WALKING AWAY….

My emotions are all over the place.. one minute I’m accepting that I have completely lost my emotional affair..

Next minute.. I’m feeling rejected.. empty.. .. craving his attention.. don’t know how to stop connecting.. I tried sometimes just to ignore him.. but I can never last too long especially if he send a text..

I light up.. like a bulb with smallest acknowledgment from him…

Why can’t my heart stop loving 🥰 him.. why can’t I stop wanting him… why am I so damn attached that I find it so damn hard to let go and walk away from him….

He is 4500 miles away .. with no hope of ever connecting on a personal level… this relationship is doomed from the start.. there is no future in it.. it will never materialize to reality..

I do understand.. and I do know that he needs someone real.. someone he can touch.. someone he can hold and who can be there for him up close and personal..

I have nothing to offer.. I have nothing to give.. I hold no hopes or dreams come through..

He will never know exactly who I am and what I can give.. he will Never see and know the love I have for him.. he will never experience me a lover.. as partner.. as anything….

I’m just a texting connection.. I’m nothing valid actually… nothing he can’t do without…

I know I have to let him go.. he gave as much as he can… and he is trying to give me more only in smaller doses and smaller capacity…. I wish he would let me go.. and save me the choice…

Because…

I just don’t know how to let go of him… I don’t know how to walk away from him…even when I know it’s what I need to do… and I asked myself.

Why does he hold on to me.. ????! why does he also refuses to let go… ????? why does he hang on to me????

I want him to be the one to severed our connection… and I’m guessing he wants me to do the same too..

I know the time has come for us to say goodbye…he has lost it all for me.. his heart is completely empty.. yet he text me that he loves me… no no no !!! He doesn’t anymore.. it all empty words .. just like his heart… it turns to stone .

he ignores my texts messages.. he doesn’t read them… He shut me out and shuts me off…. he is cold and very aloof towards me.. he treats me With disdain … he is very mean to me .. he gets upset with everything I say .. he cusses at me… he talk to me with bitterness and anger…

Yep… there is all the reasons I should be walking away… yet I just can’t find the courage to take the step and turn my back on a relationship that is definitely not working out for me anymore…

I just can’t understand my reasons for hanging on to him… he gives me all the reasons to leave….and what do I do…???!!

I choose to stick around and take the hurt.. feel the rejection… accept his abuse… and let him treats me with contempt…..

He calls me dumb.. he called stupid.. tells me to shut up.. and you know what .. he is so right.. because plainly I am and more….

Only a fool would stay with all this negativity and tells herself that she’s so in love that she can’t and won’t walk from this relationship that has become toxic instead of being joyful and sweet.. it has turned sour…

What will it take to cut him loose … it shouldn’t be so hard to do.. he is only a make believe world of fantasy I created …..and somehow to me..we became real inside my world of fantasy…

I know there is no getting back what he lost 😞… it gone.. it over.. it done… but I keep telling myself that a little of him is better than not having none of him..

But…

Is there any truth in that logic… nope… I’m only fooling myself and causing me more anguish and excruciating pain…

I need to just close the door on us and just savor the times we have had.. that brings me so much joy… remembering him when I was his main focus…

So starting now I guess I guess I will try to ignore him as much as he is ignoring me… leave his ass alone for as long as I can..

He is never coming back.. so all hopes is dead… he will not miss me.. and he will not try to reconnect…

So it will be a clean break…

My heart will learn to stop aching for him.. and the craving will eventually dissipate…. the tears will stop… and my heart will be healed.. the scar will remained… and maybe grow a callus…

It will take some time to get past him and the times we shared….with time everything will fade away and the smile 😃 on my face will return… yes .. yes .. yes I have lost him….. I know it…

I don’t and will never regret knowing him and loving him… I will always be grateful that he came along and share his world with me.. and I will always remember this mega love that I felt for him…

I will always smile 😃 whenever I think of him .. or whenever I see those emojis kisses 💋💋💋… or whenever I reflect on the time he was mine.. he was once…

So the time has come for me to let him go… and walk away.. with seven years of sweet memories…

I just hope he finds someone who love him unconditionally like I did.. and who will make him happy and keep him smiling.. and give him the joy that he deserves….

I want to thank him again for giving me the joys of him… for sharing his world with me.. for teaching me so many things… for loving me the times he did… but he doesn’t read my text messages.. so it would be a waste of time to express anything to him…

He came into my world and he made a big difference to my daily existence… no lie. He brought a light to my life… “it out now.. but I can remember when he light up my whole world… it was good.. it was awesome… it was absolutely amazing…. and how I have enjoyed every single moment we shared…. and how I beamed and shine so brightly glowing with the radiance of happiness….

I will definitely be missing him for a long long time… but I can’t make him love me again.. I can’t make him want me again.. he has lost it.. and once it gone.. it’s dead… and there is no way of getting it back…

So I am left with no choice but to walk away.. and let him fully enjoy his life.. without me…

There is no more us.. nothing is left to hang on to… like a drowning man clutching on to a straw….!!!! It’s the end of us .. I’m sinking to the bottom.. this relationship can’t be resumed or be saved…,!!!!!!

Walking away is the only option there is….

ONLINE DATING: THE RISE &FALL OF FOREST ANGELS/ HELL ANGELS…part 7

THIS IS REBLOG…

FOREST ANGELS…..

WE PLAYED EVERYDAY FOR THE FIRST TWO WEEKS… ERICA AND I GOT MOST OF THE PLAYTIME.. WE HAD JENNY JOINED OUR GROUP ABOUT A WEEK AFTER BUT SOMEHOW SHE ONLY SERVED TO ADD SPICE TO OUR SESSIONS.. SHE WAS A VERY SENSUAL ADDITION… SHE NEVER PLAYED  ACTIVELY WITH US…BUT HER PRESENCE WAS ALWAYS THERE…

NELLY ALSO WAS NOT ABLE TO PARTICIPATE TOO OFTEN AND ONLY JOINED US OCCASIONALLY… SHE WAS A BLAST TO HAVE HER INVOLVED… SHE WAS INTO THINGS WE WERE NOT… FIFTY SHADES OF GREY… AND SO SHE BRINGS  AND INTRODUCED THESE ROLE PLAY IN AND WE ALL GO FOR IT…

We were all in sync, enjoying each other as lovers and as friends… The angels were humorous and so was FOREST… he was having a ball with the four of us… He kept us horny and if he couldn’t play he would send us very provocative and stimulating videos..

we all grew attached to him in our own way… we found out beneath and behind his sexual facade… that he really was a nice compassionate and sweet man..there was more to him .. surprisingly …We try not to get too personal though…

The angels were talking among themselves; (forming of “HELL ANGELS”) and sharing personal information….with each other and becoming fast friends… It was here we learned and talked about our personal struggles and our everyday happenings… encourage… inspired.. motivates….. and form a lasting bond..

So back to “FOREST ANGELS”….

Forest hit us up with a good morning angels…

-erica:..    goodmorning my irish cream…

-Jenny:    morning my sexy peeps…

-Nelly: good morning forest…

-You:    Good Morning Sweet Lover and angels..

-forest:   what you all doing ladies???? Horny as fuck…

 

– You:   Oooooh forest.. I’m here daydreaming of your hard.. Stiff….Juicy..,rock hard.. Cock Just pumping my Hott soaking wet pussy.. As it clenches and gripping that nine inches  fuck meat.. Enjoying you thrusting and raming that cock deeeep… And haaard… Moving and pushing into you..as you hold my hips.. Pulling me in .. Aaaah.. Oooooh .. Fuck me lover….

– You: Fuck me gooooooddOooooh…

– Forest:     ooh yeah wendy.. I’d be Fucking ramming that juicy cunt…
– Erica..,: I’m so wet… come and play with us master…
– You:       Yeeeaah. Yessss Yessss….Don’t stop!!!….Erica.. Come here baby…
– Erica..,:      Yes ma’am
– Forest:    Yeah… angels..that’s it…
– You:       Slide under my mouth
– Forest:     Let daddy watch y’all fuck each other
– You:     Let me taste you….. Mmmmmm
– Forest:   Stroking my fucking cock… so hard… suck that pussy wendy…
– Erica..,: Mmmmmm yes… feels so good.. daddy you love how wett I am for you..
– You:    Wett…..Juicy… lover come kiss some of this tasty juice off my lips…
– You:     Hand me that silver bullet… Let me fuck you as I lick and suck your big engrossed clit…

– Erica..,:     Oh yes angel..pleeeassseee????
– Forest:     Good girls…. daddy love when you love each other…
– You:      Daddy o.. stick that hard  cock in Her mouth… Fuck her face…
– Erica..,: Yes daddy… I need your cock….
– You:    I’m slowly putting this silver bullet in.. inch by inch…loving how it vibrating…
– Erica..,:    Mmmm…. it’s driving me crazy baby…
– You:         Rubbing your thighs… as they shake with anxiety and excitement…
– Forest:      I mount your fucking face
– You:       Mmmmmm…lover.. you look good in her mouth…Tastsy…
– Forest:      Show me a pic of your open mouth
– You:           Mmmmmm.. Suck his big cock Erica as IM Fuckiin you deep and hard.. All the way in… and all the way out…  slowly…. And again in hard.. Deep…
– Forest:      Take this man meat you naughty lil angel…
– You:          Make her gag…Hold her throat… help it down…
– Erica..,:      Photo

erica send the photo he requested…
– You: put it down deep …she can take it. .. Suck that cock Erica…

– Erica..,:      Mmmmmmmmm… (licking… sucking  and loving how he taste)

– You:     Milk that cock… Look so tasty… Mmmming… kitty is begging for some… she is twitching fervently…
– Erica..,: Choke me with it daddy
– You:      Erica I want to feel this vibrating silver bullet in my kitty..
– Erica..,: Mmmmmm…..I’ll put it there..
– You:    I love the way it looks in you…
– You:     daddy fuck erica while she use that silver bullet on me…
– Erica..,  :yesss Daddy .. fill me up with your hard wett throbbing dick… and make me squirt all over you…
– Forest:     Fuckin balls slapping your chin as I fuck your mouth
– You:        come over here lover.. Fuck my ass as she fuck my pussy

– You:      Oooooh yeah.. Erica reahed up and squeezed his hanging balls.
– Erica..,:   Yumm….slap my face daddy

– Forest: You want some fucking cock in your ass my lil angel..
– Erica..,: Yes daddy

– You: Yessss!!!!Please sweetlover….My ass is winking…Begging to be fucked…Pleeesse … now..
– Erica..,: Photo …

Erica sent a photo of her beautiful sexy ass…
– Erica..,:    Ass in the air take it… I’m ready for you master.

– You:     Mmmm … let’s Switch it up… Mine then yours…. but Fuck me  first please…
– Forest:   Face down ass up my lil sex slaves..  Reach back and pull your fucking holes open…oooh yesss…
– You:    Plunge all that nine inches in.. I’m Pulling wide..
– Erica..,:     Yes daddy ooooooooo
– You:       Aaaaaaah… Yes… love the feel of that glorious man meat…as it slide in and out….
– You:     Kiss me Erica?

– Erica..,:     Muahhhhhh…
– You:         Slap my ass daddy….
– Forest:     Fucking spitting on your assholes
– Erica..,:    Oil us up daddy… make it slick and slippery…
– You:     Make it sting….put a finger in mine as you do erica..
– Forest:   I’m gonna stick my fucking tongue in your asses….Cuz I’m that fucking nasty….
– You:      Ooooh yeah… be very nasty lover… make us gushed…

– You:     Be nasty….Be very nasty….
– Erica..,:    We like you nasty…stick a finger in my snatch as you lick my asshole….
– Forest:      Stretching your assholes open
– You:        Lick this butt hole
– Erica..,:     Spank me red daddy

– Forest:     Then start tongue fucking
– You:       Yessss – Here you are… tongue fuck me…
– Erica..,:   Bite me…
– Forest:    Back and forth…. Fucking slapping asses hard…
– You:    Oooooh godddd….I’m Cummin… don’t stop lover…
– Forest:     Mmmmmmmmm yesssss…. glaze me…
– You:    Oooooh Shiiiiiit!!!!!
– Erica..,:    Mmmmmmmm…..hurts so good
– Forest: God I fucking love your assholes…
– Erica..,:     Love your cock daddy…
– You:       Oooh yeah. Love that tongue tooo…
– Erica..,:    Harder and deeper
– You:         Lick it.. Fuck it
– Erica..,:     Photo …

a another photo from erica….

 
– You:   Use your fingers in mine lover….
– Erica..,:  This ass hole is loving your hard cock as it darts in and out….

– Forest: Yesssssss…. Darting my tongues in an out your fucking naughty assholes…
– You:      Put a finger In my pussy too – Ooooooohhhhhhh…yesssss….
– Forest:     Start finger fucking both your holes
– Erica..,:     Reaching under and rubbing my clit
– You:         Yeeeaah
– Foest:      Finding those gspots
– Erica..,: Mmmmmmmmmmm
– You:       Mmmmmm
– Forest:   Tweaking the fuck outta them
– Erica..,:    Make me squirt daddy
– You:        Oooooh foooorrreesssttt
– Erica..,: Ooooooooooo mmmmmmmmmmm
– You:      Fuck me.. Fuck me. Fuuuuccckkkk meeeee
– Forest:    Faster and faster fingers tickling your gspots
– Erica..,: I’m cummmmmmmming
– Forest:      Fucking cock lovers.
– Erica..,:    Mmmmmmmmmmmmmm
– Forest:    I fucking love yall
– You:      Oooooh Fucckkk Yeeeaah

– You:     Don’t stop
– Forest: Ready to get your asses plugged?
– You: I’m Cummin again…. Plugged it… fill it up with cock…
– Erica..,: Love you too lover…..Yes daddy…

We played for another half-an-hour taking turns with Forest… we had such a good time making virtual love with each other… Nelly join in later on and we played a scenario with forest tied up and we teased him to the limit … make him watch us do each other with a strap on.. while Erica oil him and touching him closely but not fully … putting her lips so close and blowing on his hard bobbing cock.. him hiesting his hips so high urging her to take him in… 

then nelly straddled him and tease him with touching the tip of his cock with her kitty and moving away while she dribble juices all over him… he was oozing precum and bouncing in excitement… 

Erica was on his face with her kitty in his mouth… her eyes closed… enjoying his tongue as it lick and dart in and out of her oozing wett juicy cunt.. she was fucking his face as he groan with slobbering sounds…

I proceed to love on his chest biting and nibbling on his nipples moving down to his belly button and kissing his groin area … rubbing my thumb ever so gently under the tip of his cock.. and …O.M.G.!!!!!  he shoots his spunk with such a force hitting the ceiling and all over my face…  Nelly start to stroke his pulsating cock… and Erica came over… squeezing his nuts and gently rubbing them…

forest squealed with pure pleasure and cum again spewing more spunk as he jerk and shaking in divine ecstasy…
Jenny pop in ever so often with a comment here and there… “damn hott”…. “Give it him angels”….ect. ect.ect…

Our playtime lasted continuously for a little more than a month… and one day we came on to find forest being suspended… The angels was devastated and we misses forest so much… We were all mad and so angry that someone reported him and got him suspended.

But we all had each other to talk to … Forest came back a week after but he was not the same and Nelly has left the group.. then Jenny and it dispersed… The Hell Angels was still intact and we continue without Forest…. Who by then has changed his profile and stop communicating with us… The fall of “FOREST ANGELS”….

We all were a little hurt by his actions… but we all accept it knowing it was a game to us and it was over…

The angels stayed together up today…  we all meet in Louisiana… we had a blast of a time getting to know each other personally… We always give thanks to Forest for bringing us together.. It’s a very strange way for a lasting friendship to form… but it is a bond that was creates by four girls with all similar likes… and common attitude…

We now encourage each other.. cheer on each other… love each other… and be there for each other… not a day go by we don’t say Hi and connect…So here’s to the four “Hell Angels” that fly together… WENDY….. ERICA….NELLY….JENNY…

COOKING DUTCH WITH PATRICK…

CREAM SPINACH/TOPPED WITH BOILED EGGS…

Patrick is from the Netherlands… he loves to cook.. he is very creative in the kitchen and can make the simplest of dishes seem utterly delicious…

He takes great pride in preparing these scrumptious recipes… and his presentation is delightfully appealing and mouth watering..

He can always create a desire to crave…. by just featuring his meals..

He is happiest when he is creating a recipe to delight his family… and to help with creating the best atmosphere and the perfect mood … he find his favorite upbeat songs to play… singing along with joy as he busily finishes his dish step by step.

He truly enjoy preparing his dishes with so much pleasure he includes his favorite upbeat songs singing along with joy as he busily finishes his dish step by step….

He is One most amazing Dutch chef Who prepare the most delicious 😋 dishes….

Join me as he share this dish he called….

PROTEIN POWER…

This is a chicken dish… first step..

Chicken with onion

Boneless chicken cut in small pieces..

Add onions

Added optional ingredients… green peppers..( paprika) bacon…

Put some eggs to be boiled .. the amount by choice… will be used as a garish or topping…

Let simmer on medium heat… until fully cooked..season to taste…

Fix a green salad of your choice …. such as …

lettuce…. spinach……

Prepare eggs to top dish.. serve and enjoy… a peanut sauce could be use to bring it all together…

So please enjoy this simple ..protein packed dish.

Watch out for my next dish in

“COOKING DUTCH WITH PATRICK”….

There is a ocean between your heart and me….

music.apple.com/us/album/dont-leave-me-now/1531120313

The heart doesn’t know distances..doesn’t care how far away the object of its love is..

The heart wants what it wants…. even in a make believe world of pure fantasy… it becomes real and feel real…

Loving someone knows no boundaries and love can be found right where you are..

How often does life take two people and just melt them together ‘emotionally in a way that puts them in the same place and time…

This has happened to me more than once.. which makes me big believer in the impossible…

Our world became intertwined and interwoven ….merging two heart from around the globe..oceans in between…

it’s like all of our feelings and senses are totally heightened…We feel like we are experiencing this together.

Our parts have crosses as fate has it..and words are so powerful.. it impossible to resist each other…

We fell for the personality of the other… and we grow and developed an affinity… a unbreakable bond…

Trust became a vital virtue… communication is essential.. and sharing is all we have….

But our hearts 💞 remains true… and although we are loving 🥰 from afar… our heart doesn’t detect the distance between us…

There is an ocean between your heart and mine..

MY EMOTIONAL AFFAIR: LIVING IN FANTASY…

WORLDS APART… WHEN TWO WORLDS COLLIDE..

There is a kind of thrill… that comes with intriguement …mixed with a surge of excitement.. when you connect with someone from around the globe…

You get to learn so much.. from their language..to their culture.. their historical facts.. first handed… and then you learn everything there is about that one person you are connecting with…

No matter the platform of communicating.. in the beginning.. it fun to talk and learn… the more you connect the more you know each other as is… you figured out there personality and sometimes you find you have this strong connection…

And if you fall for someone’s personality… then you definitely fall for them.. looks is never important when you like someone for their personality..

But…

What destiny was it that pull you together… and make your world collided…how did you happen to cross paths… that allows such a beautiful connection…

Of course it’s not everyone you meet this way… is going to have this results or affects you in the same way…

But…

On rare occasion someone finds this connection.. and over time . It is proven that words and sharing.. is a powerful magnet… and before you know it.. you are emotionally invested… with someone you don’t even know on a personal level….

And when the heart chooses to get involved… it becomes a huge challenge emotionally…. and here is where the fantasy world begins….

How do you stay logical and practical.. and realistic…

Especially if there is no hope of a real relationship to materialize… yet letting go or walking away is not an option… because just the thought of stopping communication and breaking connection causes excruciating pain.. and you know it would be devastating….

How long is this fantasy gonna last before one of the party losses interest…

We get so caught up living in our fantasy world.. that we begin to believe in it… we tried to hold on to it like a lifeline… so blinded to the true fact of the matter… that none of this is real unless you both decided to make it so..

No relationship can survive in fantasy land… yes two words can collide.. and you experience serendipity…

But ..

Unless you both make it real by Uniting.. be prepared that it’s only a matter of time before this fantasy world collapses. And crumbles…

HEART CRUMBLING…

Leaving you with only memories of yesterday… wondering what happened to the love you knew…. a connection based on fantasy will never survived…

That broken heart 💔 is very real though… it comes with intensity…. and you are crushed just the same… your heart doesn’t know distances… the love you feel is real and genuine…

LOST LOVE 💕

So you just have to remain realistic… be practical… and exercise some logics… don’t go expecting the impossible… when it’s way beyond your control…

MYLOVE-LOVE: THE JOY & PAIN OF A FORBIDDEN LOVE ; chapter 9

 

…..In the evening after my doctors visit I sent a text jokingly …telling him that I got a script that only he can fill, and I need to get it fill now.

He laughed … thought I was funny. Then he asks, “what u doin?

I replied that I would love to do him.And that I wish he was here with me.

His response took me by surprise. I really didn’t expect him to play along with my humor…

“Yea me too, but I got the kids with me and they are eating.”

That little text made me feel so special and it leaves me hopeful that he was starting to like me. This is the closest we ever come to talk about us being together, ever.

I text back telling him I understand, and ask about the kids. And if he got to pay his insurance.

He said, “They are ok, and yea I paid it thanks. I needed that.”

After we finished our conversation . I sit there smiling… I was feeling connected to him and hopes that our little dialogue means that he is finally appreciating my friendship.

I play over in my mind our little conversation and my heart was singing with joy because it seems like we are getting closer.

I still had my doubts but talking to him leaves me with some hope. I did not hear from him next couple of days. I did not try to contact him either because I knew he got his babies with him and it’s the weekend and he got all that to do. The studio; the club; the shop ect.

The week came and past without any communication with him… I was a little disappointed that my hopefulness was crumbling… I guess with him it’s just passing through… until next time… I just tell myself I will just take it as it comes…

 

I guess He felt my mood, because he text me that day,

“Wassup, Iam good. I am at the park with the kids.”

I was at work so I could not talk to him…

(You see, I was trying real hard, too hard to be practical & realistic about his feelings. I was thinking for him. I was so busy telling me that  I’m just a fling to him and that he couldn’t or wouldn’t feel for me like that;  I may have miss his true feelings for me and instead of me asking him I presumably  have the answers…and  let my casual attitude do the talking.)

He texted me a few days after…informing me that his phone got wet and he just got it replaced. That’s why He did not respond to my texts.

I felt a little bad about my thoughts…. then. I was quite pleased that he connect with me though..

I find it so amazing , how good it makes me feel to just get a simple text from him.

And I asked myself????….Why is he so damn special? What about him that makes my heart jumps for joy and do a somersault….Why do I place so much importance on him? WHY?

when I think of him it creates the sweetest sensation that run through my whole body. It is this tingling feeling that gives me goose pimples and makes me shudder. I love the feeling.

I heard from him a couple days later,letting me know how busy he was…

I asked him how does he get all this energy from, and that he need to tell me his secret.

. Of course he tries to educate and advice me. He said,” don’t rush or worry, just be cool and enjoy what u work so hard for.”

He also said, “ Im sometimes very tired… I just save it by taking my time.”

I was amused by his statement so I smile ….He doesn’t realize, one of the reasons I liked him so much, and find him so attractive is because he is so Full of energy & life.

And I sit there thinking…..I don’t want to lose him, but how am I going to keep him to me. I don’t have what it takes.

I find myself smiling thinking of MYLOVE-LOVE. He can always put a smile on my face. Wish I could have him close to me so I could just hug him real tight and get one of those juicy kiss of his. Sure love to kiss him so.

The next day…. to my utter delight I got my wish . He came to see me, and OH MY GOD!! It was so good to have him here.

When I open the door and saw it was him.. my face lit up.. my heart leaps joyfully… I was really speechless.. but he stepped in the door.. scoop me up… and humorously say…

Girl just don’t stand there… you know what I came for. ??? “…

He reached the bedroom by then.. gently flung me onto the bed.. playfully jump beside me.. using his lips he started to tickle me on my tummy and sides… I was laughing really hard.. and when I laugh that hard I become weak..

I had to beg him to stop… he did but his lips found mine and he parted my lips with his and kiss me ever so sweetly and deeply… he pulled me closely to him and held me tightly as he could as he continue to kiss me emphatically and explosively….his lips feast on mine…

I lay there in his tight hug.. fully enjoying his amorous kiss.. feeling my body melting in his embrace…

He came up for air and he pushed me on my back as he began to undress me placing light affectionate kisses each step of undressing me… he got off my top and started to nibble on my nipples as he used the base of his palm to massage kitty through my pants…

Kitty was reacting fiercely to his touch.. and I could feel her quickly building to a rupture..

I covered his hand with mine holding his in place as he gently rotate in circular motion…

I softly whispered please don’t stop.. as I heist my hips to meet his hand movements..I felt kitty rising to explode and began moving faster as I urge him on with my hand to match my movements.. he kindly obliged… and kitty reached her peak and blasted off so forcefully that my hips was thrown into the air..

Leaving me screaming his name.. and loudly exclaiming.. yes!!! Yes!!! Ooh yesss.. baby.. baby.. oohhh babyyyy…

I lay there trying to recover from that demoniacal climax… as he hurriedly finished undressing me… he placed my legs on his shoulders and quickly and easily enters me.. kitty felt that hard rock of man meat… and she was ready to cumm again…he thrusts twice and she was sent in another powerful orgasm…

She was clenching and gripping him.. as she climax in blissful ecstasy… this cause him to reach his point of no return as he made one last deep final penetrating thrust…with a huge grunt of great pleasure he burst open and flooded kitty with hot spunk.. he kept jerking for a few seconds as he spurts every drop…

We were both soaked in our sweats and juices… he rolled off me onto the bed breathing as if he just run a marathon… I was not doing much better..

He looks over at me.. smile.. and said..

” girl that was definitely worth coming over for..”

He reached over and playfully disheveled my hair… then learn in and kiss my forehead ..

And said… ” you are amazing … and I jokingly responded… ” yep.. intoxicatingly delicious…”

He giggled and nodded…” yeah.. I would say so”…

We lie there with the covers on us… for a while talking… he asked me if he could smoke a cigarette.. and I allowed him the privilege.. ..

Then he got up and went into the shower… I went in to join him.. offer to do his back.. he was a little distant so I refrain from initiating another sexual session…

He got dressed as I sit and watched him.. I guess I was a bit sullen because he stopped for a moment to asked me.. why do I look so sad…

He hugged me and pulled me to him and said.. I have to go… but I’ll be back..

I looked up on his face smile. Nodded… and bury my face into his chest… and he held me for a few minutes. Then apologetically said he has to go..

I reluctantly let him go… and got up and pulled me up with him.. hugging me as we walked towards the door…

He left me with a luscious kiss a a promise that he’ll see me soon…

His loving was so intense and affectionate. I was left

wondering if he is feeling more for me.

I try not to get overly excited because I could be wrong, I wanted to ask him about ‘us’…but couldn’t get the nerves to… afraid of hearing his answers…

I ‘m thinking…. when he loves me like that though… how can I help but love him … I hoped him coming here tonight means that he liked me some and I prayed, “Dear lord make it so”.

******************************************************

TO BE CONTINUED…….

MATTERS OF THE HEART ♥️

A BROKEN HEART 💔

SHATTERED

In all my adult life.. all the connections I have form.. have ended with a broken heart 💔….

Rejection is one emotions… I became familiar with…. I have cried many a tears .. after being crushed by a lover… I have experience excruciating pain… from being rejected..

CRUSHED

Rejection.. brings and conjured up so many negative thoughts … feelings… and emotions… especially when you are totally invested emotionally….

For some reason… I will be the perfect girl.. until I’m face with rejection. I have never learnt how to deal with this one emotion..

My first reaction is is to run.. get away from the person and the source..I get discouraged… I withdraw in a shell… I become timid. Unsure.. I lose my confident composure..

I get scared of losing.. but don’t know how to hold on… I’m always ready to run…. I pull away.. I stop communicating.. afraid of the answers to any questions I may asked….

What do don’t know won’t hurt you..

What the eyes don’t see…. the heart won’t leap…( get hurt 😢)

All my life… I yearned for someone to love me.. just love me unconditionally ..

Okay .. got married three times.. all ended for some reason or another..

Had a few flings in between and after… nothing permanent…after all fails …..

I decided to try online… I mess up here too.. my first time was a big disaster… the second.. third.. ect.. was not better… still come away with a broken heart…

WORLD APART

I found I have a way with words….. i could use my words to persuade any situation… when I started online… I had many admirers who genuinely likes me… because of what I have to say…I guess I didn’t know the power of my words … and what a huge impact they have…I tried to control the connections until my heart decided to step and get involved…

I find it very hard to keep my emotions out of the equation… I easily catch feelings… I’m always so vulnerable… even though it’s not on a personal basis.. it just virtual.. I struggle to maintain a causal connection… at first I thought I was able to do this without becoming emotionally involved… but before long…I prove myself wrong…

I decided I’m no good at this so I gave it up.. before I had completely dissolved my accounts..I had this one guy that I really liked.. and he said he likes me too…

He suggested we switch corresponding platforms and I agreed.. then he asked me to be exclusive to him.. I again agreed…

I was not having much of fun anymore anyways… and I really like this guy… he was not a fake.. he is as real as they come .. and he communicate with me everyday and he always responded to me no matter what…

I love this and the attention it creates..I really believed he likes me… he started to share his world with me.. so much I grew accustomed to talking to him everyday…

Before I know it .. 7 years has passed… nothing has changed.. except.. for some unknown reasons.. my feelings began to escalate… I realized I’m demanding more of him… yet most days He spent talking to as I wake up and reach out to him.. till he goes off to sleep..

He never ignores me… but I find myself doubting him… for no apparent reason….I’m getting so insecure… and me .. I’m so crazy… expecting him to sit on that phone and talk to non stop…

OThere is .. 4500 miles between us…he has a complete life.. he is not lacking in any department..

He has his family.. and he’s very much involved in their lives.. he got his job.. his friends. His hobbies..

And he has me.. and maybe. Others… an online connection… why he choose to continue to talk to me and share his world… I really don’t know..

But.. I’m not even someone to him..

I’m something.. a connection from another continent.. who thinks he’s most perfect man.. who value all his suggestions.. lessons.. listen intently to his stories and believe every word he said without query… who gets involved in his hobbies… I’m his biggest fan..

I’m not a permanent fix in his life.. I’m not essential to him. I don’t add anything to his life.. he already has it all..

So if I’m not there anymore.. it will never affect him… he can easily cut ties without a second thought…

And this is what hurts so bad… to know he doesn’t need me…

on the flip-side. There stands me..

I’m single… kids grown.. retired ..not much friends.. zero hobbies… so I look to him for entertainment.. I Cling to him for emotional support…. I need him to brighten my day…to give me something to look forward to…. I crave his attention.. I get so involved in his world and his hobbies just so I can stay connected to him….

So now I’m left to step way back and suppressed all this romantic emotions that I choose to develop .. creating the emotional havoc on my heart…. I need to back off and drop it all if I want to continue connecting with him…

Because he’s practical enough to know that this is just friendship. It can not be anything else so why start something that could never materialized….

