MY LOVE-LOVE: THE JOY & PAIN OF AN UNFORBIDDEN LOVE; CHAPTER 6

A STORY OF PLAYING THE COUGAR WITH A VERY UNEXPECTED TURN…

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I went through the next few weeks like a zombie. Missing MYLOVE-LOVE. And feeling real bad because he ignores me. To make matters worse I found out that he has been talking to veronie and everybody else except me. And I wonder, why not me? What did I do to him? Why was it ok to talk to everyone else and not me? After all the times we spent together and the intimate moments we shared.. I thought we were friends and deserve some acknowledgement..

On May 5th I got a text saying, “wassup stranger”.

I sent a reply and but got nothing else. . I was like a school girl with her first broken heart. I was so frustrated and helpless because He would not communicate with me and I did not know how to reach him.

I was missing him and his presence..and I was afraid that I will never see him again and I was not ready to let him go…

I had bought some things for his little girl’s birthday, and I wanted him to get them. So I called him tell him I have them and how can I get them to him.

He text back that he wants them and that he will come and pick it up. He never did. I try to call the following day and would you believe that he hung up on me. I was so mad and upset that he would treat me so cold and mean.

I just couldn’t understand his behavior towards me…. he was so cold and a little mean and I was so hurt thinking I didn’t mean much to him for him to ignore me and refuses to talk to me..

He tries to call me later that day, I did not answer… I was still upset with him hanging up on me.. And then he sent me a text that his phone die while talking to me. I did not believe.

Anyway I wanted to get those present to the little girl so I decided to call his friend, whom number I have, to pick them up and pass them to him. I had the feeling He thought I was trying to see him, so I figure I would go pass him… yes I wanted to see him but I wasn’t going to harass him..if he didn’t want nothing to do with me…I will just leave him alone..

Well the friend came got them and then I text him telling him to collect them from him. He text me informing me that him and this guy no longer buddies. OPPS! The friend did not let me know this. OK. I decided to call the friend to bring them back.

MYLOVE-LOVE called a few days after..  asking me why I didn’t give veronie the presents to give him. I thought why would I want to do that? And he just went on and on about if I wanted to get it him I should have given her.

I was so hurt to know that he was still seeing her.. and not me… and I didn’t want her to know I was with him anyways…

I got so mad I hang up. I’m thinking how could he ask me that? What is he thinking? Doesn’t he know how I feel for him? That day I cried so hard. I cried because He doesn’t care about me in the least. I’m here thinking, I mean nothing to him, nothing. Thought I found me a friend, a true friend.  How wrong can I be?

I guess my emotions for him was way more than I would care to admit…

I decided not to text or call anymore. Leave him, I told myself. I was hurting and I was still crying a little whenever I thought of him  and his coldness. I was missing him but it doesn’t make sense wanting someone who doesn’t return your feeling…

A few weeks later I got a phone call apx. 12:30 am from MYLOVE-LOVE. telling me how busy he was and about all that he’s doing. He then asks me for $200. I told him I haven’t got it.

I was so glad to hear from him…but a little disappointed for the reasons I got that call.

Then I told him to call me that Saturday and I will see what I can do for him. Of course he called me and we talked some. I told him to give me a week and I will come up with it for him.

Here I am promising him money in hopes of getting the chance to see him.. My feelings have not changed much.. and I find myself getting all excited just talking to him… I still want him.

It’s been now six weeks since I last seen him and I was in great anticipation of seeing him again. For the next week I didn’t hear anything from him and I thought that was it. “oooh well”.

June 01st I got a text telling me that he’s trying to get stuff done and he’s been busy. He’s so tired and he has not talk to anybody because he is so busy.

Then he asked, “how u doin?”

I replied, I was pleased to hear from him. Then he asked, “So can you help me out with something?

I told him I will on one condition. That he never lose contact with me again and he have to keep me close. He agrees to the terms and said he will try.

I got a wassup Wednesday, I heard from him Thursday and, Friday. On Friday he said his car need fixing. He’s so damn tired.

. And again he asks, “Can u still do that for me?   I said yes.

Saturday he asks me what I am doing. I was working, did not get his text. And he text back, ‘Wassup. Now you don’t want to text back.”

I was amused and I apologized and told him I am working. I asked if he is not coming for the money or if he changes his mind. He told me he needs it but having trouble getting a ride.

So after six weeks of silence I heard from him every day for one week. I was feeling real good about communicating with him like that. But I was left to wonder is it because he wants to talk to me or is it because I promise him the money.

I knew the answer but I did not care because I would do almost anything just to see him and have him close again. I was going to pay him for a little of his time… How sad… but to me then… just getting a chance to be with him again was well worth it…

I could not wait to love on him again. To kiss those lips, Love on that chest, and have him hug me to him. I could hardly wait to see him.

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TO BE CONTINUED……..

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

MY LOVE-LOVE: THE JOY&PAIN OF AN UNFORBIDDEN LOVE; chapter 5

That Friday He text me to come by his house because he wanted me to meet his father. He implied that he wanted to hook me up  with his father… I was not very pleased … but…

I agree to go to his home because it meant seeing him and getting a chance to be with him, but I was very annoyed that he wanted to pass me on to his father.  I got to his house,  A man who I assumed to be his father, answered … I greeted him, introduced myself and asked for him…

He was in his bedroom, I asked his father to excused me and I went to him. I told him that I don’t appreciate that he is trying to pass me on like a piece of old clothes  and It’s him I like and it’s not because I’m desperate and need a man that badly… I let him know my desires is just for him…

Would you believe that right there and then he started to fool with me… he was kissing me pulling my pants down..

I try to resist, telling him no his father is outside but that did not deter him and by now I was all for it. I wanted him, I couldn’t resist him. kitty was twitching… getting soaking wet and all i wanted was to feel that hard throbbing dick sliding it’s way inside me easing my growing burning desires…I was so hottt…

He led me to the bathroom, bend me over the sink and give it to me..he had to put a hand over my mouth to keep me quiet… he had my legs trembling and kitty begging for more.. I tried to get seconds.. I was loving on his chest… kissing him… Pressing closely into him.. showing him how much I still want him..whispering one more time.. I want you… 

but he resisted … reluctantly.. pushed me away..and then his father called his name..

I was left inside to try to calm down and regain my composure….

