In all my adult life.. all the connections I have form.. have ended with a broken heart 💔….
Rejection is one emotions… I became familiar with…. I have cried many a tears .. after being crushed by a lover… I have experience excruciating pain… from being rejected..
CRUSHED
Rejection.. brings and conjured up so many negative thoughts … feelings… and emotions… especially when you are totally invested emotionally….
For some reason… I will be the perfect girl.. until I’m face with rejection. I have never learnt how to deal with this one emotion..
My first reaction is is to run.. get away from the person and the source..I get discouraged… I withdraw in a shell… I become timid. Unsure.. I lose my confident composure..
I get scared of losing.. but don’t know how to hold on… I’m always ready to run…. I pull away.. I stop communicating.. afraid of the answers to any questions I may asked….
What do don’t know won’t hurt you..
What the eyes don’t see…. the heart won’t leap…( get hurt 😢)
All my life… I yearned for someone to love me.. just love me unconditionally ..
Okay .. got married three times.. all ended for some reason or another..
Had a few flings in between and after… nothing permanent…after all fails …..
I decided to try online… I mess up here too.. my first time was a big disaster… the second.. third.. ect.. was not better… still come away with a broken heart…
WORLD APART
I found I have a way with words….. i could use my words to persuade any situation… when I started online… I had many admirers who genuinely likes me… because of what I have to say…I guess I didn’t know the power of my words … and what a huge impact they have…I tried to control the connections until my heart decided to step and get involved…
I find it very hard to keep my emotions out of the equation… I easily catch feelings… I’m always so vulnerable… even though it’s not on a personal basis.. it just virtual.. I struggle to maintain a causal connection… at first I thought I was able to do this without becoming emotionally involved… but before long…I prove myself wrong…
I decided I’m no good at this so I gave it up.. before I had completely dissolved my accounts..I had this one guy that I really liked.. and he said he likes me too…
He suggested we switch corresponding platforms and I agreed.. then he asked me to be exclusive to him.. I again agreed…
I was not having much of fun anymore anyways… and I really like this guy… he was not a fake.. he is as real as they come .. and he communicate with me everyday and he always responded to me no matter what…
I love this and the attention it creates..I really believed he likes me… he started to share his world with me.. so much I grew accustomed to talking to him everyday…
Before I know it .. 7 years has passed… nothing has changed.. except.. for some unknown reasons.. my feelings began to escalate… I realized I’m demanding more of him… yet most days He spent talking to as I wake up and reach out to him.. till he goes off to sleep..
He never ignores me… but I find myself doubting him… for no apparent reason….I’m getting so insecure… and me .. I’m so crazy… expecting him to sit on that phone and talk to non stop…
OThere is .. 4500 miles between us…he has a complete life.. he is not lacking in any department..
He has his family.. and he’s very much involved in their lives.. he got his job.. his friends. His hobbies..
And he has me.. and maybe. Others… an online connection… why he choose to continue to talk to me and share his world… I really don’t know..
But.. I’m not even someone to him..
I’m something.. a connection from another continent.. who thinks he’s most perfect man.. who value all his suggestions.. lessons.. listen intently to his stories and believe every word he said without query… who gets involved in his hobbies… I’m his biggest fan..
I’m not a permanent fix in his life.. I’m not essential to him. I don’t add anything to his life.. he already has it all..
So if I’m not there anymore.. it will never affect him… he can easily cut ties without a second thought…
And this is what hurts so bad… to know he doesn’t need me…
on the flip-side. There stands me..
I’m single… kids grown.. retired ..not much friends.. zero hobbies… so I look to him for entertainment.. I Cling to him for emotional support…. I need him to brighten my day…to give me something to look forward to…. I crave his attention.. I get so involved in his world and his hobbies just so I can stay connected to him….
So now I’m left to step way back and suppressed all this romantic emotions that I choose to develop .. creating the emotional havoc on my heart…. I need to back off and drop it all if I want to continue connecting with him…
Because he’s practical enough to know that this is just friendship. It can not be anything else so why start something that could never materialized….
Yess .. I’m overreacting.. I’m overthinking.. I’m crossing all kinds of unnecessary lines…
He spent hours on the phone with me.. and I’m so selfish that I doubt him or thinks he is ignoring me.. when he is not online… as if he has no life outside me or his phone..
I’m just fortunate that he loves his phone so much… he like addicted.. and so to be honest.. I abuse this… but I have to learn to give him space..
Yes my heart is breaking.. but I’m the one who is solely responsible this time…
I remain in a very good mood for a few days… after our last sexual escapade … I had mixed emotions about us.. .
I know that our relationship is restricted to being causal.. but my heart got so entangled emotionally that I was silently hoping that he likes me more than just.. “ Friends With Benefits….”
My mind was consumed with thoughts of him…. I find myself thinking of nothing else but him. After that incredible loving from him I yearned for the next time…I was becoming insatiable with the wants of him… I realized that everytime I get the pleasure of his company.. I become so more obsessed and infatuated 🥰 with him….
The weeks went by with no connection from him.. I was a little disappointed as usual but I now know not to expect much… it’s always on his term…I did not try to communicate either.. so after two weeks I tried.. but got back no response….
I woke up one morning with a episode of a panic attack.. of course I immediately associate it with him… I was tempted to call him just to check up on him… but my fear of rejection made me decided not to… this went on for two days…and my overactive mind made it worst..
I started to play all kinds of negative scenarios in my mind .. to the point of believing them to be true…
Then to my greatest pleasure. And relieve….I received a text message from him..