Yess .. I’m overreacting.. I’m overthinking.. I’m crossing all kinds of unnecessary lines…

He spent hours on the phone with me.. and I’m so selfish that I doubt him or thinks he is ignoring me.. when he is not online… as if he has no life outside me or his phone..

I’m just fortunate that he loves his phone so much… he like addicted.. and so to be honest.. I abuse this… but I have to learn to give him space..

Yes my heart is breaking.. but I’m the one who is solely responsible this time…

LOST LOVE 💕

MY EMOTIONAL AFFAIR: LOVING 🥰 FROM AFAR…

TOUCH ME IN THE MORNING….

LOST LOVE 💕

I know three minutes is long but please watch and give me your honest review…

• Stupid
• Immature
• Obsessive
• Foolish love
• Overreacting
• Mushy
• Plain crazy

I’m very open to criticism.. you won’t offend me…

MY EMOTIONAL AFFAIR: Loving 🥰 from Afar…

INTOXICATINGLY DELICIOUS…

ITS YOUR LOVE 💕:

MY LOVE 💕 LOVE ❤️: THE JOY & PAIN OF A FORBIDDEN LOVE: part 8

LOVE 💕 ME: LOVE 💗 ME NOT

I remain in a very good mood for a few days… after our last sexual escapade … I had mixed emotions about us.. .

I know that our relationship is restricted to being causal.. but my heart got so entangled emotionally that I was silently hoping that he likes me more than just.. “ Friends With Benefits….”

My mind was consumed with thoughts of him…. I find myself thinking of nothing else but him. After that incredible loving from him I yearned for the next time…I was becoming insatiable with the wants of him… I realized that everytime I get the pleasure of his company.. I become so more obsessed and infatuated 🥰 with him….

The weeks went by with no connection from him.. I was a little disappointed as usual but I now know not to expect much… it’s always on his term…I did not try to communicate either.. so after two weeks I tried.. but got back no response….

I woke up one morning with a episode of a panic attack.. of course I immediately associate it with him… I was tempted to call him just to check up on him… but my fear of rejection made me decided not to… this went on for two days…and my overactive mind made it worst..

I started to play all kinds of negative scenarios in my mind .. to the point of believing them to be true…

Then to my greatest pleasure. And relieve….I received a text message from him..

“ what up…??? How have you been..??!!!”

I immediately answer without much hesitation… we spoke about him and this barber course he was supposedly doing .. trying to acquire a license….

I asked him if he’s In school and he let me know that he was off that day… we talked for another minutes or so.. I wanted to ask him to see me.. but somehow I could not conjured up the courage…

I was still very happy that he got in touch with me.. my fear of rejection was so high that I Was afraid to approach the subject of us.. I was so afraid of his negative response that I rather not say anything.. even though it was killing me to ask…

It leaves a smile on my face to hear from him.. and I was there smiling and trying to think up an excuse to call him back… when.. he calls me .. I was beaming…

I love to stay connected to him… I know we can never be anything else than what we have now… and I hope it’s enough to constitute a lasting friendship… I have come to terms with us just being friendly with benefits … whenever the need arises for him..I was feeling really good about him trying to communicate with me… I was hoping it means that he’s realizing that I’m a friend worth keeping… we have spent enough intimate times together … to give him valid reasons to like me after all.

I picked up the phone and sweetly answered.. hey mylovelove….. I was smiling so happily to hear from him for the second time that day…

The smile was quickly knocked off my face… and my mood rapidly changed when he spoke..

“need a favor: I need $250 to put insurance on my car. If u can’t its ok. I got a lot going on and my money going fast.”

Ooooh maan…. wtf???? is he for real? He is asking for money .. and more money this time… I laughed out loud… I ask him, ” and when do you did need this? He replied, “by Friday or I got to turn my tag in.”

I was shaking my head in disbelief..not fully beleiving his story… so nothing has really changed.. he was just working his way around to hit me up for his financial needs… I told him to call me back at a later date. Let me check my budget…

I took the time to figure out if I really want to .. because I now realize the pattern.. he is using me. . And he’s lying to me about his real reasons for needing the money…and I wasn’t sure I wanted to oblige this time..

After debating with myself.. I decided to go ahead and give it to him.. knowing it’s one way to get to see him and get me some good loving… he was using me to finance him so I’m going play my game of tit for tat again… I will use his needs to get mine.. giving him the money will lure him into my bed and my arms… kitty was agreeing with my choice… getting all excited in anticipation.. I was visualizing having him loving me …. giving me great satisfaction and leaving me sexual gratified…

After I fully decided this is how I’m going to play it… I texted him to let him know that I have decided to give it to him…

I also went ahead and tell him it’s because I know he needs his car to get around. But reminded him that I need the return on my investment….

He says, “yea, I do thanks, I got the kids this week I can come by when I drop them off tomorrow.” And don’t worry.. I got you covered….

I told him that’s just fine….

The next morning bright and early he text me, “wassup I be over there once I drop the kids off, u up?

I acknowledged his text message to let him know I was up and it was okay for him to come by….

I really had a doctor appointment that morning.. I simply forget.. so I was getting ready to go…

It didn’t take him very long to get here… I let him in… ask him if he wanted some breakfast.. he said yes.. so I fixed him breakfast…

As I sat there watching him eat.. and being so close to him.. the sexual energy got very strong.. and I find myself not able to resist touching him…

He finished eating and as a good hostess I took the dishes to the kitchen… when I came back in.. he was sitting on the bed looking on his phone…

I went straight to him.. and place myself between his legs as I hugged him .. he willingly returned my hug….his face was directly between my breast.. and he started to nibble a little on them using his lips to tease my nipples…

His hand was caressing my butt cheeks… I bent over and find those tasty lips… and we kissed ever so passionately that I was softly uttering sounds of pleasure from enjoying his kisses…

I gently pushed him back onto the bed and he easily fell back….it seems that I always find my way on top… I slid down his torso.. to get access to his shirt so I could have my feast of his beautiful and chiseled chest….

Of course as usual he just lie there with his eyes closed wearing that face of pure pleasure…. I love on that chest in a frenzied mode…I keep working my way down to the prize… and he hurriedly… pull his pants down over his hips..

I took him in my mouth and suck on him in the same frenzied manner… I was going faster than my usual pace.. and he seems to be thoroughly enjoying it.. I was making slobbering sounds from the excess saliva that was secreted with my rapid pace…

…. kitty was begging to be petted.. and wildly twitching with extreme needs… she was losing control … so to give her what she was needing…

I stopped got out of my undies turned around and sit on him doggie style… kitty was so happy for the attention…. she clenches him in delight…I was slightly on my tippy toes as I started to ride him .. I had both hand on his thighs .. for balance and moving up and down his rock hard man meat…he placed his hand on my hips and each time I come down he would pull me in hard and hold me still for a few seconds as he grind into me..

His actions created a great friction for kitty.. I could feel her climbing closer to climaxing..

It didn’t take her long to explode like dynamite … follow closely by him…don’t know how it did it so fast and so perfect.. but he got me on my knees and finished emptying all his spunk in me…

He continued to hump me until he became too limp to continue..

Kitty was was very pleased with his choice.. because it allow her to reach another sweet climax of ecstasy…which leaves me jerking involuntary… my whole body was affected by the intense orgasm kitty experience…

I was soaked and dripping all over.. it was on the bed running down my legs.. I had no choice but to get up and headed for the shower a second time that morning…

He decided to join me.. and he made attempts .. implying… his needs for a second round.. I was very tempted to give in to his desires..but I had to get going if I was going to make that doctors appointment…. so strange that I was the one that had to get going..

I was very pleased and very happily satisfied that giving him the money was easy… I didn’t think twice about it because I got what I wanted.. and at that moment I would have given him anything he wanted..

He left me with the usual hug and kiss.. thanking me again… and with no reassurance of tomorrow … but I stopped expecting.. stop hoping.. .. I’m just gonna take him..whenever he decided that he wants to see me..

I was too much in a good mood to even feel bad for me…

I wear a smile all the way to the doctor. I had a most grandeur rendezvous with MYLOVELOVE.. kitty started twitching and getting all moist at the thought… and I smile thinking my gynecologist is gonna see kitty in her on mode…

I was glad I made the choice I did… I got exactly what I needed… I decided just to savor the moment and bask in the glory of my short lived happiness..

***********************+++++++************

TO BE CONTINUED…

MY LOVE 😍 LOVE 💕: THE JOY AND PAIN OF A FORBIDDEN LOVE: part 7c

REQUITAL LOVE 💕

I didn’t heard from him all week. I was thinking all kind of negative thoughts. I thought no call… no text. No surprise here… He got the money and some loving, so I’m all forgotten.

With No communication I sarcastically Guess he’s too busy to think of me. I pay big for the lesson .. you can’t buy friendship…I Still means nothing to him, not even as friends. All that speech I gave him about keeping me close only last as long as it takes to get the funds he was after…

By the end of the week I gave up hearing from him…Still nothing from him.. he went silent again… So much for our deal, I thought..I’m the only one that wants friendship so badly that I have to pay for it.

I asked myself…Why do I feel that it is so important to be his friend that I had to pay down on it? Well! It’s obvious that he is not interested in being friends.. The only time he really stop to think of me is when he needs a cash cow… someone to use for his financial needs….

It does still bothers me that to know that he can come and love me like he does and then just walk away without a second thought…. how can a man be that cold that he can separate his feelings from intimacy…

His kisses and his loving tells me some thing completely different ..he gives me his all without reservations…

But.. it’s all a act… and I’m left confused and trying to console myself.. trying to find any little reason to convince myself that he likes me even a little bit….

It didn’t take me too long to resume back to the attitude of letting go… I developed the attitude of “whatever”… It’s been going on so long repeatedly that I kinda got used to his behaviour… I decided to carry on as is and wait until he decided to come looking for me…

I didn’t try to contact or reach out to him like I used to do.. I now know that this is his game… and he will just ignored my text messages.. and I’m tired of feeling rejected by him….

Occasionally when I get up to get ready for work I would send a goodnight text messages.. sometimes I would receive a short response ..and I would smile… but I never tried to start a conversation.. and he never offers…

After a couple weeks have passed.. I began to feel for the need of him.. I was itching for some of his loving and I secretly hope to hear from him… I was more than tempted a few times to reach out as I did in the past.. but I resisted..

I would just indulge in some self love.. while I visualized him making love to me.. and surprisingly it would ease and my pent up raging desires..

Just the thought of him and the memories of our sexual encounters would always heightened my whole body with a deep burning desire that leaves me so stimulated that I couldn’t resist but give kitty some petting to stop her from twitching and pulsating with the wants of him….

To my pleasure and delight.. a couple weeks later…I received a text messages asking me if I had work that night … I responded .. letting him know I did … it was kinda late … just a couple hrs before I had to get up…so him coming by would not be … so when he asked if he can come by.. I simply told him I have to get some sleep for work…

He did not mention any need for money.. and I was puzzled that he wants to come by… just because….I was a little disappointed that I had work…. so much I thought of calling in sick… but I refuse to allow myself to always be at his disposal…

All night I thought of him.. though…my mind and heart and kitty was at war…. and at times I wished I had called off and have him over.. so we could a repeat another night of passion… I had the chance but I blew it…. I knew there might not be another chance again…

I went home next day still with the feeling of regret that I didn’t grab the opportunity to enjoy him one more time… but…he again surprised me with a phone call that day… letting me know that that he was in studio and he was just thinking of me .. he asked how I was doing.. I apologize for the previous night.. and he assured me it was all good … and he will get me next time…

I smiled.. and chuckles a little… I told him I would love that and ask him not to wait too long…. he giggled in humor and promised me that he won’t…

We ended our conversation .. I was left with a very warm feeling that travels to some really interesting places…. I was smiling and hoping that he lived up to his promise.. I again realized that he didn’t asked for any financial assistance… and this pleases me..

Hmm .. could it be that he just wanted to see for sexual favors… is he really wanting me sexually.. without me suggesting it….I laughed out loudly… thinking.. yess … yess.. yesss. He likes me…

The following day I was off and I sit there with sweet thoughts him playing in my mind .. making my heart do somersaults… which sent electrical jolts to travel downwards and stop right between my thighs.. that sent shivers down my spine.. causing kitty to get all excited …

Now with kitty affected .. I was losing control.. so I decided to send him a text with the hopes to convince to come on over and make kitty happy…. I live to please her….

He answers.. I asked him if he okay.. trying to lead up to the point of requesting his presence… but he saved me the effort by asking me if I had work that night… I quickly told him I’m off.. and to my greatest pleasure he invited himself over… without hesitation I excitedly asked him how soon can he get here…

He quickly said.. “ I’m on my way “…

Of course I was overjoyed. And I quickly went took me a shower.. put on my best and sexist negligée… I splashed some nice smelling perfume on.. put on a little lip gloss…. I was just getting my bed all neat and nice when he rang my doorbell….

I went to let him in.. and as soon as I open the door I let out a most joyful squeal and jumped up on him with legs wrapped around his waist and flung my arms around his neck … it took him by surprise that he slightly stumbled and had to step quickly backwards to regain his balance…

I was kissing his face and just hugging him tightly… he jokingly said… easy tigress, let me get inside first.. he walked in closed the door.. with me still clinging to him… he slowly ease me down to the floor.. took my hand in his and ushered me along.. saying ,

“ come on my little vixen….” I giggled 🤭.. and said.. I’m all kinds of exotic animal tonight, eh????!!!He looks down on me.. smiling.. and pulled me to him and whispered in my ear as as kissed my neck..” uhhuh…

I just melt into his arms.. throw my head backwards. Giving him all access to lay his sweet kisses…he gently ease me onto the bed… and I found his lips with mine and kissed him ever fervently . He matches my zealousness… he rolled me over to straddle him as he lay on his back…

I pulled his shirt over his head.. and as he allowed me to he whispered softly.. in his sexy husky voice…love me hun…

I smile at him kiss him again on those voluptuous lips.. he kissed me very intensely as he held the back of my head, running his hand occasionally through my hair as he let out soft moans…

I moved down to his neck …., loving on him as he urges me to….sliding my body to align with his.. as I kissed his neck I gravitate my hips against his hard throbbing bulge… I slid in an up and down motion on that bulge.. as he reached down to caress my buttocks…

It was straining against his pants… so he started to undo his belt.. I slid off the bed.. as he kicked off his shoes… and I helped him out of his pants… I decided to stay where I am .. I kneel on the floor between his legs .. took him in my hand.. as I licked at it slowly.. running my tongue all the way to the shaft and back upward to find the tip again… I used the flat of my tongue to slid a few more times up and down…

He one hand on my shoulder and the next on top of my head… as he was reciting his favorite words of pleasure… shiit .. shitt.. shitt.. ooh yes . Yess . That s it baby…

Next thing I know I was on the bed . As he position me on my knees… he made one fast and hard move and he was inside my dripping soaking wet kitty…,

he pounded me fiercely bringing me to the heights of ecstasy as he pumped me full of his hott spunk… I was flat on my tummy then… with him on my back.. both of us drenched in each other sweat… as we catch our laboring breath….

I jokingly said to him.. “ my lovelove.. that was most invigorating…“

He just responded with a “ yup “…. sounding very proud indeed..

We lay there for few more minutes until we regain normal breathing.. kitty was still twitching a little .. he moved off me and lie on his back.. I turned around and took his hard , move his fingers to touch kitty.. hoping for him to bring her again to an orgasm….

He moved his hand away ever so swiftly.. and said.. “eww…” I laugh and ask him what’s wrong..

He had this look of disgust on his face as he said..

“ hun… that’s sperm.. go get cleaned up…”.. I started to laugh out really hard… as I said to him . It’s your sperm silly… I swiped a little from my legs and teasingly ask him if he wants a taste.. .

His reaction was so humorous… he got up quickly.. pulling me towards the bathroom as I was dying with laughter.. he turned on the shower and said.. “ wash yourself off..”

I couldn’t stop laughing.. I was so tickled…

I came out wrapped in towel.. and saw him smoking a cigarette… looking very relaxed… I sat down beside him.. gently rubbing his beautiful chest with my hand.. I said to him,,

All cleaned”… as I bent to place a few kisses on that irresistible chest… he looked at me and just flashed me a smile… then he did something that really made me blush… he gently touched my cheek .. and softly caress it with the back of his fingers…. I leaned my head onto those fingers.. close my eyes enjoying his touch… I then feel him cup my face with both hand pulling me towards him as he rises his face to meet mine…

He gently kisses me and softly whisperers…

“ I needed that so much… thank you !!!”

I eagerly return his kisses …smile and hugged him to me and he returned my hug with a squeeze …

I was very happy to be with him sharing this tender moment….While he is here with me nothing else or nobody else matters. I savor and enjoy him as much as I can.

Sometimes I can’t believe how much joy I derived from this one guy….

He stayed for most of the night… we made Love again.. and I fell asleep in the crook of his arms.. I woke up cradled by him in a spooning position…

I turn around and wrapped my arms around him and buried my face in his chest as I inhaled his scent and relished his warmth….I woke him up… with my movements and he returned my hug as he apologetically said he has to go..

I reluctantly let him go.. he got up .. got dressed.. as I watched him .. and begging him to stay the rest of night…

He bent over kiss me.. and said he can’t.. I got up and walked him to the door… there he gives me a huge hug , kisses me ever so sweetly.. let me go and whispered.. see you soon…

I watched him drive away.. and I smile with pleasure.. I was beaming with joy.. MYLOVELOVE Came.. stayed a little..loves me a lot… I was again totally in love … and very gratifyingly fulfilled…

*********************+*++++**********

TO BE CONTINUED…..

MY EMOTIONAL AFFAIR: LOVING 🥰 FROM AFAR….part 2…

ON A RAINY SITE….

So my fears and my insecurities were valid….I struggled so much with myself about confronting him about my doubts and my suspicions… and now I’m left wishing I did .. me trying to stay logical and calm .. not wanting to create any negativity…

In my head I was thinking it’s not worth losing this connection with him… I’ll continue conversing normally… I even asked him.. “ baby… please don’t stop loving 🥰 me!!!????”

He replied.. “ I will not baby…!!!”

I thank him for his reassurance and briefly let him know the fears I have been having of losing him and his love….

How I’m wishing I had address my fears at least I would have known why…..no matter how broken hearted it would have left me…

Because…

Yesterday I told him good night. And I leave him alone to sleep… come midnight when it is his morning.. I noticed he’s not online as usual… so I figured he called off work since he hurt his thumb yesterday…

Busted his thumb..

So I decided to wait a couple hours or so to write to him thinking he’s still asleep…

I was still up at 2 am… 9 his time.. and although I still didn’t see his presence online.. I thought I would send him a message before I dozed off…

And to my horror… I realize that my message was not being delivered…so I checked into it.. while becoming frantic with fear that I actually lost him for real…

The next couple of hours I was filled with anxiety.. and a dreadful sense of lost.. my heart was racing and felt like it was wrenched out….knowing I have no way of connecting to him…. I started to panic.. so much that I had to talk myself out of it…

I keep asking myself.. how can he be so mean to me.. why couldn’t he just let me know he lost his desire to stay connected… yes I would be crushed.. to the point of devastation.. but at least I would get to say goodbye ….. I tried to sleep.. but couldn’t.. each time I close my eyes I developed a panic attack… I was up all night.. didn’t exactly know what to do..

I called him straight it went to voice mail. I called him on discord.. I called him .. however fruitless it was… on WhatsApp… I was a complete mess…

I tried to stay calm .. and not going into a frenzy .. my whole world was unraveling… my heart was smashed… I love that man.. I grow so in love with him.. and now I’m gonna lose him… I was so sure…we would never say goodbye….

7 years… talking everyday…. how am I going to get past it.?????

At about 9 am I got a text message from him.. letting me know that he left his phone at home.. I did not reply immediately…

I went on a couple of hours later.. and type his name… his response was so harsh???

“ what??!!!

How could I text you when I didn’t have my phone…”

I was tempted to tell him I know that he actually blocked me….. and I wanna comment on his very angry 😤 attitude… but why add fuel to the flames… so I simply told him that I do understand …meaning… that he left his phone at home….

He was off somewhere.. not responding.. I kinda figured that he’s using a different app to communicate with his new flame… so I continue to write…

“

But maaan..
I was really beside myself.
I really thought you blocked my number”…..

“Baby..
Would you like to stop connecting with me.???!!!..” I asked…

“Tell me honestly if you lost all joy with me…
Would you rather me not communicating so much..

Talk to me baby…
I will understand

We have been together for 6 to 7 years now .
And maybe you no longer see my friendship as needed anymore…

I would very devastatingly crushed but I will understand..

I know you may also have found someone new and much more exciting to communicate with online…

All I’m asking is for you to tell me..

I never wanted to lose you and your friendship.. you are become such an important part of my world..
But I may not be able to give you all the pleasures you need from this connection….

Please talk with me.. because I have noticed how distant you are of late and I felt you drifting away.. and I feel like I’m being a nuisance sometimes….

So please , please baby.. talk to me..

This is all we have between us…”

He came back on half an hour later… and said.. “ you are not…. stop being crazy…”.

He was so evasive .. he didn’t even comment on anything I said…. he purposely avoided it all.. so I just played his game…. and reply quite coyly …

“Okay 👌 baby enough said.. It’s just so many things and thoughts went through my mind this morning.. moving forward…”

He responded with great lack of interest….”💋💋💋”

Those kisses always means that he’s really too busy with something else to be bothered…

I went on to ask about his sore thumb…. it is as if it hurts him to talk to me…

One word.. hurts…he sent e pic of his site… of course it’s the one he took for her…to show her while he communicate at work… she’s getting all my attention that was mine just last week….

I made a couple comments in reference to it… and his response was so evasive.. “ yup”..

SPICY CHICKEN WITH CREAM SPINACH….

He then sent me pics of what he was cooking… and I just played along pretending that everything is the same .. he sent the duration of his preparation with me.. and kept communicating until he finished his last bite…

HIS LAST BITE…

I made a statement that he must be so full and that he needs to fully relaxed because it’s well deserved….. and that was it… he left WhatsApp and never came back on..

About four o’clock.. I sent a goodnight text just to see if he blocked me again or not… I was not… but I know it was just too early for him to sleep.. so I know exactly where he was…

I was hurting so much. So I called everyone that was available to talk with me just so to distract my disturbing thoughts… I could feel the tears threatening to overflow.. but I refuse to give in to them…

He was never mine to have…although I was so enjoying our connection….he’s so cold to me now..I tell myself… I should walk away… but Im going to patiently give me a week or so to figure out my next move…. hopefully by then.. my heart will learn to accept my loss… and hopefully grows a callus…

Gonna miss the color he brought into my life .. but most of all I’ll miss my friend… we are never promised one more day or night…remember baby.. there will never be another you.. another me… another life for us to see…. to give each other all we did…time goes by so fast.. I want to make each moment last…. I wanted to hold on to you.. and show you all that our love 💕 could be…. I can’t and won’t let go so easily… THERE WILL NEVER BE…ANOTHER YOU…ANOTHER ME…

https://music.apple.com/us/album/i-miss-my-friend/1443644667?i=3447056

My heart is breaking.. the tears is unstoppable….

I’m trying so hard to be understanding… trying so hard to hold onto him… but as usual I never learn how to deal with rejection…all of a sudden I’m shy… so afraid of the answers I might get if asked…

I’m trying to give him space… trying to be patience.. but I’m so fearful of the outcome that’s awaiting me…

*********+************++++********

TO BE CONTINUED…..

MY EMOTIONAL AFFAIR: Loving 🥰 From Afar…

BABY…!!!!

Two people cross paths..from two different continent… form a connection.. became friends.. share each other worlds… is it possible this Bond can developed to affect the heart….

I have an emotional affair with such a person… and we have been corresponding for the better part of six years… we talked everyday.. and I looked forward to our conversations…

There is a time difference of 5-6 hours between us … but no matter how busy he is … he always takes the time to respond to me… acknowledging my text messages…

We communicate mostly via text.. and occasionally a video call … he shared his whole world with me.. and try to involved me in his daily life…

Over the years.. I grew more and more attached to him…. and I find that my heart knows no boundaries… there is 4500 miles between us… and although sometimes I want so much to be able to touch him… I find that I can feel his presence just by having him talk to me…

I do admire him for so many reasons.. he always find something to occupy his time.. he’s very resourceful.. very handy.. especially around his house..

He’s generous.. giving.. caring and loving… he has a family.. a wife with two boys … and they all know of me…

He loves to cook.. and he often shares his menu in steps.. he loves music.. and also love to sing along… which he also shares with me..he coaches his sons soccer teams and is very involved…

He goes fishing with friends.. play video games… he is never idle.. and I love him for his versatility… he’s a jack of all trades.. he works in steel construction… and he never misses a day…

He collects swords.. and cars… he loves to take his family to adventurous venues… he a very passionate man… he loves his family… and he says he loves me…which makes my heart sings.. and put a huge smile on my face…

We have been connecting for almost 7 years..and up to this point I was enjoying the daily connection.. and I was so happy 😁 to have someone to talk to…

He included me in his online games.. connect me with most of his buddies on a chat group… and I thought he was just trying to involve me more into his life…

I was basking in the glory of feeling loved and having someone liking my presence…

And out the blues.. I find my feelings escalating… and then my mind started this whirlwind of negativity…

I started to doubt his attention… yes he still acknowledges my text messages…but keeps it limited…he’s distant… he doesn’t talk to me as much…

I’m becoming insecure… suspicious 😒.. jealous… I started to feel unattractive.. ugly… unworthy…

This guy has not given me any necessary reasons to doubt him.. but my heart is telling me that he has found another interest online…and this thought is screaming in my head…so much.. I’m becoming paranoid and anxious…

If I see him online… I tell myself that he is talking to someone else.

But..

Don’t I have a lot of people talking to .. too.. and it’s all innocent… why can’t it be the same with him.???? Why am I allowing myself to create this imaginary rivalry…

I don’t act on my thoughts though.. because I think I’m just being silly .. he is much too far off to be worried about his actions….

He got his life.. and although he chooses to make me apart of his world.. I have no control over him..

I do love him.. and as I have stated.. my emotions have escalated to a higher level.. which is proving very unhealthy…. I’m demanding more of his time… I’m stalking his chat page…I’m becoming more upset to the point of tears…

I’m feeling rejected.. I don’t think he loves me anymore…I think he’s bored 😐 with me… his conversations has become a one syllable word…

He always seems so preoccupied.. I feel like I’m always disrupting him or disturbing him .. he longer shows no interest in what I have to say…of late he seems very distant.. and very evasive..

I tried to be logical and practical .. try to be self analytical… try to be reasonable…

He’s too far away for me to be having these feelings.. and allowing them to affect me to such degree… I try to suppress these negative emotions and brush them away..

I’m behaving as if I can control him and who he chooses to connect with…

I really fear losing his friendship and this bond that we have form.. but I have a strong feeling that it’s coming to an end… and it’s breaking my heart….

The fear of losing him.. is the worst… I know in all practicality I have no choice in this matter… and I refuse to become one of those obsessive connections…. he does still talk to me and every midnight.. his mornings he would always make me know he’s up.. I look forward to his text every night.. but the last two nights.. nothing…

And my overly active negative imagination.. is telling me it’s because he has someone else talking to…

Why am I creating this negative attitude..??? Why am I after all these years.. allowing myself to reach this point…so I’m continuing to connect with him on the same level without revealing my insecurities and my jealousies….

I do realize that I have to back off with my overwhelmed emotions… let him have his fun with his new playmate… I’m just stale right now.. no more joy in me… I have used up my usefulness and longer hold his interest…

How long did I think it would last… it lasted much longer than expected… I shouldn’t forget how I met him.. he was looking for some fun with someone online and I cannot provide this anymore…

We have shared so much over the past years.. how am I going to get past him if he decided to leave… he so much a part of my existence…. I looked forward to connect with him every day…

But I can understand him drifting away.. I don’t have much to offer anymore.. and he stop suggesting or asking…. I can’t compete with anyone else…. I’m too old… he is my only one that is left…

Funniest thing.. I just come across this perfect quote..

“CHANGE NOTHING…. NOTHING WILL CHANGE “….

How ironic is that??… if I don’t rock this boat with my negativity and my insecurities… we will just keep sailing until we get there… I have been on this path for.. six years… what is so different..

And so what if he found someone else to divulge himself in…

I’m not seeing.. and what the eyes don’t see .. the heart won’t leap… he still acknowledges me.. he still answers me.. he is not ignoring me..

He is giving me the same amount of attention.. I’m only demanding more.. and it makes it seem like he is short changing me…

Aaah 😌…

My sweet love 💕….

TO BE CONTINUED…..

MY LOVE 😍 LOVE 💕: THE JOY & PAIN OF A FORBIDDEN LOVE: part 7b

IF YOU LOVE 💗 SOMETHING …LET IT GO… if IT COMES BACK IT IS YOURS…

A few weeks later… I was at work at Walgreens.. apx.. 12:30am … I received a phone call from.. “ MYLOVELOVE”…. I was not expecting to ever hear from him again and I had let go of the thought of him altogether…

But…

Strangely I found I was a little excited to receive this call.. I answered… “ hello??!!”

He started off the conversation by apologizing for not getting in touch with me sooner with the excuse .. that he was super busy .. he went ahead trying to explain everything that he was into… I just listen.. didn’t exactly know what to say… I was kinda speechless..

My manager motion me to get off the phone and get back to work.. so I told him I couldn’t talk because I was busy at work.. and ask him exactly why did he call me…???

I was hoping to hear him say he misses me or he was just thinking of me .. but to my utter disappointment.. he let me know that he needs $200 ..

I quickly told him Don’t have $200 to give.. but if he calls me the next day when I’m off.. we can talk some more if he wants… I hung up feeling really sad.. I was feeling so pleased to hear from him… and I wanted so to believe he misses me some …for him to reach out to me…

His reason for getting in touch after so many weeks of silence… was only for monetary reasons… I thought about him all night.. hurt because of his true reason for reconnecting…. but smiling because I heard from him..

His voice started a reaction of feelings to emerge… and I find myself reminiscing about him and our times spent together in a romantic way… my emotions began to resurfaced.. I still wanted him.. I shuddered with the thought… as I visualized and fantasize about him sexually…

My stimulating thoughts.. sent a ripple of emotions through my whole being.. my adrenaline started to flow releasing endorphins to regions of my loins… leaving me very moist and dripping… with the wants of him …

I was left wishing he call me next day as I asked. Because I wanted him so badly that I think I will use his financial needs once again to get him into my bed… I was yearning for his touch…

I did not expect to hear from him that next day.. but again to my pleasure he surprises me with a follow up call… he again began by telling me how much he is in need of that money and how much he would appreciate my help…

I just shake my head.. sigh 😔!!! To know all he needs from me is my money.. but I’m going play my game of tit for tat… I told him I will give him the money but he will have to wait one week.. and he will have to promise to give me a little of his time…

I thought he would ask me what I meant by that demand.. but he understood exactly what I was demanding from him and he agreed… I did not hear from him all that week.. and I just figured that was it….