I was so hottt.. and ready to burst that I touched kitty to ease her a little and with one touch I was sent in a height of ecstasy.. I stood there for a couple minutes convulsing and twitching.. how I wanted him…

I got up.. went to the restroom and get properly dressed and calm myself down… brush my hair and timidly went out to join them…

 and so we had a quickie. It was so excited and sweet. What he does to me and for me. How am I going to get pass him.

. I still was thinking of the fact that he did not want me enough to want to hook his father up with me; it only tells me what he really feels for and about me. I was a bit hurt but try to understand how he thinks.

 I was not mad at him only sorry I was so much older that I could not ask anything of him. And I wanted him, how I wanted him, but how can I have him?

The next two weeks I just live to see him. I couldn’t wait for each day to come just to get the chance of seeing him. It would break my heart every time I see him with veronie but I had accepted that fact that they were together. 

I would still seek him out after work, talk to him, but I know he was no longer interested in me. MY desire was again building and I thought I try asking him to see me.

So I text him asking to see him. He text back saying he’s on his way to Deltona. I was a bit disappointed but I kind of expect that answer. Anyway about two minutes after that I received another text from him saying…

..”yea com by my house I b home I am on my way back”.

I was so happy and elated. I reply “if you could only see the smile on my face. I will be there.”

And so I got one more time to spend with MYLOVE-LOVE {. I COULDN’T BELEIVE MY LUCK} I went over and he was lying there looking so good and sexy just waiting for me. He had no shirt on..

He had just taken a bath and smells so fresh and feels so good. I lie beside him and he immediately started to kiss me, he felt so good and smell so delicious, and how I wanted him, so, so much. I love on that beautiful chest of his… enjoying the taste of him and inhaling his scent getting lost in the moment…

I had bought a vibrating toy for us to try and I told him. I got the toy and he was all gamed, He said “let’s play” and play we did. I spent the night next to him and I was in glory land. Being with him gives me so much joy. I get a surge of happiness I never before experience. WE spent most of the night talking about his childhood and making love… The more times I spent with him the more I feel for him.. and the more I want him..

I hoped he would like me some. I left him that morning wondering if I will ever get another chance to be with him… I always left wondering because we never talked about us…

That week went by with me living in hopes of the next time, and it came that Tuesday.  I text him asking what’s he doing?

He replies that he is at his aunt birthday party. And then he called me to come over. I was so pleased that I did not hesitate. I got there and he pounced on me… I decided to try the eatable chocolate.. oooh maan !!!! Did he love me eating and licking it off his chest and moving down and gobbling up it from his tings… I didn’t stop till it was all gone…

And then it was my time.. ooohh baby baby!!!!! I was quivering and shaking with ecstasy…he took me to places and heights I have never been…

we had a good time together.

How I love him! Every time with him seems to be better and better. I was falling deeper and deeper for him. What was I doing? How am going to get out of this? The more I see and spent with him the more I want him. And so I decided to enjoy him as long as he allows me to.

The following week I try asking him if I can come over. He started to tell that I’m acting like we are in a relationship and to remember that we are only friends with benefits. A bit hurt but understand, because we had agreed on that. I came home feeling, that’s the end, I know this day would come. And anyway I got more than I had bargained for and I was thankful. I did not mention anything about us after that. Still talk to him but keep it casual.

 The next Tuesday , on my way to Walgreens I got a text

“I am at home can u come by 2nit.”

I wanted to go so badly and I was so upset that I was at work. Would you believe I cried, yes cried because I wanted to be with him so much and I had this chance and I couldn’t? I wonder if I would ever get another chance like this.

My chance did not come until the next Thursday . I text him asking him to include me on his agenda for that day. By now, I was itching to be with him. And I had to try so I thought I’d asked.

Well he said he was going to be busy but he’ll see what’s up later. And he called apx. 8pm and said he had somewhere to go midnight but he can see me until then. Of course I agreed and I was there before you know it.

 GOD! When he opens that door, he was the most beautiful sight I ever behold. That smile, that face, that man, that beautiful and gorgeous man, and I smile because I have longed and yearned to be with him these last few weeks and here I am, finally. It takes all my control not to jump on him, and with heart racing and hands shaking just to touch him I sat down beside him. He must have sense my desire, because he said, “What you came for, to watch T.V.? He did not have to say anything else that was my cue. I immediately start to kiss him. How I love to kiss him. I love on him like I was hungry; I couldn’t get enough of him. We made love for the next four hours. He was so good. He made love to me like he means it and I enjoyed every single minute of him. I left him very pleased and happy. 

The following Wednesday , he asked to babysit for him. I accepted because apart from getting a chance to be with him I love his babies. I spent the evening with them and they were good. He came home about 10:30pm. He was a bit distant as usual. He took his son, helps him with his homework and went to lie down. He fell asleep. I let him sleep knowing that he must be tired. I bathe the kids, fed them and put them to bed. I did not want to wake him up so I quietly lay down next to him.

I didn’t forget the last time with his kids and how I had behaved and reacted… so I didn’t expect any form of fooling around this night.

Into the night I felt him taking off my jeans. He tries to love on me but he stopped. I got up brushed my teeth, freshened up and went back to him and start to love on him, for some reason I felt he did not want me but I continue try to make him feel good, but maybe because his kids was present he wasn’t in the mood.   We had a little then went to sleep

He woke me up in the morning to get up to get his babies ready, and I did. I did not mind too much. I would do anything for him. Anything to make him happy and his life easier.

We did not see each other for the next couple of weeks, except at work. He did not have too much to say and ignored me for most part. Although I was feeling broken up and wanted more I know that we weren’t really together and that he doesn’t like me like that. But my consolation was I get to see him daily and gives me some joy. Just seeing him was enough to make me happy. On Saturday 24th April I got a phone call. He is asking for $40.00. And of course like the fool I am I told him to come and get it… It meant seeing him…And so he came over for it.

.He stays a little. Love me a little and then left. As usual I enjoyed our little session, it was good to me.

I felt a bit foolish because I let myself be used by him…but seeing him and getting to love on him was all worth it to me….

 I suspect the money was for veronie birthday. But I can’t say no to him. I kind of feel good to know he needs me for something and stupid old me thinking if I am kind to him I will win his loyalty and he will remains friends with me always. [HOW WRONG CAN ONE BE]

Come Monday 26th. We worked the same shift. He was at work and then I saw him walking with a manager towards the door. My heart sank. He passes me didn’t look my direction, and left. I knew something was wrong. And then we were told He got fired. Would you believe I started to cry? Don’t know why, but I could not hold back the tears. I try texting him, asking what’s wrong. He never replies. And then I started to panic and getting anxious. How am I going get through my days without his presence?  OMG!!  I’VE LOST MYLOVE-LOVE.  I will never see him again. I was so worried about us {as if there was an us} I was so afraid and scared. I could not think or focus. And to make matters worse he ignores me.

