This is my own personal choice and reaction.. that I’m not seeking advice or permission or even understanding…

But I want to share my story.. even though I expect to meet a lot of criticism and opposition to my choices And to my over reaction to something that is really “None of my Business “…. And to something that is not “My place to have a legit reason to defy…”

So here goes..


I have a granddaughter.. my son’s first baby ; my only granddaughter.. her mother is not the best of choice in my opinion…

But it’s my son choice:

She from West Virginia.. we are from Florida…

They lived with me for a year before getting pregnant….

They went to West Virginia to have this baby..

I understand her choice….it’s her home and her parents are there.. every girl needs mom and dad around for times like this..

I had feared at first that I would have lost my son because he would have chosen to stay in West Virginia..


I understand his choice…it was his girl and his baby…

They spent five months and then they returned home with baby..I was very thrilled to get my son back home and very happy to have my granddaughter close..

She was two months old..

And they decided to come home because they wanted a baby sitter while they worked..

And I was more than willing to oblige..I didn’t think twice before I said yesss..

She was only two months when she came home.. she was not doing too well.. mom was feeding her bottle food.. adding cereal to he bottle..

which she couldn’t digest.. not feeding her on time..

Making her sleep for hours without waking her up to feed… it took a few weeks to convince her that she is hurting her baby’s health and that all she requires is just her formula..

She even stopped breastfeeding the poor baby because she ( mom) didn’t like it ..

I ended up having her more than they do over the next six months.. and I got to treat her and get her on a Right diet..

Mom is very lazy….

So I take up the responsibility of making sure everything for my granddaughter is taken care of..

If I didn’t wash her dirty laundry .. they wouldn’t be done..I had to walk behind them pick up Her clothes off their bedroom floor…

Be the bottle police ..to ensure that all her use bottles is always clean and sterilized regularly…

I was so afraid of her getting sick… I had to make sure her thermos is kept full of hot water for her bottle…

I watched my granddaughter progress with age from sitting up to rolling over.. crawling.. and then creeping…

I stayed up with her night after night while they worked till 2am in the morning…I didn’t mind because she wasn’t any trouble except that she wouldn’t sleep until they get home..

I understand … because every baby needs their parents especially at nights.. she was healthy and happy..

So after six months I became so attached to her.. she was apart of my daily routine….but I knew mom and dad was her comfort and happy place…

But mom didn’t take enough time with her.. she was always out or sleeping and when dad is around he has full responsibility while she either sleep or do whatever she pleases..

She doesn’t clean .. not her bedroom.. not the bathroom/ toilet…

My son enables her .. and when I try to say something about her behavior to him and complain that she needs to a mom.. he shuts me down asking me not to talk negatively about his girl..

So I stopped because I do understand why he asked me to stop…

I just keep on doing what needs to be done trying not to complain Over the months..

I accept how things are and even though occasionally I lash out for most part i just keep doing and know it is not going to change..

I still look at baby when needed..and I continue to do what is needed to be done…

And then at eight months when baby is knowing people and sticking more to mom and dad

Mom announced that she is going home for a vacation with baby..

I understand and encourages her visit.. after all it’s baby grandparents.

But then everything changes when she tells me that she is going to leave baby with her mom for approximately two weeks in West Virginia without her or dad around…


My reaction and my feelings about her decision next..


….. I was quite upset with the fact that she didn’t give me that money .. especially when I had to find another way of funding for this outstanding bill…

I tried to stay calm but my emotions was very obvious.. and everything started to bother me…

I became very bitchy… and very grumpy…

My son was becoming the target of my gripes because I know If I had to address her personality I couldn’t and wouldn’t be nice…

One evening my son came out and was joking about things of the past and I was very amused at first and played along with him until he touched that very sensitive subject…

It sparks that fire that was building in me and I completely exploded..

I got so loud and I went off angrily…

and I repeated myself about the money she refuses to give..


can go tanning and eat out everyday..

And yet she claims she can’t afford to pay me what’s I’m due….

Like the water and electricity she uses run on air.. or like I don’t have to pay a mortgage for this house monthly..

Like how she come. Living in here scotch free .. freeloading her ass on everything that I paid for to own…

Acting like she’s entitled and like I owes her freeloading ass a living…

Leaving trails of mess behind her for me to clean up like I’m the maid in my own house…

And when I asked for the bare minimum to help me with all she extra bills she racked up..

I’m mean and nasty and money hungry…

I said all that and more…

my son quickly went to his room.. knowing that…. from experience… when I reached this point of fury.. there is no calming me..

And that I will say everything and more until I feel satisfied…

I stopped and went to my room.. so angry.. that i wanted to run away from it all…

I woke up next day.. still not too happy.. but a little calmer…

Over the next few days I became silent trying to regain my sweet composure…


Her birthday was on the 10th…

On the day in question , my son came to me asking if I could watch the baby because they want to go out to celebrate,,,

I refused.. thinking … pleasingly that I would get back at her some and she would have to stay home with baby…

Haha 😆

The joke was on me…

A couple hours later Abraham came with baby asking me to play with her a little..

I told him to let miss Ting deal with her baby today…

There he informs me that she went out with her friends to celebrate..

MISS TING… actually thinks her birthday was so much more important than staying with her baby..

I chuckled.. in disbelief.. and I look at my son and shake my head… telling him that he really is enabling her and spoiling her ass..

I took my granddaughter and I played with her and was convinced that MISS TING is clearly not responsible enough to be a mother…

I see and realized that I have to assist my son with her until she gets older…

But it left a gnawing feelings in my gut that I am stuck with MISS TING… and god knows I really don’t know how I am going to tolerate her for much longer…

I will have to sacrifice my son and my granddaughter and lose both.. which creates great anxieties in me thinking… can I!!!????

We’ll just have to wait and see… and pray for an answer to this dilemma…




Why does these individuals think they are entitled or thinks everyone owes them a living….

I’m dealing with a bad case of freeloading… and I’m kinda backed in a corner of wall and hard place…

let’s call her Miss Ting….


Miss Ting came in life and my home when my son decided that he’s in love with her and bring her back home to Florida with him from Montana….

I welcome her and invited her in my home…

I told my son I’m going to charge her and him to stay here… he wasn’t quite pleased.. firstly he said he will pay me everything I asked…

I told him no way…

She’s not going to live here for free…

So they both started to work and at first they give me what I asked…she was here for nine months and got pregnant…

But I have big issues with her housekeeping..

she don’t…

she created more mess than anything and don’t clean up .. the rooms they occupied was becoming a huge pile of trash and filth..

I’m under the impression that she doesn’t know how to clean and that mess is her norm…

I complain .. I grumbled… I asked..

And my son has to be the one to get it in order everytime..

Let me not mention the bathroom… because I ended up having to clean it up every time…

I was getting really Annoyed and agitated with her and this mess she created…

But.. I tried to not say much to her because she shuts me out.. very non responsive.. and I didn’t want to ask her to leave because my son seems very much in love 🥰 with her…

Miss Ting has access to all my appliances..

All my pots and pans..

All my plates, cups…utensils…

Everything in the house is all mine

and I pay a monthly mortgage ..

The soap she washes her clothes with.. in my washing machine and dryer… I buy..

Toilet paper.. toothpaste…towels.. sheets..

I supplied…

And she comes and she uses without reservation..or guilt…

She was giving me what I requested so I did not mind so much..

I was happy and tried to ignore her mess.. until she went back home to West Virginia.. to her mommy and daddy to have her baby,..

My son went with her…

I had mixed feelings about him leaving..

I was glad to see her go but I missed my son and I feared him not coming back home..

They stayed away four months and I prayed that he come back home…

( But Sometimes you have to be very careful with what you pray for… because god answers prayers..

and you might just get what you pray for..)

So they return with baby…in September…

She immediately went back to work…

My son’s car wasn’t working so he decided to wait a while before going back to work…

and help me along with getting used to the baby…and getting his car in working condition…

Okay.. September rolls off and I let it go without mentioning I need some payments for extra expenses..

Come October I decided to mention to her that our previous arrangements is still in effect and I need that money by the end of the month….

After some debate about not knowing or thinking she was still responsible for giving me that money..

….and me reminding her of all the extra utilities and stuff she’s racking up.. we decided on November 1st…which was a definite date…

With Abraham not working and unable to play his part of contributions I was counting on her money to cover an outstanding bill..

I leave it at that.. and I struggled with her mess and her neglect of her baby all month…

I ended up washing and sterilizing the baby bottles… every day..

I took responsibility of washing the baby’s clothes…

She doesn’t.. so I do it…

And I find myself ending up with baby even when she’s home.. so I refuse to be responsible for the baby whenever she’s off…

But.. my son ended up with the responsibility… it irritates and annoys me…and I try to keep out of their personal affairs until it starts to affects me.. whereas I’m expected to keep her while they goes out..

I then become belligerent …

And so they realize I was not happy with their attitude…

So now with all that happening during the month of October…. come November the first.. I reminded her by text of our agreement….

She has the nerves to let me know that she won’t be able to pay me with a long list of excuses and reasons..

I plainly tell her that all her reasons is none of my concern and that I need my money today…

We went back and forth for five minutes with me telling and reminding her of all that she’s been using up and what it’s been costing and that nothing is free..

Of course I still came out the loser..and I was mad 😡 and furious…

I want her out of my house but my son and his baby prevented me from asking her to leave..

I know if she goes so does the baby and I didn’t want to put Abraham through that emotional pain…

So miss Ting is getting a free pass because of my son and his baby…

I am not in the least happy with her at all…

I am thinking and thinking of ways to get around this situation that I find myself in..

I’m really confused..




Perturbed …. ect.. ect..




How should a mother feel when her children hurt her feelings and make her cry because she has the nerves to ask for a little financial help…

How should she react when her son.. says to her..

” leave me alone.’.. Why do I need to take care of you.. I no longer live with you… you are not my responsibility..”

This is the same son you worked two jobs and sacrificed your life life for..


it was your duty because you bring him in this would so it wasn’t a favor your were doing him.. it’s was your obligations..

And you did your very best to make sure he’s okay.. you gave him everything you could.. just to make him happy and have a good life…

Now life has changed for you.. you find that you can’t really work anymore due to disabilities you developed..

But God has been good.. he allows it to happen when he is grown and out of school… and able to work so you don’t have to worry about him anymore….

He moved out.. a different state..

you are able to collect disability.. but it only covers the mere essentials.. .. Mortgage.. utility… not much left to even Buy groceries with..

so you ask for help.. and his reaction this … ” leave me alone..”

He has helped in the past.. and you are so appreciative and makes you warm with pride … your son is coming through for you…

But then he’s becoming so mean… saying the meanest things..

And you want to just stop asking.. stop taking..

You want to leave him alone..

but.. you know you need that help financially…

And has a mom .. it hurts so badly.. to hear your son talks to you like that… as if you are the biggest burden to him.. as if you disgust him .. to be asking for more.. .

And even worse when you have have no other choice…. and you wish you did.. wish you didn’t need his help…

And you can’t help but wonder…

How could he stop loving you..

how could he not realize that it’s only because you only have him to ask.. because you have no other choice…

You have tried all your life and you have never predicted that this phase of your financial situation would ever occurred…

but life happens… and unpredictable situations occurs….and you just have to hope that it gets better..

And as much as you are hurting you can’t give up or give in… ..

and you pray for your son asking god to keep him safe and healthy.. and you keep on loving him just the same..


It was always your choice to have that precious baby who gave you such tremendous joy…

You did your best by him..

But once an adult and he’s wean from you..

You are no longer responsible for his actions or how he sees life..

and if he chooses to distant himself from you.. you just have to accept it and keep on moving forward…

As a mother.. we never want to let go of our babies..and we try so hard to hold on to them….

But.. the ties have broken when they becomes a man….

So you just have to harden your heart and live with that emptiness after they flew the coop..

How should a mother feel ..its just a mom’s sorrow..


On reaching the dining Area… they realize they were too late for brunch.. They will have to wait for the next meal time…

They took a walk to the pool area.. was a little warm. So they went back inside.. wander about some more.. nothing much was taking place.. everyone was just sitting around enjoying each other company. Chitchatting And relaxing ..

So they headed back upstairs to lounge around and enjoy each other company without interference…

They got in the room.. and went straight into the bed.. she hugged him and they rolled around a little .. giggling and teasing tantalizing each other.. until they both give in a another round of exhilarating love making… he felt so invigorate and totally sated… he was a little surprised just how much he was enjoying this luscious and vibrant woman..

They lie in each other arms just too exhausted.. too comfortable… and much to relaxed to move..

they chitchat a little.. enjoying the feel of each other body and the warmth it creates… they both drift off to sleep.. and he woke up to see her facing him just looking at him intently .. she smiles at him and brush her lips against his and then kiss his cheek.. and said ..

“I’m kinda hungry.. let’s go try again.”

He smiles back and nodded in response… and got up and headed to the shower.. he stopped at the The door.. turned and ask her …

“Are you coming???!!!” ….

She smiles and jumps up eagerly .. and join him.. she followed him in and they both got in the shower..

He teasingly splash her with cold water and see screams and laughing out loudly..

she was curled up against the wall trying to dodge the water… and he started laughing with her.. he then pulled her to him .. hugging her.. pressing her voluptuous breast to his chest..

he started to kiss her as the warm shower fell on them..

she was very responsive to his kiss and started to make little pleasure moaning sounds as she tried to press even closer into him pushing him against the wall… she felt him responding to her as his kisses set her flame of desire ablaze… igniting and heightening all her senses…

he lifted her legs to his hips and they again enjoy each other bodies..

she cum with such a intense force that left her shaking and jerking uncontrollably… calling out his name and begging him not to stop..

This send him over the top making him spurt his load filling her …

They finally finish their shower and got ready and once again headed downstairs to fill their appetite ..

they were famished … for food.. they have built up quite an appetite… but was fully satisfied sexually…

He was so glad he accepted her invitation to spend the day with her.. ….

They again mingled with the crowd.. and he got the chance again to be introduced those members that he didn’t before..

Her sisters were again were looking at them knowingly… and she seems to have boastingly confess their sexual encounters to them… because they turn to him and said..

” Be careful what you guys are doing up in that room.. no baby making now..”

One of them wink at him… and give him that sheepishly smile…

He blushed a little.. looked at sandy… lean in kiss her on the cheek.. whispering…

” you didn’t..???!!!” Then asking her if she wanted a drink…

She giggles and smiles at him.. throwing her backwards and up in a delightful manner.. he couldn’t But noticed just how beautiful she really is.. and he felt an emotional rush runs through him… he experienced a slight tremor..

she saw his reaction.. squeeze his hand.. reassuringly and answered him that that she would like that drink…

As he walked away he smiles reflecting on their love making sessions… he truly enjoyed her today…to him it was all just a casual day having some fun..


He couldn’t help but wonder if to her it was something more????!!!!

He got back with the drinks .. stood there silently… watching her interact with everyone… observing how delightfully happy she seems… she was glowing radiantly … beaming with smiles.. as she occasionally flashes a bright smile his way….

After a while he told her he was feeling a bit tired and was going to go back up and sneak in a nap….

He woke up much later than he intended. .. saw her curled up next to him fully dressed.. her back was to him.. so he just pulled up to as gently as he could not wanting to awake her.. he pulled her to him in a spooning position.. throw his arm around her waist.. buried his nose in her hair sniffing and taking in her sweet scent.. and then nuzzled his cheek against her head..

He lay there.. enjoying the warmth of her body.. listening to her even breaths…. and feeling so good to just lie there with her in his arms…

He drifted off to sleep very relaxed and content.. no other place he’d rather be…..





When do you know when to let go of people that has been apart of your life for as long as you are alive..???

(Example.. relatives… siblings.. friends..)

All my life I have been treated with such distaste by my sisters and relatives..

I have suffered so much indignity. And live through so much indifference.. so much I became apathetic…

I never had much friends in my life.. and my sisters used to shun me and treated me as if they are so much smarter and better than I was…

And I actually allowed them to.. I give them control over me.. I think I was hoping if I give in they would accept me as a part of their group.. and I remember wanting so much to be …


All that happens was they just make fun of me.. I was like their biggest joke..

And how did I respond to all that..

by withdrawing more.. and hiding myself behind closed doors.. feeling sorry for myself.. trying to figure out why am I so different.. why can’t they like me..

As I get older I learn how to be a loner.. I eventually find a friend or two..which lasted to this day…

And I have learned to let go of all that mistreatment.. and try to have a normal relationship with my sisters..


I guess old habits are hard to let go.. because I still see them treating me with the same attitude.. which I mostly ignored..

I have changed..

why can’t they..

as adults.. our lives are almost on the same level..

I was the first to achieve and accomplished progressively… due to a very smart choice… I got married to my friend… and so I was in the position to help them both until …

they eventually did too.. yet they still look down at me as if they are way above me…

And the funniest thing is .. I still try to get their approval.. still try to win their friendship and love..


I come to realize that it’s a losing battle..


decides it’s time to let go of them.. they will never see me as equal or has someone to be proud of…

They are always gonna look down on me..

I don’t need them in my life…

Do I..??? Nah….

I have talked to my friends about my decision.. of course they all disagreed with me and my reasons..

And as much as I can understand and value their opinions and arguments..

I stand by my choice.. I think it’s for the best for me..

if I don’t have to interact with them… there will be no reason for me to think about them.. therefore all this feelings of rejection.. unloved.. unacceptance … will no longer affects me…

We have to do what we think is right for us….and I do think this is right for me..

I’m letting go of them.. I’m freeing myself.. cutting the ties that bind…

I have overcome it all by myself… without their help.. and if they could have been of assistance to me.. they’d refused…

I have grown.. I have learned … and I have accomplished..

I don’t need any ones permission to walk away.. and stay away… or to let go….

I’m content in who I am and where I have reached.. I have everything I need to be completely happy..

I have been duly blessed..with valuable friends and two amazing children

So I’m choosing to let go of everything that’s negative.. and only take time for all the positive influences in my world..



He had a lay over in Houston.. and he takes the time to talk to a few friends..

It took another hour or so to touch down on his home town… he just got off the plane and was heading towards home.. he had again bought a little gift for his little friend.. so he texted his girl and asked. Teasingly..

“Who’s up fo sno-cone.. tomorrow..???? Whoop whoop!!!..”

Her respond was that she has to find her way to Affordable… and she hopes her sister is able to take her..

So he inquired what she needs there..???!!!

She then informed him that she found out that they got “BED BUGS…” and she is getting rid of most of her furniture and she needs to replace them..

Ooh my God… wtf… on top of everything else roaches and cats and mess.. now BEDBUGS…

She was sending long texts telling him of what’s she’s doing… what she is getting rid of..

making it seems like she’s throwing out everything. Couch .. beds.. chairs..

And he wondering why is being so overly dramatic And why is she getting rid of good furniture that can be treated and kept…

Her bed wasn’t infected.. or is it… and how is she going to afford to replace all that on her budget…

He regained his composure from this shocking news..

and he all of a sudden was feeling that he can’t be anywhere near her or her house right now..

he was building up a phobia of transferring them to his car and his home.. he was treating it like the plague…

All that mess she created and accumulated in that house..

she has every rodent and insect living with her.. she offers the comfort of a home for them.. the perfect environment for breeding..

When is enough going to be enough for him to walk away.. . I guess this is it..

he found himself itching and his skin feels like they are crawling all over him.. He shudders in disgust.. with the thought of them all over In her home …

She sent a photo of her mom’s chair …

For months???!!!

And how could it be that bad and she never noticed… doesn’t she cleans mom’s chair occasionally…

And he shudders again.. uughh!!! Eww 😷.. he couldn’t even look on it too long… when he thinks he has been to her home.. sit in that couch.. and she’ has these bedbugs.. crawling all around..

He starts to itch again..

A thought occurred to him.. here she was giving him the details of it all.. without shame or reservations..

Not caring how it makes her look to him.. like its the most natural thing in the world..

He finds himself a little annoyed that she allows this to happen and he became a little mean and harsh with his comments and answers..

And she has the nerve to be talking about giving people some baby belongings she has with a crib..

He asked her if she’s out of her damn mind.. because they for sure would be fully infested .. and how would she want to transfer them to someone else’s home …

“Toss them.. out.”..

“Nobody in America wants used baby clothes.. have you ever seen any baby section in all the thrift stores and the goodwill stores you have been to..????!!!

Nah!!! Get rid of them girl..”

She was so offended by his comments and got so offensive…

she texted back telling him she is the only one who can decide what to keep.. and what to discard… because it’s hers..

and she not going to Toss good clothes out.. and that she’s selling the crib..

He just shook his head and laugh out loudly…

And then she has the nerves to imply and suggested that he could be the one to bring them in her house…


He address the comment immediately and tell her don’t she dare suggest that he were in any way responsible for such.. Because she is only messy friend he have… and I’m are hoping I didn’t bring any home with me….the last time I were there…

And he let her know if she was cleaning as she should have been..

She wouldn’t be facing this calamity and try to pass on the blame to him of all persons…

He then decided to leave her to own decisions.. but he won’t be going by any time soon…

She was way out of line with that implication… how could she have even think of making that remark to him..

Bedbugs!!!?? He thinks as he made a face of disgust 🤭🤢😑😬

She can stay with them.. one thing for sure. She wouldn’t be seeing him this trip..

He went through the afternoon fuming at her allegation.. and as he sits there shaking his head and thinking.. she got the nerves ..

he got a text from one of his girls.. Sandy… he haven’t talk to her for a while.. so he called and she invited him over the next day asking him if he wants to accompany her to a celebration for her relatives at the Marriott hotel…

He Gladly accepted her invitation… it was surely a welcome distraction right now…

They spoke for a little catching up with each other.. and after he hung up he felt so much better… he was even smiling with the anticipation of a good day tomorrow….that he lost his anger with that girl of his…

He finally settled down and turned in for the night… He drifted off to sleep thinking of sandy remembering how much fun she was in the past and hoping to rehash some of that Funtime come tomorrow…





He got back to his desert life… and somehow felt more at home here… he breathed a sigh of relief and find himself feeling.. this is where he belong..

Nothing was back home for him anymore… he gets himself settled in ..he had the evening off.. so he took a short nap.. then gets up to eat something.. he wonders around camp a little trying to pass time and reflecting back on his past week back home…

He was not really angry.. but it really disturbed him that his girl treated him so cold and shabby… he then smile with the thought that he is losing his touch… He shakes his head… and wonder if it’s his feelings waning for her…why he fails to be able to get her to want him.. because he really didn’t put out that much effort in convincing her or seducing her…

He was feeling slightly rejected.. but should he be feeling this.. or is it just his ego that is bruised…

And Yas ..

he concluded that she is a little deceptive. And not very honorable… but better she shows her true colors now than wait till he’s emotionally invested..

He’s a little bit disappointed but not affected by her…

…..and Terri..

shaking his head he sighs and giggles to himself…. she got some mickey Ds out of him .. but he comes up short on the return…

oooh well.. it’s all behind him now and he came back as dry as the desert..

Feeling a little despondent and a little weary he slowly headed back to his room… he got in bed turn on a little music to soothe his wandering thoughts and it didn’t take him long to drift off to sleep..

The following week was busy .. but he made a couple new friends.. one a Mexican beauty name Beyoncé..

And a Russian guy name Oleg…

He spent a lot of his free time with Beyoncé.. and getting to know her was a thrill…

she was witty and charming.. and easy to like… it was not a love connection but he looks forward to spend time with her all week..

Come the weekend she invited him to hang out with her and some of her crew members.. and he accepted and had a ball… she made him feel like he has been apart of her group.. she included him in every conversation and sit with him exclusively all evening..

At the end of the night he went to his room smiling.. thankful that he made really great connection.. He was moving forward in his new surroundings and his new life…

The following week though she left for her time off.. and he sure miss her company…

Oleg also left.. he has a family so he was glad to go…

It’s his turn when they return next week.. and although he has nothing much to look forward to… he will be making the trip back home.

He was thinking that he may extend his stay long next time… and maybe he can coincide his time off with his Mexican beauty.. he was feeling really good about having her as a friend.. she’s so outgoing and much fun..

It makes this desert come to life for him..

He tried to bury himself into what he’s doing to ward off his boredom and not to miss Beyoncé too much…

He tells himself If he keeps his mind occupied the week will run off before you know it..

He has been corresponding with his girl here and there.. she has been texting him and keeping him informed of her daily activities.. boasting how she has been cleaning and getting her home organized.. she was very proud of her progress it seems…


She always ends with how much all this industrious activity is affecting her..

oooh the pain.. can’t move.. so sore..

and then she complains how she’s the only one doing it.. and how she has to take interval break to ease all the severe discomfort it causes..

He tried to be encouraging with his comments but he wasn’t sure why she takes so much pride in telling him all this.. he was somewhat confused though…

Does she wants his praise on a job well done or his sympathy and empathy for her ailments that she always develops after such jobs…

And quite frankly he really didn’t believe she was doing as much as she claims because she keeps going over the same areas in her story each day…

how can one place always gets so messy that she has to be constantly cleaning the same area over and over again..

He has to question her motives in claiming and relating to him her accomplishments on a daily basis…

what is she trying to accomplish here..

impress him.. ???or she just wants to stay in contact with him and so she makes up all this about what she’s doing and how she’s feeling just for conversation.. knowing that he will always respond to her so she can feel connected to him…????

He shrugged it off because he wasn’t really too interested anyways.. he is really losing interest in her it seems… guess out of sight out of mind…

Another weekend is here and how he miss his friend Beyoncé.. she’ll be back Tuesday some time and he leaves out Wednesday morning early…

it has been a very busy week actually.. and he was ready for a break..

Come Monday he was called to the office.. he didn’t know what to expect.. when he got there.. a supervisor/ manager greets him..

He said.. “Cory.. I have an offer to put to you..”

He listened intently..

“We have a opening for a supervisor position in another location and we think you would be qualified for the position if you are interested..”

He was a little stunned at the suggestion and offer.. he has only been here for two months.. he is just getting used to this place and just starting to make friends..

As he sit there listening to him rattling on about the duties required and the increase in salary.. he felt enthusiastic about moving up..

but.. he was a little doubtful if he’s ready for leadership … but again they thinks it’s something he could handle…

He was snap out of his thoughts with him asking…

“What do you think Cory ?? Would you be interested in moving on to another location..??!!

He nodded and smile eagerly.. yes I would..

He got up shook his hands and tell him he would get the package to him to look over and give them his answer if he is willing to make the change..

He agreed..

He walked away with mixed feelings.. he was a little excited.. especially about the salary.. and he was feeling good that they have faith in him to recommend his for this position..

On the other hand..

can he really do this job.. he never had a managerial position before.. does he have that leadership persona to to be the boss and get the job done..

He’s willing to train for it .. but what if he decided it’s not for him..??

Does he want to take that risk???!! Of losing his job…

He really have to put some serious thought into this.. he’s quite happy where he’s at .. at the moment..

He spent all night thinking and thinking. About the pros and the cons.. but he don’t have to make a decision tonight… so he lay back and before he knows it he was asleep….

Next day is Tuesday .. it was really a tough busy day didn’t have much time to stop and think about Much…

when he got back to camp and went to get some dinner.. he was starving.. and exhausted.. it was a hot day..

As he walked in the cafeteria he saw Beyoncé.., she gleams at him waving her hands.. he walked over to her table sit down and greeted her with a smile…

“Welcome back girl… how was your time off.???….so glad to see you back … ”

She smile back at him and responded… telling him she had a good time. But it went much too fast…

He nodded in Agreement and jokingly stated that it went much too slow here.. “it’s been a long week and you weren’t here to hang with..”

“Awwww”.. she gestured..

He excuse his self and go get him his meal.. He spent a few minutes talking to her after eating and went to his room…

He slept good that night… he’s all packed and ready to board that plane in the morning…

When he got up.. he was approached by the manager and he handed him the package he promised… and he got on the shuttle for the airport.. anxiously wanting to review this job offer..

He still wasn’t too sure what he’s gonna do.. but he has one week to go over it and make up his mind…



A MESSY LOVE 💕 STORY… part 12c

He got home and he decided he is going to attempt one more time to get his girlto make a date with him….

So he texted her..

suggesting she finds something or somewhere for them to go..

she insisted on playing the fool including her daughter .. finding excuses to avoid the initial question..

So he sent another text…

“Just me and you kris

I have been missing you 😔

And just wants some quality time with you…

Can we do that..

Maybe bowling 🎳

A little lunch..

Some super conversation..

Me .. you.. and nothing/ nobody inbetween..!!!???”

Her response.. ” she is not much into bowling.. she only goes because of her daughter… but yes they could…”

She didn’t however stop there…

she mentioned that she is willing as long as he included her daughter before or after..

And she has told him she wanted to go to this church sale..

He had agreed to take her.. and was hoping after he’ll get his chance to spend a little time alone with her.. so he could make his play for a little self entertainment…

He drifted off to sleep… looking forward to his day with her …

He woke up …get hisself together and headed over… he picked her up.. and they went to the church sale..

she was so at home. Sitting on the floor going through a few boxes of movies.. this is really her world..

He stroll around browsing and he found himself a decent looking camera for $3.00

He patiently waited for her to finish up.. quietly and anxiously anticipating their afternoon together….

After what seems like an eternity.. she was ready to go.. he asked where to next and she instantly mentioned where are they going to take her daughter… so very reluctantly he decided to get her daughter out of the way first.. because he didn’t want anything to interfere with their alone time…

So they headed home to fetch her… they get into the house.. and he sits and wait.. and he waited.. and waited..

After an hour or so .. she still hadn’t made no effort to do anything.. he gave up on the idea of their intended rendezvous…

He excused himself.. saying he is getting a bit too hot and becoming restless.. and so he left..

He was experiencing an burning itching sensation on his chest.. it wasn’t too irritating at the time but by the end of that evening.. it has become very uncomfortable…

He decided to examine the area.. he observed a rash of some sort.. and realize he has bruised it with his scratching…

It was getting a little unbearable and a annoying.. he tried to calm it by applying an ointment..

By Sunday it was feeling a little better but very red around the area..

He was leaving to go back on Tuesday morning early.. he hoped it healed by then..

As he lay there in his bed trying to figure out what causes that reaction… he reflected back on his week off.. nothing had worked out as he had hoped or planned…

coming back home was not as exciting as he had anticipated…

He spent Monday at home .. not too motivated to go anywhere.. he really couldn’t wait to get on that plane ✈️ back to the desert.. away from it all… and put it all behind him…

He decided he just have to find some new ways to entertain himself…

He now has a new life.. a New job.. and it’s time for New beginnings….



A MESSY LOVE 💕 STORY: part 12b

It was so good to touchdown on home… he didn’t realize just how much he missed being there…

And he was really excited to see his girl and his newest….. Yas…

He had picked up a little stuff toy for the little girl…

Thinking it would give him an excuse to go over even if she still refuses to see him….

he took a pic of it and send it to her.. pleasingly showing off his thoughtfulness…. hoping to gain some leeway to her heart… after all Lillie is her pride and joy…..

He texted her telling her he’s home.. all excited and wanting to get back some exciting welcoming greetings…,


To his disappointment she was way too causal…”oooh good “… she said.. end of conversation…

So he decided to leave her alone for the evening…

He also texted Yas.. she was more cheerful and tell him welcome home… He confirmed his date with her for the next day…

And he then decided to take a little nap..

He woke up feeling refreshed and decided to go run some errands…

He came back and feeling bored .. he call yas…

He mentioned their date and was asking her about what kind of food she likes .

Because he wanted to choose a restaurant she’d be sure to enjoy going…

For her to announce that she has RAMDAN for the month….or something like that… ( its the Muslim month of fasting)


Why is she just now mentioning this…isn’t this something she would have known about in advance ..???!!!!

Was this her way of getting out of seeing him???!!

Yep.. he was very convinced about it.. there was no other explanation..


he tries to play it off .. saying he understand not wanting to accuse her of anything…

He then suggested that maybe they can just hang out at her home… because he just wants to spend some time with her…

She agrees with his idea… and said later that evening she would call to tell what time is good..

Come later. She did call but to make him know she won’t be able to after all…

He really didn’t know how to respond without saying something negative.. so he just said. “Ok fine…

Bid her a good evening.. and hang up….

He was a little disappointed.. and felt really cheated.. because he knows and realize that all what she had said and make him believe that she was really interested in seeing him was all but a lie..

well all was not lost.. he still have Terri and his girl.. he will be seeing his girl and her daughter this weekend ..

Terri was a girl he had hooked up with a couple times for an sexual encounter…

so that’s all she’s about.. so when he contacted her she will know exactly what it’s all about..

Come tomorrow he will call her to make some arrangements to see her.. forget about Yas..

He will also try to see his girl without her little girl around too… he wants some quality time with her. And he knows if he gets her alone it would be easy to seduce her…

He only have the one week.. so he wants to have a little fun before it’s over…

He drifted off to sleep 🛏 a little disturbed about Yas and her deceiving actions….

Shaking his head in wonder why she couldn’t have just let him know that she was not interested in spending time with him…. instead of leading him on then backing out with all those feeble excuses….

” some women..”

He had a restful night.. he was really exhausted from his trip… and was mentally exhausted.. things are not going accordingly to what he had anticipated…

So he has to adjust his mental state and try to make the best of his week off… all his intended plans has failed to materialize….

He went about his day running a couple errands.. and relaxing.. the day went by very uneventful..

He spoke a little to his friend and expressed his disappointment…and gripe a little ..

Come Friday her call up Terri and drove over to see her.. very enthusiastic about having a good time..

He told her he would take her out to eat something and she suggested McDonald’s..

“What???!!!!!” McDonald’s..???

Well it’s her choice so he didn’t argue about it..

He drove up to her place and she got in his car.. he greeted her with a smile and a chups on her cheek…

She immediately give out… ” Hey .. so you know… I am on my period.. so we can’t fool around today..”

He just looked at her.. shake his head think.. What ….the ….fuck…. he just sighs and smile.. and actually giggles at the humor of it all…

She looks at him all puzzled at his reaction.. but didn’t comment..

They got to the nearest McDonald’s and they went in.. he turned to her and told her.. ” have anything you want..”

She acts very surprised at his suggestion.. and said. “Anything!!!!!?????”.. in a unbelievable tone..

He nodded his head in agreement and repeated.. “anything….”

She smiled so pleasingly and turned to placed her order…..

He sat with her as she devoured her meal.. drove her home. And headed back to his …

He just couldn’t believe his luck… strike three… he was speechless and so amused at how not one of his girls came through for him….

Well his vacation was a bust…




On the eve of his departure home.. he decided to send a text to her.. asking her what she thinks if he stays overnight with her when he arrives back home…

He was sure she would be eagerly receptive assuming from their conversation over the past weeks .. that she misses him and was hoping he would make the suggestion..

So here he is … acting on this theory that was implied.. thinking he’s going to oblige her and give in..

He finds himself actually missing her and he really was anxiously anticipating seeing her and spending some time with her..

she’s going to be one of his first stop when gets in…


To his surprise .. she turned down his offer stating that..” that he wasn’t her exclusive boyfriend and that sleeping over is for boyfriend status…”

He was taken aback… became speechless 😶 for a moment.. angry at her declaration…he was just astounded with the unexpected decline of his suggestion..

So he decided to tell her exactly what he expected from her in return.. seeing that she is now having all these standards and implementing rules…of their relationship…

He had stayed over before… and he had read a lot into her actions of cleaning and taking pride into telling him with photos and details..

Was she really serious.. ??? Anyways he continued to tell her that she always have and made demands about this relationship that they have going on..

And he tries to oblige and indulge her in every way possible.. he is understanding of her needs and still do everything she requested of him willingly because he cares about her and her needs…

And he thinks he was playing the role of a boyfriend..

so now that she implied that he is not her boyfriend.. all this will stop…

He really thought he was the one staying away from being physical sexually.. Because he was afraid or repeating all that drama about being pregnant and she becoming depressed and emotional…

It is really like a slap to the face.. So now he decided to turn his full focus on his new girl.. YAS….

And when he gets in tomorrow.. he might just ignore her a little..


The day has come to head homebound for a week…

He had a restless night.. consumed with thoughts and feelings of rejection of his girl..


He was as excited about seeing YAS… and hoping he didn’t read her signals wrong too…

He really was hoping to get some time with his girl first to be able to release some of his sexual tension..

He was horny for her and he was having visions of making some sweet love to her…

And he wonders if and when he sees her if he should make a play for some…

He’s almost certain she wouldn’t be able to resist him.. but he was kinda hurt about her rejection of his suggestion.. and wasn’t sure he wanted to even try…

And he didn’t want to see Yas.. with a protruding boner… knowing he can’t act on it because Yas is still so new to him and he don’t want to rush into anything with her prematurely…

As he sits in the plane ✈️ waiting takeoff… he started to think of his girl .. and he was so surprised at his feeling of being heartbroken.. he kept hearing those words of rejection again and again..

and a song came to mind..

” FAMOUS LAST WORDS OF A FOOL.. by George strait

He looked it up and listened…tears came to his eyes as he gets so emotional.. he does love this girl.. and he was really hurt by her declining his self-invite…

He knows he’ll be seeing her though. He couldn’t go home without visiting her..

So in the the next couple of hours he will know. When he gets there….


I don’t love you…famous last words of a fool…)



Next.. touchdown on home soils…

A MESSY LOVE 💕 STORY: part 11b

By the end of the week.. she is sending pictures of how she is cleaning the house.. room by room..

and photos of her self showing she’s losing weight..

He was really impressed but a bit confused..

why now???

Why did she chose for him to leave to put effort in cleaning and dieting….

Is she trying to entice him so when he gets back home he will wants to be with her….?

What is her real motives… he was very suspicious and curious..

and to make it worse…her photos were given him a stimulating stir.. so much he felt he had to share the info with her .. ending with how he would love to make some sweet passionate love to her.. and feel her quivering from divine pleasures in his arms…

He seems like instead of letting go of her he keeps saying things to pull her closer…

He still talking to his new girl and she’s so gamed with his wittingly charm …he tells her he wants so much more than friendship and she eagerly agrees with him…

She’s like a breath of fresh air… she’s so positive and amusing… and so giving… he truly enjoyed connecting with her…

So.. why is he playing this game with his girl back home…

Because he can!!!????

