WALKING AWAY….

My emotions are all over the place.. one minute I’m accepting that I have completely lost my emotional affair..

Next minute.. I’m feeling rejected.. empty.. .. craving his attention.. don’t know how to stop connecting.. I tried sometimes just to ignore him.. but I can never last too long especially if he send a text..

I light up.. like a bulb with smallest acknowledgment from him…

Why can’t my heart stop loving 🥰 him.. why can’t I stop wanting him… why am I so damn attached that I find it so damn hard to let go and walk away from him….

He is 4500 miles away .. with no hope of ever connecting on a personal level… this relationship is doomed from the start.. there is no future in it.. it will never materialize to reality..

I do understand.. and I do know that he needs someone real.. someone he can touch.. someone he can hold and who can be there for him up close and personal..

I have nothing to offer.. I have nothing to give.. I hold no hopes or dreams come through..

He will never know exactly who I am and what I can give.. he will Never see and know the love I have for him.. he will never experience me a lover.. as partner.. as anything….

I’m just a texting connection.. I’m nothing valid actually… nothing he can’t do without…

I know I have to let him go.. he gave as much as he can… and he is trying to give me more only in smaller doses and smaller capacity…. I wish he would let me go.. and save me the choice…

Because…

I just don’t know how to let go of him… I don’t know how to walk away from him…even when I know it’s what I need to do… and I asked myself.

Why does he hold on to me.. ????! why does he also refuses to let go… ????? why does he hang on to me????

I want him to be the one to severed our connection… and I’m guessing he wants me to do the same too..

I know the time has come for us to say goodbye…he has lost it all for me.. his heart is completely empty.. yet he text me that he loves me… no no no !!! He doesn’t anymore.. it all empty words .. just like his heart… it turns to stone .

he ignores my texts messages.. he doesn’t read them… He shut me out and shuts me off…. he is cold and very aloof towards me.. he treats me With disdain … he is very mean to me .. he gets upset with everything I say .. he cusses at me… he talk to me with bitterness and anger…

Yep… there is all the reasons I should be walking away… yet I just can’t find the courage to take the step and turn my back on a relationship that is definitely not working out for me anymore…

I just can’t understand my reasons for hanging on to him… he gives me all the reasons to leave….and what do I do…???!!

I choose to stick around and take the hurt.. feel the rejection… accept his abuse… and let him treats me with contempt…..

He calls me dumb.. he called stupid.. tells me to shut up.. and you know what .. he is so right.. because plainly I am and more….

Only a fool would stay with all this negativity and tells herself that she’s so in love that she can’t and won’t walk from this relationship that has become toxic instead of being joyful and sweet.. it has turned sour…

What will it take to cut him loose … it shouldn’t be so hard to do.. he is only a make believe world of fantasy I created …..and somehow to me..we became real inside my world of fantasy…

I know there is no getting back what he lost 😞… it gone.. it over.. it done… but I keep telling myself that a little of him is better than not having none of him..

But…

Is there any truth in that logic… nope… I’m only fooling myself and causing me more anguish and excruciating pain…

I need to just close the door on us and just savor the times we have had.. that brings me so much joy… remembering him when I was his main focus…

So starting now I guess I guess I will try to ignore him as much as he is ignoring me… leave his ass alone for as long as I can..

He is never coming back.. so all hopes is dead… he will not miss me.. and he will not try to reconnect…

So it will be a clean break…

My heart will learn to stop aching for him.. and the craving will eventually dissipate…. the tears will stop… and my heart will be healed.. the scar will remained… and maybe grow a callus…

It will take some time to get past him and the times we shared….with time everything will fade away and the smile 😃 on my face will return… yes .. yes .. yes I have lost him….. I know it…

I don’t and will never regret knowing him and loving him… I will always be grateful that he came along and share his world with me.. and I will always remember this mega love that I felt for him…

I will always smile 😃 whenever I think of him .. or whenever I see those emojis kisses 💋💋💋… or whenever I reflect on the time he was mine.. he was once…

So the time has come for me to let him go… and walk away.. with seven years of sweet memories…

I just hope he finds someone who love him unconditionally like I did.. and who will make him happy and keep him smiling.. and give him the joy that he deserves….

I want to thank him again for giving me the joys of him… for sharing his world with me.. for teaching me so many things… for loving me the times he did… but he doesn’t read my text messages.. so it would be a waste of time to express anything to him…

He came into my world and he made a big difference to my daily existence… no lie. He brought a light to my life… “it out now.. but I can remember when he light up my whole world… it was good.. it was awesome… it was absolutely amazing…. and how I have enjoyed every single moment we shared…. and how I beamed and shine so brightly glowing with the radiance of happiness….

I will definitely be missing him for a long long time… but I can’t make him love me again.. I can’t make him want me again.. he has lost it.. and once it gone.. it’s dead… and there is no way of getting it back…

So I am left with no choice but to walk away.. and let him fully enjoy his life.. without me…

There is no more us.. nothing is left to hang on to… like a drowning man clutching on to a straw….!!!! It’s the end of us .. I’m sinking to the bottom.. this relationship can’t be resumed or be saved…,!!!!!!

Walking away is the only option there is….

MY EMOTIONAL AFFAIR…AN ABRUPT ENDING…

LOVE 💕 IS SWEET

How do you calm your heart when the source of your love decided to replace you.. and walk away…

How do you stop all this emotions from overflowing and drain you of all your joy…

What measures can you take to prevent you from getting a panic attack with the thought that there will never be another him and you…

How do you come to terms with it.. how do you stop the tears… how do you just get over seven long years… of memories….

How do you close your mind.. close your heart…

How do you block all that you have shared…

I need to run away.. but there is no where to run… I need to lock myself away..from the whole world… but I can’t find nowhere to hide….

I tried to be patient.. I tried to be understanding..

I tried to be positive…

But so many signs..

His lack of sharing

  • His lack of communication
  • His lack of interest…
  • His lack of acknowledgement…
  • He has become evasive…
  • Always too busy for you….

He only talks about hisself… he ignores anything you say to him.. his response is slow… and contain one word….

You can feel you no longer hold any joy for him… he makes you feel like a nuisance…

I guess after seven years of distance.. you become boring… and he yearn for someone more exciting.. more fun.. more appealing.. more interesting…

And you have to admit that this make believe world of fantasy could not last forever…

And you have to gracefully bow out and Continued to live your life in dreams of yesterday’… when love was so good… when the world was a happy place…

And you just hang on to those happy times.. and through the tears.. we smile as we reminisce.. and remember.. we had it all. For just a moment…

SHATTERED HEART !!!

Seven years of blissful memories.. when we share our world…so much that they become intertwined… and to untangle it now is going to be hard…

Letting go will be hard.. and getting used to not having him as part of my daily life..going to be a big challenge … but all good things must come to an end …

THE END….

ONLINE DATING: THE RISE &FALL OF FOREST ANGELS/ HELL ANGELS…part 7

THIS IS REBLOG…

FOREST ANGELS…..

WE PLAYED EVERYDAY FOR THE FIRST TWO WEEKS… ERICA AND I GOT MOST OF THE PLAYTIME.. WE HAD JENNY JOINED OUR GROUP ABOUT A WEEK AFTER BUT SOMEHOW SHE ONLY SERVED TO ADD SPICE TO OUR SESSIONS.. SHE WAS A VERY SENSUAL ADDITION… SHE NEVER PLAYED  ACTIVELY WITH US…BUT HER PRESENCE WAS ALWAYS THERE…

NELLY ALSO WAS NOT ABLE TO PARTICIPATE TOO OFTEN AND ONLY JOINED US OCCASIONALLY… SHE WAS A BLAST TO HAVE HER INVOLVED… SHE WAS INTO THINGS WE WERE NOT… FIFTY SHADES OF GREY… AND SO SHE BRINGS  AND INTRODUCED THESE ROLE PLAY IN AND WE ALL GO FOR IT…

We were all in sync, enjoying each other as lovers and as friends… The angels were humorous and so was FOREST… he was having a ball with the four of us… He kept us horny and if he couldn’t play he would send us very provocative and stimulating videos..

we all grew attached to him in our own way… we found out beneath and behind his sexual facade… that he really was a nice compassionate and sweet man..there was more to him .. surprisingly …We try not to get too personal though…

The angels were talking among themselves; (forming of “HELL ANGELS”) and sharing personal information….with each other and becoming fast friends… It was here we learned and talked about our personal struggles and our everyday happenings… encourage… inspired.. motivates….. and form a lasting bond..

So back to “FOREST ANGELS”….

Forest hit us up with a good morning angels…

-erica:..    goodmorning my irish cream…

-Jenny:    morning my sexy peeps…

-Nelly: good morning forest…

-You:    Good Morning Sweet Lover and angels..

-forest:   what you all doing ladies???? Horny as fuck…

 

– You:   Oooooh forest.. I’m here daydreaming of your hard.. Stiff….Juicy..,rock hard.. Cock Just pumping my Hott soaking wet pussy.. As it clenches and gripping that nine inches  fuck meat.. Enjoying you thrusting and raming that cock deeeep… And haaard… Moving and pushing into you..as you hold my hips.. Pulling me in .. Aaaah.. Oooooh .. Fuck me lover….

– You: Fuck me gooooooddOooooh…

– Forest:     ooh yeah wendy.. I’d be Fucking ramming that juicy cunt…
– Erica..,: I’m so wet… come and play with us master…
– You:       Yeeeaah. Yessss Yessss….Don’t stop!!!….Erica.. Come here baby…
– Erica..,:      Yes ma’am
– Forest:    Yeah… angels..that’s it…
– You:       Slide under my mouth
– Forest:     Let daddy watch y’all fuck each other
– You:     Let me taste you….. Mmmmmm
– Forest:   Stroking my fucking cock… so hard… suck that pussy wendy…
– Erica..,: Mmmmmm yes… feels so good.. daddy you love how wett I am for you..
– You:    Wett…..Juicy… lover come kiss some of this tasty juice off my lips…
– You:     Hand me that silver bullet… Let me fuck you as I lick and suck your big engrossed clit…

– Erica..,:     Oh yes angel..pleeeassseee????
– Forest:     Good girls…. daddy love when you love each other…
– You:      Daddy o.. stick that hard  cock in Her mouth… Fuck her face…
– Erica..,: Yes daddy… I need your cock….
– You:    I’m slowly putting this silver bullet in.. inch by inch…loving how it vibrating…
– Erica..,:    Mmmm…. it’s driving me crazy baby…
– You:         Rubbing your thighs… as they shake with anxiety and excitement…
– Forest:      I mount your fucking face
– You:       Mmmmmm…lover.. you look good in her mouth…Tastsy…
– Forest:      Show me a pic of your open mouth
– You:           Mmmmmm.. Suck his big cock Erica as IM Fuckiin you deep and hard.. All the way in… and all the way out…  slowly…. And again in hard.. Deep…
– Forest:      Take this man meat you naughty lil angel…
– You:          Make her gag…Hold her throat… help it down…
– Erica..,:      Photo

erica send the photo he requested…
– You: put it down deep …she can take it. .. Suck that cock Erica…

– Erica..,:      Mmmmmmmmm… (licking… sucking  and loving how he taste)

– You:     Milk that cock… Look so tasty… Mmmming… kitty is begging for some… she is twitching fervently…
– Erica..,: Choke me with it daddy
– You:      Erica I want to feel this vibrating silver bullet in my kitty..
– Erica..,: Mmmmmm…..I’ll put it there..
– You:    I love the way it looks in you…
– You:     daddy fuck erica while she use that silver bullet on me…
– Erica..,  :yesss Daddy .. fill me up with your hard wett throbbing dick… and make me squirt all over you…
– Forest:     Fuckin balls slapping your chin as I fuck your mouth
– You:        come over here lover.. Fuck my ass as she fuck my pussy

– You:      Oooooh yeah.. Erica reahed up and squeezed his hanging balls.
– Erica..,:   Yumm….slap my face daddy

– Forest: You want some fucking cock in your ass my lil angel..
– Erica..,: Yes daddy

– You: Yessss!!!!Please sweetlover….My ass is winking…Begging to be fucked…Pleeesse … now..
– Erica..,: Photo …

Erica sent a photo of her beautiful sexy ass…
– Erica..,:    Ass in the air take it… I’m ready for you master.

– You:     Mmmm … let’s Switch it up… Mine then yours…. but Fuck me  first please…
– Forest:   Face down ass up my lil sex slaves..  Reach back and pull your fucking holes open…oooh yesss…
– You:    Plunge all that nine inches in.. I’m Pulling wide..
– Erica..,:     Yes daddy ooooooooo
– You:       Aaaaaaah… Yes… love the feel of that glorious man meat…as it slide in and out….
– You:     Kiss me Erica?

– Erica..,:     Muahhhhhh…
– You:         Slap my ass daddy….
– Forest:     Fucking spitting on your assholes
– Erica..,:    Oil us up daddy… make it slick and slippery…
– You:     Make it sting….put a finger in mine as you do erica..
– Forest:   I’m gonna stick my fucking tongue in your asses….Cuz I’m that fucking nasty….
– You:      Ooooh yeah… be very nasty lover… make us gushed…

– You:     Be nasty….Be very nasty….
– Erica..,:    We like you nasty…stick a finger in my snatch as you lick my asshole….
– Forest:      Stretching your assholes open
– You:        Lick this butt hole
– Erica..,:     Spank me red daddy

– Forest:     Then start tongue fucking
– You:       Yessss – Here you are… tongue fuck me…
– Erica..,:   Bite me…
– Forest:    Back and forth…. Fucking slapping asses hard…
– You:    Oooooh godddd….I’m Cummin… don’t stop lover…
– Forest:     Mmmmmmmmm yesssss…. glaze me…
– You:    Oooooh Shiiiiiit!!!!!
– Erica..,:    Mmmmmmmm…..hurts so good
– Forest: God I fucking love your assholes…
– Erica..,:     Love your cock daddy…
– You:       Oooh yeah. Love that tongue tooo…
– Erica..,:    Harder and deeper
– You:         Lick it.. Fuck it
– Erica..,:     Photo …

a another photo from erica….

 
– You:   Use your fingers in mine lover….
– Erica..,:  This ass hole is loving your hard cock as it darts in and out….

– Forest: Yesssssss…. Darting my tongues in an out your fucking naughty assholes…
– You:      Put a finger In my pussy too – Ooooooohhhhhhh…yesssss….
– Forest:     Start finger fucking both your holes
– Erica..,:     Reaching under and rubbing my clit
– You:         Yeeeaah
– Foest:      Finding those gspots
– Erica..,: Mmmmmmmmmmm
– You:       Mmmmmm
– Forest:   Tweaking the fuck outta them
– Erica..,:    Make me squirt daddy
– You:        Oooooh foooorrreesssttt
– Erica..,: Ooooooooooo mmmmmmmmmmm
– You:      Fuck me.. Fuck me. Fuuuuccckkkk meeeee
– Forest:    Faster and faster fingers tickling your gspots
– Erica..,: I’m cummmmmmmming
– Forest:      Fucking cock lovers.
– Erica..,:    Mmmmmmmmmmmmmm
– Forest:    I fucking love yall
– You:      Oooooh Fucckkk Yeeeaah

– You:     Don’t stop
– Forest: Ready to get your asses plugged?
– You: I’m Cummin again…. Plugged it… fill it up with cock…
– Erica..,: Love you too lover…..Yes daddy…

We played for another half-an-hour taking turns with Forest… we had such a good time making virtual love with each other… Nelly join in later on and we played a scenario with forest tied up and we teased him to the limit … make him watch us do each other with a strap on.. while Erica oil him and touching him closely but not fully … putting her lips so close and blowing on his hard bobbing cock.. him hiesting his hips so high urging her to take him in… 

then nelly straddled him and tease him with touching the tip of his cock with her kitty and moving away while she dribble juices all over him… he was oozing precum and bouncing in excitement… 

Erica was on his face with her kitty in his mouth… her eyes closed… enjoying his tongue as it lick and dart in and out of her oozing wett juicy cunt.. she was fucking his face as he groan with slobbering sounds…

proceed to love on his chest biting and nibbling on his nipples moving down to his belly button and kissing his groin area … rubbing my thumb ever so gently under the tip of his cock.. and …O.M.G.!!!!!  he shoots his spunk with such a force hitting the ceiling and all over my face…  Nelly start to stroke his pulsating cock… and Erica came over… squeezing his nuts and gently rubbing them…

forest squealed with pure pleasure and cum again spewing more spunk as he jerk and shaking in divine ecstasy…
Jenny pop in ever so often with a comment here and there… “damn hott”…. “Give it him angels”….ect. ect.ect…

Our playtime lasted continuously for a little more than a month… and one day we came on to find forest being suspended… The angels was devastated and we misses forest so much… We were all mad and so angry that someone reported him and got him suspended.

But we all had each other to talk to … Forest came back a week after but he was not the same and Nelly has left the group.. then Jenny and it dispersed… The Hell Angels was still intact and we continue without Forest…. Who by then has changed his profile and stop communicating with us… The fall of “FOREST ANGELS”….

We all were a little hurt by his actions… but we all accept it knowing it was a game to us and it was over…

The angels stayed together up today…  we all meet in Louisiana… we had a blast of a time getting to know each other personally… We always give thanks to Forest for bringing us together.. It’s a very strange way for a lasting friendship to form… but it is a bond that was creates by four girls with all similar likes… and common attitude…

We now encourage each other.. cheer on each other… love each other… and be there for each other… not a day go by we don’t say Hi and connect…So here’s to the four “Hell Angels” that fly together… WENDY….. ERICA….NELLY….JENNY…

There is a ocean between your heart and me….

music.apple.com/us/album/dont-leave-me-now/1531120313

The heart doesn’t know distances..doesn’t care how far away the object of its love is..

The heart wants what it wants…. even in a make believe world of pure fantasy… it becomes real and feel real…

Loving someone knows no boundaries and love can be found right where you are..

How often does life take two people and just melt them together ‘emotionally in a way that puts them in the same place and time…

This has happened to me more than once.. which makes me big believer in the impossible…

Our world became intertwined and interwoven ….merging two heart from around the globe..oceans in between…

it’s like all of our feelings and senses are totally heightened…We feel like we are experiencing this together.

Our parts have crosses as fate has it..and words are so powerful.. it impossible to resist each other…

We fell for the personality of the other… and we grow and developed an affinity… a unbreakable bond…

Trust became a vital virtue… communication is essential.. and sharing is all we have….

But our hearts 💞 remains true… and although we are loving 🥰 from afar… our heart doesn’t detect the distance between us…

There is an ocean between your heart and mine..

MY EMOTIONAL AFFAIR: MAKE BELIEVE WORLD….

EVERYTHING REAL…

It’s so easy to create a world of make believe to suit your situation…. the heart tend to give the impression that love can conquer and break down every barrier…

It pushes those endorphins through every vain of you body deriving from that rush of adrenaline you get from your bond of connection…

Every emotions you feel… every desire you get… seems so real.. enough so you believe it… and the distance between you closes in… so much you can feel their touch… and all of a sudden your make believe world is created….

MAKE BELIEVE WORLD

Getting emotionally invested.. and getting your heart entangled with someone you will never know… is not recommended….

Because even though you think it’s All innocent and no real harm is committed…when you are pushed out or pushed aside… to make room for someone new.. it still hurts in the same capacity as it was real…

It’s not innocent then…because you become so hurt… you know it’s harmful to those emotionally involved….

Losing their attention and their interest.. is devastating… and so unbelievably surreal … as much as you know that this relationship was never going to materialize.. the emotional investment makes it so hard to willingly walk away….

Getting used to to connect every day allow it to become unbearable not having this privilege anymore…. you form this remarkably affinity…and even though it’s a waste of energy to get all emotional about something way out of your control…

It does have this effect on you… you automatically have uncertainties… follows by doubts… and fear of losing your best friend..

The question is … do you still exercise explicit trust…continue to share… maintain communication… CHANGE NOTHING… and hopes NOTHING CHANGES…

Hope the the bond you created is strong enough to withstand.. the pressure of someone new.. ..

But how much can your heart takes.. will you able to pretend that it’s all good…and ignore the lack of interest and the lack of attention… while secretly being patient with the hope that it wears off soon and he will come back around to you….???

Give them space.. free them up to enjoy their newfound interest… if he really likes you.. he won’t stop.. he is just a little distracted right now with the splendor of the newness… but not everything that glitters is gold…

And if it is meant to be.. if all those memorable moments are special… they might miss you if you give them the space to do so…

It takes a Patient man to ride a donkey… without trust and understanding.. their is no relationship…

MY EMOTIONAL AFFAIR: LIVING IN FANTASY…

WORLDS APART… WHEN TWO WORLDS COLLIDE..

There is a kind of thrill… that comes with intriguement …mixed with a surge of excitement.. when you connect with someone from around the globe…

You get to learn so much.. from their language..to their culture.. their historical facts.. first handed… and then you learn everything there is about that one person you are connecting with…

No matter the platform of communicating.. in the beginning.. it fun to talk and learn… the more you connect the more you know each other as is… you figured out there personality and sometimes you find you have this strong connection…

And if you fall for someone’s personality… then you definitely fall for them.. looks is never important when you like someone for their personality..

But…

What destiny was it that pull you together… and make your world collided…how did you happen to cross paths… that allows such a beautiful connection…

Of course it’s not everyone you meet this way… is going to have this results or affects you in the same way…

But…

On rare occasion someone finds this connection.. and over time . It is proven that words and sharing.. is a powerful magnet… and before you know it.. you are emotionally invested… with someone you don’t even know on a personal level….

And when the heart chooses to get involved… it becomes a huge challenge emotionally…. and here is where the fantasy world begins….

How do you stay logical and practical.. and realistic…

Especially if there is no hope of a real relationship to materialize… yet letting go or walking away is not an option… because just the thought of stopping communication and breaking connection causes excruciating pain.. and you know it would be devastating….

How long is this fantasy gonna last before one of the party losses interest…

We get so caught up living in our fantasy world.. that we begin to believe in it… we tried to hold on to it like a lifeline… so blinded to the true fact of the matter… that none of this is real unless you both decided to make it so..

No relationship can survive in fantasy land… yes two words can collide.. and you experience serendipity…

But ..

Unless you both make it real by Uniting.. be prepared that it’s only a matter of time before this fantasy world collapses. And crumbles…

HEART CRUMBLING

Leaving you with only memories of yesterday… wondering what happened to the love you knew…. a connection based on fantasy will never survived…

That broken heart 💔 is very real though… it comes with intensity…. and you are crushed just the same… your heart doesn’t know distances… the love you feel is real and genuine…

LOST LOVE 💕

So you just have to remain realistic… be practical… and exercise some logics… don’t go expecting the impossible… when it’s way beyond your control…

MYLOVE-LOVE: THE JOY & PAIN OF A FORBIDDEN LOVE ; chapter 9

 

…..In the evening after my doctors visit I sent a text jokingly …telling him that I got a script that only he can fill, and I need to get it fill now.

He laughed … thought I was funny. Then he asks, “what u doin?

I replied that I would love to do him.And that I wish he was here with me.

His response took me by surprise. I really didn’t expect him to play along with my humor…

“Yea me too, but I got the kids with me and they are eating.”

That little text made me feel so special and it leaves me hopeful that he was starting to like me. This is the closest we ever come to talk about us being together, ever.

I text back telling him I understand, and ask about the kids. And if he got to pay his insurance.

He said, “They are ok, and yea I paid it thanks. I needed that.”

After we finished our conversation . I sit there smiling… I was feeling connected to him and hopes that our little dialogue means that he is finally appreciating my friendship.

I play over in my mind our little conversation and my heart was singing with joy because it seems like we are getting closer.

I still had my doubts but talking to him leaves me with some hope. I did not hear from him next couple of days. I did not try to contact him either because I knew he got his babies with him and it’s the weekend and he got all that to do. The studio; the club; the shop ect.

The week came and past without any communication with him… I was a little disappointed that my hopefulness was crumbling… I guess with him it’s just passing through… until next time… I just tell myself I will just take it as it comes…

 

I guess He felt my mood, because he text me that day,

“Wassup, Iam good. I am at the park with the kids.”

I was at work so I could not talk to him…

(You see, I was trying real hard, too hard to be practical & realistic about his feelings. I was thinking for him. I was so busy telling me that  I’m just a fling to him and that he couldn’t or wouldn’t feel for me like that;  I may have miss his true feelings for me and instead of me asking him I presumably  have the answers…and  let my casual attitude do the talking.)

He texted me a few days after…informing me that his phone got wet and he just got it replaced. That’s why He did not respond to my texts.

I felt a little bad about my thoughts…. then. I was quite pleased that he connect with me though..

I find it so amazing , how good it makes me feel to just get a simple text from him.

And I asked myself????….Why is he so damn special? What about him that makes my heart jumps for joy and do a somersault….Why do I place so much importance on him? WHY?

when I think of him it creates the sweetest sensation that run through my whole body. It is this tingling feeling that gives me goose pimples and makes me shudder. I love the feeling.

I heard from him a couple days later,letting me know how busy he was…

I asked him how does he get all this energy from, and that he need to tell me his secret.

. Of course he tries to educate and advice me. He said,” don’t rush or worry, just be cool and enjoy what u work so hard for.”

He also said, “ Im sometimes very tired… I just save it by taking my time.”

I was amused by his statement so I smile ….He doesn’t realize, one of the reasons I liked him so much, and find him so attractive is because he is so Full of energy & life.

And I sit there thinking…..I don’t want to lose him, but how am I going to keep him to me. I don’t have what it takes.

I find myself smiling thinking of MYLOVE-LOVE. He can always put a smile on my face. Wish I could have him close to me so I could just hug him real tight and get one of those juicy kiss of his. Sure love to kiss him so.

The next day…. to my utter delight I got my wish . He came to see me, and OH MY GOD!! It was so good to have him here.

When I open the door and saw it was him.. my face lit up.. my heart leaps joyfully… I was really speechless.. but he stepped in the door.. scoop me up… and humorously say…

Girl just don’t stand there… you know what I came for. ??? “…

He reached the bedroom by then.. gently flung me onto the bed.. playfully jump beside me.. using his lips he started to tickle me on my tummy and sides… I was laughing really hard.. and when I laugh that hard I become weak..

I had to beg him to stop… he did but his lips found mine and he parted my lips with his and kiss me ever so sweetly and deeply… he pulled me closely to him and held me tightly as he could as he continue to kiss me emphatically and explosively….his lips feast on mine…

I lay there in his tight hug.. fully enjoying his amorous kiss.. feeling my body melting in his embrace…

He came up for air and he pushed me on my back as he began to undress me placing light affectionate kisses each step of undressing me… he got off my top and started to nibble on my nipples as he used the base of his palm to massage kitty through my pants…

Kitty was reacting fiercely to his touch.. and I could feel her quickly building to a rupture..

I covered his hand with mine holding his in place as he gently rotate in circular motion…

I softly whispered please don’t stop.. as I heist my hips to meet his hand movements..I felt kitty rising to explode and began moving faster as I urge him on with my hand to match my movements.. he kindly obliged… and kitty reached her peak and blasted off so forcefully that my hips was thrown into the air..

Leaving me screaming his name.. and loudly exclaiming.. yes!!! Yes!!! Ooh yesss.. baby.. baby.. oohhh babyyyy…

I lay there trying to recover from that demoniacal climax… as he hurriedly finished undressing me… he placed my legs on his shoulders and quickly and easily enters me.. kitty felt that hard rock of man meat… and she was ready to cumm again…he thrusts twice and she was sent in another powerful orgasm…

She was clenching and gripping him.. as she climax in blissful ecstasy… this cause him to reach his point of no return as he made one last deep final penetrating thrust…with a huge grunt of great pleasure he burst open and flooded kitty with hot spunk.. he kept jerking for a few seconds as he spurts every drop…

We were both soaked in our sweats and juices… he rolled off me onto the bed breathing as if he just run a marathon… I was not doing much better..

He looks over at me.. smile.. and said..

” girl that was definitely worth coming over for..”

He reached over and playfully disheveled my hair… then learn in and kiss my forehead ..

And said… ” you are amazing … and I jokingly responded… ” yep.. intoxicatingly delicious…”

He giggled and nodded…” yeah.. I would say so”…

We lie there with the covers on us… for a while talking… he asked me if he could smoke a cigarette.. and I allowed him the privilege.. ..

Then he got up and went into the shower… I went in to join him.. offer to do his back.. he was a little distant so I refrain from initiating another sexual session…

He got dressed as I sit and watched him.. I guess I was a bit sullen because he stopped for a moment to asked me.. why do I look so sad…

He hugged me and pulled me to him and said.. I have to go… but I’ll be back..

I looked up on his face smile. Nodded… and bury my face into his chest… and he held me for a few minutes. Then apologetically said he has to go..

I reluctantly let him go… and got up and pulled me up with him.. hugging me as we walked towards the door…

He left me with a luscious kiss a a promise that he’ll see me soon…

His loving was so intense and affectionate. I was left

wondering if he is feeling more for me.

I try not to get overly excited because I could be wrong, I wanted to ask him about ‘us’…but couldn’t get the nerves to… afraid of hearing his answers…

I ‘m thinking…. when he loves me like that though… how can I help but love him … I hoped him coming here tonight means that he liked me some and I prayed, “Dear lord make it so”.

******************************************************

TO BE CONTINUED…….

MATTERS OF THE HEART ♥️

A BROKEN HEART 💔

SHATTERED

In all my adult life.. all the connections I have form.. have ended with a broken heart 💔….

Rejection is one emotions… I became familiar with…. I have cried many a tears .. after being crushed by a lover… I have experience excruciating pain… from being rejected..

CRUSHED

Rejection.. brings and conjured up so many negative thoughts … feelings… and emotions… especially when you are totally invested emotionally….

For some reason… I will be the perfect girl.. until I’m face with rejection. I have never learnt how to deal with this one emotion..

My first reaction is is to run.. get away from the person and the source..I get discouraged… I withdraw in a shell… I become timid. Unsure.. I lose my confident composure..

I get scared of losing.. but don’t know how to hold on… I’m always ready to run…. I pull away.. I stop communicating.. afraid of the answers to any questions I may asked….

What do don’t know won’t hurt you..

What the eyes don’t see…. the heart won’t leap…( get hurt 😢)

All my life… I yearned for someone to love me.. just love me unconditionally ..

Okay .. got married three times.. all ended for some reason or another..

Had a few flings in between and after… nothing permanent…after all fails …..

I decided to try online… I mess up here too.. my first time was a big disaster… the second.. third.. ect.. was not better… still come away with a broken heart…

WORLD APART

I found I have a way with words….. i could use my words to persuade any situation… when I started online… I had many admirers who genuinely likes me… because of what I have to say…I guess I didn’t know the power of my words … and what a huge impact they have…I tried to control the connections until my heart decided to step and get involved…

I find it very hard to keep my emotions out of the equation… I easily catch feelings… I’m always so vulnerable… even though it’s not on a personal basis.. it just virtual.. I struggle to maintain a causal connection… at first I thought I was able to do this without becoming emotionally involved… but before long…I prove myself wrong…

I decided I’m no good at this so I gave it up.. before I had completely dissolved my accounts..I had this one guy that I really liked.. and he said he likes me too…

He suggested we switch corresponding platforms and I agreed.. then he asked me to be exclusive to him.. I again agreed…

I was not having much of fun anymore anyways… and I really like this guy… he was not a fake.. he is as real as they come .. and he communicate with me everyday and he always responded to me no matter what…

I love this and the attention it creates..I really believed he likes me… he started to share his world with me.. so much I grew accustomed to talking to him everyday…

Before I know it .. 7 years has passed… nothing has changed.. except.. for some unknown reasons.. my feelings began to escalate… I realized I’m demanding more of him… yet most days He spent talking to as I wake up and reach out to him.. till he goes off to sleep..

He never ignores me… but I find myself doubting him… for no apparent reason….I’m getting so insecure… and me .. I’m so crazy… expecting him to sit on that phone and talk to non stop…

OThere is .. 4500 miles between us…he has a complete life.. he is not lacking in any department..

He has his family.. and he’s very much involved in their lives.. he got his job.. his friends. His hobbies..

And he has me.. and maybe. Others… an online connection… why he choose to continue to talk to me and share his world… I really don’t know..

But.. I’m not even someone to him..

I’m something.. a connection from another continent.. who thinks he’s most perfect man.. who value all his suggestions.. lessons.. listen intently to his stories and believe every word he said without query… who gets involved in his hobbies… I’m his biggest fan..

I’m not a permanent fix in his life.. I’m not essential to him. I don’t add anything to his life.. he already has it all..

So if I’m not there anymore.. it will never affect him… he can easily cut ties without a second thought…

And this is what hurts so bad… to know he doesn’t need me…

on the flip-side. There stands me..

I’m single… kids grown.. retired ..not much friends.. zero hobbies… so I look to him for entertainment.. I Cling to him for emotional support…. I need him to brighten my day…to give me something to look forward to…. I crave his attention.. I get so involved in his world and his hobbies just so I can stay connected to him….

So now I’m left to step way back and suppressed all this romantic emotions that I choose to develop .. creating the emotional havoc on my heart…. I need to back off and drop it all if I want to continue connecting with him…

Because he’s practical enough to know that this is just friendship. It can not be anything else so why start something that could never materialized….

Yess .. I’m overreacting.. I’m overthinking.. I’m crossing all kinds of unnecessary lines…

He spent hours on the phone with me.. and I’m so selfish that I doubt him or thinks he is ignoring me.. when he is not online… as if he has no life outside me or his phone..

I’m just fortunate that he loves his phone so much… he like addicted.. and so to be honest.. I abuse this… but I have to learn to give him space..

Yes my heart is breaking.. but I’m the one who is solely responsible this time…

LOST LOVE 💕

MY EMOTIONAL AFFAIR: LOVING 🥰 FROM AFAR…

TOUCH ME IN THE MORNING….

LOST LOVE 💕

I know three minutes is long but please watch and give me your honest review…

  • Stupid
  • Immature
  • Obsessive
  • Foolish love
  • Overreacting
  • Mushy
  • Plain crazy

I’m very open to criticism.. you won’t offend me…

MY LOVE 😍 LOVE 💕: THE JOY AND PAIN OF A FORBIDDEN LOVE: part 7c

REQUITAL LOVE 💕

I didn’t heard from him all week. I was thinking all kind of negative thoughts. I thought no call… no text. No surprise here… He got the money and some loving, so I’m all forgotten.

With No communication I sarcastically Guess he’s too busy to think of me. I pay big for the lesson .. you can’t buy friendship…I Still means nothing to him, not even as friends. All that speech I gave him about keeping me close only last as long as it takes to get the funds he was after…

By the end of the week I gave up hearing from him…Still nothing from him.. he went silent again… So much for our deal, I thought..I’m the only one that wants friendship so badly that I have to pay for it.

I asked myself…Why do I feel that it is so important to be his friend that I had to pay down on it? Well! It’s obvious that he is not interested in being friends.. The only time he really stop to think of me is when he needs a cash cow… someone to use for his financial needs….

It does still bothers me that to know that he can come and love me like he does and then just walk away without a second thought…. how can a man be that cold that he can separate his feelings from intimacy…

His kisses and his loving tells me some thing completely different ..he gives me his all without reservations…

But.. it’s all a act… and I’m left confused and trying to console myself.. trying to find any little reason to convince myself that he likes me even a little bit….

It didn’t take me too long to resume back to the attitude of letting go… I developed the attitude of “whatever”… It’s been going on so long repeatedly that I kinda got used to his behaviour… I decided to carry on as is and wait until he decided to come looking for me…

I didn’t try to contact or reach out to him like I used to do.. I now know that this is his game… and he will just ignored my text messages.. and I’m tired of feeling rejected by him….

Occasionally when I get up to get ready for work I would send a goodnight text messages.. sometimes I would receive a short response ..and I would smile… but I never tried to start a conversation.. and he never offers…

After a couple weeks have passed.. I began to feel for the need of him.. I was itching for some of his loving and I secretly hope to hear from him… I was more than tempted a few times to reach out as I did in the past.. but I resisted..

I would just indulge in some self love.. while I visualized him making love to me.. and surprisingly it would ease and my pent up raging desires..

Just the thought of him and the memories of our sexual encounters would always heightened my whole body with a deep burning desire that leaves me so stimulated that I couldn’t resist but give kitty some petting to stop her from twitching and pulsating with the wants of him….

To my pleasure and delight.. a couple weeks later…I received a text messages asking me if I had work that night … I responded .. letting him know I did … it was kinda late … just a couple hrs before I had to get up…so him coming by would not be … so when he asked if he can come by.. I simply told him I have to get some sleep for work…

He did not mention any need for money.. and I was puzzled that he wants to come by… just because….I was a little disappointed that I had work…. so much I thought of calling in sick… but I refuse to allow myself to always be at his disposal…

All night I thought of him.. though…my mind and heart and kitty was at war…. and at times I wished I had called off and have him over.. so we could a repeat another night of passion… I had the chance but I blew it…. I knew there might not be another chance again…

I went home next day still with the feeling of regret that I didn’t grab the opportunity to enjoy him one more time… but…he again surprised me with a phone call that day… letting me know that that he was in studio and he was just thinking of me .. he asked how I was doing.. I apologize for the previous night.. and he assured me it was all good … and he will get me next time…

I smiled.. and chuckles a little… I told him I would love that and ask him not to wait too long…. he giggled in humor and promised me that he won’t…

We ended our conversation .. I was left with a very warm feeling that travels to some really interesting places…. I was smiling and hoping that he lived up to his promise.. I again realized that he didn’t asked for any financial assistance… and this pleases me..

Hmm .. could it be that he just wanted to see for sexual favors… is he really wanting me sexually.. without me suggesting it….I laughed out loudly… thinking.. yess … yess.. yesss. He likes me…

The following day I was off and I sit there with sweet thoughts him playing in my mind .. making my heart do somersaults… which sent electrical jolts to travel downwards and stop right between my thighs.. that sent shivers down my spine.. causing kitty to get all excited …

Now with kitty affected .. I was losing control.. so I decided to send him a text with the hopes to convince to come on over and make kitty happy…. I live to please her….

He answers.. I asked him if he okay.. trying to lead up to the point of requesting his presence… but he saved me the effort by asking me if I had work that night… I quickly told him I’m off.. and to my greatest pleasure he invited himself over… without hesitation I excitedly asked him how soon can he get here…

He quickly said.. “ I’m on my way “…

Of course I was overjoyed. And I quickly went took me a shower.. put on my best and sexist negligée… I splashed some nice smelling perfume on.. put on a little lip gloss…. I was just getting my bed all neat and nice when he rang my doorbell….

I went to let him in.. and as soon as I open the door I let out a most joyful squeal and jumped up on him with legs wrapped around his waist and flung my arms around his neck … it took him by surprise that he slightly stumbled and had to step quickly backwards to regain his balance…

I was kissing his face and just hugging him tightly… he jokingly said… easy tigress, let me get inside first.. he walked in closed the door.. with me still clinging to him… he slowly ease me down to the floor.. took my hand in his and ushered me along.. saying ,

“ come on my little vixen….” I giggled 🤭.. and said.. I’m all kinds of exotic animal tonight, eh????!!!He looks down on me.. smiling.. and pulled me to him and whispered in my ear as as kissed my neck..” uhhuh…

I just melt into his arms.. throw my head backwards. Giving him all access to lay his sweet kisses…he gently ease me onto the bed… and I found his lips with mine and kissed him ever fervently . He matches my zealousness… he rolled me over to straddle him as he lay on his back…

I pulled his shirt over his head.. and as he allowed me to he whispered softly.. in his sexy husky voice…love me hun…

I smile at him kiss him again on those voluptuous lips.. he kissed me very intensely as he held the back of my head, running his hand occasionally through my hair as he let out soft moans…

I moved down to his neck …., loving on him as he urges me to….sliding my body to align with his.. as I kissed his neck I gravitate my hips against his hard throbbing bulge… I slid in an up and down motion on that bulge.. as he reached down to caress my buttocks…

It was straining against his pants… so he started to undo his belt.. I slid off the bed.. as he kicked off his shoes… and I helped him out of his pants… I decided to stay where I am .. I kneel on the floor between his legs .. took him in my hand.. as I licked at it slowly.. running my tongue all the way to the shaft and back upward to find the tip again… I used the flat of my tongue to slid a few more times up and down…

He one hand on my shoulder and the next on top of my head… as he was reciting his favorite words of pleasure… shiit .. shitt.. shitt.. ooh yes . Yess . That s it baby…

Next thing I know I was on the bed . As he position me on my knees… he made one fast and hard move and he was inside my dripping soaking wet kitty…,

he pounded me fiercely bringing me to the heights of ecstasy as he pumped me full of his hott spunk… I was flat on my tummy then… with him on my back.. both of us drenched in each other sweat… as we catch our laboring breath….

I jokingly said to him.. “ my lovelove.. that was most invigorating…“

He just responded with a “ yup “…. sounding very proud indeed..

We lay there for few more minutes until we regain normal breathing.. kitty was still twitching a little .. he moved off me and lie on his back.. I turned around and took his hard , move his fingers to touch kitty.. hoping for him to bring her again to an orgasm….

He moved his hand away ever so swiftly.. and said.. “eww…” I laugh and ask him what’s wrong..

He had this look of disgust on his face as he said..

“ hun… that’s sperm.. go get cleaned up…”.. I started to laugh out really hard… as I said to him . It’s your sperm silly… I swiped a little from my legs and teasingly ask him if he wants a taste.. .

His reaction was so humorous… he got up quickly.. pulling me towards the bathroom as I was dying with laughter.. he turned on the shower and said.. “ wash yourself off..”

I couldn’t stop laughing.. I was so tickled…

I came out wrapped in towel.. and saw him smoking a cigarette… looking very relaxed… I sat down beside him.. gently rubbing his beautiful chest with my hand.. I said to him,,

All cleaned”… as I bent to place a few kisses on that irresistible chest… he looked at me and just flashed me a smile… then he did something that really made me blush… he gently touched my cheek .. and softly caress it with the back of his fingers…. I leaned my head onto those fingers.. close my eyes enjoying his touch… I then feel him cup my face with both hand pulling me towards him as he rises his face to meet mine…

He gently kisses me and softly whisperers…

“ I needed that so much… thank you !!!”

I eagerly return his kisses …smile and hugged him to me and he returned my hug with a squeeze …

I was very happy to be with him sharing this tender moment….While he is here with me nothing else or nobody else matters. I savor and enjoy him as much as I can.

Sometimes I can’t believe how much joy I derived from this one guy….

He stayed for most of the night… we made Love again.. and I fell asleep in the crook of his arms.. I woke up cradled by him in a spooning position…

I turn around and wrapped my arms around him and buried my face in his chest as I inhaled his scent and relished his warmth….I woke him up… with my movements and he returned my hug as he apologetically said he has to go..

I reluctantly let him go.. he got up .. got dressed.. as I watched him .. and begging him to stay the rest of night…

He bent over kiss me.. and said he can’t.. I got up and walked him to the door… there he gives me a huge hug , kisses me ever so sweetly.. let me go and whispered.. see you soon…

I watched him drive away.. and I smile with pleasure.. I was beaming with joy.. MYLOVELOVE Came.. stayed a little..loves me a lot… I was again totally in love … and very gratifyingly fulfilled…

*********************+*++++**********

TO BE CONTINUED…..

MY EMOTIONAL AFFAIR: LOVING 🥰 FROM AFAR….part 2…

ON A RAINY SITE….

So my fears and my insecurities were valid….I struggled so much with myself about confronting him about my doubts and my suspicions… and now I’m left wishing I did .. me trying to stay logical and calm .. not wanting to create any negativity…

In my head I was thinking it’s not worth losing this connection with him… I’ll continue conversing normally… I even asked him.. “ baby… please don’t stop loving 🥰 me!!!????”

He replied.. “ I will not baby…!!!”

I thank him for his reassurance and briefly let him know the fears I have been having of losing him and his love….

How I’m wishing I had address my fears at least I would have known why…..no matter how broken hearted it would have left me…

Because…

Yesterday I told him good night. And I leave him alone to sleep… come midnight when it is his morning.. I noticed he’s not online as usual… so I figured he called off work since he hurt his thumb yesterday…

Busted his thumb..

So I decided to wait a couple hours or so to write to him thinking he’s still asleep…

I was still up at 2 am… 9 his time.. and although I still didn’t see his presence online.. I thought I would send him a message before I dozed off…

And to my horror… I realize that my message was not being delivered…so I checked into it.. while becoming frantic with fear that I actually lost him for real…

The next couple of hours I was filled with anxiety.. and a dreadful sense of lost.. my heart was racing and felt like it was wrenched out….knowing I have no way of connecting to him…. I started to panic.. so much that I had to talk myself out of it…

I keep asking myself.. how can he be so mean to me.. why couldn’t he just let me know he lost his desire to stay connected… yes I would be crushed.. to the point of devastation.. but at least I would get to say goodbye ….. I tried to sleep.. but couldn’t.. each time I close my eyes I developed a panic attack… I was up all night.. didn’t exactly know what to do..

I called him straight it went to voice mail. I called him on discord.. I called him .. however fruitless it was… on WhatsApp… I was a complete mess…

I tried to stay calm .. and not going into a frenzy .. my whole world was unraveling… my heart was smashed… I love that man.. I grow so in love with him.. and now I’m gonna lose him… I was so sure…we would never say goodbye….

7 years… talking everyday…. how am I going to get past it.?????

At about 9 am I got a text message from him.. letting me know that he left his phone at home.. I did not reply immediately…

I went on a couple of hours later.. and type his name… his response was so harsh???

“ what??!!!

How could I text you when I didn’t have my phone…”

I was tempted to tell him I know that he actually blocked me….. and I wanna comment on his very angry 😤 attitude… but why add fuel to the flames… so I simply told him that I do understand …meaning… that he left his phone at home….

He was off somewhere.. not responding.. I kinda figured that he’s using a different app to communicate with his new flame… so I continue to write…

But maaan..
I was really beside myself.
I really thought you blocked my number”…..

“Baby..
Would you like to stop connecting with me.???!!!..” I asked…

“Tell me honestly if you lost all joy with me…
Would you rather me not communicating so much..

Talk to me baby…
I will understand

We have been together for 6 to 7 years now .
And maybe you no longer see my friendship as needed anymore…

I would very devastatingly crushed but I will understand..

I know you may also have found someone new and much more exciting to communicate with online…

All I’m asking is for you to tell me..

I never wanted to lose you and your friendship.. you are become such an important part of my world..
But I may not be able to give you all the pleasures you need from this connection….

Please talk with me.. because I have noticed how distant you are of late and I felt you drifting away.. and I feel like I’m being a nuisance sometimes….

So please , please baby.. talk to me..

This is all we have between us…”

He came back on half an hour later… and said.. “ you are not…. stop being crazy…”.

He was so evasive .. he didn’t even comment on anything I said…. he purposely avoided it all.. so I just played his game…. and reply quite coyly …

“Okay 👌 baby enough said.. It’s just so many things and thoughts went through my mind this morning.. moving forward…”

He responded with great lack of interest….”💋💋💋”

Those kisses always means that he’s really too busy with something else to be bothered…

I went on to ask about his sore thumb…. it is as if it hurts him to talk to me…

One word.. hurts…he sent e pic of his site… of course it’s the one he took for her…to show her while he communicate at work… she’s getting all my attention that was mine just last week….

I made a couple comments in reference to it… and his response was so evasive.. “ yup”..

SPICY CHICKEN WITH CREAM SPINACH….

He then sent me pics of what he was cooking… and I just played along pretending that everything is the same .. he sent the duration of his preparation with me.. and kept communicating until he finished his last bite…

HIS LAST BITE…

I made a statement that he must be so full and that he needs to fully relaxed because it’s well deserved….. and that was it… he left WhatsApp and never came back on..

About four o’clock.. I sent a goodnight text just to see if he blocked me again or not… I was not… but I know it was just too early for him to sleep.. so I know exactly where he was…

I was hurting so much. So I called everyone that was available to talk with me just so to distract my disturbing thoughts… I could feel the tears threatening to overflow.. but I refuse to give in to them…

He was never mine to have…although I was so enjoying our connection….he’s so cold to me now..I tell myself… I should walk away… but Im going to patiently give me a week or so to figure out my next move…. hopefully by then.. my heart will learn to accept my loss… and hopefully grows a callus…

Gonna miss the color he brought into my life .. but most of all I’ll miss my friend… we are never promised one more day or night…remember baby.. there will never be another you.. another me… another life for us to see…. to give each other all we did…time goes by so fast.. I want to make each moment last…. I wanted to hold on to you.. and show you all that our love 💕 could be…. I can’t and won’t let go so easily… THERE WILL NEVER BE…ANOTHER YOU…ANOTHER ME…

https://music.apple.com/us/album/i-miss-my-friend/1443644667?i=3447056

My heart is breaking.. the tears is unstoppable….

