone alone. Anyway I think the  fantasy
is kinda hot and I would for sure entertain anything as long as you enjoyed it.”
I didn’t quite know what to say or how to say what I really want to say..and I was still feeling like a fool , knowing his friend showed him all that he put me through.. and I was feeling a little self-conscious.. so I decided to cut off the conversation..
” Hey .. I still a bit shaken up from last night. I responded.
I guess I have  to take some time to absorb and deal with it. Thanks a bunch for
forgiving my deception. I’m not mad at Brett shows loyalty for a dear friend.
If only we all have friends like him who hurt for us in the way he does  I know
you are special and Brett just confirmed that fact. Ttyl my ALLEN .. Off to work
So as you know… Still loving you…”
He told me to have a great day at work… and I smiled..
I went to work for the first time without a smile.. I had tears in my eyes all night… I couldn’t believe how i have mess up our wonderful Christmas so badly. I could feel his coldness. and I thought i would give him some time to absorb it and come to terms with it all. how I missed him….
                           ***************************************
My sweet Allen stays with me for the next two months… he was very compassionate and super understanding … but he couldn’t bring himself to get pass my horrific deed..  he said he couldn’t accept all the lies that i told .. he could have accepted the pictures  because that wasn’t the problem.. it was the deception .. he could understand all my insecurities and fooling him with pictures …. it was just all the lies that comes with them.. he just don’t know if he can trust me. he said he didn’t care what I look like … he fell in love with me.
And again, I was dumbfounded.. I know he was so right and I have no valid excuses to justify my actions, other than my lame explanation that I just wanted some time with him.. It was the truth but just wasn’t enough reasons..
We talked again and again. well, I should say I  did..  he didn’t have too much to say to me. at one point he asked me to move beyond him.. and told me he has moved on .. He even as much as mention that his heart has grown a callous. I knew then that i had lost him completely.. I tried to accept my defeat but i was hurting so badly.. I never remember ever  feeling this amount of excruciating pain before..
I got me loving him.. I had him loving me.. I cried night and day for the first two weeks.
 i have given up all hopes with him.
He stays and encourages me  and treats me with me tenderness and a large amount of compassion. one his  last text was on valentines… I had sent him two cards and a valentine’s message  and he responded..
….MY MESSAGES….
Happy valentines my valentine!! I’m going to drop
the ‘L’ word today and I do hope you accept and receive it for all its worth. So
you know.. I still love you as much as I did seven weeks ago and even more… And I
want you to know how very grateful I am to you for staying; you will never know
just how much it means to me. Thank you for being you; that kind compassionate
wonderful you. My only regret is knowing how much Hurt i have caused you, but
I’m so thankful for the chance I get to know you and love you –

: Many people have touched the edges of my life,
coming and going;  scarcely leaving an impression, but you are an uncommon and
unique person, someone who has made a big difference in my life;so it’s not
surprising that I find myself thinking, just how very special you are… And
wanting you always to remain close … And I’m hoping against all hopes you stay awhile..  LOVE YOU MY SWEET SWEET ALLEN  ON THIS VALENTINE’S DAY..
(I ENCLOSED THE CARDS AND WROTE;
413d9674-83d7-43fd-a053-1d8a8a634044imageimageimage
…  For you my Allen have you a most wonderful day
filled with love

 .

Wow! That is the nicest text and for sure most

heart-felt valentine cards I’ve ever received! Thank you so much for waking my

heart up Nita… And showing me that there is still a man inside me that wants
to feel love… And wants to be loved. You are so different from anyone I’ve
ever experienced and  I’m grateful to have you in my life.
. .: I hope you have a perfect Valentine’s Day Nita
 ” Thanks to the love I have for you and thanks to
you my sweet Allen… This is my best valentines ever”
I was smiling so huge when I had received that text… I didn’t actually know how to take what he said, but I was so pleased to read his respond  and was happy he liked my cards..
My heart soars with this immense amount of love for him it fills me with so much joy.. even though I messed up and lost him.. I just know that I will never forget  this most awesome and amazing gift of love.
It was one amazing month and though our christmas got shattered I still love every moment we shared and enjoyed together… the man who let my whole being becomes alive  like it  never  had before…he sets my heart on fire and have my whole soul so alive with profound joy..The man I never knew…with just his words he set me ablaze with a love so explosive and passionate… for that short period I knew what it was to be love with a passion so intense, I felt it to my very soul… I know he loved me… yes me… me… I felt him like he was right beside me..
He made love to me like no one has ever done.I felt his touch…I cum with such powerful, electrifying ecstasy …. over and over again.  I was the receiver of that intense passion and i am the one that loves him with a desire so strong it hurts.. I found him….and it was phenomenal..ecstatic… sensational… epic…
He may no longer be here.. but I’m so happy to have gotten this chance to know him .. love him..expirience him.. enjoyed him…. SOMETIMES LIFE REALLY GIVES BEAUTIFUL GIFTS.. IT GAVE ME HIM.. & SOME GIFTS YOU CAN’T HOLD IN YOUR HANDS …. YOU HOLD THEM IN YOUR HEARTS…

ONLINE DATING:FIRST EXPERIENCE; part 11b

He was gone again and I don’t think he will be back… come tomorrow after a good night sleep maybe I will try to talk to him again. I messed up… yes I made a real  mess real badly and ruin a  most perfect Christmas. How did this happen….how could I have known that I would be surprised by LOVE…all I know is that  I do love him so… so very, very much.

