MYLOVE-LOVE: THE JOY PAIN OF AN UNFORBIDDEN LOVE; chapter 9

 

In the evening after my doctors visit I sent a text telling him that I got a script that only he can fill, and I need to get it fill now.

He thought I was funny. Then he asks, “what u doin?

I replied that I would love to do him.And that I wish he was here with me.

MYLOVE-LOVE response took me by surprise.

“Yea me too, but I got the kids with me and they are eating.”

That little text made me feel so special and I know  he really likes me. This is the closest we ever come to talk about us being together, ever.

Anyway I text back telling him I understand, and ask him about the kids. And if he got to pay his insurance. He said, “They are ok, and yea I paid it thanks. I needed that.”

I was feeling connected to him and hopes that he appreciates my friendship. I play over in my mind our little conversation and my heart was singing with joy because it seems like we are getting closer.

I was still in doubt but with some hope. I did not hear from him next couple of days. I did not try to contact him either because I knew he got his babies with him and it’s the weekend and he got all that to do. The studio; the club; the shop ect.

I didn’t hear from him all that week though…. and I didn’t try to call or text either…

I was getting a bit concerned about his lack of communication all week.. I feel like we are back to square one..I just tell myself I will just take it as it comes…

 

And again I guess He felt my mood, because he text me that day, said,

“Wassup, Iam good. I am at the park with the kids.”

I was at work so I could not talk to him…

You see, I was trying real hard, too hard to be practical & realistic about his feelings. I was thinking for him. I was so busy telling me that  I’m just a fling to him and that he couldn’t or wouldn’t feel for me like that;  I may have miss his true feelings for me and instead of me asking him I presumably  have the answers…and  let my casual attitude do the talking.

I got a text from him Tuesday night informing me that his phone got wet and he just got it replaced. That’s why He did not respond to my texts.

And I thought… isn’t it just amazing, how good it makes me feel to just get a simple text from him.

And I asked myself????….Why is he so damn special? What about him that makes my heart jumps for joy? Why do I place so much importance on him? WHY?

Boy…. when I think of him I always get this sweet sensation that run through my body. It is this tingling feeling that gives me goose pimples and makes me shudder. I love the feeling.

I heard from him a couple days later,letting me know how busy he was…

I asked him how does he get all this energy from, and that he need to tell me his secret.

. Of course he tries to educate and advice me. He said,” don’t rush or worry, just be cool and enjoy what u work so hard for.”

He also said, “I b tired, I just save it by taking my time.”

I was amused and smile by his reply. He doesn’t realize, one of the reasons I liked him so much, and is attracted to him is because he is just like me 20 years ago. Full of energy & life. I was always on the go too. Had three jobs round the clock and never tires.

And I sit there thinking…..I don’t want to lose him, but how am I going to keep him to me. I don’t have what it takes.

Wake up this one morning, smiling thinking of MYLOVE-LOVE. He can always put a smile on my face. Wish I could have him close to me so I could just hug him real tight and get one of those juicy kiss of his. Sure love to kiss him so.

I got my wish that  SATURDAY. He came to see me, and OH MY GOD!! It was so good to have him here. His loving was so intense and affectionate. I was left me wondering if he is feeling more for me.

I try not to get overly excited because I could be wrong, I wanted to ask him about ‘us’…but couldn’t get the nerves to… afraid of hearing his answers…

I ‘m thinking…. when he loves me like that though… how can I help but love him and I do with everything I got.  hoped that he liked me some and I prayed, “Dear lord make it so”.

All week I have not heard from MYLOVE-LOVE except a little goodnit on Tuesday.  Did not feel like I should be bothering him too much. Thought he might be busy with his kids and shop.

That GOODNIT put my mind a little at ease. At least I know he’s out there and doing ok. Let me feel good.

I sent a few text to him during the week but haven’t gotton any responses from him.. I was a little disappointed and discouraged that he completely ignores my texts… I was a little emotional thinking how can he come over and love me like that and then just forgets about me…I was missing him and getting this deep desire to be with him.. I was longing and yearning for his touch… So by the weekend I relented and try again to reach out to him..

 

On SATURDAY. I sent him a text.. saying,”hey, thoughts of you.. missing you..”

He replies,”Was up, Iam good.”

Told him I was cleaning and ask him what is he doing?

He wrote back,”yea Iam at the shop with the kids. U cleaning up? U got them boys helping u?”

I told him no, then ask about his kids. He again responded, “They are watching TV and playing the games.”

That little communication with him made me so happy. I was feeling so good to hear from him. I’m so crazy that any little connection or communication from him pleases me and let me feel closer to him.

That night …

I HAD THIS VERY DISTURBING DREAM ABOUT MYLOVE-LOVE. I DREAMT HE SHOT HIMSELF IN THE HEAD AND DIE. I WOKE UP SOBBING AND FEELING PANICKY.

I text him telling him that I had this crazy dream about him and he should be careful. He never asks about the dream, but I could not get it out of my head.

I text him that Monday morning. He answered that he’s good and asked how am I doing? He said he just got back from dropping the kids off. I told him I was at work and could not talk.

At 12:46pm a text came in from him,”wasup can u helps me out wit like $200. If not its ok, I just give my Grandma $500 to help her with her lights and food and rent. Now I got nothing to pay for my lights.”

I saw this text and I thought is he for real. I don’t have it like that, and is he abusing my generosity? Of course He is.

Anyway I text back jokingly saying that with all this money I’m giving I going to own all of him soon, and ask him what am I going to get for giving him this money.

His response,”lol wat u wants?”

And then He text asking me to hook up his friend with one of my freaky buddies.

I really was not amused about this and thought what is he thinking and saying to his friend about me. All I could think was he was having fun on my account. I felt bad for me because I know he was belittling me making me out to be a sleazy.

