THE LAST LEG OF LIFE:

Most of us are now in the last quarter of our life and should read this interesting piece of advice 👍 This is one of the nicest and most gentle articles I’ve read in a while: No politics, No religion and No racial issues - just food for thought. You know, time has a way of moving quickly and catching you unaware of the passing years.

It seems just yesterday that I was young and embarking on my new life. Yet, in a way, it seems like years ago, and I wonder where all the years went ?

I know that I lived them all.

I have glimpses of how it was back then and of all my hopes and dreams.

However, here it is, the last quarter of my life and it catches me by surprise !!! How did I get here so fast ??

Where did the years go and where did my youth go??

I remember well, seeing older people through the years and thinking that those older people were years away from me and that I was only on the first quarter and that the fourth quarter was so far off that I could not visualise it or imagine fully what it would be like.

Yet, here it is !!

My friends are retired and getting grey, they move slower and I see an older person now. Some are in better and some worse shape than me, but I see the great change.

They’re not like the ones that I remember who were young and vibrant. But, like me, their age is beginning to show and we are now those older folks that we used to see and never thought we'd become.

Each day now, I find that just getting a shower is a real target for the day and taking a nap is not a treat anymore

!! It's mandatory because if I don't of my own free will, I fall asleep where I sit.

And so, now I enter into this new season of my life unprepared for all the aches and pains and the loss of strength and ability to go and do things that I wish I had done, but never did.

At least now I know that, though I’m on the last quarter and I'm not sure how long it will last, that when it's over on this earth, it's all over.

A new adventure will begin, I feel !!

Yes, I have regrets. There are things I wish I hadn't done; things I should have done, but truly there are many things I'm happy to have done.

It's all in a lifetime. So, if you're not on the last quarter yet, let me remind you that it will be here faster than you think. So, whatever you would like to accomplish in your life do it quickly.

Don’t put things off too long. Life goes by so quickly.
So, do what you can today, as you can never be sure whether you’re on the last quarter or not.

You have no promise that you will see all the seasons of life.

So, live for today and say all the things that you want your loved ones to remember - and hope that they appreciate and love you for all the things that you have done for them in all the past years. ‘Life’ is a gift to you. Be Happy !!

Have a great day !!

Remember, it is health that is real wealth and not pieces of gold, silver or printed Notes or even property.

You may think: Going out is good - but coming back home is much better !!!

You forget names - but it's okay because some people forgot they even knew you !!!

You realize, you are never going to be really good at anything like golf - but you like the outdoors.

So, do it.

The things you used to care to do, you aren't as interested in anymore - but, you really don't care that you aren't as interested.

You sleep better on a lounge chair with the TV on than in bed – you call it ‘pre-sleep’ !!!

If you enjoy it, just do it. You miss the days when everything worked with just an ‘On’ and ‘Off’ switch !!!

You tend to use more 4 letter words – ‘what’ and ‘when’ ?

You have lots of clothes in your wardrobe, more than half of which you will never wear – but just in case !!

Old is good –
• Old is comfortable.
• Old is safe.
• Old songs.
• Old movies.
• and – best of all,
• Friends of old !!!

So, stay well, ‘Old friend.’ Have a fantastic day. Have an awesome Quarter, whichever one you’re in !!!

It’s not what you gather, but what you scatter that tells what kind of life you have lived.
🌺

EXPERIENCING A STROKE…

I have always lived in fear of having a stroke…I was afraid of being left not able to walk.. talk..or being disfigured because of a stroke…

I never take the time to fully understand what are the numerous reasons that can cause a stroke.. I only know that it has something to do with clog arteries..

I was at ease thinking I’m cholesterol free.. and I eat a lot of tomatoes… so my risk of getting a stroke is low

“WRONG “..

I developed high blood pressure apx 12 years ago… and I have struggled to keep it at normal over the years.. I even had to increase my dosage of medication last year… to maintain it from spiking too high…

This too I didn’t actually take the time to research and get more information on all the different reasons your blood pressure can spike or even drop too low…. Knowledge and being informed is a key factor in all medical issues…

I also suffered from a spinal deterioration in the cervical area.. and in my neck… I have STENOSIS: SPONDYLOSIS: BULGING DISK… all in the same place…

I have worked 20 years as a cashier.. two full time jobs. Standing up … apx 18 hrs a day..or more.. and without my knowledge I damage my spine… with the constant standing…the last few years before I stopped working I was having severe back pain… dizziness… blurry vision… and a series of different ailments.. including not being able to walk without aid.. I lost my mobility…

Of course I didn’t stop to see a doctor .. until I stopped working… and I only went to the doctors to get some medical history to file for disability….

This was when I found out I had high blood pressure.. and everything else..

I have been lucky enough up to now.. that apart from using a walker to get around.. I was able to function fully….

One fateful Sunday afternoon…I found myself not being able to pronounce words.. I was slurring..

Call 911 . Went to the hospital.. they ran a series of tests.. MRI: catscan:

And later I found out that I had a small blood clot in the brain.. causing a minor stroke.. my pressure spikes to 200 /130..

I stayed in the hospital for two days.. my speech impediments lasted apx 2 weeks.. I’m still left with a little stutter..and a slower speech to be understood…

I’m thankful that it was only my speech that was affected.. I’m now very fearful of a repeated. Episode. Which can be proven to be worse…

I’m so scared of any future occurrences.. because I really don’t have the support of knowing that if I survive a bad stroke.. I will have the help I need to get pass it…

We lived our lives.. trying to get some security…but it doesn’t always worked out as we planned or anticipated…

I feel completely alone… and even though right now. I love my own company.. I know as I aged.. and lucky enough to live a little longer.. I won’t have anyone who will be willing to be there for me in time of my need…

I pray. And I’m trying to take care of my health.. not to experience another episode like this one…

But..

There is no guarantee.. and not much one can do to stop the body from deteriorating.. as we aged..

Living in the fear 😨 of another experience is nerve racking..

But we just have to take one day at a time.. hoping it doesn’t happen.. but we stay aware and try to do the best we can to avoid it happening….

LOVE ME…. LOVE ME NOT….

Everyone has a love that is the love of your life… I have a few of those…yet it’s not of the ordinary kind…

I have had many loves along the way..

There was rudy.. my first for everything..

My first love.. my first sexually.. my first relationship… it lasted a whole year.. I was devastated when he left.. my first heartbreak 💔….. never knew I could survive it.. but I did..

Then comes Paul..my US marine.. it was a whirlwind of six months of bliss… until I found out he has another girl.. so I walked away.. yes I loved him.. but I don’t compete very well…and I’m so afraid of rejection…so I didn’t hang around to find out if or not he would have chosen me…

Haha 😂 … he did marry her.. so I guess I was right about him rejecting me..

Then come bob.. my first husband .. we had a son.. I never stopped loving him.. I didn’t think I could love anyone as much as I loved him…. But.. he left me …come back home to America.. he never looked back…

Thirteen years later I found him again.. and continue to love him.. only to be told by him.. that he doesn’t love me.. I guess he never actually did…

Then came Charles..I thought I loved him.. but he wasn’t progressive and he didn’t know how to take charge…he had me not knowing where I stand..

Until…

I decided to end us four years later..

Then I decided to…..

married Francis.. how he loves me.. but I did not reciprocate his feelings.. I loved him but was not in love with him…

I met Andrew…while married to Francis…got pregnant for him.. had my second son for him..

But..

He put me through hell and back.. so I left him and came to the states…. He followed me…

Unfortunately and to my sorrow…Francis died…I never got over his death.. I have much regrets and wish I did more by him….

Then I met and got romantically involved with cheeko…

He became the best relationship I ever had…he was never the type of guy I would normally choose to be with… but I never felt anything close to what we had.. before or after…

It lasted about two years .. and I choose to give up on him because I thought he wasn’t making the effort to be with me…

I ended up marrying andrew..which lasted only four years.. after he left….I was thinking of getting reuniting with cheeko but he died of a brain tumor..

I was so crushed…

I started a romantic affair with this joker.. joe..

Did not get anywhere… he wasn’t serious.. turns out he just wanted to experience me sexually and he wasn’t any good anyways…so we parted company

I stayed single for a few years.. did not want to bring a man into my young sons life..

When my son start to date… I decided to start back in the dating world..

I started out by playing the cougar with this gorgeous guy.. I call him “MY FORBIDDEN LOVE “ . … he was twenty years younger..

I had a grand time with him.. it lasted three years on and off … and then he left and never looked back …. He was one of my highlights in my life’s journey…

I turn to online dating after getting past him..

My first experience of an online emotional affair.. blew my mind..

I never knew it was possible to fall in love with someone from just talking and through texting on the phone…

I met Allen.. and I had the most profound and passionate emotional love connection I ever experienced..

We were in sync in every way possible…and I found out I possess a flair with words I never knew I had…

Through my words.. l let Allen fall in love with me.. and because we mirror each other’s thoughts I also feel deeply and intensely in love with him.

But…

It ended abruptly… because I played a horrific game of deception..

I pretended to be my Neice…. I unintentionally misled him to believe I was my Neice..

But.. I never knew our connection would lead to love.. I was so naive to the world of an online relationship.

I was left so heartbroken…I never knew a love with this intensity… or someone who I was so insync with…. It took me a while to get pass “MY SWEET ALLEN”…

But after I did…

I went on to find forest and met three of the craziest girls… Forrest wasn’t a love affair but.. he left an impression on me… with him it was mostly a strong sexual energy… I truly enjoyed our little sexual romps… he brought out some electrifying sexual energy… I enjoyed him and the girls. We had great fun playing together…

I met a few more sexual connections but nothing near to Forrest or Allen..

Then comes along PATRICK…. It was a slow start with him … the first couple of years.. I stayed platonic.. until he asked for us to be exclusive…I agreed and gave up all my other connections and focus fully on Patrick..

He was loyal and fun.. for almost eight years… and over the years I became attached and addicted.. to him. We talked every single day and he became apart of my daily life…

I looked forward to talking to him every day..

All of sudden I find myself so in love with him… and he bacame the highlight of my days . He shared his whole day with me…

He shared his life with me… I gotten so used to talking to him.. I forgot what it was like before he enters my life…

And came the fateful Christmas of 2020..

I tried to reciprocate sharing my world with him.. and my friends… I introduced him a very close friend of mine…..

And one look at my friend and he feel heads over heels in love with her.. and suddenly I was pushed to the back burner..

His attitude and demeanor changes towards me. He became disrespectful.. rude..he picks fights with me.. he stays mad at me..after that.. all of a sudden. I couldn’t say or anything right by him…

Then comes the name calling .. and blames for being the one to cause our troubles.. follows by the blocking.. the shutting me out.. ignoring me.. stop talking or texting me…

Two years later he’s completely gone…

At first I didn’t know how to accept.. he kept coming back.. after each blocked.. and I kept on trying to move forward.. hoping to get back the friendship we had.. or the love we shared..

But…

It was unrepairable .. he refused to reconcile… All he wanted was my friend… he wouldn’t let her go.. instead he pushed me out of his life… he said if he couldn’t have her .. I couldn’t be in his life….

She became the determining factor of our relationship…

So I give up trying.. and let him go.. it took everything I got to allow him to walk away from me.. and for me to move on without him being apart of my life anymore…

So I’m still single..

It’s not that I haven’t tried.. but I keep getting my heart shattered to bits…

But I have experience some most fantastic love in my journey through life…

And as much as I was left heartbroken..

I really don’t have much regrets.. I have truly enjoyed each and everyone of my experiences.. to the fullest… each one gave me pro-founded joy.. and left me with the sweetest memories.. of a time when love was good….

A LETTER TO YOU:

😡 MAD 😠 AT “Me”
AS USUAL

SHARING WITH HIS FAVORITE CONNECTIONS…

DEAREST PATRICK…

I wonder how you would feel to know that I’m still here crying 😭 every time I stop to think of your rejections..

I’m still so hurt.. knowing that you could not love me…still so hurt.. knowing I could never be enough for you…still so hurt knowing I wasn’t your choice…

I can only be me as is… and I don’t know why I developed such an intense emotions for you..so much that I can’t shake it off…

I hold no regrets of our time spent together … I enjoyed every moment I had with you….and I will always love you as much as I do now..

I hope life brings you as much joy as you gave me..

I know you gave as much as you could .. and you stayed as long as you wanted to…

You are now in my past .. you turned away from me.. you stopped liking me…. And you no longer wanted me…

It took me some time to get past you… but MYSWEETLOVE..

Nothing last forever…. And I live in a delusional state of mind.. in a make believe world of fantasy..

And in true reality

You were never going to materialize to anything more than a connection through the phone of texting…

So goodbye 👋 my LOVE…

Thank you for all the joy you bring me.

By…

Sharing your world with me.. and sharing you..

I will always smile in great pleasure whenever I think of you..

In reminiscent of this profound love I had for you…

You were a very sweet serendipity that I happened to be so lucky to experience…

How I love you so..

I just hope you do know this fact and believe that I really and truly did…

ALWAYS &. FOREVER..

Wendy/Nita

WALKING AWAY….

My emotions are all over the place.. one minute I’m accepting that I have completely lost my emotional affair..

Next minute.. I’m feeling rejected.. empty.. .. craving his attention.. don’t know how to stop connecting.. I tried sometimes just to ignore him.. but I can never last too long especially if he send a text..

I light up.. like a bulb with smallest acknowledgment from him…

Why can’t my heart stop loving 🥰 him.. why can’t I stop wanting him… why am I so damn attached that I find it so damn hard to let go and walk away from him….

He is 4500 miles away .. with no hope of ever connecting on a personal level… this relationship is doomed from the start.. there is no future in it.. it will never materialize to reality..

I do understand.. and I do know that he needs someone real.. someone he can touch.. someone he can hold and who can be there for him up close and personal..

I have nothing to offer.. I have nothing to give.. I hold no hopes or dreams come through..

He will never know exactly who I am and what I can give.. he will Never see and know the love I have for him.. he will never experience me a lover.. as partner.. as anything….

I’m just a texting connection.. I’m nothing valid actually… nothing he can’t do without…

I know I have to let him go.. he gave as much as he can… and he is trying to give me more only in smaller doses and smaller capacity…. I wish he would let me go.. and save me the choice…

Because…

I just don’t know how to let go of him… I don’t know how to walk away from him…even when I know it’s what I need to do… and I asked myself.

Why does he hold on to me.. ????! why does he also refuses to let go… ????? why does he hang on to me????

I want him to be the one to severed our connection… and I’m guessing he wants me to do the same too..

I know the time has come for us to say goodbye…he has lost it all for me.. his heart is completely empty.. yet he text me that he loves me… no no no !!! He doesn’t anymore.. it all empty words .. just like his heart… it turns to stone .

he ignores my texts messages.. he doesn’t read them… He shut me out and shuts me off…. he is cold and very aloof towards me.. he treats me With disdain … he is very mean to me .. he gets upset with everything I say .. he cusses at me… he talk to me with bitterness and anger…

Yep… there is all the reasons I should be walking away… yet I just can’t find the courage to take the step and turn my back on a relationship that is definitely not working out for me anymore…

I just can’t understand my reasons for hanging on to him… he gives me all the reasons to leave….and what do I do…???!!

I choose to stick around and take the hurt.. feel the rejection… accept his abuse… and let him treats me with contempt…..

He calls me dumb.. he called stupid.. tells me to shut up.. and you know what .. he is so right.. because plainly I am and more….

Only a fool would stay with all this negativity and tells herself that she’s so in love that she can’t and won’t walk from this relationship that has become toxic instead of being joyful and sweet.. it has turned sour…

What will it take to cut him loose … it shouldn’t be so hard to do.. he is only a make believe world of fantasy I created …..and somehow to me..we became real inside my world of fantasy…

I know there is no getting back what he lost 😞… it gone.. it over.. it done… but I keep telling myself that a little of him is better than not having none of him..

But…

Is there any truth in that logic… nope… I’m only fooling myself and causing me more anguish and excruciating pain…

I need to just close the door on us and just savor the times we have had.. that brings me so much joy… remembering him when I was his main focus…

So starting now I guess I guess I will try to ignore him as much as he is ignoring me… leave his ass alone for as long as I can..

He is never coming back.. so all hopes is dead… he will not miss me.. and he will not try to reconnect…

So it will be a clean break…

My heart will learn to stop aching for him.. and the craving will eventually dissipate…. the tears will stop… and my heart will be healed.. the scar will remained… and maybe grow a callus…

It will take some time to get past him and the times we shared….with time everything will fade away and the smile 😃 on my face will return… yes .. yes .. yes I have lost him….. I know it…

I don’t and will never regret knowing him and loving him… I will always be grateful that he came along and share his world with me.. and I will always remember this mega love that I felt for him…

I will always smile 😃 whenever I think of him .. or whenever I see those emojis kisses 💋💋💋… or whenever I reflect on the time he was mine.. he was once…

So the time has come for me to let him go… and walk away.. with seven years of sweet memories…

I just hope he finds someone who love him unconditionally like I did.. and who will make him happy and keep him smiling.. and give him the joy that he deserves….

I want to thank him again for giving me the joys of him… for sharing his world with me.. for teaching me so many things… for loving me the times he did… but he doesn’t read my text messages.. so it would be a waste of time to express anything to him…

He came into my world and he made a big difference to my daily existence… no lie. He brought a light to my life… “it out now.. but I can remember when he light up my whole world… it was good.. it was awesome… it was absolutely amazing…. and how I have enjoyed every single moment we shared…. and how I beamed and shine so brightly glowing with the radiance of happiness….

I will definitely be missing him for a long long time… but I can’t make him love me again.. I can’t make him want me again.. he has lost it.. and once it gone.. it’s dead… and there is no way of getting it back…

So I am left with no choice but to walk away.. and let him fully enjoy his life.. without me…

There is no more us.. nothing is left to hang on to… like a drowning man clutching on to a straw….!!!! It’s the end of us .. I’m sinking to the bottom.. this relationship can’t be resumed or be saved…,!!!!!!

Walking away is the only option there is….

HOW TO SAY GOODBYE &WALK AWAY..

How do you find the courage to walk from someone you deeply love….

How do say goodbye.. without having that excruciating pain of complete loss..

How do you stop your heart from breaking to pieces….

How do you move on.. without looking back and wanting to resume what you have lost..

How do you stop the tears and the fear of losing him forever…..

Love come… and love goes… nothing last forever… but how do you deal with pain and hurt…

Why goodbyes are so hard… why is the attachment you developed and form is so hard to break away from…

Why do we allow our heart to get so entangled that we can’t loosen the hold and tear ourselves away… without leaving so much of us behind..

How do we get past it.. without the anguish… and the deep sorrow … why does the world stop spinning …

Love is the best joy life has to offer…and the worst sorrow .. but best hurt… when we lose it…

You can’t experience such hurt unless you find that love that brings profound joy….

So how can you regret loving…. and through the tears come the smile..

“ Don’t cry because it’s over…Smile because it happens…”

To love : bring us so much joy 🤩….

But…

To have that love taken away…cause so much 😞 hurt.. that you never knew existed…

And we just have to endure 😣 until time heals..

What happened to the world we knew..!!!???

What happened to the love we knew and the love we shared.. where did it go.. !!??? Now it seems those yester dreams were was a cruel and foolish games we used to play…

Yester you: yester me: yesterday…

And I will live in memories of yesterday….

A LOVE STORY THAT CAN NEVER BE…..

HIS LOOK OF DISDAIN & uttter contempt..

Met Patrick.. a Dutch from the Netherlands… in 2013….. on a social media site.. We have been talking for the past eight years…

He asked me to go exclusive with about a year after we met.. I agreed and we have been connecting everyday since…

Our connection became a part of my daily existence .. we connect every day … we lasted for seven years… and I before I know it .. I was so in love with him.. I guess my heart knows no boundaries….

Now he is ready to move on.. ready to get someone who can give him all that I can’t from the distance between us..

And even though I do understand this.. I find that I have serious issues dealing with his lack of attention…. I’m devastated.. I can’t accept losing him.. although I know can’t give him nothing.. nor can I offer him anything….

I’m 4500 miles away and the only thing we have is some texting connections.. how impersonal.. he use to call me video calls. Now he don’t anymore…

He lost everything for me.. he emptied his heart of me .. he stopped loving 🥰 me .. he has become cold.. mean.. he even as much as stopped talking to me.. he ignores my text messages…. treats me with contempt…

And I’m having a very hard time losing his love and attention…. I know it’s over.. but I can’t walk away… I can’t let go….

No matter what I say to him .. he gets mad with me. He stays mad with me these days… I think he is forcing me to walk away from him…..

And by god it’s working too… I just about have enough of his rejection and his treatment of disdain…..

I find myself slowly losing interest… and getting very disheartened.. with his ignoring me…. And with his lack of connection and communication…

It scares me to fully let go.. thinking I may regret my actions In retrospect… I’m trying to be patient to see if we can form some kind of reconciliation… but I’m afraid it’s only my hopes and wishes.. he doesn’t seem to want to resume us back to that level..

He blocked me and completely stopped all communication for three months.. then he opened up back the portal for connecting..

I thought and it was a sign of him wanting to reconciled .. but I was wrong…I never asked him why he decided to resume connection with me… I just leave it to see where it goes..

But..

I’m only opening up myself.. for more of his rejections.. and allowing him to emotionally abuse me with his lack of communication and acknowledgment….

I keep subjecting myself to his contemptuous attitude towards me…. I think he gets profound joy from completely ignoring me… especially when I try to connect with him…

Patrick.. is a complete different man from what I knew over the years….and it’s so obvious that he never really shared my feelings of love… I guess He was never emotionally available.. and our relationship was something to entertain himself.. without getting too attached…

I must admit… I really went overboard with my emotions and got too carried in my make believe world of fantasy ..to develop to this magnitude of intense attachment and to love him with such depth..

I lost control of my heart.. and I let it lead me to destroy what was meant to be just a friendship of sharing … this was all it meant to him.. I took it out of contextually … and now I’m paying the price for not being able to control my emotions for a man that I will never know personally…

So now.. to decide what is best for me in this scenario..

I’m still hanging on to someone that is clearly out of my reach … and I’m refusing to walk away and turn my back on a man who clearly doesn’t need me a as a part of his life anymore…

But. After a whole year of uncertainty.. doubts .. rejections… disrespect and disregard…. a girl can take so much and no more…

I know I’m left with no other choice but to save my sanity.. my dignity… and my poorly pride…..

And just make a complete halt… and leave this man who is on the other side of the world… to live his life the way he wants. Without me waiting for him to throw any little crumbs my way.. and thinking he’s doing me a great favor…

And me lapping it up .. like it’s ice cream 🍨.. licking my lips 😋 begging for more.. while me kicked me away.. telling me to shut up 🤫….

So sad for me.. that I give him and allow him this privilege to treat me with such disdain..

I asked myself a thousand times.. why is it so damn important to me to stay connected to him.. why is it so important to to me to have his love..

Why do I feel this strong need to be close to him.. and the more he shun me the more I yearn for him…

Why can’t I build up enough courage to end it with him.. and disregard him like he does me…why am I wasting my emotions and my energy.. trying to communicate and connect.. only for him to utterly ignore me…

What is this obsession and addiction I have developed.. so much .. that I am so hooked on him.. there must be a way to release myself from these chains that bind my heart to him…..

I need to let go and run as far as I can.. and leave him behind me… and move forward to a more healthy lifestyle… I’m stifling myself.. I’m stunting my happiness..

He doesn’t want me.. so very obvious… he doesn’t mean me any good.. He doesn’t even like me… it’s so clear as glass ..

So what am staying for.??!!

What am I hanging on to??!!!

There is nothing, but, a void.. it’s only in my imagination and my “MAKE BELIEVE WORLD OF FANTASY “….

AFTER THE LOVE IS GONE: DEALING WITH THE EMPTINESS….

How do you move on from a lost love…how do you cope with the emptiness… how do you remains friends and stay in a casual relationship.. when all these years you depended on this love to make you smile 😃…

Now that he has purged his heart of you… he has completely removed you from that place you so hold dear….

Now .. he doesn’t want you anymore… and you wonder..

Why don’t he let you go… why does he hang to you…why does it feel so sad to lose his love…why walking away is so hard…

Why do I stay…!!! Why don’t I walk away..???

All these thoughts….I have running through my mind..

And I don’t have the answers.. I try asking.. I tried communicating and I tried to get the answers ..