I’m trying so hard to be understanding… trying so hard to hold onto him… but as usual I never learn how to deal with rejection…all of a sudden I’m shy… so afraid of the answers I might get if asked…

I’m trying to give him space… trying to be patience.. but I’m so fearful of the outcome that’s awaiting me…

*********+************++++********

TO BE CONTINUED…..

MY EMOTIONAL AFFAIR: Loving 🥰 From Afar…

BABY…!!!!

Two people cross paths..from two different continent… form a connection.. became friends.. share each other worlds… is it possible this Bond can developed to affect the heart….

I have an emotional affair with such a person… and we have been corresponding for the better part of six years… we talked everyday.. and I looked forward to our conversations…

There is a time difference of 5-6 hours between us … but no matter how busy he is … he always takes the time to respond to me… acknowledging my text messages…

We communicate mostly via text.. and occasionally a video call … he shared his whole world with me.. and try to involved me in his daily life…

Over the years.. I grew more and more attached to him…. and I find that my heart knows no boundaries… there is 4500 miles between us… and although sometimes I want so much to be able to touch him… I find that I can feel his presence just by having him talk to me…

I do admire him for so many reasons.. he always find something to occupy his time.. he’s very resourceful.. very handy.. especially around his house..

He’s generous.. giving.. caring and loving… he has a family.. a wife with two boys … and they all know of me…

He loves to cook.. and he often shares his menu in steps.. he loves music.. and also love to sing along… which he also shares with me..he coaches his sons soccer teams and is very involved…

He goes fishing with friends.. play video games… he is never idle.. and I love him for his versatility… he’s a jack of all trades.. he works in steel construction… and he never misses a day…

He collects swords.. and cars… he loves to take his family to adventurous venues… he a very passionate man… he loves his family… and he says he loves me…which makes my heart sings.. and put a huge smile on my face…

We have been connecting for almost 7 years..and up to this point I was enjoying the daily connection.. and I was so happy 😁 to have someone to talk to…

He included me in his online games.. connect me with most of his buddies on a chat group… and I thought he was just trying to involve me more into his life…

I was basking in the glory of feeling loved and having someone liking my presence…

And out the blues.. I find my feelings escalating… and then my mind started this whirlwind of negativity…

I started to doubt his attention… yes he still acknowledges my text messages…but keeps it limited…he’s distant… he doesn’t talk to me as much…

I’m becoming insecure… suspicious 😒.. jealous… I started to feel unattractive.. ugly… unworthy…

This guy has not given me any necessary reasons to doubt him.. but my heart is telling me that he has found another interest online…and this thought is screaming in my head…so much.. I’m becoming paranoid and anxious…

If I see him online… I tell myself that he is talking to someone else.

But..

Don’t I have a lot of people talking to .. too.. and it’s all innocent… why can’t it be the same with him.???? Why am I allowing myself to create this imaginary rivalry…

I don’t act on my thoughts though.. because I think I’m just being silly .. he is much too far off to be worried about his actions….

He got his life.. and although he chooses to make me apart of his world.. I have no control over him..

I do love him.. and as I have stated.. my emotions have escalated to a higher level.. which is proving very unhealthy…. I’m demanding more of his time… I’m stalking his chat page…I’m becoming more upset to the point of tears…

I’m feeling rejected.. I don’t think he loves me anymore…I think he’s bored 😐 with me… his conversations has become a one syllable word…

He always seems so preoccupied.. I feel like I’m always disrupting him or disturbing him .. he longer shows no interest in what I have to say…of late he seems very distant.. and very evasive..

I tried to be logical and practical .. try to be self analytical… try to be reasonable…

He’s too far away for me to be having these feelings.. and allowing them to affect me to such degree… I try to suppress these negative emotions and brush them away..

I’m behaving as if I can control him and who he chooses to connect with…

I really fear losing his friendship and this bond that we have form.. but I have a strong feeling that it’s coming to an end… and it’s breaking my heart….

The fear of losing him.. is the worst… I know in all practicality I have no choice in this matter… and I refuse to become one of those obsessive connections…. he does still talk to me and every midnight.. his mornings he would always make me know he’s up.. I look forward to his text every night.. but the last two nights.. nothing…

And my overly active negative imagination.. is telling me it’s because he has someone else talking to…

Why am I creating this negative attitude..??? Why am I after all these years.. allowing myself to reach this point…so I’m continuing to connect with him on the same level without revealing my insecurities and my jealousies….

I do realize that I have to back off with my overwhelmed emotions… let him have his fun with his new playmate… I’m just stale right now.. no more joy in me… I have used up my usefulness and longer hold his interest…

How long did I think it would last… it lasted much longer than expected… I shouldn’t forget how I met him.. he was looking for some fun with someone online and I cannot provide this anymore…

We have shared so much over the past years.. how am I going to get past him if he decided to leave… he so much a part of my existence…. I looked forward to connect with him every day…

But I can understand him drifting away.. I don’t have much to offer anymore.. and he stop suggesting or asking…. I can’t compete with anyone else…. I’m too old… he is my only one that is left…

Funniest thing.. I just come across this perfect quote..

“CHANGE NOTHING…. NOTHING WILL CHANGE “….

How ironic is that??… if I don’t rock this boat with my negativity and my insecurities… we will just keep sailing until we get there… I have been on this path for.. six years… what is so different..

And so what if he found someone else to divulge himself in…

I’m not seeing.. and what the eyes don’t see .. the heart won’t leap… he still acknowledges me.. he still answers me.. he is not ignoring me..

He is giving me the same amount of attention.. I’m only demanding more.. and it makes it seem like he is short changing me…

Aaah 😌…

My sweet love 💕….

TO BE CONTINUED…..

MY LOVE 😍 LOVE 💕: THE JOY & PAIN OF A FORBIDDEN LOVE: part 7b

IF YOU LOVE 💗 SOMETHING LET IT GO… if IT COMES BACK IT IS YOURS…

A few weeks later… I was at work at Walgreens.. apx.. 12:30am … I received a phone call from.. “ MYLOVELOVE”…. I was not expecting to ever hear from him again and I had let go of the thought of him altogether…

But…

Strangely I found I was a little excited to receive this call.. I answered… “ hello??!!”

He started off the conversation by apologizing for not getting in touch with me sooner with the excuse .. that he was super busy .. he went ahead trying to explain everything that he was into… I just listen.. didn’t exactly know what to say… I was kinda speechless..

My manager motion me to get off the phone and get back to work.. so I told him I couldn’t talk because I was busy at work.. and ask him exactly why did he call me…???

I was hoping to hear him say he misses me or he was just thinking of me .. but to my utter disappointment.. he let me know that he needs $200 ..

I quickly told him Don’t have $200 to give.. but if he calls me the next day when I’m off.. we can talk some more if he wants… I hung up feeling really sad.. I was feeling so pleased to hear from him… and I wanted so to believe he misses me some …for him to reach out to me…

His reason for getting in touch after so many weeks of silence… was only for monetary reasons… I thought about him all night.. hurt because of his true reason for reconnecting…. but smiling because I heard from him..

His voice started a reaction of feelings to emerge… and I find myself reminiscing about him and our times spent together in a romantic way… my emotions began to resurfaced.. I still wanted him.. I shuddered with the thought… as I visualized and fantasize about him sexually…

My stimulating thoughts.. sent a ripple of emotions through my whole being.. my adrenaline started to flow releasing endorphins to regions of my loins… leaving me very moist and dripping… with the wants of him …

I was left wishing he call me next day as I asked. Because I wanted him so badly that I think I will use his financial needs once again to get him into my bed… I was yearning for his touch…

I did not expect to hear from him that next day.. but again to my pleasure he surprises me with a follow up call… he again began by telling me how much he is in need of that money and how much he would appreciate my help…

I just shake my head.. sigh 😔!!! To know all he needs from me is my money.. but I’m going play my game of tit for tat… I told him I will give him the money but he will have to wait one week.. and he will have to promise to give me a little of his time…

I thought he would ask me what I meant by that demand.. but he understood exactly what I was demanding from him and he agreed… I did not hear from him all that week.. and I just figured that was it….

I wasn’t in the least surprised and I just brushed it off… hearing from him after six weeks of silence.. triggered off my buried emotions…My feelings have not changed much.. and I found myself getting all excited just talking to him… I still want him and I had anticipated and hoped…he would have stayed in touch…

By the end the week I had fully given up on rekindling any kind of romance with him… I’m only a cash cow to him right now…

I thought I would not be hearing from him again.. but he was more determined and persistent than I have thought… he contacted me again that weekend with his bullshit… about being very busy and exhausted.. and in the same breath asking me if I’m able to assist with the money he requested…

I smile .. and I gave him a little lecture about how he has been treating me.. and told him I would like for him to keep me closer and don’t lose contact with me…. he wasn’t very convincing in his answer.. he said just.. “ yea yea.. I will try.” Very nonchalantly without any conviction..

He again asked me,” so can you help me out.?” I told him yes.. but he again will have to wait another week… I really just wanted to string him along to see exactly how far he was willing to go with this …

I heard from him everyday the following week… and it pleases me to see that he was at trying to keep his end of our bargain…

Come Friday though he didn’t fail to once again remind of my promise and asked if I will be able to fulfill it.. I felt he earned it by his diligence of keeping contact all week… so I told him to come get it that next day….

I had to work .. and he texted me to find out if I was available for him to come by.. I didn’t get that text until I was on break.. he had tried a couple more times .. I guess he thought I was ignoring him.. so he wrote one last time.. saying..

“So now you don’t want to text me back???.”

I was amused with his attitude… he thought I was blowing him off and trying to get out of giving him the money I promised…. I decided not to answer him until I get home.. I wanted him to stew for a bit..

When I got home that evening I sent him a text letting him know I was at work but I’m home now.. so if he so anxiously wants the money he can come over to get it..

He response was quick.. but he informed me that he doesn’t have a ride to come by… but he really needs that $200… I asked him to let me know when he will be able to… and he in turn said.. “ he’s working on it..

I heard from him on Sunday 4:34 pm… “what u doing 2nit?” I was getting ready to get my nap … because I had work that night…

I was happy to hear from him and I was in a playful mood and so I replied, “Thinking of doing you.. “

He sent a LOL… and said that he is on his way.

So I decided to take an early shower just in case I got lucky…. I was a little excited to see him.. and I find myself anxious awaiting his arrival…

When he finally arrived.. I open the door with the brightest smile… I greeted him a shy hello.. and even though I wanted so much to hug him I resist the urge and invited him in..

He followed me as I leaded the way to my bedroom…

I know he really came for the money but just to see him and having him this close after six long weeks I would give him anything.

All my attempts to forget him.. all my promises to let go of him… all the feelings I have pushed aside and suppressed… were no longer in effect..

Just the sight of him… just having him here with me.. it’s like the last six weeks never happened… and all that matters is this burning sweet sensation that fill me with raging desires that causing great havoc to my thoughts and body..

I sat beside him on my bed… he was talking.. but I didn’t hear anything he was saying… my hands were trembling with this strong compulsion to touch him… but I was afraid he no longer find me sexually appealing…

I wanted so much to kiss him and love on him but I hesitated because I was not too sure he wanted that, but he seems to sense my desire because he started to kiss me and oh boy I will never forget the way he kiss me that night. It was with a great urgency, deep and ever so passionate. I felt like he actually misses me. I was back in love all over again. we fell back onto the bed and I slowly ease off his shirt and got my hearts desire… i was loving and devouring that beautiful chest of his.

He lie there and allowed me to… As I got lost in loving him…as my desires rises sending a jolt of this sweet sensational emotions that rushes through my being heightening my every senses….

I was in a different world. He took me to heights and places I have never been before..He loves me that night like never before and he hugs me so tightly. He came back and rocks my world…

He stayed with me until I was ready to go to work .. I didn’t sleep a wink. But I was so energized.. his most passionate lovemaking left me On a high… I was feeling like he likes me.

My heart was back again on a roller coaster .And with all this affection that he gives me; I was still doubtful and unsure of him..I know I can never hold on to him or command his attention more than just a moment…

He may disappear until he needs financial help again…

I got ready…gave him the $200.00. He drops me at work leaves me with a chups.. I was smiling all night so full of joy. My heart was singing…MYLOVE-LOVE came back to see me and gives me some good, good loving…

and although he had ulterior motives and his monetary needs was the main reason…

that loving he gave me was worth every penny (the money )… I may have paid him to … but I definitely got my money’s worth…

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TOBE CONTINUED……

MY LOVE 😍 LOVE 💕: THE JOY & PAIN OF A FORBIDDEN LOVE: part 7

A STORY OF PLAYING THE COUGAR WITH A VERY UNEXPECTED TURN… ##########################################

I WILL LOVE YOU 😍 ALWAYS…..

I went through the next few weeks like a zombie. Missing MYLOVE-LOVE. Work hold no appeal and no joy for me anymore… my days were empty..I didn’t realize until then just how much him being there daily hugely impacted my attitude…

There was no sunshine … everything seems dim… I went though my emotions quietly… I would be in a daze sometimes looking off in space visualizing him being there.. reflecting on the last months .. remembering how my eyes could find him anywhere he was.. and how my heart would flutter at the sight of him… putting a bright smile on my face which leaves me gleaming with joy…

These last weeks has been long as I suffer in silence… he was a main subject of conversation.. everyone has something to say about him .. I would mostly just listen… I found out that he has been talking to Veronica.. she even boastingly said that she was the first person he called.. he seems to have spoken to everyone else too….

I was so crushed to know that he didn’t value me enough to even answer my text messages .. he doesn’t even acknowledge me… and I question this…why have he shut me out..??? Why am I Not important enough to him????.. Why was it ok to talk to everyone else and not me? After all the times we spent together and the intimate moments we shared.. I thought we were close enough fo me to deserve some acknowledgement….I thought we were at least friends…

It hurts to be ignored…

I received a small text from the second week… “what’s up stranger???!!”.. ..

I was so delighted to see that text from him.. I sent him a reply asking him if he’s okay.. and inquire what’s been going on with him… but to my great disappointment he never continued the conversation…

I started to come with terms that I’m never going to see him again… I was still missing him something awful… and although I felt I wasn’t ready to let him go.. I decided to accept my fate…. it saddens me to know that I meant zero to him.. and all those nights spent together in the most intimate ways….meant absolutely nothing…

His oldest daughter had an up coming birthday and I had purchased some little Knicknacks for her… I thought … I still would love to get them to her…

I tried to contact him to let him know and asked him via text messages… to come and get them… he did not respond immediately but I got a text from him later on …letting me know that he wants them and he will come to pick them up…

He never did..

A couple days later, I tried to call him to find out when is he coming to get the gifts.. . As much as I wanted to talk to him… I had lost interest because of his cold behavior… he answered.. then hung up suddenly… I couldn’t believe he did that.. I told myself…

“ that’s it.. I’m done.. with him …”

He was so cold and so mean and I was so hurt thinking I didn’t mean much to him for him to ignore me and refuses to talk to me.. He tries to call me later that day, I did not answer… I was still upset with him hanging up on me.. And then he sent me a text that…

Letting me know that his phone died.. and that was the reason the phone call ended.. I did not believe his lame excuse… so I did not respond to him…

I decided to give up trying to contact him… seeing that he obviously not interested to hear from me… I decided to get in touch with one of his buddies to ask to be an intermediary and get the gifts to him..

This friend… David came.. collect the gifts I had and promised to pass it on to him…. I went ahead to send him a text… informing him that I gave the gifts to David and he should collect them…

He answered me to let me know that him and David were no longer friends… oops… David did not disclose this information to me… I apologized.. and I called David to return the items… I just thought his daughter won’t get her birthday presents in this case..

A few days later MYLOVELOVE Calls me … I was a little surprised to hear from him…I answered .. he started off the conversation asking me why I didn’t just gave the gifts to Veronica.. I became very belligerent . I was very upset that he even considered this possibility…

I just tell him that .. not to worry about the damn gifts.. and him and Veronica can go to hell and hang up on him…. I was so mad.. what was he thinking…!??? I was hurt too to know that he’s still seeing her…and he couldn’t even talk to me on the phone….

Shouldn’t he know how I feel for him? Was he so blind to my feelings…. I was so hurt and so upset That day it brought tears to my eyes… .

I was thinking, how could I mean so little to him, Even though we could not be in a true relationship…I thought at the least we were friends.. How wrong I was to even think this was possible..

my emotions for him was still very strong and way more than I would care to admit… I decided not to text or call anymore and to just Leave him, be…. . I’m still missing him but it doesn’t make sense wanting someone who doesn’t return your feeling… so I will try to put him out of my mind and heart…

***************+++++++***************

TO BE CONTINUED…

MY LOVE 😍 LOVE 💕: THE JOY & PAIN OF A FORBIDDEN LOVE… part 6c

SOME PEOPLE ARE MEANT TO FALL IN LOVE..BUT… NOT MEANT TO BE TOGETHER…

I began to see him in Veronicas presence again… my heart sank.. I thought we were getting closer at one point.. he would playfully tease her as he passes by her… which sent a jolt of jealously through me… it would leave me so furious.. . That it brought tears to my eyes in anger…

I was a complete mess.. this should have been enough for me to walk away from him…but instead I still try to talk to him..

I was a fool for this cold. Aloof and inconsiderate guy… and with my knowledge of this.. I still longed for his touch.. his kisses and his loving…

It was a Saturday in April I got a phone call from him….asking for $40.00. My first reaction was no way… but I do wanted to see him.. I so want to be with him… so I thought… it’s a way to get to see him…. so I asked him…

“And what do I get in return for giving you this money MYLOVELOVE…..”

He asked me what do I want…???? So I told him.. “ you”…

Surprisingly.. he agreed.. so I excitedly tell him to come and get it….

And he did…

He walked in .. and I led him straight to my bedroom….I immediately started to seduce him and he allows me to… he stayed a couple of hours with me.. he fulfilled his end of the bargain.. and he gave me what I requested..

Although I instigated most of our love making.. he had no objections… and he loved me just like he always does.. I fully enjoyed our little session…I felt really good to be with him again…and while I was lying in his arms and enjoying his delicious kisses .. everything was perfect…

I gave him the $ 40 like I promised as he was leaving…he left me with a bear hug and a kiss.. and promise that he will stay in touch…

After he left I felt a bit foolish because I let myself be used by him…but I console myself by thinking that….seeing him and getting to love on him was all worth it. I was hoping that he didn’t think himself a gigolo and that I paid him to have sex with me….

Because…

That was exactly what it boils down to … I exchanged sex for money… was I so desperate for him that I allowed myself to stoop to such level.. it made all the sense in the world and I thought I was being clever and sneaky…

I took the time to wallow in the joy I got from being with him… but as usual it was short lived..

I made myself a promise that I will never again do that…. hmm 🤔…

I suspect the money was for veronie birthday. and even when its hurts my feelings…. I tried to justify my actions… telling myself again that it feel good to know he needs me for something and stupid old me thinking if I am kind to him I will win his loyalty and he will remains friends with me always

I’m hoping I was right about this… I really want to be right…

That following Monday We worked the same shift. It was only a hour into the shift when he walked passed the front end and headed outside accompanied by one of the managers….. his demeanor was very stern… and even though he had to pass my register… he didn’t even glance at me..

The manager walked back in a few minutes later without him… I had a sinking feeling.. something wasn’t right…

I know he had an incident in the parking lot a few days before.. involving a customer.. he had accidentally hit her car with the shopping carts… she complained and he was up for reprimanding..

Could it be that they dismiss him because of the accidental incident..???!!! I tried to find out what happened with him and was told…. that he got fired…

I became so emotional.. my mind was in a whirlwind… my thoughts was going berserk… apart from being sad that he loss his job… I was selfishly thinking about us.. and losing contact with him… how am I going get through my days without his presence????!! My only connection with him is here at work…

I tried texting him to find out from him directly what went wrong…. he just completely ignores me… I got no response… this makes the more afraid and scared that I’m losing him… for the rest of the day I lost complete focus on everything.. I had to force myself to concentrate …

If only he answered me… it would ease my mind a little thinking that I won’t lose contact with him.. but he just ignored me totally…

I was in a melancholy mood all day..the end of the shift could come fast enough.. I got home and I tried to make contact again.. still nothing… I became overly anxious accepting the fact that I have lost him for good…

I lie there sobbing into my pillows.. crying for a love that was never mine…

**************++++++*************+++*********

TO BE CONTINUED…..

MY LOVE 😍 LOVE 💕: THE JOY & PAIN OF A FORBIDDEN LOVE: part 6b

After our latest rendezvous… and he blurting out unintentionally that he loves me… I started to have a little hope about us…

He was a little more attentive and even sent me a few text messages just to say hi…. I was sure he was liking me some… I carry a delightful smile all week … feeling connected to him…

The following Wednesday , he asked me if I could babysit his three kids for him. I accepted because apart from getting a chance to be with him I love his babies.

So he picked me up before he had to leave for work….and took me over to his place… I spent the evening with them telling stories fix them dinner…and trying to entertain them…..they were good.. and well behaved…

It was an early day for him.. he walked in.. . And I was as happy as the kids to see him…He was a bit distant as usual. But I figured he was just tired….

He took his son, helps him with his homework .. I sat there looking at him in admiration and adoration… he was so dedicated to his kids… he then went to lie down and soon fell asleep. I let him sleep knowing that he must be drained and exhausted after a long day at work…

I give the kids their baths and got them into bed…after they were all asleep… I went and gently lie next to him . I was still dressed … as I cuddled up next to him just to feel his warmth…

I wasn’t expecting for him to want anything sexual.. I was trying to be understanding … I didn’t forget the last time I was here with his kids present….and how I had behaved and reacted…

Even though just being with him causes provocative stimulating reactions… I refuse to act on them.. I guess I dozed off snuggled up to him…

Because I was awoken by him Into the night … he was tugging at my jeans… He tries to love on me but he stopped when I asked him if he’s sure he wants to with the kids here…. he simply answered.. yes you are right…!!

He then instructed me to take off my clothes and get comfortable and get back in the bed… I got up do as he asked.. brush my teeth .. and went back to join him… he held up the covers for me to get under and I do so willingly…

He hugged me close… kiss me and said.. “thank you “…. I smile and nodding affirmatively.. and replied causally..

“ you are welcome MyLoveLove….”

I knew he meant staying with his kids for him… we fell asleep like that till morning when I feel him jerking me awake.. I open my eyes and he asked me if I could get the kids up and get them ready.. I happily obliged…

I got up and he playfully slap me on the butt.. I jumped not expecting it.. gave out a little squeal.. ..turn to him and push at his shoulders giggling.. he fell back onto the bed.. pull the covers over himself and said..

“ wake me up when they are ready to go.. “ I just shake my head…

I got the kids up.. help them get dressed…. fixed them breakfast.. and while they were eating he walked into the kitchen asking if we are ready to go…

I went to collect my belongings and a few minutes later we were on our way.. he dropped the kids to school before he took me home…

He thank me again and said he appreciates me… and let me know that the kids like me and always ask for me..

I was very tickled to learn this.. and I smile saying.. “that’s good.. I love that they like me “…

As I watched him drive away… I was feeling very good about spending the night with him.. and even better.. sleeping in his arms without having sex.. just like an old couple I thought….

We did not see each other for the next couple of weeks, except at work. He did not have too much to say and ignored me for most part. He was back to be his old self.. I was a little confused .. but learning fast to accept him as is… I realize he only used me at his convenience… it hurts me to know this but I know I do allow him to..

Although I was feeling broken up and wanted more I know that we weren’t really together and that he doesn’t like me like that. But I took consolation to be able to see him daily it gives me some joy. I tell myself….Just seeing him was enough to make me happy.

But…

It was far from the truth…

**********++++*********++++*********

TO BE CONTINUED…..

MY LOVE LOVE: THE JOY & PAIN OF A FORBIDDEN LOVE…. part 5b

……,And so I got one more time to spend with MYLOVE-LOVE {. I COULDN’T BELEIVE MY LUCK}

As I stand there waiting for him to answer the door my mind was whirling with thoughts of being in his arms…

Finally he opened the door.. and I was so amazed just how gorgeous he looked… he was shirtless and his chiseled chest was so inviting…

He greets me with a kiss on the cheek.. took my hand and led me to the bedroom… he jumped on the bed and patted it beside him signifying suggestively for me to join him…

….he was lying there looking so good and sexy just waiting for me. I obliged eagerly… and I hugged him as I joined him pressing into his chest… stroking it very tenderly as I start to put butterfly kisses all over that gorgeous chest…

He had just taken a bath … he smells so fresh and feels so cool and extra good. I enjoyed the taste of him as I inhaled his scent getting lost in the moment…

he immediately started to kiss me, and his kisses sent warmth to every crevices of my body…he felt so good and smell so delicious, as I continued to love on his most beautiful chest.. moving downward… slowly kissing and loving on his perfect body…..

He was lying there softly moaning with pleasure… as I fumbled with his pants I looked up at his face.. he had his eyes closed and when I stopped and prompted him to lift his hips so I could slide them off he opened them and preceded to help me discard it…

He kicked them off… and resumed his position…

I had bought a vibrating toy for sexual pleasure and I had it with me.. I mentioned it to him…and asked him if we could try it and play with it….surprisingly he was all gamed,

He said “let’s play” I got it out .. showed it to him.. he was very amused and eager to try it… and so the games began..and play we did.

We had some fun playing with our new toy.. and we made love over and over and over until we were both spent from exhaustion… his love making was very intense… tender and loving…

We lay there beside each other… catching our breath and just savoring the moment… he looked at me smile.. quickly jumped up.. tower over me…placed a playful kiss on my mouth , nibbled my neck with small kisses and asked me if I wanted something to drink..

I merely giggled in amusement at him and nodded… he went off to the kitchen as I lay there wondering if he’s starting to like me … I couldn’t get this smile off my face.. I was so exhilarated thinking of the way he just love on me….

He came back in and handed me a glass with drink.. and lie down watching me… I finished my drink…move over next to him .. he had his hand behind his head. And he removed one and pulled me into him…

I just nestled happily up next to him.. he then pulled the cover over us…I wanted to get up and take a shower but I didn’t want to leave the comfort of his warmth…I was enjoying him much too much… and refused to lose this connection .. I just didn’t want it to end…

He then started to talk about his childhood… I quietly listened not saying much.. I just lie there in awe of him.. I must have dozed off and snoring because I was awaken by him holding my nose… I looked up at him… and he just tweaked my nose again.. and said .. “ let’s sleep… “

I responded by turning around and let him spoon me and hold me closely to him.. he placed his cheek on my head.. and I heard him sigh.. ever so pleasingly… I smile and reached for his hand that he had wrapped around me and kissed it as I wrapped it more tightly around me….

I again spent the night next to him and in his arms… I was in glory land. Being with him gives me so much joy. I get a surge of happiness I never before experience.

The more times I spent with him the more I feel for him.. and the more I want him.. and I hoped it means that he was liking me some.

We woke up and made love a couple of times before we both got up and took a needed shower….

I left him that morning very happy and fulfilled… I was on cloud nine… but still wondered if I will ever get another chance to be with him… I always left wondering because we never talked about us…

All night with him.. all that loving.. and the subject of us .. was never mentioned… I am so afraid of the answer that I rather not know…and I keep telling myself I’m just going to enjoy him as much as he allows me..

I keep smiling all that day and keep reflecting back to our night of playtime and sweet loving… couldn’t believe he was so willing to try that little toy….I was so pleased he was so gamed… it was fun.. I fully enjoyed him….

I told myself that I have to work on our next rendezvous… because I was so eager to spend another night in his sweet arms.. and experience some more of his passionate loving…..

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TO BE CONTINUED….

MY LOVE-LOVE: THE JOY & PAIN OF AN UNFORBIDDEN LOVE; chapter 5

I received a text from him a few days later… I was very pleased to hear from him.. but.. When I read what it says… I was kinda puzzled and a little hurt….

He was asking me to come by his house to meet his father. He implied that he wanted to hook me up  with his him…

My mind was in a turmoil because it became very obvious that he really didn’t like me….and all my efforts to show him the extent of my true feelings for him seems in vain..

Our age difference really poses as an impact on how he sees me… it was just sex to him…causal sex….

I was not very pleased with his suggestion….. but…

I agree to go to his home because it meant seeing him and getting a chance to be with him, an I want to try to explain to him that he is my only interest…

I was very annoyed that he wanted to pass me on to his father..

.  I got to his house,  that afternoon.. after work…A man who I assumed to be his father, answered … I greeted him, introduced myself and asked for him…

He told me he was in his bedroom.. I politely sat down hoping for him to exit and come out to join us.. his father tried to have a conversation with me.. but my mind was so preoccupied with raging thoughts of him wanting to pass me on to his father…that I was not focused on what he was saying…

I became very impatient waiting… realizing that he was intentionally staying in his bedroom to give us a chance to know each other..

I asked his father to excused me and I went .. knocked on his door.. and walked in the bedroom to confront him…

I angrily told him that I didn’t appreciate that he is trying to pass me on like a piece of old clothes  Which he can discard after using…

I tried to explain to him…It’s him I like and it’s not because I’m desperate and need a man that badly… I let him know my desires is just for him…
I became very emotional knowing that he really doesn’t like me… I was a little embarrassed and so hurt to accept this realization…

I began telling him I was going and making the promise to leave him alone seeing that he doesn’t share my feelings… I began to walk towards the door… getting ready to leave..when he pulled me back to him.. encircled me in his arms and kissed me ever so passionately….

Of course I didn’t resist him.. and to my surprise and pleasure he fervently starts to undress me…

.then I think of his father on the outside and I try to resist, telling him …

“no your father is outside “…

but that did not deter him and I was much too turned on by now … I really didn’t want him to stop…I was all for it.

I wanted him, I couldn’t resist him. kitty was twitching… getting soakingly wet and all she wanted was to feel that hard throbbing dick sliding it’s way inside ….easing my burning desires that was getting so intense with his every touch.. I felt I was ready to explode….

I was so hottt…

He led me to the bathroom, where it was more private….

bend me over the sink .. I welcome him eagerly as he enters me with a deep plunge… I gasped with pure pleasure as he began thrusting hard with the same urgency I was feeling… we both cum within minutes with an explosive orgasm…

he had to put a hand over my mouth to keep me quiet… I couldn’t control or contain my emotions… he had my legs trembling and kitty begging for more.. I tried to get seconds..

He led us back into the bedroom.. as I continued loving on his chest… kissing him… Pressing closely into him.. showing him how much I still want him..whispering .. “one more time.. I want you… please..??!!!! ”

but he resisted … and reluctantly.. pushed me away..as he heard his father called his name.. he got up got dressed as I watched him.. and walked out to his father…

I was left inside trying to calm down and regain my composure….

I was still so hottt.. and ready to explode again that I decided to touched kitty to give her an ease from the pulsating rhythm that was causing this burning, electrifying and intense convulsions…and with one touch I was sent in a height of ecstasy.. I stood there for a couple minutes waiting for my body to stop convulsing and twitching.. I wanted him so badly…

It took me a little longer than I expected to find my composure.. but..

I got up.. went to the restroom and get properly dressed and calm myself down… brush my hair and timidly went out to join them… I was self conscious knowing his dad knew exactly what took place in that bedroom…

I was smiling to myself feeling very pleased..as I silently thought….

 and so we had a quickie. It was so excited and sweet. What he does to me and for me. How am I going to get pass him.

. I was still thinking of the fact that he did not want me enough that he tries to hook his father up with me; it only tells me what he really feels for and about me. I was a bit hurt but try to understand how he thinks.

 I was not mad at him only sorry I was so much older that I could not ask or expect anything of him.

I wanted him, ….how I wanted him!!!!’, …but how can I have him?

He took me home and I sadly walked away… knowing there is no hope for me being with him…

The next two weeks I just live to see him. I couldn’t wait for each day to come just to get the chance of seeing him. But for most part.. apart from an occasional “hi”.. he completely again ignored me…

I started to take lunch for him daily.. knowing it gives me a way of connecting with him.. he enjoyed my cooking so I take pleasure in preparing it for him..

We had our lunchtime together whenever possible…. this was my way of getting him close and be close to him…while secretly hoping to ignite his sexual desires to want me again…

He spent most of his time with Veronica..It would break my heart every time I see them together…but I had accepted that fact that they were a couple..

I would still seek him out after work, talk to him, but I know he had no interest in me.

Even though I enjoy seeing him daily and enjoy our little chitchat whenever I get the chance to.. it only serves to peak my sexual desires for him..

I keep reliving our few times together..which only intensified my passion and allowing me to crave for some more of him….

MY desire was again building to the surmount .. so much that I find it difficult to control my thoughts.. I became so overwhelmed with the desire to share his bed again…that I made up my mind to asked.. yet again for another time with him..

He was off this particular day and I missed seeing him that day… he consumes my mind all day.. so I wanted to connect with him…

I sent him a text …asking if we could get together…

He text back saying he’s on his way to Deltona. I was a bit disappointed but I kind of expect that answer. But still pleased that he at least responded instead of ignoring..

I was there sulking for about…two minutes ….. whenI received another text from him saying…

..”yea com by my house I b home I am on my way back”.

I was so happy and elated. I reply,

“if you could only see the smile on my face. I will be there.”

I became very anxious for the time to arrive for me to leave work.. it couldn’t come fast enough…

I hurried home took me a shower get ready as fast As I could..and headed over.. with heart thudding and racing with exciting anxiety…

I was smiling and happy that I took that chance of contacting him and asking him to see me…. the ride to his house was only ten minutes.. but it seems to take forever..

I was like a schoolgirl with her first crush…

When I finally got to his house I knocked and waited what seems like an eternity for him to answer…I couldn’t wait to pounce on him…

…………………………………….,………………..

TO BE CONTINUED…..

 

MY LOVE-LOVE: THE JOY AND PAIN OF AN UNFORBIDDEN LOVE; chapter 4

After that baby sitting incident … and my vast disappointment ,I was convinced that we would never be together again… I came to terms that he really doesn’t share my desires to reconnect sexually….

This feeling..however didn’t last too long.. ..

seeing him everyday… only infuses my mind with a sense of exhilaration… and consumes my thoughts as I continuously relive that passionate night we shared…

playing it in my mind, thinking how he felt; how he looks… only serves to ignite my desires with intensity and my need to experience him again..

I decided to to be bold and ask him for a night, seeing that he is not going to asked me…

It was coming to valentines and our birthdays.  Mine the 16th and his 17th. I took this as an opportunity to place my request..

I bravely ask him if I could see him for Valentines. At first he said no, but I didn’t give up… I became insistent..I mention it every chance I got…

He even gives me a lecture on how we are not a couple and that he really don’t like me like that.. I in turn reminded him of our night together and asked him ..

” was that you not interested… you loved on me like you like me.. was that not real??!!!!”

He stuttered something inaudible… smile.. nodding his head.. then suddenly agreed to see me on valentines….

I smile ever so brightly and quickly responded..

” it’s a date…”

 I was more than happy. I was ecstatic.

I guess my reminder of our night works in my favor and allow him to realize and recall the extreme intimacy we shared that most memorable night… thus…awakening his desire to want me again…

I went ahead and plan a very romantic and sensuous night…I bought this eatable chocolate, with the intention of smearing it all over him… and slowly licking it off ….I got some heated scented massage oil.. knowing I’m going to give him a massage.. with a happy ending…

and I got him a beautiful card… I had our night all planned out… I’m going to make it another night to remember..

  I got my date…!!!!!!

He was still seeing Veronie and I was a bit jealous but my need to be with him was stronger than my jealousy and envy. And all that matters to me at that point was being with him anyhow I can and I was not going to let anything spoil my time with him. I decided I am going to enjoy him to the fullest.  –

I was so excited, and so full of anticipation I could hardly wait!!!!  and then it’s here….

We decided that I would find my way over to him… I got ready with all my little knickknacks… a little overnight bag…

  I’got to his apartment, knock on his door, I was so nervous with anxiety… heart pounding.. butterflies In the pit of my stomach…as I waited for him to answer my knock…

And at last he opened his door…he stands there in a sweatpants… smiling …to me he was the most beautiful sight.. I smile in return …a little shy, but elated..he invited me in… I inhaled a deep breath.. finding the courage to enter.. he hugged me and give me a little peck on he cheek… and led me to the couch and we got under a blankie he had been obviously using before I came…it was a cold night….

  WE started off watching a little movie, but, being so close to him… I couldn’t control my raging desires…couldn’t keep my hands off him. I have been wanting him for so long… I couldn’t help myself… I eagerly kiss him with passionate urgency… tracing my lips down his neck to his most beautiful chiseled chest…

When he couldn’t resist any Longer he got up .. pulling me with him.. wrapping the blanket around us.. we silently proceed to the bedroom.

It was cold night and as we made our way to the bedroom wrapped under the blanket, MYLOVE-LOVE and I…arm in arm…

I stumbled..he catch me, steady me, and said, “I got you, it’s ok.”

 I just smile, feeling so good and safe just being there with him, and I lovingly and playfully pinch his buttock. ..

He looked down at me.. smile and pulls me closer to him…

Once in bedroom .. he lie on his back pulling me on top of him.. I straddled him and started to kiss him again..he began to undress me… and I allow him to..

He then flip me onto the bed.. undressed himself..and we made sweet love…we cum with such force that leaves us both breathless .. my whole body was convulsing repeatedly… I was in ecstasy heaven…

he was still lying on me as he raised his head and looked down at me And said…

“Wow!!! You are amazing…”

I just hugged him close to me.. and kiss his neck and broad shoulders…we lie there in each other arms .. enjoying the feeling and thrill of the ecstasy we just experienced…

A few minutes has passed and our breathing was back to normal.. so I decided to suggested giving him a massage. He was all gamed.

I got up retrieve my little bag of goodies.. he was now lying on his side raised by his elbow as he watched me.. I pull the card out and gave him bashfully…

he looks at me quizzically… open it up.. read it out loudly… smiled… look at me.. raised his eyebrows… says hmm softly… as he reached out and pull my face to him … kiss me softly on the lips and whispered..

” I love it.. thank you.”

I blushed and smile back at him… and simple nod my head …

I then instructed him to role over..he got on his tummy …I very gentle pour the oil on his back….and sensuously caress and massage it in.. I moved slowly down till I reached his buttocks….so round… so firm….  mmmm …I bent down and kiss that sink in his back using the tip of my tongue to trace the path to his buttock..

he let out a deep groan,”mmmm”. I smiled pleasingly.

I love the taste of him as I knead his buttock  lovingly… He decided to roll over…and whoaaa!!!!! He was ready again…

I took him in my hands and I looked up at him and he has his eyes closed with a face showing pure pleasure… I put some of the oil in my hands… and latter him in it… He starts to moan softly and said,”shit… shit..”. (his favorite words)

I then lick at the tip… circling it with my tongue… I repeat a couple times. Flickering the underside… where it’s super sensitive.. he started to bop.. so I wrapped my mouth over him and pull him all the way down my throat…he thrust his hip up and place his hand on my head urges me on… he uses his hand to guide my motion as I devour him…he tastes so good…

This leads to another session of pure delightful pleasure…We make love for the next hour or so.. I had my night of pleasure and nothing matters at that moment but lying there in his arms …

I love that he always let me spend the complete night with him.. so I can lie there wrapped in his arms and him in mine.. while I savor our passionate lovemaking ..

 as we lie there quietly trying to sleep.. so exhausted but very satiated … pleasantly satisfied…

he became very quiet and was a bit distant and aloof, as if he drifted off into another world .. I silently hope he was not regretting having me over.. or regretting making such beautiful love to me…

I quickly shrugged the thought off .. refusing to let anything ruin this moment

I did not care what was causing his mood…because I was exactly where I wanted to be. My most favorite place. Right next to him.

He then started to talked a little about his life and his dreams. He was opening up to me..

He told me what his plans for the future was.. what he wants for his children… what he hoped to accomplish…

how I enjoyed just lying there listening to him, learning about him and feeling so close and connected to him. I felt he was opening up to me accepting me, and getting closer to me. I was very pleased… it was heavenly..

He fell asleep and as I watched him sleeping a huge rush of emotions rush through me…. I hug him close to me and try to savor every minute with him because I was thinking this maybe our last time together like this..

I know he doesn’t want me or like me like that. And I couldn’t dismiss the fact that Veronica is his girl…

I drifted off to sleep with his head on my chest as I cradled him in my arms..and my chin on his head…very contented and super happy in this moment…

( I may hate myself in the morning.. but I’m gonna love him tonight… everyone knows someone they can’t help but want…and even we just can’t make it work out.. well the want to just lingers on…and once again we end up in each other arms pretending that it’s right…)

I woke up to   a phone call frommy sister) wishing me HAPPY VALENTINES.  We spoke for a few minutes..

He was awake by then..

I got up took a shower..ask him if he wants breakfast he said, “yes”  …

I went to the kitchen to see what he had to make breakfast.. I found some eggs.. bacon.. I was busy preparing the bacon .. I wanted to impress him with a good breakfast…

I was standing over the stove when I felt him behind me. He was kissing my neck and his hands found its way between my legs to my kitty.. she instantly reacted to his touch..

She got really excited and all turned on. I couldn’t resist him..It felt so good that I dropped everything and respond to him. He bent me over as I eagerly receive him. I had to tippy toe as he slowly entered me …Gosh!!!  It  felt so so so…good;

  He then led me to the couch still inside me..I kneel on it and bent over the back.. as he continued to pound and thrust his slippery coated cock in and out ever so expertly… I cum so hard I gushed all over him.. while he burst open and flood me with his spunk…

He gave me one of the best loving I ever had. I couldn’t believe that I could feel like that. And when we were finished I wanted more, much, much more. I was on fire… but we ran out of time… he had to get to work…

So my night ended with a bang.

I hurriedly finished cooking what I started…We ate…and he took me home. I was smiling all day. MYLOVE-LOVE sure knows how to put a smile on my face. I was happy and contented for the next two days.

 Our birthdays was coming up…I bought a cheese cake and a bottle of moscato wine for his birthday and I thought I could convince him to spend it with me… he denied my request.. I wanted a repeat of our valentines night… But…..

He he made plans with Veronica… she got him for his birthday…. I was very jealous not wanting to share him with her or anyone else.. but..

I could not command him like that..

I die inside knowing that he wanted her and not me but I have to accept that we could never be.

I smile every time I thought of us. The memories of my nights with him was imbedded in my mind….

I didn’t allow him and Veronica to bother me much ..because I get to see him every day, and as long as I’m able to see him I could cope with my emotions. I’d settle for friendship I told myself..

I was just fooling myself though..

Because….

my desires and need for him was growing with each passing day.. and the more I see him and the more I reflect back on those passionate nights .. the more I want him..

How can he love me like that then ignore me … ???? I find it hard to accept my fate… and pretend that I don’t care… because.. I was way pass casual..

Who was I fooling!!!????

***********************************************************************

TO BE CONTINUED….

MYLOVE-LOVE: T HE JOY &;PAIN OF AN UNFORBIDDEN LOVE chapter 3

I was getting so anxious for him to suggest us getting together again… and I starting to believe that it’s never going to happen when…..

He asked me to baby sit for him…  he got his three younger kids every other week… and he have to find someone to stay with them while he works… and it has been getting difficult for him to find willing babysitters ..

I had volunteer my service when he mentioned this to me… so I guess he was taking me up on my offer…

Of course…   I was more than happy to do so, because it means being with him again.  I was hoping and expecting a night like the one we have had ….

I spent all evening in great anticipation of the night ahead.. my mind was fill with thoughts of the wonderful lovemaking we were gonna make…

I wasn’t even thinking that it would be awkward with the kids being present…

I make sure the kids were all in bed before he got home… but he was much later in arriving than I had presumed..

I sat there anticipating a night full of passion… as I visualized all I would do to him.. I was so impatient waiting for him to come through that door..

He was quite late after he got off work … I knew he was with veronie.. I was getting a little jealous with the thought as I sat there waiting for him to walk through the door…

Sigh 😔…!!!!

he was still seeing her and I believed they were a couple but I decided to enjoy him when I’m with him and not to mention anything or anybody to upset our time together.

I found out that she babysits for him also and that she stays over too…. I felt very jealous and a bit mad but I remembered our deal. Just casual.

. [I knew I could not compete with a younger girl ; I knew I had nothing to fight with. And I agreed to no strings.’  I was helpless and hopeless. Here I am, wanting this guy with everything I got and couldn’t demand, command or ask anything of him.]

When he finally came home he was very distant and very casual… I was very disappointed.. realizing I expected too much…he was no interested in me sexually…

He seems tired and decided to sleep on the couch, I asked him where am I going to sleep. He casually told me wherever I liked. I was not too happy about that and then he just ignored me… I then realized that he had no intention of making love to me..

Too late I realized that this was just a babysitting favor… he had no intentions of repeating our one night together… it’s over.. I suddenly felt like the biggest fool..

So I was not going to have the same experience. He does not want me like that. I wanted to leave, I would have left but I couldn’t because he was asleep and I didn’t want to call john so late. So I just steam and fight with me all night because I was feeling neglected, rejected and lonesome.

I tried to justify his behavior..

   He probably was just tired and didn’t feel like fooling around but my my mind is telling me …he just does not want me anymore . It was just a one night stand..

I try to convinced myself  with all the plausible explanations I could come up with.
I didn’t even stop to think of the kids.. I was so wrapped up in my own emotions and desires.. …

As I sit there watching him sleep…I grew very emotional and very angry at myself…

  I felt so bad I started to cry, I got up .. went into the bathroom..sat there …beating myself up…..feeling like a complete fool, thinking why I allow myself to be treated like this. I even swear that I will never do this again.

I was in there for a while not knowing exactly what to do or what to think…I couldn’t believe that I was so stupidly infatuated that I was so blind…

  He got up to check on the kids and saw me sitting in the bathroom, asked me what I’m doing there.. showing no concern..and went back to sleep.

I then decided to come out and I went and lie between his legs and put my head on his tummy. I just wanted to be close to him…That’s where I spent the rest of the night.

I woke up feeling quite comfortable lying on him, nowhere else I’d rather be, but it ended soon, much too soon. I was hoping he would want to make love: I playfully touched and rub against his cock… hoping to trigger some reaction… but nothing… he just push me aside.. got up and didn’t make any effort towards me so I know he was not interested.

Maybe because the kids was there .. and he didn’t want to take the chance of them catching us.. I was so selfishly thinking about me… I simply forgot about the babies.

I again tried to justify his cold and aloof reaction…

He got the kids up took them to school and me home. It was a silent trip…

I Was very disappointed, I guess he did not like me as much as I thought and I was convinced that was the end of us. I tell myself that I’m not gonna put myself in that position ever again..

So we had a one night stand. It was good.. but it’s as much as I’m ever going to get with him…

I wanted more, much more, but it was out of my control…. He obviously didn’t share my feelings..

I got home and analyze the night and convince myself that I might have over reacted just a tad..

What was I thinking.. wanting a night of passion with three babies 👶 in the house….

Over the next few weeks..

With all this, it was still a very joyous and happy time for me. I still savor the memories of that one night we shared together…

And even though he was giving me the cold shoulder, ignoring me and dismissing me. Just seeing him gave me so much joy.  It was like getting a buzz.  I love the sensation I got just thinking of him.

He stopped talking to me much… and he totally avoided me… I was a little hurt by his strange attitude… but accepted the fact that I want the impossible…

I waited impatiently hoping  for a next time.  I thought I would remain causal.. and just maintain a friendly attitude…

I would him text every morning and every night. Me thinking I’m keeping his mind on me, instead I was becoming quite obsessive.

He was not responding to my text or calls. At work he completely ignores me. He spends most of his time with veronica and all the other young girls. I felt so bad for me but tell myself that ‘it’s ok, I’m too old for him anyway.’  I console myself, convincing me that I’m unable to compete for his affections. Why would he like me?  But with knowing all this I still hope for more of him.  

I silently lust for him… and secretly trying to find a way to convince him to be with me again…

I know I should have given up… but I was like a woman who got hooked on drugs and was craving for a buzz.. I so much wanted another dose of him…

I will find a way… I have to find a way to get him back into my arms… and between my eager legs…

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TO BE CONTINUED……

 

MY LOVE-LOVE: THE JOY & PAIN OF AN UNFORBIDDEN LOVE; chapter 2

A STORY OF PLAYING THE COUGAR WITH A VERY UNEXPECTED TURN

*************************************************************

After that initial night he cancelled, I waited for him to suggest a next date . He didn’t called and he didn’t say anything to me about it… I see him everyday and for the next couple of weeks I kinda gave up on the idea. he was still seeing veronie and he wasn’t giving me too much attention.