“ what up…??? How have you been..??!!!”
I immediately answer without much hesitation… we spoke about him and this barber course he was supposedly doing .. trying to acquire a license….
I asked him if he’s In school and he let me know that he was off that day… we talked for another minutes or so.. I wanted to ask him to see me.. but somehow I could not conjured up the courage…
I was still very happy that he got in touch with me.. my fear of rejection was so high that I Was afraid to approach the subject of us.. I was so afraid of his negative response that I rather not say anything.. even though it was killing me to ask…
It leaves a smile on my face to hear from him.. and I was there smiling and trying to think up an excuse to call him back… when.. he calls me .. I was beaming…
I love to stay connected to him… I know we can never be anything else than what we have now… and I hope it’s enough to constitute a lasting friendship… I have come to terms with us just being friendly with benefits … whenever the need arises for him..I was feeling really good about him trying to communicate with me… I was hoping it means that he’s realizing that I’m a friend worth keeping… we have spent enough intimate times together … to give him valid reasons to like me after all.
I picked up the phone and sweetly answered.. hey mylovelove….. I was smiling so happily to hear from him for the second time that day…
The smile was quickly knocked off my face… and my mood rapidly changed when he spoke..
“need a favor: I need $250 to put insurance on my car. If u can’t its ok. I got a lot going on and my money going fast.”
Ooooh maan…. wtf???? is he for real? He is asking for money .. and more money this time… I laughed out loud… I ask him, ” and when do you did need this? He replied, “by Friday or I got to turn my tag in.”
I was shaking my head in disbelief..not fully beleiving his story… so nothing has really changed.. he was just working his way around to hit me up for his financial needs… I told him to call me back at a later date. Let me check my budget…
I took the time to figure out if I really want to .. because I now realize the pattern.. he is using me. . And he’s lying to me about his real reasons for needing the money…and I wasn’t sure I wanted to oblige this time..
After debating with myself.. I decided to go ahead and give it to him.. knowing it’s one way to get to see him and get me some good loving… he was using me to finance him so I’m going play my game of tit for tat again… I will use his needs to get mine.. giving him the money will lure him into my bed and my arms… kitty was agreeing with my choice… getting all excited in anticipation.. I was visualizing having him loving me …. giving me great satisfaction and leaving me sexual gratified…
After I fully decided this is how I’m going to play it… I texted him to let him know that I have decided to give it to him…
I also went ahead and tell him it’s because I know he needs his car to get around. But reminded him that I need the return on my investment….
He says, “yea, I do thanks, I got the kids this week I can come by when I drop them off tomorrow.” And don’t worry.. I got you covered….
I told him that’s just fine….
The next morning bright and early he text me, “wassup I be over there once I drop the kids off, u up?
I acknowledged his text message to let him know I was up and it was okay for him to come by….
I really had a doctor appointment that morning.. I simply forget.. so I was getting ready to go…
It didn’t take him very long to get here… I let him in… ask him if he wanted some breakfast.. he said yes.. so I fixed him breakfast…
As I sat there watching him eat.. and being so close to him.. the sexual energy got very strong.. and I find myself not able to resist touching him…
He finished eating and as a good hostess I took the dishes to the kitchen… when I came back in.. he was sitting on the bed looking on his phone…
I went straight to him.. and place myself between his legs as I hugged him .. he willingly returned my hug….his face was directly between my breast.. and he started to nibble a little on them using his lips to tease my nipples…
His hand was caressing my butt cheeks… I bent over and find those tasty lips… and we kissed ever so passionately that I was softly uttering sounds of pleasure from enjoying his kisses…
I gently pushed him back onto the bed and he easily fell back….it seems that I always find my way on top… I slid down his torso.. to get access to his shirt so I could have my feast of his beautiful and chiseled chest….
Of course as usual he just lie there with his eyes closed wearing that face of pure pleasure…. I love on that chest in a frenzied mode…I keep working my way down to the prize… and he hurriedly… pull his pants down over his hips..
I took him in my mouth and suck on him in the same frenzied manner… I was going faster than my usual pace.. and he seems to be thoroughly enjoying it.. I was making slobbering sounds from the excess saliva that was secreted with my rapid pace…
…. kitty was begging to be petted.. and wildly twitching with extreme needs… she was losing control … so to give her what she was needing…
I stopped got out of my undies turned around and sit on him doggie style… kitty was so happy for the attention…. she clenches him in delight…I was slightly on my tippy toes as I started to ride him .. I had both hand on his thighs .. for balance and moving up and down his rock hard man meat…he placed his hand on my hips and each time I come down he would pull me in hard and hold me still for a few seconds as he grind into me..
His actions created a great friction for kitty.. I could feel her climbing closer to climaxing..
It didn’t take her long to explode like dynamite … follow closely by him…don’t know how it did it so fast and so perfect.. but he got me on my knees and finished emptying all his spunk in me…
He continued to hump me until he became too limp to continue..
Kitty was was very pleased with his choice.. because it allow her to reach another sweet climax of ecstasy…which leaves me jerking involuntary… my whole body was affected by the intense orgasm kitty experience…
I was soaked and dripping all over.. it was on the bed running down my legs.. I had no choice but to get up and headed for the shower a second time that morning…
He decided to join me.. and he made attempts .. implying… his needs for a second round.. I was very tempted to give in to his desires..but I had to get going if I was going to make that doctors appointment…. so strange that I was the one that had to get going..
I was very pleased and very happily satisfied that giving him the money was easy… I didn’t think twice about it because I got what I wanted.. and at that moment I would have given him anything he wanted..