………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

I LAY THERE SOBBING AND WEEPING FOR MY GREAT LOSS; IT FELT LIKE MY HEART WAS PULL OUT AND STOMP ON; I WAS SO BROKEN UP WITH PAINS OF SORROW; I HAVE LOST HIM… MY WORST FEAR HAS COME TRUE….I WENT THROUGH THE LAST TWO WEEKS FEARING THIS DAY, NOT WANTING IT TO HAPPEN; TRYING TO HOLD ON TO HIM FOR AS LONG AS I COULD, THINKING OF ONLY MY DESIRES, NOT WORRIED ABOUT HIS FEELINGS; AND NOW THAT IT HAS COME TO PASS; I NOT ONLY FEEL PAIN FOR ME BUT FEELS IT WORST FOR HIM BECAUSE HE DID NOT KNOW I WAS DECEIVING HIM; AND JUST LIKE I FELL FOR HIM HARD HE FELL FOR ME JUST AS HARD. HE BELIEVES IN ME/Paige; HE TRUSTED ME WITH HIS HEART AND I RUIN IT. [and I cry some more, for being a such selfish and contempt person}

We were experiencing everything together; the only difference is… I knew it was all a lie and he did not. And I agonized in anguish; feeling bad for losing him and worst for hurting my ‘MY SWEET ADORABLE WONDERFUL Allen’.

Then surprisingly I got a text from him; I could not believe it; so like me, he could not sleep; we were really two hearts in harmony, feeling and thinking the same things. There he goes echoing my thoughts again.

“Well… good night, I’m sorry, I’m a mess… but this is so weird, knowing everything was a lie…I’m trying to feel the love I felt… and no judge… but man… you played me hard and I fell hard… so I love the idea of you but I don’t know we can ever happen… I think… Idk… it’s so weird… I’m still in love… but I’m mad…not like I’d hurt you mad… that’s not my style… just mad… not sure what to do.”

I read it and I cried… I cried for him because I could sense his pain he was experiencing.

“I totally understand… I said to him. “Wish I knew how to make it right…and I’m hurting like mad, can’t stop the tears and I know you are too.”

“Yes…” he agreed. This sucks.

“So so sorry Allen.” I told him.

‘Deception is so painful… I have no idea.” He said.

“But I wanted to tell you. That’s why I did.” I confess.

“Just so you know… everything I shared was true and real.” He wanted me to know.

“I know” he told me [about wanting to tell him] “and thank you.”

I told him I know that everything he shared was true and real. {That was the reason I had to come clean}

I’m easy to see I guess,” he said, “please take her off… I feel so gross.”

“Sorry to hurt you like that,” I let him know. “You are such a sweet man.”

“You used her,” he told me.

“I can see that, guess I did.” I totally agreed.

“Please give me you… I want to feel even a piece.” He asks of me.

I want to give him all of me, but I was so sure that he was not going to like me in no way possible.

“In what form,” I ask.

Funny part is,” he was telling me, “in the beginning if you used that old picture of you… that would have worked better; then he said, “ I guess you think every man with a hard cock wants a young girl… Idk what others think… but I promise that isn’t the case here. I want passion… heart… love…”

And I guess he was right to a point, I did think he was attracted to Paige because she is young and beautiful; While on the hand there is me… the very opposite. And of course which man can resist a pretty girl.

So I told him, “I only got tango to be able to talk with my grandson; I was not trying to find a date… everything I told you was the truth.

I was trying to explain to him that I would not have thought to put an attractive photo of me because I had no intentions of finding my soul mate. He may not believe but I did not even know it was a social media; I thought I was like Skype.

So he asked me, “So you love me? Because I fell in love with you.”

I think, OMG!! And I can’t give him what he wants.

I told him “yeah!! With everything I got.”

“What a mess… I’ve never been here,” he said trying to come with terms with it.” I know how I feel… I know how blue you feel.” What now?

I am  so glad you fell in love with me.” I told him.  “That is why I want to be sure it was me.”

And he asks me again, “you won’t even send me a dirty picture?”

Idk… I told him. “But you never know, I might. But not tonight.

I guess he getting angry again because he said,” you are so clean… you can lie and betray me… but a picture of your pussy is out of the question… sounds funny right? But baby a picture of your pussy can be my choosing.”

Come on…” I say.

“I can tell you how to pose or what to do and know you are being honest. He tells me. “If you want to earn my trust that is your only chance.”

So I told him, “I have done it in the past with bad consequences.”

“Too bad.” He said.

“Don’t be mean Allen it doesn’t suit you,” I told him.

“This is your last chance before I delete and block you…” he threatened.

“Oh my goodness!!!! I exclaimed.

I really did not want him to do that, but… I was not going to give any dirty pictures and if it meant him deleting or blocking me… then so be it.

“I will not use anything and I am not mean…” he informs me. So far that’s all on you. You’d know already if I was an asshole… am I? He asked.

“Why is this picture so important to you?” I ask him.” No, no you are not an asshole.” I told him. {Of course he not, he never was. until now.. and somehow, I can understand  his behavior.. he is just hurt and confused and in love and being played a fool by me.)

“Because it’s personal!!!” he answered me. “You have one chance to get personal; take it or leave it.”

I’m leaving it… I thought.

“But it’s on line…” I told him.

“Broken heart and all… I’m hurt… but I’m not an asshole… will I make you prove shit? Yup… if you don’t want to. It’s real easy… delete … me…” he threatens me again.