Because it makes him feel like a stud!!!????

Or. ”

Because he’s just plain confused and is not true to his convictions…. want all lose all.. so he better be careful how he throd…

He keeps contradicting himself.. doing and say things he swears on stopping…

If he gets called out on something he did or say .. he hurriedly changes his tune.. playing it off as a joke or declares misinterpretation..

He is not true to himself.. and to his convictions… that is if he has any…

This job is a big promotion for him.. and he did well for himself…

but.. then .. now he thinks he better than most.. and he acts as if he has it over everyone…

His true colors are showing.. and this promotion has gone to his head…

He has changed in only one month…it’s so sad..

we wish him well.. and hopes he makes the right choices along his journey…

And he is never going to give up his girl .. it’s so obvious…

he is really not better than her.. in actuality…

so here continues the story of “THE MESSY LOVE 💕 AFFAIR…

It keeps on going.. ….



Next…. “his visit back home ”

(What will conspire… will he go back on his words with his girl… will that house stay clean…is she really trying to get him back into her arms…????


Will he develop a deeper relationship with his new found girl…

Hmm 🤔…

We will soon see how this saga pans out…)


REFLECTIONS: The Diary of My Life… part 2


… The next few days I just stayed by myself.. and cry…

No one seems to care too much.. they just left me alone..

I found out that I have another sister.. She was three.. and a two baby brothers.. one.. only a year old and the other a little baby..

My new sister name was Dianne.. and she uses to seek me out and sit with me.. before long we were inseparable…

I don’t know if my dislike was so obvious towards my stepmother that she reciprocate and took a big dislike to me… and I don’t know if it’s because I didn’t like her that I felt that she didn’t like me…

She treats me with so much indifference and she was often mean..especially when my father wasn’t around..

She says the most meanest thing she could to a child… and as usual.. being the sensitive child I was.. I would go and cry my heart out…it seems all I did back then was cry..

Another problem I had….was peeing the bed at nights.. I would try so hard not to.. but I would always wake up soaking wet..

My stepmom didn’t like that at all.. she would get so annoyed and cuss at me every morning…

she would hold me .. shake me and call me lazy and ask me when are you going to stop… ???

I would just start crying.. stuttering trying to tell her I will.. but the word would never come out..

( looking back.. she probably was so overwhelmed with three babies and now three more.. and she would have to change and wash those sheets .. extra work that she doesn’t have the time for.. all washing was done by hand.. but as a child I couldn’t understand that..)

I just wanted be anywhere but there..

My grandma was living in another part of the house…with her second husband and three younger children.. our age group… The oldest daughter was 13… and the youngest..8…

My grandma was very afraid of ghosts.. she always said she can see them.. she would always have salt spread across her doorways.. she tells us kids it was to ward of those ghosts…

We all believe her…especially when everyone was claiming that my mom was seen.. and it’s all because we were there…

I was so scared.. so to add to my already sad existence comes this thing about my dead mom..

My aunts and uncle was so scared they didn’t want us there anywhere near them..

My grandma had a TV.. in her room and I always wanted to watch it.. but they would never allow me in. Saying my mom is haunting me and she would follow me in..

My mom seems to be on a rampage and was creating a havoc in my life…

That first few months was so hard for me.. I wanted to be anyone but me…

My stepmom was from a different parish ( state)and that summer she decided to take everyone to visit and spend some time with her brothers.. everyone except me of course.. even my eight year old aunt got to go.. and I was left with my grandma.. and her two kids..

I cried and I cried.. I wanted so much to be apart of that trip.. and I didn’t really know why I was left behind…and I didn’t want to left..

And my worst nightmare began… I was locked in a room by myself because everyone was afraid of my mom..

I was so afraid.. I was trembling with fear and every little thing I heard scared me even more..

I remember feeling so alone.. so anxious.. my grandma was in her room with her kids.. and I had no one to turn to.. I think I cried that whole time and I don’t think I slept a wink…

I became so bitter.. I hated everyone and everything.. l asked myself..,why does everyone hates me…

and I hated my stepmom even more..but I wasn’t brave enough to do anything… like running away but the thoughts occurred to me on more than once..

By the time they got home.. I was so frazzled.. and mad.. and I withdrew even more..

I would lash out with cuss words and was very mean to my sisters..

my stepmom would whoop me for cursing.. and would always find an excuse to be mean to me…

My school life was no better.. I still had no friends .. I didn’t realize that I was just mean to everyone so I was so unapproachable and my attitude cause everyone to stay away…I was way too defensive.. afraid of letting anyone in…

The experience with the fear of my mom.. causes me to be not afraid…I had no choice I guess .. and I finally got over it..

my own company became my best friend.. I refuse to talk to my sisters.. I didn’t say much to my stepmom.. my father was never around.. I would go off in isolation by myself.. and I started to keep a diary where I poured out all my anger.. and bitterness..

I was living in self pity .. and a feeling of pure resentment from everyone ..

I was called handicap and retarded…I still still didn’t talk.. I usually just nods and shake my head.. in response to everything..

I don’t remember ever smiling that first years .. I was always crying..

My stepmom would get so annoyed at me crying.. she used to tell me to shut up.. which makes me cry even more.. and sometimes would slap me.. telling me .. she’s giving me something to cry for..

My siblings would all laugh and find it so funny.. which angers me and make me want to cry more…,

I felt so helpless and so unhappy…

my life stayed in that mode Over the next three years I only grew more and more bitter…

My stepmom never takes me anywhere with her.. and I got used to it..

twice a year she would take my sisters to her home town. Always leaving me behind…

I stop crying.. but at age 12.. she decided she would invite me along…. and I didn’t want to go….




…. Things went well with them that first week.. communication was light and sweet..

She was really loving and smiling and and so enthusiastic about him… he was enjoying her sweet airy disposition… and was feeling drawn to her again.. he was getting his intense feelings back …

He had a busy week and hadn’t gotten chance to go see her… but not a day go by without some connection via texting or voice call…

Then a little past the first week.. and she brings him to a halt… with a text.. claiming she had a dream about being pregnant… and she’s been having strong symptoms of being pregnant..

oooh my goodness.. not this again… and then he reflected back to that most passionate night.. and just realize that he didn’t actually used the condom that he was prepared with…

Bad move…

He had all intentions of protecting hisself from this episode and drama…but as he remembers it … in the heat of the moment… condom was nowhere in his thoughts.. now he is going to suffer the consequences …

The possibility of her being pregnant is very high.. and he now fears that .. that passionate exhilarating night is going to be marred with her being pregnant ..

Of course he suggested him getting a pregnancy test and have her take it.. but she refuses .. stating, she wants to wait a couple more weeks to be sure..

He was so annoyed.. and really curious and anxious to know if she really was..but he had no choice but to wait on her..

He went through his emotions and he tried to play it out in every scenario he could think of..,

He thought he would ask her to move in with him. Because he couldn’t actually see his baby grown up that messy house…

He mentioned this to her.. and she blatantly rejected his suggestion.. oops !!! He was sure she would have agreed with his suggestion…

Yet she keeps on hinting about a permanent relationship.. and went as far as mentioned marriage..

Oooh nooo…!!!!!

Marriage is not an option in his book…He would definitely be a part of the child life.. but he has no intention of getting married.. and he didn’t think she was marriage material anyways…

He loves her.. and care a lot about her..


After knowing her and seeing how she lives and with all her complications.. he can only take her in small doses…

Anything permanent would mean she has to make a drastic change.. and he couldn’t see her changing…

And for her constant complaints of illness.. he just knew he couldn’t deal with that long term…


He is now faced with her possibility of being conceived with his baby.. and he may have to make a decision against his liking…

He went out to see her that weekend and surprisingly.. she was beeming and very cheerful..

This attitude of hers .. makes him a little more convinced that she is pregnant…

He took her to Walmart.. on their way .. she was talking going on about her symptoms and acting as if it was a sure thing.. While in Walmart she headed over to the baby section and she was rambling on about the baby this.. the baby that..

As he watched her bouncing about excitedly… he thought in silence..

What have I done???!!!!

Her behavior and attitude was slowly convincing him more and more that she was..


He recalled… that this is a repeat of the last time she thought she was pregnant for him..

He again suggested that they get a test while at Walmart.. but again.. she wanted to wait…

What is her problem..?? Why wait??

This was causing him great anxiety attacks and he just wants to be sure before he makes any definite plans..

It’s been almost a month now and he was tired of waiting…

He was not pleased with her answer.. but nothing he can do about it…

He drove her back home without saying another word..

He dropped her off and headed back to his house…

He was annoyed.. and getting frustrated.. and couldn’t wait to find out for sure..

He was more than half way convinced… but .. just want to be 100% sure…

He was tempted to buy the test and drive over there and demanded that she takes it right there right now…

He was thinking.. it would be so nice to be a father.. and he was becoming very emotional with his thoughts…and he secretly hoped she really is.. he find himself becoming a little excited at the prospect of having a baby of his own…

And although he wasn’t too pleased with his choice of the mother of his child .. he knew he had to make it work… He will find a way to…

They had conversations via text.. and he keeps trying to push her for taking a test or going to the doctor..

She always have an excuse not to…

He was battling with his emotions and had a couple solid scenarios that would fall in place with her positive result..

He woke up one morning…. and let out a squeal of delight after reading a text from her that she had her menstruation…

He felt a slight disappointment afterwards and a little guilty about his initial reaction… He realizes that he was hoping for her to be pregnant.. and was actually looking forward to being a dad..

So he text her in reply.. and found out that she was so depressed and saddened that she didn’t want to talk..

Of course this always plays on his emotions and he decided to go see her.. hoping to lift her spirits..

when he got there.. he let hisself in..

whewww.. what a mess. ?? He will never get used to this way of keeping House….

He made his way to her bedroom.. he could hardly find her with all that clothes and trash lying around her..

She was sad.. and he could tell she had been crying…

He sat down on the bed beside her.. without saying a word.. lean in and kiss her cheek.. stroke her arm.. and give her a sad look of compassion..

She started to cry again.. and he reached for her and lifted her in a sitting position and wrapped his arms around her in a hug… she sobbed in his shoulder..

He patiently waited for her to calm down..

She started rambling on about how she wanted that baby and how she is never going to have another one…

He just said… Sshhhh!!!! Sshhh..!!!!

You are going to be okay.. he told her trying to console her…

But.. she was becoming hysterical.. so he stop talking.. didn’t know exactly what to say to her…

He didn’t like to see her like that .. but he was actually relieved that she was not pregnant.. he keeps looking around him.. and was so thankful that his baby won’t have to be born and live in this condition..

All of a sudden he was itching to get out of that house…he felt stifled.. so He asked her if she wanted to go for a ride to get some icecream..

She nodded yes .. called her daughter. Tell her to get ready to go for ice cream…

He told her he’ll be outside waiting.. and he hurriedly makes his exit..

Its so strange that he’s finding the messy house a little repulsive.. but this is where he’s at with the house situation..

They join him ten minutes later and he took them to eat that ice cream…,

She wasn’t very talkative .. but she seems to enjoy her treat…

They spent a little time eating and then they ride around some.. she seems in a better mood… so he inquired how she’s feeling…

She gave a half smile and said ok.. but continued to tell him how disappointed she was..

He simply agreed.. with… “I know baby I know..”

He took them home.. bid her goodnight and she thank him for coming by and for the ice cream…

On his drive back home he started to think this relationship is not healthy for him… he realizes that he’s finding it really hard to go in that house of recent without being able to ignore all the filth…


Although he likes her and really enjoy her sexually.. he just can’t deal with her obsession of wanting to be pregnant… and every time they have sex she swears she is pregnant and then going into a depressive mode when she’s not..

it happens once too often.. he sees a red flag.. he knows he has to back off and slowly walk away… but how’s he going to do that…

She has too much going on with her that’s becoming a little unbearable and annoying and he just can’t see a long term , steady relationship with her …

As much as he likes her… it in his best interest to find a way out of it….. he keeps arguing with himself….

He dose off that night with mixed feelings but knowing that it’s a choice he needs to make…

Maybe he can remain friends with her.. he will figure it out..

He drifted to sleep with a very disturbed and confused mind….



REFLECTIONS…The Diary of my life…

Have you ever stop to reflect on your life..??? Have you ever wished you were someone else..??? I have…!!


I was born an healthy and most beautiful baby.. my father ever had.. but at 10 months I got sick..

I stop eating.. stop moving.. I was breathing .. but was unresponsive.. I didn’t even cry anymore…doctors didn’t have a diagnosis for my acute condition.. my mom throw me aside.. so frustrated …she didn’t know what to do and so she gave up… because she couldn’t understand the reasons for her beautiful baby girl dwindling away in front of her eyes.. with no hope of recovering.. I was paralyzed..

I was almost walking off.. before I became sick… I was a happy baby.. always smiling.. now it was hard for her to see me like that…

” Go bury her” .. she told my father..

My father took my lifeless body up .. confused.. emotional.. but refuses to give up on me.. all out of options… he decided to take me to this pastor that is known for healing the sick..

When all fails.. We all turn to God in huge renewed faith..

That pastor took my tiny lifeless body.. says his prayers as my dad watches .. silently praying.. begging God to be merciful to his baby girl…

Then my dad let out a gasp of fear as the pastor suddenly lift and throw his baby in the air and then catch her back.. my dad reached his hand in the air in motions of catching his baby..

The Pastor repeat his actions two more times..as my father watches with a lump in his throat and with the thoughts of taking his unresponsive baby away from the pastor..


Just as he reached over to retrieve his baby as she landed safely in the Pastors hands the third time…she cries out just like when she was born..

It was music to his ears.. the tears came rolling down his face.. she hasn’t made a sound since she took ill..

The pastor handed him his baby … smiling…and said to him..

“I think she’s hungry..”

He rest his hands on my father’s shoulder .. look into his speechless emotional face.. fill with tears.. and told him with great compassion…that she’s going to alright..

” God has breathe back life into her.. take her home and give her love.. she’s a special child of God..”

All my dad could muster..in his overly emotional state.. was a nod.. as he hugged his precious baby close to his chest..

He got into his car and as he sit down still holding me.. he breaks down in sobs.. muttering.. “Thank you Jesus.. Thank you Jesus… He sat there and wept so thankful to god and to the pastor until he was interrupted by the sound of my crying ..

And through the tears .. he smiles.. then giggles and say.. to me..

” let’s get you home to your momma.. so she can feed you.. “

I cry all the way home.. my dad was just enjoy hearing me crying, knowing that it meant I’m going to be alright…he got back his beautiful baby girl..

My dad got home… got out his car and with me in his arms.. he screamed out for mom running towards the house as fast he could.. all excited..

Mom ran out.. seeing him clutching me.. she stopped .. her heart pounding.. the first thing that comes to her mind was..she is dead…

She holds her tummy bends over.. crying hysterically…My dad reaches her and says..

” no honey.. she’s is alright. Look.. “

As he handed me to her..

She looks at him.. in disbelief and astonishment…

“What … what… what do you mean..???” She stuttered between sobs..

And then I began crying again..

mom was so thrilled and shocked hearing my voice.. she stand there just looking down at me..

“She’s Just hungry.. lets go get her a bottle..”

My mom looks at him with so much questions in her mind. As he gently ushered her into the house.. She couldn’t stop looking at me as if it was the first time she saw me..

His mom and sisters all come running up.. asking.. in unison.. .

What happened?? Is she …. gone??

My dad went to his mom.. and hugged her… gently sobbing …and said..

” no mommy.. she is alright.. I took her to that healing pastor and he brought her back.. “

They all gathered around.. listening in awe… as he tells his story.. mom sat quietly as she feeds me .. just so happy that I’m actually drinking the milk…

She had tears in her eyes as she recalls telling my dad to bury me.. but she just didn’t know what to do.. she was so angry at God for allowing this to happen to her beautiful baby girl..

And to think it was him that gave her a second chance….she close her eyes and whispered a prayer of gratitude..

She put me down to sleep and she walked over to my dad.. hugged him tightly.. and softly thank him for what he had done..

He just hold tightly… gently caressing her back comforting her.. his sisters walked up to them and they hugged her too..

They sit around a little and had fun talking ….something they hadn’t done in a long time…

My dad decided he wanted to celebrate so he organized a party..

His grandfather suggested that he performed this family ritual that is cultural.. during the party.. he agreed..

It was supposedly to help me get stronger..

I started to improve but slowly..

I had to learn to creep again.. and I showed sign of being slow…

As the months goes by.. I grow but my coordination was slow.. by the time I started to walk .. I was like three.. and my right foot would lag behind..

I was not very balanced either.. I would fall regularly.. especially if I try to run…

My older sister would get whooped frequently for pushing me.. and making me fall.. I was so weak and would fall easily at the slightest push..so she stopped playing with me..

My mom had a baby boy a year later.. but he died soon after birth.. my dad was so broken… his death devastated him…but within the next year my little sister was born..

And then I was old enough to remember that day she went away to have her..

I remember watching my mom going Of with her suitcase and little me crying thinking my mom is never coming back..

I was so frail.. and puny.. but I was alive..I remember my grandma hugging me and trying to soothe me to stop me from crying…

My recollection during that time was not much..


My life started out really shaky.. my parents treat me as an invalid. And they were overly protective..My siblings shun me.. treating me indifferent ..

I learned to be a loner as early as five and six years old ..I became very sensitive.. and very self defensive…

So much..That I became feisty and mean and even adapted being indifferent..

To make it worse.. I had a bad stutter.. I couldn’t say one word without stammering and I was teased constantly.. I was becoming afraid to talk.. I was embarrassed to…I didn’t want to be laugh at… I hated when they laugh at me..

So I stopped talking.. and if I had to ..I would try to hurry up to get it out.. that only makes it worse.. I would get so frustrated. That I became a crier.. I cried for everything.. I used to cry at nights..

…. I wanted to be different.. I want to be like my sisters…

I couldn’t understand why Nobody wants to play with me..

I started school at six.. and again .. instead of making friends.. I was picked at and make fun at.. I got my hair pulled .. and teased ….nobody wants to be my friend..

my sister has friends and when I would seek her out..during breaks.. she would tell me to go.. I could tell that she was embarrassed to be my sister..

Of course I would walked away crying.. while she and her friend laugh at me..

This only let me become more bitter… I felt so hurt.. and I hate me…

Then we had to move… but Dad didn’t move with us.. I don’t remember asking why…


My mom would start to cry at nights .. and she started complaining to whoever would listen.. and I was becoming an inquisitive and curious and observant child.. I heard my mom telling her friends…

My dad has another lady.. I started to resent this lady for making my mom cry.. I didn’t know her.. and I didn’t quite understand why..


by now.. I was learning how to hate. And I was learning how it feels to be hurt…

My Dad would come by once a week…

we were all pleased to see him.. especially mom.. but…

After he left mom would cry even harder.. and I would feel so sad and I would cry for her…

I made friends with A little girl from next door and she loan me a doll and that doll became my best friend..

my sisters were still ignoring me.. and often played with each other.. leaving me out.. I was like a nobody… to them.. I used to pretend I don’t care.. but I was dying inside.. I was full of so much rage…I want them to like me.. accept me.. include me.. but they just laugh at me and mock me if I tried to say anything.. and all I could do was cry..

A couple years after my mom got sick.. went in the hospital and within a week she died…

I was only nine years old.. and I was mad.. My grandma was with us.. and she wants to take us to our dad..

I became so defiant.. and rude.. I refuse to go..

My mom brother .. my uncle…came by and witnessed my behavior.. he offered to take me with him.. I wanted to go with him…and was so glad to go with him..

I stayed with my uncle until my moms funeral… my father didn’t attend..

As I watched my mom being lowered into the ground.. I was numb and I didn’t cry or show any emotions..

I went back home with my uncle…


my dad sent for me… I had no choice but to go.. I cried all the way there.. hysterically..

I got there and I cried even more..

My dad asked me… why I was crying.. I stuttered that I want to stay with my uncle..

My dad jokingly said…”I don’t have any puss kitten to give away..you belong here with me and your sisters..”

Every one was laughing except me.. so when he asked if I understood.. I mearly nodded afraid if I answered they would all laugh at me again..

And so begins my new life with the woman I grow to hate..




……She got up.. and to his amazement… and astonishment he couldn’t believe what she does next…..??????

……. he watched her as she walked over to the table.. she was mumbling and complaining to herself but audible enough for him to hear…

“She’s going to hungry later on and she’s going to want it then..”

He continued to watch as she brushes the roaches aside.. picked it up.. and as she did.. some of it fell to the floor.. she bent retrieve it .. put it back on the plate and made her way to the kitchen..

He subconsciously followed her in utter disbelief hoping she is going to discard it..

But when he saw her open the fridge to put it away.. he was astounded..

He said to her in a serious tone…

“Really???!!! Throw it away girl.. that’s not good anymore.. throw it out ” .. he added adamantly ….

She turned to him.. looking at him like he’s crazy to suggest such a thing…and she made a humphh sound in denial..

She put it in.. close the fridge and turn to walk away.. he catch a hold of her upper arm.. spin around and said firmly..

” you can’t give that her to eat again.. didn’t you noticed those roaches all over it..”

She answered aggressively….

“It’s still good.. nothing is wrong with it…and she didn’t eat enough and she’s gonna need it later..”

She twisted and wiggles out of his grasp.. and walked away in a huff..

As he watched her walk away so angry… He just rolled his eyes.. shake his head.. feeling defeated and very shock at her decision.. what is she thinking..??? How can she think of feeding that to her daughter..

He headed towards the door… looked at her with great disappointment.. she met his eyes with a scowl on her face. .. her expression was of displeasure with her brow wrinkled… he knew it was useless to say anything more to her..

He just shook his head and let himself out.. He stopped look at the little girl playing in the yard..and felt so sorry that she has to be exposed to this life and environment that her mom has created for her..

He watched her for a few moments longer and then walked towards his car.. knowing he has zero control on the situation and of her…

within the last months he has seen and observed so much that he starting to question his sanity and his self…

He is becoming overwhelmed and finding her behavior and her habitual messiness to be more than he can sustain …

He didn’t hear from her that week and he didn’t make an attempt to communicate either… He was trying to stay away…. telling himself that he has to get her out of his system… and that he just can’t deal with the situation at hand…

But by the time the second week rolled by he gives in to his desire to reach out to her..

He open up communication with a text message asking her how she was doing and if she needed to get anything done..

It was summertime and he knows she has to get back and forth to wherever she has to get to.. and she usually walks..and he uses the daughter has an excuse to care so much.. that he feels guilty about not being there for them..

He received an answer to his text from her…

She let him know that she’s alright and that she has a few errands to run and would really appreciate the ride…

Of course he eagerly text her back with a smile letting her know that he’s on the way……

He arrived there to find them outside waiting for him.. As he parked his car and look at them standing there.. he felt a surge of joy that put a smile on his face… He was missing them but he didn’t realize just how much until he saw them..

He got out of the car all smiles.. the little girl let out a delightful squeal calling out his name and run straight into his open arms.. he scooped her up ..hug her closely nuzzled her little neck and she giggled delightfully..

He made another attempt to nuzzle her neck but she pushed his head away..

Hehehehe… he giggled…

He then reached over with one hand and gently pulled her mom in for a hug.

He said, ” hey baby “.. and bent to kiss her cheek… she turned her face up to him and smile pleasingly without a response…

He regained his composure open the back door of the car .. put the little girl in and buckle her up.. Mom got in and as he followed suit.. he asked,

” well where are we going?”…..

She told him she needed to pick up some snacks for her daughter.. So Walmart..

They made small talks as they drive … but nothing of consequence..

They spent the next couple of hours stopping a few more times here and there..

He asked her if she would like something to eat and she accepted.. they picked up some burgers and decided to stop at the park and eat them..

They allowed her little one to play a little while they talked..

She mentioned her upcoming birthday.. that next weekend..and so he decided he would treat her for her birthday… He asked her if she would like to go out that night….She was gamed.. So they made plans for a date night…

They spent another hour at the park..and he drove them back home.. he didn’t go in with her wanting to avoid looking at that mess and be reminded of what happened that last time….

he left her reminding her to dress up nicely for their date next weekend…

She beamed at him so brightly.. this amuses him..

He gave her a hug.. pat her on the derrière fondly… Hug that precious baby girl.. and bid them goodbye…

He had a good evening….and he was smiling.. and surprisingly anticipating their rendezvous …..


They kept in touch with each other that week through their usual daily Texting…they both talked about their upcoming date.. and was both were looking forward to it… it was suggested.. dinner first and then take it from there…

He got up early that morning.. went got his shave and trim.. went to pharmacy.. pick up some necessities…he just wants to be prepared… make sure they car is fully gas up.. and headed home to get ready … It’s been awhile since he got all dressed up.., and it felt really good.. he feels like a million dollars..

He got there…call her to let her know that he’s outside.. she came out… looking so beautiful.. smiling as sweetly as ever..

He got out to meet her walking towards him.. he gives a slight hug.. and a little kiss and whispered.. “Happy Birthday beautiful”..

Walk her over to the car …open the door for her and ushered her in…

He got in .. look at her.. she met his glance.. and they both smile at each other… he reached our took her left hand give it a little squeeze and proceeds to start the car..

He inserted a disc in the radio to get some music going… he looked over at her.. she had her rested back on the seat.. her eyes closed as she hummed along to the song playing…

He smiles feeling good to be with her.. as he finds himself humming happily to the song as well…

They got to the restaurant of her choice..it was a really nice atmosphere.. and as they sat there eating.. facing each other.. he looked at her, taking her in.. admiring her makeup.. her hair.. and just how pretty she was tonight..

He finds himself getting so arouse…she looked up and catch him starring at her… she smiles.. and he said to her…

” My Darling.. You look so beautiful tonight”….

She smiles blushing.. whispers a thank you.. put her head down shyly and continue to eat..

They finished up their meal.. both were full.. and they walked out holding hands.. he moved his hands to her waist and pulled her in to him… and she just followed his lead willingly…

they walked to the car in unison… he open the door for her.. but before he let her in .. he pulled her to him and kiss her like he wanted to all night…

Her back was rested against the car and they kiss passionately.. how he loves to kiss her.. she was kissing him back with the same urgency and he could feel her rapid heart beats and hear her shallow breathing ..

He knows she wants him as much as he wants her.. they pulled apart and he helped her in.. she was slightly trembling… he closed her door.. wipe at his lips unconsciously.. and he could feel her lips on his…

He got in.. and said to her…” where to now??”

She shrugged her shoulders .. without saying anything..

He knew what she was thinking.. but he didn’t want to go back to her home.. he just can’t make love to her there… and as he sat in the parking lot.. looking at her wanting her…

She reached over rest her hands on his thighs and gently moving her hands in a rubbing motion.. making him so hott.. she said…

“Let’s go home..”

He had to think fast.. He picked up his phone.. not wanting to respond to her suggestions..

He turns it on and said..

” Hey baby.. I just remembered… I have to stop by my office to do something for my boss.. I promise him I would have.. Do you mind if we do that before we head on home…???”

His office was not too far away and anywhere is better right now than going back to her house…

He didn’t like lying to her.. but he really wants to make love to her tonight.. and he he knows she was up to it..

So he headed for his office… trying to stay focus on driving and not thinking about her hand on his thigh and so close to his throbbing D….




It took him no longer than two days to get the urge to see her… he couldn’t understand his emotional attachment to her..

He wants to spend time with her and her daughter but he finds that he dread going in that house..

He finds that from the move that he has become so conscious of her surroundings that he walks in looking around with expectations of some improvement… and realizing that he could no longer ignore the messy and filthy condition…

He started to think of diplomatic ways he could encourage her to clean it up.. because this is her only vice right now..

He tried offering to help her.. but she always finds a reason to decline his offer…

He hasn’t been in her bedroom in this new house.. the visual of what he saw in the move was so repugnant … that he has no desire to go back on that bed .. knowing that what he witnessed would play with his mind…

It didn’t however stop his sexual desire for her whenever he’s in close contact with her…

she keeps saying she gonna work on getting it all cleaned up.. but always comes up with some lame excuse why she didn’t get to it..

Like having pains.. being overly depressed… headaches… couldn’t get out of bed.. ect. Ect. Ect..

The following month .. he decided to see her outside the house.. he would pick her up and take her wherever she wants to go.. and spend some time together having lunch or sitting in the park.. watching her daughter have her fun..

He reasons that if he don’t see the mess it won’t affect him..

She invited him to a fair one weekend and he accepted.. he drove over.. and when he got there she wasn’t ready.. her little girl was outside playing .. he got out and sits with her playing with the cats…

She got up and ran after the cats who ran inside through the open back door…the back doorway was open.. he decided to follow her in..

The laundry room is right there… There was clothes in piles lying on the floor.. empty crates was on the washer..

all kinds of boxes.. tins.. things that didn’t belong shoved in corners and scattered all over.. he shake his head.. questions rolling around in his mind..

why is the floor litter in clothes when the machine is right there..??? Why is this space used as a junk yard..???

He walked past it and went inside.. the strong stench of the litter box fill his nostrils.. and he noticed it was still as is…

He acknowledged her mom from where she’s always sitting.. and almost gag from the foul smell she was emanating …

The living room was bad.. worst than he has ever seen it..

He observed a Carmel apple sitting in a corner.. covered in mold.. how long has that been there???

Dirty dishes covered in roaches… it was littered with everything you can think of… dirty socks.. wrappers from snacks.. pizza boxes..

the garbage bin she has in there was overflowing.. not one surface was empty…

he felt so sick to his stomach.. he was tempted to pick up stuff.. but he was so repulsed that he was afraid of touching anything…

He called for her.. and shouted.. telling her he’ll be back in a few.. and he hurried out of that house . Got in his car and drove away..


It’s only a few months she’s been there.. how can she live like that.. and that sweet little girl… how could she expose her to that kind of living..

And the mom.. does she ever move from that one spot..

He couldn’t return.. so he just headed straight for home.. He called her telling her that something comes up and he has to go take care of it…

He has to think seriously about her habitual messy house keeping…

They talk via text messages that evening and he apologizes for running off like that..

He took the opportunity to subtly ask her about the condition of the living room.. and he also mentioned the cats litterbox..

She became very defensive and he again suggested that he could help her to get it all cleaned up…

She again repeatedly mentioned all her pains and how it affected her whenever she tries to do anything.. how she has a daughter to take care of… and her mom also needs her attention..

It was like fighting a losing battle…

She ask him to come over that weekend to take to Walmart .. He promised her he would..

He feels her obligated to her and her needs.. and knows she has no one else to take and he didn’t want her to walk in the hot sun with that little girl.. all that way…

So he went over that weekend.. they went to Walmart.. and she did her usual shopping.. they went to a few other places .. she stopped got some chicken for dinner and headed back home..

All the cats were outside.. and she shoo them away..not wanting them to go inside … and started complaining how they pee on her Little girl’s bed…

He just shook his head offering no comments..

He went in with them.. she invited him in.. when he got inside he smell some sweet scent.. and he saw she was burning some incense .. and the litter box was no longer there….

She cleaned up a little place on the table to put the chicken she bought.. she began dividing it up on paper plates..

Give her mom a plate then her daughter.. he refused her offer . They all set down to eat… then watch a little tv.. the little girl got up to play leaving her unfinished meal behind…

Mom was busy complaining about the cats peeping on bed.. they finished watching the tv program in between conversation… He got up to use the restroom…

As he pass the table he noticed that there was roaches on the Little girls plate… he didn’t think anything of it.. it was because a natural thing at her house..

He continued to the rest restroom.. He noticed just how blacken it was from non cleaning.. he uses it and flushed.. he was surprised by a few roaches scampering away in all directions running away from the water…

He was kinda puzzled thinking where were they hiding. Doesn’t that mean if he had sat down on that seat.. he would have roaches crawling on his ass.. ???

He just sigh.. thinking you can expect in this house..

he went to wash his hands and again look around for soap.. but none was in sight.. the sink was dirty. The same old dried up toothpaste was still present plus new spots.. the counter was full of dust and water stains and roach dropping…

A dirty towel or two was on the counter and on the ground.. He pulled aside the shower 🚿 curtains .. still looking for soap..

He stands there in astonishment.. it was sparkling clean.. unbelievable.. he looked around him again… and every where was filthy…… except for the bath…

He finds it so strange and he couldn’t think get it out of his mind.. To him…only one explanation makes sense…

But it that possible.. it kinda explain the no soap though…

Nahh.. they must take baths.. yesss.. he thinks trying to convince himself not wanting to believe on top of everything.. she don’t bathe…???? 🤔 hmmmm???

He rinse his hands in the dirty sink trying his best not to touch it.. and he walked out.. he stopped.. looked at the bath.. and said…” nah… nah…” shaking his head in response to his thoughts..

He went back to the living room… and he announced that he is going to head on home.. and as he passes the table he pointed and said to her.. ” there is roaches all over the food ”

She got up.. and to his amazement… and astonishment he couldn’t believe what she does next…..??????




They communicate by text every morning.. it has become their habitual routine over the last months.

She has become a significant part of his days… and he looks forward to receiving those text messages …

He drove over to see her that Wednesday… he took her out for a drive and a drink.. stop.. got something to eat.. she was in a terrific mood and he enjoyed her happy spirit … it was obvious she was having fun and enjoying being with him…

They spent a few hours together .. and he took her back home.. it was a little late and he has work in the morning so he bid her goodnight and headed home…

That weekend he decided to go spend some time with her and take her on a few errands that she said she wanted to run…

Another week has gone by.. he walked in that house..

The boxes are still untouched.. and the living room is in a little worse condition…

Her mom is where he has left her and is wearing the same dress..

A stench was coming from somewhere.. he looked around trying to identify what was causing that stinking scent..

He then noticed a cat litter box.. that was fully used by the cats and needed to be replaced.. couldn’t she smell it.. ?? How does she ignore it..,?? It stinks…

In the middle of the living room was also a garbage bin without a liner.. filled with trash… he also observed a few roaches in and out of it…

It’s just two weeks..!!!!!

How could she allow her home to be like this.. she doesn’t work.. she told him on occasion that she doesn’t sleep much at nights.. what does she do all day and night..

He couldn’t stay in that house another minute so he called to her.. letting her know that he will be outside when she’s ready to go..

She came out a few minutes later.. her daughter behind her.. they got in the car and he pulled out of the driveway…

She turned to and asked him.. “what’s wrong???”

He just shook his head and said..”nothing baby “….

He just couldn’t bring himself to confront her with all that he has observed and seen..

He didn’t know how she would have taken it.. and he was not in the mood for an argument…

She took her to Walmart.. she bought some caramel apple… then to the thrift store and dollar tree…

And he couldn’t help but think..

why does she choose these places to shop…He has never asked her about her financial status before.., is she that low on money.. so he asked her..

She willingly told him.. she got money from her daughters father…. she got food stamps..and her mom got a disability check…

So she was on a fixed income so she has to be frugal …

He continued to probe a little more and asked her why she didn’t work???

Her answer was not what he was expecting..

She said she has chronic pains which becomes so unbearable … it prevents her from working…

He wanted to know to know why she’s not collecting disability… and if she ever works..

She let him know.. that she tried to file but wasn’t validated and got declined.. she also informed him that she used to work before she had her daughter..they were physical jobs…cleaning hotel rooms.. working as a server in a restaurant.., looking after older people.. ect…

This girl is just in 30.. He couldn’t understand how she could just give up working so young and adapt to a life of staying home….

He comes to the conclusion that she uses her laziness which is obvious from how she kept her home..to find any excuse possible to get out of working…

Here she is with him.. in perfect health.. not complaining or having any pains or difficulty getting around..

Could this be selective energy??? Selective pain??? Selective to suits her excuses for just being plain lazy….

On their way back to her house.. he thought he’d use some diplomatic tactics and asked about those boxes that-is sitting in that living room…

He asked her if she wanted him to come help her with putting those things away..

She quickly refuses his offer saying she’ll get to it soon.. he then told her that he willing to help her clean up a little..

She informed him that she’s tired after being out and about and maybe next time.. he shrugs it off and tells her anytime she is ready.. he’s be more than happy to help…

They got to her place. He got out to help her with her purchases.. and went to use the restroom before heading back home..

When he went in.. what greets him… was ugly…

He went to wash his hands first.. there was dried toothpaste all over the sink.. he saw roaches on the toothbrushes.. an open bottle of mouthwash..

How did she have roaches inside the bathroom in the space of two weeks..

he looked around for some soap to wash his hands.. but he couldn’t find any kind of soap anywhere.. not even body wash.. hmm 🤔…. this was odd…he question it silently… he stepped on a clothing item on the floor.. he bent down to pick it up.. a couple roaches ran in opposite direction that was hiding under it.

He put in on the counter.. use the toilet .. rinse his hands again.. wipe them on his pants and leave..

She was sitting on the couch with her daughter…he bent over places a kiss on her cheek… ruffled the daughter hair.. and said goodbye..

He drove home.. thinking of that bathroom… the roaches… her lack of cleanliness.. her laziness


He wonder if this something that he can live with…

It seems like he is now going over there just looking for everything that’s out of place..everything that’s wrong… this is not the norm for him..and this is becoming a barrier to his feelings for her..

He finds that he can’t think of her without thinking of the mess she creates in oblivion…

And he wonders just how much more can he endure before he finds the courage to walk away and never to see her again…????





They finish up eating and went back to work.. she decided to tackle the bedrooms next and get that out of the way..

there was so many junk on the floor but he just followed her lead. They removed the mattress.. and he saw there was roaches squished.. and a few running around..

He shows no surprise .. not after that kitchen..

She does her spraying and they took it outside.. and she spray it again…

Went to retrieve the bottom and then base.. he lifted it up and lo and behold.. what greeted his sight make him gasp and whispered.. wtf.. omg 😮!!!!

There was plates of food covered in mold.. all different kinds of bags from places like McDonald’s, Wendy’s.. Kentucky… And even a pizza box.. fries .. chicken..pizza.., cups forks..

these were covered with green mold and roaches..

He noticed dirty underwear clothing all mixed together. He was speechless..

He was gagging at this point and had to rush to the bathroom. He came out after regaining his composure and saw her picking up the filthy stuff into a garbage bag.. as if it was the most natural thing in the world…

He asked her for some gloves because he was feeling so disgusted and repulsive that he didn’t want to touch anything anymore..

