MY LOVE-LOVE: THE JOY&PAIN OF AN UNFORBIDDEN LOVE; chapter 5

That Friday He text me to come by his house because he wanted me to meet his father. He implied that he wanted to hook me up  with his father… I was not very pleased … but…

I agree to go to his home because it meant seeing him and getting a chance to be with him, but I was very annoyed that he wanted to pass me on to his father.  I got to his house,  A man who I assumed to be his father, answered … I greeted him, introduced myself and asked for him…

He was in his bedroom, I asked his father to excused me and I went to him. I told him that I don’t appreciate that he is trying to pass me on like a piece of old clothes  and It’s him I like and it’s not because I’m desperate and need a man that badly… I let him know my desires is just for him…

Would you believe that right there and then he started to fool with me… he was kissing me pulling my pants down..

I try to resist, telling him no his father is outside but that did not deter him and by now I was all for it. I wanted him, I couldn’t resist him. kitty was twitching… getting soaking wet and all i wanted was to feel that hard throbbing dick sliding it’s way inside me easing my growing burning desires…I was so hottt…

He led me to the bathroom, bend me over the sink and give it to me..he had to put a hand over my mouth to keep me quiet… he had my legs trembling and kitty begging for more.. I tried to get seconds.. I was loving on his chest… kissing him… Pressing closely into him.. showing him how much I still want him..whispering one more time.. I want you… 

but he resisted … reluctantly.. pushed me away..and then his father called his name..

I was left inside to try to calm down and regain my composure….

I was so hottt.. and ready to burst that I touched kitty to ease her a little and with one touch I was sent in a height of ecstasy.. I stood there for a couple minutes convulsing and twitching.. how I wanted him…

I got up.. went to the restroom and get properly dressed and calm myself down… brush my hair and timidly went out to join them…

 and so we had a quickie. It was so excited and sweet. What he does to me and for me. How am I going to get pass him.

. I still was thinking of the fact that he did not want me enough to want to hook his father up with me; it only tells me what he really feels for and about me. I was a bit hurt but try to understand how he thinks.

 I was not mad at him only sorry I was so much older that I could not ask anything of him. And I wanted him, how I wanted him, but how can I have him?

The next two weeks I just live to see him. I couldn’t wait for each day to come just to get the chance of seeing him. It would break my heart every time I see him with veronie but I had accepted that fact that they were together. 

I would still seek him out after work, talk to him, but I know he was no longer interested in me. MY desire was again building and I thought I try asking him to see me.

So I text him asking to see him. He text back saying he’s on his way to Deltona. I was a bit disappointed but I kind of expect that answer. Anyway about two minutes after that I received another text from him saying…

..”yea com by my house I b home I am on my way back”.

I was so happy and elated. I reply “if you could only see the smile on my face. I will be there.”

And so I got one more time to spend with MYLOVE-LOVE {. I COULDN’T BELEIVE MY LUCK} I went over and he was lying there looking so good and sexy just waiting for me. He had no shirt on..

He had just taken a bath and smells so fresh and feels so good. I lie beside him and he immediately started to kiss me, he felt so good and smell so delicious, and how I wanted him, so, so much. I love on that beautiful chest of his… enjoying the taste of him and inhaling his scent getting lost in the moment…

I had bought a vibrating toy for us to try and I told him. I got the toy and he was all gamed, He said “let’s play” and play we did. I spent the night next to him and I was in glory land. Being with him gives me so much joy. I get a surge of happiness I never before experience. WE spent most of the night talking about his childhood and making love… The more times I spent with him the more I feel for him.. and the more I want him..

I hoped he would like me some. I left him that morning wondering if I will ever get another chance to be with him… I always left wondering because we never talked about us…

That week went by with me living in hopes of the next time, and it came that Tuesday.  I text him asking what’s he doing?

He replies that he is at his aunt birthday party. And then he called me to come over. I was so pleased that I did not hesitate. I got there and he pounced on me… I decided to try the eatable chocolate.. oooh maan !!!! Did he love me eating and licking it off his chest and moving down and gobbling up it from his tings… I didn’t stop till it was all gone…

And then it was my time.. ooohh baby baby!!!!! I was quivering and shaking with ecstasy…he took me to places and heights I have never been…

we had a good time together.

How I love him! Every time with him seems to be better and better. I was falling deeper and deeper for him. What was I doing? How am going to get out of this? The more I see and spent with him the more I want him. And so I decided to enjoy him as long as he allows me to.

The following week I try asking him if I can come over. He started to tell that I’m acting like we are in a relationship and to remember that we are only friends with benefits. A bit hurt but understand, because we had agreed on that. I came home feeling, that’s the end, I know this day would come. And anyway I got more than I had bargained for and I was thankful. I did not mention anything about us after that. Still talk to him but keep it casual.

 The next Tuesday , on my way to Walgreens I got a text

“I am at home can u come by 2nit.”

I wanted to go so badly and I was so upset that I was at work. Would you believe I cried, yes cried because I wanted to be with him so much and I had this chance and I couldn’t? I wonder if I would ever get another chance like this.

My chance did not come until the next Thursday . I text him asking him to include me on his agenda for that day. By now, I was itching to be with him. And I had to try so I thought I’d asked.

Well he said he was going to be busy but he’ll see what’s up later. And he called apx. 8pm and said he had somewhere to go midnight but he can see me until then. Of course I agreed and I was there before you know it.

 GOD! When he opens that door, he was the most beautiful sight I ever behold. That smile, that face, that man, that beautiful and gorgeous man, and I smile because I have longed and yearned to be with him these last few weeks and here I am, finally. It takes all my control not to jump on him, and with heart racing and hands shaking just to touch him I sat down beside him. He must have sense my desire, because he said, “What you came for, to watch T.V.? He did not have to say anything else that was my cue. I immediately start to kiss him. How I love to kiss him. I love on him like I was hungry; I couldn’t get enough of him. We made love for the next four hours. He was so good. He made love to me like he means it and I enjoyed every single minute of him. I left him very pleased and happy. 