I just thought I’d let it go.. I guess I was overly ambitious..

It was a Tuesday. He was off ;   I work the closing shift.  I missed seeing him but to my surprised… He showed up, looking  so handsome, all dressed up. He stopped to talk to me, I was all smiles, so pleased to see him.   a bit jokingly he ask if I want him to come for me later.

I told him not to play with me like that and he said he is not playing… I was sitting down and he came up behind me and kiss me on the cheek., and whispered ” see you later.” winked at me as he walked out..
I watched walking away.. thinking.. hmm
🤔.. could he he serious… as I sit where he left me.. I was savoring that kiss on my cheek as I touched the spot still feeling the tingly effects…

It gives me such a thrill .. I was smiling and hoping that he was being serious…I still did not believe that he was.. but at it roll around to closing time.. I waited in great anticipation for his text… about twenty minutes before we got ready to leave.. I got his text..

‘how u doing’ 

I answered, and he text back  ‘I’ll be there to give you a ride, or u can ride me.”

I smile at his suggestion and quickly answered,

” okay.. I will be waiting..”

  he did come for me. And I was trying my best not to let my friend knew that he was picking me up..

I was very nervous .. I was not prepared for this encounter but… find myself getting all excited in anticipation..  when I got to his place I was shaking a little,

So , I excuse myself to the bathroom to get my nerves and freshen up a little I took me a quick shower.. . When I came out he was only in his underpants.

I had to catch my breath, he was so beautiful. He had this sexy perfect body,

his  chiseled chest, his strong muscled  legs, he  was a sight to behold, I completely forgot my  fears.

he then pulled me to him and  kiss me… good god! He kisses like a dream,

I was caught up in a whirlwind of passion…  He tasted so good feel so wonderful and then he lay back on the bed taking me along with him and  asked me to get on top and I refused..told him no , I did not want to embarrass myself so soon..

He just scoop me up put me on the bed straddled me and said, ‘that’s ok, that’s why u got a young boy for..”

. I would have love more foreplay but I was so ready to feel him inside of me.. I took hold of his hard throbbing cock… gentle stroking and enjoying the feel of it.. guiding him to my soaking wett and eagerly twitching kitty.

And then he enters me… slowly.. I gasp with pure pleasure as he started to thrust gentle at first building up tempo as I beg him to go faster…and harder… he eagerly obliged

. I can’t start to tell you how that feels… I was in heaven.

And he sure knows how make me feel good

. And he kept on saying,”oh shit, oh shit, oh shit.”

And I kept thinking “oh shit, oh shit, oh shit.”

He was enjoying me as much as I was enjoying him..

We both cum with a force and I held on to him tightly, not wanting to let him go…  he was smiling as he lean in and whispered,

“You felt so good.” and planted a most passionate kiss on my lips..  I smiled… so happy and so pleased.. he was everything I thought he would be. I refrain from responding.. just didn’t know what to say.. I was still enjoying the feeling of pure ecstasy… and kitty was still throbbing and pulsating from that intense orgasm…

I was glad I got the opportunity to be with him. I stayed over that night and we made love again& again, I watched him sleep, hold him in my arms and wake up beside him. I came away wanting more and wondering if I will ever a get another chance to be with him. I can’t forget how he looks while he was sleeping or how it feels to hold him in my arms. Truth be told.. I feel deeper in love with him .. he was MYLOVE-LOVE

All that week I was walking on air anticipating our next time. Afraid to ask him. could’t take my eye or my mind off him. I kept on picturing that gorgeous, sexy body of his.

I couldn’t look at him without seeing him behind his clothes.. he consumed my mind.. and kitty was so longing to experience him again…

A week has passed and I was hoping for an opportunity to suggest another date..

But he was a little distant and a little uninterested..

He was still with veronie… and it tears my heart to shreds each time I see them together…

I wanted him so badly.. I wanted to ravage and devour him …I was so eager for another chance.. I wanted more.. yes..more…

But I think I just have to accept that it was a one time thing.. he was not giving me any encouragement and I keep remembering our agreement and the stipulation of terms…

Again I was forced to forget about a US… and let go…

 

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TO BE CONTINUED…..

ONLINE DATING:FIRST EXPERIENCE; part 9c

DEAR READERS…. THIS SEQUENCE IS ANOTHER X- RATED SERIES… MOST OF YOU MAY NOT APPRECIATE OR APPROVE AND MIGHT FIND IT DISTASTEFUL AND GROSS… and …I DO APOLOGIZE FOR OFFENDING ANY ONE…but…  I WANTED ALL TO REALIZE JUST HOW SERIOUSLY AFFECTED  I WAS BY ALLEN AND JUST HOW EMOTIONALLY INVOLVED I HAVE BECOME…TO ME… HE WAS SO REAL AND I WAS FULLY AND TOTALLY INVESTED… I WAS SO MUCH IN LOVE WITH A MAN JUST FROM A VIRTUAL CONNECTION.. ) and I was as physically Affected as I was emotionally…. and I find that  he exudes a very strong and insatiable sexual energy …

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

I THOUGHT THAT WAS THE END OF OUR CONVERSATION…but…HE SENT ANOTHER TEXT….

Nita… he once again called my name.

“I’m getting hard… should I jerk off thinking about you… about sucking your little pink pussy? About stuffing you full of cock?…. or should I go to bed! Yes I’m dirty.”

“do whatever makes you feel good.”I told him.

And yes you love that too!!! He stated. “No! It’s us or nothing.

I do.’ I said to him.

Jerk with me?’ he asked.

Can’t.. Got company in my bed.” I told him. My little cousin sleep over.

So tell me baby… he was asking me. “Do you rub your clit or put your fingers in your pussy… or both? Tell me lover.

He was creating quite a stir in me; my kitty, she start to twitch a little but I could not please her tonight because Paige was beside me sleeping.

“Both” I told him.

“That’s fine I understand. But you can tell me.. hey, that’s great… ok I will keep it clean. Please sleep well sweet girl.

I then told him, I even taste my cum….. Gross.

I don’t know why I find it so easy for me to tell him things like this which I never reveal to anybody else. And I thought I he would find it quite disgusting… but…

He surprise me by saying, ‘god, I love that. I taste mine too.

You do!’ I said in disbelief.

It natural, he stated. I want to know what it’s like.”

Really? I asked. “I thought it would gross you out… Me too,” I confess to want to know what it taste like.

Anyone that says they don’t is a liar.” He tells me. “We are honest.”

“Too honest, I said to him. “Can’t believe I’m admitting this to you.

And so your pussy… I will make you take it all in your mouth …. And spit it in mine… nice and slow.” He was telling me. You will finger yourself … and put it in my mouth.

I told him, “You are freaky.”

No, I am sexy.’ He countered.

I sent two smiley faces. I was smiling and thinking.. ” yes you are”…. but I did say it to him.. I was too busy reading what he was writing… and my fingers was finding it’s way into my panties.. so I couldn’t stop to write….

I want to feel and taste you.’ He let me know. And you will take care of me … and I will accommodate you in any way you want to.

So I told him. “And I want to feel that hard thick dick in me.” [I was feeling bold I guess or just plain horny for a hard dick…

“And I will show you how special your pussy is… and how much I wanted to taste you… we will be perfect because we are comfortable baby… he reassure me. I will fill you full lover. He let me know.

“That’s right my Allen..” I responded. “I bet you will”

You will cum in your man’s mouth … and all over his hard cock. He was saying. And you will cums tons baby… and when you think you can’t take anymore… I will suck you one more time out.”

“I do hope so because I love to cum.” I let him know.

And he keeps on going. Then you might be done… baby… you will cum till you ask me to stop… if that’s what you want… I will pull my hard cock out of you and ask you to suck me or jerk me… and we will change up stuff up like every few minutes!

My kitty was starting to jump around wanting to be touch and played with but I couldn’t .. but my fingers couldn’t resist either… I was slowly and gently playing with miss kitty…

‘Thought you were tired’ I asked. “Aha ha” I said to him. [Is what I want] “You are too much but I’m enjoying every bit of you. I told him.

“And I will lick your little pussy… spank your little ass… then stuff you full of dick again. Kissing you deep.” He keep describing what he is gonna do, while my kitty is soaking wet and ready to explode.

So I told him, you are getting my kitty really wet and I can’t do anything about it.”

He just ignored me, and continued, “Telling you what’s next… jerk that pussy.”

And now I know…. He was jerking off. So I said, ok, let me work with him.

I can’t bear much more,” I told him.

  • I couldn’t resist any longer…so I give my kitty the pleasure she was seeking and with just one touch I cum with such a force it was unbelievable. And she still want some more… so I try to be as calm as possible with Paige lying next to me… I was in the heights of ecstasy… my whole body was convulsing and jerking with so much pleasure ….

And he kept me entertained, “it’s mine now!!! I want to eat your next huge load… can you deliver… give me cum baby… it’s mine…deliver… in my mouth… let me swallow you!!… I know you are Cumming…. It’s mine…”

And I’m wondering how he knows I’m Cumming… I’m on my third round… so I said to him…

“Ok here it comes.”

Now” he said.

“You can have it.” I told him.

“Let me eat it” he begged.

“almost.” I told him

Now sexy… I want my load. He begged some more.

Eat it eat it.” I told him.

Deliver… fuck yeah… give me cum… that’s mine…. He kept on asking.

Ok do it.’ I begged of him. “Cum Allen.”

You want cum baby?” he’s asking. “Jerk your pussy… I want a second.

I’m still playing along trying to encourage him, “fuck it… fuck it baby… I said.

I was all caught up in the heat of the moment… visualizing vividly..and yearning his touch…. so much I could feel his him as though he was near me….

“If I’m Cumming you cum with me,” he told me.

Yes… yes… yes…” I said.

Spread that tight pussy for me sexy. Let me have.” He begged.

“Spreading… wide… “ I let him know.”

I was responding and actually performing his request and doing everything he suggested…

Let’s do this… he said. Fingers in… three.

Yes let’s do this.’ I agreed.

“Here comes your load.” He said. “Inside.”

Awwww … I got it. I told him. {that’s me trying to entertain him because I really couldn’t go to that extreme tonight.. I have had my fill quietly }

I think he had reached his climax, because he said,

“Jesus….”

“Omg…”

“my goodness…”

Thank you baby,’ I told him. And I sent him two smiley face…

“I came huge thinking about you.” he informs me. “You blow my mind.”

I went, ooooh.” Was so touched.

Please sleep well baby,” he tells me. “Oh and baby… please save our passion for us…” he asks.

You blow my mind too.’ I let him know. “I will… I will.” { save our passion for us.}

“Please let me know if you want to play around… I will understand… I just need to have my head in the right place,” he has me know.

You should sleep well now, I told him.

Yes,’ he agreed. I will sleep perfect.

I was there pondering about his statement about me wanting to play around and wondering where that come from… what was he thinking of… what was his motive for thinking like this.

So I asks him,’ play around? With whom… you?

With whomever.” He stated.

Only you.” I told him trying to convince him.

[ I did not want him to think I was promiscuous or anything of the sorts; because I’m not and even though I’m playing a mean and cruel game with him; it was important to me for him not to think badly of me; I was totally in love with him and I want him to like me and think the best of me.}

I just need to know that it’s only us… if not… or…” he was trying to explain.

Why would I want t do that? I asks.

I have no idea… he told me. “I just need to be cordial”

So I try to be more convincing let him realize I have no intention or I don’t want to be with anybody else; not now anyways, not after what I was now experiencing with him.

So I told him, ‘if I was going to I would do so already… it’s by choice that I don’t.

Doesn’t he realize and know that after him with all his passionate and his silly crazy love for me; he’s the only one I want to be with and the only one my heart desires.

Ok love… just want to put it out there… he said.” I want us by choice always. He sounded convinced.

And again I kind of forget I could not give any of what I was promising. I was so caught up in our love and in the moment that I was giving him a lot of false hope; unintentionally… but I was.

Ok… at least we understand each other.’ I say to him.

Night beautiful!!! I’ll be dreaming of us!!! He bade me goodnight. “Yes we do”

You got it.’ I told him. “Night my sweet… thank you for staying up late and sharing with me.”

Night beautiful!! Sweet dreams pretty girl!! He said again. God… what a perfect Christmas gift… Us. I love you Wakanita!

I love you Allen!” I let him know. “Isn’t that so true.”[The most perfect Christmas gift.]

We finished our conversation and I lay there feeling so hilariously happy to be loved by him. Because I could feel that he does; I could sense his every emotions and I going over in my mind all we just talk about and our sexual fantasy and even though I did not like the fact that he was seeing Paige face when he think of us and when he dream, he visualized her; I know I gave it to him; and then I remember this profound joy I was experiencing was not going to last. I have to tell him… I can’t do this to him any longer… but how? He is going to hate me and I can’t expect for him to like me; I’m not that pretty twenty year old girl. Right now I wish to be 20 again; I know I would definitely have a chance with him. But I’m not… and I don’t… and I can’t give him Paige…

How I love him so… and I know he loves me… no Paige… whoever…. I just know that he’s in love just like I am; how many times has he told me that we are experiencing this together… GOD!!! I’m going to lose him… I don’t want to… I but I have to let go of him. I have to tell him….

And I drift off to a very disturbed dream; I dream I told him and he was so mad and he says the most cruel things to me and look at me with disgust and repulsiveness; and I just sat there not saying anything , my tears flowing and my heart breaking as I watch him walk away very angry with me with that repulsive look.

I woke up early but I could not say anything to him just yet; I was still upset with what I dream and I know I had to find a way of confessing to him; and the thought of him gone was driving me insane; and is losing him I can’t come terms with, to have him leave and to let this feeling die, right now he is the only living thing that keeping me alive, and tomorrow if I’m here without his love I know I couldn’t survive it. Only his love can save me and I can’t have it. My stomach was all tangled up in knots; how did I get myself in this predicament?

My worst fear is losing him… and I am going to have to….

*************************************************************************

TO BE CONTINUED………

ONLINE DATING: FIRST EXPERIENCE; part 9b

AS I LAY THERE  SOBBING FEELING LIKE THE END OF THE WORLD; A TEXT CAME THROUGH ….

“WENDY”…. he called my name…

“BABY”….  he tried again….

 

“I’m so sorry … I feel asleep… anyway… please don’t be upset with me… or think I’m an illusion! That’s crazy! I’m sorry I let you down. I’m saying night now… and I do hope you forgive me…. I also hope you are resting well and happy.”

I was reading what he was saying and I realize that he fell asleep; it never occurred to me that he might fall asleep. It’s 4am. So I felt really bad about my thoughts and realize I made a terrible mistake in doubting him. So I got up and decided to answer him… so he saw me writing and he says…

Hey sexy!!! I see you typing!!! Awwww!!! Stop that! Let me hear it! He said anxiously.

I was smiling by then, trying to type what I was saying but not fast enough for him….

“Wendy…

Talk to me!” he said impatiently.

Please”

“Now… please…. Anything…” he pleaded.

“”just Wakanita words! …

I finally finish what I was saying, “I think its best we talk tomorrow after you get a good night sleep. Right now I’m crying and can’t talk. I told him.

“Oh ok… I’m sorry. He said.

“I understand your frustration with me… I do get it… I try to let him know.

“I was so excited to talk to you, I had no idea you were upset with me… I’m sorry for being so ignorant… I will not contact you again.” He stated.

“not contact me again???? oooh my…..

I just realize that we got our wires crossed, we both misunderstood each other; I thought he was annoyed at me and he thought I was mad with him; and now he is threatening not to contact me again. I have to try to fix this…

“Why are you giving up on us?” I asked. “All a big misunderstanding… so you fell asleep… ok, I just thought you were ignoring me. I told him.

He stops writing again and I was not too sure if it is because he fell asleep again or if he was really gone.

“Now you’re gone again?” I asked. I forgive you my love.” I told him not wanting to lose him.

“No baby” he said. “I’m here”

“good.” I said happily,.(smiling so huge) “Are you sleepy? I asked. I know it’s late.

Then he says, “please don’t be sensitive… please know I’m real… and we are strong!

We are strong.” I agreed…

“yes it’s late but we are super strong.” He told me. “Nita…I love you baby… that is real.”

For sure.’ I said. “It makes me happy.”

I forget again that we can never be; I was so wrapped up in his love all I was doing was living in the moment and just feeling and receiving all the love, emotions and desires that he was giving me…..

And I was also trying to convince him to stay..so afraid that he is gonna walk away…..

“So we are back on track? I asked.

“Good” he says. “One day you will understand! Till then you just know what feels right. Ok?… baby… we were never off track.

Thank you for that.”I told him. “I’m glad. Then I asked him, “Do you want to go to sleep?”

“Nita… I know stuff is a mess for you… but baby… we are going to be constant you will see… yes I’m tired. He told me. “But baby I can’t have you flipping out on me.”

I thought he must be very tired to be dozing off in the middle of our conversation, and I thought I was totally being selfish wanting him to keep talking to me. So I asked him….

“So do you want to continue this discussion tomorrow?”

“I need you loving your man!” he was telling me. “Yes please.”

I told him, “I’m resilient.” [To me flipping out.] “You got it.” [Me loving my man; and I do love him so very much]

I’m smiling,’ he let me know.

I’m smiling too… now,’ I also told him.

“So perfect! He said.

I was so glad to get all that straighten out; and I start to relaxed again. So I said to him…

“I’m so sorry for the misunderstanding.”

“Baby… he said. ‘Turns out you are human… right? How can I be upset with that?

So I remind him. “you said you will stop and you did.’ Guess I am.”

I will make mistakes…. And I hope you will be understanding… he said to me. “I’m not perfect… But we are all work in progress… right?

I told him, ‘I will try… and again.. I’m not you. You are the most understanding person I ever came across.”

So we work… as a person… and as a couple… but we are always working in the same direction if we love each other. He let me know.

“let’s go for it.” I answered.

“So love is the answer.” He assures me.

“Always.” I agreed.

“That’s just one guy’s random thoughts… take it or leave it. He said.

“As long as it’s yours.’ I let him know. “I will take it.”

Awwww!!! He said lovingly.

“Nita… he called my name. “Baby….

Yes Allen.” I answered.

“Please sleep well… and baby… please think of me… I’ll be thinking of you love… night sweet girl… talk tomorrow I hope?

“You too.’ I told him. “Every time, every day, every night.

Awwww!!! Nita…. He says. “Merry Christmas… baby… I love you…

“Good night my sweet Allen, I said to him. It’s not Christmas until Thursday, but merry Christmas to you too. Don’t forget my Christmas gift; I’m looking forward to seeing them.”

Btw… holidays I love’… he wanted me to know. It’s just another reason to spend time with the people you care about…And tell them you love them… so this one is perfect…I don’t care if you celebrate at all!!!! I just know it’s a great time to be loving you… so yeah.’

I read this and all of a sudden I remember that this is not real for me… oh god… he loves me this much and there is nothing I can do to claim him as mine.

“I have your gift all ready to go, he told me. “Already done.’

I did not make any comment on his speech; I really did not know how to address it and I did not want to say something to take us back to where we were coming from. So I completely ignored it.

“Great!” I answered about the gift.

“Night lover” he said.

Well goodnight lover.” I responded.

Nita… he called my name again.

Yeah, I responded.

“tell me you love me please.” he begged of me.” Unless it’s not comfortable.”

I do love you my sweet Allen… so, so much.” I honestly told him. “But I do love you.” I informed him.

“I’m smiling huge!” he said.

Good, you should be.” I let him know.

Then he let me know, “Nita… I’m so silly crazy in love with you! Yeah I should be happy; and so I am.”

I felt a rush of emotion all over my body that it made me shudder. I was feeling so elated to know he loves me this much; and I really believe it … i really and truly did…and it was as if I could sense it and sense him. In the back of my mind I know he was looking at Paige’s face and thinking that’s the girl that’s on the receiving end of his raging passion and desires; but I was sitting there feeling him with all my senses ,with my own passions ablaze with a fierce fire of emotions… accepting and taking it all gladly.

It’s a wonderful thing and I am happy too.” I told him. “That makes two of us. Hearts in harmony.”

IT WAS SO EASY FOR ME TO GET LOST IN THE MOMENT WHEN HE IS THERE WITH ME; NOTHING ELSE MATTERS TO ME BUT FEELING HIM AND HIS EMOTIONS COMING THROUGH THAT PHONE… ALL I WANT IS TO JUST WRAPPED MYSELF UP IN HIS PRESENCE…. AND THIS IS EXACTLY WHAT I HAVE BEEN DOING…AND COMPLETELY FORGETTING THAT I’M NOT BEING HONEST AND THAT IM HERE ENCOURAGING AND PLAYING WITH HIS EMOTIONS …all for the sake of experiencing this founded joy of a love I have never known before… how can I make this right???…. it is so wrong on all levels…

*************************************************************************

TO BE CONTINUED……

ONLINE DATING: FIRST EXPERIENCE; part9

I did not text him that Monday night because he said he was going to be busy, and I figure he probably would be tired and so I did not want to bother him. Tuesday was my only day off before Christmas and I want to get some shopping done. So I woke up and send ‘My Allen’ a text to inform him of my day’s plan.

“Good morning My Allen, miss you last night, was very tempted to send you a text… I spent the night with you regardless, we were flying all over the place with you showing off your aerobatics skills, it may be just a dream but it seems and felt real… I woke up smiling. I’m off today so I’m going to attempt to get this place ready, and I probably go to the mall with john, but I will be here later for some of your juicy conversations, if you not busy. Let me know, until…

So John, Paige and I went shopping but my mind was just constantly on MY Allen; I could hardly wait to get home so we could connect; and I keep checking my phone to see if he sent a text, but nothing. I was not too worried because I figure he was probably doing the same thing I was, seeing that Christmas is only two days away. And I know later I will have my time with him.

About 5:30pm I got me a little text, “hey Wendy! Hope you are having a great day getting things ready and shopping. Talk soon pretty girl.”

I could not write back just then, “So all I said was. ‘Talk to you soon.” And sent him a smiley face blowing a kiss.

I was all smiles and was quite pleased to know he was thinking about me; and I felt a sweet sensational rush, it was as if I could sense him thinking about me;

we got home about 6pm, I hurriedly put away the things we have bought anxiously wanting to get settled so I can talk my “My Sweet Allen”.

Paige decides to stay with me for the night to help me prep for Christmas and help wrap all the gifts for my babies.

I could not wait any longer so I finally sit down and write to him…

“Well, I’m here now… finally… it’s been my longest day ever. All day I was willing the day to go faster so I can get to talk to you. I know we spoke just yesterday but it seems like forever ago. I could hardly wait for now. I find it so crazy for me to be acting and feeling this way but I do… I do… so how was your day MY Allen? I ASKED.

Then I asked him out of curiosity,

….., (I have been thinking of our conversations … and trying to think of things we could talk about… I find that I really doesn’t have much to offer in terms of subjects.. and I want so much to contribute to over conversations… I was thinking I must appear boring and uninteresting…)

“Do you have a dog? I kinda picture you with a dog… a big one, just curious.” I told him.

It took an hour for him to answer and I was excited to hear from him…

He started…

“I’m smiling huge as usual when I read your texts! And yes you nailed it… I have a black lab…he’s my buddy… a great dog…I take him running in the country here a few times a week… good call sexy. You are good! I’m glad your shopping day is over and I hope you will get time to relax now.

“Heeey!!! “ I replied.. all smiles.. beaming so brightly..

, “I waited all day for this text. A black lab? I like labs, they are so loyal. But I kinda expected a German Sheppard or something like that… so do you have to work tomorrow? I asked. “I do; I have one more question for you? Tonight I’m full of questions… do you own a gun? 

We were talking about guns today and I thought I would ask? John is a gun fanatic. Well my real reason for asking about guns, actually is, we were talking and kinda joking  about me telling him about what was going on with this deception of mine and we jokingly implies that he might find me and kill my ass for lying to him; and I thought about it on a serious note. And I wonder if he owns a gun..

He did not respond to my text..and I was anxiously anticipating his response ….I know he might be caught up doing whatever; after all it’s Christmas time, but I was very eager to connect. So after another hour I write again.

“I told him, “I’m here having some Hennessy with my aunt. I like it sometimes, although I can’t do more than one shot.. My aunt she like her wines and Hennessy, when I’m with her I indulge… do you drink? I asked.

We wrapped some more gifts and we prep all we had to for my Christmas dinner…Paige wanted to play monopoly; but I could not focus, because all I was thinking about was MY Allen and hearing from him….

So after another hour I decided to sent him another text, I was becoming very impatient and overly anxious to hear from him; now this is the same girl who was supposed to be thinking of ending all this….

“Alright I guess I was too overly excited and anxious to be with you and you must have your evening all planned out. You are busy…. Well I shall still be here all night if you choose to talk… anxiously waiting… WAKANITA.”

Still nothing and I keep on waiting, I played monopoly with Paige to try take my mind off him a little and as I said he was busy with his own thing and when he is ready we will talk. So I waited…. Trying real hard to relax and stop behaving like a schoolgirl with her first crush…

I sit there all night in great anticipation of his text.. but to my disappointment none came…

It was 2am and I still haven’t heard from him; I was not mad, just disappointed; I had wanted so badly to connect with him, I yearn for him and his words; I got so addicted to him that even one day without talking to him seems like an eternity; I know he was probably caught up with his stuff and he had said he was having company so I try in my head {as he puts it} to be understanding… but still disappointed… Paige is asleep by now, and the TV holds no interest for me; I could not focus on it. So I decided to send him a final text for the night…

“Well it’s now 2am and I have not heard from you, yes I’m a little disappointed… no make that a lot disappointed… I wanted so badly to connect with you tonight. I’m missing you… I know you have your life to live… and I’m not even like real, I’m like a delusion right now but my feelings are for real.”

After I sent it and read it back, I realize I actually sounded very upset even though I told myself I was not mad. I guess that delusion bit came from an earlier conversation with Paige about him and she made the statement that I was a delusion to him; because he is there thinking she is me. I Kinda agreed with her and we were trying to come up with a good way or plan as to end this all; so I wasn’t in the best frame of mind. … I just did not want it to end… I just did not want to give him up; and the mere thought that I had to, was driving me crazy and very much afraid of losing him and all this sweet, sweet feeling I was experiencing.

So I try to explain to him what I was feeling and going through….

“You bring out something in me I never knew existed and the experience of it is quite overwhelming. You take me to places I’ve never been. And I’m enjoying the journey to the fullest. You make it all so exciting and fun… well, I guess I won’t hear from you again for tonight so until I do… I’ll keep on dreaming of us…you… goodnight my sweet Allen.”

And I turn off the lights and try to sleep… about another half an hour I got a text, I jump up all excited, grab my phone to read what he has said…

But baby…. He said. “And yeah a Sheppard would be a good guess because I am a strong man… that was really good… I can see how smart you are baby…and how much thought you are putting into us. Any ways… I have had labs since I was a kid and love them… I don’t need a dog for protection… Ha-ha!!! Ok for the gun part… yes I own many… and I usually have a nine on me… but I promise no one would know… I absolutely love guns and watches…but watches first… guns are simple… watches are amazing… the most efficient engine man had ever built… Anyway… hey!!!!

I waited for him to finished talking before I intervened; I was so amazed again how he put so much passion in whatever he likes and does. What a guy… I was so in love that the least little things I learned about him … impresses me so much.. that I was totally intrigued…

I find that I was always in awe of him… and everything about him seems to fascinate me to the extreme… it’s so strange how when the heart is involved how everything takes on a hue and maximize it effects…

So I simply said,” really!”

He then asked.” What are you doing up silly!!!! I was just loving you! And answering your stuff.”

“Waiting for you !!!!! I replied smiling widely.

“Awwww!!!! He said in response.

“Well thanks for answering my questions.” I told him.

“Just got in bed!” He was informing me. And was totally wowed! I thought you’re going to be busy and not have much time for me… I was trying in my head to be understanding!”

I thought you would love guns.” I told him. “And I will always time for you.”

He laughed and says, “I’m so white! Is that the deal? Yes I like guns… but watches are my favorite deal… the thing that captivates me.”

“No Irish like John.” I told him. “Wow you have to let me see that… “Captivated” the word I can’t spell.”I let him know.

I misspelled “captivated” a few times in the beginning when I was describing his eyes.

“I have a 120 year old watch that keeps perfect time… every piece made by hand with only a magnifying glass… that is fucking amazing to me… it was art that made science… “

He then laughed at me for commenting on my miss spelt word. “Hahaha you are cute baby… Nita… “He said.

So you have a very unique hobby.”I told him. “You were saying?” I asked.

“And I also love compass stuff… usually from the 40’s or earlier.” He was saying.

“Very fascinating.” I comment.

I was enjoying learning about him; he was so intriguingly mesmerizing.

“I don’t know… he said. I’m a mess once you are here.”

How so? I asked.

Nita…. I want to kiss you.” He told me.

“Now?” I asked. “You saw the picture”

I saw where Paige had posted a picture of herself earlier on and where he had made a comment. You see Paige is all about selfies and she knows she takes good pictures and she is a bit conceited with her looks. Well we all encourages by letting her know how pretty she is… but she loves my phone, and whenever she is here she always mess with tango and all the other sites she is on. She is the one that keep on changing pictures of herself without my knowledge. I know he would have like that picture because I even told Paige that she had voluptuous lips in that photo maybe that’s why she posted that one.

So I guess I was a bit defensive and acting silly. I was jealous and envious of Paige; even though I am the one that create that image for him.

He then said, “Yes… but I’m not silly”… sounding annoyed, “I know I have to wait… but Nita… I want a kiss soon.” “What pictures? He asked.

I want him to drop the subject so I told him, “You are pushing Allen.” I then answered his question, “the one I posted.”

I guess he was feeling even more annoyed with me and my comments because he said, “I don’t know how to romance your dimension… we will figure it out. Sorry… I will stop…”

Ooh man.. he doesn’t know how to romance my dimension….!!! This comment have me feeling really silly now.. because I impulsively reacted to his comments on Paige photo without even realizing that I had no need to be defensive or jealous…

I wanted him to like me…( the true me) so much that I’m getting upset whenever he said anything about Paige… ( haha) I purposely encouraged this with all those pictures of Paige I sent him.. and now I’m expecting something impossible…

I really have to come clean and confess my horrific deception… I’m way too deep emotionally and I just can’t do this anymore nor can I keep on lying and pretending.. when I so want it to be real…. I’m so in love … and it’s fully returned .. but he doesn’t see me behind all this facade … he only sees Paige…

I asked him to explain what he meant, and why is he going to stop…

and he stopped and he was gone, he stops texting back. I start to get emotional and fearful. I realize that my answers was not encouraging and that my feelings of what I’m going through was coming out and of course with him not knowing he could never understand.

You asked me to tell you when you are.”[Are pushing] I told him. “I’m sorry to have offended you… I would love to have you kiss me… I told him .I knows I would have enjoy it thoroughly.”

Still nothing, by now I was in tears, and afraid that I have lost him for good and even though I know it was going to be over soon anyway I still did not want him to go… not yet… I keep telling myself. I was panicking did not know how to get him back on-line. But I keep on trying.

“Are you gone? I asked. “Is this the end of our conversation? Allen come back please,” I pleaded. You are been mean,’ I told him, ‘and you said you are never mean.”

I waited, still nothing. So I write again…

“Okay I get it… “And I sent a teary face. “Btw my Allen, I said, ‘is this what loving me is? I thought you said you love me. But believe me I fully understand. I really do. And yes… I’m hurting, but it will pass… good night sweet dreams. WHAT A GREAT DELUSION FOR ME.”

And I stop texting believing that he so upset with me and the fact that I won’t agreed to move to the next level and he can’t do this anymore and I made it possible with my negative answers. I lay there crying thinking it’s for the best anyways; he did it for me.

I SAT THERE WITH MIXED FEELINGS … WITH TEARS IN MY EYES ALL CONVINCED THAT I HAVE LOST HIM… BUT MY HEART WAS BREAKING… I FELT ALL EMPTY AND SO SAD.. I MISSED HIM AND IT WASN’T EVEN TEN MINUTES  SINCE I WAS TALKING TO HIM.. I TURN OFF MY PHONE AND TURNED AND SOBBED QUIETLY INTO MY PILLOW…MY HEART WAS BREAKING…I THOUGHT… I COULD HAVE HAD IT ALL…ONLY IF I DIDN’T CHOOSE TO PLAY THIS GAME OF DECEPTION….

*************************************************

TO BE CONTINUED…..

ONLINE DATING: FIRST EXPERIENCE; part 8c

AS I SAT THERE THINKING ABOUT THE MESS I GOT MYSELF INTO…. HE  WAS TELLING ME ABOUT WHAT HE WOULD DO TO MAKE OUR FIRST TIME SPECIAL…..

 

And then he started to set a scenario for me;

“and if we get to the intimacy part maybe we make love for the first time at an abandon air field in the middle of nowhere on a blanket under the stars… just us and the universe…”

And I had to laugh; because it seem like he went right into farthest part of my mind and dig out all of my deepest fantasizes; wasn’t it me who had done something similar way back when; it wasn’t an air field but… a beach ..similar… close…under the stars.

Just what I always dream about.” I stated.

“I will bring a guitar and we can have a little fire and spend some quality time in a super romantic way.”he continued saying.

As I sit there reading his words… I was again in awe of him… I began thinking, “Oh good gracious! He’s talking my language; guitar… fire… aaahh .. I always love the guitar and a fireplace… and nothing like being serenaded with a love song on the guitar….

‘You just got me right there… and I love it.” I told him.

But he still has more to say… he was not finished with his creation of the scenario….

“maybe a little picnic basket with your favorites! I will totally romance you pretty girl… it’s the way every girls first experience should be… at least that’s how I feel anyways.”

So I told him, ‘you are every girl’s dream.”

And I meant it. He just described to me everything I would have loved; under the stars; guitar and him singing to me; a fire; and a picnic basket with some wine and cheesecake and whatever else.

And he top it off with a bang!!!!

, “after a perfect night together we will have a beautiful night take off under the stars… and see the area from the sky at night… perfect memory created… that would be nice.”

So, so nice, I thought. What memory that would be but… I can only live in the dreams of this fantasy though; he can’t be mine; I found the perfect man of my dreams and I can’t own him because of my horrific deception.. I pushed my thoughts aside… trying to stay focus on him and his most wonderful imagination…

You know how to lay it on, I told him.

He laughed, ‘Hahaha!! Sorry; I’m just speaking my thoughts.” He said.

How can anyone resist an offer like that?” I asked. “Don’t be sorry I did not mean any offense.” I told him. ” I really love your most beautiful creative imagination.. it’s as if you look deep into my mind and see exactly how I had imagined the perfect night with you..”

“Well… I don’t know… I’m hoping you can’t at some point.”

I’m almost tempted to say yes… yes… yes!! But I’m not quite ready.” I told him.

Little does he know…? I was just trying to find an excuse not to..

“I want you to not lose you virginity; I want you to share an amazing night… one that included you no longer being one. He begged of me. Well the good news is… I’m not in a hurry and will never rush you! I expect nothing baby.” He let me know.

I completely ignore the virginity statement; it put me back to where I was trying not to dwell on; so I brush it aside again, I don’t want to feel miserable right now; I am enjoying him and his fantasies way too much. So I again drifted into his fantasy getting completely  lost in his visualization..

So I simply said, ‘good for me; I know I’m gonna enjoy you and that moment .. whenever the time is right…you’re just one special man Allen”

Yes… he started to say, ‘and if I’m coming on too strong all you have to do is tell me; and I will back way off, I promise pretty girl.

I bit strong, yes, but… I’m having all this fun.” I let him know.

“We can stick to everyday stuff and chat about anything… he wanted me to know. “It’s a little difficult to not feel our sexual energy though…. It’s super strong… desire and passion. I can be very refrained and conservative.

{Don’t I know it? It’s super strong indeed}

Here I was putting a damper on all this sweet and wonderful visuals of his creative imagination of us actually making our relationship becoming a true reality… having these reservations and giving him this negative reaction to his beautiful suggestions…

Everything he was saying and thinking could be materialized and make true… but as much as I’m trying to visualize with him ,his most romantic creations of bringing our connection to life..

to me…

It just have to be a fantasy instead of being real… I find myself struggling to stay positive and fully enjoy him and his mood he was setting, to encourage me to take us to the next level….

He was hearing me and getting discouraged thinking it was me being afraid to open up to his sexual suggestiveness…

“If you like I will not bring anything sexual unless you initiate…. Would that make you more comfortable? He asked.

I kind of smile and think, “Right… you can’t help yourself lover.” {Smiling}

So I said to him, “I guess it is… {Super strong} when will I ever do that? [Initiate] no I actually like it when you do.” I told him.

OK then, it’s settled! He said. “I will say what I think and if it’s too overwhelming, you can just put your phone down”

So I tell him, ‘it turns me on and I love the feelings… not me lover.” [Putting the phone down] I love the feeling it creates in me…

Me too!!! He exclaimed. “These are perfectly amazingly perfect thoughts! Everyone should be lucky enough to feel this much emotion and passion. It is a privilege.”

Well for me… right now it’s definitely a privilege.

So I let him know, ‘I really do enjoy  your sexual fantasies”

And knowing that you read what I am saying and your kitty gets wet for me… drives me wild inside!” he told me.

“Laughing”  I wrote.” And it does,” . “And I read them again and again and again.”

Perfect! He said very amused. “I love the thought of your super sexy hands and long fingers pleasuring yourself… Mmmhmmm.” Then he tells me, “I will ask you to play with your p**** for me… I want to see how you take care of yourself so I can totally envision it when we talk…

And he started to tease me, “you are a complete mess now!” He said laughing, “ha-ha!!! Sorry. And you’re soaked… I know you Wendy.” He boasted. If you haven’t already cum, you will soon. Am I right? He wanted to know.

I was just dying of laughter and my kitty was jumping again to be petted. It’s being a long time since my kitty begged so much to play; god… this guy have me staying soaking wet and horny. So still laughing, I said to him…

Yes… I’m definitely a mess but don’t be sorry… Yes Allen … you know me so well. You have that power over me.”

So he said, ‘ok so I’m finished working out… going to take a shower, but first; I’m going to jerk off thinking about my girl.

I was thinking… working out? You were talking to me the whole time.

Anyways I, just responded to his jerking off, “Say what… really? OMG!!! You are plain crazy!” I told him.

Now… the question Wendy… do I have a picture I should look at… or do you have one you want me to look at while I cum? Yes I am crazy… and news flash!!! You are right here with me!” he told me laughing.

I completely misunderstand the picture question; thought he was asking for a naughty picture: so I got a little offensive and say to him, ‘no I don’t have any pictures like that… sorry.’

It doesn’t have to be naughty silly,” he consoles me. “And further, I would think you wouldn’t have anything like that baby… you are really shy.”

Ok I’m sorry, I misunderstood,” I apologize.

And I went searching for a picture of Paige to send to him; don’t know why I would want to do that other than I was trying to please him and give him what he wants…

I am just plain stupid… and so caught in this game of mine and not even thinking about my actions… ignoring what’s been happening… so caught up in the heat of the moment trying to please his fantasy. And I sent him one…

He was trying to explain to me his request, “I just mean something you want me to look at…so you know what I am envisioning…. It’s more for you than me…so you can picture what I am doing… and looking at.”

“Oops!!! Sh….t! OMG!!!! Too late I already send it. This was what I thought after I read his explanation.

I did it again; give him Paige to envision… Oh boy, oh boy oh boy, I can never get it right. I just keep making it worst and worst.

Here I was having this debate with myself with this deceptive game.. trying to figure a way out.. and instead of stopping with all the lies and fabrications.. I continued to play with him..

He was still saying something, “baby… I won’t put you on the spot for dirty pictures, ever. If I was going to it would have been the first night. Now Wendy… I am going to focus on that picture and think about us. And what will you be doing? He asked.

I want to stop talking now; because I just mess up again with the picture and I was not feeling too good about me right now.

So I told him, “oh good, because I have to get ready for work myself… I have had mine while you were fooling with me earlier.” I informed him.

Ok beautiful… he said “sorry I took so much of your time. It’s hard to stop talking once we start. Then he kinda laughed at the fact I have had mine: then he said jokingly, Dammit!! You have to share that kinda stuff.”

I did not comment, because I very was upset with myself…I again give him the envision of Paige; so all I said was, “isn’t that right and I do enjoy it so. [To it’s hard to stop chatting.] “Thank you for sharing you with me sweet Allen”

“Ok pretty girl. Thank you for chatting today, please have a great night at work. You will be in my thoughts as usual. Smile beautiful!!! It’s a perfect smile.”

I GOT SO CAUGHT UP WITH HIS EROTIC SCENARIOS  THAT I AGAIN WITHOUT THINKING WHAT I WAS DOING SENT HIM HIS REQUEST TRYING TO GIVE HIM HIS PLEASURE…  I WAS SO MAD WITH ME… WHAT WAS I DOING… ???

 

Then I remember I wanted to ask for some more picture of him to keep as souvenir and have as memories after I let go of him, which right now I was thinking of again; so I said to him…

One last request before you go?”

Ok shoot,” he replies.

“What I want for Christmas from you is…are some more pictures of you… is that ok with you? I requested.

“Absolutely!! He said happily. ‘I will send you a bunch! I don’t have many on my phone but I will look on my computer and find a bunch. And I will be glad to do that.”

Well bye for now and thank you for giving me this time… you have a good day… I know I will… TTYL MY SWEET AllEN. I ENDED OUR CONVERSATION.

Ttyl beautiful! Have a great day Nita.” He ended.

I went to work very pensive; my mind was working overtime thinking how am I going to end this; I know I have come up with a plan, and although it means losing him, which was causing me excruciating pain with just the thought; I know it has to be done; I did not want to end it… but I am only hurting him more by leading him on longer and I did not want to be selfish and be mean any longer. He is just too sweet and special to keep on deceiving him.

…………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………….

TO BE CONTINUED…..

ONLINE DATING: FIRST EXPERIENCE: PART 8b I

I [ this sequence contains some x-rated contents… my apologies to my readers for the inappropriate contents… I included it because i want you to fully understands just how passionately intense our relationship had become… and how much feelings was involved… please enjoy reading..

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WOKE UP SMILING AND with STRONG URGES TO FEEL HIM AND A NEED FOR HIM. SO I WROTE TO HIM; HE TOTALLY CONSUMES MY DREAMS;  I WOKE UP WITH A MIND AND HEART FULL WITH HIM…

I was feeling on top the world and I just have to let him know…

“MY Allen I’m having a most wonderful day today…yes I woke up feeling all refreshed; relaxed and renewed. I feel on top of the world and it’s all because of you… I want to apologize for yesterday. I know I was a little off and acting very silly indeed… but you were right there for me saying and doing all the right things… I’m going to stop worrying why it’s happening and enjoy the fact that it is. It feels so good to be love by you… THANK YOU… THANK YOU. Now I will leave you alone.

I found the song “TOP OF THE WORLD” by the carpenters. And send it to him.

“Hello beautiful girl! He says, ‘I hope your day is off to a great start!! I have had an amazing dream that you wouldn’t stop kissing me while I was flying over a bunch of small islands and beautiful ocean and I was laughing and saying ‘baby!!! I can’t see where I ‘m going” and you just laugh and kept on kissing me and said, ‘you better land soon’. It was really sweet. Just want to share it. I love the song, I love that you love older music. It shows that you don’t feel the need to be one of the masses… very refreshing.’

Then he said, “Nita you make it so easy to love you! I hope we keep moving in the same direction because this is an amazing journey and… one I only want with you.”

I know, instead of feeling so jubilant … I should be trying to come up with a way out, but not today… I went through enough of that yesterday already; today, right now, I just want to enjoy him to the fullest, and live for the moment.

‘Love the dream… I told him. “It’s exactly what I would do if and when I see you and much more. Well you have a great day. Gotta work today because I’m off for Christmas… hope you don’t have to work?’

And yes… if I had the chance to be with him; and with all this fiery; hot and blazing desire I have for him, he would not be able to do anything because I would be all over his sweet ass.

“No work for me today”, he said. ‘Just taking care of a bunch of personal things… is getting ready for the holidays. Have a great day at work beautiful!!! Talk to you soon.”

“May be tonight after work? I asked. “Think you will be up? This is becoming quite the habit… me rushing home to be with you.” I told him.

“I like the habit! But please be safe ok? He asked of me. ‘I might be up, I’m not sure I have to pick up some people at the airport at 10, so I’ll be up late anyway… please have a great day my beautiful girl!!! And Wakanita please smile! It’s so pretty you should share it as much as you can!

I know he was referring to Paige; but I did not want to think about her; right now everything he says to me belongs to me; I was not willing to share him with anybody, not right now, not today. So I was that beautiful and pretty girl he was talking to; as far I as was concern.

So I told him, ‘I’m smiling… only for you though… ok I will give you a break tonight; you probably going to be tired anyways. I’ll just go to sleep and met you there. It’s so amazing;you consume my day and night… I think of you all day and then you take over my dreams. You are constantly with me; am I becoming obsessive? I ask. But boy… am I enjoying this!!…and is so happy to know that you are fully encouraging me with your sweet responses; sweet AllEN you are an enabler. The best kind and I just love you so.”

Wow! He exclaimed. ‘You write so sweet baby. It would be very hard to get enough of you! And I promise we are in the same exact place at the same exact time! Please text whenever you’d like. My entire soul lights up when I read anything from you. You will set the pace and I will be patient. But eagerly waiting for anything you send..I hope one day soon we can chat on the phone and I can put a voice to your beautiful persona… oh and I can’t wait to hear you cum for me!!!! That will be super hot! Just sayin…”

I burst out laughing; I was laughing so hard with the thought of him hearing my Whoos and my sex talk….

I find him so hilarious and crazy, crazy good. and what was that he said,”MY ENTIRE SOUL LIGHTS UP WHEN I READ ANYTHING FROM YOU…” that leaves a huge smile 😃 on my face..

“You have me laughing so hard,” I let him know. “I do hope I will be able to live up to your expectation and imaginations,’ I told him. And I wish I could see them through your eyes… they seems like so much fun.”

Baby… that will be the easy part! He told me.

“Still laughing,” I tell him. I was so tickled I could not stop laughing.

He then went on to assure me of his character,

“I know you are nervous but I’m really easy to talk to and a good read of character… I’m also never pushy… I have a strong personality and can be tough if needed, but I’m compassionate and won’t put you on the spot often… That being said I know the thought of you Cumming over the phone messed you up! And got you a little excited too… am I right?

I started to laugh again. He has me cracking up; I couldn’t control my laughter.

Yeah!’ I told him. How can you make me feel so good and horny all the time? Is this normal? I ask him.

Yes, it’s perfect!! He said. “So if we take the next step and you decide we can talk… I promise I won’t mess you up… at first I will be a gentleman.”

So that’s the next step… I asked. ‘voice talk, I’m not too good with verbal conversation… you see, the good thing about texting, I can choose what I say by deleting if it doesn’t sound right.”

Yes I’ve watched you do it many times! It’s okay baby… I’m easy to talk to and practice makes perfect!!! I’m never going to judge and I will always be patient love.

He was truly a most amazing man and somehow I believe everything that he was saying to me; I sound so gullible; but I honestly think he is very straightforward not being overly conceited. (and of course … because I was so emotionally attached to him.. everything he says seems so damn impressive… funny how the mind works in connections to what the heart feels.)

Ok? Are you ready for this? He asked

I don’t know,’ I said. Wondering what am I suppose to be ready for, so I waited…

And here it comes; “I can’t wait to tease you sexually…strip you naked… kiss you super deep and then strip myself down so you can see my hard cock ready for you… then… slide down your body nice and slow and kiss the inside of your legs and around your pussy… suck and lick all around it while I’m telling exactly what I’m going to do with you…get close enough to your clit so you can feel my warm breath… but no touching… when I’m ready and you are going to explode… I will take you in my mouth.”

I think I climax while reading that; my kitty was jumping up and down all ready to play, and so I oblige and give her what she was begging for. I could visualize every thing he was describing…

Oh wow! I said, ‘believe it or not I can actually picture it; and my kitty is purring for some.’ I told him.