She went and find some.. and after examining the bed spring for no roaches he pulled it outside..

He went into his truck sits down.. shaking his head in disbelief.. Wow!!

And as he relive what he saw under that bed he started to gag again.. this was the same bed he slept in over and over again..

This was the bed he made love to her in..How didn’t he smell that mess .. how long has it been under there???

He has so many questions.. but he refused to ask.. he really didn’t want to know..

she came out bringing the base.. and she spray the bed spring.. and shouted to him.. asking him if he’s not helping her..

He got up.. went back in took out the little girl’s bed.. load it on his truck and took the beds to the new house..

He was tempted to give up and go home.. but he knows she has to be completely moved that day.. and she has no one else to help her.. he felt obligated to finish what he started.

He then make another trip with the washer and dryer…

And when he came back she has the living room set outside and sprayed…she walked out as he pulled in and helped him put it in the truck and they drove it over.. .

When they got back she handed him a garbage bag and told to pick up the garbage on the floor..

but .. she was behind him and keep pulling out stuff that he put in.. an old sock.. underwear.. dirty plates ect..

To him all this is garbage.. it was annoying him that she is wanting to hang on to these things..

The roaches were everywhere hiding beneath everything..

And though she sprayed they were so much that it was impossible to kill them all.. the fumes was so strong throughout the whole house that he has to keep going outside to breathe for a few minutes..

And picking up the trash made him realize how lazy she really was.. there was items from months ago.. food that was partially eaten but left where it is for how long… clothing. Everywhere even where you least expect..

bags from grocery shopping.. some still have items in it untouched.. empty boxes that was discarded .. more pizza boxes.. with unfinished pizza.. roaches feasting on it..

He just couldn’t understand it all.. and he couldn’t understand himself .. how could he not noticed the extreme conditions of her mess..

Could he like her after this..?? Could he overlook her laziness and the way she chooses to live…

These were questions he has and more.. and he will have to think about it all..

This experience has been something he never wants to experience again.. and he hopes that this move will solve this.. he refused to believe this is her natural habitat..

They finally got everything moved and he drove her over one last time.. he helped set up the beds.. and headed home..

He was so ready to sit down.. his back hurts.. his arms were aching.. he still couldn’t believe he was the only one she has helping her..


They got it done…

He drove home that night thinking of the day.. the roaches.. the filthy condition.. under that bed.. the fridge. He touched his head where he bump it .. and he shudders visualizing all those roaches everywhere ..

Phew 😅.. what a day..





He got up early.. have his coffee.. put on some rough jeans.. got into his truck.. and drove over to her.. he called her letting her know that he’s on his way over..

He hoped she got most of her boxes ready to go.. and got some help with the furnitures and kitchen appliances..

He was not up to lifting much.. but he knows he is going to have to help..

He pulled up.. got out… he was really expecting to see a few boxes outside ready for loading. But… nothing.. He knocked. … her little girl answers the door.. hugged him.. being glad to see him.. as he walked in .. he realizes and noticed that everything was still as is.

Wasn’t she moving today?? Did he get the date mixed up?? No.. couldn’t be.. because he called her to let her know he’s on his way and she understood the reason for him coming so early..

She then emerged from one of the rooms , asking…” are you ready to get started???

Huh!!!..Started?? Wtf?? Was she waiting on him to pack and move things out?? And where is everyone else..??

So he asked about the help he was expecting and should have been here and she let him know that she couldn’t afford to pay anyone to help her..

So how does she figure on getting everything done today.. in this mess.???

He just shake his head.. and said okay.. let’s get it on the way..

She decided to start with the freezer.. and she unplugged it and pulled it from the wall.. and omg 😯!!! Roaches was everywhere.. hundreds of them…she act so oblivious of them.. and she preceded to open it to empty it’s contents.. and unbelievably..

there was dead roaches inside and the lid was lined with them and black from their feces ..

He actually didn’t comment because he didn’t know what to say .. he helped her pull it outside.

she then wanted to do the refrigerator next.. He position hisself and helped he pulled it out from the wall to unplug ..

He jumped back in shock hitting his head against a cupboard.. as he looked down and see the floor covered with a huge infestation of roaches which was scattering everywhere even up his legs..

she noticed his reaction and grab a can of reach spray and started to spray profusely… he walked out to get some fresh air and to get the fumes of the spray out his nostrils…

when he returns to her.. she was pulling the items from the fridge.

He stands there.. agape.. couldn’t believe what he was witnessing..

There was dead roaches on the bottom of the fridge.. on the shelves … there was containers of spoiled and rotten food.. the fridge looks like it has never been cleaned… and he took a look at the door lining.. and just like the freezer.. it was filthy and black and has roaches all over..

He was getting sick to his stomach… and when he think that he actually eat there on many occasions. He wanted to puke 🤮…

He turned from her , Didn’t want to see all that rotten food…and grab a box .. thinking he’s going to start on emptying the cupboards..

when he opens the first one.. a group of roaches start running around seeking a hiding place.. he backed away brushing a couple off his hands..

she observes his actions and tap him on the shoulder and causally hand him the spray.. he took it from her.. looking at her in wonder… then turned back to the cupboard and use it to spray at the ones that couldn’t hide..

He knew she has roaches.. but he never knew that was to this level of infestation.. and this extreme extent..he was glad she was moving.. and he turned to her and asked her.. how is she going to avoid taking these roaches in transition..

She then stopped.. thinking about his questions.. and then have the grand idea that she’s going to spray Down everywhere ..

So in a frenzy and frantic mode.. she started spraying and spraying and spraying. The fumes was getting overwhelming.. so..

He grab the little girl and and took her outside to prevent her from inhaling all that poisonous fumes.. he stayed out there for a while.. waiting for the fumes to dissipate ..and she came out and began spraying everything that was outside again again and instructed him to start loading the truck with what she already sprayed …

He couldn’t believe that she has been living with all these roaches.. and he was wondering how could he have been so blind to them..

He has never seen anything like this before.. he was appalled …

She helped him loaded the freezer in they both hop in and took it to the new house..

it was a silent journey.. but he finds himself brushing his arms and his neck and his whole self intermittently.. it felt like roaches was crawling all over him..

It was a short journey.. they unloaded it then headed back.. and repeat the journey a couple more times transporting the fridge and the stove ….

They were a little exhausted so they took a break and went to get something to eat in town.. but he has no appetite… they feed her daughter and her mom .. and get right back to the task at hand..

He was eager to finish up.. and anyways the hardest part was over and the most disgusting area was behind him..

It couldn’t get any worse than that kitchen…

So he thought…




The next few days Forest tried to connect with me but I completely ignored him trying so hard to stick to my decision to leave him alone… I was still commenting on his posts though and leaving little suggestive and provocative comments… being a tease knowing he couldn’t resist trying to connect with me..

So I wasn’t totally being honest and wasn’t playing fair… because I was enjoying being seductive and playing with him and getting a thrill from knowing just how much I was having an effect on him… He played right into my game and I didn’t respond to his gestures of sexual play…

I did find this quite amusing…

a week later he posted a really sexual  provocative post… Of course, yours truly joined all of his other loyal fans.. and made a comment… but this day there was this one comment from someone who thought the post was distasteful  and disgusting and inappropriate…

I’m very argumentative and so I defended forest and tell her if she doesn’t like what she sees … she needs to just keep walking… and we his loyal fans likes him and his stimulating posts… blah blah blah…

She answered, and I reply and then his some of his other followers decided to join in the debate.. all for forest… this one girl “ERICA”… she took her on also… and the next half an hour we raved about forest… I was just having some fun and talking shit.. Erica and  few others was totally agreeing with me…

Forest made a comment once or twice really pleased with our conversations… and we continued talking and making silly comments.. mostly Erica and me… It was really obvious she really liked him… I was really having fun with our little play long…bigging him up.. putting him on a pedal stone….I know him intimately and I was positive all these other fans of his.. do too…

Erica and I went on for a little bit more… this other girl  ‘JENNY’  made a comment in between boosting us along.. and then we have a request from “NELLY”.. asking if she can join in on the conversation… we welcome her aboard… and we carry the conversation a little while longer…

Of course I was well aware that FOREST was able to read every comments we made and I know he was somewhere smiling and enjoying our great admiration of him…all the others leave us chatting and then I got a request from Forest inviting me to join a group chat…

I kinda hesitated to join but not for long… I was curious to see what it’s all about… and so I accepted..There I found ERICA and NELLY… and Forest stated that he enjoyed our little conversation we have going but it will be more private with these group chat… It didn’t take him long before he got really sexual and want to play…  And thus… “FOREST ANGELS” is formed…

I was kinda reluctant to play along sexually in the presence of the girls… but surprisingly they didn’t have any problem with it… I watched for a little taking it all in not sure if I wanted to join in the fun or not… but I was honestly getting a little hott and getting a little stimulated with the scene..

This was my first time taking part in something like this and I was very bashful and blushing…. just thinking of talking  and sexting with these girls.. and they were so good saying all the sexiest things and I was feeling very foolish with my lingo… not sure if I could match theirs…

Forest:     You delicious lil fucking angel…. I love it!
– Nelly     : Mmmmmm
– Forest:     Cmon fuck yourselves for daddy
– Erica..,:    I’m about to cum all over your face lover
– Forest:      Cover me  you sweet delicious bitch!
-Erica..,:     Lick my clit daddy…..Make me spray you….
– Forest:      I’m Sucking the fuck outta that clit
– Erica..,:     Oh god it feels so fucking good my Irish king…. Turn around into 69 and I’m sucking your cock….My tits rubbing against your stomach..

– Forest:      Gag on it you sexy angel…
– Erica..,:     Pushing it deep in my throat
– Forest:      Snake a couple greedy fingers in your asshole …

-Nelly    : Let me have some Erica
– Erica..,:     Massaging it with my swallowing motion….Take his cock…I’ll ride his face….
– Nelly:        Let’ me suck that juicy cock….
– Forest:     Get in there Wendy, help nelly lollipop this big dick ….Fucking spit on it… take turn sucking on it … suck on my nuts.. come on wendy… wendy?????

I was silent all this time but they could see my following them…so Forest was urging me to join in … I still didn’t feel brave enough  so I still kept silent…
– Nelly:       All the way down my throat …All wet…
– Erica..,:    Mmmmmmm lick that cunt….make me come again master…
– Forest:    Slap your fucking eager  face with it…
– Nelly:     Mmmmmm … Yeah !!! Heavy… smell and feel so good against my cheeks…
– Erica..,:      How do I taste… lover?
– Forest:       Cramming this tongue so fucking deep in your snatch… Like fucking candy baby..
– Nelly:     Fuck my face off lover???
– Erica..,:     Love how you man handle me my lord
– You:       I’m climbing on … Nelly move over… let me have some of this luscious man meat…

I was so hott and decided to jump in and enjoy some of this stimulating play time… I put all my inhibitions aside and throw caution to the wind… this scene with the girls was making me super hott and very excited…My desires was rising and I was on fire wanting to erupt.. I was caught up again in forest sexual game… and I was gamed…

– Erica..,:     Spank me….make my ass cheeks firehouse red…
– Forest:      Milk this fucking cock with your fuck muscles wendy?
– You:       Yes … Deep .. clenching… gripping… milking lover…
– Forest:     Fuck me good you delicious sex goddess…
– You:     I’m Humping up and down …. grinding in deeply as I gripped that hard throbbing cock tightly with each thrust…
– Erica..,: I’ve been a bad girl daddy…I need punishment….
– You:    Screaming … Oooooh fuck me … yesss harder.. hhooooo… Yeah!!!!
– Forest:    Wait your  turn you lil horny  angel… Erica…Gonna put in your ass babygirl…
– Erica..,:    Yes daddy … please….it’s winking and ready for that nine inches of rock solid meat…
– Nelly:     Where you want me daddy..
– Forest:      Keep fucking me wendy..
– Forest:     Suck Wendy’s fucking clit Nelly…
– Erica..,:      Can I have a kiss…so I can taste how I taste on your lips..

-Nelly:   let me kiss you erica so you taste wendy’s juices…
– Forest:     And put some fingers in her ass nelly..
– You:      Oooooh..shit … yesss…
– Forest:    Not now erica… will kiss you later…just let me finger fuck that juicy pussy and lick up all your juices as you gushed in my mouth and on my tongue…

– You:     Fuuuuccckkkk !!!!!
– Erica..,: Mmmmmmm
– You: Yessss …. Pleaaasse….. I’m Cummin … Aaaaah ….omg!!!…. ooooh yeah!!
– Forest: Glaze this big dick with your fuck juice Wendy..

-Nelly:     you taste so good wendy… I’m licking some off your dick forest as you pump in an out of wendy’s oozing kitty…

– You: Aaaaaaah!!! gushing… dribbling out over your cock…
-Nelly,:     I’m licking your clit wendy… erica kiss me my bitch… taste her juices…
– You:       Oooooh Yesss …..Oooooh Yessss Oooooh Yeeeaah!!!!
– Forest:      Finger fuck her butthole as you kiss erica…
– Erica..,: Mmmmm…I’m cummin daddy… finger me harder… make me cum hard for you…
– You:     Ooooh yeeees …. Fuck me.. Fucckkk meeee forreestt… I’m cummin again..
– Forest:     I want some God damn video ladies…
– Erica..,: Yes daddy
– Forest: Video
– Forest: Video
– Forest: Video


Forest send three videos of him… they were very stimulating as always
– You:    Oh baby baby baby … good as ever.. never get tired of seeing that beautiful cock of yours..

-nelly:      Mmmmmm … Yes.. Right in my face …You cum so hard…  that was good forest… you have one of the biggest and prettiest cock I have seen…
– Forest:    Cmon Wendy get fuckin nasty for me…

He was prompting me to make a video .. but I wasn’t going to … I wasn’t ready to share that with the girls..
– Erica..,:    Mmmmmmmm…so true nelly…
– You:   we could love on that all day long and all night too…
– Forest: Cmon girls??   Video (he sent another to encourage us…)
-Nelly:     Video ….
– Erica..,:    video …
– You: Liked Erica.., message
– You: Thank you thank you thank u all…I needed this ..this morning…


Erica and Nelly both send their videos.. I didn’t… I thought I would just exit.. I was feeling self-conscious again and feel like I don’t fit in with them… I was so amazed how these girls was so brave and had no problem sharing their intimate assets…

I did enjoy the little sexual romp we had though… this was something new and exciting to me… and the girls was really a big encouragement.. I just knew it wouldn’t be long before I evolved and to participate with them..more…

Forest however was so tickled by us he started another conversation soon after and we played late into the night…
Next morning … he again hit us up and I joined in with Erica… Nelly couldn’t she was at work… I was home and so was Erica… that same evening Nelly join us and we had another foursome… Forest requested pictures…  and after Nelly and Erica summit there’s  I still didn’t…

I decided to talk to Forest on a one way conversation.. to tell himand to explain of my reservation of sharing pictures and videos…

Forest:     I adore you… my little team leader
– You:    You think I’m the team leader???  I think Erica has that title ..
– Forest:   Lol… it’s close
– You:     But.. You my stud.. Is the main attraction.. You brings us And hold us together
– You:         You are the feast.. That we can’t get enough of …
– Forest:      I fucking love it
– You:      And in reality.. I wouldn’t share you so willingly.. I definitely wouldn’t at all
– Forest:     Lol
– You:      Hey … It’s fun with the angels… But the truth be told… I enjoy you much more…. And cum much more.. And much harder.. When I have you all by myself….😄☺ Just saying… And so you know… 😉
– Forest:    Mmmmmm I will tend to you personally every now and then I assure you …
– You:    And I’m more eager to share videos and pictures with you… This is my very first time doing threesome or foursome.. I have never done it before.. Even in reality….I’m not comfortable showing my personal pictures and videos to the girls…
– Forest: I understand that but if you want to be an angel, you must obey me. I will service you one on one….
– You: HAHAhaha …lmoa… Really??? Oh my goodness.. HAHAhaha

I really thought he was joking around.. so i was laughing at his comments..
– Forest:    Yes really ….You ok with that?

– You:     We have created a monster
– Forest    : Nope, just the way it should be
– You: Are you being totally serious right now forest..????
– Forest: Lol… don’t trip…. Just have fun…

– You: Or just funning ….HAHAhaha …. I am actually … Having lots and lots of fun.. but… wtf????

I couldn’t believe the audacity of this mf…  was he for real…???  I really hoped he was still in the game mode…

– Forest:    Ok good… This doesn’t work without you baby…
– You:      IDK about this arrangement… and I don’t know if this is for me…. I’m easily replaceable …
– Forest:    You will get one on one…
– Forest:      And no you are not…I don”t want a replacement… just stay with the group and let’s continue to have some fun and enjoy each other…

-You:   Hmmm???? I will have to think about this…
– Forest: Photo … just know that you are an essential part of this….
– You:     Ooooh my.. You know I a beautiful chest.. Don’t you..????

He sent me a picture of his chest and I realize he was trying to change the subject.. I went along with it… and after we finished talking I went to talk with the other angels  and tell them about our conversation and tell them I might be leaving the group….

they talked me into staying and again reminded me it’s just a game of fun and I shouldn’t take it and forest so seriously… and assured me… they love playing with me..  and thus forming the group “HELL ANGELS”… They also beg me to participate and more involved  when playing…

And so I stayed…






– Forest: Thank you for liking my post.
– Forest: Wendy?
– You: Haaa … Forest…. I missed out on being your very good girl… HAHAhaha.. And I wanted so much to suck that nine inches of pure pleasure.. And be rewarded… With you gushing all over me…

I was trying to be funny; I wanted to mention that statement he sent on valentine’s day … but thought I would just make a joke of it instead… I actually started out telling him I didn’t like his approach.. but changed my mind thinking, why should I even bother…so I try to be humorous…
– Forest: Mmmmmmmmm fuck yes
– You: Maaan.. !! Maybe next time.. I know it will be a while before you find your way back around to me… But.. That beautiful nine inches of solid Fuck meat… Is worth the wait…

I always wanted him to know, I know of his demanding popularity…
– Forest: What are you doing right now?
– You: It’s my birthday.. So my phone is all tied up with calls and texts from my fans and family.. So sorry.. It the one day I get to be popular…
– Forest: Check out this Tango Surprise!
– Forest: Well Happy Birthday Wendy!  (sent 3videos)

he sent me a birthday wish with a cake and three videos of him.. of course naughty ones…

– You:     Happy birthday to me.. Love those videos… What else could a girl asks for.. Ooooooooh thank you forest… Best gift ever… You knew just what I needed…

– Forest:     Muah!   Miss seeing you   btw….I love your beautiful body….

– You:      Wish I could have be sitting on that hard stiff rod right now….Mmmmmm!!!!
– Forest: Mmmmmmmmm…
– You: I will send you some more of me … Next time you have time to play with me… I do love to see that beautiful cock cum for me…
– Forest: Well I’m ready now….. Lol
– You:     I Don’t have the time right now…
– Forest:    Lol… I know. Soon baby soon… Stroking this big dick for you right now…
– You:       Oh Jesus!!!!! Aren’t you at work… Lover???
– Forest:   No
– You:      Nooooo??? Do you got a day off???
– Forest:     Can you call me… Late start today…
– You:      no I can’t call… I’m talking to my brother on whatsapp… From Jamaica.. Inbetween talking to you…
– Forest:     Oh ok…..
– You:       But .. So you know.. Kitty is so very excited to hear from you… She so much wanted to play.. Just bad timing…right now.. I can’t help but be petting her.. And Maaaan.. She is just loving it..

I was playing with his head… trying to be naughty…

– Forest: Mmmmmmmm….. I absolutely love your style…And your wit..
– You:     You do.. Well thank you forest
– Forest:    I do very much..
– You:      I try to be humorous all the time ….

– Forest:    I dig that about you..
– You:         Although I know I’m corny sometimes….Oooooooh good…  I dig you too forest…
– Forest:     And you turn me the fuck on
– You:       Ooooooooh Shiiiit!!! really??? is that so???
– Forest:   Mhmm… Cock gets hard just talking to you…
– You:     Wow..!!! I’m so flattered….I do love to get you hard though..smiling huge…

– Forest:    I’d love to fuck you silly…
– You:      Funny thing is.. Kitty reacts the same around you
– Forest:   Just a weekend of pure unadulterated fucking……Mmmmmmm…
– You:       Wwwwhhhoooo boy….That would definitely be my glory…
– Forest:     Just rock hard cock constantly pumping your fuck holes…
– You:         That’s right forest… And I want to feel that rock hard in all these fuck holes.. Mmmmmm…
– Forest:   Fuck yes Wendy
– You:      I would let you transfer from one to the other.. Again and again… Over and over and over again…
– Forest:    You make me wanna touch myself…Piston fucking your holes…
– You:      Till you explode all that cum all over me… I wanna touch you tooo….
– Forest:     Bury it in your pussy… pull out and right into the next…

– You:      Pounding…. Ooooooooh yeah….And back to eager pulsating kitty…
– Forest:    Leave it buried and start to pulse and throb inside you…
– You:       Whoaaa!!! yesss… oooh yesss!!!

– Forest:     Milk this cock with your fuck muscles…
– You:         Mhmm.. Mhmmm….Ooooooooh yeah.. Milking it dry..
– Forest:    Getting my cock out…
– You:       I will clenched and gripped to milk every bit out…and Getting you ready again… For round two.

– Forest:     That’s it Wendy
– Forest:     Stroking….
– You:         Oh no??….
– Forest:   Oh yes..
– You:    I went and did it… didn’t I????
– Forest:   Yes you did…

– You:    Just can’t control myself around you… It seems…
– Forest:    I’m glad…This feels so good…
– You:        I would climb on and ride you like a wild horse… Bucking and humping… Wildly… And you would want to get up… And take control…
– Forest:     Scream as you fuck me…
– Forest:     That’s right
– You:      You would probably throw me against the wall..pull my ass up and out And plunged it in hard and fast…
– Forest:     Stretching your naughty little fuck holes with 9 inches of cock…
– You:       as you Push me  forcingly into the wall… Ooooooooh yeah .. I love it a little rough…
– Forest:    Take this man meat Wendy
– You:    I’d be the one screaming then… Ooooooooh yes…Fuck me forest.. fuck me good..
– Forest:    God I love fucking you..!!!!!!

– You:     I would be pushing my ass up for more of you..wanting it deeper…ooooohh!!!!
– Forest:   I wanna cum in your ass
– You:     Oh yeah??? In my ass????

I wasn’t too sure about that… but this is just virtual and like a fantasy.. so instead of spoiling his fun… i just play along making him live out his….
– Forest:   Fill it
– You:      I’m pulling my ass cheeks apart…. Begging you to put it …Shaking with anticipation…
– Forest:    Take all this cock in your ass
– You:        Now forest
– Forest:    ALL OF IT

You:       Aaaaaah…. All the way in..

– Forest:    Here it cums…
– You:    Long strokes
– Forest:   Exactly

– You:    Deeply… Over and over again.. Fuck it…Fuck it…Ooooooooh Yessss….Yessss!!!!!
– Forest:     Shooting jet after hot jet of sticky sweet man milk in that asshole
– You ;      Ooooooooh yeah…Oozing out…. Warm against my leg….I love it.. I’m breathless… Ooooooooh Maaan…
– Forest:     Holy fuck you’re absolutely intoxicating
– You:     You are amazingly good
-Forest:    I love to play this game with you…
– You:    Ooooooooh??.. Kitty is happy, she seems to love you too…
– Forest:   Good!
-You:        I can’t even text.. My focus is off
– Forest:   Lol
– You:      Ooooooooh u are so good to me
– Forest:   As you are to me
– You:       I could easily become addicted to your Nine inches of pure pleasure and wanting it Over and over again….
– Forest:    Oh hell yeah…
– You:        Heyyy I know you would rather a different pic… But hopefully you won’t mind this one too much..
– You: Photos…

I decided to shift the subject a little… get away from the sexting…

I had took some birthday photos and they came out quite good… so I thought I’d share them with him.. I was looking all pretty and sexy and happy all roll in one..  I was in a very great mood today.. and I was having fun…


– You: My BD pictures……HAHAhaha
– Forest: I fucking love it!

– You:       It’s gotta be some fucking in there right
– Forest:    Mhmm….Exactly..

– You:     Maaan.. Would love to have you… Ran a marathon with me

– Forest:    I’d fuck you silly
– You:    Good god… I would be so sore and loving it…
– Forest:   Yes you would
– You:      Fuckin me silly.. Would be exactly what I want
– Forest:   I wanna be your cock toy
– You:       But you are…. My very personal sex toy…
– Forest:     Where you live again?
– You:    Much too far away forest…

Forest:     Damn…

– You:       Come on.. You can find some freaky girls nearby….
– Forest:     I seem to not be able to…

– You:       Unbelievable.. I think you are hiding yourself away… Your personal choice not to…
– Forest:     Nope.. I”m not hiding at all…

– You:    But .. If I was nearby.. I would hunt you down And jump all over your Hott and sexy ass… You wouldn’t have a choice… I wouldn’t give you one…
– Forest:   Love it… I wouldn’t need one… I would be very willing…
– You:     Yes you would… you would definitely love it… I would leave you with a huge smile on your face…
– Forest: Love that too… and you would leave walking funny..
– You:      Hahahaha… And of course.. I’d definitely be smiling tons too.. And probably limping With pleasure…Great joy… completely satisfied…

– Forest:    Lol…..God !!!!….I wanna do so many naughty things to you..
– You:        And Maaan..how I want you to….The feelings quite mutual…
– Forest:    Good!
– You:     With you… All my senses are heightened… And come alive…
– Forest:    God I love that…
– You:    I bet you could ignite a fire so blazing hot… And take me to heights.. I have never been..
– Forest:    I know I could…
– You:       I know it… From just the feeling you are creating within me.. Right now.. I just know you would.. Definitely.. Absolutely would…You have such a strong physical chemistry..
– Forest:    Thank you love
– You:     I actually meant energy…. But I know you understand what I’m trying to say…
– Forest:    I do…

I got a phone call an I switched over…  I decided to just leave it as is…  I didn’t intend to talk to him as long as I did… I was just in a wonderful happy mood  and I actually enjoyed our little romp and conversation…. He seems very fascinated with me and I am a bit tickled and amused with the knowledge…and I was all smiles….

The following day he sent me a photo of some sexual nature.. I smiled and shake my head… i responded….

– You:     HAHAhaha.. Is that you.. Wow!!!
– Forest:    No lol
– Forest:     Check out this post…

he sent another one… it was steamy and hottt… and I figure he was trying to aroused me…
– You:    I love it.. I could just imagine you doing that though…but lover… I’m on the road.. Driving.. Going to have dinner with a few friends.. So sorry I can’t play now…You are so insatiable And excitable though.. Mmmmmm Mmm…
– Forest:    All good..have fun..wendy… and just so you know… you excites me and makes me insatiable…

I quickly hung up… smiling at his text… because I know how easily he can pull me in.. and I just wasn’t up to his games today….


He posted a picture of himself the next day… and of course… as usual I place a like and made a little comment… so he responded to it…

– Forest:    Thank you for liking my post.
– You:    Every time … Forest…
– Forest:   Lol
– You:    You know I’m one of your fans… It’s not only your posts I like … Hmmm.. I’m also a big fan of your most beautiful erogenous zones… Mmmmmm…


He liked my comments but didn’t say nothing more… so I just take that as my cue to leave him alone…Even though I like talking to him… I was still trying to distant myself… He still has that sexual power over me… and talking to him always seems to stimulates me.. but he is only about sex and a good time… and sometimes I just need some super conversations….without the pressure of getting sexual..

My connection to him is not emotional… so I’m not attached…I tell myself I’m going to just stay away from him as much as I can….

Let’s see just how serious I am about this and just how much I can fight his temptations..

I need ten thousand angels… to help me tell him no.”




I was thinking… after I hung up… I am not going to encourage this guy any longer…because now every time he hit me up he’s going to expect some sexual game…  and it’s not everytime I’m going be in the that kind of mood… 

I liked him but… my one night of being wild and naughty  is just one night… and I was just in the mood for some fun..i got it and now I’m over it..

An hour later,he sent me a couple of pictures of him without shirts… he has a nice chest but wasn’t chiseled or buff… and I do love a good-looking chest on my men… I was thinking I may have said something to him about my likes for him to choose to send me those shots…

I complimented him, anyways…

– Forest:     Photo
– You:        Aaaaaah forest!!!… I could love on that chest … Ooooooh Maaan…  How I love to love on a beautiful and chiseled chest …
– Forest:      Mmmmmmmm…
– You:       hoohooooo   baby… You are so beautiful… you do have a nice physique…
– Forest:    Thanks baby girl
You:    You know it forest… Are u home ???

I thought he was at home and taking pictures for me….


– Forest:    No baby… That was about 3 months ago
– You:    Oh okay… thanks for sharing anyways…  Still love it …
– Forest:    Check out this post! ….

He sent me a naughty video.. I just ignore it and thank him for his photos and tell him that I have to get back to work… I didn’t want to get pull in again by his sexuality… and from the video he sent… I was obvious that he was trying to get me going in that direction…

He says bye… and ended our conversation… I didn’t hear from for a couple of days and when he  try to contact me I ignored him .. I was trying to pull away from him… but he loves to post pictures of himself and humorous sexual post.. all which would appear on my news feed because I was still following him.. and of course anything sexual always pique my interest… and… Of course I would like and place a comment or two on these posts…… I love making  commenting on posts… that is my thing… it humor me and I love to get back reactions..

So  sometimes he would send a “HI” to me…  and thank me for liking his posts..We played  that game for approximately two weeks… He trying to chat and me ignoring and refusing his attempts… after  a week or so I decide to answer him.

– Forest:    Thank you for liking my post.
– You:    Hey you.. See that you are really busy..  I was  as well…that was really a funny  post though…HAHAhaha… I see just how popular you are from all the comments you got… I do understand… You are a guy of/ in great demands..
– Forest:      yes, I’m Just really busy Wendy… I really enjoyed you immensely and I have been missing you..
– You:      And I you.. Forest
– Forest:     Good!
– You:     Just dropping in to say hi.. And give you a little nudge to remember me… Just in case you had forgotten me… HAHAhaha.. I know it’s quite easy to do…
– Forest:        Bullshit!
– You:     I know u are probably very busy with work right now.. So am I actually…
– Forest:    I think of you often. But you can be a very pleasant distraction. And sometimes I need to be focused lol. But believe me I desire you…
– You:       Hey.. no worries man…all good… I actually love one night stands…
– Forest:      Lol… you’re not!
– You:        Even so forest… That’s always the best of times… To me anyways .. Enjoy your day.. I really don’t want to distract you too much… As a matter of fact.. I can’t afford to be distracted myself.. And you are definitely a big one for me.. Right now as I got u here talking to you… I’m becoming distracted .. Oh boy not so good for me.. So talk later….
– Forest:   Lol..    definitely …
– Forest: Video …
– Forest: Video…

He sent me two porn videos… some really steamy ones too… I realize he truly love these kinds of videos…  and he loves to interject them in-between our conversations…hoping to create a stir and have me all turned on.. I am not much into porn too much… they really don’t do much for me… but… I find myself liking his choices and actually gets a little aroused watching them… I didn’t want to burst his bubbles… so I responded…
– You:     Oh my goodness forest.. You are not playing fair.. You are so mean…

– Forest:    Lol…(of course he laughs enjoying knowing he has aroused me..)

And so I played his game along… just to humor him…

– You:     I can’t afford to get in this stage right now.. Ooooooh shit.. I feel like I’m gonna explode…
– Forest:    Sorry baby
– You:      Ooooooh Maaan.. You are no good
– You:    But.. Do I love it??!!!

– Forest:    Yes you do
– You:      Oh Fuck.. Yes.. I do.. I do …(I’m such an actress.. haha..)– ….Have you a most fantastic day forest… And thanks for getting me all soaking wet.. And a badly twitching kitty …
– Forest:      I love-making you wet… Most welcome …
– You:          (I was smiling … knowing his exact intentions)  But Maaan.. It’s such an awesome feeling ….
– Forest:     Mmmmmmm

You: Audio Message:

I was just being a naughty girl … trying to get him back by sending him a voice message of pretending to be aroused and enjoying myself telling him how much I want him and is so hottt and wett for him…

– You: Later forest
– Forest: Omdg!!!!Killin me!
– You:    (Liked Forest message)… You are the one killing me with those videos….All good though… Love them… They made my day….. Now all I have to do.. Is not get caught sneaking a peek.. Ever so often…. I love watching you.. I do….HAHAhaha
– Forest: Mmmmmmm….Thank you for liking my post.
– Forest: Video ”

He sent another three or four videos… I realize I was actually encouraging him with my playing along… I really want him to go…

– You:     Ooh my… !!! Ooooh my…!!!

– Forest: Video

– Forest: video.
– Forest: video

He sent a couple more… I just decided to not comment this time…and i didn’t …and stop the conversation… He is heavily in porns… I have noticed that even the ones with him… he is always  watching porns…
– Forest: Morning gorgeous…

He try again one morning… I didn’t acknowledge him…I wasn’t in the mood for his game today…
– You:    Hey forest… It’s Friday night… What are you up to…. Anything fun??   I guess you probably have daddy duties about right now… Just passing through.. Stopping by… Saying… Heyyy!!!! You!!!!

I tried to connect with him friday night.. I was up and was in one of my moods…. but to my disappointment he didn’t respond… ooohh well… I figure he was busy with someone else… So I just leave him alone…

It was now valentine’s day… so I send out a Valentine’s greeting to him..

– You: HAPPY HAPPY VALENTINES DAY FOREST!!!! LOTS And LOTS OF VALENTINES SEX.. Enjoy your day to the fullest..

I sent it to him in the morning… I didn’t get a response until evening… but the way and what he text… annoys me a little…It was Valentines Day.. and I want some affection and some sweet convos… so when I saw his text.. I was just shake my head and said… “not today lover… and didn’t respond…

This is what he said…
– Forest:    Fuckin suck this big fuck meat baby girl…

Even virtually… that to me is not acceptable…I guess he was  thinking it was sexy and hott.. and just the thought of his “fuck meat” was enough to turn me on..  I didn’t make a comment or even bother to say anything about it… he was not worth my efforts… and it’s not like we have an emotional connection…





…….We continued to play for some more… I was really feeling for more…

– Forest: I’m fucking ravenous…

-ME:     maan, so am I forest.. let’s do this..

-Forest:    Show me more…

I sent him all of my best assets…  (my boobs; my legs; my butt; covered…) I know just how beautiful they are and I was very proud of my beautiful body… almost flawless..and I’m in one hellava mood tonight.. and to be truthful I have no intention of playing with this guy again…. just like a one night stand…

– Forest: Get fucking naked …I wanna see that ass…

-ME:   My ass is not pretty.. I don’t show my bare ass.. The only place on me I don’t show..  But that’s all the show for today…

I have a few little dimples on my rare area from cellulitis… I guess I have to cut back on my sugar intake… but  I get so self-conscious developing these dimples after having such an almost perfect butt  before…. I told him I never show so much before and that he must be extra special…and make the comment…that he don’t really need it…I was very conscious of his status and know this is only a game for him for some sexual gratification… I also knew he has one thousand other girls playing with… this is just for my needs… and as long as it benefits me and make me happy… it’s all good… and I have had my fun..I honestly enjoyed the intense stimulation he gives…

– Forest: Omg.. ok…I must…I’m here, aren’t I??? I most definitely do…need this..
-You:    You must have plenty better ones..I’m sure, considering your enormous fan club…

– Forest:   Nope… Don’t assume…
– You:    But I don’t care, really… I’m not really competing.. I’m just  here enjoying you..

– Forest: I’m your cock toy …

– You:      Ooooooh yeah??? And I came really good so I’m liking my sex toy ..  smiling huge ..
– Forest:     I’m gonna cum again..

i thought I would indulge and oblige him  some more… he share a few more videos and I return the favor one more time… we sext some more and we both experience another dose of volcanic eruption…I was shocked that I was that much stimulated  to be be able to have this much multi-orgasm…from just sexting with someone…never realize I could feel this way and get such intense sexual energy  with just a connection online…

We were conversing  causally and all of a sudden he was not responding.. I thought he must have dose off… so I asked…

– You:” You are gone?” I guess you feel asleep… Ooooooh Maaan!!!… Ok forest.. I guess you have had enough of me for one night…
Forest:      Nope.. just have a young son
– You:   I know that…and it’s late… But I still think you might have enough of me at one time…
– Forest:   Impossible!!!!!!
– You:     HAhAhaha !!!!(I find his comment humorous…. I felt really tickled with that thought..) I see that you are a marathon runner like me ..
– Forest:    Yes… I literally cum at LEAST 4 times a day
– You: Really!??

We talked for another five or so minutes casually.. he said he had to go to sleep for work… but inform me that he is still revisiting my videos… but I was doing the same with his.. so I understands…

You: Ooooooh okay …. Hahahaha… be careful forest…You could get me hooked….
– Forest: that would be Good Wendy….
– You: That’s not so good  actually…
– Forest: Why???

– You:      Because… Now I will be for craving more of you… and your availability might be open to my demands..
Forest:    I’m at your service …
– You:      But I have enjoyed you tremendously …..well we will see about that..

– Forest:   Ahhh ok… Rest easy lil lady …. shuuuuuu…

– You:    What time do you work

– Forest:   5
You:    Oh my.. Goodnight night forest … You need your sleep for work tomorrow … Thanks for the entertainment.. Until next time… Sweet dreams..
– Forest:    Goodnight  Wendy….
– You:   Smiling tons.
– Forest: Love it !!!




Forest:    got you on my mind…

– You: HAhAhaha.. Really forest, I’m so flattered.. I’m kinda thinking about you too.. Actually…
– Forest:       Watching your video again…

– You:          Awwww!!!! and Why aren’t you sleeping…
– Forest:      Cause, I’m stroking my cock for you…
– You:        Ooooooh my!!! that must be sore n by now, but…I love it…
– Forest:    Video…

he sent me a video showing me exactly how he was feeling and what state he was in…
– Forest: I’m swollen with lust
– You: Oh Jesus.. That’s definitely beauty… Wow!! You know I did cum twice again watching your videos too…

– Forest: C’mon… you didn’t…
– You: Seriously… that’s how much you affected me lover…
– Forest: Cum with me… now…. Yes?????
– You: I’m all cum out. Maaan I don’t think I have anymore left in me… It’s been a long time since I cum this much in one night.  I just lay here and I rub myself silly…
– Forest:     Well I’m gonna… Exactly wendy… keep rubbing her… While I stroke this fuck meat…with you in mind…
– You:        I guess You want me to help you along??…God damn it.. Kitty is jumping, Begging to play … again… You are so bad… And I want to join you… I’m stroking her now…
– Forest:     Yes?? is that right?   Good girl!