I wasn’t in the least surprised and I just brushed it off… hearing from him after six weeks of silence.. triggered off my buried emotions…My feelings have not changed much.. and I found myself getting all excited just talking to him… I still want him and I had anticipated and hoped…he would have stayed in touch…

By the end the week I had fully given up on rekindling any kind of romance with him… I’m only a cash cow to him right now…

I thought I would not be hearing from him again.. but he was more determined and persistent than I have thought… he contacted me again that weekend with his bullshit… about being very busy and exhausted.. and in the same breath asking me if I’m able to assist with the money he requested…

I smile .. and I gave him a little lecture about how he has been treating me.. and told him I would like for him to keep me closer and don’t lose contact with me…. he wasn’t very convincing in his answer.. he said just.. “ yea yea.. I will try.” Very nonchalantly without any conviction..

He again asked me,” so can you help me out.?” I told him yes.. but he again will have to wait another week… I really just wanted to string him along to see exactly how far he was willing to go with this …

I heard from him everyday the following week… and it pleases me to see that he was at trying to keep his end of our bargain…

Come Friday though he didn’t fail to once again remind of my promise and asked if I will be able to fulfill it.. I felt he earned it by his diligence of keeping contact all week… so I told him to come get it that next day….

I had to work .. and he texted me to find out if I was available for him to come by.. I didn’t get that text until I was on break.. he had tried a couple more times .. I guess he thought I was ignoring him.. so he wrote one last time.. saying..

“So now you don’t want to text me back???.”

I was amused with his attitude… he thought I was blowing him off and trying to get out of giving him the money I promised…. I decided not to answer him until I get home.. I wanted him to stew for a bit..

When I got home that evening I sent him a text letting him know I was at work but I’m home now.. so if he so anxiously wants the money he can come over to get it..

He response was quick.. but he informed me that he doesn’t have a ride to come by… but he really needs that $200… I asked him to let me know when he will be able to… and he in turn said.. “ he’s working on it..

I heard from him on Sunday 4:34 pm… “what u doing 2nit?” I was getting ready to get my nap … because I had work that night…

I was happy to hear from him and I was in a playful mood and so I replied, “Thinking of doing you.. “

He sent a LOL… and said that he is on his way.

So I decided to take an early shower just in case I got lucky…. I was a little excited to see him.. and I find myself anxious awaiting his arrival…

When he finally arrived.. I open the door with the brightest smile… I greeted him a shy hello.. and even though I wanted so much to hug him I resist the urge and invited him in..

He followed me as I leaded the way to my bedroom…

I know he really came for the money but just to see him and having him this close after six long weeks I would give him anything.

All my attempts to forget him.. all my promises to let go of him… all the feelings I have pushed aside and suppressed… were no longer in effect..

Just the sight of him… just having him here with me.. it’s like the last six weeks never happened… and all that matters is this burning sweet sensation that fill me with raging desires that causing great havoc to my thoughts and body..

I sat beside him on my bed… he was talking.. but I didn’t hear anything he was saying… my hands were trembling with this strong compulsion to touch him… but I was afraid he no longer find me sexually appealing…

I wanted so much to kiss him and love on him but I hesitated because I was not too sure he wanted that, but he seems to sense my desire because he started to kiss me and oh boy I will never forget the way he kiss me that night. It was with a great urgency, deep and ever so passionate. I felt like he actually misses me. I was back in love all over again. we fell back onto the bed and I slowly ease off his shirt and got my hearts desire… i was loving and devouring that beautiful chest of his.

He lie there and allowed me to… As I got lost in loving him…as my desires rises sending a jolt of this sweet sensational emotions that rushes through my being heightening my every senses….

I was in a different world. He took me to heights and places I have never been before..He loves me that night like never before and he hugs me so tightly. He came back and rocks my world…

He stayed with me until I was ready to go to work .. I didn’t sleep a wink. But I was so energized.. his most passionate lovemaking left me On a high… I was feeling like he likes me.

My heart was back again on a roller coaster .And with all this affection that he gives me; I was still doubtful and unsure of him..I know I can never hold on to him or command his attention more than just a moment…

He may disappear until he needs financial help again…

I got ready…gave him the $200.00. He drops me at work leaves me with a chups.. I was smiling all night so full of joy. My heart was singing…MYLOVE-LOVE came back to see me and gives me some good, good loving…

and although he had ulterior motives and his monetary needs was the main reason…

that loving he gave me was worth every penny (the money )… I may have paid him to … but I definitely got my money’s worth…

********************++++++++*********

TOBE CONTINUED……

FOR THE LOVE 💕 OF A FRIEND:

FAMILIES DON’T HAVE TO BE BLOOD RELATED….

https://www.gofundme.com/f/24pvza38pc?sharetype=teams&member=5683402&utm_medium=copy_link&utm_source=customer&utm_campaign=p_na+share-sheet&rcid=104191546074448e904da4b99959f4df

I’m running a GoFundMe campaign for a friend who is in desperate need….

I feel very compassionate towards this friend and would love to be of help… since I can’t afford to on my own..

I thought I would try this platform for helping me help him…

Please click on the site and read his story… and hopefully you will empathized with his situation. Too….

MY LOVE 😍 LOVE 💕: THE JOY & PAIN OF A FORBIDDEN LOVE: part 7

A STORY OF PLAYING THE COUGAR WITH A VERY UNEXPECTED TURN… ##########################################

I WILL LOVE YOU 😍 ALWAYS…..

I went through the next few weeks like a zombie. Missing MYLOVE-LOVE. Work hold no appeal and no joy for me anymore… my days were empty..I didn’t realize until then just how much him being there daily hugely impacted my attitude…

There was no sunshine … everything seems dim… I went though my emotions quietly… I would be in a daze sometimes looking off in space visualizing him being there.. reflecting on the last months .. remembering how my eyes could find him anywhere he was.. and how my heart would flutter at the sight of him… putting a bright smile on my face which leaves me gleaming with joy…

These last weeks has been long as I suffer in silence… he was a main subject of conversation.. everyone has something to say about him .. I would mostly just listen… I found out that he has been talking to Veronica.. she even boastingly said that she was the first person he called.. he seems to have spoken to everyone else too….

I was so crushed to know that he didn’t value me enough to even answer my text messages .. he doesn’t even acknowledge me… and I question this…why have he shut me out..??? Why am I Not important enough to him????.. Why was it ok to talk to everyone else and not me? After all the times we spent together and the intimate moments we shared.. I thought we were close enough fo me to deserve some acknowledgement….I thought we were at least friends…

It hurts to be ignored…

I received a small text from the second week… “what’s up stranger???!!”.. ..

I was so delighted to see that text from him.. I sent him a reply asking him if he’s okay.. and inquire what’s been going on with him… but to my great disappointment he never continued the conversation…

I started to come with terms that I’m never going to see him again… I was still missing him something awful… and although I felt I wasn’t ready to let him go.. I decided to accept my fate…. it saddens me to know that I meant zero to him.. and all those nights spent together in the most intimate ways….meant absolutely nothing…

His oldest daughter had an up coming birthday and I had purchased some little Knicknacks for her… I thought … I still would love to get them to her…

I tried to contact him to let him know and asked him via text messages… to come and get them… he did not respond immediately but I got a text from him later on …letting me know that he wants them and he will come to pick them up…

He never did..

A couple days later, I tried to call him to find out when is he coming to get the gifts.. . As much as I wanted to talk to him… I had lost interest because of his cold behavior… he answered.. then hung up suddenly… I couldn’t believe he did that.. I told myself…

“ that’s it.. I’m done.. with him …”

He was so cold and so mean and I was so hurt thinking I didn’t mean much to him for him to ignore me and refuses to talk to me.. He tries to call me later that day, I did not answer… I was still upset with him hanging up on me.. And then he sent me a text that…

Letting me know that his phone died.. and that was the reason the phone call ended.. I did not believe his lame excuse… so I did not respond to him…

I decided to give up trying to contact him… seeing that he obviously not interested to hear from me… I decided to get in touch with one of his buddies to ask to be an intermediary and get the gifts to him..

This friend… David came.. collect the gifts I had and promised to pass it on to him…. I went ahead to send him a text… informing him that I gave the gifts to David and he should collect them…

He answered me to let me know that him and David were no longer friends… oops… David did not disclose this information to me… I apologized.. and I called David to return the items… I just thought his daughter won’t get her birthday presents in this case..

A few days later MYLOVELOVE Calls me … I was a little surprised to hear from him…I answered .. he started off the conversation asking me why I didn’t just gave the gifts to Veronica.. I became very belligerent . I was very upset that he even considered this possibility…

I just tell him that .. not to worry about the damn gifts.. and him and Veronica can go to hell and hang up on him…. I was so mad.. what was he thinking…!??? I was hurt too to know that he’s still seeing her…and he couldn’t even talk to me on the phone….

Shouldn’t he know how I feel for him? Was he so blind to my feelings…. I was so hurt and so upset That day it brought tears to my eyes… .

I was thinking, how could I mean so little to him, Even though we could not be in a true relationship…I thought at the least we were friends.. How wrong I was to even think this was possible..

my emotions for him was still very strong and way more than I would care to admit… I decided not to text or call anymore and to just Leave him, be…. . I’m still missing him but it doesn’t make sense wanting someone who doesn’t return your feeling… so I will try to put him out of my mind and heart…

***************+++++++***************

TO BE CONTINUED…

MY LOVE 😍 LOVE 💕: THE JOY & PAIN OF A FORBIDDEN LOVE… part 6c

SOME PEOPLE ARE MEANT TO FALL IN LOVE..BUT… NOT MEANT TO BE TOGETHER…

I began to see him in Veronicas presence again… my heart sank.. I thought we were getting closer at one point.. he would playfully tease her as he passes by her… which sent a jolt of jealously through me… it would leave me so furious.. . That it brought tears to my eyes in anger…

I was a complete mess.. this should have been enough for me to walk away from him…but instead I still try to talk to him..

I was a fool for this cold. Aloof and inconsiderate guy… and with my knowledge of this.. I still longed for his touch.. his kisses and his loving…

It was a Saturday in April I got a phone call from him….asking for $40.00. My first reaction was no way… but I do wanted to see him.. I so want to be with him… so I thought… it’s a way to get to see him…. so I asked him…

“And what do I get in return for giving you this money MYLOVELOVE…..”

He asked me what do I want…???? So I told him.. “ you”…

Surprisingly.. he agreed.. so I excitedly tell him to come and get it….

And he did…

He walked in .. and I led him straight to my bedroom….I immediately started to seduce him and he allows me to… he stayed a couple of hours with me.. he fulfilled his end of the bargain.. and he gave me what I requested..

Although I instigated most of our love making.. he had no objections… and he loved me just like he always does.. I fully enjoyed our little session…I felt really good to be with him again…and while I was lying in his arms and enjoying his delicious kisses .. everything was perfect…

I gave him the $ 40 like I promised as he was leaving…he left me with a bear hug and a kiss.. and promise that he will stay in touch…

After he left I felt a bit foolish because I let myself be used by him…but I console myself by thinking that….seeing him and getting to love on him was all worth it. I was hoping that he didn’t think himself a gigolo and that I paid him to have sex with me….

Because…

That was exactly what it boils down to … I exchanged sex for money… was I so desperate for him that I allowed myself to stoop to such level.. it made all the sense in the world and I thought I was being clever and sneaky…

I took the time to wallow in the joy I got from being with him… but as usual it was short lived..

I made myself a promise that I will never again do that…. hmm 🤔…

I suspect the money was for veronie birthday. and even when its hurts my feelings…. I tried to justify my actions… telling myself again that it feel good to know he needs me for something and stupid old me thinking if I am kind to him I will win his loyalty and he will remains friends with me always…

I’m hoping I was right about this… I really want to be right…

That following Monday We worked the same shift. It was only a hour into the shift when he walked passed the front end and headed outside accompanied by one of the managers….. his demeanor was very stern… and even though he had to pass my register… he didn’t even glance at me..

The manager walked back in a few minutes later without him… I had a sinking feeling.. something wasn’t right…

I know he had an incident in the parking lot a few days before.. involving a customer.. he had accidentally hit her car with the shopping carts… she complained and he was up for reprimanding..

Could it be that they dismiss him because of the accidental incident..???!!! I tried to find out what happened with him and was told…. that he got fired…

I became so emotional.. my mind was in a whirlwind… my thoughts was going berserk… apart from being sad that he loss his job… I was selfishly thinking about us.. and losing contact with him… how am I going get through my days without his presence????!! My only connection with him is here at work…

I tried texting him to find out from him directly what went wrong…. he just completely ignores me… I got no response… this makes the more afraid and scared that I’m losing him… for the rest of the day I lost complete focus on everything.. I had to force myself to concentrate …

If only he answered me… it would ease my mind a little thinking that I won’t lose contact with him.. but he just ignored me totally…

I was in a melancholy mood all day..the end of the shift could come fast enough.. I got home and I tried to make contact again.. still nothing… I became overly anxious accepting the fact that I have lost him for good…

I lie there sobbing into my pillows.. crying for a love that was never mine…

**************++++++*************+++*********

TO BE CONTINUED…..

MY LOVE 😍 LOVE 💕: THE JOY & PAIN OF A FORBIDDEN LOVE.. part 6…

I tried to avoid him and leave him alone as much as I could.. but seeing him everyday and interacting with him work wise was not helping…

With broken-hearted … my feelings really crushed… and my decision to end our secret affair.. I began to play his game….ignoring him.. I still couldn’t get pass just how cold he is towards me… after all those nights of sweet passionate love making…

How can he be so distant and so mean to me in public.. but.. behind closed doors … he is so damn loving and sweet and warm… he is always so receptive and giving of himself fully and completely…

How can he separate his feelings from sex…??? And how can he look at me and completely forget our nights of passion…

Anyways….. I’m done…

I noticed that he was not around Veronica too much either… and curiosity got the best of me.. so I asked her what was happening between them… she tells me that he was very mean to her without giving details…. and that she’s no longer with him..

I had mixed emotions… because I could see just how hurt she was… and it pains she to see her experiencing such heartache… I want so much to be able to comfort her… but I just didn’t know how.. without putting him down.. which I know I couldn’t…

I was still so infatuated to the point of being in love with him.. so much that I was blinded to his faults… I still hold him in high esteem and he was still this perfect awesome amazing guy in my eyes…

With this this new founded knowledge.. of their separation…my feelings began to resurfaced and got renewed. I became more receptive to his smiles and started to seek him out again to talk to him but kept it causal… I still haven’t forgotten what he had said about us not in a relationship…

I was regretting agreeing to the terms of our relationship.. I didn’t know how to change it.. didn’t know how to confess my true feelings because truth be told….my feelings and desires for him is far from being causal…

I thought I was able to have a sexual affair without getting my heart involved… little did I know.. I have no control over my heart… and my mind was confused… the heart wants what it wants… and it wants him…

Within a week after that incident..

I was on my way to Walgreens .. my first job… when I got a unexpected text from him…

“I am at home can u come by 2nit.” ????……

I was kinda surprised.. but pleased at the same time… I responded letting him know I was on my way to work…. he was very understanding and implied there will be a next time…

I would have love to be able to go over and It made me realized just how much I still want to be with him.. as much as I tried to suppress my feelings and try to move beyond him…one little text from him undo all my efforts and put me right back to where I was..

I didn’t correspond with him for the next few days… but that text keeps playing in my mind… it had been on my mind constantly and I thought I blew a chance to be with him… I really doubted that he would ever repeat that request..

Thinking of him this much only allowed my feelings to intensify to the point of making my urges and my desire grew so strong is became unbearable….

I finally gave in to my feeling and decided to send him a text…asking him to include me on his agenda for that day.

I know it was suggestive but I was itching to be with him. And nothing beats a try but a failure…so I thought I’d asked. To my surprise.. he responded…

he said he was going to be busy but he’ll see what’s up later. …

It sounds promising but I was not convinced that there will be a later… I was kinda disappointed but pleased that he responded to me…

I had completely given up on hearing from him..but to my surprise and total pleasure he called apx. 8pm …. I eagerly and promptly answered…

he let me know had somewhere to go at midnight but he can see me until then if I still want to come over… I let him know that I would love to come and spend the time him… so I got ready and headed over….

I was very nervous with anxiety…. it’s been a while since our last rendezvous… as usual my heart was beating hard against my chest… I had butterflies in the pit of my stomach…and my knees feel like jelly…

I got to his door and knock timidly…GOD! …… When he opens that door, he was the most beautiful sight I ever behold. That smile, that face, that man, that beautiful and gorgeous man, I smile ever so pleasingly…because I have longed and yearned to be with him these last few weeks and here I am, ….finally. …..and with heart racing and hands shaking just to touch him .. it takes all my control not to jump on him, Instead…

I sat down beside him. He was watching a program on the TV… and We sat there trying to focus on it… I was finding it hard to …and I keep stealing glances at him willing him to instigate and initiate some form of physical contact…

He must have sense my desire, or read my mind…because he said,

, “What you came for, to watch T.V.? “

He did not have to say another word..that was my cue. With his permitted invite….I immediately start to kiss him. I love kissing these lips… his kisses set fire to my whole being….to ignite that burning desire in my loins…

I love on him like I was hungry; I couldn’t get enough of him. He matches my intense urges with his.. he was like a man possessed … he quickly got out of his clothes and helped me out of mine.. and as he continued to bathe me in his kisses … he guided me under him.. as he find his way in my soaking wet and supple kitty…

I wrapped my legs around his hips and heist my buttocks to meet his thrusts..

I could feel him swelling up to burst inside me.. just as I was getting ready to explode with sweet ecstasy…

He screams.. “ ooh shitt.. ooh shitt… ooh shiiiittt..!!!!!! As he made one last deep thrust and stopped as he empties in me… he made a few more small thrust as sweats washes his whole body… that he became so slippery…… I lie under him completely satisfied as I feel his results of his most arduous loving dripping down my legs..

He gently pulled out and it gushes out… I got up and pulled him up with me.. leading him to the showers…. we got in.. I lathered him up as he lean against the wall so exhausted from our session…

He had his back against the wall standing there with his head thrown back resting on the wall … his eyes were closed.. and his body limp and fully relaxed as if he was about to doze off… the shower was beating against my back splashing onto him … causing ripples of droplets cascading down his chest…I continued to soap his chiseled chest.. I couldn’t resist but to place small kisses on it.. I moved Down to his belly button.. and focus a little in that area.. I was stooping at this point..

I was so busy enjoying the taste of him .. getting all stimulated that kitty was twitching and getting all moist… when I felt him poking my chest.. I stopped .. glanced up on his face and he was looking down at me with a devilish smile and pleasure in his eyes.. I squinted with a silly smile.. shaking my head… and then I chuckled mischievously…

He then placed his hands on my head and motion me to his bulge…I obliged his request and take him in my mouth..after only a few moments he picked me up to a standing position and place me to face the wall.. he placed his right hand on my belly pushing my buttocks in a upward position.. that I ended up on my tippy toes.. and leaning forward holding on to the walls for support…

He kept his hand where it was offering some balance.. as he slowly but swiftly enters me… with the shower falling on us .. he gave me one of the most memorable sexual experiences we have had..

We finished with a blast.. shower and headed to the bedroom where he helped me to towel off and I helped him in return… I asked him if he would like a massage but he apologetically refuses saying he has to get going…

We both got dressed and he took me home.. kissed me and said. “ love you “… I looked at him quizzically… smile but didn’t make a comment… I walked away from him .. thinking…

“Was that for real…or was it a slip of the tongue ?…..

I thought the latter… but…

His lovemaking was so good. He made love to me like he means it and I enjoyed every single minute of him. I left him very pleased and happy. I secretly hope that he was actually liking me .. I want him to so much to…

When I’m with him ….I find that I don’t have much to say …I just tried to enjoy him and every moment I have with him… there is never the promise of tomorrow.. so I just live in the moment…..

I’m still left with wanting more of him…and I hope that another chance arises soon… and until that opportunity comes around… I will just be waiting ever so impatiently….

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TO BE CONTINUED……

MY LOVE LOVE: THE JOY & PAIN OF A FORBIDDEN LOVE 💕…..part 5c

That week went by with me living in hopes of the next time, seeing him daily would caused rushes of emotions that run through my whole body.. it was a sweet sensation that leaves me shivering ….

He would occasionally flash me his mischievous smile as he passes me by… and I would be filled with a warm feeling that makes me blush knowing we shared this secret love affair…

I was feeling so good with his attentions and was so consumed in my feelings for him.. that I didn’t even stop to think of Veronica until I saw her one morning all sad…

I went over to find out what’s was causing her sadness… she was very reluctant to talk to me so I asked her if it’s anything to do with him.. She angrily said she doesn’t want to talk about him…

He happens to pass by then and came over to try to talk to her.. without even acknowledging me…she angrily walked away and he follows her… I watched as she flashes off his touch.. I was getting jealous just watching their interactions… and even though it was obvious a lovers fight.. I wish We as could be as open with our relationship…

I didn’t follow through on figuring out Veronica woes.. I thought it’s best I just leave them alone… I was too emotionally invested in him.. and I didn’t want our secret affair be revealed…

I decided to stay focused on my plans to create another rendezvous… I made up my mind not to allow their relationship to interfere with this secret sexual affair we have between us…

that following Tuesday I was off… and I knew he was too … so I decided to text him asking what’s he doing? He replies that he is at his aunt birthday party.

An hour after I surprisingly receive A call from him asking me if I could come over…, I quickly.. without hesitation said..” I will be there “…

I was so pleased.. and ecstatic that he invites me over….I anxiously get ready and excitingly hurry over to his place..

As soon as I arrived…he pounced on me… he was undressed down to his undies… he started to kiss me ever so hungrily… pulling at my clothes frantically in urgency…….. I join his enthusiasm and quickly got out of them.. as soon they fall to the ground.. he pushed me onto the bed .. help me get on my knees and thrust his hard rock cock in… he began to pump and thrust hard and fast.. and within minutes he blew his spunk filling me up.. that it dribble down my legs…

I lie on my stomach and he stayed on top still inside me… he kissed me on the cheeks and said “thank you , I needed that. “…. he then roll off my back onto the bed… I turned around.. and said…

“ ooh boy.. that was intense…” he looked at me and just smile.. I could feel kitty soaking wet and spilling out… I got up headed in the bathroom and took a quick shower to clean up….

He was lying on his back.. all naked.. I got a wet rag and decided to clean him up a little… he began to get stimulated again from my touch… and I continued to play with him…

I want to get him all excited.. and I decided to try the eatable chocolate that we didn’t get to on valentines….I placed it all over his chest down to his hard cock.. and I started to lick and lap it up.. I started on his chest.. paid a little attention to his nipples.. nibbling and sucking lightly… and work my way down…

oooh maan !!!! Did he love me eating and licking it off his chest …. he was getting impatient for me to reach the prize… and he grab hold of my head and try to guide me to it… I resist at first but he became forceful in an urgent manner so I obliged and began by taking him slowly in my mouth and slowly back out.. enjoying the taste of the chocolate… I licked until it was all gone..

I gobbled up every last drop… he was very excited by then. And he pulled me on top of him and I straddled him.. as he gently enters me… with his hand on my hips.. he raises his …up and down as I ride him.. I was feeling an orgasm building as I clench and grip him with his every thrust….it didn’t take us long to reach our goal…we cum with a blast…

I was quivering and shaking with ecstasy… as he watched me… smiling proudly.. he ease me off onto the bed..and got up and went to take a shower… I. Decided to join him seeing that I was also sticky from the chocolate….

We came out .. get dressed causally… and headed to the kitchen… He mentioned he was hungry so I fixed him something to eat…. we watched a little tv.. and I sat there quietly with his head in my lap.. thinking.. this is what couples do..???

We headed back into the bedroom.. and I wanted more loving.. but he didn’t seem interested so I just follow his suit and just lie there beside him..wrapped up in his warm arms…I again spent the night with him..

I left him that morning.. thinking how he took me to places and heights I have never been… we had a good time together. And sexually we were enjoying each other…

Every time with him seems to be better and better. I was falling deeper and deeper for him. What was I doing? How am going to get out of this? The more I see and the more time spent with him the more I want him. My feelings were getting entangled into a causal affair that has no future… but.. I decided to enjoy him for as long he allows me to…

I was starting to get confident and assurance that he likes me some…he couldn’t love on me like he does without liking me… I keep telling myself..

So…

The following week I asked him if I can come over.. thinking he won’t refuse me… but..to my surprise and disappointment …

. He started to tell that I’m acting like we are in a relationship and to remember that we are only friends with benefits. I fell silent and suddenly became embarrassed.. I felt very awkward…

Without another word I walked away… I just didn’t know how to respond to him.. he was right… and even though it hurts me to hear him say it .. I did agreed to causal no relationship status…

The next few days I just do what he does.. ignore him pretend that I didn’t feel anything for him… I decided to give him up.. and stop playing this game with my heart… he made it clear that it’s never going to be any more than just sex…

We have had enough… I got much more than I ever thought possible.. so here and now I tell myself.. it’s over….

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TO BE CONTINUED…..

MY LOVE LOVE: THE JOY & PAIN OF A FORBIDDEN LOVE…. part 5b

……,And so I got one more time to spend with MYLOVE-LOVE {. I COULDN’T BELEIVE MY LUCK}

As I stand there waiting for him to answer the door my mind was whirling with thoughts of being in his arms…

Finally he opened the door.. and I was so amazed just how gorgeous he looked… he was shirtless and his chiseled chest was so inviting…

He greets me with a kiss on the cheek.. took my hand and led me to the bedroom… he jumped on the bed and patted it beside him signifying suggestively for me to join him…

….he was lying there looking so good and sexy just waiting for me. I obliged eagerly… and I hugged him as I joined him pressing into his chest… stroking it very tenderly as I start to put butterfly kisses all over that gorgeous chest…

He had just taken a bath … he smells so fresh and feels so cool and extra good. I enjoyed the taste of him as I inhaled his scent getting lost in the moment…

he immediately started to kiss me, and his kisses sent warmth to every crevices of my body…he felt so good and smell so delicious, as I continued to love on his most beautiful chest.. moving downward… slowly kissing and loving on his perfect body…..

He was lying there softly moaning with pleasure… as I fumbled with his pants I looked up at his face.. he had his eyes closed and when I stopped and prompted him to lift his hips so I could slide them off he opened them and preceded to help me discard it…

He kicked them off… and resumed his position…

I had bought a vibrating toy for sexual pleasure and I had it with me.. I mentioned it to him…and asked him if we could try it and play with it….surprisingly he was all gamed,

He said “let’s play” I got it out .. showed it to him.. he was very amused and eager to try it… and so the games began..and play we did.

We had some fun playing with our new toy.. and we made love over and over and over until we were both spent from exhaustion… his love making was very intense… tender and loving…

We lay there beside each other… catching our breath and just savoring the moment… he looked at me smile.. quickly jumped up.. tower over me…placed a playful kiss on my mouth , nibbled my neck with small kisses and asked me if I wanted something to drink..

I merely giggled in amusement at him and nodded… he went off to the kitchen as I lay there wondering if he’s starting to like me … I couldn’t get this smile off my face.. I was so exhilarated thinking of the way he just love on me….

He came back in and handed me a glass with drink.. and lie down watching me… I finished my drink…move over next to him .. he had his hand behind his head. And he removed one and pulled me into him…

I just nestled happily up next to him.. he then pulled the cover over us…I wanted to get up and take a shower but I didn’t want to leave the comfort of his warmth…I was enjoying him much too much… and refused to lose this connection .. I just didn’t want it to end…

He then started to talk about his childhood… I quietly listened not saying much.. I just lie there in awe of him.. I must have dozed off and snoring because I was awaken by him holding my nose… I looked up at him… and he just tweaked my nose again.. and said .. “ let’s sleep… “

I responded by turning around and let him spoon me and hold me closely to him.. he placed his cheek on my head.. and I heard him sigh.. ever so pleasingly… I smile and reached for his hand that he had wrapped around me and kissed it as I wrapped it more tightly around me….

I again spent the night next to him and in his arms… I was in glory land. Being with him gives me so much joy. I get a surge of happiness I never before experience.

The more times I spent with him the more I feel for him.. and the more I want him.. and I hoped it means that he was liking me some.

We woke up and made love a couple of times before we both got up and took a needed shower….

I left him that morning very happy and fulfilled… I was on cloud nine… but still wondered if I will ever get another chance to be with him… I always left wondering because we never talked about us…

All night with him.. all that loving.. and the subject of us .. was never mentioned… I am so afraid of the answer that I rather not know…and I keep telling myself I’m just going to enjoy him as much as he allows me..

I keep smiling all that day and keep reflecting back to our night of playtime and sweet loving… couldn’t believe he was so willing to try that little toy….I was so pleased he was so gamed… it was fun.. I fully enjoyed him….

I told myself that I have to work on our next rendezvous… because I was so eager to spend another night in his sweet arms.. and experience some more of his passionate loving…..

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TO BE CONTINUED….

MYLOVE-LOVE: T HE JOY &;PAIN OF AN UNFORBIDDEN LOVE chapter 3

I was getting so anxious for him to suggest us getting together again… and I starting to believe that it’s never going to happen when…..

He asked me to baby sit for him…  he got his three younger kids every other week… and he have to find someone to stay with them while he works… and it has been getting difficult for him to find willing babysitters ..

I had volunteer my service when he mentioned this to me… so I guess he was taking me up on my offer…

Of course…   I was more than happy to do so, because it means being with him again.  I was hoping and expecting a night like the one we have had ….

I spent all evening in great anticipation of the night ahead.. my mind was fill with thoughts of the wonderful lovemaking we were gonna make…

I wasn’t even thinking that it would be awkward with the kids being present…

I make sure the kids were all in bed before he got home… but he was much later in arriving than I had presumed..

I sat there anticipating a night full of passion… as I visualized all I would do to him.. I was so impatient waiting for him to come through that door..

He was quite late after he got off work … I knew he was with veronie.. I was getting a little jealous with the thought as I sat there waiting for him to walk through the door…

Sigh 😔…!!!!

he was still seeing her and I believed they were a couple but I decided to enjoy him when I’m with him and not to mention anything or anybody to upset our time together.

I found out that she babysits for him also and that she stays over too…. I felt very jealous and a bit mad but I remembered our deal. Just casual.

. [I knew I could not compete with a younger girl ; I knew I had nothing to fight with. And I agreed to no strings.’  I was helpless and hopeless. Here I am, wanting this guy with everything I got and couldn’t demand, command or ask anything of him.]

When he finally came home he was very distant and very casual… I was very disappointed.. realizing I expected too much…he was no interested in me sexually…

He seems tired and decided to sleep on the couch, I asked him where am I going to sleep. He casually told me wherever I liked. I was not too happy about that and then he just ignored me… I then realized that he had no intention of making love to me..

Too late I realized that this was just a babysitting favor… he had no intentions of repeating our one night together… it’s over.. I suddenly felt like the biggest fool..

So I was not going to have the same experience. He does not want me like that. I wanted to leave, I would have left but I couldn’t because he was asleep and I didn’t want to call john so late. So I just steam and fight with me all night because I was feeling neglected, rejected and lonesome.