The following Wednesday , he asked to babysit for him. I accepted because apart from getting a chance to be with him I love his babies. I spent the evening with them and they were good. He came home about 10:30pm. He was a bit distant as usual. He took his son, helps him with his homework and went to lie down. He fell asleep. I let him sleep knowing that he must be tired. I bathe the kids, fed them and put them to bed. I did not want to wake him up so I quietly lay down next to him.

I didn’t forget the last time with his kids and how I had behaved and reacted… so I didn’t expect any form of fooling around this night.

Into the night I felt him taking off my jeans. He tries to love on me but he stopped. I got up brushed my teeth, freshened up and went back to him and start to love on him, for some reason I felt he did not want me but I continue try to make him feel good, but maybe because his kids was present he wasn’t in the mood.   We had a little then went to sleep

He woke me up in the morning to get up to get his babies ready, and I did. I did not mind too much. I would do anything for him. Anything to make him happy and his life easier.

We did not see each other for the next couple of weeks, except at work. He did not have too much to say and ignored me for most part. Although I was feeling broken up and wanted more I know that we weren’t really together and that he doesn’t like me like that. But my consolation was I get to see him daily and gives me some joy. Just seeing him was enough to make me happy. On Saturday 24th April I got a phone call. He is asking for $40.00. And of course like the fool I am I told him to come and get it… It meant seeing him…And so he came over for it.

.He stays a little. Love me a little and then left. As usual I enjoyed our little session, it was good to me.

I felt a bit foolish because I let myself be used by him…but seeing him and getting to love on him was all worth it to me….

 I suspect the money was for veronie birthday. But I can’t say no to him. I kind of feel good to know he needs me for something and stupid old me thinking if I am kind to him I will win his loyalty and he will remains friends with me always. [HOW WRONG CAN ONE BE]

Come Monday 26th. We worked the same shift. He was at work and then I saw him walking with a manager towards the door. My heart sank. He passes me didn’t look my direction, and left. I knew something was wrong. And then we were told He got fired. Would you believe I started to cry? Don’t know why, but I could not hold back the tears. I try texting him, asking what’s wrong. He never replies. And then I started to panic and getting anxious. How am I going get through my days without his presence?  OMG!!  I’VE LOST MYLOVE-LOVE.  I will never see him again. I was so worried about us {as if there was an us} I was so afraid and scared. I could not think or focus. And to make matters worse he ignores me.

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TO BE CONTINUED…..

 

 

 

MY LOVE-LOVE: THE JOY AND PAIN OF AN UNFORBIDDEN LOVE; chapter 4

After that incident with him, and my selfish behavior,  I was convinced that we would never be together again, but after a week or so ; seeing him everyday… remembering that passionate night…playing it in my mind, thinking how he felt; how he looks; I started to feel the desire to be with him again.

So I decided to ask him for a night, seeing that he is not going to asked me…

It was coming to valentines and our birthdays.  Mine the 16th and his 17th. So I bravely ask him if I could see him for Valentines. At first he said no, but I didn’t give up… I mention it every chance I got, until…..

 At the last minute he said ok. I was more than happy. I was ecstatic.

I went ahead and try to plan a very romantic and sensuous night…I buy this eatable chocolate, this heated scented massage oil.. and I got him a beautiful card… I had our night all planned out… I’m going to make it a night to remember..

 

He was still seeing Veronie and I was still a bit jealous but my need to be with him was stronger than my jealousy and envy. And all that matters to me at that point was being with him anyhow I can and I was not going to let anything spoil my time with him. I decided I am going to enjoy him to the fullest.  So I got my date…

I was so excited, and so full of anticipation I could hardly wait!!!!  and then it’s here….

  I went over to his apartment, knock on his door, he stands there in a sweatpants…and to me he was the most beautiful sight.. I was smiling and a little shy, he invited me in, and he hugged me and give me a little peck on he cheek… and led me to the couch and we got under a blankie… it was a little cold.

  WE started off watching a little movie, but,I couldn’t keep my hands off him. just being so close to him… wanting him for so long… I couldn’t help myself…we then proceed to the bedroom.

It was cold night and we were under a blanket, MYLOVE-LOVE put it around the two of us and walked us to the room , arm in arm… on our way I kind of stumble, he just catch me, steady me, and said, “I got you, it’s ok.”

 I just smile, feeling so good just being there with him, and lovingly pinch his buttock.

  Once in bedroom and I offer and suggested to give him a massage. He was all gamed, he got on his tummy …I very gentle pour the oil on his back….and sensuously caress and massage it in.. I moved slowly down till I reached his buttocks….so round… so firm….  I bent down and kiss that sink in his back using the tip of my tongue to trace the path to his buttock..

he let out a deep groan,”mmmm”. I smiled pleasingly.

I love the taste of him as I knead his buttock  lovingly… He decided to roll over…and whoaaa!!!!!

I took it in my hands and I looked up at him and he has his eyes closed with a face showing pure pleasure… I put some of the oil in my hands… and latter him in it… He starts to moan softly and said,”shit… shit..”. (his favorite words)

I then lick at the tip… and pull him all the way down my throat…he thrust his hips and his hand on my head urges me on… he tastes so good…We make love for the next hour or so.. I had my night of pleasure and nothing matters at that moment but lying there in his arms …

  We then decide to just lie there and try to sleep.. we were exhausted.. 

he became very quiet and was a bit distant and aloof, but I did not care because I was exactly where I wanted to be. My most favorite place. Right next to him.

He then started to talked a little about his life and his dreams. And how I enjoyed just lying there listening to him, learning about him and feeling so close and connected to him. I felt he was opening up to me accepting me, and getting closer to me. I was in heaven.

He fell asleep and I watched him sleeping. I hug him close to me and try to savor every minute with him because I was thinking this will be our last time, he doesn’t want me or like me like that.

I woke up to   a phone call from Barbara (my sister) wishing me HAPPY VALENTINES.  I got up ask him if he wants breakfast he said, “yes”  So I started to cook him something.