Here he was all trying to act mean and nasty to me; but I was not buying it in the least. In the  weeks I have known him, if there is one thing I have learnt about him is that he is the kindest man alive. I saw through him like a looking glass. He is only hurting right now all because o me.

“OMG!!!” I shouted out. “You are different.”

“I have no idea why we are still talking”. He told me.

Quite frankly I don’t either. I’m glad that we are because I really calm down and it is due to the fact, because he was talking to me. And the more he talks the more my emotions got under control. Just having him there with me was so calming and was glad he choose to stay with me, I hope he realize just what it means to me for having him talking to me even though I know he was trying to figure out why I did what I did to him.

I was so drawn to him and was so fascinated with him that the more time I spent with him the more I want of him. And yes I choose to hang on to him with false pretense and trickery very selfishly and end up hurting us both. Would I do it again? Yes. Yes, to feel what I have felt and have him loving me with that intense passion, so blazingly hot; yes I definitely would, only next time I would not use trickery. Then maybe, instead of going through this predicament, I would be wrapped up in his sweet loving arms making passionate and explosive love and just enjoying him to the fullest. WOW!!! Only in my dreams.

“I fell in love.” He said. “With nothing real. Yes this me angry… I don’t hate… it just hurts.

“I am real.” I told him.

I know you are.” He said. “I felt you.”

“And you don’t like me… right now? I ask.

It’s not that,” he says. “I’m totally confused, I fell in love with you… but you played me… tricked me. I am really romantic or I was.”

“If you love me, don’t push me away, I asked of him. “I’m sorry, so very sorry, you were the best.” I told him.

Then he told me, “I forgive you Wendy, I really do.”

Thank you for that.” I told him.

I just have to adjust, and let us happen.” He said to me. “But Idk if I can trust you… Idk … things are a mess. I know I fell in love with someone.”

So I told him, “you see you are that sweet man…trusting me will take time I guess… but I didn’t deceive you intentionally.”

“I forgive you Wendy,” he said. “I have to sleep on this.

I wanted him to understand why I deceive him, so I told him, “it was the way you ask if I was that black girl… let’s… [Sleep on it.]Please don’t block me just yet?

Then he said the most wonderful thing, “merry Christmas baby… to the beautiful girl I fell in love with…

“ok, so I asked that for a reason! I won’t.” [Blocking me.]

I like that!!” I let him know. “Me beautiful.”

And for the first time I knew he meant me when he called me beautiful. And I smile.

“I am in love… I will see it through.” He told me.

“Oh you are so wonderful.” I complimented him.

“Maybe I fucked up bad… either way I will see it through. He informs me. I’m upset that you deceive me… but that does not negate my feelings. I am in love for a reason.”

All of a sudden I was feeling happy that I confess to him; he makes me think he is willing to redirect the love he feels to me. And It give me hope that maybe; just maybe I do have a chance with him. And I want it… so far all night this is first time I felt positive and was willing to give me a chance.

So I told him, “Now I’m glad I told you. I was very worried that it would end us. Yes you are.”

So we play the game for a bit and see how things shake out…. Right? He said.” either way love can’t be blind.”

I was getting a bit enthusiastic about us and I started to smile in anticipation of an us.

I’m with you lover,” I told him enthusiastically. “I feel so good…I’m now sure it’s me and not that picture.”

“And so we love… and sort shit out… that’s how I’m going to sleep tonight… I won’t judge… I will let time do that.” He told me.

“Sounds good to me my sweet Allen.” I told him. “You must be the greatest guy alive.”

I was so thrilled that he was thinking about us positively and he wants to try with me. I was quite happy for the hope he puts in my heart and for the assurance of his love; and again, I was amazed by him.

“Wendy… the picture gives me a visual… now a horrible one… it’s up to you to create a new visual”. He told me. “That’s why I started so perverted… please take all those images and replace them? I don’t to see her anymore… I want to see the woman I fell in love with.

I don’t have one with just me that was why I use the one with her.” I told him. I take awful pictures. Not too photogenic… but I’m going to work on some for you.”

Then I told him, “Oh my… you must be the best guy ever to love me.”

So I went searching in my album, trying to find a picture of me that look half decent to send to him. So I found that I was smiling and two of me with Barbara, Gail and Ayden. I sent them and comment, “That’s me… I know… with crazy ass sisters.

He did not respond so I thought he went to sleep and thought let me get some sleep too. I was a little exhausted emotionally, but right now I was feeling at ease knowing that “MY SWEET Allen’ was loving me… Wendy Wakanita… I was pleased and very calm, and that was good for me.

I was really happy he stayed with me and give me the chance to calm my emotions ; I do believe we are truly in love and all this exhilarating and jubilant emotions are all real, not only for me but for him too. Yes, yes we are definitely, absolutely and crazy in love. So we will allow time to be the judge of our outcome.

After what I did… I am only grateful that he still takes the time to talk and stayed with me this long. Does he know how very special that makes him? –

I turn off the light and smile; I was smiling this time instead of crying; and I hope comes tomorrow he will still feel the same; I wanted for him so much to love me, because I love him so very much… and I hope he stays and let us work it out… we are in love for a reason. [isn’t that what he said?]

And I drifted off to sleep smiling and with great hope… and for the first time at ease knowing he recognized me as me .. and his words kept playing in my head… and I said a little prayer.. ” DEAR GOD.. MAKE HIM LOVE ME… ME!!!

