A SLAP πŸ‘‹ IN FACE…. part 4

Born December 27th

….. John woke up and saw me outside.. he came and asked if I was ready to go.. I told him yes..

I sat there thinking and wishing I did not made the choice I had.. and feeling so upset because apart from upsetting her I have ruin my Christmas plans..

I got up retrieved my things and said bye to her.. not getting a response..

And head for the car.. my son and I .. we had a good little conversation on our way… and he was very sympathetic to me.. he shows understanding and actually told me that he thinks she has more issues than she thinks he has..

I had to agree with that statement.. he gives me a few examples of her iritic outburst… which he thought was very unnecessary especially with her eldest… but he said she doesn’t receive advices or suggestions too well…

That was enough explanation for me..

It was their second anniversary so I asked him to go easy on her and try not to do or say anything to upset the day…

He dropped me off and headed back home..

It took me two days to overcome my feelings.. and on the second day I thought I’d send her a text apologizing.. hoping she would now be in a better frame of mind..

Hey πŸ‘‹ Megan..

I do hope you are feeling much better today…

I’m so sorry 😐 my visit took a turn for the worst…

I didn’t mean to upset 😑 you so badly..

I just wanted to spend some time with you and enjoy 😊 your company..

So sorry 😐 for what I have said to make you so 😠 mad…

It was never my intentions..

I just hope we can move forward and beyond it..

And continue as friends..

I am not mad with you..

I know you are just going through a very emotional time right now. .. being in your last month of pregnancy 🀰 and all..

And have a family to take care of..

You are doing such an awesome πŸ‘ job sweet girl…

You are a strong girl and you are a most wonderful mom and wife…

Keep on doing what you are doing..”

It went unanswered..

I even tried to butter her up.. hoping she would smile..

Ooh well!!?? I guess I just better leave it at that..

The next two weeks to Christmas πŸŽ„ was very emotional for me because for the very first time I’m not going to be celebrating πŸ₯³ Christmas without John…

John came over Christmas Eve with ayden..

We went out to eat.. he spent a few hours then leave..

We had exchange Christmas πŸŽ„ gifts 🎁 . And good wishes ..

So next day ( Christmas πŸŽ„ Day) was just me and my younger son home.. I tried to make the best of it..

The day came and went very uneventful..

I got a text from John that Friday.. baby coming.. and a couple hours later.. he sent photos..

So baby was born at 10am Friday morning…

And just when I was getting over my emotional state .. here comes another reason for me to be sad 😒…

I won’t be able to go see my granddaughter.. and I vowed that I would never go back to her home unless she personally invited me..

It’s been two weeks since the birth of my granddaughter..

And she did send some pictures to me and we had a little texting dialogue.. but I haven’t heard from her since..

And I’m not anxiously thinking that is an invite to resume connection..

So I will wait until she decided to do so..

I have been talking to friends about what happens.. and their suggestions have me looking at the whole scenario differently.. and at different angles…

One such suggestions is that maybe she wanted to cut John’s families out of the picture..

I don’t really care too much other than I’m not going to be able to spend much time with my granddaughter..

But I can do it if I have to.. I just find it so funny.. the extreme of it all..

Here I’m am left with total responsibility of my younger son daughter.. to the point that I have to ask him to give me a break..

And now I’m not going to be able to see this one at all..

I just can’t win for losing…

I will just have to let it all play out and deal with whatever comes..

A SLAP IN THE FACE…. part 2

ONE BIG SLAP πŸ‘‹ IN THE FACE

THE CONVERSATION….

The evening went well.. we all retired to our sleeping quarters…

I slept with my grandson and he woke me up pretty early.. they had school…

My son was off to work early .. I had some coffee β˜•οΈ sit for a while with meg..

And about an hour later .. decided to get up to change out my pjs…I asked meg what was on her agenda…and she said she wanted to go to the store to pick up something.. I told her I would glad to ride along with her..

I thought she meant later in the morning but just as I got into my clothes.. she asked if I was ready… so we went off to the store…

While there I picked up a few things.. mostly snacks for me and the boys…

We were having a conversation about blood type. And meg was getting a bit agitated 😣 with my questions and suggestions about her knowing her kids blood type.. so much so that I had to cut off the conversation entirely and letting her know it’s only me that these things are so important to… I didn’t like her tone … and definitely did not want to upset her…

We got home.. it was still too early for anything.. I again told her I would love to take over the cooking so she would not have to stand up so long…

So we sat down.. she turns on the news… and me…( πŸ€¦β€β™€οΈ smh ..sigh) .. I decided to ask her about her comment about her second son living with his father…

It starts out very casually with her saying she would not allow it.. but she went on farther stating that John is envious of her son and his father..