I was standing by the stove when I felt him behind me. He was kissing my neck and his hand was on my kitty, I got so excited and turned on. It felt so good that I dropped everything and respond to him. He bent me over and entered me there. Gosh!!!  It  felt so good;

  He then led me to the couch and gave me one of the best loving I ever had. I couldn’t believe that I could feel like that. And when we were finished I wanted more, much, much more. I was on fire… but we ran out of time…So my night ended with a bang. We ate breakfast and he took me home. I was smiling all day. MYLOVE-LOVE sure knows how to put a smile on my face. I was happy and contented for the next two days.

 Our birthdays was coming up…I bought a cheese cake and a bottle of moscato wine for his birthday and I thought I could convince him to spend it with me… he denied my request.. I wanted a repeat of our valentines night… But…..

He had other plans. He wanted to spend it with veronie, and he did.  

I die inside knowing that he wanted her and not me but I have to accept that we could never be. And I smile every time I thought of us. It didn’t bother me much because I get to see him every day, and as long as I’m able to see him I could cope with my emotions. I’d settle for friendship I told myself….but my desires and need for him was growing with each passing day..

I was just fooling myself…

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TO BE CONTINUED….

MYLOVE-LOVE: T HE JOY &PAIN OF AN UNFORBIDDEN LOVE chapter 3

I was getting so anxious for him to suggest us getting together again… and I starting to believe that it’s never going to happen when…..

He asked me to baby sit for him…  Of course…   I was more than happy to do so, because it means being with him again.  I was hoping and expecting a night like the one we had before. So i make sure the kids were all in bed before he got home… I sat there anticipating a night full of passion… and I was visualising all I would do to him.. I was so impatient waiting for him to come through that door..

Well he came home from work apx. 11:30pm .  A little later than I had expected… I suspected he was with veronie some.

You see he was still seeing her and I believed they were a couple but I decided to enjoy him when Im with him and not to mention anything or anybody to upset our time together. I did find out that she babysits those kids and even stayed over sometimes. I was so jealous and a bit mad but I remembered our deal. Just casual. . [I knew I could not compete with any young girl and I knew I had nothing to fight with. And I knew we said no strings.  I was helpless and hopeless. Here I am, wanting this guy with everything I got and couldnt demand, command or ask anything of him.]

So he came home and was very distant and so casual… decided that he was going to sleep on the couch, I asked him where am I going to sleep. He told wherever I liked. I was not too happy about that and then he just ignored me… I then realized that he had no intention of making love to me..

So I was not going to have the same experience. He does not want me like that. I wanted to leave, I would have left but I couldnt because he was asleep and I didnt want to call john so late. So I just steam and fight with me all night because I was feeling neglected, rejected and lonesome.

   He probably was just tired and didnt feel like fooling around or, like my mind is telling me he does not want me anymore . I try to convinced myself  with all the plausible explanations I could come up with.

I didn’t even stop to think of the kids.. I was so wrapped up in my own emotions and desires.. 

  Ill never know. I felt so bad I started to cry, so I got up from the couch sat there in the bathroom just beating myself up feeling like a fool, thinking why I allow myself to be treated like this. I even swear that I will never do this again.

  He got up to check on the kids and saw me sitting in the bathroom, asked me what Im doing there..not really concerned and went back to sleep. I then decided to come out and I went and lie between his legs and put my head on his tummy. Thats where I spent the rest of the night. I woke up feeling quite comfortable lying on him, nowhere else Id rather be, but it ended soon, much too soon. I was hoping he would want to make love: I playfully touched and rub against his cock… hoping to trigger some reaction… but He didn’t make any effort towards me so I know he was not interested.

Maybe because the kids was there .. and he didn’t want to take the chance of them catching us.. I was so selfishly thinking about me… I simply forgot about the babies.

He got the kids up took them to school and me home. Was very disappointed, I guess he did not like me as much as I thought and I was convinced that was the end of us. So we had a one night stand. I wanted more, much more, but it was out of my control…. He obviously didn’t share my feelings..

I got home and analyze the night and realize that I might have over reacted just a tad..

What was I thinking.. wanting a night of passion with three babies 👶 in the house….

With all this, it was still a very joyous and happy time for me. And even though he was giving me the cold shoulder, ignoring me and dismissing me. Just seeing him use to give so much joy.  It was like getting a buzz.  I used to love the sensation I get just thinking of him. And I waited impatiently hoping  for a next time.  I would text every morning and every night. Me thinking Im keeping his mind on me, instead I was becoming quite obsessive.

He was not responding to my text or calls. At work he completely ignores me. He spends most of his time with veronica and all the other young girls. I felt so bad for me but tell myself that its ok, Im too old for him anyway.  I console myself, convincing me that Im unable to compete for his affections. Why would he like me?  But with all this I still hope for more of him.   AND  I PRAYED FOR SOME MORE TIME WITH HIM.

I know I should have given up… but I was like a woman who got hooked on drugs and was craving for a buzz.. I so much wanted another dose of him…

I will find a way…

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TO BE CONTINUED……

 

MY LOVE-LOVE: THE JOY & PAIN OF AN UNFORBIDDEN LOVE; chapter 2

A STORY OF PLAYING THE COUGAR WITH A VERY UNEXPECTED TURN

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After that initial night he cancelled, I waited for him to suggest a next date . He didn’t called and he didn’t say anything to me about it… I see him everyday and for the next couple of weeks I kinda gave up on the idea. he was still seeing veronie and he wasn’t giving me too much attention.

I just thought I’d let it go..

It was a Tuesday. He was off ;   I work the closing shift.  I missed seeing him but to my surprised… He showed up, looking  so handsome, all dressed up. He stopped to talk to me, I was all smiles, so pleased to see him.   a bit jokingly he ask if I want him to come for me later.

I told him not to play with me like that and he said he is not playing… I was sitting down and he came up behind me and kiss me on the cheek., and whispered ” see you later.” winked at me as he walked out..

It gives me such a thrill .. I was smiling and thinking if he was really serious. I still did not believe that he would have come but he text me at 10:40

how u doing 

I answered, and he text back  Ill be there at 10 to give you a ride, or u can ride me.”

  he did come for me.