So we start again and again reached our peak of ecstasy… maan I was so worn out and I was ready to sleep.. I really was liking this guy and his powerful sexual energy…

– You: Aaaaaah…Aaaaaah Aaaaaah ….Oh my.. Good God …I’m trembling … Mmmmm !!!! Would you believe I cum again…  Unbelievable …
– You:       Can you sleep now .????
– Forest:    You are a fucking goddess!
– You: Really ??? you think??
– Forest: I think I just might be able to sleep now… hopefully… Yes… You are absofuckinlutly a goddess!!!!
– You:      Oh good to know forest… smiling tons… Thank you for that sweet compliment…I never knew I still have it in me to cum so much in one day.. It’s been a while since I’ve done that … You do bring out the best in me ….
– Forest:     I mean it  Wendy… You are fucking intoxicating…
You:      Still Smiling tons.. Good night.. Sleep well.
– Forest:    You as well ..
– You:    Ooooooh… and thank you for one awesome night… I’m fully satiated….                     -forest:   I’m happy to oblige… and thank you as well my sex Goddess..

I smile very tickled with his nick names for me… never knew I had it in me to be so erotic virtually… and I drifted off to sleep thinking it’s was a sensational experience of a one night stand for me..


– Forest: Morning gorgeous
– You:  Forest!!!!!Heyyy sexy guy


I was not expecting to hear from him … at least this soon anyways…
– Forest: How you doin?
– You: Great… I’m so full of energy this morning..
– Forest: You working?  Yes!?? is that so.???
– You: Sex and cumin always do that for me… I’m Having coffee…
– Forest: I can’t get you off my mind
– You: Ooooooh really ??? Mmmm…. I must have made quite the impression..Wow!!! I’m damn good…
– Forest: Cock getting hard just thinking  of you…. Lol…you sure did  and you are damn good…
– You: Oh my!!!

– Forest: Mhmm
– You:    Kitty really enjoyed you too..
– Forest:    I fucking love your kitty

– You:       She’s here getting all excited talking to you…

– Forest: Oh really?
– You: Yeah… Crazy eh!?? I guess you also left an impression on kitty…

I was honestly getting a stir.. thinking of our highly stimulating encounters last night…
– Forest:    Nope… not crazy… Sexy though… Where are you?
– You:        So I guess I’m not the only one that was damn good..
– Forest:    Lol
– You:       I’m on the computer working on something.

– Forest:     At home?
– You:      Nope..
– Forest:   Damn…

I had the feeling he want to play…but I really didn’t want to take the time to and I know he would be expecting more pictures and maybe videos which I really don’t want to do again… That was a one night, one time thing… so I asked…
– You:    Aren’t you at work…
– Forest:    I am but I work alone…
– You:        Oookay

– Forest:     In my work truck thinking about stroking…
– You:       Ooooooh Shit ??? Yeah?.. are you being serious right now..??
– Forest:   Mhmm… yess… I’m being very serious…

I was kinda tickled and turned on at the same time…this guy is plain crazy.. I was laughing finding it so amusing but couldn’t denied the effect it was having on me and that I was getting aroused  visualizing him in that truck in the open.. I was just as crazy… I supposed.. and he is pulling me in again…
– You:     Kitty is going kinda wild.. just thinking about that scenario…
– Forest:     Are you able to do anything about it?
– You:     not right now.. I need to finish this… Maybe later… but.. Ooooooh Maaan… The effects you cause and have on my kitty…
– Forest:     Ok baby… I’m at your service… always.

– You: I’m here shaking my legs wanting so much to pet her..

I was trying to declined his offer to play but I was finding it so hard to resist the strong urge and reaction he was creating with kitty…
– Forest:      Fuck Wendy!!! do something to please her…
– You:           She is begging for some play time… It’s that glorious nine inches on her mind..
– Forest:      I wanna cum for you.. Ramming in an out in an out..
– Forest:     Swollen…. Pulsating…. Throbbing…
-You:     Oh shiiiiiit… forest..please Stop…. You are not helping… OMG!!!!  she is going to cum right here…
– Forest:       Ok ok… but wendy… Fuck I’m so fucking horny for you…
– Forest:      Do it!!!!I dare you….
– You:          She’s pulsating so hard….I’m not alone.. I can be seen…
– You:          Good god man forest… You really have me going… I want you so baaad…
– Forest:       I’m this close to lubing this man meat…

– You:        I want to feel all of that sweet nine inches inside  kitty now… You should see my face… It’s so obvious with what I’m feeling…
– Forest:    Fuck .. really??? show me??? let’s  bury it… I would Leave it buried and start to pulse and throb deep inside you…
– You:       I think it’s so obvious; I’m having a hard time hiding my pleasure… I’m laughing to myself…and everyone is starting to stare at me…
– Forest:     Lol… Precum oozing from the tip of my cock..As I make my cock pulsate inside you…
– You:        Kitty want to cum too… Ooooooh shit..
– Forest:     Mmmmmmmm….I wanna make her gush…
– You:       I touched her through the fabric.. And Ooooooh my god…She loves it…. I want to caress her so badly…
– Forest:    Oh fuck yes… Go to the bathroom.

I obeyed and make my way to the restroom.. I had to make her explode and gushed with this build-ed up cum.. I couldn’t hold it in any longer…
– You:    My eyes closed… I’m seeing that beautiful nine inches… Hard… Stiff… throbbing…
– Forest:     Mmmmmmmm

– You:        Slowly working its way inside… Ooooooh my goodness… feels so goooood..!!!!
– Forest:     Feeding you every rock hard inch … Feel me stuff you full…
– You:          Inches by inches…. Ooooooh yeah.
– Forest:    Ok I’m getting him out..
– You:    You are steadily thrusting…I’m kneeling down

– Forest:    Yessssss!!!!
– You:       You are behind me…I’m on the chair…Butt out….
– Forest:    Offer me your kitty like a good girl…
-You:          Ooooooh yeah…Your hand on my shoulders… One on my ass… You are pushing… Thrusting..  let me have it.!!!.

– Forest:      yess… every inch… Let me bury this hard veiny cock in that juicy oozing wett kitten…
– You: I turn around to look at you… You are busily humping…
– Forest: Yesssssss…
You: Harder.. Please…please Fuck me harder… I pleaded.,,Oh yeah .. yeah ..I love your beautiful cock…

– Forest:     You want it????

– Forest:     Video …

He sent me a video of him in his truck.. jerking vigorously away…
– You:    Feeling so damn good…
– Forest:    Reach back and pull your ass cheeks open wide for me..
– You: I’m pulling it wide…
– Forest:     Good girl!
– You:         Heisting my ass…Moving with you… Reached for your balls..
– Forest:     Yesssssss

– You:        Ooooooh shiiiiiit… You are so bad… but great for me…
– Forest:    You get my video?  I love it…
– You: I did.. I did… I love it Maaan…

-Forest:    Omg!!!! that was awesome… you are so amazing….  I gotta clean up … Lol…
– You:        That nine inches is just wonderful .
– Forest:    My cock loves you… that’s for sure..whewww!!!
– You:      Ookay?? feeling is very mutual forest… because kitty is truly happy .. Let me get clean up too… And get back…
– Forest:        Ok baby Ttys (talk to you soon)
– You:            And kitty sure loves you…
– Forest:        Mmmmmmmmm!!!!
– You:           Talk later forest.
– Forest:        Yes we will.





I was enjoying our little conversation… and I was in the mood for talking and having some fun.. and I find that I do like this guy ….
– Forest : Thank you for liking my post.
– You:   You are welcome forest
– Forest:   So what are you doing right now?
– You:    I was doing some light exercise
– Forest:   Oh yeah? ….Like?

– You:   Making sure to stay flexible in case I get lucky …. Stretching
– Forest:    Holy fuck … Lol … Good girl
– You   : Maaan it would sucks if I do, and I can’t keep up
– Forest:    I know right!
– You:      So I tried to maintain my flexibility
– Forest:   Good
– Forest:    I like flexible
– You:      Of course you do … you are an Irish ….
– Forest:    Allows for deeper penetration
– You:        Ooooooh yeah!!!!
– Forest:     Deeeeep
– You:         The deeper the better
I realized he was pulling me in the direction I wasn’t intended to go, but I was gamed and I was feeling drawn to him and I actually was feeling  a little wild and crazy tonight…I’m in the mood for some fun tonight…. Kitty was starting to react to his suggestions and I was thinking so what, after tonight, I might not even talk to him again, a guy with 1000 girls is not going to remember me or have time for me. I may hate myself in the morning; but I’m going to have fun with him tonight.. and it’s all but an innocent game of fun…

– Forest: Mmmmmmmmmm fuck yes!
I realised that F*** word was a part of his vocabulary and is used quite frequently…but who am I to judge…. I do have a filthy mouth myself…  so I don’t mind his language…

– You:     And with your nine inches… Mmmmm
– Forest:   I like tickling cervix lol
– You:     mine need tickling … mmmm…
– Forest:   Stuff you so full Wendy
– You:   Whoaaaa!!! fill me up forest…
– Forest: i would love to tickle yours wendy..
– You:    Mmmmm mmmm…. I love it stuffed And pounded….
– Forest:   Pin your legs up high and bury every fucking veiny rock hard inch of my cock into your creamy kitty….
– You:    oooh yeah every last inch… Hard deep and fast
– Forest:     Then pull out slowly so you can see just how much dick you’re taking…
I realize that I was encouraging his sexual convo… but as I said, I was in a little naughty and mischievous mood… and I feel the rising of my desires as I read his sexual descriptions and find I was actually enjoying the feelings… of getting all turned on..

– Forest: I’m getting aroused
– You: mmmm… so am I forest… and How do you know her name is kitty ???
– Forest: Lol.
– You: Kitty is loving the attention ….
– Forest: Rubbing my cock through my jammies right now…

I was getting aroused too.. surprisingly… I don’t normally feel this sexual connection so quickly with anyone… but I’m liking it and I’m gonna enjoy him and this feeling for now…

– You : Ooooooh shiiiiiit …yess forest , take it out … I can feel you pulling it all the way out.. And slowly putting it all the way in… Ooooooh boy…

– Forest: I love long dickin….At first.
– You: You have me visualizing and loving what I’m seeing…
– Forest: Then you get pounded
– You:      yeah …don’t stop…
– Forest:   Cock just a blur as it rams in an out in an out … Balls slapping against your ass as I pound you vigorously …
– You:     hhhooo Yessss …That’s how I love it .. While I hold on to your ass and pull you in.. With each thrust you make…
I was playing along with him and enjoying his sexual game… by now was so hott and wett and I had to oblige kitty and give her what she was begging for…

– Forest:   Oh fuck yes …Be greedy … Take it all Wendy …
You:    give it all forest….I’ll even slap your sexy ass.. making you dive in deeper with the pleasurable sensation…. I’m very greedy…
– Forest:    I fucking love that!!!!!!
– You:     I like it nuff and hard….
– Forest:    You like to be tied up? Choked????
– You:     I  put my feet on your shoulders and heist my hips so high to meet each and every thrust you give..

– Forest: Yessssss!!!!!

– You:    Choked..Hell Noooo…. Tied up.. Maybe …
– Forest:    Ok…..Just fucked silly?
– You:     Are you a sadist

I had to ask… not that it matter really.. this only virtually.. and playing along is easy… I can be anyone and do anything just to turn on his sweet sexy ass… even though in reality I would not…I love this game of erotic fantasy…

– Forest: Nope…..But when it comes to sex I’m open…
– You:     Ooooooh good… I don’t like pain…And I don’t like to be humiliated …
– Forest:   Then you will experience only pleasure
– You:      I’m all about pleasure … Passionate pleasure… So do you get freaky too ????
– Forest:     I do.
– You:      kinky ???
– Forest :   I do….but No feet… Lol..

– You:    What kind of  freakyness are you into?..I have never done feet… Never have anyone who does feet either …
– Forest: Forget freaky… Let’s keep fucking….
I had to laugh..oh my goodness , I was actually enjoying him, and I was having fun and smiling and kitty was jumping for some playtime.. It’s been a while since I got this sexual energy from anyone. And he is so good at playing.. I don’t want to stop..
– You:     HAhAhaha ….. Ok lover let’s keep on fucking…even though  I didn’t realize that we were …
– Forest:      Lol… I fucking dig you!!!!

I was really pleased that he was enjoying my little play along…. and it encourages me even more and is really a big turn on for me… it was boosting my ego… i started to feel a surge of confidence…
– You:     So we changed positions …. You want me reverse cowgirl …Or doggy????
– Forest:     Absolutely …Both..
-Forest:      Hold that thought …Fuck…!!!!! I’m hard as fuck….
He seems to leave for a while… tending to his bay I assume… so I thought I would use the opportunity to write out a scenario in his absence…  riding him cowgirl style…

– You:      Maaan Im about to ride you like a horse… I got on… Reverse cowgirl…  I eased my wett slippery kitty over your hard eager throbbing cock…You grab hold of my hips..  helping me slowly  Getting it all the way in..  inch by inch… And and then the ride begins… You give each of my ass cheek a stinging slap… i jerk with each slap as kitty  clenched  with stimulating pleasure gripping your cock  tightly as it goes deeper in.. I reached between your legs and slightly squeeze your nuts .. Between my fingers…. Touching that area between your ass and your balls…My fingers find and explore your asshole.. As I slowly fingers the outside.. Waiting for your invite to let me know you like it.. you didn’t so….. I moved back to your balls.. And squeeze  and roll them between my fingers as I continue to  hump your hard juicy cock…. . You moans gently …. And bucking your hips upwards to meet each of my thrusts as I ride that rock hard cock… your hands on my hips pulling me in closer and out farther..

– Forest:     Holy fuck I love you !!!!!
He came back on…. and I was so pleased with his reaction to my scenario.. I was smiling huge and kitty was pulsating with my  vivid visualization…

– You:    Kitty is clenching.. Wildly … About to explode with her cum
– Forest:   Glaze me ….
– You:    I leaned back onto your chest… My hands reached over my head and encircled your neck… You reached around, start to rub my clit.. And Maaan… with one touch from your fingers.. I cum with such a force that shudder my whole body ….I squealed out in  pure ecstasy… Yeeeaah!!! Ooooooh yeah !!! I keep on hunching as kitty vibrate and twitching violently as she oozes her juices glazing you and trying to get off another one… with the sweet sensation of cummin…..I feel the swelling of your cock getting ready to fill me with spunk.. as you glide in and out all slippery from my juices…
– Forest: Cock stiffens as the cum builds …
– You: And I slow down some… Giving you the control and the  access to cum..
– Forest: Video

He sent me two videos of him jerking that hard cock… not many men know how to give a good jerk show.. but he definitely does… I truly enjoyed those videos..

When I saw his cock, I got so excited, he has one of the most beautiful cock I have seen; aaaah I watch it twice and kitty was ready to cum again. Oooh my goodness, he was glorious!!!!

– You: Ohh yeah.. forest… I truly love it!!!!
– Forest: You are absolutely delicious…

Another compliment from him… I smiled… feeling good about me and thinking…. I’m damn goood……
– You:   Ooooooh Maaan. That’s a really beautiful dick…. I love it …God .. I could have some really great fun with that … I feel like tasting it… and put it all the way down my throat…
I was really impressed with his videos and his beautiful man meat.. Maybe because I was so damn hott for him… and kitty was controlling my mind.. and I wanted to return his compliment..

– Forest: Good… please tell me you’re fucking yourself right now

– You:       Of course I am
– Forest:    Wendy… show me????

– You: I just knew you’d asked.. But I don’t do that…..

– Forest: Video….
He sent another video of him ejaculating… it was awesome to watch.. he came with just force..it spew across the room.. and he kept on coming….and the sounds he makes was such a turn on.. I was so amazed and surprised at myself for deriving so much pleasure from his videos… but I did…
– Forest: Wendy… We are way past being shy or self-conscious …..
I know he was absolutely right…
2016 01 28 21:42:17.723 – You: Maaan.. Just wait for it….
I was really enjoying him and I was all into it, and I was thinking why not go with it, let him see exactly how he is affecting miss kitty. So I boldly made a video of me rubbing  and playing with her. I have never done this before, but I wanted to. I have cum so many times, I was soaking wet. I was so damn hottt for him…

– Forest:     Make me cum again you glorious lil vixen ..Cmon baby Make me shoot my cum for you….

– You: Video …
So I boldly sent him the video… but was feeling so self-conscious and blushing… good thing he couldn’t see my reaction …

– You:    hope you like her….
– Forest:    Omg you’re drenched …. I fucking love it…
I was smiling so huge. So glad that he likes what he is seeing. I was so nervous that it would be so gross; and that he would think I was sleazy.. But he said he loves it… and I anted to believe him..

– You:     I thought you’d think that’s so gross… Good ..you like her….. Kitty love to be loved
– Forest:   You ready for some cum ..????
– You:       Ooooooh yeah !!!!
– Forest:    Where you want it ???
– You:    I came so hard watching that beautiful cock of yours …… I don’t care …..Just give it to me forest …
– Forest: Ok… here it cums !!!!
– You: Man oh man !!! I’m so excited…
And I truly was. I was really having a good time with this guy forest; maan, he was good and I have never been this far this quick with anyone before, but something about him???? He got this strong, intense and passionate sexual energy. And ooh my god!!!! I made a video for him… shiiiit!!! I’m really evolving … Still couldn’t believe I had the nerve to do that….

-Forest: video..
He sent me another video and he came even harder than before..I was in awe of this guy and love to see just how much he have been enjoying my presence and my video… I was really pleased to see how much I have affected him in the same way he had affected me…. we were in sync

– You: Ooooooh Maaan. You came so hard.. I love it …Where did you put it ??? On my belly? On my back? On my face????
– Forest:     Again again again… Pumped your pussy full of hot cum …
– You:     mmmm… that’s work for me….
– Forest:     Cum oozing out the sides of my cock as I continue to fuck you silly ….
– You:       WowHeyyyy.!!! Beautiful ….Mmmmm… keep on fucking me silly… I want more….
– Forest:      Do you need a break?
– You:    A break??? Nah… just Fuck me silly … I’m just starting … I’m really Hott now… and ready for some more…







I have been a tango member for little over a year, and I’m home for three months,  after stopped working…so I’m pretty bored and I have lost most of my connections.
So the end of January I decided to search for some new connections. So I browse and I came across forest and I kinda like his looks so, I went on his profile page to look around. I was pleased that his was open and I was able to browse around. First thing I noticed was that he has 1000  following and about the same in followers. I say to myself. He is very popular one. So I started to scrolled around his page and noticed that he was also very sexual and he was a bragger about just what he got. I went ahead and like the more humorous ones and leave my comments on a few…in a very contradicting and humorous manner… One thing for sure was that he was full of humor, and he has a few really nice looking photo of himself.
And I just love to go on posts and make comments to get a reaction, which most times humor me. I didn’t send a request for friendship…I didn’t see the the sense to…
A little while after; to my surprise…he sent me a text; with a thousand plus follows … I was sure he would have been much too busy …. but I smile, a little pleased and welcome the chance of conversation..
– Forest: I am following you on Tango
– Forest: Hi there….
oooh let’s see what he’s about…

– ME: I am following you back
– Hi forest.. I guess I just became your latest fan… HahahahHaha
–  You are hilariously funny.. I like it.. I love to laugh…
Laughing right now.. Actually…
I was still laughing at some of his silly humorous posts…

– Forest:   Good! I love to laugh as well! Fills the soul!
– ME:    Ooooooh yeah …… So where are you located ???
– Forest:    Austin Texas….. How about yourself?
– ME:         Ooooooh my!!! Texas.. I do love a Texan… All big things is from Texas.. Right 😊???
…. I’m in Florida.

– forest:    Yes ma’am
– You:      HahahahHaha
– Forest:     Lol… Do you have a picture of yourself?
– You:        And you surely made it known ….. Sure I do…
– Forest:     Hahahaha! …… I guess I have huh.

– You: Yep …..One question though… Why do a guy like you.. Need to masturbate… To prove immortality????
I thought I’d asked the question; he doesn’t seems like the kind of guy who would be short of girls, and need to be masturbating for pleasure.. There was a post on his page about masturbating and increasing life expectancy by 20%.. And states…. if that’s the case, he is immortal.
I had commented… and laugh.. And stated I too masturbated twice a day maybe three…and if I’m really horny, a. few more times.. Immortality ???? You know it. (I was trying to be funny)… So I was kinda curious as to why?
– Forest:      Well when you got it… Lol… I’m a single father of a 1yr old son so I don’t get out much these days.
– You:         With that huge fan club you have going.. You have a wide pick of choices
Ooooooh… That’s so sad… with such a highly sexual demand… that must be so hard..
What happened. .. She died 😔?????
– Forest:       No lol… you’re funny. And um I don’t have a fan club.. some are actual friends lol
– You:            That’s a really big job you got there though?
I was referring to his caring for a baby by himself.. I was really curious as to why he was left in charge but I thought it was way too personal and too soon to ask…

– Forest: I fucking love it
– You: I was just thinking.. I can’t see any woman  walking away from you 😃… I bet you are too.. Aaaaaah !!!!! It’s one of life’s greatest joy..

– Forest: Truly… I like you already !!!!!!
– You: Whhhhoooo
I was trying to say, ‘hhhooooo’… in liking his comment… haha!!!!

– Forest:       You
– You:           Maaan.. I would love to be liked by you
– Forest:      May I see you?
– You:         Aaaaaah man …. Okay… I guess I shouldn’t hide..

– Forest:      No you shouldn’t .

– You:      I can’t change me – I decided to send him a few photos of me..(first picture)… That me now …
– (second picture) That me yesterday -(third picture) And that’s me in October last year.. With my brother – I know… Not much to me ….
I was working on taking some good photos of myself in the last year and I have succeed in getting some really half decent looking ones of me… I’m really a pretty girl but not a photogenic one.. pictures don’t do me much justice… and I’m far from been glamorous anymore…

– Forest: You are beautiful!!!!!
– You: Just an Indian/ Chinese girl from Jamaica …..Ooooooh thank you forest !!!!!! (i was smiling very pleased with his comments…)

– Forest:    Wow!!!!
I was even more pleased with his reaction… I was feeling so good that he likes me…. and my photos…
– You: So how’s your baby. Is he walking
– Forest: Yes he is
– Forest: But honestly I’d rather not talk about him just yet…
– You: Okay …. Fine…
I wanted to make casual conversation and I thought his baby was a good subject; but he blew that away. I smile to myself and said, ‘oooh okay now’.

– Forest:     Don’t be upset ….Please???
– You:         Ok let’s focus on you then …. I’m not upset forest… So tell me about Forest???

– Forest:     Lol ok…..I’m 41… 6’2… 225lbs ….

– You:    Sweet!!!!
He was sounding really good to me … his height; his age; just my kind of preferences… and he has more for me… haha…

– Forest:       Pool and spa business …… 9 inches of rock solid fuck meat !!!!!
– You:           Ooooooh my goodness!!!!! and you are so very proud of your MEAT????? eehh?

– Forest:       I’m an absolute sexual beast… But all I do these days is work, be a daddy, and stroke this big dick quite often….

Hmmm??? I was shaking my head and I was smiling at the way he describe himself and he feels he have to include his junk in it and his sexuality.. I didn’t mind too much though, I find humor in it. And makes me very curious to find out if he could live up to his self praise.. Then he asked.. as if reading my mind… Haha…

– Forest:      Wanna see what all the hubbub is about?

– You:           hahahaha….. But I actually go for personality first ….. Nah.. Too soon….
– Forest:       Fair enough.

– You:          I know that you are just here for some good times… But i would like to know you a little first.
– Forest:     Of course.

– You:        You are quite an interesting guy so far…Very intriguing and fascinating …And you are Irish… I was married to an Irish from Mississippi …So I think I’m really gonna like you…

– Forest:     Really? … Give me a minute Wendy daddy duty..

– You:    And yes he was pretty gifted too.. Ok .. Please go ahead…
He liked my comment….. I really thought he just wanted to go …so he can go to talking to one of his thousand of girls… and he lost interest in our conversation because I declined his offer to be sexual…. I kinda liked him but I was convinced and very aware that he was too much of a player for me. I didn’t quite expected him to return.
So I got up do a few stretches, and a little walking exercise. Sat down again and continue browsing through tango again trying to see who else I could come up with to entertain me with some conversations… and then a text came through from him;
Ooohhh really??? he actually came back… what do you know.. I was a little surprised but a little pleased too… I wanted to learned a little more about him… I was a little intrigued and was in a little mischeivous mood….



STRANGER THINGS HAVE HAPPEN:A Bitter Sweet RE-Connection; part 2

I decided to just let bygones be bygones… And let him be… without me being a nuances on his page .. I didn’t want him to block me.. and knowing that he’s active there. I get the sense of having him close…
I thought once in while I will say “Hi”.. but I will limit my texting him…

I still have friends I talk to on the app.. and I visited daily.. so a few days later I was there and I noticed a strange profile picture.. I didn’t at first realized It was him.. until I click on the face..

I was puzzled ..this person looks nothing like him… was this Allen??? The photos I have of him did not match this one..
I copied the photo.. and I ran an image check… and omg 😲.. I got a hit.. this picture is of a guy who is running a big scam online.. ” a scam artist!!!!”

This lady tells her story of how he played her .. with his beautiful charms.. and believable promises of a love and life together…

She fell for him and his story.. he took her for a lot of money..

I didn’t know what to think..so many thoughts was going through my head..

  1. Was Allen this man.
  2. Was I spared this scam…
  3. Who is he..
  4. Was he deceiving me too…
  5. the photos he sent me.. were they a fake too..

So I decided to ask him…

“Hey.. that photo has no resemblance to the pictures I have of you.”

“Are you the same person I know… hmm 😒????”

Would you believe it… he answered me..

Yes it’s me I don’t want certain people looking for me .”That is just a fake picture.”

But why that picture???.. I was thinking.. I was a bit skeptical and I didn’t like how it seems to be.. but….

I didn’t tell him what I found out.. I didn’t think I should.. what does it matter?? I asked myself.. he doesn’t really want anything to do with me anyways…

So I simply replied…

“Oooooh really.?? Okay…no worries.. you are still the same to me.. have a fantastic evening my sweet… thanks for letting me know…”

And I shake my head.. and not fully convinced about his identity..but.. Thought why worry about it..

It bothers me though.. and It rest on my mind.. but with him being so distant.. I didn’t see the sense of me making a big deal out of it…

The next day.. I Noticed he removed the picture and replaced it with a color patch of a wooden floor board…

And I made a comment on that..

“Smiling 😊☺

This is so much more like you.. Well at least it’s not a black dot… .. Haha.. somehow I’m so happy to see you back on here.. ”

I was glad to see the replacement… and I left it that… he never replied or responded… But…

That was okay… I still think about him and smile every time I use the app and see his profile…

I didn’t tried to connect or bother him for a while… I was trying to stay away and I was doing great …

My mind would drift to him ever so often.. but that was normal for me.. I have his photos on my wall facing my bed.. so he was always just a thought away every day…

I often wonder what he would think if he knows how much I idolize him.. And not a day goes by that I don’t think of him… and after all this time..he’s still with me… and I carry the memories of him in my soul…

I waited for so long hoping to reconnect with him again….and it amazes me that I still wish for him to like me….

Minutes turn to hours… hours to days…. and now two years have passed.. and he’s here.. and still not a day goes by.. I still think of him  daily… 

well one weekend I was feeling nostalgic and decided to listen to my playlist I made in his honor..   I was getting all emotional and being swept away with the sweet memories of the times We spent together enjoying each other company..

I decided to let him know… so I sent him a text..

“Hey  you.  I’m sitting here listening to my playlist that I had made just for you.  And my mind is so consumed with thoughts of you.
You should know over the last two years.. you remain just a thought away..

Aaaahh.. ( sigh  )

I still savor every moment I had with you
I don’t come to this moment too often..but when I do.. Heaven knows.. the thrill of it all.. still lingers.  Just want you to know.  I’m thinking of you 🙂.. and smiling in reminisce… As I recall.. We had it all for just a moment.”

I know… I’m dramatic and a little overly emotional…

He responded.. to my delight….

“Oh Wendy… yes it was a crazy ride. I still have mixed emotions…. time will tell.”

I didn’t quite understand what he meant by ” time will tell..” but.. I didn’t question it or worry too much about it… I liked his comment but didn’t send a reply…
I was smiling… happy that he acknowledged me… but I didn’t think he wanted a conversation…and I wanted him to know I wasn’t trying to seek convos….
This was in the afternoon..

I was up late that night..it was a little after 2am.., I receive a text..

” Wendy!!..”

“Yes” I answered… trying not to sound too excited… haha…

“You are up late “.. I commented..

” yes.. I am.. ” He states..

“I was thinking about you. Reading the epilogue of our story ” I told him..

I actually did… earlier on..

“I’m thinking maybe you should accept a new ending..” he said..

I was a bit perplexed 😕… wasn’t too sure of his meaning….

so I asked.. “what new ending..???

“The ending where I fuck your brains out and you can’t walk right for a week..”

I literally laughed out loud.. I find his comment humorous and I really thought he was joking…

So I said…”Hahahaha….Oooooh my… You are horngry..

It was late..Friday night.. and I was thinking he’s online looking for some sexual gratification.. and he was trying me out… So I wanted to see where this was going….

“He quickly responded… ” no”

” noooo???? I asked.

“I’m just saying maybe we shouldn’t end this the way it did.”he returned…

I actually read SHOULD…. instead of SHOULDN’T..

So I was a little confused 🤷‍♀️ to what he was saying…

so I replied..” huh????”

He said…forget it… night!..”

Oooooh my..!!! I exclaimed…

I went back to read what he said and realized my mistake.. oops 🙊!!!

I just understood his what he said..

He then said… It was just a stupid thought… night..

Okay… I agreed…”Goodnight 💤 my sweet allen…”

Then I interjected with…

“Maybe it wasn’t as stupid as you think though … You have me thinking now …And getting all excited and stimulated at the thought .. ”

It was true.. my heart got a little jolt from the whole idea of making love to him… I have always wanted to…  and the thought was creating a warm sensation that run through me.. I felt my adrenaline started to pump flooding my senses… and sending a rush of warm feelings to my groin region..

He came back on ..”Okay well here’s the deal..”

I’m listening…I calmly said.. but filled with anticipation of his suggestions…

“I’m thinking maybe we should fuck…Like raw and dirty and no rules ..”

I was flabbergasted … but flattered.. But… no rules.??. hmm 😒.. raw..???? Dirty???.. sounds really rough..  still I was gamed and very tempted at the idea.. it sounds to me like he just wanted a good time… no strings..

So I told him..”But you know just Fuckin isn’t going to be enough for me ..”

Of course not… I was emotionally attached to him.. I would demand more..

“Yes and this isn’t about you.”

It isn’t??? What does he mean by that…

” nooo??????.. I asked..

He didn’t actually respond to that question… but…

He let me know..”But you know you want this… you just want more too.”

Oooooh Yess.. he is absolutely right… so I Agreed.. “Right.. on both counts .”

” yes, I know.. he said. “So maybe life is too short and we should fuck the people we are attracted too no? And then see what life offers? No?”

“Definitely yes.” I again agreed..

“Good girl.. That’s a great answer.”

I smiled at his answer..he was sounding like the Allen I knew… and right then..I was willing to.. I was wanting to.. I was visualizing him loving me ever so passionately… and my mind was so consumed with images of him loving on me…

“Mmmmmm!!!!” I said all excited with unbridled lust..

“Something to think about..: right? He said.

“I’m thinking ,” I confessed.. I have thinking for two years .”

And then I asked…” do you think you could like me?

“Think????.. he asked… “I have no idea.. I just know we should fuck.”

“Why do you want to.” I had to ask.

Remembering that he didn’t want me  or like me enough…back then..

“If you can’t accept that then we will stop this kinda talk.. he said.

And to answer my question…”I just feel like you would be amazing.”

I was so very pleased with his answer..that I blushed with pleasure.. me amazing.. I was smiling really huge…

So I sent a “Hahahaha, and admitted..”I could be.”

I was thinking just how excited I would be that I would be all over him… and how he probably could take me to explosive heights…

“I’m going to let you think .” He finally said…

I have to make sure I fully understand what exactly he is proposing.. so I asked…

“But it all about Fuckin.. right?”

“Listen all I have is an attraction at this point so I have no idea what that means… I’m just thinking we should fuck and suck.. if that seems like a bad idea i get it and I will stop.” he answered me..

“I do understand allen” I told him.. That attraction is quite mutual.”

He then said  “Okay then I’m just being honest.”

And I did like what he said and his honesty…and I told  himjust that..”And I love that you are being honest.”

“I promise nothing… but a hard dick and a passionate night of crazy sexZ.”

Wow!!!!! That’s telling me.. as it is… But he was always a blunt and straightforward guy..

“So do some thinking.. he told me..”I will check back with you at some point…”

I will.. I definitely will … I responded.. goodnight.. sleep well!!!!..

He replied with… “night… you too..”

“Smiling huge sweet allen..”

“Same ” he ended…

I hung up.. and smile thinking about everything that he said….I was so stimulated from our conversation.. nothing has changed much… he still exudes that strong sexual energy that always left me weak in the knees.. I was thinking alright … I couldn’t believe he wanted to hook  up  with me and thinks I would be amazing..

I drift off to sleep with a smile to a very erotic dream of us…




STRANGER THINGS HAVE HAPPEN: A Bitter Sweet Re-connection…

I got my wish…my dream to reconnect with My SWEET ALLEN..

He came back online and when I saw him.. I said hi..

He did not respond immediately and so after a couple of days I tried again.. I wasn’t too sure if it was him or someone new with his old number…but his page became active and I was so curious and hopeful that its him….

He responded .. asking what’s my name…

I told him.. Wendy/ Nita..

He went silent.. so I just comment that it seems like he doesn’t want to talk to me…

He replied with.. he doesn’t think it would be healthy…

I had heard those same words from him before… when I had suggested that he come see me..to let me know the man who stole my heart..

That has convinced me…It was Allen..I smile so pleased that I got a chance to talk to him again..

I have waited so long to see him again.. and here he is…

I tried talking to him.. telling how I was so happy to see him back.

“I have waited two years for you to come back on. ..Please talk to me a little .. I asked of him…

“I won’t get all crazy on you ..” I promised..

“Just this once..

I have always hope you would have come back.. ”

I keep trying to talk.. but he was not responding…

I then told him that I ran our story on my blog and just how much my audience loved it.. and I sent him two of my best recent photos…

Trying to let him see I’m not as gross looking as he thought I was..

And I left him at that…

It felt so good to see him back but obviously he didn’t really care to reconnect with me..

I felt a little disheartening but a little understanding… I promise myself to leave him alone… I stood there so consumed with thoughts of him.. and I keep going back in time remembering our last communications and conversations and how cold he was towards me…

Just how hurt he was that.. that beautiful tall thin girl was not Available to him…and how he hated me for giving him her then taking her away and replacing me as substitute… me… no comparison..  He  just couldn’t get pass my deception and lies..

I sit here again.. after two years…with tears in my eyes… still wanting to be that girl…  knowing I could never be a replacement…

And knowing I gave him her as a visual…

I guess I had better leave it where it’s at..

My wounds are still wet on the inside and very easy to reopen …  my heart may never be mended…

Yes it all come flooding back and I was drowning in self-pity..  regrets of deception and Of losing him…and guilt of being so wrong…

A couple of hours later he responded to me..

“Wow! I think I’d like to read your blog. And thank you for the pictures.”

I smile so huge.. and ask him if he wanted me to send him the links to the episodes..

He replied..”yes please do..”

I was thinking he was just being nice.. but I sent him the first three sequels..

I was hoping he would see how well I had improved on my writing and I wanted his comments..

I waited up to three days anticipating his comments on our story  and the chance of having him connecting and communicating  with me again.. I was hoping our story would be a icebreaker ..

None came.. he seems to just be ignoring me.. so I decided to send him a Text.. to reassure him.. 

“Hey  ..

I’m just here thinking about you.. 

Yesss I still do.. 
I understand your reluctance to connect with me again.. 
and I’m so pleased  that you didn’t block me.. 

Anyways it’s been two years since our time together…
And I have moved beyond it.. I have grown some.. and got a little experience with social media.. 

Tango has been my friend and I have made some really good friends on over the last two years.. 
I waited this long to see you back here.. 
But I won’t be a bother.  

Promise…. “

To my surprise.. he answered….

“You’re super sweet and I’m not worried at all.”

I just replied.. “smiling huge “.

I didn’t think he really wanted to talk to me so I didn’t try to instigate a conversation….

I will just leave him alone … for now…


I wanted to remain unattached and try not be harassing and give him his space.. after all it’s been two years since our little affair and it ended on a bad note.. and the question of why he is back on, have me reflecting  on how we all met.. he could be just here to browse to find girls to have  a good time..

I find myself thinking about him, and I feel my emotions re surfacing but it comes with doubts.. he hasn’t given me any reasons to believe that he is interested in reconnecting in any way with me…

I decided to just ignore him for a while.. he hasn’t block me so I will wait and see if he reached out to me..

Two weeks passed and of course he didn’t so on valentine’s day I decided to send him a valentine’s greetings and the link to the epilogue of our story which include our only valentine’s we shared..with a little note..

“just want to share he epilogue of our story..and the valentine’s day we shared…still remember you and your words…

“And I still holds you so close to my heart..Thank you so much for loving me and giving me one of the best experience ever…I truly enjoyed every single moment we shared..


I got nothing back…

Two days after was my birthday so I text him to remind him.. And let him know that I would love to see a birthday wish from him..