I tried to justify his behavior..

   He probably was just tired and didn’t feel like fooling around but my my mind is telling me …he just does not want me anymore . It was just a one night stand..

I try to convinced myself  with all the plausible explanations I could come up with.
I didn’t even stop to think of the kids.. I was so wrapped up in my own emotions and desires.. …

As I sit there watching him sleep…I grew very emotional and very angry at myself…

  I felt so bad I started to cry, I got up .. went into the bathroom..sat there …beating myself up…..feeling like a complete fool, thinking why I allow myself to be treated like this. I even swear that I will never do this again.

I was in there for a while not knowing exactly what to do or what to think…I couldn’t believe that I was so stupidly infatuated that I was so blind…

  He got up to check on the kids and saw me sitting in the bathroom, asked me what I’m doing there.. showing no concern..and went back to sleep.

I then decided to come out and I went and lie between his legs and put my head on his tummy. I just wanted to be close to him…That’s where I spent the rest of the night.

I woke up feeling quite comfortable lying on him, nowhere else I’d rather be, but it ended soon, much too soon. I was hoping he would want to make love: I playfully touched and rub against his cock… hoping to trigger some reaction… but nothing… he just push me aside.. got up and didn’t make any effort towards me so I know he was not interested.

Maybe because the kids was there .. and he didn’t want to take the chance of them catching us.. I was so selfishly thinking about me… I simply forgot about the babies.

I again tried to justify his cold and aloof reaction…

He got the kids up took them to school and me home. It was a silent trip…

I Was very disappointed, I guess he did not like me as much as I thought and I was convinced that was the end of us. I tell myself that I’m not gonna put myself in that position ever again..

So we had a one night stand. It was good.. but it’s as much as I’m ever going to get with him…

I wanted more, much more, but it was out of my control…. He obviously didn’t share my feelings..

I got home and analyze the night and convince myself that I might have over reacted just a tad..

What was I thinking.. wanting a night of passion with three babies 👶 in the house….

Over the next few weeks..

With all this, it was still a very joyous and happy time for me. I still savor the memories of that one night we shared together…

And even though he was giving me the cold shoulder, ignoring me and dismissing me. Just seeing him gave me so much joy.  It was like getting a buzz.  I love the sensation I got just thinking of him.

He stopped talking to me much… and he totally avoided me… I was a little hurt by his strange attitude… but accepted the fact that I want the impossible…

I waited impatiently hoping  for a next time.  I thought I would remain causal.. and just maintain a friendly attitude…

I would him text every morning and every night. Me thinking I’m keeping his mind on me, instead I was becoming quite obsessive.

He was not responding to my text or calls. At work he completely ignores me. He spends most of his time with veronica and all the other young girls. I felt so bad for me but tell myself that ‘it’s ok, I’m too old for him anyway.’  I console myself, convincing me that I’m unable to compete for his affections. Why would he like me?  But with knowing all this I still hope for more of him.  

I silently lust for him… and secretly trying to find a way to convince him to be with me again…

I know I should have given up… but I was like a woman who got hooked on drugs and was craving for a buzz.. I so much wanted another dose of him…

I will find a way… I have to find a way to get him back into my arms… and between my eager legs…

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TO BE CONTINUED……

 

MY LOVE-LOVE: THE JOY & PAIN OF AN UNFORBIDDEN LOVE; chapter 2

A STORY OF PLAYING THE COUGAR WITH A VERY UNEXPECTED TURN

*************************************************************

After that initial night he cancelled, I waited for him to suggest a next date . He didn’t called and he didn’t say anything to me about it… I see him everyday and for the next couple of weeks I kinda gave up on the idea. he was still seeing veronie and he wasn’t giving me too much attention.

I just thought I’d let it go.. I guess I was overly ambitious..

It was a Tuesday. He was off ;   I work the closing shift.  I missed seeing him but to my surprised… He showed up, looking  so handsome, all dressed up. He stopped to talk to me, I was all smiles, so pleased to see him.   a bit jokingly he ask if I want him to come for me later.

I told him not to play with me like that and he said he is not playing… I was sitting down and he came up behind me and kiss me on the cheek., and whispered ” see you later.” winked at me as he walked out..
I watched walking away.. thinking.. hmm 🤔.. could he he serious… as I sit where he left me.. I was savoring that kiss on my cheek as I touched the spot still feeling the tingly effects…

It gives me such a thrill .. I was smiling and hoping that he was being serious…I still did not believe that he was.. but at it roll around to closing time.. I waited in great anticipation for his text… about twenty minutes before we got ready to leave.. I got his text..

‘how u doing’ 

I answered, and he text back  ‘I’ll be there to give you a ride, or u can ride me.”

I smile at his suggestion and quickly answered,

” okay.. I will be waiting..”

  he did come for me. And I was trying my best not to let my friend knew that he was picking me up..

I was very nervous .. I was not prepared for this encounter but… find myself getting all excited in anticipation..  when I got to his place I was shaking a little,

So , I excuse myself to the bathroom to get my nerves and freshen up a little I took me a quick shower.. . When I came out he was only in his underpants.

I had to catch my breath, he was so beautiful. He had this sexy perfect body,

his  chiseled chest, his strong muscled  legs, he  was a sight to behold, I completely forgot my  fears.

he then pulled me to him and  kiss me… good god! He kisses like a dream,

I was caught up in a whirlwind of passion…  He tasted so good feel so wonderful and then he lay back on the bed taking me along with him and  asked me to get on top and I refused..told him no , I did not want to embarrass myself so soon..

He just scoop me up put me on the bed straddled me and said, ‘that’s ok, that’s why u got a young boy for..”

. I would have love more foreplay but I was so ready to feel him inside of me.. I took hold of his hard throbbing cock… gentle stroking and enjoying the feel of it.. guiding him to my soaking wett and eagerly twitching kitty.

And then he enters me… slowly.. I gasp with pure pleasure as he started to thrust gentle at first building up tempo as I beg him to go faster…and harder… he eagerly obliged

. I can’t start to tell you how that feels… I was in heaven.

And he sure knows how make me feel good

. And he kept on saying,”oh shit, oh shit, oh shit.”

And I kept thinking “oh shit, oh shit, oh shit.”

He was enjoying me as much as I was enjoying him..

We both cum with a force and I held on to him tightly, not wanting to let him go…  he was smiling as he lean in and whispered,

“You felt so good.” and planted a most passionate kiss on my lips..  I smiled… so happy and so pleased.. he was everything I thought he would be. I refrain from responding.. just didn’t know what to say.. I was still enjoying the feeling of pure ecstasy… and kitty was still throbbing and pulsating from that intense orgasm…

I was glad I got the opportunity to be with him. I stayed over that night and we made love again& again, I watched him sleep, hold him in my arms and wake up beside him. I came away wanting more and wondering if I will ever a get another chance to be with him. I can’t forget how he looks while he was sleeping or how it feels to hold him in my arms. Truth be told.. I feel deeper in love with him .. he was MYLOVE-LOVE

All that week I was walking on air anticipating our next time. Afraid to ask him. could’t take my eye or my mind off him. I kept on picturing that gorgeous, sexy body of his.

I couldn’t look at him without seeing him behind his clothes.. he consumed my mind.. and kitty was so longing to experience him again…

A week has passed and I was hoping for an opportunity to suggest another date..

But he was a little distant and a little uninterested..

He was still with veronie… and it tears my heart to shreds each time I see them together…

I wanted him so badly.. I wanted to ravage and devour him …I was so eager for another chance.. I wanted more.. yes..more…

But I think I just have to accept that it was a one time thing.. he was not giving me any encouragement and I keep remembering our agreement and the stipulation of terms…

Again I was forced to forget about a US… and let go…

 

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TO BE CONTINUED…..

ALL ABOUT GINGER – MY 2ND BESTEST

Sometimes you must roll with the punches, sometimes you must go against the grain. Ginger’s body get ready for the crunches, in the missionary …

ALL ABOUT GINGER – MY 2ND BESTEST

I HOPE Y’ALL LIKE THIS VERSION OF THIS EROTIC WRITERS FORM…

HE USES A VERY POETIC FORM OF DESCRIBING HIS SEXUAL ENCOUNTERS…AND IN HIS OWN WORDS TELLS HIS STORY..

I FOR ONE FIND IT BOTH HUMOROUS AND INTRIGUING…

GROWING IN ONE’S LIKE: GAINING ONE’S FAVOR…

…. coming home from my church group one Saturday evening.. I met this guy on the bus..he was really nice and we really connected.. so before my stop he invited me to the movies and I accepted…

So the Saturday we had our date.. of course we took the bus..

Can’t recall if I had told anyone about this date but when he came to pick me up.. of course … all knew… I fully enjoyed his company and he kindly dropped me off home..

I waited with him to get the next bus.. and while we were waiting he asked me if I mind him kissing me…of course I was very bashful..

But I told him yes.. and there goes my first kiss..

Well next morning was church so I got got ready and go ask my stepmom for bus fare.. SMH 🤦‍♀️….

My stepmom turned to me quite angrily and told me that I should go and ask the man I went out with last night… I mumbled something under my breath in defense… walking away from her… pouting..

I break the news of my decision to join the nunnery to my dad… and for the first time my dad sit me down and talk to me..

We sat there for almost two hours.. he lectured me on the cons of being a nun and let me know by all means that he doesn’t approve of me making the choice to become a nun..

One of his reasons were.. it was a waste of life… he promised me if I changed my mind which he strongly recommended.. that he would pay for any school of my choice…

I really loved my dad.. and I always yearn for his approval and I want to please him so much that I agreed and told him that I will follow his suggestions.. he really thought my decision was based on me being home and became bored…

So next day I set out to find me a school.. I didn’t have a clue.. but I chose one and he lived up to his promise and pay for my enrollment…

Well my life took off on another journey…

I met this man became intimately involved.. and over the next few years… I started to spiral out of control.. of course I was alone in my world.. my stepmom still treats me with so much indifference and ignored me more than not..

Whenever she address for whatever reason.. it was always in a negative way.. very unkind and very mean… I have learnt to ignore her as well.. she and my older sister became inseparable.. my little sister.. I didn’t have clue what she was doing…

I was home when I went in labor.. it was 11 at night… my father took me to the hospital.. but didn’t stay… I was alone.. my baby father was not in my life then.. so he was not aware of me having the baby…

I continued to do things without the interference of anyone.. and only my dad would sometimes observe my behavior and would call me and asked me adjust my attitude …

I got pregnant with my oldest son.. at 23…I lived with my husband up to seven months then moved back home…

It took me 24 hours in labor before my son was born.. and the last hour my stepmom decided to come be with me… she was there for his birth..

I got back together with my husband after I had our son… but he was American and after a year and a half he decided to come back home.. leaving us behind…

I was very hurt 😞 and I had to find work to maintain my baby… surprisingly my stepmom offers to babysit fo me while I go to work… I was very appreciative but somehow lacking in showing it..

I ended up working three jobs… leaving early in the morning.. and coming home late at nights.. I took much disadvantage of my stepmom and of my dad’s kindness…I did abuse them…

My stepmom however never complained about my absence.. my dad however mentioned it a few times letting me know that I need to spend some time with my son…

Back then.. I defended my actions.. with reassurance that he is well taken care of..

( sometimes I wish I could turn back time…and be more attentive to my baby… I just couldn’t see the damage it was causing my son)

So I started to appreciate her for doing this for me… she didn’t have to… although our relationship did not improve much.. she would negative comments about my parenting… but never sit me down and advise me how to improve and be a better mom…

( looking back.. I really think she wanted me to fail…she wanted to prove that I was not capable or responsible enough to be a mom)

This went on for the next three years when we lost my dad to an heart attack…

He was the glue that holds our family together and with his sudden death.. we all fell apart…

It has a very huge impact on me.. I lost one whole year.. I went through it in a daze.. and I can’t remember one single event in that year.. it’s a complete blank..

He died November 1991.. and next thing I remember was 1993….

….TO BE CONTINUED…..

The next era of my existence…

GROWING IN ONE’S LIKE: … GAINING ONE’S FAVOR…..

AGE 12 to 18

ALONE IN MY WORLD….

I was 12 years old when she decided to include me on the family trip to her home town… I have long decided I don’t ever wanted to go anymore.. I have cried and anguish for the past three years… for always getting left behind…

I hold out and I would not leave the house and get into that car…she tried to convince one more time…. but I refuse to budge or change my my mind… I said I will stay with grandma.. but dad was present so as much as she was annoyed she dared not abuse me in front of him…

She just walked outside and tell him to go get me because Im refusing to get in the car… my dad came in and sternly tell me to get in the car now..

I begged him to let me stay with my grandma… because I didn’t want to go… he again… very aggressively say…” get your ass in that car now and stop with your nonsense “…. and with that tone …I reluctantly get up and get into the car..

Of course I was placed in the middle.. and I sat there sobbing.. he turned around annoyingly and tell me to shut up with that crying…of course I tried.. because we all feared my dad…

My sisters started to jeered me .. and I angrily lashed out at them with one of my cuss words.. of course my stepmom reacted to this and turned to me and said.. you better not take that with you … she gives me a very angry look but didn’t say much more because of she didn’t want my dad to know exactly how badly she mistreats me..

(But.. she was not fooling him by a long shot… he knew… he always knew… but I wouldn’t have realized this until a few years later… when he address her attitude towards me… and ask her to just stop with always picking on me for everything..)

I was one sad and unhappy girl all the way there… and when we reached I again refused to get out of the car.. my dad threatened me with a whooping if I didn’t stop with my attitude.. I started to cry again…

Everyone filtered into the house leaving me in the car sobbing my eyes out… and then this man walks up to the door and said..

“ hey pretty girl.. why are out here crying 😭… and who are you…???!!! Come on inside pretty girl .. it’s alright…”

And surprisingly I stop sobbing.. I smiled.. and I got out and went with him… he calls me pretty…. and it felt so good.. someone thinks I’m pretty….just a little kindness.. just a little gentleness… that’s all it took…and all of a sudden …..I found me a friend.. I was in love 🥰…

….(the next few years because of that one gesture that gentleman.. my stepmom brother… became my most favorite person.. I built up an unhealthy crush on him… my dad observed and noticed it… and intervened a few times when he noticed that I was drawn to this man for all the wrong reasons….. this feeling I had for him was encouraged by him… and lingers on till the day he dies… my stepmom never even realize what was happening right under her nose…because she didn’t even see me.. only time I was ever noticed by her is when I was a nuisance the her and she was chewing me out for being so damn retarded…

I was in my teens when her dad and mom decided to relocate back home… from England…

We were sitting in the living room awaiting their arrival from the airport.. they walked in.. and she started to introduce us children… it was the first Time her mom and dad was meeting us…

When she pointed in my direction and say my name.. her mom immediately replied… “I never heard of this one before… so you have three stepchildren not two…” I then realized that she was so ashamed to even acknowledge me as her stepdaughter that she has hidden me from her family…

I can never remember a kind word from her during my teenage years..when I was fifteen..and my little sister.. she was nine… she was my stepmom first child.. only daughter… she was a beautiful girl…and we were close for a long time… but.. one morning we were getting ready to go to school…

And somehow we developed a tiff .. can’t recall what happened.. or what it was we were fighting for..

But…

This argument led to to tell me that her mom.. says.. that she is better than us.. ( four girls)…. she is prettier.. brighter… smarter… ect. Ect..ect..

So I just let her know that if that’s the case.. then I don’t have to talk to her ever again… and that is just what I did … over the next six years till the day she lost her life at age 16…. I never uttered one word to her…. I was 21 and moved out of the house by then..

During those years though I found myself in a state of solitude and secluded myself by writing ✍️ my diary 📔 or getting lost in novels.. and books… or listening to country music…

I was so quiet .. I never had nothing to say…everyone was happy to just ignore me and shut me out… I silently went through my emotions always seeking out the company of my step uncle… I had no friends…I didn’t know how to socialize… I lacked confidence.. I lacked self esteem….

I hated myself.. I hated my life.. I hated the world… I was so sad.. very unhappy.. I sunk into depression…and I continued on this pathetic self pitied attitude until I was eighteen… and reading one day I came across this article that states… only you can make you happy.. .. only you can choose to be… only you can can be responsible for your happiness….

No one can hurt your feelings unless you allow them to…you are in Control of your emotions… and a few more inspirational thoughts… I then started to collect these quotes and live by them…

And these words uplifted me and I started to grow from them….. I was in world of my own.. I totally shut out everyone… I used to go off to secluded areas.. to write and express my feelings… and not one of them ever misses me out of the house… I was like completely invisible… which was fine with me…

I finished school… I didn’t do too well mainly because I couldn’t write so well… I learned later on that my writing was affected by my attitude and my insecurities…

My dad looks at the results of my exams and when he observed all the D’s… remarks..

“ D is for dunce “….

This hurts me so badly that I cried so hard…again feeling sorry for myself.. that I can never please him..

For the next year I stayed home my only outlet was church.. and books.. we used to have this church club which I was a member… I used to attend retreats and everything offers… it became my way out of the house and to be amongst people who seems to like me…

I was so into it that I decided I wanted to become a nun…

TO BE CONTINUED…..

GROWING IN ONE’S LIKE…. GAINING ONE’S FAVOR….

This story is of a sensitive nature… it’s of a very personal perspective and although not intended to offend… the intended participants and the source of this episode of my life… will definitely be affected and it will cause animosity and tensions to our relationship…

This episode of my life is told as seen through my eyes… and may not be received or be accepted as the truth by the intended source of sorrow and total anguish … both mental and physical…

But …

As much as I know it will trudged up feelings of negativity and May severed our connection .. and causes hurt 😔 feelings..

I feel I need to tell my story and get out all this bottled up emotions… relating to how I keep trying as long as I remembered … to win her likes.. to have her starting to accept me… to gain some favor from her..

And so the story begins…

AGE 9 to 12

NEW BEGINNINGS …

….. A SAD 😔 END.

I was only nine years old when my mom died.. I have an older sister of one and a half years… and a younger sister of three years in between…

We were much too young to understand the reasons and we didn’t have much questions… our father wasn’t a presence in our home..

He has moved on years before and lived with another woman.. I know because I would hear my mom crying 😢 night after night..

And I would observe and listen as mom would tell and relate her story to anyone who would be willing to listen… and as young as I was …I was very sensitive to her sorrows and woes… I never knew her but I sure built up this great resentment for the woman who causes my mom to cry…

My mom was admitted in the hospital a couple of weeks before she actually died.. and my grandma 👵 ( my father’s mom) and my youngest aunt came over to babysit us while she was away…

My aunt was a year younger than me so I got a playmate… it was a Sunday morning when mom decided to say goodbye to this world…

My older sister went to see her and my aunt and me decided to go visit this nearby church… we were in the middle of the service when someone came and pulled us out.. thus breaking the news to us…

I can’t remember my exact reaction… I don’t think I even fully understood what was happening.. until a long time after..

My mom’s sister and brother was there.. and even her mom… They asked if they could take me along with them and I was more than willing to go… my grandma took my two sisters with her back to her home which my dad shared….

I spent the next week with my uncle and my other grandma.. until my dad sent my sister to fetch me…

How I cried and pleaded to stay with my grandma 👵… but my father would not allow it… and so I was forced to leave with my sister … I cried all the way home to my fathers house…

I just didn’t want to go live with the woman 👩 who made my mom died..( I got this from my uncle and aunt and my other grandma…). I was convinced it was true and I hated her without even knowing her..

And so this started the strain relationship between us… But….one look at me and the feeling was mutual.. she couldn’t stand the sight of me.. I was a very puny… skinny… awful looking child.. I stuttered.. I was clumsy… I was awkward….and most of all I was very defensive… and uses cuss words as a defensive mechanism to ward off everyone who tries to tease me or make fun at me…

Which was my life existence thus far… and causes me to retract into a shell or a cocoon… trying to hide and resist every attempt made on me… I was just overly sensitive and could never see the humor in any of it .. which makes them more eager to poke fun at me…

Her distaste for me comes out In her being mean to me.. she lacks patient when it comes to me… she uses every opportunity to treat me with indifference.. and to make matters worse… I was bed wetter… Ooh 😮 how this Erks her and give all the more excuse to scold me… with the most awful words…

Everything I do was always wrong in her eyes.. I could never seems to please her… she expects the worst and I always seems to deliver and live up to her expectations… I used fumble a lot mostly because of nervousness.. Maybe I was just scared of being screamed at…or I was just trying so hard to get it right… and of course I was always a klutz.. so the more I tried the worse I was..

I came to her …disliking her.. and resenting her for losing my mom… but as a child you don’t hang on to the same feelings for too long…

So ….. after a while I tend to lose that feeling and replace it with the longing for affection.. I miss my mom something fierce.. and I long to feel loved again… especially when I observed how she dotes and loved on her biological babies ..

And sometimes I would try to hug on to her … but she pushes me away with such force as if she finds me repulsive… (which she actually did) after a few more attempts with the same results , I felt hurt by her unkind rejection… so I stopped… realizing that she doesn’t want me to touch her or be close to her….

….(you know as a child.. you can’t comprehend the actions of adults and analyze their attitude and their reasons for doing what they do…here I was trying to get her to like me… not fully understanding her reasons for not liking me as she does my other siblings….)

The next three years was a challenge for me… I felt so alone.. my sisters completely ignored me… they tease me.. laugh at me… poke fun at me… and leave me out of everything.. I was never included in anything… I just couldn’t fit in no matter how I tried to…

I was always left behind.. or left out.. and as much as I beg to be apart of whatever they were doing.. the answer was always nooo!!!!!

My stepmom was from another parish and all her family was there… holidays like summer.. Christmas.. she would visit… and she would take everyone including my little aunt all except me.. those first three years.. how I begged and begged to go with them..

I would cry my little eyes out not fully comprehending the reason she never includes me… my little mind have so many thoughts.. most of which I felt so unloved… so unwanted… so alone.. and I hate the world and everyone in it even my father who never said a thing.. but just allow this treatment towards me…

I became more bitter.. more angry… more distant.. I completely withdrew.. I stop talking… I stayed by myself..

I got even more vulgar with my cussing.. I would adamantly refuses all contacts verbally… which of course always result in scolding and whopping… I would only cry and do it for the worst…

….(ooh man when we are a child we don’t realize how our retaliation only results in affecting us for the worst or that we are only hurting ourselves….)

Because of her treatment towards me … my attitude and behavior only escalated… which results in giving her valid reasons for treating me the way she does… and maan did she takes such joy in mistreating me … I was never included in anything or go anywhere with her…

Her one and only excuse is that… I have a filthy mouth and she doesn’t want to be embarrassed… but… her real reason for being embarrassed is how I looked and how retarded I was… (this is how she always sees me)…..

…..( my father also always sees me as an invalid and was overly protective thinking I wasn’t able to do anything…and I guess would agree that I was somewhat of a retard… I was sick as a baby and I didn’t walk until I was about three... I was always unsteady on my feet.. causing me to fall lot.. I lacked motor skills coordination. Thus causing my clumsiness and awkwardness…)

If only she had stop to realize that it was just me putting a wall up in defense for being totally rejected by everyone…. especially her..

If and when she has to address me.. especially when dad is not around… she was very aggressive and so so impatient.. if I didn’t come fast enough or answer quickly enough.. she would always be so mean…

Only you.. her favorite line… “ it can only be you…” I couldn’t never do or say anything right in her eyes… I was never a big eater and I was very skinny…

She would get so so mad at me for not eating everything on my plate.. “ look at you???!!”… she’d say.. you let people think I am not feeding you and that you live far from the kitchen…

How I miss my mom… why did she have to die??!!! Why am I so unlovable… why am I so ugly.. and weak…??!!! Why can’t she love me too!!!!

I just never realized that I was self destructive with my attitude… with my bitterness.. with my hatred.. with my anger…

I was in constant battle to win favor and grow into her likes.. but.. it was a losing battle because she made up her mind not to like me… so much that nobody in her immediate family knew that I existed…

TO BE CONTINUED….

MY SWEET ALLEN… Serendipity…

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MY LIFE IN A NUTSHELL… part 2

A FRESH START

A LOOK DOWN FROM THE SKY

So I arrived in Florida…it was a Saturday night.. November 5 th…my baby and I was met by my aunt… as we drove to her home I was just in awe of my new surroundings… I still couldn’t believe I was here….

My only regret was leaving my older son behind..and I still could see his little face so sad.. and hear his voice saying…

“The only thing you forget is me … is me mommy”…..

Those words haunted me to this day.. and still bring tears to my eyes.. I couldn’t take him with me..and I hated leaving him behind.. but I had get away from this man of mine…

I refused to stay and be physically abused… I had to sacrifice leaving my son.. but I promised I would make it right…(it took me six years to get him with me… eventually…)

My aunts was very receptive and seemed glad to have me… my baby was only a year and ten months… and was a crier… he clings to me a lot.. which was expected..

Christmas 🎄 came and went.. the weather was a bit chilly for me… and in January I thought it’s time for me to find work…

But…

My aunt refuses to babysit for me and I couldn’t afford the nursery… so I decided to take him back home until I get settled in a job and was capable of looking after him…

‘This was in February …. I reluctantly left him with his father.. and now I had to leave both my boys behind.. but… I was determined to come back and do everything I can to get them both with me…

I came back and immediately decided to find work.. I couldn’t get a job in my profession as an accountant… due to lack of computer knowledge or was I computer literate…. I decided to try as a cashier which I gain from being a assistant manager at a supermarket…

Thus.. my career as a cashier began… I picked up a job in a retail store…..I stayed at my aunt house for one year before she asked me to leave.. I then moved to Orlando Florida to stay with another aunt…

I came here and picked up another job.. so I had two jobs now…

Every summer I would go back home to see my babies.. this was the second summer for me.. when I return home and see my baby I was was so upset at his condition…

His father was not taking care of him… I almost didn’t come back.. I cried all the way home… and I told and relate to my aunt about what was happening with my baby and just how concerned I was and how distraught I was…

She saw my motherly anguish.. and promised to help me get accommodations so I could get my babies with me…

She and her husband was in real estate so she told me she would see if she could get me approved for a mortgage.. and she did…

And by the end of that year I got me a house… I went to get my baby .. but my older son didn’t have a visa.. so again I had to leave him behind…

I cause that baby of mine so much sorrow… I tried to make up with gifts… hoping it would make him happy… and when I finally decided to go get him.. he was 16 years old…

I had lost him. He out grew me.. and me him..he seems happy back there.. but… when he came here he became so depressed… that he tried to commit suicide at eighteen..

I was never home.. I worked.. from 11pm to 2 pm for day five days a week… I was always so afraid of leaving him… but.. thank goodness he never again tried it…

My youngest father also decided that he’s gonna join me and I allow him because my son was very attached by now… I was hoping he had changed his abusive ways..

I had also agreed to marry him.. and as soon as we got married he started to physically abuse me again… I keep trying and trying until I just had more than I could take… it took me four years to finalize our relationship…I called the police and file a domestic dispute… they got him out and I changed the locks and get me a security system in place…

Hence.. divorcing his sorry ass… I have been single since…

Over the next 20 years I worked those two jobs.. maintained my mortgage.. and see my kids through to adulthood…

In my view.. I have successfully achieved and accomplish my goal of being there for my children… I call this progress…

Yes I could have gone back to school.. get back into my accounting profession… but I was too overwhelmed with bills and babies to stop and again make more sacrifices and putting my babies second…

It was enough that I was working these long hours.. not spending enough time with them to add studying to that list..

I’m proud of where I am… what I have accomplished…my boys are now adults and are two of the most amazing men there is…

They both have families and are super dads… I guess I must have done something right after all.. am so very proud of them… and I’m so contented that I can retire and notworry about them or me…

My hard work pays off.. in the end… I’m able to survive financially and if I am short or in need.. my awesome sons is there to help me out..

What more can one ask for…

If that’s not being successful…

Then what is…????

I may have been a late bloomer and my life didn’t took off until I was in my thirties.. it may took a change of complete scenery and location..but… I. did it… I made it happen.. I got my own home… I became independent… and most of all I became the provider my kids needed…

It may not seem much to many but to me.. looking at where I am to where I have been… I have accomplished quite a lot… and I call it being successful…

I grew out of my insecurities and my lack of confidence…

MY LIFE IN A NUTSHELL….

I was born on a Friday morning in February of 1960s…. I was the most beautiful baby girl.. but at ten months my life took a turn for the worst.. I became so sick… my mom gives me up as dead…

“ go bury her “ she commands my dad… but he wouldn’t give up on me… he didn’t stop trying to find a cure for my unexplainable condition.. and when he finally did .. he was very elated but so very disappointed that I was never the same healthy baby he had…

I grew up feeble.. and sickly.. I was awkward and clumsy with zero motor skills coordination… so everyone just treated me like a retarded invalid… they sheltered me and limit me.. to things like playtime because they thought I couldn’t handle it.. trying to protect me without realizing the great damage they were afflicting…..

My mom decided to pass away when I was nine. Leaving behind a severely damage girl… my dad took us to live with my stepmom..

And…

Life becomes an unbearable struggle till I was old enough to go on my own.. I grew alone and apart from my siblings.. I was treated with much indifference..

No love… no affection… no acknowledgement… no confidence.. no self esteem…

I had bad stutter… I fall a lot.. I continuously cry… I was bed wetter until I was about thirteen…

I was mocked.. make jokes at .. laugh at.. shun.. and scolded for everything…

But…

I out grow it all and I believe I had a decent early adulthood… I made poor choices in relationships always seeking a love I didn’t know how receive or give…

I didn’t do so well in school .. because no one ever took an interest in our education…. I don’t remember anyone ever asking me about homework.. or find out how we were progressing… after graduation..I wasn’t brazen or bold enough to be able to function in the world… I was insecure and shy.. until I read somewhere… to be shy is to be selfish because you are only thinking of yourself….

My older sister was working and going to business college… while I was home so afraid to go out there to find work…

Church was my outlet so I decided I wanted to be a nun.. a great way out. But dad .. for the first in my short life he decided to sit me down and lecture me on how it would be a waste of life to enter the nun hood…

Me … eager to please and was so fill with joy that he took out the time to sit with me and actually talked to me.. decided to withdraw my intentions to be a nun.. he promised me to pay for a business course and Advice me to go find one that I like to attend…

But what did I know about picking a decent school… I did find one … but My choice wasn’t the best so after a few months I had to …changed to a different one..

Walking home one day … my long hair caught the attention of this man driving past… ( I had the most beautiful jet black hair.. long and shiny.. I regularly wear it flowing and cascading down my back ..) he stopped and offered me a ride home… I accepted…

We started seeing each other which my father didn’t approve because he was older and has been married with three boys.. I however disobeys my dad strict order to stop seeing him.. and that relationship lasted for year and ended badly when he decided to go back to his wife….

School didn’t prove too successful and so I tried working… but that’s also ended up with me losing it..

A few months down the line I met this US marine and for six months I was in glory… I had found love .. but this too ended on a bad note when I found he was also dating another…

I had started a business and management course at a more reputable school…and it was here that I met this other girl who revealed my marine deception… and where I unfortunately gain the likes of my accounts teacher……( I was taking accounts and management course) he decided to Pursue me to my great discomfort… and when I tried to tell him I was not interested he threatened suicide with tears..