He left me with the usual hug and kiss.. thanking me again… and with no reassurance of tomorrow … but I stopped expecting.. stop hoping.. .. I’m just gonna take him..whenever he decided that he wants to see me..
I was too much in a good mood to even feel bad for me…
I wear a smile all the way to the doctor. I had a most grandeur rendezvous with MYLOVELOVE.. kitty started twitching and getting all moist at the thought… and I smile thinking my gynecologist is gonna see kitty in her on mode…
I was glad I made the choice I did… I got exactly what I needed… I decided just to savor the moment and bask in the glory of my short lived happiness..
I didn’t heard from him all week. I was thinking all kind of negative thoughts. I thought no call… no text. No surprise here… He got the money and some loving, so I’m all forgotten.
With No communication I sarcastically Guess he’s too busy to think of me. I pay big for the lesson .. you can’t buy friendship…I Still means nothing to him, not even as friends. All that speech I gave him about keeping me close only last as long as it takes to get the funds he was after…
By the end of the week I gave up hearing from him…Still nothing from him.. he went silent again… So much for our deal, I thought..I’m the only one that wants friendship so badly that I have to pay for it.
I asked myself…Why do I feel that it is so important to be his friend that I had to pay down on it? Well! It’s obvious that he is not interested in being friends.. The only time he really stop to think of me is when he needs a cash cow… someone to use for his financial needs….
It does still bothers me that to know that he can come and love me like he does and then just walk away without a second thought…. how can a man be that cold that he can separate his feelings from intimacy…
His kisses and his loving tells me some thing completely different ..he gives me his all without reservations…
But.. it’s all a act… and I’m left confused and trying to console myself.. trying to find any little reason to convince myself that he likes me even a little bit….
It didn’t take me too long to resume back to the attitude of letting go… I developed the attitude of “whatever”… It’s been going on so long repeatedly that I kinda got used to his behaviour… I decided to carry on as is and wait until he decided to come looking for me…
I didn’t try to contact or reach out to him like I used to do.. I now know that this is his game… and he will just ignored my text messages.. and I’m tired of feeling rejected by him….
Occasionally when I get up to get ready for work I would send a goodnight text messages.. sometimes I would receive a short response ..and I would smile… but I never tried to start a conversation.. and he never offers…
After a couple weeks have passed.. I began to feel for the need of him.. I was itching for some of his loving and I secretly hope to hear from him… I was more than tempted a few times to reach out as I did in the past.. but I resisted..
I would just indulge in some self love.. while I visualized him making love to me.. and surprisingly it would ease and my pent up raging desires..
Just the thought of him and the memories of our sexual encounters would always heightened my whole body with a deep burning desire that leaves me so stimulated that I couldn’t resist but give kitty some petting to stop her from twitching and pulsating with the wants of him….
To my pleasure and delight.. a couple weeks later…I received a text messages asking me if I had work that night … I responded .. letting him know I did … it was kinda late … just a couple hrs before I had to get up…so him coming by would not be … so when he asked if he can come by.. I simply told him I have to get some sleep for work…
He did not mention any need for money.. and I was puzzled that he wants to come by… just because….I was a little disappointed that I had work…. so much I thought of calling in sick… but I refuse to allow myself to always be at his disposal…
All night I thought of him.. though…my mind and heart and kitty was at war…. and at times I wished I had called off and have him over.. so we could a repeat another night of passion… I had the chance but I blew it…. I knew there might not be another chance again…
I went home next day still with the feeling of regret that I didn’t grab the opportunity to enjoy him one more time… but…he again surprised me with a phone call that day… letting me know that that he was in studio and he was just thinking of me .. he asked how I was doing.. I apologize for the previous night.. and he assured me it was all good … and he will get me next time…
I smiled.. and chuckles a little… I told him I would love that and ask him not to wait too long…. he giggled in humor and promised me that he won’t…
We ended our conversation .. I was left with a very warm feeling that travels to some really interesting places…. I was smiling and hoping that he lived up to his promise.. I again realized that he didn’t asked for any financial assistance… and this pleases me..
Hmm .. could it be that he just wanted to see for sexual favors… is he really wanting me sexually.. without me suggesting it….I laughed out loudly… thinking.. yess … yess.. yesss. He likes me…
The following day I was off and I sit there with sweet thoughts him playing in my mind .. making my heart do somersaults… which sent electrical jolts to travel downwards and stop right between my thighs.. that sent shivers down my spine.. causing kitty to get all excited …
Now with kitty affected .. I was losing control.. so I decided to send him a text with the hopes to convince to come on over and make kitty happy…. I live to please her….
He answers.. I asked him if he okay.. trying to lead up to the point of requesting his presence… but he saved me the effort by asking me if I had work that night… I quickly told him I’m off.. and to my greatest pleasure he invited himself over… without hesitation I excitedly asked him how soon can he get here…
He quickly said.. “ I’m on my way “…
Of course I was overjoyed. And I quickly went took me a shower.. put on my best and sexist negligée… I splashed some nice smelling perfume on.. put on a little lip gloss…. I was just getting my bed all neat and nice when he rang my doorbell….