I did not let him know I cum about three times in less than a minutes just by visualizing and reading his text. this is the same girl who was shying away from all sexual suggestions that i lied about being a virgin… but… my desires have become so damn intense that all my senses becomes so heighten whenever he is talking to me that I now welcome  and embrace his sexual advances  and even as much as enjoying his scenarios he set for me…

And so he continued to tantalize and tease me with his words; ‘and you will cum huge for your man… and then I will eat every drop of you… and get you ready for more…I will softly tell you what is going to happen next while I gently massage your swollen clit…with my tongue and then the head of my hard cock…talking softly… till you say please, let me have it now baby… and then I will tease you a little more and then fill you full of my hard throbbing cock for the second load…

Wheeew…. Ooooh! I was more than ready for that hard throbbing cock… I was completely turned on and my kitty was jumping even more… my whole body was set ablaze for the need of him… it’s like he went in my mind and knew exactly how I like to be loved; tease and being tantalized;… and I again reach the height of ecstasy…

if only I get just one day with this guy, just one day… but again only in my dreams, because I’m not Paige and because I have to let go of him… soon.

So I told him, ‘you are just too much, you are driving me crazy.’

But he was not finished with me yet,

“after you explode all over my cock… I will ask you to do something kinky… and I hope you will oblige.’

OMG!! What you are you doing to me?’ I asked. Something kinky???? Am I ready for this?

So he proceeds to tell me.”I will ask you to lick some of your kitty juices off my cock and keep it on your tongue and then kiss me deep and let me taste your mouth and pussy at the same time… I want both.”

Oh I know you will love that.” I informed him. “and so would I….”

Then he said the most charming thing, “I want to taste the cum we make with the most passionate kiss I dream of… how could it get better than that… my sexy girl’s passion.”

It couldn’t… nope…. I was so turned on that I thought it was so hott…

So I told him, ‘you have the best imagination ever.”

Then he has the nerves to ask me “I have you mess up? Don’t I?

He knew it….

For sure,” I told him. “You purposely did it… you…

Then he is acting all sorry… when I know he was probably laughing and getting a kick out of it.

“I’m sorry! You get me all fired up pretty girl! And I just start saying exactly what’s on my mind.’

I let him know…. “You know I would be all gamed,” ..: you know exactly how much you affect me and how much sexual energy you transmit…”

I have come to the point where just the thought of him provoke a strong sexual stimulation … and when connecting I can sense him as if he’s next to me… that my whole being is ignite with this electrifying desire…

I know pretty girl!!” He said. “And all of this and more will happen if you choose more. I’m very spontaneous in bed and will please you in a ton of different ways, I hope. And I’m super visual… So I will want to look at you! Take you in… feel you with all my senses.”

I was feeling him with all my senses right now… and sure wish I could choose more. I want more…

And I sit there reading what he is saying and I start to cry … because I found him… I did…. This man… this most marvelous man of my dreams… he is everything I have always wanted in a man… and I’m here hiding behind little Paige; and now I can’t even claim none of this… him… and I wonder… would he like me or feel this way if he knew it was me….

Nay…no… he wouldn’t… I doubt it.

“Really I hope you won’t be too disappointed.” I told him.

Nita, please don’t worry baby…” he said reassuringly. “We have a natural chemistry that will guide us in the right direction… I’m certain.

The chemistry is there for sure, but…

“We definitely have chemistry and it’s leading me.. sweet Allen … and I want more.. more of you…” I then told him,

He says,” oh really.” Nothing forced baby… it’s always better earned.”

So I finished explaining what I meant. “Doing and saying all the right things; you know how to keep me right there.”

So he told me, ‘I want you to know in your mind that you making a great decision… in every step we make… some might be scary but that it is a good thing! It can still be a great decision!”

I started to feel guilty and bad; he sounds so sincere….

but I shake it off;

No… I thought… not now ….I don’t want to go there; not today.

And I’m thinking really hard about it.’ I told him.” And although you said you are not pushing or forcing… every time we talk you makes me feel better about us.”

“Take your time sweet girl. I will be here! One step at a time.. Maybe a phone thing is next… then we meet on your terms… For lunch… or a flight… or a flight to lunch! Your call… and we just go from there.”

Sounds so enticing.” I told him. “I’m actually anticipating a flight with you. You create such a great picture for me.” {And I was; I wish I could say yes to his proposition}

Either way… “He was saying. “Our pace is your discretion, ok pretty girl? We can stay right here as texting friends as long as you need…. And omg! Am I looking forward to flying with you! I’d love our first date to be a flight… that would be epic! And something we would never forget… don’t you think?”

I was so caught up in the moment and with his suggestion that I almost forget it is not possible; I was getting and feeling all excited about going on a flight with him. And as he said, “that would be epic.”

I think for sure.” I would definitely love that.. it would be a first for me”….I told him. “It would definitely be something else.”{How I wish I could}

I WAS TAKEN BACK TO REALITY AGAIN.. . AND I FEEL A SADNESS COME OVER ME… I’M JUST FOOLING MY SELF AND MAKING A FOOL OF ME AND WORSE … MAKING A BIGGER FOOL OF ALLEN; I BELIEVE HE GENUINELY AND SINCERELY  LOVE ME.. but… I DON’T KNOW EXACTLY HOW TO END THIS GAME … AND THE TRUTH BE TOLD… I’M LOVING EVERY MOMENT I GET THE CHANCE  TO SPEND WITH HIM…

BUT HOW CAN I CONTINUE TO DECEIVE HIM KNOWING ITS NO WAY I CAN MAKE THIS RIGHT AGAIN.. NO WAY I CAN JUSTIFY THIS DECEPTION..NO WAY OUT OF THIS LIE I CREATED…

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

 

TO BE CONTINUED…

ONLINE DATING: FIRST EXPERIENCE; PART 7c

MY SWEET ALLEN

SERENDIPITY

AND AS I WAS THERE TRYING TO ABSORB IT ALL… AND TRYING TO VALIDATE MY REASONS FOR NOT WALKING AWAY FROM THIS DECEPTION… SELFISHLY JUSTIFYING LEADING HIM ON… HE KINDLY AND LOVINGLY WAS TRYING TO SHOW ME WHY WE WOULD BE GOOD TOGETHER…

 

“Yes I love you… Love is a perfect feeling… we have that right? That is how I define it.” He answered.

“And what about my lack of exposure?” I again asked.

‘My world will evolve…I will make things happen as they need to baby…I am capable of many things… but most of all. I am a pleaser… So I make the people I love happy.’ He has me know.

You are up there and I am down here.” I say to him.

No silly,” he said. “Nobody is up or down… it’s just timing…and I am a space planner for a living! I’ve got this! 

Black or white? I asked. 

He laughed at me, “ha-ha!!! No such thing! It’s all grey scale.

I sent him two more smiley faces; . “You got this… I said to him. “You are so funny and I love it.”

“Perfect!” He exclaimed. “So trust me baby…. The sky isn’t the limit! I am a pilot.

And I sat there reading all this stuff he is saying and I don’t have one thing to contribute; and I am wondering… how does he come up with all this? How does he find all the right words to convince me and to reassure me…? I did not even remember that a minute ago I was disturbed and apprehensive. He has a way with me… He knows exactly what to say to put my mind at ease. And again I was I awe of him.

And so I said to him, “are you from this planet?”

We will be perfect baby… he was assuring me, “but I promise I will not rush anything ok.” And then he laughed, “Ha-ha! Yes I am an earthling.

 Then I agree with him that the sky is the limit.( I misread… )“Because you are out of this world” I told him.

I really was just sitting there admiring him and wondering if everything that he is saying, he means. He can’t be this nice and sensitive and just plain wonderful, But, he is; And he still can’t be mine; and how I wanted him to be mine ;{ God let me have him I pray}

I was so blinded by my intense emotions and my raging desires… and all I was feelings was this profound admiration and love ❤️ for a man I don’t hardly know … only just his words.. But… right now… all that matters is him.. and this most awesome connection I can’t explain….

Now Nita… he called me… don’t be silly… Nita…

Oh my!” I said

he made some suggestive comments…

“Really?  “I ask him back.

I need to know my girl come huge before she went to bed.” He told me.

 I have already taken care of that earlier’ I informed him.

“So think of having……. (he continued with his suggestions)

OMG! I squeal.

And you will again! He told me. “And oh man!!! That is hot!

I’m actually feeling like it again.” I informed him. “You better stop because I’m going to explode with pleasure.”

Then he gave it to me,” so think about me between your legs ……..(and in great  depth.. he gave me details of what he would do with me…) give your man our passion…. I need to swallow you.”

He is so goood at this; I thought. So I told him, “You should write an erotic book”

I wanted so much to join in with him.. but didn’t wanna blow my deception… so I let him seduce me wholeheartedly and I love ❤️ every word… every detail of his erotic scenarios…

He laughed at my comment,”Hahaha!! Cum for me baby,’ he begged.

So I told him, “okay I’m Cumming!’  and he continued… He was still saying. Good girl!!!! I love it.”

You are so bad! “I said of him. But goood for me.”

Nita, ‘he called my name, “I’m jerking off.” He let me know.

“Oh my” I said

Oh’… I said again with pleasure

we have a little sexual session and he took me to heights I never knew I could reach virtually.. I kinda forget in that moments about all my struggles to walk away.. I was having so much fun.. and just enjoying the sexual energy that we were experiencing …

And the app locked up!!! It was amazing to cum together.  He let me know. “Ok pretty girl let’s sleep… night sweet girl … sorry I kept you up!

Oh please don’t be … I told him. ‘The pleasure was all mines… night sweet Allen… love you.

Night Nita… and I love you too!

How hearing those words warms my heart and let me beam with delight

And we ended our conversation.

I went to sleep a little troubled but relaxed from our little session.  (It’s so funny 😂 how very quickly I forget that I didn’t want any sexual insinuations.. but….my desires for it was so intense… and he knew it.. ) My mind was still at war with the decision of us. I was still a little surprised to know he is in love with me…I was feeling on the top of the world knowing this..

But back to realityI have to let him go but

Every time I thought of him gone it gives me an enormous anxiety attack.  But how can I  lead him on much longer; I started to feel very guilty about my actions ..

But I know, losing him is actually the only choice I had. I knew he would never like me no matter what; I look at me in the mirror; he doesn’t see my face…I gave him the vision of Paige

I could not see how or where he would ever consider me;  It did not make me feel too good.

I drift off to sleep with mixed feelings…intoxicatingly happy…and yet so sad…

He loves me…. I love him…

but…

I can’t hold on to him… 


To BE CONTINUED…….

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

ONLINE DATING: FIRST EXPERIENCE; PART 7b

MY SWEET ALLEN

SERENDIPITY

I didn’t respond so he continued to talk …  I just didn’t know what I should say or how to react… he took me by surprise… and the craziest thing was… I actually beleived  him..

 

He said, I don’t know how this is happening I just know how I feel. If you don’t want to hear it I will never say it again.”

I told him, ‘I want to hear it, but didn’t quite expect it.”

I didn’t either. He told me. I’m just being honest.’

And I start to think, if he loves me, and we are feeling the same way all this time… it must mean that I might be in love with him too.

So I asked him, … but it was more of an acknowledgment

“so what I’m feeling could be love too?”

“I have love many people for many reasons… to me this is love… I don’t need you to reciprocate… I just wanted to be open and honest”. He told me.

How do you know love different from anything else? I simply ask him.

I was wondering if this could be infatuation or lust instead. Because I could not explain the raging emotions and desires I was feeling. And to come to the realization I am in love with him was inconceivable.

And of course he has a plausible explanation, ….

“well when you wake up at 4 something and grab your phone to send a love letter… yeah. To me that’s love.’

That was the plain truth as I see it; because here we are both of us, up at this hour of the morning wanting nothing but to feel connected…

“Laughing” I said to him. ‘You are so right.’

I was laughing partly because I was happy that he loves me and partly because Ive got myself in quite a bind.  I win a love that I can’t cash in;

how did he fall for me? Was it because he like Paige pictures so much? Was he so fascinated with her? OMG! I can’t and not able to give him what he wants… Paige.

I was thinking ….the only reasons he is in love was because he fell in love with paige’s photos…and I know I couldn’t compete with that…

Then he went on trying to let me understand,… thinking behind these texts of mine.. is the image of paige’s face

love can’t be defined to me… it’s something you feel but you can’t put in words… you know you need that person as close as much as possible.’

And I told him, ….

“and right now I can’t explain my feelings… and I sure need to be close to you.’

That’s perfect!’ he said we are totally on the same page baby.”

Seems like it to me.’ I said.

You will always set the pace baby…” he was saying, “I will follow your lead till you are completely invested. After that I will take the lead and romance you and love you huge… show you how big my heart is.”

 I was sad…perturbed and flipping out a little, I never once… thought or expected “LOVE”; but here it is …. And I can’t even claimed it because I am playing this silly game of deception, thinking it’s all for fun.

trying to buy some time with this most amazing guy. I never saw this coming… now I have to make the only choice there is… I have to let go of him…

but ….

my god…my god…my god…!!! I am going to lose him….  And I felt my tears flowing down my cheeks with the realization

I was having an anxiety attack ..,

the thought became unbearable…. I stop responding

So I told him, “Look, I am kinda lost for words.  A bit confused happy, nervous, unsure. You name it… I’m it.”

And I was, he just did not know the real reasons.

Then he said to me, ‘if I’m coming too strong Nita, please tell me and I will curb this… I don’t want to freak you out… I promise my intentions are good… I know you are confused… I can back off and be a friend if that’s what best for you. I promise.” 

I was very tempted to tell him right there and then;

I wanted you so bad… but…, I started to say.

There is that but… he stated. Ok here is the deal… I’m going to back way off… I’m sorry. He told me.

I could not muster up the but… he was giving me a way out of this dilemma and I was thinking this could be for the best

But instead I ask, ‘

“how can you be able to be friends after all this?’

Well, we will try. He said. ‘I am sure we can be great friends!! I mean we seem to get along great!”

With his wanting to back out… I should have felt reliefbut instead..

I start to feel panicky that he is going to turn and run…

as usual he could sense my hesitancy and doubts… he was right, he just did not know the real reason.

You just took me by surprise… that all.” I told him.

I understand,” he said.

Friends is good but I will always want more,” I confesses to him.

Then he says,” listen… Nita… just friends… we will chat once in a while; while you figure things out. Ok? I will be here.”

All I read all I  understood  was… he was ending us….I went a little berserk and my head start to spin and hands shaking and my heart beating wildly against my chest with fear that he is  going. I could hardly breathe; I had to, stop breathes slowly and tries to calm myself. I thought… my god… this is bad… how am I going to let him go if this is how I feel with the thought of him not there.

So I told him exactly what I was going through, “OMG!!! You are leaving me… there are tears in my eyes and my heart is pounding against my chest…. My hands are shaking.

He then tries to assure me, ‘no I will never do that!! I am trying to give you room to process…  I will be here waiting for you. I want more Nita…I know you are all messed up. I’m going to be a gentleman…  I foolishly admitted that I’m falling in love and scared you… but Nita… it’s real…And so if and when you are ready I’m here. I want so much more…

His words give me some assurance and calm my anxietyI was over reacting with my insecuritiesI was so afraid of losing our connection that I failed to use this opportunity to save myself from revealing this deception

I was a bit calmer by now… so I asked him, “okay if this is what you want…. Are you really, really sure?

Maybe I’m too sleepy… Idk…I’m sorry if I’ve sent mixed signals’… he was sounding confused himself, “I’m just so into you… and it’s been forever since I’ve felt anything even remotely like this. I feel like every night you tell me you are confused and uncertain… so I feel I should give you an out… if you come back … be ready!

That was my queue; I should have taken that way out; but as usual I have to be selfish; I could not deal with the thought of him gone even though that was the only choice I had;. So I had to string this most thoughtful and understanding man along with my false pretenses. I just didn’t know how to stop, how to walk away…  I couldn’t think very clearly right then.

So me, with my pathetic self instead of taking his offer out, I try to hang on; leading him on a little longer knowing  damn well I have nothing to contribute to this relationship;

So I told him, ‘I looked forward so much to talk to you. I get excited for more of you; you have become an addicting habit.

 Yeah, I totally get it!! He said. Look at me! Look at us! It’s five.”

Don’t know what I was thinking I could offer him; but I ask him, ‘and what do you want me to do? What would be the next step?

“I want you to always do what you feel best for you, Nita”. He told me.

“My excitement now becomes fear… fear of losing you”.

I let him know.

“And it doesn’t feel so good.

I actually was very afraid of losing him even though it was the inevitable thing.

And he makes it worse by telling me,

“I want you to let us go… or promise to take the next step at some point… in the next month or two at least… but please don’t be afraid of anything…  I’m here baby.”

And I asked with my heart as heavy as lead, ‘you want me to let us go?”

This was the last thing I wanted to do..I started to cry with the thought of letting go

I know I could not promise him anything and I know I have to let him go for all the reasons he doesn’t know about; if only I could be Paige…{ oh what tangled web we weave.}

“I will not push… I promise… I just want to set a realistic expectation… for both of us… that is fair right? He asked of me.

It is… it is… I agreed.

“Ok then,’ he said. Sleep on it baby… no pressure… ever… you know where my heart is…”

He was trying to reassure me that all he wants is the best for us; and all I’m seeing and hearing is goodbye, simply because I know there is no way I can ever have him or his love. And I was dying inside; because right now, more than anything… that was all I wanted… him.

It sounds like goodbye to me.” I told him.

Again he reassured me, ‘it’s not though… I promise.”

How will know this? I asked.

Read it all back tomorrow… he asked of me, ‘it’s just me being courteous and giving you an out.  Because I know you are scared and confused… and I never want to take advantage of that… so I’m trying to help.’

I convinced myself that this was it… so I said to him, ‘in a blaze glory… I found you, and I’m losing you the same way.’

 I guess he was getting annoyed with my reservation and negativity;

that lead him to say, ‘I have made my feelings clear… and I will tell you again… I want more! More anything Wakanita! And anything Wakanita.”

I realize this so I switch and try to blame it on my so-called young age; “I guess this is where my immaturity fails me.”

He then went back to be reassuring, “pretty girl…Please understand. I’m not closing any doors… I’m allowing you to be in control… although I would love to take the helm and love you madly… I will let you decide our fate.

“I don’t know how to handle and take this,” I started to say, but I switch and say instead, “ok my Allen, I’m going you stay positive and believe in you…. I will do as you asked.

You see, he does not know the reason behind all my reservations; so he will never understand, and seeing I can’t allow myself to tell him; or build up the courage to walk away and let him go; I will just play this game until i find a way.

Please do! I am falling in love with you Nita. And I’m giving you complete control at the same time.” He said to me.

“Because I want more too.” I finish telling him.

“a rush of emotion just totally wash over me.” He informed me.

Then I said, “oh my! You love me… me.

Yes I love you!” he convinces me.

“I can’t believe that you do just by talking to me.” I told him

He then argues, “people are so scared to admit it because it hurts to lose it… f…k that… I’m willing to risk what it takes.”

Then I confess to him, “I think I may be in love with you too.”

And he went onto say, “define love… you can’t… you never will… it’s a moving target… I know we are falling in love and that isn’t a bad thing.”

Then I went back in role, ‘I am not too sure what it feels like… to be in love.” I told him. 

[Why do I do that? If I have nothing to say… then shush.]

You are baby…” it’s why we are so crazy.” He told me.

“Allen … is it possible? I ask of him.

It’s like defining a color… you can’t.” he was saying. “Yes” he answered me. “We are in love”… where it goes… it’s up to us.” 

But Wakanita … I love you for sure!” he stated with confident.

I sent him two smiley faces;] and give out. “You love me for sure…WOW!!!”

‘Perhaps you will break my heart. But I’m willing to put it out there… I’m ours to take or leave or ruin!’ he let me know.

And I thought… ruin… for sure.

And then I ask him, ‘and I wonder, will I fit in your world?

Then I started to think about his prestige life style and thinking I could never fit in his world anyways… So I started to question the possibility of us ever being together… so  strange how I allow myself to play this role…  and as usual.. he have all the right things to say to console me and to reassure me that I have nothing to worry about…

I should have cut off our conversations and do as he asked hours ago… he gave me the perfect alibi to get out of this dilemma that I built …

It’s not going to end well… because I don’t know when and where to get out..

 

TO BE CONTINUED….

ONLINE DATING: FIRST EXPERIENCE; PART 7

so I woke up feeling so refreshed…I was feeling good with myself and full of life:  I had a night full of dreams of Allen;  he has taken over my whole being; he was the only thing  I was capable of thinking of…

As soon as I got up…I had to let him know exactly what I was feeling and how he was impacting my mood…So I wrote to him,

“Good morning to you my Allen…. Well after we stop talking, I went back to those final texts of yours… you knew I would have… and relive every word… I drifted off to sleep imagining you beside me and I swear could feel you, I close my eyes and went to a dream living every word you wrote… you are rocking my world Allen, with only your words. My night was filled with your passion. You have awakened something in me I never knew existed and if I can feel this way by merely fantasizing and merely imagining ????… you are blowing my mind…. And everything that goes with it… as I texts my heart is going a mile an hour. I’m really messed up… but it light up my face with this silly smile and I’m so excited for more… much much more of you.”

I did not stop there, though ……

“you know … I wish I could find the right words to express exactly how you make me feel… like you do… you have such a great way of saying and explaining your feelings… you put words on paper like an artist that capture a scenery on canvas… all in all Allen… I’m loving us.. This… whatever it is… and talking about blowing up phone????… you can blow up mine anytime though.” 

And then I asked him,” btw… I want you to find that song and really listen to it and think of me… it is about everything you have said to me… if I did not know better, I would think you wrote it… this is reason I thought of it … it mirrors every word you said to me… this would be the song I want to be playing while we make passionate and explosive love.’[I wanna take forever in your arms)

I didn’t know it, but I was fully blown in love, I did not want to think it; and right there right now all that matters was how I was feeling; I did not stop to think of the consequences of all my declaration  of feelings and how I was leading on ‘MY SWEET Allen’. I was ecstatic and full of exhilaration; and I yearn for more… more of him, and that was all I could think of.

I did not hear from him until 3:30 that evening; I was getting ready to go to work, and was very happy and so thrilled to get that text,

“Well what amazing story to plug into!!! I thought for sure you would not text me till tonight. Man was I wrong, and my god, am I happy, I was! I’m glad you can feel me so perfectly through our words! I can feel you too beautiful. I love the way all this feels and it is having such a amazing and profound effect on my entire day! I’m happier than I’ve been in forever and anxiously waiting for more. This is a beautiful connection Nita… our hearts are in harmony. What a perfect gifts for the holidays!

And he continues to say, “I hope you are having a great day so far and I plan on staying up tonight so we can talk if you would like to. If this how good we feel in written words I can only imagine the emotional and physical connect waiting for us, if you choose to go further Wendy. So do me a favor pretty girl… smile! You wear it so well. I can’t wait to one day see that beautiful smile in person… I have a feeling I will be silly a lot just to get you laughing and smiling.”

I’m reading what he is saying .. I am smiling.. my heart is bursting with joy as I read his words of love

…….and all of a sudden it hit me… all this joy and happiness I am feeling  can’t be mine…  and it was  as if my light went out. And I was left thinking… I need to get out… but I choked up with just the thought of losing him. I did not know what to do or how to do it.

Anyway…’ he said, ‘now I’m blowing you up!! Ha-ha! Well I hope you have a nice day at work and you stay busy so it goes by fast.” Talk soon beautiful!!!

So I said to him, ‘getting ready as we speak…Profound is the word I was thinking this morning… I was amazed at this profound joy I have and get just thinking about you; I can’t believe you are feeling this way too. Anyways, gotta get to work, until tonight… have fun at the Christmas party and save the last dance for me.”

Awwww!!!’ he said, ‘you one every dance pretty girl! You seem to be all I can think about or want! Have a great night Wakanita! Talk later I hope.

I left for work a little apprehensive and perturbed; if he is reciprocating my emotions then I am doing him wrong; I know how strongly I was feeling; and obviously he is feeling with the same intensity

I have to find a way to tell him or stop this. I was getting very upset wit the thought of not ever reading his loving words again

I could not bear the thought but I know it has to be done; and he is such a sweet and wonderful guy; he does not deserve this. The tears were starting and on many occasion I had to brush them away. I was not having good a night at all

I kept thinking of what he had said and how elated he sounded; he was feeling and having the same exact emotions I was; it was so amazing to me, In all my life and of all my affairs; husbands and all; I never felt this kind of superb connection before; and I love it…. And I need it… and I just can’t have it. It can’t be mine… because I am not Paige and I don’t look like Paige.

Regrets start to enter my mind… asking myself why did I start with this deception

How did I get here… he has gotten so important to me and I have become so emotionally invested

 I had mixed feeling all day long one minute I was getting all excited and overly anxious to get home so I could talk to him and feel some more of this ecstatic emotions; next minute I was all agitated and frantic because I  know I have to let him go. But until I come up with a plausible reason to back out, I’ll continue to enjoy him for as long as I can make it last.

(And this is where I’m messing up.. prolonging an affair that’s impossible to maintain… just so I can enjoy him.. while playing this horrific game of deception..)

So when I got home I anxiously wrote him excitingly; almost forgetting my struggle and agony; all I wanted and all I could think of… was just to feel connect to him, so I said…

“Hey lover!!! Are you up? Just got in from work: it was truly a long day waiting with anticipation to get home so we can talk. At one point I started to get overly anxious… boy you have me real good. So how was your evening? Did you enjoy the party?’ 

“I had to fight to stay focused and a few times I found myself drifting off thinking about you and all that you have said to me.”

I was not getting back any response so I figure my Allen has fallen asleep. I continued to tell him what was going through my mind,

“I particularly like what you said ..you are the happiest than you have been in forever, and that our hearts are in harmony. If you were close I would wrap my arms around you in the tightest hug I could and hold you as close as closely as I can.’

I told him.

I wanted him to know I was having the same euphoric feelings and how very delighted I was to know that he was right there with me; it is most terrific thing to know that you are loved the same way that you love. I have never experienced this; and it was so phenomenal.

Anyways I did not get a response so I try to watch a little TV but could not fully focus, so I try to sleep, of course I could not either;  so at about 4:30 he sent me a text.

“Hey beautiful!! I just woke up and checked my phone… I fell asleep waiting for you, I really wanted to chat. Guess I am just way too tired… anyway… I want to tell you that I’ve had an amazing dreams tonight about us and the night isn’t over!!! So yeah… I can’t wait for more! And Wakanita …. I’d love any contact what so ever… I think when we touch it will validate our feelings and make things so real… so I want anything you want tonight…. I’m going back to sleep so I can be with you again. I hope you wake up, read this and smile! Knowing how much you are cared for and adored!”

My god!! I was smiling so widely and I was so touched by his feelings for me;

I’m smiling,” I said to him.

But he was still talking,

“I can’t tell you how much I love that you are losing focus and drifting to us… I’m totally doing the same thing… whether it’s us holding hands or kissing or making love… it’s just all good and all amazing thoughts of what might be… and that fills my mind with so much love and optimism….so Nita… thank you… thank you for making me feel so alive. Goodnight sweet girl. I hope you are sleeping perfect with sweet dreams”

When I read that last part… I felt a rush of emotional sensation; and tears come to my eyes. He is sensing my emotions again and it’s like he was telling me, exactly what I was feeling and thinking. He was echoing my every thoughts and desires. I could not believe how much in tune we were. 

Perfect!!!’ He said to me, ‘go back to sleep beautiful; night sweetheart.’

I dozed off too. Night Allen, I told him, ‘but now I’m awake and full of excitement.’

And then he told me the most incredible thing; “WAKANITA… I’M FALLING IN LOVE WITH YOU.”

Oh my’!! I exclaimed. ‘Really? I asked.

 I couldn’t think for a moment; I did not quite expected him to drop that “L” bomb; but he did and it exploded and I was totally blown away… everything was running through my mind; my deception, my lies, my pretense, Paige pictures, me,; my god!!! What am I going to do about this? If there is any time to come clean it is now; but how? I have to think about it. I am going to hurt him real bad; and he is gonna hate me, might even kill me for doing this to him. He such a nice and sweet guy, he don’t deserve this. I was going berserk; I was freaking out.

I really didn’t know what to say next.. I just stood there… looking at my phone and reading his confession over and over… my mind whirling with mixed feelings.

 

TO BE CONTINUED…..

A MESSY LOVE 💕 STORY… NEW BEGINNINGS….

THE DAY WITH SANDY…

(he got a text from one of his girls.. Sandy… he haven’t talk to her for a while.. so he called and she invited him over the next day asking him if he wants to accompany her to a celebration for her relatives at the Marriott hotel…

He Gladly accepted her invitation… it was surely a welcome distraction right now…

They spoke for a little catching up with each other.. and after he hung up he felt so much better… he was even smiling with the anticipation of a good day tomorrow….that he lost his anger with that girl of his…

