A SLAP πŸ‘‹ IN FACE…. part 4

Born December 27th

….. John woke up and saw me outside.. he came and asked if I was ready to go.. I told him yes..

I sat there thinking and wishing I did not made the choice I had.. and feeling so upset because apart from upsetting her I have ruin my Christmas plans..

I got up retrieved my things and said bye to her.. not getting a response..

And head for the car.. my son and I .. we had a good little conversation on our way… and he was very sympathetic to me.. he shows understanding and actually told me that he thinks she has more issues than she thinks he has..

I had to agree with that statement.. he gives me a few examples of her iritic outburst… which he thought was very unnecessary especially with her eldest… but he said she doesn’t receive advices or suggestions too well…

That was enough explanation for me..

It was their second anniversary so I asked him to go easy on her and try not to do or say anything to upset the day…

He dropped me off and headed back home..

It took me two days to overcome my feelings.. and on the second day I thought I’d send her a text apologizing.. hoping she would now be in a better frame of mind..

Hey πŸ‘‹ Megan..

I do hope you are feeling much better today…

I’m so sorry 😐 my visit took a turn for the worst…

I didn’t mean to upset 😑 you so badly..

I just wanted to spend some time with you and enjoy 😊 your company..

So sorry 😐 for what I have said to make you so 😠 mad…

It was never my intentions..

I just hope we can move forward and beyond it..

And continue as friends..

I am not mad with you..

I know you are just going through a very emotional time right now. .. being in your last month of pregnancy 🀰 and all..

And have a family to take care of..

You are doing such an awesome πŸ‘ job sweet girl…

You are a strong girl and you are a most wonderful mom and wife…

Keep on doing what you are doing..”

It went unanswered..

I even tried to butter her up.. hoping she would smile..

Ooh well!!?? I guess I just better leave it at that..

The next two weeks to Christmas πŸŽ„ was very emotional for me because for the very first time I’m not going to be celebrating πŸ₯³ Christmas without John…

John came over Christmas Eve with ayden..

We went out to eat.. he spent a few hours then leave..

We had exchange Christmas πŸŽ„ gifts 🎁 . And good wishes ..

So next day ( Christmas πŸŽ„ Day) was just me and my younger son home.. I tried to make the best of it..

The day came and went very uneventful..

I got a text from John that Friday.. baby coming.. and a couple hours later.. he sent photos..

So baby was born at 10am Friday morning…

And just when I was getting over my emotional state .. here comes another reason for me to be sad 😒…

I won’t be able to go see my granddaughter.. and I vowed that I would never go back to her home unless she personally invited me..

It’s been two weeks since the birth of my granddaughter..

And she did send some pictures to me and we had a little texting dialogue.. but I haven’t heard from her since..

And I’m not anxiously thinking that is an invite to resume connection..

So I will wait until she decided to do so..

I have been talking to friends about what happens.. and their suggestions have me looking at the whole scenario differently.. and at different angles…

One such suggestions is that maybe she wanted to cut John’s families out of the picture..

I don’t really care too much other than I’m not going to be able to spend much time with my granddaughter..

But I can do it if I have to.. I just find it so funny.. the extreme of it all..

Here I’m am left with total responsibility of my younger son daughter.. to the point that I have to ask him to give me a break..

And now I’m not going to be able to see this one at all..

I just can’t win for losing…

I will just have to let it all play out and deal with whatever comes..

A SLAP πŸ‘‹ IN THE FACE… part 3

BE CAREFUL WITH WHAT YOU SAY…

WORDS CAN HURT 😞 MUCH MORE THAN

A SLAP πŸ‘‹……..

THE AFTER EFFECTS….

…… I continued to cook dinner .... she locked herself in her bedroom… I was really uncomfortable and wish I could leave and go home… my emotions was running high and wild….

I felt guilty and badly for causing her rage… but I had mixed feelings.. the more I think about the conversation.. I come up with the conclusion that I didn’t actually say anything to have cause her reacting in that manner..

And… come to think about it she was very mean and somewhat rude to the point of disrespect… shouldn’t I have reminded her of who she was talking to and asked her to address me with more respect than that..

