A SLAP ๐Ÿ‘‹ IN FACE…. part 4

Born December 27th

….. John woke up and saw me outside.. he came and asked if I was ready to go.. I told him yes..

I sat there thinking and wishing I did not made the choice I had.. and feeling so upset because apart from upsetting her I have ruin my Christmas plans..

I got up retrieved my things and said bye to her.. not getting a response..

And head for the car.. my son and I .. we had a good little conversation on our way… and he was very sympathetic to me.. he shows understanding and actually told me that he thinks she has more issues than she thinks he has..

I had to agree with that statement.. he gives me a few examples of her iritic outburst… which he thought was very unnecessary especially with her eldest… but he said she doesn’t receive advices or suggestions too well…

That was enough explanation for me..

It was their second anniversary so I asked him to go easy on her and try not to do or say anything to upset the day…

He dropped me off and headed back home..

It took me two days to overcome my feelings.. and on the second day I thought I’d send her a text apologizing.. hoping she would now be in a better frame of mind..

Hey ๐Ÿ‘‹ Megan..

I do hope you are feeling much better today…

I’m so sorry ๐Ÿ˜ my visit took a turn for the worst…

I didn’t mean to upset ๐Ÿ˜ก you so badly..

I just wanted to spend some time with you and enjoy ๐Ÿ˜Š your company..

So sorry ๐Ÿ˜ for what I have said to make you so ๐Ÿ˜  mad…

It was never my intentions..

I just hope we can move forward and beyond it..

And continue as friends..

I am not mad with you..

I know you are just going through a very emotional time right now. .. being in your last month of pregnancy ๐Ÿคฐ and all..

And have a family to take care of..

You are doing such an awesome ๐Ÿ‘ job sweet girl…

You are a strong girl and you are a most wonderful mom and wife…

Keep on doing what you are doing..”

It went unanswered..

I even tried to butter her up.. hoping she would smile..

Ooh well!!?? I guess I just better leave it at that..

The next two weeks to Christmas ๐ŸŽ„ was very emotional for me because for the very first time I’m not going to be celebrating ๐Ÿฅณ Christmas without John…

John came over Christmas Eve with ayden..

We went out to eat.. he spent a few hours then leave..

We had exchange Christmas ๐ŸŽ„ gifts ๐ŸŽ . And good wishes ..

So next day ( Christmas ๐ŸŽ„ Day) was just me and my younger son home.. I tried to make the best of it..

The day came and went very uneventful..

I got a text from John that Friday.. baby coming.. and a couple hours later.. he sent photos..

So baby was born at 10am Friday morning…

And just when I was getting over my emotional state .. here comes another reason for me to be sad ๐Ÿ˜ข…

I won’t be able to go see my granddaughter.. and I vowed that I would never go back to her home unless she personally invited me..

It’s been two weeks since the birth of my granddaughter..

And she did send some pictures to me and we had a little texting dialogue.. but I haven’t heard from her since..

And I’m not anxiously thinking that is an invite to resume connection..

So I will wait until she decided to do so..

I have been talking to friends about what happens.. and their suggestions have me looking at the whole scenario differently.. and at different angles…

One such suggestions is that maybe she wanted to cut John’s families out of the picture..

I don’t really care too much other than I’m not going to be able to spend much time with my granddaughter..

But I can do it if I have to.. I just find it so funny.. the extreme of it all..

Here I’m am left with total responsibility of my younger son daughter.. to the point that I have to ask him to give me a break..

And now I’m not going to be able to see this one at all..

I just can’t win for losing…

I will just have to let it all play out and deal with whatever comes..

A SLAP ๐Ÿ‘‹ IN THE FACE… part 3

BE CAREFUL WITH WHAT YOU SAY…

WORDS CAN HURT ๐Ÿ˜ž MUCH MORE THAN

A SLAP ๐Ÿ‘‹……..

THE AFTER EFFECTS….

…… I continued to cook dinner .... she locked herself in her bedroom… I was really uncomfortable and wish I could leave and go home… my emotions was running high and wild….

I felt guilty and badly for causing her rage… but I had mixed feelings.. the more I think about the conversation.. I come up with the conclusion that I didn’t actually say anything to have cause her reacting in that manner..

And… come to think about it she was very mean and somewhat rude to the point of disrespect… shouldn’t I have reminded her of who she was talking to and asked her to address me with more respect than that..

I didn’t even raise my voice once. I maintain my composure.. why then am I so forgiving and remorseful.. could it be because I’m in her home….

Or..

Is it because she is pregnant..

I find myself very understanding and even compassionate towards her… my throat was tightening up again..and my eyes were filling up with tears.. accidentally spilling down my face..

I think it’s because I liked her so much and I wanted so much to spend this time with her… we don’t really communicate too often and I so much wanted be close with her..

This is a side of her I never saw or known..

So after I finish cooking I thought I would go see if she has calm down and try to break the ice. .. letting her know that I’m not mad.. hoping she would be receptive to my gesture…

But..

She was very cold and distant..and had an negative attitude…

So I just back away disappointingly.. and utter a “OUCH “……

I went to my grandson room… I was not feeling too good and again I wish I could leave… why did I invite my silly ass over… I question myself…

My son came home but I didn’t go out to greet him…

But later on I decided to go and put away the food for the night… she didn’t come out if her room all evening..

John was sitting on the couch and he came in the kitchen to ask me why did I say that to her about her son..

So I had to explain to him the conversation we had that leads up to me mentioning her son to her..

I broke down in the middle of the story and my son..he doesn’t know how to deal with emotions…so he was getting uncomfortable ๐Ÿ˜ฃ and asked me to stop… so I did..

I finished up with what I was doing and went back to the room.. I lay there for hours going over and over in my mind the incident that occurred…

She chooses to tell john just the comment I made about her son… shaking my head… and to think of it …..she was the one who said everything she wanted John to believe I said…

I dozed off with tears flowing… I was very hurt for more reasons than one..

I didn’t get up with my grandson that morning….but after they left For school I got up.. got ready.. pack my belongings.. and decided to go sit outside in the backyard until my son wakes up…

She was on the couch.. I shouted , ” good morning ๐Ÿ˜ƒโ˜€๏ธ๐ŸŒž Megan “….

I didn’t get a reply.. so as I was passing to go through the door to the backyard.. I asked,

” are you okay today??….”

She replied very sarcastically and very nonchalantly ..

“As good as I’m going to be “….

I replied.. “that’s good “….

I sensed her indifference and her detachment… so I just leave her alone..

*************++++************

TO BE CONTINUED…

A SLAP IN THE FACE…. part 2

ONE BIG SLAP ๐Ÿ‘‹ IN THE FACE

THE CONVERSATION….

The evening went well.. we all retired to our sleeping quarters…

I slept with my grandson and he woke me up pretty early.. they had school…

My son was off to work early .. I had some coffee โ˜•๏ธ sit for a while with meg..

And about an hour later .. decided to get up to change out my pjs…I asked meg what was on her agenda…and she said she wanted to go to the store to pick up something.. I told her I would glad to ride along with her..

I thought she meant later in the morning but just as I got into my clothes.. she asked if I was ready… so we went off to the store…

While there I picked up a few things.. mostly snacks for me and the boys…

We were having a conversation about blood type. And meg was getting a bit agitated ๐Ÿ˜ฃ with my questions and suggestions about her knowing her kids blood type.. so much so that I had to cut off the conversation entirely and letting her know it’s only me that these things are so important to… I didn’t like her tone … and definitely did not want to upset her…

We got home.. it was still too early for anything.. I again told her I would love to take over the cooking so she would not have to stand up so long…

So we sat down.. she turns on the news… and me…( ๐Ÿคฆโ€โ™€๏ธ smh ..sigh) .. I decided to ask her about her comment about her second son living with his father…

It starts out very casually with her saying she would not allow it.. but she went on farther stating that John is envious of her son and his father..

I did not agree with her and so it became a discussion which spiral out of control on her part. She let me know that John is still having abandonment issues.. that he has been crying and been threatening suicide..

So I just said.. annoyingly..

” He is almost 40 years old… it’s time he gets over this shit”….

Oh my.. she got very belligerent and started to blame me for him going through all that emotional trauma …

I remain calm and asked her not to be so upset.. I tried to change my approach by admitting the fault and then tried to explain my reasons for and behind making that choice which affects him so badly ..

I started off saying…

“When we are young we as parents sometimes make choices with and for our children without ๏ฟผthe realization of how it may or will affect them…”

I continued with the explanation of why I left him behind…and To clarify and satisfy my story or excuses or explaination..I kinda finish by saying…(trying or hoping she would understand.. ) just like the the choice you made with your oldest son..

Ooh man.. she flew off the handle… and went into a raging fit.. saying that she has not abandoned her son.. because she didn’t leave him and come to another country

I didn’t say anything about her abandoning her son .. but I only make matters worse when I say the distance doesn’t matter..

I had to stop talking because I was afraid of her getting into such a rage.. but she continued to spew out a whole heap of negative remarks about me.. including the fact that I mess up my son and leave her to pick up the pieces.. I just say ” ouch ๐Ÿ˜ฃ ”

And..

“Oops ๐Ÿคญ๐Ÿ˜ฌ”

And just walked away..

I was so hurt .. her words cut really deep.. because I had struggled with great guilt and remorse for years… I couldn’t go back and undo the damage I had cause my son….and I had suffered with him during the height of his first onset of deep depression… and I don’t see him with that emotions anymore.. so I was not believing it was still affecting him to the degree of how she wanted me to believe…. he had come along way.. and he has progressed so much.. I’m swell with pride sometimes just thinking of him and how he has grown.1

the tears was threatening to flow..I had to take a minute to calm down my emotions..and I started to cook as I promised… how could she be so mean…????!!!! If only she could know and realize just how much my decision and choice has hurt me in past… and how very much I regretted leaving him behind….

It was really like a slap ๐Ÿ‘‹ to my face..

I really don’t see how our conversation could have reached to that point…but..

She’s pregnant and highly emotional..so I didn’t hold it against her… she was obviously ๐Ÿ™„ on edge all morning… and I guess it didn’t take much to trigger off her reaction..

………………………………………

TO BE CONTINUED…

Featured

A SLAP ๐Ÿ‘‹ IN THE FACE.. part 1

YOUR MOOD SHOULD NOT DICATE YOUR MANNERS

The visit

I have a daughter in law for the past ten years.. my oldest son wife…

They have three boys and is expecting a little girl in January…

They live in another city from me..and they just purchased a house …

It’s approximately an hour driving to get to me so I don’t get to see them and my grandchildren too often…

My daughter in law….MEG…. and I don’t really talk too much… she’s a nice pleasant girl and we get along quite well…

I have seen her… in early November during her baby shower…but haven’t really spoken to her… so after a nearly a month I decided to call her to check up on her… and while we were talking she mentioned she was on vacation…

And me being free totally invited myself over to spend a couple days with her.. I thought it would be so nice to just chitchat with her and I would be able to spend some time with my grandsons..

I called my son and told him of my big plan.. and asked him to pick me up that weekend… I was a little excited for the opportunity to get away for a couple days..and was rather thrilled to spend some time with meg and the boys.. also see my son.. I miss seeing him..

He agreed on Sunday.. but come Sunday he said he wasn’t able to make it and would come for me Wednesday instead.. my mind went in over ride… with all the negative reasons he decided not to pick me up..

To say the least.. I was very disappointed ๐Ÿ˜” to the point of tears … I was so looking forward to this visit..

My son somehow sensed my feelings and I got a text from him that same evening that meg will pick me up next day… my first feelings was to denied it.. but I thought I was just being petty.. and acting silly… so I just said okay ๐Ÿ‘Œ…I will be ready and waiting..

Come Monday morning I got up got myself ready .. she arrived at about 11am.. I was glad to see her.. and I mentioned my concern about her driving so far in her condition… she assured me she was fine but I was still a bit worried ๐Ÿ˜Ÿ to the point of guilt..having her come all this way for me…

I pushed it aside though.. trying not to let my feelings mess up my visit.. I’m just going to enjoy meg and the boys…

The evening went by well.. we took some time to talk and catch up… the boys was very happy ๐Ÿ˜ƒ to see me.. I told meg I would cook dinner to give her the break to just relax…

My son got home a little late.. and a little tired..

We all eat… and then sit down to watch a little tv ๐Ÿ“บ…

The next day was their anniversary so we talked about that and their plans… then we went on to talk about Christmas and the menu..

And what is expected.. I mentioned that I was going to come over a couple days before just so I could get everything prep and to give meg a break from doing much in her last weeks of pregnancy….

The conversation went to gifts ๐ŸŽ for the boys.. and meg mentioned that John (my son) was talking about giving the youngest a car for his sixteen birthday ๐ŸŽ..

That is eight years away…so I intervene and told John that he has to think of the two older boys first..

( you see the two oldest is his stepsons and he feels it’s their fathers duty to give them a ๐Ÿš˜ car)

So we had a little debate on that with me trying to convince him to be fair enough as a father and know that he has to do for them as much as his own biological son… meg mentioned that the second boy chooses to be there with them… in the sense of proving that he loves his stepdad..

I didn’t comment on what she said apart from agreeing with her… but it causes me to think and wonder if she would allow him to live with his dad if he so desires…

Over the past ten years I tried to give my motherly advice to her as much as she asked for it…or if I observed something I think needed to be addressed I would offer some kind of suggestions or say what I think.. she was always receptive to my little advices and interferences… because I live apart from them I limit what I say or how I feel seeing that I really don’t have much control on anything.. so all in all I do allow them to be the boss of their life…

In saying so.. I found out a few months ago that she removed her oldest son out of his home and put him to live with her mom.. I asked my son about it and he asked me not to mention it to her because it’s a very sensitive subject with her… so against my feelings I decided to not asked her or mentioned it…

I actually didn’t agree with her decision and I wanted to let her know my reasons and tried to encourage her to get him back in with his brothers .. I fear what the seperation might do to him emotionally and how it will affect him..

I made a similar choice with her husband… I moved out and leave him behind and eventually relocated abroad…

He suffered from abandonment issues and went into deep depression as a teenager… So this is what I fear will happen with her son eventually if she doesn’t get him back home soon..

But I honor my son’s request and decided to leave it alone.. as much as we talked and much as I like her.. I was not that close to her to interfere in her personal choice… I just didn’t think it was in my place to question her decision with her son as much as it displeased me…

……………………………………………

TO BE CONTINUED

MOMENTS OF WEAKNESS…

All my life I find I have been doing for everyone that asked for my help… and I do it even at my own Inconvenience… and at the time in question I always gladly oblige willingly without complaints..

I always tell myself I’m paying forward.. but as time goes by.. over the years I come to realize that my good deeds is mostly not appreciated or reciprocated by those I was kind to…

I used to overlook all this telling myself that I will one day reap the benefits of my good will…and I I have done it from the good of my heart…

But…

I come to realize … that I’m only fooling myself waiting In expectation to gain from my investment…

So now I’m becoming annoyed and a little bitter … always doing without any returns…. and I started to feel used and abused ….

Then I stopped to think ๐Ÿค”….hmm..?????

Don’t I allow it by always agreeing to help..why can’t I say no or complain to the responsibility party… so to feel justified instead of keeping this anguish bottled up inside?????…

Could it be because I’m a coward!!!!…

Does it makes me a hypocrite????……

Isn’t NO an answer from GOD????!!!!..

Here’s a good example of a scenario of my good deeds and not getting back in return…

I had been the least successful one in my teenage years to thirty… both of my sisters end up with good job positions… while I couldn’t hold down a decent one….

I struggled financially for all those years..until life smiles on me when I made the choice of marrying my second husband … my family was very amused at my choice and even make it the biggest joke…

You see my husband was an American and an artist… he was older and wasn’t easy on the eyes…but he sure has a heart of gold…that I guess …couldn’t be seen by anyone but me..

Anyways this marriage works in my favor that I get the opportunity to come to America… and my life went in an accession and elevate.… it took off and I went with it…

In two years I bought my home… and became the first to own a house… and for the next few years Both my sisters came to stay with me while they tried to get settled here… and I allowed them to come in my home and treat me like I was in theirs …

I also helped them out financially when needed…was a gift never a loan…

And twenty years down the line.. they are doing well enough for themselves… and I feel into a ditch.. and needed some financial assistance to get me out…

And I asked my sisters to help… and even though they could neither one came through for me…

I shook my head… it sadden me … and I think… why when it’s my turn to receive .. it’s never possible…

That’s is only one scenario that stands out..

The saying that goes.. ” you don’t do to receive because your blessing will come….”

Is all good.. and I have great testimonies of being blessed with crossing paths with some most wonderful and amazing people who have done so much for me without me reciprocating the favor..

And I’m full of gratitude and always keep these people close..

But…

I can’t help feeling abused when I’m taken for granted and being used… and for all the good it does for me… I allowed myself to be used because it’s my WEAKNESS…

And being a coward and a hypocrite is my way of dealing with it all… NO is not in my vocabulary when asked…

So I suffer the consequences of not being able to be honest with everyone and not being true to myself….

Being too kind and trying to be too helpful has its repercussions … I tend to inconvenience myself to please the ones I’m trying to help..

And most times they have no gratitude and think they are entitled and treat me as if it’s my obligation..

*************+++++***************+++++

TO BE CONTINUED…

Part 2..

Second scenario…” the freeloader.”

THE CINDERELLA ROLE….

Pot wash and draining
A clean and empty kitchen sink

Maan… everyone treats me like the stepchild in my home… especially when it comes to the kitchen….

I cook.. and I have to do the dishes and pots and floors… I do allow this treatment to an extent because I realize that complaining or asking for help doesn’t actually have any effect…

But…

I do get so annoyed sometimes to the point of anger…and sometimes lash out verbally in a belligerent attitude…

And they will take heed and wash their own dishes for a day but it never lasted more than a day…

So I keep on acting the part of a live in maid.. consoling myself with the thought that….it’s my choice and it’s my kitchen so I have to keep it clean…

Some days I am so ambivalent… and cannot make up my mind about deciding how to deal with it all…

I go through my emotions quietly because I tend to get very aggressive and say things which causes a negative reaction…

I think of leaving for a while…

But I fear what would take place when I’m gone. I would come back to a messy house…I also know that I would not be completely comfortable anywhere else.. for too long…

So I needed a solution… and nothing is coming through to me..

And I only make matters worse when I took in my niece and nephew… they only add to my distress..

Because they just follow suit and I get stuck with additional work…

I get really flustered sometimes and a little frustrated… and I’m trying not to act petty with being vindictive like.. not cooking… or just leave the sink full of dirty dishes..

Nah… I couldn’t sleep if I know that the kitchen is untidy… and I would feel super guilty to know they are hungry….

I just can’t win for losing….

Guess only option is to continue being the stepchild in this home… and get on with my Cinderella role…๐Ÿ˜Šโ˜บ๏ธ๐Ÿ˜Œ

MEMORIES OF YESTERDAY…

My brother And I… CHEERS ๐Ÿฅ‚

GRANDMA ๐Ÿ‘ต COOKING…

One of my fondest and favorite memories of my childhood days … is my grandma’s cooking…

My brother and I were very fortunate to live most of my childhood with grandma…

We were a very big family … my grandma mothered ten children including my dad…

So she was always in the kitchen fixing something delicious to feed her flock… whenever I see her in the kitchen I become very anxious and impatient for whatever she was fixing to eat…

As I get older I used to find the excuse of trying to help although I always seem to get in her way…. I just wanted to see what she was making…

Every meal grandma makes was so scrumptiously delicious… so every meal time was a great pleasure for me and my siblings..

I always admire her for her dedication to feed us … and holidays was a treat … she would prepare her most favorite recipes and she would invite all of her grown kids and family over…

We would all sit in groups talking and mingling and just enjoying each other company..

And when it’s time to eat everyone would eagerly gather at the table and dive in to a most appetizing and enjoyable meal… every one commenting on her different recipes and complimenting her on just how good it all is..

She would just shrug her shoulders and waved them off as if it was nothing special…and to her it probably was not.. it just comes natural to her..

But..

To me and everyone at that dining table…

It was a thrill just to be there to partake and enjoy that most delicious meal prepared so graciously..

And to top it off .. she would have the most tastiest dessert..that of course she baked herself..

Christmas Dinner was always a nine meal course.. including our famous Christmas drink “The Sorrel “…

She always makes two versions..one for the adults.. with rum or wine..

And one for the kids.. without..

How I miss my grandma.. and the great cook she was… I crave her meals right now….she was definitely my fondest memory…she really makes my childhood memorable with her talented cooking…

GETTING LOCKED OUT… of your own house ๐Ÿ ….โ˜บ๏ธ๐Ÿ˜Š

I have a habit of going to my neighbor’s to hang out….

I usually have a spare key ๐Ÿ”‘ for my door but..

My nephew came to stay with me and I gave him that spare key..

So this afternoon I decided to go see my neighbor and I did say to him ..

” please don’t lock me out “….

I spent a couple of hours with my neighbor..

We had a glass of wine ๐Ÿท

Eat a bowl of ice cream ๐Ÿจ…watch a little tv program..

And then head back over.. my cat ๐Ÿˆ she scared ๐Ÿ˜ฆ me running up to meet me… wanting to get inside too..

Lo and behold .. the door is locked.. I rang the door bell..for about two minutes..

Oops ๐Ÿ˜ฌ!!! I don’t have my nephew’s phone number…

But….

My daughter in law is home…

So I called her number…no answer.. So I texted… still no answer…

Is she just being spiteful. Or is she sleeping ๐Ÿ˜ด??!!!!

As I stand there.. getting a little impatient.. a little irritable ๐Ÿ˜ … I tried to maintain my composure…

The mosquitoes ๐ŸฆŸ are on the rampage … they are feasting on me.. and I happen to be wearing shorts…

How can I get to quan… my daughter in law is being the bitch she is… completely ignoring me.. how many times I had to get up out my bed …. just to let her in when her fiancรฉe locked her out..???!!!!

Anyways she’s not going to be an option right now…

And then it dawned on me… I can call my brother or my neicy to get his number… and that’s what I did..

So I got in… and look whose up and is in the kitchen.. hmm ๐Ÿค”… I guess I was right to think she was just ignoring my ass…

Oooh well!!!!

Lesson learned..

I will never take the chance of leaving without my keys ..again..

It’s definitely not a good feeling…when you can’t get into your own house… and I am so glad I did not lose my cool and get mad ๐Ÿ˜ก…

It’s always work out best when one is calm enough to think ๐Ÿค” logically…

I was out there for about ten minutes which could have lasted much longer…

So .. I’m very pleased to be on the inside… well at least the mosquitoes ๐ŸฆŸ were very happy ๐Ÿ˜ƒ at my mishap… they got their fill..

BEING A MOM… VS… BEING A GRANDMA…

So sweet she is
My most beautiful granddaughter…

It’s so amazing how we think so very differently as we aged enough to experience the joy of being called grandma…

Maybe it’s the experience of age..

Maybe it’s just living to see your children having children…

Or maybe it’s the journey through life that leaves us with the changes and experiences that make us think differently and treat the grand offsprings with such differences compared to how we treated our own children…

I’m so happy to be able to be alive to experience the grandchildren I have now…

But…

I do realize that I have such a different attitude and approach with them than I ever had with their parents..

I show more patience …

More understanding….

More eagerness…

I reflect back sometimes and it makes me sad sad ๐Ÿ˜ž to remember how impatient I was…how much I lack understanding…

And just how apathetic I was…

Yet I know I have loved my kids… as much as any mother could… but.. I lack that interest to give my all…

We call it discipline .. we call it structure .. we call it teaching…

Yet just years later we forget why and how we did what we did.. and doesn’t apply it to our grandchildren….

We have a complete set of new rules and expect our kids to take our new found advice and abide by them… when dealing with their kids…

My son had to remind me of how I scolded him for some kind of behavior I was insisting that he doesn’t do when he was trying to discipline his baby…

And I tried so hard to justify my then actions.. so he could understand my now reasoning for not wanting him to apply such.. with his daughter…

Life really teaches us.. and it brings changes… of how we see everything…

I have to really restrain myself from interfering with his methods of discipline… and allow him to be the father to his daughter.. whether or not I approve or not…

I guess we all have different values we try to instill in our kids…every parent have their very own…and we just have to allow and respect each and every one to be the boss of their kids upbringing…

Just as I have learned along way… I think so will everyone else too…

So I will continue to enjoy my sweet and adorable grandbabies… when I do get the chance…

And leave my kids to their parenting skills… afterall … they are the boss of them…

BESTIES ๐Ÿ‘ฏ….TILL NOT …. Cory… part 3

ALL GOOD THINGS MUST END…

We were doing well until about two months down the line.. you see Cory has his own preferences and likes… and he confided in me these things…

I indulge him when he first told me… we all have something we are into that’s our personal secrets..

So I understood this and let him go on about it.. I even encouraged him and give him room to express his feelings… I joked with him and entertained his habits even it was not something I particularly find joy in…

After a while when I realize that he chooses to share much too often these likes with photos…videos… or little jokes which tickles him …. but actually annoys me or as much as repulse me .. I asked him kindly not to share anymore with me because I don’t enjoy them …

He agrees but he continues to send them to me… so on this particular day he sent me some photos which he finds very interesting… and I guess amusing…

I said to him…

” Cory I Don’t find joy in these photos.. please stop sending me them”…

It was a text message…

Maan…. did he get upset…

He started to call me selfish and controlling….and claimed that he would never tell me to stop sending him photos even if he doesn’t like them..

He proceeded to call me ๐Ÿค™ directly and we ended up in an heated argument … me being very belligerent and him criticizing my character.. trying to tell me how I am and how I like to control things.. I

I even reminded him of an incident where he did not like a inspirational video I sent because he had very different opinions and views about these kinds of videos….

We did have a discussion about it with me trying to convince him to see it through my eyes… and I had to end up accepting defeat and I promise him I will not share anymore of these kind of videos with him…

And I didn’t anymore…

I totally disagree with the fact that I am controlling and telling I own my right to choose what I like or don’t…

We were talking verbally and I’m very weak in conversation verbally… especially when I’m getting angry…

I ask him why is he attacking my character and why is he questioning my morals and dignity…

He continues to say how very selfish I am and how I am ; giving me all kinds of examples from our pass conversations…

So after I realize I’m here trying to justify my self and trying to explain too much to him .. just because I asked him not to send me those pics…

I hung up with him…

After I calm down a little.. I sent him a text asking him to let’s move past this topic seeing that we have established what I am and who I am…

He responded back .. agreeing to do so…

I did not hear from him the next few days.. he ignored all my text messages .. so I give a couple more days and send him another text…

I asked him if his lack of communication means that our friendship is over… he responded back that we have nothing to talk about unless I call him directly without the texting mode…

To be honest I was kinda annoyed with his attitude… so I told him I will call him another day…

And I told him I hope we can move on with our friendship as is .. and put all this stuff behind us…

He again tells me it’s just me trying to control everything and it’s only about what I want… he said he is not finished with our conversation as yet..

oooh boy!!!(sigh)…..