*****************************************************************************

 

TO BE CONTINUED…

ONLINE DATING: FIRST EXPERIENCE; part 10b

I SIT THERE WISH I COULD TAKE BACK WHAT I SAID.. KIND OF FEARING HIS RESPONSE… BUT I STILL WAS KIND OF AMAZED WITH THE EXTREME INTENSITY OF EMOTIONS WE WERE BOTH EXPERIENCING.

He answered me after a few moments…

Nita!! Omg baby… I’m missing you!” he exclaimed. “You make me laugh and love!

“How do I do that?” I asked.

Baby… so what do you think? He asked me.

About what?” I wanted to know.

You must know by now that I am real…and that my feelings are real too.” He said to me.

“I do… I think.” I told him.

I realized what I started and I did not want to go this path; not tonight. And he is so quick to pick up on my feelings of doubts. He is so sensitive to me; he can always sense what I was thinking and feeling… all the time… doesn’t know how he does it.

“You have been back through it… I haven’t, I just know that I do things one way… I either care or I don’t… I really don’t have much in between.

So I told him, “I don’t mean to question our feelings.”

I want to exit from this path it was going.

Then he went to explaining to me, why, “I became emotional with you when you felt real to me… and the more you open up the more I fell… Nita…you know I will be respectful if you have reservations right?

I did not want to hear all this…. I didn’t…

Then I told him,” How I wish I could explain things as good as you do.”

I sit there thinking …look what I started…

“I will allow you as much time as you’d like to sort things out or even go away if you feel that is the best… he tells me.

No… no… no… I don’t want that, I was thinking. It’s funny how frightful I get whenever he mention or suggest leaving or stopping. Yet I’m here know that it will.

And he continues to talk, “I am not here to make a stand or fight for something that isn’t mine… I will just continue to show my love and affection if you let me. That’s it. If you say this too much I will disappear …. Promise; Will it hurt? Hell yeah… will I do it? Yes.”

Man… I did not know what to say to him. And I was so scared that he was going to leave me. I was shaking by now very afraid that he is going to walk away. And I did not know how to stop him… or if I should.

And he kept on telling me, “You are in control of our fate as you know… I am giving you that because I want to be fair and responsible…. I’m sorry I messed you up again… it’s never my intention.

“I don’t mean anything like that, not in the least,” I let him know. “And when you started talking like this it scared the hell out of me.

“I’m sorry,” he said.

“I’m not so confident and sure of myself like you do.” I inform him.

“I’m empowering you. I can be super strong… I know you can be timid… this is me extending gratitude and love… even though it may ultimately hurt me. He tries to console me.

If only he knows the real truth behind my reservations… I thought.

And I’m trying to embrace it as best as I know how.” I tell him.

Then I ask of him, “Can we move on to a better conversation please? I really don’t want to think of you leaving.”

“If I had to said one thing outside, of us to you… as somebody watching… I’d say, trust your heart baby… it may steer you wrong but my god what if it doesn’t? Do you want to live in retrospect? I m not saying do something unreasonable… I’m saying, let yourself feel… it’s the most powerful gift ever… as you can see.”

That was just it… i was seeing the power and I was feeling the effects too… why did I start off playing this game of deception? because of all my lies, I can’t claim this love and passion that I have let myself feel… and claim this most wonderful powerful gift..

He’s there thinking all my reservation and hesitancy is due to my inexperience and being naïve… and I know it’s not. I just want to come off the subject all together. So I ignored all that he was saying.

“Yes we can go into something for sure! I’m sorry baby”. He tells me apologetically.

“I totally got it.” I let him know.

So tell me, how was your Christmas?’ he asked. “Did you have a nice day baby?”

“It was all good; my day was filled with thoughts of you.” I told him.

“Yes I know the feeling well.” He informs me. “Can I ask you something? You have sent me several pictures. But the one you posted is my favorite and if I look long enough… I can taste your kiss and the softness of your lips… That picture makes me want to kiss you so bad…”

I did not want to go there either; I don’t want to think of him loving Paige. I just want to completely enjoy him tonight without any thoughts of Paige and him gone. I don’t want any interference, not tonight… I have waited all day to be with him and I just want his complete attention on me. So again I ignored his statement.

So I ask him, ‘so tell me about the photos you sent me?”

“Ok ask anything… I will tell you.” He said.

“You seem so full of life; where is that mountain you were standing on? I asked.

“Btw it’s hard to find pictures of me! I mean I’m the one taking them usually! And I don’t do any social media… he wanted me to know. “I was in Colorado visiting a really good friend that is lawyer out there.”

“And the picture on the rock is the same place… I was waiting for him and his family… to finish a trail… anyway… I raced ahead on my horse to take pictures of them finishing this long hard ride. That’s my nigga!”

In between his telling me all this, I interjected, “your doggy reminds me of a dog we use to own…. And that’s my favorite.” {Referring to his picture on the rock.}

I’m so lousy with conversation; it’s unbelievable. I want to comment on his “nigga” word and his riding but he was writing so fast and I got way behind from reading what he was telling and trying to comment. After all this time I was still on his face on the rock. :).

“You look really, really look good; and those eyes… ooooh baby… baby.’ I commented.

“I love him and he is really sweet… a good boy”. He wants me to know.

He then tries to explain the picture on the rock seeing that I was so mesmerized with it…

“I laid on that rock because I was all sweaty and it looked like the coolest place to relax at the moment…. I dropped my keys in the water no long after that picture.” He laughed at the memory of it. Hahaha!! Not so relaxing! Good thing I was on a horse.”