And being so damn naive I allow him to persuade me to give him a chance against my will… we ended up living together unfortunately…

We went out one night and his car broke down and I had no way home… so we spent the night in his car and went home that morning…but my dad put the fear of god in me when he warned me not to ever repeat it and to he sure I come home every night..

And the very next weekend I was again stuck with no way home and the option of living with him was a much better option than facing the wrath of my dad…. that was the worst year of my life…

I dropped out of school… he was an alcoholic.. so I was bar hopping with him… being physically abused… often go hungry… moving from place to place.. but I want to prove to my dad that I could do this… but after a year.. I finally got the courage to leave him for good and beg my dad to allow me back home.. he reluctantly did and it took me two years to start dating again…

That relationship had left a bitter taste in my mouth and a callous on my heart…

During this period of my life I was struggling to find my way out… I was not progressing…both my sisters was working in Decent jobs… and I was not… I was by far the least successful one…

My dad own a tobacco company and he allows me to work for him.. I stayed there for two years…until met my first husband… I got pregnant for him but it went sour in my seventh month..

He was a womanizer… and he couldn’t help himself… he told me once that he was like a dog thrown in a pen full of all different kinds of meat…. so he just have to take bites out of everyone.. and it’s not that he love me less.. it’s just that he has all these tasteful choices and he just couldn’t resist biting into them… but know that I’m his favorite…and he will always loves me the best…

I couldn’t see it his way so left him with his delightful choices and moved back home… I had my baby.. got back together with him.. and he took care of us until he decided to move back home to America.. he was an American…

Me and my stepmom was really not the best of friends… but she agrees to look after my son while I go work.. I was very appreciative but I honestly neglected my son with the poor excuse that he’s well taken care of..

everyone in my family undermines me and I had no control over him.. so

I allowed everyone to take control away from me because I lacked the guts to stand up to them.. so as usual I run away and hide instead… I got lost in working three jobs..never realizing how much I was hurting my baby boy…

My stepmom took pride in full responsibility and never fails to put me down to my son…

But..

I did allow it gladly… telling myself that he’s ok and he is loved by everyone… this lasted five years until my father passed away from an heart attack…

Then everything changes for me.. I quit my job… I ended my four year relationship with a non progressed guy… that following year went by with me not remembering what took place.. I was in a daze..

But…

The second year.. I got married to my best friend.. .. he was my salvation and my angel….he was the best thing ever to happen to me… too bad it took me until he died to realize the great blessing he was to me….

I got pregnant with my second son.. that same year…my stepmom chased me out of the house letting me know that I won’t be bringing no more babies inside there.. and of course I allow her to decide my fate.. I had to leave my first son behind… this was my second mistake in abandoning him..

But the truth be told.. she wanted us girls out.. so she and her biological sons could have the house… she got her desire… of course..I made up my mind never to return to that house.. let her have it.. I will get mine someday…

I had been to hell and back with my baby father.. and when my baby was a year and ten months… I decided to do something about coming to America… my husband was an American .. so I asked him to file for me…

I got the chance and I took it..from the first day I set foot on American soil.. my whole world has changed for the better…

***************++**********++***********

TO BE CONTINUED….

DREAM COME TRUE: Angels 👼… Lena & Lani…

LOVABLE LENA

BIG BROTHER WITH LENA..

DREAM COME TRUE:….. Angels 👼… LANI &. LENA

Lena
4 months

LANI
18 months

SWEET AND CUDDLE-ABLE LANI

For the last 35 years I have lived in a household where I’m outnumbered by the male species.. my world was surrounded with all the men in my life…

I was blessed with two boys… I had always wanted a girl… how I would love to have had a daughter to be best friends with.. and share that special bond that I see moms and daughter share….

I love my boys.. I got so much joy raising them.. and I wouldn’t change one day with them… but… I just needed that girl to complete my world..

When my older son started to have children he ended up with three boys… I again have more than my share of boys.. and not a girl in the midst… I was begging him and his wife to consider trying one more time for the girl… and I was giving up hopes of ever getting a little girl to pamper and dress 👗 up in all these pretty dresses and cute outfits…

My younger son finally got pregnant 🤰 and was due with a baby girl… but his fiancé is from a different states and my dreams was dashed when they decided to go back to her home town to have his daughter..

I was so heartbroken 😔 and sad 😞… that I was losing the chance of having my my first granddaughter around…

I was sure I had lost my son too… and for those four months they stayed away I anguished over my lost…

But…

Things played in my favor… when they needed a babysitter and I was very much available because I was a retiree…

When they asked… however cold and contemptuous …. it may have been…( she texted.. “will you look after the baby while we go to work “)

No hello… we are planning on coming home… bla bla bla. Just straight to asking…. I had to read between the lines….

But…

I was so happy 😁 to know that they are taking my granddaughter home to me that I just simply ignore the coldness of that text and without a second thought or a even a slight hesitation… I quickly assure her that with an absolute yes…

“Please.. and when are you guys coming.. “ I asked..

I could hardly contain my emotions.. I was so so excited…

And so I got my lani at 2 months to present… the profound joy I have had the last year and a half is unexplainable.. she became the highlight of my existence… I’m always in awe of her progress and find so much joy in how very smart she is…

As I watched her get older and smarter I get a sense of pride…. feelings so close to her that I find myself so Intune and so connected to her emotions…

We read… we write and color….we play… we eat… we laugh.. we have fun together… she is my little buddy… my days became consumed with her…

Everything takes second place…

But…

Again As she gets older though …I know I’m about to lose her … because I have a condition with limitations that don’t allow me to be able to continue taking care of her…. she is growing out of my limits…

I take consolation though… in receiving this gift to fulfill my dream and no matter how short lived it may be… I got me the daughter I so longed for…

Life really gives beautiful gifts…

It gives me this most precious angel 😇 sent from heaven for me to enjoy… and enjoy her I did… to the fullest….

And to make life even sweeter… eighteen months later I got me my second most adorable 😍 granddaughter LENA….

What more is there to ask for… my world is finally in completion…

TO BE CONTINUED…..

…..The story of LENA

BOOK 📚 TITLES….. GREAT READINGS…

My number #2 book 📖 I want to recommend is ……

NAUGHTY…

Forty one important lessons..Do and Don’t in any relationship…

This is a book 📖 that illustrates lessons learned from the author perspective… the do’s and don’t gather from the relationship he experiences… And all the mistakes he made before realizing the consequences of his actions…

He lived a full life and fully enjoyed his days of being the sexual beast he was… so he wants to pass on all the valuable lessons he learned along the way

You will definitely enjoy this book full of tales of his most adventurous encounters… and see that no no matter how good it was in time of questioning… the consequences or repercussions … sometimes isn’t worth the pleasure of the moment…

He walked away fulfilled with sexual gratification but.. find that he has learned these 41 valuable lessons which he take great pride in sharing hoping to enlighten those that take the time to read his delightful stories ..

You will find joy in all his episodes as he relived them…

So please go to amazon and find you a copy of .. NAUGHTY- Forty one important lessons..

And great readings to you..

BOOKS 📚 TITLES…/GREAT READING…

I would love to introduce a couple books 📖 to you…

First one ☝️…….

YOU BETTER NOT CRY 😢…. by Rufus Brown…

It’s a very touching short summarize story of a Childhood abuse endured from age 7 to teenager…

It’s told in the words of the victim. It’s non- fiction… she relives it again as she relates it her son…. allowing him to understand just how strong she was to be able to overcome such an abusive life… and be able to be the kind of mom she was…

She never reveals it to her children until she fell sick and knows she doesn’t have much time left on this earth..

She asked him to tell her story to the world.. she wanted people to know..

“WHAT DONT KILL YOU… ONLY MAKES YOU STRONGER…”

You can’t hold on to things of the past.. you can only move on forward…

So I’m inviting y’all to take the chance on this short story and feel her sorrow and pain she had no choice but to endure…

It’s on sale on amazon.

Just type in the.. title….

UNSCRUPULOUS ACTIONS…

THE MEANING

I just found out that some one has been going in on my stories and choosing the ones that target 🎯 my true life scenarios involving members of my family and purposefully making a fake account on Facebook and forwarding them to the intended party… in the hope of creating some kind of animosity or tension…

I call this Unscrupulous and mean.. my stories or my blog post is my own feelings and is factual events or issues concerning me or who is involved…my blog is not connected to Facebook.. so whoever you might be and whatever motives you may have for doing whatever you are.. you just need to stop..

I publicize my stories because it’s my life… and it’s not intended to be a secret from anyone..so you don’t have to take up on yourself to be my promoter and share them with anyone… and it won’t stop me from writing ✍️ what is close to my heart..

Thank you for creating more views and making my blog posts soar..as a matter of fact I’m earning good income from all this popularity you have so earnestly created…

I am getting a huge feedback and been requested to write more… I’m now in great demand because of your inquisitiveness and because of your unscrupulous disregard for sharing with people who you think would find my stories unjust and undignified …

Unknown to you.. I don’t care 🤷‍♀️ one iota who reads them because they are factual and true.. and they are my words as how I feel about what affects me and how….

You can therefore continue to make me richer or decline to stop interfering in my personal writing ✍️…

Thank you again for the surge of views and the extra income and the demand for more of my stories…

YOURS TRULY ;

NITA

A MESSY LOVE 💕 STORY… NEW BEGINNINGS….

THE DAY WITH SANDY…

(he got a text from one of his girls.. Sandy… he haven’t talk to her for a while.. so he called and she invited him over the next day asking him if he wants to accompany her to a celebration for her relatives at the Marriott hotel…

He Gladly accepted her invitation… it was surely a welcome distraction right now…

They spoke for a little catching up with each other.. and after he hung up he felt so much better… he was even smiling with the anticipation of a good day tomorrow….that he lost his anger with that girl of his…