I was so nervous .. I was not prepared for this encounter but… find myself getting all excited in anticipation..  when I got to his place I was shaking a little,

So , I excuse myself to the bathroom to get my nerves and freshen up a little I took me a quick shower.. . When I came out he was only in his underpants.

I had to catch my breath, he was so beautiful. He had this sexy perfect body, his  chiseled chest, his strong muscled  legs, he  was a sight to behold, I completely forgot my  fears.

he then pulled me to him and  kiss me… good god! He kisses like a dream,

I was caught up in a whirlwind of passion…  He tasted so good feel so wonderful and then he lay back on the bed taking me along with him and  asked me to get on top and I told him no , I did not want to embarrass myself so soon..

He just scoop me up put me on the bed straddled me and said, ‘that’s ok, that’s why u got a young boy for. I would have love more foreplay but I was so ready to feel him inside of me.. I took hold of his hard throbbing cock… gentle stroking and enjoying the feel of it.. guiding him to my soaking wett and eagerly twitching kitty.

And then he enters me… slowly.. I gasp with pure pleasure as he started to thrust gentle at first building up tempo as I beg him to go faster…and harder… he eagerly responded..

. I can’t start to tell you how that feels… I was in heaven.

And he sure knows how make me feel good

. And he kept on saying,”oh shit, oh shit, oh shit.”

And I kept thinking “oh shit, oh shit, oh shit.”

He was enjoying me as much as I was enjoying him..

We both cum with a force and I held on to him tightly, not wanting to let him go…  and he was smiling and whispered,

“You felt so good.” and planted a most passionate kiss on my lips..  I smiled… so happy and so pleased.. he was everything I thought he would be.

I was glad I got the opportunity to be with him. It was my best night ever.  I stayed over that night and we made love again& again, I watched him sleep, hold him in my arms and wake up beside him. I came away wanting more and wondering if I will ever a get another chance to be with him. I can’t forget how he looks while he was sleeping or how it feels to hold him in my arms. Truth be told.. I feel in love with him from that moment…. MYLOVE-LOVE

All that week I was walking on air anticipating our next time. Afraid to ask him. couldt take my eye or my mind off him. I kept on picturing that gorgeous, sexy body of his. Going to HOMEDEPOT was a pleasure for me because it means seeing him…

A week has passed and I was hoping for an opportunity to suggest another date.. I wanted him so badly.. I wanted to ravage and devour him all.. I was so eager for another chance.. I wanted more.. yes..more

 

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TO BE CONTINUED…..

MY LOVE-LOVE: AN UNFORBIDDEN LOVE: Chapter 1

 

 

 

The first week of January …. It was cold and I have noticed that he didn’t have a warm jacket so I brought him a one to wear outside. He accepts and said thanks.. and he walks over to my cash register to express his gratitude.. I have this silly on my face.. just so pleased to have him close and being attentive to me..

Then.. he left and went to talk to one of my co-worker.. she was one of my bestie at the job; we started together.. and she was young , in her twenties..

I noticed his demeanor and saw his smile.. and saw her reaction… and I felt my green monster surfacing.. and i was raging inside and getting all emotional..

It was as if  my whole world came crashing down on me. He was flirting with my little friend veronica.  OH BOY! I was so jealous & crushed. 

. Then she walked over to me and told me she didnt like me coming on to her guy. I  smile and asked her if he is flirting with her and if he liked her …and wanted to know if she likes him in return. She said yes.

I was so hurt and I tried really hard not to show my feelings but I was dying with jealousy on the inside..

I was so devastated but this is what I did….. I encourage her to be with him. Dont know why I wanted to do that because I was dying inside. I guess I liked her and I liked him and I just thought they are age appropriate….

He spent all day with her.. even went  to lunch together… i was acting and feeling rejected as if we had a relationship going…. It was here that I realize just how strong my emotions has gotten.. My heart was breaking and my hopes of experiencing this marvelous species of a man was lost…

I thought he likes me; I want him to like me.  I could not function or focus.  I was too distracted with them..  I cried, yes cried because I thought thats the end of my story.  Well my day was ruin I couldnt wait to leave and everywhere veronica went so did he and so did my eyes. 

When I was leaving ,I seek him out… and I found him… He was talking to her… I went over to them ask him if I could see him. He came to me and I spill my guts. I told  him just how much I like him  and how I wanted him and how I have made love to him a thousand times in my mind.

Well he just casually blew me off tells me it was all for fun and that he does not like me like that. Of course my heart sank and I was so upset. I came home in tears and I decided to text him exactly how I feel. I pour my heart out saying things that was not even appropriate, but I thought it didnt matter because it was over. He now has veronica.

 So he text me back telling me that he didnt know that I felt like that and hes sorry if he hurt me but he was for real and still is…Still is?? I didn’t really expect that answer..

I thought I would leave things as is.. .. It was the beginning of a very emotional roll-a-coaster for me. So I kind of gave up on him but try to remain his friend.

I would still text him and seek him out especially after my shift to talk to him,  inquiring about his relationship with  veronie.  acting all interested … but still a bit jealous…

  I would also ask her about them too… I would try to advise her and encourage her to like him. And at the same time feel like a hypocrite because here I am still wants him still feel for him and with my heart breaking Im playing nice.I do like her and I thought he was the best.

..He would still talk  about us getting  together and I wanted to …so tempted…but every time I see him with vernie I felt unsure. 

There was a little episode involving him and this other girl at the store…( every girl want a piece of his sexy ass). She got jealous of him and vernie and started a rumor about him and her. So I said oh shit, I dont need this drama.  But he started to seek me out to talk to me…showing interest in me.. starting again to flirt with me… and of course I love this attention and when he again start to imply us getting together I was more than willing.

he called me.. we talked about us and what’s been happening between us..and our desire to  get  involved… I now realize he has been thinking about me sexually….So I agreed to enter a relationship with him…. eagerly..

  We both agree it would be casual for long as he was single and if and when he find someone else it would mean the end of us. And I agreed to the terms, thought I could handle a fling without getting emotionally attached.  You see I had build up this fantasy with him and I wanted to experience him.