I didn’t even raise my voice once. I maintain my composure.. why then am I so forgiving and remorseful.. could it be because I’m in her home….

Or..

Is it because she is pregnant..

I find myself very understanding and even compassionate towards her… my throat was tightening up again..and my eyes were filling up with tears.. accidentally spilling down my face..

I think it’s because I liked her so much and I wanted so much to spend this time with her… we don’t really communicate too often and I so much wanted be close with her..

This is a side of her I never saw or known..

So after I finish cooking I thought I would go see if she has calm down and try to break the ice. .. letting her know that I’m not mad.. hoping she would be receptive to my gesture…

But..

She was very cold and distant..and had an negative attitude…

So I just back away disappointingly.. and utter a “OUCH “……

I went to my grandson room… I was not feeling too good and again I wish I could leave… why did I invite my silly ass over… I question myself…

My son came home but I didn’t go out to greet him…

But later on I decided to go and put away the food for the night… she didn’t come out if her room all evening..

John was sitting on the couch and he came in the kitchen to ask me why did I say that to her about her son..

So I had to explain to him the conversation we had that leads up to me mentioning her son to her..

I broke down in the middle of the story and my son..he doesn’t know how to deal with emotions…so he was getting uncomfortable 😣 and asked me to stop… so I did..

I finished up with my what I was doing and went back to the room.. I lay there for hours going over and over in my mind the incident that occurred…

She chooses to tell john just the comment I made about her son… shaking my head… and to think of it …..she was the one who said everything she wanted John to believe I said…

I dozed off with tears flowing… I was very hurt for more reasons than one..

I didn’t get up with my grandson that morning….but after they left For school I got up.. got ready.. pack my belongings.. and decided to go sit outside in the backyard until my son wakes up…

She was on the couch.. I shouted , ” good morning πŸ˜ƒβ˜€οΈπŸŒž Megan “….

I didn’t get a reply.. so as I was passing to go through the door to the backyard.. I asked,

” are you okay today??….”

She replied very sarcastically and very nonchalantly ..

“As good as I’m going to be “….

I replied.. “that’s good “….

I sensed her indifference and her detachment… so I just leave her alone..

*************++++************

TO BE CONTINUED…

A SLAP IN THE FACE…. part 2

ONE BIG SLAP πŸ‘‹ IN THE FACE

THE CONVERSATION….

The evening went well.. we all retired to our sleeping quarters…

I slept with my grandson and he woke me up pretty early.. they had school…

My son was off to work early .. I had some coffee β˜•οΈ sit for a while with meg..

And about an hour later .. decided to get up to change out my pjs…I asked meg what was on her agenda…and she said she wanted to go to the store to pick up something.. I told her I would glad to ride along with her..

I thought she meant later in the morning but just as I got into my clothes.. she asked if I was ready… so we went off to the store…

While there I picked up a few things.. mostly snacks for me and the boys…

We were having a conversation about blood type. And meg was getting a bit agitated 😣 with my questions and suggestions about her knowing her kids blood type.. so much so that I had to cut off the conversation entirely and letting her know it’s only me that these things are so important to… I didn’t like her tone … and definitely did not want to upset her…

We got home.. it was still too early for anything.. I again told her I would love to take over the cooking so she would not have to stand up so long…

So we sat down.. she turns on the news… and me…( πŸ€¦β€β™€οΈ smh ..sigh) .. I decided to ask her about her comment about her second son living with his father…

It starts out very casually with her saying she would not allow it.. but she went on farther stating that John is envious of her son and his father..

I did not agree with her and so it became a discussion which spiral out of control on her part. She let me that John is still having abandonment issues.. that he has been crying and been threatening suicide..

So I just said.. annoyingly..

” He is almost 40 years old… it’s time he gets over this shit”….

Oh my.. she got very belligerent and started to blame me for him going through all that emotional trauma …

I remain calm and asked her not to be so upset.. I tried to change my approach by admitting the fault and then tried to explain my reasons for and behind making that choice which affects him so badly ..

I started off saying…

“When we are young we as parents sometimes make choices with and for our children without οΏΌthe realization of how it may or will affect them…”

I continued with the explanation of why I left him behind…and To clarify and satisfy my story or excuses or explaination..I kinda finish by saying…(trying or hoping she would understand.. ) just like the the choice you made with your oldest son..