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TO BE CONTINUED…..

 

 

 

MYLOVE-LOVE: T HE JOY &PAIN OF AN UNFORBIDDEN LOVE chapter 3

I was getting so anxious for him to suggest us getting together again… and I starting to believe that it’s never going to happen when…..

He asked me to baby sit for him…  Of course…   I was more than happy to do so, because it means being with him again.  I was hoping and expecting a night like the one we had before. So i make sure the kids were all in bed before he got home… I sat there anticipating a night full of passion… and I was visualising all I would do to him.. I was so impatient waiting for him to come through that door..

Well he came home from work apx. 11:30pm .  A little later than I had expected… I suspected he was with veronie some.

You see he was still seeing her and I believed they were a couple but I decided to enjoy him when Im with him and not to mention anything or anybody to upset our time together. I did find out that she babysits those kids and even stayed over sometimes. I was so jealous and a bit mad but I remembered our deal. Just casual. . [I knew I could not compete with any young girl and I knew I had nothing to fight with. And I knew we said no strings.  I was helpless and hopeless. Here I am, wanting this guy with everything I got and couldnt demand, command or ask anything of him.]

So he came home and was very distant and so casual… decided that he was going to sleep on the couch, I asked him where am I going to sleep. He told wherever I liked. I was not too happy about that and then he just ignored me… I then realized that he had no intention of making love to me..

So I was not going to have the same experience. He does not want me like that. I wanted to leave, I would have left but I couldnt because he was asleep and I didnt want to call john so late. So I just steam and fight with me all night because I was feeling neglected, rejected and lonesome.

   He probably was just tired and didnt feel like fooling around or, like my mind is telling me he does not want me anymore . I try to convinced myself  with all the plausible explanations I could come up with.

I didn’t even stop to think of the kids.. I was so wrapped up in my own emotions and desires.. 

  Ill never know. I felt so bad I started to cry, so I got up from the couch sat there in the bathroom just beating myself up feeling like a fool, thinking why I allow myself to be treated like this. I even swear that I will never do this again.

  He got up to check on the kids and saw me sitting in the bathroom, asked me what Im doing there..not really concerned and went back to sleep. I then decided to come out and I went and lie between his legs and put my head on his tummy. Thats where I spent the rest of the night. I woke up feeling quite comfortable lying on him, nowhere else Id rather be, but it ended soon, much too soon. I was hoping he would want to make love: I playfully touched and rub against his cock… hoping to trigger some reaction… but He didn’t make any effort towards me so I know he was not interested.

Maybe because the kids was there .. and he didn’t want to take the chance of them catching us.. I was so selfishly thinking about me… I simply forgot about the babies.

He got the kids up took them to school and me home. Was very disappointed, I guess he did not like me as much as I thought and I was convinced that was the end of us. So we had a one night stand. I wanted more, much more, but it was out of my control…. He obviously didn’t share my feelings..

I got home and analyze the night and realize that I might have over reacted just a tad..

What was I thinking.. wanting a night of passion with three babies 👶 in the house….

With all this, it was still a very joyous and happy time for me. And even though he was giving me the cold shoulder, ignoring me and dismissing me. Just seeing him use to give so much joy.  It was like getting a buzz.  I used to love the sensation I get just thinking of him. And I waited impatiently hoping  for a next time.  I would text every morning and every night. Me thinking Im keeping his mind on me, instead I was becoming quite obsessive.

He was not responding to my text or calls. At work he completely ignores me. He spends most of his time with veronica and all the other young girls. I felt so bad for me but tell myself that its ok, Im too old for him anyway.  I console myself, convincing me that Im unable to compete for his affections. Why would he like me?  But with all this I still hope for more of him.   AND  I PRAYED FOR SOME MORE TIME WITH HIM.

I know I should have given up… but I was like a woman who got hooked on drugs and was craving for a buzz.. I so much wanted another dose of him…

I will find a way…

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TO BE CONTINUED……

 

MY LOVE-LOVE: THE JOY & PAIN OF AN UNFORBIDDEN LOVE; chapter 2

A STORY OF PLAYING THE COUGAR WITH A VERY UNEXPECTED TURN

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After that initial night he cancelled, I waited for him to suggest a next date . He didn’t called and he didn’t say anything to me about it… I see him everyday and for the next couple of weeks I kinda gave up on the idea. he was still seeing veronie and he wasn’t giving me too much attention.

I just thought I’d let it go..

It was a Tuesday. He was off ;   I work the closing shift.  I missed seeing him but to my surprised… He showed up, looking  so handsome, all dressed up. He stopped to talk to me, I was all smiles, so pleased to see him.   a bit jokingly he ask if I want him to come for me later.

I told him not to play with me like that and he said he is not playing… I was sitting down and he came up behind me and kiss me on the cheek., and whispered ” see you later.” winked at me as he walked out..

It gives me such a thrill .. I was smiling and thinking if he was really serious. I still did not believe that he would have come but he text me at 10:40

how u doing 

I answered, and he text back  Ill be there at 10 to give you a ride, or u can ride me.”

  he did come for me.

I was so nervous .. I was not prepared for this encounter but… find myself getting all excited in anticipation..  when I got to his place I was shaking a little,

So , I excuse myself to the bathroom to get my nerves and freshen up a little I took me a quick shower.. . When I came out he was only in his underpants.

I had to catch my breath, he was so beautiful. He had this sexy perfect body, his  chiseled chest, his strong muscled  legs, he  was a sight to behold, I completely forgot my  fears.

he then pulled me to him and  kiss me… good god! He kisses like a dream,

I was caught up in a whirlwind of passion…  He tasted so good feel so wonderful and then he lay back on the bed taking me along with him and  asked me to get on top and I told him no , I did not want to embarrass myself so soon..

He just scoop me up put me on the bed straddled me and said, ‘that’s ok, that’s why u got a young boy for. I would have love more foreplay but I was so ready to feel him inside of me.. I took hold of his hard throbbing cock… gentle stroking and enjoying the feel of it.. guiding him to my soaking wett and eagerly twitching kitty.

And then he enters me… slowly.. I gasp with pure pleasure as he started to thrust gentle at first building up tempo as I beg him to go faster…and harder… he eagerly responded..