I just texted ok..

And stop …

After two days I decided to call him like he requested.. and it wasn’t long before we ended up back where we left off..I tried my best to explain and begging ๐Ÿฅบ him to just drop it.. because I don’t see the sense in us arguing about a subject that has no relevance to what started the whole thing.. me asking him to stop sending me those pictures….

But he just wouldn’t let go.. and then he mentioned that he was not the only one that thinks I’m controlling…

Now this started a whole new argument…because I got really upset asking him who is The others… because there is no others in our circle…

So after a few minutes of debating on that and I came up with the conclusion that the other can only be ABBEY…. she is our only mutual connection… I ended our conversation again…

Of course this really did not go well with him…but I cannot have a reasonable discussion when I’m upset….

so I sent him another text message pleading with him to let get past this phase and move forward….

He was at all receptive to this suggestion because he said we have unfinished topics…

So I let another couple days go by before I attempt again to resume our communication… he also refused to connect with me…leaving me thinking that he was waiting on me to make the first move….

I really didn’t want us to end on this note or was I willing to give up on our friendship; and so I try to be the more mature one and make that attempt to resolve our differences…

However before I call I sent him a text stating that I really want to move beyond our dispute … asking him to let’s leave it where it is…

He somehow agrees and so I called…

The conversation started on a very good note…and we talked about other subjects until he decided he wanted to mention something pertaining to the past conversations..

I allowed him.. thinking I’m going to stay as calm as I can and try to see if I can answer his questions and move away from it..

But.. again it spiral out of control and he made comments that really irks me… and I couldn’t get him to change the subject so I abruptly hang up… i was very mad at him and myself for allowing him to get me to this point..

And so I send him this last text….

I have had enough of your questioning of me..

I think itโ€™s time for me to exit on this relationship we call friendship…

I canโ€™t do this anymore..

You obviously canโ€™t accept me as is and so you have the choice not to…

It was good while it lasted

Iโ€™m just too old to be trying to explain myself and justify me to ya..

We were just friends…

Not enough for you to convict me and crucify me for being me…

Goodbye ๐Ÿ‘‹ Cory.

I hate how you twist everything around to suit you

And contradicts yourself.

Just so you can pin me in a corner..

You

Just pushed me over the edge…

So you just killed me with everything we were….

You win

You successfully destroyed me.. and our friendship..”

I know I was very impulsive but I just had about enough of those irrelevant subject…

So I thought I would give him a break for us to forget all this nonsense…

I know my text sounded final.. but I’m hoping I can resume connection after some time have passed…

***********************************

TO BE CONTINUED….

BESTIES ๐Ÿ‘ฏ…. UNTIL NOT… Cory.. part 2

ALL GOOD THINGS MUST END….

…… the first year went by with us enjoying conversing and sharing our lives together…

Both of us uses each other as someone to tell everything to without reservations knowing it’s just between us… we have no other connection to anyone in our circle…

OR….

This is how I view it and why I willingly confess to so much of my personal experiences… I speak freely of everyone.. my sisters ; my sons ; my friends.,..

I was thinking my feelings of distaste for them and my negative thoughts won’t cause no harm because they have no chance of ever knowing or hearing what I say or how I feel .. Cory isn’t a part of my immediate surroundings.. and some of these conversations is not for the people in question ears…. it not that it’s a secret or is it malicious in any way..

It’s just a matter of sparing feelings of hurt ๐Ÿ˜ž if told…

No one knows him.. and he knows no one…

so I vent and gripe my grievances to him freely and easily without guilt knowing it’s just between us..

We became so close ;we form a very strong bond that I even surprised myself of just how close we have grown….

And when I decided to help my ex friend abbey….

He was more than willing to help me with my campaign of helping abbey … because he saw how passionate I was to her cause…

I was very touched that he stood by me and decided to help me help her along.. I thought… only a true friend would do this kind of thing… and I admire him for it… and I hold him in very high esteem… his generosity was far and beyond…

And I was very flattered when he choose to prove his faithful friendship by doing something so out of the ordinary…

And when he sent me that voice mail I saw it as a act of loyalty to me…

I didn’t look at it.. in the sense of him deceiving her trust.. he was after all my friend…

What is two months compared to two years…???! So I didn’t hold it against him… as a matter of fact.. I thank him for letting me see her for who she was and how she actually view me as a friend…

He had some regrets after I ended my friendship with her… he didn’t anticipated me making that choice… I assured him he just opened my eyes to her true nature…

All those years I was thinking that we had a concrete bond of friendship… I just come to realize that I was just fooling myself…

Cory and I we talked for hours about it all.. me trying to understand how I never saw that side of her..Cory he just listened while I tried to make sense of it….

That the kind of friend he was.. after I think I got it all out and no more was left to be said… I asked him to not mention her name to me anymore and I will also refrain from talking about her too…

I figured they would still stay in contact and I didn’t want to have anything to do with their relationship….

and he agreed.. we continue with our friendship as is .. moving forward and beyond that episode..

But…

I never forget how he proves his faithfulness to me…

*************************

TO BE CONTINUED…..

BESTIES ๐Ÿ‘ฏ…. TILL NOT… Cory…

IN THE BLAZE OF GLORY

I first met Cory when he likes my stories I put out… he was in awe of my writing especially because they were non- fiction…

He quickly became one of my number one fan… and would always hold lengthy conversation with me with very positive comments…

I was going through a rough period in my personal life and I was in jeopardy of losing my home.. I decided to create a GoFundMe account to try to get some help from friends and relatives …

when I posted the GoFundMe campaign Cory was one of the very first to make a. Donation… so I thank him.. he had lots of questions…and because of its personal nature ..instead of discussing it publicly with him..

I decided to send him my personal email address..

We communicate this way for a while… he has lots of questions both about the GoFundMe campaign and about my stories.

I eagerly indulge him and answer all his questions without reservations…he was easy to talk to and not before long we exchanged phone numbers…

He was in Louisiana and I am in Florida.. our friendship begins to grow rapidly..

So we became close in a blaze of glory..(fast and hard)…

We became phonepals..and began to talk daily about everything and anything…

I eagerly shared my life stories with him both present and past… I thought he was a good confidant seeing that he was a neutral position…. he is not connected to anyone else in my surroundings..

I’m older than he is so he kinda used me for advice on his love life and some of his personal issues…

I obliged willingly and I was enjoying this connection and full of gratitude for his generosity as a friend.. I consider myself blessed… to have cross paths with him…

As the month past by he became a part of my daily life .:. He was so much so…. my son started to tease me about him …making little silly remarks such as ..

” mommy got herself a boyfriend… ๐Ÿ˜‚ haha ๐Ÿคฃ ”

He used to call me to give me his agenda .for the day… share his work and social life with me on a daily basis ….

I always receive it quite pleasantly and enjoy the little chitchat….

We continue with this relationship for apx two years…

He became a important part of my life..he picked up a job out of state which pays him quite good… and he actually shared his wealth with me.. topping me up on many occasions… one month he gives me $500… to cover some shortages I have financially…

I felt very appreciative but it leaves me a little guilty.. and Cory didn’t think twice about helping me like this…

He is a very special guy.. and so I tried to keep him close..

However Cory possesses a few attitude that I find a little annoying..

Such as .. he likes to dig very deeply into everything… and he contradicts himself all the time… he also has a habit of using what I told him …..as a confidant or things I would gripe about.. personal stuff I would voluntarily tell him because I thought he was neutral in the situation …. and throw it back in my face to try win an argument..

He would also repeat things I have already told him and he wants me to go over again with the same story… he would also analyze everything and draw his own conclusions and try to convince me he is right about how he interpreted it…

…. he has proven right on a few occasions… and I would say it to him… but he always wanted me to see things in his way….

Sometimes I would try to be patronizing and agree with him… but when I refused to see it his way it would cause an argument…

he makes very poor choices in women..and his only interest is sexual.. he never had a serious relationship and his choices in mate is never girlfriend material…

What I love about him though..is…

He is always calm…never gets rattled no matter how irritated ๐Ÿ˜ฃ and infuriated I get.. I would be shouting and getting boisterous … but he would never lose his composure or his cool… it is an characteristic trait I always admire and would loved to possess…

He has a very kind heart…and is very empathetic… and he is a very loyal friend…he is a good listener ( sometimes) he is always honest with me. And always tell me the truth about everything….

Cory isn’t perfect …and I had accept him for who he is and over the months of knowing him I grew to love him dearly…

Our friendship took off in a “A BLAZE OF GLORY “…..

****************************

TO BE CONTINUED….

BESTIES ๐Ÿ‘ฏ TILL NOT…. part 4

MY REACTION AND CHOICES…

She disappoint me with her response.. I wanted her just say to me…

“Wendy I don’t like that you are asking Cory for money for me…please don’t or please stop…”

Anything that will counteract her voice call to Cory… I would have understood her feelings knowing her as the friend she is…

So I really became upset thinking she really was trying to ruin my reputation and discredit me to Cory… without even giving me credit for trying to help her…I shook my head and made the only choice I think was appropriate…

Walk away from this friendship.. so I decided to send her another text.. I didn’t even want to talk to her..I was done …

“Well Abbs..

I guess it takes me almost 40 years to figure out that you are not truly for me…

Iโ€™m very disappointed ๐Ÿ˜” that this friendship was not as real to you as it was for me..

I really thought I was doing everything I can to help a friend in need..

and I centered my help around you…

And you go and discredit me to a dear friend .. a friend who was more than willing to help me help you…

Cory is somewhat of a special person… but Iโ€™m afraid o

From where Iโ€™m standing..

I see ingratitude..

I see false pride..

I see you donโ€™t see All the effort I have been making to help you stay afloat ….

But I donโ€™t need any recognition because I was doing it out of loyalty and as a friend…

I am withdrawing my friendship from you..

I really hoped life treats you well…Abbs

I never thought this how we would have ended our friendship..

But as things stand..

You ended it a long time ago…

And itโ€™s so obvious that you really donโ€™t want my interference in your life or do you need my help…

Goodbye abbey..”

She did respond with a lengthy text wanted to know if she has ever been kind to me.. and playing dumb to my accusations of her discrediting me..

And informing Me of her plans to get her finances in check…never acknowledging my efforts to be of help to her…She mentioned that she was not ungrateful but didn’t actually state for what… and she went on about how Independent she is and how she tries to do for herself…

I didn’t bother to respond to her… I just didn’t see the sense.. the forty years of friendship was not in question.. or was her character….it was all about what she said to Cory in that negative way… I didn’t want to go back in history.. and I didn’t feel like giving her my reassurance of how I hold her in his esteem because of her drive and willingness to do everything it takes to be a better person..

This was my ultimate reason for going to the extreme to try to help her get over this bump/ hurdle… I know she was capable of getting certified so she can be more flexible and versatile in the job market….

I want her to have choices and options…

I thought she understood this when I promised her to help get by until she finished with that course…

it takes just two minutes to completely destroy our lifelong friendship…and it really saddens me to know that she never appreciated all that I have tried to do for her..

And I have done so much over the years… don’t get me wrong..she has done for me too.. I could make a long list of all she did for me…because these are the reasons I value our friendship…and remain friends our the years…

And I thought it goes both ways… I always appreciate her and always was full of gratitude for being her friend…

It really hurt me to know that she didn’t quite feel the same way as I did…

So here goes…

My bestie… until proven not:…

All in all though…

what she did and say did not take away nothing from those forty years we had invested in being friends…

I still value and savor those years…it was a great friendship up until that moment..

It just comes the time to end…

I bid her farewell and wish her the best…

I know I did what I could. . She just mess it all up… without realizing what she really lost…

A TRUE FRIEND….

BESTIES ๐Ÿ‘ฏ TILL NOT… part 3

THE MESS THAT ENDS IT ALL…

Continues….

My son decided to go to West Virginia to be with his girl while she give birth to his baby… and during those months of him being there I didn’t have his financial help so I became a little short on extra cash..

So I slacked off with my monetary help.. Cory However help when he could..

Her course was coming up to the end.. but she was far from getting her certification… and I was still not able to be of much help..

Cory ask for her number said he would like to check in on her personally…and I gave it to him..

He called her and she asked me about his reasons for calling.. I told her he just wanted to say hi and informed her that he was he benefactor the last few months…

Cory used to inform me about their conversations..

But…

Abbey never mentioned Cory to me again since that first time.. I waited for her to tell me that they are connecting and communicating but as time goes on by.. nothing…

I didn’t feel like I should ask her because Cory was letting me know they were.. and I felt she probably had her reasons for not telling me… although I couldn’t but wondering about the secret.

About a week in communicating she hit him up for money..he couldn’t wait to tell me all disappointed that she proves to be like everyone else… using him as a cash cow..

I tried to explain to him that she was desperate and probably didn’t have any one left to ask… seeing that she probably exhausted all her options …

I encouraged him to give it to her if he can afford to.. and he agreed..said that he would.. I know she needed the help…

A month Or two passed and she lost her credit for phone calls… they were corresponding via “WHATSAPP “…and she had to purchase weekly credits… like a top up….so Cory asked me to call her and asked her how much it would cost to get her phone back on.. and also find out how much she needs to get her through the month…

I did ..but I tried to not let on that I know she was asking Cory for money… so I indirectly asked her without giving away what I know…

(I did call her the day before and asked her how she was getting along and asked her if she was getting help from anyone..)

We came up with an amount That seems reasonable and she was worried about if we were asking too much..

I assured her that I knows Cory’s position and have a good idea what he can afford… and even remind her that we are really good and close friends…

So I hang up with her and call Cory to tell him what we came up with…

He said it was okay and that he would let me have it that weekend for her..

So I texted her and give her the info and let her know I will definitely remind him.. she responded by saying thanks..

I woke up to a voice text from Cory..him apologizing to me telling me how he knows exactly how I’m feeling.. I got very curious and went straight to to voice message.. trying to figure out what he’s going on about…

Surprised..!!!! It was a recording of a phone call he got from her…. ouch!!!!

She was telling him that I was very wrong in doing what I’m doing..and that she never asked me to asked him for any money… stating that I do things like this all the time and even mentioned the GoFundMe episode..how it almost damaged our friendship… and she doesn’t like my behavior but don’t want to hurt my feelings…

I really didn’t know how to take it at first….

So I took some time to think about it.. I spoke to Cory ask him what he thinks… and if he thinks there was any validation in what she said… I decided to send her a text with the reminder to Cory like I had promised… hoping she would say to me what she said to him..

I just couldn’t believe she would make such statements against me without letting me know how she felt….So I want to give her that open opportunity to let me know that she doesn’t like what I’m doing…

So I texted her…..

Hey Abbs..

Just talk to Cory and remind him of that money ๐Ÿ’ด he said he would send..

But heโ€™s a a bit busy at work so he said he will get back with me on it later..

Just so you know…

Hope all is well with you…

MY FRIEND…”

Her reply….

“Thanks Wendy, appreciate it.”

Oooh maan..Nope she didn’t appreciate nothing.. she just tried to discredit me to MY Friend

I just couldn’t understand it… this is my best friend.. we share everything together… we talked about everything.. good bad and inbetween…

And Cory is my friend.. I introduced him to her… where is her loyalty…

I know Cory deceived her trust..but she doesn’t even know him well or long enough to call him a friend…

And Cory was very loyal and faithful to me and our friendship… all the wrong she believes I’m doing to her…it’s me trying to help her out financially…

What did I do so wrong..??!!!

In my eyes and in defense…the only crime I committed was trying too damn hard to do right by her…

I went as far as asking my friend to help me help her..

But..

I’m not in her shoes..I can’t see it from her point of view.. and how I wish I asked her why she was so secretive about her communication with Cory… it still puzzled me…

And so my thoughts started to change…..

**********************

TO BE CONTINUED……

Part 4… My Reaction And Choices…

BESTIES ๐Ÿ‘ฏ TILL NOT… part 2

THE MESS UP …. THAT ENDS IT ALL

…… fast forward to present….

Abbey has been having a very difficult time both financially and her living condition….

She was out of a job for a while until she picked up something a live in job taking care of an elderly lady…it is a 24hr job..and the pay is not practical for such time consumption and labor… it takes dedication and consume her entire focus…

And her employers expect her to also do house duties as well… it’s a paycheck and it helps her stays afloat…but she doesn’t have a social life..because of it time consumption… she couldn’t demand more salary because she was not qualified in the department of practical nursing Although her duties were such..:

After a year of working in this job she decided it would be wise to get certified in it..

So she makes up her mind to do a year course in practical nursing..

Only one itch..it has to be full time.. she thought about it… talked to me.. tell me her decisions and the choices she had made…

I fully encouraged her..and make a promise to her that I would do everything I can to help her along within the year she would be doing her studies…

She said she was going to also ask her brother and some other relatives to help her..

She was willing to make the sacrifice and i was all for it feeling very proud of her to actually go through with it.. I thought she has guts and was very ambitious and I know she would be able to do much better once she gets certified.:.

So she enrolled.. I helped her with some money to get it going … pay the tuition..ect.ect. and I even get her, her text book (which was very expensive and way over her budget)….and sent it to her…

I was trying to do what I can to help her along…

So she started..off in February that year … and I hold up my end of the bargain and help financially with as much as I could afford..I even went as far as asking my children and friends to help me help her.. one month when I couldn’t do it… and they came through for me.

I had some financial issues the next couple of months and so I tried to think of ways I could still accumulate the money she needs to help her along..

Sitting there thinking.. I thought of a GoFundMe.. account for her.. I had used it the year before to help me out when I needed help to save my house from going in foreclosure..

so I went ahead and created the account without consulting with her or informing her of my decision … I really thought it was not a big deal and that I was just trying to help and this was an option…

I’m Known for my overly presumptuousness ….

so I told her story …. to get my audience sympathy .. put up her picture …and posted it….

Now I had a really good and kindest friend ever… we became friends when he donated to my cause last year when I had my story running.. he actually donated four times..

And so begins our wonderful friendship… I was always so grateful to him.. and I hold him with great regards…

And he likes me so much that we became great phone pals.. we talked almost every day…

So when I put her story out

He immediately picked it up..and call to let me know that he was going to pledge $200 a month to help me help her.. because I was so passionate to her cause..

This $200 US… was more than enough to cover her basic needs… I thought it was a blessing…

He donated a $ 100 that same day ..I was so excited by his generosity that I immediately called abbey to let her know what has conspired with what I have done…

I sent her that $100 right away..

But…..

When I informed her of the GoFundMe.. account and tell her of Cory’s pledge..the reaction I had anticipated or expected was not what she greets me with…

She was very annoyed to the point of anger she said I should have discussed it with her first..and that she didn’t like that I put her business online.. that she’s very private unlike me..

I was very disappointed to say the least.. I tried to argue with her on the point of me trying to help her… and reminded her of Cory’s pledge….and that it is no big deal..

But she was very belligerent and didn’t want to listen to anything I had to say..in her eyes I was just plain wrong … I agreed with her because the truth was….

I did not ask her permission or let her know I was doing it…and so I decided to cancel the account hence there goes Cory’s pledge..

I didn’t hear from her for a few days after that.., I figured she was mad at me .. so I called and apologize to her for over stepping my boundaries… and asked her not to let this ruin our friendship… I pleaded with her to forgive me for being so insensitive and for being so presumptuous..

She reluctantly accepted my apology ..

She has the nerve to ask me though if Cory could still help her.., I simply told her no because I canceled the GoFundMe account…

I accepted the wrong and I still continue to do what I could to help her..

I told Cory what took place and he was very disappointed and hurt that she refuses his pledge but he still wants to help me help her some …but I never let her know this…he keeps on asking after her.. and insisted on helping me help her… I really appreciate his generosity and appreciated him even more as a friend..

He was proving to be a really awesome ๐Ÿ‘ friend….

I know abbey needs the help even though she was stubborn with her unnecessary pride…

*****++++*******++++++

TO BE CONTINUED……

The build up to the final straw (part 3)

BESTIES ๐Ÿ‘ฏ TILL NOT….. part 1

HOW WE STARTED…ABBEY AND I

Abbey was my little sister best friend in high school… they were pretty close and were inseparable…

And so we get to know abbey, she became a frequent visitor in our home..and we all grown to accept her and love her…

Now she has had a really tough life… her mom died in child birth…and her father decided to give her to others to be raised..

She went back to her father when she started high school but he was very abusive and she became his caretaker…

So she decided to move out and live with someone else..

They In turn treated her very shabby and she played the Cinderella role..

when she finished school she decided to ask my father to allow her to stay with us for a while..

Because she wanted to get away from the life she was exposed to… she had enough and decided she wanted out of that life…

My father of course agreed.. she has become like a sister to us…

So she moved in..

My sister and I shared a bed and so she was put in the middle of us..about a month of her living with us..my sister started to treat her very unkindly… and one night They woke me up arguing about the sheet they share..

My sister was so mean to her..saying the most cruel things..telling her it’s not her sheet and to get her own..

I really was hurt by her sharp words… and I felt really sad for abbey… my sister was so inconsiderate and cold knowing abbey has no choice but to stay with us…

So I got up

Went to my drawer and took one of my sheets and give to her… and told my sister she can now stop being so mean to abbey…

And so that ended their friendship and begins ours..

*********************

We remain friends for the next forty years… and during those times abbey proves her friendship and was very loyal.. and I was as faithful…

We both had our ups and down. I had my two boys .. abbey was always there…

Helping when she could.. we spent a lot of times together and was always doing everything together…

Abbey never had kids of her own though…she was always waiting for the right time and right guy…

in the early years I was not doing so well financially or career wise..

Abbey was holding down better jobs than I was and she would willingly help me out occasionally…

These little gestures.. I hold so dear and I was always full of gratitude…. she was always so eager to help me ever so willingly..

She became friends with this American gentleman at work…and he sublet her a room in his apartment… and so .. of course I would go over to her place and we all become friends together…

This gentleman he took a liking to me.. and so I ended up doing some work for him…typing… hence bringing us closer together…

he was on a job permit from the same company… and he wanted to leave that company but stay in Jamaica to work…

So he approached me and asked me to marry him so he can get to stay and pursue a job in Jamaica…

Of course I agreed…and this one decision has helped me to relocate to the USA ๐Ÿ‡บ๐Ÿ‡ธ two years later..

And with this opportunity I was able to make a life worth living.. and I became personally obligated to my friend abbey.. and vow that I would help her in every way I can; because if it wasn’t for her introduction to “FRANCIS”… I would not be able to accomplish everything I had..

And I tried to keep my promise as much as I could over the years…

I stayed in touch with her.. and I make sure she’s foremost in my thoughts and in my budget…that even my family makes fun of me… saying things like..she must be my lover that everything I have I give to her..

I just laugh it off… because I know it’s my sense of personal obligation.. I owe her that much…

Life has not been too kind to her…it always is a big struggle for her.. and it’s not because it’s lack of trying…

But…

Opportunities was not available to her and she has had a lot of setback.. a fire destroyed everything she owned at one time… they laid her off her job another time…

Every time she gets over an hurdle something else happens… and…

Being in Jamaica … it’s never easy to get back on track.. this is where I come in and try my darnest to be of help….

And so we have had 40 years of great friendship without one argument or disagreement….

*******************

TO BE CONTINUED…….

Senile or not???????!!!!

Being old is not as bad as you may think…it has it advantages….

This so funny I’m still crying๐Ÿคฃ๐Ÿคฃ๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿคฃ

*NO ONE BELIEVES SENIORS โ€ฆ EVERYONE THINKS THEY ARE SENILE*.

An elderly couple was celebrating their 60th wedding anniversary. The couple had married as childhood sweethearts and had moved back to their old neighborhood after they retired. Holding hands, they walked back to their old school. It was not locked, so they entered. They found the old desk they’d shared, where Jerry had carved “I love you, Sally”.

On their way back home, a bag of money fell out of an armoured car, practically landing at their feet. Sally quickly picked it up and, not sure what to do with it, they took it home. There, she counted the money –  fifty thousand dollars!

Jerry said,: “We’ve got to give it back.”

Sally said: “Finders keepers.”

She put the money back in the bag and hid it in their attic.

The next day, two police officers, who were canvassing the neighbourhood looking for the money, knocked on their door. “Pardon me, did either of you find a bag that fell out of an armoured car yesterday?”

Sally said: “No.”

Jerry said: “Sheโ€™s lying. She hid it up in the attic.”

Sally said: “Don’t believe him, heโ€™s getting senile.”

The agents turned to Jerry and began to question him.  

One said: “Tell us the story from the beginning.”

Jerry said: “Well, when Sally and I were walking home from school yesterday ..”

The first police officer turned to his partner and said: “Letโ€™s get out

Enjoy this funny ๐Ÿ˜† story..

Being a senior has its perks…

๐Ÿ˜€๐Ÿ˜€๐Ÿ˜€๐Ÿ˜€๐Ÿ˜€๐Ÿ˜€๐Ÿ˜€๐Ÿ˜€

SUMMER VISITORS…

So I had five relatives with me for one month…

I was looking forward to having them..but was worried that I might be anxious to get back my space…

But…

As it turns out. I really did enjoy the company much more than I had anticipated I would… and when they left I really was sad to see them go…

It’s funny how invaded you feel when you have people crowding your space…

You get so used to be by yourself doing everything on your own time.. that anything that upsets that mode gets annoying… and I was thinking how am I going to last the month…

So I was truly surprised when I didn’t feel that emotion taking over as the weeks went by…

I guess I was lonelier I thought…so having company was a welcome change…

Yes.. I had to get up each day and be a hostess..

Spend a little more than normal to keep everyone happy… but I found great pleasure in it…

I really surprised myself with these pleasurable emotions I got from entertaining them…

It was a really hot summer..and I didn’t have central air conditioner but everyone was comfortable… and even though we couldn’t afford to go places with our budgets..

We truly enjoy connecting and sharing and enjoying each other company..

My granddaughter really enjoyed my little niece…

Look how happy ๐Ÿ˜ƒ she is.. she thought she was big girl..only one year old.. and doing things like a three year old little girl…

My grandson he enjoyed her company too… I took them to chucky cheese… to play games and eat pizza ..

And did they have fun…!!! it was a blast to watch them fully enjoying themselves..