I was a little upset at his request..  I was at work so I did not respond to him and i wanted some time to think about his feelings towards me.  Was a bit confused about my feelings, do love him but know he feel nothing for me.

I was so upset that I kinda forgotten about the money he asked for…but…a few days later…

he text me , “Wassup? Wat u doin? Can u do that 4 me wat I had ask u the other day?

I reply asking him if it urgent and what is he up to?

He says he was cutting some grass until it start to rain so now he’s off to the shop. And it is urgent.

I told him  I don’t have it and asked him if he wait a few days…

Of course he said, “Yes I’ll hang on. I don’t feel good I think this work and running around is catching up with me.”

We talked for a while longer I even offer to nurse him better. (me trying to get him to see me)

He told me he sees what’s up later. Thought I would have seen him but he never showed. I was not surprised… I don’t have the money he requested…

I was feeling very strongly about refusing him the money. It was becoming a habit I could not afford.. and I still was thinking about his comment about my freaky friends…

I text him that night asking if he’s feeling any better.

He told me no and that he has been sleeping all day.

Next day…I again inquire about his health..

He told me he was little better and that he stayed home, got some rest. Didn’t feel like eating, had to force himself to eat some soup.

Then he asks how I was and if I still could do that for him.

I completely ignore his question..

I was going on vacation that coming week so I decided to ask him for a date night that weekend. He agrees that he would come over   Saturday and be with me.  I was so excited about that night   It meant that much to me.

He communicates with me all that week up to Friday and I was feeling real good that he stays in touch with me and was not ignoring me like he normally do.

On Friday. I told him to come have breakfast with me that morning, and he did. I was going to see my doctor (gyno) and I never intend to have any sex because I  want to save It all for our date night

AUGUST 13TH FRIDAY.

I made him breakfast, we ate and I ask him to let me tell him about that dream I had of him. He did not want to hear about it, says he don’t like to hear anything bad. So I never told him.

we were talking and he lay back on the bed.. seeing him lying there looking so good my mind started to wander and kitty was just as bad…

I try to resist him just lying there but I couldn’t. I could never resist loving on him. I had to get a taste of those lips, that neck. I had to kiss his face and then that chest.OMG!  THAT CHEST and I got down to that d…k. and for some reason that morning it tastes so good. I got lost in him, I enjoyed him so much that morning, and I couldn’t get enough. I was late for my doctor’s appt. He hugged me so tightly and squeezes me to him and kisses me so passionately, and before he walked out of my house he turned around came back and give me another little hug and a kiss goodbye. And says he’ll see me tomorrow. I smile and couldn’t be any happier. I could hardly wait for tomorrow to come.

SATURDAY 14th: Spent all day preparing for my date night with MYLOVE-LOVE.  I cooked something real special. I bought a cheese cake, a bottle of hennessy, some wine and anxiously await MYLOVE-LOVE. And guess who did not show.

It was a no show no call. I was very disappointed and a bit hurt.  I’d even ask him to call or text if he was not going to make it. I was not too upset thinking he must have a good reason. I just hope everything was ok with him.  I started to feel like I should end this charade because he doesn’t care about me. . I wished he cared about me though, even a little.

What happen to yesterday????  He came by enjoyed breakfast.. enjoyed me… he love on me so passionately… leave me with a kiss.. and a lovingly hug… and a promise of a date night…

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EPILOUGE

I was crushed and swear I’m done… But the choice was made for me.. Learnt  he got arrested with a gun that same Friday night.  He spent a few days in and when he got out We talked briefly once but he just faded away…

My only consolation was… we ended with a bang….

Well, August Friday 13th would be the last of us for the next eleven months. And the heartaches begin. Here come the tears, the sleepless nights and the mourning of my loss of something I never had.

I went through a little emotional phase.. but He did resume connection  almost a year after….

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TO BE CONTINUED…….

MYLOVE-LOVE: THE JOY &PAIN OF AN UNFORBIDDEN LOVE; chapter 8

I was back to my usual attitude and having the same feelings of letting go… so I just start to develop an attitude of “whatever”…  It’s been going so long and I kinda got used to his behaviour… I just carry on as is and wait until he decided to come looking for me…

So I didn’t try to contact or reach out to him for a couple of weeks..

I decided t0  sent him GN SWEET DREAMS.  Friday & Saturday night.

He responded.

I started to get restless again and decided to reach out to him… I text him. No answer. It was a holiday so I figured he might be busy with family, enjoying his day. That’s ok I thought.    I tried again Monday but again I got nothing. I try to tell me its ok, he’s probably just busy. We’ll see.

So I text him GN SWEET DREAMS.

[FUNNY, I WAS HERE WITH ALL THIS DEEP EMOTION AND WE WERE NOT IN A RELATIONSHIP. WHAT WAS I THINKING???

THAT HE WOULD MIRACULOUSLY WANT TO BE WITH ME?   AND SO I KEPT ON DREAMING.]

I wanted to see him or even talk to him even though I know… from his actions… he doesn’t think of me like that. I got the feelings that he might be seeing somebody else. That ok, I thought.  He needs to have somebody special

. [AND AGAIN I WISHED TO BE 30 AGAIN SO AT LEAST I COULD COMPETE FOR HIS LOVE. MAYBE I WOULD HAVE HAD A CHANCE TO BE WITH HIM.]

Got a text, 7:32pm, a few days later, “u wok 2nit?”

Told him yes.

Thought I’d see him but it did not happen. I was kinda excited hoping for a repeat of his visit a few weeks back..

We talked through texting on Monday.  He said that he’s good and he was  in the studio. I text him on Tuesday asking him if he’s ok. He replied that he’s good and asked  if I was at work.

I told him I was off… so he came over.