And He obliged… I was elated… he text…

Happy Birthday Sweet Girl!! I hope you are happy and healthy and enjoying you day.. Please make sure you take a moment to enjoy something just for you today..”

I responded quite happily,

Smiling huge 😊
Cheesecake and wine 🍷

That’s my treat..
And thank you 😊 so very much for my birthday 🎉 wish..
It’s like divine bliss..
I so appreciate you taking time to stopping by..

it gives me such a thrill..

you still means the world 🌎 to me..
Always.. Wendy/ Nita..

“Have a  great night wendy..” he text back…

It kinda bothers me that he never address me by the nickname he gave me…but I think I was just being petty .

I was so pleased that he took the time to wish me happy  birthday…





I was back to my usual attitude and having the same feelings of letting go… so I just start to develop an attitude of “whatever”…  It’s been going so long and I kinda got used to his behaviour… I just carry on as is and wait until he decided to come looking for me…

So I didn’t try to contact or reach out to him for a couple of weeks..

I decided t0  sent him GN SWEET DREAMS.  Friday & Saturday night.

He responded.

I started to get restless again and decided to reach out to him… I text him. No answer. It was a holiday so I figured he might be busy with family, enjoying his day. That’s ok I thought.    I tried again Monday but again I got nothing. I try to tell me its ok, he’s probably just busy. We’ll see.

So I text him GN SWEET DREAMS.



I wanted to see him or even talk to him even though I know… from his actions… he doesn’t think of me like that. I got the feelings that he might be seeing somebody else. That ok, I thought.  He needs to have somebody special


Got a text, 7:32pm, a few days later, “u wok 2nit?”

Told him yes.

Thought I’d see him but it did not happen. I was kinda excited hoping for a repeat of his visit a few weeks back..

We talked through texting on Monday.  He said that he’s good and he was  in the studio. I text him on Tuesday asking him if he’s ok. He replied that he’s good and asked  if I was at work.

I told him I was off… so he came over.

I was so ecstatic.  He spent some time with me. We made love, like it was the first time… I hungrily love on him and he love like he really misses me and he really enjoyed me to the the fullest..as I did enjoyed him too… he kisses me and held me tightly very tenderly and whispered…

“I needed that so much… thank you !!!”   I just kissed him and smile and hugged him to me and he returned my hug with a squeeze …

I was so happy to see and be with him. While he was here with me nothing else or nobody else matters. I just savor and enjoy him as much as I can.

Can’t believe that this one guy brings me so much joy every time.

After he left, I was beside myself… I say “YEAH!!! My Love-Love was here!  He stayed a little, love me a lot and OMG Thank you, Thank you. I get to see MYLOVE-LOVE. It was so good; love that guy so so much.

Seeing him put me a good mood for a few days… but he always left me wanting more.. I could think of nothing else but him. After that incredible loving from him I could not wait to get some more. I was becoming insatiable  and the more he comes around the more I want him and the more I feel for him…

So by Friday I was getting impatient to see him. I have this strong desire to be with him. I could still feel his hugs and kisses. I was trying not to get too over excited about him, but he gives me so much joy, that I get zealous.

One day at a time DEAR LORD. One day at a time. HELP ME!!!

I keep thinking of our deal and what we agreed upon… no strings.. just causal sex… but here I am catching feelings for a guy who is good only for some good loving to me….

Don’t know what to think or believe. The way he holds me tells me he likes me .But could I be wrong? We’ll see. This uncertainty and insecurity is driving me crazy. Couldn’t ask him. Wants it to be so, but afraid to get my hopes up. Can he see me as a girlfriend? Can I ask him to?   No, I couldn’t do that to him. It couldn’t and wouldn’t be right for him.  Leave it as it is Wendy. Enjoy him as long as he allows you to, and you are getting far more than you expected. Just be thankful and enjoy him while it last.

So I leave it be..


Try to text him on Sunday 18th. Nothing. Just hope he’s ok. Just need to hear from him. Wake up Monday with one of my Anxiety attacks. And of course MYLOVE-LOVE came to mind. I was anxious to hear from him. I had this negative feeling, and I’m here trying to analyze it. It frightens me. I’m thinking I’m never going to see him again.

It’s funny how I associated everything to him..

… But he could be just busy, caught up in his life or he hit a down spot and doesn’t feel like communicating. I want to reach out but feel its best I give him some space, and resume back to my decision to let him be the one to control our fate…

It just amazed me every time I make up my mind to stop, he text me.

I got a text Wednesday 21st, “wassup? How u been?”

I was quite pleased to say the least. I text him back ask him about his school, and how he’s doing? He answered, “Iam good. School is doin ok.”

I ask if he’s at school. And he said.”I am at the shop and no school today.”

We stopped texting. I was happy to have that little conversation with him. It was the most we ever talked through texting.

I love to stay connected to him… I know  we can never be anything else than what we have now… and I hope it’s enough to constitute a lasting friendship… I have come to terms with just be friendly with benefits whenever the need arrives/arises…

I was feeling really good about him trying to communicate with me… I was hoping it means that he is coming around,and realizing that I’m a friend worth keeping…and that we have spent enough intimate times together that he does like me after all….


At 4:16pm I got another text from him.  “I need a favor: I need $250 to put insurance on my car. If u can’t its ok. I got a lot going on and my money going fast.”

Ooooh maan…. wtf????  is he for real?  He is asking for more money this time… I laughed out loud…

so I ask him, “when do you did need this?

He replied, “by Friday or I got to turn my tag in.”

I was shaking my head not fully beleiving his story… but wanting to help him and knowing it’s one way to get to see him and get me some good loving… so he was using me to finance him and I was using the money to lure into my bed and my arms… kitty was agreeing with my choice… getting all excited anticipating having him loving me and giving me great satisfaction and sexual gratification.

I text back telling him I will give it to him because I know he needs his car to get around.

He says, “yea, I do thanks, I got the kids this week I can come by when I drop them off tomorrow.”

I told him that’s just fine.

7:29am Thursday morning he text me, “wassup I be over there once I drop the kids off, u up?

And so he came for the money. I fixed him breakfast and had a little fun. well more like lots of fun… he didn’t disappoint.. kitty was more than happy with the petting and the loving..

I enjoyed his company even for that short time and I told him I was going to see my doctor about the pain I was experiencing. He left. And I felt good just to see him. The money I did not think twice about, because I thought I was helping him… and I got exactly what i wanted in return…  some good good loving which leaves me smiling….






I got a text on Sunday 4:34 pm. “what u doing 2nit?”

I was happy to hear from him and I replied,  “Thinking of doing you.. ”

He sent a LOL… and said that he is on his way.

He came by .  I know he really came for the money but just to see him after six long weeks I would give him anything.

We sat there talking,  but just wanted so much to kiss him and love on him but I hesitated because I was not too sure he wanted that, but I guess he sense my desire





I went through the next few weeks like a zombie. Missing MYLOVE-LOVE. And feeling real bad because he ignores me. To make matters worse I found out that he has been talking to veronie and everybody else except me. And I wonder, why not me? What did I do to him? Why was it ok to talk to everyone else and not me? After all the times we spent together and the intimate moments we shared.. I thought we were friends and deserve some acknowledgement..

On May 5th I got a text saying, “wassup stranger”.

I sent a reply and but got nothing else. . I was like a school girl with her first broken heart. I was so frustrated and helpless because He would not communicate with me and I did not know how to reach him.

I was missing him and his presence..and I was afraid that I will never see him again and I was not ready to let him go…

I had bought some things for his little girl’s birthday, and I wanted him to get them. So I called him tell him I have them and how can I get them to him.

He text back that he wants them and that he will come and pick it up. He never did. I try to call the following day and would you believe that he hung up on me. I was so mad and upset that he would treat me so cold and mean.

I just couldn’t understand his behavior towards me…. he was so cold and a little mean and I was so hurt thinking I didn’t mean much to him for him to ignore me and refuses to talk to me..

He tries to call me later that day, I did not answer… I was still upset with him hanging up on me.. And then he sent me a text that his phone die while talking to me. I did not believe.

Anyway I wanted to get those present to the little girl so I decided to call his friend, whom number I have, to pick them up and pass them to him. I had the feeling He thought I was trying to see him, so I figure I would go pass him… yes I wanted to see him but I wasn’t going to harass him..if he didn’t want nothing to do with me…I will just leave him alone..

Well the friend came got them and then I text him telling him to collect them from him. He text me informing me that him and this guy no longer buddies. OPPS! The friend did not let me know this. OK. I decided to call the friend to bring them back.

MYLOVE-LOVE called a few days after..  asking me why I didn’t give veronie the presents to give him. I thought why would I want to do that? And he just went on and on about if I wanted to get it him I should have given her.

I was so hurt to know that he was still seeing her.. and not me… and I didn’t want her to know I was with him anyways…

I got so mad I hang up. I’m thinking how could he ask me that? What is he thinking? Doesn’t he know how I feel for him? That day I cried so hard. I cried because He doesn’t care about me in the least. I’m here thinking, I mean nothing to him, nothing. Thought I found me a friend, a true friend.  How wrong can I be?

I guess my emotions for him was way more than I would care to admit…

I decided not to text or call anymore. Leave him, I told myself. I was hurting and I was still crying a little whenever I thought of him  and his coldness. I was missing him but it doesn’t make sense wanting someone who doesn’t return your feeling…

A few weeks later I got a phone call apx. 12:30 am from MYLOVE-LOVE. telling me how busy he was and about all that he’s doing. He then asks me for $200. I told him I haven’t got it.

I was so glad to hear from him…but a little disappointed for the reasons I got that call.

Then I told him to call me that Saturday and I will see what I can do for him. Of course he called me and we talked some. I told him to give me a week and I will come up with it for him.

Here I am promising him money in hopes of getting the chance to see him.. My feelings have not changed much.. and I find myself getting all excited just talking to him… I still want him.

It’s been now six weeks since I last seen him and I was in great anticipation of seeing him again. For the next week I didn’t hear anything from him and I thought that was it. “oooh well”.

June 01st I got a text telling me that he’s trying to get stuff done and he’s been busy. He’s so tired and he has not talk to anybody because he is so busy.

Then he asked, “how u doin?”

I replied, I was pleased to hear from him. Then he asked, “So can you help me out with something?

I told him I will on one condition. That he never lose contact with me again and he have to keep me close. He agrees to the terms and said he will try.

I got a wassup Wednesday, I heard from him Thursday and, Friday. On Friday he said his car need fixing. He’s so damn tired.

. And again he asks, “Can u still do that for me?   I said yes.

Saturday he asks me what I am doing. I was working, did not get his text. And he text back, ‘Wassup. Now you don’t want to text back.”

I was amused and I apologized and told him I am working. I asked if he is not coming for the money or if he changes his mind. He told me he needs it but having trouble getting a ride.

So after six weeks of silence I heard from him every day for one week. I was feeling real good about communicating with him like that. But I was left to wonder is it because he wants to talk to me or is it because I promise him the money.

I knew the answer but I did not care because I would do almost anything just to see him and have him close again. I was going to pay him for a little of his time… How sad… but to me then… just getting a chance to be with him again was well worth it…

I could not wait to love on him again. To kiss those lips, Love on that chest, and have him hug me to him. I could hardly wait to see him.













It was a most beautiful day, with the brilliant sunshine ☀️.. 

So my brother decided it’s BEACH 🌊 DAY… to my delight.. 

I will get to enjoy 😊 eating some fish 🐟.. 

Fried fish 🐟 with festival..,A must have when visiting….

So we started our journey… it’s so amazing to see all the changes that have taken place… almost unrecognizable… 
It took us about an hour to get there..  I was a little excited 😊 to see the beach 🌊… 

pretty clear blue water.. the sun ☀️ blazing hot…  the wind 💨 blowing a nice cool breeze.. the sand so white and  warm beneath our feet…. the waves lapping against shoreline.. People having fun swimming 🏊 and frolicking…


We placed our order for the fish.. and all went to swim .. enjoying the water… and frolicking in the water…

Then comes a shrimp 🍤 vendor… brought a couple bags… it’s a Jamaican delicacy…. very spicy 🌶..

A man with a horse 🐴 walked by…. 

Horse ride anyone..

When we were younger we used to enjoy getting on that horse and ride along the beach 🌊…. the good old days….

As I sat there taking it all in… I reflected back to the times when it was a thrill to visit the beach…all the fun we had… running 🏃🏻 along the shore…having swimming 🏊 contests…. learning to float on our backs…getting burnt but don’t care 🤷‍♀️..we were having too much fun to care…

Then to my amusement…. up walk a man asking ,”anyone for a massage 💆 “…. 

I laughed out loud… this is new…

I shouted back… “is it with a happy ending..”

He looks at me and replied…. 

” it’s always with a happy 😊 ending “

We all bust out laughing 😂….

Poor guy don’t understand the terminology…..

We sat there talking…  making jokes.. watching  the kids swimming 🏊..Until it was time for our fish 🐟 feast.. 

I dive in hungrily and enjoyed every bite… I went through two fish 🐟.. five festivals.. and a peice of bammy..  I was stuffed and smiling happily ,thank my brother to make it possible .. 

It was truly a fun day and a very wonderful way of wrapping up my Christmas 🎄 vacation…..


We went in the water 💦 again…. spent another hour…. before heading home 🏡… 

Come tomorrow I’ll be heading homebound.. and I know I will be smiling in reflection of my two weeks in Jamaica 🇯🇲… 

Getting to see old friends.. spending some time with my sisters and brothers… 
laughing 😂 and chatting the night away.. 


It was absolutely awesome 👏 to be back home 🏡….


One week has passed since arriving in Jamaica 🇯🇲… 

so many things has changed.. buildings has been demolished..being replaced by new ones… 

so many new and improved features.. can hardly recognize the areas I have walked and roam growing up.. 

My brothers has renovated our house 🏡.. many expansions.. and alterations done.. its a little unfamiliar but very welcoming and comforting to be back home… and In the house 🏡 I have spent most of my life in… 

My mom.. brothers.. and neices and nephews..all receive me with open arms and hearts 💕….

It’s feels so good to be home 🏡.. 

Christmas 🎄 with them has been a thrill.. 
My brother and his daughter made the best breakfast ever… the atmosphere was so pleasant and everyone was in sync and working with such team effort… 

my BFF.. abbey… has taken the time to come and spend some time with me… So we spent all day and all night talking trying to catch up on the past ten years…We laugh 😂 and reminisce about almost everything…

The days are so beautiful 😍.. that it gives a nostalgic feeling…It’s so funny how little things take you back and triggers memories that you somehow have forgotten… it’s seems like a lifetime ago… 

I’m sitting here… outside… reflecting on a time that seems like a dream… our childhood days.. thinking.. what glorious days they were.. 

They are vivid pictures in my mind..  some a little vague.. and patchy.. but still makes me smile with rememberance… 

Yesss… home 🏡 sweet home..

  • No matter far you go or how long you stay away..
  • How much time you invested making your home somewhere else ….
  • How much you love where you are and what you have become..

You will always find yourself a little homesick and nothing can beat the feelings of revisiting the place you once called home..

I’m enjoying and savoring every little moment of this trip.. 

Our national fruit ackee…
The mountains in the background..


“You know when, sometimes you meet someone so beautiful, and then you actually talk to them and five minutes later, they’re as dull as a brick? Then there’s other people, and you meet them and you think, ‘Not bad; they’re okay.’ And then you get to know them, and their face sort of becomes them, like their personality is written all over it. And they just turn into something so beautiful.”


Doesn’t this always happens…

That’s why when you fall for a person personality first … everything about them becomes beautiful….

The appearance may capture our attention… 

But their responses and attitude will be the main attraction… 

So try to judge someone by their personality.. not their looks.. 

The real connection is in the person warm smiles.. accepting mood… genuine energy.. and an amazing persona….


So… One week from now.. I’ll be in that beautiful island 🌴 of  Jamaica 🇯🇲…

The place I called home 🏡…

It so funny how we always grow up wanting to leave home to explore and be anywhere except where we are..

We never stop to appreciate where we are.. what we have… everywhere seems so much more appealing.. and we fantasize and imagine how a different location would be so much better.. 

  • I have been away from home for 21 years…

I have made it my home..  

Raise my kids…. made a career.. I was content 😌….

But I find myself self getting all home sick.. and longing for the place I grow up and spent all my childhood days…
The memories.. . The fun..  the laughter.. the teardrops .. the fights…and vast amounts of love ❤️…  

I’m sometimes in awe of people I meet and converse with..their reaction to me being a Jamaican… 

They asked how could I give up Jamaica for here… most would do almost anything to visit.. they talked about Jamaica as if it’s a paradise…

And I would smile in realization that I’m so fortunate to be born a Jamaican… 

I never thought it was anywhere special … didn’t know I was in paradise until someone else pointed it out to me .. 

Because of work and kids and life.. I haven’t took the time to visit back home in the last ten years… And I’m getting the opportunity to go back home for Christmas..

  • Yayyyy!!!
  • Doing the happy dance 💃!!

I’m very excited.. can’t wait to walk the streets I did way back when…  see the house I have grown up in.. visit the beaches.. the mall.. 

And most of all.. celebrate Christmas with my family and friends.. 

It’s going to be two glorious weeks in paradise.. and I plan to enjoy 😊 every single minute of it.. 



 we talked  for about three hours and in that time he brought up the sexual topic again and i did encourage it to a certain extent.. that I even disclose one of my deepest fantasy … but he got so weird and crazy that in the end I had to truthfully tell him if he is trying to discourage me from him , that it is working.. I was not liking this side  of him and I told him that . and i say..
” is this the real you.. or is this stemming from you anger with me….???”
I was feeling really disappointing with his attitude .
So I told him I would rather leave than take his behavior…

I couldn’t believe that I was so wrong about him… and then he pauses .. and I thought he finally stopped .. but after a few minutes I got this text..


This is Brett… Allen been asleep for several

hours! But let me tell you something.. He is a good guy and you are a freak! He
may very well wan to fuck you… Clearly he hasn’t yet… And your fetish stuff
is crazy!!! If you hurt him I’m going to be pissed… Please be nice to him…
He may be a little lost at the moment but he’s a really good person. Good night
I was so shock and embarrassed for playing along with him… enclosing my secret.. I didn’t know what to say…so I just hung up…  I was a little relieved to know that it wasn’t him though..
It was morning by now and I couldn’t sleep again… I was a little disturbed and perturbed…anyways I sent him a text a few hours later..
: Boy did I get a dose of my own medicine from your
friend Bret this morning. I Made a complete ass of myself but I guess I deserve
it all . I even disclosed my most embarrassing fantasy; something I have never
told a living soul. I m still here nervous and shaking just texting this you
because now I’m not too sure if you really forgive or not or i If you think I
set out deliberately to deceive you and betray you…. I fail the test didn’t  I?

 Lesson  taken well… Again, my sweet ALLEN…. my love…


I am so so very very sorry for what I did, and wish with all my heart I could
undo it. Because if you even feel half as bad as I’m feeling right now I know
the pain you are going through . I m so sorry my sweet Allen you definitely did
not deserve this.
He answered almost immediately, with…
” I do forgive you and I’m sorry Brett messed with
you after I went to sleep.. He told me.. Not everything. Just that he fucked
with you because you fucked with my heart and that is bullshit…. I was pissed
at him and told him to leave my phone alone. Anyway I think the  fantasy
is kinda hot and I would for sure entertain anything as long as you enjoyed it.”
I didn’t quite know what to say or how to say what I really want to say..and I was still feeling like a fool , knowing his friend showed him all that he put me through.. and I was feeling a little self-conscious.. so I decided to cut off the conversation..
” Hey .. I still a bit shaken up from last night. I responded.
I guess I have  to take some time to absorb and deal with it. Thanks a bunch for
forgiving my deception. I’m not mad at Brett shows loyalty for a dear friend.
If only we all have friends like him who hurt for us in the way he does  I know
you are special and Brett just confirmed that fact. Ttyl my ALLEN .. Off to work
So as you know… Still loving you…”
He told me to have a great day at work… and I smiled..
I went to work for the first time without a smile.. I had tears in my eyes all night… I couldn’t believe how i have mess up our wonderful Christmas so badly. I could feel his coldness. and I thought i would give him some time to absorb it and come to terms with it all. how I missed him….
My sweet Allen stays with me for the next two months… he was very compassionate and super understanding … but he couldn’t bring himself to get pass my horrific deed..  he said he couldn’t accept all the lies that i told .. he could have accepted the pictures  because that wasn’t the problem.. it was the deception .. he could understand all my insecurities and fooling him with pictures …. it was just all the lies that comes with them.. he just don’t know if he can trust me. he said he didn’t care what I look like … he fell in love with me.
And again, I was dumbfounded.. I know he was so right and I have no valid excuses to justify my actions, other than my lame explanation that I just wanted some time with him.. It was the truth but just wasn’t enough reasons..
We talked again and again. well, I should say I  did..  he didn’t have too much to say to me. at one point he asked me to move beyond him.. and told me he has moved on .. He even as much as mention that his heart has grown a callous. I knew then that i had lost him completely.. I tried to accept my defeat but i was hurting so badly.. I never remember ever  feeling this amount of excruciating pain before..
I got me loving him.. I had him loving me.. I cried night and day for the first two weeks.
 i have given up all hopes with him.
He stays and encourages me  and treats me with me tenderness and a large amount of compassion. one his  last text was on valentines… I had sent him two cards and a valentine’s message  and he responded..
Happy valentines my valentine!! I’m going to drop
the ‘L’ word today and I do hope you accept and receive it for all its worth. So
you know.. I still love you as much as I did seven weeks ago and even more… And I
want you to know how very grateful I am to you for staying; you will never know
just how much it means to me. Thank you for being you; that kind compassionate
wonderful you. My only regret is knowing how much Hurt i have caused you, but
I’m so thankful for the chance I get to know you and love you –

: Many people have touched the edges of my life,
coming and going;  scarcely leaving an impression, but you are an uncommon and
unique person, someone who has made a big difference in my life;so it’s not
surprising that I find myself thinking, just how very special you are… And
wanting you always to remain close … And I’m hoping against all hopes you stay awhile..  LOVE YOU MY SWEET SWEET ALLEN  ON THIS VALENTINE’S DAY..
…  For you my Allen have you a most wonderful day
filled with love


Wow! That is the nicest text and for sure most

heart-felt valentine cards I’ve ever received! Thank you so much for waking my

heart up Nita… And showing me that there is still a man inside me that wants
to feel love… And wants to be loved. You are so different from anyone I’ve
ever experienced and  I’m grateful to have you in my life.
. .: I hope you have a perfect Valentine’s Day Nita
 ” Thanks to the love I have for you and thanks to
you my sweet Allen… This is my best valentines ever”
I was smiling so huge when I had received that text… I didn’t actually know how to take what he said, but I was so pleased to read his respond  and was happy he liked my cards..
My heart soars with this immense amount of love for him it fills me with so much joy.. even though I messed up and lost him.. I just know that I will never forget  this most awesome and amazing gift of love.
It was one amazing month and though our christmas got shattered I still love every moment we shared and enjoyed together… the man who let my whole being becomes alive  like it  never  had before…he sets my heart on fire and have my whole soul so alive with profound joy..The man I never knew…with just his words he set me ablaze with a love so explosive and passionate… for that short period I knew what it was to be love with a passion so intense, I felt it to my very soul… I know he loved me… yes me… me… I felt him like he was right beside me..
He made love to me like no one has ever done.I felt his touch…I cum with such powerful, electrifying ecstasy …. over and over again.  I was the receiver of that intense passion and i am the one that loves him with a desire so strong it hurts.. I found him….and it was phenomenal..ecstatic… sensational… epic…
He may no longer be here.. but I’m so happy to have gotten this chance to know him .. love him..expirience him.. enjoyed him…. SOMETIMES LIFE REALLY GIVES BEAUTIFUL GIFTS.. IT GAVE ME HIM.. & SOME GIFTS YOU CAN’T HOLD IN YOUR HANDS …. YOU HOLD THEM IN YOUR HEARTS…


He was gone again and I don’t think he will be back… come tomorrow after a good night sleep maybe I will try to talk to him again. I messed up… yes I made a real  mess real badly and ruin a  most perfect Christmas. How did this happen….how could I have known that I would be surprised by LOVE…all I know is that  I do love him so… so very, very much.



We were experiencing everything together; the only difference is… I knew it was all a lie and he did not. And I agonized in anguish; feeling bad for losing him and worst for hurting my ‘MY SWEET ADORABLE WONDERFUL Allen’.

Then surprisingly I got a text from him; I could not believe it; so like me, he could not sleep; we were really two hearts in harmony, feeling and thinking the same things. There he goes echoing my thoughts again.

“Well… good night, I’m sorry, I’m a mess… but this is so weird, knowing everything was a lie…I’m trying to feel the love I felt… and no judge… but man… you played me hard and I fell hard… so I love the idea of you but I don’t know we can ever happen… I think… Idk… it’s so weird… I’m still in love… but I’m mad…not like I’d hurt you mad… that’s not my style… just mad… not sure what to do.”

I read it and I cried… I cried for him because I could sense his pain he was experiencing.

“I totally understand… I said to him. “Wish I knew how to make it right…and I’m hurting like mad, can’t stop the tears and I know you are too.”

“Yes…” he agreed. This sucks.

“So so sorry Allen.” I told him.

‘Deception is so painful… I have no idea.” He said.

“But I wanted to tell you. That’s why I did.” I confess.

“Just so you know… everything I shared was true and real.” He wanted me to know.

“I know” he told me [about wanting to tell him] “and thank you.”

I told him I know that everything he shared was true and real. {That was the reason I had to come clean}

I’m easy to see I guess,” he said, “please take her off… I feel so gross.”

“Sorry to hurt you like that,” I let him know. “You are such a sweet man.”

“You used her,” he told me.

“I can see that, guess I did.” I totally agreed.

“Please give me you… I want to feel even a piece.” He asks of me.

I want to give him all of me, but I was so sure that he was not going to like me in no way possible.

“In what form,” I ask.

Funny part is,” he was telling me, “in the beginning if you used that old picture of you… that would have worked better; then he said, “ I guess you think every man with a hard cock wants a young girl… Idk what others think… but I promise that isn’t the case here. I want passion… heart… love…”

And I guess he was right to a point, I did think he was attracted to Paige because she is young and beautiful; While on the hand there is me… the very opposite. And of course which man can resist a pretty girl.

So I told him, “I only got tango to be able to talk with my grandson; I was not trying to find a date… everything I told you was the truth.

I was trying to explain to him that I would not have thought to put an attractive photo of me because I had no intentions of finding my soul mate. He may not believe but I did not even know it was a social media; I thought I was like Skype.

So he asked me, “So you love me? Because I fell in love with you.”

I think, OMG!! And I can’t give him what he wants.

I told him “yeah!! With everything I got.”

“What a mess… I’ve never been here,” he said trying to come with terms with it.” I know how I feel… I know how blue you feel.” What now?

I am  so glad you fell in love with me.” I told him.  “That is why I want to be sure it was me.”

And he asks me again, “you won’t even send me a dirty picture?”

Idk… I told him. “But you never know, I might. But not tonight.

I guess he getting angry again because he said,” you are so clean… you can lie and betray me… but a picture of your pussy is out of the question… sounds funny right? But baby a picture of your pussy can be my choosing.”

Come on…” I say.

“I can tell you how to pose or what to do and know you are being honest. He tells me. “If you want to earn my trust that is your only chance.”

So I told him, “I have done it in the past with bad consequences.”

“Too bad.” He said.

“Don’t be mean Allen it doesn’t suit you,” I told him.

“This is your last chance before I delete and block you…” he threatened.

“Oh my goodness!!!! I exclaimed.

I really did not want him to do that, but… I was not going to give any dirty pictures and if it meant him deleting or blocking me… then so be it.

“I will not use anything and I am not mean…” he informs me. So far that’s all on you. You’d know already if I was an asshole… am I? He asked.

“Why is this picture so important to you?” I ask him.” No, no you are not an asshole.” I told him. {Of course he not, he never was. until now.. and somehow, I can understand  his behavior.. he is just hurt and confused and in love and being played a fool by me.)

“Because it’s personal!!!” he answered me. “You have one chance to get personal; take it or leave it.”

I’m leaving it… I thought.

“But it’s on line…” I told him.

“Broken heart and all… I’m hurt… but I’m not an asshole… will I make you prove shit? Yup… if you don’t want to. It’s real easy… delete … me…” he threatens me again.

Here he was all trying to act mean and nasty to me; but I was not buying it in the least. In the  weeks I have known him, if there is one thing I have learnt about him is that he is the kindest man alive. I saw through him like a looking glass. He is only hurting right now all because o me.

“OMG!!!” I shouted out. “You are different.”

“I have no idea why we are still talking”. He told me.

Quite frankly I don’t either. I’m glad that we are because I really calm down and it is due to the fact, because he was talking to me. And the more he talks the more my emotions got under control. Just having him there with me was so calming and was glad he choose to stay with me, I hope he realize just what it means to me for having him talking to me even though I know he was trying to figure out why I did what I did to him.

I was so drawn to him and was so fascinated with him that the more time I spent with him the more I want of him. And yes I choose to hang on to him with false pretense and trickery very selfishly and end up hurting us both. Would I do it again? Yes. Yes, to feel what I have felt and have him loving me with that intense passion, so blazingly hot; yes I definitely would, only next time I would not use trickery. Then maybe, instead of going through this predicament, I would be wrapped up in his sweet loving arms making passionate and explosive love and just enjoying him to the fullest. WOW!!! Only in my dreams.

“I fell in love.” He said. “With nothing real. Yes this me angry… I don’t hate… it just hurts.

“I am real.” I told him.

I know you are.” He said. “I felt you.”

“And you don’t like me… right now? I ask.

It’s not that,” he says. “I’m totally confused, I fell in love with you… but you played me… tricked me. I am really romantic or I was.”

“If you love me, don’t push me away, I asked of him. “I’m sorry, so very sorry, you were the best.” I told him.

Then he told me, “I forgive you Wendy, I really do.”

Thank you for that.” I told him.

I just have to adjust, and let us happen.” He said to me. “But Idk if I can trust you… Idk … things are a mess. I know I fell in love with someone.”

So I told him, “you see you are that sweet man…trusting me will take time I guess… but I didn’t deceive you intentionally.”

“I forgive you Wendy,” he said. “I have to sleep on this.

I wanted him to understand why I deceive him, so I told him, “it was the way you ask if I was that black girl… let’s… [Sleep on it.]Please don’t block me just yet?

Then he said the most wonderful thing, “merry Christmas baby… to the beautiful girl I fell in love with…

“ok, so I asked that for a reason! I won’t.” [Blocking me.]

I like that!!” I let him know. “Me beautiful.”

And for the first time I knew he meant me when he called me beautiful. And I smile.

“I am in love… I will see it through.” He told me.

“Oh you are so wonderful.” I complimented him.

“Maybe I fucked up bad… either way I will see it through. He informs me. I’m upset that you deceive me… but that does not negate my feelings. I am in love for a reason.”

All of a sudden I was feeling happy that I confess to him; he makes me think he is willing to redirect the love he feels to me. And It give me hope that maybe; just maybe I do have a chance with him. And I want it… so far all night this is first time I felt positive and was willing to give me a chance.

So I told him, “Now I’m glad I told you. I was very worried that it would end us. Yes you are.”

So we play the game for a bit and see how things shake out…. Right? He said.” either way love can’t be blind.”

I was getting a bit enthusiastic about us and I started to smile in anticipation of an us.

I’m with you lover,” I told him enthusiastically. “I feel so good…I’m now sure it’s me and not that picture.”

“And so we love… and sort shit out… that’s how I’m going to sleep tonight… I won’t judge… I will let time do that.” He told me.

“Sounds good to me my sweet Allen.” I told him. “You must be the greatest guy alive.”

I was so thrilled that he was thinking about us positively and he wants to try with me. I was quite happy for the hope he puts in my heart and for the assurance of his love; and again, I was amazed by him.

“Wendy… the picture gives me a visual… now a horrible one… it’s up to you to create a new visual”. He told me. “That’s why I started so perverted… please take all those images and replace them? I don’t to see her anymore… I want to see the woman I fell in love with.

I don’t have one with just me that was why I use the one with her.” I told him. I take awful pictures. Not too photogenic… but I’m going to work on some for you.”

Then I told him, “Oh my… you must be the best guy ever to love me.”

So I went searching in my album, trying to find a picture of me that look half decent to send to him. So I found that I was smiling and two of me with Barbara, Gail and Ayden. I sent them and comment, “That’s me… I know… with crazy ass sisters.

He did not respond so I thought he went to sleep and thought let me get some sleep too. I was a little exhausted emotionally, but right now I was feeling at ease knowing that “MY SWEET Allen’ was loving me… Wendy Wakanita… I was pleased and very calm, and that was good for me.

I was really happy he stayed with me and give me the chance to calm my emotions ; I do believe we are truly in love and all this exhilarating and jubilant emotions are all real, not only for me but for him too. Yes, yes we are definitely, absolutely and crazy in love. So we will allow time to be the judge of our outcome.

After what I did… I am only grateful that he still takes the time to talk and stayed with me this long. Does he know how very special that makes him? –

I turn off the light and smile; I was smiling this time instead of crying; and I hope comes tomorrow he will still feel the same; I wanted for him so much to love me, because I love him so very much… and I hope he stays and let us work it out… we are in love for a reason. [isn’t that what he said?]

And I drifted off to sleep smiling and with great hope… and for the first time at ease knowing he recognized me as me .. and his words kept playing in my head… and I said a little prayer.. ” DEAR GOD.. MAKE HIM LOVE ME… ME!!!










“Baby…” he said. “ I don’t care what she thinks… that isn’t right! I care what you think. You haven’t lost me… I’m pretty confused though.”

“What do you mean,” I asked, confused and perplexed..

(I was slightly smiling; very pleased with what he said about, I haven’t lost him..a little hopeful)

“Wendy we need t connect as us,” he told me.

“I want that too,” I answered.

“Do you shave your pussy?” He asked.


I was a little disturbed by his question but I have him back, talking to me and I want him to stay.

So I told him, “yeah.”

“If not…now is the time,” he told me.

“Why?” I inquired.

“I want a mouthful of your pretty pussy… tell me what I got.” He asked.

I said to myself, oh man I am not, no way feeling sexual right now.

So I told him, “I’m really not too good at this.”

I was not… truthfully… and I was in no mood for it. But I thought, let me play along with him and entertain his desire… at least I will have him talking to me; and I need to keep him with me as long as I can…

“I’m horny… I need pussy… let’s cum please… tell me why it’s us… let me taste you.” He was saying. ‘Do you have big or small pussy lips? Do you like to have your pussy sucked on? He was asking.

I was wondering… how does he feels horny right now. I couldn’t feel anything; I was still shaken up and unsure and perturbed.

So I answered, “Small and yes.”

“Does your clit get big or stay small? He kept on asking. “Do you liked to get sucked till you come?

I again answered, “Small and yes.

I was a little annoyed at his questions but I did not want to tell him to stop this ..because I did not want him to stop talking to me; and I was afraid e would leave again… You see as long as he is here with me, the more relaxed and calmer I became and my hysterical emotions were slowly fading.

“After I take care of you and make you cum over and over… would you like to swallow my load? He asked of me.

So I thought, “Let’s see if I can try to do this.”

I did not like this right now… and I did not like his questions, and I’m wondering… why is he acting like this… is it because he now knows I’m no virgin, and he is able to be more open sexually… why?

… He said. “You have to… I will make you cum hard… over and over and over.”

“Here we go,” I said defeated. “Yes”

“And then I will suck your pussy and take all you can give me, and then… you will be on your knees and swallow my cum… every drop.” He was letting me know.

“I can’t keep up to you,” I told him. “Ok anything for my man.” I give in.

“That’s my girl!!! What a great answer! That is what I would have said. He exclaimed.

So I just play along just to keep him there with me.

“Tell me what you want and I will deliver.” I l told him.

“Whatever it takes to make my girl cum hard… that’s what I want!” He tells me. “Oh man! So you will do the same.”

So I said,” it’s your turn to get yours.”

“Tell me what it takes… to fuck your pussy up way hard!!! He asks. And I’m on it.

And I just try playing along.

“And I’m willing to be your freak tonight.” I let him know.

“I need my girl to swallow… that is important to me…” he informs me. Spread that pussy sexy girl. But f.y.i. I will need pictures moving forward.” he let me know.

I thought hell no way!!!!!…. I starting to feel really bad about this conversation  we were having and the direction it was going  and I started to  feel violated. But…

“OMG!!! I really don’t do pictures.” I told him.

“I have a big thick cock for you baby… but we have to share…

“Willing to,” I let him know.

“Pictures have to happen” he says. “Good girl!!! This will be fun.”

“No pictures please…” I pleaded.

“Nope… stop… pictures or no deal.” He says sounding upset…

So I asked, “What kind are you talking about?”

“Pussy all spread out… yup… that bad… for real though…why, be Kinda dirty…show me what’s mine baby… let’s play.” He kept on.

“Sorry no can do… I’m not into that.” I told him.

“Ok bye.” He said.

“Can’t it be visual like before?” I asked.

“We are done here… too much deception… I call the shots or it’s over… no more games.” He told me.

I realize that he is about to go again and I was starting to get all fearful all over, I want him to stay with me so I thought I need to try to give him what he wants.

“Ok tell me again what is it you want.” I ask him.

“I want a picture of your pussy up close… and your face… and your tits… “He informs me.

I tried calling him by phone, but he refuses; I was thinking if I could talk to him it would be much better because my texting sucks and I am not able to say what I would like to. And he is texting way too fast for me to keep up to him.

“I won’t answer… he said. We have to connect before we go any further … it’s all up to you.

I didn’t like his answer and I was starting to think he really hates me to be talking to me like this and making all these outrageous requests….

So I told him, “aaahh man… now you using me like a ‘ho’ “[whore]

I was feeling disrespected and feel like he really hates me to be treating me so foul. I was thinking he is trying to hurt me for hurting him; for taking away Paige and replacing her with the likes of me. I’m no substitute.

“No stop… let’s stop now then… we are done… it was cute… I was manipulated and now you want me to respect you…. It’s over.” He told me off. “Night.” He says.

So I told him, “all the sweet mess is gone, you are now cold and want to hurt me back for what I did to you… guess I deserve that.”