. I can’t start to tell you how that feels… I was in heaven.

And he sure knows how make me feel good

. And he kept on saying,”oh shit, oh shit, oh shit.”

And I kept thinking “oh shit, oh shit, oh shit.”

He was enjoying me as much as I was enjoying him..

We both cum with a force and I held on to him tightly, not wanting to let him go…  and he was smiling and whispered,

“You felt so good.” and planted a most passionate kiss on my lips..  I smiled… so happy and so pleased.. he was everything I thought he would be.

I was glad I got the opportunity to be with him. It was my best night ever.  I stayed over that night and we made love again& again, I watched him sleep, hold him in my arms and wake up beside him. I came away wanting more and wondering if I will ever a get another chance to be with him. I can’t forget how he looks while he was sleeping or how it feels to hold him in my arms. Truth be told.. I feel in love with him from that moment…. MYLOVE-LOVE

All that week I was walking on air anticipating our next time. Afraid to ask him. couldt take my eye or my mind off him. I kept on picturing that gorgeous, sexy body of his. Going to HOMEDEPOT was a pleasure for me because it means seeing him…

A week has passed and I was hoping for an opportunity to suggest another date.. I wanted him so badly.. I wanted to ravage and devour him all.. I was so eager for another chance.. I wanted more.. yes..more

 

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TO BE CONTINUED…..

ONLINE DATING: FIRST EXPERIENCE; epilogue

 we talked  for about three hours and in that time he brought up the sexual topic again and i did encourage it to a certain extent.. that I even disclose one of my deepest fantasy … but he got so weird and crazy that in the end I had to truthfully tell him if he is trying to discourage me from him , that it is working.. I was not liking this side  of him and I told him that . and i say..
” is this the real you.. or is this stemming from you anger with me….???”
I was feeling really disappointing with his attitude .
So I told him I would rather leave than take his behavior…

I couldn’t believe that I was so wrong about him… and then he pauses .. and I thought he finally stopped .. but after a few minutes I got this text..

 

This is Brett… Allen been asleep for several

hours! But let me tell you something.. He is a good guy and you are a freak! He
may very well wan to fuck you… Clearly he hasn’t yet… And your fetish stuff
is crazy!!! If you hurt him I’m going to be pissed… Please be nice to him…
He may be a little lost at the moment but he’s a really good person. Good night
I was so shock and embarrassed for playing along with him… enclosing my secret.. I didn’t know what to say…so I just hung up…  I was a little relieved to know that it wasn’t him though..
It was morning by now and I couldn’t sleep again… I was a little disturbed and perturbed…anyways I sent him a text a few hours later..
: Boy did I get a dose of my own medicine from your
friend Bret this morning. I Made a complete ass of myself but I guess I deserve
it all . I even disclosed my most embarrassing fantasy; something I have never
told a living soul. I m still here nervous and shaking just texting this you
because now I’m not too sure if you really forgive or not or i If you think I
set out deliberately to deceive you and betray you…. I fail the test didn’t  I?

 Lesson  taken well… Again, my sweet ALLEN…. my love…

 

I am so so very very sorry for what I did, and wish with all my heart I could
undo it. Because if you even feel half as bad as I’m feeling right now I know
the pain you are going through . I m so sorry my sweet Allen you definitely did
not deserve this.
He answered almost immediately, with…
” I do forgive you and I’m sorry Brett messed with
you after I went to sleep.. He told me.. Not everything. Just that he fucked
with you because you fucked with my heart and that is bullshit…. I was pissed
at him and told him to leave my phone alone. Anyway I think the  fantasy
is kinda hot and I would for sure entertain anything as long as you enjoyed it.”
I didn’t quite know what to say or how to say what I really want to say..and I was still feeling like a fool , knowing his friend showed him all that he put me through.. and I was feeling a little self-conscious.. so I decided to cut off the conversation..
” Hey .. I still a bit shaken up from last night. I responded.
I guess I have  to take some time to absorb and deal with it. Thanks a bunch for
forgiving my deception. I’m not mad at Brett shows loyalty for a dear friend.
If only we all have friends like him who hurt for us in the way he does  I know
you are special and Brett just confirmed that fact. Ttyl my ALLEN .. Off to work
So as you know… Still loving you…”
He told me to have a great day at work… and I smiled..
I went to work for the first time without a smile.. I had tears in my eyes all night… I couldn’t believe how i have mess up our wonderful Christmas so badly. I could feel his coldness. and I thought i would give him some time to absorb it and come to terms with it all. how I missed him….
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My sweet Allen stays with me for the next two months… he was very compassionate and super understanding … but he couldn’t bring himself to get pass my horrific deed..  he said he couldn’t accept all the lies that i told .. he could have accepted the pictures  because that wasn’t the problem.. it was the deception .. he could understand all my insecurities and fooling him with pictures …. it was just all the lies that comes with them.. he just don’t know if he can trust me. he said he didn’t care what I look like … he fell in love with me.
And again, I was dumbfounded.. I know he was so right and I have no valid excuses to justify my actions, other than my lame explanation that I just wanted some time with him.. It was the truth but just wasn’t enough reasons..
We talked again and again. well, I should say I  did..  he didn’t have too much to say to me. at one point he asked me to move beyond him.. and told me he has moved on .. He even as much as mention that his heart has grown a callous. I knew then that i had lost him completely.. I tried to accept my defeat but i was hurting so badly.. I never remember ever  feeling this amount of excruciating pain before..
I got me loving him.. I had him loving me.. I cried night and day for the first two weeks.
 i have given up all hopes with him.
He stays and encourages me  and treats me with me tenderness and a large amount of compassion. one his  last text was on valentines… I had sent him two cards and a valentine’s message  and he responded..
….MY MESSAGES….
Happy valentines my valentine!! I’m going to drop
the ‘L’ word today and I do hope you accept and receive it for all its worth. So
you know.. I still love you as much as I did seven weeks ago and even more… And I
want you to know how very grateful I am to you for staying; you will never know
just how much it means to me. Thank you for being you; that kind compassionate
wonderful you. My only regret is knowing how much Hurt i have caused you, but
I’m so thankful for the chance I get to know you and love you –

: Many people have touched the edges of my life,
coming and going;  scarcely leaving an impression, but you are an uncommon and
unique person, someone who has made a big difference in my life;so it’s not
surprising that I find myself thinking, just how very special you are… And
wanting you always to remain close … And I’m hoping against all hopes you stay awhile..  LOVE YOU MY SWEET SWEET ALLEN  ON THIS VALENTINE’S DAY..
(I ENCLOSED THE CARDS AND WROTE;
413d9674-83d7-43fd-a053-1d8a8a634044imageimageimage
…  For you my Allen have you a most wonderful day
filled with love

 .