He’s a shy boy.. but she brings out his boldness…

He would never have taken that picture with chucky if she was not there to give him the courage he needs…

So we all had a fun summer.. which went by much too fast…and the house seems so empty without their presence…

We miss them so…

hopefully we will get them again next summer….

A GLIMSE IN AN OLD LADYโ€™S ๐Ÿ‘ต LIFE ….

All seniors in our sixties… where did the years go
When did we get so old…????!!!!โ˜บ๏ธ๐Ÿ˜Š๐Ÿค”๐Ÿคซ

I get so nostalgic sometimes getting lost in time gone by…

It seems like a lifetime ago we were teenagers or younger versions of us..

I look in the mirror sometimes and I hardly recognize the person looking back at me..and I have to ask myself… when did I get so old..

Then I looked at my children …adults..having children of their own..

And I have to snap myself out of yesterday and force myself into the present..and take a good hard look at them and see them as is now ..

Instead of still viewing them as the babies I held in my arms..30 plus years ago….

It’s funny how we hold on to the past and find it so hard to let go of the images we hold so dear….

And all of a sudden I feel so old..realizing how far I have traveled to where I am today.. the journey has been good with a little bump here and there..

But..

The miles have slipped by so quickly and the journey seems to take us so far in the future …. it becomes our present…without realizing how far we have traveled..

Now looking at where I am … to where I’m coming from…it’s like waking up from a dream…

There is so much unfinished things…so much I still want to do… but taking a step back and looking back at all that I have accomplished…and that was achieved…

I smile with great pride knowing that I lived a full life… making the best of everything I had… life has been good..and yes …

I may have made some poor choices but…

I also made some good ones…

One thing I always wish for and always wish life offers is….

A chance for a “DO OVER “….

So we just have to keep moving forward…and accepting adjusting to the choices we make..

There is no going back.. there is no undoing what has been done..

Whether good or bad..

Right or wrong..

Mistakes or not..

It’s always too late to change our mind..

So we learn to make lemonade from lemons…

And just keep smiling and keep positive and just keep moving forward.. always stay optimistic that our choices are correct and if not…

We just try again.. until we get it right..

No sense in crying over spilled milk…

We just mop it up and pour another glass..

This is life.. it’s always a gamble..

A hit or miss…

LIFE IS A CHANCE.. but…IT’S ALWAYS WORTH TAKING…

And so..

We are at the end of our journey…

And we live in memories of yesterday..

And I smile every time..

And give thanks for all that life has brought me and has given me…

And I tried not to live in retrospect..

I don’t have much regrets…

I count my blessings and I live in gratitude…

A lifetime worth living….

EMOTIONAL OVER REACTION: part 2…

PASSIONATE LOVE ๐Ÿ’• FOR A CHILD

….But then everything changes when she tells me that she is going to leave baby with her mom for approximately two weeks in West Virginia without her or dad around……..

I immediately exclaimed…”no !!!!! Don’t do that…she will not do well without you or dad around… she will fret on you guys.. stop eating.. be depressed ..and she might get sick..”

Her explanation is that she promised her mom already..

I argued that this baby is not a puss kitten and she can change her mind if she wants and thinks it’s not in the best interest of her baby…

I beg my son to try to convince her and ask her not to leave his baby behind.. but he let me know it her choice as if he has no say in his baby’s well being..

I was very upset about her decision and I grow very angry because I was helpless in this situation… I keep thinking of my little malanni (granddaughter) crying for her mom and dad and how she would feel when she don’t see them around…

She was leaving in a couple of days and during those days all I talked about and gripe about is her leaving that baby behind…

I asked her on numerous occasions … please reconsider and don’t leave her behind ..

I think she feels as if I am being selfish and trying to keep mallani away from her mom…

But.. that was not my main concern..

Although the truth be told.. I didn’t fully trust her mom to be a good caretaker..

For one..

She is a smoker…a heavy smoker… not so good for little malanni and her lungs…

Two…

She is as lazy and messy as her daughter or more… this is where her daughter figured and learned…it’s the norm to live in a mess…

I’m not saying I’m better…At taking care of her…

But I have big doubts about her being responsible enough to make sure my granddaughter is properly taken care of..

But with all this knowledge…this was not my primary concern about her leaving the baby behind…

I’m so worried about the emotional impact it’s going to have on little malanni.. she’s old enough to know her parents and old enough to want them around for her comfort…

(How can a mother.. no matter how young she maybe…separate herself from her baby this way….how can she be so insensitive and cruel and so eager to leave her baby so far away just so she can have the freedom with no responsibility…??????!!!!! I can not comprehend her choice without any signs of remorse…?????)

The separation is not going to be good for little malanni…

After she leaves for West Virginia … I tried to talk to me son .. trying to convince him that again to ask her to reconsider her decision and to let her know that he is totally against being away from his baby for so long…

But…

He again asked me to stop interfering in his and his girls life…and that it is “NONE OF MY BUSINESS “…

I was really hurt by his comments…but I walked away without another word…

I’m having such a hard time dealing with this… I go to sleep and have nightmares about my granddaughter.. I get anxiety attacks thinking about her crying …wanting her mom and dad… I can hear her crying sometimes…it’s just my imagination but that’s how much it’s affecting me…and its even worse that I’m restricted from talking about it to them…

So I made a very conscious decision that I’m completely done with her and her baby…

I have decided to stay away from my granddaughter ..give up my duties as a nanny… stop with everything that I have been trying to do to help…

I really hope I can stick with this decision I have made when she gets back.. but for now.. I’m done…

I know it will seem as if I’m just mad because I couldn’t get my way…and that may hold some truth to it…and I reflect back to movies I have seen where these grandparents fights their children for their grandchildren…

And now I have a greater understanding as to why they would want to do this….it’s so hard to stand back and watch the mistreatment of these innocent babies without trying to step in …

I have talked and gripe to friends about the whole thing and tell them my decision…

And I have been met with a lot of opposition telling me she has done nothing wrong and that I’m over reacting to something that I really have no say in..

And I totally agreed..

But I’m strongly convicted to my choice.. and although no one shares my decision…it’s mine to make…

An yes I’m making a big deal out of it.. a case which I have no power of authority…

They shut me out and shut me up..and expect me to be eager to be of use only when they require me to be….

They are right… she is actually none of my business…

And I’m going to make her just that… I’m throwing a tantrum and I’m acting silly…

But I strongly believe what I’m doing and I have decided is the best for me..

*****^^^^******^^^^******

TO BE CONTINUED…

AN UPDATE ON HER RETURN…

EMOTIONAL OVER REACTION: part 1

This is my own personal choice and reaction.. that I’m not seeking advice or permission or even understanding…

But I want to share my story.. even though I expect to meet a lot of criticism and opposition to my choices And to my over reaction to something that is really “None of my Business “…. And to something that is not “My place to have a legit reason to defy…”

So here goes..

THE PASSIONATE LOVE ๐Ÿ’• FOR A CHILD

I have a granddaughter.. my son’s first baby ; my only granddaughter.. her mother is not the best of choice in my opinion…

But it’s my son choice:

She from West Virginia.. we are from Florida…

They lived with me for a year before getting pregnant….

They went to West Virginia to have this baby..

I understand her choice….it’s her home and her parents are there.. every girl needs mom and dad around for times like this..

I had feared at first that I would have lost my son because he would have chosen to stay in West Virginia..

But..

I understand his choice…it was his girl and his baby…

They spent five months and then they returned home with baby..I was very thrilled to get my son back home and very happy to have my granddaughter close..

She was two months old..

And they decided to come home because they wanted a baby sitter while they worked..

And I was more than willing to oblige..I didn’t think twice before I said yesss..

She was only two months when she came home.. she was not doing too well.. mom was feeding her bottle food.. adding cereal to he bottle..

which she couldn’t digest.. not feeding her on time..

Making her sleep for hours without waking her up to feed… it took a few weeks to convince her that she is hurting her baby’s health and that all she requires is just her formula..

She even stopped breastfeeding the poor baby because she ( mom) didn’t like it ..

I ended up having her more than they do over the next six months.. and I got to treat her and get her on a Right diet..

Mom is very lazy….

So I take up the responsibility of making sure everything for my granddaughter is taken care of..

If I didn’t wash her dirty laundry .. they wouldn’t be done..I had to walk behind them pick up Her clothes off their bedroom floor…

Be the bottle police ..to ensure that all her use bottles is always clean and sterilized regularly…

I was so afraid of her getting sick… I had to make sure her thermos is kept full of hot water for her bottle…

I watched my granddaughter progress with age from sitting up to rolling over.. crawling.. and then creeping…

I stayed up with her night after night while they worked till 2am in the morning…I didn’t mind because she wasn’t any trouble except that she wouldn’t sleep until they get home..

I understand … because every baby needs their parents especially at nights.. she was healthy and happy..

So after six months I became so attached to her.. she was apart of my daily routine….but I knew mom and dad was her comfort and happy place…

But mom didn’t take enough time with her.. she was always out or sleeping and when dad is around he has full responsibility while she either sleep or do whatever she pleases..

She doesn’t clean .. not her bedroom.. not the bathroom/ toilet…

My son enables her .. and when I try to say something about her behavior to him and complain that she needs to a mom.. he shuts me down asking me not to talk negatively about his girl..

So I stopped because I do understand why he asked me to stop…

I just keep on doing what needs to be done trying not to complain Over the months..

I accept how things are and even though occasionally I lash out for most part i just keep doing and know it is not going to change..

I still look at baby when needed..and I continue to do what is needed to be done…

And then at eight months when baby is knowing people and sticking more to mom and dad

Mom announced that she is going home for a vacation with baby..

I understand and encourages her visit.. after all it’s baby grandparents.

But then everything changes when she tells me that she is going to leave baby with her mom for approximately two weeks in West Virginia without her or dad around…

TO BE CONTINUED….,

My reaction and my feelings about her decision next..

INGRATITUDE: Good Deed Gone Bad…part 2

ENGLAND ๐Ÿด๓ ง๓ ข๓ ฅ๓ ฎ๓ ง๓ ฟ IN THE PARK…

We have put the incident of the bank and card behind us..Christmas came and went and we are good again…

Miss Perfect is supposed to leave end of January.. but somehow find a way to lingers a little longer… this puts a strain with she and her sister relationship …

My neighbor was ready to get her space back and get back to her normal routine without the inconvenience of entertaining Miss Perfect…

She loves sis..

But her company was becoming overbearing…and sis was starting to act her true self which irritates her….

Anyways moving along…

She needs funds to stay so her son wanted to send her some money…I have a PayPal account which I had received $ 150 through for her once before..

She asked if I could do it again for her.. without hesitation I told her yes…

Afterall its not costing me nothing to be of service ..

So he sent the another $ 150…

I saw the transaction but I noticed two things..

one: PayPal charges a fee of $6.90..

And…

Two: the balance is on hold..

I had no idea why these actions took place but I thought I would give PayPal some time to release the funds…

Of course I informed Miss Perfect of it all…

and we waited.. and waited… and waited..

She keeps on inquiring.. and I keep letting her know the status is still the same…

I was getting kinda curious as to why so After a week I decided to call PayPal and try to figure the reason for this hold and also why was I charged a fee..

I got an agent to talk after two tries.. and she explained to me that the transaction was done as a purchase..

Miss Perfect son obviously ๐Ÿ™„ uses PayPal as a way of buying things online and automatically sent me the money using that feature..

So I explain the situation and asked the agent how can we resolved the problem and get it off being held…

She advises me to tell the sender that he should go back in and hit ” The Receive button” as though he receives the product that he supposedly purchase… because the payment won’t be released until he received his item…

Okay.. understood… easy enough…

So I called Miss Perfect and explain to her what I had found out…

She said she would pass it along to her son…

Next morning bright and early she sent me a text of his PayPal account showing the money is available..

lo and behold ….

When I checked it was cleared .. so I immediately transferred it to my bank.. but it’s takes up to two days to reach my bank and clear..

I sent her a text telling her this.. she started to give me attitude and behaving again as if I’m cheating her out of her money..

The conversation goes like this…

I don’t know if Im overthinking or reading too much into this conversation but I’m personally sensing again some degree of ingratitude..

And it infuriates me that she is trying to make me feel bad for doing her this favor and for making me feel as if I’m the one guilty of putting a hold on this money… Or I am purposely withholding her funds…

And here she’s acting so dumb…. which I figured she actually is… with the knowledge of PayPal account and it’s functions..

I also get the feeling .. she thinks I’m so obligated to do it for her..

My first thought was to send the money back to her son… and let them find another way of getting it to her… But the kind person in me talk me out of it…

I know she is need of this funds.. so I will get it to her and forgot the whole thing…

But vow never say yes to any more of her requests…

I think I have learned a valuable lesson on ingratitude versus ๐Ÿ†š kindness..

Sometimes a good deed goes bad…

but it’s still remains a good deed…

INGRATITUDE: Good Deeds Gone Bad….

MY MY STORY

I’m friends with my neighbor for as long as I live on my block… We get together quite often almost daily some weeks.. and we share a lot about our lives …

Her eldest sister resides in Africa for over thirty years and she doesn’t get to see her very often..

Miss Perfect came for a two weeks visit which spiral into a four months stay..

My neighbor didn’t mind so much because she lives so far away and she thought that spending some quality time with Miss Perfect will be good..

Anyways..

Seeing that I spend so much time with her.. I became friends with Miss perfect… I liked her and I was fascinated with all her stories of Africa which she takes great pride in telling always making sure I know exactly how well off and how high class she is…

Not to mention only big wig executives she entertained.. and everyone else who is not in this class .. she does not associate with…

It didn’t bother me none.. because everyone has their preferences and has a right to their choice of living ..

And I was very proud of her that she has done so well for herself…

Well we started to have coffee โ˜•๏ธ together when my neighbor is at work.. I like her company and like her conversations…

We became close enough I thought..that when she asked me the favor of using my credit card ๐Ÿ’ณ to pay for using a app online I willingly agreed…

She gave me the cash and I put the payment through…

Now a week later I noticed my card was billed for twice the amount we agreed on..

I overreacted and immediately call the bank to dispute the charges before I even spoke to her…

I call her and tell her what I saw and Also told her I disputed the charges with my bank..

She said she did not know why that happened but she realizes that she had two accounts..

The app was new to her and she didn’t quite understand how to work it.. I personally think she mistakenly summited another account but blatantly refused to admit that she made that error mistakenly…

I dropped the subject telling her that The bank will take care of the charges…the next week the bank spoke to me to let me know that my dispute is in process and will be investigated and they will let me know in time what will be decided..

The agent informed me that the charges may not be overturned..

Because it has been paid already..

I sent Miss Perfect a text to update her on what I found out.. and let her know that if they decided not to take it off she will be responsible for that extra charge plus all bank charges incurred…

Oooh maan…

She didn’t like that and she acted as if I was cheating her out of her money…

I told her I will just wait to see what the bank do before we continue with this discussion… she wasn’t at all pleased about me telling her that she is responsible for the charges on my card..

She acted so silly and naive about it all it makes me wonder about her intellectual level…

She claims to be so smart and experienced in so much because she has a doctorate in something…. and look at me like I’m the illiterate one…because I don’t happen to have a college degree in nothing…

I smile ๐Ÿ˜Š… shake my head…

I knew better….

I sense some form of INGRATITUDE…

Why am I sensing ingratitude ..???!!

Instead of being grateful that I am willingly doing a service of good deed… for a person in need of my help??!!!!!

Instead of being grateful that Im willingly doing a service of a good deed…for a person in need of my help…

She becoming mean and acting as if I’m deceitful …

So I talked to my neighbor about it…it’s her sister anyways and I didn’t want to show my wrath when I actually agreed to this arrangement between us… and I didn’t want the hostility and tension..

My neighbor calmly advises me to just wait for the outcome because if the bank dispute the charges then everything will clear up..

I totally agreed..

And the bank did dispute it and she lost her account…

We put it behind us and try to maintain our relationship…

Now a month later..

she has asked another favor….

**********************

TO BE CONTINUED….

See if I agree or not….

Grandma ๐Ÿ‘ต PRIDE JOY… Six Months..

SIX MONTHS… playing with her toys ๐Ÿงธ

********************

It’s so amazing as I watched her growing up in front of my eyes..

It’s as though I never experienced it before.. and as she learn new things..

Like rolling over.. sitting up.. humming to my songs and nursery rhymes… giggles when tickled…

It thrills me so…

You know I stuck with her more often than I care to sometimes..

And I fuss at my son and her mom for it..

She takes up most of my days and put me behind in everything else…she doesn’t sleep as much anymore.. and I’m very limited and I feel very restricted….

But.. when I have her.. I get so much joy… I find I enjoy taking care of her…

bonding with her and learning her little behaviors… she does have a little attitude already..

Like getting into a tantrum when she wants something like her bottle..

Or if she’s tired of being in one place too long..

It makes me smile ๐Ÿ˜Š ..to understand her moods and knowing why …

She’s sitting up and trying her darnest to crawl… and she gets so frustrated when she can’t move forward..that she just lie on her tummy and fuss and then roll on her back and over again on tummy gets on her knees and bounces back and forth…before giving up…

I watched her and just laugh and asked her what you doing baby girl..

And it touches me so when she looks at me and smile so brightly…

I feel so lucky to have her with me this close.. and although I get annoyed sometimes with her parents for giving me full responsibility …

I do love the chance of seeing her growing daily and watching her every step of development…

It just gives a great sense of pride…

SHE’S DEFINITELY GRANDMA’S PRIDE AND JOY…..

FREELOADERS: MISS TING

….. I was quite upset with the fact that she didn’t give me that money .. especially when I had to find another way of funding for this outstanding bill…

I tried to stay calm but my emotions was very obvious.. and everything started to bother me…

I became very bitchy… and very grumpy…

My son was becoming the target of my gripes because I know If I had to address her personality I couldn’t and wouldn’t be nice…

One evening my son came out and was joking about things of the past and I was very amused at first and played along with him until he touched that very sensitive subject…

It sparks that fire that was building in me and I completely exploded..

I got so loud and I went off angrily…

and I repeated myself about the money she refuses to give..

But…

can go tanning and eat out everyday..

And yet she claims she can’t afford to pay me what’s I’m due….

Like the water and electricity she uses run on air.. or like I don’t have to pay a mortgage for this house monthly..

Like how she come. Living in here scotch free .. freeloading her ass on everything that I paid for to own…

Acting like she’s entitled and like I owes her freeloading ass a living…

Leaving trails of mess behind her for me to clean up like I’m the maid in my own house…

And when I asked for the bare minimum to help me with all she extra bills she racked up..

I’m mean and nasty and money hungry…

I said all that and more…

my son quickly went to his room.. knowing that…. from experience… when I reached this point of fury.. there is no calming me..

And that I will say everything and more until I feel satisfied…

I stopped and went to my room.. so angry.. that i wanted to run away from it all…

I woke up next day.. still not too happy.. but a little calmer…

Over the next few days I became silent trying to regain my sweet composure…

Until…..

Her birthday was on the 10th…

On the day in question , my son came to me asking if I could watch the baby because they want to go out to celebrate,,,

I refused.. thinking … pleasingly that I would get back at her some and she would have to stay home with baby…

Haha ๐Ÿ˜†

The joke was on me…

A couple hours later Abraham came with baby asking me to play with her a little..

I told him to let miss Ting deal with her baby today…

There he informs me that she went out with her friends to celebrate..

MISS TING… actually thinks her birthday was so much more important than staying with her baby..

I chuckled.. in disbelief.. and I look at my son and shake my head… telling him that he really is enabling her and spoiling her ass..

I took my granddaughter and I played with her and was convinced that MISS TING is clearly not responsible enough to be a mother…

I see and realized that I have to assist my son with her until she gets older…

But it left a gnawing feelings in my gut that I am stuck with MISS TING… and god knows I really don’t know how I am going to tolerate her for much longer…

I will have to sacrifice my son and my granddaughter and lose both.. which creates great anxieties in me thinking… can I!!!????

We’ll just have to wait and see… and pray for an answer to this dilemma…

**********^^^^^******

TO BE CONTINUED…..

FREELOADERS: MISS TING…

Why does these individuals think they are entitled or thinks everyone owes them a living….

I’m dealing with a bad case of freeloading… and I’m kinda backed in a corner of wall and hard place…

let’s call her Miss Ting….

******^^^^*****

Miss Ting came in life and my home when my son decided that he’s in love with her and bring her back home to Florida with him from Montana….

I welcome her and invited her in my home…

I told my son I’m going to charge her and him to stay here… he wasn’t quite pleased.. firstly he said he will pay me everything I asked…

I told him no way…

She’s not going to live here for free…

So they both started to work and at first they give me what I asked…she was here for nine months and got pregnant…

But I have big issues with her housekeeping..

she don’t…

she created more mess than anything and don’t clean up .. the rooms they occupied was becoming a huge pile of trash and filth..

I’m under the impression that she doesn’t know how to clean and that mess is her norm…

I complain .. I grumbled… I asked..

And my son has to be the one to get it in order everytime..

Let me not mention the bathroom… because I ended up having to clean it up every time…

I was getting really Annoyed and agitated with her and this mess she created…

But.. I tried to not say much to her because she shuts me out.. very non responsive.. and I didn’t want to ask her to leave because my son seems very much in love ๐Ÿฅฐ with her…

Miss Ting has access to all my appliances..

All my pots and pans..

All my plates, cups…utensils…

Everything in the house is all mine

and I pay a monthly mortgage ..

The soap she washes her clothes with.. in my washing machine and dryer… I buy..

Toilet paper.. toothpaste…towels.. sheets..

I supplied…

And she comes and she uses without reservation..or guilt…

She was giving me what I requested so I did not mind so much..

I was happy and tried to ignore her mess.. until she went back home to West Virginia.. to her mommy and daddy to have her baby,..

My son went with her…

I had mixed feelings about him leaving..

I was glad to see her go but I missed my son and I feared him not coming back home..

They stayed away four months and I prayed that he come back home…

( But Sometimes you have to be very careful with what you pray for… because god answers prayers..

and you might just get what you pray for..)

So they return with baby…in September…

She immediately went back to work…

My son’s car wasn’t working so he decided to wait a while before going back to work…

and help me along with getting used to the baby…and getting his car in working condition…

Okay.. September rolls off and I let it go without mentioning I need some payments for extra expenses..

Come October I decided to mention to her that our previous arrangements is still in effect and I need that money by the end of the month….

After some debate about not knowing or thinking she was still responsible for giving me that money..

….and me reminding her of all the extra utilities and stuff she’s racking up.. we decided on November 1st…which was a definite date…

With Abraham not working and unable to play his part of contributions I was counting on her money to cover an outstanding bill..

I leave it at that.. and I struggled with her mess and her neglect of her baby all month…

I ended up washing and sterilizing the baby bottles… every day..

I took responsibility of washing the baby’s clothes…

She doesn’t.. so I do it…

And I find myself ending up with baby even when she’s home.. so I refuse to be responsible for the baby whenever she’s off…

But.. my son ended up with the responsibility… it irritates and annoys me…and I try to keep out of their personal affairs until it starts to affects me.. whereas I’m expected to keep her while they goes out..

I then become belligerent …

And so they realize I was not happy with their attitude…

So now with all that happening during the month of October…. come November the first.. I reminded her by text of our agreement….

She has the nerves to let me know that she won’t be able to pay me with a long list of excuses and reasons..

I plainly tell her that all her reasons is none of my concern and that I need my money today…

We went back and forth for five minutes with me telling and reminding her of all that she’s been using up and what it’s been costing and that nothing is free..

Of course I still came out the loser..and I was mad ๐Ÿ˜ก and furious…

I want her out of my house but my son and his baby prevented me from asking her to leave..

I know if she goes so does the baby and I didn’t want to put Abraham through that emotional pain…

So miss Ting is getting a free pass because of my son and his baby…

I am not in the least happy with her at all…

I am thinking and thinking of ways to get around this situation that I find myself in..

I’m really confused..

unsure…

Disturbed..

Apprehensive

Perturbed …. ect.. ect..

***********************

TO BE CONTINUED….

A GRANDMAโ€™S ๐Ÿ‘ต JOY & PRIDE….

GRANDMA BABY GIRL ๐Ÿ‘ง
MY BABY WITH HIS BABY GIRL ๐Ÿ‘ง

Nothing warms the heart โค๏ธ of a mom like having a grandbaby…..

It’s like having your baby all over again.. and you compare and reflect on all the similarities of when your baby was that age..

You relive all those moments of having him all over again.. and it takes you back to those precious memories of raising him..

To have his baby in your arms.. seeing his face on her.. and realizing all of sudden that your baby has become a man having children of his own…

And this precious little angel makes you want to squeeze her so tight.. and fill you with her much pride and give you this profound joy that fills your heart with warmth..

I’m a second time grandma..

but this is my first girl ๐Ÿ‘ง .. I have had two sons and three grandsons… and now a granddaughter…

THE GRANDSONS….12; 10; & 6

My three little men… they keep me smiling and keep me in line… gives my life meaning and make it all worthwhile..

I love spending time with them.. they tire me out but the pleasure I get is all worth it…

And now In addition to my little princes …. come my little princess..

I think this is what makes life so wonderful.. the simple pleasures of children..

You get to feel responsible for someone and you get to think of someone else’s happiness other than your own ..

So you do everything in your power to make them happy and keep them smiling….

And you find yourself smiling too because they are…

What could be more filling than that…

What could be more satisfying???!!!…

It’s so wonderful when you live long enough to see your babies become adults and having a family of their own…

And even better when you are apart of their lives……you get to bond with your grandbabies….

Definitely A Grandma’s pride and joy…..

HOME: WHERE WE BELONG….

Isn’t it very strange how far life taken us sometimes away from the home we were born and grown and know as home most of our lives..

And then we found a place called home.. and we feel so belong and very comfortable.. that we doesn’t even miss our parents home anymore..

I’m a Jamaican.. and I love Jamaica.. and I get so home sick sometimes..

I got the chance to come to the USA 23 years ago.. I landed in Florida in a city called Hollywood… I spent the first year in that city..

I had a aunt in ORLANDO and she had invited me to come for a visit..and I accepted..

I was so intrigued With Orlando and feel in love in the city.. I promise myself I would come back and make it my home…

It was so beautiful and clean…

I liked HOLLYWOOD.. and would have stayed because I found the love of my life whom I was very much in love with… and I enrolled in school to pursued my advanced accounting career…

I was living in another aunts home (they were my father sisters)…and just after Christmas she told me she sold it and I had to find somewhere else to live..