I didn’t even asked about veronie… I didn’t even care… all that matters is …I’m going get my chance to enjoy him as much as I want to… and i couldn’t wait for that time to come..

We made a date one evening …. I was so excited and a bit nervous.. as I got ready I was getting so flustered and getting a stir with thought of loving on him.. and having him loving me..I was anxious just to be next to him..

but at the last minute he cancelled because his brother got himself in some kind of trouble ad he said he have to go take care of him…, and I thought WOW!! What a guy so dedicated to his family. I was so intrigued by him from the beginning.

I was very disappointed to say the least.. but I understood.. I was so impressed with how caring he was and how loyal and kind he seems to be..

and I waited impatiently for the next time….

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TO BE CONTINUED……..

 

 

 

 

 

ONLINE DATING: FIRST EXPERIENCE; epilogue

 we talked  for about three hours and in that time he brought up the sexual topic again and i did encourage it to a certain extent.. that I even disclose one of my deepest fantasy … but he got so weird and crazy that in the end I had to truthfully tell him if he is trying to discourage me from him , that it is working.. I was not liking this side  of him and I told him that . and i say..
” is this the real you.. or is this stemming from you anger with me….???”
I was feeling really disappointing with his attitude .
So I told him I would rather leave than take his behavior…

I couldn’t believe that I was so wrong about him… and then he pauses .. and I thought he finally stopped .. but after a few minutes I got this text..

 

This is Brett… Allen been asleep for several

hours! But let me tell you something.. He is a good guy and you are a freak! He
may very well wan to fuck you… Clearly he hasn’t yet… And your fetish stuff
is crazy!!! If you hurt him I’m going to be pissed… Please be nice to him…
He may be a little lost at the moment but he’s a really good person. Good night
I was so shock and embarrassed for playing along with him… enclosing my secret.. I didn’t know what to say…so I just hung up…  I was a little relieved to know that it wasn’t him though..
It was morning by now and I couldn’t sleep again… I was a little disturbed and perturbed…anyways I sent him a text a few hours later..
: Boy did I get a dose of my own medicine from your
friend Bret this morning. I Made a complete ass of myself but I guess I deserve
it all . I even disclosed my most embarrassing fantasy; something I have never
told a living soul. I m still here nervous and shaking just texting this you
because now I’m not too sure if you really forgive or not or i If you think I
set out deliberately to deceive you and betray you…. I fail the test didn’t  I?

 Lesson  taken well… Again, my sweet ALLEN…. my love…

 

I am so so very very sorry for what I did, and wish with all my heart I could
undo it. Because if you even feel half as bad as I’m feeling right now I know
the pain you are going through . I m so sorry my sweet Allen you definitely did
not deserve this.
He answered almost immediately, with…
” I do forgive you and I’m sorry Brett messed with
you after I went to sleep.. He told me.. Not everything. Just that he fucked
with you because you fucked with my heart and that is bullshit…. I was pissed
at him and told him to leave my phone alone. Anyway I think the  fantasy
is kinda hot and I would for sure entertain anything as long as you enjoyed it.”
I didn’t quite know what to say or how to say what I really want to say..and I was still feeling like a fool , knowing his friend showed him all that he put me through.. and I was feeling a little self-conscious.. so I decided to cut off the conversation..
” Hey .. I still a bit shaken up from last night. I responded.
I guess I have  to take some time to absorb and deal with it. Thanks a bunch for
forgiving my deception. I’m not mad at Brett shows loyalty for a dear friend.
If only we all have friends like him who hurt for us in the way he does  I know
you are special and Brett just confirmed that fact. Ttyl my ALLEN .. Off to work
So as you know… Still loving you…”
He told me to have a great day at work… and I smiled..
I went to work for the first time without a smile.. I had tears in my eyes all night… I couldn’t believe how i have mess up our wonderful Christmas so badly. I could feel his coldness. and I thought i would give him some time to absorb it and come to terms with it all. how I missed him….
                           ***************************************
My sweet Allen stays with me for the next two months… he was very compassionate and super understanding … but he couldn’t bring himself to get pass my horrific deed..  he said he couldn’t accept all the lies that i told .. he could have accepted the pictures  because that wasn’t the problem.. it was the deception .. he could understand all my insecurities and fooling him with pictures …. it was just all the lies that comes with them.. he just don’t know if he can trust me. he said he didn’t care what I look like … he fell in love with me.
And again, I was dumbfounded.. I know he was so right and I have no valid excuses to justify my actions, other than my lame explanation that I just wanted some time with him.. It was the truth but just wasn’t enough reasons..
We talked again and again. well, I should say I  did..  he didn’t have too much to say to me. at one point he asked me to move beyond him.. and told me he has moved on .. He even as much as mention that his heart has grown a callous. I knew then that i had lost him completely.. I tried to accept my defeat but i was hurting so badly.. I never remember ever  feeling this amount of excruciating pain before..
I got me loving him.. I had him loving me.. I cried night and day for the first two weeks.
 i have given up all hopes with him.
He stays and encourages me  and treats me with me tenderness and a large amount of compassion. one his  last text was on valentines… I had sent him two cards and a valentine’s message  and he responded..
….MY MESSAGES….
Happy valentines my valentine!! I’m going to drop
the ‘L’ word today and I do hope you accept and receive it for all its worth. So
you know.. I still love you as much as I did seven weeks ago and even more… And I
want you to know how very grateful I am to you for staying; you will never know
just how much it means to me. Thank you for being you; that kind compassionate
wonderful you. My only regret is knowing how much Hurt i have caused you, but
I’m so thankful for the chance I get to know you and love you –

: Many people have touched the edges of my life,
coming and going;  scarcely leaving an impression, but you are an uncommon and
unique person, someone who has made a big difference in my life;so it’s not
surprising that I find myself thinking, just how very special you are… And
wanting you always to remain close … And I’m hoping against all hopes you stay awhile..  LOVE YOU MY SWEET SWEET ALLEN  ON THIS VALENTINE’S DAY..
(I ENCLOSED THE CARDS AND WROTE;
413d9674-83d7-43fd-a053-1d8a8a634044imageimageimage
…  For you my Allen have you a most wonderful day
filled with love

 .