But to no avail..

He completely ignored every text messages.. he never responded.. he goes silent and just like the fool I am..

I stay away for a day or two but.. always return….hoping for some acknowledgment.. but nothing… it’s so clear and precise..

He really doesn’t have any desires to talk with me.. he doesn’t entertain me.. but yet .. he keeps the portal of communication open .. and I often wonder why..

I know… I could block him and cut him off too .. but my intense néed to be connected to him is too great of a desire for me to cut ties…

I long and yearn for his attention.. but.. I’m only hurting myself and my feelings.. by holding on to him…

And I just can’t find the courage to lose my grip on him and release him.. so I can move on .. and find my joy once more…

And stop these tears.. that consistently flow.. with every thought of him… refuses to dissipate..

What is it going to take for my heart to heal.. and for my knowledge of knowing ..to react to his obvious dismissal of me …why do I subject myself to his scorn… and why do I succumb to his constant disdainful attitude….

Why do my heart continue to love… to yearn.. to want… and to effortlessly hold on to someone that is no longer interested … whatsoever in. Me…

Questions

Questions???

That I really have the answers to..

But..

Refuses to listen or accept…

Because the truth be told…

I REALLY WANT TO STAY….I REALLY DONT WANT TO WALK AWAY…

Even when all hope is gone…. even. When obvious Is as clear as glass…

I just read something most interesting about loving someone…

It goes..

“SOMETIMES…
LOVING 🥰 SOMEBODY ALSO MEANS GIVING THAT PERSON UP….

Giving something up
is part of love..
Same as LOVE IS PART OF LIFE…”

I guess I ought to adhere to this little excerpt … and follow suite…

TWO DIFFERENT WORLDS… A OCEAN BETWEEN YOUR HEART AND MINE…

We are from two different worlds.. .. He is a Dutch Viking…

I’m a simple plain Jane from the Caribbean…

World apart.. but somehow the universe brought us together.. and our worlds collided… we connected… and we form an relationship of affinity… and this propinquity ties the bond between us….

The ocean separates us . but it doesn’t stop us from sharing each other world… and when we are connecting… the other doesn’t seem too far away..

A video call..a phone call.. a text…

And the other seems so close we can touch…how did we got this chance of meeting… how did the universe bring such connections to materialization..

Is this what they called serendipity … because I really feel happy and good fortune to cross paths with “My Dutch Viking.”

Why did fate brought us together…???

Why did fate kept us together this long????….

Why did fate make me fall so deeply in love with him…

Why does fate make him on hang to me this long.. why doesn’t he let go of me.. why doesn’t he walk away from me… why does fate make him want to stay connected to me….

I’m not the only one that wants this.. he must like me some.. to continue to enjoy having me around… that he shares his world and his complete life with me….

I sometimes forget that it takes two to communicate..

It takes two to have a relationship… so no matter what I think.. about his lack of interest.. his lack of affection… his lack of attention…

He still doesn’t stop connecting with me… he still thinks of me enough to include me in most of his daily life… but… I’m so greedy.. I always demand more….

I’m so impatient.. so insecure 😞.. so so unsure…

When we started out.. he has a sexual energy for me.. but somehow within the last year he completely lost this energy for me…

Of course with my lack of interest …,it only serves to turn him off completely…

And so it happens.. I now have the strongest desire to have a session or two with him… and he is no longer interested.. he doesn’t indulge my little innuendos or insinuations.. or my flirtatious remarks..

He simply just ignore it all .. he doesn’t do anything to appease me…

And now .. because of his attitude i have become so unsure. Timid…I really don’t know how to approach this subject anymore..

So afraid of his reactions.. his truth… I tell myself I’d rather stay in a causal connection with him than no connection whatsoever…

But..

I want so much more.. and I’m afraid he’s drifting slowly away… and I don’t know 🤷‍♀️ how get his interest back..

They say distance means so little when someone means so much…..

And here I am ….another Christmas sorrow to add to my memories…

Another breakup in the middle of Christmas 🎄… this Christmas couldn’t have been any worse for me….

He is completely disconnect with me… I have lost him for good… but the memories of the years we shared lingers in my mind and heart…

I hold on to dreams of yesterday.. I let him go.. he gave as much as he could…

I continue to live my life.. trying to be the best version of me..

We may never cross paths again.. but I’m so happy he came along… so this is goodbye to a love that is so unusual and unlikely..

It’s a unique way to fall in love with someone I never had the hope of ever knowing personally..

Another serendipitous episode or chapter of my life…

MY EMOTIONAL AFFAIR…AN ABRUPT ENDING…

WHEN LOVE 💕 WAS SWEET

How do you calm your heart when the source of your love decided to replace you.. and walk away…

How do you stop all this emotions from overflowing and drain you of all your joy…

What measures can you take to prevent you from getting a panic attack with the thought that there will never be another him and you…

How do you come to terms with it.. how do you stop the tears… how do you just get over seven long years… of memories….

How do you close your mind.. close your heart…

How do you block all that you have shared…

I need to run away.. but there is no where to run… I need to lock myself away..from the whole world… but I can’t find nowhere to hide….

I tried to be patient.. I tried to be understanding..

I tried to be positive…

But so many signs..

His lack of sharing

• His lack of communication
• His lack of interest…
• His lack of acknowledgement…
• He has become evasive…
• Always too busy for you….

He only talks about hisself… he ignores anything you say to him.. his response is slow… and contain one word….

You can feel you no longer hold any joy for him… he makes you feel like a nuisance…

I guess after seven years of distance.. you become boring… and he yearn for someone more exciting.. more fun.. more appealing.. more interesting…

And you have to admit that this make believe world of fantasy could not last forever…

And you have to gracefully bow out and Continued to live your life in dreams of yesterday’… when love was so good… when the world was a happy place…

And you just hang on to those happy times.. and through the tears.. we smile as we reminisce.. and remember.. we had it all. For just a moment…

SHATTERED HEART !!!

Seven years of blissful memories.. when we share our world…so much that they become intertwined… and to untangle it now is going to be hard…

Letting go will be hard.. and getting used to not having him as part of my daily life..going to be a big challenge … but all good things must come to an end …

THE END….

MI BLACKA ROWSU… MY PURE ROSE 🌹..

www.youtube.com/watch

https://youtu.be/NAnYJQ3qNoI

A beautiful love 💕 song…

Singing in Dutch and Paramaribo Paramaribo….

THE DREAM….

OMG 😳… baby I just doze off for about an hour.. and I woke up from a dream about you.. my heart is pounding so hard against my chest.. I was so sad..

I dreamt that I saw you talking to someone and I asked you if you were connecting with someone else on line… and you got mad at me for asking you that question…

And answered angrily…. what then .. if I am…

So I insistently asked you… are you baby?!!!

And you admitted that you are.. and you repeated.. what then.. ???!!you were so mean to me…

I didn’t know what to say… so I turned away and said… I will let you know later…

But I turned around and said.. what then???!!! I shook my head.. while you looked at me.. and nodded your head… looking at me defiantly…

I walked away and closed this door behind me.. I sat there and started to cry 😢 knowing that it was the end of us… what then i asked myself…

I then realized that this is you . Who you are.. this is your joy… this is how I met you.. this is what you do for entertainment…

Why would I think it would stop with me… you no longer find me appealing. Or attractive… I’m ugly.. I looked in the mirror and I saw this big fat ugly person looking back at me.. and smashed it…

And it’s like the door flung open.. and everyone was looking at me and laughing…and I looked up and saw you with this most gorgeous girl.. almost like a younger version of me… and you were kissing her.. and as you hugged her close to you..

You look over to me.. smiling… as you hugged her closer… and then I was on a ship 🚢 sailing farther away from the shore and you watched me go .. and smiling as you caress your new found girl…lovingly

And as I fade-away in the ocean the tears 😭 was flowing… and I just sink to the ground and hugged my knees to my chest… sobbing .. knowing I finally lost you…

I could hear you laughing… I could see your scorn… I was so jealous.. so envious… felt so rejected.. felt so damn ugly…

And I woke up sobbing 😭… and my heart pounding 💓….

Why did I have a dream like that…??!!!

ONLINE DATING: THE RISE &FALL OF FOREST ANGELS/ HELL ANGELS…part 7

THIS IS REBLOG…

FOREST ANGELS…..

WE PLAYED EVERYDAY FOR THE FIRST TWO WEEKS… ERICA AND I GOT MOST OF THE PLAYTIME.. WE HAD JENNY JOINED OUR GROUP ABOUT A WEEK AFTER BUT SOMEHOW SHE ONLY SERVED TO ADD SPICE TO OUR SESSIONS.. SHE WAS A VERY SENSUAL ADDITION… SHE NEVER PLAYED  ACTIVELY WITH US…BUT HER PRESENCE WAS ALWAYS THERE…

NELLY ALSO WAS NOT ABLE TO PARTICIPATE TOO OFTEN AND ONLY JOINED US OCCASIONALLY… SHE WAS A BLAST TO HAVE HER INVOLVED… SHE WAS INTO THINGS WE WERE NOT… FIFTY SHADES OF GREY… AND SO SHE BRINGS  AND INTRODUCED THESE ROLE PLAY IN AND WE ALL GO FOR IT…

We were all in sync, enjoying each other as lovers and as friends… The angels were humorous and so was FOREST… he was having a ball with the four of us… He kept us horny and if he couldn’t play he would send us very provocative and stimulating videos..

we all grew attached to him in our own way… we found out beneath and behind his sexual facade… that he really was a nice compassionate and sweet man..there was more to him .. surprisingly …We try not to get too personal though…

The angels were talking among themselves; (forming of “HELL ANGELS”) and sharing personal information….with each other and becoming fast friends… It was here we learned and talked about our personal struggles and our everyday happenings… encourage… inspired.. motivates….. and form a lasting bond..

So back to “FOREST ANGELS”….

Forest hit us up with a good morning angels…

-erica:..    goodmorning my irish cream…

-Jenny:    morning my sexy peeps…

-Nelly: good morning forest…

-You:    Good Morning Sweet Lover and angels..

-forest:   what you all doing ladies???? Horny as fuck…

 

– You:   Oooooh forest.. I’m here daydreaming of your hard.. Stiff….Juicy..,rock hard.. Cock Just pumping my Hott soaking wet pussy.. As it clenches and gripping that nine inches  fuck meat.. Enjoying you thrusting and raming that cock deeeep… And haaard… Moving and pushing into you..as you hold my hips.. Pulling me in .. Aaaah.. Oooooh .. Fuck me lover….

– You: Fuck me gooooooddOooooh…

– Forest:     ooh yeah wendy.. I’d be Fucking ramming that juicy cunt…
– Erica..,: I’m so wet… come and play with us master…
– You:       Yeeeaah. Yessss Yessss….Don’t stop!!!….Erica.. Come here baby…
– Erica..,:      Yes ma’am
– Forest:    Yeah… angels..that’s it…
– You:       Slide under my mouth
– Forest:     Let daddy watch y’all fuck each other
– You:     Let me taste you….. Mmmmmm
– Forest:   Stroking my fucking cock… so hard… suck that pussy wendy…
– Erica..,: Mmmmmm yes… feels so good.. daddy you love how wett I am for you..
– You:    Wett…..Juicy… lover come kiss some of this tasty juice off my lips…
– You:     Hand me that silver bullet… Let me fuck you as I lick and suck your big engrossed clit…

– Erica..,:     Oh yes angel..pleeeassseee????
– Forest:     Good girls…. daddy love when you love each other…
– You:      Daddy o.. stick that hard  cock in Her mouth… Fuck her face…
– Erica..,: Yes daddy… I need your cock….
– You:    I’m slowly putting this silver bullet in.. inch by inch…loving how it vibrating…
– Erica..,:    Mmmm…. it’s driving me crazy baby…
– You:         Rubbing your thighs… as they shake with anxiety and excitement…
– Forest:      I mount your fucking face
– You:       Mmmmmm…lover.. you look good in her mouth…Tastsy…
– Forest:      Show me a pic of your open mouth
– You:           Mmmmmm.. Suck his big cock Erica as IM Fuckiin you deep and hard.. All the way in… and all the way out…  slowly…. And again in hard.. Deep…
– Forest:      Take this man meat you naughty lil angel…
– You:          Make her gag…Hold her throat… help it down…
– Erica..,:      Photo

erica send the photo he requested…
– You: put it down deep …she can take it. .. Suck that cock Erica…

– Erica..,:      Mmmmmmmmm… (licking… sucking  and loving how he taste)

– You:     Milk that cock… Look so tasty… Mmmming… kitty is begging for some… she is twitching fervently…
– Erica..,: Choke me with it daddy
– You:      Erica I want to feel this vibrating silver bullet in my kitty..
– Erica..,: Mmmmmm…..I’ll put it there..
– You:    I love the way it looks in you…
– You:     daddy fuck erica while she use that silver bullet on me…
– Erica..,  :yesss Daddy .. fill me up with your hard wett throbbing dick… and make me squirt all over you…
– Forest:     Fuckin balls slapping your chin as I fuck your mouth
– You:        come over here lover.. Fuck my ass as she fuck my pussy

– You:      Oooooh yeah.. Erica reahed up and squeezed his hanging balls.
– Erica..,:   Yumm….slap my face daddy

– Forest: You want some fucking cock in your ass my lil angel..
– Erica..,: Yes daddy

– You: Yessss!!!!Please sweetlover….My ass is winking…Begging to be fucked…Pleeesse … now..
– Erica..,: Photo …

Erica sent a photo of her beautiful sexy ass…
– Erica..,:    Ass in the air take it… I’m ready for you master.

– You:     Mmmm … let’s Switch it up… Mine then yours…. but Fuck me  first please…
– Forest:   Face down ass up my lil sex slaves..  Reach back and pull your fucking holes open…oooh yesss…
– You:    Plunge all that nine inches in.. I’m Pulling wide..
– Erica..,:     Yes daddy ooooooooo
– You:       Aaaaaaah… Yes… love the feel of that glorious man meat…as it slide in and out….
– You:     Kiss me Erica?

– Erica..,:     Muahhhhhh…
– You:         Slap my ass daddy….
– Forest:     Fucking spitting on your assholes
– Erica..,:    Oil us up daddy… make it slick and slippery…
– You:     Make it sting….put a finger in mine as you do erica..
– Forest:   I’m gonna stick my fucking tongue in your asses….Cuz I’m that fucking nasty….
– You:      Ooooh yeah… be very nasty lover… make us gushed…

– You:     Be nasty….Be very nasty….
– Erica..,:    We like you nasty…stick a finger in my snatch as you lick my asshole….
– Forest:      Stretching your assholes open
– You:        Lick this butt hole
– Erica..,:     Spank me red daddy

– Forest:     Then start tongue fucking
– You:       Yessss – Here you are… tongue fuck me…
– Erica..,:   Bite me…
– Forest:    Back and forth…. Fucking slapping asses hard…
– You:    Oooooh godddd….I’m Cummin… don’t stop lover…
– Forest:     Mmmmmmmmm yesssss…. glaze me…
– You:    Oooooh Shiiiiiit!!!!!
– Erica..,:    Mmmmmmmm…..hurts so good
– Forest: God I fucking love your assholes…
– Erica..,:     Love your cock daddy…
– You:       Oooh yeah. Love that tongue tooo…
– Erica..,:    Harder and deeper
– You:         Lick it.. Fuck it
– Erica..,:     Photo …

a another photo from erica….

 
– You:   Use your fingers in mine lover….
– Erica..,:  This ass hole is loving your hard cock as it darts in and out….

– Forest: Yesssssss…. Darting my tongues in an out your fucking naughty assholes…
– You:      Put a finger In my pussy too – Ooooooohhhhhhh…yesssss….
– Forest:     Start finger fucking both your holes
– Erica..,:     Reaching under and rubbing my clit
– You:         Yeeeaah
– Foest:      Finding those gspots
– Erica..,: Mmmmmmmmmmm
– You:       Mmmmmm
– Forest:   Tweaking the fuck outta them
– Erica..,:    Make me squirt daddy
– You:        Oooooh foooorrreesssttt
– Erica..,: Ooooooooooo mmmmmmmmmmm
– You:      Fuck me.. Fuck me. Fuuuuccckkkk meeeee
– Forest:    Faster and faster fingers tickling your gspots
– Erica..,: I’m cummmmmmmming
– Forest:      Fucking cock lovers.
– Erica..,:    Mmmmmmmmmmmmmm
– Forest:    I fucking love yall
– You:      Oooooh Fucckkk Yeeeaah

– You:     Don’t stop
– Forest: Ready to get your asses plugged?
– You: I’m Cummin again…. Plugged it… fill it up with cock…
– Erica..,: Love you too lover…..Yes daddy…

We played for another half-an-hour taking turns with Forest… we had such a good time making virtual love with each other… Nelly join in later on and we played a scenario with forest tied up and we teased him to the limit … make him watch us do each other with a strap on.. while Erica oil him and touching him closely but not fully … putting her lips so close and blowing on his hard bobbing cock.. him hiesting his hips so high urging her to take him in… 

then nelly straddled him and tease him with touching the tip of his cock with her kitty and moving away while she dribble juices all over him… he was oozing precum and bouncing in excitement… 

Erica was on his face with her kitty in his mouth… her eyes closed… enjoying his tongue as it lick and dart in and out of her oozing wett juicy cunt.. she was fucking his face as he groan with slobbering sounds…

I proceed to love on his chest biting and nibbling on his nipples moving down to his belly button and kissing his groin area … rubbing my thumb ever so gently under the tip of his cock.. and …O.M.G.!!!!!  he shoots his spunk with such a force hitting the ceiling and all over my face…  Nelly start to stroke his pulsating cock… and Erica came over… squeezing his nuts and gently rubbing them…

forest squealed with pure pleasure and cum again spewing more spunk as he jerk and shaking in divine ecstasy…
Jenny pop in ever so often with a comment here and there… “damn hott”…. “Give it him angels”….ect. ect.ect…

Our playtime lasted continuously for a little more than a month… and one day we came on to find forest being suspended… The angels was devastated and we misses forest so much… We were all mad and so angry that someone reported him and got him suspended.

But we all had each other to talk to … Forest came back a week after but he was not the same and Nelly has left the group.. then Jenny and it dispersed… The Hell Angels was still intact and we continue without Forest…. Who by then has changed his profile and stop communicating with us… The fall of “FOREST ANGELS”….

We all were a little hurt by his actions… but we all accept it knowing it was a game to us and it was over…

The angels stayed together up today…  we all meet in Louisiana… we had a blast of a time getting to know each other personally… We always give thanks to Forest for bringing us together.. It’s a very strange way for a lasting friendship to form… but it is a bond that was creates by four girls with all similar likes… and common attitude…

We now encourage each other.. cheer on each other… love each other… and be there for each other… not a day go by we don’t say Hi and connect…So here’s to the four “Hell Angels” that fly together… WENDY….. ERICA….NELLY….JENNY…

COOKING DUTCH WITH PATRICK…

CREAM SPINACH/TOPPED WITH BOILED EGGS…

Patrick is from the Netherlands… he loves to cook.. he is very creative in the kitchen and can make the simplest of dishes seem utterly delicious…

He takes great pride in preparing these scrumptious recipes… and his presentation is delightfully appealing and mouth watering..

He can always create a desire to crave…. by just featuring his meals..

He is happiest when he is creating a recipe to delight his family… and to help with creating the best atmosphere and the perfect mood … he find his favorite upbeat songs to play… singing along with joy as he busily finishes his dish step by step.

He truly enjoy preparing his dishes with so much pleasure he includes his favorite upbeat songs singing along with joy as he busily finishes his dish step by step….

He is One most amazing Dutch chef Who prepare the most delicious 😋 dishes….

Join me as he share this dish he called….

PROTEIN POWER…

This is a chicken dish… first step..

Chicken with onion

Boneless chicken cut in small pieces..

Add onions

Added optional ingredients… green peppers..( paprika) bacon…

Put some eggs to be boiled .. the amount by choice… will be used as a garish or topping…

Let simmer on medium heat… until fully cooked..season to taste…

Fix a green salad of your choice …. such as …

lettuce…. spinach……

Prepare eggs to top dish.. serve and enjoy… a peanut sauce could be use to bring it all together…

So please enjoy this simple ..protein packed dish.

Watch out for my next dish in

“COOKING DUTCH WITH PATRICK”….

There is a ocean between your heart and me….

music.apple.com/us/album/dont-leave-me-now/1531120313

The heart doesn’t know distances..doesn’t care how far away the object of its love is..

The heart wants what it wants…. even in a make believe world of pure fantasy… it becomes real and feel real…

Loving someone knows no boundaries and love can be found right where you are..

How often does life take two people and just melt them together ‘emotionally in a way that puts them in the same place and time…

This has happened to me more than once.. which makes me big believer in the impossible…

Our world became intertwined and interwoven ….merging two heart from around the globe..oceans in between…

it’s like all of our feelings and senses are totally heightened…We feel like we are experiencing this together.

Our parts have crosses as fate has it..and words are so powerful.. it impossible to resist each other…

We fell for the personality of the other… and we grow and developed an affinity… a unbreakable bond…

Trust became a vital virtue… communication is essential.. and sharing is all we have….

But our hearts 💞 remains true… and although we are loving 🥰 from afar… our heart doesn’t detect the distance between us…

There is an ocean between your heart and mine..

MY EMOTIONAL AFFAIR: MAKE BELIEVE WORLD….

EVERYTHING REAL…

It’s so easy to create a world of make believe to suit your situation…. the heart tend to give the impression that love can conquer and break down every barrier…

It pushes those endorphins through every vain of you body deriving from that rush of adrenaline you get from your bond of connection…

Every emotions you feel… every desire you get… seems so real.. enough so you believe it… and the distance between you closes in… so much you can feel their touch… and all of a sudden your make believe world is created….

MAKE BELIEVE WORLD

Getting emotionally invested.. and getting your heart entangled with someone you will never know… is not recommended….

Because even though you think it’s All innocent and no real harm is committed…when you are pushed out or pushed aside… to make room for someone new.. it still hurts in the same capacity as it was real…

It’s not innocent then…because you become so hurt… you know it’s harmful to those emotionally involved….

Losing their attention and their interest.. is devastating… and so unbelievably surreal … as much as you know that this relationship was never going to materialize.. the emotional investment makes it so hard to willingly walk away….

Getting used to to connect every day allow it to become unbearable not having this privilege anymore…. you form this remarkably affinity…and even though it’s a waste of energy to get all emotional about something way out of your control…

It does have this effect on you… you automatically have uncertainties… follows by doubts… and fear of losing your best friend..

The question is … do you still exercise explicit trust…continue to share… maintain communication… CHANGE NOTHING… and hopes NOTHING CHANGES…

Hope the the bond you created is strong enough to withstand.. the pressure of someone new.. ..

But how much can your heart takes.. will you able to pretend that it’s all good…and ignore the lack of interest and the lack of attention… while secretly being patient with the hope that it wears off soon and he will come back around to you….???

Give them space.. free them up to enjoy their newfound interest… if he really likes you.. he won’t stop.. he is just a little distracted right now with the splendor of the newness… but not everything that glitters is gold…

And if it is meant to be.. if all those memorable moments are special… they might miss you if you give them the space to do so…

It takes a Patient man to ride a donkey… without trust and understanding.. their is no relationship…

MY EMOTIONAL AFFAIR: LIVING IN FANTASY…

WORLDS APART… WHEN TWO WORLDS COLLIDE..

There is a kind of thrill… that comes with intriguement …mixed with a surge of excitement.. when you connect with someone from around the globe…

You get to learn so much.. from their language..to their culture.. their historical facts.. first handed… and then you learn everything there is about that one person you are connecting with…

No matter the platform of communicating.. in the beginning.. it fun to talk and learn… the more you connect the more you know each other as is… you figured out there personality and sometimes you find you have this strong connection…

And if you fall for someone’s personality… then you definitely fall for them.. looks is never important when you like someone for their personality..

But…

What destiny was it that pull you together… and make your world collided…how did you happen to cross paths… that allows such a beautiful connection…

Of course it’s not everyone you meet this way… is going to have this results or affects you in the same way…

But…

On rare occasion someone finds this connection.. and over time . It is proven that words and sharing.. is a powerful magnet… and before you know it.. you are emotionally invested… with someone you don’t even know on a personal level….

And when the heart chooses to get involved… it becomes a huge challenge emotionally…. and here is where the fantasy world begins….