Wow! That is the nicest text and for sure most

heart-felt valentine cards I’ve ever received! Thank you so much for waking my

heart up Nita… And showing me that there is still a man inside me that wants
to feel love… And wants to be loved. You are so different from anyone I’ve
ever experienced and  I’m grateful to have you in my life.
. .: I hope you have a perfect Valentine’s Day Nita
 ” Thanks to the love I have for you and thanks to
you my sweet Allen… This is my best valentines ever”
I was smiling so huge when I had received that text… I didn’t actually know how to take what he said, but I was so pleased to read his respond  and was happy he liked my cards..
My heart soars with this immense amount of love for him it fills me with so much joy.. even though I messed up and lost him.. I just know that I will never forget  this most awesome and amazing gift of love.
It was one amazing month and though our christmas got shattered I still love every moment we shared and enjoyed together… the man who let my whole being becomes alive  like it  never  had before…he sets my heart on fire and have my whole soul so alive with profound joy..The man I never knew…with just his words he set me ablaze with a love so explosive and passionate… for that short period I knew what it was to be love with a passion so intense, I felt it to my very soul… I know he loved me… yes me… me… I felt him like he was right beside me..
He made love to me like no one has ever done.I felt his touch…I cum with such powerful, electrifying ecstasy …. over and over again.  I was the receiver of that intense passion and i am the one that loves him with a desire so strong it hurts.. I found him….and it was phenomenal..ecstatic… sensational… epic…
He may no longer be here.. but I’m so happy to have gotten this chance to know him .. love him..expirience him.. enjoyed him…. SOMETIMES LIFE REALLY GIVES BEAUTIFUL GIFTS.. IT GAVE ME HIM.. & SOME GIFTS YOU CAN’T HOLD IN YOUR HANDS …. YOU HOLD THEM IN YOUR HEARTS…

ONLINE DATING:FIRST EXPERIENCE; part 11b

He was gone again and I don’t think he will be back… come tomorrow after a good night sleep maybe I will try to talk to him again. I messed up… yes I made a real  mess real badly and ruin a  most perfect Christmas. How did this happen….how could I have known that I would be surprised by LOVE…all I know is that  I do love him so… so very, very much.

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I LAY THERE SOBBING AND WEEPING FOR MY GREAT LOSS; IT FELT LIKE MY HEART WAS PULL OUT AND STOMP ON; I WAS SO BROKEN UP WITH PAINS OF SORROW; I HAVE LOST HIM… MY WORST FEAR HAS COME TRUE….I WENT THROUGH THE LAST TWO WEEKS FEARING THIS DAY, NOT WANTING IT TO HAPPEN; TRYING TO HOLD ON TO HIM FOR AS LONG AS I COULD, THINKING OF ONLY MY DESIRES, NOT WORRIED ABOUT HIS FEELINGS; AND NOW THAT IT HAS COME TO PASS; I NOT ONLY FEEL PAIN FOR ME BUT FEELS IT WORST FOR HIM BECAUSE HE DID NOT KNOW I WAS DECEIVING HIM; AND JUST LIKE I FELL FOR HIM HARD HE FELL FOR ME JUST AS HARD. HE BELIEVES IN ME/Paige; HE TRUSTED ME WITH HIS HEART AND I RUIN IT. [and I cry some more, for being a such selfish and contempt person}

We were experiencing everything together; the only difference is… I knew it was all a lie and he did not. And I agonized in anguish; feeling bad for losing him and worst for hurting my ‘MY SWEET ADORABLE WONDERFUL Allen’.

Then surprisingly I got a text from him; I could not believe it; so like me, he could not sleep; we were really two hearts in harmony, feeling and thinking the same things. There he goes echoing my thoughts again.

“Well… good night, I’m sorry, I’m a mess… but this is so weird, knowing everything was a lie…I’m trying to feel the love I felt… and no judge… but man… you played me hard and I fell hard… so I love the idea of you but I don’t know we can ever happen… I think… Idk… it’s so weird… I’m still in love… but I’m mad…not like I’d hurt you mad… that’s not my style… just mad… not sure what to do.”

I read it and I cried… I cried for him because I could sense his pain he was experiencing.

“I totally understand… I said to him. “Wish I knew how to make it right…and I’m hurting like mad, can’t stop the tears and I know you are too.”

“Yes…” he agreed. This sucks.

“So so sorry Allen.” I told him.

‘Deception is so painful… I have no idea.” He said.

“But I wanted to tell you. That’s why I did.” I confess.

“Just so you know… everything I shared was true and real.” He wanted me to know.

“I know” he told me [about wanting to tell him] “and thank you.”

I told him I know that everything he shared was true and real. {That was the reason I had to come clean}

I’m easy to see I guess,” he said, “please take her off… I feel so gross.”

“Sorry to hurt you like that,” I let him know. “You are such a sweet man.”

“You used her,” he told me.

“I can see that, guess I did.” I totally agreed.

“Please give me you… I want to feel even a piece.” He asks of me.

I want to give him all of me, but I was so sure that he was not going to like me in no way possible.

“In what form,” I ask.

Funny part is,” he was telling me, “in the beginning if you used that old picture of you… that would have worked better; then he said, “ I guess you think every man with a hard cock wants a young girl… Idk what others think… but I promise that isn’t the case here. I want passion… heart… love…”

And I guess he was right to a point, I did think he was attracted to Paige because she is young and beautiful; While on the hand there is me… the very opposite. And of course which man can resist a pretty girl.

So I told him, “I only got tango to be able to talk with my grandson; I was not trying to find a date… everything I told you was the truth.

I was trying to explain to him that I would not have thought to put an attractive photo of me because I had no intentions of finding my soul mate. He may not believe but I did not even know it was a social media; I thought I was like Skype.

So he asked me, “So you love me? Because I fell in love with you.”

I think, OMG!! And I can’t give him what he wants.

I told him “yeah!! With everything I got.”

“What a mess… I’ve never been here,” he said trying to come with terms with it.” I know how I feel… I know how blue you feel.” What now?

I am  so glad you fell in love with me.” I told him.  “That is why I want to be sure it was me.”