I was so ecstatic.  He spent some time with me. We made love, like it was the first time… I hungrily love on him and he love like he really misses me and he really enjoyed me to the the fullest..as I did enjoyed him too… he kisses me and held me tightly very tenderly and whispered…

“I needed that so much… thank you !!!”   I just kissed him and smile and hugged him to me and he returned my hug with a squeeze …

I was so happy to see and be with him. While he was here with me nothing else or nobody else matters. I just savor and enjoy him as much as I can.

Can’t believe that this one guy brings me so much joy every time.

After he left, I was beside myself… I say “YEAH!!! My Love-Love was here!  He stayed a little, love me a lot and OMG Thank you, Thank you. I get to see MYLOVE-LOVE. It was so good; love that guy so so much.

Seeing him put me a good mood for a few days… but he always left me wanting more.. I could think of nothing else but him. After that incredible loving from him I could not wait to get some more. I was becoming insatiable  and the more he comes around the more I want him and the more I feel for him…

So by Friday I was getting impatient to see him. I have this strong desire to be with him. I could still feel his hugs and kisses. I was trying not to get too over excited about him, but he gives me so much joy, that I get zealous.

One day at a time DEAR LORD. One day at a time. HELP ME!!!

I keep thinking of our deal and what we agreed upon… no strings.. just causal sex… but here I am catching feelings for a guy who is good only for some good loving to me….

Don’t know what to think or believe. The way he holds me tells me he likes me .But could I be wrong? We’ll see. This uncertainty and insecurity is driving me crazy. Couldn’t ask him. Wants it to be so, but afraid to get my hopes up. Can he see me as a girlfriend? Can I ask him to?   No, I couldn’t do that to him. It couldn’t and wouldn’t be right for him.  Leave it as it is Wendy. Enjoy him as long as he allows you to, and you are getting far more than you expected. Just be thankful and enjoy him while it last.

So I leave it be..

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Try to text him on Sunday 18th. Nothing. Just hope he’s ok. Just need to hear from him. Wake up Monday with one of my Anxiety attacks. And of course MYLOVE-LOVE came to mind. I was anxious to hear from him. I had this negative feeling, and I’m here trying to analyze it. It frightens me. I’m thinking I’m never going to see him again.

It’s funny how I associated everything to him..

… But he could be just busy, caught up in his life or he hit a down spot and doesn’t feel like communicating. I want to reach out but feel its best I give him some space, and resume back to my decision to let him be the one to control our fate…

It just amazed me every time I make up my mind to stop, he text me.

I got a text Wednesday 21st, “wassup? How u been?”

I was quite pleased to say the least. I text him back ask him about his school, and how he’s doing? He answered, “Iam good. School is doin ok.”

I ask if he’s at school. And he said.”I am at the shop and no school today.”

We stopped texting. I was happy to have that little conversation with him. It was the most we ever talked through texting.

I love to stay connected to him… I know  we can never be anything else than what we have now… and I hope it’s enough to constitute a lasting friendship… I have come to terms with just be friendly with benefits whenever the need arrives/arises…

I was feeling really good about him trying to communicate with me… I was hoping it means that he is coming around,and realizing that I’m a friend worth keeping…and that we have spent enough intimate times together that he does like me after all….

And….

At 4:16pm I got another text from him.  “I need a favor: I need $250 to put insurance on my car. If u can’t its ok. I got a lot going on and my money going fast.”

Ooooh maan…. wtf????  is he for real?  He is asking for more money this time… I laughed out loud…

so I ask him, “when do you did need this?

He replied, “by Friday or I got to turn my tag in.”

I was shaking my head not fully beleiving his story… but wanting to help him and knowing it’s one way to get to see him and get me some good loving… so he was using me to finance him and I was using the money to lure into my bed and my arms… kitty was agreeing with my choice… getting all excited anticipating having him loving me and giving me great satisfaction and sexual gratification.

I text back telling him I will give it to him because I know he needs his car to get around.

He says, “yea, I do thanks, I got the kids this week I can come by when I drop them off tomorrow.”

I told him that’s just fine.

7:29am Thursday morning he text me, “wassup I be over there once I drop the kids off, u up?

And so he came for the money. I fixed him breakfast and had a little fun. well more like lots of fun… he didn’t disappoint.. kitty was more than happy with the petting and the loving..

I enjoyed his company even for that short time and I told him I was going to see my doctor about the pain I was experiencing. He left. And I felt good just to see him. The money I did not think twice about, because I thought I was helping him… and I got exactly what i wanted in return…  some good good loving which leaves me smiling….

 

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TO BE CONTINUED…….

MY LOVE- LOVE: THE JOY& PAIN OF AN UNFORBIDDEN LOVE; chapter 7

I got a text on Sunday 4:34 pm. “what u doing 2nit?”

I was happy to hear from him and I replied,  “Thinking of doing you.. ”

He sent a LOL… and said that he is on his way.

He came by .  I know he really came for the money but just to see him after six long weeks I would give him anything.

We sat there talking,  but just wanted so much to kiss him and love on him but I hesitated because I was not too sure he wanted that, but I guess he sense my desire because he started to kiss me and oh boy I will never forget the way he kiss me that night. It was with a great urgency, deep and passionate. I felt like he actually misses me. I was back in love all over again. we fell back onto the bed and I slowly ease off his shirt and got my hearts desire… i was loving and devouring  that beautiful chest of his.

I was in a different world. He loves me that night like never before and he hugs me so tightly. He came back and rocks my world. I feel like he likes me. My heart was back on a roller coaster .And with all this affection that he gives me; I was still  doubtful and unsure of him..I know I can never hold on to him or command his attention more than just a moment… I may never see him again.