Ooh man.. she flew off the handle… and went into a raging fit.. saying that she has not abandoned her son.. because she didn’t leave him and come to another country

I didn’t say anything about her abandoning her son .. but I only make matters worse when I say the distance doesn’t matter..

I had to stop talking because I was afraid of her getting into such a rage.. but she continued to spew out a whole heap of negative remarks about me.. including the fact that I mess up my son and leave her to pick up the pieces.. I just say ” ouch 😣 ”

And..

“Oops 🀭😬”

And just walked away..

I was so hurt .. her words cut really deep.. because I had struggled with great guilt and remorse for years… I couldn’t go back and undo the damage I had cause my son….and I had suffered with him during the height of his first onset of deep depression… and I don’t see him with that emotions anymore.. so I was not believing it was still affecting him to the degree of how she wanted me to believe…. he had come along way.. and he has progressed so much.. I’m swell with pride sometimes just thinking of him and how he has grown.1

the tears was threatening to flow..I had to take a minute to calm down my emotions..and I started to cook as I promised… how could she be so mean…????!!!! If only she could know and realize just how much my decision and choice has hurt me in past… and how very much I regretted leaving him behind….

It was really like a slap πŸ‘‹ to my face..

I really don’t see how our conversation could have reached to that point…but..

She’s pregnant and highly emotional..so I didn’t hold it against her… she was obviously πŸ™„ on edge all morning… and I guess it didn’t take much to trigger off her reaction..

………………………………………

TO BE CONTINUED…

BEING A MOM… VS… BEING A GRANDMA…

So sweet she is
My most beautiful granddaughter…

It’s so amazing how we think so very differently as we aged enough to experience the joy of being called grandma…

Maybe it’s the experience of age..

Maybe it’s just living to see your children having children…

Or maybe it’s the journey through life that leaves us with the changes and experiences that make us think differently and treat the grand offsprings with such differences compared to how we treated our own children…

I’m so happy to be able to be alive to experience the grandchildren I have now…

But…

I do realize that I have such a different attitude and approach with them than I ever had with their parents..

I show more patience …

More understanding….

More eagerness…

I reflect back sometimes and it makes me sad sad 😞 to remember how impatient I was…how much I lack understanding…

And just how apathetic I was…

Yet I know I have loved my kids… as much as any mother could… but.. I lack that interest to give my all…

We call it discipline .. we call it structure .. we call it teaching…

Yet just years later we forget why and how we did what we did.. and doesn’t apply it to our grandchildren….

We have a complete set of new rules and expect our kids to take our new found advice and abide by them… when dealing with their kids…

My son had to remind me of how I scolded him for some kind of behavior I was insisting that he doesn’t do when he was trying to discipline his baby…

And I tried so hard to justify my then actions.. so he could understand my now reasoning for not wanting him to apply such.. with his daughter…

Life really teaches us.. and it brings changes… of how we see everything…

I have to really restrain myself from interfering with his methods of discipline… and allow him to be the father to his daughter.. whether or not I approve or not…

I guess we all have different values we try to instill in our kids…every parent have their very own…and we just have to allow and respect each and every one to be the boss of their kids upbringing…

Just as I have learned along way… I think so will everyone else too…

So I will continue to enjoy my sweet and adorable grandbabies… when I do get the chance…

And leave my kids to their parenting skills… afterall … they are the boss of them…

BESTIES πŸ‘―…. UNTIL NOT… Cory.. part 2

ALL GOOD THINGS MUST END….

…… the first year went by with us enjoying conversing and sharing our lives together…

Both of us uses each other as someone to tell everything to without reservations knowing it’s just between us… we have no other connection to anyone in our circle…

OR….

This is how I view it and why I willingly confess to so much of my personal experiences… I speak freely of everyone.. my sisters ; my sons ; my friends.,..

I was thinking my feelings of distaste for them and my negative thoughts won’t cause no harm because they have no chance of ever knowing or hearing what I say or how I feel .. Cory isn’t a part of my immediate surroundings.. and some of these conversations is not for the people in question ears…. it not that it’s a secret or is it malicious in any way..