How do you stay logical and practical.. and realistic…

Especially if there is no hope of a real relationship to materialize… yet letting go or walking away is not an option… because just the thought of stopping communication and breaking connection causes excruciating pain.. and you know it would be devastating….

How long is this fantasy gonna last before one of the party losses interest…

We get so caught up living in our fantasy world.. that we begin to believe in it… we tried to hold on to it like a lifeline… so blinded to the true fact of the matter… that none of this is real unless you both decided to make it so..

No relationship can survive in fantasy land… yes two words can collide.. and you experience serendipity…

But ..

Unless you both make it real by Uniting.. be prepared that it’s only a matter of time before this fantasy world collapses. And crumbles…

HEART CRUMBLING…

Leaving you with only memories of yesterday… wondering what happened to the love you knew…. a connection based on fantasy will never survived…

That broken heart 💔 is very real though… it comes with intensity…. and you are crushed just the same… your heart doesn’t know distances… the love you feel is real and genuine…

LOST LOVE 💕

So you just have to remain realistic… be practical… and exercise some logics… don’t go expecting the impossible… when it’s way beyond your control…

TRUST AND SHARING…..

BEAUTIFUL SUNSET 🌇

Building a relationship is never easy… when you meet someone… there is a sweet kind of excitement.. and the desire to be with that person is always in its strongest mode…

After the novelty had worn off… and that special sweetness has dissipated.. you have to find reasons and ways to keep the relationship alive..

You are now emotionally invested.. you lost some of the attention.. those with insecurities will tend to feel neglected.. lose their confidence… and start to have all the negative thoughts possible…

But…

What do you do to retain your status.. and not push away the party with all kinds of petty.. childish and immature behaviors…

Two main virtues that is required … in my personal experiences and in my opinions.. is…

Trust and Sharing…

Yes they are lots of other attributes needed…such as… understanding…. patience… self love… confidence…and trusting his love…

It’s pretty hard when it’s a close personal relationship… when life takes over.. it’s hard to adjust when one partner doesn’t have the time for another .. and their time is totally consumed with everything but you….

All the wrong emotions surfaced .. you started to question everything… doubts became a second nature …. you began to fear losing…, fear of rejection… your bubbly personality is replaced with doubts… and distrust..

Some walked away prematurely.. because they fight with their hats…

Some push away and shut out… the other… then build a barrier around themselves….

Those who don’t have the courage.. or can’t find the strength to leave.. stay and bring misery to the relationship.. and no matter how much the other try to persuade them that it’s all good . They refused to believe .. and can not be convinced to change their thoughts…

Eventually…. the relationship can’t withstand the pressure and fall apart…

Then there is the scenario of a long distance relationship… this is where sharing and trust plays a vital and crucial role in the relationship…

It takes a vast amount of trust to make this relationship works … and good communication is the only connection… sharing each other worlds..is all there is…

And everything is perfect as long as there is open communication..

But..

What happened when one partner decided to stop… become evasive… stop having time for the other… they can be seen online.. but they are not connecting with the other…

This is where trust has to be applied with extremity … but how do the affected party deals with this on a personal level…

They are aware that they can’t control what the next do with the distance in between… they have to be practical and somehow logical.. that they are not the only thing in their life….so they have to give room and space to allow them the freedom…

I guess you just have to make up my mind to share them and their attention…. Sometimes… and fully applied your Faith of trust..

they have to learn that there’s so much more to their life than just communicating with them….

You can’t get too selfish.. with them… because all you really have between you.. is sharing and trust…
and you have to trust them explicitly …
And continue to do so .. unconditionally …

You have to give them space to have fun and fully enjoy their other connections..

Yes.. it’s gonna hurt your feelings… and you might feel a surge of jealousy..

But you have to suffer in silence.. pretending you are strong … give them the impression that you truly trust them.. let them think.. what you don’t know won’t hurt you…

Let them have their laugh…

Time will tell… you may have to walk away eventually… but don’t do it too immaturely…

Take time to make sure they have fully lost all interest and it’s just not a case of being too busy. Too tired.. just need some alone time..

Don’t be too hasty and impulsive… you might live to regret your choice… and don’t voice your negative concerns…

“ Change nothing… Nothing will change…

We do let our minds and thoughts sometimes take control of us … but we need to block out all negative emotions.. especially if they are just circumstantial… and not concrete evidence…

Exercising trust is very vital to any and every relationship…

Sharing is also essential.. because then each will be assured… and build better trust..

The sunset 🌅 from above…

MYLOVE-LOVE: THE JOY & PAIN OF A FORBIDDEN LOVE ; chapter 9

 

…..In the evening after my doctors visit I sent a text jokingly …telling him that I got a script that only he can fill, and I need to get it fill now.

He laughed … thought I was funny. Then he asks, “what u doin?

I replied that I would love to do him.And that I wish he was here with me.

His response took me by surprise. I really didn’t expect him to play along with my humor…

“Yea me too, but I got the kids with me and they are eating.”

That little text made me feel so special and it leaves me hopeful that he was starting to like me. This is the closest we ever come to talk about us being together, ever.

I text back telling him I understand, and ask about the kids. And if he got to pay his insurance.

He said, “They are ok, and yea I paid it thanks. I needed that.”

After we finished our conversation . I sit there smiling… I was feeling connected to him and hopes that our little dialogue means that he is finally appreciating my friendship.

I play over in my mind our little conversation and my heart was singing with joy because it seems like we are getting closer.

I still had my doubts but talking to him leaves me with some hope. I did not hear from him next couple of days. I did not try to contact him either because I knew he got his babies with him and it’s the weekend and he got all that to do. The studio; the club; the shop ect.

The week came and past without any communication with him… I was a little disappointed that my hopefulness was crumbling… I guess with him it’s just passing through… until next time… I just tell myself I will just take it as it comes…

 

I guess He felt my mood, because he text me that day,

“Wassup, Iam good. I am at the park with the kids.”

I was at work so I could not talk to him…

(You see, I was trying real hard, too hard to be practical & realistic about his feelings. I was thinking for him. I was so busy telling me that  I’m just a fling to him and that he couldn’t or wouldn’t feel for me like that;  I may have miss his true feelings for me and instead of me asking him I presumably  have the answers…and  let my casual attitude do the talking.)

He texted me a few days after…informing me that his phone got wet and he just got it replaced. That’s why He did not respond to my texts.

I felt a little bad about my thoughts…. then. I was quite pleased that he connect with me though..

I find it so amazing , how good it makes me feel to just get a simple text from him.

And I asked myself????….Why is he so damn special? What about him that makes my heart jumps for joy and do a somersault….Why do I place so much importance on him? WHY?

when I think of him it creates the sweetest sensation that run through my whole body. It is this tingling feeling that gives me goose pimples and makes me shudder. I love the feeling.

I heard from him a couple days later,letting me know how busy he was…

I asked him how does he get all this energy from, and that he need to tell me his secret.

. Of course he tries to educate and advice me. He said,” don’t rush or worry, just be cool and enjoy what u work so hard for.”

He also said, “ Im sometimes very tired… I just save it by taking my time.”

I was amused by his statement so I smile ….He doesn’t realize, one of the reasons I liked him so much, and find him so attractive is because he is so Full of energy & life.

And I sit there thinking…..I don’t want to lose him, but how am I going to keep him to me. I don’t have what it takes.

I find myself smiling thinking of MYLOVE-LOVE. He can always put a smile on my face. Wish I could have him close to me so I could just hug him real tight and get one of those juicy kiss of his. Sure love to kiss him so.

The next day…. to my utter delight I got my wish . He came to see me, and OH MY GOD!! It was so good to have him here.

When I open the door and saw it was him.. my face lit up.. my heart leaps joyfully… I was really speechless.. but he stepped in the door.. scoop me up… and humorously say…

Girl just don’t stand there… you know what I came for. ??? “…

He reached the bedroom by then.. gently flung me onto the bed.. playfully jump beside me.. using his lips he started to tickle me on my tummy and sides… I was laughing really hard.. and when I laugh that hard I become weak..

I had to beg him to stop… he did but his lips found mine and he parted my lips with his and kiss me ever so sweetly and deeply… he pulled me closely to him and held me tightly as he could as he continue to kiss me emphatically and explosively….his lips feast on mine…

I lay there in his tight hug.. fully enjoying his amorous kiss.. feeling my body melting in his embrace…

He came up for air and he pushed me on my back as he began to undress me placing light affectionate kisses each step of undressing me… he got off my top and started to nibble on my nipples as he used the base of his palm to massage kitty through my pants…

Kitty was reacting fiercely to his touch.. and I could feel her quickly building to a rupture..

I covered his hand with mine holding his in place as he gently rotate in circular motion…

I softly whispered please don’t stop.. as I heist my hips to meet his hand movements..I felt kitty rising to explode and began moving faster as I urge him on with my hand to match my movements.. he kindly obliged… and kitty reached her peak and blasted off so forcefully that my hips was thrown into the air..

Leaving me screaming his name.. and loudly exclaiming.. yes!!! Yes!!! Ooh yesss.. baby.. baby.. oohhh babyyyy…

I lay there trying to recover from that demoniacal climax… as he hurriedly finished undressing me… he placed my legs on his shoulders and quickly and easily enters me.. kitty felt that hard rock of man meat… and she was ready to cumm again…he thrusts twice and she was sent in another powerful orgasm…

She was clenching and gripping him.. as she climax in blissful ecstasy… this cause him to reach his point of no return as he made one last deep final penetrating thrust…with a huge grunt of great pleasure he burst open and flooded kitty with hot spunk.. he kept jerking for a few seconds as he spurts every drop…

We were both soaked in our sweats and juices… he rolled off me onto the bed breathing as if he just run a marathon… I was not doing much better..

He looks over at me.. smile.. and said..

” girl that was definitely worth coming over for..”

He reached over and playfully disheveled my hair… then learn in and kiss my forehead ..

And said… ” you are amazing … and I jokingly responded… ” yep.. intoxicatingly delicious…”

He giggled and nodded…” yeah.. I would say so”…

We lie there with the covers on us… for a while talking… he asked me if he could smoke a cigarette.. and I allowed him the privilege.. ..

Then he got up and went into the shower… I went in to join him.. offer to do his back.. he was a little distant so I refrain from initiating another sexual session…

He got dressed as I sit and watched him.. I guess I was a bit sullen because he stopped for a moment to asked me.. why do I look so sad…

He hugged me and pulled me to him and said.. I have to go… but I’ll be back..

I looked up on his face smile. Nodded… and bury my face into his chest… and he held me for a few minutes. Then apologetically said he has to go..

I reluctantly let him go… and got up and pulled me up with him.. hugging me as we walked towards the door…

He left me with a luscious kiss a a promise that he’ll see me soon…

His loving was so intense and affectionate. I was left

wondering if he is feeling more for me.

I try not to get overly excited because I could be wrong, I wanted to ask him about ‘us’…but couldn’t get the nerves to… afraid of hearing his answers…

I ‘m thinking…. when he loves me like that though… how can I help but love him … I hoped him coming here tonight means that he liked me some and I prayed, “Dear lord make it so”.

******************************************************

TO BE CONTINUED…….

MATTERS OF THE HEART ♥️

A BROKEN HEART 💔

SHATTERED

In all my adult life.. all the connections I have form.. have ended with a broken heart 💔….

Rejection is one emotions… I became familiar with…. I have cried many a tears .. after being crushed by a lover… I have experience excruciating pain… from being rejected..

CRUSHED

Rejection.. brings and conjured up so many negative thoughts … feelings… and emotions… especially when you are totally invested emotionally….

For some reason… I will be the perfect girl.. until I’m face with rejection. I have never learnt how to deal with this one emotion..

My first reaction is is to run.. get away from the person and the source..I get discouraged… I withdraw in a shell… I become timid. Unsure.. I lose my confident composure..

I get scared of losing.. but don’t know how to hold on… I’m always ready to run…. I pull away.. I stop communicating.. afraid of the answers to any questions I may asked….

What do don’t know won’t hurt you..

What the eyes don’t see…. the heart won’t leap…( get hurt 😢)

All my life… I yearned for someone to love me.. just love me unconditionally ..

Okay .. got married three times.. all ended for some reason or another..

Had a few flings in between and after… nothing permanent…after all fails …..

I decided to try online… I mess up here too.. my first time was a big disaster… the second.. third.. ect.. was not better… still come away with a broken heart…

WORLD APART

I found I have a way with words….. i could use my words to persuade any situation… when I started online… I had many admirers who genuinely likes me… because of what I have to say…I guess I didn’t know the power of my words … and what a huge impact they have…I tried to control the connections until my heart decided to step and get involved…

I find it very hard to keep my emotions out of the equation… I easily catch feelings… I’m always so vulnerable… even though it’s not on a personal basis.. it just virtual.. I struggle to maintain a causal connection… at first I thought I was able to do this without becoming emotionally involved… but before long…I prove myself wrong…

I decided I’m no good at this so I gave it up.. before I had completely dissolved my accounts..I had this one guy that I really liked.. and he said he likes me too…

He suggested we switch corresponding platforms and I agreed.. then he asked me to be exclusive to him.. I again agreed…

I was not having much of fun anymore anyways… and I really like this guy… he was not a fake.. he is as real as they come .. and he communicate with me everyday and he always responded to me no matter what…

I love this and the attention it creates..I really believed he likes me… he started to share his world with me.. so much I grew accustomed to talking to him everyday…

Before I know it .. 7 years has passed… nothing has changed.. except.. for some unknown reasons.. my feelings began to escalate… I realized I’m demanding more of him… yet most days He spent talking to as I wake up and reach out to him.. till he goes off to sleep..

He never ignores me… but I find myself doubting him… for no apparent reason….I’m getting so insecure… and me .. I’m so crazy… expecting him to sit on that phone and talk to non stop…

OThere is .. 4500 miles between us…he has a complete life.. he is not lacking in any department..

He has his family.. and he’s very much involved in their lives.. he got his job.. his friends. His hobbies..

And he has me.. and maybe. Others… an online connection… why he choose to continue to talk to me and share his world… I really don’t know..

But.. I’m not even someone to him..

I’m something.. a connection from another continent.. who thinks he’s most perfect man.. who value all his suggestions.. lessons.. listen intently to his stories and believe every word he said without query… who gets involved in his hobbies… I’m his biggest fan..

I’m not a permanent fix in his life.. I’m not essential to him. I don’t add anything to his life.. he already has it all..

So if I’m not there anymore.. it will never affect him… he can easily cut ties without a second thought…

And this is what hurts so bad… to know he doesn’t need me…

on the flip-side. There stands me..

I’m single… kids grown.. retired ..not much friends.. zero hobbies… so I look to him for entertainment.. I Cling to him for emotional support…. I need him to brighten my day…to give me something to look forward to…. I crave his attention.. I get so involved in his world and his hobbies just so I can stay connected to him….

So now I’m left to step way back and suppressed all this romantic emotions that I choose to develop .. creating the emotional havoc on my heart…. I need to back off and drop it all if I want to continue connecting with him…

Because he’s practical enough to know that this is just friendship. It can not be anything else so why start something that could never materialized….

Yess .. I’m overreacting.. I’m overthinking.. I’m crossing all kinds of unnecessary lines…

He spent hours on the phone with me.. and I’m so selfish that I doubt him or thinks he is ignoring me.. when he is not online… as if he has no life outside me or his phone..

I’m just fortunate that he loves his phone so much… he like addicted.. and so to be honest.. I abuse this… but I have to learn to give him space..

Yes my heart is breaking.. but I’m the one who is solely responsible this time…

LOST LOVE 💕

Sober up

( hey found this awesome 👏 erotic scene from this very imaginative blogger .. go and check out her post.. I know most of you will be very delighted 😁….

I figured you’d come here with a soft dick from drinking at your gf’s all afternoon, Don. I made some coffee, so can sober up while you lick me clean…

Sober up

MY EMOTIONAL AFFAIR: LOVING 🥰 FROM AFAR…

TOUCH ME IN THE MORNING….

LOST LOVE 💕

I know three minutes is long but please watch and give me your honest review…

• Stupid
• Immature
• Obsessive
• Foolish love
• Overreacting
• Mushy
• Plain crazy

I’m very open to criticism.. you won’t offend me…

MY EMOTIONAL AFFAIR: Loving 🥰 from Afar…

INTOXICATINGLY DELICIOUS…

ITS YOUR LOVE 💕:

MY LOVE 💕 LOVE ❤️: THE JOY & PAIN OF A FORBIDDEN LOVE: part 8

LOVE 💕 ME: LOVE 💗 ME NOT

I remain in a very good mood for a few days… after our last sexual escapade … I had mixed emotions about us.. .

I know that our relationship is restricted to being causal.. but my heart got so entangled emotionally that I was silently hoping that he likes me more than just.. “ Friends With Benefits….”

My mind was consumed with thoughts of him…. I find myself thinking of nothing else but him. After that incredible loving from him I yearned for the next time…I was becoming insatiable with the wants of him… I realized that everytime I get the pleasure of his company.. I become so more obsessed and infatuated 🥰 with him….

The weeks went by with no connection from him.. I was a little disappointed as usual but I now know not to expect much… it’s always on his term…I did not try to communicate either.. so after two weeks I tried.. but got back no response….

I woke up one morning with a episode of a panic attack.. of course I immediately associate it with him… I was tempted to call him just to check up on him… but my fear of rejection made me decided not to… this went on for two days…and my overactive mind made it worst..

I started to play all kinds of negative scenarios in my mind .. to the point of believing them to be true…

Then to my greatest pleasure. And relieve….I received a text message from him..

“ what up…??? How have you been..??!!!”

I immediately answer without much hesitation… we spoke about him and this barber course he was supposedly doing .. trying to acquire a license….

I asked him if he’s In school and he let me know that he was off that day… we talked for another minutes or so.. I wanted to ask him to see me.. but somehow I could not conjured up the courage…

I was still very happy that he got in touch with me.. my fear of rejection was so high that I Was afraid to approach the subject of us.. I was so afraid of his negative response that I rather not say anything.. even though it was killing me to ask…

It leaves a smile on my face to hear from him.. and I was there smiling and trying to think up an excuse to call him back… when.. he calls me .. I was beaming…

I love to stay connected to him… I know we can never be anything else than what we have now… and I hope it’s enough to constitute a lasting friendship… I have come to terms with us just being friendly with benefits … whenever the need arises for him..I was feeling really good about him trying to communicate with me… I was hoping it means that he’s realizing that I’m a friend worth keeping… we have spent enough intimate times together … to give him valid reasons to like me after all.

I picked up the phone and sweetly answered.. hey mylovelove….. I was smiling so happily to hear from him for the second time that day…

The smile was quickly knocked off my face… and my mood rapidly changed when he spoke..

“need a favor: I need $250 to put insurance on my car. If u can’t its ok. I got a lot going on and my money going fast.”

Ooooh maan…. wtf???? is he for real? He is asking for money .. and more money this time… I laughed out loud… I ask him, ” and when do you did need this? He replied, “by Friday or I got to turn my tag in.”

I was shaking my head in disbelief..not fully beleiving his story… so nothing has really changed.. he was just working his way around to hit me up for his financial needs… I told him to call me back at a later date. Let me check my budget…

I took the time to figure out if I really want to .. because I now realize the pattern.. he is using me. . And he’s lying to me about his real reasons for needing the money…and I wasn’t sure I wanted to oblige this time..

After debating with myself.. I decided to go ahead and give it to him.. knowing it’s one way to get to see him and get me some good loving… he was using me to finance him so I’m going play my game of tit for tat again… I will use his needs to get mine.. giving him the money will lure him into my bed and my arms… kitty was agreeing with my choice… getting all excited in anticipation.. I was visualizing having him loving me …. giving me great satisfaction and leaving me sexual gratified…

After I fully decided this is how I’m going to play it… I texted him to let him know that I have decided to give it to him…

I also went ahead and tell him it’s because I know he needs his car to get around. But reminded him that I need the return on my investment….

He says, “yea, I do thanks, I got the kids this week I can come by when I drop them off tomorrow.” And don’t worry.. I got you covered….

I told him that’s just fine….

The next morning bright and early he text me, “wassup I be over there once I drop the kids off, u up?

I acknowledged his text message to let him know I was up and it was okay for him to come by….

I really had a doctor appointment that morning.. I simply forget.. so I was getting ready to go…

It didn’t take him very long to get here… I let him in… ask him if he wanted some breakfast.. he said yes.. so I fixed him breakfast…

As I sat there watching him eat.. and being so close to him.. the sexual energy got very strong.. and I find myself not able to resist touching him…

He finished eating and as a good hostess I took the dishes to the kitchen… when I came back in.. he was sitting on the bed looking on his phone…

I went straight to him.. and place myself between his legs as I hugged him .. he willingly returned my hug….his face was directly between my breast.. and he started to nibble a little on them using his lips to tease my nipples…

His hand was caressing my butt cheeks… I bent over and find those tasty lips… and we kissed ever so passionately that I was softly uttering sounds of pleasure from enjoying his kisses…

I gently pushed him back onto the bed and he easily fell back….it seems that I always find my way on top… I slid down his torso.. to get access to his shirt so I could have my feast of his beautiful and chiseled chest….

Of course as usual he just lie there with his eyes closed wearing that face of pure pleasure…. I love on that chest in a frenzied mode…I keep working my way down to the prize… and he hurriedly… pull his pants down over his hips..

I took him in my mouth and suck on him in the same frenzied manner… I was going faster than my usual pace.. and he seems to be thoroughly enjoying it.. I was making slobbering sounds from the excess saliva that was secreted with my rapid pace…

…. kitty was begging to be petted.. and wildly twitching with extreme needs… she was losing control … so to give her what she was needing…

I stopped got out of my undies turned around and sit on him doggie style… kitty was so happy for the attention…. she clenches him in delight…I was slightly on my tippy toes as I started to ride him .. I had both hand on his thighs .. for balance and moving up and down his rock hard man meat…he placed his hand on my hips and each time I come down he would pull me in hard and hold me still for a few seconds as he grind into me..

His actions created a great friction for kitty.. I could feel her climbing closer to climaxing..

It didn’t take her long to explode like dynamite … follow closely by him…don’t know how it did it so fast and so perfect.. but he got me on my knees and finished emptying all his spunk in me…

He continued to hump me until he became too limp to continue..

Kitty was was very pleased with his choice.. because it allow her to reach another sweet climax of ecstasy…which leaves me jerking involuntary… my whole body was affected by the intense orgasm kitty experience…

I was soaked and dripping all over.. it was on the bed running down my legs.. I had no choice but to get up and headed for the shower a second time that morning…

He decided to join me.. and he made attempts .. implying… his needs for a second round.. I was very tempted to give in to his desires..but I had to get going if I was going to make that doctors appointment…. so strange that I was the one that had to get going..

I was very pleased and very happily satisfied that giving him the money was easy… I didn’t think twice about it because I got what I wanted.. and at that moment I would have given him anything he wanted..

He left me with the usual hug and kiss.. thanking me again… and with no reassurance of tomorrow … but I stopped expecting.. stop hoping.. .. I’m just gonna take him..whenever he decided that he wants to see me..

I was too much in a good mood to even feel bad for me…

I wear a smile all the way to the doctor. I had a most grandeur rendezvous with MYLOVELOVE.. kitty started twitching and getting all moist at the thought… and I smile thinking my gynecologist is gonna see kitty in her on mode…

I was glad I made the choice I did… I got exactly what I needed… I decided just to savor the moment and bask in the glory of my short lived happiness..

***********************+++++++************

TO BE CONTINUED…

MY LOVE 😍 LOVE 💕: THE JOY AND PAIN OF A FORBIDDEN LOVE: part 7c

REQUITAL LOVE 💕

I didn’t heard from him all week. I was thinking all kind of negative thoughts. I thought no call… no text. No surprise here… He got the money and some loving, so I’m all forgotten.

With No communication I sarcastically Guess he’s too busy to think of me. I pay big for the lesson .. you can’t buy friendship…I Still means nothing to him, not even as friends. All that speech I gave him about keeping me close only last as long as it takes to get the funds he was after…

By the end of the week I gave up hearing from him…Still nothing from him.. he went silent again… So much for our deal, I thought..I’m the only one that wants friendship so badly that I have to pay for it.

I asked myself…Why do I feel that it is so important to be his friend that I had to pay down on it? Well! It’s obvious that he is not interested in being friends.. The only time he really stop to think of me is when he needs a cash cow… someone to use for his financial needs….