Wow! That is the nicest text and for sure most

heart-felt valentine cards I’ve ever received! Thank you so much for waking my

heart up Nita… And showing me that there is still a man inside me that wants
to feel love… And wants to be loved. You are so different from anyone I’ve
ever experienced and  I’m grateful to have you in my life.
. .: I hope you have a perfect Valentine’s Day Nita
 ” Thanks to the love I have for you and thanks to
you my sweet Allen… This is my best valentines ever”
I was smiling so huge when I had received that text… I didn’t actually know how to take what he said, but I was so pleased to read his respond  and was happy he liked my cards..
My heart soars with this immense amount of love for him it fills me with so much joy.. even though I messed up and lost him.. I just know that I will never forget  this most awesome and amazing gift of love.
It was one amazing month and though our christmas got shattered I still love every moment we shared and enjoyed together… the man who let my whole being becomes alive  like it  never  had before…he sets my heart on fire and have my whole soul so alive with profound joy..The man I never knew…with just his words he set me ablaze with a love so explosive and passionate… for that short period I knew what it was to be love with a passion so intense, I felt it to my very soul… I know he loved me… yes me… me… I felt him like he was right beside me..
He made love to me like no one has ever done.I felt his touch…I cum with such powerful, electrifying ecstasy …. over and over again.  I was the receiver of that intense passion and i am the one that loves him with a desire so strong it hurts.. I found him….and it was phenomenal..ecstatic… sensational… epic…
He may no longer be here.. but I’m so happy to have gotten this chance to know him .. love him..expirience him.. enjoyed him…. SOMETIMES LIFE REALLY GIVES BEAUTIFUL GIFTS.. IT GAVE ME HIM.. & SOME GIFTS YOU CAN’T HOLD IN YOUR HANDS …. YOU HOLD THEM IN YOUR HEARTS…

ONLINE DATING: FIRST EXPERIENCE: part 10c

This sequence is the beginning of the end… and is a little lengthy… I hope you all will take the time to read it.. this was my hardest episode to write… I have tears in my eyes reliving it all..  I Did fall very deeply in love with “MY SWEET ALLEN” ..and through the tears …. I’m smiling because it happen.. WHAT A MOST AWESOME AND A MOST WONDERFUL AMAZING LOVE FOR ME TO HAVE EXPERIENCE… SMILING HUGE!!!!

**********************************************************************

 

AS I SAT THERE FIGHTING WITH MYSELF TRYING TO FIGURE OUT HOW TO BUILD UP THE COURAGE TO CONFESS MY DECEPTION.. I’M TRYING To UNDERSTAND THIS EXTREME EXTENT OF OUR INTENSE FEELINGS …. And HOW MUCH I’M SO IN LOVE WITH THIS MAN…. while 

HE IS DECLARING HIS LOVE FOR ME  MAKING ME LOVE HIM ALL THE MORE…

 

 

“I’m here Christmas night loving you… and I want more… He was declaring, ‘that my position… no threats. Just promises I won’t be a fucking creepy stalker if you get scared and want to think… is that a bad position? He asked of me.

I read what he wrote about loving me and wanting of more; and I said, no more Wendy Wakanita, no more; tell him; you have to… I couldn’t go on lying to him any longer; he was sincerely in love; and he definitely don’t deserve this kind of deception.… and then I know this means it will be over for me; and I started to shake violently and again my heart was beating so hard against my chest; I was so nervous, my head was spinning, I couldn’t even type. I didn’t even know how to make the approach. So I try to steady my hands…

And I said, let me ask you a question… now don’t get mad…

(I was so emotionally upset… I just know telling him is going to be bad.. I fear  his reaction.. and my eyes was fill with tears… I couldn’t even see.. my hands was trembling… so nervous.. I don’t want to do this… I really don’t…)

He laughed and said,”Ok”

And so I asked him, ‘did you fall in love with my pictures… or did you fall for me by talking to me? Kinda stupid question isn’t it? But… ”

It was us talking,’ he told me. “I’m a very emotional person… the physical thing falls in place once I feel someone.”

What did I say to get you hooked? I wanted to know.

I was so poor and lousy with my conversation, that I was thinking, I did not say anything so wonderful for him to fall for me this way. I was convinced it was the picture of Paige that he liked so much that got him hooked.

“Everything … he said. “It was your honesty most levy…. Mostly… and that you were really easy to open to…. No threat… but willing to share… I am a protector… so you played into my likes without even knowing.”

My honesty???  but I wasn’t… I sat there reading all he was saying, shaking and afraid. I am about to lose him. And I was getting very hysterical emotionally; and was paralyzed with fear. I was starting to sob and the tears were flowing heavily.

And I asked… shakily… ‘and if you found out that was not really me? Would you be angry that the girl you fantasize is not real?

“The pictures were a bonus… he said. I could see physical attributes I like… But when we first started taking I didn’t have that… so I went off how we interacted… that’s all I had. .. I have no idea … if I was catfished?

Then he says the most unbelievable thing, ‘no… I mean we would start over with trust… because that would hurt… but I’m huge on second chances.”

I think, wow!! What a guy….never expected an answer like that; Took me by surprise.

So I told him, “the best answer yet: what’s catfished? I asked.

I was a little calmer but I was still very nervous and even with all his answers, I was convinced he was not going to like me.

“Tricked.” he answered. “So if  you aren’t the person in the pictures or you were not honest and really want to see if we are compatible… Now is the time to come clean… because I feel connected.”

“Suppose she is not a looker.” I asked.

(I was thinking it’s paige’s pictures that he fell for)

Wendy… out with it please.” He pleaded. Please.” He insisted.

I was so afraid to say it because I know it would mean the end of him. And I so much did not want it to end. Any way I reached this far… no turning back…

So I said, “Allen … I’m Wendy Wakanita… but not the girl in those pictures.”

And I start to cry even more, I was sobbing and I kind of expect him to stop texting… But instead he asked me…

“Let me start with my first concern… how old are you?