He finally settled down and turned in for the night… He drifted off to sleep thinking of sandy remembering how much fun she was in the past and hoping to rehash some of that Funtime come tomorrow..)

~~~~~~••••••••~~~~~~~•••••••~~~~~~

She woke him up with a call .. wanting to know what time is he getting there.. he asked her what time does she expect him..

She let him know they have access to the rooms and the pool all day long.. and he should get there as soon as he can.. and then remind him not to forget his swimming trunks…

She sounds really enthusiastic and anxious to see him.. and he was kinda feeling the same about seeing her too.. it’s been a while since he had…

He got up took a shower … and decided to go over to that hotel and have some needed fun with Sandy..

When he arrived she met him in the lobby..

she ran up to him .. so excited to see him.. and wrapped him a hug..

she felt so good to hold in his arms and she smells deliciously enticing..

They separated and he took her in .. noticing every small detail of her … she was casually dressed in a jeans and a nice summer top.. which was revealing a little cleavage.. which caused him to lick his lips desirously.. reflecting with images of her naked boobs…

He smiles as she grab his hands and said eagerly..

“Come on …come say hi to my family that’s here..”

He follows her as she leads him on.. he kept a smile as she introduced him to everyone.. trying to keep his mind focus on what’s she’s saying… instead of drifting off thinking of how her boobs bounced with each move she makes.. or how her curvy hips and her round ass sways so sensually as she moves from relatives to relatives..

Her sisters gave him that look of … yesss we know what’s on your mind..”

He felt himself blushing and smiling sheepishly knowing they are reading his mind right now…

As she mingled with everyone.. he took the time to reflect on their past and as he look at her smiling and seeing just how gorgeous she is as she gracefully and effortlessly flitters around the room ….he tries to figure out why he didn’t pursue her and why he had lost connection with her..

She’s a really beautiful and sensually sexual girl.. and she exudes this strong sexual energy ..

He somehow couldn’t quite remember what exactly was the reason for not keeping her closer..

But…

She is here now… and he’s definitely going to make use of this opportunity..

she must like him some to have invited him to this very intimate gathering of families and even taking pride in introducing him to everyone…

She then suggested that she’d like to show him the rooms they booked for the night… and even told him that she saved one just for him..

He was gamed.. as they excuse themselves and took the elevators up.. he started to get all excited and he felt the tightening of his pants as he subconsciously tried to adjust it…

She noticed his fidgeting and turned to witness his actions.. he quickly removed his hands and she giggles a little.. telling him she knows exactly what was happening..

She stepped a little closer to him.. brushing her hips next to his thighs.. and it sent a electrifying emotional shock through his whole body.. and as if she senses his reaction she turned her face to look at him with a very mischievous smile…

They came to their floor… and as they elevator stop….she took his hand in hers and led the way. ..

he noticed her palms was a little sweaty… and he smile ..

She wants him too…

She opened the door to one of the rooms and they entered…it was really a beautiful setting.. the curtains match the bed spread and it was delicate fresh scent present…

He was feeling a little warm so he walked over to adjust the room temperature …

He sat on the bed with his back to the headboard.. she climbed on too .. on her tummy facing him…

They converse trying to catch up on each other life..

It started to cool down … and he politely asked her if she mind if he gets a bit comfortable…

She shook her head that she don’t and told him..

” please do…”

He got up take off his shoes and his shirt…

He got back in smile at her as she lay there gazing up on him… he reached over to remove a stray strand of hair from her face…. telling her that he had missed her and asked softly….

” What happens to cause them to drift apart???….”

She just shrugs her shoulders in response….

He continued to tell her how beautiful she was looking and how good it is to be there with her… he thank her for inviting him and including him in her festivities….as he gently stroke her face …. tracing the outline with his fingers….

She leans into his hand pressing her cheeks against his fingers.. she close her eyes and softly rub her cheek against his fingers like a kitty would…

He could sense her desire for him.. so he placed his forefinger beneath her chin …. heisting her parted lips as he leaned in to kiss her…

She closed her eyes again…and her lips tremble with anticipation… he lightly brushed his lips against hers…and she sucks in her breath in anticipation inhaling his scent.. as she eagerly strain her neck towards him to receive his kiss.. but he stopped. Pulled away… looking at her mouth , and smiling mischievously…as she subconsciously licked her lips where he has touched with his…

She opened her eyes..looking at him.. revealing a hot fiery passion … burning with fierce desire…

With one swift move..She reached for him.. pulling him towards her and fiercely kiss him .. Deeply and sensually.. .that causes a jolt of electricity to run through him straight to his groin…He rolled on her back pressing closely into her with a intensely urgent desire….

She could feel his excitement as he pressed into her.. and he could sense her reciprocal excitement from her racing heart beat and from her shallow breathing…

Her hands was busily exploring his back and his buttocks as she urged him in even closer…

He eased up.. and look at her… and he saw the only answer he needed in her face and eyes..”

He begins to undress her as she intermittently covers his bare chest with kisses.. when he reaches for her pants .. she automatically lifted her hips for easy removal..

he fumbles with her bra but got it and released her voluptuous bouncing boobs’…they were so much more beautiful than he recalled…

his excitement only grows with the sight and he kiss her as he fondled her breasts .. he placed trails of kisses on her neck moving towards those hard nipples…as he enjoyed the scent of her as it fills his nostrils.. She was intoxicatingly delicious..

He felt her heisting her hips and her legs slightly opening.. he knew she was as ready as he was..

she reached for his pants and with some urgency she tries to release his rock hard dick..

He got up with a quick move and discard the obstacle..and she gasp at the sight of him .. she touched him and stroke him slowly and ever so gently as she guided him to her soaking wettt.. pulsating kitty…. easing into position to receive him…

She felt so so good.. as he slowly enter her.. resisting the urge to plunge deep and hard.. he had been aching and craving for the feel of her…

She made a sensual groan of pleasure as she started to move with him..

she was grabbing his ass begging him to ..

” fuck me baby .. fuck me.. ”

As she urged him to go faster.. she was convulsing around his hard dick.. making him knew she was cumin..

it makes him lose control and he felt himself ready to spill his load .. I’m cumin baby.. he told her.. she just bit her lower lips .. nodding.. her face full of pure pleasure..

as he made the last thrust before he release it all.. he felt her hold on to him and arch her back and said….

Oooh yesss baby.. oooh yess.. Yesss..Aaaah.. Aaaah..”

He could feel her kitty going wild gripping and clenching onto his dick as he emptied into her…

It is a divine ecstasy and he was feeling so blissfully satisfied…

He slowly pumped into her a couple more times enjoy the feeling of her convulsions..

she was shaking a little.. breathing as heavily as he was.. as cum spill out seeping down her legs..

They just lie there for a minute or two savoring the moment..

he then kiss her tenderly and whispered a thank you..

She smiles at him and hug him close to her.. nestling her face into his neck.. in response…

He rolled off her and got up and headed to the shower.. she decided to join him.. they finished .. get ready.. and headed downstairs to grab something to eat..

They walked hugging each other to the elevator..nothing was said..on the way down.. but the smiles and the silence speaks volumes..

***********^^^^*********^^^^^*****

TO BE CONTINUED….

A SLAP 👋 IN FACE…. part 4

Born December 27th

….. John woke up and saw me outside.. he came and asked if I was ready to go.. I told him yes..

I sat there thinking and wishing I did not made the choice I had.. and feeling so upset because apart from upsetting her I have ruin my Christmas plans..

I got up retrieved my things and said bye to her.. not getting a response..

And head for the car.. my son and I .. we had a good little conversation on our way… and he was very sympathetic to me.. he shows understanding and actually told me that he thinks she has more issues than she thinks he has..

I had to agree with that statement.. he gives me a few examples of her iritic outburst… which he thought was very unnecessary especially with her eldest… but he said she doesn’t receive advices or suggestions too well…

That was enough explanation for me..

It was their second anniversary so I asked him to go easy on her and try not to do or say anything to upset the day…

He dropped me off and headed back home..

It took me two days to overcome my feelings.. and on the second day I thought I’d send her a text apologizing.. hoping she would now be in a better frame of mind..

“Hey 👋 Megan..

I do hope you are feeling much better today…

I’m so sorry 😐 my visit took a turn for the worst…

I didn’t mean to upset 😡 you so badly..

I just wanted to spend some time with you and enjoy 😊 your company..

So sorry 😐 for what I have said to make you so 😠 mad…

It was never my intentions..

I just hope we can move forward and beyond it..

And continue as friends..

I am not mad with you..

I know you are just going through a very emotional time right now. .. being in your last month of pregnancy 🤰 and all..

And have a family to take care of..

You are doing such an awesome 👏 job sweet girl…

You are a strong girl and you are a most wonderful mom and wife…

Keep on doing what you are doing..”

It went unanswered..

I even tried to butter her up.. hoping she would smile..

Ooh well!!?? I guess I just better leave it at that..

The next two weeks to Christmas 🎄 was very emotional for me because for the very first time I’m not going to be celebrating 🥳 Christmas without John…

John came over Christmas Eve with ayden..

We went out to eat.. he spent a few hours then leave..

We had exchange Christmas 🎄 gifts 🎁 . And good wishes ..

So next day ( Christmas 🎄 Day) was just me and my younger son home.. I tried to make the best of it..

The day came and went very uneventful..

I got a text from John that Friday.. baby coming.. and a couple hours later.. he sent photos..

So baby was born at 10am Friday morning…

And just when I was getting over my emotional state .. here comes another reason for me to be sad 😢…

I won’t be able to go see my granddaughter.. and I vowed that I would never go back to her home unless she personally invited me..

It’s been two weeks since the birth of my granddaughter..

And she did send some pictures to me and we had a little texting dialogue.. but I haven’t heard from her since..

And I’m not anxiously thinking that is an invite to resume connection..

So I will wait until she decided to do so..

I have been talking to friends about what happens.. and their suggestions have me looking at the whole scenario differently.. and at different angles…

One such suggestions is that maybe she wanted to cut John’s families out of the picture..

I don’t really care too much other than I’m not going to be able to spend much time with my granddaughter..

But I can do it if I have to.. I just find it so funny.. the extreme of it all..

Here I’m am left with total responsibility of my younger son daughter.. to the point that I have to ask him to give me a break..

And now I’m not going to be able to see this one at all..

I just can’t win for losing…

I will just have to let it all play out and deal with whatever comes..

A SLAP 👋 IN THE FACE… part 3

BE CAREFUL WITH WHAT YOU SAY…

WORDS CAN HURT 😞 MUCH MORE THAN

A SLAP 👋……..

THE AFTER EFFECTS….

…… I continued to cook dinner .... she locked herself in her bedroom… I was really uncomfortable and wish I could leave and go home… my emotions was running high and wild….

I felt guilty and badly for causing her rage… but I had mixed feelings.. the more I think about the conversation.. I come up with the conclusion that I didn’t actually say anything to have cause her reacting in that manner..

And… come to think about it she was very mean and somewhat rude to the point of disrespect… shouldn’t I have reminded her of who she was talking to and asked her to address me with more respect than that..

I didn’t even raise my voice once. I maintain my composure.. why then am I so forgiving and remorseful.. could it be because I’m in her home….

Or..

Is it because she is pregnant..

I find myself very understanding and even compassionate towards her… my throat was tightening up again..and my eyes were filling up with tears.. accidentally spilling down my face..

I think it’s because I liked her so much and I wanted so much to spend this time with her… we don’t really communicate too often and I so much wanted be close with her..

This is a side of her I never saw or known..

So after I finish cooking I thought I would go see if she has calm down and try to break the ice. .. letting her know that I’m not mad.. hoping she would be receptive to my gesture…

But..

She was very cold and distant..and had an negative attitude…

So I just back away disappointingly.. and utter a “OUCH “……

I went to my grandson room… I was not feeling too good and again I wish I could leave… why did I invite my silly ass over… I question myself…

My son came home but I didn’t go out to greet him…

But later on I decided to go and put away the food for the night… she didn’t come out if her room all evening..

John was sitting on the couch and he came in the kitchen to ask me why did I say that to her about her son..

So I had to explain to him the conversation we had that leads up to me mentioning her son to her..

I broke down in the middle of the story and my son..he doesn’t know how to deal with emotions…so he was getting uncomfortable 😣 and asked me to stop… so I did..

I finished up with what I was doing and went back to the room.. I lay there for hours going over and over in my mind the incident that occurred…

She chooses to tell john just the comment I made about her son… shaking my head… and to think of it …..she was the one who said everything she wanted John to believe I said…

I dozed off with tears flowing… I was very hurt for more reasons than one..

I didn’t get up with my grandson that morning….but after they left For school I got up.. got ready.. pack my belongings.. and decided to go sit outside in the backyard until my son wakes up…

She was on the couch.. I shouted , ” good morning 😃☀️🌞 Megan “….

I didn’t get a reply.. so as I was passing to go through the door to the backyard.. I asked,

” are you okay today??….”

She replied very sarcastically and very nonchalantly ..

“As good as I’m going to be “….

I replied.. “that’s good “….

I sensed her indifference and her detachment… so I just leave her alone..

*************++++************

TO BE CONTINUED…

A SLAP IN THE FACE…. part 2

ONE BIG SLAP 👋 IN THE FACE

THE CONVERSATION….

The evening went well.. we all retired to our sleeping quarters…

I slept with my grandson and he woke me up pretty early.. they had school…

My son was off to work early .. I had some coffee ☕️ sit for a while with meg..

And about an hour later .. decided to get up to change out my pjs…I asked meg what was on her agenda…and she said she wanted to go to the store to pick up something.. I told her I would glad to ride along with her..

I thought she meant later in the morning but just as I got into my clothes.. she asked if I was ready… so we went off to the store…

While there I picked up a few things.. mostly snacks for me and the boys…

We were having a conversation about blood type. And meg was getting a bit agitated 😣 with my questions and suggestions about her knowing her kids blood type.. so much so that I had to cut off the conversation entirely and letting her know it’s only me that these things are so important to… I didn’t like her tone … and definitely did not want to upset her…

We got home.. it was still too early for anything.. I again told her I would love to take over the cooking so she would not have to stand up so long…

So we sat down.. she turns on the news… and me…( 🤦‍♀️ smh ..sigh) .. I decided to ask her about her comment about her second son living with his father…

It starts out very casually with her saying she would not allow it.. but she went on farther stating that John is envious of her son and his father..

I did not agree with her and so it became a discussion which spiral out of control on her part. She let me know that John is still having abandonment issues.. that he has been crying and been threatening suicide..

So I just said.. annoyingly..

” He is almost 40 years old… it’s time he gets over this shit”….

Oh my.. she got very belligerent and started to blame me for him going through all that emotional trauma …

I remain calm and asked her not to be so upset.. I tried to change my approach by admitting the fault and then tried to explain my reasons for and behind making that choice which affects him so badly ..

I started off saying…

“When we are young we as parents sometimes make choices with and for our children without the realization of how it may or will affect them…”

I continued with the explanation of why I left him behind…and To clarify and satisfy my story or excuses or explaination..I kinda finish by saying…(trying or hoping she would understand.. ) just like the the choice you made with your oldest son..

Ooh man.. she flew off the handle… and went into a raging fit.. saying that she has not abandoned her son.. because she didn’t leave him and come to another country…

I didn’t say anything about her abandoning her son .. but I only make matters worse when I say the distance doesn’t matter..

I had to stop talking because I was afraid of her getting into such a rage.. but she continued to spew out a whole heap of negative remarks about me.. including the fact that I mess up my son and leave her to pick up the pieces.. I just say ” ouch 😣 ”

And..

“Oops 🤭😬”

And just walked away..

I was so hurt .. her words cut really deep.. because I had struggled with great guilt and remorse for years… I couldn’t go back and undo the damage I had cause my son….and I had suffered with him during the height of his first onset of deep depression… and I don’t see him with that emotions anymore.. so I was not believing it was still affecting him to the degree of how she wanted me to believe…. he had come along way.. and he has progressed so much.. I’m swell with pride sometimes just thinking of him and how he has grown.1

the tears was threatening to flow..I had to take a minute to calm down my emotions..and I started to cook as I promised… how could she be so mean…????!!!! If only she could know and realize just how much my decision and choice has hurt me in past… and how very much I regretted leaving him behind….

It was really like a slap 👋 to my face..

I really don’t see how our conversation could have reached to that point…but..

She’s pregnant and highly emotional..so I didn’t hold it against her… she was obviously 🙄 on edge all morning… and I guess it didn’t take much to trigger off her reaction..

………………………………………

TO BE CONTINUED…

A SLAP 👋 IN THE FACE.. part 1

YOUR MOOD SHOULD NOT DICATE YOUR MANNERS

The visit

I have a daughter in law for the past ten years.. my oldest son wife…

They have three boys and is expecting a little girl in January…

They live in another city from me..and they just purchased a house …

It’s approximately an hour driving to get to me so I don’t get to see them and my grandchildren too often…

My daughter in law….MEG…. and I don’t really talk too much… she’s a nice pleasant girl and we get along quite well…

I have seen her… in early November during her baby shower…but haven’t really spoken to her… so after a nearly a month I decided to call her to check up on her… and while we were talking she mentioned she was on vacation…

And me being free totally invited myself over to spend a couple days with her.. I thought it would be so nice to just chitchat with her and I would be able to spend some time with my grandsons..

I called my son and told him of my big plan.. and asked him to pick me up that weekend… I was a little excited for the opportunity to get away for a couple days..and was rather thrilled to spend some time with meg and the boys.. also see my son.. I miss seeing him..

He agreed on Sunday.. but come Sunday he said he wasn’t able to make it and would come for me Wednesday instead.. my mind went in over ride… with all the negative reasons he decided not to pick me up..

To say the least.. I was very disappointed 😔 to the point of tears … I was so looking forward to this visit..

My son somehow sensed my feelings and I got a text from him that same evening that meg will pick me up next day… my first feelings was to denied it.. but I thought I was just being petty.. and acting silly… so I just said okay 👌…I will be ready and waiting..

Come Monday morning I got up got myself ready .. she arrived at about 11am.. I was glad to see her.. and I mentioned my concern about her driving so far in her condition… she assured me she was fine but I was still a bit worried 😟 to the point of guilt..having her come all this way for me…

I pushed it aside though.. trying not to let my feelings mess up my visit.. I’m just going to enjoy meg and the boys…

The evening went by well.. we took some time to talk and catch up… the boys was very happy 😃 to see me.. I told meg I would cook dinner to give her the break to just relax…

My son got home a little late.. and a little tired..

We all eat… and then sit down to watch a little tv 📺…

The next day was their anniversary so we talked about that and their plans… then we went on to talk about Christmas and the menu..

And what is expected.. I mentioned that I was going to come over a couple days before just so I could get everything prep and to give meg a break from doing much in her last weeks of pregnancy….

The conversation went to gifts 🎁 for the boys.. and meg mentioned that John (my son) was talking about giving the youngest a car for his sixteen birthday 🎁..

That is eight years away…so I intervene and told John that he has to think of the two older boys first..

( you see the two oldest is his stepsons and he feels it’s their fathers duty to give them a 🚘 car)

So we had a little debate on that with me trying to convince him to be fair enough as a father and know that he has to do for them as much as his own biological son… meg mentioned that the second boy chooses to be there with them… in the sense of proving that he loves his stepdad..

I didn’t comment on what she said apart from agreeing with her… but it causes me to think and wonder if she would allow him to live with his dad if he so desires…

Over the past ten years I tried to give my motherly advice to her as much as she asked for it…or if I observed something I think needed to be addressed I would offer some kind of suggestions or say what I think.. she was always receptive to my little advices and interferences… because I live apart from them I limit what I say or how I feel seeing that I really don’t have much control on anything.. so all in all I do allow them to be the boss of their life…

In saying so.. I found out a few months ago that she removed her oldest son out of his home and put him to live with her mom.. I asked my son about it and he asked me not to mention it to her because it’s a very sensitive subject with her… so against my feelings I decided to not asked her or mentioned it…

I actually didn’t agree with her decision and I wanted to let her know my reasons and tried to encourage her to get him back in with his brothers .. I fear what the seperation might do to him emotionally and how it will affect him..

I made a similar choice with her husband… I moved out and leave him behind and eventually relocated abroad…

He suffered from abandonment issues and went into deep depression as a teenager… So this is what I fear will happen with her son eventually if she doesn’t get him back home soon..

But I honor my son’s request and decided to leave it alone.. as much as we talked and much as I like her.. I was not that close to her to interfere in her personal choice… I just didn’t think it was in my place to question her decision with her son as much as it displeased me…

……………………………………………

TO BE CONTINUED…

THE CINDERELLA ROLE….

Pot wash and draining

A clean and empty kitchen sink

Maan… everyone treats me like the stepchild in my home… especially when it comes to the kitchen….

I cook.. and I have to do the dishes and pots and floors… I do allow this treatment to an extent because I realize that complaining or asking for help doesn’t actually have any effect…

But…

I do get so annoyed sometimes to the point of anger…and sometimes lash out verbally in a belligerent attitude…

And they will take heed and wash their own dishes for a day but it never lasted more than a day…

So I keep on acting the part of a live in maid.. consoling myself with the thought that….it’s my choice and it’s my kitchen so I have to keep it clean…

Some days I am so ambivalent… and cannot make up my mind about deciding how to deal with it all…

I go through my emotions quietly because I tend to get very aggressive and say things which causes a negative reaction…

I think of leaving for a while…

But I fear what would take place when I’m gone. I would come back to a messy house…I also know that I would not be completely comfortable anywhere else.. for too long…

So I needed a solution… and nothing is coming through to me..

And I only make matters worse when I took in my niece and nephew… they only add to my distress..

Because they just follow suit and I get stuck with additional work…

I get really flustered sometimes and a little frustrated… and I’m trying not to act petty with being vindictive like.. not cooking… or just leave the sink full of dirty dishes..

Nah… I couldn’t sleep if I know that the kitchen is untidy… and I would feel super guilty to know they are hungry….

I just can’t win for losing….

Guess only option is to continue being the stepchild in this home… and get on with my Cinderella role…😊☺️😌

BEING A MOM… VS… BEING A GRANDMA…

So sweet she is

My most beautiful granddaughter…

It’s so amazing how we think so very differently as we aged enough to experience the joy of being called grandma…

Maybe it’s the experience of age..

Maybe it’s just living to see your children having children…

Or maybe it’s the journey through life that leaves us with the changes and experiences that make us think differently and treat the grand offsprings with such differences compared to how we treated our own children…

I’m so happy to be able to be alive to experience the grandchildren I have now…

But…

I do realize that I have such a different attitude and approach with them than I ever had with their parents..

I show more patience …

More understanding….

More eagerness…

I reflect back sometimes and it makes me sad sad 😞 to remember how impatient I was…how much I lack understanding…

And just how apathetic I was…

Yet I know I have loved my kids… as much as any mother could… but.. I lack that interest to give my all…

We call it discipline .. we call it structure .. we call it teaching…

Yet just years later we forget why and how we did what we did.. and doesn’t apply it to our grandchildren….

We have a complete set of new rules and expect our kids to take our new found advice and abide by them… when dealing with their kids…

My son had to remind me of how I scolded him for some kind of behavior I was insisting that he doesn’t do when he was trying to discipline his baby…

And I tried so hard to justify my then actions.. so he could understand my now reasoning for not wanting him to apply such.. with his daughter…

Life really teaches us.. and it brings changes… of how we see everything…

I have to really restrain myself from interfering with his methods of discipline… and allow him to be the father to his daughter.. whether or not I approve or not…

I guess we all have different values we try to instill in our kids…every parent have their very own…and we just have to allow and respect each and every one to be the boss of their kids upbringing…

Just as I have learned along way… I think so will everyone else too…

So I will continue to enjoy my sweet and adorable grandbabies… when I do get the chance…

And leave my kids to their parenting skills… afterall … they are the boss of them…

BESTIES 👯…. UNTIL NOT… Cory.. part 2

ALL GOOD THINGS MUST END….

…… the first year went by with us enjoying conversing and sharing our lives together…

Both of us uses each other as someone to tell everything to without reservations knowing it’s just between us… we have no other connection to anyone in our circle…

OR….

This is how I view it and why I willingly confess to so much of my personal experiences… I speak freely of everyone.. my sisters ; my sons ; my friends.,..

I was thinking my feelings of distaste for them and my negative thoughts won’t cause no harm because they have no chance of ever knowing or hearing what I say or how I feel .. Cory isn’t a part of my immediate surroundings.. and some of these conversations is not for the people in question ears…. it not that it’s a secret or is it malicious in any way..

It’s just a matter of sparing feelings of hurt 😞 if told…

No one knows him.. and he knows no one…

so I vent and gripe my grievances to him freely and easily without guilt knowing it’s just between us..

We became so close ;we form a very strong bond that I even surprised myself of just how close we have grown….

And when I decided to help my ex friend abbey….

He was more than willing to help me with my campaign of helping abbey … because he saw how passionate I was to her cause…

I was very touched that he stood by me and decided to help me help her along.. I thought… only a true friend would do this kind of thing… and I admire him for it… and I hold him in very high esteem… his generosity was far and beyond…

And I was very flattered when he choose to prove his faithful friendship by doing something so out of the ordinary…

And when he sent me that voice mail I saw it as a act of loyalty to me…

I didn’t look at it.. in the sense of him deceiving her trust.. he was after all my friend…

What is two months compared to two years…???! So I didn’t hold it against him… as a matter of fact.. I thank him for letting me see her for who she was and how she actually view me as a friend…

He had some regrets after I ended my friendship with her… he didn’t anticipated me making that choice… I assured him he just opened my eyes to her true nature…

All those years I was thinking that we had a concrete bond of friendship… I just come to realize that I was just fooling myself…

Cory and I we talked for hours about it all.. me trying to understand how I never saw that side of her..Cory he just listened while I tried to make sense of it….

That the kind of friend he was.. after I think I got it all out and no more was left to be said… I asked him to not mention her name to me anymore and I will also refrain from talking about her too…

I figured they would still stay in contact and I didn’t want to have anything to do with their relationship….

and he agreed.. we continue with our friendship as is .. moving forward and beyond that episode..

But…

I never forget how he proves his faithfulness to me…

*************************

TO BE CONTINUED…..

BESTIES 👯…. TILL NOT… Cory…

IN THE BLAZE OF GLORY

I first met Cory when he likes my stories I put out… he was in awe of my writing especially because they were non- fiction…

He quickly became one of my number one fan… and would always hold lengthy conversation with me with very positive comments…

I was going through a rough period in my personal life and I was in jeopardy of losing my home.. I decided to create a GoFundMe account to try to get some help from friends and relatives …

when I posted the GoFundMe campaign Cory was one of the very first to make a. Donation… so I thank him.. he had lots of questions…and because of its personal nature ..instead of discussing it publicly with him..

I decided to send him my personal email address..

We communicate this way for a while… he has lots of questions both about the GoFundMe campaign and about my stories.

I eagerly indulge him and answer all his questions without reservations…he was easy to talk to and not before long we exchanged phone numbers…

He was in Louisiana and I am in Florida.. our friendship begins to grow rapidly..

So we became close in a blaze of glory..(fast and hard)…

We became phonepals..and began to talk daily about everything and anything…

I eagerly shared my life stories with him both present and past… I thought he was a good confidant seeing that he was a neutral position…. he is not connected to anyone else in my surroundings..

I’m older than he is so he kinda used me for advice on his love life and some of his personal issues…

I obliged willingly and I was enjoying this connection and full of gratitude for his generosity as a friend.. I consider myself blessed… to have cross paths with him…

As the month past by he became a part of my daily life .:. He was so much so…. my son started to tease me about him …making little silly remarks such as ..

” mommy got herself a boyfriend… 😂 haha 🤣 ”

He used to call me to give me his agenda .for the day… share his work and social life with me on a daily basis ….

I always receive it quite pleasantly and enjoy the little chitchat….

We continue with this relationship for apx two years…

He became a important part of my life..he picked up a job out of state which pays him quite good… and he actually shared his wealth with me.. topping me up on many occasions… one month he gives me $500… to cover some shortages I have financially…

I felt very appreciative but it leaves me a little guilty.. and Cory didn’t think twice about helping me like this…

He is a very special guy.. and so I tried to keep him close..

However Cory possesses a few attitude that I find a little annoying..

Such as .. he likes to dig very deeply into everything… and he contradicts himself all the time… he also has a habit of using what I told him …..as a confidant or things I would gripe about.. personal stuff I would voluntarily tell him because I thought he was neutral in the situation …. and throw it back in my face to try win an argument..

He would also repeat things I have already told him and he wants me to go over again with the same story… he would also analyze everything and draw his own conclusions and try to convince me he is right about how he interpreted it…

…. he has proven right on a few occasions… and I would say it to him… but he always wanted me to see things in his way….

Sometimes I would try to be patronizing and agree with him… but when I refused to see it his way it would cause an argument…

he makes very poor choices in women..and his only interest is sexual.. he never had a serious relationship and his choices in mate is never girlfriend material…

What I love about him though..is…

He is always calm…never gets rattled no matter how irritated 😣 and infuriated I get.. I would be shouting and getting boisterous … but he would never lose his composure or his cool… it is an characteristic trait I always admire and would loved to possess…

He has a very kind heart…and is very empathetic… and he is a very loyal friend…he is a good listener ( sometimes) he is always honest with me. And always tell me the truth about everything….

Cory isn’t perfect …and I had accept him for who he is and over the months of knowing him I grew to love him dearly…

Our friendship took off in a “A BLAZE OF GLORY “…..

****************************

TO BE CONTINUED….

BESTIES 👯 TILL NOT… part 3

THE MESS THAT ENDS IT ALL…

Continues….

My son decided to go to West Virginia to be with his girl while she give birth to his baby… and during those months of him being there I didn’t have his financial help so I became a little short on extra cash..

So I slacked off with my monetary help.. Cory However help when he could..

Her course was coming up to the end.. but she was far from getting her certification… and I was still not able to be of much help..

Cory ask for her number said he would like to check in on her personally…and I gave it to him..

He called her and she asked me about his reasons for calling.. I told her he just wanted to say hi and informed her that he was he benefactor the last few months…

Cory used to inform me about their conversations..

But…

Abbey never mentioned Cory to me again since that first time.. I waited for her to tell me that they are connecting and communicating but as time goes on by.. nothing…

I didn’t feel like I should ask her because Cory was letting me know they were.. and I felt she probably had her reasons for not telling me… although I couldn’t but wondering about the secret.

About a week in communicating she hit him up for money..he couldn’t wait to tell me all disappointed that she proves to be like everyone else… using him as a cash cow..

I tried to explain to him that she was desperate and probably didn’t have any one left to ask… seeing that she probably exhausted all her options …

I encouraged him to give it to her if he can afford to.. and he agreed..said that he would.. I know she needed the help…

A month Or two passed and she lost her credit for phone calls… they were corresponding via “WHATSAPP “…and she had to purchase weekly credits… like a top up….so Cory asked me to call her and asked her how much it would cost to get her phone back on.. and also find out how much she needs to get her through the month…

I did ..but I tried to not let on that I know she was asking Cory for money… so I indirectly asked her without giving away what I know…

(I did call her the day before and asked her how she was getting along and asked her if she was getting help from anyone..)

We came up with an amount That seems reasonable and she was worried about if we were asking too much..

I assured her that I knows Cory’s position and have a good idea what he can afford… and even remind her that we are really good and close friends…

So I hang up with her and call Cory to tell him what we came up with…

He said it was okay and that he would let me have it that weekend for her..

So I texted her and give her the info and let her know I will definitely remind him.. she responded by saying thanks..

I woke up to a voice text from Cory..him apologizing to me telling me how he knows exactly how I’m feeling.. I got very curious and went straight to to voice message.. trying to figure out what he’s going on about…

Surprised..!!!! It was a recording of a phone call he got from her…. ouch!!!!

She was telling him that I was very wrong in doing what I’m doing..and that she never asked me to asked him for any money… stating that I do things like this all the time and even mentioned the GoFundMe episode..how it almost damaged our friendship… and she doesn’t like my behavior but don’t want to hurt my feelings…

I really didn’t know how to take it at first….

So I took some time to think about it.. I spoke to Cory ask him what he thinks… and if he thinks there was any validation in what she said… I decided to send her a text with the reminder to Cory like I had promised… hoping she would say to me what she said to him..

I just couldn’t believe she would make such statements against me without letting me know how she felt….So I want to give her that open opportunity to let me know that she doesn’t like what I’m doing…

So I texted her…..

“Hey Abbs..

Just talk to Cory and remind him of that money 💴 he said he would send..

But he’s a a bit busy at work so he said he will get back with me on it later..

Just so you know…

Hope all is well with you…

MY FRIEND…”

Her reply….

“Thanks Wendy, appreciate it.”

Oooh maan..Nope she didn’t appreciate nothing.. she just tried to discredit me to MY Friend

I just couldn’t understand it… this is my best friend.. we share everything together… we talked about everything.. good bad and inbetween…

And Cory is my friend.. I introduced him to her… where is her loyalty…

I know Cory deceived her trust..but she doesn’t even know him well or long enough to call him a friend…

And Cory was very loyal and faithful to me and our friendship… all the wrong she believes I’m doing to her…it’s me trying to help her out financially…

What did I do so wrong..??!!!

In my eyes and in defense…the only crime I committed was trying too damn hard to do right by her…

I went as far as asking my friend to help me help her..

But..

I’m not in her shoes..I can’t see it from her point of view.. and how I wish I asked her why she was so secretive about her communication with Cory… it still puzzled me…

And so my thoughts started to change…..

**********************

TO BE CONTINUED……

Part 4… My Reaction And Choices…

EMOTIONAL OVER REACTION: part 2…

PASSIONATE LOVE 💕 FOR A CHILD

…….But then everything changes when she tells me that she is going to leave baby with her mom for approximately two weeks in West Virginia without her or dad around……..

I immediately exclaimed…”no !!!!! Don’t do that…she will not do well without you or dad around… she will fret on you guys.. stop eating.. be depressed ..and she might get sick..”

Her explanation is that she promised her mom already..

I argued that this baby is not a puss kitten and she can change her mind if she wants and thinks it’s not in the best interest of her baby…

I beg my son to try to convince her and ask her not to leave his baby behind.. but he let me know it her choice as if he has no say in his baby’s well being..

I was very upset about her decision and I grow very angry because I was helpless in this situation… I keep thinking of my little malanni (granddaughter) crying for her mom and dad and how she would feel when she don’t see them around…

She was leaving in a couple of days and during those days all I talked about and gripe about is her leaving that baby behind…

I asked her on numerous occasions … please reconsider and don’t leave her behind ..

I think she feels as if I am being selfish and trying to keep mallani away from her mom…

But.. that was not my main concern..

Although the truth be told.. I didn’t fully trust her mom to be a good caretaker..

For one..

She is a smoker…a heavy smoker… not so good for little malanni and her lungs…

Two…

She is as lazy and messy as her daughter or more… this is where her daughter figured and learned…it’s the norm to live in a mess…

I’m not saying I’m better…At taking care of her…

But I have big doubts about her being responsible enough to make sure my granddaughter is properly taken care of..

But with all this knowledge…this was not my primary concern about her leaving the baby behind…

I’m so worried about the emotional impact it’s going to have on little malanni.. she’s old enough to know her parents and old enough to want them around for her comfort…

(How can a mother.. no matter how young she maybe…separate herself from her baby this way….how can she be so insensitive and cruel and so eager to leave her baby so far away just so she can have the freedom with no responsibility…??????!!!!! I can not comprehend her choice without any signs of remorse…?????)

The separation is not going to be good for little malanni…

After she leaves for West Virginia … I tried to talk to me son .. trying to convince him that again to ask her to reconsider her decision and to let her know that he is totally against being away from his baby for so long…

But…

He again asked me to stop interfering in his and his girls life…and that it is “NONE OF MY BUSINESS “…

I was really hurt by his comments…but I walked away without another word…

I’m having such a hard time dealing with this… I go to sleep and have nightmares about my granddaughter.. I get anxiety attacks thinking about her crying …wanting her mom and dad… I can hear her crying sometimes…it’s just my imagination but that’s how much it’s affecting me…and its even worse that I’m restricted from talking about it to them…

So I made a very conscious decision that I’m completely done with her and her baby…

I have decided to stay away from my granddaughter ..give up my duties as a nanny… stop with everything that I have been trying to do to help…

I really hope I can stick with this decision I have made when she gets back.. but for now.. I’m done…

I know it will seem as if I’m just mad because I couldn’t get my way…and that may hold some truth to it…and I reflect back to movies I have seen where these grandparents fights their children for their grandchildren…

And now I have a greater understanding as to why they would want to do this….it’s so hard to stand back and watch the mistreatment of these innocent babies without trying to step in …

I have talked and gripe to friends about the whole thing and tell them my decision…