It does still bothers me that to know that he can come and love me like he does and then just walk away without a second thought…. how can a man be that cold that he can separate his feelings from intimacy…

His kisses and his loving tells me some thing completely different ..he gives me his all without reservations…

But.. it’s all a act… and I’m left confused and trying to console myself.. trying to find any little reason to convince myself that he likes me even a little bit….

It didn’t take me too long to resume back to the attitude of letting go… I developed the attitude of “whatever”… It’s been going on so long repeatedly that I kinda got used to his behaviour… I decided to carry on as is and wait until he decided to come looking for me…

I didn’t try to contact or reach out to him like I used to do.. I now know that this is his game… and he will just ignored my text messages.. and I’m tired of feeling rejected by him….

Occasionally when I get up to get ready for work I would send a goodnight text messages.. sometimes I would receive a short response ..and I would smile… but I never tried to start a conversation.. and he never offers…

After a couple weeks have passed.. I began to feel for the need of him.. I was itching for some of his loving and I secretly hope to hear from him… I was more than tempted a few times to reach out as I did in the past.. but I resisted..

I would just indulge in some self love.. while I visualized him making love to me.. and surprisingly it would ease and my pent up raging desires..

Just the thought of him and the memories of our sexual encounters would always heightened my whole body with a deep burning desire that leaves me so stimulated that I couldn’t resist but give kitty some petting to stop her from twitching and pulsating with the wants of him….

To my pleasure and delight.. a couple weeks later…I received a text messages asking me if I had work that night … I responded .. letting him know I did … it was kinda late … just a couple hrs before I had to get up…so him coming by would not be … so when he asked if he can come by.. I simply told him I have to get some sleep for work…

He did not mention any need for money.. and I was puzzled that he wants to come by… just because….I was a little disappointed that I had work…. so much I thought of calling in sick… but I refuse to allow myself to always be at his disposal…

All night I thought of him.. though…my mind and heart and kitty was at war…. and at times I wished I had called off and have him over.. so we could a repeat another night of passion… I had the chance but I blew it…. I knew there might not be another chance again…

I went home next day still with the feeling of regret that I didn’t grab the opportunity to enjoy him one more time… but…he again surprised me with a phone call that day… letting me know that that he was in studio and he was just thinking of me .. he asked how I was doing.. I apologize for the previous night.. and he assured me it was all good … and he will get me next time…

I smiled.. and chuckles a little… I told him I would love that and ask him not to wait too long…. he giggled in humor and promised me that he won’t…

We ended our conversation .. I was left with a very warm feeling that travels to some really interesting places…. I was smiling and hoping that he lived up to his promise.. I again realized that he didn’t asked for any financial assistance… and this pleases me..

Hmm .. could it be that he just wanted to see for sexual favors… is he really wanting me sexually.. without me suggesting it….I laughed out loudly… thinking.. yess … yess.. yesss. He likes me…

The following day I was off and I sit there with sweet thoughts him playing in my mind .. making my heart do somersaults… which sent electrical jolts to travel downwards and stop right between my thighs.. that sent shivers down my spine.. causing kitty to get all excited …

Now with kitty affected .. I was losing control.. so I decided to send him a text with the hopes to convince to come on over and make kitty happy…. I live to please her….

He answers.. I asked him if he okay.. trying to lead up to the point of requesting his presence… but he saved me the effort by asking me if I had work that night… I quickly told him I’m off.. and to my greatest pleasure he invited himself over… without hesitation I excitedly asked him how soon can he get here…

He quickly said.. “ I’m on my way “…

Of course I was overjoyed. And I quickly went took me a shower.. put on my best and sexist negligée… I splashed some nice smelling perfume on.. put on a little lip gloss…. I was just getting my bed all neat and nice when he rang my doorbell….

I went to let him in.. and as soon as I open the door I let out a most joyful squeal and jumped up on him with legs wrapped around his waist and flung my arms around his neck … it took him by surprise that he slightly stumbled and had to step quickly backwards to regain his balance…

I was kissing his face and just hugging him tightly… he jokingly said… easy tigress, let me get inside first.. he walked in closed the door.. with me still clinging to him… he slowly ease me down to the floor.. took my hand in his and ushered me along.. saying ,

“ come on my little vixen….” I giggled 🤭.. and said.. I’m all kinds of exotic animal tonight, eh????!!!He looks down on me.. smiling.. and pulled me to him and whispered in my ear as as kissed my neck..” uhhuh…

I just melt into his arms.. throw my head backwards. Giving him all access to lay his sweet kisses…he gently ease me onto the bed… and I found his lips with mine and kissed him ever fervently . He matches my zealousness… he rolled me over to straddle him as he lay on his back…

I pulled his shirt over his head.. and as he allowed me to he whispered softly.. in his sexy husky voice…love me hun…

I smile at him kiss him again on those voluptuous lips.. he kissed me very intensely as he held the back of my head, running his hand occasionally through my hair as he let out soft moans…

I moved down to his neck …., loving on him as he urges me to….sliding my body to align with his.. as I kissed his neck I gravitate my hips against his hard throbbing bulge… I slid in an up and down motion on that bulge.. as he reached down to caress my buttocks…

It was straining against his pants… so he started to undo his belt.. I slid off the bed.. as he kicked off his shoes… and I helped him out of his pants… I decided to stay where I am .. I kneel on the floor between his legs .. took him in my hand.. as I licked at it slowly.. running my tongue all the way to the shaft and back upward to find the tip again… I used the flat of my tongue to slid a few more times up and down…

He one hand on my shoulder and the next on top of my head… as he was reciting his favorite words of pleasure… shiit .. shitt.. shitt.. ooh yes . Yess . That s it baby…

Next thing I know I was on the bed . As he position me on my knees… he made one fast and hard move and he was inside my dripping soaking wet kitty…,

he pounded me fiercely bringing me to the heights of ecstasy as he pumped me full of his hott spunk… I was flat on my tummy then… with him on my back.. both of us drenched in each other sweat… as we catch our laboring breath….

I jokingly said to him.. “ my lovelove.. that was most invigorating…“

He just responded with a “ yup “…. sounding very proud indeed..

We lay there for few more minutes until we regain normal breathing.. kitty was still twitching a little .. he moved off me and lie on his back.. I turned around and took his hard , move his fingers to touch kitty.. hoping for him to bring her again to an orgasm….

He moved his hand away ever so swiftly.. and said.. “eww…” I laugh and ask him what’s wrong..

He had this look of disgust on his face as he said..

“ hun… that’s sperm.. go get cleaned up…”.. I started to laugh out really hard… as I said to him . It’s your sperm silly… I swiped a little from my legs and teasingly ask him if he wants a taste.. .

His reaction was so humorous… he got up quickly.. pulling me towards the bathroom as I was dying with laughter.. he turned on the shower and said.. “ wash yourself off..”

I couldn’t stop laughing.. I was so tickled…

I came out wrapped in towel.. and saw him smoking a cigarette… looking very relaxed… I sat down beside him.. gently rubbing his beautiful chest with my hand.. I said to him,,

All cleaned”… as I bent to place a few kisses on that irresistible chest… he looked at me and just flashed me a smile… then he did something that really made me blush… he gently touched my cheek .. and softly caress it with the back of his fingers…. I leaned my head onto those fingers.. close my eyes enjoying his touch… I then feel him cup my face with both hand pulling me towards him as he rises his face to meet mine…

He gently kisses me and softly whisperers…

“ I needed that so much… thank you !!!”

I eagerly return his kisses …smile and hugged him to me and he returned my hug with a squeeze …

I was very happy to be with him sharing this tender moment….While he is here with me nothing else or nobody else matters. I savor and enjoy him as much as I can.

Sometimes I can’t believe how much joy I derived from this one guy….

He stayed for most of the night… we made Love again.. and I fell asleep in the crook of his arms.. I woke up cradled by him in a spooning position…

I turn around and wrapped my arms around him and buried my face in his chest as I inhaled his scent and relished his warmth….I woke him up… with my movements and he returned my hug as he apologetically said he has to go..

I reluctantly let him go.. he got up .. got dressed.. as I watched him .. and begging him to stay the rest of night…

He bent over kiss me.. and said he can’t.. I got up and walked him to the door… there he gives me a huge hug , kisses me ever so sweetly.. let me go and whispered.. see you soon…

I watched him drive away.. and I smile with pleasure.. I was beaming with joy.. MYLOVELOVE Came.. stayed a little..loves me a lot… I was again totally in love … and very gratifyingly fulfilled…

*********************+*++++**********

TO BE CONTINUED…..

MY EMOTIONAL AFFAIR: LOVING 🥰 FROM AFAR….part 2…

ON A RAINY SITE….

So my fears and my insecurities were valid….I struggled so much with myself about confronting him about my doubts and my suspicions… and now I’m left wishing I did .. me trying to stay logical and calm .. not wanting to create any negativity…

In my head I was thinking it’s not worth losing this connection with him… I’ll continue conversing normally… I even asked him.. “ baby… please don’t stop loving 🥰 me!!!????”

He replied.. “ I will not baby…!!!”

I thank him for his reassurance and briefly let him know the fears I have been having of losing him and his love….

How I’m wishing I had address my fears at least I would have known why…..no matter how broken hearted it would have left me…

Because…

Yesterday I told him good night. And I leave him alone to sleep… come midnight when it is his morning.. I noticed he’s not online as usual… so I figured he called off work since he hurt his thumb yesterday…

Busted his thumb..

So I decided to wait a couple hours or so to write to him thinking he’s still asleep…

I was still up at 2 am… 9 his time.. and although I still didn’t see his presence online.. I thought I would send him a message before I dozed off…

And to my horror… I realize that my message was not being delivered…so I checked into it.. while becoming frantic with fear that I actually lost him for real…

The next couple of hours I was filled with anxiety.. and a dreadful sense of lost.. my heart was racing and felt like it was wrenched out….knowing I have no way of connecting to him…. I started to panic.. so much that I had to talk myself out of it…

I keep asking myself.. how can he be so mean to me.. why couldn’t he just let me know he lost his desire to stay connected… yes I would be crushed.. to the point of devastation.. but at least I would get to say goodbye ….. I tried to sleep.. but couldn’t.. each time I close my eyes I developed a panic attack… I was up all night.. didn’t exactly know what to do..

I called him straight it went to voice mail. I called him on discord.. I called him .. however fruitless it was… on WhatsApp… I was a complete mess…

I tried to stay calm .. and not going into a frenzy .. my whole world was unraveling… my heart was smashed… I love that man.. I grow so in love with him.. and now I’m gonna lose him… I was so sure…we would never say goodbye….

7 years… talking everyday…. how am I going to get past it.?????

At about 9 am I got a text message from him.. letting me know that he left his phone at home.. I did not reply immediately…

I went on a couple of hours later.. and type his name… his response was so harsh???

“ what??!!!

How could I text you when I didn’t have my phone…”

I was tempted to tell him I know that he actually blocked me….. and I wanna comment on his very angry 😤 attitude… but why add fuel to the flames… so I simply told him that I do understand …meaning… that he left his phone at home….

He was off somewhere.. not responding.. I kinda figured that he’s using a different app to communicate with his new flame… so I continue to write…

“

But maaan..
I was really beside myself.
I really thought you blocked my number”…..

“Baby..
Would you like to stop connecting with me.???!!!..” I asked…

“Tell me honestly if you lost all joy with me…
Would you rather me not communicating so much..

Talk to me baby…
I will understand

We have been together for 6 to 7 years now .
And maybe you no longer see my friendship as needed anymore…

I would very devastatingly crushed but I will understand..

I know you may also have found someone new and much more exciting to communicate with online…

All I’m asking is for you to tell me..

I never wanted to lose you and your friendship.. you are become such an important part of my world..
But I may not be able to give you all the pleasures you need from this connection….

Please talk with me.. because I have noticed how distant you are of late and I felt you drifting away.. and I feel like I’m being a nuisance sometimes….

So please , please baby.. talk to me..

This is all we have between us…”

He came back on half an hour later… and said.. “ you are not…. stop being crazy…”.

He was so evasive .. he didn’t even comment on anything I said…. he purposely avoided it all.. so I just played his game…. and reply quite coyly …

“Okay 👌 baby enough said.. It’s just so many things and thoughts went through my mind this morning.. moving forward…”

He responded with great lack of interest….”💋💋💋”

Those kisses always means that he’s really too busy with something else to be bothered…

I went on to ask about his sore thumb…. it is as if it hurts him to talk to me…

One word.. hurts…he sent e pic of his site… of course it’s the one he took for her…to show her while he communicate at work… she’s getting all my attention that was mine just last week….

I made a couple comments in reference to it… and his response was so evasive.. “ yup”..

SPICY CHICKEN WITH CREAM SPINACH….

He then sent me pics of what he was cooking… and I just played along pretending that everything is the same .. he sent the duration of his preparation with me.. and kept communicating until he finished his last bite…

HIS LAST BITE…

I made a statement that he must be so full and that he needs to fully relaxed because it’s well deserved….. and that was it… he left WhatsApp and never came back on..

About four o’clock.. I sent a goodnight text just to see if he blocked me again or not… I was not… but I know it was just too early for him to sleep.. so I know exactly where he was…

I was hurting so much. So I called everyone that was available to talk with me just so to distract my disturbing thoughts… I could feel the tears threatening to overflow.. but I refuse to give in to them…

He was never mine to have…although I was so enjoying our connection….he’s so cold to me now..I tell myself… I should walk away… but Im going to patiently give me a week or so to figure out my next move…. hopefully by then.. my heart will learn to accept my loss… and hopefully grows a callus…

Gonna miss the color he brought into my life .. but most of all I’ll miss my friend… we are never promised one more day or night…remember baby.. there will never be another you.. another me… another life for us to see…. to give each other all we did…time goes by so fast.. I want to make each moment last…. I wanted to hold on to you.. and show you all that our love 💕 could be…. I can’t and won’t let go so easily… THERE WILL NEVER BE…ANOTHER YOU…ANOTHER ME…

https://music.apple.com/us/album/i-miss-my-friend/1443644667?i=3447056

My heart is breaking.. the tears is unstoppable….

I’m trying so hard to be understanding… trying so hard to hold onto him… but as usual I never learn how to deal with rejection…all of a sudden I’m shy… so afraid of the answers I might get if asked…

I’m trying to give him space… trying to be patience.. but I’m so fearful of the outcome that’s awaiting me…

*********+************++++********

TO BE CONTINUED…..

MY EMOTIONAL AFFAIR: Loving 🥰 From Afar…

BABY…!!!!

Two people cross paths..from two different continent… form a connection.. became friends.. share each other worlds… is it possible this Bond can developed to affect the heart….

I have an emotional affair with such a person… and we have been corresponding for the better part of six years… we talked everyday.. and I looked forward to our conversations…

There is a time difference of 5-6 hours between us … but no matter how busy he is … he always takes the time to respond to me… acknowledging my text messages…

We communicate mostly via text.. and occasionally a video call … he shared his whole world with me.. and try to involved me in his daily life…

Over the years.. I grew more and more attached to him…. and I find that my heart knows no boundaries… there is 4500 miles between us… and although sometimes I want so much to be able to touch him… I find that I can feel his presence just by having him talk to me…

I do admire him for so many reasons.. he always find something to occupy his time.. he’s very resourceful.. very handy.. especially around his house..

He’s generous.. giving.. caring and loving… he has a family.. a wife with two boys … and they all know of me…

He loves to cook.. and he often shares his menu in steps.. he loves music.. and also love to sing along… which he also shares with me..he coaches his sons soccer teams and is very involved…

He goes fishing with friends.. play video games… he is never idle.. and I love him for his versatility… he’s a jack of all trades.. he works in steel construction… and he never misses a day…

He collects swords.. and cars… he loves to take his family to adventurous venues… he a very passionate man… he loves his family… and he says he loves me…which makes my heart sings.. and put a huge smile on my face…

We have been connecting for almost 7 years..and up to this point I was enjoying the daily connection.. and I was so happy 😁 to have someone to talk to…

He included me in his online games.. connect me with most of his buddies on a chat group… and I thought he was just trying to involve me more into his life…

I was basking in the glory of feeling loved and having someone liking my presence…

And out the blues.. I find my feelings escalating… and then my mind started this whirlwind of negativity…

I started to doubt his attention… yes he still acknowledges my text messages…but keeps it limited…he’s distant… he doesn’t talk to me as much…

I’m becoming insecure… suspicious 😒.. jealous… I started to feel unattractive.. ugly… unworthy…

This guy has not given me any necessary reasons to doubt him.. but my heart is telling me that he has found another interest online…and this thought is screaming in my head…so much.. I’m becoming paranoid and anxious…

If I see him online… I tell myself that he is talking to someone else.

But..

Don’t I have a lot of people talking to .. too.. and it’s all innocent… why can’t it be the same with him.???? Why am I allowing myself to create this imaginary rivalry…

I don’t act on my thoughts though.. because I think I’m just being silly .. he is much too far off to be worried about his actions….

He got his life.. and although he chooses to make me apart of his world.. I have no control over him..

I do love him.. and as I have stated.. my emotions have escalated to a higher level.. which is proving very unhealthy…. I’m demanding more of his time… I’m stalking his chat page…I’m becoming more upset to the point of tears…

I’m feeling rejected.. I don’t think he loves me anymore…I think he’s bored 😐 with me… his conversations has become a one syllable word…

He always seems so preoccupied.. I feel like I’m always disrupting him or disturbing him .. he longer shows no interest in what I have to say…of late he seems very distant.. and very evasive..

I tried to be logical and practical .. try to be self analytical… try to be reasonable…

He’s too far away for me to be having these feelings.. and allowing them to affect me to such degree… I try to suppress these negative emotions and brush them away..

I’m behaving as if I can control him and who he chooses to connect with…

I really fear losing his friendship and this bond that we have form.. but I have a strong feeling that it’s coming to an end… and it’s breaking my heart….

The fear of losing him.. is the worst… I know in all practicality I have no choice in this matter… and I refuse to become one of those obsessive connections…. he does still talk to me and every midnight.. his mornings he would always make me know he’s up.. I look forward to his text every night.. but the last two nights.. nothing…

And my overly active negative imagination.. is telling me it’s because he has someone else talking to…

Why am I creating this negative attitude..??? Why am I after all these years.. allowing myself to reach this point…so I’m continuing to connect with him on the same level without revealing my insecurities and my jealousies….

I do realize that I have to back off with my overwhelmed emotions… let him have his fun with his new playmate… I’m just stale right now.. no more joy in me… I have used up my usefulness and longer hold his interest…

How long did I think it would last… it lasted much longer than expected… I shouldn’t forget how I met him.. he was looking for some fun with someone online and I cannot provide this anymore…

We have shared so much over the past years.. how am I going to get past him if he decided to leave… he so much a part of my existence…. I looked forward to connect with him every day…

But I can understand him drifting away.. I don’t have much to offer anymore.. and he stop suggesting or asking…. I can’t compete with anyone else…. I’m too old… he is my only one that is left…

Funniest thing.. I just come across this perfect quote..

“CHANGE NOTHING…. NOTHING WILL CHANGE “….

How ironic is that??… if I don’t rock this boat with my negativity and my insecurities… we will just keep sailing until we get there… I have been on this path for.. six years… what is so different..

And so what if he found someone else to divulge himself in…

I’m not seeing.. and what the eyes don’t see .. the heart won’t leap… he still acknowledges me.. he still answers me.. he is not ignoring me..

He is giving me the same amount of attention.. I’m only demanding more.. and it makes it seem like he is short changing me…

Aaah 😌…

My sweet love 💕….

TO BE CONTINUED…..

MY LOVE 😍 LOVE 💕: THE JOY & PAIN OF A FORBIDDEN LOVE: part 7b

IF YOU LOVE 💗 SOMETHING …LET IT GO… if IT COMES BACK IT IS YOURS…

A few weeks later… I was at work at Walgreens.. apx.. 12:30am … I received a phone call from.. “ MYLOVELOVE”…. I was not expecting to ever hear from him again and I had let go of the thought of him altogether…

But…

Strangely I found I was a little excited to receive this call.. I answered… “ hello??!!”

He started off the conversation by apologizing for not getting in touch with me sooner with the excuse .. that he was super busy .. he went ahead trying to explain everything that he was into… I just listen.. didn’t exactly know what to say… I was kinda speechless..

My manager motion me to get off the phone and get back to work.. so I told him I couldn’t talk because I was busy at work.. and ask him exactly why did he call me…???

I was hoping to hear him say he misses me or he was just thinking of me .. but to my utter disappointment.. he let me know that he needs $200 ..

I quickly told him Don’t have $200 to give.. but if he calls me the next day when I’m off.. we can talk some more if he wants… I hung up feeling really sad.. I was feeling so pleased to hear from him… and I wanted so to believe he misses me some …for him to reach out to me…

His reason for getting in touch after so many weeks of silence… was only for monetary reasons… I thought about him all night.. hurt because of his true reason for reconnecting…. but smiling because I heard from him..

His voice started a reaction of feelings to emerge… and I find myself reminiscing about him and our times spent together in a romantic way… my emotions began to resurfaced.. I still wanted him.. I shuddered with the thought… as I visualized and fantasize about him sexually…

My stimulating thoughts.. sent a ripple of emotions through my whole being.. my adrenaline started to flow releasing endorphins to regions of my loins… leaving me very moist and dripping… with the wants of him …

I was left wishing he call me next day as I asked. Because I wanted him so badly that I think I will use his financial needs once again to get him into my bed… I was yearning for his touch…

I did not expect to hear from him that next day.. but again to my pleasure he surprises me with a follow up call… he again began by telling me how much he is in need of that money and how much he would appreciate my help…

I just shake my head.. sigh 😔!!! To know all he needs from me is my money.. but I’m going play my game of tit for tat… I told him I will give him the money but he will have to wait one week.. and he will have to promise to give me a little of his time…

I thought he would ask me what I meant by that demand.. but he understood exactly what I was demanding from him and he agreed… I did not hear from him all that week.. and I just figured that was it….

I wasn’t in the least surprised and I just brushed it off… hearing from him after six weeks of silence.. triggered off my buried emotions…My feelings have not changed much.. and I found myself getting all excited just talking to him… I still want him and I had anticipated and hoped…he would have stayed in touch…

By the end the week I had fully given up on rekindling any kind of romance with him… I’m only a cash cow to him right now…

I thought I would not be hearing from him again.. but he was more determined and persistent than I have thought… he contacted me again that weekend with his bullshit… about being very busy and exhausted.. and in the same breath asking me if I’m able to assist with the money he requested…

I smile .. and I gave him a little lecture about how he has been treating me.. and told him I would like for him to keep me closer and don’t lose contact with me…. he wasn’t very convincing in his answer.. he said just.. “ yea yea.. I will try.” Very nonchalantly without any conviction..

He again asked me,” so can you help me out.?” I told him yes.. but he again will have to wait another week… I really just wanted to string him along to see exactly how far he was willing to go with this …

I heard from him everyday the following week… and it pleases me to see that he was at trying to keep his end of our bargain…

Come Friday though he didn’t fail to once again remind of my promise and asked if I will be able to fulfill it.. I felt he earned it by his diligence of keeping contact all week… so I told him to come get it that next day….

I had to work .. and he texted me to find out if I was available for him to come by.. I didn’t get that text until I was on break.. he had tried a couple more times .. I guess he thought I was ignoring him.. so he wrote one last time.. saying..

“So now you don’t want to text me back???.”

I was amused with his attitude… he thought I was blowing him off and trying to get out of giving him the money I promised…. I decided not to answer him until I get home.. I wanted him to stew for a bit..

When I got home that evening I sent him a text letting him know I was at work but I’m home now.. so if he so anxiously wants the money he can come over to get it..

He response was quick.. but he informed me that he doesn’t have a ride to come by… but he really needs that $200… I asked him to let me know when he will be able to… and he in turn said.. “ he’s working on it..

I heard from him on Sunday 4:34 pm… “what u doing 2nit?” I was getting ready to get my nap … because I had work that night…

I was happy to hear from him and I was in a playful mood and so I replied, “Thinking of doing you.. “

He sent a LOL… and said that he is on his way.

So I decided to take an early shower just in case I got lucky…. I was a little excited to see him.. and I find myself anxious awaiting his arrival…

When he finally arrived.. I open the door with the brightest smile… I greeted him a shy hello.. and even though I wanted so much to hug him I resist the urge and invited him in..