He finally settled down and turned in for the night… He drifted off to sleep thinking of sandy remembering how much fun she was in the past and hoping to rehash some of that Funtime come tomorrow..)

~~~~~~••••••••~~~~~~~•••••••~~~~~~

She woke him up with a call .. wanting to know what time is he getting there.. he asked her what time does she expect him..

She let him know they have access to the rooms and the pool all day long.. and he should get there as soon as he can.. and then remind him not to forget his swimming trunks…

She sounds really enthusiastic and anxious to see him.. and he was kinda feeling the same about seeing her too.. it’s been a while since he had…

He got up took a shower … and decided to go over to that hotel and have some needed fun with Sandy..

When he arrived she met him in the lobby..

she ran up to him .. so excited to see him.. and wrapped him a hug..

she felt so good to hold in his arms and she smells deliciously enticing..

They separated and he took her in .. noticing every small detail of her … she was casually dressed in a jeans and a nice summer top.. which was revealing a little cleavage.. which caused him to lick his lips desirously.. reflecting with images of her naked boobs…

He smiles as she grab his hands and said eagerly..

“Come on …come say hi to my family that’s here..”

He follows her as she leads him on.. he kept a smile as she introduced him to everyone.. trying to keep his mind focus on what’s she’s saying… instead of drifting off thinking of how her boobs bounced with each move she makes.. or how her curvy hips and her round ass sways so sensually as she moves from relatives to relatives..

Her sisters gave him that look of … yesss we know what’s on your mind..”

He felt himself blushing and smiling sheepishly knowing they are reading his mind right now…

As she mingled with everyone.. he took the time to reflect on their past and as he look at her smiling and seeing just how gorgeous she is as she gracefully and effortlessly flitters around the room ….he tries to figure out why he didn’t pursue her and why he had lost connection with her..

She’s a really beautiful and sensually sexual girl.. and she exudes this strong sexual energy ..

He somehow couldn’t quite remember what exactly was the reason for not keeping her closer..

But…

She is here now… and he’s definitely going to make use of this opportunity..

she must like him some to have invited him to this very intimate gathering of families and even taking pride in introducing him to everyone…

She then suggested that she’d like to show him the rooms they booked for the night… and even told him that she saved one just for him..

He was gamed.. as they excuse themselves and took the elevators up.. he started to get all excited and he felt the tightening of his pants as he subconsciously tried to adjust it…

She noticed his fidgeting and turned to witness his actions.. he quickly removed his hands and she giggles a little.. telling him she knows exactly what was happening..

She stepped a little closer to him.. brushing her hips next to his thighs.. and it sent a electrifying emotional shock through his whole body.. and as if she senses his reaction she turned her face to look at him with a very mischievous smile…

They came to their floor… and as they elevator stop….she took his hand in hers and led the way. ..

he noticed her palms was a little sweaty… and he smile ..

She wants him too…

She opened the door to one of the rooms and they entered…it was really a beautiful setting.. the curtains match the bed spread and it was delicate fresh scent present…

He was feeling a little warm so he walked over to adjust the room temperature …

He sat on the bed with his back to the headboard.. she climbed on too .. on her tummy facing him…

They converse trying to catch up on each other life..

It started to cool down … and he politely asked her if she mind if he gets a bit comfortable…

She shook her head that she don’t and told him..

” please do…”

He got up take off his shoes and his shirt…

He got back in smile at her as she lay there gazing up on him… he reached over to remove a stray strand of hair from her face…. telling her that he had missed her and asked softly….

” What happens to cause them to drift apart???….”

She just shrugs her shoulders in response….

He continued to tell her how beautiful she was looking and how good it is to be there with her… he thank her for inviting him and including him in her festivities….as he gently stroke her face …. tracing the outline with his fingers….

She leans into his hand pressing her cheeks against his fingers.. she close her eyes and softly rub her cheek against his fingers like a kitty would…

He could sense her desire for him.. so he placed his forefinger beneath her chin …. heisting her parted lips as he leaned in to kiss her…

She closed her eyes again…and her lips tremble with anticipation… he lightly brushed his lips against hers…and she sucks in her breath in anticipation inhaling his scent.. as she eagerly strain her neck towards him to receive his kiss.. but he stopped. Pulled away… looking at her mouth , and smiling mischievously…as she subconsciously licked her lips where he has touched with his…

She opened her eyes..looking at him.. revealing a hot fiery passion … burning with fierce desire…

With one swift move..She reached for him.. pulling him towards her and fiercely kiss him .. Deeply and sensually.. .that causes a jolt of electricity to run through him straight to his groin…He rolled on her back pressing closely into her with a intensely urgent desire….

She could feel his excitement as he pressed into her.. and he could sense her reciprocal excitement from her racing heart beat and from her shallow breathing…

Her hands was busily exploring his back and his buttocks as she urged him in even closer…

He eased up.. and look at her… and he saw the only answer he needed in her face and eyes..”

He begins to undress her as she intermittently covers his bare chest with kisses.. when he reaches for her pants .. she automatically lifted her hips for easy removal..

he fumbles with her bra but got it and released her voluptuous bouncing boobs’…they were so much more beautiful than he recalled…

his excitement only grows with the sight and he kiss her as he fondled her breasts .. he placed trails of kisses on her neck moving towards those hard nipples…as he enjoyed the scent of her as it fills his nostrils.. She was intoxicatingly delicious..

He felt her heisting her hips and her legs slightly opening.. he knew she was as ready as he was..

she reached for his pants and with some urgency she tries to release his rock hard dick..

He got up with a quick move and discard the obstacle..and she gasp at the sight of him .. she touched him and stroke him slowly and ever so gently as she guided him to her soaking wettt.. pulsating kitty…. easing into position to receive him…

She felt so so good.. as he slowly enter her.. resisting the urge to plunge deep and hard.. he had been aching and craving for the feel of her…

She made a sensual groan of pleasure as she started to move with him..

she was grabbing his ass begging him to ..

” fuck me baby .. fuck me.. ”

As she urged him to go faster.. she was convulsing around his hard dick.. making him knew she was cumin..

it makes him lose control and he felt himself ready to spill his load .. I’m cumin baby.. he told her.. she just bit her lower lips .. nodding.. her face full of pure pleasure..

as he made the last thrust before he release it all.. he felt her hold on to him and arch her back and said….

Oooh yesss baby.. oooh yess.. Yesss..Aaaah.. Aaaah..”

He could feel her kitty going wild gripping and clenching onto his dick as he emptied into her…

It is a divine ecstasy and he was feeling so blissfully satisfied…

He slowly pumped into her a couple more times enjoy the feeling of her convulsions..

she was shaking a little.. breathing as heavily as he was.. as cum spill out seeping down her legs..

They just lie there for a minute or two savoring the moment..

he then kiss her tenderly and whispered a thank you..

She smiles at him and hug him close to her.. nestling her face into his neck.. in response…

He rolled off her and got up and headed to the shower.. she decided to join him.. they finished .. get ready.. and headed downstairs to grab something to eat..

They walked hugging each other to the elevator..nothing was said..on the way down.. but the smiles and the silence speaks volumes..

***********^^^^*********^^^^^*****

TO BE CONTINUED….

ONLINE DATING: FIRST EXPERIENCE… part 2

WELL ALL WEEKEND I HAD TO WORK AND I KINDA FORGET A LITTLE ABOUT HIM… BUT I WAS OFF MONDAY AND COULDN’T SLEEP AND A LITTLE BORED SO I DECIDED TO TRY TEXTING HIM….

 ‘hey are out there? It’s me…. Wendy…. Wanting some more laugh. Kinda like our conversation the other night.  You got some to throw my way?

 I got nothing so I leave it alone, it was 3am in the morning and I figure he must be sleeping. Next day Gail … my sister… rented a car and she and pick me up and we went shopping for ray’s birthday…her husband… when she took me home she invited me to stay over with her, so I went because we were planning on taking ray to lunch next day.

  I still have this guy on my mind and I wanted to talk to him again, so about 9pm, I said to Paige I’m going to text your boyfriend , see if he will respond, and so I did. ‘Hey lover lover’ 

And he answered, “hey pretty girl” I was so pleased, and I smile

I said, ‘hey you are on tango, on the prowl tonight?  I’m off tonight & nothing much on TV so glad you are on[Symbol]. I got nothing back, so after 10 minutes. I sent another text, ‘no conversation tonight… you are busy…. Well I’m here if you want to……..’

 I was a little bit disappointed but, thought he did not want to be bothered, so I leave it at that. At 10:29 he sent a text, ‘I’m only talking to tall thin hot chicks tonight!!!! Oh wait?!?!Hey that’s you.”

I light up and said to Paige, that’s your boyfriend. So I said to him, ‘I’m the only one you need to talk to.’

I THOUGHT IT WAS SO FUNNY PLAYING THIS GAME OF DECEPTION; PRETENDING TO BE MY NIECE PAIGE…I WAS HAVING FUN THINKING, WHAT DIFFERENCE WILL IT MAKE…

‘Hey I like the toed… Kinda cute,’ 

I told him thanks.

What are you doing? Don’t you have a job to work at till 4am? Ha-ha what do you do dig graves? He asks laughing.

I’m off today’. I told him, ‘right again, I love digging graves.’

‘Ha-ha! I’m usually am.’ He stated. Ok so how old are you?

 Oh sh…t …, I thought I can’t tell him the truth, what should I say? My phone battery was dying and so I told him, ‘hey lover….. My phone is dying and I am at my sister’s house with no charger,”

‘Oh no,’ he said

 I know :(, I responded…

He then insisted, ‘age please Wendy, and then I have one more question.’

I lied again, I told him 20s, then I say, ‘shoot ‘to the question.

Are those real!!! They are sure pretty… beautiful…. Teeth… I love a pretty smile.’

I told him, ‘a thanks thanks thanks.’  [ thinking , he would never like me, he could never like me , feeling glad I did not admit it was me, because if I did I would not be having this conversation right now. What I would do for a little conversation with a cute guy, hide behind my beautiful little niece, just like I did in the picture, Silly silly me.]

Hey my pleasure! He said, ‘well very kissable”.

I then said,’ braces; wouldn’t mind too much,” [I meant to be kissed by him; although I know it’s only in my dreams will that ever happen.]

And the sexy lips to go with it! Schwannnng,’ he stated.

‘You are kinda cute too,’ I told him. [And you know I meant that. I like this guy.]

Hey thanks pretty girl.’

Thank you …. I interjected.

He then starts by saying, ‘maybe one day we can have dinner and by that I mean…

I asked, ‘what?

He said something quite inappropriate and unexpected and way out of context…

  He took me by surprise did not quite expect that and I did not really want all this sex talk  I didn’t how to quite respond to all this, I love talking trash, everybody knows that, I’m filthy as they come; but I did not want this guy  to know that or think I’m only talking to him for sex, and I didn’t want to entertain him;  So I say to him, ‘you got me there.’

He sent a [Symbol] ….. Perfect! I like winning!!!! Ha-ha’. He laughed.

I then said to him, ‘oh u naughty naughty man,’

 And so he continued, ‘and who isn’t happy when they Cumming right? Tada!!! I’m your future happy! 

I said, we will see.’

He did not stop there, ‘oh did I forget to mention… and he again make some more silly comments on the subject…

 I told him,” I think I’ll be scared to meet him”. And I meant it, I thought, oops, he’s all about sex; don’t know if I want this.

Then he asked, ‘will you tell me your height and weight? I totally understand! You should be scared!! This place is full of idiots and creeps! Other than me[Symbol] ha-ha!!’  he laughed again

I ignore his question and told him that he sounded very intimidating, and yes… creepy.

‘Oh you think, ‘he said.  I’ve been told that…. But I don’t see it… I’m confident but kind…’

I only hope, I told him.

He says, only time will tell!!! Right.

I know it was time to cut off this conversation because I did not like the direction it was taking. So I told him, ‘anyways goodnight. Yes time will tell.

 He then says, ‘if we ever meet it will be in a public place, so you could get up and walk away at any point if you weren’t comfortable. Now dream of me please[Symbol].’

I started to say something to him but I changed my mind all I got was ‘sorry I’ and I responded to his dream about me; I told him, ‘will do’.

 Good night sexy girl’.

I said to him in return, ‘ … goodnight lover.

I was always weary of anybody online, I told myself I would never hookup with any guy online, and I still don’t think I will… this guy is cute but of a unsavory character and reputation..

I was left thinking aaaaw man, this guy is all about sex, I don’t know, if I really want to get in this with this guy, I just wanted some clean conversation without the dirt and filth.  And it’s not like I am going to ever see him. Well I just have to forget about him, as cute and a funny as he is.

…………………………………………………………………………………….

 

I did not try to text  again for all that week although he was constantly on my mind, but I told myself he was not what I wanted, I really just wanted a texting buddy to pass time and I was the one that pursued him. So let it be. And anyways he really likes Paige and she is not available, and I can’t tell him now that’s it’s me; he wouldn’t want to talk to me.

 I really don’t remember exactly why I decided to text him to let him know that I’m going to stop, I really did not owe him an explanation but I did anyways, on Sunday night… the 15th… after work I came home and decided to send that fateful text.

 I said, ‘hey lover, my aunt said you are easy on the eyes and hard on the heart. I think I am way over my head with you; you  seem to be all about sex. And I don’t know how to be in a relationship with just sex. I’m too inexperience and naïve for you. You would only chew me up and spit me out.  I like you … those blue eyes and that pretty smile captivated me. But…you are right you are just too much for me to handle.” I then went to sleep.

I was trying to sound young and inexperience, still playing the role of my niece…while I’m interjecting “the aunt’ knowledge and wisdom as me…. this is where I should also confess that it’s not paige but me… but, I was just too busy playing this game of deception.

 

I was awaken by his text Monday morning at 9: 21am; ‘well Wendy I do sure appreciate your honesty. In reality I’m not only about sex but just assumed everyone on here was and so I’m way over the top with it. I’m sorry that I confused you it was never my intention. Either way I sure you will meet someone you are more comfortable with and a have a great life. You seem fun funny and you’re beautiful I’m sure you will meet someone you are more comfortable with. Take care sweet girl and thanks again for being so open and honest.’ 

After reading his text, I was kind of surprise by what he said and I was very impressed to learn that he was not really all about sex. … I should have left it alone, let it go at that, but not me, I liked him, something about him, I felt compel to talk to him; and I wanted to continue with the conversation; aaahh, don’t know how to leave well alone. And so I responded to him,

“If this is the case and you are as sweet as you look and as charming as you sound….could I have the pleasure of conversing with you every now and then. I kind of feel and get a connection with you; blame it in on damnedest blue eyes and that smile of yours. And of course, your sense of humor….ok Allen …. I like you. Is it ok for me to do so?

I can’t figure out why I was so drawn to him, why I did I liked him so much? Why didn’t I just let him be, why did I continue with this deception? Just for a little conversation. I can’t tell him now, if I do he will not talk to me, and I just want a little time with him; what a stupid, foolish thing for me to think. And again I missed out on the opportunity to come clean about my identity… this would have been the perfect time…

Anyways….. He answered me.

“Yes it’s ok. But I honestly understand if I’m too much to handle! I liked our connection too. I promise to not come on so strong and I refuse to mess with your head…so I let you dictate how we move on forward and promise to be somewhat of a gentleman[Symbol]

Oh thank you thank you, I gladly said.

My pleasure, says he.

“Let’s see how it goes and where it takes me (us)” I said to him,” and BTW aren’t you supposed to be at work right now?”

[If only I could have known the path that this conversation would lead to and known that all my deception would jump right at me and bite me in the ass. All the pain and sorrow that it would have cause, the anguish and agony it would left me….. If only I could have known….] Playing a game of deception is never going to end good… I couldn’t see the future and couldn’t have known that the father I take this game the harder it’s going to be for me to tell the truth. And I’m actually old enough to know this… but i was so naive with my behavior…

Haha! Well I am… kinda. I am self employed so I can’t get fired. He told me

“Really…. What exactly do you do and I never asked where are you, in what city? I’m here in Orlando.”

I’m in Daytona and I’m an architect. I have interest I have a few business…that’s why I fly. For work and sometimes for fun. So tell me about you please.

“An architect and pilot…..” I said, ‘very impressive, that’s so cool, I always like architecture wish I was artistic enough to get in to the field… now about me…….. Warning …. I may be boring. I am in school working on my associates trying to figure out what to major in. my mom wants me to be a doctor; but I am not so sure what I want; we’ll see. And I work second shift in a retail store….. When I am not in school studying or at work; I love to cook and bake stuff or curl up with a good novel or watch a movie.  Told you I’m boring.

 There I go… on with playing this deceiving game… and the bad part about it all … is, I play it so damn good… smiling… having fun… enjoying the conversation with this fascinating and intriguing guy… not thinking how wrong I am, playing this horrific trick on him…

the story doesn’t end here though… we talked all that day in the night way pass midnight… by the time we stop i was hooked and dug a hole so deep into deception… I had no way out…

I got up got something to eat. Clean up a little and all the time my mind was wondering to him; I was so drawn to him. I liked him; I really liked him and I was so excited to talk to him again; my heart was pounding  against my chest with just thinking of him; there was a knot in my stomach with the anticipation of him, and I knew I had to do something about cutting off this because I was not Paige and it’s Paige that he really likes; but I want some more of him. He is so gorgeous, charming and amazing.

to be continued …

ONLINE DATING: FIRST EXPERIENCE… part 1

( this is a rerun for all my new audience.. how y’all enjoy this little story.. )

I have a grandson Ayden whom I see  once a week, I usually talk to him on Skype during the week but john had lost his Skype account so he decided to get a different app instead, therefore for me to be able to talk to little Ayden I had to download the app.

So I ask Paige to help set it up; she is my teenage niece and a little more versatile than I am with these apps and things…. and  seeing I don’t have much knowledge with this sort of thing, I  ask her to…  So she did and we decided to use a photo of us together seeing I did not have any better one of me. I never took a selfie before and I haven’t really take much pictures of myself… and photos don’t do me justice… Paige is a pretty little thing and a beautiful smile and she knows it; me, I love her she is the closest little niece I have.

 Now, I never was on any of these social sites before. As a matter of fact I was not even aware that it was… so I keep getting hits and request for friendship all for Paige, I delete and block them all. 

So, one night I came home from work… I work second shift and reached home every night apx. 1pm to 2pm… nothing much on TV,so I checked my phone and I saw a few messages , so I went on looking around, playing with it, I notice the feature “shake “ and I tried it.  24 faces pops up and I looked through them and in the lot I came across this face, he had blue eyes and a nice smile, no name, so I decided to send out a “ hi cutey”  and of course he reply “ hi sexy” I liked his face, my Kinda guy I thought, I have always liked blue eyes.

And so we start t a conversation; this was on December 6th, at 4am in the morning.

I reply. “How do you know this?

He said, I know everything “Am I bothering you?”

 I came back with, “LOL NO”

He laughed, “Ha-ha! Ok maybe I’m a bit silly! But hey it’s 4am in the morning

 I smile thinking he’s right. So I asked,

“why no name?’

He said, “oh sorry…. My name is Allen.  I forget I did that.

“How come you are up?’ I asked, and I responded to  his name, “Allen, ok that’s good.

Well I’m about to go to sleep friend just left… wanted to see what kinds of crazy girls might be up this late hour looking for some cock?!?! Ha-ha was his reply.

I laughed, I thought that was funny, so I said in reply, “me too, going to sleep, not looking for no cock, have my toys they are good enough.”

He said, “Oh I see… well then you just haven’t had me then 🙂

I laughed thinking this guy is hilarious; I like him he is fuuuny.

I say” just came in from work”

He then says ‘I’m just playing ……I’m sure they can stay longer than me[Symbol]

I said, ‘sure can’, all the time smiling, I was liking this guy and his sense of humor

Then he said, ‘although I’m good for hours.’

Me, ‘ooooh really’.

And he continued, ‘and I throb….damn… I’m sure I can’t compete……unless you want to be choked or something!!! Ha-ha.’ 

 So I said, ‘so said all men until’ ….

Well… that’s so true. I’m sure, Said he.

 I was all smiles, I was enjoying this little conversation and I had to tell him, so I said, ‘you are so funny and sounds crazy and horny.’

And he continued, ‘and so I will be honest and say that I’ve had girls that made wonder if I was gay, couldn’t get or stay hard.’

I give out, ‘what!???…. This happen to a man like you?

He’s still going, ‘and then I would meet a girl who could keep me up while I fell asleep after my fifth nut I swear!!

“It happens I know” I said to him, [of course I know, being there done that ]

Then he says, ‘yup I swear…. To me it is all a connection or not.’

‘That’s right’ I said.

He then said, ‘dol will either fuck up brains out or be that guy!!!! Ha-ha so wow… I am an under performer on paper…. I can’t sell me for shit!

 I did not quite get the gist but I figure he sounds like a player, someone who likes to have some fun. So I said to him, ‘you sound like you have been around the block a few times’.

He laughed, ‘ha ha! I have a small neighborhood! So my block is tiny. Ok so I said who I am ….. Who am I talking to?

I responded to the tiny block conversation, I said. ‘so you need to move to a bigger neighborhood,’ oh you can call me Wakanita;’ how old are you Allen’?  I hope you are not a minor’…. I was thinking maybe I am here flirting with a very young guy, and I did not want entertain  or lead on any too of a young guy even though I am enjoying this little conversation.

 He said, ‘good god’ 

 I give out, ‘what?

He continues to say, ‘I’m 83 this month; that a Kinda old picture; OK I’m just playing.’

 I said, ‘are you serious?’

‘I am 42’, he then said.

I said, ‘oh good;’……….. I was then thinking perfect age, I can flirt all I want, Wonderful.

He then finished by saying, ‘but I look 52; so that’s a plus; so you are Wendy?

 Then he lost me again saying something I did not quite understand, ‘because truth I advertising say….. I was closer than you.

I started to say something too and I started to delete it but send it by mistake, and I answered I said to him, “yes I am Wendy”; you lost me though.

 Then he went to inform me about his sexuality, ‘well I have rather a large cock… and I can fuck for hours…and I have never met a woman who can wear me out…I  like to have fun with someone who is fun and open…. That is my only real deal.’

I thought, oh boy, that’s being open and honest for you, so I said, ‘oh I see…. You are just looking for some sex? Me….. I just want some conversation and some laughs…..and you seems like you got some.’  He stops writing so I thought maybe he fell asleep, after all it was now 4:30am. So I asked, ‘went to sleep.’

And even though sex is my favorite topic and if I let loose right now I probably could have some laughs,  and some fun… but I don’t much  feel like entertaining this…I don’t want him to think I am after some cock… 

He then answered me, ‘well maybe… but I can understand that! It was fun chatting either way.’

I thought he wanted to stop talking, so I told him, ‘well Allen I have to get my beauty sleep.’ ‘Same here’.

He comes back with, ‘damn! You must be super fucking hot! Beauty sleep started half a day ago! Oh well… Story of my life. Ha-ha!! Night.

I liked this guy, he is funny and humorous, I would love to talk to him again, he is good for some laugh; so I asked him, ‘is it ok to link up you another day?’

He told me, ‘it’s up to you… I for real don’t get on here much… I thought it was fake till we just had fun!

I thought, oh my, he also enjoy the conversation, ‘ha ha… funny funny funny.’ ‘I don’t either.’

I was smiling feeling so pleased that he enjoyed our little conversation…

Then he says, ‘ok so I hope you are the black girl in the picture…Js.’ ‘I’m waiting and smiling!!!

I thought, OMG!!!!  Is he thinking I’m Paige…  then it hit me!!!! It’s Paige he likes; if I tell him it’s me, he might not want to talk to me, (next to Paige, I’m old and not as attractive) I won’t hear from him again, and I want some more of this conversation, I like him, he is cute and funny…. I am going to play along because I wanted another chance to connect with him.

So I said, ‘black girl? You think I am black? Are you back (black?)

I was trying to be srcastic… because I don’t consider us as black…. we are exotic..

He said, ‘no silly I’m not black or back! I am Irish! Black hair blue eyes.’

 I interjected, ‘I like them white.’ … was Kinda lame but…. Then I said, Ooh my favorite cousin is Irish.’ …… and there goes my first lie in pretense I was Paige.[ On the road to destruction.}

He then lost me again with, ‘Jesus I thought we passes the politically correct time of 10pm.’

 I did not know wtf he was talking about. 

Then he said really?  Oh wait, that may be the don’t make a voice call…. Damn…’

  I thought he was telling me he has to go so I told him, ‘sorry bye and goodnight.’ 

He then said, ‘ok so I have boundaries…. But clearly they are loose! Oh damn I thought we were having fun? No? Ok… well I’m sorry if I upset you…. Not my intention… night bye.

I said, ‘he is very hot-tempered too; he’s cool though; bye … until….

I ended our conversation because I was not quite understanding his statements; I keep on thinking he want to stop and then he says something else to continue and it was now almost 5am.

He said,’ now; wait was that an option? Hahaha; ok probably not! Dammit. Oh I love that this tells me you read it though!!!! But damn… I feel super rude… So I am going to bed and stop being creepy… night.

I read his messages and I went off to bed smiling, I did like and enjoy our little encounter and thought I will try again to talk to him. Just for conversation, he is rather amusing and I like that. I have never before done this, but it was fun even though he thinks I am Paige, but no harm done, he won’t know the difference. I just want to talk to him again, I like his humor and he is cute with those captivating blue eyes and that winning smile.

So I told Paige all about him and how much he likes her, she said but auntie Wendy, it’s not me talking to him, it’s you, so he likes you not me.” I told her it’s her picture he likes, he would not to talk to an old fart like me, and anyways what he doesn’t know won’t hurt him, after all its just conversation….. Little did I know….

EVEN THOUGH HE WAS VERY SEXUAL AND OVER THE TOP WITH IT… I ACTUALLY FIND HIM SO AMUSING AND THOUGHT IT FUN AND VERY ENTERTAINING … I DID DRIFT OFF TO SLEEP SMILING WITH A PICTURE OF HIS FACE IN MY MIND..

THAT WAS AS EASY AS THAT …TO PEEK MY INTEREST AND HAVING ME WANTING MORE CONVERSATION AND HAVE ME SMILING AND ANTICIPATING OUR NEXT CONNECTION. I’M GOING TO LEARN SOON ENOUGH, JUST HOW POWERFUL WORDS CAN BE AND HOW ONE CAN EASILY GET CAUGHTUP AND DRAWN INTO AN EMOTIONAL AFFAIR ONLINE… WITH JUST WORDS…

 

 ***********************

TO BE CONTINUED…..

A MESSY LOVE 💕 STORY: part 12b

It was so good to touchdown on home… he didn’t realize just how much he missed being there…

And he was really excited to see his girl and his newest….. Yas…

He had picked up a little stuff toy for the little girl…

Thinking it would give him an excuse to go over even if she still refuses to see him….

he took a pic of it and send it to her.. pleasingly showing off his thoughtfulness…. hoping to gain some leeway to her heart… after all Lillie is her pride and joy…..

He texted her telling her he’s home.. all excited and wanting to get back some exciting welcoming greetings…,

But…

To his disappointment she was way too causal…”oooh good “… she said.. end of conversation…

So he decided to leave her alone for the evening…

He also texted Yas.. she was more cheerful and tell him welcome home… He confirmed his date with her for the next day…

And he then decided to take a little nap..

He woke up feeling refreshed and decided to go run some errands…

He came back and feeling bored .. he call yas…

He mentioned their date and was asking her about what kind of food she likes .

Because he wanted to choose a restaurant she’d be sure to enjoy going…

For her to announce that she has RAMDAN for the month….or something like that… ( its the Muslim month of fasting)

Huh????!!!

Why is she just now mentioning this…isn’t this something she would have known about in advance ..???!!!!

Was this her way of getting out of seeing him???!!

Yep.. he was very convinced about it.. there was no other explanation..

but..

he tries to play it off .. saying he understand not wanting to accuse her of anything…

He then suggested that maybe they can just hang out at her home… because he just wants to spend some time with her…

She agrees with his idea… and said later that evening she would call to tell what time is good..

Come later. She did call but to make him know she won’t be able to after all…

He really didn’t know how to respond without saying something negative.. so he just said. “Ok fine…

Bid her a good evening.. and hang up….

He was a little disappointed.. and felt really cheated.. because he knows and realize that all what she had said and make him believe that she was really interested in seeing him was all but a lie..

well all was not lost.. he still have Terri and his girl.. he will be seeing his girl and her daughter this weekend ..

Terri was a girl he had hooked up with a couple times for an sexual encounter…

so that’s all she’s about.. so when he contacted her she will know exactly what it’s all about..

Come tomorrow he will call her to make some arrangements to see her.. forget about Yas..

He will also try to see his girl without her little girl around too… he wants some quality time with her. And he knows if he gets her alone it would be easy to seduce her…

He only have the one week.. so he wants to have a little fun before it’s over…

He drifted off to sleep 🛏 a little disturbed about Yas and her deceiving actions….

Shaking his head in wonder why she couldn’t have just let him know that she was not interested in spending time with him…. instead of leading him on then backing out with all those feeble excuses….

” some women..”

He had a restful night.. he was really exhausted from his trip… and was mentally exhausted.. things are not going accordingly to what he had anticipated…

So he has to adjust his mental state and try to make the best of his week off… all his intended plans has failed to materialize….

He went about his day running a couple errands.. and relaxing.. the day went by very uneventful..

He spoke a little to his friend and expressed his disappointment…and gripe a little ..

Come Friday her call up Terri and drove over to see her.. very enthusiastic about having a good time..

He told her he would take her out to eat something and she suggested McDonald’s..

“What???!!!!!” McDonald’s..???

Well it’s her choice so he didn’t argue about it..

He drove up to her place and she got in his car.. he greeted her with a smile and a chups on her cheek…

She immediately give out… ” Hey .. so you know… I am on my period.. so we can’t fool around today..”

He just looked at her.. shake his head think.. What ….the ….fuck…. he just sighs and smile.. and actually giggles at the humor of it all…

She looks at him all puzzled at his reaction.. but didn’t comment..

They got to the nearest McDonald’s and they went in.. he turned to her and told her.. ” have anything you want..”

She acts very surprised at his suggestion.. and said. “Anything!!!!!?????”.. in a unbelievable tone..

He nodded his head in agreement and repeated.. “anything….”

She smiled so pleasingly and turned to placed her order…..

He sat with her as she devoured her meal.. drove her home. And headed back to his …

He just couldn’t believe his luck… strike three… he was speechless and so amused at how not one of his girls came through for him….

Well his vacation was a bust…

*********^^^*********^^^*******^^^*****

TO BE CONTINUED….

A MESSY LOVE 💕 STORY: part 12

On the eve of his departure home.. he decided to send a text to her.. asking her what she thinks if he stays overnight with her when he arrives back home…

He was sure she would be eagerly receptive assuming from their conversation over the past weeks .. that she misses him and was hoping he would make the suggestion..

So here he is … acting on this theory that was implied.. thinking he’s going to oblige her and give in..

He finds himself actually missing her and he really was anxiously anticipating seeing her and spending some time with her..

she’s going to be one of his first stop when gets in…

But….

To his surprise .. she turned down his offer stating that..” that he wasn’t her exclusive boyfriend and that sleeping over is for boyfriend status…”

He was taken aback… became speechless 😶 for a moment.. angry at her declaration…he was just astounded with the unexpected decline of his suggestion..

So he decided to tell her exactly what he expected from her in return.. seeing that she is now having all these standards and implementing rules…of their relationship…

He had stayed over before… and he had read a lot into her actions of cleaning and taking pride into telling him with photos and details..

Was she really serious.. ??? Anyways he continued to tell her that she always have and made demands about this relationship that they have going on..

And he tries to oblige and indulge her in every way possible.. he is understanding of her needs and still do everything she requested of him willingly because he cares about her and her needs…

And he thinks he was playing the role of a boyfriend..

so now that she implied that he is not her boyfriend.. all this will stop…

He really thought he was the one staying away from being physical sexually.. Because he was afraid or repeating all that drama about being pregnant and she becoming depressed and emotional…

It is really like a slap to the face.. So now he decided to turn his full focus on his new girl.. YAS….

And when he gets in tomorrow.. he might just ignore her a little..

*********

The day has come to head homebound for a week…

He had a restless night.. consumed with thoughts and feelings of rejection of his girl..

But..

He was as excited about seeing YAS… and hoping he didn’t read her signals wrong too…

He really was hoping to get some time with his girl first to be able to release some of his sexual tension..

He was horny for her and he was having visions of making some sweet love to her…

And he wonders if and when he sees her if he should make a play for some…

He’s almost certain she wouldn’t be able to resist him.. but he was kinda hurt about her rejection of his suggestion.. and wasn’t sure he wanted to even try…

And he didn’t want to see Yas.. with a protruding boner… knowing he can’t act on it because Yas is still so new to him and he don’t want to rush into anything with her prematurely…

As he sits in the plane ✈️ waiting takeoff… he started to think of his girl .. and he was so surprised at his feeling of being heartbroken.. he kept hearing those words of rejection again and again..

and a song came to mind..

” FAMOUS LAST WORDS OF A FOOL.. by George strait

He looked it up and listened…tears came to his eyes as he gets so emotional.. he does love this girl.. and he was really hurt by her declining his self-invite…

He knows he’ll be seeing her though. He couldn’t go home without visiting her..

So in the the next couple of hours he will know. When he gets there….

(YOU WONT BREAK MY HEART..

I don’t love you…famous last words of a fool…)

***************

TO BE CONTINUED…..

Next.. touchdown on home soils…

A MESSY LOVE 💕 STORY: part 11

He keeps talking to her.. and visit with her frequently… hoping to help her out of that depressed mode she’s in.. after a month or so she started to show signs of recovering and back to her normal self…

He decided to step back some and see her less..

He told her his job has becoming very demanding.. he was still thinking of gently walking away from her.. He has admitted to himself that he does care for her deeply and find it hard to let go completely…

He decided he’s not going to cut ties fully.. but he’s going to stop this physical relationship even though.. he still feels some sexual tension and energy when he’s with her..

She have the tendency to always be rubbing his back in a very sensual caressing manner..

Or..

place her hand on his thighs and stroking upwards towards his groin.. she does it very unconsciously.. and it sends a electric jolt to warm that sensitive area that he’s trying to control..

He loves the feeling it gives but he just don’t want to react.. just too risky and it’s still fresh in his mind all that emotional turmoil she puts him through..

So he decides it’s best if he stays away.. He can resist only so long…

A job offer came up for work out of states and it pays almost three times what he’s now getting..

It offers free lodging and food.. and he don’t have to travel.. and paid flight to and from..

He would work.. two to three weeks.. and off one week.. which he gets to come home…

He thought this would be a good chance to get away from her and the money is very appealing.. so he applied and he got accepted…

The week before his departure he met a really beautiful lady.. And he was very enthusiastic about her..

He told his girl that he’d be leaving.. and she was really disappointed .. but he finds that he was more excited about leaving than caring about her feelings..

It means starting over.. a new job.. good money.. and this new girl..

He was moving up and he felt good at his success and his new found accomplishments…

All of sudden he was feeling above her and that she no longer fits in his circle..

He has moved on…

He was trying to convince himself that he can do without her.. although he still talks to her daily in a ritual manner..

He was just fooling himself… she means more to him than he cares to admit..

But he hopes being away would calloused his heart…

This new girl seems to like him.. and she so different from her.. it’s like night and day… he even started to think that this new girl maybe too good for him.. but he shrugged that feelings off because she’s very receptive to his advances…

He decided to take it in strides.. and hopefully the more he gets to know her…the less he’ll feel for his former lover…

He flew out to his new position… it was located in a deserted area.. they have what you called a man camp.. decent looking rooms…

His first few days were busy with meetings and orientation.. but he finds himself missing the familiarity of home and he misses his girl.. so of course he text her and she expresses how much she misses him…

Of course…he admitted to her that he misses her too..

What’s wrong with him.. why is he giving her the impression that he still cares for her..

He goes in a rage with himself just how weak he is.. beating himself up…

He is here for a reason …. to shake her.. and focus on this money he’s making and this new girl ..

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TO BE CONTINUED…..

A MESSY LOVE 💕 STORY: part 10

…. Things went well with them that first week.. communication was light and sweet..

She was really loving and smiling and and so enthusiastic about him… he was enjoying her sweet airy disposition… and was feeling drawn to her again.. he was getting his intense feelings back …

He had a busy week and hadn’t gotten chance to go see her… but not a day go by without some connection via texting or voice call…

Then a little past the first week.. and she brings him to a halt… with a text.. claiming she had a dream about being pregnant… and she’s been having strong symptoms of being pregnant..

oooh my goodness.. not this again… and then he reflected back to that most passionate night.. and just realize that he didn’t actually used the condom that he was prepared with…

Bad move…

He had all intentions of protecting hisself from this episode and drama…but as he remembers it … in the heat of the moment… condom was nowhere in his thoughts.. now he is going to suffer the consequences …

The possibility of her being pregnant is very high.. and he now fears that .. that passionate exhilarating night is going to be marred with her being pregnant ..

Of course he suggested him getting a pregnancy test and have her take it.. but she refuses .. stating, she wants to wait a couple more weeks to be sure..

He was so annoyed.. and really curious and anxious to know if she really was..but he had no choice but to wait on her..

He went through his emotions and he tried to play it out in every scenario he could think of..,

He thought he would ask her to move in with him. Because he couldn’t actually see his baby grown up that messy house…

He mentioned this to her.. and she blatantly rejected his suggestion.. oops !!! He was sure she would have agreed with his suggestion…

Yet she keeps on hinting about a permanent relationship.. and went as far as mentioned marriage..

Oooh nooo…!!!!!

Marriage is not an option in his book…He would definitely be a part of the child life.. but he has no intention of getting married.. and he didn’t think she was marriage material anyways…

He loves her.. and care a lot about her..

But…

After knowing her and seeing how she lives and with all her complications.. he can only take her in small doses…

Anything permanent would mean she has to make a drastic change.. and he couldn’t see her changing…

And for her constant complaints of illness.. he just knew he couldn’t deal with that long term…

But..

He is now faced with her possibility of being conceived with his baby.. and he may have to make a decision against his liking…

He went out to see her that weekend and surprisingly.. she was beeming and very cheerful..

This attitude of hers .. makes him a little more convinced that she is pregnant…

He took her to Walmart.. on their way .. she was talking going on about her symptoms and acting as if it was a sure thing.. While in Walmart she headed over to the baby section and she was rambling on about the baby this.. the baby that..

As he watched her bouncing about excitedly… he thought in silence..

What have I done???!!!!

Her behavior and attitude was slowly convincing him more and more that she was..

And..

He recalled… that this is a repeat of the last time she thought she was pregnant for him..

He again suggested that they get a test while at Walmart.. but again.. she wanted to wait…

What is her problem..?? Why wait??

This was causing him great anxiety attacks and he just wants to be sure before he makes any definite plans..

It’s been almost a month now and he was tired of waiting…

He was not pleased with her answer.. but nothing he can do about it…

He drove her back home without saying another word..

He dropped her off and headed back to his house…

He was annoyed.. and getting frustrated.. and couldn’t wait to find out for sure..

He was more than half way convinced… but .. just want to be 100% sure…

He was tempted to buy the test and drive over there and demanded that she takes it right there right now…

He was thinking.. it would be so nice to be a father.. and he was becoming very emotional with his thoughts…and he secretly hoped she really is.. he find himself becoming a little excited at the prospect of having a baby of his own…

And although he wasn’t too pleased with his choice of the mother of his child .. he knew he had to make it work… He will find a way to…

They had conversations via text.. and he keeps trying to push her for taking a test or going to the doctor..

She always have an excuse not to…

He was battling with his emotions and had a couple solid scenarios that would fall in place with her positive result..

He woke up one morning…. and let out a squeal of delight after reading a text from her that she had her menstruation…

He felt a slight disappointment afterwards and a little guilty about his initial reaction… He realizes that he was hoping for her to be pregnant.. and was actually looking forward to being a dad..

So he text her in reply.. and found out that she was so depressed and saddened that she didn’t want to talk..

Of course this always plays on his emotions and he decided to go see her.. hoping to lift her spirits..

when he got there.. he let hisself in..

whewww.. what a mess. ?? He will never get used to this way of keeping House….

He made his way to her bedroom.. he could hardly find her with all that clothes and trash lying around her..

She was sad.. and he could tell she had been crying…

He sat down on the bed beside her.. without saying a word.. lean in and kiss her cheek.. stroke her arm.. and give her a sad look of compassion..

She started to cry again.. and he reached for her and lifted her in a sitting position and wrapped his arms around her in a hug… she sobbed in his shoulder..

He patiently waited for her to calm down..

She started rambling on about how she wanted that baby and how she is never going to have another one…

He just said… Sshhhh!!!! Sshhh..!!!!

You are going to be okay.. he told her trying to console her…

But.. she was becoming hysterical.. so he stop talking.. didn’t know exactly what to say to her…

He didn’t like to see her like that .. but he was actually relieved that she was not pregnant.. he keeps looking around him.. and was so thankful that his baby won’t have to be born and live in this condition..

All of a sudden he was itching to get out of that house…he felt stifled.. so He asked her if she wanted to go for a ride to get some icecream..

She nodded yes .. called her daughter. Tell her to get ready to go for ice cream…

He told her he’ll be outside waiting.. and he hurriedly makes his exit..

Its so strange that he’s finding the messy house a little repulsive.. but this is where he’s at with the house situation..

They join him ten minutes later and he took them to eat that ice cream…,

She wasn’t very talkative .. but she seems to enjoy her treat…

They spent a little time eating and then they ride around some.. she seems in a better mood… so he inquired how she’s feeling…

She gave a half smile and said ok.. but continued to tell him how disappointed she was..

He simply agreed.. with… “I know baby I know..”

He took them home.. bid her goodnight and she thank him for coming by and for the ice cream…

On his drive back home he started to think this relationship is not healthy for him… he realizes that he’s finding it really hard to go in that house of recent without being able to ignore all the filth…

And..

Although he likes her and really enjoy her sexually.. he just can’t deal with her obsession of wanting to be pregnant… and every time they have sex she swears she is pregnant and then going into a depressive mode when she’s not..

it happens once too often.. he sees a red flag.. he knows he has to back off and slowly walk away… but how’s he going to do that…

She has too much going on with her that’s becoming a little unbearable and annoying and he just can’t see a long term , steady relationship with her …

As much as he likes her… it in his best interest to find a way out of it….. he keeps arguing with himself….

He dose off that night with mixed feelings but knowing that it’s a choice he needs to make…

Maybe he can remain friends with her.. he will figure it out..

He drifted to sleep with a very disturbed and confused mind….

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TO BE CONTINUED…..

A MESSY LOVE 💕 STORY: part 9b

It took him no longer than two days to get the urge to see her… he couldn’t understand his emotional attachment to her..

He wants to spend time with her and her daughter but he finds that he dread going in that house..

He finds that from the move that he has become so conscious of her surroundings that he walks in looking around with expectations of some improvement… and realizing that he could no longer ignore the messy and filthy condition…

He started to think of diplomatic ways he could encourage her to clean it up.. because this is her only vice right now..

He tried offering to help her.. but she always finds a reason to decline his offer…

He hasn’t been in her bedroom in this new house.. the visual of what he saw in the move was so repugnant … that he has no desire to go back on that bed .. knowing that what he witnessed would play with his mind…

It didn’t however stop his sexual desire for her whenever he’s in close contact with her…

she keeps saying she gonna work on getting it all cleaned up.. but always comes up with some lame excuse why she didn’t get to it..

Like having pains.. being overly depressed… headaches… couldn’t get out of bed.. ect. Ect. Ect..

The following month .. he decided to see her outside the house.. he would pick her up and take her wherever she wants to go.. and spend some time together having lunch or sitting in the park.. watching her daughter have her fun..

He reasons that if he don’t see the mess it won’t affect him..

She invited him to a fair one weekend and he accepted.. he drove over.. and when he got there she wasn’t ready.. her little girl was outside playing .. he got out and sits with her playing with the cats…

She got up and ran after the cats who ran inside through the open back door…the back doorway was open.. he decided to follow her in..

The laundry room is right there… There was clothes in piles lying on the floor.. empty crates was on the washer..

all kinds of boxes.. tins.. things that didn’t belong shoved in corners and scattered all over.. he shake his head.. questions rolling around in his mind..

why is the floor litter in clothes when the machine is right there..??? Why is this space used as a junk yard..???

He walked past it and went inside.. the strong stench of the litter box fill his nostrils.. and he noticed it was still as is…

He acknowledged her mom from where she’s always sitting.. and almost gag from the foul smell she was emanating …

The living room was bad.. worst than he has ever seen it..

He observed a Carmel apple sitting in a corner.. covered in mold.. how long has that been there???

Dirty dishes covered in roaches… it was littered with everything you can think of… dirty socks.. wrappers from snacks.. pizza boxes..

the garbage bin she has in there was overflowing.. not one surface was empty…

he felt so sick to his stomach.. he was tempted to pick up stuff.. but he was so repulsed that he was afraid of touching anything…

He called for her.. and shouted.. telling her he’ll be back in a few.. and he hurried out of that house . Got in his car and drove away..

wtf.!!!!

It’s only a few months she’s been there.. how can she live like that.. and that sweet little girl… how could she expose her to that kind of living..

And the mom.. does she ever move from that one spot..

He couldn’t return.. so he just headed straight for home.. He called her telling her that something comes up and he has to go take care of it…

He has to think seriously about her habitual messy house keeping…

They talk via text messages that evening and he apologizes for running off like that..

He took the opportunity to subtly ask her about the condition of the living room.. and he also mentioned the cats litterbox..

She became very defensive and he again suggested that he could help her to get it all cleaned up…

She again repeatedly mentioned all her pains and how it affected her whenever she tries to do anything.. how she has a daughter to take care of… and her mom also needs her attention..

It was like fighting a losing battle…

She ask him to come over that weekend to take to Walmart .. He promised her he would..

He feels her obligated to her and her needs.. and knows she has no one else to take and he didn’t want her to walk in the hot sun with that little girl.. all that way…

So he went over that weekend.. they went to Walmart.. and she did her usual shopping.. they went to a few other places .. she stopped got some chicken for dinner and headed back home..

All the cats were outside.. and she shoo them away..not wanting them to go inside … and started complaining how they pee on her Little girl’s bed…

He just shook his head offering no comments..

He went in with them.. she invited him in.. when he got inside he smell some sweet scent.. and he saw she was burning some incense .. and the litter box was no longer there….

She cleaned up a little place on the table to put the chicken she bought.. she began dividing it up on paper plates..

Give her mom a plate then her daughter.. he refused her offer . They all set down to eat… then watch a little tv.. the little girl got up to play leaving her unfinished meal behind…

Mom was busy complaining about the cats peeping on bed.. they finished watching the tv program in between conversation… He got up to use the restroom…

As he pass the table he noticed that there was roaches on the Little girls plate… he didn’t think anything of it.. it was because a natural thing at her house..

He continued to the rest restroom.. He noticed just how blacken it was from non cleaning.. he uses it and flushed.. he was surprised by a few roaches scampering away in all directions running away from the water…

He was kinda puzzled thinking where were they hiding. Doesn’t that mean if he had sat down on that seat.. he would have roaches crawling on his ass.. ???

He just sigh.. thinking you can expect in this house..

he went to wash his hands and again look around for soap.. but none was in sight.. the sink was dirty. The same old dried up toothpaste was still present plus new spots.. the counter was full of dust and water stains and roach dropping…

A dirty towel or two was on the counter and on the ground.. He pulled aside the shower 🚿 curtains .. still looking for soap..

He stands there in astonishment.. it was sparkling clean.. unbelievable.. he looked around him again… and every where was filthy…… except for the bath…

He finds it so strange and he couldn’t think get it out of his mind.. To him…only one explanation makes sense…

But it that possible.. it kinda explain the no soap though…

Nahh.. they must take baths.. yesss.. he thinks trying to convince himself not wanting to believe on top of everything.. she don’t bathe…???? 🤔 hmmmm???

He rinse his hands in the dirty sink trying his best not to touch it.. and he walked out.. he stopped.. looked at the bath.. and said…” nah… nah…” shaking his head in response to his thoughts..

He went back to the living room… and he announced that he is going to head on home.. and as he passes the table he pointed and said to her.. ” there is roaches all over the food ”

She got up.. and to his amazement… and astonishment he couldn’t believe what she does next…..??????

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TO BE CONTINUED….

A MESSY LOVE 💕 STORY: part 9

They communicate by text every morning.. it has become their habitual routine over the last months.

She has become a significant part of his days… and he looks forward to receiving those text messages …

He drove over to see her that Wednesday… he took her out for a drive and a drink.. stop.. got something to eat.. she was in a terrific mood and he enjoyed her happy spirit … it was obvious she was having fun and enjoying being with him…

They spent a few hours together .. and he took her back home.. it was a little late and he has work in the morning so he bid her goodnight and headed home…

That weekend he decided to go spend some time with her and take her on a few errands that she said she wanted to run…

Another week has gone by.. he walked in that house..

The boxes are still untouched.. and the living room is in a little worse condition…

Her mom is where he has left her and is wearing the same dress..

A stench was coming from somewhere.. he looked around trying to identify what was causing that stinking scent..

He then noticed a cat litter box.. that was fully used by the cats and needed to be replaced.. couldn’t she smell it.. ?? How does she ignore it..,?? It stinks…

In the middle of the living room was also a garbage bin without a liner.. filled with trash… he also observed a few roaches in and out of it…

It’s just two weeks..!!!!!

How could she allow her home to be like this.. she doesn’t work.. she told him on occasion that she doesn’t sleep much at nights.. what does she do all day and night..

He couldn’t stay in that house another minute so he called to her.. letting her know that he will be outside when she’s ready to go..

She came out a few minutes later.. her daughter behind her.. they got in the car and he pulled out of the driveway…

She turned to and asked him.. “what’s wrong???”

He just shook his head and said..”nothing baby “….

He just couldn’t bring himself to confront her with all that he has observed and seen..

He didn’t know how she would have taken it.. and he was not in the mood for an argument…

She took her to Walmart.. she bought some caramel apple… then to the thrift store and dollar tree…

And he couldn’t help but think..

why does she choose these places to shop…He has never asked her about her financial status before.., is she that low on money.. so he asked her..

She willingly told him.. she got money from her daughters father…. she got food stamps..and her mom got a disability check…

So she was on a fixed income so she has to be frugal …

He continued to probe a little more and asked her why she didn’t work???

Her answer was not what he was expecting..

She said she has chronic pains which becomes so unbearable … it prevents her from working…

He wanted to know to know why she’s not collecting disability… and if she ever works..

She let him know.. that she tried to file but wasn’t validated and got declined.. she also informed him that she used to work before she had her daughter..they were physical jobs…cleaning hotel rooms.. working as a server in a restaurant.., looking after older people.. ect…

This girl is just in 30.. He couldn’t understand how she could just give up working so young and adapt to a life of staying home….