And I have been met with a lot of opposition telling me she has done nothing wrong and that I’m over reacting to something that I really have no say in..

And I totally agreed..

But I’m strongly convicted to my choice.. and although no one shares my decision…it’s mine to make…

An yes I’m making a big deal out of it.. a case which I have no power of authority…

They shut me out and shut me up..and expect me to be eager to be of use only when they require me to be….

They are right… she is actually none of my business…

And I’m going to make her just that… I’m throwing a tantrum and I’m acting silly…

But I strongly believe what I’m doing and I have decided is the best for me..

*****^^^^******^^^^******

TO BE CONTINUED…

AN UPDATE ON HER RETURN…

FREELOADERS: MISS TING…

Why does these individuals think they are entitled or thinks everyone owes them a living….

I’m dealing with a bad case of freeloading… and I’m kinda backed in a corner of wall and hard place…

let’s call her Miss Ting….

******^^^^*****

Miss Ting came in life and my home when my son decided that he’s in love with her and bring her back home to Florida with him from Montana….

I welcome her and invited her in my home…

I told my son I’m going to charge her and him to stay here… he wasn’t quite pleased.. firstly he said he will pay me everything I asked…

I told him no way…

She’s not going to live here for free…

So they both started to work and at first they give me what I asked…she was here for nine months and got pregnant…

But I have big issues with her housekeeping..

she don’t…

she created more mess than anything and don’t clean up .. the rooms they occupied was becoming a huge pile of trash and filth..

I’m under the impression that she doesn’t know how to clean and that mess is her norm…

I complain .. I grumbled… I asked..

And my son has to be the one to get it in order everytime..

Let me not mention the bathroom… because I ended up having to clean it up every time…

I was getting really Annoyed and agitated with her and this mess she created…

But.. I tried to not say much to her because she shuts me out.. very non responsive.. and I didn’t want to ask her to leave because my son seems very much in love 🥰 with her…

Miss Ting has access to all my appliances..

All my pots and pans..

All my plates, cups…utensils…

Everything in the house is all mine

and I pay a monthly mortgage ..

The soap she washes her clothes with.. in my washing machine and dryer… I buy..

Toilet paper.. toothpaste…towels.. sheets..

I supplied…

And she comes and she uses without reservation..or guilt…

She was giving me what I requested so I did not mind so much..

I was happy and tried to ignore her mess.. until she went back home to West Virginia.. to her mommy and daddy to have her baby,..

My son went with her…

I had mixed feelings about him leaving..

I was glad to see her go but I missed my son and I feared him not coming back home..

They stayed away four months and I prayed that he come back home…

( But Sometimes you have to be very careful with what you pray for… because god answers prayers..

and you might just get what you pray for..)

So they return with baby…in September…

She immediately went back to work…

My son’s car wasn’t working so he decided to wait a while before going back to work…

and help me along with getting used to the baby…and getting his car in working condition…

Okay.. September rolls off and I let it go without mentioning I need some payments for extra expenses..

Come October I decided to mention to her that our previous arrangements is still in effect and I need that money by the end of the month….

After some debate about not knowing or thinking she was still responsible for giving me that money..

….and me reminding her of all the extra utilities and stuff she’s racking up.. we decided on November 1st…which was a definite date…

With Abraham not working and unable to play his part of contributions I was counting on her money to cover an outstanding bill..

I leave it at that.. and I struggled with her mess and her neglect of her baby all month…

I ended up washing and sterilizing the baby bottles… every day..

I took responsibility of washing the baby’s clothes…

She doesn’t.. so I do it…

And I find myself ending up with baby even when she’s home.. so I refuse to be responsible for the baby whenever she’s off…

But.. my son ended up with the responsibility… it irritates and annoys me…and I try to keep out of their personal affairs until it starts to affects me.. whereas I’m expected to keep her while they goes out..

I then become belligerent …

And so they realize I was not happy with their attitude…

So now with all that happening during the month of October…. come November the first.. I reminded her by text of our agreement….

She has the nerves to let me know that she won’t be able to pay me with a long list of excuses and reasons..

I plainly tell her that all her reasons is none of my concern and that I need my money today…

We went back and forth for five minutes with me telling and reminding her of all that she’s been using up and what it’s been costing and that nothing is free..

Of course I still came out the loser..and I was mad 😡 and furious…

I want her out of my house but my son and his baby prevented me from asking her to leave..

I know if she goes so does the baby and I didn’t want to put Abraham through that emotional pain…

So miss Ting is getting a free pass because of my son and his baby…

I am not in the least happy with her at all…

I am thinking and thinking of ways to get around this situation that I find myself in..

I’m really confused..

unsure…

Disturbed..

Apprehensive

Perturbed …. ect.. ect..

***********************

TO BE CONTINUED….

A MESSY LOVE 💕 STORY… NEW BEGINNINGS… part 2

On reaching the dining Area… they realize they were too late for brunch.. They will have to wait for the next meal time…

They took a walk to the pool area.. was a little warm. So they went back inside.. wander about some more.. nothing much was taking place.. everyone was just sitting around enjoying each other company. Chitchatting And relaxing ..

So they headed back upstairs to lounge around and enjoy each other company without interference…

They got in the room.. and went straight into the bed.. she hugged him and they rolled around a little .. giggling and teasing tantalizing each other.. until they both give in a another round of exhilarating love making… he felt so invigorate and totally sated… he was a little surprised just how much he was enjoying this luscious and vibrant woman..

They lie in each other arms just too exhausted.. too comfortable… and much to relaxed to move..

they chitchat a little.. enjoying the feel of each other body and the warmth it creates… they both drift off to sleep.. and he woke up to see her facing him just looking at him intently .. she smiles at him and brush her lips against his and then kiss his cheek.. and said ..

“I’m kinda hungry.. let’s go try again.”

He smiles back and nodded in response… and got up and headed to the shower.. he stopped at the The door.. turned and ask her …

“Are you coming???!!!” ….

She smiles and jumps up eagerly .. and join him.. she followed him in and they both got in the shower..

He teasingly splash her with cold water and see screams and laughing out loudly..

she was curled up against the wall trying to dodge the water… and he started laughing with her.. he then pulled her to him .. hugging her.. pressing her voluptuous breast to his chest..

he started to kiss her as the warm shower fell on them..

she was very responsive to his kiss and started to make little pleasure moaning sounds as she tried to press even closer into him pushing him against the wall… she felt him responding to her as his kisses set her flame of desire ablaze… igniting and heightening all her senses…

he lifted her legs to his hips and they again enjoy each other bodies..

she cum with such a intense force that left her shaking and jerking uncontrollably… calling out his name and begging him not to stop..

This send him over the top making him spurt his load filling her …

They finally finish their shower and got ready and once again headed downstairs to fill their appetite ..

they were famished … for food.. they have built up quite an appetite… but was fully satisfied sexually…

He was so glad he accepted her invitation to spend the day with her.. ….

They again mingled with the crowd.. and he got the chance again to be introduced those members that he didn’t before..

Her sisters were again were looking at them knowingly… and she seems to have boastingly confess their sexual encounters to them… because they turn to him and said..

” Be careful what you guys are doing up in that room.. no baby making now..”

One of them wink at him… and give him that sheepishly smile…

He blushed a little.. looked at sandy… lean in kiss her on the cheek.. whispering…

” you didn’t..???!!!” Then asking her if she wanted a drink…

She giggles and smiles at him.. throwing her backwards and up in a delightful manner.. he couldn’t But noticed just how beautiful she really is.. and he felt an emotional rush runs through him… he experienced a slight tremor..

she saw his reaction.. squeeze his hand.. reassuringly and answered him that that she would like that drink…

As he walked away he smiles reflecting on their love making sessions… he truly enjoyed her today…to him it was all just a casual day having some fun..

But…

He couldn’t help but wonder if to her it was something more????!!!!

He got back with the drinks .. stood there silently… watching her interact with everyone… observing how delightfully happy she seems… she was glowing radiantly … beaming with smiles.. as she occasionally flashes a bright smile his way….

After a while he told her he was feeling a bit tired and was going to go back up and sneak in a nap….

He woke up much later than he intended. .. saw her curled up next to him fully dressed.. her back was to him.. so he just pulled up to as gently as he could not wanting to awake her.. he pulled her to him in a spooning position.. throw his arm around her waist.. buried his nose in her hair sniffing and taking in her sweet scent.. and then nuzzled his cheek against her head..

He lay there.. enjoying the warmth of her body.. listening to her even breaths…. and feeling so good to just lie there with her in his arms…

He drifted off to sleep very relaxed and content.. no other place he’d rather be…..

*********^^^^^^********^^^^^********

TO BE CONTINUED….

LETTING GO..

Question?????

When do you know when to let go of people that has been apart of your life for as long as you are alive..???

(Example.. relatives… siblings.. friends..)

All my life I have been treated with such distaste by my sisters and relatives..

I have suffered so much indignity. And live through so much indifference.. so much I became apathetic…

I never had much friends in my life.. and my sisters used to shun me and treated me as if they are so much smarter and better than I was…

And I actually allowed them to.. I give them control over me.. I think I was hoping if I give in they would accept me as a part of their group.. and I remember wanting so much to be …

but..

All that happens was they just make fun of me.. I was like their biggest joke..

And how did I respond to all that..

by withdrawing more.. and hiding myself behind closed doors.. feeling sorry for myself.. trying to figure out why am I so different.. why can’t they like me..

As I get older I learn how to be a loner.. I eventually find a friend or two..which lasted to this day…

And I have learned to let go of all that mistreatment.. and try to have a normal relationship with my sisters..

But..

I guess old habits are hard to let go.. because I still see them treating me with the same attitude.. which I mostly ignored..

I have changed..

why can’t they..

as adults.. our lives are almost on the same level..

I was the first to achieve and accomplished progressively… due to a very smart choice… I got married to my friend… and so I was in the position to help them both until …

they eventually did too.. yet they still look down at me as if they are way above me…

And the funniest thing is .. I still try to get their approval.. still try to win their friendship and love..

But..

I come to realize that it’s a losing battle..

And…

decides it’s time to let go of them.. they will never see me as equal or has someone to be proud of…

They are always gonna look down on me..

I don’t need them in my life…

Do I..??? Nah….

I have talked to my friends about my decision.. of course they all disagreed with me and my reasons..

And as much as I can understand and value their opinions and arguments..

I stand by my choice.. I think it’s for the best for me..

if I don’t have to interact with them… there will be no reason for me to think about them.. therefore all this feelings of rejection.. unloved.. unacceptance … will no longer affects me…

We have to do what we think is right for us….and I do think this is right for me..

I’m letting go of them.. I’m freeing myself.. cutting the ties that bind…

I have overcome it all by myself… without their help.. and if they could have been of assistance to me.. they’d refused…

I have grown.. I have learned … and I have accomplished..

I don’t need any ones permission to walk away.. and stay away… or to let go….

I’m content in who I am and where I have reached.. I have everything I need to be completely happy..

I have been duly blessed..with valuable friends and two amazing children

So I’m choosing to let go of everything that’s negative.. and only take time for all the positive influences in my world..

*****************

THE WINTER OF MY LIFE….

WINTER….

You know. . . time has a way of moving quickly and catching you unaware of the passing years.

It seems just yesterday that I was young, and embarking on my new life. Yet in a way, it seems like eons ago, and I wonder where all the years went. I know that I lived them all. I have glimpses of how it was back then and of all my hopes and dreams. But, here it is… the winter of my life and it catches me by surprise… How did I get here so fast? Where did the years go and where did my youth go?

I remember well seeing older people through the years and thinking that those older people were years away from me and that winter was so far off that I could not fathom it or imagine fully what it would be like. But, here it is…my friends are retired and getting grey… they move slower and I see an older person now. Some are in better and some in worse shape than me…but, I see the great change… Not like the ones that I remember who were young and vibrant..but, like me, their age is beginning to show and we are now those older folks that we used to see and never thought we’d be.

Each day now, I find that just getting a shower is a real target for the day! And taking a nap is not a treat anymore… it’s mandatory!

Cause if I don’t on my own free will… I just fall asleep where I sit!

And so…now I enter into this new season of my life unprepared for all the aches and pains and the loss of strength and ability to go and do things that I wish I had done but never did!

But, at least I know, that though the winter has come, and I’m not sure how long it will last… this I know, that when it’s over on this earth…it’s NOT over. A new adventure will begin!

Yes, I have regrets. There are things I wish I hadn’t done…things I should have done, but indeed, there are many things I’m happy to have

done. It’s all in a lifetime.

So, if you’re not in your winter yet…let me remind you, that it will be here faster than you think. So, whatever you would like to accomplish in your life please do it timely! Don’t put things off too long!

Life goes by quickly. So, do what you can today, as you can never be sure whether this is your winter or not! You have no promise that you will see all the seasons of your life…so, live for today and say all the things that you want your loved ones to remember…and hope that

they appreciate and love you for all the things that you have done for them in all the years past!

“Life” is a gift to you. The way you live your life is your gift to those who come after. Make it a fantastic one.

LIVE IT WELL! ENJOY TODAY! DO SOMETHING FUN! BE HAPPY! HAVE A GREAT DAY!

REMEMBER:….

“It is health that is real wealth and not pieces of gold and silver.

LASTLY, CONSIDER THE FOLLOWING:

TODAY IS THE OLDEST YOU’VE EVER BEEN, YET THE YOUNGEST YOU’LL EVER BE, SO – ENJOY THIS DAY WHILE IT LASTS.

~Your kids are becoming you……

~Going out is good. Coming home is better!

~You forget names… But it’s OK because other people forgot they even knew you!!!

~You realize you’re never going to be really good at anything…. especially golf.

~The things you used to care to do, you no longer care to do, but you really do care that you don’t care to do them anymore.

~You sleep better on a lounge chair with the TV blaring than in bed.

It’s called “pre-sleep”.

~You miss the days when everything worked with just an “ON” and “OFF” switch..

~You tend to use more 4 letter words … “what?”…”when?”… “what?” “where?”

~Now that you can afford expensive jewelry – it’s not safe to wear it anywhere.

~You notice everything they sell in stores is “sleeveless!?”

~What used to be freckles are now liver spots.

~Everybody whispers.

~You have 3 sizes of clothes in your closet…. 2 of which you will never wear.

~But Old is good in some things: Old Songs, Old movies, and best of all,

OLD FRIENDS!!

It’s Not What You Gather, But What You Scatter That Tells What Kind of winter yours is or is going to be. Enjoy life b4 winter or enjoy the winter. Wherever u may be, my friend I wish you Gods blessings.. for a warm and cozy winter…

A MESSY LOVE STORY… part 13b

He had a lay over in Houston.. and he takes the time to talk to a few friends..

It took another hour or so to touch down on his home town… he just got off the plane and was heading towards home.. he had again bought a little gift for his little friend.. so he texted his girl and asked. Teasingly..

“Who’s up fo sno-cone.. tomorrow..???? Whoop whoop!!!..”

Her respond was that she has to find her way to Affordable… and she hopes her sister is able to take her..

So he inquired what she needs there..???!!!

She then informed him that she found out that they got “BED BUGS…” and she is getting rid of most of her furniture and she needs to replace them..

Ooh my God… wtf… on top of everything else roaches and cats and mess.. now BEDBUGS…

She was sending long texts telling him of what’s she’s doing… what she is getting rid of..

making it seems like she’s throwing out everything. Couch .. beds.. chairs..

And he wondering why is being so overly dramatic And why is she getting rid of good furniture that can be treated and kept…

Her bed wasn’t infected.. or is it… and how is she going to afford to replace all that on her budget…

He regained his composure from this shocking news..

and he all of a sudden was feeling that he can’t be anywhere near her or her house right now..

he was building up a phobia of transferring them to his car and his home.. he was treating it like the plague…

All that mess she created and accumulated in that house..

she has every rodent and insect living with her.. she offers the comfort of a home for them.. the perfect environment for breeding..

When is enough going to be enough for him to walk away.. . I guess this is it..

he found himself itching and his skin feels like they are crawling all over him.. He shudders in disgust.. with the thought of them all over In her home …

She sent a photo of her mom’s chair …

For months???!!!

And how could it be that bad and she never noticed… doesn’t she cleans mom’s chair occasionally…

And he shudders again.. uughh!!! Eww 😷.. he couldn’t even look on it too long… when he thinks he has been to her home.. sit in that couch.. and she’ has these bedbugs.. crawling all around..

He starts to itch again..

A thought occurred to him.. here she was giving him the details of it all.. without shame or reservations..

Not caring how it makes her look to him.. like its the most natural thing in the world..

He finds himself a little annoyed that she allows this to happen and he became a little mean and harsh with his comments and answers..

And she has the nerve to be talking about giving people some baby belongings she has with a crib..

He asked her if she’s out of her damn mind.. because they for sure would be fully infested .. and how would she want to transfer them to someone else’s home …

“Toss them.. out.”..

“Nobody in America wants used baby clothes.. have you ever seen any baby section in all the thrift stores and the goodwill stores you have been to..????!!!

Nah!!! Get rid of them girl..”

She was so offended by his comments and got so offensive…

she texted back telling him she is the only one who can decide what to keep.. and what to discard… because it’s hers..

and she not going to Toss good clothes out.. and that she’s selling the crib..

He just shook his head and laugh out loudly…

And then she has the nerves to imply and suggested that he could be the one to bring them in her house…

Whattttt!!!!????

He address the comment immediately and tell her don’t she dare suggest that he were in any way responsible for such.. Because she is only messy friend he have… and I’m are hoping I didn’t bring any home with me….the last time I were there…

And he let her know if she was cleaning as she should have been..

She wouldn’t be facing this calamity and try to pass on the blame to him of all persons…

He then decided to leave her to own decisions.. but he won’t be going by any time soon…

She was way out of line with that implication… how could she have even think of making that remark to him..

Bedbugs!!!?? He thinks as he made a face of disgust 🤭🤢😑😬

She can stay with them.. one thing for sure. She wouldn’t be seeing him this trip..

He went through the afternoon fuming at her allegation.. and as he sits there shaking his head and thinking.. she got the nerves ..

he got a text from one of his girls.. Sandy… he haven’t talk to her for a while.. so he called and she invited him over the next day asking him if he wants to accompany her to a celebration for her relatives at the Marriott hotel…

He Gladly accepted her invitation… it was surely a welcome distraction right now…

They spoke for a little catching up with each other.. and after he hung up he felt so much better… he was even smiling with the anticipation of a good day tomorrow….that he lost his anger with that girl of his…

He finally settled down and turned in for the night… He drifted off to sleep thinking of sandy remembering how much fun she was in the past and hoping to rehash some of that Funtime come tomorrow…

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TO BE CONTINUED…

(THE DAY WITH SANDY)

A MESSY LOVE 💕 STORY… part 13

He got back to his desert life… and somehow felt more at home here… he breathed a sigh of relief and find himself feeling.. this is where he belong..

Nothing was back home for him anymore… he gets himself settled in ..he had the evening off.. so he took a short nap.. then gets up to eat something.. he wonders around camp a little trying to pass time and reflecting back on his past week back home…

He was not really angry.. but it really disturbed him that his girl treated him so cold and shabby… he then smile with the thought that he is losing his touch… He shakes his head… and wonder if it’s his feelings waning for her…why he fails to be able to get her to want him.. because he really didn’t put out that much effort in convincing her or seducing her…

He was feeling slightly rejected.. but should he be feeling this.. or is it just his ego that is bruised…

And Yas ..

he concluded that she is a little deceptive. And not very honorable… but better she shows her true colors now than wait till he’s emotionally invested..

He’s a little bit disappointed but not affected by her…

…..and Terri..

shaking his head he sighs and giggles to himself…. she got some mickey Ds out of him .. but he comes up short on the return…

oooh well.. it’s all behind him now and he came back as dry as the desert..

Feeling a little despondent and a little weary he slowly headed back to his room… he got in bed turn on a little music to soothe his wandering thoughts and it didn’t take him long to drift off to sleep..

The following week was busy .. but he made a couple new friends.. one a Mexican beauty name Beyoncé..

And a Russian guy name Oleg…

He spent a lot of his free time with Beyoncé.. and getting to know her was a thrill…

she was witty and charming.. and easy to like… it was not a love connection but he looks forward to spend time with her all week..

Come the weekend she invited him to hang out with her and some of her crew members.. and he accepted and had a ball… she made him feel like he has been apart of her group.. she included him in every conversation and sit with him exclusively all evening..

At the end of the night he went to his room smiling.. thankful that he made really great connection.. He was moving forward in his new surroundings and his new life…

The following week though she left for her time off.. and he sure miss her company…

Oleg also left.. he has a family so he was glad to go…

It’s his turn when they return next week.. and although he has nothing much to look forward to… he will be making the trip back home.

He was thinking that he may extend his stay long next time… and maybe he can coincide his time off with his Mexican beauty.. he was feeling really good about having her as a friend.. she’s so outgoing and much fun..

It makes this desert come to life for him..

He tried to bury himself into what he’s doing to ward off his boredom and not to miss Beyoncé too much…

He tells himself If he keeps his mind occupied the week will run off before you know it..

He has been corresponding with his girl here and there.. she has been texting him and keeping him informed of her daily activities.. boasting how she has been cleaning and getting her home organized.. she was very proud of her progress it seems…

BUT…

She always ends with how much all this industrious activity is affecting her..

oooh the pain.. can’t move.. so sore..

and then she complains how she’s the only one doing it.. and how she has to take interval break to ease all the severe discomfort it causes..

He tried to be encouraging with his comments but he wasn’t sure why she takes so much pride in telling him all this.. he was somewhat confused though…

Does she wants his praise on a job well done or his sympathy and empathy for her ailments that she always develops after such jobs…

And quite frankly he really didn’t believe she was doing as much as she claims because she keeps going over the same areas in her story each day…

how can one place always gets so messy that she has to be constantly cleaning the same area over and over again..

He has to question her motives in claiming and relating to him her accomplishments on a daily basis…

what is she trying to accomplish here..

impress him.. ???or she just wants to stay in contact with him and so she makes up all this about what she’s doing and how she’s feeling just for conversation.. knowing that he will always respond to her so she can feel connected to him…????

He shrugged it off because he wasn’t really too interested anyways.. he is really losing interest in her it seems… guess out of sight out of mind…

Another weekend is here and how he miss his friend Beyoncé.. she’ll be back Tuesday some time and he leaves out Wednesday morning early…

it has been a very busy week actually.. and he was ready for a break..

Come Monday he was called to the office.. he didn’t know what to expect.. when he got there.. a supervisor/ manager greets him..

He said.. “Cory.. I have an offer to put to you..”

He listened intently..

“We have a opening for a supervisor position in another location and we think you would be qualified for the position if you are interested..”

He was a little stunned at the suggestion and offer.. he has only been here for two months.. he is just getting used to this place and just starting to make friends..

As he sit there listening to him rattling on about the duties required and the increase in salary.. he felt enthusiastic about moving up..

but.. he was a little doubtful if he’s ready for leadership … but again they thinks it’s something he could handle…

He was snap out of his thoughts with him asking…

“What do you think Cory ?? Would you be interested in moving on to another location..??!!

He nodded and smile eagerly.. yes I would..

He got up shook his hands and tell him he would get the package to him to look over and give them his answer if he is willing to make the change..

He agreed..

He walked away with mixed feelings.. he was a little excited.. especially about the salary.. and he was feeling good that they have faith in him to recommend his for this position..

On the other hand..

can he really do this job.. he never had a managerial position before.. does he have that leadership persona to to be the boss and get the job done..

He’s willing to train for it .. but what if he decided it’s not for him..??

Does he want to take that risk???!! Of losing his job…

He really have to put some serious thought into this.. he’s quite happy where he’s at .. at the moment..

He spent all night thinking and thinking. About the pros and the cons.. but he don’t have to make a decision tonight… so he lay back and before he knows it he was asleep….

Next day is Tuesday .. it was really a tough busy day didn’t have much time to stop and think about Much…

when he got back to camp and went to get some dinner.. he was starving.. and exhausted.. it was a hot day..

As he walked in the cafeteria he saw Beyoncé.., she gleams at him waving her hands.. he walked over to her table sit down and greeted her with a smile…

“Welcome back girl… how was your time off.???….so glad to see you back … ”

She smile back at him and responded… telling him she had a good time. But it went much too fast…

He nodded in Agreement and jokingly stated that it went much too slow here.. “it’s been a long week and you weren’t here to hang with..”

“Awwww”.. she gestured..

He excuse his self and go get him his meal.. He spent a few minutes talking to her after eating and went to his room…

He slept good that night… he’s all packed and ready to board that plane in the morning…

When he got up.. he was approached by the manager and he handed him the package he promised… and he got on the shuttle for the airport.. anxiously wanting to review this job offer..

He still wasn’t too sure what he’s gonna do.. but he has one week to go over it and make up his mind…

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TO BE CONTINUED….

A MESSY LOVE 💕 STORY… part 12c

He got home and he decided he is going to attempt one more time to get his girlto make a date with him….

So he texted her..

suggesting she finds something or somewhere for them to go..

she insisted on playing the fool including her daughter .. finding excuses to avoid the initial question..

So he sent another text…

“Just me and you kris

I have been missing you 😔

And just wants some quality time with you…

Can we do that..

Maybe bowling 🎳

A little lunch..

Some super conversation..

Me .. you.. and nothing/ nobody inbetween..!!!???”

Her response.. ” she is not much into bowling.. she only goes because of her daughter… but yes they could…”

She didn’t however stop there…

she mentioned that she is willing as long as he included her daughter before or after..

And she has told him she wanted to go to this church sale..

He had agreed to take her.. and was hoping after he’ll get his chance to spend a little time alone with her.. so he could make his play for a little self entertainment…

He drifted off to sleep… looking forward to his day with her …

He woke up …get hisself together and headed over… he picked her up.. and they went to the church sale..

she was so at home. Sitting on the floor going through a few boxes of movies.. this is really her world..

He stroll around browsing and he found himself a decent looking camera for $3.00

He patiently waited for her to finish up.. quietly and anxiously anticipating their afternoon together….

After what seems like an eternity.. she was ready to go.. he asked where to next and she instantly mentioned where are they going to take her daughter… so very reluctantly he decided to get her daughter out of the way first.. because he didn’t want anything to interfere with their alone time…

So they headed home to fetch her… they get into the house.. and he sits and wait.. and he waited.. and waited..

After an hour or so .. she still hadn’t made no effort to do anything.. he gave up on the idea of their intended rendezvous…

He excused himself.. saying he is getting a bit too hot and becoming restless.. and so he left..

He was experiencing an burning itching sensation on his chest.. it wasn’t too irritating at the time but by the end of that evening.. it has become very uncomfortable…

He decided to examine the area.. he observed a rash of some sort.. and realize he has bruised it with his scratching…

It was getting a little unbearable and a annoying.. he tried to calm it by applying an ointment..

By Sunday it was feeling a little better but very red around the area..

He was leaving to go back on Tuesday morning early.. he hoped it healed by then..

As he lay there in his bed trying to figure out what causes that reaction… he reflected back on his week off.. nothing had worked out as he had hoped or planned…

coming back home was not as exciting as he had anticipated…

He spent Monday at home .. not too motivated to go anywhere.. he really couldn’t wait to get on that plane ✈️ back to the desert.. away from it all… and put it all behind him…

He decided he just have to find some new ways to entertain himself…

He now has a new life.. a New job.. and it’s time for New beginnings….

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TO BE CONTINUED….

A MESSY LOVE 💕 STORY: part 12b

It was so good to touchdown on home… he didn’t realize just how much he missed being there…

And he was really excited to see his girl and his newest….. Yas…

He had picked up a little stuff toy for the little girl…

Thinking it would give him an excuse to go over even if she still refuses to see him….

he took a pic of it and send it to her.. pleasingly showing off his thoughtfulness…. hoping to gain some leeway to her heart… after all Lillie is her pride and joy…..

He texted her telling her he’s home.. all excited and wanting to get back some exciting welcoming greetings…,

But…

To his disappointment she was way too causal…”oooh good “… she said.. end of conversation…

So he decided to leave her alone for the evening…

He also texted Yas.. she was more cheerful and tell him welcome home… He confirmed his date with her for the next day…

And he then decided to take a little nap..

He woke up feeling refreshed and decided to go run some errands…

He came back and feeling bored .. he call yas…

He mentioned their date and was asking her about what kind of food she likes .

Because he wanted to choose a restaurant she’d be sure to enjoy going…

For her to announce that she has RAMDAN for the month….or something like that… ( its the Muslim month of fasting)

Huh????!!!

Why is she just now mentioning this…isn’t this something she would have known about in advance ..???!!!!

Was this her way of getting out of seeing him???!!

Yep.. he was very convinced about it.. there was no other explanation..

but..

he tries to play it off .. saying he understand not wanting to accuse her of anything…

He then suggested that maybe they can just hang out at her home… because he just wants to spend some time with her…

She agrees with his idea… and said later that evening she would call to tell what time is good..

Come later. She did call but to make him know she won’t be able to after all…

He really didn’t know how to respond without saying something negative.. so he just said. “Ok fine…

Bid her a good evening.. and hang up….

He was a little disappointed.. and felt really cheated.. because he knows and realize that all what she had said and make him believe that she was really interested in seeing him was all but a lie..

well all was not lost.. he still have Terri and his girl.. he will be seeing his girl and her daughter this weekend ..

Terri was a girl he had hooked up with a couple times for an sexual encounter…

so that’s all she’s about.. so when he contacted her she will know exactly what it’s all about..

Come tomorrow he will call her to make some arrangements to see her.. forget about Yas..

He will also try to see his girl without her little girl around too… he wants some quality time with her. And he knows if he gets her alone it would be easy to seduce her…

He only have the one week.. so he wants to have a little fun before it’s over…

He drifted off to sleep 🛏 a little disturbed about Yas and her deceiving actions….

Shaking his head in wonder why she couldn’t have just let him know that she was not interested in spending time with him…. instead of leading him on then backing out with all those feeble excuses….

” some women..”

He had a restful night.. he was really exhausted from his trip… and was mentally exhausted.. things are not going accordingly to what he had anticipated…

So he has to adjust his mental state and try to make the best of his week off… all his intended plans has failed to materialize….

He went about his day running a couple errands.. and relaxing.. the day went by very uneventful..

He spoke a little to his friend and expressed his disappointment…and gripe a little ..

Come Friday her call up Terri and drove over to see her.. very enthusiastic about having a good time..

He told her he would take her out to eat something and she suggested McDonald’s..

“What???!!!!!” McDonald’s..???

Well it’s her choice so he didn’t argue about it..

He drove up to her place and she got in his car.. he greeted her with a smile and a chups on her cheek…

She immediately give out… ” Hey .. so you know… I am on my period.. so we can’t fool around today..”

He just looked at her.. shake his head think.. What ….the ….fuck…. he just sighs and smile.. and actually giggles at the humor of it all…

She looks at him all puzzled at his reaction.. but didn’t comment..

They got to the nearest McDonald’s and they went in.. he turned to her and told her.. ” have anything you want..”

She acts very surprised at his suggestion.. and said. “Anything!!!!!?????”.. in a unbelievable tone..

He nodded his head in agreement and repeated.. “anything….”

She smiled so pleasingly and turned to placed her order…..

He sat with her as she devoured her meal.. drove her home. And headed back to his …

He just couldn’t believe his luck… strike three… he was speechless and so amused at how not one of his girls came through for him….

Well his vacation was a bust…

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TO BE CONTINUED….

REFLECTIONS: The Diary of My Life… part 2

AGE NINE TO A TEENAGER

… The next few days I just stayed by myself.. and cry…

No one seems to care too much.. they just left me alone..

I found out that I have another sister.. She was three.. and a two baby brothers.. one.. only a year old and the other a little baby..

My new sister name was Dianne.. and she uses to seek me out and sit with me.. before long we were inseparable…

I don’t know if my dislike was so obvious towards my stepmother that she reciprocate and took a big dislike to me… and I don’t know if it’s because I didn’t like her that I felt that she didn’t like me…

She treats me with so much indifference and she was often mean..especially when my father wasn’t around..

She says the most meanest thing she could to a child… and as usual.. being the sensitive child I was.. I would go and cry my heart out…it seems all I did back then was cry..

Another problem I had….was peeing the bed at nights.. I would try so hard not to.. but I would always wake up soaking wet..

My stepmom didn’t like that at all.. she would get so annoyed and cuss at me every morning…

she would hold me .. shake me and call me lazy and ask me when are you going to stop… ???

I would just start crying.. stuttering trying to tell her I will.. but the word would never come out..

( looking back.. she probably was so overwhelmed with three babies and now three more.. and she would have to change and wash those sheets .. extra work that she doesn’t have the time for.. all washing was done by hand.. but as a child I couldn’t understand that..)

I just wanted be anywhere but there..

My grandma was living in another part of the house…with her second husband and three younger children.. our age group… The oldest daughter was 13… and the youngest..8…

My grandma was very afraid of ghosts.. she always said she can see them.. she would always have salt spread across her doorways.. she tells us kids it was to ward of those ghosts…

We all believe her…especially when everyone was claiming that my mom was seen.. and it’s all because we were there…

I was so scared.. so to add to my already sad existence comes this thing about my dead mom..

My aunts and uncle was so scared they didn’t want us there anywhere near them..

My grandma had a TV.. in her room and I always wanted to watch it.. but they would never allow me in. Saying my mom is haunting me and she would follow me in..

My mom seems to be on a rampage and was creating a havoc in my life…

That first few months was so hard for me.. I wanted to be anyone but me…

My stepmom was from a different parish ( state)and that summer she decided to take everyone to visit and spend some time with her brothers.. everyone except me of course.. even my eight year old aunt got to go.. and I was left with my grandma.. and her two kids..

I cried and I cried.. I wanted so much to be apart of that trip.. and I didn’t really know why I was left behind…and I didn’t want to left..

And my worst nightmare began… I was locked in a room by myself because everyone was afraid of my mom..

I was so afraid.. I was trembling with fear and every little thing I heard scared me even more..

I remember feeling so alone.. so anxious.. my grandma was in her room with her kids.. and I had no one to turn to.. I think I cried that whole time and I don’t think I slept a wink…

I became so bitter.. I hated everyone and everything.. l asked myself..,why does everyone hates me…

and I hated my stepmom even more..but I wasn’t brave enough to do anything… like running away but the thoughts occurred to me on more than once..

By the time they got home.. I was so frazzled.. and mad.. and I withdrew even more..

I would lash out with cuss words and was very mean to my sisters..

my stepmom would whoop me for cursing.. and would always find an excuse to be mean to me…

My school life was no better.. I still had no friends .. I didn’t realize that I was just mean to everyone so I was so unapproachable and my attitude cause everyone to stay away…I was way too defensive.. afraid of letting anyone in…

The experience with the fear of my mom.. causes me to be not afraid…I had no choice I guess .. and I finally got over it..

my own company became my best friend.. I refuse to talk to my sisters.. I didn’t say much to my stepmom.. my father was never around.. I would go off in isolation by myself.. and I started to keep a diary where I poured out all my anger.. and bitterness..

I was living in self pity .. and a feeling of pure resentment from everyone ..

I was called handicap and retarded…I still still didn’t talk.. I usually just nods and shake my head.. in response to everything..

I don’t remember ever smiling that first years .. I was always crying..

My stepmom would get so annoyed at me crying.. she used to tell me to shut up.. which makes me cry even more.. and sometimes would slap me.. telling me .. she’s giving me something to cry for..

My siblings would all laugh and find it so funny.. which angers me and make me want to cry more…,

I felt so helpless and so unhappy…

my life stayed in that mode Over the next three years I only grew more and more bitter…

My stepmom never takes me anywhere with her.. and I got used to it..

twice a year she would take my sisters to her home town. Always leaving me behind…

I stop crying.. but at age 12.. she decided she would invite me along…. and I didn’t want to go….

*******************

TO BE CONTINUED…

A MESSY LOVE 💕 STORY: part 10

…. Things went well with them that first week.. communication was light and sweet..

She was really loving and smiling and and so enthusiastic about him… he was enjoying her sweet airy disposition… and was feeling drawn to her again.. he was getting his intense feelings back …

He had a busy week and hadn’t gotten chance to go see her… but not a day go by without some connection via texting or voice call…

Then a little past the first week.. and she brings him to a halt… with a text.. claiming she had a dream about being pregnant… and she’s been having strong symptoms of being pregnant..

oooh my goodness.. not this again… and then he reflected back to that most passionate night.. and just realize that he didn’t actually used the condom that he was prepared with…

Bad move…

He had all intentions of protecting hisself from this episode and drama…but as he remembers it … in the heat of the moment… condom was nowhere in his thoughts.. now he is going to suffer the consequences …

The possibility of her being pregnant is very high.. and he now fears that .. that passionate exhilarating night is going to be marred with her being pregnant ..

