ONLINE DATING: FIRST EXPERIENCE; epilogue

 we talked  for about three hours and in that time he brought up the sexual topic again and i did encourage it to a certain extent.. that I even disclose one of my deepest fantasy … but he got so weird and crazy that in the end I had to truthfully tell him if he is trying to discourage me from him , that it is working.. I was not liking this side  of him and I told him that . and i say..
” is this the real you.. or is this stemming from you anger with me….???”
I was feeling really disappointing with his attitude .
So I told him I would rather leave than take his behavior…

I couldn’t believe that I was so wrong about him… and then he pauses .. and I thought he finally stopped .. but after a few minutes I got this text..

 

This is Brett… Allen been asleep for several

hours! But let me tell you something.. He is a good guy and you are a freak! He
may very well wan to fuck you… Clearly he hasn’t yet… And your fetish stuff
is crazy!!! If you hurt him I’m going to be pissed… Please be nice to him…
He may be a little lost at the moment but he’s a really good person. Good night
I was so shock and embarrassed for playing along with him… enclosing my secret.. I didn’t know what to say…so I just hung up…  I was a little relieved to know that it wasn’t him though..
It was morning by now and I couldn’t sleep again… I was a little disturbed and perturbed…anyways I sent him a text a few hours later..
: Boy did I get a dose of my own medicine from your
friend Bret this morning. I Made a complete ass of myself but I guess I deserve
it all . I even disclosed my most embarrassing fantasy; something I have never
told a living soul. I m still here nervous and shaking just texting this you
because now I’m not too sure if you really forgive or not or i If you think I
set out deliberately to deceive you and betray you…. I fail the test didn’t  I?

 Lesson  taken well… Again, my sweet ALLEN…. my love…

 

I am so so very very sorry for what I did, and wish with all my heart I could
undo it. Because if you even feel half as bad as I’m feeling right now I know
the pain you are going through . I m so sorry my sweet Allen you definitely did
not deserve this.
He answered almost immediately, with…
” I do forgive you and I’m sorry Brett messed with
you after I went to sleep.. He told me.. Not everything. Just that he fucked
with you because you fucked with my heart and that is bullshit…. I was pissed
at him and told him to leave my phone alone. Anyway I think the  fantasy
is kinda hot and I would for sure entertain anything as long as you enjoyed it.”
I didn’t quite know what to say or how to say what I really want to say..and I was still feeling like a fool , knowing his friend showed him all that he put me through.. and I was feeling a little self-conscious.. so I decided to cut off the conversation..
” Hey .. I still a bit shaken up from last night. I responded.
I guess I have  to take some time to absorb and deal with it. Thanks a bunch for
forgiving my deception. I’m not mad at Brett shows loyalty for a dear friend.
If only we all have friends like him who hurt for us in the way he does  I know
you are special and Brett just confirmed that fact. Ttyl my ALLEN .. Off to work
So as you know… Still loving you…”
He told me to have a great day at work… and I smiled..
I went to work for the first time without a smile.. I had tears in my eyes all night… I couldn’t believe how i have mess up our wonderful Christmas so badly. I could feel his coldness. and I thought i would give him some time to absorb it and come to terms with it all. how I missed him….
                           ***************************************
My sweet Allen stays with me for the next two months… he was very compassionate and super understanding … but he couldn’t bring himself to get pass my horrific deed..  he said he couldn’t accept all the lies that i told .. he could have accepted the pictures  because that wasn’t the problem.. it was the deception .. he could understand all my insecurities and fooling him with pictures …. it was just all the lies that comes with them.. he just don’t know if he can trust me. he said he didn’t care what I look like … he fell in love with me.
And again, I was dumbfounded.. I know he was so right and I have no valid excuses to justify my actions, other than my lame explanation that I just wanted some time with him.. It was the truth but just wasn’t enough reasons..
We talked again and again. well, I should say I  did..  he didn’t have too much to say to me. at one point he asked me to move beyond him.. and told me he has moved on .. He even as much as mention that his heart has grown a callous. I knew then that i had lost him completely.. I tried to accept my defeat but i was hurting so badly.. I never remember ever  feeling this amount of excruciating pain before..
I got me loving him.. I had him loving me.. I cried night and day for the first two weeks.
 i have given up all hopes with him.
He stays and encourages me  and treats me with me tenderness and a large amount of compassion. one his  last text was on valentines… I had sent him two cards and a valentine’s message  and he responded..
….MY MESSAGES….
Happy valentines my valentine!! I’m going to drop
the ‘L’ word today and I do hope you accept and receive it for all its worth. So
you know.. I still love you as much as I did seven weeks ago and even more… And I
want you to know how very grateful I am to you for staying; you will never know
just how much it means to me. Thank you for being you; that kind compassionate
wonderful you. My only regret is knowing how much Hurt i have caused you, but
I’m so thankful for the chance I get to know you and love you –