I went to let him in.. and as soon as I open the door I let out a most joyful squeal and jumped up on him with legs wrapped around his waist and flung my arms around his neck … it took him by surprise that he slightly stumbled and had to step quickly backwards to regain his balance…
I was kissing his face and just hugging him tightly… he jokingly said… easy tigress, let me get inside first.. he walked in closed the door.. with me still clinging to him… he slowly ease me down to the floor.. took my hand in his and ushered me along.. saying ,
“ come on my little vixen….” I giggled 🤭.. and said.. I’m all kinds of exotic animal tonight, eh????!!!He looks down on me.. smiling.. and pulled me to him and whispered in my ear as as kissed my neck..” uhhuh…
I just melt into his arms.. throw my head backwards. Giving him all access to lay his sweet kisses…he gently ease me onto the bed… and I found his lips with mine and kissed him ever fervently . He matches my zealousness… he rolled me over to straddle him as he lay on his back…
I pulled his shirt over his head.. and as he allowed me to he whispered softly.. in his sexy husky voice…love me hun…
I smile at him kiss him again on those voluptuous lips.. he kissed me very intensely as he held the back of my head, running his hand occasionally through my hair as he let out soft moans…
I moved down to his neck …., loving on him as he urges me to….sliding my body to align with his.. as I kissed his neck I gravitate my hips against his hard throbbing bulge… I slid in an up and down motion on that bulge.. as he reached down to caress my buttocks…
It was straining against his pants… so he started to undo his belt.. I slid off the bed.. as he kicked off his shoes… and I helped him out of his pants… I decided to stay where I am .. I kneel on the floor between his legs .. took him in my hand.. as I licked at it slowly.. running my tongue all the way to the shaft and back upward to find the tip again… I used the flat of my tongue to slid a few more times up and down…
He one hand on my shoulder and the next on top of my head… as he was reciting his favorite words of pleasure… shiit .. shitt.. shitt.. ooh yes . Yess . That s it baby…
Next thing I know I was on the bed . As he position me on my knees… he made one fast and hard move and he was inside my dripping soaking wet kitty…,
he pounded me fiercely bringing me to the heights of ecstasy as he pumped me full of his hott spunk… I was flat on my tummy then… with him on my back.. both of us drenched in each other sweat… as we catch our laboring breath….
I jokingly said to him.. “ my lovelove.. that was most invigorating…“
He just responded with a “ yup “…. sounding very proud indeed..
We lay there for few more minutes until we regain normal breathing.. kitty was still twitching a little .. he moved off me and lie on his back.. I turned around and took his hard , move his fingers to touch kitty.. hoping for him to bring her again to an orgasm….
He moved his hand away ever so swiftly.. and said.. “eww…” I laugh and ask him what’s wrong..
He had this look of disgust on his face as he said..
“ hun… that’s sperm.. go get cleaned up…”.. I started to laugh out really hard… as I said to him . It’s your sperm silly… I swiped a little from my legs and teasingly ask him if he wants a taste.. .
His reaction was so humorous… he got up quickly.. pulling me towards the bathroom as I was dying with laughter.. he turned on the shower and said.. “ wash yourself off..”
I couldn’t stop laughing.. I was so tickled…
I came out wrapped in towel.. and saw him smoking a cigarette… looking very relaxed… I sat down beside him.. gently rubbing his beautiful chest with my hand.. I said to him,,
All cleaned”… as I bent to place a few kisses on that irresistible chest… he looked at me and just flashed me a smile… then he did something that really made me blush… he gently touched my cheek .. and softly caress it with the back of his fingers…. I leaned my head onto those fingers.. close my eyes enjoying his touch… I then feel him cup my face with both hand pulling me towards him as he rises his face to meet mine…
He gently kisses me and softly whisperers…
“ I needed that so much… thank you !!!”
I eagerly return his kisses …smile and hugged him to me and he returned my hug with a squeeze …
I was very happy to be with him sharing this tender moment….While he is here with me nothing else or nobody else matters. I savor and enjoy him as much as I can.
Sometimes I can’t believe how much joy I derived from this one guy….
He stayed for most of the night… we made Love again.. and I fell asleep in the crook of his arms.. I woke up cradled by him in a spooning position…
I turn around and wrapped my arms around him and buried my face in his chest as I inhaled his scent and relished his warmth….I woke him up… with my movements and he returned my hug as he apologetically said he has to go..
I reluctantly let him go.. he got up .. got dressed.. as I watched him .. and begging him to stay the rest of night…
He bent over kiss me.. and said he can’t.. I got up and walked him to the door… there he gives me a huge hug , kisses me ever so sweetly.. let me go and whispered.. see you soon…
I watched him drive away.. and I smile with pleasure.. I was beaming with joy.. MYLOVELOVE Came.. stayed a little..loves me a lot… I was again totally in love … and very gratifyingly fulfilled…
A STORY OF PLAYING THE COUGAR WITH A VERY UNEXPECTED TURN… ##########################################
I WILL LOVEYOU 😍 ALWAYS…..
I went through the next few weeks like a zombie. Missing MYLOVE-LOVE. Work hold no appeal and no joy for me anymore… my days were empty..I didn’t realize until then just how much him being there daily hugely impacted my attitude…
There was no sunshine … everything seems dim… I went though my emotions quietly… I would be in a daze sometimes looking off in space visualizing him being there.. reflecting on the last months .. remembering how my eyes could find him anywhere he was.. and how my heart would flutter at the sight of him… putting a bright smile on my face which leaves me gleaming with joy…
These last weeks has been long as I suffer in silence… he was a main subject of conversation.. everyone has something to say about him .. I would mostly just listen… I found out that he has been talking to Veronica.. she even boastingly said that she was the first person he called.. he seems to have spoken to everyone else too….