I did not agree with her and so it became a discussion which spiral out of control on her part. She let me that John is still having abandonment issues.. that he has been crying and been threatening suicide..

So I just said.. annoyingly..

” He is almost 40 years old… it’s time he gets over this shit”….

Oh my.. she got very belligerent and started to blame me for him going through all that emotional trauma …

I remain calm and asked her not to be so upset.. I tried to change my approach by admitting the fault and then tried to explain my reasons for and behind making that choice which affects him so badly ..

I started off saying…

“When we are young we as parents sometimes make choices with and for our children without οΏΌthe realization of how it may or will affect them…”

I continued with the explanation of why I left him behind…and To clarify and satisfy my story or excuses or explaination..I kinda finish by saying…(trying or hoping she would understand.. ) just like the the choice you made with your oldest son..

Ooh man.. she flew off the handle… and went into a raging fit.. saying that she has not abandoned her son.. because she didn’t leave him and come to another country

I didn’t say anything about her abandoning her son .. but I only make matters worse when I say the distance doesn’t matter..

I had to stop talking because I was afraid of her getting into such a rage.. but she continued to spew out a whole heap of negative remarks about me.. including the fact that I mess up my son and leave her to pick up the pieces.. I just say ” ouch 😣 ”

And..

“Oops 🀭😬”

And just walked away..

I was so hurt .. her words cut really deep.. because I had struggled with great guilt and remorse for years… I couldn’t go back and undo the damage I had cause my son….and I had suffered with him during the height of his first onset of deep depression… and I don’t see him with that emotions anymore.. so I was not believing it was still affecting him to the degree of how she wanted me to believe…. he had come along way.. and he has progressed so much.. I’m swell with pride sometimes just thinking of him and how he has grown.1

the tears was threatening to flow..I had to take a minute to calm down my emotions..and I started to cook as I promised… how could she be so mean…????!!!! If only she could know and realize just how much my decision and choice has hurt me in past… and how very much I regretted leaving him behind….

It was really like a slap πŸ‘‹ to my face..

I really don’t see how our conversation could have reached to that point…but..

She’s pregnant and highly emotional..so I didn’t hold it against her… she was obviously πŸ™„ on edge all morning… and I guess it didn’t take much to trigger off her reaction..

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TO BE CONTINUED…

Featured

A SLAP πŸ‘‹ IN THE FACE.. part 1

YOUR MOOD SHOULD NOT DICATE YOUR MANNERS

The visit

I have a daughter in law for the past ten years.. my oldest son wife…

They have three boys and is expecting a little girl in January…

They live in another city from me..and they just purchased a house …

It’s approximately an hour driving to get to me so I don’t get to see them and my grandchildren too often…

My daughter in law….MEG…. and I don’t really talk too much… she’s a nice pleasant girl and we get along quite well…

I have seen her… in early November during her baby shower…but haven’t really spoken to her… so after a nearly a month I decided to call her to check up on her… and while we were talking she mentioned she was on vacation…

And me being free totally invited myself over to spend a couple days with her.. I thought it would be so nice to just chitchat with her and I would be able to spend some time with my grandsons..

I called my son and told him of my big plan.. and asked him to pick me up that weekend… I was a little excited for the opportunity to get away for a couple days..and was rather thrilled to spend some time with meg and the boys.. also see my son.. I miss seeing him..

He agreed on Sunday.. but come Sunday he said he wasn’t able to make it and would come for me Wednesday instead.. my mind went in over ride… with all the negative reasons he decided not to pick me up..

To say the least.. I was very disappointed πŸ˜” to the point of tears … I was so looking forward to this visit..

My son somehow sensed my feelings and I got a text from him that same evening that meg will pick me up next day… my first feelings was to denied it.. but I thought I was just being petty.. and acting silly… so I just said okay πŸ‘Œ…I will be ready and waiting..