He comes to the conclusion that she uses her laziness which is obvious from how she kept her home..to find any excuse possible to get out of working…

Here she is with him.. in perfect health.. not complaining or having any pains or difficulty getting around..

Could this be selective energy??? Selective pain??? Selective to suits her excuses for just being plain lazy….

On their way back to her house.. he thought he’d use some diplomatic tactics and asked about those boxes that-is sitting in that living room…

He asked her if she wanted him to come help her with putting those things away..

She quickly refuses his offer saying she’ll get to it soon.. he then told her that he willing to help her clean up a little..

She informed him that she’s tired after being out and about and maybe next time.. he shrugs it off and tells her anytime she is ready.. he’s be more than happy to help…

They got to her place. He got out to help her with her purchases.. and went to use the restroom before heading back home..

When he went in.. what greets him… was ugly…

He went to wash his hands first.. there was dried toothpaste all over the sink.. he saw roaches on the toothbrushes.. an open bottle of mouthwash..

How did she have roaches inside the bathroom in the space of two weeks..

he looked around for some soap to wash his hands.. but he couldn’t find any kind of soap anywhere.. not even body wash.. hmm 🤔…. this was odd…he question it silently… he stepped on a clothing item on the floor.. he bent down to pick it up.. a couple roaches ran in opposite direction that was hiding under it.

He put in on the counter.. use the toilet .. rinse his hands again.. wipe them on his pants and leave..

She was sitting on the couch with her daughter…he bent over places a kiss on her cheek… ruffled the daughter hair.. and said goodbye..

He drove home.. thinking of that bathroom… the roaches… her lack of cleanliness.. her laziness

And…

He wonder if this something that he can live with…

It seems like he is now going over there just looking for everything that’s out of place..everything that’s wrong… this is not the norm for him..and this is becoming a barrier to his feelings for her..

He finds that he can’t think of her without thinking of the mess she creates in oblivion…

And he wonders just how much more can he endure before he finds the courage to walk away and never to see her again…????

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TO BE CONTINUED…

A MESSY LOVE 💕 STORY Part 7

THE MOVE pt 2

They finish up eating and went back to work.. she decided to tackle the bedrooms next and get that out of the way..

there was so many junk on the floor but he just followed her lead. They removed the mattress.. and he saw there was roaches squished.. and a few running around..

He shows no surprise .. not after that kitchen..

She does her spraying and they took it outside.. and she spray it again…

Went to retrieve the bottom and then base.. he lifted it up and lo and behold.. what greeted his sight make him gasp and whispered.. wtf.. omg 😮!!!!

There was plates of food covered in mold.. all different kinds of bags from places like McDonald’s, Wendy’s.. Kentucky… And even a pizza box.. fries .. chicken..pizza.., cups forks..

these were covered with green mold and roaches..

He noticed dirty underwear clothing all mixed together. He was speechless..

He was gagging at this point and had to rush to the bathroom. He came out after regaining his composure and saw her picking up the filthy stuff into a garbage bag.. as if it was the most natural thing in the world…

He asked her for some gloves because he was feeling so disgusted and repulsive that he didn’t want to touch anything anymore..

She went and find some.. and after examining the bed spring for no roaches he pulled it outside..

He went into his truck sits down.. shaking his head in disbelief.. Wow!!

And as he relive what he saw under that bed he started to gag again.. this was the same bed he slept in over and over again..

This was the bed he made love to her in..How didn’t he smell that mess .. how long has it been under there???

He has so many questions.. but he refused to ask.. he really didn’t want to know..

she came out bringing the base.. and she spray the bed spring.. and shouted to him.. asking him if he’s not helping her..

He got up.. went back in took out the little girl’s bed.. load it on his truck and took the beds to the new house..

He was tempted to give up and go home.. but he knows she has to be completely moved that day.. and she has no one else to help her.. he felt obligated to finish what he started.

He then make another trip with the washer and dryer…

And when he came back she has the living room set outside and sprayed…she walked out as he pulled in and helped him put it in the truck and they drove it over.. .

When they got back she handed him a garbage bag and told to pick up the garbage on the floor..

but .. she was behind him and keep pulling out stuff that he put in.. an old sock.. underwear.. dirty plates ect..

To him all this is garbage.. it was annoying him that she is wanting to hang on to these things..

The roaches were everywhere hiding beneath everything..

And though she sprayed they were so much that it was impossible to kill them all.. the fumes was so strong throughout the whole house that he has to keep going outside to breathe for a few minutes..

And picking up the trash made him realize how lazy she really was.. there was items from months ago.. food that was partially eaten but left where it is for how long… clothing. Everywhere even where you least expect..

bags from grocery shopping.. some still have items in it untouched.. empty boxes that was discarded .. more pizza boxes.. with unfinished pizza.. roaches feasting on it..

He just couldn’t understand it all.. and he couldn’t understand himself .. how could he not noticed the extreme conditions of her mess..

Could he like her after this..?? Could he overlook her laziness and the way she chooses to live…

These were questions he has and more.. and he will have to think about it all..

This experience has been something he never wants to experience again.. and he hopes that this move will solve this.. he refused to believe this is her natural habitat..

They finally got everything moved and he drove her over one last time.. he helped set up the beds.. and headed home..

He was so ready to sit down.. his back hurts.. his arms were aching.. he still couldn’t believe he was the only one she has helping her..

But…

They got it done…

He drove home that night thinking of the day.. the roaches.. the filthy condition.. under that bed.. the fridge. He touched his head where he bump it .. and he shudders visualizing all those roaches everywhere ..

Phew 😅.. what a day..

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TO BE CONTINUED…

A MESSY LOVE 💕 STORY: part 6

MOVING DAY…

He got up early.. have his coffee.. put on some rough jeans.. got into his truck.. and drove over to her.. he called her letting her know that he’s on his way over..

He hoped she got most of her boxes ready to go.. and got some help with the furnitures and kitchen appliances..

He was not up to lifting much.. but he knows he is going to have to help..

He pulled up.. got out… he was really expecting to see a few boxes outside ready for loading. But… nothing.. He knocked. … her little girl answers the door.. hugged him.. being glad to see him.. as he walked in .. he realizes and noticed that everything was still as is.

Wasn’t she moving today?? Did he get the date mixed up?? No.. couldn’t be.. because he called her to let her know he’s on his way and she understood the reason for him coming so early..

She then emerged from one of the rooms , asking…” are you ready to get started???

Huh!!!..Started?? Wtf?? Was she waiting on him to pack and move things out?? And where is everyone else..??

So he asked about the help he was expecting and should have been here and she let him know that she couldn’t afford to pay anyone to help her..

So how does she figure on getting everything done today.. in this mess.???

He just shake his head.. and said okay.. let’s get it on the way..

She decided to start with the freezer.. and she unplugged it and pulled it from the wall.. and omg 😯!!! Roaches was everywhere.. hundreds of them…she act so oblivious of them.. and she preceded to open it to empty it’s contents.. and unbelievably..

there was dead roaches inside and the lid was lined with them and black from their feces ..

He actually didn’t comment because he didn’t know what to say .. he helped her pull it outside.

she then wanted to do the refrigerator next.. He position hisself and helped he pulled it out from the wall to unplug ..

He jumped back in shock hitting his head against a cupboard.. as he looked down and see the floor covered with a huge infestation of roaches which was scattering everywhere even up his legs..

she noticed his reaction and grab a can of reach spray and started to spray profusely… he walked out to get some fresh air and to get the fumes of the spray out his nostrils…

when he returns to her.. she was pulling the items from the fridge.

He stands there.. agape.. couldn’t believe what he was witnessing..

There was dead roaches on the bottom of the fridge.. on the shelves … there was containers of spoiled and rotten food.. the fridge looks like it has never been cleaned… and he took a look at the door lining.. and just like the freezer.. it was filthy and black and has roaches all over..

He was getting sick to his stomach… and when he think that he actually eat there on many occasions. He wanted to puke 🤮…

He turned from her , Didn’t want to see all that rotten food…and grab a box .. thinking he’s going to start on emptying the cupboards..

when he opens the first one.. a group of roaches start running around seeking a hiding place.. he backed away brushing a couple off his hands..

she observes his actions and tap him on the shoulder and causally hand him the spray.. he took it from her.. looking at her in wonder… then turned back to the cupboard and use it to spray at the ones that couldn’t hide..

He knew she has roaches.. but he never knew that was to this level of infestation.. and this extreme extent..he was glad she was moving.. and he turned to her and asked her.. how is she going to avoid taking these roaches in transition..

She then stopped.. thinking about his questions.. and then have the grand idea that she’s going to spray Down everywhere ..

So in a frenzy and frantic mode.. she started spraying and spraying and spraying. The fumes was getting overwhelming.. so..

He grab the little girl and and took her outside to prevent her from inhaling all that poisonous fumes.. he stayed out there for a while.. waiting for the fumes to dissipate ..and she came out and began spraying everything that was outside again again and instructed him to start loading the truck with what she already sprayed …

He couldn’t believe that she has been living with all these roaches.. and he was wondering how could he have been so blind to them..

He has never seen anything like this before.. he was appalled …

She helped him loaded the freezer in they both hop in and took it to the new house..

it was a silent journey.. but he finds himself brushing his arms and his neck and his whole self intermittently.. it felt like roaches was crawling all over him..

It was a short journey.. they unloaded it then headed back.. and repeat the journey a couple more times transporting the fridge and the stove ….

They were a little exhausted so they took a break and went to get something to eat in town.. but he has no appetite… they feed her daughter and her mom .. and get right back to the task at hand..

He was eager to finish up.. and anyways the hardest part was over and the most disgusting area was behind him..

It couldn’t get any worse than that kitchen…

So he thought…

#################%%%###########

TO BE CONTINUED…..

A MESSY LOVE 💕 STORY: part 2

He wake up smiling… feeling so good 😊 about spending that night with her…

He really likes how he was feeling and for the first time since his breakup in April.. he was feeling alive and his desires was raging..

He still is hurting from that rejection.. but with that sweet kiss last night from this girl.. leaves him wanting more.. it has set his whole being on fire .. awakening and igniting a desire he thought he had lost…

He was really excited to see her again.. anticipating their next meeting.. he finds himself itching to drive over there .. grabbing and wrapping her in his arms and tasting those voluptuous lips once again…

He wants to feel that rush of adrenaline that set his whole body blazing with that furious desire that leaves him weak in the knees..

He wants to feel her touch.. . Feel her luscious body press against his.. and hear her moan with the same desires for him…

He sent a text .. telling her good morning… and she responded.. he was smiling so brightly.. feeling that strong sexual energy from just connecting with her…

They talked for while.. and his heart was soaring with pleasure…he restrained his anxieties for a couple of days but he couldn’t wait to see her … he was so anxious…anticipating …spending time with her.. so by the end of the week..

He asked her if he could visit her.. and she invited him over… he was so ecstatic that she wanted to see him.. and he made time to see her that weekend…

With heart racing.. butterflies in his stomach.. a sweet smile on his face..and palms sweating… His mind reflecting on her face and that kiss. He just wanted to hold her in his arms and have her kiss him like she did that awesome night.. his mind was so consumed with thoughts of her as he anxiously and eagerly drove to her..

When he got there he lost his nerves .. he didn’t know exactly how he should greet her..

He knocked.. and she answered him. He was slightly shaking with excitement.. his heart thudding against his chest.. his eyes however could not hide his feelings.. It mirrored every desires that was quickly building in his loins..

She came to the door.. and he resisted grabbing her to him.. her smile was so inviting and she greeted him coyly…

He timidly hugged her and put a shy kiss on her cheek.. all of sudden he was feeling so bashful.. like a school boy on his first date….

She invited him in. Took his hand and lead him to the couch..

Her mom was there and her daughter ran up and sit quietly beside him and mom. her mom instructed her to say hello to him.. and she smile and did so.

She was watching him so keenly.. her mother was sitting in the chair she was in the last time.. with the little silence of tension he took time to observe his surroundings..

It was a little messy and untidy to his liking or what he was used to.. but he figures that she was a really busy girl with a daughter and her mom to take care of … she didn’t get around to clean..

He drew back his attention to her when she asked him a question.. and everything around him becomes oblivious but her…

His attraction to her absorbed all of his attention. He sat beside her fully arose and wanted to kiss her but with her mom and the little girl there he did not dare…

She cooked and he again ate with them.. he spent the time talking and just enjoying her company…

he left with just a hug goodbye.. but he was super happy..

For the next couple of weeks He saw her two or three times a week. She was becoming an addiction which he constantly craves.. and couldn’t get enough of..

He still didn’t get the chance to repeat that kiss that still lingers on his mind ever so fresh…but he was Really enjoying his time with her..

His desire was growing..and he yearn to hold her and to kiss with the extreme passion that only gets stronger with each moment he spent with her…

It didn’t help much when She made advances and innocent gestures towards him .. touching him sensually .. caressing his arm his legs. Aaaah his legs.. that would send waves of electricity right up his groin..he wants her so badly…it takes everything he got, sometimes , not to pounce on her … rip her clothing off and take her right there with every urgency that he’s feeling…

But…

Her daughter was always present .. and apart of their meetings… so he decided to suggest that they should have a date night without her daughter..

He just wanted to have her to himself .. she agrees and so they made a date for their next meeting.. he could hardly wait for the day to be here.. he already knew that he’s going to do to her what he’s been yearning to do for the last couple of weeks…

They decided on playing Pools and his house after..

He dressed nicely.. put on a really nice cologne.. shaved.. when he got there.. she was looking so good.. she too was dressed up nicely and was so easy on his eyes..

He gave her a hug.. say hi to her mom and her daughter.. and took her hand and led her to the car..

He put on some really smooth and romantic love songs .. and she sits up close to him.. his free hand resting on her hand slightly caressing her fingers..

She then placed her hand on his thighs gently stroking it moving upwards intently..

He turned to look at her with blazing desires in his eyes.. she asked him.. “what are you thinking about??..

She has a mischievous smile on her face and then she ever so slightly brushed her hand against his hard stimulated bulge.. as she closed her eyes.. lick her lips.. tilt her head backwards and gently let out a moan filled with desires..

He knew what he had to.. he was about to lose control of himself.. he was so hott and was ready to explode with this burning desire and want for her..

So he pulled over and park on this dirt road .. it seems seclusive enough..

He turned to her and pull her to him kissing her with a force so intense..that sent his mind swirling and intensified the fierce fire burning in his loins

She took his hand and placed it on neck and came up from the kiss to ask him to choke her.. he stopped for a moment.. looked at her with a questioning look.. she just nod with consent and tell him she likes to be choked..

He was way too far to stop now.. so he obliged… very carefully.. and maan .. did it stimulated her…her reaction to it was both hott and surprising…

She moved away from him.. put the seat back.. and instructed him to kiss her tummy.. he obeyed gladly.. that turned her on so much her legs involuntarily open wide .. she was so ready for him…he touches her ..she was soakingly wett….

It makes him throb with desire..He was bursting in his pants and wanted so much to enter her…

He couldn’t get his pants off fast enough.. his hard rock dick pops out bobbing.. she looks at him.. bites her bottom lips.. use her hand and guide him in .. as she heists her legs touching the rooftop..

He tried to be gentle and go slowly… but he was overly excited. And couldn’t contain his urgency…once he felt the moist of her he lost all control and plunged in deep…

*******^******^******^******

TO BE CONTINUED…..

ONLINE DATING: THE RISE &FALL OF FOREST ANGELS/ HELL ANGELS…part 6

The next few days Forest tried to connect with me but I completely ignored him trying so hard to stick to my decision to leave him alone… I was still commenting on his posts though and leaving little suggestive and provocative comments… being a tease knowing he couldn’t resist trying to connect with me..

So I wasn’t totally being honest and wasn’t playing fair… because I was enjoying being seductive and playing with him and getting a thrill from knowing just how much I was having an effect on him… He played right into my game and I didn’t respond to his gestures of sexual play…

I did find this quite amusing…

a week later he posted a really sexual  provocative post… Of course, yours truly joined all of his other loyal fans.. and made a comment… but this day there was this one comment from someone who thought the post was distasteful  and disgusting and inappropriate…

I’m very argumentative and so I defended forest and tell her if she doesn’t like what she sees … she needs to just keep walking… and we his loyal fans likes him and his stimulating posts… blah blah blah…

She answered, and I reply and then his some of his other followers decided to join in the debate.. all for forest… this one girl “ERICA”… she took her on also… and the next half an hour we raved about forest… I was just having some fun and talking shit.. Erica and  few others was totally agreeing with me…

Forest made a comment once or twice really pleased with our conversations… and we continued talking and making silly comments.. mostly Erica and me… It was really obvious she really liked him… I was really having fun with our little play long…bigging him up.. putting him on a pedal stone….I know him intimately and I was positive all these other fans of his.. do too…

Erica and I went on for a little bit more… this other girl  ‘JENNY’  made a comment in between boosting us along.. and then we have a request from “NELLY”.. asking if she can join in on the conversation… we welcome her aboard… and we carry the conversation a little while longer…

Of course I was well aware that FOREST was able to read every comments we made and I know he was somewhere smiling and enjoying our great admiration of him…all the others leave us chatting and then I got a request from Forest inviting me to join a group chat…

I kinda hesitated to join but not for long… I was curious to see what it’s all about… and so I accepted..There I found ERICA and NELLY… and Forest stated that he enjoyed our little conversation we have going but it will be more private with these group chat… It didn’t take him long before he got really sexual and want to play…  And thus… “FOREST ANGELS” is formed…

I was kinda reluctant to play along sexually in the presence of the girls… but surprisingly they didn’t have any problem with it… I watched for a little taking it all in not sure if I wanted to join in the fun or not… but I was honestly getting a little hott and getting a little stimulated with the scene..

This was my first time taking part in something like this and I was very bashful and blushing…. just thinking of talking  and sexting with these girls.. and they were so good saying all the sexiest things and I was feeling very foolish with my lingo… not sure if I could match theirs…

Forest:     You delicious lil fucking angel…. I love it!
– Nelly     : Mmmmmm
– Forest:     Cmon fuck yourselves for daddy
– Erica..,:    I’m about to cum all over your face lover
– Forest:      Cover me  you sweet delicious bitch!
-Erica..,:     Lick my clit daddy…..Make me spray you….
– Forest:      I’m Sucking the fuck outta that clit
– Erica..,:     Oh god it feels so fucking good my Irish king…. Turn around into 69 and I’m sucking your cock….My tits rubbing against your stomach..

I
– Forest:      Gag on it you sexy angel…
– Erica..,:     Pushing it deep in my throat
– Forest:      Snake a couple greedy fingers in your asshole …

-Nelly    : Let me have some Erica
– Erica..,:     Massaging it with my swallowing motion….Take his cock…I’ll ride his face….
– Nelly:        Let’ me suck that juicy cock….
– Forest:     Get in there Wendy, help nelly lollipop this big dick ….Fucking spit on it… take turn sucking on it … suck on my nuts.. come on wendy… wendy?????

I was silent all this time but they could see my following them…so Forest was urging me to join in … I still didn’t feel brave enough  so I still kept silent…
– Nelly:       All the way down my throat …All wet…
– Erica..,:    Mmmmmmm lick that cunt….make me come again master…
– Forest:    Slap your fucking eager  face with it…
– Nelly:     Mmmmmm … Yeah !!! Heavy… smell and feel so good against my cheeks…
– Erica..,:      How do I taste… lover?
– Forest:       Cramming this tongue so fucking deep in your snatch… Like fucking candy baby..
– Nelly:     Fuck my face off lover???
– Erica..,:     Love how you man handle me my lord
– You:       I’m climbing on … Nelly move over… let me have some of this luscious man meat…

I was so hott and decided to jump in and enjoy some of this stimulating play time… I put all my inhibitions aside and throw caution to the wind… this scene with the girls was making me super hott and very excited…My desires was rising and I was on fire wanting to erupt.. I was caught up again in forest sexual game… and I was gamed…

 
– Erica..,:     Spank me….make my ass cheeks firehouse red…
– Forest:      Milk this fucking cock with your fuck muscles wendy?
– You:       Yes … Deep .. clenching… gripping… milking lover…
– Forest:     Fuck me good you delicious sex goddess…
– You:     I’m Humping up and down …. grinding in deeply as I gripped that hard throbbing cock tightly with each thrust…
– Erica..,: I’ve been a bad girl daddy…I need punishment….
– You:    Screaming … Oooooh fuck me … yesss harder.. hhooooo… Yeah!!!!
– Forest:    Wait your  turn you lil horny  angel… Erica…Gonna put in your ass babygirl…
– Erica..,:    Yes daddy … please….it’s winking and ready for that nine inches of rock solid meat…
– Nelly:     Where you want me daddy..
– Forest:      Keep fucking me wendy..
– Forest:     Suck Wendy’s fucking clit Nelly…
– Erica..,:      Can I have a kiss…so I can taste how I taste on your lips..

-Nelly:   let me kiss you erica so you taste wendy’s juices…
– Forest:     And put some fingers in her ass nelly..
– You:      Oooooh..shit … yesss…
– Forest:    Not now erica… will kiss you later…just let me finger fuck that juicy pussy and lick up all your juices as you gushed in my mouth and on my tongue…

– You:     Fuuuuccckkkk !!!!!
– Erica..,: Mmmmmmm
– You: Yessss …. Pleaaasse….. I’m Cummin … Aaaaah ….omg!!!…. ooooh yeah!!
– Forest: Glaze this big dick with your fuck juice Wendy..

-Nelly:     you taste so good wendy… I’m licking some off your dick forest as you pump in an out of wendy’s oozing kitty…

– You: Aaaaaaah!!! gushing… dribbling out over your cock…
-Nelly,:     I’m licking your clit wendy… erica kiss me my bitch… taste her juices…
– You:       Oooooh Yesss …..Oooooh Yessss Oooooh Yeeeaah!!!!
– Forest:      Finger fuck her butthole as you kiss erica…
– Erica..,: Mmmmm…I’m cummin daddy… finger me harder… make me cum hard for you…
– You:     Ooooh yeeees …. Fuck me.. Fucckkk meeee forreestt… I’m cummin again..
– Forest:     I want some God damn video ladies…
– Erica..,: Yes daddy
– Forest: Video
– Forest: Video
– Forest: Video

 

Forest send three videos of him… they were very stimulating as always
– You:    Oh baby baby baby … good as ever.. never get tired of seeing that beautiful cock of yours..

-nelly:      Mmmmmm … Yes.. Right in my face …You cum so hard…  that was good forest… you have one of the biggest and prettiest cock I have seen…
– Forest:    Cmon Wendy get fuckin nasty for me…

He was prompting me to make a video .. but I wasn’t going to … I wasn’t ready to share that with the girls..
– Erica..,:    Mmmmmmmm…so true nelly…
– You:   we could love on that all day long and all night too…
– Forest: Cmon girls??   Video (he sent another to encourage us…)
-Nelly:     Video ….
– Erica..,:    video …
– You: Liked Erica.., message
– You: Thank you thank you thank u all…I needed this ..this morning…

 

Erica and Nelly both send their videos.. I didn’t… I thought I would just exit.. I was feeling self-conscious again and feel like I don’t fit in with them… I was so amazed how these girls was so brave and had no problem sharing their intimate assets…

I did enjoy the little sexual romp we had though… this was something new and exciting to me… and the girls was really a big encouragement.. I just knew it wouldn’t be long before I evolved and to participate with them..more…

Forest however was so tickled by us he started another conversation soon after and we played late into the night…
Next morning … he again hit us up and I joined in with Erica… Nelly couldn’t she was at work… I was home and so was Erica… that same evening Nelly join us and we had another foursome… Forest requested pictures…  and after Nelly and Erica summit there’s  I still didn’t…

I decided to talk to Forest on a one way conversation.. to tell himand to explain of my reservation of sharing pictures and videos…

Forest:     I adore you… my little team leader
– You:    You think I’m the team leader???  I think Erica has that title ..
– Forest:   Lol… it’s close
– You:     But.. You my stud.. Is the main attraction.. You brings us And hold us together
– You:         You are the feast.. That we can’t get enough of …
– Forest:      I fucking love it
– You:      And in reality.. I wouldn’t share you so willingly.. I definitely wouldn’t at all
– Forest:     Lol
– You:      Hey … It’s fun with the angels… But the truth be told… I enjoy you much more…. And cum much more.. And much harder.. When I have you all by myself….😄☺ Just saying… And so you know… 😉
– Forest:    Mmmmmm I will tend to you personally every now and then I assure you …
– You:    And I’m more eager to share videos and pictures with you… This is my very first time doing threesome or foursome.. I have never done it before.. Even in reality….I’m not comfortable showing my personal pictures and videos to the girls…
– Forest: I understand that but if you want to be an angel, you must obey me. I will service you one on one….
– You: HAHAhaha …lmoa… Really??? Oh my goodness.. HAHAhaha

I really thought he was joking around.. so i was laughing at his comments..
– Forest:    Yes really ….You ok with that?

– You:     We have created a monster
– Forest    : Nope, just the way it should be
– You: Are you being totally serious right now forest..????
– Forest: Lol… don’t trip…. Just have fun…

– You: Or just funning ….HAHAhaha …. I am actually … Having lots and lots of fun.. but… wtf????

I couldn’t believe the audacity of this mf…  was he for real…???  I really hoped he was still in the game mode…

 
– Forest:    Ok good… This doesn’t work without you baby…
– You:      IDK about this arrangement… and I don’t know if this is for me…. I’m easily replaceable …
– Forest:    You will get one on one…
– Forest:      And no you are not…I don”t want a replacement… just stay with the group and let’s continue to have some fun and enjoy each other…

-You:   Hmmm???? I will have to think about this…
– Forest: Photo … just know that you are an essential part of this….
– You:     Ooooh my.. You know I a beautiful chest.. Don’t you..????

He sent me a picture of his chest and I realize he was trying to change the subject.. I went along with it… and after we finished talking I went to talk with the other angels  and tell them about our conversation and tell them I might be leaving the group….

they talked me into staying and again reminded me it’s just a game of fun and I shouldn’t take it and forest so seriously… and assured me… they love playing with me..  and thus forming the group “HELL ANGELS”… They also beg me to participate and more involved  when playing…

And so I stayed…

****************************************************************************

TO BE CONTINUED……

ONLINE DATING: SWEET LOVER: THE RISE AND FALL OF “HELL ANGELS/ FOREST ANGELS” part 5

IT WAS TWO DAYS AFTER, I HEARD FROM HIM AGAIN… AND IT WAS BECAUSE I HAD PLACE A COMMENT ON HIS RECENT POST… I TEND TO USE HUMOROUS SEXUAL INNUENDOS AND INSINUATIONS WHICH IS SOMETIMES PROVOCATIVE… AND HE JUST CAN’T RESIST BUT RESPOND TO THESE… 

IT WAS MY BIRTHDAY ALSO AND THIS IS THE ONLY DAY I GET TO BE POPULAR WITH FRIENDS AND RELATIVES… AND TO MY SURPRISE I GOT A LOT OF BIRTHDAY WISHES ON THE SITE WE WERE ON… SO I WAS IN A VERY GOOD MOOD AND SO PLEASED WITH ALL THE GREETINGS  AND ATTENTION I WAS RECEIVING… MY PHONE WAS BLOWING UP… THEN  I  GOT HIS TEXT…

– Forest: Thank you for liking my post.
– Forest: Wendy?
– You: Haaa … Forest…. I missed out on being your very good girl… HAHAhaha.. And I wanted so much to suck that nine inches of pure pleasure.. And be rewarded… With you gushing all over me…

I was trying to be funny; I wanted to mention that statement he sent on valentine’s day … but thought I would just make a joke of it instead… I actually started out telling him I didn’t like his approach.. but changed my mind thinking, why should I even bother…so I try to be humorous…
– Forest: Mmmmmmmmm fuck yes
– You: Maaan.. !! Maybe next time.. I know it will be a while before you find your way back around to me… But.. That beautiful nine inches of solid Fuck meat… Is worth the wait…

I always wanted him to know, I know of his demanding popularity…
– Forest: What are you doing right now?
– You: It’s my birthday.. So my phone is all tied up with calls and texts from my fans and family.. So sorry.. It the one day I get to be popular…
– Forest: Check out this Tango Surprise!
– Forest: Well Happy Birthday Wendy!  (sent 3videos)

he sent me a birthday wish with a cake and three videos of him.. of course naughty ones…

– You:     Happy birthday to me.. Love those videos… What else could a girl asks for.. Ooooooooh thank you forest… Best gift ever… You knew just what I needed…

– Forest:     Muah!   Miss seeing you   btw….I love your beautiful body….

– You:      Wish I could have be sitting on that hard stiff rod right now….Mmmmmm!!!!
– Forest: Mmmmmmmmm…
– You: I will send you some more of me … Next time you have time to play with me… I do love to see that beautiful cock cum for me…
– Forest: Well I’m ready now….. Lol
– You:     I Don’t have the time right now…
– Forest:    Lol… I know. Soon baby soon… Stroking this big dick for you right now…
– You:       Oh Jesus!!!!! Aren’t you at work… Lover???
– Forest:   No
– You:      Nooooo??? Do you got a day off???
– Forest:     Can you call me… Late start today…
– You:      no I can’t call… I’m talking to my brother on whatsapp… From Jamaica.. Inbetween talking to you…
– Forest:     Oh ok…..
– You:       But .. So you know.. Kitty is so very excited to hear from you… She so much wanted to play.. Just bad timing…right now.. I can’t help but be petting her.. And Maaaan.. She is just loving it..

I was playing with his head… trying to be naughty…

– Forest: Mmmmmmmm….. I absolutely love your style…And your wit..
– You:     You do.. Well thank you forest
– Forest:    I do very much..
– You:      I try to be humorous all the time ….

– Forest:    I dig that about you..
– You:         Although I know I’m corny sometimes….Oooooooh good…  I dig you too forest…
– Forest:     And you turn me the fuck on
– You:       Ooooooooh Shiiiit!!! really??? is that so???
– Forest:   Mhmm… Cock gets hard just talking to you…
– You:     Wow..!!! I’m so flattered….I do love to get you hard though..smiling huge…

– Forest:    I’d love to fuck you silly…
– You:      Funny thing is.. Kitty reacts the same around you
– Forest:   Just a weekend of pure unadulterated fucking……Mmmmmmm…
– You:       Wwwwhhhoooo boy….That would definitely be my glory…
– Forest:     Just rock hard cock constantly pumping your fuck holes…
– You:         That’s right forest… And I want to feel that rock hard in all these fuck holes.. Mmmmmm…
– Forest:   Fuck yes Wendy
– You:      I would let you transfer from one to the other.. Again and again… Over and over and over again…
– Forest:    You make me wanna touch myself…Piston fucking your holes…
– You:      Till you explode all that cum all over me… I wanna touch you tooo….
– Forest:     Bury it in your pussy… pull out and right into the next…

– You:      Pounding…. Ooooooooh yeah….And back to eager pulsating kitty…
– Forest:    Leave it buried and start to pulse and throb inside you…
– You:       Whoaaa!!! yesss… oooh yesss!!!

– Forest:     Milk this cock with your fuck muscles…
– You:         Mhmm.. Mhmmm….Ooooooooh yeah.. Milking it dry..
– Forest:    Getting my cock out…
– You:       I will clenched and gripped to milk every bit out…and Getting you ready again… For round two.

– Forest:     That’s it Wendy
– Forest:     Stroking….
– You:         Oh no??….
– Forest:   Oh yes..
– You:    I went and did it… didn’t I????
– Forest:   Yes you did…

– You:    Just can’t control myself around you… It seems…
– Forest:    I’m glad…This feels so good…
– You:        I would climb on and ride you like a wild horse… Bucking and humping… Wildly… And you would want to get up… And take control…
– Forest:     Scream as you fuck me…
– Forest:     That’s right
– You:      You would probably throw me against the wall..pull my ass up and out And plunged it in hard and fast…
– Forest:     Stretching your naughty little fuck holes with 9 inches of cock…
– You:       as you Push me  forcingly into the wall… Ooooooooh yeah .. I love it a little rough…
– Forest:    Take this man meat Wendy
– You:    I’d be the one screaming then… Ooooooooh yes…Fuck me forest.. fuck me good..
– Forest:    God I love fucking you..!!!!!!

– You:     I would be pushing my ass up for more of you..wanting it deeper…ooooohh!!!!
– Forest:   I wanna cum in your ass
– You:     Oh yeah??? In my ass????

I wasn’t too sure about that… but this is just virtual and like a fantasy.. so instead of spoiling his fun… i just play along making him live out his….
– Forest:   Fill it
– You:      I’m pulling my ass cheeks apart…. Begging you to put it …Shaking with anticipation…
– Forest:    Take all this cock in your ass
– You:        Now forest
– Forest:    ALL OF IT

You:       Aaaaaah…. All the way in..

– Forest:    Here it cums…
– You:    Long strokes
– Forest:   Exactly

– You:    Deeply… Over and over again.. Fuck it…Fuck it…Ooooooooh Yessss….Yessss!!!!!
– Forest:     Shooting jet after hot jet of sticky sweet man milk in that asshole
– You ;      Ooooooooh yeah…Oozing out…. Warm against my leg….I love it.. I’m breathless… Ooooooooh Maaan…
– Forest:     Holy fuck you’re absolutely intoxicating
– You:     You are amazingly good
-Forest:    I love to play this game with you…
– You:    Ooooooooh??.. Kitty is happy, she seems to love you too…
– Forest:   Good!
-You:        I can’t even text.. My focus is off
– Forest:   Lol
– You:      Ooooooooh u are so good to me
– Forest:   As you are to me
– You:       I could easily become addicted to your Nine inches of pure pleasure and wanting it Over and over again….
– Forest:    Oh hell yeah…
– You:        Heyyy I know you would rather a different pic… But hopefully you won’t mind this one too much..
– You: Photos…

I decided to shift the subject a little… get away from the sexting…

I had took some birthday photos and they came out quite good… so I thought I’d share them with him.. I was looking all pretty and sexy and happy all roll in one..  I was in a very great mood today.. and I was having fun…

 

– You: My BD pictures……HAHAhaha
– Forest: I fucking love it!

– You:       It’s gotta be some fucking in there right
– Forest:    Mhmm….Exactly..

– You:     Maaan.. Would love to have you… Ran a marathon with me

– Forest:    I’d fuck you silly
– You:    Good god… I would be so sore and loving it…
– Forest:   Yes you would
– You:      Fuckin me silly.. Would be exactly what I want
– Forest:   I wanna be your cock toy
– You:       But you are…. My very personal sex toy…
– Forest:     Where you live again?
– You:    Much too far away forest…

Forest:     Damn…

– You:       Come on.. You can find some freaky girls nearby….
– Forest:     I seem to not be able to…

– You:       Unbelievable.. I think you are hiding yourself away… Your personal choice not to…
– Forest:     Nope.. I”m not hiding at all…

– You:    But .. If I was nearby.. I would hunt you down And jump all over your Hott and sexy ass… You wouldn’t have a choice… I wouldn’t give you one…
– Forest:   Love it… I wouldn’t need one… I would be very willing…
– You:     Yes you would… you would definitely love it… I would leave you with a huge smile on your face…
– Forest: Love that too… and you would leave walking funny..
– You:      Hahahaha… And of course.. I’d definitely be smiling tons too.. And probably limping With pleasure…Great joy… completely satisfied…

– Forest:    Lol…..God !!!!….I wanna do so many naughty things to you..
– You:        And Maaan..how I want you to….The feelings quite mutual…
– Forest:    Good!
– You:     With you… All my senses are heightened… And come alive…
– Forest:    God I love that…
– You:    I bet you could ignite a fire so blazing hot… And take me to heights.. I have never been..
– Forest:    I know I could…
– You:       I know it… From just the feeling you are creating within me.. Right now.. I just know you would.. Definitely.. Absolutely would…You have such a strong physical chemistry..
– Forest:    Thank you love
– You:     I actually meant energy…. But I know you understand what I’m trying to say…
– Forest:    I do…

I got a phone call an I switched over…  I decided to just leave it as is…  I didn’t intend to talk to him as long as I did… I was just in a wonderful happy mood  and I actually enjoyed our little romp and conversation…. He seems very fascinated with me and I am a bit tickled and amused with the knowledge…and I was all smiles….
****************************************

The following day he sent me a photo of some sexual nature.. I smiled and shake my head… i responded….

– You:     HAHAhaha.. Is that you.. Wow!!!
– Forest:    No lol
– Forest:     Check out this post…

he sent another one… it was steamy and hottt… and I figure he was trying to aroused me…
– You:    I love it.. I could just imagine you doing that though…but lover… I’m on the road.. Driving.. Going to have dinner with a few friends.. So sorry I can’t play now…You are so insatiable And excitable though.. Mmmmmm Mmm…
– Forest:    All good..have fun..wendy… and just so you know… you excites me and makes me insatiable…

I quickly hung up… smiling at his text… because I know how easily he can pull me in.. and I just wasn’t up to his games today….

***************************************

He posted a picture of himself the next day… and of course… as usual I place a like and made a little comment… so he responded to it…

– Forest:    Thank you for liking my post.
– You:    Every time … Forest…
– Forest:   Lol
– You:    You know I’m one of your fans… It’s not only your posts I like … Hmmm.. I’m also a big fan of your most beautiful erogenous zones… Mmmmmm…

 

He liked my comments but didn’t say nothing more… so I just take that as my cue to leave him alone…Even though I like talking to him… I was still trying to distant myself… He still has that sexual power over me… and talking to him always seems to stimulates me.. but he is only about sex and a good time… and sometimes I just need some super conversations….without the pressure of getting sexual..

My connection to him is not emotional… so I’m not attached…I tell myself I’m going to just stay away from him as much as I can….

Let’s see just how serious I am about this and just how much I can fight his temptations..

I need ten thousand angels… to help me tell him no.”

*********************************************************************

TO BE CONTINUED……

ONLINE DATING: SWEET LOVER; THE RISE AND FALL OF “HELL ANGELS/FOREST ANGELS…part 4

I was thinking… after I hung up… I am not going to encourage this guy any longer…because now every time he hit me up he’s going to expect some sexual game…  and it’s not everytime I’m going be in the that kind of mood… 

I liked him but… my one night of being wild and naughty  is just one night… and I was just in the mood for some fun..i got it and now I’m over it..

An hour later,he sent me a couple of pictures of him without shirts… he has a nice chest but wasn’t chiseled or buff… and I do love a good-looking chest on my men… I was thinking I may have said something to him about my likes for him to choose to send me those shots…

I complimented him, anyways…

– Forest:     Photo
– You:        Aaaaaah forest!!!… I could love on that chest … Ooooooh Maaan…  How I love to love on a beautiful and chiseled chest …
– Forest:      Mmmmmmmm…
– You:       hoohooooo   baby… You are so beautiful… you do have a nice physique…
– Forest:    Thanks baby girl
You:    You know it forest… Are u home ???

I thought he was at home and taking pictures for me….

 

– Forest:    No baby… That was about 3 months ago
– You:    Oh okay… thanks for sharing anyways…  Still love it …
– Forest:    Check out this post! ….

He sent me a naughty video.. I just ignore it and thank him for his photos and tell him that I have to get back to work… I didn’t want to get pull in again by his sexuality… and from the video he sent… I was obvious that he was trying to get me going in that direction…

He says bye… and ended our conversation… I didn’t hear from for a couple of days and when he  try to contact me I ignored him .. I was trying to pull away from him… but he loves to post pictures of himself and humorous sexual post.. all which would appear on my news feed because I was still following him.. and of course anything sexual always pique my interest… and… Of course I would like and place a comment or two on these posts…… I love making  commenting on posts… that is my thing… it humor me and I love to get back reactions..

So  sometimes he would send a “HI” to me…  and thank me for liking his posts..We played  that game for approximately two weeks… He trying to chat and me ignoring and refusing his attempts… after  a week or so I decide to answer him.

– Forest:    Thank you for liking my post.
– You:    Hey you.. See that you are really busy..  I was  as well…that was really a funny  post though…HAHAhaha… I see just how popular you are from all the comments you got… I do understand… You are a guy of/ in great demands..
– Forest:      yes, I’m Just really busy Wendy… I really enjoyed you immensely and I have been missing you..
– You:      And I you.. Forest
– Forest:     Good!
– You:     Just dropping in to say hi.. And give you a little nudge to remember me… Just in case you had forgotten me… HAHAhaha.. I know it’s quite easy to do…
– Forest:        Bullshit!
– You:     I know u are probably very busy with work right now.. So am I actually…
– Forest:    I think of you often. But you can be a very pleasant distraction. And sometimes I need to be focused lol. But believe me I desire you…
– You:       Hey.. no worries man…all good… I actually love one night stands…
– Forest:      Lol… you’re not!
– You:        Even so forest… That’s always the best of times… To me anyways .. Enjoy your day.. I really don’t want to distract you too much… As a matter of fact.. I can’t afford to be distracted myself.. And you are definitely a big one for me.. Right now as I got u here talking to you… I’m becoming distracted .. Oh boy not so good for me.. So talk later….
– Forest:   Lol..    definitely …
– Forest: Video …
– Forest: Video…

He sent me two porn videos… some really steamy ones too… I realize he truly love these kinds of videos…  and he loves to interject them in-between our conversations…hoping to create a stir and have me all turned on.. I am not much into porn too much… they really don’t do much for me… but… I find myself liking his choices and actually gets a little aroused watching them… I didn’t want to burst his bubbles… so I responded…
– You:     Oh my goodness forest.. You are not playing fair.. You are so mean…

– Forest:    Lol…(of course he laughs enjoying knowing he has aroused me..)

And so I played his game along… just to humor him…

– You:     I can’t afford to get in this stage right now.. Ooooooh shit.. I feel like I’m gonna explode…
– Forest:    Sorry baby
– You:      Ooooooh Maaan.. You are no good
– You:    But.. Do I love it??!!!

– Forest:    Yes you do
– You:      Oh Fuck.. Yes.. I do.. I do …(I’m such an actress.. haha..)– ….Have you a most fantastic day forest… And thanks for getting me all soaking wet.. And a badly twitching kitty …
– Forest:      I love-making you wet… Most welcome …
– You:          (I was smiling … knowing his exact intentions)  But Maaan.. It’s such an awesome feeling ….
– Forest:     Mmmmmmm

You: Audio Message:

I was just being a naughty girl … trying to get him back by sending him a voice message of pretending to be aroused and enjoying myself telling him how much I want him and is so hottt and wett for him…

– You: Later forest
– Forest: Omdg!!!!Killin me!
– You:    (Liked Forest message)… You are the one killing me with those videos….All good though… Love them… They made my day….. Now all I have to do.. Is not get caught sneaking a peek.. Ever so often…. I love watching you.. I do….HAHAhaha
– Forest: Mmmmmmm….Thank you for liking my post.
– Forest: Video ”

He sent another three or four videos… I realize I was actually encouraging him with my playing along… I really want him to go…

 
– You:     Ooh my… !!! Ooooh my…!!!

– Forest: Video

– Forest: video.
– Forest: video

He sent a couple more… I just decided to not comment this time…and i didn’t …and stop the conversation… He is heavily in porns… I have noticed that even the ones with him… he is always  watching porns…
*****************************************************************************
– Forest: Morning gorgeous…

He try again one morning… I didn’t acknowledge him…I wasn’t in the mood for his game today…
*******************************************************
– You:    Hey forest… It’s Friday night… What are you up to…. Anything fun??   I guess you probably have daddy duties about right now… Just passing through.. Stopping by… Saying… Heyyy!!!! You!!!!

I tried to connect with him friday night.. I was up and was in one of my moods…. but to my disappointment he didn’t respond… ooohh well… I figure he was busy with someone else… So I just leave him alone…
****************************************************************

It was now valentine’s day… so I send out a Valentine’s greeting to him..

– You: HAPPY HAPPY VALENTINES DAY FOREST!!!! LOTS And LOTS OF VALENTINES SEX.. Enjoy your day to the fullest..

I sent it to him in the morning… I didn’t get a response until evening… but the way and what he text… annoys me a little…It was Valentines Day.. and I want some affection and some sweet convos… so when I saw his text.. I was just shake my head and said… “not today lover… and didn’t respond…

This is what he said…
– Forest:    Fuckin suck this big fuck meat baby girl…

Even virtually… that to me is not acceptable…I guess he was  thinking it was sexy and hott.. and just the thought of his “fuck meat” was enough to turn me on..  I didn’t make a comment or even bother to say anything about it… he was not worth my efforts… and it’s not like we have an emotional connection…

YOU LAY DOWN WITH DOGS… YOU GET UP WITH FLEAS…

***************************++++++++++++++***********************

TO BE CONTINUED…..

ONLINE DATING: SWEET LOVER: THE RISE AND FALL OF “HELL ANGELS/FOREST ANGELS… part 3

…….We continued to play for some more… I was really feeling for more…

– Forest: I’m fucking ravenous…

-ME:     maan, so am I forest.. let’s do this..

-Forest:    Show me more…

I sent him all of my best assets…  (my boobs; my legs; my butt; covered…) I know just how beautiful they are and I was very proud of my beautiful body… almost flawless..and I’m in one hellava mood tonight.. and to be truthful I have no intention of playing with this guy again…. just like a one night stand…

– Forest: Get fucking naked …I wanna see that ass…

-ME:   My ass is not pretty.. I don’t show my bare ass.. The only place on me I don’t show..  But that’s all the show for today…

I have a few little dimples on my rare area from cellulitis… I guess I have to cut back on my sugar intake… but  I get so self-conscious developing these dimples after having such an almost perfect butt  before…. I told him I never show so much before and that he must be extra special…and make the comment…that he don’t really need it…I was very conscious of his status and know this is only a game for him for some sexual gratification… I also knew he has one thousand other girls playing with… this is just for my needs… and as long as it benefits me and make me happy… it’s all good… and I have had my fun..I honestly enjoyed the intense stimulation he gives…

– Forest: Omg.. ok…I must…I’m here, aren’t I??? I most definitely do…need this..
-You:    You must have plenty better ones..I’m sure, considering your enormous fan club…

– Forest:   Nope… Don’t assume…
– You:    But I don’t care, really… I’m not really competing.. I’m just  here enjoying you..

– Forest: I’m your cock toy …

– You:      Ooooooh yeah??? And I came really good so I’m liking my sex toy ..  smiling huge ..
– Forest:     I’m gonna cum again..

i thought I would indulge and oblige him  some more… he share a few more videos and I return the favor one more time… we sext some more and we both experience another dose of volcanic eruption…I was shocked that I was that much stimulated  to be be able to have this much multi-orgasm…from just sexting with someone…never realize I could feel this way and get such intense sexual energy  with just a connection online…

We were conversing  causally and all of a sudden he was not responding.. I thought he must have dose off… so I asked…

– You:” You are gone?” I guess you feel asleep… Ooooooh Maaan!!!… Ok forest.. I guess you have had enough of me for one night…
Forest:      Nope.. just have a young son
– You:   I know that…and it’s late… But I still think you might have enough of me at one time…
– Forest:   Impossible!!!!!!
– You:     HAhAhaha !!!!(I find his comment humorous…. I felt really tickled with that thought..) I see that you are a marathon runner like me ..
– Forest:    Yes… I literally cum at LEAST 4 times a day
– You: Really!??

We talked for another five or so minutes casually.. he said he had to go to sleep for work… but inform me that he is still revisiting my videos… but I was doing the same with his.. so I understands…

You: Ooooooh okay …. Hahahaha… be careful forest…You could get me hooked….
– Forest: that would be Good Wendy….
– You: That’s not so good  actually…
– Forest: Why???

– You:      Because… Now I will be for craving more of you… and your availability might be open to my demands..
Forest:    I’m at your service …
– You:      But I have enjoyed you tremendously …..well we will see about that..

– Forest:   Ahhh ok… Rest easy lil lady …. shuuuuuu…

– You:    What time do you work

– Forest:   5
You:    Oh my.. Goodnight night forest … You need your sleep for work tomorrow … Thanks for the entertainment.. Until next time… Sweet dreams..
– Forest:    Goodnight  Wendy….
– You:   Smiling tons.
– Forest: Love it !!!

 

I WAS LYING THERE STILL TRYING TO CALM DOWN FROM OUR LITTLE SESSIONS AND WAS SMILING THINKING HOW MUCH I HAD ENJOYED IT.. AND HOW FAR HE ACTUALLY GOT ME TO GO… I WAS NOT FEELING TOO BAD ABOUT DOING IT BECAUSE QUITE FRANKLY, I HAD NO INTENTION OF CONTACTING HIM AGAIN… AND I GOT SOME FUN AND A BIG SEXUAL GRATIFICATION AND SATISFACTION FROM IT…I WAS STILL AMAZED HOW MUCH HIS LITTLE GAME OF SEXUAL SEXTING  STIMULATED ME TO THAT EXTREME HEIGHT… WITHOUT ANY EMOTIONAL ATTACHMENT… AND IT EXCITES ME TO KNOW I COULD HAVE SOME SEXUAL FUN THIS WAY….THIS IS GOING TO BE A NEWLY FOUNDED HOBBY FOR ME … I COULD TELL….

I LIE THERE THINKING OF THE EXPERIENCE OF HIM.. AND FEELING SO HAPPILY CONTENTED AND FULLY SATISFIED… SMILING AND STILL FINDING IT SO UNBELIEVABLE…   An HOUR HAVE PASSED AND TO MY SURPRISE, I GOT A TEXT FROM HIM…

Forest:    got you on my mind…

– You: HAhAhaha.. Really forest, I’m so flattered.. I’m kinda thinking about you too.. Actually…
– Forest:       Watching your video again…

– You:          Awwww!!!! and Why aren’t you sleeping…
– Forest:      Cause, I’m stroking my cock for you…
– You:        Ooooooh my!!! that must be sore n by now, but…I love it…
– Forest:    Video…

he sent me a video showing me exactly how he was feeling and what state he was in…
– Forest: I’m swollen with lust
– You: Oh Jesus.. That’s definitely beauty… Wow!! You know I did cum twice again watching your videos too…

– Forest: C’mon… you didn’t…
– You: Seriously… that’s how much you affected me lover…
– Forest: Cum with me… now…. Yes?????
– You: I’m all cum out. Maaan I don’t think I have anymore left in me… It’s been a long time since I cum this much in one night.  I just lay here and I rub myself silly…
– Forest:     Well I’m gonna… Exactly wendy… keep rubbing her… While I stroke this fuck meat…with you in mind…
– You:        I guess You want me to help you along??…God damn it.. Kitty is jumping, Begging to play … again… You are so bad… And I want to join you… I’m stroking her now…
– Forest:     Yes?? is that right?   Good girl!

So we start again and again reached our peak of ecstasy… maan I was so worn out and I was ready to sleep.. I really was liking this guy and his powerful sexual energy…

– You: Aaaaaah…Aaaaaah Aaaaaah ….Oh my.. Good God …I’m trembling … Mmmmm !!!! Would you believe I cum again…  Unbelievable …
– You:       Can you sleep now .????
– Forest:    You are a fucking goddess!
– You: Really ??? you think??
– Forest: I think I just might be able to sleep now… hopefully… Yes… You are absofuckinlutly a goddess!!!!
– You:      Oh good to know forest… smiling tons… Thank you for that sweet compliment…I never knew I still have it in me to cum so much in one day.. It’s been a while since I’ve done that … You do bring out the best in me ….
– Forest:     I mean it  Wendy… You are fucking intoxicating…
You:      Still Smiling tons.. Good night.. Sleep well.
– Forest:    You as well ..
– You:    Ooooooh… and thank you for one awesome night… I’m fully satiated….                     -forest:   I’m happy to oblige… and thank you as well my sex Goddess..

I smile very tickled with his nick names for me… never knew I had it in me to be so erotic virtually… and I drifted off to sleep thinking it’s was a sensational experience of a one night stand for me..

*******************+++++++++++++++++****************************

– Forest: Morning gorgeous
– You:  Forest!!!!!Heyyy sexy guy

 

I was not expecting to hear from him … at least this soon anyways…
– Forest: How you doin?
– You: Great… I’m so full of energy this morning..
– Forest: You working?  Yes!?? is that so.???
– You: Sex and cumin always do that for me… I’m Having coffee…
– Forest: I can’t get you off my mind
– You: Ooooooh really ??? Mmmm…. I must have made quite the impression..Wow!!! I’m damn good…
– Forest: Cock getting hard just thinking  of you…. Lol…you sure did  and you are damn good…
– You: Oh my!!!

– Forest: Mhmm
– You:    Kitty really enjoyed you too..
– Forest:    I fucking love your kitty

– You:       She’s here getting all excited talking to you…

– Forest: Oh really?
– You: Yeah… Crazy eh!?? I guess you also left an impression on kitty…

I was honestly getting a stir.. thinking of our highly stimulating encounters last night…
– Forest:    Nope… not crazy… Sexy though… Where are you?
– You:        So I guess I’m not the only one that was damn good..
– Forest:    Lol
– You:       I’m on the computer working on something.

– Forest:     At home?
– You:      Nope..
– Forest:   Damn…

I had the feeling he want to play…but I really didn’t want to take the time to and I know he would be expecting more pictures and maybe videos which I really don’t want to do again… That was a one night, one time thing… so I asked…
– You:    Aren’t you at work…
– Forest:    I am but I work alone…
– You:        Oookay

– Forest:     In my work truck thinking about stroking…
– You:       Ooooooh Shit ??? Yeah?.. are you being serious right now..??
– Forest:   Mhmm… yess… I’m being very serious…

I was kinda tickled and turned on at the same time…this guy is plain crazy.. I was laughing finding it so amusing but couldn’t denied the effect it was having on me and that I was getting aroused  visualizing him in that truck in the open.. I was just as crazy… I supposed.. and he is pulling me in again…
– You:     Kitty is going kinda wild.. just thinking about that scenario…
– Forest:     Are you able to do anything about it?
– You:     not right now.. I need to finish this… Maybe later… but.. Ooooooh Maaan… The effects you cause and have on my kitty…
– Forest:     Ok baby… I’m at your service… always.

– You: I’m here shaking my legs wanting so much to pet her..

I was trying to declined his offer to play but I was finding it so hard to resist the strong urge and reaction he was creating with kitty…
– Forest:      Fuck Wendy!!! do something to please her…
– You:           She is begging for some play time… It’s that glorious nine inches on her mind..
– Forest:      I wanna cum for you.. Ramming in an out in an out..
– Forest:     Swollen…. Pulsating…. Throbbing…
-You:     Oh shiiiiiit… forest..please Stop…. You are not helping… OMG!!!!  she is going to cum right here…
– Forest:       Ok ok… but wendy… Fuck I’m so fucking horny for you…
– Forest:      Do it!!!!I dare you….
– You:          She’s pulsating so hard….I’m not alone.. I can be seen…
– You:          Good god man forest… You really have me going… I want you so baaad…
– Forest:       I’m this close to lubing this man meat…