I was so crushed to know that he didn’t value me enough to even answer my text messages .. he doesn’t even acknowledge me… and I question this…why have he shut me out..??? Why am I Not important enough to him????.. Why was it ok to talk to everyone else and not me? After all the times we spent together and the intimate moments we shared.. I thought we were close enough fo me to deserve some acknowledgement….I thought we were at least friends…
It hurts to be ignored…
I received a small text from the second week… “what’s up stranger???!!”.. ..
I was so delighted to see that text from him.. I sent him a reply asking him if he’s okay.. and inquire what’s been going on with him… but to my great disappointment he never continued the conversation…
I started to come with terms that I’m never going to see him again… I was still missing him something awful… and although I felt I wasn’t ready to let him go.. I decided to accept my fate…. it saddens me to know that I meant zero to him.. and all those nights spent together in the most intimate ways….meant absolutely nothing…
His oldest daughter had an up coming birthday and I had purchased some little Knicknacks for her… I thought … I still would love to get them to her…
I tried to contact him to let him know and asked him via text messages… to come and get them… he did not respond immediately but I got a text from him later on …letting me know that he wants them and he will come to pick them up…
He never did..
A couple days later, I tried to call him to find out when is he coming to get the gifts.. . As much as I wanted to talk to him… I had lost interest because of his cold behavior… he answered.. then hung up suddenly… I couldn’t believe he did that.. I told myself…
“ that’s it.. I’m done.. with him …”
He was so cold and so mean and I was so hurt thinking I didn’t mean much to him for him to ignore me and refuses to talk to me.. He tries to call me later that day, I did not answer… I was still upset with him hanging up on me.. And then he sent me a text that…
Letting me know that his phone died.. and that was the reason the phone call ended.. I did not believe his lame excuse… so I did not respond to him…
I decided to give up trying to contact him… seeing that he obviously not interested to hear from me… I decided to get in touch with one of his buddies to ask to be an intermediary and get the gifts to him..
This friend… David came.. collect the gifts I had and promised to pass it on to him…. I went ahead to send him a text… informing him that I gave the gifts to David and he should collect them…
He answered me to let me know that him and David were no longer friends… oops… David did not disclose this information to me… I apologized.. and I called David to return the items… I just thought his daughter won’t get her birthday presents in this case..
A few days later MYLOVELOVE Calls me … I was a little surprised to hear from him…I answered .. he started off the conversation asking me why I didn’t just gave the gifts to Veronica.. I became very belligerent . I was very upset that he even considered this possibility…
I just tell him that .. not to worry about the damn gifts.. and him and Veronica can go to hell and hang up on him…. I was so mad.. what was he thinking…!??? I was hurt too to know that he’s still seeing her…and he couldn’t even talk to me on the phone….
Shouldn’t he know how I feel for him? Was he so blind to my feelings…. I was so hurt and so upset That day it brought tears to my eyes… .
I was thinking, how could I mean so little to him, Even though we could not be in a true relationship…I thought at the least we were friends.. How wrong I was to even think this was possible..
my emotions for him was still very strong and way more than I would care to admit… I decided not to text or call anymore and to just Leave him, be…. . I’m still missing him but it doesn’t make sense wanting someone who doesn’t return your feeling… so I will try to put him out of my mind and heart…
SOME PEOPLE ARE MEANT TO FALL IN LOVE..BUT… NOT MEANT TO BE TOGETHER…
I began to see him in Veronicas presence again… my heart sank.. I thought we were getting closer at one point.. he would playfully tease her as he passes by her… which sent a jolt of jealously through me… it would leave me so furious.. . That it brought tears to my eyes in anger…
I was a complete mess.. this should have been enough for me to walk away from him…but instead I still try to talk to him..
I was a fool for this cold. Aloof and inconsiderate guy… and with my knowledge of this.. I still longed for his touch.. his kisses and his loving…
It was a Saturday in April I got a phone call from him….asking for $40.00. My first reaction was no way… but I do wanted to see him.. I so want to be with him… so I thought… it’s a way to get to see him…. so I asked him…
“And what do I get in return for giving you this money MYLOVELOVE…..”
He asked me what do I want…???? So I told him.. “ you”…
Surprisingly.. he agreed.. so I excitedly tell him to come and get it….
And he did…
He walked in .. and I led him straight to my bedroom….I immediately started to seduce him and he allows me to… he stayed a couple of hours with me.. he fulfilled his end of the bargain.. and he gave me what I requested..
Although I instigated most of our love making.. he had no objections… and he loved me just like he always does.. I fully enjoyed our little session…I felt really good to be with him again…and while I was lying in his arms and enjoying his delicious kisses .. everything was perfect…
I gave him the $ 40 like I promised as he was leaving…he left me with a bear hug and a kiss.. and promise that he will stay in touch…
After he left I felt a bit foolish because I let myself be used by him…but I console myself by thinking that….seeing him and getting to love on him was all worth it. I was hoping that he didn’t think himself a gigolo and that I paid him to have sex with me….
Because…
That was exactly what it boils down to … I exchanged sex for money… was I so desperate for him that I allowed myself to stoop to such level.. it made all the sense in the world and I thought I was being clever and sneaky…
I took the time to wallow in the joy I got from being with him… but as usual it was short lived..
I made myself a promise that I will never again do that…. hmm 🤔…
I suspect the money was for veronie birthday. and even when its hurts my feelings…. I tried to justify my actions… telling myself again that it feel good to know he needs me for something and stupid old me thinking if I am kind to him I will win his loyalty and he will remains friends with me always…
I’m hoping I was right about this… I really want to be right…
That following Monday We worked the same shift. It was only a hour into the shift when he walked passed the front end and headed outside accompanied by one of the managers….. his demeanor was very stern… and even though he had to pass my register… he didn’t even glance at me..