He followed me as I leaded the way to my bedroom…

I know he really came for the money but just to see him and having him this close after six long weeks I would give him anything.

All my attempts to forget him.. all my promises to let go of him… all the feelings I have pushed aside and suppressed… were no longer in effect..

Just the sight of him… just having him here with me.. it’s like the last six weeks never happened… and all that matters is this burning sweet sensation that fill me with raging desires that causing great havoc to my thoughts and body..

I sat beside him on my bed… he was talking.. but I didn’t hear anything he was saying… my hands were trembling with this strong compulsion to touch him… but I was afraid he no longer find me sexually appealing…

I wanted so much to kiss him and love on him but I hesitated because I was not too sure he wanted that, but he seems to sense my desire because he started to kiss me and oh boy I will never forget the way he kiss me that night. It was with a great urgency, deep and ever so passionate. I felt like he actually misses me. I was back in love all over again. we fell back onto the bed and I slowly ease off his shirt and got my hearts desire… i was loving and devouring that beautiful chest of his.

He lie there and allowed me to… As I got lost in loving him…as my desires rises sending a jolt of this sweet sensational emotions that rushes through my being heightening my every senses….

I was in a different world. He took me to heights and places I have never been before..He loves me that night like never before and he hugs me so tightly. He came back and rocks my world…

He stayed with me until I was ready to go to work .. I didn’t sleep a wink. But I was so energized.. his most passionate lovemaking left me On a high… I was feeling like he likes me.

My heart was back again on a roller coaster .And with all this affection that he gives me; I was still doubtful and unsure of him..I know I can never hold on to him or command his attention more than just a moment…

He may disappear until he needs financial help again…

I got ready…gave him the $200.00. He drops me at work leaves me with a chups.. I was smiling all night so full of joy. My heart was singing…MYLOVE-LOVE came back to see me and gives me some good, good loving…

and although he had ulterior motives and his monetary needs was the main reason…

that loving he gave me was worth every penny (the money )… I may have paid him to … but I definitely got my money’s worth…

********************++++++++*********

TOBE CONTINUED……

FOR THE LOVE 💕 OF A FRIEND:

FAMILIES DON’T HAVE TO BE BLOOD RELATED….

https://www.gofundme.com/f/24pvza38pc?sharetype=teams&member=5683402&utm_medium=copy_link&utm_source=customer&utm_campaign=p_na+share-sheet&rcid=104191546074448e904da4b99959f4df

I’m running a GoFundMe campaign for a friend who is in desperate need….

I feel very compassionate towards this friend and would love to be of help… since I can’t afford to on my own..

I thought I would try this platform for helping me help him…

Please click on the site and read his story… and hopefully you will empathized with his situation. Too….

MY LOVE 😍 LOVE 💕: THE JOY & PAIN OF A FORBIDDEN LOVE: part 7

A STORY OF PLAYING THE COUGAR WITH A VERY UNEXPECTED TURN… ##########################################

I WILL LOVE YOU 😍 ALWAYS…..

I went through the next few weeks like a zombie. Missing MYLOVE-LOVE. Work hold no appeal and no joy for me anymore… my days were empty..I didn’t realize until then just how much him being there daily hugely impacted my attitude…

There was no sunshine … everything seems dim… I went though my emotions quietly… I would be in a daze sometimes looking off in space visualizing him being there.. reflecting on the last months .. remembering how my eyes could find him anywhere he was.. and how my heart would flutter at the sight of him… putting a bright smile on my face which leaves me gleaming with joy…

These last weeks has been long as I suffer in silence… he was a main subject of conversation.. everyone has something to say about him .. I would mostly just listen… I found out that he has been talking to Veronica.. she even boastingly said that she was the first person he called.. he seems to have spoken to everyone else too….

I was so crushed to know that he didn’t value me enough to even answer my text messages .. he doesn’t even acknowledge me… and I question this…why have he shut me out..??? Why am I Not important enough to him????.. Why was it ok to talk to everyone else and not me? After all the times we spent together and the intimate moments we shared.. I thought we were close enough fo me to deserve some acknowledgement….I thought we were at least friends…

It hurts to be ignored…

I received a small text from the second week… “what’s up stranger???!!”.. ..

I was so delighted to see that text from him.. I sent him a reply asking him if he’s okay.. and inquire what’s been going on with him… but to my great disappointment he never continued the conversation…

I started to come with terms that I’m never going to see him again… I was still missing him something awful… and although I felt I wasn’t ready to let him go.. I decided to accept my fate…. it saddens me to know that I meant zero to him.. and all those nights spent together in the most intimate ways….meant absolutely nothing…

His oldest daughter had an up coming birthday and I had purchased some little Knicknacks for her… I thought … I still would love to get them to her…

I tried to contact him to let him know and asked him via text messages… to come and get them… he did not respond immediately but I got a text from him later on …letting me know that he wants them and he will come to pick them up…

He never did..

A couple days later, I tried to call him to find out when is he coming to get the gifts.. . As much as I wanted to talk to him… I had lost interest because of his cold behavior… he answered.. then hung up suddenly… I couldn’t believe he did that.. I told myself…

“ that’s it.. I’m done.. with him …”

He was so cold and so mean and I was so hurt thinking I didn’t mean much to him for him to ignore me and refuses to talk to me.. He tries to call me later that day, I did not answer… I was still upset with him hanging up on me.. And then he sent me a text that…

Letting me know that his phone died.. and that was the reason the phone call ended.. I did not believe his lame excuse… so I did not respond to him…

I decided to give up trying to contact him… seeing that he obviously not interested to hear from me… I decided to get in touch with one of his buddies to ask to be an intermediary and get the gifts to him..

This friend… David came.. collect the gifts I had and promised to pass it on to him…. I went ahead to send him a text… informing him that I gave the gifts to David and he should collect them…

He answered me to let me know that him and David were no longer friends… oops… David did not disclose this information to me… I apologized.. and I called David to return the items… I just thought his daughter won’t get her birthday presents in this case..

A few days later MYLOVELOVE Calls me … I was a little surprised to hear from him…I answered .. he started off the conversation asking me why I didn’t just gave the gifts to Veronica.. I became very belligerent . I was very upset that he even considered this possibility…

I just tell him that .. not to worry about the damn gifts.. and him and Veronica can go to hell and hang up on him…. I was so mad.. what was he thinking…!??? I was hurt too to know that he’s still seeing her…and he couldn’t even talk to me on the phone….

Shouldn’t he know how I feel for him? Was he so blind to my feelings…. I was so hurt and so upset That day it brought tears to my eyes… .

I was thinking, how could I mean so little to him, Even though we could not be in a true relationship…I thought at the least we were friends.. How wrong I was to even think this was possible..

my emotions for him was still very strong and way more than I would care to admit… I decided not to text or call anymore and to just Leave him, be…. . I’m still missing him but it doesn’t make sense wanting someone who doesn’t return your feeling… so I will try to put him out of my mind and heart…

***************+++++++***************

TO BE CONTINUED…

MY LOVE 😍 LOVE 💕: THE JOY & PAIN OF A FORBIDDEN LOVE… part 6c

SOME PEOPLE ARE MEANT TO FALL IN LOVE..BUT… NOT MEANT TO BE TOGETHER…

I began to see him in Veronicas presence again… my heart sank.. I thought we were getting closer at one point.. he would playfully tease her as he passes by her… which sent a jolt of jealously through me… it would leave me so furious.. . That it brought tears to my eyes in anger…

I was a complete mess.. this should have been enough for me to walk away from him…but instead I still try to talk to him..

I was a fool for this cold. Aloof and inconsiderate guy… and with my knowledge of this.. I still longed for his touch.. his kisses and his loving…

It was a Saturday in April I got a phone call from him….asking for $40.00. My first reaction was no way… but I do wanted to see him.. I so want to be with him… so I thought… it’s a way to get to see him…. so I asked him…

“And what do I get in return for giving you this money MYLOVELOVE…..”

He asked me what do I want…???? So I told him.. “ you”…

Surprisingly.. he agreed.. so I excitedly tell him to come and get it….

And he did…

He walked in .. and I led him straight to my bedroom….I immediately started to seduce him and he allows me to… he stayed a couple of hours with me.. he fulfilled his end of the bargain.. and he gave me what I requested..

Although I instigated most of our love making.. he had no objections… and he loved me just like he always does.. I fully enjoyed our little session…I felt really good to be with him again…and while I was lying in his arms and enjoying his delicious kisses .. everything was perfect…

I gave him the $ 40 like I promised as he was leaving…he left me with a bear hug and a kiss.. and promise that he will stay in touch…

After he left I felt a bit foolish because I let myself be used by him…but I console myself by thinking that….seeing him and getting to love on him was all worth it. I was hoping that he didn’t think himself a gigolo and that I paid him to have sex with me….

Because…

That was exactly what it boils down to … I exchanged sex for money… was I so desperate for him that I allowed myself to stoop to such level.. it made all the sense in the world and I thought I was being clever and sneaky…

I took the time to wallow in the joy I got from being with him… but as usual it was short lived..

I made myself a promise that I will never again do that…. hmm 🤔…

I suspect the money was for veronie birthday. and even when its hurts my feelings…. I tried to justify my actions… telling myself again that it feel good to know he needs me for something and stupid old me thinking if I am kind to him I will win his loyalty and he will remains friends with me always…

I’m hoping I was right about this… I really want to be right…

That following Monday We worked the same shift. It was only a hour into the shift when he walked passed the front end and headed outside accompanied by one of the managers….. his demeanor was very stern… and even though he had to pass my register… he didn’t even glance at me..

The manager walked back in a few minutes later without him… I had a sinking feeling.. something wasn’t right…

I know he had an incident in the parking lot a few days before.. involving a customer.. he had accidentally hit her car with the shopping carts… she complained and he was up for reprimanding..

Could it be that they dismiss him because of the accidental incident..???!!! I tried to find out what happened with him and was told…. that he got fired…

I became so emotional.. my mind was in a whirlwind… my thoughts was going berserk… apart from being sad that he loss his job… I was selfishly thinking about us.. and losing contact with him… how am I going get through my days without his presence????!! My only connection with him is here at work…

I tried texting him to find out from him directly what went wrong…. he just completely ignores me… I got no response… this makes the more afraid and scared that I’m losing him… for the rest of the day I lost complete focus on everything.. I had to force myself to concentrate …

If only he answered me… it would ease my mind a little thinking that I won’t lose contact with him.. but he just ignored me totally…

I was in a melancholy mood all day..the end of the shift could come fast enough.. I got home and I tried to make contact again.. still nothing… I became overly anxious accepting the fact that I have lost him for good…

I lie there sobbing into my pillows.. crying for a love that was never mine…

**************++++++*************+++*********

TO BE CONTINUED…..

THE WORLD OF WARSHIPS…. THE MIMP REBELS CLAN:

LET’S BATTLE IT OUT!!!!!LET THE GAME BEGINS!!!!!

Naval battles .. check out this YouTube video to connect to the site.. and see live videos of the battles fought…

https://www.youtube.com/c/ClementArjanZwaans1973

I would like to introduce you to this online game of war…. Naval Battles…played amongst friends and teammates….

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=p5YsZn8VIOE gewoon even gejat.7:4.

Watch this awesome video of introductions

It was created to emulate the simulation in the replica of warships fought in the 1900 to 1950 era… battles are fought in the same manner…. each player is the captain of his own vessel.. and can battle in a group /team of 7- 12 players .. or play individually…

The ships comes in tiers.. there are 10 tiers total…Most are real ships that existed up to tier 8, then it’s mainly paper ships. (That is ships that was designed but never built.. ) It’s about that ship you choose. For instance If you own a T2 ship and T10 ship in your port…If You choose the T2 ship to battle with you will be match with other T2 ships.

After T3 you can only be matched with ships 2 above or 2 below you. So a T8 ship can be mached up with T6 to T10 ships. But a T6 ship matches up with T4 to T8..

When battling with a team. The crew Usually consists of something like 1 CV (aircraft carrier), 2-3 battleships, 3-4 cruisers and 3-4 destroyers per team. They all work together to conquer and be victorious in a battle….

you have a lot of different choices and areas to choose from.. and as you get advanced with XP( experiences points)…. and learn more about how the wars of battle is played.. you will excel to own your line of fleet consisting of your choice of ship tiers.. . But this only comes with battle.. so the more battle fought the faster you move up to the next level…

When playing the game there are things to think about like angling, positioning, what type of ammo to use etc.. all this you will learn as you get into the game…

There are 3 main modes.of battles, co-op, a team of human players Vs AI( the computer), 12 on each side.. And missions that are small teams of players against a scenario..

A scenario is usually a historical battle or one that is made up by one or more players..

The winners an losers of each battle.. earn rewards… known as XP(experience points)… oil or steel… which allows you to upgrade and build structures..You can also buy very specific and stronger ships from that….

you can and is allowed to purchase ships of different tiers to add to your inventory….the complete fleet has four different types of ships…destroyers, cruisers, battleships and aircraft carriers.

All in all…It’s a very entertaining and enthusiastic game.. full of action…. and great firing skills…sharp eyes and quick reflexes…which requires great strategic planning and thinking… each play has to use tactics and knowledge to be able to conquer their opponents..

The knowledge of the navy and ships are a plus.. because it will allow you to understand quickly .. enabling you to advance at a quicker rate…

The mimp ( misfits impossible) Rebels…are recruiting anyone who would love to join up with them.. this team was form and created by some amazing Dutch guys… they are really great team players.. very jovial.. and play just for fun and relaxation..

It’s international and new members are always welcome from all over the world… the diversity is very welcome Because each person brings their own experiences and add their expertise… which only serves to strengthen the “MIMPS REBELS..”

These guys make a great team and would like to expand and build their clans.. they do have a high winning ratio… most of the members rank very high in their conquests…. they have remarkable skill in combat and knows how to maneuver the ships to defeat their enemies….

They are willing to teach every new members to the fullest…all you need is a passion for war games and a great persona for having fun… everyone is a winner in this game…

new members however has to start off slow…you’ll be advised not to…buy a premium ship … first thing off …as you need to learn the game first. The American line is the best line recommended to start on as it is well rounded, good at everything but not excellent at anything. Watch YouTube videos on the game and just have fun.

This is a very prominent member “ BLACKJACK” he post videos of the battles to his Facebook page.. he will be very willing also to answer any and every queries… he also stream the naval battles live on “TWITCH “…..

https://www.facebook.com/blackjackgames

The DISCORD APP.. is use as the platform to create the community for all members…this is where all battles take place…

The rebels.. also created a group chat for their clan to allow the opportunity to communicate .. they are hoping to form a family like environment.. where everyone can share and connect with each other… it’s another community platform with a more personal effect..for “ The Mimp Rebels”…

This chat group comes with perks… such as.. you get to Share stuff, bounce ideas of people and you can get clan bonuses, like misfits give you 4% commander bonus XP per battle and 10% reduction in servicing your ship (so you get more credits basically). That bonus differs between clans as you need oil to upgrade the clans base, which you get by playing the game…..

It is worth checking out if interested in online navel battles…you can watch some of the battles on the YouTube link.. or watch it live with blackjack on FB…

Have fun… playing or watching…and don’t forget to sign up with these awesome guys at “THE MIMP REBELS “… they will love to have you aboard….

MY LOVE 😍 LOVE 💕: THE JOY & PAIN OF A FORBIDDEN LOVE: part 6b

After our latest rendezvous… and he blurting out unintentionally that he loves me… I started to have a little hope about us…

He was a little more attentive and even sent me a few text messages just to say hi…. I was sure he was liking me some… I carry a delightful smile all week … feeling connected to him…

The following Wednesday , he asked me if I could babysit his three kids for him. I accepted because apart from getting a chance to be with him I love his babies.

So he picked me up before he had to leave for work….and took me over to his place… I spent the evening with them telling stories fix them dinner…and trying to entertain them…..they were good.. and well behaved…

It was an early day for him.. he walked in.. . And I was as happy as the kids to see him…He was a bit distant as usual. But I figured he was just tired….

He took his son, helps him with his homework .. I sat there looking at him in admiration and adoration… he was so dedicated to his kids… he then went to lie down and soon fell asleep. I let him sleep knowing that he must be drained and exhausted after a long day at work…

I give the kids their baths and got them into bed…after they were all asleep… I went and gently lie next to him . I was still dressed … as I cuddled up next to him just to feel his warmth…

I wasn’t expecting for him to want anything sexual.. I was trying to be understanding … I didn’t forget the last time I was here with his kids present….and how I had behaved and reacted…

Even though just being with him causes provocative stimulating reactions… I refuse to act on them.. I guess I dozed off snuggled up to him…

Because I was awoken by him Into the night … he was tugging at my jeans… He tries to love on me but he stopped when I asked him if he’s sure he wants to with the kids here…. he simply answered.. yes you are right…!!

He then instructed me to take off my clothes and get comfortable and get back in the bed… I got up do as he asked.. brush my teeth .. and went back to join him… he held up the covers for me to get under and I do so willingly…

He hugged me close… kiss me and said.. “thank you “…. I smile and nodding affirmatively.. and replied causally..

“ you are welcome MyLoveLove….”

I knew he meant staying with his kids for him… we fell asleep like that till morning when I feel him jerking me awake.. I open my eyes and he asked me if I could get the kids up and get them ready.. I happily obliged…

I got up and he playfully slap me on the butt.. I jumped not expecting it.. gave out a little squeal.. ..turn to him and push at his shoulders giggling.. he fell back onto the bed.. pull the covers over himself and said..

“ wake me up when they are ready to go.. “ I just shake my head…

I got the kids up.. help them get dressed…. fixed them breakfast.. and while they were eating he walked into the kitchen asking if we are ready to go…

I went to collect my belongings and a few minutes later we were on our way.. he dropped the kids to school before he took me home…

He thank me again and said he appreciates me… and let me know that the kids like me and always ask for me..

I was very tickled to learn this.. and I smile saying.. “that’s good.. I love that they like me “…

As I watched him drive away… I was feeling very good about spending the night with him.. and even better.. sleeping in his arms without having sex.. just like an old couple I thought….

We did not see each other for the next couple of weeks, except at work. He did not have too much to say and ignored me for most part. He was back to be his old self.. I was a little confused .. but learning fast to accept him as is… I realize he only used me at his convenience… it hurts me to know this but I know I do allow him to..

Although I was feeling broken up and wanted more I know that we weren’t really together and that he doesn’t like me like that. But I took consolation to be able to see him daily it gives me some joy. I tell myself….Just seeing him was enough to make me happy.

But…

It was far from the truth…

**********++++*********++++*********

TO BE CONTINUED…..

MY LOVE 😍 LOVE 💕: THE JOY & PAIN OF A FORBIDDEN LOVE.. part 6…

I tried to avoid him and leave him alone as much as I could.. but seeing him everyday and interacting with him work wise was not helping…

With broken-hearted … my feelings really crushed… and my decision to end our secret affair.. I began to play his game….ignoring him.. I still couldn’t get pass just how cold he is towards me… after all those nights of sweet passionate love making…

How can he be so distant and so mean to me in public.. but.. behind closed doors … he is so damn loving and sweet and warm… he is always so receptive and giving of himself fully and completely…

How can he separate his feelings from sex…??? And how can he look at me and completely forget our nights of passion…

Anyways….. I’m done…

I noticed that he was not around Veronica too much either… and curiosity got the best of me.. so I asked her what was happening between them… she tells me that he was very mean to her without giving details…. and that she’s no longer with him..

I had mixed emotions… because I could see just how hurt she was… and it pains she to see her experiencing such heartache… I want so much to be able to comfort her… but I just didn’t know how.. without putting him down.. which I know I couldn’t…

I was still so infatuated to the point of being in love with him.. so much that I was blinded to his faults… I still hold him in high esteem and he was still this perfect awesome amazing guy in my eyes…

With this this new founded knowledge.. of their separation…my feelings began to resurfaced and got renewed. I became more receptive to his smiles and started to seek him out again to talk to him but kept it causal… I still haven’t forgotten what he had said about us not in a relationship…

I was regretting agreeing to the terms of our relationship.. I didn’t know how to change it.. didn’t know how to confess my true feelings because truth be told….my feelings and desires for him is far from being causal…

I thought I was able to have a sexual affair without getting my heart involved… little did I know.. I have no control over my heart… and my mind was confused… the heart wants what it wants… and it wants him…

Within a week after that incident..

I was on my way to Walgreens .. my first job… when I got a unexpected text from him…

“I am at home can u come by 2nit.” ????……

I was kinda surprised.. but pleased at the same time… I responded letting him know I was on my way to work…. he was very understanding and implied there will be a next time…

I would have love to be able to go over and It made me realized just how much I still want to be with him.. as much as I tried to suppress my feelings and try to move beyond him…one little text from him undo all my efforts and put me right back to where I was..

I didn’t correspond with him for the next few days… but that text keeps playing in my mind… it had been on my mind constantly and I thought I blew a chance to be with him… I really doubted that he would ever repeat that request..

Thinking of him this much only allowed my feelings to intensify to the point of making my urges and my desire grew so strong is became unbearable….

I finally gave in to my feeling and decided to send him a text…asking him to include me on his agenda for that day.

I know it was suggestive but I was itching to be with him. And nothing beats a try but a failure…so I thought I’d asked. To my surprise.. he responded…

he said he was going to be busy but he’ll see what’s up later. …

It sounds promising but I was not convinced that there will be a later… I was kinda disappointed but pleased that he responded to me…

I had completely given up on hearing from him..but to my surprise and total pleasure he called apx. 8pm …. I eagerly and promptly answered…

he let me know had somewhere to go at midnight but he can see me until then if I still want to come over… I let him know that I would love to come and spend the time him… so I got ready and headed over….

I was very nervous with anxiety…. it’s been a while since our last rendezvous… as usual my heart was beating hard against my chest… I had butterflies in the pit of my stomach…and my knees feel like jelly…

I got to his door and knock timidly…GOD! …… When he opens that door, he was the most beautiful sight I ever behold. That smile, that face, that man, that beautiful and gorgeous man, I smile ever so pleasingly…because I have longed and yearned to be with him these last few weeks and here I am, ….finally. …..and with heart racing and hands shaking just to touch him .. it takes all my control not to jump on him, Instead…

I sat down beside him. He was watching a program on the TV… and We sat there trying to focus on it… I was finding it hard to …and I keep stealing glances at him willing him to instigate and initiate some form of physical contact…

He must have sense my desire, or read my mind…because he said,

, “What you came for, to watch T.V.? “

He did not have to say another word..that was my cue. With his permitted invite….I immediately start to kiss him. I love kissing these lips… his kisses set fire to my whole being….to ignite that burning desire in my loins…

I love on him like I was hungry; I couldn’t get enough of him. He matches my intense urges with his.. he was like a man possessed … he quickly got out of his clothes and helped me out of mine.. and as he continued to bathe me in his kisses … he guided me under him.. as he find his way in my soaking wet and supple kitty…

I wrapped my legs around his hips and heist my buttocks to meet his thrusts..

I could feel him swelling up to burst inside me.. just as I was getting ready to explode with sweet ecstasy…

He screams.. “ ooh shitt.. ooh shitt… ooh shiiiittt..!!!!!! As he made one last deep thrust and stopped as he empties in me… he made a few more small thrust as sweats washes his whole body… that he became so slippery…… I lie under him completely satisfied as I feel his results of his most arduous loving dripping down my legs..

He gently pulled out and it gushes out… I got up and pulled him up with me.. leading him to the showers…. we got in.. I lathered him up as he lean against the wall so exhausted from our session…

He had his back against the wall standing there with his head thrown back resting on the wall … his eyes were closed.. and his body limp and fully relaxed as if he was about to doze off… the shower was beating against my back splashing onto him … causing ripples of droplets cascading down his chest…I continued to soap his chiseled chest.. I couldn’t resist but to place small kisses on it.. I moved Down to his belly button.. and focus a little in that area.. I was stooping at this point..