I was quite enjoying all the stories of his adventures and I was again I was in admiration of him. He seems to live life to its fullest. And how I wish I could be a part of his life and share in all his wonder and delightful adventures. There goes the man of my dreams; and that’s the only place he is going to be.

And I wanted to know, ‘are these all recent?” I asked.

“In one picture I was with another guy… that was my brother… he died a few years ago… long sad story for another day. But I wanted to share something super personal.” He answered.

The one with my brother is the oldest… 2.5 years old. “He informed me. “The rest was in last year.”

And I moved on to the picture of him riding; what a poor conversationalist I am. And I like conversing so much. You’d think I would be better at it… but with him…i get so lost in thoughts and tonight I was really having a hard time staying focus.

“so you are a cowboy too? I asked him. “Am so sorry.” I told him. [About his brother}

“No silly… he said to me. “But I can ride a horse and have green broke a few.”

So isn’t that what constituted being a cowboy? I thought, laughing”

“It’s ok baby. Thank you,” he said to me being sorry about his brother.

I sent him three smiley faces. In reference to his explanation about not being a cowboy.

I raced motorcycles too… couldn’t find any pictures though… I’ll ask my sister she has tons… I’ll send you them when I get them;”

You do almost everything and anything!” I told him. “Me… nothing so outrageous.”

”well I just live… he told me. Life is short? So yeah… I try to live.

That’s good though.” I told him.

But baby… you are just starting…” he said observantly. “You only got one shot… make it count. Right?

“And I do admire you for it.” I let him know.

“But further, I love downtime… I like lying in the bed watching movies… hell yes.” He told me trying to make me feel equal and comforted, not so out-of-place seeing I was implying I would not be able to participate in his exciting and wild adventurous life.

Wow!!! He such a cool guy… there he goes trying to me feel good about my hobby of movies and reading.

Don’t know if I have the nerves or the guts.” I told him.

I have a long family history of being active,’ he told me trying to explain to me why is so active and adventurous. “But you don’t need either if you have trust.” He informs me. “If you trust me I will show you the world… but it will take lots of trust.” He let me know.

“Good for you, it shows,” I told him. “I think so too… lots. {Of trust}

“I am scared of nothing for real… He was saying. “I respect many things… that’s why I’m alive but fear nothing for the most part…. I just need a partner in… time… ha-ha! That’s perfect, we won’t do crime… so a partner in time! Someone to share life with… that want to experience it all!! Including movies in bed.”

I made a comment, “I don’t know why it’s s hard for me.”

I think I was still lagging way behind and it was in reference to our earlier conversation about having trust; {laughing} and it came after his speech about ‘partner in time’ and it was way out of context and of course misunderstood.

Because he says to me, “baby don’t let me mess you up… go with your heart and mind… I will always be respectful.”

So I said, a bit annoyed, “come on you are misunderstanding my comment again, please don’t go back there? I pleaded with him.

“We feel great to me… he was telling me. But I humbly know that I am only half of us… that is nothing…. I’m sorry,” he said about misunderstanding my comment.

“Why do you keep on threatening me with you out the picture? I asked him.

He said, “I can feel your hesitation… and as strong as I am… and can be… I don’t want to push anything. I’m sorry if I’m too sensitive… You know where I am… and what I want…

“I do” I told him.

About now I start to think, he is sensing my mood again, and he is saying all this stuff to me and I can’t and won’t be able to fulfill any his desires and dreams of me. He want this so bad. What am I doing to him? I need to stop this… he don’t deserve all my lies and deceits. God… I need to tell him.

I was fighting with myself…

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TO BE CONTINUED….

 

THE TWO WOLVES..

I had a story of the two wolves 🐺 that lives in you.. that I used to tell to my kids when they were misbehaving… 

one ☝️ was the bad wolf 🐺.. hate.. do everything bad…

The other one ☝️.. the good wolf 🐺.. love..do everything good..

You feed them every day.. they both fight for the food.. which one is the stronger one…

I would ask the question???? 

Which you think 💭 would win and survive… ? ?? 

I WOULD Like The ANSWER TO THAT QUESTION.. 

so please give me your answers.. 

please patronize me with this.. thank you 😊 all for participating.. 

ONLINE DATING:FIRST EXPERIENCE; part 3

 There goes my lies again, about the going to school; I am playing the part a little bit too well; I am digging my hole deeper and deeper. And Paige wanted to a doctor of some sort and she’s an A student; so it’s not all completely lies. 

So he text back, ‘actually you sound like a down to earth smart girl! I like it and at your age it’s all about education first… as it should be! And I love to cook too. I like anything where I can create… one of my passions is guitar. Been playing since I was about 10 years old. I love to read for the longest time and now I don’t read much. I guess it’s because I read quite a lot for work… idk. Anyway… it’s really nice to me “Wendy” your real name is different. Correct? Or were you playing with me at first.  So I have guitars everywhere… in my office I have on the wall of my bedroom too. And even at my hangar… it’s a release for me. Anyway… there is a little personal info for ya.  (Sent two photos of his guitars)

I thought oooh, my kind of guy; he is getting better by the minute. I do like guitars too…. Remembering I use to own one for a long time, although I did not learn how to play it too good.