: Many people have touched the edges of my life,
coming and going;  scarcely leaving an impression, but you are an uncommon and
unique person, someone who has made a big difference in my life;so it’s not
surprising that I find myself thinking, just how very special you are… And
wanting you always to remain close … And I’m hoping against all hopes you stay awhile..  LOVE YOU MY SWEET SWEET ALLEN  ON THIS VALENTINE’S DAY..
(I ENCLOSED THE CARDS AND WROTE;
413d9674-83d7-43fd-a053-1d8a8a634044imageimageimage
…  For you my Allen have you a most wonderful day
filled with love

 .

Wow! That is the nicest text and for sure most

heart-felt valentine cards I’ve ever received! Thank you so much for waking my

heart up Nita… And showing me that there is still a man inside me that wants
to feel love… And wants to be loved. You are so different from anyone I’ve
ever experienced and  I’m grateful to have you in my life.
. .: I hope you have a perfect Valentine’s Day Nita
 ” Thanks to the love I have for you and thanks to
you my sweet Allen… This is my best valentines ever”
I was smiling so huge when I had received that text… I didn’t actually know how to take what he said, but I was so pleased to read his respond  and was happy he liked my cards..
My heart soars with this immense amount of love for him it fills me with so much joy.. even though I messed up and lost him.. I just know that I will never forget  this most awesome and amazing gift of love.
It was one amazing month and though our christmas got shattered I still love every moment we shared and enjoyed together… the man who let my whole being becomes alive  like it  never  had before…he sets my heart on fire and have my whole soul so alive with profound joy..The man I never knew…with just his words he set me ablaze with a love so explosive and passionate… for that short period I knew what it was to be love with a passion so intense, I felt it to my very soul… I know he loved me… yes me… me… I felt him like he was right beside me..
He made love to me like no one has ever done.I felt his touch…I cum with such powerful, electrifying ecstasy …. over and over again.  I was the receiver of that intense passion and i am the one that loves him with a desire so strong it hurts.. I found him….and it was phenomenal..ecstatic… sensational… epic…
He may no longer be here.. but I’m so happy to have gotten this chance to know him .. love him..expirience him.. enjoyed him…. SOMETIMES LIFE REALLY GIVES BEAUTIFUL GIFTS.. IT GAVE ME HIM.. & SOME GIFTS YOU CAN’T HOLD IN YOUR HANDS …. YOU HOLD THEM IN YOUR HEARTS…
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95 thoughts on “ONLINE DATING: FIRST EXPERIENCE; epilogue

  1. the first part didn’t come through .. I don’t know how to get it to published..
    it is showing on my page and the preview has it all .. I try to update it and still nothing.. i don’t know where I went wrong.. so sorry for that…

    Liked by 1 person

      • There are no real winners when people fall in love with a persons representative but, who do you think lost in the end? (No pun intended) But you’re “virtually ready to get back in bed”, and that was a good pun.🙂. You think his setback will sting more?

        Liked by 1 person

          • He did say he fell in love with you, not a vision of who he thought you would be, right?
            Why stop digging earlier and see what kind of ground you stood?
            This stinks, this is the worse kind of heartbreak. Did this Allen live in your area or was he so far off the globe that nothing would come of it anyway?
            Was this relationship separate from reality, because it’s damn hard to separate the two when you’re in that deep.

            Like

                  • So from conception, deception and finally to termination…how long did it take for this online rendezvous to turn into what it became? The romantic monster?
                    Are you looking for that love again or will you just let the flame settle?

                    Like

                    • It took us a week and half to develop to the point ☝️ of love ❤️.
                      This month is two years since we had our serendipity…
                      The flames 🔥 had dimmed.. Still have the torch..
                      I’m not really looking.. but you never know when love ❤️ will strike again..