I was so busy enjoying the taste of him .. getting all stimulated that kitty was twitching and getting all moist… when I felt him poking my chest.. I stopped .. glanced up on his face and he was looking down at me with a devilish smile and pleasure in his eyes.. I squinted with a silly smile.. shaking my head… and then I chuckled mischievously…

He then placed his hands on my head and motion me to his bulge…I obliged his request and take him in my mouth..after only a few moments he picked me up to a standing position and place me to face the wall.. he placed his right hand on my belly pushing my buttocks in a upward position.. that I ended up on my tippy toes.. and leaning forward holding on to the walls for support…

He kept his hand where it was offering some balance.. as he slowly but swiftly enters me… with the shower falling on us .. he gave me one of the most memorable sexual experiences we have had..

We finished with a blast.. shower and headed to the bedroom where he helped me to towel off and I helped him in return… I asked him if he would like a massage but he apologetically refuses saying he has to get going…

We both got dressed and he took me home.. kissed me and said. “ love you “… I looked at him quizzically… smile but didn’t make a comment… I walked away from him .. thinking…

“Was that for real…or was it a slip of the tongue ?…..

I thought the latter… but…

His lovemaking was so good. He made love to me like he means it and I enjoyed every single minute of him. I left him very pleased and happy. I secretly hope that he was actually liking me .. I want him to so much to…

When I’m with him ….I find that I don’t have much to say …I just tried to enjoy him and every moment I have with him… there is never the promise of tomorrow.. so I just live in the moment…..

I’m still left with wanting more of him…and I hope that another chance arises soon… and until that opportunity comes around… I will just be waiting ever so impatiently….

*****+***************************+++**********

TO BE CONTINUED……

MY LOVE LOVE: THE JOY & PAIN OF A FORBIDDEN LOVE 💕…..part 5c

That week went by with me living in hopes of the next time, seeing him daily would caused rushes of emotions that run through my whole body.. it was a sweet sensation that leaves me shivering ….

He would occasionally flash me his mischievous smile as he passes me by… and I would be filled with a warm feeling that makes me blush knowing we shared this secret love affair…

I was feeling so good with his attentions and was so consumed in my feelings for him.. that I didn’t even stop to think of Veronica until I saw her one morning all sad…

I went over to find out what’s was causing her sadness… she was very reluctant to talk to me so I asked her if it’s anything to do with him.. She angrily said she doesn’t want to talk about him…

He happens to pass by then and came over to try to talk to her.. without even acknowledging me…she angrily walked away and he follows her… I watched as she flashes off his touch.. I was getting jealous just watching their interactions… and even though it was obvious a lovers fight.. I wish We as could be as open with our relationship…

I didn’t follow through on figuring out Veronica woes.. I thought it’s best I just leave them alone… I was too emotionally invested in him.. and I didn’t want our secret affair be revealed…

I decided to stay focused on my plans to create another rendezvous… I made up my mind not to allow their relationship to interfere with this secret sexual affair we have between us…

that following Tuesday I was off… and I knew he was too … so I decided to text him asking what’s he doing? He replies that he is at his aunt birthday party.

An hour after I surprisingly receive A call from him asking me if I could come over…, I quickly.. without hesitation said..” I will be there “…

I was so pleased.. and ecstatic that he invites me over….I anxiously get ready and excitingly hurry over to his place..

As soon as I arrived…he pounced on me… he was undressed down to his undies… he started to kiss me ever so hungrily… pulling at my clothes frantically in urgency…….. I join his enthusiasm and quickly got out of them.. as soon they fall to the ground.. he pushed me onto the bed .. help me get on my knees and thrust his hard rock cock in… he began to pump and thrust hard and fast.. and within minutes he blew his spunk filling me up.. that it dribble down my legs…

I lie on my stomach and he stayed on top still inside me… he kissed me on the cheeks and said “thank you , I needed that. “…. he then roll off my back onto the bed… I turned around.. and said…

“ ooh boy.. that was intense…” he looked at me and just smile.. I could feel kitty soaking wet and spilling out… I got up headed in the bathroom and took a quick shower to clean up….

He was lying on his back.. all naked.. I got a wet rag and decided to clean him up a little… he began to get stimulated again from my touch… and I continued to play with him…

I want to get him all excited.. and I decided to try the eatable chocolate that we didn’t get to on valentines….I placed it all over his chest down to his hard cock.. and I started to lick and lap it up.. I started on his chest.. paid a little attention to his nipples.. nibbling and sucking lightly… and work my way down…

oooh maan !!!! Did he love me eating and licking it off his chest …. he was getting impatient for me to reach the prize… and he grab hold of my head and try to guide me to it… I resist at first but he became forceful in an urgent manner so I obliged and began by taking him slowly in my mouth and slowly back out.. enjoying the taste of the chocolate… I licked until it was all gone..

I gobbled up every last drop… he was very excited by then. And he pulled me on top of him and I straddled him.. as he gently enters me… with his hand on my hips.. he raises his …up and down as I ride him.. I was feeling an orgasm building as I clench and grip him with his every thrust….it didn’t take us long to reach our goal…we cum with a blast…

I was quivering and shaking with ecstasy… as he watched me… smiling proudly.. he ease me off onto the bed..and got up and went to take a shower… I. Decided to join him seeing that I was also sticky from the chocolate….

We came out .. get dressed causally… and headed to the kitchen… He mentioned he was hungry so I fixed him something to eat…. we watched a little tv.. and I sat there quietly with his head in my lap.. thinking.. this is what couples do..???

We headed back into the bedroom.. and I wanted more loving.. but he didn’t seem interested so I just follow his suit and just lie there beside him..wrapped up in his warm arms…I again spent the night with him..

I left him that morning.. thinking how he took me to places and heights I have never been… we had a good time together. And sexually we were enjoying each other…

Every time with him seems to be better and better. I was falling deeper and deeper for him. What was I doing? How am going to get out of this? The more I see and the more time spent with him the more I want him. My feelings were getting entangled into a causal affair that has no future… but.. I decided to enjoy him for as long he allows me to…

I was starting to get confident and assurance that he likes me some…he couldn’t love on me like he does without liking me… I keep telling myself..

So…

The following week I asked him if I can come over.. thinking he won’t refuse me… but..to my surprise and disappointment …

. He started to tell that I’m acting like we are in a relationship and to remember that we are only friends with benefits. I fell silent and suddenly became embarrassed.. I felt very awkward…

Without another word I walked away… I just didn’t know how to respond to him.. he was right… and even though it hurts me to hear him say it .. I did agreed to causal no relationship status…

The next few days I just do what he does.. ignore him pretend that I didn’t feel anything for him… I decided to give him up.. and stop playing this game with my heart… he made it clear that it’s never going to be any more than just sex…

We have had enough… I got much more than I ever thought possible.. so here and now I tell myself.. it’s over….

*********************************************

TO BE CONTINUED…..

MY LOVE LOVE: THE JOY & PAIN OF A FORBIDDEN LOVE…. part 5b

……,And so I got one more time to spend with MYLOVE-LOVE {. I COULDN’T BELEIVE MY LUCK}

As I stand there waiting for him to answer the door my mind was whirling with thoughts of being in his arms…

Finally he opened the door.. and I was so amazed just how gorgeous he looked… he was shirtless and his chiseled chest was so inviting…

He greets me with a kiss on the cheek.. took my hand and led me to the bedroom… he jumped on the bed and patted it beside him signifying suggestively for me to join him…

….he was lying there looking so good and sexy just waiting for me. I obliged eagerly… and I hugged him as I joined him pressing into his chest… stroking it very tenderly as I start to put butterfly kisses all over that gorgeous chest…

He had just taken a bath … he smells so fresh and feels so cool and extra good. I enjoyed the taste of him as I inhaled his scent getting lost in the moment…

he immediately started to kiss me, and his kisses sent warmth to every crevices of my body…he felt so good and smell so delicious, as I continued to love on his most beautiful chest.. moving downward… slowly kissing and loving on his perfect body…..

He was lying there softly moaning with pleasure… as I fumbled with his pants I looked up at his face.. he had his eyes closed and when I stopped and prompted him to lift his hips so I could slide them off he opened them and preceded to help me discard it…

He kicked them off… and resumed his position…

I had bought a vibrating toy for sexual pleasure and I had it with me.. I mentioned it to him…and asked him if we could try it and play with it….surprisingly he was all gamed,

He said “let’s play” I got it out .. showed it to him.. he was very amused and eager to try it… and so the games began..and play we did.

We had some fun playing with our new toy.. and we made love over and over and over until we were both spent from exhaustion… his love making was very intense… tender and loving…

We lay there beside each other… catching our breath and just savoring the moment… he looked at me smile.. quickly jumped up.. tower over me…placed a playful kiss on my mouth , nibbled my neck with small kisses and asked me if I wanted something to drink..

I merely giggled in amusement at him and nodded… he went off to the kitchen as I lay there wondering if he’s starting to like me … I couldn’t get this smile off my face.. I was so exhilarated thinking of the way he just love on me….

He came back in and handed me a glass with drink.. and lie down watching me… I finished my drink…move over next to him .. he had his hand behind his head. And he removed one and pulled me into him…

I just nestled happily up next to him.. he then pulled the cover over us…I wanted to get up and take a shower but I didn’t want to leave the comfort of his warmth…I was enjoying him much too much… and refused to lose this connection .. I just didn’t want it to end…

He then started to talk about his childhood… I quietly listened not saying much.. I just lie there in awe of him.. I must have dozed off and snoring because I was awaken by him holding my nose… I looked up at him… and he just tweaked my nose again.. and said .. “ let’s sleep… “

I responded by turning around and let him spoon me and hold me closely to him.. he placed his cheek on my head.. and I heard him sigh.. ever so pleasingly… I smile and reached for his hand that he had wrapped around me and kissed it as I wrapped it more tightly around me….

I again spent the night next to him and in his arms… I was in glory land. Being with him gives me so much joy. I get a surge of happiness I never before experience.

The more times I spent with him the more I feel for him.. and the more I want him.. and I hoped it means that he was liking me some.

We woke up and made love a couple of times before we both got up and took a needed shower….

I left him that morning very happy and fulfilled… I was on cloud nine… but still wondered if I will ever get another chance to be with him… I always left wondering because we never talked about us…

All night with him.. all that loving.. and the subject of us .. was never mentioned… I am so afraid of the answer that I rather not know…and I keep telling myself I’m just going to enjoy him as much as he allows me..

I keep smiling all that day and keep reflecting back to our night of playtime and sweet loving… couldn’t believe he was so willing to try that little toy….I was so pleased he was so gamed… it was fun.. I fully enjoyed him….

I told myself that I have to work on our next rendezvous… because I was so eager to spend another night in his sweet arms.. and experience some more of his passionate loving…..

****************+++****+++++*********

TO BE CONTINUED….

MY LOVE-LOVE: THE JOY & PAIN OF AN UNFORBIDDEN LOVE; chapter 5

I received a text from him a few days later… I was very pleased to hear from him.. but.. When I read what it says… I was kinda puzzled and a little hurt….

He was asking me to come by his house to meet his father. He implied that he wanted to hook me up  with his him…

My mind was in a turmoil because it became very obvious that he really didn’t like me….and all my efforts to show him the extent of my true feelings for him seems in vain..

Our age difference really poses as an impact on how he sees me… it was just sex to him…causal sex….

I was not very pleased with his suggestion….. but…

I agree to go to his home because it meant seeing him and getting a chance to be with him, an I want to try to explain to him that he is my only interest…

I was very annoyed that he wanted to pass me on to his father..

.  I got to his house,  that afternoon.. after work…A man who I assumed to be his father, answered … I greeted him, introduced myself and asked for him…

He told me he was in his bedroom.. I politely sat down hoping for him to exit and come out to join us.. his father tried to have a conversation with me.. but my mind was so preoccupied with raging thoughts of him wanting to pass me on to his father…that I was not focused on what he was saying…

I became very impatient waiting… realizing that he was intentionally staying in his bedroom to give us a chance to know each other..

I asked his father to excused me and I went .. knocked on his door.. and walked in the bedroom to confront him…

I angrily told him that I didn’t appreciate that he is trying to pass me on like a piece of old clothes  Which he can discard after using…

I tried to explain to him…It’s him I like and it’s not because I’m desperate and need a man that badly… I let him know my desires is just for him…
I became very emotional knowing that he really doesn’t like me… I was a little embarrassed and so hurt to accept this realization…

I began telling him I was going and making the promise to leave him alone seeing that he doesn’t share my feelings… I began to walk towards the door… getting ready to leave..when he pulled me back to him.. encircled me in his arms and kissed me ever so passionately….

Of course I didn’t resist him.. and to my surprise and pleasure he fervently starts to undress me…

.then I think of his father on the outside and I try to resist, telling him …

“no your father is outside “…

but that did not deter him and I was much too turned on by now … I really didn’t want him to stop…I was all for it.

I wanted him, I couldn’t resist him. kitty was twitching… getting soakingly wet and all she wanted was to feel that hard throbbing dick sliding it’s way inside ….easing my burning desires that was getting so intense with his every touch.. I felt I was ready to explode….

I was so hottt…

He led me to the bathroom, where it was more private….

bend me over the sink .. I welcome him eagerly as he enters me with a deep plunge… I gasped with pure pleasure as he began thrusting hard with the same urgency I was feeling… we both cum within minutes with an explosive orgasm…

he had to put a hand over my mouth to keep me quiet… I couldn’t control or contain my emotions… he had my legs trembling and kitty begging for more.. I tried to get seconds..

He led us back into the bedroom.. as I continued loving on his chest… kissing him… Pressing closely into him.. showing him how much I still want him..whispering .. “one more time.. I want you… please..??!!!! ”

but he resisted … and reluctantly.. pushed me away..as he heard his father called his name.. he got up got dressed as I watched him.. and walked out to his father…

I was left inside trying to calm down and regain my composure….

I was still so hottt.. and ready to explode again that I decided to touched kitty to give her an ease from the pulsating rhythm that was causing this burning, electrifying and intense convulsions…and with one touch I was sent in a height of ecstasy.. I stood there for a couple minutes waiting for my body to stop convulsing and twitching.. I wanted him so badly…

It took me a little longer than I expected to find my composure.. but..

I got up.. went to the restroom and get properly dressed and calm myself down… brush my hair and timidly went out to join them… I was self conscious knowing his dad knew exactly what took place in that bedroom…

I was smiling to myself feeling very pleased..as I silently thought….

 and so we had a quickie. It was so excited and sweet. What he does to me and for me. How am I going to get pass him.

. I was still thinking of the fact that he did not want me enough that he tries to hook his father up with me; it only tells me what he really feels for and about me. I was a bit hurt but try to understand how he thinks.

 I was not mad at him only sorry I was so much older that I could not ask or expect anything of him.

I wanted him, ….how I wanted him!!!!’, …but how can I have him?

He took me home and I sadly walked away… knowing there is no hope for me being with him…

The next two weeks I just live to see him. I couldn’t wait for each day to come just to get the chance of seeing him. But for most part.. apart from an occasional “hi”.. he completely again ignored me…

I started to take lunch for him daily.. knowing it gives me a way of connecting with him.. he enjoyed my cooking so I take pleasure in preparing it for him..

We had our lunchtime together whenever possible…. this was my way of getting him close and be close to him…while secretly hoping to ignite his sexual desires to want me again…

He spent most of his time with Veronica..It would break my heart every time I see them together…but I had accepted that fact that they were a couple..

I would still seek him out after work, talk to him, but I know he had no interest in me.

Even though I enjoy seeing him daily and enjoy our little chitchat whenever I get the chance to.. it only serves to peak my sexual desires for him..

I keep reliving our few times together..which only intensified my passion and allowing me to crave for some more of him….

MY desire was again building to the surmount .. so much that I find it difficult to control my thoughts.. I became so overwhelmed with the desire to share his bed again…that I made up my mind to asked.. yet again for another time with him..

He was off this particular day and I missed seeing him that day… he consumes my mind all day.. so I wanted to connect with him…

I sent him a text …asking if we could get together…

He text back saying he’s on his way to Deltona. I was a bit disappointed but I kind of expect that answer. But still pleased that he at least responded instead of ignoring..

I was there sulking for about…two minutes ….. whenI received another text from him saying…

..”yea com by my house I b home I am on my way back”.

I was so happy and elated. I reply,

“if you could only see the smile on my face. I will be there.”

I became very anxious for the time to arrive for me to leave work.. it couldn’t come fast enough…

I hurried home took me a shower get ready as fast As I could..and headed over.. with heart thudding and racing with exciting anxiety…

I was smiling and happy that I took that chance of contacting him and asking him to see me…. the ride to his house was only ten minutes.. but it seems to take forever..

I was like a schoolgirl with her first crush…

When I finally got to his house I knocked and waited what seems like an eternity for him to answer…I couldn’t wait to pounce on him…

…………………………………….,………………..

TO BE CONTINUED…..

 

MY LOVE-LOVE: THE JOY AND PAIN OF AN UNFORBIDDEN LOVE; chapter 4

After that baby sitting incident … and my vast disappointment ,I was convinced that we would never be together again… I came to terms that he really doesn’t share my desires to reconnect sexually….

This feeling..however didn’t last too long.. ..

seeing him everyday… only infuses my mind with a sense of exhilaration… and consumes my thoughts as I continuously relive that passionate night we shared…

playing it in my mind, thinking how he felt; how he looks… only serves to ignite my desires with intensity and my need to experience him again..

I decided to to be bold and ask him for a night, seeing that he is not going to asked me…

It was coming to valentines and our birthdays.  Mine the 16^th and his 17^th. I took this as an opportunity to place my request..

I bravely ask him if I could see him for Valentines. At first he said no, but I didn’t give up… I became insistent..I mention it every chance I got…

He even gives me a lecture on how we are not a couple and that he really don’t like me like that.. I in turn reminded him of our night together and asked him ..

” was that you not interested… you loved on me like you like me.. was that not real??!!!!”

He stuttered something inaudible… smile.. nodding his head.. then suddenly agreed to see me on valentines….

I smile ever so brightly and quickly responded..

” it’s a date…”

 I was more than happy. I was ecstatic.

I guess my reminder of our night works in my favor and allow him to realize and recall the extreme intimacy we shared that most memorable night… thus…awakening his desire to want me again…

I went ahead and plan a very romantic and sensuous night…I bought this eatable chocolate, with the intention of smearing it all over him… and slowly licking it off ….I got some heated scented massage oil.. knowing I’m going to give him a massage.. with a happy ending…

and I got him a beautiful card… I had our night all planned out… I’m going to make it another night to remember..

  I got my date…!!!!!!

He was still seeing Veronie and I was a bit jealous but my need to be with him was stronger than my jealousy and envy. And all that matters to me at that point was being with him anyhow I can and I was not going to let anything spoil my time with him. I decided I am going to enjoy him to the fullest.  –

I was so excited, and so full of anticipation I could hardly wait!!!!  and then it’s here….

We decided that I would find my way over to him… I got ready with all my little knickknacks… a little overnight bag…

  I’got to his apartment, knock on his door, I was so nervous with anxiety… heart pounding.. butterflies In the pit of my stomach…as I waited for him to answer my knock…

And at last he opened his door…he stands there in a sweatpants… smiling …to me he was the most beautiful sight.. I smile in return …a little shy, but elated..he invited me in… I inhaled a deep breath.. finding the courage to enter.. he hugged me and give me a little peck on he cheek… and led me to the couch and we got under a blankie he had been obviously using before I came…it was a cold night….

  WE started off watching a little movie, but, being so close to him… I couldn’t control my raging desires…couldn’t keep my hands off him. I have been wanting him for so long… I couldn’t help myself… I eagerly kiss him with passionate urgency… tracing my lips down his neck to his most beautiful chiseled chest…

When he couldn’t resist any Longer he got up .. pulling me with him.. wrapping the blanket around us.. we silently proceed to the bedroom.

It was cold night and as we made our way to the bedroom wrapped under the blanket, MYLOVE-LOVE and I…arm in arm…

I stumbled..he catch me, steady me, and said, “I got you, it’s ok.”

 I just smile, feeling so good and safe just being there with him, and I lovingly and playfully pinch his buttock. ..

He looked down at me.. smile and pulls me closer to him…

Once in bedroom .. he lie on his back pulling me on top of him.. I straddled him and started to kiss him again..he began to undress me… and I allow him to..

He then flip me onto the bed.. undressed himself..and we made sweet love…we cum with such force that leaves us both breathless .. my whole body was convulsing repeatedly… I was in ecstasy heaven…

he was still lying on me as he raised his head and looked down at me And said…

“Wow!!! You are amazing…”

I just hugged him close to me.. and kiss his neck and broad shoulders…we lie there in each other arms .. enjoying the feeling and thrill of the ecstasy we just experienced…

A few minutes has passed and our breathing was back to normal.. so I decided to suggested giving him a massage. He was all gamed.

I got up retrieve my little bag of goodies.. he was now lying on his side raised by his elbow as he watched me.. I pull the card out and gave him bashfully…

he looks at me quizzically… open it up.. read it out loudly… smiled… look at me.. raised his eyebrows… says hmm softly… as he reached out and pull my face to him … kiss me softly on the lips and whispered..

” I love it.. thank you.”

I blushed and smile back at him… and simple nod my head …

I then instructed him to role over..he got on his tummy …I very gentle pour the oil on his back….and sensuously caress and massage it in.. I moved slowly down till I reached his buttocks….so round… so firm….  mmmm …I bent down and kiss that sink in his back using the tip of my tongue to trace the path to his buttock..

he let out a deep groan,”mmmm”. I smiled pleasingly.

I love the taste of him as I knead his buttock  lovingly… He decided to roll over…and whoaaa!!!!! He was ready again…

I took him in my hands and I looked up at him and he has his eyes closed with a face showing pure pleasure… I put some of the oil in my hands… and latter him in it… He starts to moan softly and said,”shit… shit..”. (his favorite words)

I then lick at the tip… circling it with my tongue… I repeat a couple times. Flickering the underside… where it’s super sensitive.. he started to bop.. so I wrapped my mouth over him and pull him all the way down my throat…he thrust his hip up and place his hand on my head urges me on… he uses his hand to guide my motion as I devour him…he tastes so good…

This leads to another session of pure delightful pleasure…We make love for the next hour or so.. I had my night of pleasure and nothing matters at that moment but lying there in his arms …

I love that he always let me spend the complete night with him.. so I can lie there wrapped in his arms and him in mine.. while I savor our passionate lovemaking ..

 as we lie there quietly trying to sleep.. so exhausted but very satiated … pleasantly satisfied…

he became very quiet and was a bit distant and aloof, as if he drifted off into another world .. I silently hope he was not regretting having me over.. or regretting making such beautiful love to me…

I quickly shrugged the thought off .. refusing to let anything ruin this moment

I did not care what was causing his mood…because I was exactly where I wanted to be. My most favorite place. Right next to him.

He then started to talked a little about his life and his dreams. He was opening up to me..

He told me what his plans for the future was.. what he wants for his children… what he hoped to accomplish…

how I enjoyed just lying there listening to him, learning about him and feeling so close and connected to him. I felt he was opening up to me accepting me, and getting closer to me. I was very pleased… it was heavenly..

He fell asleep and as I watched him sleeping a huge rush of emotions rush through me…. I hug him close to me and try to savor every minute with him because I was thinking this maybe our last time together like this..

I know he doesn’t want me or like me like that. And I couldn’t dismiss the fact that Veronica is his girl…

I drifted off to sleep with his head on my chest as I cradled him in my arms..and my chin on his head…very contented and super happy in this moment…

( I may hate myself in the morning.. but I’m gonna love him tonight… everyone knows someone they can’t help but want…and even we just can’t make it work out.. well the want to just lingers on…and once again we end up in each other arms pretending that it’s right…)

I woke up to   a phone call frommy sister) wishing me HAPPY VALENTINES.  We spoke for a few minutes..

He was awake by then..

I got up took a shower..ask him if he wants breakfast he said, “yes”  …

I went to the kitchen to see what he had to make breakfast.. I found some eggs.. bacon.. I was busy preparing the bacon .. I wanted to impress him with a good breakfast…

I was standing over the stove when I felt him behind me. He was kissing my neck and his hands found its way between my legs to my kitty.. she instantly reacted to his touch..

She got really excited and all turned on. I couldn’t resist him..It felt so good that I dropped everything and respond to him. He bent me over as I eagerly receive him. I had to tippy toe as he slowly entered me …Gosh!!!  It  felt so so so…good;

  He then led me to the couch still inside me..I kneel on it and bent over the back.. as he continued to pound and thrust his slippery coated cock in and out ever so expertly… I cum so hard I gushed all over him.. while he burst open and flood me with his spunk…

He gave me one of the best loving I ever had. I couldn’t believe that I could feel like that. And when we were finished I wanted more, much, much more. I was on fire… but we ran out of time… he had to get to work…

So my night ended with a bang.