And he asks me again, “you won’t even send me a dirty picture?”

Idk… I told him. “But you never know, I might. But not tonight.

I guess he getting angry again because he said,” you are so clean… you can lie and betray me… but a picture of your pussy is out of the question… sounds funny right? But baby a picture of your pussy can be my choosing.”

Come on…” I say.

“I can tell you how to pose or what to do and know you are being honest. He tells me. “If you want to earn my trust that is your only chance.”

So I told him, “I have done it in the past with bad consequences.”

“Too bad.” He said.

“Don’t be mean Allen it doesn’t suit you,” I told him.

“This is your last chance before I delete and block you…” he threatened.

“Oh my goodness!!!! I exclaimed.

I really did not want him to do that, but… I was not going to give any dirty pictures and if it meant him deleting or blocking me… then so be it.

“I will not use anything and I am not mean…” he informs me. So far that’s all on you. You’d know already if I was an asshole… am I? He asked.

“Why is this picture so important to you?” I ask him.” No, no you are not an asshole.” I told him. {Of course he not, he never was. until now.. and somehow, I can understand  his behavior.. he is just hurt and confused and in love and being played a fool by me.)

“Because it’s personal!!!” he answered me. “You have one chance to get personal; take it or leave it.”

I’m leaving it… I thought.

“But it’s on line…” I told him.

“Broken heart and all… I’m hurt… but I’m not an asshole… will I make you prove shit? Yup… if you don’t want to. It’s real easy… delete … me…” he threatens me again.

Here he was all trying to act mean and nasty to me; but I was not buying it in the least. In the  weeks I have known him, if there is one thing I have learnt about him is that he is the kindest man alive. I saw through him like a looking glass. He is only hurting right now all because o me.

“OMG!!!” I shouted out. “You are different.”

“I have no idea why we are still talking”. He told me.

Quite frankly I don’t either. I’m glad that we are because I really calm down and it is due to the fact, because he was talking to me. And the more he talks the more my emotions got under control. Just having him there with me was so calming and was glad he choose to stay with me, I hope he realize just what it means to me for having him talking to me even though I know he was trying to figure out why I did what I did to him.

I was so drawn to him and was so fascinated with him that the more time I spent with him the more I want of him. And yes I choose to hang on to him with false pretense and trickery very selfishly and end up hurting us both. Would I do it again? Yes. Yes, to feel what I have felt and have him loving me with that intense passion, so blazingly hot; yes I definitely would, only next time I would not use trickery. Then maybe, instead of going through this predicament, I would be wrapped up in his sweet loving arms making passionate and explosive love and just enjoying him to the fullest. WOW!!! Only in my dreams.

“I fell in love.” He said. “With nothing real. Yes this me angry… I don’t hate… it just hurts.

“I am real.” I told him.

I know you are.” He said. “I felt you.”

“And you don’t like me… right now? I ask.

It’s not that,” he says. “I’m totally confused, I fell in love with you… but you played me… tricked me. I am really romantic or I was.”

“If you love me, don’t push me away, I asked of him. “I’m sorry, so very sorry, you were the best.” I told him.

Then he told me, “I forgive you Wendy, I really do.”

Thank you for that.” I told him.

I just have to adjust, and let us happen.” He said to me. “But Idk if I can trust you… Idk … things are a mess. I know I fell in love with someone.”

So I told him, “you see you are that sweet man…trusting me will take time I guess… but I didn’t deceive you intentionally.”

“I forgive you Wendy,” he said. “I have to sleep on this.

I wanted him to understand why I deceive him, so I told him, “it was the way you ask if I was that black girl… let’s… [Sleep on it.]Please don’t block me just yet?

Then he said the most wonderful thing, “merry Christmas baby… to the beautiful girl I fell in love with…

“ok, so I asked that for a reason! I won’t.” [Blocking me.]

I like that!!” I let him know. “Me beautiful.”

And for the first time I knew he meant me when he called me beautiful. And I smile.

“I am in love… I will see it through.” He told me.

“Oh you are so wonderful.” I complimented him.

“Maybe I fucked up bad… either way I will see it through. He informs me. I’m upset that you deceive me… but that does not negate my feelings. I am in love for a reason.”

All of a sudden I was feeling happy that I confess to him; he makes me think he is willing to redirect the love he feels to me. And It give me hope that maybe; just maybe I do have a chance with him. And I want it… so far all night this is first time I felt positive and was willing to give me a chance.

So I told him, “Now I’m glad I told you. I was very worried that it would end us. Yes you are.”

So we play the game for a bit and see how things shake out…. Right? He said.” either way love can’t be blind.”

I was getting a bit enthusiastic about us and I started to smile in anticipation of an us.

I’m with you lover,” I told him enthusiastically. “I feel so good…I’m now sure it’s me and not that picture.”

“And so we love… and sort shit out… that’s how I’m going to sleep tonight… I won’t judge… I will let time do that.” He told me.

“Sounds good to me my sweet Allen.” I told him. “You must be the greatest guy alive.”

I was so thrilled that he was thinking about us positively and he wants to try with me. I was quite happy for the hope he puts in my heart and for the assurance of his love; and again, I was amazed by him.

“Wendy… the picture gives me a visual… now a horrible one… it’s up to you to create a new visual”. He told me. “That’s why I started so perverted… please take all those images and replace them? I don’t to see her anymore… I want to see the woman I fell in love with.

I don’t have one with just me that was why I use the one with her.” I told him. I take awful pictures. Not too photogenic… but I’m going to work on some for you.”

Then I told him, “Oh my… you must be the best guy ever to love me.”

So I went searching in my album, trying to find a picture of me that look half decent to send to him. So I found that I was smiling and two of me with Barbara, Gail and Ayden. I sent them and comment, “That’s me… I know… with crazy ass sisters.

He did not respond so I thought he went to sleep and thought let me get some sleep too. I was a little exhausted emotionally, but right now I was feeling at ease knowing that “MY SWEET Allen’ was loving me… Wendy Wakanita… I was pleased and very calm, and that was good for me.

I was really happy he stayed with me and give me the chance to calm my emotions ; I do believe we are truly in love and all this exhilarating and jubilant emotions are all real, not only for me but for him too. Yes, yes we are definitely, absolutely and crazy in love. So we will allow time to be the judge of our outcome.