He says, “Nope… I want you to be vulnerable… but you will never be… but I was… bye.”

I know I have to let him go… it’s no use trying  and hoping… the damage has been done…. I felt his pain and I know how much he was hurting and I hate me as much as he did right now. I realize too late just how cruel I was for leading him on with all my false pretense and no matter what my excuses were, there is no justification for my actions. I have hurt him in a bad way and he genuinely loves the girl I was supposed to have been; and it can’t be undone. I mess up big time.

So I lamely told him, “I’m really sorry again… bye Allen, it was really a treat knowing you. Love you anyways… always..:

And then I thought I’d try to tango him using the camera. But again he refuses…

I thought he was gone again…  he has stop texting but again he surprises me with a response.

“You blew it Wendy… I’m sorry but that shit hurt… you are mean… I was open and honest.”

I started to cry again because I knew he was right and I did not know how to console him; did not know what to say to him; did not know if it would have even mattered anyway. I have cause pain to the sweetest and dearest man there is; and I was feeling his every pain I inflicted and there was nothing I could do about it.

“I know… but I hurt my feelings too…” I said so pathetically. “I just like your face so much.” I told him trying to explain my reason behind all my cruel deception, wanting him to understand.

“Ha-ha,” he laughed sarcastically. That is sweet but you mess my head all up.”

And I continue trying to explain and excuse my behavior, “and I know you would not want to talk to me… so I use Paige as bait. And I’m glad I did”

This seems to trigger off his anger again, because he said very angrily, “stop! I’m offering to fuck… and you know me… don’t you? He asked. “So take my cock and make me love you… or let me go…this is all I have. This is your mess… so fix it… it is your call.”

I did not know how to fix it and I refuse to go the way he is asking. I’m not going to lower my standard and let him think I am sleazy. It was important to me for him to think I am a nice girl and I won’t degrade myself…

So I told him, “I can’t be that cheap, I want what you were offering Paige…..

“Ok then, we are done here,” he let me know. “You can’t be as cheap as I have been for a while now. We have both hit our limit.” He told me still angry and bitter.

…“But I know I can’t have it or you.” I finished saying. “Story of my life.” I said sadly.

“I was in love… you could have saved that… you don’t know how… so we are done. Let it end.” He finally said.

He was right… I have to let it end…. I did not know how to save us; I did not know what I should say or could say; and I didn’t think we could be saved, because I still was thinking he’s never ever going to like me or be able to redirect his love to my face.

So I agreed with him to end it,” ok my sweet sweet Allen… I had it all ..and I wanted you  so so bad.. and I’m so happy with what we had.”

Then he tells me, “I’ll always love what we may have had… it was beautiful.”

Agreed.” I said.

He then tells me,” I hope you learned something…”

“I have.” I told him. “A valuable lesson.”

“It hurts me…” he said, “but I get it… my bad. So I don’t go beyond that first night anymore.”

Then he went a little crazy and said, “Give me pussy or fuck off … that is how it works now…”

(I kinda ignore that outburst because I didn’t know how to responded..)

So I told him, “You love Paige…. Not me… I know.”

“No I could never be in love with an underage girl… he told me. “That isn’t who I am. She is a kid… I don’t see kids as something attainable. Nope… nice try though.”

“I mean the picture of,’ I told him. “You did not know that she was so young.”

“I was in love with you… he let me know, “I never fell in love with her pictures.”

The word ‘was’ hit me like a log. He has stopped loving me.

So I ask him, “then why are you treating me like this. I’m not so bad you know.” {Me trying to convince him to like me.}

“I fell in love with the personality,” he was telling me. “So stop trying to play it. I fell in love with you.”

(this comment make me feel so good hearing saying that he loved me…)

It’s still me.” I try to assure him.

“And that fucks you up” he let me know. “And it should… all I need was a connection… you gave me that… now you want me to forgive you for playing with my heart?

“And you have the connection still…I’m trying to assure him. “I did not play with your heart… I truly love you… I may have tried to be Paige but it was me all the way.” Trying to convince him that I’m still the same girl he feel in love with.

He has stop texting and I realize he did not buy it.. he is gone; my heart sinks again and the tears return. I was so full of self pity wishing I could find the right words to save us.. I was back to sobbing again crying my heart out..

And I said, “Can’t believe how much I fucked up so bad. Oh, how I wish I could take it all back… but then again… I would never have experience the joys of you. Thank you for it all… you are still the best thing ever to me. And for all it’s worth it… I love you; love you so very much.

He was gone again and I sit there again just thinking about what he said about loving me and how much I wanted to believe him; thinking about his earlier request for a picture and all he said to me and how I was thinking and feeling and I wonder…. Was he testing me? Was he trying to see if I would have agreed to compromise my honor? Seeing that I used lie and deceits to be able to talk to him, what else would I do to hold on to him? How far was I willing to go?

I wanted so bad to make it right, for him to like me for me. But somehow, deep down I know he never will; I still was not fully convinced that it was not Paige picture he fell in love with. I still could see him visualizing Paige, wanting her, and I know I could never give him me because I am not so appealing. I’m here loving him and wanting him and knowing that he could never feel that way for me.

I know he is hurting too; I can feel and sense his sorrow from all he had said to me; he is angry and confused; it was just a few hours ago he was telling me how much he was he was so fortunate to have me in his life and just how much he loves me. And I wish I know how to make it right for him. Wish I knew….




This sequence is the beginning of the end… and is a little lengthy… I hope you all will take the time to read it.. this was my hardest episode to write… I have tears in my eyes reliving it all..  I Did fall very deeply in love with “MY SWEET ALLEN” ..and through the tears …. I’m smiling because it happen.. WHAT A MOST AWESOME AND A MOST WONDERFUL AMAZING LOVE FOR ME TO HAVE EXPERIENCE… SMILING HUGE!!!!







“I’m here Christmas night loving you… and I want more… He was declaring, ‘that my position… no threats. Just promises I won’t be a fucking creepy stalker if you get scared and want to think… is that a bad position? He asked of me.

I read what he wrote about loving me and wanting of more; and I said, no more Wendy Wakanita, no more; tell him; you have to… I couldn’t go on lying to him any longer; he was sincerely in love; and he definitely don’t deserve this kind of deception.… and then I know this means it will be over for me; and I started to shake violently and again my heart was beating so hard against my chest; I was so nervous, my head was spinning, I couldn’t even type. I didn’t even know how to make the approach. So I try to steady my hands…

And I said, let me ask you a question… now don’t get mad…

(I was so emotionally upset… I just know telling him is going to be bad.. I fear  his reaction.. and my eyes was fill with tears… I couldn’t even see.. my hands was trembling… so nervous.. I don’t want to do this… I really don’t…)

He laughed and said,”Ok”

And so I asked him, ‘did you fall in love with my pictures… or did you fall for me by talking to me? Kinda stupid question isn’t it? But… ”

It was us talking,’ he told me. “I’m a very emotional person… the physical thing falls in place once I feel someone.”

What did I say to get you hooked? I wanted to know.

I was so poor and lousy with my conversation, that I was thinking, I did not say anything so wonderful for him to fall for me this way. I was convinced it was the picture of Paige that he liked so much that got him hooked.

“Everything … he said. “It was your honesty most levy…. Mostly… and that you were really easy to open to…. No threat… but willing to share… I am a protector… so you played into my likes without even knowing.”

My honesty???  but I wasn’t… I sat there reading all he was saying, shaking and afraid. I am about to lose him. And I was getting very hysterical emotionally; and was paralyzed with fear. I was starting to sob and the tears were flowing heavily.

And I asked… shakily… ‘and if you found out that was not really me? Would you be angry that the girl you fantasize is not real?

“The pictures were a bonus… he said. I could see physical attributes I like… But when we first started taking I didn’t have that… so I went off how we interacted… that’s all I had. .. I have no idea … if I was catfished?

Then he says the most unbelievable thing, ‘no… I mean we would start over with trust… because that would hurt… but I’m huge on second chances.”

I think, wow!! What a guy….never expected an answer like that; Took me by surprise.

So I told him, “the best answer yet: what’s catfished? I asked.

I was a little calmer but I was still very nervous and even with all his answers, I was convinced he was not going to like me.

“Tricked.” he answered. “So if  you aren’t the person in the pictures or you were not honest and really want to see if we are compatible… Now is the time to come clean… because I feel connected.”

“Suppose she is not a looker.” I asked.

(I was thinking it’s paige’s pictures that he fell for)

Wendy… out with it please.” He pleaded. Please.” He insisted.

I was so afraid to say it because I know it would mean the end of him. And I so much did not want it to end. Any way I reached this far… no turning back…

So I said, “Allen … I’m Wendy Wakanita… but not the girl in those pictures.”

And I start to cry even more, I was sobbing and I kind of expect him to stop texting… But instead he asked me…

“Let me start with my first concern… how old are you?

“40” I told him…. Well I can easily pass for 40 and on some days even 35.

Ok I can live with that,” he says. “Jesus… What a relief… ok let’s have it.

“I thought you liked them young,” I told him

“Wrong.” He said.

I’m afraid you are not going to like me if you know who I am.” I said to him.

“You are the youngest girl I’ve talked to. I like girls that can hang physically… because I can fuck forever… but I don’t like young girls because they are young… if that makes sense.”

“Maybe you are right… I mean … but what do you have to lose.” He said in response to him not liking me.

I kind of understand what he was saying but not totally convinced about it. And I was thinking… here I am trying to find a man to keep up to me… without much success, that I give up trying, thinking all men 40’s and up is useless in the bed… and after my experience with “MYLOVE-LOVE… I refuse to do young guys for fun. And here I found this most passionate guy who could match my long distance marathon; and I’m ending up losing him because he would rather a young girl in her 20’s to run with. A tall thin girl with perfect teeth and a beautiful smile; his type and preference; I’m no comparison. Paige and I are completely opposite. If only he could have liked me; but… that is not going to be possible.

So I told him, “I’m the aunt.’

“You have made a mess; let’s fix it.’ He said surprisingly. “Ok so you are the aunt?

“And so what is it you want? What are you looking for? Help me understand. Do you want to experience us? I mean I totally fell in love with you… I might need to think things through because I’m a little hurt… but what do you want? Ok I’m a lot hurt.”

And I sit there crying my heart out ; couldn’t even steady my hands to text; reading what he asking; knowing no matter what I say to him, he’s never going to like me; thinking I want you… all I want is you… I love you… I love you so much… but it’s not me you love…

I decided to send one of my pretty photo I took fifteen years ago when I was proud of me and my smile was pretty.

He comments on it on say, “ok that’s a nice picture.”

I then say, I do… I do…” {To, do you want to experience us}

I did not know what to say to him, there he was telling me that he is hurt and I know he would be; and here he was still texting me trying to make sense of it all; and I have nothing… nothing… I was lost for words…  all that was in mind was I have lost him; it’s over and I was expecting him to stop texting me and forget about me; but he kept on and as long as stayed with me texting I became calmer and my extreme emotional state that I found myself in start to slowly dissipate.

He then say, “ok, then please let’s start over… please… we can start as us.”

Start over??!!!! oh my!!!!…  I couldn’t hardly believe he was saying this t me…

“Ok.” I said kinda excitingly.

So you are Maxine? He asked.

“Yeah… I’m Maxine too.” I admitted.

And I think, oh sh….t, he now knows what I look like for real from the picture of me with Paige. I start to get nervous again because that’s an ugly picture of me, and I know he definitely will not like me.

Then he of course changes his mind, “ok I have to process this… but I promise I am not done… I swear I fell in love with you…I have to figure out if I can trust you now… that’s all.

He was saying all the right things but I was thinking all the wrongs things. I was glad to see that he was really nice about it; but I was still convinced in my mind that he wanted Paige. I wasn’t giving me a chance.

So I told him, “I’m sorry but I’m shaking so much… I’m kind of relief that you take it so good.

“Let’s see how things go… maybe we can fix it.” He tells me. I don’t know… I’m Kinda a mess though… I feel so stupid.”

I know he was a little confused about it all; and i was still worried about him… but as much as I want him to like me…  I just know that he is not going to like me..

So I told him, “So, so happy I’m right about you, because I’m so in love with you.

I was trying to tell him that I was happy to know I was right to think he was really a sweet and sincere man and all that he’s now saying to me proves me right.

What you did was mean,” he told me. “But thank you for fixing it and allowing us to salvage something!

“I was feeling sorry doing that when I realize how special you are.” I let him know.

“Ok well we work on us… as one then …ok? He asked of me. “Totally honesty please.”

I felt a little hopeful with what he said. And I thought I can’t text fast enough to explain to him, or try to apologize to him, maybe he will let us talk by phone where it would be easier for me to tell him how and what I am feeling.

So I ask him, “Maybe we can voice call now? ….

I promise.” I told him about being honest.

He was not responding and I thought he had stopped and my heart sinks again.

So I asked, “Are you gone?”

I start to cry again, and try to apologize, “I’m so, so sorry, thanks for not being too mean to me… Trusting me is not going to be easy, and I understand if you don’t want anything to do with me. I was never the lovable type, a guy like you are only in my dreams. I figured you would not love me so much if you knew I was not that sexy girl.” (and I just keep on saying the things I was thinking … making me looking worst with each word..

I thought for sure he was done with me, and I was crying and wallowing in self-pity; wanting him so badly to like me but knows that he couldn’t and wouldn’t, I have all the reasons why he couldn’t… and to me they were valid.

And then he’s back, and through the tears I smile,

“ok please tell your name… your real name so we start over.”

I wrote, “Wendy Wakanita Maxine .”

“But you missed something huge… sexy is not a look. He told me.

I said, “I beg to differ.”

“Ok I love the name,” he told me. And you prefer Wendy?

Actually now Nita” I let him know with a smiley face..

“Well first impressions are one thing… but anyone can be sexy.” He said to me

.”Awwww” he responded to me wanted to be called by his nickname for me.

‘And so …. What would you like for us Nita? He asks me.

“Everything you promised.” I let him know, “the whole works.”

I was getting a little excited and hopeful that he wants to try to make us work; I was also pleased to have him still talking to me and allowing me to calm down from my hysteria. And again I was just so amazed how wonderful he is. I couldn’t believe that he is still talking to me and even offering me a chance to be with him; after I hurt him like this. Here I was, again in awe of him. WOW!!

Then he said to me, “and please don’t thank me for being nice… I will always be nice… shouldn’t everyone be? He asks of me. He laughed at me wanting everything and the works. “Hahaha! Ok! Let’s start as us.”

“Ok let’s.” I confirmed.

“And we go from there… at least we can have an honest go at it right? He asked. “Also … were you Cumming … playing with your pussy when we talked? Was that real? He wanted to know.

“You are so amazingly wonderful.” I was complimenting him. {For wanting to make a go with us.}

“Yes” I told him, “I always have; that was real.”

And so that was real; ok, that’s feels nice. I’m glad I shared that. He stated. And do you have children? He asks. “

I did not want to lie any more to him; no matter what the consequence I am going to be totally honest with him from now on.

So I admitted, “The Irish and the Chinese. My first husband is the Irish man… I have had three husbands; I’m kind of not too lucky with my choices, my second died, he was the best of the lot.”

I realized he had stop texting; I was getting worried that he is gone again. But I kept on saying what I was saying hoping he will resume.

So I asked him, “Are you seriously thinking of giving us a chance?

Still nothing from him, my eyes felt teary but I was not too emotional like earlier, much calmer, but I was a bit apprehensive.

“You are not feeling me right now, are you? I ask him. You have lost the joy, haven’t you?

I waited a few minutes, still nothing and now I was convinced that he is finally gone. And I was full of morose. And I started to think again that he wanted Paige; this beautiful young girl; not an old fart like me, with two grown children. There goes my everything, I thought. My whole world just crashes… and I’m left with nothing, he is gone… gone for good. I found him… and he was grand… perfect…sensational… and I was so ecstatic… thrilled….and was so profoundly delighted and so full of joy.

So I kept on talking to him just so to keep calm and not get back to that state I was in.

So I told him, “if she old enough to date I told her I would have given her to you… but she is only 14; she thinks you are hot… if that’s any consolation.”

“How I wish I could command your love.” I told him sobbing. ‘but I know you could not like me…I’m that cute or lovable… all in all my sweet, sweet Allen, I have enjoyed you tremendously, and I do love you so very much… but I got it… a man like you would never look my way twice… it’s just my luck… falling in love with someone way out of my reach…I’m so sorry… you didn’t deserve it; you are too nice and special and perfect. My blue eyes… right out of my dreams. You are everything in a man I have always dreamed of.”

After a few minutes of thinking and weeping; realizing that he is really gone I sat there praying he would come back, wanting him to resume his texting but I knew it was over and I started to cry again, feeling lost and numb… I lost him… omg … I have lost him…

“You are gone aren’t you? I text. “I have lost you… my worst fear has come true.”

..I was feeling so empty and so alone…there was a big void… I missed him… and I’m left with this great love for a man I couldn’t have….

And I just keep texting even though I know he was not there anymore; I just want to get it out, what I was feeling, trying to ease this excruciating pain I was experiencing.

“I f…ked up real bad… I know… but thank you for the most memorable; exciting; glorious; time I ever had; the best sex without even a touch; I was on top of the world for a moment. I flew to places I have never been to; I am totally in love with a man I never knew; with only the power of his words; you are the most beautiful; most genuine; most understanding; most wonderful man alive. And I had the honor to know you. What a most amazing and awesome experience for me.

“In all my 43 years, I become the most fortune woman alive to have crossed path with you. LIFE REALLY GIVES BEAUTIFUL GIFTS…. IT GIVES ME YOU… wonderful incredible you. And I will be always loving you… thank you again for the experience of you, “MY SWEET, SWEET Allen” Did not mean to hurt you, it was never my intention… I will not bother you no more… but I would love to hear from you…even if it for some of your visual sex”..I ended humorously….  Wendy WAKANITA.

I sit there crying… wishing I didn’t pretend to be Paige; wondering if I had been myself if he would have loved me like this. I was not hysterical anymore and I was glad he stayed with me long enough to allow me to calm down; I was hurting real badly and wanted so much to still have him talking to me; to feel him close; but I know he is done with me. I was so in love with him and I prayed, “god … please fix it… fix it… please fix it…please god; bring him back to me; please god… he says he love me… let it be true and let him see me as me.” And I cried and cried some more.. I was sobbing and the tears was warm running down my face…my heart was breaking… I was numb and so devastated;

Don’t know why I was acting so extremely emotional; it’s not like me… I’m always so cold and unattached; but somehow … my emotion were so intense and uncontrollable… is it because I am in the wrong?… and I know it?…is it because I don’t know him and I have built him up to suit my fantasy of him?… I don’t know… all I know is that I’m hurting real bad and that he is gone for good;

His love was like a gentle breeze that turns into a storm…and it carried me away and spins me in a whirlwind of exhilarating emotions and desires that was so intense; that it left me so ecstatic; and I had the time of my life…and I owe it all up to him. It was providence… like a divine intervention. And no matter what… I think he was my fortunate serendipity [finding a very pleasant and valuable thing by chance} and it was by mere chance I found him… But I went and mess it all up; with lies and deceptions because of insecurities and lack of self-esteem.






















He answered me after a few moments…

Nita!! Omg baby… I’m missing you!” he exclaimed. “You make me laugh and love!

“How do I do that?” I asked.

Baby… so what do you think? He asked me.

About what?” I wanted to know.

You must know by now that I am real…and that my feelings are real too.” He said to me.

“I do… I think.” I told him.

I realized what I started and I did not want to go this path; not tonight. And he is so quick to pick up on my feelings of doubts. He is so sensitive to me; he can always sense what I was thinking and feeling… all the time… doesn’t know how he does it.

“You have been back through it… I haven’t, I just know that I do things one way… I either care or I don’t… I really don’t have much in between.

So I told him, “I don’t mean to question our feelings.”

I want to exit from this path it was going.

Then he went to explaining to me, why, “I became emotional with you when you felt real to me… and the more you open up the more I fell… Nita…you know I will be respectful if you have reservations right?

I did not want to hear all this…. I didn’t…

Then I told him,” How I wish I could explain things as good as you do.”

I sit there thinking …look what I started…

“I will allow you as much time as you’d like to sort things out or even go away if you feel that is the best… he tells me.

No… no… no… I don’t want that, I was thinking. It’s funny how frightful I get whenever he mention or suggest leaving or stopping. Yet I’m here know that it will.

And he continues to talk, “I am not here to make a stand or fight for something that isn’t mine… I will just continue to show my love and affection if you let me. That’s it. If you say this too much I will disappear …. Promise; Will it hurt? Hell yeah… will I do it? Yes.”

Man… I did not know what to say to him. And I was so scared that he was going to leave me. I was shaking by now very afraid that he is going to walk away. And I did not know how to stop him… or if I should.

And he kept on telling me, “You are in control of our fate as you know… I am giving you that because I want to be fair and responsible…. I’m sorry I messed you up again… it’s never my intention.

“I don’t mean anything like that, not in the least,” I let him know. “And when you started talking like this it scared the hell out of me.

“I’m sorry,” he said.

“I’m not so confident and sure of myself like you do.” I inform him.

“I’m empowering you. I can be super strong… I know you can be timid… this is me extending gratitude and love… even though it may ultimately hurt me. He tries to console me.

If only he knows the real truth behind my reservations… I thought.

And I’m trying to embrace it as best as I know how.” I tell him.

Then I ask of him, “Can we move on to a better conversation please? I really don’t want to think of you leaving.”

“If I had to said one thing outside, of us to you… as somebody watching… I’d say, trust your heart baby… it may steer you wrong but my god what if it doesn’t? Do you want to live in retrospect? I m not saying do something unreasonable… I’m saying, let yourself feel… it’s the most powerful gift ever… as you can see.”

That was just it… i was seeing the power and I was feeling the effects too… why did I start off playing this game of deception? because of all my lies, I can’t claim this love and passion that I have let myself feel… and claim this most wonderful powerful gift..

He’s there thinking all my reservation and hesitancy is due to my inexperience and being naïve… and I know it’s not. I just want to come off the subject all together. So I ignored all that he was saying.

“Yes we can go into something for sure! I’m sorry baby”. He tells me apologetically.

“I totally got it.” I let him know.

So tell me, how was your Christmas?’ he asked. “Did you have a nice day baby?”

“It was all good; my day was filled with thoughts of you.” I told him.

“Yes I know the feeling well.” He informs me. “Can I ask you something? You have sent me several pictures. But the one you posted is my favorite and if I look long enough… I can taste your kiss and the softness of your lips… That picture makes me want to kiss you so bad…”

I did not want to go there either; I don’t want to think of him loving Paige. I just want to completely enjoy him tonight without any thoughts of Paige and him gone. I don’t want any interference, not tonight… I have waited all day to be with him and I just want his complete attention on me. So again I ignored his statement.

So I ask him, ‘so tell me about the photos you sent me?”

“Ok ask anything… I will tell you.” He said.

“You seem so full of life; where is that mountain you were standing on? I asked.

“Btw it’s hard to find pictures of me! I mean I’m the one taking them usually! And I don’t do any social media… he wanted me to know. “I was in Colorado visiting a really good friend that is lawyer out there.”

“And the picture on the rock is the same place… I was waiting for him and his family… to finish a trail… anyway… I raced ahead on my horse to take pictures of them finishing this long hard ride. That’s my nigga!”

In between his telling me all this, I interjected, “your doggy reminds me of a dog we use to own…. And that’s my favorite.” {Referring to his picture on the rock.}

I’m so lousy with conversation; it’s unbelievable. I want to comment on his “nigga” word and his riding but he was writing so fast and I got way behind from reading what he was telling and trying to comment. After all this time I was still on his face on the rock. :).

“You look really, really look good; and those eyes… ooooh baby… baby.’ I commented.

“I love him and he is really sweet… a good boy”. He wants me to know.

He then tries to explain the picture on the rock seeing that I was so mesmerized with it…

“I laid on that rock because I was all sweaty and it looked like the coolest place to relax at the moment…. I dropped my keys in the water no long after that picture.” He laughed at the memory of it. Hahaha!! Not so relaxing! Good thing I was on a horse.”

I was quite enjoying all the stories of his adventures and I was again I was in admiration of him. He seems to live life to its fullest. And how I wish I could be a part of his life and share in all his wonder and delightful adventures. There goes the man of my dreams; and that’s the only place he is going to be.

And I wanted to know, ‘are these all recent?” I asked.

“In one picture I was with another guy… that was my brother… he died a few years ago… long sad story for another day. But I wanted to share something super personal.” He answered.

The one with my brother is the oldest… 2.5 years old. “He informed me. “The rest was in last year.”

And I moved on to the picture of him riding; what a poor conversationalist I am. And I like conversing so much. You’d think I would be better at it… but with him…i get so lost in thoughts and tonight I was really having a hard time staying focus.

“so you are a cowboy too? I asked him. “Am so sorry.” I told him. [About his brother}

“No silly… he said to me. “But I can ride a horse and have green broke a few.”

So isn’t that what constituted being a cowboy? I thought, laughing”

“It’s ok baby. Thank you,” he said to me being sorry about his brother.

I sent him three smiley faces. In reference to his explanation about not being a cowboy.

I raced motorcycles too… couldn’t find any pictures though… I’ll ask my sister she has tons… I’ll send you them when I get them;”

You do almost everything and anything!” I told him. “Me… nothing so outrageous.”

”well I just live… he told me. Life is short? So yeah… I try to live.

That’s good though.” I told him.

But baby… you are just starting…” he said observantly. “You only got one shot… make it count. Right?

“And I do admire you for it.” I let him know.

“But further, I love downtime… I like lying in the bed watching movies… hell yes.” He told me trying to make me feel equal and comforted, not so out-of-place seeing I was implying I would not be able to participate in his exciting and wild adventurous life.

Wow!!! He such a cool guy… there he goes trying to me feel good about my hobby of movies and reading.

Don’t know if I have the nerves or the guts.” I told him.

I have a long family history of being active,’ he told me trying to explain to me why is so active and adventurous. “But you don’t need either if you have trust.” He informs me. “If you trust me I will show you the world… but it will take lots of trust.” He let me know.

“Good for you, it shows,” I told him. “I think so too… lots. {Of trust}

“I am scared of nothing for real… He was saying. “I respect many things… that’s why I’m alive but fear nothing for the most part…. I just need a partner in… time… ha-ha! That’s perfect, we won’t do crime… so a partner in time! Someone to share life with… that want to experience it all!! Including movies in bed.”

I made a comment, “I don’t know why it’s s hard for me.”

I think I was still lagging way behind and it was in reference to our earlier conversation about having trust; {laughing} and it came after his speech about ‘partner in time’ and it was way out of context and of course misunderstood.

Because he says to me, “baby don’t let me mess you up… go with your heart and mind… I will always be respectful.”

So I said, a bit annoyed, “come on you are misunderstanding my comment again, please don’t go back there? I pleaded with him.

“We feel great to me… he was telling me. But I humbly know that I am only half of us… that is nothing…. I’m sorry,” he said about misunderstanding my comment.

“Why do you keep on threatening me with you out the picture? I asked him.

He said, “I can feel your hesitation… and as strong as I am… and can be… I don’t want to push anything. I’m sorry if I’m too sensitive… You know where I am… and what I want…

“I do” I told him.

About now I start to think, he is sensing my mood again, and he is saying all this stuff to me and I can’t and won’t be able to fulfill any his desires and dreams of me. He want this so bad. What am I doing to him? I need to stop this… he don’t deserve all my lies and deceits. God… I need to tell him.

I was fighting with myself…





So I agonized and went through my anguish all morning and yes I had all kind of solution to my dilemma; all but the one I wanted; to hold on to him, to keep him… how very badly I wanted to… how very badly…. But I know that wasn’t an option. Anyways I was not planning on telling him today. I couldn’t… I still did not have the nerves; and I did not want to ruin his Christmas… what did he says… “What a perfect Christmas gift… us”. So I will wait… yes I will wait…

It was christmas eve..  it’s going to be a very busy day for everyone… especially at work..

So just before I get ready to go to work, I sent him a text…

“Hey you, how’s day going? I’m about to get ready for work. I woke up a bit late and had to some prepping for tomorrow. I know you might be busy today and tomorrow, so I’m not going to be expecting to hear from you. I will try when I come home tonight but with no expectations. I will be thinking of you until… LOVING YOU MUCH… Nita.

He must have been waiting all day for my text; of course… he is in love… just like I am… and so I immediately receive an answer….

“Happy Christmas eve beautiful!!!! I love you Wakanita!

Music to my ears and my heart did a somersault with love for him; and tears came to my eyes through the smile I had… oh my god!! I have to give all this up.

“I hope you have a great day at work and get to relax a little today; I will be thinking of you as always baby.” He was telling me. Smile baby… it’s the most beautiful smile ever and I’m certain it’s contagious!!

I could sense his desire to talk to me and connect; because more than anything, all I wanted was just to feel him close but I know my frame of mind was off and was afraid I may say the wrong things … knowing me… and he always can sense my mood and hesitancy and my doubts; and I did not want to go there today.

So I all I say to him was, “you are too sweet and I’ll be always smiling because I’ll forever thinking of you and as you know you are the one that put this smile on my face.” {No lie}

Perfect! And now I’m smiling pretty girl.”

I left it at that… I told myself I am going to shake this feeling and mood I’m in. I went to work thinking only of him with mixed emotions; Happy and sad.

It was an awful busy day at work…. there was a constant line with everyone doing their last-minute christmas shopping… didn’t even have time for a break.. but with all my preoccupation.. my mind still wanders off to “MY SWEET ALLEN”. I had to fight to say focus at times…

About 10:30 that night, my phone went off and keep going off for a few minutes, it was rather very busy so I could not sneak peek and get a look immediately; but I did, and saw he really did send a bunch of photos to my amazement. I did not quite expected so much; I was quite delighted and could not wait to really look at them. I was all smiles thinking he is so crazy and how very much I love this crazy ass of a guy. I was not thinking of anything else other than the fact…how very much I love him and how very wonderful he is and how fortunate for me to have him loving me. I was living in my fantasy world. So I waited very impatiently for the night to be over so I could focus on my Christmas gifts.

As soon as the door was closed… I retrieved my phone and eagerly read his text and take in all the pictures he sent..

“Here comes your Christmas present… before I go to sleep… I will be dreaming of us baby… I promise… he told me. “Pictures I found… I don’t have a lot of me… and you can ask questions if you like about the pictures I’m sending… up to you.” He told me. … Follows by about 30 pictures…

He sent pictures of him frolicking on the beach; with group of girls: him on a rock; in the plane; his bike; his dog; shows me his gun; even one holding a snake; on a mountain top; riding a horse; with his buddies in a bar; with a guy and with a very pretty girl with a most beautiful smile; him playing the guitar; his house; him putting up lights; and more…. And I could actually tell what kind of life he led, and I could visualize his life as it is. And he ends it with…

“Merry Christmas pretty girl!!!

I hurriedly finished up for the night and headed home. when I got settled , I again went over his text and photos.

And as much as I love and enjoy those photos to the max; it makes me realize just how special he really is and just how much he was in love with the girl I was supposed to be, for him to send me his life story without fear of me seeing and learning about him, it had me feeling like the biggest jerk and the worst kind of person there is… and it only convinced me more that I have to come clean with him; he is just too much of a nice guy to lead him on like this and give him the impression that I am for real. I am … but… I was not the girl in those deceiving pictures… oh my god!!!… oh my god!!!… oh my god!!…. How am going to do this; My head was spinning, and heart was thudding loudly against my chest, my throat became tighten and  restricted with a big lump there, the tears begins to flow and I felt like I’m going to pass out with fear… fear of losing him. I had to talk myself out of it and try to calm myself.

Anyways I ‘m still not going to tell him just yet… I just could not bring myself to… I did not even know how to approach the subject. So I decided to wish him merry Christmas and thank him for my most beautiful and best Christmas present ever….


“SOME GIFTS YOU HOLD IN YOUR HANDS; SOME YOU HOLD IN YOUR HEARTS; so grateful for the blessing of you; ‘My Sweet AllEN ‘and I hold you my heart.”

“Well well well: thank you for all those photo shots of you, I told him. ‘I like that you send a variety of different things, like them all except the one with the snake; I’m deadly afraid of snakes.; pretty doggy; I particularly like the one that you are lying on a rock; you are really a gorgeous guy… through my eyes anyways… and you do horseback riding… Mmmm. You are really outdoor guy aren’t you? Which mountain top were you on.

“Anyways Allen let me go get some sleep to wake up early to get cooking. We will talk later and thank you for my Christmas gifts I enjoyed looking at them and learning about you. Seeing you doing different things allow me to be able to see how your life is. And you seem to be an outgoing guy and someone who enjoys having fun. You are always pleasant and smiling; I like that about you. MERRY CHRISTMAS MY SWEET ALLEN!”

And I went to sleep, still a bit disturbed but thinking it is the best not to talk to him tonight; not with how I’m feeling right now.

i woke up early smiling… It was Christmas day… and even though I went to sleep a little apprehensive.. i did have a rather pleasant dream about allen.

He did not respond to me until Christmas morning about 9:43am.

“Merry Christmas beautiful lover.” he said. “I hope your day is off to a perfect start. I wish more than anything that I could give you a Christmas kiss! Have a great day pretty girl!”

Of course I saw it, from the minute he sent it, and I read it and visualizes that kiss from him; but I did not respond right away; I was still thinking about cutting him off and I just did not want to; and I was afraid anything I say to him right now might reflect my thoughts; I want us to enjoy this Christmas with hearts full of love for each other. It was the most amazing feeling ever, and I want to savor every bit of it.

I was full of excitement with this profound joy just thinking of him. I was bubbly on the inside and I pushed aside the thought of ending us for now. I was cooking and just loving him with everything I got. I was telling Meg, my daughter-in –law about him and about the predicament I was in and just how much emotions and desire I have for him. She try to advice me and encourages me that he might like me after all, seeing I am a pretty woman and I am a really nice person, {she might be a bit biased] and actually in reality it was me he fell in love with and not Paige.

She might be making some sense, but I did not believe any of it. I could not be convinced that he could love me… me… I could not see it. I was talking to her and realize I really have to end us… and I start to cry that I had to excuse myself and go and calm down. He was the height of my conversation all day; he was the only thing I could focus on. One minute I loved him; the next minute I was letting him go. I was on a roller coaster most of the day.

After I finished cooking, I took some time away from everybody and try to connect with him. I yearn so much for him; I need to feel him; I need to feel his love for me; I’m not going to break it off today, so let me just enjoy him as long and as much as I can.

So I answered his text, “”Merry Christmas my love! How’s your day going? I would have loved that Christmas kiss. … I’m here wanting more than anything just to reach out to you and connect. Seems I just can’t get enough of you. I’m always left with wanting more… I’m like insatiable… is this normal? I asked.

“I love that you feel this way baby!” He said to me. “It makes me feel so good inside knowing our love and desire is mutual!! I feel so fortunate to have you in my life. One day you will get that kiss Nita!! And I can’t wait to feel your beautiful lips touch mine… I will have stomach full of butterflies I’m sure. I’m having a nice day so far and I hope you are too pretty girl!! Only one thing could make this better… having you in my arms.”

I’m reading and tears came to my eyes. His feelings are so strong and sincere… and I’m so rotten…

“I’m getting to ready to visit my mom and have dinner in a little while. He told me. “I hope your beautiful face has been lit up with tons of smiles today sweet girl.”

And I told him, “As I said before… you echo my every thought. In your arms is where I would love to be… my day is going ok… we are getting ready to have dinner ourselves; and yes, I’m smiling tons. Guess we will talk later my sweet Allen … enjoy your dinner with your family.”

And he replied, “One day we will wake up in the same bed Christmas morning and make love before I give you your gifts. That was the dream I had last night… It was really a nice dream. You were super happy and we made beautiful love. What a present that would be! Talk a little later love… please have a great afternoon beautiful.”

‘What a present that would be, indeed”. I agreed. “You too.”

Oh and Nita… merry Christmas! I love you! He said to me. [And I could feel his love. It was so intense. Just like mine.]

“Merry Christmas Allen… I love you too!” I let him know.

“Perfect!!!! He exclaimed.”I’m smiling huge.” [And so was I]

So I join everybody and have dinner; dinner was excellent, everything came out perfectly; that was the first, most times at least one dish would mess up. But not today, everything I cooked was perfect. We all enjoyed my meal and we had a good little kick back family time; and I was the happiest of them all; because I was basking in the glory of Allen’s love. And I could hardly wait for the time to go so I could relax and connect with him again. As I told him, I couldn’t get enough of him; I was always left wanting more and more. I was insatiable. I don’t know how I’m going to do this; all I know is that I love him, and that was all I need to know; right now, right here. Nothing else matters.

My emotions were in turmoil; they were bouncing up and down. I was so confused. But I told myself for tonight I will let it go for now… I did not want to ruin a perfect Christmas.

After everybody left; I sit down for some quiet time and I was thinking; how did we get to this point? When did we start to fall in love? So I scroll back to some of our earlier conversations to see if I could figure it out.

At about 8:00pm I thought I would try to see if he is available to talk.

So I said to him, “hey you am I going to get lucky tonight with some conversation, or did you eat so much that you have’ niggarities’ J [after you eat you go to sleep] or maybe you are having too much fun with the family? I know we do when we get together. Hope to get lucky because I’m missing something awful.”

And then I thought I would tell him about my going back to figure out how we fell in love. (I just knew I would say and do something to reflect my doubts.)

“you know I was here going over our conversation from the very beginning to figure out how we get to where we are now from where we started.; how our emotions got so strong and intense from just texting… I know… I do have a bad habit of trying to analyze everything… but sometimes I’m amazed at my feelings wondering if what I feel for you is real. I know… I just need to go with the flow and enjoy the ride/flight. Right?”




Whatever happened to quality dick?

A little reblog from one of my favorites story teller…,

Just wanna share.. 

Southern Georgia Bunny

This shenanigan is a girl’s night out story. I know how y’all love those, lol. My craziness is for all of you my beloved readers. Okay well maybe not all for you, a little for me too. Gotta live life my peeps! Go out there and make some crazy memories/stories. Trust me when I tell you it’s fun!