My aunt in Orlando has suggested that I come stay with her and I had refused due to school and my lover… but fate has stepped in for me to fulfill my promise to make Orlando my home…

with no where to go I decided to take up my aunts in Orlando offer..

I had to arranged a location transfer from my job..make arrangements to to Orlando.. I was crushed to leave my love behind.. and was very disappointed to quit school…

But….

I was very excited to live in the city I fell in love with…

I had two boys.. age 10. And 2.. that I left behind in Jamaica… I took the baby with me when I came here…but had to take him back home when I couldn’t afford to Keep him.. and work At the same time…

I intended to find a school in Orlando to continued my accounting career… as soon as I got settled…

…..but I went back home to see my babies that May..and I didn’t like what I saw. Especially my baby…

My beautiful healthy baby was now puny.. and obviously wasn’t taken care of properly..

I was so tempted to stay home with him.. but knew I couldn’t take care of him in Jamaica…

So I came back to Orlando.. in tears..and anguish and was determined to find me a home so I could get him with me…

I started a second job… to try earned enough money to make it happen..

My aunt was a real estate agent..and I complained and confided in her about wanting my baby with me..

She promised to help me buy a home.. and a year later she lives up to her promise and got me approved for my home..

I was so elated.. I close this house in September 1998.. get it all ready and went for my baby..

He was going on four.. and when I brought him to this house.. he acted like he was home…

my oldest son join me six years later…

It so happens I lived next to a elementary school.. and it also happens that one of my neighbors was his aunt from his father’s relatives..

She has two children his age group.. and we became very close and became friends..

I happen to choose the right time to move into that neighborhood.. most of my neighbors had young children.. and they all became friends with my baby boy.. and they all helped me to baby sit him in time of need..

I still worked two jobs..and with my baby as well .. I couldn’t fit school in my schedule….

I worked from 11pm at night.. to 2pm the next day…five days a week.. and I took my baby up at 2:30 pm…

spent the evening cooking.. cleaning.. and make sure he’s all set for the night…

and then sleep for about 4 hrs… and do it all over again…

I actually had this routine for next fifteen years…

so I sometimes needed to have someone to baby sit him for me.. and all my neighbors chipped in..

So he grows up here.. and after 20 years..we became attached to the neighborhood.. we made many memories here.. and so it’s home..

Jamaica is no longer home to me.. yesss.. I still love Jamaica with all the fund memories of growing up.. and the bad too..

I will always go back to visit but Orlando is where I called home now….

I look back and sometimes marvel as to where life has taken me.. and I’m really grateful for the opportunity I got to find a home in Orlando…

My baby boy is now grown and moved away to a different state.. and I missed him so much and hoped he would return.. the house is so empty without him and his brother..

But…

I understand life does take us in different directions and places..and I have accepted that his home may no longer be my home…

My oldest is also married and still lives in Florida.. but in a different city.. a hour away from me..

Home…. we never knew where we may end up.. how far away we may go or where life may take us.. but we all find that place we call home….

So you teach your kids to spread their wings.. explore other places.. until they find that one place that makes them feel like they are home….

HOME: THE PLACE WHERE WE BELONG….

PRECIOUS THAN GOLD…

How do we choose the friends we keep and how do we decide to let go of the ones we do…?????

In the last twenty years of my life… I find that the people I come in contact with has been my best blessings in life..

I am always so lucky to find friends that do for me and have shown me so much kindness that I don’t even earned or deserved…

I’m so full of gratitude and appreciation to all these people I called friends..

most is no longer apart of my life..

A few I keep in contact with occasionally and the other few I formed an everlasting bond..

I’m never in the position to return the favors issued to me… and I often feel guilty or bad about always on the receiving end…

But…

These friends of mine stand by me and still gives without hesitation or reservations…

How did I get so blessed to always attract friends like these… I must have the favor of GOD…

I have come in connection with this one guy.. on a social media…

and I was going through some financial hardship.. and I put out a GoFundMe campaign to try to raise some money…

He was the first one to donate… and not only once but four times..

I started to communicate with him letting him know how much I appreciated his contribution… our connection went from emails to phone calls..

It’s been well over a year now.. we have never actually met.. but we have become really good phone pals that he has now become a major part of my day…

This friendship I happen to connect with.. has proven to be one of my greatest connection…and he’s still helping me every time I needed that boost…

He never hesitated to come through for me even when I know he had his own life to deal with…

How did I get so lucky?????

I have form a friendship with these other men..

One a electrician….

Never charges me for any work he does for me…

What a friend he is…

My ex husband.. we couldn’t make our marriage work.. but he still remains my friend even after fifteen years of separation..

I had a friend who fix my fridge everytime it needs to be..

and I don’t even keep in contact with him unless I need some services on my refrigerator.. and I asked. Why does he feels the the need to..

And there is my lawn care / handyman…

He’ll do anything I asked for the bare minimal and sometimes doesn’t even charge me..

My next door neighbor… she has done me so many favors over the last twenty years … that I feel so obligated to be her friend .. I know I could never repay her for all of her kindness… so I remain loyal….

I worked for twenty years… at the same company..

and every co-worker was my friend.. they would go out of there way for me every time….

And then there was my brother in law…

I needed someone to take me to see my doctors.. I asked him.. and without hesitation he spent the next year and a half of his life making sure I didn’t missed a visit…. and during us spending so much time together…. we form a bond of friendship that he calls me his BEST FRIEND..

We lost him to pancreatic cancer recently though..

I was so broken up even though I knew he was on his way out…

A friend like him is so rare.. and he has such a good heart…and was such a beautiful man inside and out… he always comes through with his promises…

He was such a huge loss to my life…

I could go on and on.. about all the peoples that touches my life in such a way that makes me feel so special…

All in all.. just to show you that blessings comes in many different forms…

And I have been truly blessed with friends…

Friends they say.. are more precious than gold.. and I can endorse that fact..

I have three friends from my younger years .. that’s over thirty years of friendship… and we still connect.. and they are still there for me..

I feel my life is a great success and that my accomplishments have been great… not in monetary gains.. but I’m truly rich in friendships.. and love…

Count your blessings.. name them one by one.. And I have a long list of names… I called blessings…

A MOTHERโ€™S SORROW…

How should a mother feel when her children hurt her feelings and make her cry because she has the nerves to ask for a little financial help…

How should she react when her son.. says to her..

” leave me alone.’.. Why do I need to take care of you.. I no longer live with you… you are not my responsibility..”

This is the same son you worked two jobs and sacrificed your life life for..

yes..

it was your duty because you bring him in this would so it wasn’t a favor your were doing him.. it’s was your obligations..

And you did your very best to make sure he’s okay.. you gave him everything you could.. just to make him happy and have a good life…

Now life has changed for you.. you find that you can’t really work anymore due to disabilities you developed..

But God has been good.. he allows it to happen when he is grown and out of school… and able to work so you don’t have to worry about him anymore….

He moved out.. a different state..

you are able to collect disability.. but it only covers the mere essentials.. .. Mortgage.. utility… not much left to even Buy groceries with..

so you ask for help.. and his reaction this … ” leave me alone..”

He has helped in the past.. and you are so appreciative and makes you warm with pride … your son is coming through for you…

But then he’s becoming so mean… saying the meanest things..

And you want to just stop asking.. stop taking..

You want to leave him alone..

but.. you know you need that help financially…

And has a mom .. it hurts so badly.. to hear your son talks to you like that… as if you are the biggest burden to him.. as if you disgust him .. to be asking for more.. .

And even worse when you have have no other choice…. and you wish you did.. wish you didn’t need his help…

And you can’t help but wonder…

How could he stop loving you..

how could he not realize that it’s only because you only have him to ask.. because you have no other choice…

You have tried all your life and you have never predicted that this phase of your financial situation would ever occurred…

but life happens… and unpredictable situations occurs….and you just have to hope that it gets better..

And as much as you are hurting you can’t give up or give in… ..

and you pray for your son asking god to keep him safe and healthy.. and you keep on loving him just the same..

Because..

It was always your choice to have that precious baby who gave you such tremendous joy…

You did your best by him..

But once an adult and he’s wean from you..

You are no longer responsible for his actions or how he sees life..

and if he chooses to distant himself from you.. you just have to accept it and keep on moving forward…

As a mother.. we never want to let go of our babies..and we try so hard to hold on to them….

But.. the ties have broken when they becomes a man….

So you just have to harden your heart and live with that emptiness after they flew the coop..

How should a mother feel ..its just a mom’s sorrow..

A MESSY LOVE ๐Ÿ’• STORY… NEW BEGINNINGS… part 2

On reaching the dining Area… they realize they were too late for brunch.. They will have to wait for the next meal time…

They took a walk to the pool area.. was a little warm. So they went back inside.. wander about some more.. nothing much was taking place.. everyone was just sitting around enjoying each other company. Chitchatting And relaxing ..

So they headed back upstairs to lounge around and enjoy each other company without interference…

They got in the room.. and went straight into the bed.. she hugged him and they rolled around a little .. giggling and teasing tantalizing each other.. until they both give in a another round of exhilarating love making… he felt so invigorate and totally sated… he was a little surprised just how much he was enjoying this luscious and vibrant woman..

They lie in each other arms just too exhausted.. too comfortable… and much to relaxed to move..

they chitchat a little.. enjoying the feel of each other body and the warmth it creates… they both drift off to sleep.. and he woke up to see her facing him just looking at him intently .. she smiles at him and brush her lips against his and then kiss his cheek.. and said ..

“I’m kinda hungry.. let’s go try again.”

He smiles back and nodded in response… and got up and headed to the shower.. he stopped at the The door.. turned and ask her …

“Are you coming???!!!” ….

She smiles and jumps up eagerly .. and join him.. she followed him in and they both got in the shower..

He teasingly splash her with cold water and see screams and laughing out loudly..

she was curled up against the wall trying to dodge the water… and he started laughing with her.. he then pulled her to him .. hugging her.. pressing her voluptuous breast to his chest..

he started to kiss her as the warm shower fell on them..

she was very responsive to his kiss and started to make little pleasure moaning sounds as she tried to press even closer into him pushing him against the wall… she felt him responding to her as his kisses set her flame of desire ablaze… igniting and heightening all her senses…

he lifted her legs to his hips and they again enjoy each other bodies..

she cum with such a intense force that left her shaking and jerking uncontrollably… calling out his name and begging him not to stop..

This send him over the top making him spurt his load filling her …

They finally finish their shower and got ready and once again headed downstairs to fill their appetite ..

they were famished … for food.. they have built up quite an appetite… but was fully satisfied sexually…

He was so glad he accepted her invitation to spend the day with her.. ….

They again mingled with the crowd.. and he got the chance again to be introduced those members that he didn’t before..

Her sisters were again were looking at them knowingly… and she seems to have boastingly confess their sexual encounters to them… because they turn to him and said..

” Be careful what you guys are doing up in that room.. no baby making now..”

One of them wink at him… and give him that sheepishly smile…

He blushed a little.. looked at sandy… lean in kiss her on the cheek.. whispering…

” you didn’t..???!!!” Then asking her if she wanted a drink…

She giggles and smiles at him.. throwing her backwards and up in a delightful manner.. he couldn’t But noticed just how beautiful she really is.. and he felt an emotional rush runs through him… he experienced a slight tremor..

she saw his reaction.. squeeze his hand.. reassuringly and answered him that that she would like that drink…

As he walked away he smiles reflecting on their love making sessions… he truly enjoyed her today…to him it was all just a casual day having some fun..

But…

He couldn’t help but wonder if to her it was something more????!!!!

He got back with the drinks .. stood there silently… watching her interact with everyone… observing how delightfully happy she seems… she was glowing radiantly … beaming with smiles.. as she occasionally flashes a bright smile his way….

After a while he told her he was feeling a bit tired and was going to go back up and sneak in a nap….

He woke up much later than he intended. .. saw her curled up next to him fully dressed.. her back was to him.. so he just pulled up to as gently as he could not wanting to awake her.. he pulled her to him in a spooning position.. throw his arm around her waist.. buried his nose in her hair sniffing and taking in her sweet scent.. and then nuzzled his cheek against her head..

He lay there.. enjoying the warmth of her body.. listening to her even breaths…. and feeling so good to just lie there with her in his arms…

He drifted off to sleep very relaxed and content.. no other place he’d rather be…..

*********^^^^^^********^^^^^********

TO BE CONTINUED….

LETTING GO..

Question?????

When do you know when to let go of people that has been apart of your life for as long as you are alive..???

(Example.. relatives… siblings.. friends..)

All my life I have been treated with such distaste by my sisters and relatives..

I have suffered so much indignity. And live through so much indifference.. so much I became apathetic…

I never had much friends in my life.. and my sisters used to shun me and treated me as if they are so much smarter and better than I was…

And I actually allowed them to.. I give them control over me.. I think I was hoping if I give in they would accept me as a part of their group.. and I remember wanting so much to be …

but..

All that happens was they just make fun of me.. I was like their biggest joke..

And how did I respond to all that..

by withdrawing more.. and hiding myself behind closed doors.. feeling sorry for myself.. trying to figure out why am I so different.. why can’t they like me..

As I get older I learn how to be a loner.. I eventually find a friend or two..which lasted to this day…

And I have learned to let go of all that mistreatment.. and try to have a normal relationship with my sisters..

But..

I guess old habits are hard to let go.. because I still see them treating me with the same attitude.. which I mostly ignored..

I have changed..

why can’t they..

as adults.. our lives are almost on the same level..

I was the first to achieve and accomplished progressively… due to a very smart choice… I got married to my friend… and so I was in the position to help them both until …

they eventually did too.. yet they still look down at me as if they are way above me…

And the funniest thing is .. I still try to get their approval.. still try to win their friendship and love..

But..

I come to realize that it’s a losing battle..

And…

decides it’s time to let go of them.. they will never see me as equal or has someone to be proud of…

They are always gonna look down on me..

I don’t need them in my life…

Do I..??? Nah….

I have talked to my friends about my decision.. of course they all disagreed with me and my reasons..

And as much as I can understand and value their opinions and arguments..

I stand by my choice.. I think it’s for the best for me..

if I don’t have to interact with them… there will be no reason for me to think about them.. therefore all this feelings of rejection.. unloved.. unacceptance … will no longer affects me…

We have to do what we think is right for us….and I do think this is right for me..

I’m letting go of them.. I’m freeing myself.. cutting the ties that bind…

I have overcome it all by myself… without their help.. and if they could have been of assistance to me.. they’d refused…

I have grown.. I have learned … and I have accomplished..

I don’t need any ones permission to walk away.. and stay away… or to let go….

I’m content in who I am and where I have reached.. I have everything I need to be completely happy..

I have been duly blessed..with valuable friends and two amazing children

So I’m choosing to let go of everything that’s negative.. and only take time for all the positive influences in my world..

*****************

THE WINTER OF MY LIFE….

WINTER….

You know. . . time has a way of moving quickly and catching you unaware of the passing years.

It seems just yesterday that I was young, and embarking on my new life. Yet in a way, it seems like eons ago, and I wonder where all the years went. I know that I lived them all. I have glimpses of how it was back then and of all my hopes and dreams. But, here it is… the winter of my life and it catches me by surprise… How did I get here so fast? Where did the years go and where did my youth go?

I remember well seeing older people through the years and thinking that those older people were years away from me and that winter was so far off that I could not fathom it or imagine fully what it would be like. But, here it is…my friends are retired and getting grey… they move slower and I see an older person now. Some are in better and some in worse shape than me…but, I see the great change… Not like the ones that I remember who were young and vibrant..but, like me, their age is beginning to show and we are now those older folks that we used to see and never thought we’d be.

Each day now, I find that just getting a shower is a real target for the day! And taking a nap is not a treat anymore… it’s mandatory!

Cause if I don’t on my own free will… I just fall asleep where I sit!

And so…now I enter into this new season of my life unprepared for all the aches and pains and the loss of strength and ability to go and do things that I wish I had done but never did!

But, at least I know, that though the winter has come, and I’m not sure how long it will last… this I know, that when it’s over on this earth…it’s NOT over. A new adventure will begin!

Yes, I have regrets. There are things I wish I hadn’t done…things I should have done, but indeed, there are many things I’m happy to have

done. It’s all in a lifetime.

So, if you’re not in your winter yet…let me remind you, that it will be here faster than you think. So, whatever you would like to accomplish in your life please do it timely! Don’t put things off too long!

Life goes by quickly. So, do what you can today, as you can never be sure whether this is your winter or not! You have no promise that you will see all the seasons of your life…so, live for today and say all the things that you want your loved ones to remember…and hope that

they appreciate and love you for all the things that you have done for them in all the years past!

“Life” is a gift to you. The way you live your life is your gift to those who come after. Make it a fantastic one.

LIVE IT WELL! ENJOY TODAY! DO SOMETHING FUN! BE HAPPY! HAVE A GREAT DAY!

REMEMBER:….

“It is health that is real wealth and not pieces of gold and silver.

LASTLY, CONSIDER THE FOLLOWING:

TODAY IS THE OLDEST YOU’VE EVER BEEN, YET THE YOUNGEST YOU’LL EVER BE, SO – ENJOY THIS DAY WHILE IT LASTS.

~Your kids are becoming you……

~Going out is good. Coming home is better!

~You forget names… But it’s OK because other people forgot they even knew you!!!

~You realize you’re never going to be really good at anything…. especially golf.

~The things you used to care to do, you no longer care to do, but you really do care that you don’t care to do them anymore.

~You sleep better on a lounge chair with the TV blaring than in bed.

It’s called “pre-sleep”.

~You miss the days when everything worked with just an “ON” and “OFF” switch..

~You tend to use more 4 letter words … “what?”…”when?”… “what?” “where?”

~Now that you can afford expensive jewelry – it’s not safe to wear it anywhere.

~You notice everything they sell in stores is “sleeveless!?”

~What used to be freckles are now liver spots.

~Everybody whispers.

~You have 3 sizes of clothes in your closet…. 2 of which you will never wear.

~But Old is good in some things: Old Songs, Old movies, and best of all,

OLD FRIENDS!!

It’s Not What You Gather, But What You Scatter That Tells What Kind of winter yours is or is going to be. Enjoy life b4 winter or enjoy the winter. Wherever u may be, my friend I wish you Gods blessings.. for a warm and cozy winter…

A MESSY LOVE STORY… part 13b

He had a lay over in Houston.. and he takes the time to talk to a few friends..

It took another hour or so to touch down on his home town… he just got off the plane and was heading towards home.. he had again bought a little gift for his little friend.. so he texted his girl and asked. Teasingly..

“Who’s up fo sno-cone.. tomorrow..???? Whoop whoop!!!..”

Her respond was that she has to find her way to Affordable… and she hopes her sister is able to take her..

So he inquired what she needs there..???!!!

She then informed him that she found out that they got “BED BUGS…” and she is getting rid of most of her furniture and she needs to replace them..

Ooh my God… wtf… on top of everything else roaches and cats and mess.. now BEDBUGS…

She was sending long texts telling him of what’s she’s doing… what she is getting rid of..

making it seems like she’s throwing out everything. Couch .. beds.. chairs..

And he wondering why is being so overly dramatic And why is she getting rid of good furniture that can be treated and kept…

Her bed wasn’t infected.. or is it… and how is she going to afford to replace all that on her budget…

He regained his composure from this shocking news..

and he all of a sudden was feeling that he can’t be anywhere near her or her house right now..

he was building up a phobia of transferring them to his car and his home.. he was treating it like the plague…

All that mess she created and accumulated in that house..

she has every rodent and insect living with her.. she offers the comfort of a home for them.. the perfect environment for breeding..

When is enough going to be enough for him to walk away.. . I guess this is it..

he found himself itching and his skin feels like they are crawling all over him.. He shudders in disgust.. with the thought of them all over In her home …

She sent a photo of her mom’s chair …

For months???!!!

And how could it be that bad and she never noticed… doesn’t she cleans mom’s chair occasionally…

And he shudders again.. uughh!!! Eww ๐Ÿ˜ท.. he couldn’t even look on it too long… when he thinks he has been to her home.. sit in that couch.. and she’ has these bedbugs.. crawling all around..

He starts to itch again..

A thought occurred to him.. here she was giving him the details of it all.. without shame or reservations..

Not caring how it makes her look to him.. like its the most natural thing in the world..

He finds himself a little annoyed that she allows this to happen and he became a little mean and harsh with his comments and answers..

And she has the nerve to be talking about giving people some baby belongings she has with a crib..

He asked her if she’s out of her damn mind.. because they for sure would be fully infested .. and how would she want to transfer them to someone else’s home …

“Toss them.. out.”..

“Nobody in America wants used baby clothes.. have you ever seen any baby section in all the thrift stores and the goodwill stores you have been to..????!!!

Nah!!! Get rid of them girl..”

She was so offended by his comments and got so offensive…

she texted back telling him she is the only one who can decide what to keep.. and what to discard… because it’s hers..

and she not going to Toss good clothes out.. and that she’s selling the crib..

He just shook his head and laugh out loudly…

And then she has the nerves to imply and suggested that he could be the one to bring them in her house…

Whattttt!!!!????

He address the comment immediately and tell her don’t she dare suggest that he were in any way responsible for such.. Because she is only messy friend he have… and I’m are hoping I didnโ€™t bring any home with me….the last time I were there…

And he let her know if she was cleaning as she should have been..

She wouldnโ€™t be facing this calamity and try to pass on the blame to him of all persons…

He then decided to leave her to own decisions.. but he won’t be going by any time soon…

She was way out of line with that implication… how could she have even think of making that remark to him..

Bedbugs!!!?? He thinks as he made a face of disgust ๐Ÿคญ๐Ÿคข๐Ÿ˜‘๐Ÿ˜ฌ

She can stay with them.. one thing for sure. She wouldn’t be seeing him this trip..

He went through the afternoon fuming at her allegation.. and as he sits there shaking his head and thinking.. she got the nerves ..

he got a text from one of his girls.. Sandy… he haven’t talk to her for a while.. so he called and she invited him over the next day asking him if he wants to accompany her to a celebration for her relatives at the Marriott hotel…

He Gladly accepted her invitation… it was surely a welcome distraction right now…

They spoke for a little catching up with each other.. and after he hung up he felt so much better… he was even smiling with the anticipation of a good day tomorrow….that he lost his anger with that girl of his…

He finally settled down and turned in for the night… He drifted off to sleep thinking of sandy remembering how much fun she was in the past and hoping to rehash some of that Funtime come tomorrow…

********^^^^^*******^^^^*******^^^****

TO BE CONTINUED…

(THE DAY WITH SANDY)

A MESSY LOVE ๐Ÿ’• STORY… part 13

He got back to his desert life… and somehow felt more at home here… he breathed a sigh of relief and find himself feeling.. this is where he belong..

Nothing was back home for him anymore… he gets himself settled in ..he had the evening off.. so he took a short nap.. then gets up to eat something.. he wonders around camp a little trying to pass time and reflecting back on his past week back home…

He was not really angry.. but it really disturbed him that his girl treated him so cold and shabby… he then smile with the thought that he is losing his touch… He shakes his head… and wonder if it’s his feelings waning for her…why he fails to be able to get her to want him.. because he really didn’t put out that much effort in convincing her or seducing her…

He was feeling slightly rejected.. but should he be feeling this.. or is it just his ego that is bruised…

And Yas ..

he concluded that she is a little deceptive. And not very honorable… but better she shows her true colors now than wait till he’s emotionally invested..

He’s a little bit disappointed but not affected by her…

…..and Terri..

shaking his head he sighs and giggles to himself…. she got some mickey Ds out of him .. but he comes up short on the return…

oooh well.. it’s all behind him now and he came back as dry as the desert..

Feeling a little despondent and a little weary he slowly headed back to his room… he got in bed turn on a little music to soothe his wandering thoughts and it didn’t take him long to drift off to sleep..

The following week was busy .. but he made a couple new friends.. one a Mexican beauty name Beyoncรฉ..

And a Russian guy name Oleg…

He spent a lot of his free time with Beyoncรฉ.. and getting to know her was a thrill…

she was witty and charming.. and easy to like… it was not a love connection but he looks forward to spend time with her all week..

Come the weekend she invited him to hang out with her and some of her crew members.. and he accepted and had a ball… she made him feel like he has been apart of her group.. she included him in every conversation and sit with him exclusively all evening..

At the end of the night he went to his room smiling.. thankful that he made really great connection.. He was moving forward in his new surroundings and his new life…

The following week though she left for her time off.. and he sure miss her company…

Oleg also left.. he has a family so he was glad to go…

It’s his turn when they return next week.. and although he has nothing much to look forward to… he will be making the trip back home.

He was thinking that he may extend his stay long next time… and maybe he can coincide his time off with his Mexican beauty.. he was feeling really good about having her as a friend.. she’s so outgoing and much fun..

It makes this desert come to life for him..

He tried to bury himself into what he’s doing to ward off his boredom and not to miss Beyoncรฉ too much…

He tells himself If he keeps his mind occupied the week will run off before you know it..

He has been corresponding with his girl here and there.. she has been texting him and keeping him informed of her daily activities.. boasting how she has been cleaning and getting her home organized.. she was very proud of her progress it seems…

BUT…

She always ends with how much all this industrious activity is affecting her..

oooh the pain.. can’t move.. so sore..

and then she complains how she’s the only one doing it.. and how she has to take interval break to ease all the severe discomfort it causes..

He tried to be encouraging with his comments but he wasn’t sure why she takes so much pride in telling him all this.. he was somewhat confused though…

Does she wants his praise on a job well done or his sympathy and empathy for her ailments that she always develops after such jobs…

And quite frankly he really didn’t believe she was doing as much as she claims because she keeps going over the same areas in her story each day…

how can one place always gets so messy that she has to be constantly cleaning the same area over and over again..

He has to question her motives in claiming and relating to him her accomplishments on a daily basis…

what is she trying to accomplish here..

impress him.. ???or she just wants to stay in contact with him and so she makes up all this about what she’s doing and how she’s feeling just for conversation.. knowing that he will always respond to her so she can feel connected to him…????

He shrugged it off because he wasn’t really too interested anyways.. he is really losing interest in her it seems… guess out of sight out of mind…

Another weekend is here and how he miss his friend Beyoncรฉ.. she’ll be back Tuesday some time and he leaves out Wednesday morning early…

it has been a very busy week actually.. and he was ready for a break..

Come Monday he was called to the office.. he didn’t know what to expect.. when he got there.. a supervisor/ manager greets him..

He said.. “Cory.. I have an offer to put to you..”

He listened intently..

“We have a opening for a supervisor position in another location and we think you would be qualified for the position if you are interested..”