– You:        I want to feel all of that sweet nine inches inside  kitty now… You should see my face… It’s so obvious with what I’m feeling…
– Forest:    Fuck .. really??? show me??? let’s  bury it… I would Leave it buried and start to pulse and throb deep inside you…
– You:       I think it’s so obvious; I’m having a hard time hiding my pleasure… I’m laughing to myself…and everyone is starting to stare at me…
– Forest:     Lol… Precum oozing from the tip of my cock..As I make my cock pulsate inside you…
– You:        Kitty want to cum too… Ooooooh shit..
– Forest:     Mmmmmmmm….I wanna make her gush…
– You:       I touched her through the fabric.. And Ooooooh my god…She loves it…. I want to caress her so badly…
– Forest:    Oh fuck yes… Go to the bathroom.

I obeyed and make my way to the restroom.. I had to make her explode and gushed with this build-ed up cum.. I couldn’t hold it in any longer…
– You:    My eyes closed… I’m seeing that beautiful nine inches… Hard… Stiff… throbbing…
– Forest:     Mmmmmmmm

– You:        Slowly working its way inside… Ooooooh my goodness… feels so goooood..!!!!
– Forest:     Feeding you every rock hard inch … Feel me stuff you full…
– You:          Inches by inches…. Ooooooh yeah.
– Forest:    Ok I’m getting him out..
– You:    You are steadily thrusting…I’m kneeling down

– Forest:    Yessssss!!!!
– You:       You are behind me…I’m on the chair…Butt out….
– Forest:    Offer me your kitty like a good girl…
-You:          Ooooooh yeah…Your hand on my shoulders… One on my ass… You are pushing… Thrusting..  let me have it.!!!.

– Forest:      yess… every inch… Let me bury this hard veiny cock in that juicy oozing wett kitten…
– You: I turn around to look at you… You are busily humping…
– Forest: Yesssssss…
You: Harder.. Please…please Fuck me harder… I pleaded.,,Oh yeah .. yeah ..I love your beautiful cock…

– Forest:     You want it????

– Forest:     Video …

He sent me a video of him in his truck.. jerking vigorously away…
– You:    Feeling so damn good…
– Forest:    Reach back and pull your ass cheeks open wide for me..
– You: I’m pulling it wide…
– Forest:     Good girl!
– You:         Heisting my ass…Moving with you… Reached for your balls..
– Forest:     Yesssssss

– You:        Ooooooh shiiiiiit… You are so bad… but great for me…
– Forest:    You get my video?  I love it…
– You: I did.. I did… I love it Maaan…

-Forest:    Omg!!!! that was awesome… you are so amazing….  I gotta clean up … Lol…
– You:        That nine inches is just wonderful .
– Forest:    My cock loves you… that’s for sure..whewww!!!
– You:      Ookay?? feeling is very mutual forest… because kitty is truly happy .. Let me get clean up too… And get back…
– Forest:        Ok baby Ttys (talk to you soon)
– You:            And kitty sure loves you…
– Forest:        Mmmmmmmmm!!!!
– You:           Talk later forest.
– Forest:        Yes we will.

AND I HUNG UP… REALIZING JUST HOW EASY IT IS FOR HIM TO PULL ME INTO HIS GAME OF SEXUAL PLAY… I WAS AMUSED THAT HE LIKES MY LITTLE PLAY ALONG SO MUCH THAT HE’S SEEKING ME OUT TO PLAY.. AND I’M GENUINELY GAMED AND ACTUALLY LOVING MY TIMES WITH HIM… SO FAR..

***********************++++++++++++++++****************

TO BE CONTINUED….

ONLINE DATING: SWEET LOVER: THE RISE AND FALL OF “HELL ANGELS/FOREST ANGELS… part 2

THIS IS X-RATED… AND MIGHT NOT BE AS TASTEFUL TO SOME OF MY AUDIENCE…BUT IT IS A BUILD UP TO THE REAL STORY OF “THE FORMING OF THE ANGELS”…. THAT  CREATES AND BECOMES A MOST BEAUTIFUL BOND OF FRIENDSHIP EVER MADE..
****************************************************************************
I was enjoying our little conversation… and I was in the mood for talking and having some fun.. and I find that I do like this guy ….
– Forest : Thank you for liking my post.
– You:   You are welcome forest
– Forest:   So what are you doing right now?
– You:    I was doing some light exercise
– Forest:   Oh yeah? ….Like?

– You:   Making sure to stay flexible in case I get lucky …. Stretching
– Forest:    Holy fuck … Lol … Good girl
– You   : Maaan it would sucks if I do, and I can’t keep up
– Forest:    I know right!
– You:      So I tried to maintain my flexibility
– Forest:   Good
– Forest:    I like flexible
– You:      Of course you do … you are an Irish ….
– Forest:    Allows for deeper penetration
– You:        Ooooooh yeah!!!!
– Forest:     Deeeeep
– You:         The deeper the better
I realized he was pulling me in the direction I wasn’t intended to go, but I was gamed and I was feeling drawn to him and I actually was feeling  a little wild and crazy tonight…I’m in the mood for some fun tonight…. Kitty was starting to react to his suggestions and I was thinking so what, after tonight, I might not even talk to him again, a guy with 1000 girls is not going to remember me or have time for me. I may hate myself in the morning; but I’m going to have fun with him tonight.. and it’s all but an innocent game of fun…

– Forest: Mmmmmmmmmm fuck yes!
I realised that F*** word was a part of his vocabulary and is used quite frequently…but who am I to judge…. I do have a filthy mouth myself…  so I don’t mind his language…

– You:     And with your nine inches… Mmmmm
– Forest:   I like tickling cervix lol
– You:     mine need tickling … mmmm…
– Forest:   Stuff you so full Wendy
– You:   Whoaaaa!!! fill me up forest…
– Forest: i would love to tickle yours wendy..
– You:    Mmmmm mmmm…. I love it stuffed And pounded….
– Forest:   Pin your legs up high and bury every fucking veiny rock hard inch of my cock into your creamy kitty….
– You:    oooh yeah every last inch… Hard deep and fast
– Forest:     Then pull out slowly so you can see just how much dick you’re taking…
I realize that I was encouraging his sexual convo… but as I said, I was in a little naughty and mischievous mood… and I feel the rising of my desires as I read his sexual descriptions and find I was actually enjoying the feelings… of getting all turned on..

– Forest: I’m getting aroused
– You: mmmm… so am I forest… and How do you know her name is kitty ???
– Forest: Lol.
– You: Kitty is loving the attention ….
– Forest: Rubbing my cock through my jammies right now…

I was getting aroused too.. surprisingly… I don’t normally feel this sexual connection so quickly with anyone… but I’m liking it and I’m gonna enjoy him and this feeling for now…

– You : Ooooooh shiiiiiit …yess forest , take it out … I can feel you pulling it all the way out.. And slowly putting it all the way in… Ooooooh boy…

– Forest: I love long dickin….At first.
– You: You have me visualizing and loving what I’m seeing…
– Forest: Then you get pounded
– You:      yeah …don’t stop…
– Forest:   Cock just a blur as it rams in an out in an out … Balls slapping against your ass as I pound you vigorously …
– You:     hhhooo Yessss …That’s how I love it .. While I hold on to your ass and pull you in.. With each thrust you make…
I was playing along with him and enjoying his sexual game… by now was so hott and wett and I had to oblige kitty and give her what she was begging for…

– Forest:   Oh fuck yes …Be greedy … Take it all Wendy …
You:    give it all forest….I’ll even slap your sexy ass.. making you dive in deeper with the pleasurable sensation…. I’m very greedy…
– Forest:    I fucking love that!!!!!!
– You:     I like it nuff and hard….
– Forest:    You like to be tied up? Choked????
– You:     I  put my feet on your shoulders and heist my hips so high to meet each and every thrust you give..

– Forest: Yessssss!!!!!

– You:    Choked..Hell Noooo…. Tied up.. Maybe …
– Forest:    Ok…..Just fucked silly?
– You:     Are you a sadist

I had to ask… not that it matter really.. this only virtually.. and playing along is easy… I can be anyone and do anything just to turn on his sweet sexy ass… even though in reality I would not…I love this game of erotic fantasy…

– Forest: Nope…..But when it comes to sex I’m open…
– You:     Ooooooh good… I don’t like pain…And I don’t like to be humiliated …
– Forest:   Then you will experience only pleasure
– You:      I’m all about pleasure … Passionate pleasure… So do you get freaky too ????
– Forest:     I do.
– You:      kinky ???
– Forest :   I do….but No feet… Lol..

– You:    What kind of  freakyness are you into?..I have never done feet… Never have anyone who does feet either …
– Forest: Forget freaky… Let’s keep fucking….
I had to laugh..oh my goodness , I was actually enjoying him, and I was having fun and smiling and kitty was jumping for some playtime.. It’s been a while since I got this sexual energy from anyone. And he is so good at playing.. I don’t want to stop..
– You:     HAhAhaha ….. Ok lover let’s keep on fucking…even though  I didn’t realize that we were …
– Forest:      Lol… I fucking dig you!!!!

I was really pleased that he was enjoying my little play along…. and it encourages me even more and is really a big turn on for me… it was boosting my ego… i started to feel a surge of confidence…
– You:     So we changed positions …. You want me reverse cowgirl …Or doggy????
– Forest:     Absolutely …Both..
-Forest:      Hold that thought …Fuck…!!!!! I’m hard as fuck….
He seems to leave for a while… tending to his bay I assume… so I thought I would use the opportunity to write out a scenario in his absence…  riding him cowgirl style…

– You:      Maaan Im about to ride you like a horse… I got on… Reverse cowgirl…  I eased my wett slippery kitty over your hard eager throbbing cock…You grab hold of my hips..  helping me slowly  Getting it all the way in..  inch by inch… And and then the ride begins… You give each of my ass cheek a stinging slap… i jerk with each slap as kitty  clenched  with stimulating pleasure gripping your cock  tightly as it goes deeper in.. I reached between your legs and slightly squeeze your nuts .. Between my fingers…. Touching that area between your ass and your balls…My fingers find and explore your asshole.. As I slowly fingers the outside.. Waiting for your invite to let me know you like it.. you didn’t so….. I moved back to your balls.. And squeeze  and roll them between my fingers as I continue to  hump your hard juicy cock…. . You moans gently …. And bucking your hips upwards to meet each of my thrusts as I ride that rock hard cock… your hands on my hips pulling me in closer and out farther..

– Forest:     Holy fuck I love you !!!!!
He came back on…. and I was so pleased with his reaction to my scenario.. I was smiling huge and kitty was pulsating with my  vivid visualization…

– You:    Kitty is clenching.. Wildly … About to explode with her cum
– Forest:   Glaze me ….
– You:    I leaned back onto your chest… My hands reached over my head and encircled your neck… You reached around, start to rub my clit.. And Maaan… with one touch from your fingers.. I cum with such a force that shudder my whole body ….I squealed out in  pure ecstasy… Yeeeaah!!! Ooooooh yeah !!! I keep on hunching as kitty vibrate and twitching violently as she oozes her juices glazing you and trying to get off another one… with the sweet sensation of cummin…..I feel the swelling of your cock getting ready to fill me with spunk.. as you glide in and out all slippery from my juices…
– Forest: Cock stiffens as the cum builds …
– You: And I slow down some… Giving you the control and the  access to cum..
– Forest: Video

He sent me two videos of him jerking that hard cock… not many men know how to give a good jerk show.. but he definitely does… I truly enjoyed those videos..

When I saw his cock, I got so excited, he has one of the most beautiful cock I have seen; aaaah I watch it twice and kitty was ready to cum again. Oooh my goodness, he was glorious!!!!

– You: Ohh yeah.. forest… I truly love it!!!!
– Forest: You are absolutely delicious…

Another compliment from him… I smiled… feeling good about me and thinking…. I’m damn goood……
– You:   Ooooooh Maaan. That’s a really beautiful dick…. I love it …God .. I could have some really great fun with that … I feel like tasting it… and put it all the way down my throat…
I was really impressed with his videos and his beautiful man meat.. Maybe because I was so damn hott for him… and kitty was controlling my mind.. and I wanted to return his compliment..

– Forest: Good… please tell me you’re fucking yourself right now

– You:       Of course I am
– Forest:    Wendy… show me????

– You: I just knew you’d asked.. But I don’t do that…..

– Forest: Video….
He sent another video of him ejaculating… it was awesome to watch.. he came with just force..it spew across the room.. and he kept on coming….and the sounds he makes was such a turn on.. I was so amazed and surprised at myself for deriving so much pleasure from his videos… but I did…
– Forest: Wendy… We are way past being shy or self-conscious …..
I know he was absolutely right…
2016 01 28 21:42:17.723 – You: Maaan.. Just wait for it….
I was really enjoying him and I was all into it, and I was thinking why not go with it, let him see exactly how he is affecting miss kitty. So I boldly made a video of me rubbing  and playing with her. I have never done this before, but I wanted to. I have cum so many times, I was soaking wet. I was so damn hottt for him…

– Forest:     Make me cum again you glorious lil vixen ..Cmon baby Make me shoot my cum for you….

– You: Video …
So I boldly sent him the video… but was feeling so self-conscious and blushing… good thing he couldn’t see my reaction …

– You:    hope you like her….
– Forest:    Omg you’re drenched …. I fucking love it…
I was smiling so huge. So glad that he likes what he is seeing. I was so nervous that it would be so gross; and that he would think I was sleazy.. But he said he loves it… and I anted to believe him..

– You:     I thought you’d think that’s so gross… Good ..you like her….. Kitty love to be loved
– Forest:   You ready for some cum ..????
– You:       Ooooooh yeah !!!!
– Forest:    Where you want it ???
– You:    I came so hard watching that beautiful cock of yours …… I don’t care …..Just give it to me forest …
– Forest: Ok… here it cums !!!!
– You: Man oh man !!! I’m so excited…
And I truly was. I was really having a good time with this guy forest; maan, he was good and I have never been this far this quick with anyone before, but something about him???? He got this strong, intense and passionate sexual energy. And ooh my god!!!! I made a video for him… shiiiit!!! I’m really evolving … Still couldn’t believe I had the nerve to do that….

-Forest: video..
He sent me another video and he came even harder than before..I was in awe of this guy and love to see just how much he have been enjoying my presence and my video… I was really pleased to see how much I have affected him in the same way he had affected me…. we were in sync

– You: Ooooooh Maaan. You came so hard.. I love it …Where did you put it ??? On my belly? On my back? On my face????
– Forest:     Again again again… Pumped your pussy full of hot cum …
– You:     mmmm… that’s work for me….
– Forest:     Cum oozing out the sides of my cock as I continue to fuck you silly ….
– You:       WowHeyyyy.!!! Beautiful ….Mmmmm… keep on fucking me silly… I want more….
– Forest:      Do you need a break?
– You:    A break??? Nah… just Fuck me silly … I’m just starting … I’m really Hott now… and ready for some more…

************************************************************************************

TO BE CONTINUED….

ONLINE DATING: SWEET LOVER: THE RISE AND FALL OF “HELL ANGELS/FOREST ANGELS..”

INTRODUCTION:

T’S BEEN A WHILE SINCE FOREST ANGELS HAS BEEN DISSIPATED; AAAAAHH!!! FOREST…. HE IS JUST A CONNECTION ON TANGO THAT I CAME ACROSS AND LIKED, HE WAS HUMOROUS AND VERY SEXUAL, AND ANYTHING SEXUAL ALWAYS INTRIGUES AND FASCINATES ME.
YES. I’M MISSING HIS PRESENCE AND OUR PLAYTIME..BUT EVERYTHING HAS IT’S TIME AND HE DECIDED TO STOP COMMUNICATING AND CONNECTING WITH ME ABOUT AFTER A WEEK OF COMING BACK OFF SUSPENSION FROM TANGO; THEY HAD SUSPENDED HIS ACCOUNT FOR A WEEK OR SO…. I DO MISS HIM AND IT MAKES ME REALIZED JUST HOW ATTACHED AND ADDICTED I HAVE BECOME TO HIM. (WELL… US ANGELS.. THEY ARE FOUR OF US ANGELS…. BUT WE WILL COME TO THAT STORY SOON ENOUGH.)
I WAS HAVING THE FEELINGS OF REJECTION AND ABANDONMENT, AND I WAS REALLY HURT WITH IS ACTIONS..
I HAD THOUGHT HE LIKES ME, AND I WANTED HIM TO; I KNOW HE WAS NOT THE TYPE TO FALL IN LOVE OR PURSUE A RELATIONSHIP; AND QUITE FRANKLY I WASN’T LOOKING FOR ONE…IT WAS MERELY THE FASCINATION OF AN EROTIC GAME AND THE EXTREME PLEASURE I WAS DERIVING FROM IT…
SO HERE I AM ARE TODAY, KINDA ACCEPTING HIS SCORN AND TRYING TO UNDERSTAND HIS REASONS; IT SHOULDN’T REALLY MATTER TO ME, BECAUSE IT WAS JUST FOR FUN AND ABOUT HAVING A GOOD TIME. I AM CONVINCING MYSELF TO STOP WITH THIS UNNECESSARY EMOTIONS AND TAKE IT FOR EXACTLY WHAT IS WAS. AND I HAVE.
I HAVE FULLY ENJOYED HIM AND IS HAPPY FOR GETTING THE CHANCE TO SHARE THAT TIME WITH HIM AND THE ANGELS…IT’S NOTHING TO BE SORRY ABOUT, AND NOTHING TO BE SAD ABOUT.
MY ONLY DESIRE IS TO KNOW HIS REASONS BEHIND HIS ACTIONS… WHICH I HAVE A VERY GOOD IDEA… BUT JUST WANTED A CONFIRMATION…
HOW DID THIS GET ALL STARTED???

CHAPTER ONE

I have been a tango member for little over a year, and I’m home for three months,  after stopped working…so I’m pretty bored and I have lost most of my connections.
So the end of January I decided to search for some new connections. So I browse and I came across forest and I kinda like his looks so, I went on his profile page to look around. I was pleased that his was open and I was able to browse around. First thing I noticed was that he has 1000  following and about the same in followers. I say to myself. He is very popular one. So I started to scrolled around his page and noticed that he was also very sexual and he was a bragger about just what he got. I went ahead and like the more humorous ones and leave my comments on a few…in a very contradicting and humorous manner… One thing for sure was that he was full of humor, and he has a few really nice looking photo of himself.
And I just love to go on posts and make comments to get a reaction, which most times humor me. I didn’t send a request for friendship…I didn’t see the the sense to…
A little while after; to my surprise…he sent me a text; with a thousand plus follows … I was sure he would have been much too busy …. but I smile, a little pleased and welcome the chance of conversation..
– Forest: I am following you on Tango
– Forest: Hi there….
oooh let’s see what he’s about…

– ME: I am following you back
– Hi forest.. I guess I just became your latest fan… HahahahHaha
–  You are hilariously funny.. I like it.. I love to laugh…
Laughing right now.. Actually…
I was still laughing at some of his silly humorous posts…

– Forest:   Good! I love to laugh as well! Fills the soul!
– ME:    Ooooooh yeah …… So where are you located ???
– Forest:    Austin Texas….. How about yourself?
– ME:         Ooooooh my!!! Texas.. I do love a Texan… All big things is from Texas.. Right 😊???
…. I’m in Florida.

– forest:    Yes ma’am
– You:      HahahahHaha
– Forest:     Lol… Do you have a picture of yourself?
– You:        And you surely made it known ….. Sure I do…
– Forest:     Hahahaha! …… I guess I have huh.

– You: Yep …..One question though… Why do a guy like you.. Need to masturbate… To prove immortality????
I thought I’d asked the question; he doesn’t seems like the kind of guy who would be short of girls, and need to be masturbating for pleasure.. There was a post on his page about masturbating and increasing life expectancy by 20%.. And states…. if that’s the case, he is immortal.
I had commented… and laugh.. And stated I too masturbated twice a day maybe three…and if I’m really horny, a. few more times.. Immortality ???? You know it. (I was trying to be funny)… So I was kinda curious as to why?
– Forest:      Well when you got it… Lol… I’m a single father of a 1yr old son so I don’t get out much these days.
– You:         With that huge fan club you have going.. You have a wide pick of choices
Ooooooh… That’s so sad… with such a highly sexual demand… that must be so hard..
What happened. .. She died 😔?????
– Forest:       No lol… you’re funny. And um I don’t have a fan club.. some are actual friends lol
– You:            That’s a really big job you got there though?
I was referring to his caring for a baby by himself.. I was really curious as to why he was left in charge but I thought it was way too personal and too soon to ask…

– Forest: I fucking love it
– You: I was just thinking.. I can’t see any woman  walking away from you 😃… I bet you are too.. Aaaaaah !!!!! It’s one of life’s greatest joy..

– Forest: Truly… I like you already !!!!!!
– You: Whhhhoooo
I was trying to say, ‘hhhooooo’… in liking his comment… haha!!!!

– Forest:       You
– You:           Maaan.. I would love to be liked by you
– Forest:      May I see you?
– You:         Aaaaaah man …. Okay… I guess I shouldn’t hide..

– Forest:      No you shouldn’t .

– You:      I can’t change me – I decided to send him a few photos of me..(first picture)… That me now …
– (second picture) That me yesterday -(third picture) And that’s me in October last year.. With my brother – I know… Not much to me ….
I was working on taking some good photos of myself in the last year and I have succeed in getting some really half decent looking ones of me… I’m really a pretty girl but not a photogenic one.. pictures don’t do me much justice… and I’m far from been glamorous anymore…

– Forest: You are beautiful!!!!!
– You: Just an Indian/ Chinese girl from Jamaica …..Ooooooh thank you forest !!!!!! (i was smiling very pleased with his comments…)

– Forest:    Wow!!!!
I was even more pleased with his reaction… I was feeling so good that he likes me…. and my photos…
– You: So how’s your baby. Is he walking
– Forest: Yes he is
– Forest: But honestly I’d rather not talk about him just yet…
– You: Okay …. Fine…
I wanted to make casual conversation and I thought his baby was a good subject; but he blew that away. I smile to myself and said, ‘oooh okay now’.

– Forest:     Don’t be upset ….Please???
– You:         Ok let’s focus on you then …. I’m not upset forest… So tell me about Forest???

– Forest:     Lol ok…..I’m 41… 6’2… 225lbs ….

– You:    Sweet!!!!
He was sounding really good to me … his height; his age; just my kind of preferences… and he has more for me… haha…

– Forest:       Pool and spa business …… 9 inches of rock solid fuck meat !!!!!
– You:           Ooooooh my goodness!!!!! and you are so very proud of your MEAT????? eehh?

– Forest:       I’m an absolute sexual beast… But all I do these days is work, be a daddy, and stroke this big dick quite often….

Hmmm??? I was shaking my head and I was smiling at the way he describe himself and he feels he have to include his junk in it and his sexuality.. I didn’t mind too much though, I find humor in it. And makes me very curious to find out if he could live up to his self praise.. Then he asked.. as if reading my mind… Haha…

– Forest:      Wanna see what all the hubbub is about?

– You:           hahahaha….. But I actually go for personality first ….. Nah.. Too soon….
– Forest:       Fair enough.

– You:          I know that you are just here for some good times… But i would like to know you a little first.
– Forest:     Of course.

– You:        You are quite an interesting guy so far…Very intriguing and fascinating …And you are Irish… I was married to an Irish from Mississippi …So I think I’m really gonna like you…

– Forest:     Really? … Give me a minute Wendy daddy duty..

– You:    And yes he was pretty gifted too.. Ok .. Please go ahead…
He liked my comment….. I really thought he just wanted to go …so he can go to talking to one of his thousand of girls… and he lost interest in our conversation because I declined his offer to be sexual…. I kinda liked him but I was convinced and very aware that he was too much of a player for me. I didn’t quite expected him to return.
So I got up do a few stretches, and a little walking exercise. Sat down again and continue browsing through tango again trying to see who else I could come up with to entertain me with some conversations… and then a text came through from him;
Ooohhh really??? he actually came back… what do you know.. I was a little surprised but a little pleased too… I wanted to learned a little more about him… I was a little intrigued and was in a little mischeivous mood….

************************************************

TO BE CONTINUED…….

MY FLIGHT DATE: Cedar Cove…

CEDAR COVE…..

Taken by ALLEN.. while flying over..


As we fly over he was talking to me.. but I was in awe of the little island in sight 🌴.. so full of excitement.. couldn’t wait to get down there.. 
The engine of the plane ✈️ drowns out his voice.. I look over at him…I’m smiling so widely..he looked over at me.. smile. Chuckles a little in amusement to my look of excitement.. As he starts to to dive downward for landing .. I gave out a little scream … in eager anticipation…  he laughs out loudly.. holding his head back as he laugh so amused as he watched me.. 

he reached over.. with the back of his palm…placed it on my cheek and gently and lovingly caress it…I unconsciously leaned onto his hand…closed my eyes for a moment.. enjoying his gesture….and felt a surge of the sweetest sensation rushing through me.. 

I turned looking at him and smile shyly …. blushing 😊 . he pulled his hands away as quickly  as he put it there to take hold of the controls for landing…  

I as quickly recover from his touch as we start to hit ground and a new wave of excitement took over.. we’re here.. I  giggled  joyously..

I just couldn’t wait to get out. I was squirming in my seat .. so filled with the excitement of finally having the chance to be here….

He got out… and held my hand as he gently help me out..  another wave of emotional sensation hit me at the touch of his hand.. 

He climbed back in to retrieve a bag and a basket… as I busily take in my new surroundings with a permanent smile… and a surplus of super excitement and elation….

He came back out .. secured the doors.. and started to walk forward.. he beckons me with his head.. as he said.. “come on sweet girl “.. I scurried after him.. 

As I watched him from behind.. his quick strides.. his board shoulders.. his strong legs..I was caught up in a feeling of desires and I was thinking how lucky I was to be here with him.. 

He jerk Me from my thoughts.. as he looked over his shoulders and asked.. “are you coming?”.. 

I ran up to him.. talking a mile an hour … telling just how beautiful everything is.. 

He just smile in agreement with me.. 

And all of a sudden we were on the beach.. he was laying a towel down.. and I walked towards the water.. standing there just taking it all in. Feeling so happy to finally be experiencing this island with him…

I was lost in thoughts.. when I felt his arms encircling my neck .. arms resting just above my breasts…wrapping me in a hug.. as he pulled me to him.. I jumped at his actions but  easily relaxed in comfort of his hug.. I automatically placed my hand on his arms and he reach for my fingers and entwined them between his..

I leaned my head back onto his chest and he rest his cheek against the side of my head.. and he softly whispered..

“Nita…”

“Wendy… it was you I fell in love with..sweet girl…not her picture.. you..” and he hugged me a little tighter..

I was overwhelmed with emotions by his declaration…words I always wanted to hear and believe..

I couldn’t speak…. I felt my throat become tight and constricted with a lump.. my eyes filling with tears .. I blink trying to stop the threat of the tears.. and avoid the spill.. i try to swallow the lump but.. instead I made a sobbing sound.. and I felt the tears rolling down my cheek onto his arm.. I subconsciously reached up to wipe away the running tears….
He held my shoulders.. and turned me around.. I held my head down..not wanting him to see my tears… he put his fingers under my chin.. and urge my head upwards… I opened my tear fill eyes… he used his thumb to wipe away the fallen tears.. as he gently caress my cheek with it…without saying a word.. 

His eyes were so kind.. his  face was tender with emotions..his touch was gentle on my skin.. I looked away and again held my head down.. he reached and cupped my face in both hands pulling my face back upwards..

“Sweet girl…??? Nita????” He said in a very sad but concerning voice..

I was Now sobbing … trying to fight the feelings of crying..and I closed my eyes to avoid his piercing blue eyes and to try to calm my emotions .. 

he still had my face in his hands using his thumb gently running up and down my cheeks .. occasionally brushing away my tears.. as they escape from my eyes..

I could feel his eyes burning through me..  feel the warmth on my face with each breath he took…my heart was thudding loudly against my chest.. my knees were becoming wobble beneath me .. as I melt with the electrifying touch of his hands…

I opened my eyes and tried to smile between the tears…. he smiles back.. his face moves in closer.. and my lips was quivering in anticipation of his lips on mine..

My heart was racing … sending a surge of  adrenaline That fill me up..with raging desires..I tilt my head Back.. and  I automatically tiptoed to meet his kiss… 

I opened my eyes.. ooops!!!!

It was all but a dream…” no.. no.. no..” I close my eyes trying to get back to my dream.. but it was lost..I lay there thinking about the dream I just had.. it was all so real.. 

My heart was still racing.. I was feeling full of desires..  and I was waking up realizing it was all but a dream…

*******************************

We had a very short conversation about Cedar Cove… and I guess my subconscious was still dreaming of that flight date he  had suggested ..

Ever since he mentioned that little romantic island 🌴… I have always wondered  and fantasize what it’d be like to actually fly there for a date… with him..

I know I have lost that one opportunity with him… and that remains one of my biggest regret of all..

I kept hearing those words he said.. keep seeing his face.. feeling his touch.. and so mad that I woke up just before he kiss me…

Just a dream…. !!!

STRANGER THINGS HAVE HAPPEN:A Bitter Sweet RE-Connection; part 2

I decided to just let bygones be bygones… And let him be… without me being a nuances on his page .. I didn’t want him to block me.. and knowing that he’s active there. I get the sense of having him close…
I thought once in while I will say “Hi”.. but I will limit my texting him…

I still have friends I talk to on the app.. and I visited daily.. so a few days later I was there and I noticed a strange profile picture.. I didn’t at first realized It was him.. until I click on the face..

I was puzzled ..this person looks nothing like him… was this Allen??? The photos I have of him did not match this one..
I copied the photo.. and I ran an image check… and omg 😲.. I got a hit.. this picture is of a guy who is running a big scam online.. ” a scam artist!!!!”

This lady tells her story of how he played her .. with his beautiful charms.. and believable promises of a love and life together…

She fell for him and his story.. he took her for a lot of money..

I didn’t know what to think..so many thoughts was going through my head..

  1. Was Allen this man.
  2. Was I spared this scam…
  3. Who is he..
  4. Was he deceiving me too…
  5. the photos he sent me.. were they a fake too..

So I decided to ask him…

“Hey.. that photo has no resemblance to the pictures I have of you.”

“Are you the same person I know… hmm 😒????”

Would you believe it… he answered me..

Yes it’s me I don’t want certain people looking for me .”That is just a fake picture.”

But why that picture???.. I was thinking.. I was a bit skeptical and I didn’t like how it seems to be.. but….

I didn’t tell him what I found out.. I didn’t think I should.. what does it matter?? I asked myself.. he doesn’t really want anything to do with me anyways…

So I simply replied…

“Oooooh really.?? Okay…no worries.. you are still the same to me.. have a fantastic evening my sweet… thanks for letting me know…”

And I shake my head.. and not fully convinced about his identity..but.. Thought why worry about it..

It bothers me though.. and It rest on my mind.. but with him being so distant.. I didn’t see the sense of me making a big deal out of it…

The next day.. I Noticed he removed the picture and replaced it with a color patch of a wooden floor board…

And I made a comment on that..

“Smiling 😊☺

This is so much more like you.. Well at least it’s not a black dot… .. Haha.. somehow I’m so happy to see you back on here.. ”

I was glad to see the replacement… and I left it that… he never replied or responded… But…

That was okay… I still think about him and smile every time I use the app and see his profile…

I didn’t tried to connect or bother him for a while… I was trying to stay away and I was doing great …

My mind would drift to him ever so often.. but that was normal for me.. I have his photos on my wall facing my bed.. so he was always just a thought away every day…

I often wonder what he would think if he knows how much I idolize him.. And not a day goes by that I don’t think of him… and after all this time..he’s still with me… and I carry the memories of him in my soul…

I waited for so long hoping to reconnect with him again….and it amazes me that I still wish for him to like me….

Minutes turn to hours… hours to days…. and now two years have passed.. and he’s here.. and still not a day goes by.. I still think of him  daily… 

well one weekend I was feeling nostalgic and decided to listen to my playlist I made in his honor..   I was getting all emotional and being swept away with the sweet memories of the times We spent together enjoying each other company..

I decided to let him know… so I sent him a text..

“Hey  you.  I’m sitting here listening to my playlist that I had made just for you.  And my mind is so consumed with thoughts of you.
You should know over the last two years.. you remain just a thought away..

Aaaahh.. ( sigh  )

I still savor every moment I had with you
I don’t come to this moment too often..but when I do.. Heaven knows.. the thrill of it all.. still lingers.  Just want you to know.  I’m thinking of you 🙂.. and smiling in reminisce… As I recall.. We had it all for just a moment.”

I know… I’m dramatic and a little overly emotional…

He responded.. to my delight….

“Oh Wendy… yes it was a crazy ride. I still have mixed emotions…. time will tell.”

I didn’t quite understand what he meant by ” time will tell..” but.. I didn’t question it or worry too much about it… I liked his comment but didn’t send a reply…
I was smiling… happy that he acknowledged me… but I didn’t think he wanted a conversation…and I wanted him to know I wasn’t trying to seek convos….
This was in the afternoon..

I was up late that night..it was a little after 2am.., I receive a text..

” Wendy!!..”

“Yes” I answered… trying not to sound too excited… haha…

“You are up late “.. I commented..

” yes.. I am.. ” He states..

“I was thinking about you. Reading the epilogue of our story ” I told him..

I actually did… earlier on..

“I’m thinking maybe you should accept a new ending..” he said..

I was a bit perplexed 😕… wasn’t too sure of his meaning….

so I asked.. “what new ending..???

“The ending where I fuck your brains out and you can’t walk right for a week..”

I literally laughed out loud.. I find his comment humorous and I really thought he was joking…

So I said…”Hahahaha….Oooooh my… You are horngry..

It was late..Friday night.. and I was thinking he’s online looking for some sexual gratification.. and he was trying me out… So I wanted to see where this was going….

“He quickly responded… ” no”

” noooo???? I asked.

“I’m just saying maybe we shouldn’t end this the way it did.”he returned…

I actually read SHOULD…. instead of SHOULDN’T..

So I was a little confused 🤷‍♀️ to what he was saying…

so I replied..” huh????”

He said…forget it… night!..”

Oooooh my..!!! I exclaimed…

I went back to read what he said and realized my mistake.. oops 🙊!!!

I just understood his what he said..

He then said… It was just a stupid thought… night..

Okay… I agreed…”Goodnight 💤 my sweet allen…”

Then I interjected with…

“Maybe it wasn’t as stupid as you think though … You have me thinking now …And getting all excited and stimulated at the thought .. ”

It was true.. my heart got a little jolt from the whole idea of making love to him… I have always wanted to…  and the thought was creating a warm sensation that run through me.. I felt my adrenaline started to pump flooding my senses… and sending a rush of warm feelings to my groin region..

He came back on ..”Okay well here’s the deal..”

I’m listening…I calmly said.. but filled with anticipation of his suggestions…

“I’m thinking maybe we should fuck…Like raw and dirty and no rules ..”

I was flabbergasted … but flattered.. But… no rules.??. hmm 😒.. raw..???? Dirty???.. sounds really rough..  still I was gamed and very tempted at the idea.. it sounds to me like he just wanted a good time… no strings..

So I told him..”But you know just Fuckin isn’t going to be enough for me ..”

Of course not… I was emotionally attached to him.. I would demand more..

“Yes and this isn’t about you.”

It isn’t??? What does he mean by that…

” nooo??????.. I asked..

He didn’t actually respond to that question… but…

He let me know..”But you know you want this… you just want more too.”

Oooooh Yess.. he is absolutely right… so I Agreed.. “Right.. on both counts .”

” yes, I know.. he said. “So maybe life is too short and we should fuck the people we are attracted too no? And then see what life offers? No?”

“Definitely yes.” I again agreed..

“Good girl.. That’s a great answer.”

I smiled at his answer..he was sounding like the Allen I knew… and right then..I was willing to.. I was wanting to.. I was visualizing him loving me ever so passionately… and my mind was so consumed with images of him loving on me…

“Mmmmmm!!!!” I said all excited with unbridled lust..

“Something to think about..: right? He said.

“I’m thinking ,” I confessed.. I have thinking for two years .”

And then I asked…” do you think you could like me?

“Think????.. he asked… “I have no idea.. I just know we should fuck.”

“Why do you want to.” I had to ask.

Remembering that he didn’t want me  or like me enough…back then..

“If you can’t accept that then we will stop this kinda talk.. he said.

And to answer my question…”I just feel like you would be amazing.”

I was so very pleased with his answer..that I blushed with pleasure.. me amazing.. I was smiling really huge…

So I sent a “Hahahaha, and admitted..”I could be.”

I was thinking just how excited I would be that I would be all over him… and how he probably could take me to explosive heights…

“I’m going to let you think .” He finally said…

I have to make sure I fully understand what exactly he is proposing.. so I asked…

“But it all about Fuckin.. right?”

“Listen all I have is an attraction at this point so I have no idea what that means… I’m just thinking we should fuck and suck.. if that seems like a bad idea i get it and I will stop.” he answered me..

“I do understand allen” I told him.. That attraction is quite mutual.”

He then said  “Okay then I’m just being honest.”

And I did like what he said and his honesty…and I told  himjust that..”And I love that you are being honest.”

“I promise nothing… but a hard dick and a passionate night of crazy sexZ.”

Wow!!!!! That’s telling me.. as it is… But he was always a blunt and straightforward guy..

“So do some thinking.. he told me..”I will check back with you at some point…”

I will.. I definitely will … I responded.. goodnight.. sleep well!!!!..

He replied with… “night… you too..”

“Smiling huge sweet allen..”

“Same ” he ended…

I hung up.. and smile thinking about everything that he said….I was so stimulated from our conversation.. nothing has changed much… he still exudes that strong sexual energy that always left me weak in the knees.. I was thinking alright … I couldn’t believe he wanted to hook  up  with me and thinks I would be amazing..

I drift off to sleep with a smile to a very erotic dream of us…

**********************************************************************

TO BE CONTINUED….

STAY TUNES FOR MY ANSWER TO HIS PROPOSAL IN PART  THREE…

STRANGER THINGS HAVE HAPPEN: A Bitter Sweet Re-connection…

I got my wish…my dream to reconnect with My SWEET ALLEN..

He came back online and when I saw him.. I said hi..

He did not respond immediately and so after a couple of days I tried again.. I wasn’t too sure if it was him or someone new with his old number…but his page became active and I was so curious and hopeful that its him….

He responded .. asking what’s my name…

I told him.. Wendy/ Nita..

He went silent.. so I just comment that it seems like he doesn’t want to talk to me…

He replied with.. he doesn’t think it would be healthy…

I had heard those same words from him before… when I had suggested that he come see me..to let me know the man who stole my heart..

That has convinced me…It was Allen..I smile so pleased that I got a chance to talk to him again..

I have waited so long to see him again.. and here he is…

I tried talking to him.. telling how I was so happy to see him back.

“I have waited two years for you to come back on. ..Please talk to me a little .. I asked of him…

“I won’t get all crazy on you ..” I promised..

“Just this once..

I have always hope you would have come back.. ”

I keep trying to talk.. but he was not responding…

I then told him that I ran our story on my blog and just how much my audience loved it.. and I sent him two of my best recent photos…

Trying to let him see I’m not as gross looking as he thought I was..

And I left him at that…

It felt so good to see him back but obviously he didn’t really care to reconnect with me..

I felt a little disheartening but a little understanding… I promise myself to leave him alone… I stood there so consumed with thoughts of him.. and I keep going back in time remembering our last communications and conversations and how cold he was towards me…

Just how hurt he was that.. that beautiful tall thin girl was not Available to him…and how he hated me for giving him her then taking her away and replacing me as substitute… me… no comparison..  He  just couldn’t get pass my deception and lies..

I sit here again.. after two years…with tears in my eyes… still wanting to be that girl…  knowing I could never be a replacement…

And knowing I gave him her as a visual…

I guess I had better leave it where it’s at..

My wounds are still wet on the inside and very easy to reopen …  my heart may never be mended…

Yes it all come flooding back and I was drowning in self-pity..  regrets of deception and Of losing him…and guilt of being so wrong…

A couple of hours later he responded to me..

“Wow! I think I’d like to read your blog. And thank you for the pictures.”

I smile so huge.. and ask him if he wanted me to send him the links to the episodes..

He replied..”yes please do..”

I was thinking he was just being nice.. but I sent him the first three sequels..

I was hoping he would see how well I had improved on my writing and I wanted his comments..

I waited up to three days anticipating his comments on our story  and the chance of having him connecting and communicating  with me again.. I was hoping our story would be a icebreaker ..

None came.. he seems to just be ignoring me.. so I decided to send him a Text.. to reassure him.. 

“Hey  ..

I’m just here thinking about you.. 

Yesss I still do.. 
I understand your reluctance to connect with me again.. 
and I’m so pleased  that you didn’t block me.. 

Anyways it’s been two years since our time together…
And I have moved beyond it.. I have grown some.. and got a little experience with social media.. 

Tango has been my friend and I have made some really good friends on over the last two years.. 
I waited this long to see you back here.. 
But I won’t be a bother.  

Promise…. “

To my surprise.. he answered….

“You’re super sweet and I’m not worried at all.”

I just replied.. “smiling huge “.

I didn’t think he really wanted to talk to me so I didn’t try to instigate a conversation….

I will just leave him alone … for now…

*******************************************************

I wanted to remain unattached and try not be harassing and give him his space.. after all it’s been two years since our little affair and it ended on a bad note.. and the question of why he is back on, have me reflecting  on how we all met.. he could be just here to browse to find girls to have  a good time..

I find myself thinking about him, and I feel my emotions re surfacing but it comes with doubts.. he hasn’t given me any reasons to believe that he is interested in reconnecting in any way with me…

I decided to just ignore him for a while.. he hasn’t block me so I will wait and see if he reached out to me..

Two weeks passed and of course he didn’t so on valentine’s day I decided to send him a valentine’s greetings and the link to the epilogue of our story which include our only valentine’s we shared..with a little note..

“just want to share he epilogue of our story..and the valentine’s day we shared…still remember you and your words…

“And I still holds you so close to my heart..Thank you so much for loving me and giving me one of the best experience ever…I truly enjoyed every single moment we shared..

LOVE ALWAYS , WENDY/NITA…”

I got nothing back…

Two days after was my birthday so I text him to remind him.. And let him know that I would love to see a birthday wish from him..

And He obliged… I was elated… he text…

Happy Birthday Sweet Girl!! I hope you are happy and healthy and enjoying you day.. Please make sure you take a moment to enjoy something just for you today..”

I responded quite happily,

Smiling huge 😊
Cheesecake and wine 🍷

That’s my treat..
And thank you 😊 so very much for my birthday 🎉 wish..
It’s like divine bliss..
I so appreciate you taking time to stopping by..

it gives me such a thrill..

you still means the world 🌎 to me..
Always.. Wendy/ Nita..

“Have a  great night wendy..” he text back…

It kinda bothers me that he never address me by the nickname he gave me…but I think I was just being petty .

I was so pleased that he took the time to wish me happy  birthday…

********************************************************

STAY TUNE FOR PART TWO…

 

MYLOVE-LOVE: THE JOY &PAIN OF AN UNFORBIDDEN LOVE; chapter 8

I was back to my usual attitude and having the same feelings of letting go… so I just start to develop an attitude of “whatever”…  It’s been going so long and I kinda got used to his behaviour… I just carry on as is and wait until he decided to come looking for me…

So I didn’t try to contact or reach out to him for a couple of weeks..

I decided t0  sent him GN SWEET DREAMS.  Friday & Saturday night.

He responded.

I started to get restless again and decided to reach out to him… I text him. No answer. It was a holiday so I figured he might be busy with family, enjoying his day. That’s ok I thought.    I tried again Monday but again I got nothing. I try to tell me its ok, he’s probably just busy. We’ll see.

So I text him GN SWEET DREAMS.

[FUNNY, I WAS HERE WITH ALL THIS DEEP EMOTION AND WE WERE NOT IN A RELATIONSHIP. WHAT WAS I THINKING???

THAT HE WOULD MIRACULOUSLY WANT TO BE WITH ME?   AND SO I KEPT ON DREAMING.]

I wanted to see him or even talk to him even though I know… from his actions… he doesn’t think of me like that. I got the feelings that he might be seeing somebody else. That ok, I thought.  He needs to have somebody special

. [AND AGAIN I WISHED TO BE 30 AGAIN SO AT LEAST I COULD COMPETE FOR HIS LOVE. MAYBE I WOULD HAVE HAD A CHANCE TO BE WITH HIM.]

Got a text, 7:32pm, a few days later, “u wok 2nit?”

Told him yes.

Thought I’d see him but it did not happen. I was kinda excited hoping for a repeat of his visit a few weeks back..

We talked through texting on Monday.  He said that he’s good and he was  in the studio. I text him on Tuesday asking him if he’s ok. He replied that he’s good and asked  if I was at work.

I told him I was off… so he came over.

I was so ecstatic.  He spent some time with me. We made love, like it was the first time… I hungrily love on him and he love like he really misses me and he really enjoyed me to the the fullest..as I did enjoyed him too… he kisses me and held me tightly very tenderly and whispered…

“I needed that so much… thank you !!!”   I just kissed him and smile and hugged him to me and he returned my hug with a squeeze …

I was so happy to see and be with him. While he was here with me nothing else or nobody else matters. I just savor and enjoy him as much as I can.

Can’t believe that this one guy brings me so much joy every time.

After he left, I was beside myself… I say “YEAH!!! My Love-Love was here!  He stayed a little, love me a lot and OMG Thank you, Thank you. I get to see MYLOVE-LOVE. It was so good; love that guy so so much.

Seeing him put me a good mood for a few days… but he always left me wanting more.. I could think of nothing else but him. After that incredible loving from him I could not wait to get some more. I was becoming insatiable  and the more he comes around the more I want him and the more I feel for him…

So by Friday I was getting impatient to see him. I have this strong desire to be with him. I could still feel his hugs and kisses. I was trying not to get too over excited about him, but he gives me so much joy, that I get zealous.

One day at a time DEAR LORD. One day at a time. HELP ME!!!

I keep thinking of our deal and what we agreed upon… no strings.. just causal sex… but here I am catching feelings for a guy who is good only for some good loving to me….

Don’t know what to think or believe. The way he holds me tells me he likes me .But could I be wrong? We’ll see. This uncertainty and insecurity is driving me crazy. Couldn’t ask him. Wants it to be so, but afraid to get my hopes up. Can he see me as a girlfriend? Can I ask him to?   No, I couldn’t do that to him. It couldn’t and wouldn’t be right for him.  Leave it as it is Wendy. Enjoy him as long as he allows you to, and you are getting far more than you expected. Just be thankful and enjoy him while it last.

So I leave it be..

***********************************

Try to text him on Sunday 18th. Nothing. Just hope he’s ok. Just need to hear from him. Wake up Monday with one of my Anxiety attacks. And of course MYLOVE-LOVE came to mind. I was anxious to hear from him. I had this negative feeling, and I’m here trying to analyze it. It frightens me. I’m thinking I’m never going to see him again.

It’s funny how I associated everything to him..

… But he could be just busy, caught up in his life or he hit a down spot and doesn’t feel like communicating. I want to reach out but feel its best I give him some space, and resume back to my decision to let him be the one to control our fate…

It just amazed me every time I make up my mind to stop, he text me.

I got a text Wednesday 21st, “wassup? How u been?”

I was quite pleased to say the least. I text him back ask him about his school, and how he’s doing? He answered, “Iam good. School is doin ok.”

I ask if he’s at school. And he said.”I am at the shop and no school today.”

We stopped texting. I was happy to have that little conversation with him. It was the most we ever talked through texting.

I love to stay connected to him… I know  we can never be anything else than what we have now… and I hope it’s enough to constitute a lasting friendship… I have come to terms with just be friendly with benefits whenever the need arrives/arises…

I was feeling really good about him trying to communicate with me… I was hoping it means that he is coming around,and realizing that I’m a friend worth keeping…and that we have spent enough intimate times together that he does like me after all….

And….

At 4:16pm I got another text from him.  “I need a favor: I need $250 to put insurance on my car. If u can’t its ok. I got a lot going on and my money going fast.”

Ooooh maan…. wtf????  is he for real?  He is asking for more money this time… I laughed out loud…

so I ask him, “when do you did need this?

He replied, “by Friday or I got to turn my tag in.”

I was shaking my head not fully beleiving his story… but wanting to help him and knowing it’s one way to get to see him and get me some good loving… so he was using me to finance him and I was using the money to lure into my bed and my arms… kitty was agreeing with my choice… getting all excited anticipating having him loving me and giving me great satisfaction and sexual gratification.

I text back telling him I will give it to him because I know he needs his car to get around.

He says, “yea, I do thanks, I got the kids this week I can come by when I drop them off tomorrow.”

I told him that’s just fine.

7:29am Thursday morning he text me, “wassup I be over there once I drop the kids off, u up?

And so he came for the money. I fixed him breakfast and had a little fun. well more like lots of fun… he didn’t disappoint.. kitty was more than happy with the petting and the loving..

I enjoyed his company even for that short time and I told him I was going to see my doctor about the pain I was experiencing. He left. And I felt good just to see him. The money I did not think twice about, because I thought I was helping him… and I got exactly what i wanted in return…  some good good loving which leaves me smiling….

 

***************************************

 

TO BE CONTINUED…….

MY LOVE- LOVE: THE JOY& PAIN OF AN UNFORBIDDEN LOVE; chapter 7

I got a text on Sunday 4:34 pm. “what u doing 2nit?”

I was happy to hear from him and I replied,  “Thinking of doing you.. ”

He sent a LOL… and said that he is on his way.

He came by .  I know he really came for the money but just to see him after six long weeks I would give him anything.

We sat there talking,  but just wanted so much to kiss him and love on him but I hesitated because I was not too sure he wanted that, but I guess he sense my desire

MY LOVE-LOVE: THE JOY & PAIN OF AN UNFORBIDDEN LOVE; CHAPTER 6

A STORY OF PLAYING THE COUGAR WITH A VERY UNEXPECTED TURN…

########################################################

 

I went through the next few weeks like a zombie. Missing MYLOVE-LOVE. And feeling real bad because he ignores me. To make matters worse I found out that he has been talking to veronie and everybody else except me. And I wonder, why not me? What did I do to him? Why was it ok to talk to everyone else and not me? After all the times we spent together and the intimate moments we shared.. I thought we were friends and deserve some acknowledgement..

On May 5th I got a text saying, “wassup stranger”.

I sent a reply and but got nothing else. . I was like a school girl with her first broken heart. I was so frustrated and helpless because He would not communicate with me and I did not know how to reach him.

I was missing him and his presence..and I was afraid that I will never see him again and I was not ready to let him go…

I had bought some things for his little girl’s birthday, and I wanted him to get them. So I called him tell him I have them and how can I get them to him.

He text back that he wants them and that he will come and pick it up. He never did. I try to call the following day and would you believe that he hung up on me. I was so mad and upset that he would treat me so cold and mean.

I just couldn’t understand his behavior towards me…. he was so cold and a little mean and I was so hurt thinking I didn’t mean much to him for him to ignore me and refuses to talk to me..

He tries to call me later that day, I did not answer… I was still upset with him hanging up on me.. And then he sent me a text that his phone die while talking to me. I did not believe.

Anyway I wanted to get those present to the little girl so I decided to call his friend, whom number I have, to pick them up and pass them to him. I had the feeling He thought I was trying to see him, so I figure I would go pass him… yes I wanted to see him but I wasn’t going to harass him..if he didn’t want nothing to do with me…I will just leave him alone..

Well the friend came got them and then I text him telling him to collect them from him. He text me informing me that him and this guy no longer buddies. OPPS! The friend did not let me know this. OK. I decided to call the friend to bring them back.

MYLOVE-LOVE called a few days after..  asking me why I didn’t give veronie the presents to give him. I thought why would I want to do that? And he just went on and on about if I wanted to get it him I should have given her.

I was so hurt to know that he was still seeing her.. and not me… and I didn’t want her to know I was with him anyways…

I got so mad I hang up. I’m thinking how could he ask me that? What is he thinking? Doesn’t he know how I feel for him? That day I cried so hard. I cried because He doesn’t care about me in the least. I’m here thinking, I mean nothing to him, nothing. Thought I found me a friend, a true friend.  How wrong can I be?

I guess my emotions for him was way more than I would care to admit…

I decided not to text or call anymore. Leave him, I told myself. I was hurting and I was still crying a little whenever I thought of him  and his coldness. I was missing him but it doesn’t make sense wanting someone who doesn’t return your feeling…

A few weeks later I got a phone call apx. 12:30 am from MYLOVE-LOVE. telling me how busy he was and about all that he’s doing. He then asks me for $200. I told him I haven’t got it.

I was so glad to hear from him…but a little disappointed for the reasons I got that call.

Then I told him to call me that Saturday and I will see what I can do for him. Of course he called me and we talked some. I told him to give me a week and I will come up with it for him.

Here I am promising him money in hopes of getting the chance to see him.. My feelings have not changed much.. and I find myself getting all excited just talking to him… I still want him.

It’s been now six weeks since I last seen him and I was in great anticipation of seeing him again. For the next week I didn’t hear anything from him and I thought that was it. “oooh well”.

June 01st I got a text telling me that he’s trying to get stuff done and he’s been busy. He’s so tired and he has not talk to anybody because he is so busy.

Then he asked, “how u doin?”

I replied, I was pleased to hear from him. Then he asked, “So can you help me out with something?

I told him I will on one condition. That he never lose contact with me again and he have to keep me close. He agrees to the terms and said he will try.

I got a wassup Wednesday, I heard from him Thursday and, Friday. On Friday he said his car need fixing. He’s so damn tired.

. And again he asks, “Can u still do that for me?   I said yes.

Saturday he asks me what I am doing. I was working, did not get his text. And he text back, ‘Wassup. Now you don’t want to text back.”

I was amused and I apologized and told him I am working. I asked if he is not coming for the money or if he changes his mind. He told me he needs it but having trouble getting a ride.

So after six weeks of silence I heard from him every day for one week. I was feeling real good about communicating with him like that. But I was left to wonder is it because he wants to talk to me or is it because I promise him the money.

I knew the answer but I did not care because I would do almost anything just to see him and have him close again. I was going to pay him for a little of his time… How sad… but to me then… just getting a chance to be with him again was well worth it…

I could not wait to love on him again. To kiss those lips, Love on that chest, and have him hug me to him. I could hardly wait to see him.

***********************************************************************

TO BE CONTINUED……..

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

ONLINE DATING: FIRST EXPERIENCE; epilogue

 we talked  for about three hours and in that time he brought up the sexual topic again and i did encourage it to a certain extent.. that I even disclose one of my deepest fantasy … but he got so weird and crazy that in the end I had to truthfully tell him if he is trying to discourage me from him , that it is working.. I was not liking this side  of him and I told him that . and i say..
” is this the real you.. or is this stemming from you anger with me….???”
I was feeling really disappointing with his attitude .
So I told him I would rather leave than take his behavior…

I couldn’t believe that I was so wrong about him… and then he pauses .. and I thought he finally stopped .. but after a few minutes I got this text..

 

This is Brett… Allen been asleep for several

hours! But let me tell you something.. He is a good guy and you are a freak! He
may very well wan to fuck you… Clearly he hasn’t yet… And your fetish stuff