I gave him the $200.00. He drops me at work and I smile all night. I was full of joy. MYLOVE-LOVE came back to see me and gives me some good, good loving… and that was worth the money and I couldn’t have loved him more.

I never heard from him all week. I was thinking all kind of negative thoughts. Tuesday I thought no call or text. No surprise. He got the money and some loving, so I’m all forgotten.

WEDNESDAY: No communication. Guess he’s too busy to think of me. I pay big for a lesson, can’t buy friendship. Still means nothing to him, not even friends.

THURSDAY:  Still silence. So much for our deal, I guess I’m the only one that wants friendship that I have to pay for it. Why do I feel that it is so important to be his friend that I had to pay down on it?  Well I’m not going to get it. Not from him anyway.

I decided to reached out to him and he responded…

If he only know how much I enjoyed hearing from him or how much those little text does for me. It was almost a week since I saw him and I started to really miss him again and longing to be with him. I  doubt if I will ever see him again,  And I thought how good it was to see him again. I treasure every moment with him. If I could only keep him here forever. But I know I have no rights to him. I’m far too old to be with him. Can’t expect him to like me like that.

I was my own enemy … I have become so overly presumptuous that I tell myself how he eels and would feel without even asking or addressing the questions I have..

Over the next few days I head from him with a little text here and there… but I  just let go the thought of seeing him..

My days went by with me missing him and wanting him…. I was so sexually obsessed with him..

I have this strong desire/urge to be with him & I would do almost anything  to get the chance to kiss him. Kiss that most beautiful and sexy chest and to taste that sweet & tasty d…k of his. I need him so bad.   So very very much.   I was getting impatient and want to hear from him.

I refuses to be the one to keep trying to stay in touch with him… and as much as I feel for him and wants his touch and have this physical need that burns within for him.. I will not allow myself to  look like the fool I am…

I get so frustrated because I don’t feel I can ask him to see me. I tell myself I don’t have that right and I’m leaving it all up to him to see me if &when he wants to.  I keep hoping that he will miss my loving and come to see me for some more…(wishful thinking)… BUT….

One day after work I saw that He had sent me a text 4:40 in the afternoon. “How r u?”

I was so thrilled. He thought of me! How I wished I could see him.  I smiled..

So I text him asking how he is doing…

He responded. That he’s good just tired

. I ask him if he’s finished working. And he told me he is done but he’s going to the club to sell CD’S.

I’m always so impressed with him. To me he is so resourceful. He keeps on trying to do whatever he can do make it happen. And then he told me he was going to try to get his BARBER’S LICENSE.  So here is this   little guy full of drive and vigor, who got so much on his plate. His kids: the Barber’s shop: studio:  Lawn service.  He tries so hard and how I wish I could be of help to him.

I sent him a text telling how proud I’m of him that he started school. He told me thanks. I feel so good to get those little responses and acknowledgements. It makes me smile. It’s funny how those little texts warm my heart and give such satisfaction. As long as I can hear from him, I will be alright. I know he got his life to live and his dreams to follow.

I kinda gave up all ideas of us being together again..

Another week has passed without seeing him and I got no hopes of ever seeing him again. Sent him my GN. SWEET DREAMS.  He text back. Gn.

This has become a habit now… because it was the only communication I have with him.

But tonight I’m feeling so lost and restricted. Want to reach out to him but don’t know how to or if I should. I was feeling a strong desire for being with him.. but I just push him and it out of my mind.. it’s no use hanging on.. I convinced myself…..

I went through my emotions a  went through the next week thinking of him even having dreams of him.. continued to sent him my “goodnight” greeting before work… sometimes he responded… and I would smile…

So I have decided him put out of my mind and heart. Thought I was getting too emotional about him and acting way too frantic and love-sick. I thought A WOMAN  my age should have much more self-control, & more discipline  in action, after all I have been there done that. I should be able to let go of him. He isn’t my first rodeo…

I keep thanking GOD for allowing me the few precious times with him. {AND THEY WERE PRECIOUS} every time was special to me and I could relive every moment by moment.  I got my time with him. Isn’t that enough? So why do I longed for more?  Why do I ask for more? Why can’t I just let go of this feeling and be happy that he gives as much as he does?

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So I decided to give him all up… and “hahahaha”

guess who text me that Thursday July 1st? 7pm…. MYLOVE-LOVE…

‘Wassup? U going to be at Walgreens 2nit?’

I replied. Yes. but not until 11pm

He text back, “Ok was going to stop by’.

I told him to come …  I was so excited and pleased to hear from him. All that I have pledged not to do was instantly forgotten, and I know I needed ten thousand angels to help me tell him no. and no was not an option, not tonight.

He walks in my door and I jumped on him. I was all over his ass. He said to me, “You can’t wait, can you?” while he tried to take off his shoes.. I helped him with removing his clothes and  I just shook my head and continue to love on him. I couldn’t believe I have him there with me. He was so intense with his loving, and so affectionate. He even calls me ‘BABY’. I remembered he lies on me for a while and it felt so good just to hold him in my arms. I never wanted to let him go. I wished I could have   kept him there for always.

we made love another two times for the next four hours.. I was so energized even though I didn’t sleep a wink for work… we didn’t do much talking and I never asked one question.. I just enjoyed him as much as i could and thank him for coming by and sharing some of him with me…

When he was leaving he hugged me so close… that I still can feel him to this day.  I was so thrilled, seeing him, being with him and loving on him. He left me wondering if he likes me some. All I could think and feel is WOW!!! MYLOVE-LOVE CAME TO SEE ME!!!

I could not contain the joy I got. I was walking on air, full of anticipation, hoping that he really likes me.  But I never ask. Was so fearful that it was too good to be true. Told myself, “I will take it in stride”

Sent him GN SWEET DREAMS.  Friday & Saturday night. He responded. I like that. But by Sunday 4th. I started to get restless again… thinking about his loving he gave me and wanting more…. I text him. No answer. It was a holiday so I figured he might be busy with family, enjoying his day.