He was a little stunned at the suggestion and offer.. he has only been here for two months.. he is just getting used to this place and just starting to make friends..

As he sit there listening to him rattling on about the duties required and the increase in salary.. he felt enthusiastic about moving up..

but.. he was a little doubtful if he’s ready for leadership … but again they thinks it’s something he could handle…

He was snap out of his thoughts with him asking…

“What do you think Cory ?? Would you be interested in moving on to another location..??!!

He nodded and smile eagerly.. yes I would..

He got up shook his hands and tell him he would get the package to him to look over and give them his answer if he is willing to make the change..

He agreed..

He walked away with mixed feelings.. he was a little excited.. especially about the salary.. and he was feeling good that they have faith in him to recommend his for this position..

On the other hand..

can he really do this job.. he never had a managerial position before.. does he have that leadership persona to to be the boss and get the job done..

He’s willing to train for it .. but what if he decided it’s not for him..??

Does he want to take that risk???!! Of losing his job…

He really have to put some serious thought into this.. he’s quite happy where he’s at .. at the moment..

He spent all night thinking and thinking. About the pros and the cons.. but he don’t have to make a decision tonight… so he lay back and before he knows it he was asleep….

Next day is Tuesday .. it was really a tough busy day didn’t have much time to stop and think about Much…

when he got back to camp and went to get some dinner.. he was starving.. and exhausted.. it was a hot day..

As he walked in the cafeteria he saw Beyoncรฉ.., she gleams at him waving her hands.. he walked over to her table sit down and greeted her with a smile…

“Welcome back girl… how was your time off.???….so glad to see you back … ”

She smile back at him and responded… telling him she had a good time. But it went much too fast…

He nodded in Agreement and jokingly stated that it went much too slow here.. “it’s been a long week and you weren’t here to hang with..”

“Awwww”.. she gestured..

He excuse his self and go get him his meal.. He spent a few minutes talking to her after eating and went to his room…

He slept good that night… he’s all packed and ready to board that plane in the morning…

When he got up.. he was approached by the manager and he handed him the package he promised… and he got on the shuttle for the airport.. anxiously wanting to review this job offer..

He still wasn’t too sure what he’s gonna do.. but he has one week to go over it and make up his mind…

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TO BE CONTINUED….

A MESSY LOVE ๐Ÿ’• STORY… part 12c

He got home and he decided he is going to attempt one more time to get his girlto make a date with him….

So he texted her..

suggesting she finds something or somewhere for them to go..

she insisted on playing the fool including her daughter .. finding excuses to avoid the initial question..

So he sent another text…

“Just me and you kris

I have been missing you ๐Ÿ˜”

And just wants some quality time with you…

Can we do that..

Maybe bowling ๐ŸŽณ

A little lunch..

Some super conversation..

Me .. you.. and nothing/ nobody inbetween..!!!???”

Her response.. ” she is not much into bowling.. she only goes because of her daughter… but yes they could…”

She didn’t however stop there…

she mentioned that she is willing as long as he included her daughter before or after..

And she has told him she wanted to go to this church sale..

He had agreed to take her.. and was hoping after he’ll get his chance to spend a little time alone with her.. so he could make his play for a little self entertainment…

He drifted off to sleep… looking forward to his day with her …

He woke up …get hisself together and headed over… he picked her up.. and they went to the church sale..

she was so at home. Sitting on the floor going through a few boxes of movies.. this is really her world..

He stroll around browsing and he found himself a decent looking camera for $3.00

He patiently waited for her to finish up.. quietly and anxiously anticipating their afternoon together….

After what seems like an eternity.. she was ready to go.. he asked where to next and she instantly mentioned where are they going to take her daughter… so very reluctantly he decided to get her daughter out of the way first.. because he didn’t want anything to interfere with their alone time…

So they headed home to fetch her… they get into the house.. and he sits and wait.. and he waited.. and waited..

After an hour or so .. she still hadn’t made no effort to do anything.. he gave up on the idea of their intended rendezvous…

He excused himself.. saying he is getting a bit too hot and becoming restless.. and so he left..

He was experiencing an burning itching sensation on his chest.. it wasn’t too irritating at the time but by the end of that evening.. it has become very uncomfortable…

He decided to examine the area.. he observed a rash of some sort.. and realize he has bruised it with his scratching…

It was getting a little unbearable and a annoying.. he tried to calm it by applying an ointment..

By Sunday it was feeling a little better but very red around the area..

He was leaving to go back on Tuesday morning early.. he hoped it healed by then..

As he lay there in his bed trying to figure out what causes that reaction… he reflected back on his week off.. nothing had worked out as he had hoped or planned…

coming back home was not as exciting as he had anticipated…

He spent Monday at home .. not too motivated to go anywhere.. he really couldn’t wait to get on that plane โœˆ๏ธ back to the desert.. away from it all… and put it all behind him…

He decided he just have to find some new ways to entertain himself…

He now has a new life.. a New job.. and it’s time for New beginnings….

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TO BE CONTINUED….

A MESSY LOVE ๐Ÿ’• STORY: part 12b

It was so good to touchdown on home… he didn’t realize just how much he missed being there…

And he was really excited to see his girl and his newest….. Yas…

He had picked up a little stuff toy for the little girl…

Thinking it would give him an excuse to go over even if she still refuses to see him….

he took a pic of it and send it to her.. pleasingly showing off his thoughtfulness…. hoping to gain some leeway to her heart… after all Lillie is her pride and joy…..

He texted her telling her he’s home.. all excited and wanting to get back some exciting welcoming greetings…,

But…

To his disappointment she was way too causal…”oooh good “… she said.. end of conversation…

So he decided to leave her alone for the evening…

He also texted Yas.. she was more cheerful and tell him welcome home… He confirmed his date with her for the next day…

And he then decided to take a little nap..

He woke up feeling refreshed and decided to go run some errands…

He came back and feeling bored .. he call yas…

He mentioned their date and was asking her about what kind of food she likes .

Because he wanted to choose a restaurant she’d be sure to enjoy going…

For her to announce that she has RAMDAN for the month….or something like that… ( its the Muslim month of fasting)

Huh????!!!

Why is she just now mentioning this…isn’t this something she would have known about in advance ..???!!!!

Was this her way of getting out of seeing him???!!

Yep.. he was very convinced about it.. there was no other explanation..

but..

he tries to play it off .. saying he understand not wanting to accuse her of anything…

He then suggested that maybe they can just hang out at her home… because he just wants to spend some time with her…

She agrees with his idea… and said later that evening she would call to tell what time is good..

Come later. She did call but to make him know she won’t be able to after all…

He really didn’t know how to respond without saying something negative.. so he just said. “Ok fine…

Bid her a good evening.. and hang up….

He was a little disappointed.. and felt really cheated.. because he knows and realize that all what she had said and make him believe that she was really interested in seeing him was all but a lie..

well all was not lost.. he still have Terri and his girl.. he will be seeing his girl and her daughter this weekend ..

Terri was a girl he had hooked up with a couple times for an sexual encounter…

so that’s all she’s about.. so when he contacted her she will know exactly what it’s all about..

Come tomorrow he will call her to make some arrangements to see her.. forget about Yas..

He will also try to see his girl without her little girl around too… he wants some quality time with her. And he knows if he gets her alone it would be easy to seduce her…

He only have the one week.. so he wants to have a little fun before it’s over…

He drifted off to sleep ๐Ÿ› a little disturbed about Yas and her deceiving actions….

Shaking his head in wonder why she couldn’t have just let him know that she was not interested in spending time with him…. instead of leading him on then backing out with all those feeble excuses….

” some women..”

He had a restful night.. he was really exhausted from his trip… and was mentally exhausted.. things are not going accordingly to what he had anticipated…

So he has to adjust his mental state and try to make the best of his week off… all his intended plans has failed to materialize….

He went about his day running a couple errands.. and relaxing.. the day went by very uneventful..

He spoke a little to his friend and expressed his disappointment…and gripe a little ..

Come Friday her call up Terri and drove over to see her.. very enthusiastic about having a good time..

He told her he would take her out to eat something and she suggested McDonald’s..

“What???!!!!!” McDonald’s..???

Well it’s her choice so he didn’t argue about it..

He drove up to her place and she got in his car.. he greeted her with a smile and a chups on her cheek…

She immediately give out… ” Hey .. so you know… I am on my period.. so we can’t fool around today..”

He just looked at her.. shake his head think.. What ….the ….fuck…. he just sighs and smile.. and actually giggles at the humor of it all…

She looks at him all puzzled at his reaction.. but didn’t comment..

They got to the nearest McDonald’s and they went in.. he turned to her and told her.. ” have anything you want..”

She acts very surprised at his suggestion.. and said. “Anything!!!!!?????”.. in a unbelievable tone..

He nodded his head in agreement and repeated.. “anything….”

She smiled so pleasingly and turned to placed her order…..

He sat with her as she devoured her meal.. drove her home. And headed back to his …

He just couldn’t believe his luck… strike three… he was speechless and so amused at how not one of his girls came through for him….

Well his vacation was a bust…

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TO BE CONTINUED….

A MESSY LOVE ๐Ÿ’• STORY: part 12

On the eve of his departure home.. he decided to send a text to her.. asking her what she thinks if he stays overnight with her when he arrives back home…

He was sure she would be eagerly receptive assuming from their conversation over the past weeks .. that she misses him and was hoping he would make the suggestion..

So here he is … acting on this theory that was implied.. thinking he’s going to oblige her and give in..

He finds himself actually missing her and he really was anxiously anticipating seeing her and spending some time with her..

she’s going to be one of his first stop when gets in…

But….

To his surprise .. she turned down his offer stating that..” that he wasn’t her exclusive boyfriend and that sleeping over is for boyfriend status…”

He was taken aback… became speechless ๐Ÿ˜ถ for a moment.. angry at her declaration…he was just astounded with the unexpected decline of his suggestion..

So he decided to tell her exactly what he expected from her in return.. seeing that she is now having all these standards and implementing rules…of their relationship…

He had stayed over before… and he had read a lot into her actions of cleaning and taking pride into telling him with photos and details..

Was she really serious.. ??? Anyways he continued to tell her that she always have and made demands about this relationship that they have going on..

And he tries to oblige and indulge her in every way possible.. he is understanding of her needs and still do everything she requested of him willingly because he cares about her and her needs…

And he thinks he was playing the role of a boyfriend..

so now that she implied that he is not her boyfriend.. all this will stop…

He really thought he was the one staying away from being physical sexually.. Because he was afraid or repeating all that drama about being pregnant and she becoming depressed and emotional…

It is really like a slap to the face.. So now he decided to turn his full focus on his new girl.. YAS….

And when he gets in tomorrow.. he might just ignore her a little..

*********

The day has come to head homebound for a week…

He had a restless night.. consumed with thoughts and feelings of rejection of his girl..

But..

He was as excited about seeing YAS… and hoping he didn’t read her signals wrong too…

He really was hoping to get some time with his girl first to be able to release some of his sexual tension..

He was horny for her and he was having visions of making some sweet love to her…

And he wonders if and when he sees her if he should make a play for some…

He’s almost certain she wouldn’t be able to resist him.. but he was kinda hurt about her rejection of his suggestion.. and wasn’t sure he wanted to even try…

And he didn’t want to see Yas.. with a protruding boner… knowing he can’t act on it because Yas is still so new to him and he don’t want to rush into anything with her prematurely…

As he sits in the plane โœˆ๏ธ waiting takeoff… he started to think of his girl .. and he was so surprised at his feeling of being heartbroken.. he kept hearing those words of rejection again and again..

and a song came to mind..

” FAMOUS LAST WORDS OF A FOOL.. by George strait

He looked it up and listened…tears came to his eyes as he gets so emotional.. he does love this girl.. and he was really hurt by her declining his self-invite…

He knows he’ll be seeing her though. He couldn’t go home without visiting her..

So in the the next couple of hours he will know. When he gets there….

(YOU WONT BREAK MY HEART..

I don’t love you…famous last words of a fool…)

***************

TO BE CONTINUED…..

Next.. touchdown on home soils…

A MESSY LOVE ๐Ÿ’• STORY: part 11b

By the end of the week.. she is sending pictures of how she is cleaning the house.. room by room..

and photos of her self showing she’s losing weight..

He was really impressed but a bit confused..

why now???

Why did she chose for him to leave to put effort in cleaning and dieting….

Is she trying to entice him so when he gets back home he will wants to be with her….?

What is her real motives… he was very suspicious and curious..

and to make it worse…her photos were given him a stimulating stir.. so much he felt he had to share the info with her .. ending with how he would love to make some sweet passionate love to her.. and feel her quivering from divine pleasures in his arms…

He seems like instead of letting go of her he keeps saying things to pull her closer…

He still talking to his new girl and she’s so gamed with his wittingly charm …he tells her he wants so much more than friendship and she eagerly agrees with him…

She’s like a breath of fresh air… she’s so positive and amusing… and so giving… he truly enjoyed connecting with her…

So.. why is he playing this game with his girl back home…

Because he can!!!????

Because it makes him feel like a stud!!!????

Or. ”

Because he’s just plain confused and is not true to his convictions…. want all lose all.. so he better be careful how he throd…

He keeps contradicting himself.. doing and say things he swears on stopping…

If he gets called out on something he did or say .. he hurriedly changes his tune.. playing it off as a joke or declares misinterpretation..

He is not true to himself.. and to his convictions… that is if he has any…

This job is a big promotion for him.. and he did well for himself…

but.. then .. now he thinks he better than most.. and he acts as if he has it over everyone…

His true colors are showing.. and this promotion has gone to his head…

He has changed in only one month…it’s so sad..

we wish him well.. and hopes he makes the right choices along his journey…

And he is never going to give up his girl .. it’s so obvious…

he is really not better than her.. in actuality…

so here continues the story of “THE MESSY LOVE ๐Ÿ’• AFFAIR…

It keeps on going.. ….

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TO BE CONTINUED…

Next…. “his visit back home ”

(What will conspire… will he go back on his words with his girl… will that house stay clean…is she really trying to get him back into her arms…????

Or….

Will he develop a deeper relationship with his new found girl…

Hmm ๐Ÿค”…

We will soon see how this saga pans out…)

UNTIL……….

A MESSY LOVE ๐Ÿ’• STORY: part 11

He keeps talking to her.. and visit with her frequently… hoping to help her out of that depressed mode she’s in.. after a month or so she started to show signs of recovering and back to her normal self…

He decided to step back some and see her less..

He told her his job has becoming very demanding.. he was still thinking of gently walking away from her.. He has admitted to himself that he does care for her deeply and find it hard to let go completely…

He decided he’s not going to cut ties fully.. but he’s going to stop this physical relationship even though.. he still feels some sexual tension and energy when he’s with her..

She have the tendency to always be rubbing his back in a very sensual caressing manner..

Or..

place her hand on his thighs and stroking upwards towards his groin.. she does it very unconsciously.. and it sends a electric jolt to warm that sensitive area that he’s trying to control..

He loves the feeling it gives but he just don’t want to react.. just too risky and it’s still fresh in his mind all that emotional turmoil she puts him through..

So he decides it’s best if he stays away.. He can resist only so long…

A job offer came up for work out of states and it pays almost three times what he’s now getting..

It offers free lodging and food.. and he don’t have to travel.. and paid flight to and from..

He would work.. two to three weeks.. and off one week.. which he gets to come home…

He thought this would be a good chance to get away from her and the money is very appealing.. so he applied and he got accepted…

The week before his departure he met a really beautiful lady.. And he was very enthusiastic about her..

He told his girl that he’d be leaving.. and she was really disappointed .. but he finds that he was more excited about leaving than caring about her feelings..

It means starting over.. a new job.. good money.. and this new girl..

He was moving up and he felt good at his success and his new found accomplishments…

All of sudden he was feeling above her and that she no longer fits in his circle..

He has moved on…

He was trying to convince himself that he can do without her.. although he still talks to her daily in a ritual manner..

He was just fooling himself… she means more to him than he cares to admit..

But he hopes being away would calloused his heart…

This new girl seems to like him.. and she so different from her.. it’s like night and day… he even started to think that this new girl maybe too good for him.. but he shrugged that feelings off because she’s very receptive to his advances…

He decided to take it in strides.. and hopefully the more he gets to know her…the less he’ll feel for his former lover…

He flew out to his new position… it was located in a deserted area.. they have what you called a man camp.. decent looking rooms…

His first few days were busy with meetings and orientation.. but he finds himself missing the familiarity of home and he misses his girl.. so of course he text her and she expresses how much she misses him…

Of course…he admitted to her that he misses her too..

What’s wrong with him.. why is he giving her the impression that he still cares for her..

He goes in a rage with himself just how weak he is.. beating himself up…

He is here for a reason …. to shake her.. and focus on this money he’s making and this new girl ..

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TO BE CONTINUED…..

REFLECTIONS: The Diary of My Life… part 2

AGE NINE TO A TEENAGER

… The next few days I just stayed by myself.. and cry…

No one seems to care too much.. they just left me alone..

I found out that I have another sister.. She was three.. and a two baby brothers.. one.. only a year old and the other a little baby..

My new sister name was Dianne.. and she uses to seek me out and sit with me.. before long we were inseparable…

I don’t know if my dislike was so obvious towards my stepmother that she reciprocate and took a big dislike to me… and I don’t know if it’s because I didn’t like her that I felt that she didn’t like me…

She treats me with so much indifference and she was often mean..especially when my father wasn’t around..

She says the most meanest thing she could to a child… and as usual.. being the sensitive child I was.. I would go and cry my heart out…it seems all I did back then was cry..

Another problem I had….was peeing the bed at nights.. I would try so hard not to.. but I would always wake up soaking wet..

My stepmom didn’t like that at all.. she would get so annoyed and cuss at me every morning…

she would hold me .. shake me and call me lazy and ask me when are you going to stop… ???

I would just start crying.. stuttering trying to tell her I will.. but the word would never come out..

( looking back.. she probably was so overwhelmed with three babies and now three more.. and she would have to change and wash those sheets .. extra work that she doesn’t have the time for.. all washing was done by hand.. but as a child I couldn’t understand that..)

I just wanted be anywhere but there..

My grandma was living in another part of the house…with her second husband and three younger children.. our age group… The oldest daughter was 13… and the youngest..8…

My grandma was very afraid of ghosts.. she always said she can see them.. she would always have salt spread across her doorways.. she tells us kids it was to ward of those ghosts…

We all believe her…especially when everyone was claiming that my mom was seen.. and it’s all because we were there…

I was so scared.. so to add to my already sad existence comes this thing about my dead mom..

My aunts and uncle was so scared they didn’t want us there anywhere near them..

My grandma had a TV.. in her room and I always wanted to watch it.. but they would never allow me in. Saying my mom is haunting me and she would follow me in..

My mom seems to be on a rampage and was creating a havoc in my life…

That first few months was so hard for me.. I wanted to be anyone but me…

My stepmom was from a different parish ( state)and that summer she decided to take everyone to visit and spend some time with her brothers.. everyone except me of course.. even my eight year old aunt got to go.. and I was left with my grandma.. and her two kids..

I cried and I cried.. I wanted so much to be apart of that trip.. and I didn’t really know why I was left behind…and I didn’t want to left..

And my worst nightmare began… I was locked in a room by myself because everyone was afraid of my mom..

I was so afraid.. I was trembling with fear and every little thing I heard scared me even more..

I remember feeling so alone.. so anxious.. my grandma was in her room with her kids.. and I had no one to turn to.. I think I cried that whole time and I don’t think I slept a wink…

I became so bitter.. I hated everyone and everything.. l asked myself..,why does everyone hates me…

and I hated my stepmom even more..but I wasn’t brave enough to do anything… like running away but the thoughts occurred to me on more than once..

By the time they got home.. I was so frazzled.. and mad.. and I withdrew even more..

I would lash out with cuss words and was very mean to my sisters..

my stepmom would whoop me for cursing.. and would always find an excuse to be mean to me…

My school life was no better.. I still had no friends .. I didn’t realize that I was just mean to everyone so I was so unapproachable and my attitude cause everyone to stay away…I was way too defensive.. afraid of letting anyone in…

The experience with the fear of my mom.. causes me to be not afraid…I had no choice I guess .. and I finally got over it..

my own company became my best friend.. I refuse to talk to my sisters.. I didn’t say much to my stepmom.. my father was never around.. I would go off in isolation by myself.. and I started to keep a diary where I poured out all my anger.. and bitterness..

I was living in self pity .. and a feeling of pure resentment from everyone ..

I was called handicap and retarded…I still still didn’t talk.. I usually just nods and shake my head.. in response to everything..

I don’t remember ever smiling that first years .. I was always crying..

My stepmom would get so annoyed at me crying.. she used to tell me to shut up.. which makes me cry even more.. and sometimes would slap me.. telling me .. she’s giving me something to cry for..

My siblings would all laugh and find it so funny.. which angers me and make me want to cry more…,

I felt so helpless and so unhappy…

my life stayed in that mode Over the next three years I only grew more and more bitter…

My stepmom never takes me anywhere with her.. and I got used to it..

twice a year she would take my sisters to her home town. Always leaving me behind…

I stop crying.. but at age 12.. she decided she would invite me along…. and I didn’t want to go….

*******************

TO BE CONTINUED…

A MESSY LOVE ๐Ÿ’• STORY: part 10

…. Things went well with them that first week.. communication was light and sweet..

She was really loving and smiling and and so enthusiastic about him… he was enjoying her sweet airy disposition… and was feeling drawn to her again.. he was getting his intense feelings back …

He had a busy week and hadn’t gotten chance to go see her… but not a day go by without some connection via texting or voice call…

Then a little past the first week.. and she brings him to a halt… with a text.. claiming she had a dream about being pregnant… and she’s been having strong symptoms of being pregnant..

oooh my goodness.. not this again… and then he reflected back to that most passionate night.. and just realize that he didn’t actually used the condom that he was prepared with…

Bad move…

He had all intentions of protecting hisself from this episode and drama…but as he remembers it … in the heat of the moment… condom was nowhere in his thoughts.. now he is going to suffer the consequences …

The possibility of her being pregnant is very high.. and he now fears that .. that passionate exhilarating night is going to be marred with her being pregnant ..

Of course he suggested him getting a pregnancy test and have her take it.. but she refuses .. stating, she wants to wait a couple more weeks to be sure..

He was so annoyed.. and really curious and anxious to know if she really was..but he had no choice but to wait on her..

He went through his emotions and he tried to play it out in every scenario he could think of..,

He thought he would ask her to move in with him. Because he couldn’t actually see his baby grown up that messy house…

He mentioned this to her.. and she blatantly rejected his suggestion.. oops !!! He was sure she would have agreed with his suggestion…

Yet she keeps on hinting about a permanent relationship.. and went as far as mentioned marriage..

Oooh nooo…!!!!!

Marriage is not an option in his book…He would definitely be a part of the child life.. but he has no intention of getting married.. and he didn’t think she was marriage material anyways…

He loves her.. and care a lot about her..

But…

After knowing her and seeing how she lives and with all her complications.. he can only take her in small doses…

Anything permanent would mean she has to make a drastic change.. and he couldn’t see her changing…

And for her constant complaints of illness.. he just knew he couldn’t deal with that long term…

But..

He is now faced with her possibility of being conceived with his baby.. and he may have to make a decision against his liking…

He went out to see her that weekend and surprisingly.. she was beeming and very cheerful..

This attitude of hers .. makes him a little more convinced that she is pregnant…

He took her to Walmart.. on their way .. she was talking going on about her symptoms and acting as if it was a sure thing.. While in Walmart she headed over to the baby section and she was rambling on about the baby this.. the baby that..

As he watched her bouncing about excitedly… he thought in silence..

What have I done???!!!!

Her behavior and attitude was slowly convincing him more and more that she was..

And..

He recalled… that this is a repeat of the last time she thought she was pregnant for him..

He again suggested that they get a test while at Walmart.. but again.. she wanted to wait…

What is her problem..?? Why wait??

This was causing him great anxiety attacks and he just wants to be sure before he makes any definite plans..

It’s been almost a month now and he was tired of waiting…

He was not pleased with her answer.. but nothing he can do about it…

He drove her back home without saying another word..

He dropped her off and headed back to his house…

He was annoyed.. and getting frustrated.. and couldn’t wait to find out for sure..

He was more than half way convinced… but .. just want to be 100% sure…

He was tempted to buy the test and drive over there and demanded that she takes it right there right now…

He was thinking.. it would be so nice to be a father.. and he was becoming very emotional with his thoughts…and he secretly hoped she really is.. he find himself becoming a little excited at the prospect of having a baby of his own…

And although he wasn’t too pleased with his choice of the mother of his child .. he knew he had to make it work… He will find a way to…

They had conversations via text.. and he keeps trying to push her for taking a test or going to the doctor..

She always have an excuse not to…

He was battling with his emotions and had a couple solid scenarios that would fall in place with her positive result..

He woke up one morning…. and let out a squeal of delight after reading a text from her that she had her menstruation…

He felt a slight disappointment afterwards and a little guilty about his initial reaction… He realizes that he was hoping for her to be pregnant.. and was actually looking forward to being a dad..

So he text her in reply.. and found out that she was so depressed and saddened that she didn’t want to talk..

Of course this always plays on his emotions and he decided to go see her.. hoping to lift her spirits..

when he got there.. he let hisself in..

whewww.. what a mess. ?? He will never get used to this way of keeping House….

He made his way to her bedroom.. he could hardly find her with all that clothes and trash lying around her..

She was sad.. and he could tell she had been crying…

He sat down on the bed beside her.. without saying a word.. lean in and kiss her cheek.. stroke her arm.. and give her a sad look of compassion..

She started to cry again.. and he reached for her and lifted her in a sitting position and wrapped his arms around her in a hug… she sobbed in his shoulder..

He patiently waited for her to calm down..

She started rambling on about how she wanted that baby and how she is never going to have another one…

He just said… Sshhhh!!!! Sshhh..!!!!

You are going to be okay.. he told her trying to console her…

But.. she was becoming hysterical.. so he stop talking.. didn’t know exactly what to say to her…

He didn’t like to see her like that .. but he was actually relieved that she was not pregnant.. he keeps looking around him.. and was so thankful that his baby won’t have to be born and live in this condition..

All of a sudden he was itching to get out of that house…he felt stifled.. so He asked her if she wanted to go for a ride to get some icecream..

She nodded yes .. called her daughter. Tell her to get ready to go for ice cream…

He told her he’ll be outside waiting.. and he hurriedly makes his exit..