Come Monday morning I got up got myself ready .. she arrived at about 11am.. I was glad to see her.. and I mentioned my concern about her driving so far in her condition… she assured me she was fine but I was still a bit worried 😟 to the point of guilt..having her come all this way for me…

I pushed it aside though.. trying not to let my feelings mess up my visit.. I’m just going to enjoy meg and the boys…

The evening went by well.. we took some time to talk and catch up… the boys was very happy πŸ˜ƒ to see me.. I told meg I would cook dinner to give her the break to just relax…

My son got home a little late.. and a little tired..

We all eat… and then sit down to watch a little tv πŸ“Ί…

The next day was their anniversary so we talked about that and their plans… then we went on to talk about Christmas and the menu..

And what is expected.. I mentioned that I was going to come over a couple days before just so I could get everything prep and to give meg a break from doing much in her last weeks of pregnancy….

The conversation went to gifts 🎁 for the boys.. and meg mentioned that John (my son) was talking about giving the youngest a car for his sixteen birthday 🎁..

That is eight years away…so I intervene and told John that he has to think of the two older boys first..

( you see the two oldest is his stepsons and he feels it’s their fathers duty to give them a 🚘 car)

So we had a little debate on that with me trying to convince him to be fair enough as a father and know that he has to do for them as much as his own biological son… meg mentioned that the second boy chooses to be there with them… in the sense of proving that he loves his stepdad..

I didn’t comment on what she said apart from agreeing with her… but it causes me to think and wonder if she would allow him to live with his dad if he so desires…

Over the past ten years I tried to give my motherly advice to her as much as she asked for it…or if I observed something I think needed to be addressed I would offer some kind of suggestions or say what I think.. she was always receptive to my little advices and interferences… because I live apart from them I limit what I say or how I feel seeing that I really don’t have much control on anything.. so all in all I do allow them to be the boss of their life…

In saying so.. I found out a few months ago that she removed her oldest son out of his home and put him to live with her mom.. I asked my son about it and he asked me not to mention it to her because it’s a very sensitive subject with her… so against my feelings I decided to not asked her or mentioned it…

I actually didn’t agree with her decision and I wanted to let her know my reasons and tried to encourage her to get him back in with his brothers .. I fear what the seperation might do to him emotionally and how it will affect him..

I made a similar choice with her husband… I moved out and leave him behind and eventually relocated abroad…

He suffered from abandonment issues and went into deep depression as a teenager… So this is what I fear will happen with her son eventually if she doesn’t get him back home soon..

But I honor my son’s request and decided to leave it alone.. as much as we talked and much as I like her.. I was not that close to her to interfere in her personal choice… I just didn’t think it was in my place to question her decision with her son as much as it displeased me…

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TO BE CONTINUED

BEING A MOM… VS… BEING A GRANDMA…

So sweet she is
My most beautiful granddaughter…

It’s so amazing how we think so very differently as we aged enough to experience the joy of being called grandma…

Maybe it’s the experience of age..

Maybe it’s just living to see your children having children…

Or maybe it’s the journey through life that leaves us with the changes and experiences that make us think differently and treat the grand offsprings with such differences compared to how we treated our own children…

I’m so happy to be able to be alive to experience the grandchildren I have now…

But…

I do realize that I have such a different attitude and approach with them than I ever had with their parents..

I show more patience …

More understanding….

More eagerness…

I reflect back sometimes and it makes me sad sad 😞 to remember how impatient I was…how much I lack understanding…

And just how apathetic I was…

Yet I know I have loved my kids… as much as any mother could… but.. I lack that interest to give my all…

We call it discipline .. we call it structure .. we call it teaching…

Yet just years later we forget why and how we did what we did.. and doesn’t apply it to our grandchildren….

We have a complete set of new rules and expect our kids to take our new found advice and abide by them… when dealing with their kids…

My son had to remind me of how I scolded him for some kind of behavior I was insisting that he doesn’t do when he was trying to discipline his baby…

And I tried so hard to justify my then actions.. so he could understand my now reasoning for not wanting him to apply such.. with his daughter…

Life really teaches us.. and it brings changes… of how we see everything…

I have to really restrain myself from interfering with his methods of discipline… and allow him to be the father to his daughter.. whether or not I approve or not…

I guess we all have different values we try to instill in our kids…every parent have their very own…and we just have to allow and respect each and every one to be the boss of their kids upbringing…

Just as I have learned along way… I think so will everyone else too…

So I will continue to enjoy my sweet and adorable grandbabies… when I do get the chance…

And leave my kids to their parenting skills… afterall … they are the boss of them…