That’s ok I thought.    I tried again Monday but again I got nothing. I try to tell me its ok, he’s probably just busy. We’ll see. I know it’s only two days but I feel better when he respond. I’ll try to be patient.  So I text him GN SWEET DREAMS. And he answered that he is on his way to Tampa to make some dollars…

And I was so amazed by his attitude. He tried so hard, do anything possible to make that money. And there I go putting him on that peddle stone. I thought, “what a guy!” and I fell a little deeper in love…

… GOD HELPS ME. I am digging myself deeper in this hole. He can’t be mine, I can’t have him. But my heart is bursting with this love for him and I can’t even let him know.

It seems like everytime I try to stop and move beyond him; he finds his way back to me and I just don’t have the resistance to say no. My lustful desires and kitty’s need is so overpowering that it consumes my mind and just having him close is all it takes for me to want him… mmmmmmm!!!

And so I waited very impatiently for the next time……………

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TO BE CONTINUED…..

MY LOVE-LOVE: THE JOY & PAIN OF AN UNFORBIDDEN LOVE; CHAPTER 6

A STORY OF PLAYING THE COUGAR WITH A VERY UNEXPECTED TURN…

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I went through the next few weeks like a zombie. Missing MYLOVE-LOVE. And feeling real bad because he ignores me. To make matters worse I found out that he has been talking to veronie and everybody else except me. And I wonder, why not me? What did I do to him? Why was it ok to talk to everyone else and not me? After all the times we spent together and the intimate moments we shared.. I thought we were friends and deserve some acknowledgement..

On May 5th I got a text saying, “wassup stranger”.

I sent a reply and but got nothing else. . I was like a school girl with her first broken heart. I was so frustrated and helpless because He would not communicate with me and I did not know how to reach him.

I was missing him and his presence..and I was afraid that I will never see him again and I was not ready to let him go…

I had bought some things for his little girl’s birthday, and I wanted him to get them. So I called him tell him I have them and how can I get them to him.

He text back that he wants them and that he will come and pick it up. He never did. I try to call the following day and would you believe that he hung up on me. I was so mad and upset that he would treat me so cold and mean.

I just couldn’t understand his behavior towards me…. he was so cold and a little mean and I was so hurt thinking I didn’t mean much to him for him to ignore me and refuses to talk to me..

He tries to call me later that day, I did not answer… I was still upset with him hanging up on me.. And then he sent me a text that his phone die while talking to me. I did not believe.

Anyway I wanted to get those present to the little girl so I decided to call his friend, whom number I have, to pick them up and pass them to him. I had the feeling He thought I was trying to see him, so I figure I would go pass him… yes I wanted to see him but I wasn’t going to harass him..if he didn’t want nothing to do with me…I will just leave him alone..

Well the friend came got them and then I text him telling him to collect them from him. He text me informing me that him and this guy no longer buddies. OPPS! The friend did not let me know this. OK. I decided to call the friend to bring them back.

MYLOVE-LOVE called a few days after..  asking me why I didn’t give veronie the presents to give him. I thought why would I want to do that? And he just went on and on about if I wanted to get it him I should have given her.

I was so hurt to know that he was still seeing her.. and not me… and I didn’t want her to know I was with him anyways…

I got so mad I hang up. I’m thinking how could he ask me that? What is he thinking? Doesn’t he know how I feel for him? That day I cried so hard. I cried because He doesn’t care about me in the least. I’m here thinking, I mean nothing to him, nothing. Thought I found me a friend, a true friend.  How wrong can I be?

I guess my emotions for him was way more than I would care to admit…

I decided not to text or call anymore. Leave him, I told myself. I was hurting and I was still crying a little whenever I thought of him  and his coldness. I was missing him but it doesn’t make sense wanting someone who doesn’t return your feeling…

A few weeks later I got a phone call apx. 12:30 am from MYLOVE-LOVE. telling me how busy he was and about all that he’s doing. He then asks me for $200. I told him I haven’t got it.

I was so glad to hear from him…but a little disappointed for the reasons I got that call.

Then I told him to call me that Saturday and I will see what I can do for him. Of course he called me and we talked some. I told him to give me a week and I will come up with it for him.

Here I am promising him money in hopes of getting the chance to see him.. My feelings have not changed much.. and I find myself getting all excited just talking to him… I still want him.

It’s been now six weeks since I last seen him and I was in great anticipation of seeing him again. For the next week I didn’t hear anything from him and I thought that was it. “oooh well”.

June 01st I got a text telling me that he’s trying to get stuff done and he’s been busy. He’s so tired and he has not talk to anybody because he is so busy.

Then he asked, “how u doin?”

I replied, I was pleased to hear from him. Then he asked, “So can you help me out with something?

I told him I will on one condition. That he never lose contact with me again and he have to keep me close. He agrees to the terms and said he will try.

I got a wassup Wednesday, I heard from him Thursday and, Friday. On Friday he said his car need fixing. He’s so damn tired.

. And again he asks, “Can u still do that for me?   I said yes.

Saturday he asks me what I am doing. I was working, did not get his text. And he text back, ‘Wassup. Now you don’t want to text back.”

I was amused and I apologized and told him I am working. I asked if he is not coming for the money or if he changes his mind. He told me he needs it but having trouble getting a ride.

So after six weeks of silence I heard from him every day for one week. I was feeling real good about communicating with him like that. But I was left to wonder is it because he wants to talk to me or is it because I promise him the money.