Its so strange that he’s finding the messy house a little repulsive.. but this is where he’s at with the house situation..

They join him ten minutes later and he took them to eat that ice cream…,

She wasn’t very talkative .. but she seems to enjoy her treat…

They spent a little time eating and then they ride around some.. she seems in a better mood… so he inquired how she’s feeling…

She gave a half smile and said ok.. but continued to tell him how disappointed she was..

He simply agreed.. with… “I know baby I know..”

He took them home.. bid her goodnight and she thank him for coming by and for the ice cream…

On his drive back home he started to think this relationship is not healthy for him… he realizes that he’s finding it really hard to go in that house of recent without being able to ignore all the filth…

And..

Although he likes her and really enjoy her sexually.. he just can’t deal with her obsession of wanting to be pregnant… and every time they have sex she swears she is pregnant and then going into a depressive mode when she’s not..

it happens once too often.. he sees a red flag.. he knows he has to back off and slowly walk away… but how’s he going to do that…

She has too much going on with her that’s becoming a little unbearable and annoying and he just can’t see a long term , steady relationship with her …

As much as he likes her… it in his best interest to find a way out of it….. he keeps arguing with himself….

He dose off that night with mixed feelings but knowing that it’s a choice he needs to make…

Maybe he can remain friends with her.. he will figure it out..

He drifted to sleep with a very disturbed and confused mind….

************^^^*********^^^^+******

TO BE CONTINUED…..

REFLECTIONS…The Diary of my life…

Have you ever stop to reflect on your life..??? Have you ever wished you were someone else..??? I have…!!

*****~~~*****

I was born an healthy and most beautiful baby.. my father ever had.. but at 10 months I got sick..

I stop eating.. stop moving.. I was breathing .. but was unresponsive.. I didn’t even cry anymore…doctors didn’t have a diagnosis for my acute condition.. my mom throw me aside.. so frustrated …she didn’t know what to do and so she gave up… because she couldn’t understand the reasons for her beautiful baby girl dwindling away in front of her eyes.. with no hope of recovering.. I was paralyzed..

I was almost walking off.. before I became sick… I was a happy baby.. always smiling.. now it was hard for her to see me like that…

” Go bury her” .. she told my father..

My father took my lifeless body up .. confused.. emotional.. but refuses to give up on me.. all out of options… he decided to take me to this pastor that is known for healing the sick..

When all fails.. We all turn to God in huge renewed faith..

That pastor took my tiny lifeless body.. says his prayers as my dad watches .. silently praying.. begging God to be merciful to his baby girl…

Then my dad let out a gasp of fear as the pastor suddenly lift and throw his baby in the air and then catch her back.. my dad reached his hand in the air in motions of catching his baby..

The Pastor repeat his actions two more times..as my father watches with a lump in his throat and with the thoughts of taking his unresponsive baby away from the pastor..

but…

Just as he reached over to retrieve his baby as she landed safely in the Pastors hands the third time…she cries out just like when she was born..

It was music to his ears.. the tears came rolling down his face.. she hasn’t made a sound since she took ill..

The pastor handed him his baby … smiling…and said to him..

“I think she’s hungry..”

He rest his hands on my father’s shoulder .. look into his speechless emotional face.. fill with tears.. and told him with great compassion…that she’s going to alright..

” God has breathe back life into her.. take her home and give her love.. she’s a special child of God..”

All my dad could muster..in his overly emotional state.. was a nod.. as he hugged his precious baby close to his chest..

He got into his car and as he sit down still holding me.. he breaks down in sobs.. muttering.. “Thank you Jesus.. Thank you Jesus… He sat there and wept so thankful to god and to the pastor until he was interrupted by the sound of my crying ..

And through the tears .. he smiles.. then giggles and say.. to me..

” let’s get you home to your momma.. so she can feed you.. “

I cry all the way home.. my dad was just enjoy hearing me crying, knowing that it meant I’m going to be alright…he got back his beautiful baby girl..

My dad got home… got out his car and with me in his arms.. he screamed out for mom running towards the house as fast he could.. all excited..

Mom ran out.. seeing him clutching me.. she stopped .. her heart pounding.. the first thing that comes to her mind was..she is dead…

She holds her tummy bends over.. crying hysterically…My dad reaches her and says..

” no honey.. she’s is alright. Look.. “

As he handed me to her..

She looks at him.. in disbelief and astonishment…

“What … what… what do you mean..???” She stuttered between sobs..

And then I began crying again..

mom was so thrilled and shocked hearing my voice.. she stand there just looking down at me..

“She’s Just hungry.. lets go get her a bottle..”

My mom looks at him with so much questions in her mind. As he gently ushered her into the house.. She couldn’t stop looking at me as if it was the first time she saw me..

His mom and sisters all come running up.. asking.. in unison.. .

What happened?? Is she …. gone??

My dad went to his mom.. and hugged her… gently sobbing …and said..

” no mommy.. she is alright.. I took her to that healing pastor and he brought her back.. “

They all gathered around.. listening in awe… as he tells his story.. mom sat quietly as she feeds me .. just so happy that I’m actually drinking the milk…

She had tears in her eyes as she recalls telling my dad to bury me.. but she just didn’t know what to do.. she was so angry at God for allowing this to happen to her beautiful baby girl..

And to think it was him that gave her a second chance….she close her eyes and whispered a prayer of gratitude..

She put me down to sleep and she walked over to my dad.. hugged him tightly.. and softly thank him for what he had done..

He just hold tightly… gently caressing her back comforting her.. his sisters walked up to them and they hugged her too..

They sit around a little and had fun talking ….something they hadn’t done in a long time…

My dad decided he wanted to celebrate so he organized a party..

His grandfather suggested that he performed this family ritual that is cultural.. during the party.. he agreed..

It was supposedly to help me get stronger..

I started to improve but slowly..

I had to learn to creep again.. and I showed sign of being slow…

As the months goes by.. I grow but my coordination was slow.. by the time I started to walk .. I was like three.. and my right foot would lag behind..

I was not very balanced either.. I would fall regularly.. especially if I try to run…

My older sister would get whooped frequently for pushing me.. and making me fall.. I was so weak and would fall easily at the slightest push..so she stopped playing with me..

My mom had a baby boy a year later.. but he died soon after birth.. my dad was so broken… his death devastated him…but within the next year my little sister was born..

And then I was old enough to remember that day she went away to have her..

I remember watching my mom going Of with her suitcase and little me crying thinking my mom is never coming back..

I was so frail.. and puny.. but I was alive..I remember my grandma hugging me and trying to soothe me to stop me from crying…

My recollection during that time was not much..

BUT…

My life started out really shaky.. my parents treat me as an invalid. And they were overly protective..My siblings shun me.. treating me indifferent ..

I learned to be a loner as early as five and six years old ..I became very sensitive.. and very self defensive…

So much..That I became feisty and mean and even adapted being indifferent..

To make it worse.. I had a bad stutter.. I couldn’t say one word without stammering and I was teased constantly.. I was becoming afraid to talk.. I was embarrassed to…I didn’t want to be laugh at… I hated when they laugh at me..

So I stopped talking.. and if I had to ..I would try to hurry up to get it out.. that only makes it worse.. I would get so frustrated. That I became a crier.. I cried for everything.. I used to cry at nights..

…. I wanted to be different.. I want to be like my sisters…

I couldn’t understand why Nobody wants to play with me..

I started school at six.. and again .. instead of making friends.. I was picked at and make fun at.. I got my hair pulled .. and teased ….nobody wants to be my friend..

my sister has friends and when I would seek her out..during breaks.. she would tell me to go.. I could tell that she was embarrassed to be my sister..

Of course I would walked away crying.. while she and her friend laugh at me..

This only let me become more bitter… I felt so hurt.. and I hate me…

Then we had to move… but Dad didn’t move with us.. I don’t remember asking why…

But..

My mom would start to cry at nights .. and she started complaining to whoever would listen.. and I was becoming an inquisitive and curious and observant child.. I heard my mom telling her friends…

My dad has another lady.. I started to resent this lady for making my mom cry.. I didn’t know her.. and I didn’t quite understand why..

but…

by now.. I was learning how to hate. And I was learning how it feels to be hurt…

My Dad would come by once a week…

we were all pleased to see him.. especially mom.. but…

After he left mom would cry even harder.. and I would feel so sad and I would cry for her…

I made friends with A little girl from next door and she loan me a doll and that doll became my best friend..

my sisters were still ignoring me.. and often played with each other.. leaving me out.. I was like a nobody… to them.. I used to pretend I don’t care.. but I was dying inside.. I was full of so much rage…I want them to like me.. accept me.. include me.. but they just laugh at me and mock me if I tried to say anything.. and all I could do was cry..

A couple years after my mom got sick.. went in the hospital and within a week she died…

I was only nine years old.. and I was mad.. My grandma was with us.. and she wants to take us to our dad..

I became so defiant.. and rude.. I refuse to go..

My mom brother .. my uncle…came by and witnessed my behavior.. he offered to take me with him.. I wanted to go with him…and was so glad to go with him..

I stayed with my uncle until my moms funeral… my father didn’t attend..

As I watched my mom being lowered into the ground.. I was numb and I didn’t cry or show any emotions..

I went back home with my uncle…

but..

my dad sent for me… I had no choice but to go.. I cried all the way there.. hysterically..

I got there and I cried even more..

My dad asked me… why I was crying.. I stuttered that I want to stay with my uncle..

My dad jokingly said…”I don’t have any puss kitten to give away..you belong here with me and your sisters..”

Every one was laughing except me.. so when he asked if I understood.. I mearly nodded afraid if I answered they would all laugh at me again..

And so begins my new life with the woman I grow to hate..

*************++++++**********

TO BE CONTINUED…

A MESSY LOVE ๐Ÿ’• STORY: part 9d

….. They drive in silence listening to the songs playing.. each have their own thoughts running through their mind…

He hoping she won’t be unto his little plot.. and she wishes he didn’t have to make this stop…

She was aching for him and couldn’t wait to get him home… and he couldn’t wait to get her in his office and seduce her..

He was working on his move in his mind without alerting her of his intentional plan…

They finally reached and he slowly park. She made no move to get out.. so he quickly said to her..

” come on baby.. come in with me..”

She hesitated a moment and he was afraid she was going to refuse… he never counted on this..

but…

She decided to get out and followed him… he was relieved that he didn’t have to come up with some kind of excuse to get her in.. or his grand idea would have failed..

They got inside.. he invited her to sit down in one of the chairs .. he turned on the computer and pretended to post something..

He turned to her when she asked..

“Will you be long..???”

Nope.. not at all baby.. he answered..

He pays another couple minutes to the computer then turn it off..

“Done..” he announced..

He walked over to where she was sitting.. brushing his palm against her cheek ever so tenderly in a caressing motion … she leans her head into his palm.. her eye closed….he then spun her chair around.. stoop in front of her his hands resting on the chair for support.. and he lean in and kiss her.. and said softly..

“You are really beautiful tonight.. ”

And he kinda gets up straddling her legs a little.. kissing her face.. he placed his hands to her neck in a chokehold.. knowing how much that turns her on..

he feels her melting beneath his touch.. she goes limp.. and her legs was involuntarily opening.. he got up from his position and she pulled him back down with intense urgency…

He kneeled in front of her and she pulled up her blouse. Exposing her tummy. She said…

“Kiss my tummy… here.. ” she pointed to the exact place she wants to be kissed…

he obliged.. and she ease down into the chair and he just felt when her feet rest on his shoulders..

He looked up.. and her face was filled with pure pleasure.. he pulled down her pants and removed them.. she was making little pleasurable sounds..

She then moved her panties aside to reveal her wettness.. he fondled her a little.. stuck a finger inside her and she was pulsating around his finger… he got up and quickly discarded his clothes and as she watched him undress… she licked her lips….then bite her bottom lip..

She reached in her bra .. pinching her nipple and then.. use her forefinger.. very sensually beckons him to her..

as he comes closer .. she yanks his shoulders and said.. suck My nipples lover..

“Yeeessss ba….”

Before he could get the word out she pressed his lips to her hard nipples… he nibbles and sucks.. licking and flicking…. and as he worked his way down to her belly button his hand finds it way to her swollen clit…

And as he touches it.. she exploded.. calling his name.. back arches as her whole body shook with vibrating convulsions…

He knew he had to get inside her then.. he took her knees and flung them into the crook of his elbow.. and lowering himself he plunges deep into her.. he could still feel her convulsing.. from that intense ecstasy..

He is in no more than two minutes when he feels her cumin again.. and as he feels her pulsating around his cock..he couldn’t hold back any longer.. he made one last plunge and exploded in her with a blast.. it was divine bliss..1

He cum so hard he heard hisself shouting..

“Oooh shitt.. Oooh shitt… ooooh shhiitttt..”

He lay there spasming over and over.. while she milk him dry.. gripping his sensitive cock.. as she meets his spasms with her own….

she was caressing his back.. placing butterfly kisses on his face.. it took him a few minutes to calm down and when he pulled out to get up.. there juices come gushing out.. running down her legs dripping onto the floor..

He made his way to the restroom clean hisself up..and brought some napkins for her.. she took it .. got up and headed to the restroom..

He sits there waiting for her.. and he was smiling feeling very pleased with this sexual encounter with her..

She’s such a compatible sexual partner.. sex with her is always so awesome..

She came out and walked over to him.. got onto his lap.. and kiss him ever so passionately.. he started to get aroused again…so he stopped her and said.. “We have to go babe.. it’s late..”

She said okay.. and very reluctantly got up.. and he ushered her to the door…

She sat very close to him on the way home.. she was overly loving and very affectionate…

He was smiling amusingly.. She loves that little rendezvous.. it’s so obvious by her behavior..

He took her home.. walk her to her door.. leave her with a tight hug and a kiss .. thank her for a most wonderful evening. And headed towards his home..

He was pleased.. a night well spent.. and he had to admit to himself..

she got a hold on him….

*************************

TO BE CONTINUED…

A MESSY LOVE ๐Ÿ’• STORY: part 9c

……She got up.. and to his amazement… and astonishment he couldn’t believe what she does next…..??????

……. he watched her as she walked over to the table.. she was mumbling and complaining to herself but audible enough for him to hear…

“She’s going to hungry later on and she’s going to want it then..”

He continued to watch as she brushes the roaches aside.. picked it up.. and as she did.. some of it fell to the floor.. she bent retrieve it .. put it back on the plate and made her way to the kitchen..

He subconsciously followed her in utter disbelief hoping she is going to discard it..

But when he saw her open the fridge to put it away.. he was astounded..

He said to her in a serious tone…

“Really???!!! Throw it away girl.. that’s not good anymore.. throw it out ” .. he added adamantly ….

She turned to him.. looking at him like he’s crazy to suggest such a thing…and she made a humphh sound in denial..

She put it in.. close the fridge and turn to walk away.. he catch a hold of her upper arm.. spin around and said firmly..

” you can’t give that her to eat again.. didn’t you noticed those roaches all over it..”

She answered aggressively….

“It’s still good.. nothing is wrong with it…and she didn’t eat enough and she’s gonna need it later..”

She twisted and wiggles out of his grasp.. and walked away in a huff..

As he watched her walk away so angry… He just rolled his eyes.. shake his head.. feeling defeated and very shock at her decision.. what is she thinking..??? How can she think of feeding that to her daughter..

He headed towards the door… looked at her with great disappointment.. she met his eyes with a scowl on her face. .. her expression was of displeasure with her brow wrinkled… he knew it was useless to say anything more to her..

He just shook his head and let himself out.. He stopped look at the little girl playing in the yard..and felt so sorry that she has to be exposed to this life and environment that her mom has created for her..

He watched her for a few moments longer and then walked towards his car.. knowing he has zero control on the situation and of her…

within the last months he has seen and observed so much that he starting to question his sanity and his self…

He is becoming overwhelmed and finding her behavior and her habitual messiness to be more than he can sustain …

He didn’t hear from her that week and he didn’t make an attempt to communicate either… He was trying to stay away…. telling himself that he has to get her out of his system… and that he just can’t deal with the situation at hand…

But by the time the second week rolled by he gives in to his desire to reach out to her..

He open up communication with a text message asking her how she was doing and if she needed to get anything done..

It was summertime and he knows she has to get back and forth to wherever she has to get to.. and she usually walks..and he uses the daughter has an excuse to care so much.. that he feels guilty about not being there for them..

He received an answer to his text from her…

She let him know that she’s alright and that she has a few errands to run and would really appreciate the ride…

Of course he eagerly text her back with a smile letting her know that he’s on the way……

He arrived there to find them outside waiting for him.. As he parked his car and look at them standing there.. he felt a surge of joy that put a smile on his face… He was missing them but he didn’t realize just how much until he saw them..

He got out of the car all smiles.. the little girl let out a delightful squeal calling out his name and run straight into his open arms.. he scooped her up ..hug her closely nuzzled her little neck and she giggled delightfully..

He made another attempt to nuzzle her neck but she pushed his head away..

Hehehehe… he giggled…

He then reached over with one hand and gently pulled her mom in for a hug.

He said, ” hey baby “.. and bent to kiss her cheek… she turned her face up to him and smile pleasingly without a response…

He regained his composure open the back door of the car .. put the little girl in and buckle her up.. Mom got in and as he followed suit.. he asked,

” well where are we going?”…..

She told him she needed to pick up some snacks for her daughter.. So Walmart..

They made small talks as they drive … but nothing of consequence..

They spent the next couple of hours stopping a few more times here and there..

He asked her if she would like something to eat and she accepted.. they picked up some burgers and decided to stop at the park and eat them..

They allowed her little one to play a little while they talked..

She mentioned her upcoming birthday.. that next weekend..and so he decided he would treat her for her birthday… He asked her if she would like to go out that night….She was gamed.. So they made plans for a date night…

They spent another hour at the park..and he drove them back home.. he didn’t go in with her wanting to avoid looking at that mess and be reminded of what happened that last time….

he left her reminding her to dress up nicely for their date next weekend…

She beamed at him so brightly.. this amuses him..

He gave her a hug.. pat her on the derriรจre fondly… Hug that precious baby girl.. and bid them goodbye…

He had a good evening….and he was smiling.. and surprisingly anticipating their rendezvous …..

*******^^^******

They kept in touch with each other that week through their usual daily Texting…they both talked about their upcoming date.. and was both were looking forward to it… it was suggested.. dinner first and then take it from there…

He got up early that morning.. went got his shave and trim.. went to pharmacy.. pick up some necessities…he just wants to be prepared… make sure they car is fully gas up.. and headed home to get ready … It’s been awhile since he got all dressed up.., and it felt really good.. he feels like a million dollars..

He got there…call her to let her know that he’s outside.. she came out… looking so beautiful.. smiling as sweetly as ever..

He got out to meet her walking towards him.. he gives a slight hug.. and a little kiss and whispered.. “Happy Birthday beautiful”..

Walk her over to the car …open the door for her and ushered her in…

He got in .. look at her.. she met his glance.. and they both smile at each other… he reached our took her left hand give it a little squeeze and proceeds to start the car..

He inserted a disc in the radio to get some music going… he looked over at her.. she had her rested back on the seat.. her eyes closed as she hummed along to the song playing…

He smiles feeling good to be with her.. as he finds himself humming happily to the song as well…

They got to the restaurant of her choice..it was a really nice atmosphere.. and as they sat there eating.. facing each other.. he looked at her, taking her in.. admiring her makeup.. her hair.. and just how pretty she was tonight..

He finds himself getting so arouse…she looked up and catch him starring at her… she smiles.. and he said to her…

” My Darling.. You look so beautiful tonight”….

She smiles blushing.. whispers a thank you.. put her head down shyly and continue to eat..

They finished up their meal.. both were full.. and they walked out holding hands.. he moved his hands to her waist and pulled her in to him… and she just followed his lead willingly…

they walked to the car in unison… he open the door for her.. but before he let her in .. he pulled her to him and kiss her like he wanted to all night…

Her back was rested against the car and they kiss passionately.. how he loves to kiss her.. she was kissing him back with the same urgency and he could feel her rapid heart beats and hear her shallow breathing ..

He knows she wants him as much as he wants her.. they pulled apart and he helped her in.. she was slightly trembling… he closed her door.. wipe at his lips unconsciously.. and he could feel her lips on his…

He got in.. and said to her…” where to now??”

She shrugged her shoulders .. without saying anything..

He knew what she was thinking.. but he didn’t want to go back to her home.. he just can’t make love to her there… and as he sat in the parking lot.. looking at her wanting her…

She reached over rest her hands on his thighs and gently moving her hands in a rubbing motion.. making him so hott.. she said…

“Let’s go home..”

He had to think fast.. He picked up his phone.. not wanting to respond to her suggestions..

He turns it on and said..

” Hey baby.. I just remembered… I have to stop by my office to do something for my boss.. I promise him I would have.. Do you mind if we do that before we head on home…???”

His office was not too far away and anywhere is better right now than going back to her house…

He didn’t like lying to her.. but he really wants to make love to her tonight.. and he he knows she was up to it..

So he headed for his office… trying to stay focus on driving and not thinking about her hand on his thigh and so close to his throbbing D….

********************

TO BE CONTINUED….

A MESSY LOVE ๐Ÿ’• STORY: part 9b

It took him no longer than two days to get the urge to see her… he couldn’t understand his emotional attachment to her..

He wants to spend time with her and her daughter but he finds that he dread going in that house..

He finds that from the move that he has become so conscious of her surroundings that he walks in looking around with expectations of some improvement… and realizing that he could no longer ignore the messy and filthy condition…

He started to think of diplomatic ways he could encourage her to clean it up.. because this is her only vice right now..

He tried offering to help her.. but she always finds a reason to decline his offer…

He hasn’t been in her bedroom in this new house.. the visual of what he saw in the move was so repugnant … that he has no desire to go back on that bed .. knowing that what he witnessed would play with his mind…

It didn’t however stop his sexual desire for her whenever he’s in close contact with her…

she keeps saying she gonna work on getting it all cleaned up.. but always comes up with some lame excuse why she didn’t get to it..

Like having pains.. being overly depressed… headaches… couldn’t get out of bed.. ect. Ect. Ect..

The following month .. he decided to see her outside the house.. he would pick her up and take her wherever she wants to go.. and spend some time together having lunch or sitting in the park.. watching her daughter have her fun..

He reasons that if he don’t see the mess it won’t affect him..

She invited him to a fair one weekend and he accepted.. he drove over.. and when he got there she wasn’t ready.. her little girl was outside playing .. he got out and sits with her playing with the cats…

She got up and ran after the cats who ran inside through the open back door…the back doorway was open.. he decided to follow her in..

The laundry room is right there… There was clothes in piles lying on the floor.. empty crates was on the washer..

all kinds of boxes.. tins.. things that didn’t belong shoved in corners and scattered all over.. he shake his head.. questions rolling around in his mind..

why is the floor litter in clothes when the machine is right there..??? Why is this space used as a junk yard..???

He walked past it and went inside.. the strong stench of the litter box fill his nostrils.. and he noticed it was still as is…

He acknowledged her mom from where she’s always sitting.. and almost gag from the foul smell she was emanating …

The living room was bad.. worst than he has ever seen it..

He observed a Carmel apple sitting in a corner.. covered in mold.. how long has that been there???

Dirty dishes covered in roaches… it was littered with everything you can think of… dirty socks.. wrappers from snacks.. pizza boxes..

the garbage bin she has in there was overflowing.. not one surface was empty…

he felt so sick to his stomach.. he was tempted to pick up stuff.. but he was so repulsed that he was afraid of touching anything…

He called for her.. and shouted.. telling her he’ll be back in a few.. and he hurried out of that house . Got in his car and drove away..

wtf.!!!!

It’s only a few months she’s been there.. how can she live like that.. and that sweet little girl… how could she expose her to that kind of living..

And the mom.. does she ever move from that one spot..

He couldn’t return.. so he just headed straight for home.. He called her telling her that something comes up and he has to go take care of it…

He has to think seriously about her habitual messy house keeping…

They talk via text messages that evening and he apologizes for running off like that..

He took the opportunity to subtly ask her about the condition of the living room.. and he also mentioned the cats litterbox..

She became very defensive and he again suggested that he could help her to get it all cleaned up…

She again repeatedly mentioned all her pains and how it affected her whenever she tries to do anything.. how she has a daughter to take care of… and her mom also needs her attention..

It was like fighting a losing battle…

She ask him to come over that weekend to take to Walmart .. He promised her he would..

He feels her obligated to her and her needs.. and knows she has no one else to take and he didn’t want her to walk in the hot sun with that little girl.. all that way…

So he went over that weekend.. they went to Walmart.. and she did her usual shopping.. they went to a few other places .. she stopped got some chicken for dinner and headed back home..

All the cats were outside.. and she shoo them away..not wanting them to go inside … and started complaining how they pee on her Little girl’s bed…

He just shook his head offering no comments..

He went in with them.. she invited him in.. when he got inside he smell some sweet scent.. and he saw she was burning some incense .. and the litter box was no longer there….

She cleaned up a little place on the table to put the chicken she bought.. she began dividing it up on paper plates..

Give her mom a plate then her daughter.. he refused her offer . They all set down to eat… then watch a little tv.. the little girl got up to play leaving her unfinished meal behind…

Mom was busy complaining about the cats peeping on bed.. they finished watching the tv program in between conversation… He got up to use the restroom…

As he pass the table he noticed that there was roaches on the Little girls plate… he didn’t think anything of it.. it was because a natural thing at her house..

He continued to the rest restroom.. He noticed just how blacken it was from non cleaning.. he uses it and flushed.. he was surprised by a few roaches scampering away in all directions running away from the water…

He was kinda puzzled thinking where were they hiding. Doesn’t that mean if he had sat down on that seat.. he would have roaches crawling on his ass.. ???

He just sigh.. thinking you can expect in this house..

he went to wash his hands and again look around for soap.. but none was in sight.. the sink was dirty. The same old dried up toothpaste was still present plus new spots.. the counter was full of dust and water stains and roach dropping…

A dirty towel or two was on the counter and on the ground.. He pulled aside the shower ๐Ÿšฟ curtains .. still looking for soap..

He stands there in astonishment.. it was sparkling clean.. unbelievable.. he looked around him again… and every where was filthy…… except for the bath…

He finds it so strange and he couldn’t think get it out of his mind.. To him…only one explanation makes sense…

But it that possible.. it kinda explain the no soap though…

Nahh.. they must take baths.. yesss.. he thinks trying to convince himself not wanting to believe on top of everything.. she don’t bathe…???? ๐Ÿค” hmmmm???