After what I did… I am only grateful that he still takes the time to talk and stayed with me this long. Does he know how very special that makes him? –

I turn off the light and smile; I was smiling this time instead of crying; and I hope comes tomorrow he will still feel the same; I wanted for him so much to love me, because I love him so very much… and I hope he stays and let us work it out… we are in love for a reason. [isn’t that what he said?]

And I drifted off to sleep smiling and with great hope… and for the first time at ease knowing he recognized me as me .. and his words kept playing in my head… and I said a little prayer.. ” DEAR GOD.. MAKE HIM LOVE ME… ME!!!

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TO BE CONTINUED…

ONLINE DATING: FIRST EXPERIENCE; part 11

https://itun.es/us/Nqh1_?i=1070887985

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I JUST SAT THERE WITH TEARS ROLLING DOWN MY EYES, MY HEART BREAKING; THINKING OF ALL TIMES I COULD HAVE TOLD HIM THE TRUTH; AND WONDERING IF I WOULD HAVE GOTTEN THIS CHANCE I HAD; TO KNOW HIM AND LOVE HIM LIKE I DID.. IF I HAD… WISHING I HAD THE RIGHT WORDS TO SAY TO HIM TO CONVINCE HIM TO STAY… KNOWING IT’S TOO LATE ANYWAYS… I HAVE LOST HIM. HE MUST REALLY HATE ME NOW… FOR TAKING AWAY THAT PRETTY SMILE AND BEAUTIFUL GIRL… AND WISHED WITH ALL MY HEART, AGAIN, THAT HE COULD LOVE ME… THAT I COULD HAVE THE CHANCE TO BE WITH HIM AND BE A PART OF HIS MOST ENTICING WORLD… BUT HE IS GONE AND I’M LEFT HERE WITH MY MISERY AND A HEART FULL OF SO MUCH LOVE AND DEEP DESIRE FOR HIM.

AND I SIT THERE… MY MIND FLASHING BACK TO ALL HE HAS SAID TO ME… AND ALL THE PASSION AND LOVE WE FELT AND SHARE FOR AND WITH EACH OTHER; GOING OVER THE PAST WEEK AND A HALF… RELIVING EVERY PRECIOUS MOMENT WE SPENT. MISSING HIM… WANTING HIM…LOVING HIM AND LONGING FOR HIM.

An HOUR HAS PASS, I WAS TRYING TO  ACCEPT, AND COME WITH THE TERMS THAT I WILL NO LONGER BE HEARING FROM HIM… WHEN A TEXT CAME IN… I JUMPED SO HARD, NOT EXPECTING IT, AND I GOT ALL OVERLY EXCITED… MY HEART STARTED TO THUD BEATING WILDLY… AND WITH SHAKING HANDS, PICKED UP THE PHONE AND THERE HE WAS…

“Baby…” he said. “ I don’t care what she thinks… that isn’t right! I care what you think. You haven’t lost me… I’m pretty confused though.”

“What do you mean,” I asked, confused and perplexed..

(I was slightly smiling; very pleased with what he said about, I haven’t lost him..a little hopeful)

“Wendy we need t connect as us,” he told me.

“I want that too,” I answered.

“Do you shave your pussy?” He asked.

(what!!!!????)

I was a little disturbed by his question but I have him back, talking to me and I want him to stay.

So I told him, “yeah.”

“If not…now is the time,” he told me.

“Why?” I inquired.

“I want a mouthful of your pretty pussy… tell me what I got.” He asked.

I said to myself, oh man I am not, no way feeling sexual right now.

So I told him, “I’m really not too good at this.”

I was not… truthfully… and I was in no mood for it. But I thought, let me play along with him and entertain his desire… at least I will have him talking to me; and I need to keep him with me as long as I can…

“I’m horny… I need pussy… let’s cum please… tell me why it’s us… let me taste you.” He was saying. ‘Do you have big or small pussy lips? Do you like to have your pussy sucked on? He was asking.

I was wondering… how does he feels horny right now. I couldn’t feel anything; I was still shaken up and unsure and perturbed.

So I answered, “Small and yes.”

“Does your clit get big or stay small? He kept on asking. “Do you liked to get sucked till you come?

I again answered, “Small and yes.

I was a little annoyed at his questions but I did not want to tell him to stop this ..because I did not want him to stop talking to me; and I was afraid e would leave again… You see as long as he is here with me, the more relaxed and calmer I became and my hysterical emotions were slowly fading.

“After I take care of you and make you cum over and over… would you like to swallow my load? He asked of me.

So I thought, “Let’s see if I can try to do this.”

I did not like this right now… and I did not like his questions, and I’m wondering… why is he acting like this… is it because he now knows I’m no virgin, and he is able to be more open sexually… why?

… He said. “You have to… I will make you cum hard… over and over and over.”

“Here we go,” I said defeated. “Yes”

“And then I will suck your pussy and take all you can give me, and then… you will be on your knees and swallow my cum… every drop.” He was letting me know.

“I can’t keep up to you,” I told him. “Ok anything for my man.” I give in.

“That’s my girl!!! What a great answer! That is what I would have said. He exclaimed.

So I just play along just to keep him there with me.

“Tell me what you want and I will deliver.” I l told him.

“Whatever it takes to make my girl cum hard… that’s what I want!” He tells me. “Oh man! So you will do the same.”

So I said,” it’s your turn to get yours.”

“Tell me what it takes… to fuck your pussy up way hard!!! He asks. And I’m on it.

And I just try playing along.

“And I’m willing to be your freak tonight.” I let him know.

“I need my girl to swallow… that is important to me…” he informs me. Spread that pussy sexy girl. But f.y.i. I will need pictures moving forward.” he let me know.

I thought hell no way!!!!!…. I starting to feel really bad about this conversation  we were having and the direction it was going  and I started to  feel violated. But…

“OMG!!! I really don’t do pictures.” I told him.

“I have a big thick cock for you baby… but we have to share…

“Willing to,” I let him know.

“Pictures have to happen” he says. “Good girl!!! This will be fun.”

“No pictures please…” I pleaded.

“Nope… stop… pictures or no deal.” He says sounding upset…

So I asked, “What kind are you talking about?”

“Pussy all spread out… yup… that bad… for real though…why, be Kinda dirty…show me what’s mine baby… let’s play.” He kept on.

“Sorry no can do… I’m not into that.” I told him.

“Ok bye.” He said.

“Can’t it be visual like before?” I asked.

“We are done here… too much deception… I call the shots or it’s over… no more games.” He told me.

I realize that he is about to go again and I was starting to get all fearful all over, I want him to stay with me so I thought I need to try to give him what he wants.