                      Liked by 1 person

                    • When the magics there, it’s there!! One week to get that.
                      The flame has dimmed but its light enough to see down a dark tunnel. You may not be looking, but I don’t think love cares because like justice, love is blind and if it bumps into you, you will fall.
                      Good luck on the next Looking for Love story………coffee or tea.🙂

                      Liked by 1 person

                    • Anything that can tear you apart like that and still want more has to be real. Love, the most addicting, legal, expensive drug that everyone hurts from but will never give it up.
                      That’s why drinking numbs the pain and makes the ride a little more fun. 🍷🍾🍷

                      Liked by 1 person

                    • Hahahaha … joker..
                      But you are so right…
                      and I was so addicted and hooked.. I still crave that love….
                      and the withdrawal is so hard…
                      I don’t drink 🍹 like that…
                      I get numb with my music 🎶.. I created a playlist just dedicated to him.. and I listen to it whenever I crave him.. like I’m doing now… playing my music 🎶.. and getting numb

                      Liked by 1 person

                    • Hahahaha…

                      I do get that way sometimes….

                      But I’m in control of my emotions.
                      And it’s been two years..

                      So I try not to go there too often…

                      It’s just writing this story… making me relive him .. and I get so emotional 😭…
                      There will never be another him and me .

                      Liked by 1 person

                    • You’re right, there will never be another you and another him, no doubt.
                      But there will be another one and another you, I know someone in the same boat and this second ride is going good.
                      The past don’t have to hurt you if you don’t let it, so dry your emotions from wherever the liquids are running and know that he’s out there waiting for you.
                      Remember, it takes a couple to work a genie bottle, the guy only controls what pops up, the woman controls what pops out.
                      That’s why sequels are made, who can just have one take?🎬

                      Like

  2. Heartfelt, beautiful, tear jerking, angering, humorous, soulful, and real experience put into words for people like me to see that in reality love transcends time, borders, URLs and even broken spirits. You have shown through this process that love takes many emotions and faces, the one she never owns is hate and bitterness. You have gracefully survived and your story will heal many.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Nice story Nita. I think you gave him much more than he gave you. You’re so passionate, I’m sorry it ended this way but sometimes things DO happen for a reason. You have lots of friends here, you know. p.s. I would have beat the crap out of his “friend” Brett. Who does that??

    Liked by 1 person

    • I figured I deserved it.. pay back… to really feel what it’s like to be deceived…

      I was more self conscious and a bit embarrassed 😩 playing that game with him .. and confessing my fantasy ..

      Thanks for the comment.. Bill..
      I do have some loyal followers…
      like you ..😍

      Like

  4. A quite beautiful post Wendy and I really mean that, It’s plain to see for all Allen fell in love with you through your words, I must admit I didn’t the ending would turn out like this because :/ I have to say you were a naughty girl with some of the fibs, but that’s life I’ve sent emails I regret. I must admit his friend playing with you was kinda ironic and amusing and quite clever……………did you not suspect?

    Liked by 1 person

  5. You are quite brave to write about your personal life. I like this blog and it’s ideas. But please visit and read the new ultimate theory of human relativity exclusively on My Theory and give me some feedbacks as I am hungry.
    From your follower My Theory.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Thanks for reading 📖 and hopefully enjoying my story…

      I thought it’s sweet/ bitter story.. full of passion… deception..
      love.. and hold a lesson how we can never assume how a connection with Will turns out.. and the directions it can take..

      It all depends on so much factors..
      yep I had him In the palms of my hands..
      he was in my heart ❤️ where he belongs.. I had him loving me.. an I got me loving him.

      But I was totally blindsided …

      I will definitely check your blog out

      Like

    • KW..
      I had asked him.if he would…

      “Do you think that uneasiness and fear will ever go away.
      Are you going to just disappear after a while. I hope not..Will you be able to keep me as friend,.. Maybe.. And maybe you will come to Orlando and let me meet the man that owns my heart… Some time in the future.? Just a thought my Allen. ”

      His answer…

      Awwww!!! I have no idea Nita. If I thought it was healthy I would meet you.

      He was saying that he was feeling apprehensive 😩….and that he has moved on..

      I would loved to..

      You know actually cut out a lot.. and just summarized it..
      it was so poorly done.. but no matter which direction I took it end with him leaving..
      I had no regrets.
      Other than the deception

      Liked by 1 person

  6. you know, i can totally relate to this, i happen to fall in love without ever meeting, only through texts and calls………..but it turned out differently for me…….
    you must have heard this a million times……..but it is great that you are writing about about personal things, without pretense, without metaphors……….i really admire that! 🙂 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

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