It’s just a matter of sparing feelings of hurt 😞 if told…

No one knows him.. and he knows no one…

so I vent and gripe my grievances to him freely and easily without guilt knowing it’s just between us..

We became so close ;we form a very strong bond that I even surprised myself of just how close we have grown….

And when I decided to help my ex friend abbey….

He was more than willing to help me with my campaign of helping abbey … because he saw how passionate I was to her cause…

I was very touched that he stood by me and decided to help me help her along.. I thought… only a true friend would do this kind of thing… and I admire him for it… and I hold him in very high esteem… his generosity was far and beyond…

And I was very flattered when he choose to prove his faithful friendship by doing something so out of the ordinary…

And when he sent me that voice mail I saw it as a act of loyalty to me…

I didn’t look at it.. in the sense of him deceiving her trust.. he was after all my friend…

What is two months compared to two years…???! So I didn’t hold it against him… as a matter of fact.. I thank him for letting me see her for who she was and how she actually view me as a friend…

He had some regrets after I ended my friendship with her… he didn’t anticipated me making that choice… I assured him he just opened my eyes to her true nature…

All those years I was thinking that we had a concrete bond of friendship… I just come to realize that I was just fooling myself…

Cory and I we talked for hours about it all.. me trying to understand how I never saw that side of her..Cory he just listened while I tried to make sense of it….

That the kind of friend he was.. after I think I got it all out and no more was left to be said… I asked him to not mention her name to me anymore and I will also refrain from talking about her too…

I figured they would still stay in contact and I didn’t want to have anything to do with their relationship….

and he agreed.. we continue with our friendship as is .. moving forward and beyond that episode..

But…

I never forget how he proves his faithfulness to me…

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TO BE CONTINUED…..

BESTIES πŸ‘―…. TILL NOT… Cory…

IN THE BLAZE OF GLORY

I first met Cory when he likes my stories I put out… he was in awe of my writing especially because they were non- fiction…

He quickly became one of my number one fan… and would always hold lengthy conversation with me with very positive comments…

I was going through a rough period in my personal life and I was in jeopardy of losing my home.. I decided to create a GoFundMe account to try to get some help from friends and relatives …

when I posted the GoFundMe campaign Cory was one of the very first to make a. Donation… so I thank him.. he had lots of questions…and because of its personal nature ..instead of discussing it publicly with him..

I decided to send him my personal email address..

We communicate this way for a while… he has lots of questions both about the GoFundMe campaign and about my stories.

I eagerly indulge him and answer all his questions without reservations…he was easy to talk to and not before long we exchanged phone numbers…

He was in Louisiana and I am in Florida.. our friendship begins to grow rapidly..

So we became close in a blaze of glory..(fast and hard)…

We became phonepals..and began to talk daily about everything and anything…

I eagerly shared my life stories with him both present and past… I thought he was a good confidant seeing that he was a neutral position…. he is not connected to anyone else in my surroundings..

I’m older than he is so he kinda used me for advice on his love life and some of his personal issues…

I obliged willingly and I was enjoying this connection and full of gratitude for his generosity as a friend.. I consider myself blessed… to have cross paths with him…

As the month past by he became a part of my daily life .:. He was so much so…. my son started to tease me about him …making little silly remarks such as ..

” mommy got herself a boyfriend… πŸ˜‚ haha 🀣 ”

He used to call me to give me his agenda .for the day… share his work and social life with me on a daily basis ….

I always receive it quite pleasantly and enjoy the little chitchat….

We continue with this relationship for apx two years…

He became a important part of my life..he picked up a job out of state which pays him quite good… and he actually shared his wealth with me.. topping me up on many occasions… one month he gives me $500… to cover some shortages I have financially…

I felt very appreciative but it leaves me a little guilty.. and Cory didn’t think twice about helping me like this…

He is a very special guy.. and so I tried to keep him close..

However Cory possesses a few attitude that I find a little annoying..

Such as .. he likes to dig very deeply into everything… and he contradicts himself all the time… he also has a habit of using what I told him …..as a confidant or things I would gripe about.. personal stuff I would voluntarily tell him because I thought he was neutral in the situation …. and throw it back in my face to try win an argument..