 So I said, “oh wow!! Most amazing thing, I like guitars too. Back in elementary school I try the guitar in music class; I must admit my music is country… blame it on my aunt all about guitar.  So what is your favorite kind of food? Did I mention mom is Jamaican; she is Indian mix with Chinese. My real name is “Wakanita” means the lovely one. My mom maiden name is phoungpang

Ok so I went a little over board with the aunt and mom business. But I ‘m having fun with this sweet guy , I am liking him, and I want some more, I am not ready to stop just yet, he seems so very intriguing. And if I tell him or let him believe I am not Paige, he will disappear; and there is no harm in pretending a little. (no harm eh?? only a hour talking and I feel my self getting sucked in and my deception is only getting bigger and deeper… I’m so vulnerable and eagerly wanting more and I’m finding myself being swept away weaving a web of pure deception… and yet I refuse to confess my terrible deed…or let go and end this farce…)

So he responded, ‘What a beautiful name!! and I play all kinds of music…depends on my mood I guess… I like to sing and play it’s really relaxing. Ok so you are such a pretty combination of culture and aesthetic! And I love names that have a pretty meaning… ok my favorite food varies wildly on mood…I like a little of everything…if I had to pick one culture probably Italian…but I for real love tons of different foods…. And I love cooking creating new stuff…cooking can be such an art….

 Thanks for liking my name.. so you sing as well as playing . so fascinating; oh how I would love to hear you play and sing… I like Italian food too but my favorite is… wait I don’t think I have a favorite… maybe a nice juicy steak…..i don’t like Jamaican too much although I can cook it real good…and yes I like to search for recipes for a different ways of cooking [Symbol] maybe you can let me have some of yours so I can try them.

He said, ‘hmmm well I would love to taste some authentic  Jamaican’s…sure I love a great steak too……. You are super cute.

I asked him, ‘have you ever tried Jamaican food?’  Me? Super cute?

‘I don’t’ think I have,’ he answered, is it spicy?

Yeah, I told him.

Then he says,” yes your personality fits you; well I love spicy foods; I make a lemon and herb grill chicken that I put over a version of Cajun rice… it’s kind of spicy.”

I was there thinking, but this is not Paige, and she is far different from me, this is Wendy Wakanita. OMG!!! I’m getting in trouble, but I’m really enjoying this little conversation… I am…He seems to like everything I say and he is associating my personality to Paige’s face… ouch!!!  (I should just tell him.. but… omg!!! He’s going to be mad and disconnect me… I will tell him later… yes later)

 ‘Ooh sounds good,’ I told him.

So we will have to trade some recipes! That sounds fun’, he told me.

So I said to him, ‘well you will like curry chicken, stew beef ect.ect.   Yeah that sounds like fun.  I don’t like the same thing to eat everyday; you must be on lunch break to be able to talk to me this much?

He laughed, ‘haha actually I usually only work half a day mon-thurs. that’s about it unless I’m travelling;  if you stop texting I promise I’ll leave you alone… I kinda like getting to know you a little though.

Me… I’m home today so I’m trying to help mom with the cleanup… vacuuming, bathroom and so on… Not my favorite thing but…. It must be nice to have that luxury. Well as long as you are willing to play texting with me….. we are on.

(ooh my goodness, what am I saying and doing?)(

He said, ‘yeah I get it. Stuff has to get done. We all have it.

And I told him,’ and I want to know you or about you too; tell me…. A guy with your looks and charm must be taken.. Are you? Where do you travel to? Out of state or country? Give me one known building you did?

I was getting so very intrigued and fascinated by him. I like him, I thought. This is great. 

And he answered my question, ‘well I have been taken for a long time but it’s a sad story as to why I am lonely. I will spare you the details….. I for real am very outgoing and confident but usually share very little about my personal life… I haven’t the best luck, but I never dwell on it.

I thought, mmmm, sounds very married, but I don’t care right now, we are just texting buddies and I am going to respect his privacy and hopefully he won’t ask about mine. (that was a red flag for me to run and stop this…and I simply forget our first encounter, my first impression of him was totally dismissed. all I could see was… who he was portraying as now… and I like this side of him…)

That’s okay I understand I won’t asked again,’ I told him. ‘According to my aunt we always choose the wrong person to love. She knows, she‘s been married three times and still single. You seems like a great guy and humorous and I like that about you. And somehow from talking to you, it also looks like we have a lot in common…. So let’s continue on.

And we did…

And I meant every word, can’t believe that he has so much in common with me, he like everything I likes, how I wish I could tell him it’s not Paige that he’s talking to… but I don’t want to mess this up as yet, I’m liking him too much.

Ok, that sounds good! You totally just made me smile,’ he stated. “You seem super sweet and I am interested in more if you are. I will let you set the pace. (that statement only encourage more than anything else…I am in charge of this…Ha ha!!!)

‘How’s that?’ I asked. ‘Okay lover.’ I then said to him.

You just have a really relaxing way of communicating and I like it.’ He told me.

‘I’m glad.’ I said. (All smiles)

So he said, ‘so now I have a personal question…. I’m quite a bit older than you…. Does that bother you?

Oh boy… how do I answer this? I liked older men when I was younger

So I simply said, ‘no not at all.’

Then he continues, ‘you said 20s, I’m assuming early 20s.’

OMG I have to lie again…What am I getting myself into dear lord? [All these lies and deception is going to cost me big time].

So I said, ‘right.” And then I asked him, ‘does it bother you that I’m so much younger?’

Well here’s my deal… I live a very young lifestyle. I am a doer not a watcher… so I love downtime but can hang doing about anything. I’m in decent shape and I’m always doing something fun… so although many of my friends around my age I’m attracted to younger women because they can hang!  No it doesn’t bother me… I base my thought and opinion how you act…and how we connect not age.