One of my girlfriends hadn’t been out for a while. So we decided that we all needed to go out and have a little fun. We hit a couple of bars, including our regular spots. It was a good night, we were living it up! Woot, woot!

This particular evening the girls convinced me to wear leather leggings, a fuschia blouse, and leopard print heels. I was always of the opinion that your ass needs to be covered in leggings. But the girls informed me nope, no need to completely cover…

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So I woke Thursday morning and decided I could not wait another day to talk to him. He was all I dream of all night; so I wrote to him;

“Hey… I said. [My hand all trembling with excitement]… went to sleep thinking only of you…. You consume my dreams… wake up… and again… there you are… all I can think …] and to top it all… just the simple thought of you put this silly smile on my face… is this normal?…  MISSING YOU MUCH!!!

An hour went by before he answered, I was excited to get that text, I smile so brightly as i read what he wrote….

“Well… all I can say is I love it! You are totally consuming my thoughts too! And yes my dreams of us have been mild to wild! I find myself drifting off thinking about how you will feel to kiss… What it might feel like to hold your hand… how beautiful your smile will be in person … so I’m right there with you pretty girl! It’s a great place to be and I’m glad we sharing the same experience!” “I hope you are having a great week Nita! I can’t wait to talk to you again. Smile beautiful you are totally on my mind!

I was taken aback by his feelings. I was quite pleased that he was reciprocating my emotions and that he really seems to like me …I did not want to continue too long with the conversation because I did not want him to think I had nothing better to do or give him the impression that was I was too eager…. Of course I was… but…

So I say to him. “You have such a great way with words. So poetic. You always know exactly how to make me smile. I’m having a good week and I hope everything is going good for you too. TTYL Allen; on my way to class; can’t wait to talk to you again too.

“I’m smiling huge! You just made my day Wendy! Have a great day at school TTYL beautiful.

I did not talk to him again for that day, I knew he have to work so I never bother him that night.

So Friday morning I woke up and sent him another text. He’s been on my mind constantly, I could not shake him for nothing, I told those girls at the work about him and told them about the deception I was playing, I even showed them his photos asking, how could I resist this gorgeous guy?  and confess how much I liked him… they tease me all night and we had fun with my dilemma; they made me laugh so hard. And I promise them I was going to stop… soon… but right now I’m hooked and I just have to ease out slowly. 

So I text him when I woke up, ‘hi Allen!!! Waking up from a most pleasant night spent with you… in my dreams… again.  Well school is out for a couple of weeks, only work and it’s quite busy right now.

At work I found it so hard to stay focus and my mind keep going back to everything he say to me and sometime I kind of laugh out loud with my thoughts; he was my consuming my whole world  and taking complete control of my mind. I was so profoundly happy. So I had to share with him what was happening to me.

“I want to share something I find quite amusing that happened to me yesterday.’ “ well while working my mind was drifting off to you and on one occasion I was with this customer and I thought of something you said and I burst out laughing [giggles]; she said to me,’ are you ok my dear,’  I told her I was  and I just thought of something that tickles me.  She then says, ‘it must be a good tickle for you to have that smile on your face.’ And I laugh again and reply, “Yes… Yes… Yes” and I thought, if she only knew… this is what you are doing to me. And I am enjoying it and enjoying you.

 I also sent him a song by Peter Cetera; “I wanna take forever tonight” and I asked him if he knows this song. ‘One of my favorites’ I told him. Then of course I felt obliged to inform him on how and why I liked it.  Oh man, I just don’t know when to stop lying.

So I said, ‘actually my aunt play it all the time and that’s how I got t know and love it.’

I did not hear from him all day until I  was at work; I knew he was working so I was not worried but I kept my phone close to me so I could know when he text back.  And then it came, and my heart did a flip-flop and my heart began to race; I was like a school girl with her first crush; I was wearing this silly smile… grin… And I was so delighted and happy. I couldn’t wait to read what he has to say, I could not contain myself or my composure. So I steal a little peek….

He started out with…” Ok… first of all… I am all smiles again; try so hard to not be obsessive with this app and stay off of it assuming we probably won’t chat much while you are busy…. When I get on and there is nothing I feel a little drained… and when is something I light up! So tonight I got in and I light up!!! This is the way you are having a profound effect on me. And like you baby… I really like it! Enjoying us comes very natural for me Nita.

And he continues, ‘ok so I am not familiar with the song but I find it and listen. You seem to be an old soul… and I mean that in a really good way. Perhaps you haven’t experienced all that life will offer yet but you go with the flow… like giving a song like that a chance…. And finding out you actually love it. That is maturity. As for your story… I don’t know what you do for work but I love the story and I am glad that I am really close in thoughts and that you are thinking about me… us… I am doing the same I promise.

“ I have had so many dreams about us doing things… last night we were in a plane about to land on a beach in the Bahamas… a deserted island I always wanted to check out… it looks so pretty… anyways you were really excited to get on the ground and get in the water with me.. It was really nice.

I am reading all what he is saying and totally involving myself and living the part; as far as I was concern right there and then; he was talking to me;  I was totally evolve in character. I was taking very word he wrote as mine and I was receiving every feeling he was pouring out. And I loved it. I was feeling so emotional that I got a sensational rush all over my body.

He sent a photo of the ocean; he said, “The Ocean tonight… just a while ago”. [It had a beautiful sunset on the water. How did he know how to touch me so? I love the sunset and the ocean… it calms me.]

Then he sent a video of some aerobatics show; “thought I’d show you little aerobatics” he told me.  I looked at it and just smile and saw how very adventurous he really is. And I’m like “wow!! He is so much fun. I like him… he is so excitable!!!…

And he says, ‘and here’s where I will take you one day I hope; and he sent three more photos of an island; I did not know where it was of. But I was all smiles with a heart full of joy and admiration, thinking he sure knows how to be a romantic…

” Ok now that I’ve blown your phone up I will leave you alone, I sure hope you have a great night Wendy, talk soon pretty girl.

So I sent him a quick text from my register between customers,” sneaking a peek, at work still.”

He said, ‘well don’t get in trouble silly.”

I smiled at his comments and keep on smiling… I took a break within the next two hours; and I went to talk to him. I told him, “I’m acting silly aren’t I? But I’m so anxious to talk to you and hear from you, that I can’t wait. Yeah… silly I am on a short break… will you be up when I get off? I asked him. BTW, I’m a cashier at Walgreens. … I truly enjoyed the pictures and videos. You are so much fun’, I told him.” Well I better get back on the floor, TTYL My Allen.”

“GOD I love what we have!’ He said to me, ‘I’m like a kid!  I sure hope you have a great night beautiful! I might be up later… Going to a Christmas party and then I’ll be home… and go to bed… not sure what time you get off.  Nita, I want more of this if you do. I really like how we make each other feel.’

 I hurriedly text him back telling him I should be home about 2am.

 And I went back to work thinking about what he had said about wanting more and how he likes how we make each other feel; OMG!!! So do I. he is so awesome and he makes me feel incredible good; But how am I going to make this last, I am standing there hardly able to focus, hoping the time go fast that I can get home to be with him. That was all that matters to me right then. I couldn’t wait, the time couldn’t go fast enough, I was literally craving for him and I have this anxiety in the depth of my stomach just wanting to connect and feel him close. I was a mess, a complete mess.

 So on my way home apx. 2:13 am I text and asked, ‘hey are you asleep? On my way home.  

He replied almost instantly as if he was waiting for my text, ‘no beautiful I’m up. I’m sleepy but wanted to stay up so we could chat with you before bed.”

I quickly responded, very excitingly, ‘oh wonderful, just give me another 6 minutes. I’m almost there.

He said, ‘ok baby, take your time! I hope you had a good night at work.”

 I couldn’t get in the house fast enough; I quickly changed and got in bed and on that phone. I say, ‘okay I’m all yours.’ … literally I was all his. GOD!! How I wanted him… In every way; he heightened all my senses, I was like ready to explode, and I don’t remember ever feeling this intense with anybody or for anybody before.

 Then he said,” hey, I love the sound of that.  I wish.’

I then answered to him telling me to take my time, ‘trying but I’m very excited to be with you.  Keep on wishing your wish might come true. I told him.

Hey, I understand that feeling! He said, ‘how was day pretty girl? He asked.  Oh man you are saying all the right stuff.”

It was a bit busy being Christmas and all,’ I told him. So how was yours, My Allen?

 I’m sure! He stated. Mine was good baby! A little busy with some work stuff I’m doing in Boston, Other than that, pretty normal.”

So I decided to mention the pictures he had sent earlier, ‘you seems to have an adventurous day.’ I told him. ‘I actually like the air show; do you work on weekends? I finally asked him.

Well I’m going to be slowing down a little for the holiday now’, he inform me. Oh you like the aerobatics?  He asked. Good!  Maybe one day I will take you up and do some fun stuff like that once you are comfortable enough… and when you are ready I will teach you to fly if you want…  I usually don’t… that’s why I stayed up late.

Learning to fly… wow! That would certainly be fun and exciting. Sure wish I could take him up on his offer but…

So I said, ‘sounds like fun.’ Usually don’t?  I asked in reference to him working on weekends. ‘Means you work tomorrow.’ 

Perfect! He said. I would love to see that smile a ton. No work tomorrow… I might fly to Savannah to see a friend and have lunch and I have a Christmas party tomorrow night. 

I would too, I told him.

‘I’m smiling Wakanita’, he said.

‘Ooh good for you’ I told him,[ him going to Savnnah;] I’m all smiles myself.’ I informed him.

God you are so damn cute,’ he complimented me. ‘Just the way you talk makes me happy”.

“Now you make me laugh.’ I informed him.

And I was laughing and giddy with happiness.  Believe me when I say, I completely forget that I was pretending. I was so caught up in over conversation and him, that I was not acting at this moment, I was totally absorbing him and was being me; Wendy Wakanita. 

Then he asked, do you like your job?”

Yes it’s easy’, I answered, ‘and it’s only for a time.’

“I have been totally daydreaming about you today… he told me. ‘You are totally controlling so much of me Nita… it’s a really nice feeling. And my dreams last night were very graphic and very sexual. I’m craving you.

There he goes again I thought, like reading my mind and sensing my emotions. It was like we were emotionally connected. He could feel and sense my every thought and desires. I did not want the sexual talk but somehow I welcome it because all my senses were heighten right now, and my desires for him was like a raging bull..

And so I told him, ‘do you know you echo my every thought?

‘Awwww!’ He gave out.

 So was mine. I said to him of about my dreams too.

He said, ‘oh really.

Yeah,’ I said.

Well I’m glad we are together in our dreams! He stated. ‘That’s a nice feeling too.’

What does that mean,’ I asked.

I was really wanted to hear what he thinks about the whole thing, because I was a bit confused and not sure how to explain what was happening to me and my emotions.

Well, while I’m dreaming of making love to you and pleasing you… you are dreaming of us too … that’s a nice feeling. He explained.

 I honestly told him, ‘I don’t know what my feeling mean.’ 

I didn’t, not really it couldn’t be love this quick;  but.. my feelings was so intense and creating a havoc emotionally.

‘I know what mine means,’ he said. Its passion and desire… 

I have never felt like this before’ I told him.

That usually leads to love,’ he continued, it’s a connection; that can be spoken but doesn’t have to be…it’s just mutually understood.’

Love?’ I uttered, ‘isn’t it too early for this? I asked of him.

Yes, in today’s society it’s too early.’ He informed me.

I think it’s your powerful words,’ I told him. You got me hooked! How can this be possible? I asked.

And in reality love can’t be defined…’ he continued to explained and clarified, ‘it’s an emotion… and it’s different for everyone.  I am not saying you love me… I’m saying we are in a good place that could lead to more.  I’m sorry if I confuse you pretty girl.’ 

Very logical definition I thought. I know he was very intellectual.

I just couldn’t believe that it was this easy to get so caught up emotionally just by texting someone.. and I was actually enjoying this new-found feeling I was experiencing.. with this most amazing man.

That I am,’ I told him. Confused I meant. ‘But I am loving It.’ … and I definitely was….

“Call it what you want… labels are for other people to understand. He was saying to me, ‘I just know I like where we are and I would like more…the rest is up to you as you know baby.

I don’t know if it was because he thought he was talking to a very young naïve girl; that he took the time to educate and enlighten her; but, I was definitely learning from him  and was able to understand my emotions a little better from his words of wisdom. So I am new and naïve to this raging of desires and passion that has overcome me.

So I told him, ‘this feelings you give; it’s out of this world.

Then he did a tailspin and went opposite direction; “I promise I will not pursue you if you choose to stop communicating with me Nita. I promise I will respect your decisions… always… I just know what I would like.’

“I am so frightened… you know why? I asked. Then I told him. ‘I don’t want to stop…”[ meaning communicating.] 

But all of a sudden I came back to reality and remembered that I could not continue with this much longer; I have to find a way out soon. And my emotions have already entangled enough and I was so convinced, he will never like me… the real me… I have to think about an exit. But I find I am digging my hole deeper and deeper trying to get some more of his time and to enjoy this exhilarating feelings some more.

But… I stated.   

What excuse can I give for being afraid?

He was saying something, ‘I would like to please you… to make you feel better than ever…I want to tap into your desire and passion… And see what we can build… maybe it takes a bunch of time to get there… I will wait. I know when something is worth having it is never forced… that’s what makes it so special… you would die for it but you can’t buy it… it’s earned… I want that.’ 

Man… I was blown away when I read that; and I was so sorry I could not put a claim on him. This guy is so passionate and deep. And as usual words fail me’ I did not know how to respond to him.

So I just said, ‘GOD!!!! YOU ARE SO AWESOME.’… .

Then he asked me to tell him the ‘but’ part… ‘I’m sorry I interrupted you,’ He said.

I kind of forget my trail of thoughts; and I thought, he thinks I am a virgin, so I said. It scared me…. Sex. And you are so experienced.’ 

It wasn’t too far from the truth; because I would be very intimidated with him sexually; he talks with so much expertise.

“Ok…well you know that there is no reason to be scared, right? He said trying to console me. ‘I would always make sure you were 100% ready before I ever consider it; most girls rush in to it and regret just getting  it over with.. That is not how we would handle anything.’ 

Ooooh… what a guy… so I asked him, you have that kind of patience?

If you truly care for someone you are compassionate right? He asked.’ So if I like you to be there… I will never take anything Wendy. You will give me when you are ready. I will earn that place… and that will make it perfect. If it doesn’t happen it wasn’t meant to be.’

Is this guy real; men like this don’t exist…? 

So I told him,” I may talk like I know what I am saying but my actions say something else.’ You are too good to be true, ‘I can’t believe I accidentally found you”. I told him.

 Then he said. For the record… my favorite dream is you asking me to make love to you…. You are naked on the beach… laying on a towel… it’s like sunset… we are alone on the island… the reason I like that dream is because you are asking.  Then he responded to my finding him,’ it’s so weird how we collided,’

I like that dreams,’ I told him. “I would say, take me I’m all yours”

I’m a super visual person so my dreams are really vivid,’ he was telling me. ‘It was a really nice dream… In that one we didn’t make love… it was just about being ready I think.”

“Awwww!” he responded to me.

So I told him, ‘my dreams are a little wilder”…. Of course they are. My imagination runs wild with him.

 He was continuing with his dream, ‘I laid on top of you naked and we were kissing and I start to work my way down… and that was the end of the dream… I woke up.  And oh, I’ve had some crazy fun dreams too! But that one is my favorite one so far… just because of the value… you giving me you… that are the biggest value ever.

And that right there is the great fascination with Paige, she is a virgin and he likes that she is. So with her looks and her smile ; he is going to do everything to win her over. And he has the lyrics; he has me all swooning and his words are not even meant for me. {So funny; so funny and sad indeed}

Do you like the beach, I asked.

Ummmm, I don’t go much… he said,’ but the ocean is full of mystery and romance. 

  And I change subjects on him, and I asked him, ‘by the way, where is that you wanted to take me to?

For lunch or the deserted island? He inquired.

From the picture,’ I told him, ‘on the plane.’

‘Cedar key for lunch… or dinner…’ he informed me.

Where is that? I wanted to know.

If I picked you up in Orlando…we would be there in a half hour flight. He told me, ‘it’s on the gulf coast of Florida across from Ocala Kinda.’

 So I told him, it would be after Christmas… super busy right now.’

And how I would love to do that; and how I wish to be Paige right now so I could accept his invitation and have a blast with him. God! How I wish to be liked, like that by a man like him. He is so romantic and full of sweet imagination. He is just the fantasy of my dreams. Ooooh maaan….

It would be whenever you are ready baby,’ he said lovingly,’ no rush’

Okay you sweet sweet man I replied.’ I am going to say it again; you are right out of my dreams.’

He laughed, ‘ha ha you are super sweet too! And Wendy….

Yeah,” I answered.

We go as friends… he was telling me, ‘and see what happens… no expectations… just two people enjoying some company and having fun! That’s it! If the chemistry isn’t there for you in person I will understand. Nothing forced ever.’

The more he talked the more I admire him and the more I was amazed by him and the more I was falling for him; man… I was sure in big trouble… how am going to give up a man like him… how am I going let him go….

WOW!!!  I exclaimed.

You will drive us emotionally until and unless we have mutual connection that includes romance and anything else ok? He finished saying.

‘I’m kinda lost for words’. I told him. … I was for two reasons; I was not able to commit to anything; and I did not know how to respond to him.

 Really? He said. I’m sorry.’

You are too good for me.’ I told him.

Then he said, ‘ok so I think you will like that flight… and that island is really cool. So I think we will have fun and good conversation and company.’

 Sounds like a plan, I commented… I mean it in a good way, I meant it sounds like a good plan….but I think he misunderstood my meaning.

Because he said, ‘you are so silly…I am just being courteous… you have been honest and open with me and so I want to proceed at your pace and your terms! That’s all baby.’

I was a bit hurt that he misunderstood me; but I continued, ‘I like conversation… and I like you… a lot…You just amazed me every time,’ I told him. 

Me too! He said, ‘and if you’ve ever flown in a small plane you know that it is amazing too… The view is really nice and you will be my co-pilot! So I will let you fly if you want… I will show you a few things and let you take the control if you want.’  ‘Wakanita I like you plenty too girl.” 

 So much for me to comment on and all I could come up with was, ‘can’t believe there is someone like you out there; and I am talking to him.’

 I am such a lousy conversationalist; I never have the right words to say or I can never try to comment on what he is saying. My texting is lousy and yet I can type at least 40 words per minutes. But having trouble texting; makes no sense. …. But he doesn’t seem to notice or care.

I can’t believe I have made such an amazing connection. This is crazy good.’ He stated.

Isn’t it? I said,’ never been on tango before. First time and there you were.”

How often does life take two people and just melt them together… he was saying, ‘emotionally in a way that puts them in the same place and time… it’s like all of my feelings and senses are totally heightened…I feel like we are experiencing this together.

[This comment of his; is the truest and most practical fact of our encounter.] 

Totally,’ I responded. ‘Fate is what it is.’

Whoa!!! He exclaimed. ‘I’ve had this app for a few months…and I was on it for five or six times, I think… but it was just silly fun… like a time killer. I never took it serious… I can honestly tell you that you were the first one I was so forward with.. So out there… I’d thought I’d be fun and crazy… was gonna go to bed and bam… you became real.

And he was really fun and crazy to me’ one of the reason I liked him and wanted to talk again.

 So I told him, ‘the same for me, I was there for fun; not looking for anyone… and now I have you.’

Right! I get it… he answered, “and I thought I might as well be crazy and impulsive… and look what happened.’

I made a mistake in typing and said, ‘oops; just laughing at us.’

I was just being stupid and goofy, he was saying, ‘figured at least it was fun to talk to someone…’

I was doing the same exact thing,’ I told him.

And our paths crossed,’ he said.

Then your captivated blue eyes came up, and I had to send a message to you.’ I told him.

He laughed out, ‘ha-ha! I love it. And did you get a mouthful of wise ass crazy guy that night.’

And our path crossed and I do love it too.’ I informed him. ‘I thought you were so funny.’

“I am a confident guy and can be cocky but I’m more of a joker than anything. He said.

So bold and brazen,’ I told him.

Yes I can be very bold,’ he admitted.

I love it,’ I told him, ‘being bold… wish I could be.’

“I think some of it is because  I have to exercise so much courtesy that it feels good to be silly and let go…. I’m never cocky in a rude way… I absolutely hate disrespect… so I never go there. He told me. As a professional everything is so calculated… it felt nice to be that guy that night.

So I told him; ‘I didn’t think you were rude; you should exercise it more, you are good at it… because you also funny. And I may be bashful but I do like boldness.’

Ha-ha! He laughed, thanks; Wakanita… I really like you. I am so tired and waited up just to connect… I needed to feel you. I’m so glad I did. We are a good team lover!

Okay I understand,’ I told him, we both need to get some sleep… yes we are [a good team]. So this is goodnight… can we do this again tomorrow… you think? I asked.

 I would love to! He said, it’s always up to you beautiful.’  Working till 2am again? He asked.

Great,’ I said. ‘Well sleep tight… yeah [to working late again]

And don’t get in trouble at work checking your phone silly,’ he told me. 

 I laughed out loud, LOL, I sent to him.

 Nita… can I asked you a personal question?

Shoot, I said to him.

he asks me a sexual question?

I burst out laughing so hard, ‘laughing… I told him.  “I think I will”

He laughed at me, ‘ha ha I know you are messed up.’ He told me. And now I know you are!

I said, ‘you are always messing me up; I can’t help it.’

And that was the truth; I stayed turn out just thinking about him, and while talking to him I can actually feel him right there with me…. So I get all tingling; wet; twitching and pulsating. My whole being becomes so alive just knowing him and knowing that he is feeling me the same way. He set me on fire ; he ignite my deepest desires and rose my passion to a  height I did not even know I could reach; never being in this place before; and it feels so, so good.

He went ahead and give a  little description of what i should picture him doing to me..

“Ok well, will you picture me between your legs looking up at you as you cum… me taking you in… pleasuring you… Tasting you… taking every drop of your cum… drinking your ecstasy.” 

Wow!’ he has me all shuddering with his erotic vision; I was so hot for him.

 And he continues, ‘I will find all your little places… all the things that drive you wild and crazy… and maybe some new ones and exploit them… till you cum for me Nita.”

‘With you my heart races… my pulses pump hard and my kitty meow..I confess.

My kitty was begging to be touched and I did oblige her and with just one touch I exploded with such a force; that I totally surprise myself; it’s been ages since I had experience that; wow!!! With just his vision, I couldn’t believe it.

He laughed at my comment and said, ‘Hahaha!!! Super cute! I like the kitty part…

Don’t know why I find it so easy to be honest with him? But normally I am not that bold especially when it comes to sex; that’s always my secret. But with him, I feel so comfortable telling him almost anything.

 Really? He gives out, ‘Nita!! [I think he was surprised at me doing that.}

 Aha ha’ I said. 

we played for a little  more and i did enjoyed our romp… this was my first experience with doing this and it really excites me…

Now I’m going to bed with a huge smile! And Nita… I’m going to cum real hard thinking about you….’ He then told me.

Then he turn it up, and  give me a vision so clear that I could actually visualize  every scenario the sets for me .. And I was really happy and I was smiling and laughing and loving him. I was having fun and man… was I ecstastic..

 Night night Allen’, we ended.

 I sit there just smiling and feeling so pleased and satisfied; thinking how does he make me feel so good and warm inside? How does he let my whole being come so alive; I was feeling him like I could touch him;  the desires he created is so intense; I cum so much I didn’t think I had any more in me but… I went back to our final conversation with all his erotic vision and I again could reach to a peak of ecstasy another three times. Most amazing thing….. During all this, I never even once think back to the fact that all his fantasies and vision was not intended or directed to me…  I claimed them all and I own them as mine; I went to a blissful sleep and a most erotic dream of us.




















I had a story of the two wolves 🐺 that lives in you.. that I used to tell to my kids when they were misbehaving… 

one ☝️ was the bad wolf 🐺.. hate.. do everything bad…

The other one ☝️.. the good wolf 🐺.. love..do everything good..

You feed them every day.. they both fight for the food.. which one is the stronger one…

I would ask the question???? 

Which you think 💭 would win and survive… ? ?? 


so please give me your answers.. 

please patronize me with this.. thank you 😊 all for participating.. 



He was jogging one day.. and saw me.. he smiled and say hi… I returned his smile and responded with a “hi.. I remember smiling so pleasingly liking his acknowledgment.. and wish I had the courage to say more.

I got my chance a few days after…he was driving past towards his place with some of his buddies… he saw me… and stopped… call me over and ask me my name and invited me to his place… I was so thrilled to see him again.. his name was Paul… I  didn’t accept his invitation that day but he asked if he could see me again and I eagerly said, ‘yes’…

He did come by to see me.. invited me out and so started a whirlwind love affair… we were inseparable… and I was so enthuse to have him liking me and becoming my boyfriend.. My family all joined me in liking him we all agreed that he was a really nice guy… I was very happy with him and I was so delighted to spend as much time as he could muster…

I was very shy, quite reserved,  a little withdrawn.. I didn’t feel quite comfortable with his friends a little out-of-place… but.. he always makes me feel at ease with all the attention and affection he showed me… we went on like this for about six months…

I started a business school… he used to take me every morning and drop me off… I was in heaven.. and totally in love by now…so after a week or two into school I was approached by this Chinese girl asking if I was Wendy… and letting me know she wants to be friends… of course I agreed… she would seek me out and talk to me daily and we talked about things like my boyfriend… of course ,I proudly tell her of paul and just how much I love him and just how wonderful he is…

So.. she invited me to the movies one evening and I accepted…I remembered it was a james bond movie… “for your eyes only”… we got in… and as we settled down to watch the movie… she told me… “you know we have the same boyfriend… Paul is my boyfriend too..”… I did not know what to say… the tears was welding up in my eyes, my throat was tighten with wanting to cry out.. I gasp.. and I got up to leave.. I just had to go… I couldn’t talk… I didn’t know what to say… she was talking , but i didn’t hear a thing she was saying.. my head was spinning… my heart was breaking… I was mad.. I was so jealous… I look at her… how could I compete with her… I have so many questions… and I knew all the answers… I knew it was over for me…

We walked all the way to her house… It was a long walk and I calm down a little although still numb… and she was very consoling and have a way of making me feel better.. I was not hysterical any more…

she called him at work… tell him she told me about them and he asked me to wait on him to come by after work… he came.. I didn’t have much to say… I really didn’t know what to say… he took me home and on the way home I ask him, “so what’s it gonna be”… he stated that he didn’t know and so I just accepted my fate and walk away…

I saw him a couple of weeks after.. jogging down the hill.. I was coming home.. and he stopped and we talked some and after we finished talking he turned back home… that would have been the last time I saw him… I still remain friends with that girl…(to this day).

They actually end up getting married and move back to the states… I cried… for a lost love that I thought should have been mine…  I so much wanted to be his wife… but he had made his choice and it was so obvious that he had loved her more… and so I had accepted it all and move on…


Now 35 years had passed… and out of the blues she is calling me telling me that Paul wants to say Hi to me…and no lie.. I was delighted to hear from him… and on his way home that evening he stopped by… I was so happy that he chose to…and when I saw him… I couldn’t recognized him as the guy I knew all those years ago… he was completely different… so was I … after all we are talking about 35 years of changes.. I was still thrill to see him as is.. trying so hard to find some resemblance to the guy I knew … and he started to tell me of his vision he held of me all those years ago… how he saw me back then… how smitten he was and how dazzled  he was by my beauty.

I sat there listening to him describing me… he says I was his fantasy girl… like out of a magazine…he was in awe of me.. he thought I was way out of his league.. I was so amazing and every time he was with me he couldn’t believe his luck… he couldn’t get enough of me.. he described my body like it was so perfect… he told me he had visualize me over the years…but his choice was due to the fact that he thought I would have left him… how ironic… he married that other girl…because he thought she would never leave him…. and she did….

What might have been is far too late to think about.. and we didn’t really have any emotional feelings left over for each other…

sure I think about you every now and then….but… it’s been a long long time…I have got a good life now but I have move on…so when you cross my mind.. I try not to think about  what might of been…that was then…and we have taken different roads…we can’t go back again….there is no use giving in and there is no way to know what might have been…

WE c0uld sit and talk about this all night long..wonder why we didn’t last…yesterday might be the best days we will ever know… but, we will have to leave them in the past… so try not to think about what might have been…because that was then…and we have taken different roads…we can’t go back again…there is no use giving in   and there is no way to know what might have been.

the same old look in your eyes…it’s a beautiful sight..sooo tempted to stay…but too much time has gone by…we should just say goodbye and turn and walk away…and try not to think about what might have been..

               (SONG BY LITTLE TEXAS)



                                                     MY SWEET AllEN

                                                             SERENDIPITY       CHAPTER #2




“Hey you… I started to say, ‘I’m having a big emotional turmoil going on. I think I have made a complete fool of myself yesterday proving I am way too immature for you.  I want to be brave and daring but I do not know how to do it. When you invite me to go flying yesterday; just the thought of seeing you makes me shake all over. (Daft? right.) If you are for real…. The sweet, adorable and most perfect understanding guy I see… then I don’t want to lead you on…. Am I making any sense…do I sound silly or foolish…

That was my lame attempt to end us. I was trying to be Paige and at the same time trying to be sensible… if this is what you call my feeble attempt… 

 I did not end there though… I had to let him know exactly how I see him and feel about him… it’s so ridiculously funny. I just wanted him to know and realize how much he has affected me…

And so I told him, “My GOD… I do like you so much… you are a guy right out of my dreams. I imagine being with someone like you all the time… like a fairy tale romance…. And I got you right here right now and I don’t have courage or gumption to take the step towards you. What does that say about me?’

 I was being more than truthful there, that was how I was feeling but I just fail in severing anything with all that admission and declaration of my feelings. I don’t know… the truth is I did not want to give him up; not yet anyway.

 And he replied, ‘well that was a mouthful ..Ok so as you know I will not pressure you. So long as you want to talk… we will talk.   If you want more … we can have more. Ok pretty girl? If you would like me to delete you, I will. I would like more but I’m only half of us. I will respect any decision you make. (he sent me some photo shots of him flying) a few pictures of today’s flight.’ He told me.

I couldn’t  believe he would be so understanding and willing to give me what I want, I smile and think; is this guy real, I mean is he really genuine, is anybody out there in this world that thinks and feel like he does, the things he say,  how he puts or phrase it, it’s just credible. 

So I said in respond to him, ‘OMG ARE you FOR REAL?’ I think he kind of misunderstand my meaning a little; I guess it could also have a negative reaction.

but…I meant, “are you a real person?” I was just so taken aback that he would be so nice about it and without hesitancy, agree with my decision..

Because he reply, ‘ha ha! What?’

 Pictures of what I miss out on’, I commented on the photos. 

I would like to tell you that you totally own my thoughts today, he told me.

and then he drop that boom!!!…  I was having the effect on him as well… and I know I just couldn’t walk away… I felt this emotional rush run through me…

Tears came to my eyes, he was thinking of me too.

I feel like crying,’ I told him.

Why? It’s not that bad is it? He asked of me.

No, actually it all good, too good,’ I said to him.  ‘You make me so emotional.’

If only he could understand the struggle I’m going through, I know I should tell him, but my fear of him gone was bigger. 

 And he read my mind again and said, ‘so will it be easier for you if I delete you then? Is that what you would like me to do Wakanita?

I started to shake a little and my heart was pounding against my chest so hard, I was so fearful that I was going to lose him, my stomach was in a terrible knot… just the thought of him deleting me becomes unbearable.

 No no no, I quickly text him, ‘please don’t.

I had to breathe slowly to calm down, and I’m sitting there wondering; wtf is wrong with me. I don’t know this guy; I’m lying to him; I only talk to him for one day; why in god’s name I am so emotional about him. Why is my reaction so intense? I’m way too old for this….

He then try to explain to me my feelings, ‘emotional is a good thing in my book  baby… it means passion… how many times in your life do you think someone could make another person feel so much desire and confusion at once. It’s not a bad thing pretty girl … right.’

I kind of calm down  and started to laugh at me; I was a little embarrassed for me… it’s was a good thing he could not see or tell how I was behaving, because it was damn silly of me especially at my age; I should not be acting like this over no man,…. But I am/was. And his explanation was so logical to what I was experiencing. “Confusion and desire.” 

I told him,’ you are so optimistic…. It’s something I have to learn.”…. (Me playing off my silliness, blaming it on my young age; me trying to justify my silly behavior and thoughts.)… ‘I guess; it’s first for me (right) I continued, ‘so much to learn and know.’… {I was so full so full of it…}

After all that… I still continued with this game…

And of course he was right there to reassure me, ‘ well the only thing better than really living life huge is sharing it with someone who really matter and has a passion and desire to be with you and experience everything together… just my thought.’

I’m here thinking, how does he come up with all this? He is gooood; damn good. And I have nothing for him; I did not know what to say to him, I was at a lost. I was getting more and more impressed with his dialogue. And of course he thinks he is dealing with a naïve and inexperience young girl.

All I could muster up was, ‘you have so much to teach.”

and I am really getting a lesson….

Well… he said, ‘there is no need for big steps right? I already told you I am not going anywhere. So take your time sweet girl… take deep breaths… and just let things happens as they should. If you not comfortable just tell me and I will always respect that.’

I better start taking lessons,’ I said to him. I’m trying; I am.

Then he told me, ‘I wasn’t even the slightest put off or upset that you didn’t want to fly. You will if and when you are ready. I still was happy to offer though.’

You are so sweet and special,’ I told him. ‘I’m lost for words again,’ I admitted.

 And so are you, Nita,’ he said, ‘I can totally feel you are emotional. I promise to be gentle. If you get overwhelmed just don’t text me till you are comfortable. I will understand.’

But I always want to’, I told him.’ I have to fight myself not to.’

For example today I thought of you several times to say the least,’ he was telling me, ‘but was restrained in an effort to respect boundaries. Yesterday was a lot to take in… But it was all real… and very nice… ha-ha! Me too! It’s a good thing pretty girl!  He said in response to what I say.

I was a bit surprised and delighted to learn that he was feeling similar; I couldn’t believe he liked me/Paige this much. 

‘To say the least,’ I told him. You think,’ I responded to his ‘it’s a good thing.”

So take it at your pace,’ he said. ‘I will not rush you baby.’

You see I’m only brave enough now by texting,’ I inform him.

He did not know what was actually going on with me;  if he only knew who was behind these words; but somehow he could sense my strugggle and my doubts and reservation, I find that so incredible and absolutely amazing.

Then he said, ‘how about this… a proposal… out of respect, something to think about.’

Ok’ I said.

I will not text you first… if you would like to text me. I will always respond as soon as I am free… But I won’t initiate and pressure you. Do you think that’s a good idea? I want you comfortable… Every step of the way and I want you to have a door to exit if you want. In other words … you have explained where you are emotional. So I will respect your space either way.

Well considering I am put myself in this compromising situation, and I refuse to let go of  him, that a good solution for me if I control us and I can stop whenever I think I have had enough. That’s what I thought anyways. So I grab at it. I was totally selfish here.

I was only thinking of me and my emotions; I never once stop to think how this is going to affect him and what I am doing is totally wrong on so many levels… and here he is thinking of every way to make me happy… and at ease…

Sounds good to me,’ I told him. ‘But is that going to be ok with you? I asked.

It has to be, he told me, ‘out of respect for you. So yes.

I think I was cooking or john was asking me something because I said to him, ‘moms calling give me about ten minutes ok.’

He was still talking, ‘if I don’t hear from you I will assume you have made the best decision for yourself.’ 

Sure.’ He responded to me.

And I break communication. …

I took about ten minutes and I came back anxiously wanted to continue with our conversation.

‘I’m back’ I said. 

 I thought I am going to come off that part we were on because I did not want to think about him stopping conversing with me.[ It was all about me every time].

So now that we have dealt with all my insecurities and negativity.’ I said to him, ‘how was your day? What’s for dinner? Looking back on those pictures again… I did miss out on a good thing… Do you like flying? How does it make you feel?

I did not get a response, and I was thinking maybe, he  got caught up in his work, having dinner, or decided to stop talking to me because of all my nonsense. I waited, and I waited, and after 20 minutes I sent him a another text, 

“Oh oh!” I exclaimed.” Have I lost you? I asked. Anyways I’m here tonight but back to work tomorrow. So I probably won’t be able to talk to you until Monday… unless you’ll be up at 2-4am in the morning.”

Another two hours went by, still nothing from him, I was getting despondent and sad; thought he has decided to stop. Thought with all my reservation and hesitancy he thought best to leave me alone; a part of me was a little relieve, because he did for me what I need to do; but the other part did not want him to go. So as usual I can’t leave him alone, can’t let him go. So I set him another text.

“Knock knock; did you go to sleep? Sorry … but I miss you. 

 Still nothing for the next couple of hours, I thought that’s it. So I try to watch some TV and forget about him. Telling myself it’s all for the best. Then about 10pm he responded; and my whole world lit up.

Hey pretty girl,’ he text. 

I was so delighted I jump up grab my phone smiling; my heart racing in excitement.

No I got busy with some work,’ he told me. ‘I hope you are having a good night

‘Hey I’m having a goodnight now,’ I told him smiling. I thought you went to sleep because you were tired. So you have home work too?

Ok, you are so cute btw! I’ll answer your questions… he was saying, ‘flying is amazing… think about it only a hundred years ago it was a dream… fantasy to slip on the bonds of the earth… it’s fun, exciting beautiful… it’s a totally unique experience.’

 I was thinking ‘deep’… wow he is passionate about flying. But I was having trouble tying, don’t know why, but I couldn’t type fast enough, I keep making mistakes and deleting and starting over, he was tying much faster than I could answer , so I got lost with my responses. My hands were shaking a little with nerves. I was a having a little nervous reaction from being  so excited having him talking to me….

Ha-ha! No I’m just getting in bed now,’ he continued. ‘And you always make me smile! I am glad you are having a good night.”

He got out all that, and all I could say was, ‘you like flying?’

He just told me that so, passionately; what a stupid question to ask.

And he tries to answer my questions, ‘well not so much homework… I have to deal with some contract stuff for work… yeah same thing I guess so my phone was almost dead so I plugged it in and got some stuff out-of-the-way….