The manager walked back in a few minutes later without him… I had a sinking feeling.. something wasn’t right…
I know he had an incident in the parking lot a few days before.. involving a customer.. he had accidentally hit her car with the shopping carts… she complained and he was up for reprimanding..
Could it be that they dismiss him because of the accidental incident..???!!! I tried to find out what happened with him and was told…. that he got fired…
I became so emotional.. my mind was in a whirlwind… my thoughts was going berserk… apart from being sad that he loss his job… I was selfishly thinking about us.. and losing contact with him… how am I going get through my days without his presence????!! My only connection with him is here at work…
I tried texting him to find out from him directly what went wrong…. he just completely ignores me… I got no response… this makes the more afraid and scared that I’m losing him… for the rest of the day I lost complete focus on everything.. I had to force myself to concentrate …
If only he answered me… it would ease my mind a little thinking that I won’t lose contact with him.. but he just ignored me totally…
I was in a melancholy mood all day..the end of the shift could come fast enough.. I got home and I tried to make contact again.. still nothing… I became overly anxious accepting the fact that I have lost him for good…
I lie there sobbing into my pillows.. crying for a love that was never mine…
After our latest rendezvous… and he blurting out unintentionally that he loves me… I started to have a little hope about us…
He was a little more attentive and even sent me a few text messages just to say hi…. I was sure he was liking me some… I carry a delightful smile all week … feeling connected to him…
The following Wednesday , he asked me if I could babysit his three kids for him. I accepted because apart from getting a chance to be with him I love his babies.
So he picked me up before he had to leave for work….and took me over to his place… I spent the evening with them telling stories fix them dinner…and trying to entertain them…..they were good.. and well behaved…
It was an early day for him.. he walked in.. . And I was as happy as the kids to see him…He was a bit distant as usual. But I figured he was just tired….
He took his son, helps him with his homework .. I sat there looking at him in admiration and adoration… he was so dedicated to his kids… he then went to lie down and soon fell asleep. I let him sleep knowing that he must be drained and exhausted after a long day at work…
I give the kids their baths and got them into bed…after they were all asleep… I went and gently lie next to him . I was still dressed … as I cuddled up next to him just to feel his warmth…
I wasn’t expecting for him to want anything sexual.. I was trying to be understanding … I didn’t forget the last time I was here with his kids present….and how I had behaved and reacted…
Even though just being with him causes provocative stimulating reactions… I refuse to act on them.. I guess I dozed off snuggled up to him…
Because I was awoken by him Into the night … he was tugging at my jeans… He tries to love on me but he stopped when I asked him if he’s sure he wants to with the kids here…. he simply answered.. yes you are right…!!
He then instructed me to take off my clothes and get comfortable and get back in the bed… I got up do as he asked.. brush my teeth .. and went back to join him… he held up the covers for me to get under and I do so willingly…
He hugged me close… kiss me and said.. “thank you “…. I smile and nodding affirmatively.. and replied causally..
“ you are welcome MyLoveLove….”
I knew he meant staying with his kids for him… we fell asleep like that till morning when I feel him jerking me awake.. I open my eyes and he asked me if I could get the kids up and get them ready.. I happily obliged…
I got up and he playfully slap me on the butt.. I jumped not expecting it.. gave out a little squeal.. ..turn to him and push at his shoulders giggling.. he fell back onto the bed.. pull the covers over himself and said..
“ wake me up when they are ready to go.. “ I just shake my head…
I got the kids up.. help them get dressed…. fixed them breakfast.. and while they were eating he walked into the kitchen asking if we are ready to go…
I went to collect my belongings and a few minutes later we were on our way.. he dropped the kids to school before he took me home…
He thank me again and said he appreciates me… and let me know that the kids like me and always ask for me..
I was very tickled to learn this.. and I smile saying.. “that’s good.. I love that they like me “…
As I watched him drive away… I was feeling very good about spending the night with him.. and even better.. sleeping in his arms without having sex.. just like an old couple I thought….
We did not see each other for the next couple of weeks, except at work. He did not have too much to say and ignored me for most part. He was back to be his old self.. I was a little confused .. but learning fast to accept him as is… I realize he only used me at his convenience… it hurts me to know this but I know I do allow him to..
Although I was feeling broken up and wanted more I know that we weren’t really together and that he doesn’t like me like that. But I took consolation to be able to see him daily it gives me some joy. I tell myself….Just seeing him was enough to make me happy.
I tried to avoid him and leave him alone as much as I could.. but seeing him everyday and interacting with him work wise was not helping…
With broken-hearted … my feelings really crushed… and my decision to end our secret affair.. I began to play his game….ignoring him.. I still couldn’t get pass just how cold he is towards me… after all those nights of sweet passionate love making…
How can he be so distant and so mean to me in public.. but.. behind closed doors … he is so damn loving and sweet and warm… he is always so receptive and giving of himself fully and completely…
How can he separate his feelings from sex…??? And how can he look at me and completely forget our nights of passion…
Anyways….. I’m done…
I noticed that he was not around Veronica too much either… and curiosity got the best of me.. so I asked her what was happening between them… she tells me that he was very mean to her without giving details…. and that she’s no longer with him..