I hurriedly finished cooking what I started…We ate…and he took me home. I was smiling all day. MYLOVE-LOVE sure knows how to put a smile on my face. I was happy and contented for the next two days.

 Our birthdays was coming up…I bought a cheese cake and a bottle of moscato wine for his birthday and I thought I could convince him to spend it with me… he denied my request.. I wanted a repeat of our valentines night… But…..

He he made plans with Veronica… she got him for his birthday…. I was very jealous not wanting to share him with her or anyone else.. but..

I could not command him like that..

I die inside knowing that he wanted her and not me but I have to accept that we could never be.

I smile every time I thought of us. The memories of my nights with him was imbedded in my mind….

I didn’t allow him and Veronica to bother me much ..because I get to see him every day, and as long as I’m able to see him I could cope with my emotions. I’d settle for friendship I told myself..

I was just fooling myself though..

Because….

my desires and need for him was growing with each passing day.. and the more I see him and the more I reflect back on those passionate nights .. the more I want him..

How can he love me like that then ignore me … ???? I find it hard to accept my fate… and pretend that I don’t care… because.. I was way pass casual..

Who was I fooling!!!????

***********************************************************************

TO BE CONTINUED….

MY LOVE-LOVE: AN UNFORBIDDEN LOVE: Chapter 1

 

  CHAPTER 1..

 Christmas came and past .. we were experiencing some really cold snaps this year… days at a time…

The first week of January ….was so cold and I have noticed that he didn’t have a warm enough jacket to be working outside….so I brought him a one so he could be warmer ….He accepts and said thanks.. and later that morning…he walks over to my cash register to express his gratitude.. I have this silly smile on my face.. just so pleased to have him close and being attentive to me..

Then..

he left me…and went to talk to one of my co-worker.. she was one of my bestie at the job; we started together.. she was young , in her twenties..

I noticed his demeanor and saw his smile.. and saw her reaction… and I felt my green monster surfacing.. he was flirting with her and she was very receptive….I became so enraged and got very emotional..

How could he be liking someone else… he likes me….

It was as if  my whole world came crashing down on me. He was flirting with my little friend veronica.  OH BOY! I was so jealous & crushed. 

After he went back to his duties….

she walked over to me and told me she didn’t like me coming on to her guy. I  smile and asked her if he is flirting with her and if he liked her …and wanted to know if she likes him in return. She said yes.

I was so hurt and I tried really hard not to show my feelings but I was dying with jealousy on the inside..

I was so devastated ..but …

I couldn’t let on that I was more than interested in him… I thought I was much too old to show interest in a guy so young……so…

what I did…..

I encourage her to be with him. Don’t know why I wanted to do that because I was dying inside. I guess I liked her and I liked him and I just thought they are age appropriate….

He spent all day with her.. even went  to lunch together… i was acting and feeling rejected as if we had a relationship going…. It was here that I realize just how strong my emotions has gotten.. My heart was breaking and my hopes of experiencing this marvelous species of a man was lost…

I thought he likes me; I want him to like me.  I could not function or focus.  I was too distracted with them..  I cried, yes cried because I thought that’s the end of our story.  Well my day was ruin I couldn’t wait to leave and everywhere veronica went so did he and so did my eyes. 

I asked to leave early… I just couldn’t stay and watch him flirting with her anymore..

When I was leaving ,I seek him out… and I found him… He was talking to her… I went over to them ask him if I could see him. He came to me and I spill my guts. I told  him just how much I like him  and how I wanted him and how I have made love to him a thousand times in my mind.

Well he just casually blew me off tells me it was all for fun and that he does not like me like that. Of course my heart sank to its lowest depths…I was so upset. I came home in tears and I decided to text him exactly how I feel. I pour my heart out saying things that was not even appropriate, but brutally honest..but I thought it didn’t matter because it was over. He now has veronica.

 But to my surprise and pleasure…

he text me back telling me that he didn’t know that I felt like that and he’s sorry if he hurt me but he was for real and still is…Still is?? I didn’t really expect that answer..

I thought I would leave things as is.. .. It was the beginning of a very emotional roll-a-coaster for me. I kind of gave up on him but try to remain his friend.

I would still text him and seek him out especially after my shift to talk to him,  inquiring about his relationship with  veronie.  acting all interested … but still jealous…

  I would also ask her about them too… I would try to advise her and encourage her to like him. And at the same time feel like a hypocrite because here I am ,still wants him , still feel for him and with my heart breaking I’m playing nice.I do like her and I thought he was the best. So I encouraged their relationship…

..He would still talk  about us getting  together and I wanted to …so tempted…but every time I see him with vernie I felt unsure. 

There was a little episode involving him and this other girl at the store…( every girl want a piece of his sexy ass). She got jealous of him and veronie and started a rumor about him and her.

So I said ‘oh shit, I don’t need this drama.’  Too old to be involved in melodrama…

But he started to seek me out to talk to me… again showing interest in me.. starting again to flirt with me… and of course I love this attention and when he again start to imply us getting together I was more than willing.

I didn’t asked about the drama that just took place nor his involvement…

he called me.. for the second time….we talked about us and what’s been happening between us..and our desire to  get  involved… he let me know that he has been thinking of me in a sexual way… and that he would love to show me…

So I agreed to enter a relationship with him…. eagerly..

He has his stipulation…and I seriously thought I was old and mature enough to handle these terms…

  We both agree it would be casual for long as he was single and if and when he find someone else it would mean the end of us. And I agreed to the terms, thought I could handle a fling without getting emotionally attached.  I had build up this fantasy with him and I wanted so much to experience him that nothing else matters as long as I got what I wanted….

(I was already emotionally invested… so I was only fooling myself…. and this casual no strings attached… was not likely with me..)

I didn’t even asked about veronie… I didn’t even care… all that matters is …I’m going get my chance to enjoy him as much as I want to… and i couldn’t wait for that time to come..

We made a date one evening …. I was so excited and a bit nervous.. as I got ready I was getting so flustered and getting a stir with thought of loving on him.. and having him loving me..I was anxious just to be next to him..

but at the last minute he cancelled because his brother got himself in some kind of trouble ad he said he have to go take care of him…, and I thought WOW!! What a guy so dedicated to his family. I was so intrigued by him from the beginning.

I was very disappointed to say the least.. but I understood.. I was so impressed with how caring he was and how loyal and kind he seems to be..

and I waited impatiently for the next time….

*******************************************************************

 

TO BE CONTINUED……..

 

 

 

 

 

THE WOODEN BOWL:

A story of love and caring for our parents who are lucky to live long enough for us to enjoy them..

My mom died when I was only nine.. I went through life missing her.. wishing for one more day.. one more time.. just to have her with me..

My dad.. he died a few years later at the age of fifty-three.. Just as we were becoming adults and was able to give back and enjoy him as adults…

Some are so fortunate to have their parents living at a really old age.. becoming less independent..

… and being treated indifferent.. with no compassion and no patience..,

They become burdens.. and being treated with no respect and as kids.. forgetting that they are still mom and dad..

it’s so sad 😞 to witness the treatment given sometimes..

and here am I.. didn’t get the chance to fully enjoy my parents.. wishing everyday that life had been kinder and allow them to live a little longer..

So if you are one of the fortunate ones.. to still have your parents around..

Be kind.. be gentle.. be patient.. be compassionate..

and treat them just like you would want to be treated by your children if you are lucky enough to live that long ..

Enjoy this little video.. and think about sowing what you want to reap..

That old man has no much to teach..

just like that little four year old boy…

we can learn so much from his life experience… if we only stop to talk to them.. and include them in our daily lives..

MERRY CHRISTMAS 🎁🎄 2017..

ALL ABOUT GINGER – MY 2ND BESTEST

Sometimes you must roll with the punches, sometimes you must go against the grain. Ginger’s body get ready for the crunches, in the missionary …

ALL ABOUT GINGER – MY 2ND BESTEST

I HOPE Y’ALL LIKE THIS VERSION OF THIS EROTIC WRITERS FORM…

HE USES A VERY POETIC FORM OF DESCRIBING HIS SEXUAL ENCOUNTERS…AND IN HIS OWN WORDS TELLS HIS STORY..

I FOR ONE FIND IT BOTH HUMOROUS AND INTRIGUING…

King’s get Naughty too

I was not always reckless, people. In fact, I was one of the ‘good guys.’ I was into my religion as everyone else. then, I allowed ‘weeds of …

King’s get Naughty too

What is Naughty?

Some words that are associated with naughty: wayward, wicked, disobedient and bad. Naughty can be described as someone that acts without thinking or …

What is Naughty?

( check him out)..

I think we are in for a wild 😜 ride with “NAUGHTY WORKS”

THE JOYS OF LIFE WE TAKE FOR GRANTED…

And Time Goes By Quickly…

It’s funny 😄 that the things we take for granted.. and the little things that annoy us the most when we are young ….

Are the things we missed the most when they are no longer around…

Please enjoy this little touching video of how quickly your world can change… and leave you all alone…

CHOOSE YOUR PLACE: CHOOSE IT WISELY….

CHOOSE YOUR PLACE: CHOOSE IT WISELY….

https://nitaslifeatlarge.wordpress.com/2020/07/04/choose-your-place-choose-it-wisely/
— Read on nitaslifeatlarge.wordpress.com/2020/07/04/choose-your-place-choose-it-wisely/

GROWING IN ONE’S LIKE: GAINING ONE’S FAVOR…

…. coming home from my church group one Saturday evening.. I met this guy on the bus..he was really nice and we really connected.. so before my stop he invited me to the movies and I accepted…

So the Saturday we had our date.. of course we took the bus..

Can’t recall if I had told anyone about this date but when he came to pick me up.. of course … all knew… I fully enjoyed his company and he kindly dropped me off home..

I waited with him to get the next bus.. and while we were waiting he asked me if I mind him kissing me…of course I was very bashful..

But I told him yes.. and there goes my first kiss..

Well next morning was church so I got got ready and go ask my stepmom for bus fare.. SMH 🤦‍♀️….

My stepmom turned to me quite angrily and told me that I should go and ask the man I went out with last night… I mumbled something under my breath in defense… walking away from her… pouting..

I break the news of my decision to join the nunnery to my dad… and for the first time my dad sit me down and talk to me..

We sat there for almost two hours.. he lectured me on the cons of being a nun and let me know by all means that he doesn’t approve of me making the choice to become a nun..

One of his reasons were.. it was a waste of life… he promised me if I changed my mind which he strongly recommended.. that he would pay for any school of my choice…

I really loved my dad.. and I always yearn for his approval and I want to please him so much that I agreed and told him that I will follow his suggestions.. he really thought my decision was based on me being home and became bored…

So next day I set out to find me a school.. I didn’t have a clue.. but I chose one and he lived up to his promise and pay for my enrollment…

Well my life took off on another journey…

I met this man became intimately involved.. and over the next few years… I started to spiral out of control.. of course I was alone in my world.. my stepmom still treats me with so much indifference and ignored me more than not..

Whenever she address for whatever reason.. it was always in a negative way.. very unkind and very mean… I have learnt to ignore her as well.. she and my older sister became inseparable.. my little sister.. I didn’t have clue what she was doing…

I was home when I went in labor.. it was 11 at night… my father took me to the hospital.. but didn’t stay… I was alone.. my baby father was not in my life then.. so he was not aware of me having the baby…

I continued to do things without the interference of anyone.. and only my dad would sometimes observe my behavior and would call me and asked me adjust my attitude …

I got pregnant with my oldest son.. at 23…I lived with my husband up to seven months then moved back home…

It took me 24 hours in labor before my son was born.. and the last hour my stepmom decided to come be with me… she was there for his birth..

I got back together with my husband after I had our son… but he was American and after a year and a half he decided to come back home.. leaving us behind…

I was very hurt 😞 and I had to find work to maintain my baby… surprisingly my stepmom offers to babysit fo me while I go to work… I was very appreciative but somehow lacking in showing it..

I ended up working three jobs… leaving early in the morning.. and coming home late at nights.. I took much disadvantage of my stepmom and of my dad’s kindness…I did abuse them…

My stepmom however never complained about my absence.. my dad however mentioned it a few times letting me know that I need to spend some time with my son…

Back then.. I defended my actions.. with reassurance that he is well taken care of..

( sometimes I wish I could turn back time…and be more attentive to my baby… I just couldn’t see the damage it was causing my son)

So I started to appreciate her for doing this for me… she didn’t have to… although our relationship did not improve much.. she would negative comments about my parenting… but never sit me down and advise me how to improve and be a better mom…

( looking back.. I really think she wanted me to fail…she wanted to prove that I was not capable or responsible enough to be a mom)

This went on for the next three years when we lost my dad to an heart attack…

He was the glue that holds our family together and with his sudden death.. we all fell apart…

It has a very huge impact on me.. I lost one whole year.. I went through it in a daze.. and I can’t remember one single event in that year.. it’s a complete blank..

He died November 1991.. and next thing I remember was 1993….

….TO BE CONTINUED…..

The next era of my existence…

INTRODUCTION

This blog is about myself and my sexual experiences. it tells of the do’s and dont’s of being in a relationship: The Good – The Bad and The Ugly. …

INTRODUCTION

Just like to introduce this erotic writer to our mist..

Looking forward to reading and enjoying his work…

So join me in following his site and let’s hope for some delightful sexual adventures from him…

CHOOSE YOUR PLACE: CHOOSE IT WISELY….

via CHOOSE YOUR PLACE: CHOOSE IT WISELY….

Through The Eyes Of An Old Man:

This poem was written by an old who died in a nursing home…

After he died;

Amongst the patients belongings, memories of an entire life, they ( the nurses)found this poem:

SEE ME:

What do you see nurses? What do you see?

What are you thinking, when you look at me?

A cranky old man, not very wise,

Uncertain of habit, with faraway eyes?

Who dribbles his food and makes no reply.

When you say in a loud voice, “I do wish you’d try!”

Who seems not to notice, the things that you do.

And forever is losing… a sock or a shoe?

Who, resisting or not lets you do as you will,

With bathing and feeding, the long day to fill?

Is that what you’re thinking? Is that what you see?

Then open you eyes, nurse. You’re not looking at me.

I’ll tell you who I am, as I sit here so still,

As I do at your bidding, as I eat at your will.

I’m a small child of ten, with a father and mother,

Brothers and sisters, who love one another.

A young boy of sixteen, with wings on his feet

Dreaming that soon now, a lover he’ll meet.

A groom soon at twenty, my heart gives a leap,

Remembering the vows, that I promised to keep.

At twenty-five, now I have young of my own,

Who need me to guide, and a secure happy home.

A man of thirty, my young now grown fast,

Bound to each other, with ties that should last.

At forty, my young sons have grown and are gone,

But my woman is beside me, to see that I don’t mourn.

At fifty once more, babies play ’round my knee,

Again we know children, my loved one and me.

Dark days are upon me, my wife is now dead.

I look at the future, I shudder with dread.

For my young are all rearing young of their own,

And I think of the years, and the love that I’ve known.

I’m now an old man, and nature is cruel,

It’s jest to make old age look like a fool.

The body, it crumbles, grace and vigor depart,

There is now a stone, where once I had a heart.

But inside this old carcass a young man still dwells,

And now and again, my battered heart swells.

I remember the joys, I remember the pain,

And I’m loving and living, life over again.

I think of the years, all too few, gone too fast,

And accept the stark fact that nothing can last.

So open your eyes, people, open and see:

Not a cranky old man,

Look closer, see ME!”

Never assume that the elderly gent next to you doesn’t see things any more. He lives and feels just like you do. In every aging body lives a spirit that wants to remain young, even when that body doesn’t cooperate the way it once did. Remember the words of this old man and whenever you see an elderly person, treat him or her the way they deserve to be treated.

GROWING IN ONE’S LIKE: … GAINING ONE’S FAVOR…..

AGE 12 to 18

ALONE IN MY WORLD….

I was 12 years old when she decided to include me on the family trip to her home town… I have long decided I don’t ever wanted to go anymore.. I have cried and anguish for the past three years… for always getting left behind…

I hold out and I would not leave the house and get into that car…she tried to convince one more time…. but I refuse to budge or change my my mind… I said I will stay with grandma.. but dad was present so as much as she was annoyed she dared not abuse me in front of him…

She just walked outside and tell him to go get me because Im refusing to get in the car… my dad came in and sternly tell me to get in the car now..

I begged him to let me stay with my grandma… because I didn’t want to go… he again… very aggressively say…” get your ass in that car now and stop with your nonsense “…. and with that tone …I reluctantly get up and get into the car..

Of course I was placed in the middle.. and I sat there sobbing.. he turned around annoyingly and tell me to shut up with that crying…of course I tried.. because we all feared my dad…

My sisters started to jeered me .. and I angrily lashed out at them with one of my cuss words.. of course my stepmom reacted to this and turned to me and said.. you better not take that with you … she gives me a very angry look but didn’t say much more because of she didn’t want my dad to know exactly how badly she mistreats me..

(But.. she was not fooling him by a long shot… he knew… he always knew… but I wouldn’t have realized this until a few years later… when he address her attitude towards me… and ask her to just stop with always picking on me for everything..)

I was one sad and unhappy girl all the way there… and when we reached I again refused to get out of the car.. my dad threatened me with a whooping if I didn’t stop with my attitude.. I started to cry again…

Everyone filtered into the house leaving me in the car sobbing my eyes out… and then this man walks up to the door and said..

“ hey pretty girl.. why are out here crying 😭… and who are you…???!!! Come on inside pretty girl .. it’s alright…”

And surprisingly I stop sobbing.. I smiled.. and I got out and went with him… he calls me pretty…. and it felt so good.. someone thinks I’m pretty….just a little kindness.. just a little gentleness… that’s all it took…and all of a sudden …..I found me a friend.. I was in love 🥰…

….(the next few years because of that one gesture that gentleman.. my stepmom brother… became my most favorite person.. I built up an unhealthy crush on him… my dad observed and noticed it… and intervened a few times when he noticed that I was drawn to this man for all the wrong reasons….. this feeling I had for him was encouraged by him… and lingers on till the day he dies… my stepmom never even realize what was happening right under her nose…because she didn’t even see me.. only time I was ever noticed by her is when I was a nuisance the her and she was chewing me out for being so damn retarded…

I was in my teens when her dad and mom decided to relocate back home… from England…

We were sitting in the living room awaiting their arrival from the airport.. they walked in.. and she started to introduce us children… it was the first Time her mom and dad was meeting us…

When she pointed in my direction and say my name.. her mom immediately replied… “I never heard of this one before… so you have three stepchildren not two…” I then realized that she was so ashamed to even acknowledge me as her stepdaughter that she has hidden me from her family…

I can never remember a kind word from her during my teenage years..when I was fifteen..and my little sister.. she was nine… she was my stepmom first child.. only daughter… she was a beautiful girl…and we were close for a long time… but.. one morning we were getting ready to go to school…

And somehow we developed a tiff .. can’t recall what happened.. or what it was we were fighting for..

But…

This argument led to to tell me that her mom.. says.. that she is better than us.. ( four girls)…. she is prettier.. brighter… smarter… ect. Ect..ect..

So I just let her know that if that’s the case.. then I don’t have to talk to her ever again… and that is just what I did … over the next six years till the day she lost her life at age 16…. I never uttered one word to her…. I was 21 and moved out of the house by then..

During those years though I found myself in a state of solitude and secluded myself by writing ✍️ my diary 📔 or getting lost in novels.. and books… or listening to country music…

I was so quiet .. I never had nothing to say…everyone was happy to just ignore me and shut me out… I silently went through my emotions always seeking out the company of my step uncle… I had no friends…I didn’t know how to socialize… I lacked confidence.. I lacked self esteem….

I hated myself.. I hated my life.. I hated the world… I was so sad.. very unhappy.. I sunk into depression…and I continued on this pathetic self pitied attitude until I was eighteen… and reading one day I came across this article that states… only you can make you happy.. .. only you can choose to be… only you can can be responsible for your happiness….

No one can hurt your feelings unless you allow them to…you are in Control of your emotions… and a few more inspirational thoughts… I then started to collect these quotes and live by them…

And these words uplifted me and I started to grow from them….. I was in world of my own.. I totally shut out everyone… I used to go off to secluded areas.. to write and express my feelings… and not one of them ever misses me out of the house… I was like completely invisible… which was fine with me…

I finished school… I didn’t do too well mainly because I couldn’t write so well… I learned later on that my writing was affected by my attitude and my insecurities…

My dad looks at the results of my exams and when he observed all the D’s… remarks..

“ D is for dunce “….

This hurts me so badly that I cried so hard…again feeling sorry for myself.. that I can never please him..

For the next year I stayed home my only outlet was church.. and books.. we used to have this church club which I was a member… I used to attend retreats and everything offers… it became my way out of the house and to be amongst people who seems to like me…

I was so into it that I decided I wanted to become a nun…

TO BE CONTINUED…..

GROWING IN ONE’S LIKE…. GAINING ONE’S FAVOR….

This story is of a sensitive nature… it’s of a very personal perspective and although not intended to offend… the intended participants and the source of this episode of my life… will definitely be affected and it will cause animosity and tensions to our relationship…

This episode of my life is told as seen through my eyes… and may not be received or be accepted as the truth by the intended source of sorrow and total anguish … both mental and physical…

But …

As much as I know it will trudged up feelings of negativity and May severed our connection .. and causes hurt 😔 feelings..

I feel I need to tell my story and get out all this bottled up emotions… relating to how I keep trying as long as I remembered … to win her likes.. to have her starting to accept me… to gain some favor from her..

And so the story begins…

AGE 9 to 12

NEW BEGINNINGS …

….. A SAD 😔 END.

I was only nine years old when my mom died.. I have an older sister of one and a half years… and a younger sister of three years in between…

We were much too young to understand the reasons and we didn’t have much questions… our father wasn’t a presence in our home..

He has moved on years before and lived with another woman.. I know because I would hear my mom crying 😢 night after night..

And I would observe and listen as mom would tell and relate her story to anyone who would be willing to listen… and as young as I was …I was very sensitive to her sorrows and woes… I never knew her but I sure built up this great resentment for the woman who causes my mom to cry…

My mom was admitted in the hospital a couple of weeks before she actually died.. and my grandma 👵 ( my father’s mom) and my youngest aunt came over to babysit us while she was away…

My aunt was a year younger than me so I got a playmate… it was a Sunday morning when mom decided to say goodbye to this world…

My older sister went to see her and my aunt and me decided to go visit this nearby church… we were in the middle of the service when someone came and pulled us out.. thus breaking the news to us…

I can’t remember my exact reaction… I don’t think I even fully understood what was happening.. until a long time after..

My mom’s sister and brother was there.. and even her mom… They asked if they could take me along with them and I was more than willing to go… my grandma took my two sisters with her back to her home which my dad shared….

I spent the next week with my uncle and my other grandma.. until my dad sent my sister to fetch me…

How I cried and pleaded to stay with my grandma 👵… but my father would not allow it… and so I was forced to leave with my sister … I cried all the way home to my fathers house…

I just didn’t want to go live with the woman 👩 who made my mom died..( I got this from my uncle and aunt and my other grandma…). I was convinced it was true and I hated her without even knowing her..

And so this started the strain relationship between us… But….one look at me and the feeling was mutual.. she couldn’t stand the sight of me.. I was a very puny… skinny… awful looking child.. I stuttered.. I was clumsy… I was awkward….and most of all I was very defensive… and uses cuss words as a defensive mechanism to ward off everyone who tries to tease me or make fun at me…

Which was my life existence thus far… and causes me to retract into a shell or a cocoon… trying to hide and resist every attempt made on me… I was just overly sensitive and could never see the humor in any of it .. which makes them more eager to poke fun at me…

Her distaste for me comes out In her being mean to me.. she lacks patient when it comes to me… she uses every opportunity to treat me with indifference.. and to make matters worse… I was bed wetter… Ooh 😮 how this Erks her and give all the more excuse to scold me… with the most awful words…

Everything I do was always wrong in her eyes.. I could never seems to please her… she expects the worst and I always seems to deliver and live up to her expectations… I used fumble a lot mostly because of nervousness.. Maybe I was just scared of being screamed at…or I was just trying so hard to get it right… and of course I was always a klutz.. so the more I tried the worse I was..