I knew the answer but I did not care because I would do almost anything just to see him and have him close again. I was going to pay him for a little of his time… How sad… but to me then… just getting a chance to be with him again was well worth it…

I could not wait to love on him again. To kiss those lips, Love on that chest, and have him hug me to him. I could hardly wait to see him.

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TO BE CONTINUED……..

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

MY LOVE-LOVE: THE JOY&PAIN OF AN UNFORBIDDEN LOVE; chapter 5

That Friday He text me to come by his house because he wanted me to meet his father. He implied that he wanted to hook me up  with his father… I was not very pleased … but…

I agree to go to his home because it meant seeing him and getting a chance to be with him, but I was very annoyed that he wanted to pass me on to his father.  I got to his house,  A man who I assumed to be his father, answered … I greeted him, introduced myself and asked for him…

He was in his bedroom, I asked his father to excused me and I went to him. I told him that I don’t appreciate that he is trying to pass me on like a piece of old clothes  and It’s him I like and it’s not because I’m desperate and need a man that badly… I let him know my desires is just for him…

Would you believe that right there and then he started to fool with me… he was kissing me pulling my pants down..

I try to resist, telling him no his father is outside but that did not deter him and by now I was all for it. I wanted him, I couldn’t resist him. kitty was twitching… getting soaking wet and all i wanted was to feel that hard throbbing dick sliding it’s way inside me easing my growing burning desires…I was so hottt…

He led me to the bathroom, bend me over the sink and give it to me..he had to put a hand over my mouth to keep me quiet… he had my legs trembling and kitty begging for more.. I tried to get seconds.. I was loving on his chest… kissing him… Pressing closely into him.. showing him how much I still want him..whispering one more time.. I want you… 

but he resisted … reluctantly.. pushed me away..and then his father called his name..

I was left inside to try to calm down and regain my composure….

I was so hottt.. and ready to burst that I touched kitty to ease her a little and with one touch I was sent in a height of ecstasy.. I stood there for a couple minutes convulsing and twitching.. how I wanted him…

I got up.. went to the restroom and get properly dressed and calm myself down… brush my hair and timidly went out to join them…

 and so we had a quickie. It was so excited and sweet. What he does to me and for me. How am I going to get pass him.

. I still was thinking of the fact that he did not want me enough to want to hook his father up with me; it only tells me what he really feels for and about me. I was a bit hurt but try to understand how he thinks.

 I was not mad at him only sorry I was so much older that I could not ask anything of him. And I wanted him, how I wanted him, but how can I have him?

The next two weeks I just live to see him. I couldn’t wait for each day to come just to get the chance of seeing him. It would break my heart every time I see him with veronie but I had accepted that fact that they were together. 

I would still seek him out after work, talk to him, but I know he was no longer interested in me. MY desire was again building and I thought I try asking him to see me.

So I text him asking to see him. He text back saying he’s on his way to Deltona. I was a bit disappointed but I kind of expect that answer. Anyway about two minutes after that I received another text from him saying…

..”yea com by my house I b home I am on my way back”.

I was so happy and elated. I reply “if you could only see the smile on my face. I will be there.”

And so I got one more time to spend with MYLOVE-LOVE {. I COULDN’T BELEIVE MY LUCK} I went over and he was lying there looking so good and sexy just waiting for me. He had no shirt on..

He had just taken a bath and smells so fresh and feels so good. I lie beside him and he immediately started to kiss me, he felt so good and smell so delicious, and how I wanted him, so, so much. I love on that beautiful chest of his… enjoying the taste of him and inhaling his scent getting lost in the moment…

I had bought a vibrating toy for us to try and I told him. I got the toy and he was all gamed, He said “let’s play” and play we did. I spent the night next to him and I was in glory land. Being with him gives me so much joy. I get a surge of happiness I never before experience. WE spent most of the night talking about his childhood and making love… The more times I spent with him the more I feel for him.. and the more I want him..

I hoped he would like me some. I left him that morning wondering if I will ever get another chance to be with him… I always left wondering because we never talked about us…

That week went by with me living in hopes of the next time, and it came that Tuesday.  I text him asking what’s he doing?

He replies that he is at his aunt birthday party. And then he called me to come over. I was so pleased that I did not hesitate. I got there and he pounced on me… I decided to try the eatable chocolate.. oooh maan !!!! Did he love me eating and licking it off his chest and moving down and gobbling up it from his tings… I didn’t stop till it was all gone…

And then it was my time.. ooohh baby baby!!!!! I was quivering and shaking with ecstasy…he took me to places and heights I have never been…

we had a good time together.

How I love him! Every time with him seems to be better and better. I was falling deeper and deeper for him. What was I doing? How am going to get out of this? The more I see and spent with him the more I want him. And so I decided to enjoy him as long as he allows me to.

The following week I try asking him if I can come over. He started to tell that I’m acting like we are in a relationship and to remember that we are only friends with benefits. A bit hurt but understand, because we had agreed on that. I came home feeling, that’s the end, I know this day would come. And anyway I got more than I had bargained for and I was thankful. I did not mention anything about us after that. Still talk to him but keep it casual.

 The next Tuesday , on my way to Walgreens I got a text

“I am at home can u come by 2nit.”

I wanted to go so badly and I was so upset that I was at work. Would you believe I cried, yes cried because I wanted to be with him so much and I had this chance and I couldn’t? I wonder if I would ever get another chance like this.

My chance did not come until the next Thursday . I text him asking him to include me on his agenda for that day. By now, I was itching to be with him. And I had to try so I thought I’d asked.

Well he said he was going to be busy but he’ll see what’s up later. And he called apx. 8pm and said he had somewhere to go midnight but he can see me until then. Of course I agreed and I was there before you know it.