I had mixed emotions… because I could see just how hurt she was… and it pains she to see her experiencing such heartache… I want so much to be able to comfort her… but I just didn’t know how.. without putting him down.. which I know I couldn’t…
I was still so infatuated to the point of being in love with him.. so much that I was blinded to his faults… I still hold him in high esteem and he was still this perfect awesome amazing guy in my eyes…
With this this new founded knowledge.. of their separation…my feelings began to resurfaced and got renewed. I became more receptive to his smiles and started to seek him out again to talk to him but kept it causal… I still haven’t forgotten what he had said about us not in a relationship…
I was regretting agreeing to the terms of our relationship.. I didn’t know how to change it.. didn’t know how to confess my true feelings because truth be told….my feelings and desires for him is far from being causal…
I thought I was able to have a sexual affair without getting my heart involved… little did I know.. I have no control over my heart… and my mind was confused… the heart wants what it wants… and it wants him…
Within a week after that incident..
I was on my way to Walgreens .. my first job… when I got a unexpected text from him…
“I am at home can u come by 2nit.” ????……
I was kinda surprised.. but pleased at the same time… I responded letting him know I was on my way to work…. he was very understanding and implied there will be a next time…
I would have love to be able to go over and It made me realized just how much I still want to be with him.. as much as I tried to suppress my feelings and try to move beyond him…one little text from him undo all my efforts and put me right back to where I was..
I didn’t correspond with him for the next few days… but that text keeps playing in my mind… it had been on my mind constantly and I thought I blew a chance to be with him… I really doubted that he would ever repeat that request..
Thinking of him this much only allowed my feelings to intensify to the point of making my urges and my desire grew so strong is became unbearable….
I finally gave in to my feeling and decided to send him a text…asking him to include me on his agenda for that day.
I know it was suggestive but I was itching to be with him. And nothing beats a try but a failure…so I thought I’d asked. To my surprise.. he responded…
he said he was going to be busy but he’ll see what’s up later. …
It sounds promising but I was not convinced that there will be a later… I was kinda disappointed but pleased that he responded to me…
I had completely given up on hearing from him..but to my surprise and total pleasure he called apx. 8pm …. I eagerly and promptly answered…
he let me know had somewhere to go at midnight but he can see me until then if I still want to come over… I let him know that I would love to come and spend the time him… so I got ready and headed over….
I was very nervous with anxiety…. it’s been a while since our last rendezvous… as usual my heart was beating hard against my chest… I had butterflies in the pit of my stomach…and my knees feel like jelly…
I got to his door and knock timidly…GOD! …… When he opens that door, he was the most beautiful sight I ever behold. That smile, that face, that man, that beautiful and gorgeous man, I smile ever so pleasingly…because I have longed and yearned to be with him these last few weeks and here I am, ….finally. …..and with heart racing and hands shaking just to touch him .. it takes all my control not to jump on him, Instead…
I sat down beside him. He was watching a program on the TV… and We sat there trying to focus on it… I was finding it hard to …and I keep stealing glances at him willing him to instigate and initiate some form of physical contact…
He must have sense my desire, or read my mind…because he said,
, “What you came for, to watch T.V.? “
He did not have to say another word..that was my cue. With his permitted invite….I immediately start to kiss him. I love kissing these lips… his kisses set fire to my whole being….to ignite that burning desire in my loins…
I love on him like I was hungry; I couldn’t get enough of him. He matches my intense urges with his.. he was like a man possessed … he quickly got out of his clothes and helped me out of mine.. and as he continued to bathe me in his kisses … he guided me under him.. as he find his way in my soaking wet and supple kitty…
I wrapped my legs around his hips and heist my buttocks to meet his thrusts..
I could feel him swelling up to burst inside me.. just as I was getting ready to explode with sweet ecstasy…
He screams.. “ ooh shitt.. ooh shitt… ooh shiiiittt..!!!!!! As he made one last deep thrust and stopped as he empties in me… he made a few more small thrust as sweats washes his whole body… that he became so slippery…… I lie under him completely satisfied as I feel his results of his most arduous loving dripping down my legs..
He gently pulled out and it gushes out… I got up and pulled him up with me.. leading him to the showers…. we got in.. I lathered him up as he lean against the wall so exhausted from our session…
He had his back against the wall standing there with his head thrown back resting on the wall … his eyes were closed.. and his body limp and fully relaxed as if he was about to doze off… the shower was beating against my back splashing onto him … causing ripples of droplets cascading down his chest…I continued to soap his chiseled chest.. I couldn’t resist but to place small kisses on it.. I moved Down to his belly button.. and focus a little in that area.. I was stooping at this point..
I was so busy enjoying the taste of him .. getting all stimulated that kitty was twitching and getting all moist… when I felt him poking my chest.. I stopped .. glanced up on his face and he was looking down at me with a devilish smile and pleasure in his eyes.. I squinted with a silly smile.. shaking my head… and then I chuckled mischievously…
He then placed his hands on my head and motion me to his bulge…I obliged his request and take him in my mouth..after only a few moments he picked me up to a standing position and place me to face the wall.. he placed his right hand on my belly pushing my buttocks in a upward position.. that I ended up on my tippy toes.. and leaning forward holding on to the walls for support…
He kept his hand where it was offering some balance.. as he slowly but swiftly enters me… with the shower falling on us .. he gave me one of the most memorable sexual experiences we have had..
We finished with a blast.. shower and headed to the bedroom where he helped me to towel off and I helped him in return… I asked him if he would like a massage but he apologetically refuses saying he has to get going…
We both got dressed and he took me home.. kissed me and said. “ love you “… I looked at him quizzically… smile but didn’t make a comment… I walked away from him .. thinking…
“Was that for real…or was it a slip of the tongue ?…..