So he liked them young: sucks for me… (that just blows the idea of telling the truth right through the window.)

 I did not know how to comment on that, so I did not.  All I say to him was, ‘My mom says I am so much like my aunt, her two first husbands were much older than her.’ 

It was the truth to a degree, and I want him to know I understand him liking Paige; and if she was old enough I would definitely  recommend him to her. But again I want him for me too; Ooh he seems so delicious. (I’m done for… my emotions are getting entangled.)

And he told me, ‘my dad was the same and my brother too… is it genetic? Ha-ha!! No idea… just a fact. Just depends where you are in life and how you live I guess… either way it’s not a problem for me.’

I started to say something. Then try to delete it but sent it by mistake, ‘ really now or maybe you,….. So I apologize, ‘sorry…. Well there is no problem then … we both agree.

 No problem at all, he said.

Good for me, I let him know.

He says, ‘me too.’

 I will share if you like and he sent me two photos of him; one with him playing the guitar and one with a girl and a guy with him. 

I like them and to me he is so damn gorgeous, I got a thrill from seeing him in those pictures; I was not even thinking of anything right there but how much I am enjoying  this cute and amazing guy so I have try to match his gifts; I didn’t even think of what I was about to do was going to cost me big time and the consequences of my action,…. My big deception, I really dive in the deep end; therefore sealing my fate.

So I sent him a few pictures of Paige; one by herself, one with Abraham and one with me.

You are so pretty, he said. Then he asks if he could send one without his shirt.

I told him to send it.

He sent two; and boy wasn’t I excited to see that beautiful sexy chest of his we all know I go crazy over a nice chest…  I’m thinking… ooooh lala!!!! Baby baby, I would, I could, and my mind went off wandering….. 

I said, ‘ooooh very sexy.’

That’s me For whatever its worth, he said to me.

Its worthy.’ I claimed.

I love your smile!!! He commented on my ( paige’s) pictures.  (i cringed a little.. but knowing I’m the one giving him that visual…

Thanks, says me. ……I was not too pleased that he liked Paige so much, but I started this so I have to deal with it…..

Are you a happy person in general? He asked. Your smile looks genuine.

I said to him, ‘I just like you.’ The truth of course. Then I answered his question, ‘yes I am happy and love to laugh.’

And I do… Paige not so much…. But I am always happy and smiling or laughing.

He then said to me. ‘You seem like a happy person. I like that… oh and the first picture… if you were trying to look super sexy… it worked!

I said, ‘I was and thanks.’…… good thing he couldn’t see my casual reaction or hear my tone. To be quite frank I was a little bit envious of Paige. I want him to like me and I wished right there that it was possible. I was tempted to tell him right there but somehow I fear he would stop talking to me and I wanted some more of him. How selfish and foolish of me. 

 Mmmm my pleasure! He said.

And so I told him, “you are hilariously delicious.”

 He laughed and said, ‘ha-ha that’s a first I can only hope you holdup my picture with one hand later[Symbol]Ha-ha!!! 

 I was laughing so hard because he just read my mind; I was already fantasizing about that beautiful chest;… oh boy oh boy. All but a dream because I am not Paige.

So I sent a picture o john and Ayden. And I said to him, ‘that my company,’ (I meant cousin)

So I corrected myself and told him, ‘that’s my cousin john and his baby, the Irish one.  I had to divert to something else.

Your company? He said.  Oh yeah ok; I remember you telling me about him; bad temper; I don’t forget.’

I said, yeah. And then I asked, ‘are you bad-tempered too?

He said, ‘well although the Irish seems to get a free pass on the temper thing…. I think that’s bullshit. I can have a bad temper, but it takes a ton to set me off…. I’m not an angry person.

 I sat there thinking, he keeps on gets better and better by the minute, wow!! My kind of guy. (i was so  intrigued by him… instead of me trying to figure a way out of my lies I’m here liking him more… I couldn’t see pass my nose…)

My aunt says it’s an Irish trait.’ I told him; and then I let him know it was good to know that he is not an angry person.

 He then went on to explain,” yeah I hear that a lot but it seems to me that most people have a bad temper it’s a matter of how you have to push them to get it out… I’m a guy…. If someone really wants a fight I won’t back down… but I don’t get pissed over stupid stuff.

I told him, ‘I like you…’    and I honestly did, if he was describing his self truthfully then I like him… he’s super perfect.

He said awwww!!!! I like you too.’  “I’m not sure if you are in over your head. Only you can decide that pretty girl. But I’m sure enjoying getting to know you.

I did not respond to that, I did not know exactly what to say……

I asked him, what month is your birthday? Mine is in February.’  (So is Paige’s)

He told me April, “Taurus ha ha! Explains a lot doesn’t it?

He then sends me two more pictures of his hangar; one with a guitar on the wall and other one, outside with a jeep.  Told you I had one at the hangar too[Symbol]

And I continued with our conversation, ‘ my other cousin that is in the second picture of me is Taurus he is the brother of the Irish and he’s definitely always happy. His father is Chinese.’ ‘Wow! You really like guitars.’ I said to him in respond to the pictures he sent.

All these lies and make believes; I was slowly heading for a big fall. Little did I know?

Then he said to me, ‘what a cool mix of relatives you have! And so thank you nice cousin for helping the irish out.’

It’s my auntie’s influence,’ I told him.