“Ok tell me again what is it you want.” I ask him.

“I want a picture of your pussy up close… and your face… and your tits… “He informs me.

I tried calling him by phone, but he refuses; I was thinking if I could talk to him it would be much better because my texting sucks and I am not able to say what I would like to. And he is texting way too fast for me to keep up to him.

“I won’t answer… he said. We have to connect before we go any further … it’s all up to you.

I didn’t like his answer and I was starting to think he really hates me to be talking to me like this and making all these outrageous requests….

So I told him, “aaahh man… now you using me like a ‘ho’ “[whore]

I was feeling disrespected and feel like he really hates me to be treating me so foul. I was thinking he is trying to hurt me for hurting him; for taking away Paige and replacing her with the likes of me. I’m no substitute.

“No stop… let’s stop now then… we are done… it was cute… I was manipulated and now you want me to respect you…. It’s over.” He told me off. “Night.” He says.

So I told him, “all the sweet mess is gone, you are now cold and want to hurt me back for what I did to you… guess I deserve that.”

He says, “Nope… I want you to be vulnerable… but you will never be… but I was… bye.”

I know I have to let him go… it’s no use trying  and hoping… the damage has been done…. I felt his pain and I know how much he was hurting and I hate me as much as he did right now. I realize too late just how cruel I was for leading him on with all my false pretense and no matter what my excuses were, there is no justification for my actions. I have hurt him in a bad way and he genuinely loves the girl I was supposed to have been; and it can’t be undone. I mess up big time.

So I lamely told him, “I’m really sorry again… bye Allen, it was really a treat knowing you. Love you anyways… always.

And then I thought I’d try to tango him using the camera. But again he refuses…

I thought he was gone again…  he has stop texting but again he surprises me with a response.

“You blew it Wendy… I’m sorry but that shit hurt… you are mean… I was open and honest.”

I started to cry again because I knew he was right and I did not know how to console him; did not know what to say to him; did not know if it would have even mattered anyway. I have cause pain to the sweetest and dearest man there is; and I was feeling his every pain I inflicted and there was nothing I could do about it.

“I know… but I hurt my feelings too…” I said so pathetically. “I just like your face so much.” I told him trying to explain my reason behind all my cruel deception, wanting him to understand.

“Ha-ha,” he laughed sarcastically. That is sweet but you mess my head all up.”

And I continue trying to explain and excuse my behavior, “and I know you would not want to talk to me… so I use Paige as bait. And I’m glad I did”

This seems to trigger off his anger again, because he said very angrily, “stop! I’m offering to fuck… and you know me… don’t you? He asked. “So take my cock and make me love you… or let me go…this is all I have. This is your mess… so fix it… it is your call.”

I did not know how to fix it and I refuse to go the way he is asking. I’m not going to lower my standard and let him think I am sleazy. It was important to me for him to think I am a nice girl and I won’t degrade myself…

So I told him, “I can’t be that cheap, I want what you were offering Paige…..

“Ok then, we are done here,” he let me know. “You can’t be as cheap as I have been for a while now. We have both hit our limit.” He told me still angry and bitter.

…“But I know I can’t have it or you.” I finished saying. “Story of my life.” I said sadly.

“I was in love… you could have saved that… you don’t know how… so we are done. Let it end.” He finally said.

He was right… I have to let it end…. I did not know how to save us; I did not know what I should say or could say; and I didn’t think we could be saved, because I still was thinking he’s never ever going to like me or be able to redirect his love to my face.

So I agreed with him to end it,” ok my sweet sweet Allen… I had it all ..and I wanted you  so so bad.. and I’m so happy with what we had.”

Then he tells me, “I’ll always love what we may have had… it was beautiful.”

Agreed.” I said.

He then tells me,” I hope you learned something…”

“I have.” I told him. “A valuable lesson.”

“It hurts me…” he said, “but I get it… my bad. So I don’t go beyond that first night anymore.”

Then he went a little crazy and said, “Give me pussy or fuck off … that is how it works now…”

(I kinda ignore that outburst because I didn’t know how to responded..)

So I told him, “You love Paige…. Not me… I know.”

“No I could never be in love with an underage girl… he told me. “That isn’t who I am. She is a kid… I don’t see kids as something attainable. Nope… nice try though.”

“I mean the picture of,’ I told him. “You did not know that she was so young.”

“I was in love with you… he let me know, “I never fell in love with her pictures.”

The word ‘was’ hit me like a log. He has stopped loving me.

So I ask him, “then why are you treating me like this. I’m not so bad you know.” {Me trying to convince him to like me.}

“I fell in love with the personality,” he was telling me. “So stop trying to play it. I fell in love with you.”

(this comment make me feel so good hearing saying that he loved me…)

It’s still me.” I try to assure him.

“And that fucks you up” he let me know. “And it should… all I need was a connection… you gave me that… now you want me to forgive you for playing with my heart?

“And you have the connection still…I’m trying to assure him. “I did not play with your heart… I truly love you… I may have tried to be Paige but it was me all the way.” Trying to convince him that I’m still the same girl he feel in love with.

He has stop texting and I realize he did not buy it.. he is gone; my heart sinks again and the tears return. I was so full of self pity wishing I could find the right words to save us.. I was back to sobbing again crying my heart out..

And I said, “Can’t believe how much I fucked up so bad. Oh, how I wish I could take it all back… but then again… I would never have experience the joys of you. Thank you for it all… you are still the best thing ever to me. And for all it’s worth it… I love you; love you so very much.

He was gone again and I sit there again just thinking about what he said about loving me and how much I wanted to believe him; thinking about his earlier request for a picture and all he said to me and how I was thinking and feeling and I wonder…. Was he testing me? Was he trying to see if I would have agreed to compromise my honor? Seeing that I used lie and deceits to be able to talk to him, what else would I do to hold on to him? How far was I willing to go?

I wanted so bad to make it right, for him to like me for me. But somehow, deep down I know he never will; I still was not fully convinced that it was not Paige picture he fell in love with. I still could see him visualizing Paige, wanting her, and I know I could never give him me because I am not so appealing. I’m here loving him and wanting him and knowing that he could never feel that way for me.

I know he is hurting too; I can feel and sense his sorrow from all he had said to me; he is angry and confused; it was just a few hours ago he was telling me how much he was he was so fortunate to have me in his life and just how much he loves me. And I wish I know how to make it right for him. Wish I knew….

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TO BE CONTINUED………