 GOD! When he opens that door, he was the most beautiful sight I ever behold. That smile, that face, that man, that beautiful and gorgeous man, and I smile because I have longed and yearned to be with him these last few weeks and here I am, finally. It takes all my control not to jump on him, and with heart racing and hands shaking just to touch him I sat down beside him. He must have sense my desire, because he said, “What you came for, to watch T.V.? He did not have to say anything else that was my cue. I immediately start to kiss him. How I love to kiss him. I love on him like I was hungry; I couldn’t get enough of him. We made love for the next four hours. He was so good. He made love to me like he means it and I enjoyed every single minute of him. I left him very pleased and happy. 

The following Wednesday , he asked to babysit for him. I accepted because apart from getting a chance to be with him I love his babies. I spent the evening with them and they were good. He came home about 10:30pm. He was a bit distant as usual. He took his son, helps him with his homework and went to lie down. He fell asleep. I let him sleep knowing that he must be tired. I bathe the kids, fed them and put them to bed. I did not want to wake him up so I quietly lay down next to him.

I didn’t forget the last time with his kids and how I had behaved and reacted… so I didn’t expect any form of fooling around this night.

Into the night I felt him taking off my jeans. He tries to love on me but he stopped. I got up brushed my teeth, freshened up and went back to him and start to love on him, for some reason I felt he did not want me but I continue try to make him feel good, but maybe because his kids was present he wasn’t in the mood.   We had a little then went to sleep

He woke me up in the morning to get up to get his babies ready, and I did. I did not mind too much. I would do anything for him. Anything to make him happy and his life easier.

We did not see each other for the next couple of weeks, except at work. He did not have too much to say and ignored me for most part. Although I was feeling broken up and wanted more I know that we weren’t really together and that he doesn’t like me like that. But my consolation was I get to see him daily and gives me some joy. Just seeing him was enough to make me happy. On Saturday 24th April I got a phone call. He is asking for $40.00. And of course like the fool I am I told him to come and get it… It meant seeing him…And so he came over for it.

.He stays a little. Love me a little and then left. As usual I enjoyed our little session, it was good to me.

I felt a bit foolish because I let myself be used by him…but seeing him and getting to love on him was all worth it to me….

 I suspect the money was for veronie birthday. But I can’t say no to him. I kind of feel good to know he needs me for something and stupid old me thinking if I am kind to him I will win his loyalty and he will remains friends with me always. [HOW WRONG CAN ONE BE]

Come Monday 26th. We worked the same shift. He was at work and then I saw him walking with a manager towards the door. My heart sank. He passes me didn’t look my direction, and left. I knew something was wrong. And then we were told He got fired. Would you believe I started to cry? Don’t know why, but I could not hold back the tears. I try texting him, asking what’s wrong. He never replies. And then I started to panic and getting anxious. How am I going get through my days without his presence?  OMG!!  I’VE LOST MYLOVE-LOVE.  I will never see him again. I was so worried about us {as if there was an us} I was so afraid and scared. I could not think or focus. And to make matters worse he ignores me.

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TO BE CONTINUED…..

 

 

 

MY LOVE-LOVE: THE JOY AND PAIN OF AN UNFORBIDDEN LOVE; chapter 4

After that incident with him, and my selfish behavior,  I was convinced that we would never be together again, but after a week or so ; seeing him everyday… remembering that passionate night…playing it in my mind, thinking how he felt; how he looks; I started to feel the desire to be with him again.

So I decided to ask him for a night, seeing that he is not going to asked me…

It was coming to valentines and our birthdays.  Mine the 16th and his 17th. So I bravely ask him if I could see him for Valentines. At first he said no, but I didn’t give up… I mention it every chance I got, until…..

 At the last minute he said ok. I was more than happy. I was ecstatic.

I went ahead and try to plan a very romantic and sensuous night…I buy this eatable chocolate, this heated scented massage oil.. and I got him a beautiful card… I had our night all planned out… I’m going to make it a night to remember..

 

He was still seeing Veronie and I was still a bit jealous but my need to be with him was stronger than my jealousy and envy. And all that matters to me at that point was being with him anyhow I can and I was not going to let anything spoil my time with him. I decided I am going to enjoy him to the fullest.  So I got my date…

I was so excited, and so full of anticipation I could hardly wait!!!!  and then it’s here….

  I went over to his apartment, knock on his door, he stands there in a sweatpants…and to me he was the most beautiful sight.. I was smiling and a little shy, he invited me in, and he hugged me and give me a little peck on he cheek… and led me to the couch and we got under a blankie… it was a little cold.

  WE started off watching a little movie, but,I couldn’t keep my hands off him. just being so close to him… wanting him for so long… I couldn’t help myself…we then proceed to the bedroom.

It was cold night and we were under a blanket, MYLOVE-LOVE put it around the two of us and walked us to the room , arm in arm… on our way I kind of stumble, he just catch me, steady me, and said, “I got you, it’s ok.”

 I just smile, feeling so good just being there with him, and lovingly pinch his buttock.

  Once in bedroom and I offer and suggested to give him a massage. He was all gamed, he got on his tummy …I very gentle pour the oil on his back….and sensuously caress and massage it in.. I moved slowly down till I reached his buttocks….so round… so firm….  I bent down and kiss that sink in his back using the tip of my tongue to trace the path to his buttock..

he let out a deep groan,”mmmm”. I smiled pleasingly.

I love the taste of him as I knead his buttock  lovingly… He decided to roll over…and whoaaa!!!!!

I took it in my hands and I looked up at him and he has his eyes closed with a face showing pure pleasure… I put some of the oil in my hands… and latter him in it… He starts to moan softly and said,”shit… shit..”. (his favorite words)

I then lick at the tip… and pull him all the way down my throat…he thrust his hips and his hand on my head urges me on… he tastes so good…We make love for the next hour or so.. I had my night of pleasure and nothing matters at that moment but lying there in his arms …

  We then decide to just lie there and try to sleep.. we were exhausted.. 

he became very quiet and was a bit distant and aloof, but I did not care because I was exactly where I wanted to be. My most favorite place. Right next to him.