“40” I told him…. Well I can easily pass for 40 and on some days even 35.

Ok I can live with that,” he says. “Jesus… What a relief… ok let’s have it.

“I thought you liked them young,” I told him

“Wrong.” He said.

I’m afraid you are not going to like me if you know who I am.” I said to him.

“You are the youngest girl I’ve talked to. I like girls that can hang physically… because I can fuck forever… but I don’t like young girls because they are young… if that makes sense.”

“Maybe you are right… I mean … but what do you have to lose.” He said in response to him not liking me.

I kind of understand what he was saying but not totally convinced about it. And I was thinking… here I am trying to find a man to keep up to me… without much success, that I give up trying, thinking all men 40’s and up is useless in the bed… and after my experience with “MYLOVE-LOVE… I refuse to do young guys for fun. And here I found this most passionate guy who could match my long distance marathon; and I’m ending up losing him because he would rather a young girl in her 20’s to run with. A tall thin girl with perfect teeth and a beautiful smile; his type and preference; I’m no comparison. Paige and I are completely opposite. If only he could have liked me; but… that is not going to be possible.

So I told him, “I’m the aunt.’

“You have made a mess; let’s fix it.’ He said surprisingly. “Ok so you are the aunt?

“And so what is it you want? What are you looking for? Help me understand. Do you want to experience us? I mean I totally fell in love with you… I might need to think things through because I’m a little hurt… but what do you want? Ok I’m a lot hurt.”

And I sit there crying my heart out ; couldn’t even steady my hands to text; reading what he asking; knowing no matter what I say to him, he’s never going to like me; thinking I want you… all I want is you… I love you… I love you so much… but it’s not me you love…

I decided to send one of my pretty photo I took fifteen years ago when I was proud of me and my smile was pretty.

He comments on it on say, “ok that’s a nice picture.”

I then say, I do… I do…” {To, do you want to experience us}

I did not know what to say to him, there he was telling me that he is hurt and I know he would be; and here he was still texting me trying to make sense of it all; and I have nothing… nothing… I was lost for words…  all that was in mind was I have lost him; it’s over and I was expecting him to stop texting me and forget about me; but he kept on and as long as stayed with me texting I became calmer and my extreme emotional state that I found myself in start to slowly dissipate.

He then say, “ok, then please let’s start over… please… we can start as us.”

Start over??!!!! oh my!!!!…  I couldn’t hardly believe he was saying this t me…

“Ok.” I said kinda excitingly.

So you are Maxine? He asked.

“Yeah… I’m Maxine too.” I admitted.

And I think, oh sh….t, he now knows what I look like for real from the picture of me with Paige. I start to get nervous again because that’s an ugly picture of me, and I know he definitely will not like me.

Then he of course changes his mind, “ok I have to process this… but I promise I am not done… I swear I fell in love with you…I have to figure out if I can trust you now… that’s all.

He was saying all the right things but I was thinking all the wrongs things. I was glad to see that he was really nice about it; but I was still convinced in my mind that he wanted Paige. I wasn’t giving me a chance.

So I told him, “I’m sorry but I’m shaking so much… I’m kind of relief that you take it so good.

“Let’s see how things go… maybe we can fix it.” He tells me. I don’t know… I’m Kinda a mess though… I feel so stupid.”

I know he was a little confused about it all; and i was still worried about him… but as much as I want him to like me…  I just know that he is not going to like me..

So I told him, “So, so happy I’m right about you, because I’m so in love with you.

I was trying to tell him that I was happy to know I was right to think he was really a sweet and sincere man and all that he’s now saying to me proves me right.

What you did was mean,” he told me. “But thank you for fixing it and allowing us to salvage something!

“I was feeling sorry doing that when I realize how special you are.” I let him know.

“Ok well we work on us… as one then …ok? He asked of me. “Totally honesty please.”

I felt a little hopeful with what he said. And I thought I can’t text fast enough to explain to him, or try to apologize to him, maybe he will let us talk by phone where it would be easier for me to tell him how and what I am feeling.

So I ask him, “Maybe we can voice call now? ….

I promise.” I told him about being honest.

He was not responding and I thought he had stopped and my heart sinks again.

So I asked, “Are you gone?”

I start to cry again, and try to apologize, “I’m so, so sorry, thanks for not being too mean to me… Trusting me is not going to be easy, and I understand if you don’t want anything to do with me. I was never the lovable type, a guy like you are only in my dreams. I figured you would not love me so much if you knew I was not that sexy girl.” (and I just keep on saying the things I was thinking … making me looking worst with each word..

I thought for sure he was done with me, and I was crying and wallowing in self-pity; wanting him so badly to like me but knows that he couldn’t and wouldn’t, I have all the reasons why he couldn’t… and to me they were valid.

And then he’s back, and through the tears I smile,

“ok please tell your name… your real name so we start over.”

I wrote, “Wendy Wakanita Maxine .”

“But you missed something huge… sexy is not a look. He told me.

I said, “I beg to differ.”

“Ok I love the name,” he told me. And you prefer Wendy?

Actually now Nita” I let him know with a smiley face..

“Well first impressions are one thing… but anyone can be sexy.” He said to me

.”Awwww” he responded to me wanted to be called by his nickname for me.

‘And so …. What would you like for us Nita? He asks me.

“Everything you promised.” I let him know, “the whole works.”

I was getting a little excited and hopeful that he wants to try to make us work; I was also pleased to have him still talking to me and allowing me to calm down from my hysteria. And again I was just so amazed how wonderful he is. I couldn’t believe that he is still talking to me and even offering me a chance to be with him; after I hurt him like this. Here I was, again in awe of him. WOW!!

Then he said to me, “and please don’t thank me for being nice… I will always be nice… shouldn’t everyone be? He asks of me. He laughed at me wanting everything and the works. “Hahaha! Ok! Let’s start as us.”

“Ok let’s.” I confirmed.

“And we go from there… at least we can have an honest go at it right? He asked. “Also … were you Cumming … playing with your pussy when we talked? Was that real? He wanted to know.