Well, it’s one of those things I can enjoy almost anywhere… and my hanger is a great place to play and sing… good reverb because it a big room with high ceilings and concrete floors you know? That’s a good thing! He responded to my comment.

So I said, ‘ I like that you enjoy life and make the most of it.’

Well I try! Thanks!, he stated, ‘maybe we will share a little piece of life. Who know? If not…. You are a pretty cool texting buddy so far.’

 So I told him, ‘ you have a passion and you live it every day. I want to create something like that for myself.’  You are just too nice,’ I said to him. 

And I meant it; I liked him more and more, I getting very impressed with him. He sounds so excitable and full of passion for everything he does.

Then he told me, ‘to me it’s how life should be, my family has seen terrible tragedy, I refuse not to live. You are super sweet baby.  So tell me what close friends and family call you and what should I call you. Please.’

 I told him, ‘wendy or wak.’

And do you have a preference?’ he asked.

Wendy, I say, ‘or maybe …. Some form of endearment… like  “pretty girl”.’ And I smiled. 

I was feeling quite pleased, talking to him, forgettingg a little that I am not being truthful, getting so caught up with over conversation, enjoying knowing him and feeling a little excited just talking to him.

Then he said, ‘if I were going your use your name I would use my own version… just because you are super sweet and it seems to fit…. ‘NITA’… it rolls off the tongue and sounds sweet anyone calls you that. Well pretty girl fits for sure!’

I was smiling very sweetly loving his nickname for me. I like it,’ I told him, ‘ to you I’ll be ‘NITA’. 

If he could have only seen the smile on my face?

Me too, it fits you to me… and I would like to use at least part of your real name because it’s so beautiful,’ he said.

 Oh thank you,’ I goes.

‘Sure pretty girl!! Just my 2 cents,’ he told me.

And I come back with, ‘you 2 cents worth a million dollars to me.”  I was so pleased I was smiling so widely.

‘Awwww!!! You are so sweet Nita!’ He claimed.

“you are the sweet one,’ I told him.

Then he told me, ‘I sure have enjoyed getting to know you today! It was nice! And I’m really glad we seem to get off to batter start!

We talked some more… and more we talked  the more I was caught up in my lies and deception… and every time I say I have to come clean he said something else  for me to be so glad he doesn’t know it’s me behind the texting… and i find myself so enthralled…and all I could think about is the next time we talked…

 

TO BE CONTINUED…….

 

ONLINE DATING: Misconceptions.

I CAME ACROSS THIS ONE CONNECTION… HE STATE ON HIS POST,”Putting this out there and see who looks. We all have needs and by no means do I sleep around but…. Cute girls apply.”….

I thought it was funny so I placed a comment that I would like to put in my application… Even though I’m not cute… 

Of course he responded and I asked for what I’m applying for and the requirements and I would like to see if I have the credentials to qualify for the position..

He didn’t hesitate in letting me know that it’s to take care of him sexually…we continued talking and share a few pictures..
I always play along… humorously..because this is the expectation from these guys… and I have accepted this behavior without judgement.. because I know .. I do have the choice to ignore.. if I dont like..

Well.. after all that lingo and conversation we had.. him making it clear what he’s about.. he post this…”Is anyone serious on this App. Maybe and I say that loosely that I may have met one person that is real and not playing games.”
Now.. I’m here thinking, how very contraditing is this..
Was that a test he put me through.. hahahaha… if so.. I guess I failed.. I wasn’t expecting any decency.. from him.. and.. I am so glad I didn’t get too deep in with him… even though I dont know him personally and I had deleted him because I was not really serious, I was just playing along with him; I was not going to entertain his sexual behavior…

It just goes to show.. how sometimes.. not everyone is what you assume them to be…
so it’s best to be yourself other than trying to play the games of someone else…

So what could be a really good connection.. Maybe… If I didn’t try to be funny and thinking of playing his game…was messed up.. And lost..

Obviously…he left having the wrong impression of me.. The one I gave him… 

TO YOURSELF BE TRUE… 

ONLINE DATING

DATING ONLINE… I WAS ALWAYS WEARY ABOUT THE GUYS THAT GOES ON ONLINE TO FIND DATES, I ALWAYS THOUGHT SOMETHING MUST BE WRONG WITH THEM FOR THEM TO HAVE TO SUCCUMB TO GO ONLINE TO FIND GIRLS.

Yes,  there are so much scammers these days… the catfishes; who think and find it funny to play tricks. The mean and nasty ones;.. who nobody wants to know in real life… The lazy ones.. who don’t work and the ones who just wants a good time sexually.

There might be a bunch of different reasons, but I stopped to think…. here I am looking online for connections and conversations… and I am a good, honest,  and nice girl. I am none of the above…  and I don’t want anyone to think otherwise. So…why am I being judgemental? Why am I on here? nothing is wrong with me, it’s just a way for me to find someone to talk to and meet easily and get to know without going out there competing with every beautiful girls for one guy attention.

This way, I can get to know the fundamental parts of him and decide if I should meet him. He has the same option and deleting and blocking him is also available if he is not suitable to my liking.

So… I have changed my opinions about guys who choose online to find dates. If I am a good person and I’m here online doing what I originally thought was bogus, then there must be some good guys on here too, trying for the same reasons I am.

We just have to use our good judgements and figure out which ones is worth hooking up with and which ones to disregard. It’s just the era we live in…technology rules now.. everything is just digital orientation.

IT’S JUST MY INTAKE AND OBSERVATION… AND WANTS TO SHARE MY OPINIONS ON THE SUBJECT.