I thought the latter… but…
His lovemaking was so good. He made love to me like he means it and I enjoyed every single minute of him. I left him very pleased and happy. I secretly hope that he was actually liking me .. I want him to so much to…
When I’m with him ….I find that I don’t have much to say …I just tried to enjoy him and every moment I have with him… there is never the promise of tomorrow.. so I just live in the moment…..
I’m still left with wanting more of him…and I hope that another chance arises soon… and until that opportunity comes around… I will just be waiting ever so impatiently….
That week went by with me living in hopes of the next time, seeing him daily would caused rushes of emotions that run through my whole body.. it was a sweet sensation that leaves me shivering ….
He would occasionally flash me his mischievous smile as he passes me by… and I would be filled with a warm feeling that makes me blush knowing we shared this secret love affair…
I was feeling so good with his attentions and was so consumed in my feelings for him.. that I didn’t even stop to think of Veronica until I saw her one morning all sad…
I went over to find out what’s was causing her sadness… she was very reluctant to talk to me so I asked her if it’s anything to do with him.. She angrily said she doesn’t want to talk about him…
He happens to pass by then and came over to try to talk to her.. without even acknowledging me…she angrily walked away and he follows her… I watched as she flashes off his touch.. I was getting jealous just watching their interactions… and even though it was obvious a lovers fight.. I wish We as could be as open with our relationship…
I didn’t follow through on figuring out Veronica woes.. I thought it’s best I just leave them alone… I was too emotionally invested in him.. and I didn’t want our secret affair be revealed…
I decided to stay focused on my plans to create another rendezvous… I made up my mind not to allow their relationship to interfere with this secret sexual affair we have between us…
that following Tuesday I was off… and I knew he was too … so I decided to text him asking what’s he doing? He replies that he is at his aunt birthday party.
An hour after I surprisingly receive A call from him asking me if I could come over…, I quickly.. without hesitation said..” I will be there “…
I was so pleased.. and ecstatic that he invites me over….I anxiously get ready and excitingly hurry over to his place..
As soon as I arrived…he pounced on me… he was undressed down to his undies… he started to kiss me ever so hungrily… pulling at my clothes frantically in urgency…….. I join his enthusiasm and quickly got out of them.. as soon they fall to the ground.. he pushed me onto the bed .. help me get on my knees and thrust his hard rock cock in… he began to pump and thrust hard and fast.. and within minutes he blew his spunk filling me up.. that it dribble down my legs…
I lie on my stomach and he stayed on top still inside me… he kissed me on the cheeks and said “thank you , I needed that. “…. he then roll off my back onto the bed… I turned around.. and said…
“ ooh boy.. that was intense…” he looked at me and just smile.. I could feel kitty soaking wet and spilling out… I got up headed in the bathroom and took a quick shower to clean up….
He was lying on his back.. all naked.. I got a wet rag and decided to clean him up a little… he began to get stimulated again from my touch… and I continued to play with him…
I want to get him all excited.. and I decided to try the eatable chocolate that we didn’t get to on valentines….I placed it all over his chest down to his hard cock.. and I started to lick and lap it up.. I started on his chest.. paid a little attention to his nipples.. nibbling and sucking lightly… and work my way down…
oooh maan !!!! Did he love me eating and licking it off his chest …. he was getting impatient for me to reach the prize… and he grab hold of my head and try to guide me to it… I resist at first but he became forceful in an urgent manner so I obliged and began by taking him slowly in my mouth and slowly back out.. enjoying the taste of the chocolate… I licked until it was all gone..
I gobbled up every last drop… he was very excited by then. And he pulled me on top of him and I straddled him.. as he gently enters me… with his hand on my hips.. he raises his …up and down as I ride him.. I was feeling an orgasm building as I clench and grip him with his every thrust….it didn’t take us long to reach our goal…we cum with a blast…
I was quivering and shaking with ecstasy… as he watched me… smiling proudly.. he ease me off onto the bed..and got up and went to take a shower… I. Decided to join him seeing that I was also sticky from the chocolate….
We came out .. get dressed causally… and headed to the kitchen… He mentioned he was hungry so I fixed him something to eat…. we watched a little tv.. and I sat there quietly with his head in my lap.. thinking.. this is what couples do..???
We headed back into the bedroom.. and I wanted more loving.. but he didn’t seem interested so I just follow his suit and just lie there beside him..wrapped up in his warm arms…I again spent the night with him..
I left him that morning.. thinking how he took me to places and heights I have never been… we had a good time together. And sexually we were enjoying each other…
Every time with him seems to be better and better. I was falling deeper and deeper for him. What was I doing? How am going to get out of this? The more I see and the more time spent with him the more I want him. My feelings were getting entangled into a causal affair that has no future… but.. I decided to enjoy him for as long he allows me to…
I was starting to get confident and assurance that he likes me some…he couldn’t love on me like he does without liking me… I keep telling myself..
So…
The following week I asked him if I can come over.. thinking he won’t refuse me… but..to my surprise and disappointment …
. He started to tell that I’m acting like we are in a relationship and to remember that we are only friends with benefits. I fell silent and suddenly became embarrassed.. I felt very awkward…
Without another word I walked away… I just didn’t know how to respond to him.. he was right… and even though it hurts me to hear him say it .. I did agreed to causal no relationship status…
The next few days I just do what he does.. ignore him pretend that I didn’t feel anything for him… I decided to give him up.. and stop playing this game with my heart… he made it clear that it’s never going to be any more than just sex…
We have had enough… I got much more than I ever thought possible.. so here and now I tell myself.. it’s over….
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