is crazy!!! If you hurt him I’m going to be pissed… Please be nice to him…
He may be a little lost at the moment but he’s a really good person. Good night
I was so shock and embarrassed for playing along with him… enclosing my secret.. I didn’t know what to say…so I just hung up…  I was a little relieved to know that it wasn’t him though..
It was morning by now and I couldn’t sleep again… I was a little disturbed and perturbed…anyways I sent him a text a few hours later..
: Boy did I get a dose of my own medicine from your
friend Bret this morning. I Made a complete ass of myself but I guess I deserve
it all . I even disclosed my most embarrassing fantasy; something I have never
told a living soul. I m still here nervous and shaking just texting this you
because now I’m not too sure if you really forgive or not or i If you think I
set out deliberately to deceive you and betray you…. I fail the test didn’t  I?

 Lesson  taken well… Again, my sweet ALLEN…. my love…

 

I am so so very very sorry for what I did, and wish with all my heart I could
undo it. Because if you even feel half as bad as I’m feeling right now I know
the pain you are going through . I m so sorry my sweet Allen you definitely did
not deserve this.
He answered almost immediately, with…
” I do forgive you and I’m sorry Brett messed with
you after I went to sleep.. He told me.. Not everything. Just that he fucked
with you because you fucked with my heart and that is bullshit…. I was pissed
at him and told him to leave my phone alone. Anyway I think the  fantasy
is kinda hot and I would for sure entertain anything as long as you enjoyed it.”
I didn’t quite know what to say or how to say what I really want to say..and I was still feeling like a fool , knowing his friend showed him all that he put me through.. and I was feeling a little self-conscious.. so I decided to cut off the conversation..
” Hey .. I still a bit shaken up from last night. I responded.
I guess I have  to take some time to absorb and deal with it. Thanks a bunch for
forgiving my deception. I’m not mad at Brett shows loyalty for a dear friend.
If only we all have friends like him who hurt for us in the way he does  I know
you are special and Brett just confirmed that fact. Ttyl my ALLEN .. Off to work
So as you know… Still loving you…”
He told me to have a great day at work… and I smiled..
I went to work for the first time without a smile.. I had tears in my eyes all night… I couldn’t believe how i have mess up our wonderful Christmas so badly. I could feel his coldness. and I thought i would give him some time to absorb it and come to terms with it all. how I missed him….
                           ***************************************
My sweet Allen stays with me for the next two months… he was very compassionate and super understanding … but he couldn’t bring himself to get pass my horrific deed..  he said he couldn’t accept all the lies that i told .. he could have accepted the pictures  because that wasn’t the problem.. it was the deception .. he could understand all my insecurities and fooling him with pictures …. it was just all the lies that comes with them.. he just don’t know if he can trust me. he said he didn’t care what I look like … he fell in love with me.
And again, I was dumbfounded.. I know he was so right and I have no valid excuses to justify my actions, other than my lame explanation that I just wanted some time with him.. It was the truth but just wasn’t enough reasons..
We talked again and again. well, I should say I  did..  he didn’t have too much to say to me. at one point he asked me to move beyond him.. and told me he has moved on .. He even as much as mention that his heart has grown a callous. I knew then that i had lost him completely.. I tried to accept my defeat but i was hurting so badly.. I never remember ever  feeling this amount of excruciating pain before..
I got me loving him.. I had him loving me.. I cried night and day for the first two weeks.
 i have given up all hopes with him.
He stays and encourages me  and treats me with me tenderness and a large amount of compassion. one his  last text was on valentines… I had sent him two cards and a valentine’s message  and he responded..
….MY MESSAGES….
Happy valentines my valentine!! I’m going to drop
the ‘L’ word today and I do hope you accept and receive it for all its worth. So
you know.. I still love you as much as I did seven weeks ago and even more… And I
want you to know how very grateful I am to you for staying; you will never know
just how much it means to me. Thank you for being you; that kind compassionate
wonderful you. My only regret is knowing how much Hurt i have caused you, but
I’m so thankful for the chance I get to know you and love you –

: Many people have touched the edges of my life,
coming and going;  scarcely leaving an impression, but you are an uncommon and
unique person, someone who has made a big difference in my life;so it’s not
surprising that I find myself thinking, just how very special you are… And
wanting you always to remain close … And I’m hoping against all hopes you stay awhile..  LOVE YOU MY SWEET SWEET ALLEN  ON THIS VALENTINE’S DAY..
(I ENCLOSED THE CARDS AND WROTE;
413d9674-83d7-43fd-a053-1d8a8a634044imageimageimage
…  For you my Allen have you a most wonderful day
filled with love

 .

Wow! That is the nicest text and for sure most

heart-felt valentine cards I’ve ever received! Thank you so much for waking my

heart up Nita… And showing me that there is still a man inside me that wants
to feel love… And wants to be loved. You are so different from anyone I’ve
ever experienced and  I’m grateful to have you in my life.
. .: I hope you have a perfect Valentine’s Day Nita
 ” Thanks to the love I have for you and thanks to
you my sweet Allen… This is my best valentines ever”
I was smiling so huge when I had received that text… I didn’t actually know how to take what he said, but I was so pleased to read his respond  and was happy he liked my cards..
My heart soars with this immense amount of love for him it fills me with so much joy.. even though I messed up and lost him.. I just know that I will never forget  this most awesome and amazing gift of love.
It was one amazing month and though our christmas got shattered I still love every moment we shared and enjoyed together… the man who let my whole being becomes alive  like it  never  had before…he sets my heart on fire and have my whole soul so alive with profound joy..The man I never knew…with just his words he set me ablaze with a love so explosive and passionate… for that short period I knew what it was to be love with a passion so intense, I felt it to my very soul… I know he loved me… yes me… me… I felt him like he was right beside me..
He made love to me like no one has ever done.I felt his touch…I cum with such powerful, electrifying ecstasy …. over and over again.  I was the receiver of that intense passion and i am the one that loves him with a desire so strong it hurts.. I found him….and it was phenomenal..ecstatic… sensational… epic…
He may no longer be here.. but I’m so happy to have gotten this chance to know him .. love him..expirience him.. enjoyed him…. SOMETIMES LIFE REALLY GIVES BEAUTIFUL GIFTS.. IT GAVE ME HIM.. & SOME GIFTS YOU CAN’T HOLD IN YOUR HANDS …. YOU HOLD THEM IN YOUR HEARTS…

ONLINE DATING:FIRST EXPERIENCE; part 11b

He was gone again and I don’t think he will be back… come tomorrow after a good night sleep maybe I will try to talk to him again. I messed up… yes I made a real  mess real badly and ruin a  most perfect Christmas. How did this happen….how could I have known that I would be surprised by LOVE…all I know is that  I do love him so… so very, very much.

………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

I LAY THERE SOBBING AND WEEPING FOR MY GREAT LOSS; IT FELT LIKE MY HEART WAS PULL OUT AND STOMP ON; I WAS SO BROKEN UP WITH PAINS OF SORROW; I HAVE LOST HIM… MY WORST FEAR HAS COME TRUE….I WENT THROUGH THE LAST TWO WEEKS FEARING THIS DAY, NOT WANTING IT TO HAPPEN; TRYING TO HOLD ON TO HIM FOR AS LONG AS I COULD, THINKING OF ONLY MY DESIRES, NOT WORRIED ABOUT HIS FEELINGS; AND NOW THAT IT HAS COME TO PASS; I NOT ONLY FEEL PAIN FOR ME BUT FEELS IT WORST FOR HIM BECAUSE HE DID NOT KNOW I WAS DECEIVING HIM; AND JUST LIKE I FELL FOR HIM HARD HE FELL FOR ME JUST AS HARD. HE BELIEVES IN ME/Paige; HE TRUSTED ME WITH HIS HEART AND I RUIN IT. [and I cry some more, for being a such selfish and contempt person}

We were experiencing everything together; the only difference is… I knew it was all a lie and he did not. And I agonized in anguish; feeling bad for losing him and worst for hurting my ‘MY SWEET ADORABLE WONDERFUL Allen’.

Then surprisingly I got a text from him; I could not believe it; so like me, he could not sleep; we were really two hearts in harmony, feeling and thinking the same things. There he goes echoing my thoughts again.

“Well… good night, I’m sorry, I’m a mess… but this is so weird, knowing everything was a lie…I’m trying to feel the love I felt… and no judge… but man… you played me hard and I fell hard… so I love the idea of you but I don’t know we can ever happen… I think… Idk… it’s so weird… I’m still in love… but I’m mad…not like I’d hurt you mad… that’s not my style… just mad… not sure what to do.”

I read it and I cried… I cried for him because I could sense his pain he was experiencing.

“I totally understand… I said to him. “Wish I knew how to make it right…and I’m hurting like mad, can’t stop the tears and I know you are too.”

“Yes…” he agreed. This sucks.

“So so sorry Allen.” I told him.

‘Deception is so painful… I have no idea.” He said.

“But I wanted to tell you. That’s why I did.” I confess.

“Just so you know… everything I shared was true and real.” He wanted me to know.

“I know” he told me [about wanting to tell him] “and thank you.”

I told him I know that everything he shared was true and real. {That was the reason I had to come clean}

I’m easy to see I guess,” he said, “please take her off… I feel so gross.”

“Sorry to hurt you like that,” I let him know. “You are such a sweet man.”

“You used her,” he told me.

“I can see that, guess I did.” I totally agreed.

“Please give me you… I want to feel even a piece.” He asks of me.

I want to give him all of me, but I was so sure that he was not going to like me in no way possible.

“In what form,” I ask.

Funny part is,” he was telling me, “in the beginning if you used that old picture of you… that would have worked better; then he said, “ I guess you think every man with a hard cock wants a young girl… Idk what others think… but I promise that isn’t the case here. I want passion… heart… love…”

And I guess he was right to a point, I did think he was attracted to Paige because she is young and beautiful; While on the hand there is me… the very opposite. And of course which man can resist a pretty girl.

So I told him, “I only got tango to be able to talk with my grandson; I was not trying to find a date… everything I told you was the truth.

I was trying to explain to him that I would not have thought to put an attractive photo of me because I had no intentions of finding my soul mate. He may not believe but I did not even know it was a social media; I thought I was like Skype.

So he asked me, “So you love me? Because I fell in love with you.”

I think, OMG!! And I can’t give him what he wants.

I told him “yeah!! With everything I got.”

“What a mess… I’ve never been here,” he said trying to come with terms with it.” I know how I feel… I know how blue you feel.” What now?

I am  so glad you fell in love with me.” I told him.  “That is why I want to be sure it was me.”

And he asks me again, “you won’t even send me a dirty picture?”

Idk… I told him. “But you never know, I might. But not tonight.

I guess he getting angry again because he said,” you are so clean… you can lie and betray me… but a picture of your pussy is out of the question… sounds funny right? But baby a picture of your pussy can be my choosing.”

Come on…” I say.

“I can tell you how to pose or what to do and know you are being honest. He tells me. “If you want to earn my trust that is your only chance.”

So I told him, “I have done it in the past with bad consequences.”

“Too bad.” He said.

“Don’t be mean Allen it doesn’t suit you,” I told him.

“This is your last chance before I delete and block you…” he threatened.

“Oh my goodness!!!! I exclaimed.

I really did not want him to do that, but… I was not going to give any dirty pictures and if it meant him deleting or blocking me… then so be it.

“I will not use anything and I am not mean…” he informs me. So far that’s all on you. You’d know already if I was an asshole… am I? He asked.

“Why is this picture so important to you?” I ask him.” No, no you are not an asshole.” I told him. {Of course he not, he never was. until now.. and somehow, I can understand  his behavior.. he is just hurt and confused and in love and being played a fool by me.)

“Because it’s personal!!!” he answered me. “You have one chance to get personal; take it or leave it.”

I’m leaving it… I thought.

“But it’s on line…” I told him.

“Broken heart and all… I’m hurt… but I’m not an asshole… will I make you prove shit? Yup… if you don’t want to. It’s real easy… delete … me…” he threatens me again.

Here he was all trying to act mean and nasty to me; but I was not buying it in the least. In the  weeks I have known him, if there is one thing I have learnt about him is that he is the kindest man alive. I saw through him like a looking glass. He is only hurting right now all because o me.

“OMG!!!” I shouted out. “You are different.”

“I have no idea why we are still talking”. He told me.

Quite frankly I don’t either. I’m glad that we are because I really calm down and it is due to the fact, because he was talking to me. And the more he talks the more my emotions got under control. Just having him there with me was so calming and was glad he choose to stay with me, I hope he realize just what it means to me for having him talking to me even though I know he was trying to figure out why I did what I did to him.

I was so drawn to him and was so fascinated with him that the more time I spent with him the more I want of him. And yes I choose to hang on to him with false pretense and trickery very selfishly and end up hurting us both. Would I do it again? Yes. Yes, to feel what I have felt and have him loving me with that intense passion, so blazingly hot; yes I definitely would, only next time I would not use trickery. Then maybe, instead of going through this predicament, I would be wrapped up in his sweet loving arms making passionate and explosive love and just enjoying him to the fullest. WOW!!! Only in my dreams.

“I fell in love.” He said. “With nothing real. Yes this me angry… I don’t hate… it just hurts.

“I am real.” I told him.

I know you are.” He said. “I felt you.”

“And you don’t like me… right now? I ask.

It’s not that,” he says. “I’m totally confused, I fell in love with you… but you played me… tricked me. I am really romantic or I was.”

“If you love me, don’t push me away, I asked of him. “I’m sorry, so very sorry, you were the best.” I told him.

Then he told me, “I forgive you Wendy, I really do.”

Thank you for that.” I told him.

I just have to adjust, and let us happen.” He said to me. “But Idk if I can trust you… Idk … things are a mess. I know I fell in love with someone.”

So I told him, “you see you are that sweet man…trusting me will take time I guess… but I didn’t deceive you intentionally.”

“I forgive you Wendy,” he said. “I have to sleep on this.

I wanted him to understand why I deceive him, so I told him, “it was the way you ask if I was that black girl… let’s… [Sleep on it.]Please don’t block me just yet?

Then he said the most wonderful thing, “merry Christmas baby… to the beautiful girl I fell in love with…

“ok, so I asked that for a reason! I won’t.” [Blocking me.]

I like that!!” I let him know. “Me beautiful.”

And for the first time I knew he meant me when he called me beautiful. And I smile.

“I am in love… I will see it through.” He told me.

“Oh you are so wonderful.” I complimented him.

“Maybe I fucked up bad… either way I will see it through. He informs me. I’m upset that you deceive me… but that does not negate my feelings. I am in love for a reason.”

All of a sudden I was feeling happy that I confess to him; he makes me think he is willing to redirect the love he feels to me. And It give me hope that maybe; just maybe I do have a chance with him. And I want it… so far all night this is first time I felt positive and was willing to give me a chance.

So I told him, “Now I’m glad I told you. I was very worried that it would end us. Yes you are.”

So we play the game for a bit and see how things shake out…. Right? He said.” either way love can’t be blind.”

I was getting a bit enthusiastic about us and I started to smile in anticipation of an us.

I’m with you lover,” I told him enthusiastically. “I feel so good…I’m now sure it’s me and not that picture.”

“And so we love… and sort shit out… that’s how I’m going to sleep tonight… I won’t judge… I will let time do that.” He told me.

“Sounds good to me my sweet Allen.” I told him. “You must be the greatest guy alive.”

I was so thrilled that he was thinking about us positively and he wants to try with me. I was quite happy for the hope he puts in my heart and for the assurance of his love; and again, I was amazed by him.

“Wendy… the picture gives me a visual… now a horrible one… it’s up to you to create a new visual”. He told me. “That’s why I started so perverted… please take all those images and replace them? I don’t to see her anymore… I want to see the woman I fell in love with.

I don’t have one with just me that was why I use the one with her.” I told him. I take awful pictures. Not too photogenic… but I’m going to work on some for you.”

Then I told him, “Oh my… you must be the best guy ever to love me.”

So I went searching in my album, trying to find a picture of me that look half decent to send to him. So I found that I was smiling and two of me with Barbara, Gail and Ayden. I sent them and comment, “That’s me… I know… with crazy ass sisters.

He did not respond so I thought he went to sleep and thought let me get some sleep too. I was a little exhausted emotionally, but right now I was feeling at ease knowing that “MY SWEET Allen’ was loving me… Wendy Wakanita… I was pleased and very calm, and that was good for me.

I was really happy he stayed with me and give me the chance to calm my emotions ; I do believe we are truly in love and all this exhilarating and jubilant emotions are all real, not only for me but for him too. Yes, yes we are definitely, absolutely and crazy in love. So we will allow time to be the judge of our outcome.

After what I did… I am only grateful that he still takes the time to talk and stayed with me this long. Does he know how very special that makes him? –

I turn off the light and smile; I was smiling this time instead of crying; and I hope comes tomorrow he will still feel the same; I wanted for him so much to love me, because I love him so very much… and I hope he stays and let us work it out… we are in love for a reason. [isn’t that what he said?]

And I drifted off to sleep smiling and with great hope… and for the first time at ease knowing he recognized me as me .. and his words kept playing in my head… and I said a little prayer.. ” DEAR GOD.. MAKE HIM LOVE ME… ME!!!

*****************************************************************************

 

TO BE CONTINUED…

ONLINE DATING: FIRST EXPERIENCE; part 11

https://itun.es/us/Nqh1_?i=1070887985

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I JUST SAT THERE WITH TEARS ROLLING DOWN MY EYES, MY HEART BREAKING; THINKING OF ALL TIMES I COULD HAVE TOLD HIM THE TRUTH; AND WONDERING IF I WOULD HAVE GOTTEN THIS CHANCE I HAD; TO KNOW HIM AND LOVE HIM LIKE I DID.. IF I HAD… WISHING I HAD THE RIGHT WORDS TO SAY TO HIM TO CONVINCE HIM TO STAY… KNOWING IT’S TOO LATE ANYWAYS… I HAVE LOST HIM. HE MUST REALLY HATE ME NOW… FOR TAKING AWAY THAT PRETTY SMILE AND BEAUTIFUL GIRL… AND WISHED WITH ALL MY HEART, AGAIN, THAT HE COULD LOVE ME… THAT I COULD HAVE THE CHANCE TO BE WITH HIM AND BE A PART OF HIS MOST ENTICING WORLD… BUT HE IS GONE AND I’M LEFT HERE WITH MY MISERY AND A HEART FULL OF SO MUCH LOVE AND DEEP DESIRE FOR HIM.

AND I SIT THERE… MY MIND FLASHING BACK TO ALL HE HAS SAID TO ME… AND ALL THE PASSION AND LOVE WE FELT AND SHARE FOR AND WITH EACH OTHER; GOING OVER THE PAST WEEK AND A HALF… RELIVING EVERY PRECIOUS MOMENT WE SPENT. MISSING HIM… WANTING HIM…LOVING HIM AND LONGING FOR HIM.

An HOUR HAS PASS, I WAS TRYING TO  ACCEPT, AND COME WITH THE TERMS THAT I WILL NO LONGER BE HEARING FROM HIM… WHEN A TEXT CAME IN… I JUMPED SO HARD, NOT EXPECTING IT, AND I GOT ALL OVERLY EXCITED… MY HEART STARTED TO THUD BEATING WILDLY… AND WITH SHAKING HANDS, PICKED UP THE PHONE AND THERE HE WAS…

“Baby…” he said. “ I don’t care what she thinks… that isn’t right! I care what you think. You haven’t lost me… I’m pretty confused though.”

“What do you mean,” I asked, confused and perplexed..

(I was slightly smiling; very pleased with what he said about, I haven’t lost him..a little hopeful)

“Wendy we need t connect as us,” he told me.

“I want that too,” I answered.

“Do you shave your pussy?” He asked.

(what!!!!????)

I was a little disturbed by his question but I have him back, talking to me and I want him to stay.

So I told him, “yeah.”

“If not…now is the time,” he told me.

“Why?” I inquired.

“I want a mouthful of your pretty pussy… tell me what I got.” He asked.

I said to myself, oh man I am not, no way feeling sexual right now.

So I told him, “I’m really not too good at this.”

I was not… truthfully… and I was in no mood for it. But I thought, let me play along with him and entertain his desire… at least I will have him talking to me; and I need to keep him with me as long as I can…

“I’m horny… I need pussy… let’s cum please… tell me why it’s us… let me taste you.” He was saying. ‘Do you have big or small pussy lips? Do you like to have your pussy sucked on? He was asking.

I was wondering… how does he feels horny right now. I couldn’t feel anything; I was still shaken up and unsure and perturbed.

So I answered, “Small and yes.”

“Does your clit get big or stay small? He kept on asking. “Do you liked to get sucked till you come?

I again answered, “Small and yes.

I was a little annoyed at his questions but I did not want to tell him to stop this ..because I did not want him to stop talking to me; and I was afraid e would leave again… You see as long as he is here with me, the more relaxed and calmer I became and my hysterical emotions were slowly fading.

“After I take care of you and make you cum over and over… would you like to swallow my load? He asked of me.

So I thought, “Let’s see if I can try to do this.”

I did not like this right now… and I did not like his questions, and I’m wondering… why is he acting like this… is it because he now knows I’m no virgin, and he is able to be more open sexually… why?

… He said. “You have to… I will make you cum hard… over and over and over.”

“Here we go,” I said defeated. “Yes”

“And then I will suck your pussy and take all you can give me, and then… you will be on your knees and swallow my cum… every drop.” He was letting me know.

“I can’t keep up to you,” I told him. “Ok anything for my man.” I give in.

“That’s my girl!!! What a great answer! That is what I would have said. He exclaimed.

So I just play along just to keep him there with me.

“Tell me what you want and I will deliver.” I l told him.

“Whatever it takes to make my girl cum hard… that’s what I want!” He tells me. “Oh man! So you will do the same.”

So I said,” it’s your turn to get yours.”

“Tell me what it takes… to fuck your pussy up way hard!!! He asks. And I’m on it.

And I just try playing along.

“And I’m willing to be your freak tonight.” I let him know.

“I need my girl to swallow… that is important to me…” he informs me. Spread that pussy sexy girl. But f.y.i. I will need pictures moving forward.” he let me know.

I thought hell no way!!!!!…. I starting to feel really bad about this conversation  we were having and the direction it was going  and I started to  feel violated. But…

“OMG!!! I really don’t do pictures.” I told him.

“I have a big thick cock for you baby… but we have to share…

“Willing to,” I let him know.

“Pictures have to happen” he says. “Good girl!!! This will be fun.”

“No pictures please…” I pleaded.

“Nope… stop… pictures or no deal.” He says sounding upset…

So I asked, “What kind are you talking about?”

“Pussy all spread out… yup… that bad… for real though…why, be Kinda dirty…show me what’s mine baby… let’s play.” He kept on.

“Sorry no can do… I’m not into that.” I told him.

“Ok bye.” He said.

“Can’t it be visual like before?” I asked.

“We are done here… too much deception… I call the shots or it’s over… no more games.” He told me.

I realize that he is about to go again and I was starting to get all fearful all over, I want him to stay with me so I thought I need to try to give him what he wants.

“Ok tell me again what is it you want.” I ask him.

“I want a picture of your pussy up close… and your face… and your tits… “He informs me.

I tried calling him by phone, but he refuses; I was thinking if I could talk to him it would be much better because my texting sucks and I am not able to say what I would like to. And he is texting way too fast for me to keep up to him.

“I won’t answer… he said. We have to connect before we go any further … it’s all up to you.

I didn’t like his answer and I was starting to think he really hates me to be talking to me like this and making all these outrageous requests….

So I told him, “aaahh man… now you using me like a ‘ho’ “[whore]

I was feeling disrespected and feel like he really hates me to be treating me so foul. I was thinking he is trying to hurt me for hurting him; for taking away Paige and replacing her with the likes of me. I’m no substitute.

“No stop… let’s stop now then… we are done… it was cute… I was manipulated and now you want me to respect you…. It’s over.” He told me off. “Night.” He says.

So I told him, “all the sweet mess is gone, you are now cold and want to hurt me back for what I did to you… guess I deserve that.”

He says, “Nope… I want you to be vulnerable… but you will never be… but I was… bye.”

I know I have to let him go… it’s no use trying  and hoping… the damage has been done…. I felt his pain and I know how much he was hurting and I hate me as much as he did right now. I realize too late just how cruel I was for leading him on with all my false pretense and no matter what my excuses were, there is no justification for my actions. I have hurt him in a bad way and he genuinely loves the girl I was supposed to have been; and it can’t be undone. I mess up big time.

So I lamely told him, “I’m really sorry again… bye Allen, it was really a treat knowing you. Love you anyways… always..:

And then I thought I’d try to tango him using the camera. But again he refuses…

I thought he was gone again…  he has stop texting but again he surprises me with a response.

“You blew it Wendy… I’m sorry but that shit hurt… you are mean… I was open and honest.”

I started to cry again because I knew he was right and I did not know how to console him; did not know what to say to him; did not know if it would have even mattered anyway. I have cause pain to the sweetest and dearest man there is; and I was feeling his every pain I inflicted and there was nothing I could do about it.

“I know… but I hurt my feelings too…” I said so pathetically. “I just like your face so much.” I told him trying to explain my reason behind all my cruel deception, wanting him to understand.

“Ha-ha,” he laughed sarcastically. That is sweet but you mess my head all up.”

And I continue trying to explain and excuse my behavior, “and I know you would not want to talk to me… so I use Paige as bait. And I’m glad I did”

This seems to trigger off his anger again, because he said very angrily, “stop! I’m offering to fuck… and you know me… don’t you? He asked. “So take my cock and make me love you… or let me go…this is all I have. This is your mess… so fix it… it is your call.”

I did not know how to fix it and I refuse to go the way he is asking. I’m not going to lower my standard and let him think I am sleazy. It was important to me for him to think I am a nice girl and I won’t degrade myself…

So I told him, “I can’t be that cheap, I want what you were offering Paige…..

“Ok then, we are done here,” he let me know. “You can’t be as cheap as I have been for a while now. We have both hit our limit.” He told me still angry and bitter.

…“But I know I can’t have it or you.” I finished saying. “Story of my life.” I said sadly.

“I was in love… you could have saved that… you don’t know how… so we are done. Let it end.” He finally said.

He was right… I have to let it end…. I did not know how to save us; I did not know what I should say or could say; and I didn’t think we could be saved, because I still was thinking he’s never ever going to like me or be able to redirect his love to my face.

So I agreed with him to end it,” ok my sweet sweet Allen… I had it all ..and I wanted you  so so bad.. and I’m so happy with what we had.”

Then he tells me, “I’ll always love what we may have had… it was beautiful.”

Agreed.” I said.

He then tells me,” I hope you learned something…”

“I have.” I told him. “A valuable lesson.”

“It hurts me…” he said, “but I get it… my bad. So I don’t go beyond that first night anymore.”

Then he went a little crazy and said, “Give me pussy or fuck off … that is how it works now…”

(I kinda ignore that outburst because I didn’t know how to responded..)

So I told him, “You love Paige…. Not me… I know.”

“No I could never be in love with an underage girl… he told me. “That isn’t who I am. She is a kid… I don’t see kids as something attainable. Nope… nice try though.”

“I mean the picture of,’ I told him. “You did not know that she was so young.”

“I was in love with you… he let me know, “I never fell in love with her pictures.”

The word ‘was’ hit me like a log. He has stopped loving me.

So I ask him, “then why are you treating me like this. I’m not so bad you know.” {Me trying to convince him to like me.}

“I fell in love with the personality,” he was telling me. “So stop trying to play it. I fell in love with you.”

(this comment make me feel so good hearing saying that he loved me…)

It’s still me.” I try to assure him.

“And that fucks you up” he let me know. “And it should… all I need was a connection… you gave me that… now you want me to forgive you for playing with my heart?

“And you have the connection still…I’m trying to assure him. “I did not play with your heart… I truly love you… I may have tried to be Paige but it was me all the way.” Trying to convince him that I’m still the same girl he feel in love with.

He has stop texting and I realize he did not buy it.. he is gone; my heart sinks again and the tears return. I was so full of self pity wishing I could find the right words to save us.. I was back to sobbing again crying my heart out..

And I said, “Can’t believe how much I fucked up so bad. Oh, how I wish I could take it all back… but then again… I would never have experience the joys of you. Thank you for it all… you are still the best thing ever to me. And for all it’s worth it… I love you; love you so very much.

He was gone again and I sit there again just thinking about what he said about loving me and how much I wanted to believe him; thinking about his earlier request for a picture and all he said to me and how I was thinking and feeling and I wonder…. Was he testing me? Was he trying to see if I would have agreed to compromise my honor? Seeing that I used lie and deceits to be able to talk to him, what else would I do to hold on to him? How far was I willing to go?

I wanted so bad to make it right, for him to like me for me. But somehow, deep down I know he never will; I still was not fully convinced that it was not Paige picture he fell in love with. I still could see him visualizing Paige, wanting her, and I know I could never give him me because I am not so appealing. I’m here loving him and wanting him and knowing that he could never feel that way for me.

I know he is hurting too; I can feel and sense his sorrow from all he had said to me; he is angry and confused; it was just a few hours ago he was telling me how much he was he was so fortunate to have me in his life and just how much he loves me. And I wish I know how to make it right for him. Wish I knew….

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TO BE CONTINUED………

ONLINE DATING: FIRST EXPERIENCE: part 10c

This sequence is the beginning of the end… and is a little lengthy… I hope you all will take the time to read it.. this was my hardest episode to write… I have tears in my eyes reliving it all..  I Did fall very deeply in love with “MY SWEET ALLEN” ..and through the tears …. I’m smiling because it happen.. WHAT A MOST AWESOME AND A MOST WONDERFUL AMAZING LOVE FOR ME TO HAVE EXPERIENCE… SMILING HUGE!!!!

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AS I SAT THERE FIGHTING WITH MYSELF TRYING TO FIGURE OUT HOW TO BUILD UP THE COURAGE TO CONFESS MY DECEPTION.. I’M TRYING To UNDERSTAND THIS EXTREME EXTENT OF OUR INTENSE FEELINGS …. And HOW MUCH I’M SO IN LOVE WITH THIS MAN…. while 

HE IS DECLARING HIS LOVE FOR ME  MAKING ME LOVE HIM ALL THE MORE…

 

 

“I’m here Christmas night loving you… and I want more… He was declaring, ‘that my position… no threats. Just promises I won’t be a fucking creepy stalker if you get scared and want to think… is that a bad position? He asked of me.

I read what he wrote about loving me and wanting of more; and I said, no more Wendy Wakanita, no more; tell him; you have to… I couldn’t go on lying to him any longer; he was sincerely in love; and he definitely don’t deserve this kind of deception.… and then I know this means it will be over for me; and I started to shake violently and again my heart was beating so hard against my chest; I was so nervous, my head was spinning, I couldn’t even type. I didn’t even know how to make the approach. So I try to steady my hands…

And I said, let me ask you a question… now don’t get mad…

(I was so emotionally upset… I just know telling him is going to be bad.. I fear  his reaction.. and my eyes was fill with tears… I couldn’t even see.. my hands was trembling… so nervous.. I don’t want to do this… I really don’t…)

He laughed and said,”Ok”

And so I asked him, ‘did you fall in love with my pictures… or did you fall for me by talking to me? Kinda stupid question isn’t it? But… ”

It was us talking,’ he told me. “I’m a very emotional person… the physical thing falls in place once I feel someone.”

What did I say to get you hooked? I wanted to know.

I was so poor and lousy with my conversation, that I was thinking, I did not say anything so wonderful for him to fall for me this way. I was convinced it was the picture of Paige that he liked so much that got him hooked.

“Everything … he said. “It was your honesty most levy…. Mostly… and that you were really easy to open to…. No threat… but willing to share… I am a protector… so you played into my likes without even knowing.”

My honesty???  but I wasn’t… I sat there reading all he was saying, shaking and afraid. I am about to lose him. And I was getting very hysterical emotionally; and was paralyzed with fear. I was starting to sob and the tears were flowing heavily.

And I asked… shakily… ‘and if you found out that was not really me? Would you be angry that the girl you fantasize is not real?

“The pictures were a bonus… he said. I could see physical attributes I like… But when we first started taking I didn’t have that… so I went off how we interacted… that’s all I had. .. I have no idea … if I was catfished?

Then he says the most unbelievable thing, ‘no… I mean we would start over with trust… because that would hurt… but I’m huge on second chances.”

I think, wow!! What a guy….never expected an answer like that; Took me by surprise.

So I told him, “the best answer yet: what’s catfished? I asked.

I was a little calmer but I was still very nervous and even with all his answers, I was convinced he was not going to like me.

“Tricked.” he answered. “So if  you aren’t the person in the pictures or you were not honest and really want to see if we are compatible… Now is the time to come clean… because I feel connected.”

“Suppose she is not a looker.” I asked.

(I was thinking it’s paige’s pictures that he fell for)

Wendy… out with it please.” He pleaded. Please.” He insisted.

I was so afraid to say it because I know it would mean the end of him. And I so much did not want it to end. Any way I reached this far… no turning back…

So I said, “Allen … I’m Wendy Wakanita… but not the girl in those pictures.”

And I start to cry even more, I was sobbing and I kind of expect him to stop texting… But instead he asked me…

“Let me start with my first concern… how old are you?

“40” I told him…. Well I can easily pass for 40 and on some days even 35.

Ok I can live with that,” he says. “Jesus… What a relief… ok let’s have it.

“I thought you liked them young,” I told him

“Wrong.” He said.

I’m afraid you are not going to like me if you know who I am.” I said to him.

“You are the youngest girl I’ve talked to. I like girls that can hang physically… because I can fuck forever… but I don’t like young girls because they are young… if that makes sense.”

“Maybe you are right… I mean … but what do you have to lose.” He said in response to him not liking me.

I kind of understand what he was saying but not totally convinced about it. And I was thinking… here I am trying to find a man to keep up to me… without much success, that I give up trying, thinking all men 40’s and up is useless in the bed… and after my experience with “MYLOVE-LOVE… I refuse to do young guys for fun. And here I found this most passionate guy who could match my long distance marathon; and I’m ending up losing him because he would rather a young girl in her 20’s to run with. A tall thin girl with perfect teeth and a beautiful smile; his type and preference; I’m no comparison. Paige and I are completely opposite. If only he could have liked me; but… that is not going to be possible.

So I told him, “I’m the aunt.’

“You have made a mess; let’s fix it.’ He said surprisingly. “Ok so you are the aunt?

“And so what is it you want? What are you looking for? Help me understand. Do you want to experience us? I mean I totally fell in love with you… I might need to think things through because I’m a little hurt… but what do you want? Ok I’m a lot hurt.”

And I sit there crying my heart out ; couldn’t even steady my hands to text; reading what he asking; knowing no matter what I say to him, he’s never going to like me; thinking I want you… all I want is you… I love you… I love you so much… but it’s not me you love…

I decided to send one of my pretty photo I took fifteen years ago when I was proud of me and my smile was pretty.

He comments on it on say, “ok that’s a nice picture.”

I then say, I do… I do…” {To, do you want to experience us}

I did not know what to say to him, there he was telling me that he is hurt and I know he would be; and here he was still texting me trying to make sense of it all; and I have nothing… nothing… I was lost for words…  all that was in mind was I have lost him; it’s over and I was expecting him to stop texting me and forget about me; but he kept on and as long as stayed with me texting I became calmer and my extreme emotional state that I found myself in start to slowly dissipate.

He then say, “ok, then please let’s start over… please… we can start as us.”

Start over??!!!! oh my!!!!…  I couldn’t hardly believe he was saying this t me…

“Ok.” I said kinda excitingly.

So you are Maxine? He asked.

“Yeah… I’m Maxine too.” I admitted.

And I think, oh sh….t, he now knows what I look like for real from the picture of me with Paige. I start to get nervous again because that’s an ugly picture of me, and I know he definitely will not like me.

Then he of course changes his mind, “ok I have to process this… but I promise I am not done… I swear I fell in love with you…I have to figure out if I can trust you now… that’s all.

He was saying all the right things but I was thinking all the wrongs things. I was glad to see that he was really nice about it; but I was still convinced in my mind that he wanted Paige. I wasn’t giving me a chance.

So I told him, “I’m sorry but I’m shaking so much… I’m kind of relief that you take it so good.

“Let’s see how things go… maybe we can fix it.” He tells me. I don’t know… I’m Kinda a mess though… I feel so stupid.”

I know he was a little confused about it all; and i was still worried about him… but as much as I want him to like me…  I just know that he is not going to like me..

So I told him, “So, so happy I’m right about you, because I’m so in love with you.

I was trying to tell him that I was happy to know I was right to think he was really a sweet and sincere man and all that he’s now saying to me proves me right.

What you did was mean,” he told me. “But thank you for fixing it and allowing us to salvage something!

“I was feeling sorry doing that when I realize how special you are.” I let him know.

“Ok well we work on us… as one then …ok? He asked of me. “Totally honesty please.”

I felt a little hopeful with what he said. And I thought I can’t text fast enough to explain to him, or try to apologize to him, maybe he will let us talk by phone where it would be easier for me to tell him how and what I am feeling.

So I ask him, “Maybe we can voice call now? ….

I promise.” I told him about being honest.

He was not responding and I thought he had stopped and my heart sinks again.

So I asked, “Are you gone?”

I start to cry again, and try to apologize, “I’m so, so sorry, thanks for not being too mean to me… Trusting me is not going to be easy, and I understand if you don’t want anything to do with me. I was never the lovable type, a guy like you are only in my dreams. I figured you would not love me so much if you knew I was not that sexy girl.” (and I just keep on saying the things I was thinking … making me looking worst with each word..

I thought for sure he was done with me, and I was crying and wallowing in self-pity; wanting him so badly to like me but knows that he couldn’t and wouldn’t, I have all the reasons why he couldn’t… and to me they were valid.

And then he’s back, and through the tears I smile,

“ok please tell your name… your real name so we start over.”

I wrote, “Wendy Wakanita Maxine .”

“But you missed something huge… sexy is not a look. He told me.

I said, “I beg to differ.”

“Ok I love the name,” he told me. And you prefer Wendy?

Actually now Nita” I let him know with a smiley face..

“Well first impressions are one thing… but anyone can be sexy.” He said to me

.”Awwww” he responded to me wanted to be called by his nickname for me.

‘And so …. What would you like for us Nita? He asks me.

“Everything you promised.” I let him know, “the whole works.”

I was getting a little excited and hopeful that he wants to try to make us work; I was also pleased to have him still talking to me and allowing me to calm down from my hysteria. And again I was just so amazed how wonderful he is. I couldn’t believe that he is still talking to me and even offering me a chance to be with him; after I hurt him like this. Here I was, again in awe of him. WOW!!

Then he said to me, “and please don’t thank me for being nice… I will always be nice… shouldn’t everyone be? He asks of me. He laughed at me wanting everything and the works. “Hahaha! Ok! Let’s start as us.”

“Ok let’s.” I confirmed.

“And we go from there… at least we can have an honest go at it right? He asked. “Also … were you Cumming … playing with your pussy when we talked? Was that real? He wanted to know.

“You are so amazingly wonderful.” I was complimenting him. {For wanting to make a go with us.}

“Yes” I told him, “I always have; that was real.”

And so that was real; ok, that’s feels nice. I’m glad I shared that. He stated. And do you have children? He asks. “

I did not want to lie any more to him; no matter what the consequence I am going to be totally honest with him from now on.

So I admitted, “The Irish and the Chinese. My first husband is the Irish man… I have had three husbands; I’m kind of not too lucky with my choices, my second died, he was the best of the lot.”

I realized he had stop texting; I was getting worried that he is gone again. But I kept on saying what I was saying hoping he will resume.

So I asked him, “Are you seriously thinking of giving us a chance?

Still nothing from him, my eyes felt teary but I was not too emotional like earlier, much calmer, but I was a bit apprehensive.

“You are not feeling me right now, are you? I ask him. You have lost the joy, haven’t you?

I waited a few minutes, still nothing and now I was convinced that he is finally gone. And I was full of morose. And I started to think again that he wanted Paige; this beautiful young girl; not an old fart like me, with two grown children. There goes my everything, I thought. My whole world just crashes… and I’m left with nothing, he is gone… gone for good. I found him… and he was grand… perfect…sensational… and I was so ecstatic… thrilled….and was so profoundly delighted and so full of joy.

So I kept on talking to him just so to keep calm and not get back to that state I was in.

So I told him, “if she old enough to date I told her I would have given her to you… but she is only 14; she thinks you are hot… if that’s any consolation.”

“How I wish I could command your love.” I told him sobbing. ‘but I know you could not like me…I’m that cute or lovable… all in all my sweet, sweet Allen, I have enjoyed you tremendously, and I do love you so very much… but I got it… a man like you would never look my way twice… it’s just my luck… falling in love with someone way out of my reach…I’m so sorry… you didn’t deserve it; you are too nice and special and perfect. My blue eyes… right out of my dreams. You are everything in a man I have always dreamed of.”

After a few minutes of thinking and weeping; realizing that he is really gone I sat there praying he would come back, wanting him to resume his texting but I knew it was over and I started to cry again, feeling lost and numb… I lost him… omg … I have lost him…

“You are gone aren’t you? I text. “I have lost you… my worst fear has come true.”

..I was feeling so empty and so alone…there was a big void… I missed him… and I’m left with this great love for a man I couldn’t have….

And I just keep texting even though I know he was not there anymore; I just want to get it out, what I was feeling, trying to ease this excruciating pain I was experiencing.

“I f…ked up real bad… I know… but thank you for the most memorable; exciting; glorious; time I ever had; the best sex without even a touch; I was on top of the world for a moment. I flew to places I have never been to; I am totally in love with a man I never knew; with only the power of his words; you are the most beautiful; most genuine; most understanding; most wonderful man alive. And I had the honor to know you. What a most amazing and awesome experience for me.

“In all my 43 years, I become the most fortune woman alive to have crossed path with you. LIFE REALLY GIVES BEAUTIFUL GIFTS…. IT GIVES ME YOU… wonderful incredible you. And I will be always loving you… thank you again for the experience of you, “MY SWEET, SWEET Allen” Did not mean to hurt you, it was never my intention… I will not bother you no more… but I would love to hear from you…even if it for some of your visual sex”..I ended humorously….  Wendy WAKANITA.

I sit there crying… wishing I didn’t pretend to be Paige; wondering if I had been myself if he would have loved me like this. I was not hysterical anymore and I was glad he stayed with me long enough to allow me to calm down; I was hurting real badly and wanted so much to still have him talking to me; to feel him close; but I know he is done with me. I was so in love with him and I prayed, “god … please fix it… fix it… please fix it…please god; bring him back to me; please god… he says he love me… let it be true and let him see me as me.” And I cried and cried some more.. I was sobbing and the tears was warm running down my face…my heart was breaking… I was numb and so devastated;

Don’t know why I was acting so extremely emotional; it’s not like me… I’m always so cold and unattached; but somehow … my emotion were so intense and uncontrollable… is it because I am in the wrong?… and I know it?…is it because I don’t know him and I have built him up to suit my fantasy of him?… I don’t know… all I know is that I’m hurting real bad and that he is gone for good;

His love was like a gentle breeze that turns into a storm…and it carried me away and spins me in a whirlwind of exhilarating emotions and desires that was so intense; that it left me so ecstatic; and I had the time of my life…and I owe it all up to him. It was providence… like a divine intervention. And no matter what… I think he was my fortunate serendipity [finding a very pleasant and valuable thing by chance} and it was by mere chance I found him… But I went and mess it all up; with lies and deceptions because of insecurities and lack of self-esteem.

#######################################################

WE LAUGH UNTIL WE HAD TO CRY:

AND WE LOVE RIGHT DOWN TO OUR LAST GOODBYE

WE WERE THE BEST I THINK WE’LL EVER BE

JUST YOU AND ME… FOR JUST A MOMENT.

WE CHASE THAT DREAM WE NEVER FOUND

AND SOMETIMES… WE LET ONE ANOTHER DOWN

BUT THE LOVE WE SHARE, MADE EVERYTHING ALRIGHT

WE SHONE SO BRIGHT… FOR JUST A MOMENT…

TIME GOES ON… WE TOUCHED… AND THEN WE’RE GONE

AND YOU AND I WILL NEVER LOVE AGAIN, LIKE WE DID THEN

SOMEDAY WHEN WE BOTH REMINISCE… WE’LL BOTH SAY…

THERE WASN’T TOO MUCH WE MISSED

AND THROUGH THE TEARS… THE SMILE WHEN WE RECALLED

WE HAD IT ALL… FOR JUST A MOMENT

TIME STILL GOES ON; AHHH; WE TOUCHED… AND YOU ARE GONE

BUT, YOU AND I… WILL NEVER REALLY END…WE WILL NEVER LOVE AGAIN… LIKE WE DID THEN.

WE LAUGH AND WE LOVE… RIGHT DOWN TO OUR LAST GOODBYE.
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TO BE CONTINUED…….

ONLINE DATING: FIRST EXPERIENCE; part 10b

I SIT THERE WISH I COULD TAKE BACK WHAT I SAID.. KIND OF FEARING HIS RESPONSE… BUT I STILL WAS KIND OF AMAZED WITH THE EXTREME INTENSITY OF EMOTIONS WE WERE BOTH EXPERIENCING.

He answered me after a few moments…

Nita!! Omg baby… I’m missing you!” he exclaimed. “You make me laugh and love!

“How do I do that?” I asked.

Baby… so what do you think? He asked me.

About what?” I wanted to know.

You must know by now that I am real…and that my feelings are real too.” He said to me.

“I do… I think.” I told him.

I realized what I started and I did not want to go this path; not tonight. And he is so quick to pick up on my feelings of doubts. He is so sensitive to me; he can always sense what I was thinking and feeling… all the time… doesn’t know how he does it.

“You have been back through it… I haven’t, I just know that I do things one way… I either care or I don’t… I really don’t have much in between.

So I told him, “I don’t mean to question our feelings.”

I want to exit from this path it was going.

Then he went to explaining to me, why, “I became emotional with you when you felt real to me… and the more you open up the more I fell… Nita…you know I will be respectful if you have reservations right?

I did not want to hear all this…. I didn’t…

Then I told him,” How I wish I could explain things as good as you do.”

I sit there thinking …look what I started…

“I will allow you as much time as you’d like to sort things out or even go away if you feel that is the best… he tells me.

No… no… no… I don’t want that, I was thinking. It’s funny how frightful I get whenever he mention or suggest leaving or stopping. Yet I’m here know that it will.

And he continues to talk, “I am not here to make a stand or fight for something that isn’t mine… I will just continue to show my love and affection if you let me. That’s it. If you say this too much I will disappear …. Promise; Will it hurt? Hell yeah… will I do it? Yes.”

Man… I did not know what to say to him. And I was so scared that he was going to leave me. I was shaking by now very afraid that he is going to walk away. And I did not know how to stop him… or if I should.

And he kept on telling me, “You are in control of our fate as you know… I am giving you that because I want to be fair and responsible…. I’m sorry I messed you up again… it’s never my intention.

“I don’t mean anything like that, not in the least,” I let him know. “And when you started talking like this it scared the hell out of me.

“I’m sorry,” he said.

“I’m not so confident and sure of myself like you do.” I inform him.

“I’m empowering you. I can be super strong… I know you can be timid… this is me extending gratitude and love… even though it may ultimately hurt me. He tries to console me.

If only he knows the real truth behind my reservations… I thought.

And I’m trying to embrace it as best as I know how.” I tell him.

Then I ask of him, “Can we move on to a better conversation please? I really don’t want to think of you leaving.”

“If I had to said one thing outside, of us to you… as somebody watching… I’d say, trust your heart baby… it may steer you wrong but my god what if it doesn’t? Do you want to live in retrospect? I m not saying do something unreasonable… I’m saying, let yourself feel… it’s the most powerful gift ever… as you can see.”

That was just it… i was seeing the power and I was feeling the effects too… why did I start off playing this game of deception? because of all my lies, I can’t claim this love and passion that I have let myself feel… and claim this most wonderful powerful gift..

He’s there thinking all my reservation and hesitancy is due to my inexperience and being naïve… and I know it’s not. I just want to come off the subject all together. So I ignored all that he was saying.

“Yes we can go into something for sure! I’m sorry baby”. He tells me apologetically.

“I totally got it.” I let him know.

So tell me, how was your Christmas?’ he asked. “Did you have a nice day baby?”

“It was all good; my day was filled with thoughts of you.” I told him.

“Yes I know the feeling well.” He informs me. “Can I ask you something? You have sent me several pictures. But the one you posted is my favorite and if I look long enough… I can taste your kiss and the softness of your lips… That picture makes me want to kiss you so bad…”

I did not want to go there either; I don’t want to think of him loving Paige. I just want to completely enjoy him tonight without any thoughts of Paige and him gone. I don’t want any interference, not tonight… I have waited all day to be with him and I just want his complete attention on me. So again I ignored his statement.

So I ask him, ‘so tell me about the photos you sent me?”

“Ok ask anything… I will tell you.” He said.

“You seem so full of life; where is that mountain you were standing on? I asked.

“Btw it’s hard to find pictures of me! I mean I’m the one taking them usually! And I don’t do any social media… he wanted me to know. “I was in Colorado visiting a really good friend that is lawyer out there.”

“And the picture on the rock is the same place… I was waiting for him and his family… to finish a trail… anyway… I raced ahead on my horse to take pictures of them finishing this long hard ride. That’s my nigga!”

In between his telling me all this, I interjected, “your doggy reminds me of a dog we use to own…. And that’s my favorite.” {Referring to his picture on the rock.}

I’m so lousy with conversation; it’s unbelievable. I want to comment on his “nigga” word and his riding but he was writing so fast and I got way behind from reading what he was telling and trying to comment. After all this time I was still on his face on the rock. :).

“You look really, really look good; and those eyes… ooooh baby… baby.’ I commented.

“I love him and he is really sweet… a good boy”. He wants me to know.

He then tries to explain the picture on the rock seeing that I was so mesmerized with it…

“I laid on that rock because I was all sweaty and it looked like the coolest place to relax at the moment…. I dropped my keys in the water no long after that picture.” He laughed at the memory of it. Hahaha!! Not so relaxing! Good thing I was on a horse.”

I was quite enjoying all the stories of his adventures and I was again I was in admiration of him. He seems to live life to its fullest. And how I wish I could be a part of his life and share in all his wonder and delightful adventures. There goes the man of my dreams; and that’s the only place he is going to be.

And I wanted to know, ‘are these all recent?” I asked.

“In one picture I was with another guy… that was my brother… he died a few years ago… long sad story for another day. But I wanted to share something super personal.” He answered.

The one with my brother is the oldest… 2.5 years old. “He informed me. “The rest was in last year.”

And I moved on to the picture of him riding; what a poor conversationalist I am. And I like conversing so much. You’d think I would be better at it… but with him…i get so lost in thoughts and tonight I was really having a hard time staying focus.

“so you are a cowboy too? I asked him. “Am so sorry.” I told him. [About his brother}

“No silly… he said to me. “But I can ride a horse and have green broke a few.”

So isn’t that what constituted being a cowboy? I thought, laughing”

“It’s ok baby. Thank you,” he said to me being sorry about his brother.

I sent him three smiley faces. In reference to his explanation about not being a cowboy.

I raced motorcycles too… couldn’t find any pictures though… I’ll ask my sister she has tons… I’ll send you them when I get them;”

You do almost everything and anything!” I told him. “Me… nothing so outrageous.”

”well I just live… he told me. Life is short? So yeah… I try to live.

That’s good though.” I told him.

But baby… you are just starting…” he said observantly. “You only got one shot… make it count. Right?

“And I do admire you for it.” I let him know.

“But further, I love downtime… I like lying in the bed watching movies… hell yes.” He told me trying to make me feel equal and comforted, not so out-of-place seeing I was implying I would not be able to participate in his exciting and wild adventurous life.

Wow!!! He such a cool guy… there he goes trying to me feel good about my hobby of movies and reading.

Don’t know if I have the nerves or the guts.” I told him.

I have a long family history of being active,’ he told me trying to explain to me why is so active and adventurous. “But you don’t need either if you have trust.” He informs me. “If you trust me I will show you the world… but it will take lots of trust.” He let me know.

“Good for you, it shows,” I told him. “I think so too… lots. {Of trust}

“I am scared of nothing for real… He was saying. “I respect many things… that’s why I’m alive but fear nothing for the most part…. I just need a partner in… time… ha-ha! That’s perfect, we won’t do crime… so a partner in time! Someone to share life with… that want to experience it all!! Including movies in bed.”

I made a comment, “I don’t know why it’s s hard for me.”

I think I was still lagging way behind and it was in reference to our earlier conversation about having trust; {laughing} and it came after his speech about ‘partner in time’ and it was way out of context and of course misunderstood.

Because he says to me, “baby don’t let me mess you up… go with your heart and mind… I will always be respectful.”

So I said, a bit annoyed, “come on you are misunderstanding my comment again, please don’t go back there? I pleaded with him.

“We feel great to me… he was telling me. But I humbly know that I am only half of us… that is nothing…. I’m sorry,” he said about misunderstanding my comment.

“Why do you keep on threatening me with you out the picture? I asked him.

He said, “I can feel your hesitation… and as strong as I am… and can be… I don’t want to push anything. I’m sorry if I’m too sensitive… You know where I am… and what I want…

“I do” I told him.

About now I start to think, he is sensing my mood again, and he is saying all this stuff to me and I can’t and won’t be able to fulfill any his desires and dreams of me. He want this so bad. What am I doing to him? I need to stop this… he don’t deserve all my lies and deceits. God… I need to tell him.

I was fighting with myself…

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TO BE CONTINUED….