And with all this conversing he was doing I did not have one thing to add to it. In between all that the only thing I comment on was how I make him smile and it came way after he said everything so it was lost and out of place.

 I said, “you should see the smile you put on my face.’

Awwww!! He replied.

“Good” was all I said to him, I was talking about him taking care of all his work load and stuff

 I really sucks at this, I can’t converse no way no how,  verbally I can’t keep it going and I can’t text  either…it’s my first time texting this much… But he seems not to even notice or mind because he just kept on going, enjoying talking to me. Trying to answer any questions I have and commenting on my silly in puts. 

So I said, ‘if only I could me through your eyes.” I was thinking how he was enjoying talking to me… and that he must like me some… and I wonder.. how does he see me…?

So you work late at nights? He asked “and yes I love to fly… it’s a passion for sure… And I feel fortune to have such a luxury in my life, I also do little aerobatics flying… like you see at air show ya know?” then he comment on my silly interjection. “You should see you!!! Through me! It’s a really nice experience!

It always gives me a thrill to talk to you.’ I told him. I was smiling so huge..

He was talking I was just reading his text and was in awe of him, liking him more and more and not involving in conversing with him, just thinking how I wish I was Paige right now. So I could fully be able to receive him and his affections. I’m liking him way too much and again getting caught up in the situation where he is completely out of my reach. He is so excitable and full of life and fun, I would love to be a part of his world.

I bet,’ I commented on his seeing me through his eyes. ‘So you are a daredevil’. I asked referring to his aerobatics.

“Same here! I think I smile the entire time!” he exclaimed. Answering what I said about him giving me a thrill. ‘So with a little luck perhaps you won’t disappear’. He told me.

And I thought, no promises there because I have to, eventually; but until then….. You have me for now.

I don’t want to,’ I told him. ‘I am smiling right now.’

And he went on to answer my question, ‘well no, daredevil might be a bit strong but I love to fly and ride motorcycles, yes, I raced motorcycles for many years. Then I got into flying.’ Then he said, ‘perfect! I love that smile. I have looked at it many times without being too creepy. Ha-ha.’

OMG! I thought, he likes Paige’s picture way too much, but… on the other hand… I like him way too much.

How I wished I could send him my photos and have him liking my face instead of paige’s… but it’s much too late for that now…

I do like motor cycles,’ I told him. Then I added,’ LOL’.

We’ll see! Another thing we have in common.’ He said. ‘I have ridden my entire life since I was a little boy.”

So I informed him, ‘mind you… I’ve never been on one; but I would not mind trying.’ Even one time.’

Of course it’s all lie, motor cycles excites me, I have ridden on a few and gotten a few thrill from doing so. I love things like that, motorcycles; racing cars and anything for a thrill, just never got much opportunities to participate.

And he thought I was cute, because he laughed and said, ‘ha ha may be one day we can change that. You are so refreshing. I love how honest you and genuine you are.

Honest?? genuine???  I was feeling so low right about now… because I was not…

 Well, thank you”. I told him.

Then he said, ‘so you will be working for the next several days. If I am up late over the weekend I will keep my fingers crossed that maybe I will get a chat with you..

Hopefully.’ I said. ‘Don’t know if I will be able to get through a whole week without talking to you though.’

He said,’ well hopefully we won’t have to find out.

I agree.’ I told him. ; ‘you are so easy to talk to.’

All I know is after we talk, I can’t wait to talk to you again,’ he let me know. So are you! I like that we can talk so easy.

 My, my,’ I said. ‘It’s the same thing with me.

For an “antisocial” person you sure are an easy person to talk to.’ He informed me.

Antisocial only in person,’ I said to him.

About right here I was thinking, you are doing all the talking, while I struggle to keep up with you with my lame and shallow comment. Again I was glad he thought I was young because I have a valid excuse for all this.

I see,’ he said.

 By texting I am not,’ I said to him. ‘I think it was invented just for me.

Well I think everyone is a work in progress.’ He tries to validate me being “antisocial”. ‘We all have things we are trying to improve, right? So maybe one day you will be better in person.’ And then he laugh at my comment, ‘ha ha! I don’t think so Wendy.

I think so too, I told him. And I send a smiley face to him 🙂 

If you not improving you are either sitting still or going backward. Life is too short. He said.” Man I sound like a fortune cookie.”

Right again,’ I agreed. Then I told him, ‘the best I ever tasted.’ To the fortune cookie.

Oh my! He exclaimed, ‘you way too sweet.”

But I’m all for improvement; and I’m willing to learn how,’ I informed him.

So let me ask you a personal question…. He started, ‘It already come up once… you are a virgin. I understand. But do you make yourself come? And are you good at it?

I was like, whoaaa! 

Very personal question. I said.

Yes it is,’ he said. 

A bit embarrassing to admit.’ I told him

So now I know the answer.’ He said.

I laughed out loud. 

It’s yes to the first one anyway’, he said. Now the easy one; are you good at it?” I’m asking because I had some crazy dreams last night. I wondered if you had any nice thoughts or dreams too.’

well, all that lie about me being a virgin is not really stopping him from his sexual questons and suggestions..

And I was thinking, how can I phrase this so as not to sound too experience….  Then I said, ‘I have.’ [To his question about me having dreams or nice thoughts.]

Perfect! He said. ‘It’s passion. I love it. I thought you were passionate and that totally makes it true.’

And I was laughing and thinking… if only you know how much… 

My imagination is very wild.’ I told him.  [The truth for once}

even though I’m shying away from that sexual subject, it does causes a little stir in the true me…

I’m sure it is! Mine too.’ He told me. That comes with passion.’

I read a lot,’ I informed him.

I see.’ He simply said. ‘So you are a visual reader, some people just read others are in the story. That’s good to know.

So by now I am getting a little stir and getting all turn on by his conversation.

 So I told him, ‘my stomach is in knots”.

He finds it funny and laughed, ‘ha-ha!!! I’m sorry baby.’ I will be gentle I promised… no more questions tonight.’

But I know he was not sorry and I know he find it amusing and a thrill knows he affects me like that.

So I told him, ‘but it feels so good.” That’s fine; I don’t think I can handle much more. You are something else and I love it.’

But I will tell you this before I go to bed. He said, ‘if I were with you I would kiss you so deep… You would feel me… my passion. And I would slowly work my way down your long sexy body till I had a mouthful of you… {he went on with a little more details….} we can end on that because I know you are all messed up now he told me.

And I certainly was, I did not even remember that he was visualizing Paige; I was enjoying his description of his loving too much;  I was fully turned on. He is good at this…

Oh baby…. Baby… I said. ‘Laughing] yes I am’

‘Sorry,’ he said. The reason I want that…. Wakanita… do you know why I want that?

No tell me?’ I asked of him.

It’s as personal as you can get it’s much more intimate and selfless than sex.’ he stated. It’s me pleasing you and asking you for nothing in return. You can feel my intentions right? So it’s super personal and passionate.”

I was acting and actually behaving like it’s my first time having a guy talk to me like this.. the way I was reacting… you’d think I really was a virgin….

Again I was in awe of him; if he is this considerate and kind, he is too of a nice guy, and if he is for real. I’m gonna lose a really nice guy. Why can’t I ever command a guy like him? He is not mine to keep; and I mess up my chances with my deception… how can I undo the damage..??

So I said to him, ‘I sometimes wonder if you are for real.’

He laughed at my comment, ‘yes I’m for real I promise”. And one day if you work up the courage you will meet me. It’s all up to you pretty girl.

 It just seems so incredible,’ I told him. 

Then he said, off to bed for me. Super early morning. Several meeting before lunch. I hope you have a great night pretty girl…and sleep well!!! I hope to hear from you soon.

‘Ok my love…’ I said, ‘goodnight to you and thank you for a most exciting five minutes.’

He was saying, ‘and Nita… one last thing baby. think about us… about me…Ok? Good night beautiful girl.’  My pleasure I promise he answered to me.

I will and you can bet on it,’ I told him

Perfect!! He said. ‘You have me smiling as usual!

I’m thinking,’ I told him. ‘And I’m smiling too.

Night pretty girl” he left me with.

Night Allen,’ I replied. 

 And he was gone for the night leaving with my thought and a big smile on my face. I was still laughing at what he wrote and say, I turn off the lights watch a little TV all please with our conversation. To be honest I did not give much thought to my pretense; all I know is how much I had enjoyed him and how I could not wait to talk to him again. I was so excited for more of him. Nothing else was on my mind but how much I liked him. I kind of forget that I was playing Paige and I went to sleep to a dream full of him. How I like him so….







I was sitting there going over all our conversation for the day; I find my emotions and my fascination for this guy had heightened… and so is all my senses… and I have lied so much and create a this image of me, that is way off the truth and I’m hanging on a limb with no way back except letting go and ending it all…

but… instead I find myself holding on for dear life with the need of wanting some more of him… and consoling myself that I have the control… he gave me that choice.

we had share so much in the few hours we have talked and he again hit on the intimate subject…and because I didn’t trust my reaction and comments which could easily blow my cruel game of being naive and inexperience; I told him the unforgivable lie.. that I was a virgin… I thought this would deter him from bringing up the subject of sex… he was so understanding, but… only serve to peek his interest and make him more intrigued…with me…

I just couldn’t see the damage and wrong choices I was making… I was just blinded by my building desire to stay connected to him and enjoy his company a little more… and as I slowly read back all what we talked about… smiling and feeling pleased with the day and our conversations……


Don’t know what I did but, it seems I sent a wink to by accident, because at 10:15 I got a text from him, and I light up; I was so glad that he text me.

Nita … did you just wink at me? He asked.

I said, I don’t know, did I?

Hi beautiful!! What are doing? He asked.

If I did is it bad or good, I ask of him. ‘Watching a movie,’ I told him.

It’s good!’ he told me. ‘I can’t seem to get you off my mind. Been thinking about you since we stop texting it seems. 

I smile…thinking, he is doing exactly what I have been doing…. the funniest thing is… I completely forget that it was not me he was visulizing.. ha-ha

I was thinking, wow he has been reading my mind. 

So I told him, ‘same here, my imagination is going wild.

He laughed, ‘ha-ha,’ and said, ‘perfect! Mine too! We really connected. I haven’t chatted all day like that ever.’

Shaking my head… Me neither… never…

 So I asked him, ‘have you finished with your work?

Yeah,’ he said, ‘I’m just lying in bed winding down… have an early day tomorrow. And then I have to fly to Tampa and Gainesville.’

 I couldn’t even focus on my studying,’ I lied again.

Oh no!!! he exclaimed, ‘but I know the feelings[Symbol]

Well, I better let you get some sleep,’ I told him. Its ok, I will make it back up.

Same here,’ he said, ‘I sure hope you sleep well pretty girl. Goodnight sweetheart! Please don’t let your school work suffer, I am not going anywhere and we will have plenty more of us I think. I am excited for more.’

Oh my goodness….. he is echoing my every thoughts…I can’t even contain my own excitement… and I have this silly smile stuck on my face…

I asked him out of curiosity, ‘do you own your own plane? Then I told him, ‘me too very excited for more.

Yes.’ He answered, ‘it’s a small plane though… nothing great…. I can take you flying one day if you like.’

I would love to,’ I told him.

 Then he compliment me, ‘you always make me smile! I love that we seem to be on the same exact page. It’s really nice… maybe I could pick you up and fly you to cedar key for lunch… that would be a great first date!… do you have a car? He asked of me.

Now I was getting quite nervous, that I begin to shake a little… omg he wants to meet me.. But I’m not Paige… oh sh…t! I’m way over my head with this… and his offer is so enticing and romantic and how I wish I could say yes. I don’t know what to say to him.

Oh my!! I exclaimed,’ I don’t own a car as yet…. Working on it, I told him.

He insisted, ‘could you borrow one to get to the airport so I could pick you up in the plane? It’s just a thought… we can always do this later if you like.

 I was shaking so much because I was lying and playing this stupid game of deception; and I felt like if he knew he would disappear; I was scared of losing him after one day of texting; so incredible, my emotions was already in play, what’s happening here?

So I said. You should see this silly smile on my face; later is better,’ I told him.

I love it! Says he. ‘Later it is pretty girl! No hurry for sure.”

 I try to explain my hesitancy, ‘I’m a little afraid to see you.

I understand and until you are ready there is no pressure ok? He reassured me. ‘I am not going anywhere baby.’

Am afraid of embarrassing myself.’ I told him.

How would you do that? He asked. ‘that’s silly, just be you, I’m super open and can be totally go with the flow; I’m really easy to talk to… you’ll see.’ He kept encouraging me.

Being so naïve,’ I told him.

Wendy… I promise you just have to relax, I will be very easy to talk to.’ He tried to assure me  again.

That’s what you say,’ I tried to argue, ‘but texting is a lot easier than person to person.’

And naïve is sweet and something you should be proud of. And something I will never take for granted or advantage of.. I will respect you more than that ok? He told me.

 I counter with, ‘I need more exposure, right?

and I kept on going… going…going… playing this game ,thinking I have to explain my silly behavior… without realizing exactly how dumb and foolish I am… and that I am only making it worse…

He is still trying to assure me, ‘I know you will be nervous. I understand. But I will help you relax by keeping things easy and simple till you settle in and get comfortable chatting in person. Ok?

And with all that I still counteract him. “I need to get out more” I stated.

And he is so funny with his answer, no; you probably don’t need more, just the right kind. More isn’t always better baby.

And I’m thinking; how does he have all the right words for everything; he just keeps on amazing me and keeps me intrigue.  I like him and his intellectual mind. WOW!

Makes me more confident probably, I said, 

 I think he gave up trying to let me understand; he says, maybe, either way I understand you position and will embrace it; you won’t feel out of place with me. 

I realize, I was trying way too hard to be convincing and that I was not doing such a good job….

 I gave up too, then, so I told him, ‘I will think about it and work up the nerves.’

Ok pretty girl, he said, your pace Nita …always baby.’

It’s not you I’m worried about, it’s me,’ I told him.

Then he assure me again, there will be no pressure from me, I want our experience to be an amazing one; not nerve-wracking, ya know.’

So I told him, ‘you are so understanding, thank you, I feel relaxed already.’

Perfect! He exclaimed. ‘I will always pay attention to how you feel I promise. I will always try to make you feel comfortable. Remember I’m a pleaser! I love to make people happy. Not freaked out by any means.

Again I ignored what he was saying; I could not keep up with him; so I say to him, ‘anyways you better get to sleep, don’t forget you have a big day tomorrow.’

Yeah,’ he said, ‘I’m going to listen to the TV and my mind wander.’

I’m sure I will have dreams of us! He said, that’s a given.’

Only you,’ I claimed.  ‘So will I; sweet dreams lover. Until…. Nita.’

Sweet dreams pretty girl!! And he was gone for the night.


I was left with my confusion and emotional turmoil. I really do like him and wish I never start with this deceiving act. How do I retract? If I do I’m gonna lose him for good; and he would never like the likes of me. OMG I ‘m in trouble again. But I can’t continue with this farce.

 He s so real and so sweet, a great conversationalist; so intelligent and poetic; charming, romantic and has sexual appeal; imaginative and intriguing; witty and humorous; oh my goodness!!! He is one of a kind. And I want more of him; much, much more of him; but how can I? 

He has me all in a tizzy fit; I am so overly excited about our conversation and time spent. I do like this guy, I really do.

I could see that this conversation and connection was going in a direction I never anticipated or expected… but I still drift off to sleep with an excited smile and with no thoughts of letting him go or confessing my deceit… only one thought plays in my head… I can hardly wait for the next time with him.

I feel into a dream of us on that plane and me and him smiling enjoying each other…..




MEMORIES…The Photos of Our Minds….


Sitting here feeling so nostalgic… And smiling in reminisce of some of my past experiences and episodes of my life…

No matter how sad and how much agony I felt at the time of the end of these experiences… All the tears shed… All the sorrow felt..

After it’s past…. I realize how very happy I am to have had that experience.. I can close my eyes… And go back and relive every moment it gives me the profound joy I felt…and I can hardly remember the end…

And I smile because I was given the precious gift to have enjoyed that moment in time…

I don’t have regrets of my past events… ( I don’t call them mistakes) … I considered them a valid lesson… I remember and relive them all.. With gratitude… And think of how very happy I was during the good times….

I know we are advised to leave the past behind… I agree to the things that cause anguish.. And pain.. But… The happiest times… Those moments that brings joy.. Laughter… Gives pleasures…is worth taking with you.. It’s worth remembering…

When I experienced times like these I savor every moment.. I create a memory… So I can go back and relive..

I write a short story about that special time… Capturing every little thing that makes it so very special….

  • (Barbara Streisand)




 There goes my lies again, about the going to school; I am playing the part a little bit too well; I am digging my hole deeper and deeper. And Paige wanted to a doctor of some sort and she’s an A student; so it’s not all completely lies. 

So he text back, ‘actually you sound like a down to earth smart girl! I like it and at your age it’s all about education first… as it should be! And I love to cook too. I like anything where I can create… one of my passions is guitar. Been playing since I was about 10 years old. I love to read for the longest time and now I don’t read much. I guess it’s because I read quite a lot for work… idk. Anyway… it’s really nice to me “Wendy” your real name is different. Correct? Or were you playing with me at first.  So I have guitars everywhere… in my office I have on the wall of my bedroom too. And even at my hangar… it’s a release for me. Anyway… there is a little personal info for ya.  (Sent two photos of his guitars)

I thought oooh, my kind of guy; he is getting better by the minute. I do like guitars too…. Remembering I use to own one for a long time, although I did not learn how to play it too good.

 So I said, “oh wow!! Most amazing thing, I like guitars too. Back in elementary school I try the guitar in music class; I must admit my music is country… blame it on my aunt all about guitar.  So what is your favorite kind of food? Did I mention mom is Jamaican; she is Indian mix with Chinese. My real name is “Wakanita” means the lovely one. My mom maiden name is phoungpang

Ok so I went a little over board with the aunt and mom business. But I ‘m having fun with this sweet guy , I am liking him, and I want some more, I am not ready to stop just yet, he seems so very intriguing. And if I tell him or let him believe I am not Paige, he will disappear; and there is no harm in pretending a little. (no harm eh?? only a hour talking and I feel my self getting sucked in and my deception is only getting bigger and deeper… I’m so vulnerable and eagerly wanting more and I’m finding myself being swept away weaving a web of pure deception… and yet I refuse to confess my terrible deed…or let go and end this farce…)

So he responded, ‘What a beautiful name!! and I play all kinds of music…depends on my mood I guess… I like to sing and play it’s really relaxing. Ok so you are such a pretty combination of culture and aesthetic! And I love names that have a pretty meaning… ok my favorite food varies wildly on mood…I like a little of everything…if I had to pick one culture probably Italian…but I for real love tons of different foods…. And I love cooking creating new stuff…cooking can be such an art….

 Thanks for liking my name.. so you sing as well as playing . so fascinating; oh how I would love to hear you play and sing… I like Italian food too but my favorite is… wait I don’t think I have a favorite… maybe a nice juicy steak…..i don’t like Jamaican too much although I can cook it real good…and yes I like to search for recipes for a different ways of cooking [Symbol] maybe you can let me have some of yours so I can try them.

He said, ‘hmmm well I would love to taste some authentic  Jamaican’s…sure I love a great steak too……. You are super cute.

I asked him, ‘have you ever tried Jamaican food?’  Me? Super cute?

‘I don’t’ think I have,’ he answered, is it spicy?

Yeah, I told him.

Then he says,” yes your personality fits you; well I love spicy foods; I make a lemon and herb grill chicken that I put over a version of Cajun rice… it’s kind of spicy.”

I was there thinking, but this is not Paige, and she is far different from me, this is Wendy Wakanita. OMG!!! I’m getting in trouble, but I’m really enjoying this little conversation… I am…He seems to like everything I say and he is associating my personality to Paige’s face… ouch!!!  (I should just tell him.. but… omg!!! He’s going to be mad and disconnect me… I will tell him later… yes later)

 ‘Ooh sounds good,’ I told him.

So we will have to trade some recipes! That sounds fun’, he told me.

So I said to him, ‘well you will like curry chicken, stew beef ect.ect.   Yeah that sounds like fun.  I don’t like the same thing to eat everyday; you must be on lunch break to be able to talk to me this much?

He laughed, ‘haha actually I usually only work half a day mon-thurs. that’s about it unless I’m travelling;  if you stop texting I promise I’ll leave you alone… I kinda like getting to know you a little though.

Me… I’m home today so I’m trying to help mom with the cleanup… vacuuming, bathroom and so on… Not my favorite thing but…. It must be nice to have that luxury. Well as long as you are willing to play texting with me….. we are on.

(ooh my goodness, what am I saying and doing?)(

He said, ‘yeah I get it. Stuff has to get done. We all have it.

And I told him,’ and I want to know you or about you too; tell me…. A guy with your looks and charm must be taken.. Are you? Where do you travel to? Out of state or country? Give me one known building you did?

I was getting so very intrigued and fascinated by him. I like him, I thought. This is great. 

And he answered my question, ‘well I have been taken for a long time but it’s a sad story as to why I am lonely. I will spare you the details….. I for real am very outgoing and confident but usually share very little about my personal life… I haven’t the best luck, but I never dwell on it.

I thought, mmmm, sounds very married, but I don’t care right now, we are just texting buddies and I am going to respect his privacy and hopefully he won’t ask about mine. (that was a red flag for me to run and stop this…and I simply forget our first encounter, my first impression of him was totally dismissed. all I could see was… who he was portraying as now… and I like this side of him…)

That’s okay I understand I won’t asked again,’ I told him. ‘According to my aunt we always choose the wrong person to love. She knows, she‘s been married three times and still single. You seems like a great guy and humorous and I like that about you. And somehow from talking to you, it also looks like we have a lot in common…. So let’s continue on.

And we did…

And I meant every word, can’t believe that he has so much in common with me, he like everything I likes, how I wish I could tell him it’s not Paige that he’s talking to… but I don’t want to mess this up as yet, I’m liking him too much.

Ok, that sounds good! You totally just made me smile,’ he stated. “You seem super sweet and I am interested in more if you are. I will let you set the pace. (that statement only encourage more than anything else…I am in charge of this…Ha ha!!!)

‘How’s that?’ I asked. ‘Okay lover.’ I then said to him.

You just have a really relaxing way of communicating and I like it.’ He told me.

‘I’m glad.’ I said. (All smiles)

So he said, ‘so now I have a personal question…. I’m quite a bit older than you…. Does that bother you?

Oh boy… how do I answer this? I liked older men when I was younger

So I simply said, ‘no not at all.’

Then he continues, ‘you said 20s, I’m assuming early 20s.’

OMG I have to lie again…What am I getting myself into dear lord? [All these lies and deception is going to cost me big time].

So I said, ‘right.” And then I asked him, ‘does it bother you that I’m so much younger?’

Well here’s my deal… I live a very young lifestyle. I am a doer not a watcher… so I love downtime but can hang doing about anything. I’m in decent shape and I’m always doing something fun… so although many of my friends around my age I’m attracted to younger women because they can hang!  No it doesn’t bother me… I base my thought and opinion how you act…and how we connect not age.

So he liked them young: sucks for me… (that just blows the idea of telling the truth right through the window.)

 I did not know how to comment on that, so I did not.  All I say to him was, ‘My mom says I am so much like my aunt, her two first husbands were much older than her.’ 

It was the truth to a degree, and I want him to know I understand him liking Paige; and if she was old enough I would definitely  recommend him to her. But again I want him for me too; Ooh he seems so delicious. (I’m done for… my emotions are getting entangled.)

And he told me, ‘my dad was the same and my brother too… is it genetic? Ha-ha!! No idea… just a fact. Just depends where you are in life and how you live I guess… either way it’s not a problem for me.’

I started to say something. Then try to delete it but sent it by mistake, ‘ really now or maybe you,….. So I apologize, ‘sorry…. Well there is no problem then … we both agree.

 No problem at all, he said.

Good for me, I let him know.

He says, ‘me too.’

 I will share if you like and he sent me two photos of him; one with him playing the guitar and one with a girl and a guy with him. 

I like them and to me he is so damn gorgeous, I got a thrill from seeing him in those pictures; I was not even thinking of anything right there but how much I am enjoying  this cute and amazing guy so I have try to match his gifts; I didn’t even think of what I was about to do was going to cost me big time and the consequences of my action,…. My big deception, I really dive in the deep end; therefore sealing my fate.

So I sent him a few pictures of Paige; one by herself, one with Abraham and one with me.

You are so pretty, he said. Then he asks if he could send one without his shirt.

I told him to send it.

He sent two; and boy wasn’t I excited to see that beautiful sexy chest of his we all know I go crazy over a nice chest…  I’m thinking… ooooh lala!!!! Baby baby, I would, I could, and my mind went off wandering….. 

I said, ‘ooooh very sexy.’

That’s me For whatever its worth, he said to me.

Its worthy.’ I claimed.

I love your smile!!! He commented on my ( paige’s) pictures.  (i cringed a little.. but knowing I’m the one giving him that visual…

Thanks, says me. ……I was not too pleased that he liked Paige so much, but I started this so I have to deal with it…..

Are you a happy person in general? He asked. Your smile looks genuine.

I said to him, ‘I just like you.’ The truth of course. Then I answered his question, ‘yes I am happy and love to laugh.’

And I do… Paige not so much…. But I am always happy and smiling or laughing.

He then said to me. ‘You seem like a happy person. I like that… oh and the first picture… if you were trying to look super sexy… it worked!

I said, ‘I was and thanks.’…… good thing he couldn’t see my casual reaction or hear my tone. To be quite frank I was a little bit envious of Paige. I want him to like me and I wished right there that it was possible. I was tempted to tell him right there but somehow I fear he would stop talking to me and I wanted some more of him. How selfish and foolish of me. 

 Mmmm my pleasure! He said.

And so I told him, “you are hilariously delicious.”

 He laughed and said, ‘ha-ha that’s a first I can only hope you holdup my picture with one hand later[Symbol]Ha-ha!!! 

 I was laughing so hard because he just read my mind; I was already fantasizing about that beautiful chest;… oh boy oh boy. All but a dream because I am not Paige.

So I sent a picture o john and Ayden. And I said to him, ‘that my company,’ (I meant cousin)

So I corrected myself and told him, ‘that’s my cousin john and his baby, the Irish one.  I had to divert to something else.

Your company? He said.  Oh yeah ok; I remember you telling me about him; bad temper; I don’t forget.’

I said, yeah. And then I asked, ‘are you bad-tempered too?

He said, ‘well although the Irish seems to get a free pass on the temper thing…. I think that’s bullshit. I can have a bad temper, but it takes a ton to set me off…. I’m not an angry person.

 I sat there thinking, he keeps on gets better and better by the minute, wow!! My kind of guy. (i was so  intrigued by him… instead of me trying to figure a way out of my lies I’m here liking him more… I couldn’t see pass my nose…)

My aunt says it’s an Irish trait.’ I told him; and then I let him know it was good to know that he is not an angry person.

 He then went on to explain,” yeah I hear that a lot but it seems to me that most people have a bad temper it’s a matter of how you have to push them to get it out… I’m a guy…. If someone really wants a fight I won’t back down… but I don’t get pissed over stupid stuff.

I told him, ‘I like you…’    and I honestly did, if he was describing his self truthfully then I like him… he’s super perfect.

He said awwww!!!! I like you too.’  “I’m not sure if you are in over your head. Only you can decide that pretty girl. But I’m sure enjoying getting to know you.

I did not respond to that, I did not know exactly what to say……

I asked him, what month is your birthday? Mine is in February.’  (So is Paige’s)

He told me April, “Taurus ha ha! Explains a lot doesn’t it?

He then sends me two more pictures of his hangar; one with a guitar on the wall and other one, outside with a jeep.  Told you I had one at the hangar too[Symbol]

And I continued with our conversation, ‘ my other cousin that is in the second picture of me is Taurus he is the brother of the Irish and he’s definitely always happy. His father is Chinese.’ ‘Wow! You really like guitars.’ I said to him in respond to the pictures he sent.

All these lies and make believes; I was slowly heading for a big fall. Little did I know?

Then he said to me, ‘what a cool mix of relatives you have! And so thank you nice cousin for helping the irish out.’

It’s my auntie’s influence,’ I told him.

Well, it’s one of those things I can enjoy almost anywhere… and my hanger is a great place to play and sing… good reverb because it a big room with high ceilings and concrete floors you know? That’s a good thing! He responded to my comment.

So I said, ‘ I like that you enjoy life and make the most of it.’

Well I try! Thanks!, he stated, ‘maybe we will share a little piece of life. Who know? If not…. You are a pretty cool texting buddy so far.’

 So I told him, ‘ you have a passion and you live it every day. I want to create something like that for myself.’  You are just too nice,’ I said to him. 

And I meant it; I liked him more and more, I getting very impressed with him. He sounds so excitable and full of passion for everything he does.

Then he told me, ‘to me it’s how life should be, my family has seen terrible tragedy, I refuse not to live. You are super sweet baby.  So tell me what close friends and family call you and what should I call you. Please.’

 I told him, ‘wendy or wak.’

And do you have a preference?’ he asked.

Wendy, I say, ‘or maybe …. Some form of endearment… like  “pretty girl”.’ And I smiled. 

I was feeling quite pleased, talking to him, forgettingg a little that I am not being truthful, getting so caught up with over conversation, enjoying knowing him and feeling a little excited just talking to him.

Then he said, ‘if I were going your use your name I would use my own version… just because you are super sweet and it seems to fit…. ‘NITA’… it rolls off the tongue and sounds sweet anyone calls you that. Well pretty girl fits for sure!’

I was smiling very sweetly loving his nickname for me. I like it,’ I told him, ‘ to you I’ll be ‘NITA’. 

If he could have only seen the smile on my face?

Me too, it fits you to me… and I would like to use at least part of your real name because it’s so beautiful,’ he said.

 Oh thank you,’ I goes.

‘Sure pretty girl!! Just my 2 cents,’ he told me.

And I come back with, ‘you 2 cents worth a million dollars to me.”  I was so pleased I was smiling so widely.

‘Awwww!!! You are so sweet Nita!’ He claimed.

“you are the sweet one,’ I told him.

Then he told me, ‘I sure have enjoyed getting to know you today! It was nice! And I’m really glad we seem to get off to batter start!

We talked some more… and more we talked  the more I was caught up in my lies and deception… and every time I say I have to come clean he said something else  for me to be so glad he doesn’t know it’s me behind the texting… and i find myself so enthralled…and all I could think about is the next time we talked…







Nature’s natural beauty … so much to be admired and be grateful for… so much  beauty around to make you smile and allow you appreciate life.




I have always wanted to have a roses garden with all the different colors; but I have never materialize that dream, I wasn’t much of a gardener and didn’t have the patience it took …I admire those who can really take out the time to dedicated in creating this most beautiful garden full of roses.

I have always kept a few stem roses in my bedroom, just waking up to those roses every morning  put  a smile on my face and brighten my whole day.


So next time you are out, grab you a bouquet of flowers; put a little sunshine in your life…



I have never been to a psychiatrist before… So I’m a little nervous and very self-conscious…

I’m looking around me at everyone… And wondering what they are thinking about me being here…

To me a psychiatrist represent.. Troubled individuals.. And people with psychological problems… Such as behaviors… And thoughts…

I don’t have any of these issues… Just my doctor can’t find any medical reasons for my condition and thought maybe it’s all psychological.. So recommended me to one…

At first I was very reluctant to see one… But thought best if I ruled out everything… And try to co-operate.. To find a solution to my condition…

But.. Being here.. Gives me the creeps and I’m not too confident I need to see a psychiatrist… I’m so afraid of any medicine she may prescribe… But… I came here to try to solve this mysterious condition that has limited my whole life… And I have decided to give whatever advice or medicine she suggested a try…

We tend to want to be our own doctor sometimes.. And in actuality.. We are very under qualified… And our own diagnosis is only to please ourselves… Without any real solution…

I do that a lot.. And since this computer comes along.. I GOGGLE everything and thinks it’s law of knowledge… When in fact.. Most times what you read doesn’t do much to help my situation… And I go around acting as if I know exactly what it’s about..


So I survived the visit… she wasn’t too scary and her questions wasn’t too probing… She did prescribed some medication and did say they might cause some side effects, I’m contemplating if I should take them or not… and I have decided  to do it…because I would only be defeating the purpose of my visit.. and nothing try… nothing done…

First time at anything is always a little scary and cause anxiety due to the unknown… I’m a little at ease now after my experience and I come to realize that psychiatrist  is not for only crazy people.. and having a psychological problem don’t have to mean you are crazy or psycho…

I’m really curious and full of apprehension; but, at the same time , have some anticipation of hope that the results  will be positive and I can regain my composure… and get back to a normal life without limitations.













The natural beauty of Sky… The golden yellow…the deep blue.. The orange-red..

One of the many unexplained wonders of the world.. How many of us stop to appreciates its beauty.. And all it has to offer…

We tend to get so caught up in our lives.. Work.. Kids.. Hobbies… That we don’t sit still long enough to notice and enjoy what nature gives… We get so wound up… On the go all the time.. That we missed out on the real joys of life… The colors of the sky… The sound of children playing… Having fun.. Carefree..

But… a mind full of.. Problems to be solved… Setting of alarms.. Time wasted on fruitless thoughts; and before you know it another day is gone… Without much accomplishment.. And life becomes monotonous… Empty… Something feels amiss.. Something is missing.. Boredom sets in.. Then depression… We look for reasons to complain.. People to blame…never satisfied, can’t be content…create misery for oneself and everyone around you…

We never stopping to relax..Get rejuvenated.. Get refreshed…stop… take a moment to asses your life  and your schedules; And change your approach and your attitude…

Enjoy the beauty of the world… Inhale.. Take it all in.. Feel the difference a little quiet time can do for you…and above all be grateful for life and be happy to be a part of this wonderful world we are so fortunate to inherit.




I love to watch the sunset, where ever I am… at home in my backyard; on my patio; driving home; on the beach… to me it’s the most beautiful sight… the colors of the sky, the softness of the evening, the end of another day… and the feeling of the day melting away.

I close my eyes and I feel relaxed, and a smile finds my face, lost in the feeling of joy and the beauty of the evening as it slowly darkens.







As we travel this journey of life; we soon realize that we won’t get too far without some kind of hindrance, that make wonder, sometimes if it is worth going any further;  should we wait for it to be cleared… should we turn around… or should we just stop and settled right here…

For everyone, the choice is different… and our destiny is governed by the choice we make. Of course we all have to make that choice according to what we think is right for us at the present time..

EVERY DISAPPOINTMENT IS FOR A GOOD:  How many times I have heard that saying; and throughout  my lifetime, I have experience obstacles that I thought was so cruel and unfortunate when it took place; just to figure out that it happened to direct my path to what needed to done to make things better and to put me in right place. We get so comfortable and fixed in our situation; and some of us find contentment in where we are that if we are not forced to make a change or act to fixed something gone wrong… then we would never know that something is better out there for us.

I do believe in being contended and be happy with where you are; find the joy in what you do and look at where you are to where you are coming from…but… I also found out that you don’t question the mystery of life happenings… fix what can be fixed … solve what be solved… and what you can’t and what is beyond your control… leave it alone… most times they tend to work out themselves to your benefit…

This journey of life is usually a mystery… full of intrigue…and fascination…and we have to learn to enjoy it as we travel day by day… the choices we make everyday determine our future and take us to our destiny… one thing we don’t get to do is a ‘DO OVER’….and we can’t go back and undo what is already done…

Things WORK OUT best for people who makes…

the BEST OF the way things work out…




“oh , I love older women.” their favorite line..Hahahahaha… you just have to laugh; You know it takes much than just that to feel a connection. I have tried being a cougar once in my life… it was an exhilarating feeling to be liked by a guy 20 years my junior… It does make one feel like they still got it.. whatever that might be….and no lie, I did enjoy the sexual aspect of the relationship… and I thought I was old enough and experience enough to handle an affair with no emotional attachment.. after all …. I’m in control of my emotions and feelings.. haha… the laugh was on me..

I became attached…a little obsessed…slightly addicted… and it took me three years to finally end it when he choose to walk away…the only thing we have in common was sex.. and as old as I was.. I confused that to love…I was heart-broken, to say the least, but i got past it quickly… because I know that there couldn’t be anything other than what we had, between us… a lesson learned..

IF YOU PLAY WITH PUPPY  ….            ………….   .                                                                       .. PUPPY LICK YOUR MOUTH  

I never wanted to try playing that game again… experience teaches that you can’t control your heart or feelings when intimacy is involved.. so when I come across these youngsters trying so hard to convinced me of playing there little games of sex romp… I find it quite easy to dismiss them… I have been there…done that…

They think that they can learn how to connect and be a good lover virtually..I had a 22-year-old, hitting me up… wouldn’t stop until I had to block him.. Another one from Asia..26 year old virgin… after only one hour of talking to him, he’s totally in love… I tried to be nice and show him some compassion by not blocking him… and allowing him to summit his poetry of love and hurt…but he too becomes so overbearing and not showing any respect for my feelings and time difference… texting and even calling at nights… I had no choice but to block him too.

I try to entertain their conversations and not be overly rude but honest… but these young men think they have it made and they are full of knowledge and  cocky and egoisticacal thinking they know how to make you feel special… and then…. comes the”please” and the pathetic begging and the annoying texts.. and what about the ones who get so mad and throw a Issy fit if you don’t give him what he wants.. or don’t say what he want to hear.

So immature and inexperience… that is just too much baggage to handle…thank GOD for the block button… no guilt here…’ CLICK’…

You also have these obnoxious one who think if you see what they are packing you will ultimately  give in and reciprocate… And when you don’t…pppfffttt…. they lay on the guilt trip… you make them feel like a fool… and look like one too… “yess… mf .. you are…” You should have ask first…


All these guys come on these app with one intention  in mind… and you left to wonder??? what about some clean conversations first, and who knows maybe it will lead up to exactly what you want… with a little tact and diplomatic conversations… I could be easily be drawn into it…I’m easy to bite the bait and run with it..and before I realize where I am… I get hooked and reel in..

I am not playing cougar though… I refuse to entertain anyone under the age of 35…The  consequences are just too high…