He then started to talked a little about his life and his dreams. And how I enjoyed just lying there listening to him, learning about him and feeling so close and connected to him. I felt he was opening up to me accepting me, and getting closer to me. I was in heaven.

He fell asleep and I watched him sleeping. I hug him close to me and try to savor every minute with him because I was thinking this will be our last time, he doesn’t want me or like me like that.

I woke up to   a phone call from Barbara (my sister) wishing me HAPPY VALENTINES.  I got up ask him if he wants breakfast he said, “yes”  So I started to cook him something.

I was standing by the stove when I felt him behind me. He was kissing my neck and his hand was on my kitty, I got so excited and turned on. It felt so good that I dropped everything and respond to him. He bent me over and entered me there. Gosh!!!  It  felt so good;

  He then led me to the couch and gave me one of the best loving I ever had. I couldn’t believe that I could feel like that. And when we were finished I wanted more, much, much more. I was on fire… but we ran out of time…So my night ended with a bang. We ate breakfast and he took me home. I was smiling all day. MYLOVE-LOVE sure knows how to put a smile on my face. I was happy and contented for the next two days.

 Our birthdays was coming up…I bought a cheese cake and a bottle of moscato wine for his birthday and I thought I could convince him to spend it with me… he denied my request.. I wanted a repeat of our valentines night… But…..

He had other plans. He wanted to spend it with veronie, and he did.  

I die inside knowing that he wanted her and not me but I have to accept that we could never be. And I smile every time I thought of us. It didn’t bother me much because I get to see him every day, and as long as I’m able to see him I could cope with my emotions. I’d settle for friendship I told myself….but my desires and need for him was growing with each passing day..

I was just fooling myself…

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TO BE CONTINUED….

MYLOVE-LOVE: T HE JOY &PAIN OF AN UNFORBIDDEN LOVE chapter 3

I was getting so anxious for him to suggest us getting together again… and I starting to believe that it’s never going to happen when…..

He asked me to baby sit for him…  Of course…   I was more than happy to do so, because it means being with him again.  I was hoping and expecting a night like the one we had before. So i make sure the kids were all in bed before he got home… I sat there anticipating a night full of passion… and I was visualising all I would do to him.. I was so impatient waiting for him to come through that door..

Well he came home from work apx. 11:30pm .  A little later than I had expected… I suspected he was with veronie some.

You see he was still seeing her and I believed they were a couple but I decided to enjoy him when Im with him and not to mention anything or anybody to upset our time together. I did find out that she babysits those kids and even stayed over sometimes. I was so jealous and a bit mad but I remembered our deal. Just casual. . [I knew I could not compete with any young girl and I knew I had nothing to fight with. And I knew we said no strings.  I was helpless and hopeless. Here I am, wanting this guy with everything I got and couldnt demand, command or ask anything of him.]

So he came home and was very distant and so casual… decided that he was going to sleep on the couch, I asked him where am I going to sleep. He told wherever I liked. I was not too happy about that and then he just ignored me… I then realized that he had no intention of making love to me..

So I was not going to have the same experience. He does not want me like that. I wanted to leave, I would have left but I couldnt because he was asleep and I didnt want to call john so late. So I just steam and fight with me all night because I was feeling neglected, rejected and lonesome.

   He probably was just tired and didnt feel like fooling around or, like my mind is telling me he does not want me anymore . I try to convinced myself  with all the plausible explanations I could come up with.

I didn’t even stop to think of the kids.. I was so wrapped up in my own emotions and desires.. 

  Ill never know. I felt so bad I started to cry, so I got up from the couch sat there in the bathroom just beating myself up feeling like a fool, thinking why I allow myself to be treated like this. I even swear that I will never do this again.

  He got up to check on the kids and saw me sitting in the bathroom, asked me what Im doing there..not really concerned and went back to sleep. I then decided to come out and I went and lie between his legs and put my head on his tummy. Thats where I spent the rest of the night. I woke up feeling quite comfortable lying on him, nowhere else Id rather be, but it ended soon, much too soon. I was hoping he would want to make love: I playfully touched and rub against his cock… hoping to trigger some reaction… but He didn’t make any effort towards me so I know he was not interested.

Maybe because the kids was there .. and he didn’t want to take the chance of them catching us.. I was so selfishly thinking about me… I simply forgot about the babies.

He got the kids up took them to school and me home. Was very disappointed, I guess he did not like me as much as I thought and I was convinced that was the end of us. So we had a one night stand. I wanted more, much more, but it was out of my control…. He obviously didn’t share my feelings..

I got home and analyze the night and realize that I might have over reacted just a tad..

What was I thinking.. wanting a night of passion with three babies 👶 in the house….

With all this, it was still a very joyous and happy time for me. And even though he was giving me the cold shoulder, ignoring me and dismissing me. Just seeing him use to give so much joy.  It was like getting a buzz.  I used to love the sensation I get just thinking of him. And I waited impatiently hoping  for a next time.  I would text every morning and every night. Me thinking Im keeping his mind on me, instead I was becoming quite obsessive.

He was not responding to my text or calls. At work he completely ignores me. He spends most of his time with veronica and all the other young girls. I felt so bad for me but tell myself that its ok, Im too old for him anyway.  I console myself, convincing me that Im unable to compete for his affections. Why would he like me?  But with all this I still hope for more of him.   AND  I PRAYED FOR SOME MORE TIME WITH HIM.

I know I should have given up… but I was like a woman who got hooked on drugs and was craving for a buzz.. I so much wanted another dose of him…

I will find a way…

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TO BE CONTINUED……