I came to her …disliking her.. and resenting her for losing my mom… but as a child you don’t hang on to the same feelings for too long…

So ….. after a while I tend to lose that feeling and replace it with the longing for affection.. I miss my mom something fierce.. and I long to feel loved again… especially when I observed how she dotes and loved on her biological babies ..

And sometimes I would try to hug on to her … but she pushes me away with such force as if she finds me repulsive… (which she actually did) after a few more attempts with the same results , I felt hurt by her unkind rejection… so I stopped… realizing that she doesn’t want me to touch her or be close to her….

….(you know as a child.. you can’t comprehend the actions of adults and analyze their attitude and their reasons for doing what they do…here I was trying to get her to like me… not fully understanding her reasons for not liking me as she does my other siblings….)

The next three years was a challenge for me… I felt so alone.. my sisters completely ignored me… they tease me.. laugh at me… poke fun at me… and leave me out of everything.. I was never included in anything… I just couldn’t fit in no matter how I tried to…

I was always left behind.. or left out.. and as much as I beg to be apart of whatever they were doing.. the answer was always nooo!!!!!

My stepmom was from another parish and all her family was there… holidays like summer.. Christmas.. she would visit… and she would take everyone including my little aunt all except me.. those first three years.. how I begged and begged to go with them..

I would cry my little eyes out not fully comprehending the reason she never includes me… my little mind have so many thoughts.. most of which I felt so unloved… so unwanted… so alone.. and I hate the world and everyone in it even my father who never said a thing.. but just allow this treatment towards me…

I became more bitter.. more angry… more distant.. I completely withdrew.. I stop talking… I stayed by myself..

I got even more vulgar with my cussing.. I would adamantly refuses all contacts verbally… which of course always result in scolding and whopping… I would only cry and do it for the worst…

….(ooh man when we are a child we don’t realize how our retaliation only results in affecting us for the worst or that we are only hurting ourselves….)

Because of her treatment towards me … my attitude and behavior only escalated… which results in giving her valid reasons for treating me the way she does… and maan did she takes such joy in mistreating me … I was never included in anything or go anywhere with her…

Her one and only excuse is that… I have a filthy mouth and she doesn’t want to be embarrassed… but… her real reason for being embarrassed is how I looked and how retarded I was… (this is how she always sees me)…..

…..( my father also always sees me as an invalid and was overly protective thinking I wasn’t able to do anything…and I guess would agree that I was somewhat of a retard… I was sick as a baby and I didn’t walk until I was about three... I was always unsteady on my feet.. causing me to fall lot.. I lacked motor skills coordination. Thus causing my clumsiness and awkwardness…)

If only she had stop to realize that it was just me putting a wall up in defense for being totally rejected by everyone…. especially her..

If and when she has to address me.. especially when dad is not around… she was very aggressive and so so impatient.. if I didn’t come fast enough or answer quickly enough.. she would always be so mean…

Only you.. her favorite line… “ it can only be you…” I couldn’t never do or say anything right in her eyes… I was never a big eater and I was very skinny…

She would get so so mad at me for not eating everything on my plate.. “ look at you???!!”… she’d say.. you let people think I am not feeding you and that you live far from the kitchen…

How I miss my mom… why did she have to die??!!! Why am I so unlovable… why am I so ugly.. and weak…??!!! Why can’t she love me too!!!!

I just never realized that I was self destructive with my attitude… with my bitterness.. with my hatred.. with my anger…

I was in constant battle to win favor and grow into her likes.. but.. it was a losing battle because she made up her mind not to like me… so much that nobody in her immediate family knew that I existed…

TO BE CONTINUED….

HOW DARE YOU TELL ME… HOW DARE I LISTEN..

What a great inspirational story…

Hope this blessed someone..

A very emotional but touching testimony… of a challenging life…

It takes great faith to overcome and live to tell the tale

BITS AND PIECES OF MY LIFE

BITS AND PIECES OF MY LIFE

https://nitaslifeatlarge.wordpress.com/2020/06/30/example-post-3/
— Read on nitaslifeatlarge.wordpress.com/2020/06/30/example-post-3/

ONLINE DATING: FIRST EXPERIENCE; PART 7

so I woke up feeling so refreshed…I was feeling good with myself and full of life:  I had a night full of dreams of Allen;  he has taken over my whole being; he was the only thing  I was capable of thinking of…

As soon as I got up…I had to let him know exactly what I was feeling and how he was impacting my mood…So I wrote to him,

“Good morning to you my Allen…. Well after we stop talking, I went back to those final texts of yours… you knew I would have… and relive every word… I drifted off to sleep imagining you beside me and I swear could feel you, I close my eyes and went to a dream living every word you wrote… you are rocking my world Allen, with only your words. My night was filled with your passion. You have awakened something in me I never knew existed and if I can feel this way by merely fantasizing and merely imagining ????… you are blowing my mind…. And everything that goes with it… as I texts my heart is going a mile an hour. I’m really messed up… but it light up my face with this silly smile and I’m so excited for more… much much more of you.”

I did not stop there, though ……

“you know … I wish I could find the right words to express exactly how you make me feel… like you do… you have such a great way of saying and explaining your feelings… you put words on paper like an artist that capture a scenery on canvas… all in all Allen… I’m loving us.. This… whatever it is… and talking about blowing up phone????… you can blow up mine anytime though.” 

And then I asked him,” btw… I want you to find that song and really listen to it and think of me… it is about everything you have said to me… if I did not know better, I would think you wrote it… this is reason I thought of it … it mirrors every word you said to me… this would be the song I want to be playing while we make passionate and explosive love.’[I wanna take forever in your arms)

I didn’t know it, but I was fully blown in love, I did not want to think it; and right there right now all that matters was how I was feeling; I did not stop to think of the consequences of all my declaration  of feelings and how I was leading on ‘MY SWEET Allen’. I was ecstatic and full of exhilaration; and I yearn for more… more of him, and that was all I could think of.

I did not hear from him until 3:30 that evening; I was getting ready to go to work, and was very happy and so thrilled to get that text,

“Well what amazing story to plug into!!! I thought for sure you would not text me till tonight. Man was I wrong, and my god, am I happy, I was! I’m glad you can feel me so perfectly through our words! I can feel you too beautiful. I love the way all this feels and it is having such a amazing and profound effect on my entire day! I’m happier than I’ve been in forever and anxiously waiting for more. This is a beautiful connection Nita… our hearts are in harmony. What a perfect gifts for the holidays!

And he continues to say, “I hope you are having a great day so far and I plan on staying up tonight so we can talk if you would like to. If this how good we feel in written words I can only imagine the emotional and physical connect waiting for us, if you choose to go further Wendy. So do me a favor pretty girl… smile! You wear it so well. I can’t wait to one day see that beautiful smile in person… I have a feeling I will be silly a lot just to get you laughing and smiling.”

I’m reading what he is saying .. I am smiling.. my heart is bursting with joy as I read his words of love…

…….and all of a sudden it hit me… all this joy and happiness I am feeling  can’t be mine…  and it was  as if my light went out. And I was left thinking… I need to get out… but I choked up with just the thought of losing him. I did not know what to do or how to do it.

Anyway…’ he said, ‘now I’m blowing you up!! Ha-ha! Well I hope you have a nice day at work and you stay busy so it goes by fast.” Talk soon beautiful!!!

So I said to him, ‘getting ready as we speak…Profound is the word I was thinking this morning… I was amazed at this profound joy I have and get just thinking about you; I can’t believe you are feeling this way too. Anyways, gotta get to work, until tonight… have fun at the Christmas party and save the last dance for me.”

Awwww!!!’ he said, ‘you one every dance pretty girl! You seem to be all I can think about or want! Have a great night Wakanita! Talk later I hope.

I left for work a little apprehensive and perturbed; if he is reciprocating my emotions then I am doing him wrong; I know how strongly I was feeling; and obviously he is feeling with the same intensity…

I have to find a way to tell him or stop this. I was getting very upset wit the thought of not ever reading his loving words again…

I could not bear the thought but I know it has to be done; and he is such a sweet and wonderful guy; he does not deserve this. The tears were starting and on many occasion I had to brush them away. I was not having good a night at all…

I kept thinking of what he had said and how elated he sounded; he was feeling and having the same exact emotions I was; it was so amazing to me, In all my life and of all my affairs; husbands and all; I never felt this kind of superb connection before; and I love it…. And I need it… and I just can’t have it. It can’t be mine… because I am not Paige and I don’t look like Paige.

Regrets start to enter my mind… asking myself why did I start with this deception…

How did I get here… he has gotten so important to me and I have become so emotionally invested…

 I had mixed feeling all day long one minute I was getting all excited and overly anxious to get home so I could talk to him and feel some more of this ecstatic emotions; next minute I was all agitated and frantic because I  know I have to let him go. But until I come up with a plausible reason to back out, I’ll continue to enjoy him for as long as I can make it last.

(And this is where I’m messing up.. prolonging an affair that’s impossible to maintain… just so I can enjoy him.. while playing this horrific game of deception..)

So when I got home I anxiously wrote him excitingly; almost forgetting my struggle and agony; all I wanted and all I could think of… was just to feel connect to him, so I said…

“Hey lover!!! Are you up? Just got in from work: it was truly a long day waiting with anticipation to get home so we can talk. At one point I started to get overly anxious… boy you have me real good. So how was your evening? Did you enjoy the party?’ 

“I had to fight to stay focused and a few times I found myself drifting off thinking about you and all that you have said to me.”

I was not getting back any response so I figure my Allen has fallen asleep. I continued to tell him what was going through my mind,

“I particularly like what you said ..you are the happiest than you have been in forever, and that our hearts are in harmony. If you were close I would wrap my arms around you in the tightest hug I could and hold you as close as closely as I can.’

I told him.

I wanted him to know I was having the same euphoric feelings and how very delighted I was to know that he was right there with me; it is most terrific thing to know that you are loved the same way that you love. I have never experienced this; and it was so phenomenal.

Anyways I did not get a response so I try to watch a little TV but could not fully focus, so I try to sleep, of course I could not either;  so at about 4:30 he sent me a text.

“Hey beautiful!! I just woke up and checked my phone… I fell asleep waiting for you, I really wanted to chat. Guess I am just way too tired… anyway… I want to tell you that I’ve had an amazing dreams tonight about us and the night isn’t over!!! So yeah… I can’t wait for more! And Wakanita …. I’d love any contact what so ever… I think when we touch it will validate our feelings and make things so real… so I want anything you want tonight…. I’m going back to sleep so I can be with you again. I hope you wake up, read this and smile! Knowing how much you are cared for and adored!”

My god!! I was smiling so widely and I was so touched by his feelings for me;

I’m smiling,” I said to him.

But he was still talking,

“I can’t tell you how much I love that you are losing focus and drifting to us… I’m totally doing the same thing… whether it’s us holding hands or kissing or making love… it’s just all good and all amazing thoughts of what might be… and that fills my mind with so much love and optimism….so Nita… thank you… thank you for making me feel so alive. Goodnight sweet girl. I hope you are sleeping perfect with sweet dreams”

When I read that last part… I felt a rush of emotional sensation; and tears come to my eyes. He is sensing my emotions again and it’s like he was telling me, exactly what I was feeling and thinking. He was echoing my every thoughts and desires. I could not believe how much in tune we were. 

Perfect!!!’ He said to me, ‘go back to sleep beautiful; night sweetheart.’

I dozed off too. Night Allen, I told him, ‘but now I’m awake and full of excitement.’

And then he told me the most incredible thing; “WAKANITA… I’M FALLING IN LOVE WITH YOU.”

Oh my’!! I exclaimed. ‘Really? I asked.

 I couldn’t think for a moment; I did not quite expected him to drop that “L” bomb; but he did and it exploded and I was totally blown away… everything was running through my mind; my deception, my lies, my pretense, Paige pictures, me,; my god!!! What am I going to do about this? If there is any time to come clean it is now; but how? I have to think about it. I am going to hurt him real bad; and he is gonna hate me, might even kill me for doing this to him. He such a nice and sweet guy, he don’t deserve this. I was going berserk; I was freaking out.

I really didn’t know what to say next.. I just stood there… looking at my phone and reading his confession over and over… my mind whirling with mixed feelings.

 

TO BE CONTINUED…..

MY SWEET ALLEN… Serendipity…

nita0216blog.wordpress.com/online-dating-first-experience-part-6/

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PENIS DAY…

Today is World PENIS Day

Today is World Penis Day.
Do u know that the penis is the greatest breakfast ever? According to doctors it has a mushroom head, a sausage body, two eggs and milk which provides nutrients. Thus making ladies healthy and full for 9 months. Besides it has 3 good manners too.

1. Its very courteous, it stands before it performs
2. It is very emotional, it weeps during performance 3. It is polite, it bows after performing.

Send to ladies 2 laugh and to men 2 make them happy and proud of themselves

. ⭕1. Kamasutra says : If you suck one nipple, the woman herself offers the other one. And that was the origin of “buy one get one free”!

⭕2. Did you ever notice: everything on a woman’s upper body starts with a “B”. Blouse, Bra, Bikini, Boobs & lower body with a “P” Petticoat, panties, pussy… That’s origin of “BP”!

⭕3. Before sex, you help each other get naked. After sex, you dress only yourself. Moral: In life no one helps you once you’re fucked.

⭕4. Success is like pregnancy. Everybody congratulates you but nobody knows how many times you got fucked to achieve it.

⭕5. Life is like a dick, sometimes it becomes hard for no reason.

⭕6. Practical thought: A husband is supposed to make his wife’s panties wet, not her eyes. A wife is supposed to make her husband’s dick hard, not his life..!

⭕When a lady is pregnant,
all her friends touch her stomach and say “Congrats!”.
But none of them come and touch the man’s Penis and say “Well done!”.
Moral: Hard work is never appreciated: Only results matter.

✅Now that I’ve educated you, share this fun.

Happy penis day…
If you are a man, clap for yourself!!!

MY LIFE IN A NUTSHELL… part 2

A FRESH START

A LOOK DOWN FROM THE SKY

So I arrived in Florida…it was a Saturday night.. November 5 th…my baby and I was met by my aunt… as we drove to her home I was just in awe of my new surroundings… I still couldn’t believe I was here….

My only regret was leaving my older son behind..and I still could see his little face so sad.. and hear his voice saying…

“The only thing you forget is me … is me mommy”…..

Those words haunted me to this day.. and still bring tears to my eyes.. I couldn’t take him with me..and I hated leaving him behind.. but I had get away from this man of mine…

I refused to stay and be physically abused… I had to sacrifice leaving my son.. but I promised I would make it right…(it took me six years to get him with me… eventually…)

My aunts was very receptive and seemed glad to have me… my baby was only a year and ten months… and was a crier… he clings to me a lot.. which was expected..

Christmas 🎄 came and went.. the weather was a bit chilly for me… and in January I thought it’s time for me to find work…

But…

My aunt refuses to babysit for me and I couldn’t afford the nursery… so I decided to take him back home until I get settled in a job and was capable of looking after him…

‘This was in February …. I reluctantly left him with his father.. and now I had to leave both my boys behind.. but… I was determined to come back and do everything I can to get them both with me…

I came back and immediately decided to find work.. I couldn’t get a job in my profession as an accountant… due to lack of computer knowledge or was I computer literate…. I decided to try as a cashier which I gain from being a assistant manager at a supermarket…

Thus.. my career as a cashier began… I picked up a job in a retail store…..I stayed at my aunt house for one year before she asked me to leave.. I then moved to Orlando Florida to stay with another aunt…

I came here and picked up another job.. so I had two jobs now…

Every summer I would go back home to see my babies.. this was the second summer for me.. when I return home and see my baby I was was so upset at his condition…

His father was not taking care of him… I almost didn’t come back.. I cried all the way home… and I told and relate to my aunt about what was happening with my baby and just how concerned I was and how distraught I was…

She saw my motherly anguish.. and promised to help me get accommodations so I could get my babies with me…

She and her husband was in real estate so she told me she would see if she could get me approved for a mortgage.. and she did…

And by the end of that year I got me a house… I went to get my baby .. but my older son didn’t have a visa.. so again I had to leave him behind…

I cause that baby of mine so much sorrow… I tried to make up with gifts… hoping it would make him happy… and when I finally decided to go get him.. he was 16 years old…

I had lost him. He out grew me.. and me him..he seems happy back there.. but… when he came here he became so depressed… that he tried to commit suicide at eighteen..

I was never home.. I worked.. from 11pm to 2 pm for day five days a week… I was always so afraid of leaving him… but.. thank goodness he never again tried it…

My youngest father also decided that he’s gonna join me and I allow him because my son was very attached by now… I was hoping he had changed his abusive ways..

I had also agreed to marry him.. and as soon as we got married he started to physically abuse me again… I keep trying and trying until I just had more than I could take… it took me four years to finalize our relationship…I called the police and file a domestic dispute… they got him out and I changed the locks and get me a security system in place…

Hence.. divorcing his sorry ass… I have been single since…

Over the next 20 years I worked those two jobs.. maintained my mortgage.. and see my kids through to adulthood…

In my view.. I have successfully achieved and accomplish my goal of being there for my children… I call this progress…

Yes I could have gone back to school.. get back into my accounting profession… but I was too overwhelmed with bills and babies to stop and again make more sacrifices and putting my babies second…

It was enough that I was working these long hours.. not spending enough time with them to add studying to that list..

I’m proud of where I am… what I have accomplished…my boys are now adults and are two of the most amazing men there is…

They both have families and are super dads… I guess I must have done something right after all.. am so very proud of them… and I’m so contented that I can retire and notworry about them or me…

My hard work pays off.. in the end… I’m able to survive financially and if I am short or in need.. my awesome sons is there to help me out..

What more can one ask for…

If that’s not being successful…

Then what is…????

I may have been a late bloomer and my life didn’t took off until I was in my thirties.. it may took a change of complete scenery and location..but… I. did it… I made it happen.. I got my own home… I became independent… and most of all I became the provider my kids needed…

It may not seem much to many but to me.. looking at where I am to where I have been… I have accomplished quite a lot… and I call it being successful…

I grew out of my insecurities and my lack of confidence…

MY LIFE IN A NUTSHELL….

I was born on a Friday morning in February of 1960s…. I was the most beautiful baby girl.. but at ten months my life took a turn for the worst.. I became so sick… my mom gives me up as dead…

“ go bury her “ she commands my dad… but he wouldn’t give up on me… he didn’t stop trying to find a cure for my unexplainable condition.. and when he finally did .. he was very elated but so very disappointed that I was never the same healthy baby he had…

I grew up feeble.. and sickly.. I was awkward and clumsy with zero motor skills coordination… so everyone just treated me like a retarded invalid… they sheltered me and limit me.. to things like playtime because they thought I couldn’t handle it.. trying to protect me without realizing the great damage they were afflicting…..

My mom decided to pass away when I was nine. Leaving behind a severely damage girl… my dad took us to live with my stepmom..

And…

Life becomes an unbearable struggle till I was old enough to go on my own.. I grew alone and apart from my siblings.. I was treated with much indifference..

No love… no affection… no acknowledgement… no confidence.. no self esteem…

I had bad stutter… I fall a lot.. I continuously cry… I was bed wetter until I was about thirteen…

I was mocked.. make jokes at .. laugh at.. shun.. and scolded for everything…

But…

I out grow it all and I believe I had a decent early adulthood… I made poor choices in relationships always seeking a love I didn’t know how receive or give…

I didn’t do so well in school .. because no one ever took an interest in our education…. I don’t remember anyone ever asking me about homework.. or find out how we were progressing… after graduation..I wasn’t brazen or bold enough to be able to function in the world… I was insecure and shy.. until I read somewhere… to be shy is to be selfish because you are only thinking of yourself….

My older sister was working and going to business college… while I was home so afraid to go out there to find work…

Church was my outlet so I decided I wanted to be a nun.. a great way out. But dad .. for the first in my short life he decided to sit me down and lecture me on how it would be a waste of life to enter the nun hood…

Me … eager to please and was so fill with joy that he took out the time to sit with me and actually talked to me.. decided to withdraw my intentions to be a nun.. he promised me to pay for a business course and Advice me to go find one that I like to attend…

But what did I know about picking a decent school… I did find one … but My choice wasn’t the best so after a few months I had to …changed to a different one..

Walking home one day … my long hair caught the attention of this man driving past… ( I had the most beautiful jet black hair.. long and shiny.. I regularly wear it flowing and cascading down my back ..) he stopped and offered me a ride home… I accepted…

We started seeing each other which my father didn’t approve because he was older and has been married with three boys.. I however disobeys my dad strict order to stop seeing him.. and that relationship lasted for year and ended badly when he decided to go back to his wife….

School didn’t prove too successful and so I tried working… but that’s also ended up with me losing it..

A few months down the line I met this US marine and for six months I was in glory… I had found love .. but this too ended on a bad note when I found he was also dating another…

I had started a business and management course at a more reputable school…and it was here that I met this other girl who revealed my marine deception… and where I unfortunately gain the likes of my accounts teacher……( I was taking accounts and management course) he decided to Pursue me to my great discomfort… and when I tried to tell him I was not interested he threatened suicide with tears..

And being so damn naive I allow him to persuade me to give him a chance against my will… we ended up living together unfortunately…

We went out one night and his car broke down and I had no way home… so we spent the night in his car and went home that morning…but my dad put the fear of god in me when he warned me not to ever repeat it and to he sure I come home every night..

And the very next weekend I was again stuck with no way home and the option of living with him was a much better option than facing the wrath of my dad…. that was the worst year of my life…

I dropped out of school… he was an alcoholic.. so I was bar hopping with him… being physically abused… often go hungry… moving from place to place.. but I want to prove to my dad that I could do this… but after a year.. I finally got the courage to leave him for good and beg my dad to allow me back home.. he reluctantly did and it took me two years to start dating again…

That relationship had left a bitter taste in my mouth and a callous on my heart…

During this period of my life I was struggling to find my way out… I was not progressing…both my sisters was working in Decent jobs… and I was not… I was by far the least successful one…

My dad own a tobacco company and he allows me to work for him.. I stayed there for two years…until met my first husband… I got pregnant for him but it went sour in my seventh month..

He was a womanizer… and he couldn’t help himself… he told me once that he was like a dog thrown in a pen full of all different kinds of meat…. so he just have to take bites out of everyone.. and it’s not that he love me less.. it’s just that he has all these tasteful choices and he just couldn’t resist biting into them… but know that I’m his favorite…and he will always loves me the best…

I couldn’t see it his way so left him with his delightful choices and moved back home… I had my baby.. got back together with him.. and he took care of us until he decided to move back home to America.. he was an American…

Me and my stepmom was really not the best of friends… but she agrees to look after my son while I go work.. I was very appreciative but I honestly neglected my son with the poor excuse that he’s well taken care of..

everyone in my family undermines me and I had no control over him.. so

I allowed everyone to take control away from me because I lacked the guts to stand up to them.. so as usual I run away and hide instead… I got lost in working three jobs..never realizing how much I was hurting my baby boy…

My stepmom took pride in full responsibility and never fails to put me down to my son…

But..

I did allow it gladly… telling myself that he’s ok and he is loved by everyone… this lasted five years until my father passed away from an heart attack…

Then everything changes for me.. I quit my job… I ended my four year relationship with a non progressed guy… that following year went by with me not remembering what took place.. I was in a daze..

But…

The second year.. I got married to my best friend.. .. he was my salvation and my angel….he was the best thing ever to happen to me… too bad it took me until he died to realize the great blessing he was to me….

I got pregnant with my second son.. that same year…my stepmom chased me out of the house letting me know that I won’t be bringing no more babies inside there.. and of course I allow her to decide my fate.. I had to leave my first son behind… this was my second mistake in abandoning him..

But the truth be told.. she wanted us girls out.. so she and her biological sons could have the house… she got her desire… of course..I made up my mind never to return to that house.. let her have it.. I will get mine someday…

I had been to hell and back with my baby father.. and when my baby was a year and ten months… I decided to do something about coming to America… my husband was an American .. so I asked him to file for me…

I got the chance and I took it..from the first day I set foot on American soil.. my whole world has changed for the better…

***************++**********++***********

TO BE CONTINUED….

My PROSPECTIVE on Being OLD….

My PROSPECTIVE on Being OLD….

https://nita0216blog.wordpress.com/2020/01/27/my-prospective-on-being-old/
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