He rinse his hands in the dirty sink trying his best not to touch it.. and he walked out.. he stopped.. looked at the bath.. and said…” nah… nah…” shaking his head in response to his thoughts..

He went back to the living room… and he announced that he is going to head on home.. and as he passes the table he pointed and said to her.. ” there is roaches all over the food ”

She got up.. and to his amazement… and astonishment he couldn’t believe what she does next…..??????

****************************

TO BE CONTINUED….

A MESSY LOVE ๐Ÿ’• STORY: part 9

They communicate by text every morning.. it has become their habitual routine over the last months.

She has become a significant part of his days… and he looks forward to receiving those text messages …

He drove over to see her that Wednesday… he took her out for a drive and a drink.. stop.. got something to eat.. she was in a terrific mood and he enjoyed her happy spirit … it was obvious she was having fun and enjoying being with him…

They spent a few hours together .. and he took her back home.. it was a little late and he has work in the morning so he bid her goodnight and headed home…

That weekend he decided to go spend some time with her and take her on a few errands that she said she wanted to run…

Another week has gone by.. he walked in that house..

The boxes are still untouched.. and the living room is in a little worse condition…

Her mom is where he has left her and is wearing the same dress..

A stench was coming from somewhere.. he looked around trying to identify what was causing that stinking scent..

He then noticed a cat litter box.. that was fully used by the cats and needed to be replaced.. couldn’t she smell it.. ?? How does she ignore it..,?? It stinks…

In the middle of the living room was also a garbage bin without a liner.. filled with trash… he also observed a few roaches in and out of it…

It’s just two weeks..!!!!!

How could she allow her home to be like this.. she doesn’t work.. she told him on occasion that she doesn’t sleep much at nights.. what does she do all day and night..

He couldn’t stay in that house another minute so he called to her.. letting her know that he will be outside when she’s ready to go..

She came out a few minutes later.. her daughter behind her.. they got in the car and he pulled out of the driveway…

She turned to and asked him.. “what’s wrong???”

He just shook his head and said..”nothing baby “….

He just couldn’t bring himself to confront her with all that he has observed and seen..

He didn’t know how she would have taken it.. and he was not in the mood for an argument…

She took her to Walmart.. she bought some caramel apple… then to the thrift store and dollar tree…

And he couldn’t help but think..

why does she choose these places to shop…He has never asked her about her financial status before.., is she that low on money.. so he asked her..

She willingly told him.. she got money from her daughters father…. she got food stamps..and her mom got a disability check…

So she was on a fixed income so she has to be frugal …

He continued to probe a little more and asked her why she didn’t work???

Her answer was not what he was expecting..

She said she has chronic pains which becomes so unbearable … it prevents her from working…

He wanted to know to know why she’s not collecting disability… and if she ever works..

She let him know.. that she tried to file but wasn’t validated and got declined.. she also informed him that she used to work before she had her daughter..they were physical jobs…cleaning hotel rooms.. working as a server in a restaurant.., looking after older people.. ect…

This girl is just in 30.. He couldn’t understand how she could just give up working so young and adapt to a life of staying home….

He comes to the conclusion that she uses her laziness which is obvious from how she kept her home..to find any excuse possible to get out of working…

Here she is with him.. in perfect health.. not complaining or having any pains or difficulty getting around..

Could this be selective energy??? Selective pain??? Selective to suits her excuses for just being plain lazy….

On their way back to her house.. he thought he’d use some diplomatic tactics and asked about those boxes that-is sitting in that living room…

He asked her if she wanted him to come help her with putting those things away..

She quickly refuses his offer saying she’ll get to it soon.. he then told her that he willing to help her clean up a little..

She informed him that she’s tired after being out and about and maybe next time.. he shrugs it off and tells her anytime she is ready.. he’s be more than happy to help…

They got to her place. He got out to help her with her purchases.. and went to use the restroom before heading back home..

When he went in.. what greets him… was ugly…

He went to wash his hands first.. there was dried toothpaste all over the sink.. he saw roaches on the toothbrushes.. an open bottle of mouthwash..

How did she have roaches inside the bathroom in the space of two weeks..

he looked around for some soap to wash his hands.. but he couldn’t find any kind of soap anywhere.. not even body wash.. hmm ๐Ÿค”…. this was odd…he question it silently… he stepped on a clothing item on the floor.. he bent down to pick it up.. a couple roaches ran in opposite direction that was hiding under it.

He put in on the counter.. use the toilet .. rinse his hands again.. wipe them on his pants and leave..

She was sitting on the couch with her daughter…he bent over places a kiss on her cheek… ruffled the daughter hair.. and said goodbye..

He drove home.. thinking of that bathroom… the roaches… her lack of cleanliness.. her laziness

And…

He wonder if this something that he can live with…

It seems like he is now going over there just looking for everything that’s out of place..everything that’s wrong… this is not the norm for him..and this is becoming a barrier to his feelings for her..

He finds that he can’t think of her without thinking of the mess she creates in oblivion…

And he wonders just how much more can he endure before he finds the courage to walk away and never to see her again…????

********^^^^^**********

TO BE CONTINUED…

A MESSY LOVE ๐Ÿ’• STORY: part 8

That move wear him out both physically and mentally.. he still has a vivid picture in his head of those roaches.. and mess.

He came home brush hisself off vigorously before going inside.. he didn’t want to take one roach with him inside..

He was still feeling them on him.. he went straight into the shower.. and he put those clothes into the washer… he was feeling so dirty..

He still couldn’t believe that she didn’t get anyone to help her.. and he was feeling a little used and abused.. even though he willingly decided to help her..but all that lifting and towing those furniture and appliances was hard on his muscles… he could have used some help..

She does means a lot to him… and he loves to be of help.. he has become so emotionally attached to her and her daughter that he loves any and every excuse just to go see them …,

He tries to justify his feelings but all he knows is that he feels so comfortable and good when he is with them ..

He even started to think of that little girl as his own..

He didn’t get the chance to go see her until that weekend. Almost a week… and somehow he kinda shake the move out of his head.. and he finds that he really misses her…

He got up early that Saturday.. run his little errands.. like his routine shave and trim.. he was getting a little excited to start his journey to go spend the rest of the day with her… He had talked to her…via text that morning.. and he let her know he was coming over..

He got there.. and she and her daughter greeted him at the door.. the little girl… jump in his arms and he lifted her up.. he hugged her mom tightly to him and he felt a strong surge of emotions shot through him…

How he missed her this week.. as he walked in… two cats ran swiftly pass them.. he asked how are they adapting to the new place.. she told him they are doing just fine …

He noticed that all the boxes from the move was still where he had left them.. and he couldn’t but help noticed that the living room was becoming a little cluttered with plates and empty bags.. a few clothing items.. a couple blankets… wrappers from candy and such…

He had to asked her..

“What happened.. “You didn’t get a chance to put away anything “????

Her explanation and her excuse was that she have had a really bad week and had been hurting so badly from that day of moving…

He kinda understood and see how that could have been possible.. and he believes her…

Her mom was sitting in her usual chair surrounded by food and clothing… He acknowledged her as he passes her.. and he noticed a whiff foul odor as he walked by…

He sat down in the couch.. and he picked up all the wrappers that was on it.. he folded the blankets and placed it nicely to one side..

He got up to find the garbage bin to throw out the wrappers..

she was in the kitchen fixing something and as he walked in she turned to him and smile.. his heart skipped a beat.. he hugged her from behind and kiss her on her cheek..

He let her go to finish up what she was doing..as he was walking out he noticed that the sink was filled with dirty dishes .. he didn’t say anything.. but he wondered what she was doing all week

She seems fine today.. so she couldn’t have been that ill.. that everything was left untouched…. and he silently prayed that she don’t allow this house to get as bad as the last…

It’s only the first week.. and she has expressed experiencing pain and he knew that move was really a long day and it was taxing to the body.. he was completely exhausted the first two days after that move…

He was finding and looking for valid reasons to justify it all. And it seems reasonable enough… so he put it out of his head and decided to enjoy the time with her…

She prepared something for everyone and they sit and enjoy the meal.. she was really a good cook… and he does enjoy everything so far she has ever cooked..

They sat watching a movie.. enjoying the closeness and the intimacy…. he didn’t say much but his mind was so full of questions..

As he sat there he couldn’t but help looking around him.. and feeling good about being in such a clean environment with her..

If it wasn’t for that move he probably wouldn’t have even been conscious of her overly untidiness..

He realized now how very observant he has become and how he is noticing everything that’s out of place and abnormal… he fears that she is going to let it become as bad as that last house..

He hope that his next visit over he will see some improvements and give him some peace of mind to his fears…

He left her with a hug and a kiss… feeling very happy seeing her…she truly is good company and she is a great conversationalist.. he really do like her an awful lot..

As he drove home.. he was so full of joy and contentment..she totally consumed his mind so much.. he didn’t even give a moment thought to her home..

He was already planning on his next visit and he couldn’t wait to see her again…she is becoming an addiction that he craves..

****************

TO BE CONTINUED…..

A MESSY LOVE ๐Ÿ’• STORY Part 7

THE MOVE pt 2

They finish up eating and went back to work.. she decided to tackle the bedrooms next and get that out of the way..

there was so many junk on the floor but he just followed her lead. They removed the mattress.. and he saw there was roaches squished.. and a few running around..

He shows no surprise .. not after that kitchen..

She does her spraying and they took it outside.. and she spray it again…

Went to retrieve the bottom and then base.. he lifted it up and lo and behold.. what greeted his sight make him gasp and whispered.. wtf.. omg ๐Ÿ˜ฎ!!!!

There was plates of food covered in mold.. all different kinds of bags from places like McDonald’s, Wendy’s.. Kentucky… And even a pizza box.. fries .. chicken..pizza.., cups forks..

these were covered with green mold and roaches..

He noticed dirty underwear clothing all mixed together. He was speechless..

He was gagging at this point and had to rush to the bathroom. He came out after regaining his composure and saw her picking up the filthy stuff into a garbage bag.. as if it was the most natural thing in the world…

He asked her for some gloves because he was feeling so disgusted and repulsive that he didn’t want to touch anything anymore..

She went and find some.. and after examining the bed spring for no roaches he pulled it outside..

He went into his truck sits down.. shaking his head in disbelief.. Wow!!

And as he relive what he saw under that bed he started to gag again.. this was the same bed he slept in over and over again..

This was the bed he made love to her in..How didn’t he smell that mess .. how long has it been under there???

He has so many questions.. but he refused to ask.. he really didn’t want to know..

she came out bringing the base.. and she spray the bed spring.. and shouted to him.. asking him if he’s not helping her..

He got up.. went back in took out the little girl’s bed.. load it on his truck and took the beds to the new house..

He was tempted to give up and go home.. but he knows she has to be completely moved that day.. and she has no one else to help her.. he felt obligated to finish what he started.

He then make another trip with the washer and dryer…

And when he came back she has the living room set outside and sprayed…she walked out as he pulled in and helped him put it in the truck and they drove it over.. .

When they got back she handed him a garbage bag and told to pick up the garbage on the floor..

but .. she was behind him and keep pulling out stuff that he put in.. an old sock.. underwear.. dirty plates ect..

To him all this is garbage.. it was annoying him that she is wanting to hang on to these things..

The roaches were everywhere hiding beneath everything..

And though she sprayed they were so much that it was impossible to kill them all.. the fumes was so strong throughout the whole house that he has to keep going outside to breathe for a few minutes..

And picking up the trash made him realize how lazy she really was.. there was items from months ago.. food that was partially eaten but left where it is for how long… clothing. Everywhere even where you least expect..

bags from grocery shopping.. some still have items in it untouched.. empty boxes that was discarded .. more pizza boxes.. with unfinished pizza.. roaches feasting on it..

He just couldn’t understand it all.. and he couldn’t understand himself .. how could he not noticed the extreme conditions of her mess..

Could he like her after this..?? Could he overlook her laziness and the way she chooses to live…

These were questions he has and more.. and he will have to think about it all..

This experience has been something he never wants to experience again.. and he hopes that this move will solve this.. he refused to believe this is her natural habitat..

They finally got everything moved and he drove her over one last time.. he helped set up the beds.. and headed home..

He was so ready to sit down.. his back hurts.. his arms were aching.. he still couldn’t believe he was the only one she has helping her..

But…

They got it done…

He drove home that night thinking of the day.. the roaches.. the filthy condition.. under that bed.. the fridge. He touched his head where he bump it .. and he shudders visualizing all those roaches everywhere ..

Phew ๐Ÿ˜….. what a day..

***************^^^^^**********

TO BE CONTINUED…

A MESSY LOVE ๐Ÿ’• STORY: part 6

MOVING DAY…

He got up early.. have his coffee.. put on some rough jeans.. got into his truck.. and drove over to her.. he called her letting her know that he’s on his way over..

He hoped she got most of her boxes ready to go.. and got some help with the furnitures and kitchen appliances..

He was not up to lifting much.. but he knows he is going to have to help..

He pulled up.. got out… he was really expecting to see a few boxes outside ready for loading. But… nothing.. He knocked. … her little girl answers the door.. hugged him.. being glad to see him.. as he walked in .. he realizes and noticed that everything was still as is.

Wasn’t she moving today?? Did he get the date mixed up?? No.. couldn’t be.. because he called her to let her know he’s on his way and she understood the reason for him coming so early..

She then emerged from one of the rooms , asking…” are you ready to get started???

Huh!!!..Started?? Wtf?? Was she waiting on him to pack and move things out?? And where is everyone else..??

So he asked about the help he was expecting and should have been here and she let him know that she couldn’t afford to pay anyone to help her..

So how does she figure on getting everything done today.. in this mess.???

He just shake his head.. and said okay.. let’s get it on the way..

She decided to start with the freezer.. and she unplugged it and pulled it from the wall.. and omg ๐Ÿ˜ฏ!!! Roaches was everywhere.. hundreds of them…she act so oblivious of them.. and she preceded to open it to empty it’s contents.. and unbelievably..

there was dead roaches inside and the lid was lined with them and black from their feces ..

He actually didn’t comment because he didn’t know what to say .. he helped her pull it outside.

she then wanted to do the refrigerator next.. He position hisself and helped he pulled it out from the wall to unplug ..

He jumped back in shock hitting his head against a cupboard.. as he looked down and see the floor covered with a huge infestation of roaches which was scattering everywhere even up his legs..

she noticed his reaction and grab a can of reach spray and started to spray profusely… he walked out to get some fresh air and to get the fumes of the spray out his nostrils…

when he returns to her.. she was pulling the items from the fridge.

He stands there.. agape.. couldn’t believe what he was witnessing..

There was dead roaches on the bottom of the fridge.. on the shelves … there was containers of spoiled and rotten food.. the fridge looks like it has never been cleaned… and he took a look at the door lining.. and just like the freezer.. it was filthy and black and has roaches all over..

He was getting sick to his stomach… and when he think that he actually eat there on many occasions. He wanted to puke ๐Ÿคฎ…

He turned from her , Didn’t want to see all that rotten food…and grab a box .. thinking he’s going to start on emptying the cupboards..

when he opens the first one.. a group of roaches start running around seeking a hiding place.. he backed away brushing a couple off his hands..

she observes his actions and tap him on the shoulder and causally hand him the spray.. he took it from her.. looking at her in wonder… then turned back to the cupboard and use it to spray at the ones that couldn’t hide..

He knew she has roaches.. but he never knew that was to this level of infestation.. and this extreme extent..he was glad she was moving.. and he turned to her and asked her.. how is she going to avoid taking these roaches in transition..

She then stopped.. thinking about his questions.. and then have the grand idea that she’s going to spray Down everywhere ..

So in a frenzy and frantic mode.. she started spraying and spraying and spraying. The fumes was getting overwhelming.. so..

He grab the little girl and and took her outside to prevent her from inhaling all that poisonous fumes.. he stayed out there for a while.. waiting for the fumes to dissipate ..and she came out and began spraying everything that was outside again again and instructed him to start loading the truck with what she already sprayed …

He couldn’t believe that she has been living with all these roaches.. and he was wondering how could he have been so blind to them..

He has never seen anything like this before.. he was appalled …

She helped him loaded the freezer in they both hop in and took it to the new house..

it was a silent journey.. but he finds himself brushing his arms and his neck and his whole self intermittently.. it felt like roaches was crawling all over him..

It was a short journey.. they unloaded it then headed back.. and repeat the journey a couple more times transporting the fridge and the stove ….

They were a little exhausted so they took a break and went to get something to eat in town.. but he has no appetite… they feed her daughter and her mom .. and get right back to the task at hand..

He was eager to finish up.. and anyways the hardest part was over and the most disgusting area was behind him..

It couldn’t get any worse than that kitchen…

So he thought…

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TO BE CONTINUED…..

A MESSY LOVE STORY: part 5

Within the next few months.. they grew closer .. he finds himself spending more time with her… hanging out with her.. taking her anywhere she needs to go… his feelings were getting stronger.. he was loving the feelings he was experiencing…he felt like he was falling in love..

She would make mention of him as her boyfriend begging him to commit. He didn’t verbally say it but his actions says tons ..

He was at her beck and call.. he was very diligent and very loyal and very reliable.. he became her way around town…and he was truly enjoying being with her..

She would casually and very intimately touch him at times..he loves to feel her hands on him.. it never fails to send an emotional rush through him with a electrical jolt straight to his aching loins…

She took him to meet her family… her sisters.. her friends … invite him to church.. and all.. he willingly obliged and indulge her requests..

.. he was also spending lots of time with her at her home and often sleeping over..he loves to feel her cuddled closely to him…

The condition of the house was becoming worse and couldn’t be ignored anymore.. and he noticed also that she has roaches everywhere.. this really bothers him .. he doesn’t like them… especially around his food…he would see a can of roach spray placed in every room …including the bathroom..

He thought that couldn’t be healthy… especially with the little girl around..

He was totally disgusted one day he went to use the bathroom… there lying in plain view was her used personal sanitary product… it was discarded with no care of decency.. or privacy…..and the bin was overflowing and roaches were all in, on and around the bin.. the sight of it makes him gag..and to make it worse there was all kind of clothing item displayed on the floor…

This disturbs him and make him stop to think about it.. it draws her in a new light..

and then…

another day He witnessed her spraying the over flowing garbage bin in the kitchen… it was all covered with roaches ….wouldn’t it have been better just taking it out..????

He just couldn’t understand her logic and couldn’t understand why she kept such a filthy house…

He looked around and saw the sink also overflowing with dirty dishes and pots..

why did she allow it to become so extreme… he thought..

How could this beautiful sexy girl live like this.. and why is she so lazy..???

It was this day that he swore and promised himself…..he will not be eating there anymore…

He was also realizing and observing…that things like food stuff was left in the same place for days.. even weeks without being thrown out…

He really didn’t know how to approach the subject of her messiness and the condition of her home without offending her…

So….

He tried to be be diplomatic about the subject of her messy house and ask her if she needed help to clean up ..

He was offering to assist her hoping to encourage her to get rid of the mess…she then informed him that they are moving and it doesn’t make sense cleaning up.. and her excuse for the dishes …..is that …. “it hurts her to stand to do them…”

she would complain about pains she’s been having.. and when he asked about this.. He learned that she have some chronic ailments that causes pain that prevents her from doing too much… and sometimes get so bad that she has to stay in bed..

He was very empathetic at first.. but soon realize it was selective pain…Because ….

She was never too sick or in too much pain to go out with him.. or..

She always have the energy to go shopping or to a function…

With all this though He still enjoyed her company still finds her sexually attractive…He was emotionally invested… and he just have to find a way to help her clean up this house…

But…

everytime he goes over to see her.. and walk in and look at the mess .. which was worse everytime.. he questions his self… and the reasons…

Every single room has things thrown onto the floor.. even the laundry room .. you have to walked on clothes to get to the washing machine…

He took consolation in the fact … she was moving… thinking this will solve this issue…

It was coming up to her moving to a new place.. and he was kinda pleased and optimistic about this..

He was thinking that a clean and new environment would be the best thing.. and he find himself eagerly anticipating it..

He convinced himself that she’s not going to allow the new place to get to this state of this condition…

It’s been a while since their last rendezvous sexually.. and he was getting anxious for another sexual escapade with her……. each time he saw her….he was becoming more and more stimulated and was craving her sexually….

He finally got the opportunity he was waiting for.. her sister invited her mom over for a birthday party.. and her daughter went as well..

So they have the house all to themselves.. that evening they bought a pizza took it back to her place.. and decided to sit in the toy room watching TV as they enjoy their pizza…

He sat with his back to the wall on the bed.. and she lies on her stomach facing the TV.. her back to him.. her feet in the air…

He couldn’t but sit there admiring her visible butt.. as he feels himself getting aroused … he was very tempted to run his hands over that butt… and as if reading his mind.. she said to him..” my back hurting so much “…

He smiled.. and jump at this given reason to touch her… he said “let me “… and began rubbing her back in a massaging effort…

He slowly worked his hand towards that butt… he closed his eyes. Licking his lips in anticipation as he gently move his hands across that Butt… continuing down to her thighs and as he caress her inner thighs .. he purposely brushed his fingers along her snatch.. he felt her catch her breath and involuntarily open her legs a little wider…

His bulge in his pants throbs and give a little jerk as his pants tighten against its strain of erection….with her response.

His desires was getting intense but he continues to massage her …he moved back to her back placing his hand inside her shirt.. Her skin feels warm to his touch.. and he carefully and skillfully unlatch her bra.. as he massage her sides rubbing against those luscious breasts of hers..

she was really enjoying this.. and she told him how good it was feeling.. he smile pleasingly…

He moved back down to her butt and to her open thighs.. she was wearing a shorts and he inserted his fingers under the opening and gently caressing her vulva…

She was so wett.. he then pulled down her shorts and panties.. and she willingly allowed him to..

He hurriedly drop his pants to the ground.. kicked it off and nudge her to her knees.. and with great urgency he plunges his hard dick as far as it could go.. holding her hips and motion her in movement to his eager thrusts ..

She was in tune with him.. and he loves how she was so in sync with him..

He cum with an intense force that pushed her forward and off balance that she fell-flat on the bed… taking him with her.. he could feel her strongly convulsing and knew she climax as well.. she is so intoxicatingly delicious…..

he lie there for a moment feeling himself throbbing and jerking with the huge ecstasy he just experienced..

They separated and…just looked at each other.. both smiling…and he leans in and give her a little kiss ..with gently but a appreciative slap on her round bum… she giggled.. look at him.. rolled her eyes.. and shake her head.. knowingly..

They finished their pizza in silence and finished watching the movie.. he felt really relaxed and happy just sitting there beside her.. enjoying her..he felt this profound joy only she can bring…

He stayed the night and and they made love a couple more times..

He left her in the morning with arrangements to help her move.. she’s going to get everything ready so he can transport them to her new home…

He was really looking forward to the move.. and he was anxious to get her out of that mess she called home …

*******^*****^******^*****^****

TO BE CONTINUED…

next episode.. THE MOVE “…

EROSKETCH: Private Moments Captured by Pencil โœ๏ธ….

 

Featuring.. Rob.. at friendswithoutborders@wordpress.com

 

 

Capturing the male vulnerability.

 

SERENE

But…

So hott And deliciously sensual…

TRANQUILITY

But..

Highly stimulating!!!!

 

 

 

Hope you enjoy these really beautiful sketches of a most beautiful man.. and find the joy I find in them…

Smiling tons ๐Ÿ˜Š๐Ÿ˜Œ๐Ÿ˜๐Ÿ˜

Sketches are by…nikonicphotography@wordpress.com

I really do love and admire his talent.. please visit him and check out his awesome work…

A MESSY LOVE ๐Ÿ’• STORY: part 4

He spent the next few days thinking about being a father.. and was feeling a tinge of loss.. and somewhat disappointed..

She had him thinking about having that baby with her obsession that he was looking forward to being a father at one point…

They still talk via text and phone..and it becomes his routine to spend his weekend with her .. and it was coming up to Valentines….

so he mentioned it to her.. and she told him she does not do valentines. She suggested that the day after they could do something like having dinner.. he agrees..,

He was also becoming attached to the little girl… that he even started to consider her as his daughter… she would always be apart of their being together.. and he find himself enjoying entertaining her sometimes…

Her mom gave her a room just for her play room.. it was a disorganized and disorderly.. but he understands it’s just a play room..

A bed was placed in there for nap time… and he would join that sweet little girl in her imaginary world.. where he find much amusement…

He makes plans to take her to dinner after valentines.. she was delighted and gladly accepted his invitation…

She arranged for her mom to be out and for her daughter to have a sleepover…so they would be alone with no distractions… mmmm..

He picked her up.. stopped by the pharmacy… she picked up a few things.. and then the went to their dinner reservation…

They had a very pleasant conversation and enjoyed the meal..

The evening was going very well..

He was full and very happy.. as he drove her back to her home. she invited him in…

She suggested they go straight to the bedroom to watch a movie.. because she was feeling a little tired and just wanted to be fully relaxed..

He smiled mischievously.. his mind running wild..

He didn’t however made any comments or suggestions… he was just going to wait and see what develops..

She went in before him… to clear off some clothes from the bed to make space for him.. He also noted that there was a clutter of clothing everywhere… he subconsciously noted his observations.. but was far too excited to worry about it..

she asked him if he needs something to drink… he smile at her and nodded.. as he fiddled with the remote trying to find a movie to watch…

She came back with two wine glasses and a bottle of wine… He was a little amused as he got up to help her … “hmm???? Wine???” .. he said devilishly… She flashed a smile at him and nodded… giggling at his suggestively comment..

he took the wine from her open it and pour it in both glass… They sat down on the bed and clicked glasses..toasting to a happy night..,

He sneaked a glance her way…while he sipped his wine…and she caught him looking at her.. She smiles sweetly.. He then gently put his arms around her shoulders and urged her to come closer.. she moved in closer.. her back to him..

He gives her a light hug to him and he placed his cheek to her hair and inhale her scent..

It sent a electrifying surge of desire rush through him… he was caressing her arms tenderly and she was responding to his touch by leaning in closer to him.. and he felt her slightly shuddered…

“Are you okay..” he asked

She turned her face to him .. and smile timidly… slightly blushing..he wants to kiss her so badly that he felt his lips trembling with the desire..

He used his other hand and gently turn her to face him.. and with trembling lips he kissed her.. she responded with some urgency…. he could feel her heartbeat thudding against his chest… telling him..she wants him as much as he wants her…

His hands finds its way under her blouse as he snap her bra open. She shows no objections.. and didn’t resist as he pulled her blouse over her head.. he ease her back onto the bed.. placing nice butterflies kisses along her neck … while he teases her nipples between his thumb..