He would also repeat things I have already told him and he wants me to go over again with the same story… he would also analyze everything and draw his own conclusions and try to convince me he is right about how he interpreted it…

…. he has proven right on a few occasions… and I would say it to him… but he always wanted me to see things in his way….

Sometimes I would try to be patronizing and agree with him… but when I refused to see it his way it would cause an argument…

he makes very poor choices in women..and his only interest is sexual.. he never had a serious relationship and his choices in mate is never girlfriend material…

What I love about him though..is…

He is always calm…never gets rattled no matter how irritated 😣 and infuriated I get.. I would be shouting and getting boisterous … but he would never lose his composure or his cool… it is an characteristic trait I always admire and would loved to possess…

He has a very kind heart…and is very empathetic… and he is a very loyal friend…he is a good listener ( sometimes) he is always honest with me. And always tell me the truth about everything….

Cory isn’t perfect …and I had accept him for who he is and over the months of knowing him I grew to love him dearly…

Our friendship took off in a “A BLAZE OF GLORY “…..

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TO BE CONTINUED….

BESTIES πŸ‘― TILL NOT…. part 4

MY REACTION AND CHOICES…

She disappoint me with her response.. I wanted her just say to me…

“Wendy I don’t like that you are asking Cory for money for me…please don’t or please stop…”

Anything that will counteract her voice call to Cory… I would have understood her feelings knowing her as the friend she is…

So I really became upset thinking she really was trying to ruin my reputation and discredit me to Cory… without even giving me credit for trying to help her…I shook my head and made the only choice I think was appropriate…

Walk away from this friendship.. so I decided to send her another text.. I didn’t even want to talk to her..I was done …

“Well Abbs..

I guess it takes me almost 40 years to figure out that you are not truly for me…

I’m very disappointed πŸ˜” that this friendship was not as real to you as it was for me..

I really thought I was doing everything I can to help a friend in need..

and I centered my help around you…

And you go and discredit me to a dear friend .. a friend who was more than willing to help me help you…

Cory is somewhat of a special person… but I’m afraid o

From where I’m standing..

I see ingratitude..

I see false pride..

I see you don’t see All the effort I have been making to help you stay afloat ….

But I don’t need any recognition because I was doing it out of loyalty and as a friend…

I am withdrawing my friendship from you..

I really hoped life treats you well…Abbs

I never thought this how we would have ended our friendship..

But as things stand..

You ended it a long time ago…

And it’s so obvious that you really don’t want my interference in your life or do you need my help…

Goodbye abbey..”

She did respond with a lengthy text wanted to know if she has ever been kind to me.. and playing dumb to my accusations of her discrediting me..

And informing Me of her plans to get her finances in check…never acknowledging my efforts to be of help to her…She mentioned that she was not ungrateful but didn’t actually state for what… and she went on about how Independent she is and how she tries to do for herself…

I didn’t bother to respond to her… I just didn’t see the sense.. the forty years of friendship was not in question.. or was her character….it was all about what she said to Cory in that negative way… I didn’t want to go back in history.. and I didn’t feel like giving her my reassurance of how I hold her in his esteem because of her drive and willingness to do everything it takes to be a better person..

This was my ultimate reason for going to the extreme to try to help her get over this bump/ hurdle… I know she was capable of getting certified so she can be more flexible and versatile in the job market….

I want her to have choices and options…

I thought she understood this when I promised her to help get by until she finished with that course…

it takes just two minutes to completely destroy our lifelong friendship…and it really saddens me to know that she never appreciated all that I have tried to do for her..

And I have done so much over the years… don’t get me wrong..she has done for me too.. I could make a long list of all she did for me…because these are the reasons I value our friendship…and remain friends our the years…

And I thought it goes both ways… I always appreciate her and always was full of gratitude for being her friend…

It really hurt me to know that she didn’t quite feel the same way as I did…

So here goes…

My bestie… until proven not:…

All in all though…

what she did and say did not take away nothing from those forty years we had invested in being friends…

I still value and savor those years…it was a great friendship up until that moment..

It just comes the time to end…

I bid her farewell and wish her the best…

I know I did what I could. . She just mess it all up… without realizing what she really lost…

A TRUE FRIEND….