Of course he suggested him getting a pregnancy test and have her take it.. but she refuses .. stating, she wants to wait a couple more weeks to be sure..

He was so annoyed.. and really curious and anxious to know if she really was..but he had no choice but to wait on her..

He went through his emotions and he tried to play it out in every scenario he could think of..,

He thought he would ask her to move in with him. Because he couldn’t actually see his baby grown up that messy house…

He mentioned this to her.. and she blatantly rejected his suggestion.. oops !!! He was sure she would have agreed with his suggestion…

Yet she keeps on hinting about a permanent relationship.. and went as far as mentioned marriage..

Oooh nooo…!!!!!

Marriage is not an option in his book…He would definitely be a part of the child life.. but he has no intention of getting married.. and he didn’t think she was marriage material anyways…

He loves her.. and care a lot about her..

But…

After knowing her and seeing how she lives and with all her complications.. he can only take her in small doses…

Anything permanent would mean she has to make a drastic change.. and he couldn’t see her changing…

And for her constant complaints of illness.. he just knew he couldn’t deal with that long term…

But..

He is now faced with her possibility of being conceived with his baby.. and he may have to make a decision against his liking…

He went out to see her that weekend and surprisingly.. she was beeming and very cheerful..

This attitude of hers .. makes him a little more convinced that she is pregnant…

He took her to Walmart.. on their way .. she was talking going on about her symptoms and acting as if it was a sure thing.. While in Walmart she headed over to the baby section and she was rambling on about the baby this.. the baby that..

As he watched her bouncing about excitedly… he thought in silence..

What have I done???!!!!

Her behavior and attitude was slowly convincing him more and more that she was..

And..

He recalled… that this is a repeat of the last time she thought she was pregnant for him..

He again suggested that they get a test while at Walmart.. but again.. she wanted to wait…

What is her problem..?? Why wait??

This was causing him great anxiety attacks and he just wants to be sure before he makes any definite plans..

It’s been almost a month now and he was tired of waiting…

He was not pleased with her answer.. but nothing he can do about it…

He drove her back home without saying another word..

He dropped her off and headed back to his house…

He was annoyed.. and getting frustrated.. and couldn’t wait to find out for sure..

He was more than half way convinced… but .. just want to be 100% sure…

He was tempted to buy the test and drive over there and demanded that she takes it right there right now…

He was thinking.. it would be so nice to be a father.. and he was becoming very emotional with his thoughts…and he secretly hoped she really is.. he find himself becoming a little excited at the prospect of having a baby of his own…

And although he wasn’t too pleased with his choice of the mother of his child .. he knew he had to make it work… He will find a way to…

They had conversations via text.. and he keeps trying to push her for taking a test or going to the doctor..

She always have an excuse not to…

He was battling with his emotions and had a couple solid scenarios that would fall in place with her positive result..

He woke up one morning…. and let out a squeal of delight after reading a text from her that she had her menstruation…

He felt a slight disappointment afterwards and a little guilty about his initial reaction… He realizes that he was hoping for her to be pregnant.. and was actually looking forward to being a dad..

So he text her in reply.. and found out that she was so depressed and saddened that she didn’t want to talk..

Of course this always plays on his emotions and he decided to go see her.. hoping to lift her spirits..

when he got there.. he let hisself in..

whewww.. what a mess. ?? He will never get used to this way of keeping House….

He made his way to her bedroom.. he could hardly find her with all that clothes and trash lying around her..

She was sad.. and he could tell she had been crying…

He sat down on the bed beside her.. without saying a word.. lean in and kiss her cheek.. stroke her arm.. and give her a sad look of compassion..

She started to cry again.. and he reached for her and lifted her in a sitting position and wrapped his arms around her in a hug… she sobbed in his shoulder..

He patiently waited for her to calm down..

She started rambling on about how she wanted that baby and how she is never going to have another one…

He just said… Sshhhh!!!! Sshhh..!!!!

You are going to be okay.. he told her trying to console her…

But.. she was becoming hysterical.. so he stop talking.. didn’t know exactly what to say to her…

He didn’t like to see her like that .. but he was actually relieved that she was not pregnant.. he keeps looking around him.. and was so thankful that his baby won’t have to be born and live in this condition..

All of a sudden he was itching to get out of that house…he felt stifled.. so He asked her if she wanted to go for a ride to get some icecream..

She nodded yes .. called her daughter. Tell her to get ready to go for ice cream…

He told her he’ll be outside waiting.. and he hurriedly makes his exit..

Its so strange that he’s finding the messy house a little repulsive.. but this is where he’s at with the house situation..

They join him ten minutes later and he took them to eat that ice cream…,

She wasn’t very talkative .. but she seems to enjoy her treat…

They spent a little time eating and then they ride around some.. she seems in a better mood… so he inquired how she’s feeling…

She gave a half smile and said ok.. but continued to tell him how disappointed she was..

He simply agreed.. with… “I know baby I know..”

He took them home.. bid her goodnight and she thank him for coming by and for the ice cream…

On his drive back home he started to think this relationship is not healthy for him… he realizes that he’s finding it really hard to go in that house of recent without being able to ignore all the filth…

And..

Although he likes her and really enjoy her sexually.. he just can’t deal with her obsession of wanting to be pregnant… and every time they have sex she swears she is pregnant and then going into a depressive mode when she’s not..

it happens once too often.. he sees a red flag.. he knows he has to back off and slowly walk away… but how’s he going to do that…

She has too much going on with her that’s becoming a little unbearable and annoying and he just can’t see a long term , steady relationship with her …

As much as he likes her… it in his best interest to find a way out of it….. he keeps arguing with himself….

He dose off that night with mixed feelings but knowing that it’s a choice he needs to make…

Maybe he can remain friends with her.. he will figure it out..

He drifted to sleep with a very disturbed and confused mind….

************^^^*********^^^^+******

TO BE CONTINUED…..

A MESSY LOVE 💕 STORY: part 9b

It took him no longer than two days to get the urge to see her… he couldn’t understand his emotional attachment to her..

He wants to spend time with her and her daughter but he finds that he dread going in that house..

He finds that from the move that he has become so conscious of her surroundings that he walks in looking around with expectations of some improvement… and realizing that he could no longer ignore the messy and filthy condition…

He started to think of diplomatic ways he could encourage her to clean it up.. because this is her only vice right now..

He tried offering to help her.. but she always finds a reason to decline his offer…

He hasn’t been in her bedroom in this new house.. the visual of what he saw in the move was so repugnant … that he has no desire to go back on that bed .. knowing that what he witnessed would play with his mind…

It didn’t however stop his sexual desire for her whenever he’s in close contact with her…

she keeps saying she gonna work on getting it all cleaned up.. but always comes up with some lame excuse why she didn’t get to it..

Like having pains.. being overly depressed… headaches… couldn’t get out of bed.. ect. Ect. Ect..

The following month .. he decided to see her outside the house.. he would pick her up and take her wherever she wants to go.. and spend some time together having lunch or sitting in the park.. watching her daughter have her fun..

He reasons that if he don’t see the mess it won’t affect him..

She invited him to a fair one weekend and he accepted.. he drove over.. and when he got there she wasn’t ready.. her little girl was outside playing .. he got out and sits with her playing with the cats…

She got up and ran after the cats who ran inside through the open back door…the back doorway was open.. he decided to follow her in..

The laundry room is right there… There was clothes in piles lying on the floor.. empty crates was on the washer..

all kinds of boxes.. tins.. things that didn’t belong shoved in corners and scattered all over.. he shake his head.. questions rolling around in his mind..

why is the floor litter in clothes when the machine is right there..??? Why is this space used as a junk yard..???

He walked past it and went inside.. the strong stench of the litter box fill his nostrils.. and he noticed it was still as is…

He acknowledged her mom from where she’s always sitting.. and almost gag from the foul smell she was emanating …

The living room was bad.. worst than he has ever seen it..

He observed a Carmel apple sitting in a corner.. covered in mold.. how long has that been there???

Dirty dishes covered in roaches… it was littered with everything you can think of… dirty socks.. wrappers from snacks.. pizza boxes..

the garbage bin she has in there was overflowing.. not one surface was empty…

he felt so sick to his stomach.. he was tempted to pick up stuff.. but he was so repulsed that he was afraid of touching anything…

He called for her.. and shouted.. telling her he’ll be back in a few.. and he hurried out of that house . Got in his car and drove away..

wtf.!!!!

It’s only a few months she’s been there.. how can she live like that.. and that sweet little girl… how could she expose her to that kind of living..

And the mom.. does she ever move from that one spot..

He couldn’t return.. so he just headed straight for home.. He called her telling her that something comes up and he has to go take care of it…

He has to think seriously about her habitual messy house keeping…

They talk via text messages that evening and he apologizes for running off like that..

He took the opportunity to subtly ask her about the condition of the living room.. and he also mentioned the cats litterbox..

She became very defensive and he again suggested that he could help her to get it all cleaned up…

She again repeatedly mentioned all her pains and how it affected her whenever she tries to do anything.. how she has a daughter to take care of… and her mom also needs her attention..

It was like fighting a losing battle…

She ask him to come over that weekend to take to Walmart .. He promised her he would..

He feels her obligated to her and her needs.. and knows she has no one else to take and he didn’t want her to walk in the hot sun with that little girl.. all that way…

So he went over that weekend.. they went to Walmart.. and she did her usual shopping.. they went to a few other places .. she stopped got some chicken for dinner and headed back home..

All the cats were outside.. and she shoo them away..not wanting them to go inside … and started complaining how they pee on her Little girl’s bed…

He just shook his head offering no comments..

He went in with them.. she invited him in.. when he got inside he smell some sweet scent.. and he saw she was burning some incense .. and the litter box was no longer there….

She cleaned up a little place on the table to put the chicken she bought.. she began dividing it up on paper plates..

Give her mom a plate then her daughter.. he refused her offer . They all set down to eat… then watch a little tv.. the little girl got up to play leaving her unfinished meal behind…

Mom was busy complaining about the cats peeping on bed.. they finished watching the tv program in between conversation… He got up to use the restroom…

As he pass the table he noticed that there was roaches on the Little girls plate… he didn’t think anything of it.. it was because a natural thing at her house..

He continued to the rest restroom.. He noticed just how blacken it was from non cleaning.. he uses it and flushed.. he was surprised by a few roaches scampering away in all directions running away from the water…

He was kinda puzzled thinking where were they hiding. Doesn’t that mean if he had sat down on that seat.. he would have roaches crawling on his ass.. ???

He just sigh.. thinking you can expect in this house..

he went to wash his hands and again look around for soap.. but none was in sight.. the sink was dirty. The same old dried up toothpaste was still present plus new spots.. the counter was full of dust and water stains and roach dropping…

A dirty towel or two was on the counter and on the ground.. He pulled aside the shower 🚿 curtains .. still looking for soap..

He stands there in astonishment.. it was sparkling clean.. unbelievable.. he looked around him again… and every where was filthy…… except for the bath…

He finds it so strange and he couldn’t think get it out of his mind.. To him…only one explanation makes sense…

But it that possible.. it kinda explain the no soap though…

Nahh.. they must take baths.. yesss.. he thinks trying to convince himself not wanting to believe on top of everything.. she don’t bathe…???? 🤔 hmmmm???

He rinse his hands in the dirty sink trying his best not to touch it.. and he walked out.. he stopped.. looked at the bath.. and said…” nah… nah…” shaking his head in response to his thoughts..

He went back to the living room… and he announced that he is going to head on home.. and as he passes the table he pointed and said to her.. ” there is roaches all over the food ”

She got up.. and to his amazement… and astonishment he couldn’t believe what she does next…..??????

****************************

TO BE CONTINUED….

ONLINE DATING: THE RISE &FALL OF FOREST ANGELS/ HELL ANGELS…part 6

The next few days Forest tried to connect with me but I completely ignored him trying so hard to stick to my decision to leave him alone… I was still commenting on his posts though and leaving little suggestive and provocative comments… being a tease knowing he couldn’t resist trying to connect with me..

So I wasn’t totally being honest and wasn’t playing fair… because I was enjoying being seductive and playing with him and getting a thrill from knowing just how much I was having an effect on him… He played right into my game and I didn’t respond to his gestures of sexual play…

I did find this quite amusing…

a week later he posted a really sexual  provocative post… Of course, yours truly joined all of his other loyal fans.. and made a comment… but this day there was this one comment from someone who thought the post was distasteful  and disgusting and inappropriate…

I’m very argumentative and so I defended forest and tell her if she doesn’t like what she sees … she needs to just keep walking… and we his loyal fans likes him and his stimulating posts… blah blah blah…

She answered, and I reply and then his some of his other followers decided to join in the debate.. all for forest… this one girl “ERICA”… she took her on also… and the next half an hour we raved about forest… I was just having some fun and talking shit.. Erica and  few others was totally agreeing with me…

Forest made a comment once or twice really pleased with our conversations… and we continued talking and making silly comments.. mostly Erica and me… It was really obvious she really liked him… I was really having fun with our little play long…bigging him up.. putting him on a pedal stone….I know him intimately and I was positive all these other fans of his.. do too…

Erica and I went on for a little bit more… this other girl  ‘JENNY’  made a comment in between boosting us along.. and then we have a request from “NELLY”.. asking if she can join in on the conversation… we welcome her aboard… and we carry the conversation a little while longer…

Of course I was well aware that FOREST was able to read every comments we made and I know he was somewhere smiling and enjoying our great admiration of him…all the others leave us chatting and then I got a request from Forest inviting me to join a group chat…

I kinda hesitated to join but not for long… I was curious to see what it’s all about… and so I accepted..There I found ERICA and NELLY… and Forest stated that he enjoyed our little conversation we have going but it will be more private with these group chat… It didn’t take him long before he got really sexual and want to play…  And thus… “FOREST ANGELS” is formed…

I was kinda reluctant to play along sexually in the presence of the girls… but surprisingly they didn’t have any problem with it… I watched for a little taking it all in not sure if I wanted to join in the fun or not… but I was honestly getting a little hott and getting a little stimulated with the scene..

This was my first time taking part in something like this and I was very bashful and blushing…. just thinking of talking  and sexting with these girls.. and they were so good saying all the sexiest things and I was feeling very foolish with my lingo… not sure if I could match theirs…

Forest:     You delicious lil fucking angel…. I love it!
– Nelly     : Mmmmmm
– Forest:     Cmon fuck yourselves for daddy
– Erica..,:    I’m about to cum all over your face lover
– Forest:      Cover me  you sweet delicious bitch!
-Erica..,:     Lick my clit daddy…..Make me spray you….
– Forest:      I’m Sucking the fuck outta that clit
– Erica..,:     Oh god it feels so fucking good my Irish king…. Turn around into 69 and I’m sucking your cock….My tits rubbing against your stomach..

I
– Forest:      Gag on it you sexy angel…
– Erica..,:     Pushing it deep in my throat
– Forest:      Snake a couple greedy fingers in your asshole …

-Nelly    : Let me have some Erica
– Erica..,:     Massaging it with my swallowing motion….Take his cock…I’ll ride his face….
– Nelly:        Let’ me suck that juicy cock….
– Forest:     Get in there Wendy, help nelly lollipop this big dick ….Fucking spit on it… take turn sucking on it … suck on my nuts.. come on wendy… wendy?????

I was silent all this time but they could see my following them…so Forest was urging me to join in … I still didn’t feel brave enough  so I still kept silent…
– Nelly:       All the way down my throat …All wet…
– Erica..,:    Mmmmmmm lick that cunt….make me come again master…
– Forest:    Slap your fucking eager  face with it…
– Nelly:     Mmmmmm … Yeah !!! Heavy… smell and feel so good against my cheeks…
– Erica..,:      How do I taste… lover?
– Forest:       Cramming this tongue so fucking deep in your snatch… Like fucking candy baby..
– Nelly:     Fuck my face off lover???
– Erica..,:     Love how you man handle me my lord
– You:       I’m climbing on … Nelly move over… let me have some of this luscious man meat…

I was so hott and decided to jump in and enjoy some of this stimulating play time… I put all my inhibitions aside and throw caution to the wind… this scene with the girls was making me super hott and very excited…My desires was rising and I was on fire wanting to erupt.. I was caught up again in forest sexual game… and I was gamed…

 
– Erica..,:     Spank me….make my ass cheeks firehouse red…
– Forest:      Milk this fucking cock with your fuck muscles wendy?
– You:       Yes … Deep .. clenching… gripping… milking lover…
– Forest:     Fuck me good you delicious sex goddess…
– You:     I’m Humping up and down …. grinding in deeply as I gripped that hard throbbing cock tightly with each thrust…
– Erica..,: I’ve been a bad girl daddy…I need punishment….
– You:    Screaming … Oooooh fuck me … yesss harder.. hhooooo… Yeah!!!!
– Forest:    Wait your  turn you lil horny  angel… Erica…Gonna put in your ass babygirl…
– Erica..,:    Yes daddy … please….it’s winking and ready for that nine inches of rock solid meat…
– Nelly:     Where you want me daddy..
– Forest:      Keep fucking me wendy..
– Forest:     Suck Wendy’s fucking clit Nelly…
– Erica..,:      Can I have a kiss…so I can taste how I taste on your lips..

-Nelly:   let me kiss you erica so you taste wendy’s juices…
– Forest:     And put some fingers in her ass nelly..
– You:      Oooooh..shit … yesss…
– Forest:    Not now erica… will kiss you later…just let me finger fuck that juicy pussy and lick up all your juices as you gushed in my mouth and on my tongue…

– You:     Fuuuuccckkkk !!!!!
– Erica..,: Mmmmmmm
– You: Yessss …. Pleaaasse….. I’m Cummin … Aaaaah ….omg!!!…. ooooh yeah!!
– Forest: Glaze this big dick with your fuck juice Wendy..

-Nelly:     you taste so good wendy… I’m licking some off your dick forest as you pump in an out of wendy’s oozing kitty…

– You: Aaaaaaah!!! gushing… dribbling out over your cock…
-Nelly,:     I’m licking your clit wendy… erica kiss me my bitch… taste her juices…
– You:       Oooooh Yesss …..Oooooh Yessss Oooooh Yeeeaah!!!!
– Forest:      Finger fuck her butthole as you kiss erica…
– Erica..,: Mmmmm…I’m cummin daddy… finger me harder… make me cum hard for you…
– You:     Ooooh yeeees …. Fuck me.. Fucckkk meeee forreestt… I’m cummin again..
– Forest:     I want some God damn video ladies…
– Erica..,: Yes daddy
– Forest: Video
– Forest: Video
– Forest: Video

 

Forest send three videos of him… they were very stimulating as always
– You:    Oh baby baby baby … good as ever.. never get tired of seeing that beautiful cock of yours..

-nelly:      Mmmmmm … Yes.. Right in my face …You cum so hard…  that was good forest… you have one of the biggest and prettiest cock I have seen…
– Forest:    Cmon Wendy get fuckin nasty for me…

He was prompting me to make a video .. but I wasn’t going to … I wasn’t ready to share that with the girls..
– Erica..,:    Mmmmmmmm…so true nelly…
– You:   we could love on that all day long and all night too…
– Forest: Cmon girls??   Video (he sent another to encourage us…)
-Nelly:     Video ….
– Erica..,:    video …
– You: Liked Erica.., message
– You: Thank you thank you thank u all…I needed this ..this morning…

 

Erica and Nelly both send their videos.. I didn’t… I thought I would just exit.. I was feeling self-conscious again and feel like I don’t fit in with them… I was so amazed how these girls was so brave and had no problem sharing their intimate assets…

I did enjoy the little sexual romp we had though… this was something new and exciting to me… and the girls was really a big encouragement.. I just knew it wouldn’t be long before I evolved and to participate with them..more…

Forest however was so tickled by us he started another conversation soon after and we played late into the night…
Next morning … he again hit us up and I joined in with Erica… Nelly couldn’t she was at work… I was home and so was Erica… that same evening Nelly join us and we had another foursome… Forest requested pictures…  and after Nelly and Erica summit there’s  I still didn’t…

I decided to talk to Forest on a one way conversation.. to tell himand to explain of my reservation of sharing pictures and videos…

Forest:     I adore you… my little team leader
– You:    You think I’m the team leader???  I think Erica has that title ..
– Forest:   Lol… it’s close
– You:     But.. You my stud.. Is the main attraction.. You brings us And hold us together
– You:         You are the feast.. That we can’t get enough of …
– Forest:      I fucking love it
– You:      And in reality.. I wouldn’t share you so willingly.. I definitely wouldn’t at all
– Forest:     Lol
– You:      Hey … It’s fun with the angels… But the truth be told… I enjoy you much more…. And cum much more.. And much harder.. When I have you all by myself….😄☺ Just saying… And so you know… 😉
– Forest:    Mmmmmm I will tend to you personally every now and then I assure you …
– You:    And I’m more eager to share videos and pictures with you… This is my very first time doing threesome or foursome.. I have never done it before.. Even in reality….I’m not comfortable showing my personal pictures and videos to the girls…
– Forest: I understand that but if you want to be an angel, you must obey me. I will service you one on one….
– You: HAHAhaha …lmoa… Really??? Oh my goodness.. HAHAhaha

I really thought he was joking around.. so i was laughing at his comments..
– Forest:    Yes really ….You ok with that?

– You:     We have created a monster
– Forest    : Nope, just the way it should be
– You: Are you being totally serious right now forest..????
– Forest: Lol… don’t trip…. Just have fun…

– You: Or just funning ….HAHAhaha …. I am actually … Having lots and lots of fun.. but… wtf????

I couldn’t believe the audacity of this mf…  was he for real…???  I really hoped he was still in the game mode…

 
– Forest:    Ok good… This doesn’t work without you baby…
– You:      IDK about this arrangement… and I don’t know if this is for me…. I’m easily replaceable …
– Forest:    You will get one on one…
– Forest:      And no you are not…I don”t want a replacement… just stay with the group and let’s continue to have some fun and enjoy each other…

-You:   Hmmm???? I will have to think about this…
– Forest: Photo … just know that you are an essential part of this….
– You:     Ooooh my.. You know I a beautiful chest.. Don’t you..????

He sent me a picture of his chest and I realize he was trying to change the subject.. I went along with it… and after we finished talking I went to talk with the other angels  and tell them about our conversation and tell them I might be leaving the group….

they talked me into staying and again reminded me it’s just a game of fun and I shouldn’t take it and forest so seriously… and assured me… they love playing with me..  and thus forming the group “HELL ANGELS”… They also beg me to participate and more involved  when playing…

And so I stayed…

****************************************************************************

TO BE CONTINUED……

ONLINE DATING: SWEET LOVER: THE RISE AND FALL OF “HELL ANGELS/ FOREST ANGELS” part 5

IT WAS TWO DAYS AFTER, I HEARD FROM HIM AGAIN… AND IT WAS BECAUSE I HAD PLACE A COMMENT ON HIS RECENT POST… I TEND TO USE HUMOROUS SEXUAL INNUENDOS AND INSINUATIONS WHICH IS SOMETIMES PROVOCATIVE… AND HE JUST CAN’T RESIST BUT RESPOND TO THESE… 

IT WAS MY BIRTHDAY ALSO AND THIS IS THE ONLY DAY I GET TO BE POPULAR WITH FRIENDS AND RELATIVES… AND TO MY SURPRISE I GOT A LOT OF BIRTHDAY WISHES ON THE SITE WE WERE ON… SO I WAS IN A VERY GOOD MOOD AND SO PLEASED WITH ALL THE GREETINGS  AND ATTENTION I WAS RECEIVING… MY PHONE WAS BLOWING UP… THEN  I  GOT HIS TEXT…

– Forest: Thank you for liking my post.
– Forest: Wendy?
– You: Haaa … Forest…. I missed out on being your very good girl… HAHAhaha.. And I wanted so much to suck that nine inches of pure pleasure.. And be rewarded… With you gushing all over me…

I was trying to be funny; I wanted to mention that statement he sent on valentine’s day … but thought I would just make a joke of it instead… I actually started out telling him I didn’t like his approach.. but changed my mind thinking, why should I even bother…so I try to be humorous…
– Forest: Mmmmmmmmm fuck yes
– You: Maaan.. !! Maybe next time.. I know it will be a while before you find your way back around to me… But.. That beautiful nine inches of solid Fuck meat… Is worth the wait…

I always wanted him to know, I know of his demanding popularity…
– Forest: What are you doing right now?
– You: It’s my birthday.. So my phone is all tied up with calls and texts from my fans and family.. So sorry.. It the one day I get to be popular…
– Forest: Check out this Tango Surprise!
– Forest: Well Happy Birthday Wendy!  (sent 3videos)

he sent me a birthday wish with a cake and three videos of him.. of course naughty ones…

– You:     Happy birthday to me.. Love those videos… What else could a girl asks for.. Ooooooooh thank you forest… Best gift ever… You knew just what I needed…

– Forest:     Muah!   Miss seeing you   btw….I love your beautiful body….

– You:      Wish I could have be sitting on that hard stiff rod right now….Mmmmmm!!!!
– Forest: Mmmmmmmmm…
– You: I will send you some more of me … Next time you have time to play with me… I do love to see that beautiful cock cum for me…
– Forest: Well I’m ready now….. Lol
– You:     I Don’t have the time right now…
– Forest:    Lol… I know. Soon baby soon… Stroking this big dick for you right now…
– You:       Oh Jesus!!!!! Aren’t you at work… Lover???
– Forest:   No
– You:      Nooooo??? Do you got a day off???
– Forest:     Can you call me… Late start today…
– You:      no I can’t call… I’m talking to my brother on whatsapp… From Jamaica.. Inbetween talking to you…
– Forest:     Oh ok…..
– You:       But .. So you know.. Kitty is so very excited to hear from you… She so much wanted to play.. Just bad timing…right now.. I can’t help but be petting her.. And Maaaan.. She is just loving it..

I was playing with his head… trying to be naughty…

– Forest: Mmmmmmmm….. I absolutely love your style…And your wit..
– You:     You do.. Well thank you forest
– Forest:    I do very much..
– You:      I try to be humorous all the time ….

– Forest:    I dig that about you..
– You:         Although I know I’m corny sometimes….Oooooooh good…  I dig you too forest…
– Forest:     And you turn me the fuck on
– You:       Ooooooooh Shiiiit!!! really??? is that so???
– Forest:   Mhmm… Cock gets hard just talking to you…
– You:     Wow..!!! I’m so flattered….I do love to get you hard though..smiling huge…

– Forest:    I’d love to fuck you silly…
– You:      Funny thing is.. Kitty reacts the same around you
– Forest:   Just a weekend of pure unadulterated fucking……Mmmmmmm…
– You:       Wwwwhhhoooo boy….That would definitely be my glory…
– Forest:     Just rock hard cock constantly pumping your fuck holes…
– You:         That’s right forest… And I want to feel that rock hard in all these fuck holes.. Mmmmmm…
– Forest:   Fuck yes Wendy
– You:      I would let you transfer from one to the other.. Again and again… Over and over and over again…
– Forest:    You make me wanna touch myself…Piston fucking your holes…
– You:      Till you explode all that cum all over me… I wanna touch you tooo….
– Forest:     Bury it in your pussy… pull out and right into the next…

– You:      Pounding…. Ooooooooh yeah….And back to eager pulsating kitty…
– Forest:    Leave it buried and start to pulse and throb inside you…
– You:       Whoaaa!!! yesss… oooh yesss!!!

– Forest:     Milk this cock with your fuck muscles…
– You:         Mhmm.. Mhmmm….Ooooooooh yeah.. Milking it dry..
– Forest:    Getting my cock out…
– You:       I will clenched and gripped to milk every bit out…and Getting you ready again… For round two.

– Forest:     That’s it Wendy
– Forest:     Stroking….
– You:         Oh no??….
– Forest:   Oh yes..
– You:    I went and did it… didn’t I????
– Forest:   Yes you did…

– You:    Just can’t control myself around you… It seems…
– Forest:    I’m glad…This feels so good…
– You:        I would climb on and ride you like a wild horse… Bucking and humping… Wildly… And you would want to get up… And take control…
– Forest:     Scream as you fuck me…
– Forest:     That’s right
– You:      You would probably throw me against the wall..pull my ass up and out And plunged it in hard and fast…
– Forest:     Stretching your naughty little fuck holes with 9 inches of cock…
– You:       as you Push me  forcingly into the wall… Ooooooooh yeah .. I love it a little rough…
– Forest:    Take this man meat Wendy
– You:    I’d be the one screaming then… Ooooooooh yes…Fuck me forest.. fuck me good..
– Forest:    God I love fucking you..!!!!!!

– You:     I would be pushing my ass up for more of you..wanting it deeper…ooooohh!!!!
– Forest:   I wanna cum in your ass
– You:     Oh yeah??? In my ass????

I wasn’t too sure about that… but this is just virtual and like a fantasy.. so instead of spoiling his fun… i just play along making him live out his….
– Forest:   Fill it
– You:      I’m pulling my ass cheeks apart…. Begging you to put it …Shaking with anticipation…
– Forest:    Take all this cock in your ass
– You:        Now forest
– Forest:    ALL OF IT

You:       Aaaaaah…. All the way in..

– Forest:    Here it cums…
– You:    Long strokes
– Forest:   Exactly

– You:    Deeply… Over and over again.. Fuck it…Fuck it…Ooooooooh Yessss….Yessss!!!!!
– Forest:     Shooting jet after hot jet of sticky sweet man milk in that asshole
– You ;      Ooooooooh yeah…Oozing out…. Warm against my leg….I love it.. I’m breathless… Ooooooooh Maaan…
– Forest:     Holy fuck you’re absolutely intoxicating
– You:     You are amazingly good
-Forest:    I love to play this game with you…
– You:    Ooooooooh??.. Kitty is happy, she seems to love you too…
– Forest:   Good!
-You:        I can’t even text.. My focus is off
– Forest:   Lol
– You:      Ooooooooh u are so good to me
– Forest:   As you are to me
– You:       I could easily become addicted to your Nine inches of pure pleasure and wanting it Over and over again….
– Forest:    Oh hell yeah…
– You:        Heyyy I know you would rather a different pic… But hopefully you won’t mind this one too much..
– You: Photos…

I decided to shift the subject a little… get away from the sexting…

I had took some birthday photos and they came out quite good… so I thought I’d share them with him.. I was looking all pretty and sexy and happy all roll in one..  I was in a very great mood today.. and I was having fun…

 

– You: My BD pictures……HAHAhaha
– Forest: I fucking love it!

– You:       It’s gotta be some fucking in there right
– Forest:    Mhmm….Exactly..

– You:     Maaan.. Would love to have you… Ran a marathon with me

– Forest:    I’d fuck you silly
– You:    Good god… I would be so sore and loving it…
– Forest:   Yes you would
– You:      Fuckin me silly.. Would be exactly what I want
– Forest:   I wanna be your cock toy
– You:       But you are…. My very personal sex toy…
– Forest:     Where you live again?
– You:    Much too far away forest…

Forest:     Damn…

– You:       Come on.. You can find some freaky girls nearby….
– Forest:     I seem to not be able to…

– You:       Unbelievable.. I think you are hiding yourself away… Your personal choice not to…
– Forest:     Nope.. I”m not hiding at all…

– You:    But .. If I was nearby.. I would hunt you down And jump all over your Hott and sexy ass… You wouldn’t have a choice… I wouldn’t give you one…
– Forest:   Love it… I wouldn’t need one… I would be very willing…
– You:     Yes you would… you would definitely love it… I would leave you with a huge smile on your face…
– Forest: Love that too… and you would leave walking funny..
– You:      Hahahaha… And of course.. I’d definitely be smiling tons too.. And probably limping With pleasure…Great joy… completely satisfied…

– Forest:    Lol…..God !!!!….I wanna do so many naughty things to you..
– You:        And Maaan..how I want you to….The feelings quite mutual…
– Forest:    Good!
– You:     With you… All my senses are heightened… And come alive…
– Forest:    God I love that…
– You:    I bet you could ignite a fire so blazing hot… And take me to heights.. I have never been..
– Forest:    I know I could…
– You:       I know it… From just the feeling you are creating within me.. Right now.. I just know you would.. Definitely.. Absolutely would…You have such a strong physical chemistry..
– Forest:    Thank you love
– You:     I actually meant energy…. But I know you understand what I’m trying to say…
– Forest:    I do…

I got a phone call an I switched over…  I decided to just leave it as is…  I didn’t intend to talk to him as long as I did… I was just in a wonderful happy mood  and I actually enjoyed our little romp and conversation…. He seems very fascinated with me and I am a bit tickled and amused with the knowledge…and I was all smiles….
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The following day he sent me a photo of some sexual nature.. I smiled and shake my head… i responded….

– You:     HAHAhaha.. Is that you.. Wow!!!
– Forest:    No lol
– Forest:     Check out this post…

he sent another one… it was steamy and hottt… and I figure he was trying to aroused me…
– You:    I love it.. I could just imagine you doing that though…but lover… I’m on the road.. Driving.. Going to have dinner with a few friends.. So sorry I can’t play now…You are so insatiable And excitable though.. Mmmmmm Mmm…
– Forest:    All good..have fun..wendy… and just so you know… you excites me and makes me insatiable…

I quickly hung up… smiling at his text… because I know how easily he can pull me in.. and I just wasn’t up to his games today….

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He posted a picture of himself the next day… and of course… as usual I place a like and made a little comment… so he responded to it…

– Forest:    Thank you for liking my post.
– You:    Every time … Forest…
– Forest:   Lol
– You:    You know I’m one of your fans… It’s not only your posts I like … Hmmm.. I’m also a big fan of your most beautiful erogenous zones… Mmmmmm…

 

He liked my comments but didn’t say nothing more… so I just take that as my cue to leave him alone…Even though I like talking to him… I was still trying to distant myself… He still has that sexual power over me… and talking to him always seems to stimulates me.. but he is only about sex and a good time… and sometimes I just need some super conversations….without the pressure of getting sexual..

My connection to him is not emotional… so I’m not attached…I tell myself I’m going to just stay away from him as much as I can….

Let’s see just how serious I am about this and just how much I can fight his temptations..

“I need ten thousand angels… to help me tell him no.”

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TO BE CONTINUED……

ONLINE DATING: SWEET LOVER; THE RISE AND FALL OF “HELL ANGELS/FOREST ANGELS…part 4

I was thinking… after I hung up… I am not going to encourage this guy any longer…because now every time he hit me up he’s going to expect some sexual game…  and it’s not everytime I’m going be in the that kind of mood… 

I liked him but… my one night of being wild and naughty  is just one night… and I was just in the mood for some fun..i got it and now I’m over it..

An hour later,he sent me a couple of pictures of him without shirts… he has a nice chest but wasn’t chiseled or buff… and I do love a good-looking chest on my men… I was thinking I may have said something to him about my likes for him to choose to send me those shots…

I complimented him, anyways…

– Forest:     Photo
– You:        Aaaaaah forest!!!… I could love on that chest … Ooooooh Maaan…  How I love to love on a beautiful and chiseled chest …
– Forest:      Mmmmmmmm…
– You:       hoohooooo   baby… You are so beautiful… you do have a nice physique…
– Forest:    Thanks baby girl
You:    You know it forest… Are u home ???

I thought he was at home and taking pictures for me….

 

– Forest:    No baby… That was about 3 months ago
– You:    Oh okay… thanks for sharing anyways…  Still love it …
– Forest:    Check out this post! ….

He sent me a naughty video.. I just ignore it and thank him for his photos and tell him that I have to get back to work… I didn’t want to get pull in again by his sexuality… and from the video he sent… I was obvious that he was trying to get me going in that direction…

He says bye… and ended our conversation… I didn’t hear from for a couple of days and when he  try to contact me I ignored him .. I was trying to pull away from him… but he loves to post pictures of himself and humorous sexual post.. all which would appear on my news feed because I was still following him.. and of course anything sexual always pique my interest… and… Of course I would like and place a comment or two on these posts…… I love making  commenting on posts… that is my thing… it humor me and I love to get back reactions..

So  sometimes he would send a “HI” to me…  and thank me for liking his posts..We played  that game for approximately two weeks… He trying to chat and me ignoring and refusing his attempts… after  a week or so I decide to answer him.

– Forest:    Thank you for liking my post.
– You:    Hey you.. See that you are really busy..  I was  as well…that was really a funny  post though…HAHAhaha… I see just how popular you are from all the comments you got… I do understand… You are a guy of/ in great demands..
– Forest:      yes, I’m Just really busy Wendy… I really enjoyed you immensely and I have been missing you..
– You:      And I you.. Forest
– Forest:     Good!
– You:     Just dropping in to say hi.. And give you a little nudge to remember me… Just in case you had forgotten me… HAHAhaha.. I know it’s quite easy to do…
– Forest:        Bullshit!
– You:     I know u are probably very busy with work right now.. So am I actually…
– Forest:    I think of you often. But you can be a very pleasant distraction. And sometimes I need to be focused lol. But believe me I desire you…
– You:       Hey.. no worries man…all good… I actually love one night stands…
– Forest:      Lol… you’re not!
– You:        Even so forest… That’s always the best of times… To me anyways .. Enjoy your day.. I really don’t want to distract you too much… As a matter of fact.. I can’t afford to be distracted myself.. And you are definitely a big one for me.. Right now as I got u here talking to you… I’m becoming distracted .. Oh boy not so good for me.. So talk later….
– Forest:   Lol..    definitely …
– Forest: Video …
– Forest: Video…

He sent me two porn videos… some really steamy ones too… I realize he truly love these kinds of videos…  and he loves to interject them in-between our conversations…hoping to create a stir and have me all turned on.. I am not much into porn too much… they really don’t do much for me… but… I find myself liking his choices and actually gets a little aroused watching them… I didn’t want to burst his bubbles… so I responded…
– You:     Oh my goodness forest.. You are not playing fair.. You are so mean…

– Forest:    Lol…(of course he laughs enjoying knowing he has aroused me..)

And so I played his game along… just to humor him…

– You:     I can’t afford to get in this stage right now.. Ooooooh shit.. I feel like I’m gonna explode…
– Forest:    Sorry baby
– You:      Ooooooh Maaan.. You are no good
– You:    But.. Do I love it??!!!

– Forest:    Yes you do
– You:      Oh Fuck.. Yes.. I do.. I do …(I’m such an actress.. haha..)– ….Have you a most fantastic day forest… And thanks for getting me all soaking wet.. And a badly twitching kitty …
– Forest:      I love-making you wet… Most welcome …
– You:          (I was smiling … knowing his exact intentions)  But Maaan.. It’s such an awesome feeling ….
– Forest:     Mmmmmmm

You: Audio Message:

I was just being a naughty girl … trying to get him back by sending him a voice message of pretending to be aroused and enjoying myself telling him how much I want him and is so hottt and wett for him…

– You: Later forest
– Forest: Omdg!!!!Killin me!
– You:    (Liked Forest message)… You are the one killing me with those videos….All good though… Love them… They made my day….. Now all I have to do.. Is not get caught sneaking a peek.. Ever so often…. I love watching you.. I do….HAHAhaha
– Forest: Mmmmmmm….Thank you for liking my post.
– Forest: Video ”

He sent another three or four videos… I realize I was actually encouraging him with my playing along… I really want him to go…

 
– You:     Ooh my… !!! Ooooh my…!!!

– Forest: Video

– Forest: video.
– Forest: video

He sent a couple more… I just decided to not comment this time…and i didn’t …and stop the conversation… He is heavily in porns… I have noticed that even the ones with him… he is always  watching porns…
*****************************************************************************
– Forest: Morning gorgeous…

He try again one morning… I didn’t acknowledge him…I wasn’t in the mood for his game today…
*******************************************************
– You:    Hey forest… It’s Friday night… What are you up to…. Anything fun??   I guess you probably have daddy duties about right now… Just passing through.. Stopping by… Saying… Heyyy!!!! You!!!!

I tried to connect with him friday night.. I was up and was in one of my moods…. but to my disappointment he didn’t respond… ooohh well… I figure he was busy with someone else… So I just leave him alone…
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It was now valentine’s day… so I send out a Valentine’s greeting to him..

– You: HAPPY HAPPY VALENTINES DAY FOREST!!!! LOTS And LOTS OF VALENTINES SEX.. Enjoy your day to the fullest..

I sent it to him in the morning… I didn’t get a response until evening… but the way and what he text… annoys me a little…It was Valentines Day.. and I want some affection and some sweet convos… so when I saw his text.. I was just shake my head and said… “not today lover… and didn’t respond…

This is what he said…
– Forest:    Fuckin suck this big fuck meat baby girl…

Even virtually… that to me is not acceptable…I guess he was  thinking it was sexy and hott.. and just the thought of his “fuck meat” was enough to turn me on..  I didn’t make a comment or even bother to say anything about it… he was not worth my efforts… and it’s not like we have an emotional connection…

YOU LAY DOWN WITH DOGS… YOU GET UP WITH FLEAS…

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TO BE CONTINUED…..