His lips moved to her hard nipples. ..she has some really beautiful suckable boobs… mmmmmm… he thought making a low pleasurable grunt….. slightly sucking them between his warm lips…

Her hand on his head.. in his hair.. breathing heavily.. arching her back to meet his lips… as he ignited a fire that burst into flames that sent waves of blazing heat through her whole body…

She took his hand and put it to her throat begging him to choke her…

He obliged… carefully.. she then take his hand and motion it between her thighs.., he allowed her to guide his hand…fully aroused at her initiative.. he loves how bold she was letting him know exactly what and how she wants..

He was aching to get inside her.. but he loves how responsive she was to his foreplay… so he try to restrain his intense desire as his hands moved slowly into her panties… she was so soaked.. as he touched her and felt her whole body spasm..in ecstasy leaving her pulsating and gripping at his fingertips…this took him by surprise but it was so hott making him want her all the more..

it took her a few moments to gain her composure and almost in a frantic mode she reaches for his belt.. and very expertly.. took it off and undo his zipper and pulled down his pants revealing his rock hard cock… he kicked off his pants as she quickly got on top and wrapped her quivering super wett kitty around him..

She felt so good.. as she humped him in a wild frenzy… he could feel her pulsating as she thrust her hips forward.. her hands on his thighs.. her head thrown back… her eyes closed.. and he felt her convulsing as she cream him with her juices.. she slowed her movements gently rocking deeply and grinding in circles …

He felt himself building up to blow … but he wants control.. so he flip her onto her back still inside her.. and took one of her leg on his arm.. she wrapped her arms around his back pulling him in as she heist her hips to meet each plunge of his hard throbbing dick…

He couldn’t hold back any longer as he pumped her full… uncontrollable saying.”aaahhhh.. ooooh shiiitt…baby.. baby…”she took him to a height he has never been…

he lay on top of her for a few minutes… trying to savor this exhilarating moment .. as she have her legs wrapped around him and his face in her hands just kissing him all over…

he feels himself going limp and slid out of her.. and a gush of spunk mixed with her juices.. rushes out .. drenching her thighs..

they both got up. Head to the bathroom and cleaned up..

He hugged her tightly to him and whispered softly…

” thank you sweet girl.. I really enjoyed you”..

they went back to the bed .. he pour himself a another glass of wine… and continue to watch the movie .. as she slid in close to him.. resting her head on his chest….

He drifted off to sleep holding her in his arms ..he woke up early and slowly get up to use the bathroom.. trying to be quiet so not to wake her up..

He find himself stumbling over all the clothes and mess on the floor.. and avoid stepping on them was almost impossible…

He bend down a couple of times to retrieve a piece or two. But decided to step over the rest of them..

He didn’t understand why they were on the floor of her bedroom and even on the bathroom floor..

He find it strange that he didn’t before pay much attention to her disorderly and untidy room..and later that morning he also take notice of the living room and kitchen..

He promised himself that he’s going to address this with her in the future..

Just not today…

As he drove home that day.. he thought of her.. he finds so much pleasure in her company.. and loves to make love with her…

Then he reflected on the condition of her home.. thinking.. that not normal for someone to live in that disorderly fashion..

He was determined to asked her and very anxious to hear her answer..

********^********^*******^*******

TO BE CONTINUED…..

CHICO: ONE MORE DAY… part 5

Chico came home and was in good spirits.. he was very optimistic and enthusiastic about his upcoming chemo…

He was also feeling much better with the extraction of the excess water he was retaining..

We talked and he was very upbeat looking forward to the chemo with high hopes..

I didn’t reveal my doubts and fear.. but instead share in his enthusiasm..

he asked me what I think.. and if I think it’s gonna work..

I told him I’m hopeful as much as he is.. and I was.. I want so much for him to recover.. and I prayed that god gives him “ONE MORE DAY “….

I really hoped the oncologist made the right choice.. and did it for the night reasons…

I had talked to Tats and we mentioned Chico….

She was not at all too enthusiastic about it.. and call him stupid for giving up Vitas.. the hospice care..

I told her.. try to be in shoes.. he is just trying to find some hope. And be happy with him and encourage him..we would have done the same in his position…”

She called me stupid too.. and said he’s ungrateful and such..

I couldn’t convince her to be understanding and try to see why he made the choice he did….

( although I never asked him.. I tried to think how I would have reacted in his position.. and I sense his fear and his anxieties of thinking and knowing that he’s dying…and I can see he just wants a chance to live longer.. he knows that the hospice is all about him dying.. just waiting for him to.. It’s all so very discouraging.. and he just wants some hopes..and I fully understand.. why couldn’t Tats..?????)

I asked Chico if he wanted me to go with him.. he said no .. maybe the next time… he was going to get a ride there.. and until he knows what his reaction will be.. he’ll just do it alone for now..

I was hoping Tats would have realized she needed to go with him.. but as usual that never happens. And I never asked..

I knew it was useless for me to.. and I had promised myself to stop interfering in her life and decisions with her husband…

On the day in question.. Tats daughter dropped him off ..

I called him while he was getting ready to receive the treatment.. they had surgically placed a port in his chest when he was admitted…so he was all set..

he was telling me that he going there twice a week and I thought that was too much.. I was confused..

so he put me on to the nurse to explain to me..

She informed me that it’s going to be..12 treatments.. in the course of 24 weeks.. he goes in on Monday’s in two weeks intervals and back on Wednesday’s to take out the pump..

I thank her for the info… and wish Chico luck and tell him I hope everything goes well….

I call him that night.. and he was doing okay..

I called him everyday … and by the end of the week he starting to feel poorly.. he keeps complaining about having diarrhea… and wasn’t able to talk too much…

I would call Tats and check up on him.. she would complain that he is not eating and and he needs to..

I asked about his diarrhea.. and she said she is thinking about buying something for him.. to help..

I figured it was apart of the reaction from the chemo… and although I was feeling sad for him dealing with all this. Discomfort I knew he was going to have some reaction to it.. and was comforted thinking that the doctor knows best…

and told him to prepare for feeling worse the more treatment he gets..

That Sunday night he calls me.. asking me to call his oncologist for him.. because he feels like he have to go back in the hospital..

I did what he requested without questions.. ( I know why he choose to call me .asking to do it for him..) but of course no answer.. I was hoping it would have transferred me to an answering service.. but it didn’t..

I called back and explained.. and tell him he have to wait until the morning to go..

He said he he did have an appointment with the doctor at 8 o’clock that morning..

She then texted me his schedule asking me what I think… saying he’s due for another treatment that morning..I realize that she never took the time to look at it before and she had no idea what was going on with his treatment.. she didn’t even bother to find out when. What.. or how..

I told her it’s not possible because his next treatment won’t be until next Monday…- I tried to explain to her that I have spoken to the nurse that day and so I know it’s not possible…

Of course she got irritated and said she will call in the morning to find out…

I was concerned if he was strong enough to drive his self there.. so I called Tats asking her if she’s going to take the day off and go with him.. she blatantly said no.. she can’t take the time off to do so and even suggest that I go with him..

I told her I would glad to go but I’m not his wife and won’t be able to get information on his condition..

so she suggested that he will pick me up.. take her to work. Drop off her daughter at school.. and then to his appointment..,

I was more than stunned and amazed at her inconsideration..

I said to her… “Tats.. is he even strong enough to drive.. are you sure he’s going to be able to do that much driving.. and are you sure you don’t want to take the morning off at least and go with him???”

She again.. very annoyingly.. tell me very strongly that she can’t and won’t take the time off…

I couldn’t believe her behavior.. and just how cold she was.. not a ounce of care for this man she call husband…

I hung up.. very angry for her lack of love and for her inconsideration…

I was so worried about him all night.. and I woke up early that day.. even got ready waiting for his call… it never came…

So about midday. I decided to call.. he told me he didn’t bother to go because it was just for some blood work..

I didn’t say much more..

The rest of the week he complains about his diarrhea..and how weak he is… and didn’t talk much…

Friday night about. 2:30 am Tats called… I was sleeping.. but when I saw her name I quickly got up..

heart pounding… full of fear.. expecting the worst..

I ask.. yes tats…??

She started telling me that Chico is on his way to the hospital in an ambulance…

I listened as she continued to explain.. that he fell twice.. and during his falls he had an accident spilling diarrhea on the floor.. and she noticed big clots of blood.. in the mess.. so she called the ambulance…

He couldn’t even walk..

I asked her why she didn’t go with him… and if she wanted me to get ready to go with her..

She told me that she needed to clean up the mess and they will call her telling her where he’s at and she will go in the morning..

she was complaining about not getting any sleep.. I was quiet.. not saying much.. knowing with her it makes sense…

I just tell I want to go with her..

And I hung up..

I was so worried and sick with fear.. I didn’t go back to sleep the rest of the night …

I couldn’t understand why she didn’t go with him in the ambulance.. but I’m getting used to her not caring. So I stopped asking questions knowing the answer…

I got up early… had my coffee.. took a shower .. got ready..and waited for Tats to come get me..

I waited… and waited.. and waited…

I refused to call her because I was getting upset… and I didn’t want to say the wrong thing and started a confrontation…

I gave up after midday…. shaking my head…. thinking…. does she really love him???? If it was my husband.. I would have gone with him and doesn’t leave his side.. I’d be so scared of losing him.. and not being there…

Again I was way past my boundaries emotionally… there wasn’t much I could actually do without crossing the line… but I was so tempted to go see him without her.. I really wanted to know if he was okay..

but…..

I restrained and suppressed my feelings… knowing it’s just not my place to go… and I silently pray…

“Dear God give him ONE MORE DAY “…

******^******^******^*******^

TO BE CONTINUED…..

A MESSY LOVE STORY… part 3

They spent the next couple of hours.. enjoying each other body and relieving all that pent up sexual energy…that has been building…from that one memorable sweet kiss on New Year’s Eve…..

They couldn’t get enough of each other.. they made love again and again.. she climbed on top and gave him one of the best ride he ever experience..

She was much more than he had expected ..

and this sexual encounter is so epic for her .. she was really enjoying him..

she finds her self wanting more and more.. and he was just as insatiable..she brought him to his most powerful climax he ever remember having.. and as he reached his highest peak and was getting ready to pumped her full … she screamed out in ecstasy as he feels her convulsing and gripping him… he couldn’t hold back as he hold her tightly and pumped in as deeply as he can letting it flow ,filling her..

he could feel It seeping out onto his thighs.. as they lie there spent just holding each other as she slowly grinding on his half limp over sensitive cock ..

He felt her body stiffen and her legs vibrating as she hold her head backwards and let out a load moaning grunt… ‘aaahhhh yesss oooh yesss…

he felt another wave of stronger convulsions as she pulsated around his cock. He immediately regained his composure.. so turned on by her.. he slowly and awkwardly flip her over onto the seat.. and go for another round….

after their fourth or fifth orgasm … they were exhausted…. and completely and totally sated…

They stopped and both flop back in their seats .. looked at each other.. smiling and blushing…

He noticed how fogged up his windshield was….and remember smiling thinking.. so it’s actually true about steaming up a car ..

Hahahaha… he couldn’t believe he could have so much fun in a car.. he didn’t even remember he was in the car at one point.. this girl is really sensationally hott …

She then turned to him and said something really sexy..

“If It wasn’t so cold out.. I would love for you to put me across the trunk of your car and take me.. right there in the open and under the stars…”

As he vividly visualize the scenario she was describing…He was so amused and in total awe..by this amazingly sexy girl.. he loved how open she was about sex..

and as he drove her home.. he was thinking .. ” this is going to be one amazing relationship.. she was intoxicatingly delicious…”

They never made it to the pool hall.. but this night has been a most eventful and enjoyable one..

One he is not going to forget too soon…

It went without saying.. they become an item … he started to spent every free time with her…,He was enjoying her company… but getting her alone to himself was proving difficult and frustrating.. but he tried to be understanding..

Her mom was not able to help herself and her daughter was still a baby… so she kept busy…

about a week later he got a text from her about having a dream which she interpreted as being pregnant…

Pregnant?????!!! He hadn’t stopped to think of That possibility… could she be.??? He was stunned for a moment didn’t know exactly how he should feel…

He has never been a father.. but he barely knows her.. Ooh my.. much too soon for this…. but too late he now realizes that he actually didn’t stop to think of protection during their passionate sexual escapade…

He was a little taken back at her allegations .. but he knew that it was a possibility so he recommended buying an over the counter test to verify.

She however choose to wait for another couple of weeks .. saying she wants to be sure… because it’s maybe too early for a pregnancy test… he agrees..

Within that couple of weeks she became obsessive and delusional..and so convincing about being pregnant..

.. every conversation and everything was revolving around a baby.. she was looking at baby clothes.. when she visited the store.. asking about names for the baby.. ect ect..

He wasn’t sure he wanted to be a father.. but she was convincing him that she is really with child..and he was finding himself as enthused as her …

That same time she started complaining about pains she is experiencing.. her back… her legs.. her breast…

And every pain she felt she associated with the pregnancy…. he believed her.. Because he have never had an experienced with pregnancy before.. so he was very naive to the symptoms.. and she had a daughter so he figures she knew what she is talking about…

Although He wasn’t ready for all this..he really liked her .. and was ready to accept if she was pregnant..

Then … a few days later…he received a text from her.. she had her menestration..

She was really upset and claim being depressed.. from being down about not having a baby..

He was relieved but sorry to know that it upsets her so badly..

he only then realizes how much she wants to be pregnant…

He went over to offer her some comfort.. and support..he wants to be compassionate and show her he cares…

On his way over…He bought her favorite snack.. chocolate…and he sits with her.. as she eats in silence..she started to feel better.. smiling and feeling relaxed…

His presence was very welcoming..

At he sit .. his arm around her shoulder.. gently caressing her back…her head on his.. he takes the time to look around him..

He observes that it’s messier than before.. and he turned to her and asked her..

” Do you need some help to clean up this mess.”??

She said.. nooo.. I have been so depressed and having some pains.. I just didn’t have the energy to clean.

He understood how she was feeling.. and thought she has a valid excuse..

Although he couldn’t quite understand why it seems worst.. (from his first time observing…)as if she hadn’t cleaned for a while…

He dismissed it.. and turn his attention back to her..

She decided she wants to lie down so they moved to her bedroom..

He lie with her holding her as her little girl came in and joined them.. and saying.. “it’s cuddle time..”

He smiles feelings so good just to be there cuddling with them..

He was so comfortable and feeling so at home…he didn’t even noticed that her bedroom was also untidy and just as messy as the living room…

He stayed the night.. with her wrapped up in his arms..

He wanted so much to make love to her.. but.. he didn’t want to seem inconsiderate so he restrained his desires and just enjoy holding her close…

She loves to cook.. and he went in the kitchen to help her that morning..,and noticed the sink was full of dirty dishes..

he shrugged it away as usual.. thinking she is just not feeling too well for anything..

He left that day feeling please with himself and happy to have spent the night..

He didn’t think anything more about the condition of the house.. he was just pleased that she was not pregnant after all…

*******^*******^*******^***********

TO BE CONTINUED……

CHICO: ONE MORE DAY; part 4

CHICO FIRST STAY IN THE HOSPICE.. still smiling…

2017 TO PRESENT

Chico call me that morning of the appointment to confirm that I was ready to go with him..

He stated that he was hurting really badly .. I asked him if he wanted to postpone his appointment but he defiantly said no.. he really wants to go..

He picked me up and we went.. I could see his discomfort and recognize the pain he was feeling..

It saddens me that I could offer no help to him .. and I’m thinking why Tats is not with him knowing that he is not feeling so well..

I realized just how disturbed he was from his conversation. He was very upset with Tats and he was venting his displeasure with her to me.. and it makes it worst with the pain he was going through..

He disclosed to me some really personal and intimate things about him and his wife.. . He was really tired of how mean and cold she was towards him.. and he just wanted out..

I didn’t make much of a comment to him on the subject because of prior incidents and conversation that I cross the line and get reprimanded by him…. however…

I listen.. and I sympathize..

He also disclosed how she’s so jealous of me.. and keep throwing my name at him every chance she gets..

(I didn’t totally believe this.. because she has never gives me reasons to think so)

she even puts me down to him.. trying to discredit me in his eyes..

I listen and I shake my head.. coming to realization just how my sister really see me.. I know there was no justification in her accusation.. because the only thing between Chico and me is.. the bond of friendship and respect for each other…

we got there… and I offered to helped him fill out the forms seeing that he was not feeling too well…and I even went in with him to see the doctor… she exams him and suggested that he might have some blood clots in his tummy that triggers off his condition..

she recommended him to be admitted the next day to get the fluid drained and to do a biopsy on his liver..

He was really happy with that recommendation.. because he was in great discomfort.. and just wanted to feel better..

On our way out.. we went by a room where they were doing chemotherapy.. Chico was so excited about it .. he stopped to checked it out.. and came back out super excited.. and said he hoped the doctor recommended chemo..

It gives him some hope that maybe he can get his cancer cured..

I try to encourage his faith and his excitement.. I was glad to see him feeling so positive and hopeful..

( I don’t know how he was feeling facing death.. we never talked about it. I just didn’t know how to approach that subject with him without discouraging him.. but I bet he was very fearful and scared with the thought of dying..)

He was still in a little pain and the morphin wasn’t helping much..

So he dropped me home and headed back to his…

The following day I called him.. and he said that he is going to the hospital to be admitted… I suggested Abraham to take him… but Abraham didn’t have his car and Chico didn’t feel comfortable with Abraham having access to his.

So he drove himself to the hospital.. he called me from there when he got in .. and was very elated about the room he was in.. he was very pleased to say the least…

I tried calling him the next day… I couldn’t get a hold of him.. so I tried every hour on the hour.. I just wanted to make sure he’s okay..

He finally answered me late that evening.. and he didn’t sound so good..

He was in a lot of pain from the sound of his voice.. and he was very weak.. he sounds so discouraged .. we didn’t talk for more than two minutes..

but.. he mentioned that the nurse told him that there is a chance that his liver has failed.. due to the amount of fluid that they extracted..30 liters…

He also said he was doing tests and surgery all day long.. they had also taken samples from his liver for the biopsy.. so they open up both sides of his tummy..

I hung up the phone and I had tears in my eyes.. with a failed liver .. means he doesn’t have much longer to live..

I immediately googled it.. to learn more.. and it wasn’t very encouraging… my fear becomes more intense and I wanted to be there with him..

So…

I call Tats..

I asked her if she spoke to him as yet.. she told me no.. she couldn’t get him..

I informed her that I Just did and he doesn’t sounds so good.. I proceeded to ask her if she’s going to see him and when she’s going I would love to go along with her…

oooh maan.. she got so angry.. saying she has no drive or way of getting there.. and she’s not going to see him..

I was so appalled.. I said to her.. “that’s your husband.. you need to be there with him”…

She said she don’t care and in the same breath said she’s going to find a ride to pick up the car..

I asked her..” so how come you can find a ride to pick up the damn car but you can’t go to see him.???.”

She just said she don’t want to talk about Chico anymore and hang up on me…

I was so livid with her lack of compassion and feelings.. I was so upset with her for not caring enough…

Here I was thinking that he’s dying and he’s going to die alone.. and there she is .. not caring one iota……I didn’t sleep much that night…

The next morning I woke up.. I immediately called him to check up on him..

he sounded much better but he was still experiencing pain .. he told me Tats called and chewed him out about how he answered my call but not hers and how she’s coming to get the car..

I couldn’t believe she was so insensitive to his illness and condition and be so trifling to attack him with jealousy…

I Then realized why she was so angry with me on the phone… she was jealous that I got to talk to him and she didn’t…

This makes me even more upset with her..!!! And I really know it’s true now that she is really jealous of me..

Could I be actually giving her the impression that I care more than just a friend.. am I overstepping my boundaries..

I really need to step way back and back off some.. and I really need to stop talking to her about Chico..

Chico however improved with each passing day.. and he got back the results of his biopsy.. HIS LIVER IS FUNCTIONING… not a 100% but it has not failed as yet…

He said the doctor recommended chemo therapy when he gets out.. he was very happy to hear that news..

I tried to be supportive and participate in his joy… I cheer with him knowing exactly how it makes him feel… he was so hopeful..

but… I was very skeptical about it.. I don’t have much knowledge about chemotherapy … but the little I know.. is that you have to strong and healthy to sustain the effects of chemotherapy… and I didn’t think he was strong enough to endure it..

But he was so happy and full of hope that I didn’t want to spoil his joy.. he needs that to keep him going..

Tats never went to see him..he got out that weekend..

When I make my usual check up call.. he was excited about starting his chemo…,

He had an appointment to go in and do like a orientation… telling him what to expect and what it’s about.., and get his schedule..

He was so thrilled… I share his excitement and come to the conclusion that doctor must think he can handle the treatment to recommend him for it.. and I pray that the results will be good….

*******^*****^******^*******

TO BE CONTINUED…..

A MESSY LOVE ๐Ÿ’• STORY: part 2

He wake up smiling… feeling so good ๐Ÿ˜Š about spending that night with her…

He really likes how he was feeling and for the first time since his breakup in April.. he was feeling alive and his desires was raging..

He still is hurting from that rejection.. but with that sweet kiss last night from this girl.. leaves him wanting more.. it has set his whole being on fire .. awakening and igniting a desire he thought he had lost…

He was really excited to see her again.. anticipating their next meeting.. he finds himself itching to drive over there .. grabbing and wrapping her in his arms and tasting those voluptuous lips once again…

He wants to feel that rush of adrenaline that set his whole body blazing with that furious desire that leaves him weak in the knees..

He wants to feel her touch.. . Feel her luscious body press against his.. and hear her moan with the same desires for him…

He sent a text .. telling her good morning… and she responded.. he was smiling so brightly.. feeling that strong sexual energy from just connecting with her…

They talked for while.. and his heart was soaring with pleasure…he restrained his anxieties for a couple of days but he couldn’t wait to see her … he was so anxious…anticipating …spending time with her.. so by the end of the week..

He asked her if he could visit her.. and she invited him over… he was so ecstatic that she wanted to see him.. and he made time to see her that weekend…

With heart racing.. butterflies in his stomach.. a sweet smile on his face..and palms sweating… His mind reflecting on her face and that kiss. He just wanted to hold her in his arms and have her kiss him like she did that awesome night.. his mind was so consumed with thoughts of her as he anxiously and eagerly drove to her..

When he got there he lost his nerves .. he didn’t know exactly how he should greet her..

He knocked.. and she answered him. He was slightly shaking with excitement.. his heart thudding against his chest.. his eyes however could not hide his feelings.. It mirrored every desires that was quickly building in his loins..

She came to the door.. and he resisted grabbing her to him.. her smile was so inviting and she greeted him coyly…

He timidly hugged her and put a shy kiss on her cheek.. all of sudden he was feeling so bashful.. like a school boy on his first date….

She invited him in. Took his hand and lead him to the couch..

Her mom was there and her daughter ran up and sit quietly beside him and mom. her mom instructed her to say hello to him.. and she smile and did so.

She was watching him so keenly.. her mother was sitting in the chair she was in the last time.. with the little silence of tension he took time to observe his surroundings..

It was a little messy and untidy to his liking or what he was used to.. but he figures that she was a really busy girl with a daughter and her mom to take care of … she didn’t get around to clean..

He drew back his attention to her when she asked him a question.. and everything around him becomes oblivious but her…

His attraction to her absorbed all of his attention. He sat beside her fully arose and wanted to kiss her but with her mom and the little girl there he did not dare…

She cooked and he again ate with them.. he spent the time talking and just enjoying her company…

he left with just a hug goodbye.. but he was super happy..

For the next couple of weeks He saw her two or three times a week. She was becoming an addiction which he constantly craves.. and couldn’t get enough of..

He still didn’t get the chance to repeat that kiss that still lingers on his mind ever so fresh…but he was Really enjoying his time with her..

His desire was growing..and he yearn to hold her and to kiss with the extreme passion that only gets stronger with each moment he spent with her…

It didn’t help much when She made advances and innocent gestures towards him .. touching him sensually .. caressing his arm his legs. Aaaah his legs.. that would send waves of electricity right up his groin..he wants her so badly…it takes everything he got, sometimes , not to pounce on her … rip her clothing off and take her right there with every urgency that he’s feeling…

But…

Her daughter was always present .. and apart of their meetings… so he decided to suggest that they should have a date night without her daughter..

He just wanted to have her to himself .. she agrees and so they made a date for their next meeting.. he could hardly wait for the day to be here.. he already knew that he’s going to do to her what he’s been yearning to do for the last couple of weeks…

They decided on playing Pools and his house after..

He dressed nicely.. put on a really nice cologne.. shaved.. when he got there.. she was looking so good.. she too was dressed up nicely and was so easy on his eyes..

He gave her a hug.. say hi to her mom and her daughter.. and took her hand and led her to the car..

He put on some really smooth and romantic love songs .. and she sits up close to him.. his free hand resting on her hand slightly caressing her fingers..

She then placed her hand on his thighs gently stroking it moving upwards intently..

He turned to look at her with blazing desires in his eyes.. she asked him.. “what are you thinking about??..

She has a mischievous smile on her face and then she ever so slightly brushed her hand against his hard stimulated bulge.. as she closed her eyes.. lick her lips.. tilt her head backwards and gently let out a moan filled with desires..

He knew what he had to.. he was about to lose control of himself.. he was so hott and was ready to explode with this burning desire and want for her..

So he pulled over and park on this dirt road .. it seems seclusive enough..

He turned to her and pull her to him kissing her with a force so intense..that sent his mind swirling and intensified the fierce fire burning in his loins

She took his hand and placed it on neck and came up from the kiss to ask him to choke her.. he stopped for a moment.. looked at her with a questioning look.. she just nod with consent and tell him she likes to be choked..

He was way too far to stop now.. so he obliged… very carefully.. and maan .. did it stimulated her…her reaction to it was both hott and surprising…

She moved away from him.. put the seat back.. and instructed him to kiss her tummy.. he obeyed gladly.. that turned her on so much her legs involuntarily open wide .. she was so ready for him…he touches her ..she was soakingly wett….

It makes him throb with desire..He was bursting in his pants and wanted so much to enter her…

He couldn’t get his pants off fast enough.. his hard rock dick pops out bobbing.. she looks at him.. bites her bottom lips.. use her hand and guide him in .. as she heists her legs touching the rooftop..

He tried to be gentle and go slowly… but he was overly excited. And couldn’t contain his urgency…once he felt the moist of her he lost all control and plunged in deep…

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TO BE CONTINUED…..