“You are so amazingly wonderful.” I was complimenting him. {For wanting to make a go with us.}

“Yes” I told him, “I always have; that was real.”

And so that was real; ok, that’s feels nice. I’m glad I shared that. He stated. And do you have children? He asks. “

I did not want to lie any more to him; no matter what the consequence I am going to be totally honest with him from now on.

So I admitted, “The Irish and the Chinese. My first husband is the Irish man… I have had three husbands; I’m kind of not too lucky with my choices, my second died, he was the best of the lot.”

I realized he had stop texting; I was getting worried that he is gone again. But I kept on saying what I was saying hoping he will resume.

So I asked him, “Are you seriously thinking of giving us a chance?

Still nothing from him, my eyes felt teary but I was not too emotional like earlier, much calmer, but I was a bit apprehensive.

“You are not feeling me right now, are you? I ask him. You have lost the joy, haven’t you?

I waited a few minutes, still nothing and now I was convinced that he is finally gone. And I was full of morose. And I started to think again that he wanted Paige; this beautiful young girl; not an old fart like me, with two grown children. There goes my everything, I thought. My whole world just crashes… and I’m left with nothing, he is gone… gone for good. I found him… and he was grand… perfect…sensational… and I was so ecstatic… thrilled….and was so profoundly delighted and so full of joy.

So I kept on talking to him just so to keep calm and not get back to that state I was in.

So I told him, “if she old enough to date I told her I would have given her to you… but she is only 14; she thinks you are hot… if that’s any consolation.”

“How I wish I could command your love.” I told him sobbing. ‘but I know you could not like me…I’m that cute or lovable… all in all my sweet, sweet Allen, I have enjoyed you tremendously, and I do love you so very much… but I got it… a man like you would never look my way twice… it’s just my luck… falling in love with someone way out of my reach…I’m so sorry… you didn’t deserve it; you are too nice and special and perfect. My blue eyes… right out of my dreams. You are everything in a man I have always dreamed of.”

After a few minutes of thinking and weeping; realizing that he is really gone I sat there praying he would come back, wanting him to resume his texting but I knew it was over and I started to cry again, feeling lost and numb… I lost him… omg … I have lost him…

“You are gone aren’t you? I text. “I have lost you… my worst fear has come true.”

..I was feeling so empty and so alone…there was a big void… I missed him… and I’m left with this great love for a man I couldn’t have….

And I just keep texting even though I know he was not there anymore; I just want to get it out, what I was feeling, trying to ease this excruciating pain I was experiencing.

“I f…ked up real bad… I know… but thank you for the most memorable; exciting; glorious; time I ever had; the best sex without even a touch; I was on top of the world for a moment. I flew to places I have never been to; I am totally in love with a man I never knew; with only the power of his words; you are the most beautiful; most genuine; most understanding; most wonderful man alive. And I had the honor to know you. What a most amazing and awesome experience for me.

“In all my 43 years, I become the most fortune woman alive to have crossed path with you. LIFE REALLY GIVES BEAUTIFUL GIFTS…. IT GIVES ME YOU… wonderful incredible you. And I will be always loving you… thank you again for the experience of you, “MY SWEET, SWEET Allen” Did not mean to hurt you, it was never my intention… I will not bother you no more… but I would love to hear from you…even if it for some of your visual sex”..I ended humorously….  Wendy WAKANITA.

I sit there crying… wishing I didn’t pretend to be Paige; wondering if I had been myself if he would have loved me like this. I was not hysterical anymore and I was glad he stayed with me long enough to allow me to calm down; I was hurting real badly and wanted so much to still have him talking to me; to feel him close; but I know he is done with me. I was so in love with him and I prayed, “god … please fix it… fix it… please fix it…please god; bring him back to me; please god… he says he love me… let it be true and let him see me as me.” And I cried and cried some more.. I was sobbing and the tears was warm running down my face…my heart was breaking… I was numb and so devastated;

Don’t know why I was acting so extremely emotional; it’s not like me… I’m always so cold and unattached; but somehow … my emotion were so intense and uncontrollable… is it because I am in the wrong?… and I know it?…is it because I don’t know him and I have built him up to suit my fantasy of him?… I don’t know… all I know is that I’m hurting real bad and that he is gone for good;

His love was like a gentle breeze that turns into a storm…and it carried me away and spins me in a whirlwind of exhilarating emotions and desires that was so intense; that it left me so ecstatic; and I had the time of my life…and I owe it all up to him. It was providence… like a divine intervention. And no matter what… I think he was my fortunate serendipity [finding a very pleasant and valuable thing by chance} and it was by mere chance I found him… But I went and mess it all up; with lies and deceptions because of insecurities and lack of self-esteem.

#######################################################

WE LAUGH UNTIL WE HAD TO CRY:

AND WE LOVE RIGHT DOWN TO OUR LAST GOODBYE

WE WERE THE BEST I THINK WE’LL EVER BE

JUST YOU AND ME… FOR JUST A MOMENT.

WE CHASE THAT DREAM WE NEVER FOUND

AND SOMETIMES… WE LET ONE ANOTHER DOWN

BUT THE LOVE WE SHARE, MADE EVERYTHING ALRIGHT

WE SHONE SO BRIGHT… FOR JUST A MOMENT…

TIME GOES ON… WE TOUCHED… AND THEN WE’RE GONE

AND YOU AND I WILL NEVER LOVE AGAIN, LIKE WE DID THEN

SOMEDAY WHEN WE BOTH REMINISCE… WE’LL BOTH SAY…

THERE WASN’T TOO MUCH WE MISSED

AND THROUGH THE TEARS… THE SMILE WHEN WE RECALLED

WE HAD IT ALL… FOR JUST A MOMENT

TIME STILL GOES ON; AHHH; WE TOUCHED… AND YOU ARE GONE

BUT, YOU AND I… WILL NEVER REALLY END…WE WILL NEVER LOVE AGAIN… LIKE WE DID THEN.

WE LAUGH AND WE LOVE… RIGHT DOWN TO OUR LAST GOODBYE.
**********************************************************************

TO BE CONTINUED…….